Order of Man - Battling Mediocrity, Making a Career Change, and The Biggest Issue in this Country ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.160 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.720 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, another episode of the Ask Me Anything.

00:00:28.860 I'll be running solo today. Unable to work with Sean and Ryan, so you'll get me. But we'll get

00:00:37.300 right into this and build some good questions. We are going to be answering questions from the

00:00:42.120 Foundry, which is our system for the Iron Council. To learn more about the IC, go to orderman.com

00:00:50.160 slash ironcouncil. And of course, we'll also, if I have enough time, be building questions from our

00:00:56.200 Facebook group. So, if you haven't connected with us there, go to facebook.com slash group

00:01:01.760 slash order of man. I'm a little bit stressed today. And hopefully, I don't know, hopefully this

00:01:11.660 goes well. And we at least have a one-sided conversation around some of these questions

00:01:18.080 that guys submitted and at least generate some thoughts. My ask is, whether you're watching

00:01:26.240 this on YouTube or you're downloading the podcast or whatever, reach out, continue the conversation,

00:01:31.780 have the conversation at Facebook. Love to hear your guys' feedback and input. But most importantly,

00:01:37.780 we should be having these conversations all the time. And Ryan and I mention this all the time,

00:01:45.120 how much we get edified just by having the conversation. And so, we appreciate you guys

00:01:52.160 submitting your questions and creating the thoughts and the discussions that we have on the podcast.

00:01:59.120 All right. First question we're going to field from Mark Koblowski. His question is,

00:02:05.580 what is the meaning of life? He had, of course, put the serious question on there a little bit,

00:02:11.520 maybe because I'm assuming, Mark, that we would think, you know, that's a silly question. I actually

00:02:18.860 think it's a profound question. So, what is the meaning of life? I used to

00:02:25.820 look at this drastically different over the years. I approached it as a kid and as a young man

00:02:39.640 from the perspective that the meaning of life was tied to my religious beliefs and that I just held on

00:02:50.620 to that definition and had that be mine. Since then and through the years, I've come to my own conclusion

00:03:02.660 that life is, and I've accepted this idea that life is actually without meaning.

00:03:12.800 And that's part of our jobs to decide what we are going to let it mean.

00:03:25.980 I was thinking of how to answer this question earlier. You know, if we asked what was the meaning

00:03:32.720 of life for George Washington, his answer would be different than a lot of us, of course.

00:03:40.660 The meaning of life for a man that has focused a lot of attention on his children and showing up

00:03:48.840 powerfully as a father could be different than a man that has, doesn't have children or never had

00:03:54.940 the opportunity to get married and have kids. The meaning of his life could be drastically different.

00:04:00.680 And so, I actually think the meaning of life is to be determined by us. And I don't think there's

00:04:07.920 a right and a wrong to it. I think it's what we decide what it means. And part of that has to do

00:04:14.080 with the hope that we have in this world or around the impact that we want to leave in it.

00:04:21.880 So, there's my answer. The meaning of life is for all of us to decide and create for ourselves.

00:04:30.000 Eric Page, my wife keeps asking when the order of women startups starts up. Eric, we're going to have 1.00

00:04:36.620 to get back to your question since Ryan's running, not on the podcast today. So, I'll try to flag this

00:04:42.880 so we can get it into a future episode. We do get this question quite a bit. And so, I kind of want

00:04:48.260 to give Ryan a chance to answer that. So, Daniel Castleberry, I've come to realize that I've been

00:04:55.820 controlling in my relationship with my kids and wife and often get highly stressed when things don't

00:05:00.880 go a certain way. What techniques or advice do you have to let things go and not be so stressed

00:05:05.500 about the little things? I have a certain routine that I try to follow daily. And when the kids or

00:05:10.040 the wife throw a wrench in it, I end up in a very bad place mentally. So, Daniel, there's a couple

00:05:15.940 things that I would consider. The first is I have a tendency to get disrupted and the controlling of

00:05:24.300 things end up becoming more important to me if I'm out of integrity in my life or in my day.

00:05:32.220 So, if I go to the office and I'm not showing up powerfully and getting the things done that I know

00:05:37.860 I should be getting them done the way they were meant to be done and I'm not feeling good and having

00:05:44.460 self-confidence with how the day goes, then I look to control the things when I get home even more so.

00:05:52.860 It's my way of trying to have order in my life because earlier in the day, I didn't have that

00:06:01.100 order. So, I would first look at where your level of integrity is if there's some integrity gap

00:06:08.200 occurring and how much the earlier part of your day, perhaps maybe at work, is causing stress that's

00:06:15.640 leading into your personal life, causing you to like over-exaggerate the importance of certain

00:06:22.280 things with the wife and the kids and the family as a whole. That's one. Second, expectations. We have a

00:06:30.960 tendency to not let expectations go and that's rooted in our judgment of those expectations being right

00:06:42.660 and wrong. So, as an example, if I look at my teenage boys, I have these, I might have, not might, I have

00:06:49.260 strong opinion in regards to how they should show up in the world. I have these expectations of them.

00:06:56.040 What happens when they don't do those things? What happens when they make mistakes? What happens

00:07:01.800 when they constantly show up maybe in a way that's not ideal? My natural tendency is the way they're

00:07:09.300 showing up is wrong. The way I think they should show up is right and my expectations aren't being

00:07:15.180 met. I'm upset. And instead of dealing in reality, I almost go like somewhat of a victim mentality of

00:07:22.840 I shouldn't have to deal with this because the way or the things that they're doing are wrong

00:07:28.240 and I just make them wrong for showing up that way. And instead, what I should be doing is, well,

00:07:34.500 that was my hope. That was my expectation, but that's not reality. And so, now let's deal with

00:07:42.440 what is so in the current circumstance. And so, letting go is super critical when it doesn't meet

00:07:51.120 our expectations. And it's critical. Why? Because it doesn't matter whether your expectations were met.

00:07:56.840 The reality of it is, is you're dealing with reality, not what you think it should have been. It doesn't

00:08:02.260 matter. And one of the most powerful ways to do that, at least for me, is to realize that I'm

00:08:08.180 labeling these things as right and wrong. And who am I to say it should be this way versus another way?

00:08:17.980 My wife has a tendency to care more about experience and going and doing things. And I care more about

00:08:24.620 order. Hey, did that, is the garage cleaned up? Finally, do we have work to do? We should be doing

00:08:31.600 that work instead of playing. And her opinion is play. And it's really easy to say, I'm right, right?

00:08:40.020 Because you should always work first and get your shit done before you go play. But I have a tendency

00:08:46.500 or I have to remind myself sometimes is, what's more important? Experience with our kids?

00:08:55.560 Enjoying the time that we have? Am I right or is she? Or is it neither? And I'm just having to deal

00:09:05.620 with reality and letting go of that judgment of what's right and wrong. I would focus on those. That

00:09:13.140 might be a little bit deeper, Daniel, than what you're looking for. Maybe you're looking for like

00:09:16.880 techniques and tactics, but that's at the root of it, man. The root of our inability to let go of

00:09:22.560 things is a lack of clarity of what's really important and dealing in reality, probably more

00:09:30.400 than anything else. The other thing I'd maybe suggest, maybe you don't have enough big enough

00:09:39.440 problems going on in life. And so you're blowing up the little things and they're, they are little,

00:09:48.720 but they seem so big because that's the only stress you have. It's amazing how, what, how much

00:09:55.220 clarity we get when we go to like a funeral, for instance, all those petty things that we seem to get

00:10:02.260 upset about kind of go away. When you have a buddy that's struggling maybe with his marriage or with

00:10:11.340 other areas of his life, it kind of puts things in perspective. So I'd focus on getting that

00:10:19.060 perspective right. And I've seen guys, I've even done this where I'd come home from work and I'd,

00:10:24.640 in my journal, I'd grab my journal and I'd read kind of my, what I call my ethos. And I'd read that

00:10:29.240 before I go into the house, right? We've shared stories on the podcast. I don't remember who the

00:10:33.900 guest was that like, we go hang on a pull-up bar for five minutes, you know, or as long as he could

00:10:40.660 before he went in. The other thing is visualization. How do you want to be remembered and seen as a

00:10:48.400 father and as a husband? Maybe think through that right before you walk through the door. What kind of

00:10:54.680 level excitement do you have when you see your kids? Are you in a positive mood? Are you joyful

00:11:00.800 and happy? And if you can't deal with these petty things, these little things, what are you teaching

00:11:06.940 your kids to get stressed out about? Same thing. They're not going to be very resilient if you're

00:11:12.520 not. So maybe even focus on areas to become more resilient. Chris Kroom, what part does corporate

00:11:21.320 ecology play in restructuring one's life towards better goals? What is the most essential underlying

00:11:28.460 principle in building that ecology? In other words, if you were coming into the iron council and using

00:11:34.960 the strategy around the four quadrants, does the environment you surround yourself in outside of

00:11:40.340 your social network matter? And what is the most important to start with? So there's a lot there,

00:11:47.400 Chris. So that first question, you know, does the environment you surround yourself in, you know,

00:11:52.160 outside your social matter? Hell yeah, it matters. We don't live in vacuums. And I'm going to totally

00:11:58.100 get on a soapbox here, Chris. So like, this isn't me projecting on you. I hate this mentality that like,

00:12:04.800 oh, like works this thing over here. And then I have my life and I have my social, but like works this

00:12:10.260 other thing. Guys, if that's for you, like that's how you see work, you have a shitty job

00:12:16.400 and you work probably for a shitty company. The reality of it is it's intertwined. How I show up

00:12:25.400 at work affects how I show up at home. How I show up at home affects how I show up at work.

00:12:31.600 A sense of accomplishment I get for my job. The people I work with that I choose to band with.

00:12:37.240 These aren't, these aren't team members. These aren't employees. These are my band of brothers

00:12:45.080 and sisters in a work environment committed to a long-term strategy of leaving a lasting impact

00:12:52.540 for our clients to make a difference in the world and what we do to show up powerfully,

00:12:58.240 to stand for one another, to help them grow and succeed in life so they can show up even more

00:13:04.320 powerfully for their families and their, their social circles and their communities.

00:13:10.820 If your company doesn't have that level of clarity, holy shit, it's a nine to five and you hate your

00:13:17.360 job and you don't find purpose and meaning what you're doing. Time to figure that out

00:13:22.520 because they're not different. How I am as a man and how I show up here at the office should be no

00:13:30.880 different than how I show up at home. The talents I bring to the office are the talents I bring home.

00:13:38.400 This organization that I work for supports me. They support my family. They should care about my

00:13:44.400 family. My boss should know my wife's name and my kids and know what's going on in my life. 0.97

00:13:51.140 Not so they can micromanage. Why? Because them being a steward over me as a manager should be rooted in what?

00:13:59.060 Caring. And you can't care for anybody and give a shit about their career if you don't know them.

00:14:08.840 So your environment that you put ourselves in or that we put ourselves in at our jobs,

00:14:13.820 hell yeah, it matters. And if it's not ideal for you, change it up.

00:14:18.380 Now, maybe some of you guys are like, oh, it would be easy to say, oh, stop being a fucking victim.

00:14:26.000 Sorry, I shouldn't drop it. Like stop being a victim. If you don't like it, go create it. If you

00:14:31.580 don't, you can't create it yet because you don't have the necessary skills, then get the skills.

00:14:35.960 Like figure it out. We need to stop being victims of who we work for. And like, oh,

00:14:42.520 I work for this company. Dude, then leave. Leave the company that is a horrible company to work for.

00:14:50.680 And then you go create a company that's amazing to work for. Or you go find the company that's

00:14:55.560 amazing to work for. Chris, full transparency, I have no idea what corporate ecology is.

00:15:02.780 I'm assuming we're talking about like culture and whatnot. And based upon the question, I'm assuming

00:15:11.280 I'm pretty close, right? And how much does that play a role in my life and my goals? A huge part.

00:15:19.640 Of course it is. And the more I can get that aligned to how I am and how I show up in the world

00:15:27.360 and supporting my personal life and vice versa, the better off I am. So I think it's essential.

00:15:35.800 Not required.

00:15:39.820 But would make a very lasting impact and would make a really big difference.

00:15:46.200 So if you don't have that on the corporate side, I would suggest that you go find it or you go create

00:15:53.140 it. Caitlin Flynn, when speaking to men about the IC, I've encountered some who've heard of it

00:16:00.980 or even follow order of man, but appreciate an overview of what it is. Monthly topics, channels

00:16:07.740 and teams for men on the fence would, it would give them a breakdown. Would you not want us sharing

00:16:14.140 anything in particular prior to a man taking action and joining? No. You know, Ryan's been pretty,

00:16:20.040 I mean, we talk about the battle plans on the podcast quite a bit. We talk about, you know,

00:16:25.320 how's this? We need to do a better job at summarizing it so you guys can better communicate

00:16:34.080 it when people ask about what's this man club that you're part of and that you have weekly calls with.

00:16:42.180 So on the iron council side, yeah, we need to step up our game, make that super clear. Now for those

00:16:48.960 listening, they're like, well, geez, why don't you just tell us? Ultimately, this is what we're looking

00:16:53.000 at. The mission of the iron council, this is an official, but the mission of the iron council is to

00:16:59.580 equip men with the tools, systems, processes, and brotherhood necessary to leave a positive lasting

00:17:09.700 impact in their personal lives, in their families, in their communities, and ultimately affecting the

00:17:16.540 world. That is, that is what we are focused on. Now, how do we do that? The iron council, roughly,

00:17:24.420 we probably have what maybe 1200 members globally across the globally. Those you guys join the IC

00:17:33.380 eventually get assigned a team, a battle team in which they're working on, they're holding each

00:17:38.680 other accountable. They're focused on progressing in multiple areas of their life. So they can show up

00:17:45.240 more powerfully and they stand for each other to show up that way. In summary, that's really what

00:17:51.420 we're doing. Now you can get into logistics like, oh, our system has these, but in the end, what we're

00:17:57.380 really doing is we're helping men band together, rise together, and improve. Nathan Blaser, what are

00:18:09.340 some things you might consider when looking at a career change into the public service, such as

00:18:14.380 becoming a firefighter or a police officer? I'm currently working a comfy office job, but I feel

00:18:19.440 like my ultimate calling is some sort of public service. I just want to make sure I don't jump

00:18:25.400 in without fully weighing that kind of move for me and my family.

00:18:31.600 I mean, Nathan, I think this question is applicable regardless of if it's public service or not,

00:18:37.460 right? So let's just address this question. How does one make a career change in a way that

00:18:45.280 doesn't affect their family in a negative way, right? So now, just want to make sure I don't

00:18:55.180 jump without fully weighing that kind of move. So how do you weigh it? How do you see that transition?

00:19:02.760 Well, you ask the people that's already done the transition. So I'd focus on, from your perspective,

00:19:09.680 get to know some police officers, right? Get to know firefighters, get to know these different

00:19:15.620 careers that you're interested in and ask them how they made the transition. Ask them, what is that job

00:19:21.120 like? Do ride-alongs. You know, I have a bunch of buddies that are firefighters. I could call them up

00:19:25.800 right now and police officers and I could just do ride-alongs and get a really good, I mean, how many

00:19:31.540 times do we get an actual ride-along on a possible job or a job or a career that you'd like?

00:19:38.840 So find those individuals that are already there and ask and work through it and ask the questions of

00:19:45.400 what don't you like? What do you like? What are the greatest benefits and the payoff? Why do you keep

00:19:51.700 doing it? Is it difficult? What are some areas that causes you to second question this career path?

00:20:00.380 And I'd really focus on that. And then even for you younger guys,

00:20:04.620 this goes for everybody, man. If someone said, hey, Kip, you know, I really want to get into,

00:20:11.300 you know, IT consulting or I really have a passion for people and culture in the corporate setting.

00:20:19.720 And I'd love to like get your opinion. Of course, I'd be willing to share. I'd want to share.

00:20:25.660 So ask, ask the people that are already there and get the feedback from them and then work on a plan

00:20:32.820 to get there. And a lot of those individuals already have the plan or they know the best plan to get

00:20:37.660 there. So I would just ask around. Charles Robinson, I'd like to know yours and Kip's experience

00:20:46.760 with battling mediocrity when you're on an upward trajectory and those you love around you are

00:20:53.180 content being averaged despite your outstanding example.

00:21:00.520 I mean, I, I don't want to make too many assumptions, Charles. So I think for some of us,

00:21:06.460 we ask this question because we care and we love those in our life and we don't want to see them

00:21:16.240 mediocre. But part of my question also wonders is like, how are you battling mediocrity because those

00:21:25.420 around you are mediocre and aren't getting after it?

00:21:34.620 Yeah. I think that's your question. Sorry guys for, I'm just thinking out loud here.

00:21:39.260 Yeah. That's your question. All right. How do we battle mediocrity when we're on an upward

00:21:43.840 projectory, but those around us are content with being average? Be you. Like I would think more get

00:21:54.860 connected to the why and the reason, the mission and your vision of what your, your upward projectory

00:22:04.360 is all about and focus your attention there. Just focus on that. That way, when we have struggles and

00:22:13.000 we have issues, you rise above them and you move on and you don't need everyone else to be getting

00:22:18.700 after it because you see the bigger picture. It's clear to you. You understand the impact

00:22:24.280 of you leveling up is, and you're willing to push through whether those around you are not.

00:22:30.940 Now, here's the sad part is sometimes that's going to be lonely.

00:22:36.060 You might have friends and buddies that are like, Hey, let's go out and let's go have fun. And it's

00:22:44.340 like, no, I got a commitment. I go to bed at 10. I work out at 5 a.m. in the morning.

00:22:52.620 And that's the price that you're going to have to be willing to pay and give up kind of some of the

00:22:59.780 fun that comes with mediocrity and focus on delayed gratification and focus on doing the difficult

00:23:07.780 things that maybe they're unwilling to do. And so it might be a little lonely. So just kind of keep

00:23:14.620 that in mind. So connect to your, your bigger why, and then maybe not maybe start finding

00:23:22.220 other people that are on the same path as you to be banning with. And, and, and that could be there

00:23:30.440 to support you. Now, with that said, if you're looking at how do I influence them a little bit,

00:23:36.740 you share, you show up joyfully and excited, not from the position of trying to change people,

00:23:46.000 but genuinely like, man, I'm dude, I'm so excited. I lost this weight. I'm killing it. I'm getting

00:23:51.020 faster. I've got this race. I'm so excited. Like share, share and let them see that light

00:23:58.260 of being on a path. That's positive. Let them participate and support you by you sharing,

00:24:07.680 right? You don't have to go into a closet. No one knows about it. And you're in a dark place. No,

00:24:11.960 like share what you're about and what you're doing, but be okay with them not doing it because it's

00:24:17.880 got to be their call. Start trying to find other people to ban with, get connected to their bigger

00:24:23.520 purpose and why. So that way you can rise above those things. Charles, hopefully that answers your

00:24:30.760 question. Charles Robinson. Charles, you get two questions in here. Come on, man. When it's not easy

00:24:40.140 to walk away because it's someone that you love and want the best for, I would get clear on

00:24:48.880 why it's not easy. And for me, it hasn't been easy. There's a level of discomfort on my side to walk

00:25:03.240 away from someone because of how I feel and, and my concern that how they'll view me and et cetera.

00:25:14.280 So there, there is a little element of selfishness when you need to walk away from someone that you

00:25:22.360 love. But I think the key to this is having empathy for them, but getting very well connected to,

00:25:41.400 we all have to decide things on our own. You know, I am as a weak analogy from a corporate

00:25:53.600 perspective, you don't want your employees to execute on a task and do something because they're

00:25:58.400 being compliant, right? When they're doing it, just because you asked them to, and they're just

00:26:02.800 trying to be compliant, their success in that task will be mediocre because they're only doing it

00:26:10.760 because you asked them to. And the minute they have difficulty or they reach roadblocks,

00:26:15.380 they'll throw their hands up and it was never their idea. And I never liked this idea to begin

00:26:18.900 with. And I knew it was the wrong idea and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

00:26:23.540 But when we make a decision for ourselves, when we are bought in and committed to what we're doing,

00:26:32.500 we show up in a very powerful way. And, and we talk about this all the time in the council. We,

00:26:39.760 you know, we're lighthouses, right? You, you can't force people to do things.

00:26:46.680 Now we could, but it goes back to what I'm kind of saying. It's compliance, right? You don't want

00:26:51.460 compliance. You want people to figure things out for themselves and be committed to what they're doing.

00:26:57.900 Um, and so I, I would just focus on like getting clear to that, like, that's how it works.

00:27:07.400 And so you staying around, right? You staying engaged in this relationship that you need to

00:27:12.960 quote unquote, walk away from is not what's best for them. What's best for them is to,

00:27:18.380 for them to figure things out on their own. Um, now I don't know what our definition of walk away is,

00:27:25.460 right? Maybe it's removing someone from your life, um, for some reason or another, but I, I,

00:27:33.100 I don't know, Charles, I guess I need more detail, but have empathy. Yeah. I was at the flying back

00:27:40.260 from Boston yesterday and I was just looking at people just walking by and, um, I was looking at

00:27:47.300 this guy and he was just walking by and it was, I don't know. I don't even know if I can explain

00:27:51.320 this, but I just look at that guy and I'm like, that guy's me, but yeah, he, he was just a human

00:27:56.900 that walked by and he was just this body that I, but that was a person with a soul and awareness and

00:28:03.400 concerns and stresses and unique talents and all these amazing things. And he was just a person

00:28:09.380 that if died today, I'd, I'd, I'd be not affected by when I even know.

00:28:15.080 Um, so get, get connected to having empathy and, and seeing people as, as whole and complete,

00:28:23.380 maybe not on the ideal path right now, or they're just learning and they're still letting life teach

00:28:30.840 them some lessons. Um, and, and just really get connected, um, to that way of thinking

00:28:38.080 and then get clear on why you're walking away and what does that mean? What are the reasons? Why are

00:28:46.400 you doing it? All right. Michael, uh, Nan Ness tips or suggestions on how to make yourself more

00:28:55.700 valuable in the marketplace. You can level up and make more money when you don't have much skill

00:29:01.380 or education to lean back on, nor any money to pay for a course or a guru to learn something

00:29:07.680 new because it's so, uh, tight every month. Okay. So limited funds to go get an education per se,

00:29:16.180 or learning and trainings, but making yourself more valuable in the marketplace. So here's the deal.

00:29:22.960 Like, uh, books are virtually free, right? Like we can go to a public bookstore. You can download even

00:29:30.780 audible books from your local library. You can read books and there's a lot, especially in the text

00:29:37.600 space that you can learn, sign up for trials and demos and all kinds of free software and other

00:29:45.980 things to learn. You can even use the computers at the library to learn. There are ways to learn

00:29:52.380 for sure. And, and I would focus on not thinking you need the opportunity placed before you and the job

00:30:04.740 place before you for you to level up, get experience and then make good money. I actually think that you

00:30:11.160 could do enough research and growth on your own to really set yourself up to get into an entry level

00:30:18.160 position. Because what that tells me, Michael, if you came to me and you're like, you know, I'll keep,

00:30:24.900 I want a job in, in consulting. And we look at your resume and it's like zero experience,

00:30:31.240 but you came to me with that answer. And it's like, Hey, I've been running a tight ship. I didn't

00:30:36.380 have the money to go to bootcamps and go to college or whatever, but I've self-taught. I've

00:30:42.940 read these books. I've been doing this. I've been learning these things and, and you, and learned

00:30:47.040 them well enough that you have an opinion about stuff. What does that tell me that you are hungry?

00:30:53.920 Oh, you're hungry and you are humble. One of the top two traits that we look for when we hire people

00:31:04.700 because possibilities become endless when we're hungry and we're humble and we care. And you are

00:31:14.440 caring by putting in the effort to learn and grow. So I would focus, man, focus on growth,

00:31:21.240 focus on learning, whatever it is that you want to learn, whatever career path you want to go into

00:31:26.480 and get passionate about it, have some conviction around it so much that you could talk to it

00:31:33.220 passionately. And that's going to resonate, um, on potential job interviews. And then I'd focus on

00:31:39.540 whether it's side hustling to get some experience, or you may have to, you know, jump in entry level

00:31:45.700 or even look at paid internships. I know they don't pay as high, but maybe they pay close to

00:31:51.540 what you're doing today. And that might be an avenue for you to get some experience as well.

00:31:58.420 Gabriel Rosenblum, what do you think is the biggest issue our country is facing? Transgender movement, 1.00

00:32:04.060 the promotion and admiration of criminality, illegal immigration, divorce, fatherless homes,

00:32:10.820 et cetera. I think, you know, the answer it's fatherless homes. It's single parent homes.

00:32:19.700 I actually think that addresses the other issues. Yeah. Statistically. It probably does drastically.

00:32:30.640 Dr. Warren Farrell's book, the boy crisis breaks down tons of the percentages of the probability of

00:32:39.000 kids going to jail, being suicidal, suicidal depression, et cetera, when there's not a father

00:32:46.300 in the home. And if you're a father that's in the home, don't think that you're the father in the

00:32:52.760 home and you've already like addressed your part of the share. You got to show up powerfully in the

00:32:57.200 home. So don't like get, you know, don't pass out of like, Oh, I'm showing up. I'm there, but I'm a

00:33:03.500 stick. Be active father in the home. I think that's the biggest issue. I think the other issue

00:33:10.040 Gabriel is, um, that I put there as far those homes. The next I'd put victim mentality, the lack of

00:33:20.520 ownership and the belief that it is within your control. And then the last would be identity crisis.

00:33:28.660 We are so wrapped up in thinking our value as a human is based upon popularity, based upon

00:33:40.260 being quote unquote special and less about the actions and the results that we get in this world.

00:33:47.540 And people go running around, you know, thinking they're valuable by virtual signaling or I'm part

00:33:54.800 of this class or whatever. It's like, no, you're not, you're not, you have the potential. You,

00:34:00.120 you are valuable based upon your possibility and your potential, but until you act on it,

00:34:07.700 you're contributing zero. And, and I would even argue, and this may be harsh, so I'm going to say it

00:34:17.220 anyway, who cares? If you're not contributing in a positive way, then you're, then you're taken away.

00:34:24.800 Not a contributing zero. You're bringing other people down. And, and I don't think,

00:34:33.160 I don't think people see it that way. They, I even think in corporate America, I think they,

00:34:39.180 I get a job and I'm in this department and they like latch onto this, like mediocrity of like,

00:34:44.120 well, I'm valuable. Cause I show what results have you shown? What the hell are you doing about it?

00:34:50.700 Pride flags. I'm going to go on a tangent. They drive me mad. Why do they drive me mad? Here's

00:34:59.020 the argument. The argument will be, well, Kip, by raising it, it's about the kids. They're suicidal.

00:35:03.800 And this is our way of saying that we like support them. Right. And that, that we care really.

00:35:08.820 Okay. So let, let me, let me get this clear. If you are suicidal, what we want to do is perpetuate

00:35:18.480 the idea of seeking outside approval as a form of validation for your intrinsic value to the world.

00:35:28.120 Really? Is that what we teach our kids? Oh, son, you're depressed. Oh, well, let's try to get more

00:35:37.860 likes on, uh, on social media and, and, and, you know, and, and all these, see, all these people are

00:35:43.620 liking your, your, your posts. So see, son, you're, you're, you're meaningful. You're valuable. You're loved.

00:35:49.420 No, you're not. And those people hitting the like or raising the flag, but yet don't know the person

00:35:59.360 don't know the individual that's depressed. Doesn't know anything about them. They're not doing shit.

00:36:07.520 You're not providing any value. If you guys hate something, if you don't like something,

00:36:12.960 if you think something should be changed, regurgitating social media posts is not the way

00:36:20.020 you do it. You care, you know, in this, in this conversation, Gabriel, we're talking about

00:36:24.500 father's homes. You care about father's homes. If you guys are in agreement with me, you're like,

00:36:28.460 yeah, Kip, that's a big problem. Awesome. How many boys in your neighborhood don't have a father in

00:36:33.300 the home? And what are you doing to help? Are you coaching the little league team?

00:36:42.960 Are you, are you coaching a team? Oh no. Only if my son's on the team, why not? If this is

00:36:48.300 important to you, why aren't you doing it? We can run our mouths all day, man. I I'm just on this

00:36:55.160 tangent. Like I'm so tired of everybody like staying, they give a shit about something, but yet doing

00:37:02.420 nothing about it. So I would challenge even myself, this goes both ways. What am I doing about it?

00:37:09.500 We got to get off the bench and actually start playing the game and get on the court and make

00:37:16.760 a difference and not just yell from the bench. That's not how it works. Ryan O'Hare, last question.

00:37:25.140 Kip, a lot of your AMA answers include a commentary on how you show up and the energy and the vibe you're

00:37:31.340 projecting on your family. I've had a feeling that I need to work on this. And this past weekend,

00:37:36.320 I got some visible visibility into what it is like from the other side. Can you and Mickler please

00:37:43.300 provide some techniques you use to project a positive energy, especially when you're cranking

00:37:48.420 on the tasks around the house? How do you catch yourself if you are projecting frustration and

00:37:54.160 stress? I've thought about taking the snow white advice whistle while you work, but my whistling

00:38:00.120 might be more nails on chalkboard and less dad fun to be around. I like it, Ryan.

00:38:07.560 And let me approach the answer from the perspective of I am the hypocrite at most.

00:38:13.900 I don't do this very well. I do this from time to time. I'm aware of it and I struggle with this.

00:38:21.700 And I don't know any better way of saying it than when I do this best, it's when I let go.

00:38:29.020 I let go of what was stressing me out earlier in the day. I'm letting go of the house not being

00:38:35.580 perfect. I'm letting go of expectations and I am just present. And I just focus on being present.

00:38:43.540 And I can be present and clean the house. So what do I do? House is a mess, right? House is a mess.

00:38:52.980 I come home, wife's out doing something. I want it clean. My default mentality is like, hey, 0.83

00:39:00.660 pick up your shit. You know what I mean? Start yelling at people. Kids, really quick. Everyone

00:39:05.200 coming to the family room. So we all sit on the couch. All right, guys, really important. I want the

00:39:10.660 house clean. So what do we need to do? Let's make a list. What needs to be clean? Kika goes,

00:39:17.200 oh, the kitchens are okay. Awesome. Dishes. Put that on list. We're going to make a list of all

00:39:21.660 the things. All right. Do we think we can get these all like almost like a challenge, like mission

00:39:26.480 impossible? You know, even like get quiet. Do we think we can do this? Do we think we can get this

00:39:32.960 before mom gets home? No, I don't think we can. All right. What do we think we can accomplish?

00:39:38.000 And then what should our reward be? Right? Kind of back to what I was talking about earlier.

00:39:46.000 We don't want them doing it out of compliance. We want them to do it because they want to.

00:39:53.280 How do we get them to want to clean the room? And for kids, it is make it fun. 0.79

00:40:01.140 Now, the problem is, is it going to take twice as long, Ryan, to clean the house? Yeah, it is.

00:40:07.140 It would have been a lot quicker if you just got that shit done. You walked around like a pissed

00:40:11.820 off old man and yell at your kids, probably. But what's the long-term game? And I got this from

00:40:18.580 Ryan years ago, right? Do you want the room clean? Is that really the plan? Is that the goal?

00:40:24.400 The answer is no. The long game is to teach your children the value of taking care of their things,

00:40:34.400 being clean, being organized, being organized, and the value of doing something that they don't want

00:40:42.060 to do and reach the delayed gratification of accomplishing something that was originally

00:40:50.120 not something fun. That is the game, right? That's the long-term strategy that we're going for.

00:40:56.640 So maybe pause, focus on why do I care? Let go of the expectations, focus on, all right,

00:41:04.420 what am I trying to accomplish here? And it's not cleaning the house, even though that's how I feel

00:41:09.800 by default. And then figure out a way to make it fun and be playful with it. I'm a music guy.

00:41:16.440 I blast music, you know, maybe like, hey, clean the house. Everyone has to clean the house using

00:41:23.280 the hoverboard or like, I don't know, something silly like scooters or whatever, right? Or

00:41:30.000 something and, and, and, and, or come up with a reward of what you're all going to go out and get

00:41:36.020 ice cream. Once the house is all clean, make it about pleasing mom, about serving someone else,

00:41:40.860 not serving you, but serving mom and making her happy, how excited she's going to be.

00:41:46.440 There's some ideas. Gentlemen, hopefully these questions resonate with you guys. I know it's

00:41:50.420 not as fun when it's a solo without Sean or Ryan, but we make do, we don't, we've never missed

00:41:58.180 an episode. Ryan takes huge pride in us honoring that commitment. And so you guys got me today,

00:42:04.380 but appreciate the questions. Hopefully they resonated. Continue the conversation, right? If,

00:42:10.640 if you didn't like one of these ping me and let's chat it out more and, or,

00:42:16.440 if you want to get someone else's point of view, send them the podcast, say, Hey, listen to this

00:42:20.560 question at this point in the video and have the conversation with someone else. But you guys are

00:42:26.700 listening for a reason. Obviously there's value in having these conversations and having these

00:42:31.460 thoughts for us to consider. Not that they're right, not that they're wrong. It's really around

00:42:36.420 our path of trying to improve until Friday field notes later this week, take action and become the

00:42:44.900 men you were meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take

00:42:49.940 charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order

00:42:54.580 order of man.com.

Order of Man - August 31, 2022

Battling Mediocrity, Making a Career Change, and The Biggest Issue in this Country ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript