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Order of Man
- February 25, 2026
Be a Better Man, Raise Your Sons Right, and Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Body | ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
57 minutes
Words per Minute
191.30475
Word Count
10,914
Sentence Count
6
Misogynist Sentences
14
Hate Speech Sentences
13
Summary
Summaries are generated with
gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ
.
Transcript
Transcript is generated with
Whisper
(
turbo
).
Misogyny classification is done with
MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny
.
Hate speech classification is done with
facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target
.
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when it comes to depression you know you have all this this clinical ideas and thoughts about it
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therapy and that can work and there's value but the first thing that a man needs to do is get out
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of his mind and into his body breath work cold exposure heat exposure box breathing like whatever
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you can do to get out of your mind and into your body is going to help you be a more integrated
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person and you're just immediately gonna feel better like if you sat and breathed you would
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feel better things are gonna slip away like that fog that you're feeling that haze will definitely
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improve kip what's up man great to see you this friday for our wednesday ask me anything you got
00:00:38.960
any uh good plans coming up this weekend um freaking iron man i have long distance run today a long
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distance bike and still trying to learn how to swim that's my weekend and the wife is out of town so oh
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so you got the kids too yeah yeah so that's why you're going for your long run and your long bike
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ride is because the kids are there you're like i'm out of here when they're there when they're when
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your wife's there you do the short stuff but when they're when she's not and the kids are there you're
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like ah this is a good time to go on a long long run yeah i'll see you guys in five hours yeah what's
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what's the what's the distance this weekend that you're gonna do um probably about just up to about
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eight miles on the right uh and then the bike uh i want to get up to 35 40 miles on the bike
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and you'll do that consecutively or you'll do that two to two consecutive days yeah two consecutive
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days yeah yeah i'm not ready to start combining them the swimming is probably you would think i don't
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know what the iron man distance is i know there's i don't get iron man there's like seven different
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types of iron man it's like is it shouldn't there just be one but it isn't so yeah what's the
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distance that you swim in the actual race itself the iron man itself yeah it's a little over a mile
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so it's about a mile and a half so i'm doing the i thought it was like two miles is that yeah i'm
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doing this yeah i'm doing the seven the 70.3 iron man which is like a half iron man so i'm not
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doing the marathon at the end i'm doing a half marathon i think the bike is 50 something 57 miles
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versus a century which is 100 and then the the swims um a little over a mile yeah got it so you're
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taking the easy way out got it i'm just kidding yeah there's i well i've ran marathons i can't
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imagine running a marathon after riding a bike 100 miles yeah that like i've i've ran a bike max max
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distance on a bike i've ridden um in a race called lodoja in a single leg was a little over 40 miles
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and anyone that doesn't bike it's wild it's really really interesting like when you run
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your body you have really great feedback from your body right you're thirsty you need nutrition it
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it you just act on your natural tendencies from uh from a calorie and from a nutrition perspective
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on the bike it's drastically different i had a leg of 40 miles i felt great i felt great i'm like oh
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i just need some water and i had all this nutrients i was going to take i'm like oh should i eat that
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i'm like no i don't want to eat that i feel fine and then i got to the end of that leg and my body i'm
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not joking it sounds really dramatic but my body just stopped working my legs that's dramatic at
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all yeah they just they just cramped up it felt like i had knives all over my legs and i couldn't
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get like i was sitting there and it was hurting and i i'm like what is wrong with me and i remember
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telling my wife i'm like i think i'm out i can't even walk i can't barely sit here and and she's
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like well did you eat eat and i was like no ate some food 15 minutes later i'm like
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put me back in coach i feel fine it was fascinating to me it's so interesting because that's like to
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to tie that into how that might help these guys is like you have yeah sure listen to the feedback but
00:04:07.960
sometimes you're just not going to get feedback in life you know so for example uh in a relationship
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where you might be struggling with um with connection with your wife she might not be giving
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you the feedback that you that would help you to be a better husband because maybe there's a wall
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built up or uh maybe there's some some contention and some resentment and animosity of years of of
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neglect or abuse or something and and what i think a lot of guys will do is we're constantly seeking
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for validation on our actions am i doing right am i doing good am i getting acknowledged am i being
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awarded whether it's a relationship or a business and sometimes most of the time you're just not
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going to get feedback and you have to still do the right things regardless of the fact that nobody's
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giving you validation or compliments so i can see how that would be a struggle to still force yourself
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to hydrate to eat because you don't know if it's working or not totally well and i even relate that
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to leadership i mean it's really funny it's like as leaders were like oh get feedback from you people
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you think they're 100% honest with you you own the stick of whether you keep someone employed or not
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most people are not why would they put that risk they would not risk themselves and so you have to double
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down in the way you show up to ensure that people are at least willing to maybe give you feedback but
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to your point you're never going to get the level of feedback that you think you're getting in fact well not only
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that you'll probably get feedback that's not inaccurate that is not you know completely true
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absolutely and and you got to be very careful in regards to how you're showing up regardless of
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that feedback well i had one of our leaders in the iron council tell me because he he works with all of
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the battle team leader mentors and he he said hey i i asked so and so about um you know how how what did
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he say like how he's doing or how the team's doing or something and i said did you ask it just like that
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he's like yeah i said well that's not a great question and and he's like why is that and i said
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because if you ask somebody like how's it going everybody's just going to say good that's just what
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they're going to say and so when when when we are trying to solicit feedback from people and they're
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just giving you really surface level answers platitudes be aware of that because what that
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could be well it could be a trust issue like you were talking about but it could be a question issue
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meaning you didn't ask a good question so a better question than saying hey how's everything going
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is tell me one thing right now that's going really well with your team and then they answer and that's
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very specific and then the second question is tell me one thing that's not going so well with your
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team right now now that's two questions but those are so much better questions than how's it going
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so think about that when you're talking with your people if you're not getting good answers it's likely
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that you're not asking good questions and or they're not comfortable or safe around you to give you the
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true honest feedback you might be looking for totally well and i love those two questions because
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those work perfectly ryan even with personal feedback and so if you and i did an event well
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let's say we had a speaking engagement you would not say hey how did we do any feedback it's like
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to your point they're not going to respond to that but you've said what is one thing about the
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presentation that really benefited you what's one thing that wasn't as valuable or deterred from the
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effectiveness of the message right people give you those absolutely and that's how you
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should ask that question yeah yeah i mean as a professional asker of questions i've spent a lot
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of time thinking like what is and and sometimes you get those hyper those poignant questions like that
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and then they go and another good question is what else but that type of question only comes after you
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get the the well running and and then that'll continue to elicit more and more feedback from them so
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anyways well good man well good luck this weekend with the iron man i was when you were talking about
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your body giving you feedback uh anytime i go running my body gives me feedback and it basically
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just says stop doing this we do not like this yeah you're like this sucks you know it's funny
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so i i just had a four mile run and a and a four mile bike is all i did this morning
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my ankle completely hurts right now and i have no idea why like i literally got out of the shower
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and all of a sudden ah i can't walk on my ankle i'm like dude this sucks like yeah i was hobbling
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around the other day and my oldest son is like what happened what's what happened what'd you do i'm like
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i slept yeah and he's like what do you mean i said that's what i did i woke up i woke up and my back
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hurt so i didn't do any i just i literally slept and i'm hurting so yeah because that's what happens
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welcome to old age yeah all right man let's get to some questions these guys are probably like what
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the hell are these guys talking about can they get to some questions here all right so peter
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rock rock zoco whoa he's foreign absolutely foreign all right there you go this may be off topic
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but i'm curious do you know where your family comes from i mean before they came to america your
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surname sounds german is it german if so do you know which region and when i'm very interested in
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such family history yeah so i am german um my grandmother and grandfather on my dad's side are
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german so that's where michler comes from um i also have a lot of scottish heritage as well and then on
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my mom's side uh french which i'm totally upset about but you know i can't control it i can't go back in
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time on that one but no so you know i haven't done much digging so i can't give you a better answer
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than that i really should um my my great grandfather's name was auto and i have a carl and
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so yeah we're very german on on my dad's side and i have actually never been to germany but i would like
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to go and i think before i do that i'll dig in but you know there's there's something deeper here too
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i do believe that for a man it's good to know where you come from and i'm saying that as somebody
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who doesn't really know but when you start to figure out who your ancestors were and what they
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did for work and how they showed up and you know what they accomplished i think about well so i don't
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know if you can see these cans right here can you see these yeah yeah they're a little they're blurred
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but they're yeah but i can see two cans on the right hand side of the axe yeah so i have a a great
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i think he's a great great uncle who uh in san francisco as far as i understand and my mom helped
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me see this he was a extremely extremely successful business owner and he owned a uh they they made beer
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so this is wheel and beer right here and those are cans from when the factory was in place and i have
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pictures of their facility and it's this big beautiful brick building unlike they make them
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anymore today and his industriousness and um you know what he created from nothing just his mind and
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his thoughts and ideas inspires me you know and i don't know who it is um i i don't know much about
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him other than some of that history but it's pretty cool and it ties you to something and i think gives
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you a little bit of uh inspiration and motivation that you come from a line of incredible people and
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you should carry on that tradition and try to be an incredible person for your legacy as well
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yeah and honor their sacrifice right so many of us especially in america
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um we might have we might have ancestors that sacrificed huge right for us to be uh born and
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raised in in this wonderful country this is super fun so my great great grandfather um from denmark
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um his dad's name was soren okay right and on the danish side that's where the last name sorenson
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comes from is son of soren soren soren son right yeah and so sounds way cooler than sorenson by the way
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yeah you should just maybe we'll switch it up yeah you should you should be like i'm a kid son of soren
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son of soren yeah yeah but that's that's what it was saying right that's that's what you're saying
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in your last name is you're the son of soren um so my great great grandfather came from denmark
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settled in uh central utah in a cat in a town called elsinore now what's the fun part is else
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before it was called elsinore it was called little denmark yeah there's a that's a that's a there's a lot of
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sorenson's and what's the other name um peterson's johnson jorgensen jorgensen's yep yes yes i knew
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that actually yeah but keep going in the state of utah you if if we had phone books still the so there's
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tons of sorenson's in the state of utah here's the cool part so i went to copenhagen i went to
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denmark with the family this is probably about five six years ago if i remember correctly
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and outside of copenhagen is this town called elsinore which i didn't know that and it was an
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accident that we ran like we're driving and i see the sign elsinore it's you know spelled slightly
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different i was like no way that's wild to me but um super cool super cool i i love i love this kind of
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stuff and and like you i don't i probably don't invest as much time as i should in regards to
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understanding my ancestry but when i do it i don't know it fires me up it makes me proud yeah
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and makes me want to show up better i do know on my mom's side they came from france and and they
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uh settled in canada and eventually made their way down from canada and settled in um this is my
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my maternal grandmother settled her and her family settled in oklahoma so we've got roots in oklahoma
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from canada by way of france it's pretty interesting to see how people migrate and like you said
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you know if if i wanted to move to the united if i lived in france and wanted to move to the united
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states i i could do that you know pretty easily but 100 200 500 years ago i mean we're talking about
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traversing the sea with a higher greater degree of of potentially dying on the trip and losing kids and
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losing limbs and and getting sick and uh you know attack uh running across warring tribes and and all
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sorts of hostile foreign hostility like it's so wild to think about how much easier life is that's
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what's always interesting to me when when people have this romanticized version probably because the
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movies of you know i i was born in the wrong era i i should have been born in in during the roman
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empire or like these these ideas that people have i'm like i don't i don't think you have an accurate
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representation of how horrible it would be knowing what you know now and how soft we have it going to
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where where they don't have the same technology and creature comforts and modern devices and medical
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advancements it's not as glamorous as i think people make it out to be totally you know what comes to
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mine is like things like trauma and anxiety and depression it's like no one had it back then why
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because they were just trying to stay alive yeah right just staying alive was like on maslow's
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hierarchy of needs they're just at the bottom right right and just trying to survive which is just wild
00:16:03.340
yeah all right um david uh superco as you grow into a better christian husband father how do you guide
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your sons that you have been letting slide with behavior and ambitions that are less than your
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standards older son uh older son 12 daughter nine youngest son is six if needed for reference
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yeah i i mean first good on you for catching it because a lot of people just don't catch it and they
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just go with the flow and they do what they've always done and so it can be difficult and anytime you
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create change in somebody's situation they're going to rail against it you know they're going to
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question it they're going to be upset they're going to be bothered they're going to be frustrated
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and so you're going to have some contentious moments as you're trying to enforce a new standard
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but i think the first step is to sit down with your children and your wife and and not just in
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one conversation but in multiple conversations that takes place at the dinner table and maybe it's
00:17:04.520
evening meeting or a morning meeting before you start or maybe sunday is family day but whatever
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it is you're going to sit down and you're going to start talking about what the standard actually is
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so i would get on the same page if you're married get on the same page with your wife and say hey hon
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this is what i'm thinking about doing and here's why i think it's important what do you think about it
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and i and i think probably for the most part she'll be on board and you start talking about standards
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whether it's screen time or video game time or how you're to be spoken to or your schedule or
00:17:33.620
getting homework done or making sure chores are done every saturday morning like whatever your
00:17:38.020
standard is you and your wife come up with a list of things and and you get on the same page about
00:17:43.180
what that looks like because what you don't want to have happen is for you to start enforcing standard
00:17:48.100
on your kids and your wife's like wait wait what what are we doing i'm not doing i never signed up for
00:17:54.020
that i like this and and now all of a sudden you have the parents who are at odds with each other
00:17:58.840
and even when parents aren't at odds with each other kids are still really good at splitting and
00:18:04.100
fracturing a relationship like that they will manipulate it and they will exploit vulnerabilities
00:18:10.820
in the relationship to their advantage i don't think they're evil little monsters necessarily but it's
00:18:16.020
just human nature so you guys have to be synced up on that and then once you come up with those
00:18:20.100
standards then i would get the kids involved what was it 12 9 and 6 what were the ages
00:18:27.260
um yeah 12 uh 12 and 9 and and 6 yep 12 9 and 6 so um they're old enough that they can actually be
00:18:37.100
involved in the process so let them i would actually involve them in the process before i started telling
00:18:43.540
them what the standard was because i i'd be willing to bet that if you have some real good conversations
00:18:49.540
around why it's important we show up as a family and why standards are important and how we've been
00:18:53.600
letting them slip through the cracks and you ask them what do you guys think about these things i i would
00:19:00.480
be willing to bet that they actually come up with a lot of the same or similar ideas that you and your
00:19:06.760
wife have but here's the difference and this one comes from your playbook kip if they say it they own
00:19:12.700
it if you say it there's less ownership in that you'll get compliance because you can
00:19:18.180
restrict them you can take away video games you can ground that you can do all the things so they'll
00:19:22.720
they'll comply but they won't be bought in but if they come up with the ideas they will and then from
00:19:28.540
there it's enforcement and that's the hard part you have to enforce and the hardest thing about
00:19:34.680
enforcement for parents is not that your kids are going to be bothered by it it's that you are going to
00:19:41.500
have to sacrifice as a father you're going to have to put more time in you're going to have to have
00:19:45.800
conversations you don't want to have you're going to have to sacrifice some of your own personal
00:19:50.820
hobbies and things because that's just what it takes so prepare brace yourself for it what advice
00:19:59.220
or what additional thoughts do you have for david in the event that it's not so much standards for the
00:20:03.800
kids but he's coming to the realization that he has let his standards slip oh did i misunderstand that
00:20:10.420
he's well i don't i i think so maybe a little bit but i think both are highly valuable but he's letting
00:20:16.540
his standards slip and he needs to step back into living by those standards yeah that that actually i
00:20:23.660
think i won't say easier but it's pretty simple um again figure out what your standards are so it's the
00:20:30.100
same process figure out what your standards are and then you have to communicate with the people
00:20:36.280
who will be impacted by new decisions that you're making so easy example maybe you're not as fit as
00:20:43.820
you once were your wife will definitely appreciate you being more fit because you're going to be more
00:20:48.320
attractive and have more energy and sex drive and libido and she's going to be attracted that way so
00:20:53.420
she's going to appreciate it your kids are going to appreciate it because you'll have more energy and
00:20:57.420
you'll be able to play with them more you won't be as irritable and there's just a lot more benefit to
00:21:02.800
that but still if you're going to start getting up and going to the gym at 5 a.m every morning that
00:21:09.280
might not work for her schedule for whatever maybe that's her gym time or if you're going to start
00:21:15.260
eating cleaner but she's used to making a certain kind of food and and now you're like nope i don't eat
00:21:22.440
that like she's going to be confused and frustrated by that so when you start coming up with these
00:21:28.080
standards it's really important to tell your wife hey babe like i'm i'm gonna get into shape i'm gonna
00:21:32.560
clean up my diet i'm gonna work out and then coordinate with her what's the best time for me
00:21:38.160
to work out with your schedule i'm not asking you for permission i'm trying to coordinate with you
00:21:42.120
when it comes to food can we you know if she makes the dinners and the meals it's like can we
00:21:46.740
shift gears a little bit and go towards this as i'm trying to be on this journey um and same thing
00:21:52.760
with the kids let them know hey you're gonna see changes in dad and um i want you to be aware of
00:21:57.080
that and be prepared for that because uh i want to be here and i want to be available to you guys
00:22:01.240
get them involved in the process um and explain why it's important but here's the key here's the key
00:22:08.760
and not at not very many people do this if you start talking with the people in your life about
00:22:16.680
the things that you're going to do then you have to do it otherwise not only are you lazy you're also
00:22:23.540
now a liar and you undermine your credibility and trust with them so if you tell your wife hey babe
00:22:29.320
i'm gonna start going to the gym and i want to eat better and you keep eating like a garbage disposal
00:22:34.080
and you miss the gym 70 of the time she's gonna think less of you than she did before so be aware
00:22:40.080
of that yeah and then next time you're like oh i'm gonna get my fitness in shape she's gonna go
00:22:44.480
yeah whatever you've done this before right and confidence is lost yeah well this is why so many
00:22:51.140
guys and i hear this all the time guys will say oh ryan i want to start this business but my wife
00:22:55.600
doesn't believe in me yeah why should she you know how many businesses have you wanted to start
00:23:02.080
how many times have you talked about doing this how many times have you expressed interest in doing
00:23:06.940
an iron man or starting a business or being more kind or getting in shape zero you know and it's like
00:23:12.640
yeah zero but the more the more that you do this and then don't actually follow through like why would
00:23:21.760
you expect her to believe you what right do you think that you have to her allegiance just because
00:23:27.000
you said you're going to do another thing that you haven't done in the past yeah props david for
00:23:33.760
recognizing where you're at and also i think you see the importance of letting your kids know
00:23:41.680
hey i'm not living up to the standards i should be and i'm going to do something about it and if
00:23:47.940
you're a man of your word and you're you're a man of integrity and you follow up on your actions
00:23:51.940
dude it's inspirational right because you just taught your boys you're teaching your kids and
00:23:58.600
your daughter that hey standards are important and we're not living by them we pivot and we adjust and
00:24:05.680
and they're seeing that being modeled through you which makes now gives them possibility and
00:24:10.880
opportunity to see that for themselves super powerful stuff um i don't think we realize how
00:24:18.640
impactful our actions are on our kids um and so props to you david for for stepping up right and
00:24:25.300
wanting to be a better version of yourself well and you know there's one other thing that i want to say
00:24:29.880
and um sometimes we believe that if we don't bring things to attention that people won't notice
00:24:39.340
right so maybe your health has slipped or maybe you're not doing as well mentally or emotionally as
00:24:46.880
you have in the past and you don't want to bring it up because you don't want to rock the boat you
00:24:51.520
don't want to make it weird or you don't want confrontation or so you just you bury it and what
00:24:55.920
you think is well nobody knows right even subconsciously you act as if nobody knows no your
00:25:00.360
your wife knows you're not in shape your kids know you're more irritable than you've been in the past
00:25:05.800
so we we shouldn't bury that we should actually hide it yeah yeah it's better just to say hey guys
00:25:13.640
like i have not been showing up and you know what they're gonna at least say in their mind yeah dad we
00:25:18.920
know we know they may not vocalize you know now well and that's but that's the key so yeah what's
00:25:27.420
interesting is that women will often say i did a podcast last week called the five lies that women
00:25:34.380
tell men and one of them was i want a nice guy but complementary to that is women will say i want a
00:25:41.380
guy who's vulnerable i want a guy who's in touch with his feelings and that's a lie that's not actually
00:25:46.120
what you want i don't think it's deceitful or malicious but it's not true because the minute that
00:25:52.420
a guy does that she gets the ick and she's less attracted but what i do think and i learned this
00:25:59.600
from connor beaton with man talks he's got so much great information and he said you know ryan when a
00:26:03.500
woman says that she's not actually she doesn't actually want you to spill all your baggage and
00:26:10.720
bullcrap under her she just wants to know that you acknowledge it she doesn't want your weak men
00:26:19.140
she wants to know that you are aware of your inefficiencies and your inadequacies and this has
00:26:26.100
to have to have to happen as well that you're willing to do something about it so if you come
00:26:31.980
to your wife and you're like babe i had a hard day and life's hard and people are mean to me and my
00:26:36.380
boss yelled at me and my client fired me and all this kind of stuff she's like oh what a loser
00:26:42.900
that's what she's gonna think now it might not be that harsh and drastic and dramatic but she's
00:26:50.000
gonna think less of you but if you go to her and say babe listen this has been one hell of a week
00:26:59.560
at work boss is upset because we missed the deadline clients upset because we missed the deadline and i am
00:27:06.980
just stressed so if i'm irritable or short with you or distracted that's where it's coming from but
00:27:12.280
again second part here's what i'm gonna do about it i know i'm stressed i know i've been frustrated
00:27:20.560
and irritable lately and and i acknowledge that and you know what i'm gonna do i'm gonna kick tail
00:27:26.800
at work this week i'm gonna get back on top of it we're making a bunch of sales calls
00:27:30.480
and we we're back on track with the schedule to get this to the client and things are easing up a
00:27:35.940
little bit and i wanted to apologize and tell you that i'm working on fixing the problem
00:27:40.900
now she doesn't get the ick she's like oh my gosh what a man like that that's a man
00:27:47.080
a guy who can acknowledge his inadequacies do something or come up with a plan and then do
00:27:53.700
something about it that's what she means when she says vulnerability she wants you to acknowledge
00:27:59.560
what is wrong in you yeah yeah i love it man all right derek pitts i'm a god-fearing man and i have
00:28:08.440
a family of five my oldest is 12 years old boy and i wanted to start opening up this shield with him
00:28:14.940
and start exposing him to the world in a controlled environment so movies have kind of been my go-to way
00:28:21.720
following up with another movie that is a little bit more on a moral level um this is a long question
00:28:28.660
so i'll paraphrase the the net the rest of it his wife is kind of like all in she's just like let
00:28:34.400
him pick whatever movie and he's kind of like no i i kind of want to ease him into the world right
00:28:41.700
um as a controlled environment so recommendations that we have i you answer the question but i'm
00:28:49.100
interested also in your thoughts right why movies you think because i don't i don't know why i just
00:28:54.600
don't think movies when i think of ways to control an environment to teach my kids lessons
00:29:00.340
most of the time i think about movies and i go yeah that's a false narrative or that's
00:29:05.480
glamorized or you know what i mean i don't know if movies are a good a good choice but yeah i i think
00:29:12.800
in some way you're outsourcing responsibility for those lessons those are lessons that you should be
00:29:20.600
teaching and look movies are great i love good movies you know you're motivated you're excited
00:29:25.140
it's aspirational if you see somebody like william wallace or maximus and gladiator i mean those are
00:29:31.640
the two movies that come to mind because that's the type of movie i like in the genre um so i don't
00:29:38.220
think there's anything wrong with that necessarily and and as far as recommendations i mean you you know
00:29:43.220
break like braveheart saving private ryan uh man that might be a little gruesome for a 12 year old
00:29:47.620
i don't know uh gladiator you know there's there's so many good inspirational manly movies that they
00:29:53.940
can watch and and that's easy but i think create experiences i'm with you kip like create the
00:30:00.280
experience you know how do you teach grit and resilience you guys go do workouts together every
00:30:05.360
morning that's going to teach them how to be tougher than anything else go like when you guys when
00:30:11.120
you go hang out with your boys maybe you go on a camp out or a hunting trip and invite him kip you've
00:30:16.660
been on a number of hunts with me now my kids come with my boys they come with me because i want them
00:30:23.340
to be around you and rick and you know seth and all the other guys that we spend time with i want them
00:30:29.680
to be around those guys because that's going to create real meaningful um change i'll give you an
00:30:36.480
example there's a gentleman by the name of zach evanish and he is in jersey he's a strength and
00:30:43.920
fitness coach i think he's also a wrestling coach phenomenal guy and when my son brecken was young
00:30:49.780
he was probably 12 or 13 zach came out to my place in in maine and brecken really respected and admired
00:31:01.380
the guy and we did a workout together and zach i actually give zach a lot of the credit for getting
00:31:08.240
my son into being fit and being healthy and then over the course of three to four years
00:31:13.440
man he got tall he got lean he got strong he got into more sports he eventually went on to compete
00:31:19.820
as an eighth grader in the high school national power lifting championship in in south carolina and
00:31:25.700
did really really well out there and and that's sure i supported it but it was it was zach who got him
00:31:34.300
fired up and sometimes i think is fathers we that's a little bit of a blow to our ego there's another
00:31:43.680
guy um that that has helped him as well like there's just so many people that have helped him
00:31:48.780
along the way and at first he would talk about these guys and i'm like well what's so great about
00:31:54.700
them you know like that was my mentality and then later i was like no why am i undermining the men that
00:32:00.060
he looks up to who are who are who are helping him who are guiding him who are instructing and leading
00:32:04.320
him and i let other men step into those roles and backed out you know he brecken's got a great
00:32:10.160
relationship with rick trimmer rick is incredibly successful when it comes to business i want my son
00:32:15.520
to learn from him you know i want my son to learn from guys who who lift and train and the more you can
00:32:21.980
get them around good men and if you by the way if you're not around good men then you can't get your
00:32:26.060
son around good men so you got to figure that part out yourself but i would create more experiences
00:32:30.940
than i would worry so much about the the movies the movies are just a support to the lessons that
00:32:35.100
you should be teaching in real real world scenarios totally well and derek you know this and you kind
00:32:41.000
of alluded this in the in the post it's like there's a bunch of garbage in there with it right
00:32:44.940
like maybe i want my kid to watch this movie it's really great movie but there's like this
00:32:49.080
inappropriate way by which this guy you know treats women it's like now i gotta like here let me prop
00:32:55.480
up this character oh look at this guy overcoming stuff oh he has bad morals though don't don't
00:33:00.420
don't attach to that part of this character son it's like you're gonna get garbage right and i was
00:33:06.720
even thinking about this it's like what's more beneficial you know we expose our kids to the
00:33:11.920
movie rudy like i love rudy rudy's a great movie like that's on the list of like your kids should
00:33:16.660
watch that absolutely of course sandlot's on there too but i don't know if there's any moral lessons
00:33:21.040
in sandlot other than it's enjoyable but so we have them watch rudy and what's more beneficial
00:33:28.800
this hypothetical this kid is notre dame football finally gets some playing time and my son's like
00:33:36.420
inspired but how how does he what's the distance between his circumstance and rudy's and how he can
00:33:44.120
relate but him and i doing hard work in the backyard and delaying gratification because
00:33:52.600
we're shoveling dirt is probably a better lesson and more tangible for him to learn from than an
00:34:01.160
inspiring movie that people have a hard time because we put people on pedestals and then we
00:34:05.540
are like we're so distant or so much different than them that we don't see how it relates to us
00:34:10.020
right yeah and ryan you you taught me this over the years man you look for lessons to teach your
00:34:14.780
kids all the time a little nuance hey dad that guy was weird why do you feel that way what's your
00:34:21.420
internal thought process should we judge people right like it's all in these little moments that
00:34:26.080
we teach them i don't think it's so much in front of a screen and the problem with the screen is you're
00:34:31.160
going to get a lot of garbage with maybe some good lessons yeah you know so when you said that about
00:34:38.880
teaching your kids lessons along the way i actually had a really funny experience the other day i was
00:34:43.460
with my youngest son and um i was going to be going on a date a day or two later with with a woman and
00:34:49.780
um yes with clearly a woman i don't know why i need to qualify it with
00:34:53.680
maybe with a woman i just want to be clear she's a woman a cis cis woman um anyways i had to reserve
00:35:05.080
some i had to reserve something so i was on the phone i'm like hey but i gotta take care of this
00:35:09.960
real quick and i i got the thing reserved and my my youngest he's like oh what's that for i'm like
00:35:16.380
oh i'm going on a date and he's like dad she's gonna have a really good time and i was like yeah
00:35:22.860
she is gonna have a good time and it's my job to make sure that she does and it's important that we
00:35:27.780
show up powerfully and it's important that we're prepared and it's important that we invest in people
00:35:31.960
we care about like i explained that to him in real time and he's like oh i got it that makes sense this
00:35:37.800
is a nine-year-old you know and so i had another experience we talked about on our ask me anything
00:35:43.060
where um i took my oldest brecken into the bow shop and the guy was a total jerk you remember me
00:35:50.720
telling you about that kip yes yes i do remember the guy was a total jerk and i ended up leaving
00:35:56.800
and as i was leaving brecken was with me he's probably 13 or 14 at the time and i said how do
00:36:02.780
you how'd that make you feel he's like that felt bad i said yeah it felt kind of horrible didn't he's
00:36:09.920
like what are you gonna do about it i'm like it's his business he can refuse the right how would you
00:36:13.780
handle that and he's like well i would just leave i said yeah that's why we're leaving and what do you
00:36:18.840
think's going on with him and brecken's like i don't know maybe he's kind of a jerk i'm like yeah he
00:36:24.760
was a jerk but is he a jerk i don't know maybe he had a bad day maybe his wife just died or got
00:36:31.500
diagnosed with i don't know how do i know and so not only teaching consequences for behavior in that
00:36:38.680
situation which is i won't do business with you and i won't send people to to your establishment
00:36:42.460
but also is there some grace or nuance that we can be aware of is there a different narrative that
00:36:47.980
we can craft that wouldn't paint somebody as a villain just because you know they they were upset with
00:36:53.680
you um these are conversations that you can be having every day all day and you should you should
00:36:58.200
be having those conversations don't assume that your kids connect the dots because they don't they're
00:37:03.060
12 or nine or six um i actually picked up a um all right i i got a i've got a good list of movies
00:37:10.920
that i that i pulled up that might be good for a 12 year old boy um so number one is uh and i just
00:37:18.620
did this in chat gpt so some i agree with and some i don't but number one sandlot which you said
00:37:22.880
i would agree with that um karate kid classic that's a good one the original karate kid yeah
00:37:29.360
the original yeah um rocky it says lord of the rings on here i mean if that's your thing i don't
00:37:36.340
like lord of the rings but if that's your thing then there's some there's some lessons to be learned
00:37:39.780
12 that's kind of dark like kind of scary yeah i made the mistake of letting my kids watch that
00:37:45.700
when they're younger and everyone's having nightmares oh yeah i do that all the time with my
00:37:50.580
nine-year-old i'm like oh i shouldn't let them watch the vampire movie or whatever
00:37:54.100
um i'm just sabotaging the other this one i didn't think about but it makes sense the princess bride
00:38:00.360
it's hilarious it's funny but it's got a lot of lessons about commitment and bravery in it so that's
00:38:06.580
a good one yeah that is a good this one this one is i man this is definitely on my top top 10 maybe top
00:38:14.760
five remember the titans that is a great movie yes yeah in fact i literally just added that to a
00:38:21.320
playlist to watch with my son literally like three days ago i was like oh we got to watch this this
00:38:26.060
is such a movie yeah um there's a couple of others like i don't know spider-man and some of the stuff
00:38:31.980
i agree with but um there's five or six that i would go with lion lion king lion king's good man
00:38:38.940
that's that's a classic there's a lot of lessons in there about legacy and showing up powerfully and
00:38:44.640
stepping into the role that you're made for that's actually a really cool movie too yeah yeah that's
00:38:50.520
good list we did good yeah i don't know about spider-man the other ones i i agree with yeah it's
00:38:54.520
spider-man into the spider-verse and then holes holes is funny but i'm not sure that it like really
00:39:01.380
is like on a list that a young man should watch necessarily what's going on with shia labouf or
00:39:06.860
labouf man that guy is did i saw a video of him the other day and he was like outside of a bar drunk
00:39:14.060
and trying to fight people that guy's had such a rough go he got sober and he did this really cool
00:39:21.400
uh podcast with john bergenthal i think his name yeah the real ones real ones episode so yeah so it was
00:39:29.380
so good with him and i think he's like relapsed and man i don't know i feel i i don't know him
00:39:36.640
and it's easy to just like throw stones but i feel bad for that dude like he has gone through some
00:39:42.900
shit it doesn't excuse the behavior but man i have some empathy for that for sure yeah well and i love
00:39:49.420
his his level of rawness right on that podcast and so good you know he's bright oh yeah his mind is
00:39:59.140
brilliant you know what i mean but it just proves like how often ryan have you seen in life where you
00:40:05.240
see someone and you go their number one struggle is them is themselves like how unfortunate that is
00:40:14.800
that we are probably the biggest roadblock in our lives it's not circumstances it's not other people
00:40:21.740
it's our own doing and you know you hate to see people that are just capable of so much and they're
00:40:28.000
getting in their own way you know yeah it's it's actually pretty tragic you know when you see
00:40:34.260
somebody really struggle again it doesn't excuse two things can exist you can have consequences for
00:40:40.840
your actions and not excuse the behavior but also have just a level of humanity and empathy for a guy who
00:40:47.500
is going through some real dark things i don't want to see people go through that
00:40:52.600
yeah totally all right got one more question for us from josh leonard a little bit of a long one but
00:40:59.620
the the the full uh question here makes you know i think we need all of it for context he says i started
00:41:06.040
working in alaska last year for my brother's construction company um and this was in last may
00:41:12.040
about october i started showing signs of depression not knowing at the time between that time and when i came
00:41:19.160
home for winter which was thanksgiving our communication suffered he's talking about his
00:41:23.580
marriage and our long distance intimacy dropped completely off i've been home three months now
00:41:29.560
and we've been intimate three times up until last week i never realized the distance and the lack of
00:41:35.040
communication and the depression was as bad as it was i leave in a week to go back to alaska to work
00:41:41.640
and she is beyond pissed saying i haven't let her down saying i haven't let her down emotionally but
00:41:48.180
physically and she says she doesn't know how she wants to feel about this my question should i even
00:41:54.880
try to do anything before i leave and continue being there emotionally as much as i can or no
00:42:01.200
so i just want to paraphrase to make sure i got it right so he's been working in alaska he came home
00:42:09.680
he had he's he's been experiencing depression since october um came home has been home for three months
00:42:17.000
not real intimate sounds like she wants to be more physically intimate than he does and that's probably
00:42:22.560
a symptom of his depression and then he's leaving in a week and she's mad that he wasn't physically
00:42:31.200
present for her in the time that he was there am i understanding that correctly yep that's what i read as
00:42:37.460
well okay and then should i try to do it the last i got a little confused on the last part should i try
00:42:43.700
to do anything emotionally read that part to me again yeah my question is should i even try i mean
00:42:51.120
it's kind of a silly question in my opinion sorry josh my question is should i even try to do anything
00:42:56.540
before i leave and continue being there emotionally as much as i can or no do like doing anything before
00:43:04.060
i leave what like having sex or like how like i don't know like yes you i mean you should do
00:43:10.220
something yeah like she's not happy so yeah the answer is do something yeah do something um you got
00:43:17.020
to fix your shit man and and i'm saying that with out of love like i'm not i'm not being a jerk but
00:43:22.720
you you've got some issues that you've got to work through and there's a lot of ways that you can do
00:43:28.340
that but i would definitely involve her in the process and say hey babe look i i know that the
00:43:34.200
last three months has been hard on you and it's been hard on me too and i'm struggling i'm suffering
00:43:41.200
again this is the vulnerability conversation we're having so if you just leave it there
00:43:45.300
it's not real positive or constructive but what i would say is hey babe i'm struggling and suffering and
00:43:52.140
what i'm gonna do for the for the week that i'm home here is i'm going to um talk with a therapist
00:44:01.400
i'm gonna um build some friendships i'm gonna get it get a hobby uh i'm gonna start working out and
00:44:12.700
eating better i'm gonna work on my sleep schedule i'm actually also i've got an appointment with the
00:44:18.680
doctor to get my blood levels tested my hormone to see where my hormones are at see if things are
00:44:23.940
out of whack there and i just want you to know that the relationship that we have is so important
00:44:29.220
to me that i see that i need to make some changes in my life and i would like your support in that
00:44:35.820
i would i would like you to to understand that i'm trying to fix this for me and for us
00:44:41.660
and i want to be here emotionally and mentally and physically i i love you i'm attracted to you
00:44:48.780
and i see that there's some things i need to do on my end and i gave you the list
00:44:52.240
eat better move your body um you know with it with you being in alaska it's probably cold and dark and
00:45:01.260
miserable at times so that could be adding to your depression as well uh you know i don't know about
00:45:07.260
alaska but seattle is notorious for depression because of the same the pacific northwest right
00:45:13.140
or uh yeah northwest um get your hormones checked get some friends find a meaningful hobby do some
00:45:21.280
journaling there's like six things that you can do today that are gonna actually start moving the
00:45:28.880
needle in improving now if it's chronic depression you need to see a medical professional about it but
00:45:33.480
the things that i told you even if it is chronic depression the things that i told you are going
00:45:38.000
to improve your mood a hundred percent like i even food like i've been more sensitive to food as i get
00:45:45.440
a little bit older than i have in the past and i would love to go to carl's jr today and get a double
00:45:51.160
bacon western cheeseburger which is my go-to fast food burger that is that is it for me i would love it
00:45:56.640
it sounds delicious my mouth is watering right now but i won't yeah because although it's going to be good
00:46:02.500
for like three minutes man i'll get bloated and sluggish and diarrhea and like all the things that
00:46:09.680
come with eating that then i'm like that's not worth it to me i'll eat clean i'll eat healthy i'll
00:46:16.200
eat i'll get some lean beef or eat some chicken and some asparagus and some rice and have a bunch of
00:46:22.120
water like yeah it's not as sexy but i just know i'll feel better and that's what i'm after at 44 years
00:46:28.340
old so you just have to make those sacrifices yeah sitting in the sauna is good for me like i love
00:46:34.320
sitting in the sauna for 10 to 15 to 20 minutes is what i'm doing now three to four days a week i love
00:46:39.780
it just sweat it all out sit in there and quiet like a little bit of suffering that comes with it and
00:46:46.280
then after a good sweat i'm like man i feel good so i get my workout in 45 to 55 minute workout and
00:46:53.500
15 to 20 minutes in the sauna three to four days a week i'm on fire totally totally you know josh one
00:47:01.260
thing you know i'm not gonna like pretend to be addressing depression right but but a consideration
00:47:07.860
for you is there's power of having hope for the future and so why are you up there what's this what's
00:47:17.180
the point of it you know get connected why are you working hard why are you guys separating from one
00:47:22.220
another is there is there light at the end of that tunnel have you identified that what's her
00:47:28.440
excitement about it hey we're gonna we're gonna separate i'm gonna go into a different state and do
00:47:33.940
all this work but when i get back we're going to do this like get really clear just don't grind and go
00:47:40.340
well it's just it is what we have to do to make money right it's like get clear on why this suffering
00:47:46.700
or this period of your time why you're doing what you're doing and get really clear with your
00:47:51.260
with your spouse on what the future looks like so you guys can work towards it you don't lose sight
00:47:56.640
of it and this isn't just no light at the end of the tunnel and and difficulty in your relationship
00:48:02.520
i mean full disclosure i don't mean to dramatize this but like josh i mean this could break you
00:48:08.420
this could break your relationship so you need to be really clear like is it worth it
00:48:16.120
and why are you doing it and make sure that she's enrolled
00:48:19.660
that's great advice i mean even can she am i dramatizing it do you feel that like i feel that
00:48:27.920
no right yeah like she i think you're spot on like i don't know yeah it's hard man like it's really
00:48:34.040
hard it's hard on you it's hard on her i don't know if you guys have kids but you know if you don't
00:48:37.900
it's easier just bring her up have her stay with you a couple weeks out of the out of the month
00:48:42.040
like if you have to be up there for work i get that and i i can appreciate that bring her up man
00:48:47.260
show her around have her have her be up there with you for a week or two you know have grandparents
00:48:51.660
watch the kids if that's the case and bring her up and spend some time with her let her know she's
00:48:55.500
important um it's easy to say when you're not depressed when you're depressed and in a hole
00:49:01.320
it's like you don't see that as easily but that's why you got to fix yourself man
00:49:06.700
you have to take responsibility for your for your health and and we gave you the ways to do it so
00:49:13.240
you don't have to do all those things by the way but you have to do something and um i had a guy
00:49:19.300
um mark walsh on the podcast and he was talking about this and i think what he said was
00:49:25.800
we when it comes to depression you know you have all this this clinical ideas and thoughts about it
00:49:32.600
therapy and that can work and there's value in that but the first thing that a man needs to do
00:49:37.880
is get out of his mind and into his body breath work cold exposure heat exposure physical discomfort
00:49:44.420
training working out uh joining a gym a jiu-jitsu gym martial arts going for a run going for a walk
00:49:51.220
box breathing like whatever you can do to get out of your mind and into your body is going to help you
00:49:56.540
be a more integrated person and you're just immediately going to feel better like if you sat and breathed
00:50:02.580
you would feel better if you set up a cold a cold bath and you're in alaska in the winter it
00:50:08.800
shouldn't be too difficult like cold exposure go in there go sit in the lake for two minutes
00:50:13.960
you know break a piece of ice and go sit in the lake from for a minute or two and yeah things are
00:50:20.500
going to slip away that fog that you're feeling that haze will definitely improve you know one thing
00:50:26.900
that crossed my mind just really uh maybe a value add to you josh i now that i think about it i've had
00:50:32.240
this problem when i first started um my consulting company geez 15 years ago the first contract i
00:50:39.460
landed was with the military for the dod and literally within a week's period of time i hopped
00:50:45.800
on a plane found a place to stay and i moved out to um arlington and asia stayed here in utah with the
00:50:53.420
kids and we learned something really quick we learned that it doesn't didn't matter if we talk daily
00:50:59.880
if we went beyond three weeks of not seeing each other we made up drama it was like what are you
00:51:08.220
doing you didn't call me back like like we lost our we were starting to lose our connection after
00:51:14.900
three weeks and we'd started getting in a fight for no reason like we're making stuff up and and
00:51:20.540
that's us right every every couple's different but we decided at that point it's like hey there's no more
00:51:25.900
than more than three weeks that we don't see each other and so every three weeks or so she would fly
00:51:31.000
out to the dc area and we'd spend the weekend you know exploring dc and then i'd say goodbye and i'd
00:51:38.980
back to work and that's what we had to do for that period of time because our our mayor it was disrupting
00:51:44.880
our marriage and our relationship if we were away from each other for too long so and you might have to
00:51:50.280
identify the same thing i'm curious about the making up uh making up fights and things i my my
00:51:56.660
theory you you tell me what you think about this but one of my theories as you were saying that is do
00:52:01.000
you feel like you guys made up fights because it felt more connected than just the monotony and not
00:52:09.000
seeing each at least it was something to connect over do you know do you see what i'm saying yeah this
00:52:14.280
is what i think i think when there is not enough what's the term i'm looking for when there's not
00:52:20.840
enough contribution to one another in a relationship you start looking for evidence to back a little bit
00:52:29.400
of your feelings that maybe this person doesn't care as much as you thought they did and then you'll
00:52:35.600
find evidence of it it's like easily you know the minute i tell her like yeah exactly like oh you
00:52:41.460
didn't call me back for three hours i'm like yeah i was just at the gym who's at the gym right it's
00:52:46.300
like oh my gosh right like but but if you don't feel loved like if you're not feeling loved by someone
00:52:52.000
you will look for the evidence to help support that feeling period right so you got to address it
00:52:59.160
and addressing it might be you need to be around each other or you make commitments right it's like we
00:53:04.460
we communicate better with each other or you know there's obviously some self-work to be done
00:53:09.660
around that right if you're jumping to the conclusion that you're not loved i mean it's
00:53:13.260
something else and unrelated to the relationship but but regardless right navigate the water
00:53:18.020
yeah agreed yeah wild you know what one thing that came up with yeah absolutely and you know what
00:53:26.180
what's sad you know not to use josh's circumstance um but like men need men to talk to
00:53:33.820
right and and we get to have this conversation with josh we actually don't know josh but we get
00:53:40.060
to have this conversation with him because he happened to post a question right on the facebook
00:53:43.100
group well if he was part of the iron council he probably wouldn't have not posted that question
00:53:48.700
why because he's part of a battle team of 10 to 15 other men that he knows that he meets with on
00:53:55.100
a weekly basis that they're all rowing the same a boat in the same direction and progressing and they
00:54:00.540
they intimately know one another he would have had this conversation not just with one or two guys
00:54:06.320
on a podcast he would have had it with his team and his team would probably be following up with him
00:54:11.980
next week about how's it going giving him additional insights and additional recommendations and he could
00:54:18.780
work through stuff that's the power of the iron council that's the power of having a battle team that's
00:54:24.540
the power of having a brotherhood of men that are willing to support and speak into you and so maybe
00:54:31.260
a call to action for josh or if you feel like you relate to josh look into the iron council look to band
00:54:37.740
with us uh and get connected with like-minded guys that will hold you accountable where so when we have
00:54:43.980
these difficult times in our lives we have a network to work with that will support us so to learn more
00:54:50.940
go to order man.com iron council and of course you know connect with michler on on the on the socials
00:54:57.980
anything else sir that you want to add on on the ic well i was just going to say one of the other
00:55:02.460
things one of the other benefits is that you know you could hear this advice from me and kip and and it
00:55:08.220
could be good advice or not good advice but you could hear it once and implement it and then you kind
00:55:11.900
of always slip back into old patterns the cool thing about that scenario is if josh is on a battle team
00:55:18.380
those guys are checking in on him daily hey man how you feeling hey man did you go to the gym today
00:55:22.940
hey did you get your cold exposure in hey when when did you schedule the time to go into the doctor to
00:55:28.460
get your hormonal levels checked your blood work done that's that's accountability there's an
00:55:33.580
interesting thing about accountability that i heard from a previous guest father stephen gadbury and he
00:55:37.580
said you know pointing things out to people is not accountability hey man you're doing this wrong
00:55:42.380
you're doing that wrong you're doing this wrong do this different do that's not accountability
00:55:45.820
that could just be being a jerk and casting stones he said true accountability is being willing to call
00:55:51.340
behavior out in a person that you care about and walk with them in the journey and if you're not
00:55:59.100
walking with a person in a journey then you might just be a jerk true accountability takes place when
00:56:07.660
somebody says i know you can do better and i'm gonna help you make sure that you do and i'm gonna
00:56:15.980
walk with you in it and you're gonna do the same thing for me by the way and we're gonna do this
00:56:19.500
together that's true accountability so again order of man.com iron council kip i appreciate you man
00:56:25.580
guys great questions today hopefully we gave you some things to ponder on and consider um i'm very
00:56:29.580
curious about what other movies boys should watch i've got three boys and a little girl so if you guys
00:56:35.020
have movies hit me up let me know and we'll share those as well uh we will be back on friday until
00:56:42.220
then go out there take action and become a man you are meant to be thank you for listening to the order
00:56:47.180
of man podcast you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be
00:56:52.700
we invite you to join the order at order of man.com
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