Order of Man - October 13, 2023


Be Clear. Be Precise. Be Bold. ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats

Length

20 minutes

Words per Minute

209.16835

Word Count

4,248

Sentence Count

294

Misogynist Sentences

7

Hate Speech Sentences

2


Summary

I m tired of seeing men stumble and fumble their way through life because they don t know what they want. And even if they do, they have a hard time articulating it. I m going to share with you how to communicate it effectively and why it s so important that you do.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
00:00:04.920 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:10.260 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:16.920 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.400 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.
00:00:27.240 I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here and welcome
00:00:32.720 back. If you're brand new to the podcast, this is a show and a movement dedicated to helping you become
00:00:39.180 the best man that you can possibly be. It's clear that in society, generally speaking,
00:00:44.420 masculinity, manliness is mocked, ridiculed, diminished, undermined at every turn. And it's
00:00:51.220 my job, and I feel like it's my mission at this point to help reclaim and restore masculinity to
00:00:55.620 a place where there's honor in it, where there's integrity in it, where there's respect, where
00:01:00.760 there's value and service. And people generally appreciate manliness and masculinity for what men
00:01:06.440 contribute to and add to their families, their businesses, their communities, neighborhoods,
00:01:12.540 countries, et cetera, et cetera. You look around and you see some of the biggest problems in society.
00:01:17.500 Yes, a lot of those are perpetuated by men, but it's righteous men. It's capable men.
00:01:23.180 It's virtuous men that put an end to these types of things, keep people in check, keep people
00:01:28.020 marching forward. And that's what we're doing here. So I've got a, I think it's an important
00:01:33.060 discussion. I labeled this one, be clear, be precise, be bold. Guys, I'm really tired of seeing
00:01:38.900 men stumble and fumble their way through life because they're unclear, number one, about what
00:01:43.920 they want. And number two, their inability to communicate it effectively. I'm going to share
00:01:49.220 with you how to communicate it effectively and why it's so important that you do. But
00:01:53.180 before I do, I just want to mention my good friends and show sponsors over at Montana knife
00:01:57.420 company guys, it's hunting season. It's finally upon us. I've got a really big hunt. One of
00:02:02.180 my favorite hunts of the year coming up in two or three weeks now. And I use Montana knife
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00:02:44.820 do. All right, guys, let's talk about being clear and being precise and being bold. I made
00:02:49.340 this a post in our brotherhood, the iron council the other day. And I said earlier, I'm tired
00:02:54.920 of seeing men stumble and fumble their way through life because they don't know what
00:02:58.400 they want. And even if they do know what they want, they have a hard time articulating it
00:03:03.320 guys. If you want to achieve any metric of success in life, it's likely that you're going
00:03:08.800 to need to include other people in that journey, whether that's your marriage or trying to influence
00:03:13.620 your children or trying to get your employees to engage, uh, trying to get a client to buy
00:03:19.420 something from you, trying to start a new business and get investors into the business. We're always,
00:03:25.500 always going to be dealing with and working with other people. And one of the greatest
00:03:29.920 hindrances to our ability to influence these individuals is our inability or ability to communicate
00:03:38.880 effectively to tell them exactly what we want, to give clear guidance, clear instructions,
00:03:43.820 to be decisive and to let people know what we're after. So if you're trying to get a client, for
00:03:50.160 example, to purchase a product from you, what I hear most guys doing is something along the lines
00:03:55.060 of this. Well, you know, um, we've, we've talked about what your problems are. And I think maybe,
00:04:00.900 um, this could be a good solution, but you know, only if you're comfortable with it.
00:04:05.080 And, uh, if it's not too much, it might be too much money for you, for you. I'm not sure.
00:04:09.240 Uh, I think it'll help you solve your problems, but I just want to make sure you're okay with it.
00:04:12.940 So what do you think guys? That's not, that's not a way to ask for a sale or I've heard other guys
00:04:20.000 try to ask women on dates. I've seen this in our Facebook group. They're talking about approaching
00:04:23.820 women. And it's like, uh, you know, maybe at some point at some time in the not too distant future,
00:04:29.360 maybe you and I could like do something together, hanging out only if you want to though.
00:04:33.340 Um, so would you, of course, she's going to say no, of course, of course, your client's going to say
00:04:39.080 no. Of course, if you're giving poor direction and clarity to employees, of course, they're going
00:04:45.120 to fail on the project that you want. Guys, if you want to achieve success in life, it's time for us
00:04:50.200 to get number one, hyper-specific with our goals, right? You hear from so many men who are like,
00:04:55.900 I want to make more money. I do too. I think that's a universally true goal that most men would have.
00:05:01.860 And if that's the case, tell me exactly how much money you want to make. We have one of our battle
00:05:07.400 team leaders in the iron council. Uh, he, he came up with a number. It was $512,000 and $512,182
00:05:15.920 or something like that. And that was extremely precise. I asked him what that's a, that's a
00:05:20.980 precise number. Most people would say 500,000. Well, he's very clear about 11% growth in his bottom line
00:05:27.240 revenue every single year. So that individual is significantly more likely to hit that number
00:05:32.600 than the guy who's like, yeah, I just want to make more money. Because what do you do with that?
00:05:37.120 If you make a dollar more this year than you did last year, technically you achieved your goal,
00:05:41.420 you achieved your outcome, but you fell so far short of what you could have done.
00:05:45.100 If you would have been more precise and clear about what you wanted. The other thing that you can do
00:05:49.420 when you get precise is now you can begin to articulate a goal that will actually help you
00:05:55.840 accomplish it. If you say, I want to be in better shape. Well, welcome to the club. We all want to be
00:06:01.320 in better shape. But if you say, I want to lose 20 pounds in the next two months. All right, now I have
00:06:08.460 something I can actually work with. Because what we can do is we can come up with a plan for losing
00:06:12.560 that weight, for gaining muscle, for losing fat. We can actually measure it, right? If you're 200 pounds
00:06:18.720 right now, next week, I want to see you at 197. And if I can see you at 197, then I know we're on the
00:06:24.800 right path. And then we can project that out over two months and see if we can get you down 20 pounds.
00:06:29.600 But if you say, I just want to lose weight, well, losing three pounds, good. There you go. You met
00:06:33.100 your goal. It's not precise enough. And it leaves too much room for error. And I think that's the reason
00:06:38.960 a lot of men aren't precise. They're hedging their bets, right? When you say, I just want to make more
00:06:44.740 money. Generally, something that's accompanied with that is, well, you know, money's not the
00:06:48.700 most important thing. Okay, that's hedging your bet. If you say, hey, I'd like to, I really am
00:06:53.500 attracted to this woman. I'd like to ask her out, but she probably won't like me. That's hedging your
00:06:57.020 bet. If you tell a client, man, I really think I could help this problem this client has, but I'm
00:07:03.120 not sure. And, you know, maybe they're not interested, or maybe they don't have the budget
00:07:06.120 for it. That's hedging your bet. You're operating from a fear mindset, which is why you're not being
00:07:11.700 precise and why you're not giving clear instruction and direction to individuals. So we're looking at
00:07:17.840 this from two different points. Number one, we're looking at it from goal setting. We've all heard
00:07:21.180 SMART acronym. I'm not going to go through it. You guys know what it is. But if you can be as
00:07:26.200 specific as possible, and we're going to look for the lowest common denominator. So for example,
00:07:31.260 I want to lose weight. Let's strip that away. What do you mean? I want to lose 20 pounds. Great.
00:07:37.320 20 pounds altogether, 20 pounds of body fat. Like what exactly? Well, 20 pounds of body fat,
00:07:41.540 but I'm going to try to build muscle too. Okay. That's a difference we need to be aware of.
00:07:44.460 Okay. Good. What's the timeline? Well, I want to do that in the next two months. Okay.
00:07:49.460 Now we're specific. I want to lose 20 pounds of body fat in the next two months. So as of the
00:07:55.980 recording of this, it's October 12th. That means December 12th, roughly, I'm going to be 180 pounds
00:08:02.900 as opposed to 200 pounds, or actually it might not even be that because of muscle growth and things like
00:08:08.500 that. But you get the point. The point is to be as specific as possible. If it's money related,
00:08:13.900 get specific, don't hedge, do not hedge. Don't say, Hey, I want to make $20,000 more this year
00:08:20.580 than I did last year. You know, but if I don't, it's okay. Or like, but I don't know if I'll be
00:08:25.240 able to. Don't say that because you're going to start bringing that to fruition. We're going all in
00:08:30.980 burning the boat, so to speak. So I want to earn $20,000 more bottom line revenue than I did last
00:08:36.640 year. Great. Now tell me how you're going to do it. Well, I'm going to sell more. Okay.
00:08:42.600 Yeah. You're going to have to sell a few more things to make $20,000 or increase your prices
00:08:47.360 or potentially reduce your expenses. And either of those are justifiable. They're good ways to go
00:08:54.740 about doing that. But what exactly are you going to do? Well, I'm just going to, I'm going to work
00:08:59.680 harder. That doesn't cut it working because we're number one, working harder doesn't guarantee that
00:09:05.120 you're going to make $20,000 more. And we don't even know what working harder means. What does that
00:09:09.080 mean? You're going to put in extra hours. Does that mean doing more emails or doing more red tape that
00:09:14.280 you have to do behind the scenes? Cause that's not going to produce sales emails, my, but the red tape
00:09:18.380 and all that kind of stuff, the paperwork, that's not going to produce sales for you. So what exactly
00:09:22.580 are you going to do? You see this, even in the bedroom, guys are like, Oh, you know,
00:09:26.860 my sex life isn't great. I'd really like my wife to, to, you know, experiment with me.
00:09:32.540 Hey, no harm in that. I think that's kind of fun, kind of enjoyable between two consenting adults
00:09:36.760 that want to, want to feel good, want to make each other feel good, want to please each other
00:09:40.700 in physical ways. I'm all about it. Well, what exactly do you mean? And these guys come into the
00:09:46.240 Facebook group and they're like, yeah, you know, I want to have a better sex life and here's what I'd
00:09:49.620 like. And I asked him, have you talked with your wife about that? Well, no. Cause
00:09:53.680 okay. Well then you're not going to get it. Cause she's not going to read your mind just like you're
00:10:00.620 not going to read hers. But if you tell her, Hey, I'd like you to say this, I'd like you to do
00:10:05.200 this. I really enjoy it when we're doing this. Then she's going to see that. And nine times out of
00:10:12.420 10, she wants to please you guys. Just like you want to please her. She wants to make you happy
00:10:17.280 in the bedroom, in your relationship, fulfillment in life. All she needs is a little direction and all
00:10:23.560 you need is a little direction. And the more that you give it to individuals in respectful ways,
00:10:27.780 but clear, precise ways, the better they're equipped to do what you want. And isn't that what
00:10:35.000 you want to be influential in that way? So there's goal setting, but then the other avenue is the things
00:10:42.980 that we want. So we're going to be precise with our goals, but also it's the things that we want
00:10:47.720 other people to do. So the bedroom talk is something that would fall into that category.
00:10:52.980 Getting your employees to do something, asking a woman on a date. You remember how I said,
00:10:57.580 most guys will say, Oh, maybe at some point you'd like some do something. No, that's not how you ask.
00:11:02.140 The way you ask is, Hey, Susan, there's this great new restaurant that's downtown and I've heard good
00:11:08.560 things about it. And I've been wanting to try it. I got reservations for two and I would love to take
00:11:12.960 you out on Friday night. Can I pick you up at seven o'clock? Who's more likely to get the date?
00:11:17.380 The guy who's like, um, uh, maybe if you don't think have anything else going on or the guy who's
00:11:21.540 like, no, I got us reservations and, uh, I would love to take you that guy. That second guy, the
00:11:27.120 ladder, he's more likely to get the date guys. We need to be precise. We need to be bold. We need to
00:11:33.800 be assertive. We need to be clear with our communication and we need to be able to open our
00:11:39.900 mouths and articulate what it is that we want. Now, this is going to be challenging for some guys more than
00:11:46.580 others. Some guys are what we call recovering nice guys. And this is part of the reason we
00:11:52.400 aren't clear and precise with what we want of others is because we're afraid of rejection.
00:11:57.980 We're afraid of how they'll interpret it. We're afraid of making people feel bad. We're afraid of
00:12:04.460 putting people out. And because all these fears exist, you waffle and you soften your language,
00:12:11.360 which doesn't really serve anybody. So for somebody like that, and there's probably a lot of you who
00:12:16.560 are listening. I've been that way in the past is you can begin to exercise and train assertiveness.
00:12:22.820 This is all this is assertive communication in very non-threatening ways. For example,
00:12:28.460 if you get together with a bunch of colleagues and coworkers and it's, you know, Friday morning
00:12:33.480 and all the guys are like, Hey, let's go out to lunch, you know, and grab a bite or grab a drink
00:12:36.880 or whatever it is you do. Where would you guys like to go? You should be the one to speak up.
00:12:41.300 Hey guys, let's head over to Applebee's or Olive Garden or the local restaurant, the local pub. I
00:12:46.960 don't know, whatever it is. You should be the one to speak up. Hey guys, I'd like to go here.
00:12:51.340 And guess what? The likelihood of you going there is pretty high. If you don't care, that's fine.
00:12:55.780 But I would still challenge you to assert yourself because you're going to practice this and you're
00:13:00.100 going to get better in telling people what you want. When people ask you questions, work on being truthful
00:13:06.120 with them. So here's a hard one. Your wife might come to you and say, Hey, what do you think of
00:13:10.880 this dress? Now, if you like the dress and it looks great, then you should say it. And guys are
00:13:15.240 going to argue with me on this one. So I'm ready for it. But if you don't like the dress, then I
00:13:19.420 think it's your duty to be honest about it. Because if you lie about it, she's going to know that you're
00:13:24.900 lying, number one. And then she's not going to believe you when you're actually telling the truth
00:13:28.480 because you're always saying everything looks great. So a soft way to say that might be, Hey, you know
00:13:33.440 what? I really liked that dress. It looks good on you, but I prefer the way the red dress fits you
00:13:38.480 better. Or, or you might say, Hey, you know, that one isn't as flattering as some of the other jeans
00:13:45.400 that I've seen you wear. Or she might be wearing heels. Hey, you look great in heels. It shows off
00:13:50.160 your legs. But man, I really liked those flats that you wear. Some guys are like, don't do that.
00:13:54.580 No, do that. Like be honest with her. It might cause a little friction, a little rift, but you do that
00:14:00.740 in a soft, caring, empathetic way. Now she's getting honest feedback from you. And guess what
00:14:07.300 she'll start doing? Wearing the things that you like. Because again, she wants to please you.
00:14:12.800 She wants to make you happy. She wants to be attractive to you. If she's wearing something
00:14:17.680 really sexy and you really enjoy what she's wearing, open your mouth. Hon, I got to tell you,
00:14:23.660 you're a knockout in that, in that skirt. Guess what she's going to do? She's going to wear that skirt
00:14:29.560 more often. Or she's going to go out and get the other three colors of that same exact skirt because
00:14:34.080 she knows how good she looks to you. We have to be honest in these things. So again, we're going to
00:14:40.180 try these in non-threatening ways. And we're going to be honest in the way that we communicate with
00:14:45.360 people, even though it will be very, very difficult. Here's another thing you can do.
00:14:50.560 If you're dissatisfied with something, voice your dissatisfaction. You don't have to be an asshole
00:14:55.760 about it. You don't have to be a jerk. You don't have to put people down or make people feel
00:14:59.200 dumb or humiliate people. But let's say you're out at a restaurant and the steak comes and you
00:15:03.920 ordered it medium or medium rare, or even rare, which is even more acceptable for the men listening
00:15:09.420 to this podcast. And they come back with the steak and it's cooked and it's well done.
00:15:14.160 You need to politely say, because we're talking about assertive communication, politely say,
00:15:18.660 hey, I appreciate you bringing this out, but this is a little bit more done than I asked for.
00:15:22.600 I would like a medium rare steak, please. That's going to be really, really difficult.
00:15:29.200 For some of you, but I challenge you to do it. If there's a woman that you want to ask out,
00:15:34.380 or maybe it even is your wife that you want to ask out. We're not going to go to our spouse or
00:15:39.460 a woman we're interested in and say, Hey, you know, I'd like to take you out sometime this weekend.
00:15:43.340 What do you think? What do you want to do? We're not going to do that anymore. The way that we're
00:15:47.700 going to do it is say, Hey, I'd like to take you out this weekend. I've got reservations on Friday
00:15:53.000 night to Tony's and Saturday night to Flanagan's or whatever. And which one works best for you?
00:16:01.780 Oh, and by the way, I went ahead and I called the sitter and we're going to, she's going to be
00:16:06.080 here at six 30. We've got reservations at seven 30. And then also, uh, after that, we're going to go,
00:16:13.180 um, I don't know, go to the driving range, or we're going to go to, uh, there's a, there's a
00:16:19.280 painting class, a community painting class that they're putting on at the restaurant.
00:16:22.580 We're going to go over there and we're going to do that afterwards. Guys, like you're going to get
00:16:26.300 laid. If that's what you're after, you're going to get the date because you're being more clear
00:16:30.680 and precise. And by the way, because other men aren't doing this romantically, platonically
00:16:36.440 business, professionally, personally, you're going to stand so far ahead of the pack that the
00:16:41.220 opportunities for women, the opportunities for clients, the opportunities for employees,
00:16:44.680 the opportunities for growth and business partners is going to be abundant because you're
00:16:49.240 more clear, assertive and direct in your communication. There's a thousand different
00:16:53.780 ways that you can do this, but what I really want to be on your mind this weekend, as we roll into
00:16:58.060 the weekend and moving into next week and also the rest of your life is in what ways are you
00:17:03.100 waffling in your language? In what ways are you softening? In what ways are you hedging against what
00:17:10.140 you're saying? In what ways are you not being clear? If people don't understand you, then it's likely
00:17:15.120 that you're not being clear in your communication. If people are being wishy-washy,
00:17:19.240 with you about dates or with about other things, it's likely because they're mirroring your energy,
00:17:24.780 which is wishy-washy and waffling and not really secure and stable. And the only way to get that
00:17:29.780 way is to practice it by doing things that are uncomfortable. Another small little thing that you
00:17:34.300 can do, and I've done this in the past, and it can be difficult, is to ask for a discount
00:17:38.100 everywhere you go. It's not about the discount. It's about being assertive. It's about being bold.
00:17:44.140 It's about saying what needs to be said. Another thing that you can do is if you're out in public
00:17:48.260 and you bump into somebody, try to start a conversation with them because that's going
00:17:53.200 to help you get the creative juices flowing and it's going to help you to learn how to communicate
00:17:56.300 effectively. So if you jump on the elevator and there's a guy in there, you might say maybe he's
00:18:01.600 got a football shirt on or something. Maybe he's got a Packers shirt on or a Patriot shirt on.
00:18:08.040 You're like, Hey, what about that Patriots game last weekend? And that was a crazy game,
00:18:11.900 wasn't it? Or if you see somebody's got, man, he looks really sharp or she looks sharp, or
00:18:16.240 you got to be careful a little bit more with females because they might interpret it as flirting,
00:18:19.980 but you get the point. Try to strike up conversations so that you get the creative
00:18:25.660 juices flowing and you begin to communicate with other people. And then I would say as a last thing
00:18:29.800 is if you are communicating with other people, especially employee, professional relationships,
00:18:33.500 ask them what they heard from you. Ask for their feedback. Hey, I shared this task and this project
00:18:38.960 and assignment that I wanted you to complete. Are there any confusions or misunderstandings about it
00:18:42.700 or additional questions that you have? They might say no. Say good because I'm really trying
00:18:47.020 to improve the way that I communicate with you. And I would like some feedback if you don't mind.
00:18:52.160 How am I in communicating with you? How clear am I? How easy is it to understand what it is I'm
00:18:57.980 actually after? And then be receptive to that. Don't defend it. Don't justify whatever they say.
00:19:03.340 Just listen. Say, oh, good. Thank you. That's helpful feedback from me. I'll work on that.
00:19:07.340 And then you can ask them again and you can get better at proving these things. But guys,
00:19:11.340 it's crucial. It's crucial. And I want all of us to win. I wrote a book last year,
00:19:17.780 The Masculinity Manifesto, How Man Establishes Influence, Credibility, and Authority. And a big part
00:19:23.000 of that is the way that we communicate with others, the clarity of our own desires and goals and dreams
00:19:28.100 and ambitions, and the way that we articulate those goals, desires, dreams, and ambitions
00:19:32.380 to other people to enlist them in what it is that we're after. I hope that helps. I hope that serves
00:19:38.120 you. If you have additional thoughts and ideas, please feel free to share those with me. Share them
00:19:43.120 on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter. Email me, ryan at orderman.com. I'm going to be sure to get back with
00:19:48.300 you. I value your feedback. I value you guys being here. And I think all of us, myself included,
00:19:54.400 can do a better job of clearly articulating what it is we're after. Guys, we'll be back next week.
00:20:00.920 Until then, go out there, take action, be bold, be clear, be decisive, and become the man you are
00:20:07.680 meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of
00:20:12.540 your life and be more of the man you are meant to be, we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.