Be Less Insecure ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
Episode Stats
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Summary
In this episode, I discuss 5 things you can do to be less insecure and more secure in your financial resources and in your relationships with women, family, friends, and co-workers to help you be a better man.
Transcript
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purge all of it purge the booze from your house purge the access to pornography those people that
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you're following that don't make you feel good about who you are and how you're showing up i
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don't care if you're quote unquote supposed to follow them even me if you follow me and every
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time you see something i post and you wonder yourself why don't i have what ryan has block
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me delete me unfollow unsubscribe create systems create processes if you want a resource on that
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go look at james clear's book atomic habits you're a man of action you live life to the fullest
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embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path when life knocks you down you get back up one more
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time every time you are not easily deterred or defeated rugged resilient strong this is your
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life this is who you are this is who you will become at the end of the day and after all is said and
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done you can call yourself a man men today i want to talk with you about being less insecure
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uh as i talk with men who listen to this podcast you send me messages and send me emails and even
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the interactions i have on a daily basis with people in proximity to me uh it had become readily apparent
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that there are a lot of men who are very insecure uh they're insecure with the relationship they have
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with women they're insecure with regards to their finances to the way that they feel to the way they show
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up and the problem with being insecure is that you are less relevant as a man not only are you not
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showing up fully for your family for your kids for your clients and colleagues and co-workers but you also
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feel inferior and it's likely that if you feel any sort of insecurity in your life you're not achieving the
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level of fulfillment satisfaction and purpose that you desire so i want to talk with you about five
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things that you can do uh that are maybe a little not counterintuitive necessarily but that you may not
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obviously know that will help bolster and improve your level of security and comfort with yourself
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this is very much in alignment with our concept of sovereignty which is being free being free of financial
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constraint of emotional constraint of emotional constraint spiritual constraint the dictates of
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others the whims of the doctrine of popular culture and making decisions for yourself and on your own
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so without any sort of other announcements or anything like that let's get right into it today and
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i can tie some resources that we have into it number one is man we need to become financially free
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we are enslaved to debt most people most men are enslaved to creditors we are at the whims and
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the mercies of the markets we're at the whims and the mercies of what our employers may or may not do
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and and some of us will say well you know my job i have a secure job or i don't have a secure job
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it's it's deeper than that it's the fact that if your boss makes a dumb decision because he's an
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idiot or a moron that you are actually subject your financial prosperity is subject to the decisions
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that he makes are are you okay with that and if you don't have money in the bank account and you don't
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know how to manage your finances and you don't know how much money's coming in versus how much going out
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you have no discipline regarding your spending or your purchasing are you really going to be secure
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with your life of course not of course you're going to be easy uneasy excuse me of course you're going to
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be frustrated with your lack of financial provision of course you're going to play the victim card when
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opportunities financial opportunities pass you by because you're not in a position to take advantage of
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them and look i'm not casting stones i've been there i've been in situations more in my life where
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i wasn't making any money i couldn't even rub two nickels together and then every time i saw somebody
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else succeeding financially i thought it i was the victim i thought it was at the expense of somebody
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else or people were getting theirs and i wasn't getting mine and what i realized is that's not the case i was
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just not making great decisions now granted if you're young sometimes it just takes time to build
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wealth and part of that is is a factor of the equation but unless you know where your money's
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going and you're prudent with your decisions and you're intelligent about how you deploy your financial
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resources and and not acquiring debt and not paying for unnecessary things and not living a lavish
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lifestyle that you have not yet earned of course you're going to be uneasy i think it's better that
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you don't go spend money that you don't do the lavish trips or the lavish purchases and vacations and
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the expenses that come up you don't need to impress me you don't need to impress your family or your
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friends or colleagues or co-workers most people just don't care and even if you show up with that new
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95 000 truck people are going to think you're cool for about 20 minutes until they get wrapped up and
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consumed in their own lives and here you are burdened with an 800 a thousand a 1200 car payment think about
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that for a second a 1200 truck payment bro that's a mortgage you you could find a property and and buy it
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with 20 000 and create some additional revenue and rental income and you spend it on a depreciating
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asset something that cost you 95 000 and the minute you drive it away it's now worth 75 000 and then you
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paid 105 000 for it because of of interest and then when it's all paid off it's now worth 25 000
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and in what universe is that a prudent decision of course it's not a prudent decision it's a dumb
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decision be smart with your money be smart with your economic resources and by the way the the more
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intelligent you are with those resources the more that you're going to develop and build those
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resources and the more abundance and prosperity will be given to you all right number two you need
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to be physically fit we talk about this all the time you have to get your diet in check get your
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nutrition in check get your sleep in check be training on a daily basis i do strength training
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the last three weeks i've been doing a bit more running because i'm dedicated to participating in some
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running events later in the year but i train every day and i i've even got a treadmill back here that
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when i'm on phone calls throughout the day i jump on my treadmill and i get my steps in
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because training is important i wake up at five thirty every morning i go train i go work out i go get my
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run in and because it's important it's important that i can use my body it's important that i
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do something difficult early in the morning it's important that i show that level of discipline to
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myself and when i do not only do i look better physically but i just feel better because i
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showed up and i did what i said i was going to do and that's the bottom line men all of you know to
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work out you've been listening to this podcast some of you for 10 years now and have heard me talk
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about this ad nauseum and yet some of you don't do it and you'll question why don't i feel good about
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myself and by the way it isn't about how you look i mean sure that's a component of it but it's the
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work that you do the way you look is just the inevitable result of the work that you've done
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so if you're overweight yeah you're carrying 45 50 60 100 pounds extra on your body at all times
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of course you're not going to be very secure with who you are your clothes aren't going to fit right
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you're going to worry about what people think of you you're not going to be interested in
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approaching women you're certainly not going to be interested in initiating sex with the woman
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that's in your life because you're worried about how you look and you're worried about how you feel
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and you're worried about the way that she might perceive you and probably for some of you she's not
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off base and that terrifies you and it ought to terrify you but the question is what are you going
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to do about it the answer is get yourself in check physically all right number three dress and look
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good and whenever i i say this i'm always met with a bunch of guys these are losers these are guys who
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don't think their appearance matters these are guys who don't understand the value of influence
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these are the guys who live in fantasy land but don't really deal in in reality that say well the way i
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look shouldn't matter well it does okay like you can complain about the way you look and you shouldn't
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judge a book by its cover and uh you know i wish more people were accepting and people shouldn't judge
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like that's all fairy tale bullshit the reality is people judge people are looking at you what are you
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wearing what how is your beard groomed like what does your hair look like what does your style and
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your fashion say about you what is the way that you uh communicate say about who you are how are you
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presenting yourself what does your vocabulary look like what is your cadence and tone and pitch um how
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how clear are you with your message all of this stuff matters and if you say it doesn't you're either lying
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or you're leaving a lot of room on the table for influence and all of us as men should be developing
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influence i actually want to be influential now some people might say well that's not a virtuous
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you you want to be influential i can't believe you like because they think it's some sort of external
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validation for me no it's not it's the fact that i care about people the more influential i am the
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better off that i can serve people and not to be blasphemous here or even compare myself to but
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if you take somebody like jesus christ i don't think he would disagree with that
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christ would suggest that we all develop a level of influence righteous moral influence
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so that we can bring people to lead and live a better life isn't that what you want and so if you
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mope around and you show up in sweats at the airport and uh you go to your job with wrinkled clothes or
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you have maybe maybe you're a professional maybe you're a cpa or a physician or an attorney and you
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show up in you know a pair of jeans and a wrinkled old gross polo shirt
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like do you think people are going to take you seriously and also are you going to take yourself
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seriously i had a coach and i've shared this many times on this podcast when i was in high school and
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we were playing baseball we always had the best uniforms the the best of the best every year it was
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a new uniform we as players were required to pay for them and or raise funds to help ourselves pay
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for those or help other players who needed to pay for them and we always had the newest and the
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latest and the greatest uniforms and we always looked awesome and our coach would say if you look good
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you play good and that's true if you're lean and tone and strong and you're wearing clothes that are
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intentional and deliberate regarding the message that you want to communicate to people
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and you're dressed for the occasion and you're respecting and honoring the places and circumstances
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you find yourself in of course you're going to feel better about yourself and you're not going to
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feel so weird or insecure have you ever showed up to a party underdressed tell me how you feel
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you don't feel great you feel awkward you feel out of place but if you go dressed not to the nines
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i'm not saying you need to wear a three-piece suit everywhere you go but if you have the right
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attire and you're respecting the environment that you're in don't you automatically feel better about
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yourself and when you do what kind of conversations are you having what kind of connections are you
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making what kind of relationships are you forging of course better ones than showing up to the gala and
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sweats and crocs and an old baggy t-shirt that's wrinkled and has full of holes that you've had for the
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past 25 years because that shirt is good luck don't do that take care of yourself look good look
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the part honor the people and the circumstances you find yourself in front of all right number four
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i said remove insecurities here a little bit of a circular logic but let me tell you what i mean
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what i mean is that there's vices that all of us have maybe it's alcohol abuse which it has been
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for me in my past uh in in my past several years uh maybe it's pornography addiction maybe it's
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addiction to social media maybe it's an addiction to certain people that you compare yourself to when
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you feel inferior when you see those people purge that purge all of it purge all of it purge the booze
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from your house purge the access to pornography those people that you're following that don't
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make you feel good about who you are and how you're showing up i don't care if you're quote unquote
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supposed to follow them even me if you follow me and every time you see something i post and you
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wonder yourself why don't i have what ryan has block me delete me unfollow unsubscribe i don't i don't
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really want you to be insecure because you happen to be following me or joe rogan or jocko
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willink or any number of people that even i follow and sometimes catch myself falling into
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comparison trap against there's people that i've just purged i've just blocked it's not anything
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against them i like them i i think they're doing great things but i don't feel good when i see their
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stuff because i am comparing myself to them i wasn't feeling good when i drank because i knew i should be
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doing more i don't feel good when i'm lazy or when i sleep in or when i slack off or i eat a bunch of
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junk food around the house because i know that's not in alignment with the kind of man that i have a
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desire to be and some people might say well it's weakness you can't just uh fight against those
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temptations why would i do that why would i purposely introduce temptations into my life whether
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it's pornography or alcohol or bad food or bad people just to prove that i'm capable of
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fighting against it that's ridiculous that's silly the best thing that you can do is not have to use
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any sort of brain power to fight against these things but just not to allow those temptations
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into your life at all when i don't have alcohol in the house that's a pretty good thing when i'm not
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tempted by pornography that's a pretty good thing when i'm not tempted by people that i can compare
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myself to and fall into a comparison trap that's a pretty good thing when i'm not spending time with
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losers and people who get me to feel sorry about myself or my station in life that's a pretty good
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thing so i'd rather deal with it ahead of time than have to deal with the willpower required to fight
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against the things i know are not conducive and constructive to my own well-being
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create systems create processes if you want a resource on that go look at uh james clear's book
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atomic habits and i i can't remember exactly what he says but you know everybody talks about motivation
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is not being a superior way of of getting what you need um and i would agree with that and most people
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say discipline is better i think it is better than motivation at least it lasts longer but even
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discipline is fleeting we know scientifically it's been proven through studies that our willpower is like
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a like the gas tank in a vehicle the more you drive the more gas you burn and the more you have to
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exercise willpower the less you have of it until you're able to recharge or refuel
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so why would i exert a bunch of willpower on doing or fighting against things i know i've committed
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to not doing just create systems and then i can take that willpower and deploy it towards something
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that's going to help me be more secure and produce greater benefits for myself and the people that i love
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to me being a man of conviction means that you're willing to do what you say you're going to do
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are you convicted in your beliefs so if you say you're going to wake up at 5 a.m
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are you a man of conviction or are you a liar i've been both and i am every day i'm not saying i'm
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perfect by any means every day i'm a little bit of a liar and i'm a little bit of a man of conviction
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my objective and my goal is to be more of a man of conviction than i was yesterday
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so if i say i'm going to wake up at five damn it i'm going to wake up at five
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if i say i'm going to follow through on a task or an email or a commitment or an assignment or a
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letter or a podcast or whatever it might be then damn i'm going to do everything i can to make sure
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that gets done and when i fall short and i do i make amends i apologize if other people are affected
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by it and i recommit to the standard of conviction
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the more that i am in alignment with myself and the more i hold myself accountable and the more that
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i honor my own word and do not betray myself the more secure i am and the less relevant other
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people's opinions of me become and isn't that the point i i want to be a sovereign man i don't want to
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be subject to the whims of other people i don't want to be subject to the way people might ask me to
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i don't want to be validated by my kids or a woman or a boss or my friends i'm not interested in that
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i'm interested in knowing that i'm doing all that i can do to be the man that i want to become because
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i know what that looks like and i'm doing these five things i'm financially free i'm physically fit
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i'm dressing the part i'm looking good i'm removing the insecurities and temptations in my life
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and i'm working on becoming a man of conviction when you do that you will be unstoppable
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for those of you who have self-esteem issues and confidence issues this is the way this is the path
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simple not always easy simple do these five things daily how are you becoming more financially free
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you paying off debt tracking your money refraining from buying things you don't need did you work out
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did you train today if you didn't go do it are you dressing and looking good are you working on your
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vocabulary you look working on your wardrobe um are you working on your grooming are you seeing what's
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in trend and what's in style or are you just completely oblivious to it and you don't give a
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rat's ass about it are you shutting off the temptations in your life are you acknowledging
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what you're susceptible to if you can't acknowledge that you can't shut it off be honest it's a porn
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is it substance abuse to certain people certain behaviors access to the internet like what what's the
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issue whatever it is figure it out and then come up with a plan to to remove that temptation and last
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is be convicted it's easy to run our mouths and spout off about things we want to do it's
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significantly harder to actually do them but that's what it means to be a man of conviction that your
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actions are aligned with your words and thoughts i hope that serves you guys if you have other thoughts
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on this please let me know shoot me an email shoot me a direct message on instagram at ryan michler m-i-c-h-l-e-r
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and also share this if there's a friend that you know who's struggling and having a hard time and needs to
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improve in his life then share this with him and hopefully together you can become more secure which
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ultimately means that you'll be able to serve more people in your life and you'll that will lead to a path
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of satisfaction and fulfillment in yours it's purpose and isn't that what we all want to feel
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valuable to have purpose and to serve other people that's the core of what it means to be a man at least
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from where i sit all right guys we'll be back next week for our interview until then go out there
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take action be less insecure and become the man you are meant to be
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thank you for listening to the order of man podcast you're ready to take charge of your life
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and be more of the man you were meant to be we invite you to join the order at order of man.com