Be Strong in a Weak World ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES
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Summary
As a man, it's our job to protect, provide, and preside over others. That's a noble calling, and it's worthy of the pursuit. But it's also important to develop the mental, physical, and emotional fortitude to deal with all that life has to deal you.
Transcript
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stop complaining. Just stop. I know things are hard. I know things can be challenging. I know
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life doesn't always go your way. I know you might find yourself in a really uncomfortable situation.
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I know the hike that you might be on might be hot. I know that your boss might be an asshole.
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The more you complain, the more you validate your weakness. You're justifying and rationalizing
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why you're not doing what you want to be doing. You're telling yourself it's hard. You're making
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it harder than it needs to be. Man, we don't complain. You're a man of action. You live life
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to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down,
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you get back up one more time. Every time. You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged.
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Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
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Man, as you may know, we live in a world of increasing weakness, increasing softness,
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and fortunately, in the ease of our modern times, we've been able to get away with it
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for the most part. But when we're confronted with something challenging or something confrontational
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or maybe even a life and death situation, you're going to find out very quickly
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if you're prepared to deal with all that life has to deal you. I get so frustrated when I see
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so many people taking the path of least resistance and believing that nothing's ever going to happen
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or finding themselves in a very dangerous and wanting position when it does. And I'm talking about
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divorce, loss of a loved one, medical complications, losing a job, getting into a car accident, getting sued.
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There are so many things that can happen to us. And unless we develop the mental, physical, and emotional
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fortitude to deal with these things when they arise, we will be wanting and will also ensure that the people
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we love and care about, our friends and family members and communities and neighbors, are going to be
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in a bad position as well. So today, I'm going to share with you five things that you can do to strengthen
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your mental, physical, and emotional resilience and toughness. And we're going to address those things
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because as a man, it's our job to protect, provide, and preside. That's a noble calling. It's worthy of the
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pursuit. None of us have it completely figured out, but it is something that we all ought to pursue. And only strong
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men can pursue that fully. So we'll get into that in a minute. Before I do, I do want to mention my good
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All right, guys, let's get into this. I'm sorry. I thought I had my notes pulled up here. Let me move
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this around a little. What happened to my notes? There we go. All right. The reason that this came
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up for me is I had a really interesting conversation, so to speak, on Instagram the other day. Not really
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a conversation, just everybody yelling at each other and shouting over each other and everything
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else. And this woman had made a comment. I had made a comment about men in women's locker rooms
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and this person who, a man trying to swim with the women's swim team in college. So I'd made some
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comments about women need to stand up for themselves. I mean, that's the reality of it. You know, men do
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as well. But the reality is, is that unless women stand up for their sports, they're going to continue
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to have this happen. And two things can exist at once. Men ought to step up and do what we need to do
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to keep the women in our lives safe. And also, you know, women, you need to step up too. And I said
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something about the concept of equality and wanting equal rights, and that's all fine and great. But
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sometimes when it comes to responsibility, it's like all of a sudden the tune changes. So I'd made
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some comments about that. And this woman, I assume, she said that my language was abusive language.
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Nothing about what I said was abusive. I wasn't mocking or belittling anyone. I wasn't verbally
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abusing anyone. It wasn't anything with that. But this is the kind of stuff that you hear when we
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grow into this increasingly soft and weak society. The other one you often hear is, words are violence.
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No, they're not. They're words. Violence is violence. If somebody's doing something to you,
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or I would say maybe words can be violent if somebody's actively calling for violence towards
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you. Okay, I would lump that into that category. But for the most part, words are not violent.
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For the most part, words are not abusive. They can. But I think it's really important that we
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acknowledge that not everything is a big deal. And not everything is dramatic as it needs to be.
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There's a real problem with people getting increasingly weak. And then what ends up happening,
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and I think this is part of the grand design, is that we as weak citizens need to then what?
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Rely on big daddy government. And that's the point. Make you weak, make you desperate, make you broke,
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make you pathetic, make you cowardly. Don't allow you guys to band as men and people together in
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communities because the more the government can keep you weak and soft and pathetic, the more easily
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manipulated you are. So that is the antithesis of what we talk about here when it comes to protect,
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provide, preside. We're looking for strength. So let's get into it. Number one is you are not in
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today's society required to be strong. And that's the first thing that all of us as men need to
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acknowledge and recognize is not only are we not required to be strong because other institutions
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and the government will come in and quote unquote rescue us from our problems, but there are people,
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and I just alluded to this, and institutions and governments who are actively working against you,
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they want you to be weak. An example of that would be Big Pharma. Big Pharma is not interested
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in solving your problems. They're not interested in making you healthy. They're interested in selling
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you a pill that you can buy for the rest of your life so that they can make their money. And I'm a
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capitalist. I believe in free markets. What we have is not a free market. So please don't think that
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what we operate in currently, I believe is free. It's not. Crony capitalism at best, but significantly
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worse when you start to get these governments involved in our day-to-day affairs and how we
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conduct economy in our business. That's beside the point. But there are institutions actively working
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to make you weak. So if you're going to be a man, then you need to wrap your mind around the fact that
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you're going to do something that is not easy, convenient, comfortable, or common for other people.
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Everybody's used to being sedated. Everybody's used to all the processed foods. Everybody's used to just
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sitting their fat asses on the couch and watching TV and playing video games all the time. Everybody's
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used to you just being kind of sad, pathetic, and mediocre. You have to make a conscious decision,
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and it takes time, and it takes energy, and it takes an investment in yourself to be strong. But I
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hope because you listen to this podcast, you understand that if you are to fulfill your mission
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as a man, a father, a husband, a leader in your community, an owner of your business, if you are to
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be an asset, then you need to buck the current system, the status quo. I remember when years ago,
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when I was doing a lot of Spartan races, I'd have people mock me because I can't believe you pay to go
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do this hard and difficult thing. Well, of course I would. I can't believe you wouldn't. I'm willing
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to invest in myself. I'm willing to push. I'm willing to see what I'm capable and made of because
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I realize that if I do, the one day where something goes wrong, all those people who complained or
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griped or moaned or mocked me for doing something hard are the same people who are going to look to
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me to solve their problem, to rescue them financially, to get them out of a difficult pickle
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or situation, asking me for advice on how to have a hard conversation with other people. And I'm happy
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to do that because I want to be an asset, but it's a little bit ironic that the people who complain
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and gripe and moan and mock are the same people who are kind of pathetic and weak when the rubber meets
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the road. Guys, make a decision today that part of your core, part of your standard operating system,
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part of the way that you live life is that you're going to be a strong man mentally, physically,
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and emotionally. And we'll talk a little bit more about that in a bit. Number two, stop complaining.
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Just stop. I know things are hard. I know things can be challenging. I know life doesn't always go
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your way. I know you might find yourself in a really uncomfortable situation. I know the hike
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that you might be on might be hot. I know that your boss might be an asshole. I know that your
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wife maybe is not giving you all the attention you feel like you deserve. I get it. I understand.
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And there's some valid points to all of that, but stop complaining. The more you complain, the more
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you validate your weakness. You're justifying and rationalizing why you're not doing what you want to
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be doing. For example, if you're on a hike and I have to hear and listen to you cry and complain
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the entire hike, you're telling yourself it's hard. You're making it harder than it needs to be.
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Man, we don't complain. Now, we can acknowledge that our circumstances and that there's challenges that
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we're dealing with, but the difference between complaining and addressing those is having a solution.
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Or if you don't have a solution, at least be working towards creating a solution. Damn, if I don't hear
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men on a daily basis, just gripe and moan and bitch about every little thing they possibly can.
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These are weak people. They see life as something that's happening to them. It's working against them,
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conspiring to their downfall. That's not what life is about. I think for the most part,
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most of the circumstances we find ourselves in are pretty amoral, neither conspiring against you
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or for you. It's just what you make of it. So yeah, your boss isn't the best boss in the world.
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What are you going to do about it? Your wife and you don't have a great relationship right now.
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Maybe she's being a bit moody with you or it's been a year and it's been a rough year between you
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two. Okay. Damn, don't complain about it. Fix it. Acknowledge what's going on and fix it. Maybe the
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economy, maybe the president, maybe this, maybe that, maybe you're dealing with some medical or
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health conditions or whatever. Change your mindset to that of just acquiescing to the weakness and
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the softness to, hey, you know what? I'm going to confront this the way a man I want to be would
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confront it. I'm going to start coming up with solutions. I'm going to start investing in myself to
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fix my own problems. I'm going to surround myself with other good men who are strong and bold and
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capable and don't complain. Also don't get into gossip and nonsense because that actually makes
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you weak. It's, it's actually worse than you complaining because now you're leveraging what
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everybody else is feeling and experiencing and you can't control that. So if you surround yourself
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with a bunch of complainers and people who gossip and make stories up and make things harder than
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they need to be in life, you're going to feed off of that and it's going to impact you in a negative
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way. Get rid of those influences, get rid of that own influence in your, in your mind of complaining
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all the time and start being more solution oriented. Number three, this one's going to rub people the
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wrong way, but I got to say it. We have to, as men, stop taking all of our advice from women and
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feminine men. And I know I hear the messages. Oh, I can't believe you'd say that. You're such a
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misogynist, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not saying that women don't have a really
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important role in society. And I'm not even saying that they can't offer us invaluable feedback.
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There's women in my life who I honor. I cherish. I respect. I want their opinion. I want their
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feedback. I have accountability from them. I love it. And also I don't get all of my advice from women,
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but society is building us as men into a more feminized version of who we could be.
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It's softness. And I'm not even saying that in this context in a negative way, but if you think
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about the general characteristics of women versus men, typically women are going to be more compassionate,
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more empathetic, more understanding, more kind, more nurturing. These traits are not bad. In fact,
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if anything, they're admirable. And we, as men can incorporate some of these traits into our lives,
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but if we don't get the healthy dose of the masculine on the other side of it, then we're
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just going to be soft, cowardly, little pussies, frankly. So what should we do? Well, you should start
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taking your advice from strong, bold, capable men. And generally speaking, what do these men do and how
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do they act? Well, they're strong. They're bold. They're assertive. They take risks. They confront
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challenges. They push each other. They hold each other accountable. They do not accept mediocrity
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and they're strong. Think about this for a second. You look at the rate of fatherless homes and how
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many boys are being raised without a father around. Couple that with the time they get to school,
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four, five, six years old. From that point forward until about the time they reach age 18, it's likely
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that almost exclusively the people they're spending the most amount of time with as a parental figure
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is a female school teacher. And if that's the case, then they're being conditioned to believe and act a
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certain way. And this is why you'll see so many men approach situations from a feminine perspective.
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Again, femininity, femininity, it's a hard word to say, is nothing wrong with it. But when men start
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acting overly feminine, then there's nothing to balance out the feminine approach to life and the
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masculine approach to life. Our job is to be masculine. Our job is to bring a set of characteristics
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and virtues to the table that women don't generally bring on their own. And alternatively,
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a woman's job is to bring those characteristics that a man doesn't generally possess to help round
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out the approach. The problem is, is when it's all feminine, every influence, every discussion,
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every conversation, every influencer, every person in your life is a woman. And you're taking all of that
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advice from them and you're going to start acting more feminine. Women will say that all the time.
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Why can't guys just get along? Because that's not what we do. Women are relational. That's wonderful.
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Men are directional. So of course, men are going to have more confrontation because we have things to
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do. And sometimes we can align ourselves with other people, but we're going to make sure that the guy
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standing next to us is going to push as hard as we are. And sometimes there's going to be somebody in
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the way. And through the nature of who we are as men and women, men, of course, are going to be more
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confrontational. So no, we're not always going to get along. And yes, we are going to compete. And
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yes, we are going to take risks that seem silly to women. You don't need to understand it. You need
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to, I would suggest, actually encourage it and foster it. Now there's unhealthy ways to do it.
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And I'm not saying that we take unnecessary risks at the expense of other people, or we do dumb things,
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or we run around picking fights or taking advantage of people. We could certainly go that route with our
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masculine characteristics. I'm talking about using those for the positive benefit of yourself and the
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people around you. So who are your male influences? Who are your brothers? Not just your biological
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brothers, but the men in your corner, your band of brothers. Who do you hang out with at work?
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What kind of podcast and information do you consume and listen to? Is it coming from the kind of men that
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you want to be? And if not, you probably ought to add that to your equation because short of saying
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you're going to pick it up by osmosis, you're definitely going to be influenced by the people
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who you're hearing the most from. So that's number three. Number four, do the uncomfortable thing.
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You know, there's a quote that's going around and I'll probably butcher it, but what you want most is
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found on the other side of discomfort, right? Or what you want most is found where you're least willing
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to look. Variations of that. I think that's true because we are biologically hardwired and conditioned
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to avoid the things that might put us in a dangerous and compromising situation, a vulnerable
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situation. So we shy away from those things. We don't go do the challenging Spartan race like I was
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talking about earlier. When there's an opportunity to speak in public, we don't do it because we don't
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want to be found out or feel dumb or ostracized from the group. So what do we do? We cower. We shy
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away. We miss those opportunities. And in the next breath, we say, oh man, I wish those opportunities
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would come to me. Well, they're there. They're available. They're present. The problem is you're
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not taking advantage of them because they're scary and they're uncomfortable. I would also suggest that a lot
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of the times I hear from guys who need to have a very difficult conversation with a spouse, for
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example, or a client or an employee or some sort of coworker or maybe even a boss or supervisor and
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they won't have it. But how many times have you had that situation where you need to have this
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conversation and you procrastinate and you put it off because you know it's going to be uncomfortable
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and difficult and scary and then you have it and it's like this burden has been unreleased from you.
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You've been unshackled from these chains that you put on yourself. Have the difficult conversation.
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So what does it look like in the three realms I'm talking about here? Again, physical, mental,
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and emotional. Physical is pretty easy. Get up, get your butt to the gym, go train jujitsu, go for a run,
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be active, sign up for one of these events, really challenge and push yourself physically. I think most men
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get that naturally. Whether they do it or not is a different story, but that one's a pretty easy one.
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Mentally, it's to push yourself into new areas. So this might be learning a new skill.
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Investing or engaging in a hobby or a pursuit or an activity that you know you're terrified of.
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For example, several weeks ago, we went skydiving. I don't like planes, number one, and I'm not
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particularly fond of heights. But this is something that we went and did. And that was hard for me
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mentally, but I had to figure out how to do it. Physically, it wasn't hard, but mentally, it was
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very difficult for me. This is the kind of thing I'm talking about. The more you can engage in those
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things that scare you and freak you out and make you feel uncomfortable, the better off you're going
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to be. So do those from a mental perspective. From an emotional perspective, how can you get
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stronger? I think the best thing that you can do is counter to what I hear a lot of guys talk about,
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even subconsciously, about be stoic. And by the way, there's a misconception about stoicism. We
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might get into that. Be stoic. Suppress your emotions. Don't bring it up. Don't talk about it.
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I disagree. I think what we ought to do is we ought to acknowledge how we're feeling. If you're feeling
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sad, that's okay. If you're feeling down or upset or hurt or angry or jealous or resentful,
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those are all okay. I've said this countless times. There's no negative emotions. People equate anger,
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for example, with negativity. I don't think it is. Now there's a difference because the way you react
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and respond to the emotion you're feeling could potentially be bad, right? So if I'm angry because
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something didn't go my way with work, for example, and I decide, you know what? I'm going to punch a
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hole in that wall or even worse, punch another person just because that's a improper response
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to the anger that I have. Why is it improper? Because it doesn't help me and it doesn't help
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anybody else. And that's how you know if it's proper or not. Alternatively, I could be mad about
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that situation. And instead of punching the wall, maybe I go for a walk. Maybe I go work out or a run.
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I do something physical that seems to help me. And then I come back to my desk and I start to
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analyze why that went south or why that went wrong. And anger is okay because it's going to drive me
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to doing something better. So anger is not wrong. But the problem is most guys don't want to be angry,
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for example. And so they think, I'm just not going to be angry. I'm just not going to be sad.
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I'm just not going to be hurt. Well, good luck with that because it's just not possible.
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Instead, what I would suggest from an emotional development of strength is start to sit with the
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way that you feel. And specifically, don't respond. See how long you can sit in your anger.
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See how long you can sit in your sadness or your sorrow. I'm not going to tell you to wallow in it
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because we want to come out of it at some point. But the other thing that I do, and I'll show you
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here, is I've got this journal right here. I've got this journal in my desk where if I'm feeling
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a way and I don't quite know how to process it, I'm not going to just stuff it down. I need to get
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rid of it. I need to, whether it's vocalize it or some way to externalize what I'm feeling. And so
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what I do is I just go ahead in here and I write down the way I'm feeling. No solution necessarily.
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No expectation that I need to walk away with a perfect answer. But getting it out of my head
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and getting it down onto paper externalizes it. And it really, a lot of times, makes it less
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relevant. I found myself being upset or frustrated about something and I write it down and all of a
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sudden it seems less important than it did before I got it out of my head. So sit with the way you
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feel. Don't suppress. Don't stuff it down. Externalize it. Sit with it. And certainly don't
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respond until you're ready to appropriately respond to the way that you're feeling. These
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are the ways that we get strong physically, mentally, and emotionally. And guys, the last
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thing here is you just have to practice being bold and assertive. Again, I go back to having
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a difficult conversation or maybe even setting and establishing boundaries or having an opinion.
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How many of you have an opinion but you're unwilling or at least you're afraid to express
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that opinion because you're worried about how you might be perceived or how somebody might
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take it? You're not responsible for that. What I will say is you're responsible if you're
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communicating with other people for delivering your feedback or your opinion in a respectful,
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proper way. That's one thing you don't hear a whole lot about when we talk about these
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conversations. Just say whatever you want to say and F what everybody else thinks. I don't
00:24:07.940
think that's appropriate either. Because for example, if I want to share an opinion with
00:24:12.200
my girlfriend or I want to share an opinion with my kids, if I yell at them about it or I
00:24:19.080
make them feel stupid about their opinion and how mine's better or mine's right, I'm undermining
00:24:25.640
my credibility and influence with them. And I want credibility and influence. Those people
00:24:29.960
matter in my life. So you can have an opinion. You can establish boundaries. But there's a tactful
00:24:36.760
way to do it. And that takes practice. And you'll learn through feedback of others what works,
00:24:42.540
what people respond to, and what they don't. But if you're not practicing being bold, being
00:24:47.620
assertive, not just in your words, but when you see problems, go fix them. If something
00:24:53.740
comes up at work, for example, and it's not getting done, step into it. Lean into that.
00:25:01.780
We talked about opportunities earlier. Those opportunities will come up to the person who
00:25:05.640
takes initiative. Now, we as men are problem-solving machines. I should say problem-identifying
00:25:12.620
machines. I don't know if we're problem-solving machines by default, but problem-identifying,
00:25:17.060
absolutely. So everywhere you go, you're going to see, oh, that's a problem, that's a problem,
00:25:21.140
that's a problem. This should be addressed. This should be dealt with. Well, that's an
00:25:25.720
opportunity for you. So you start to figure out how you're going to deal with it appropriately
00:25:30.040
and be the kind of man that you want to be, and you'll be presented with more opportunities.
00:25:34.820
So men, that's how you get stronger. That's how you develop strength. That's how you overcome
00:25:40.540
the weakness of modernity by doing these things. Again, realize it's a choice that you have to make
00:25:47.280
to be strong. Number two, stop complaining. Number three, stop taking all of your advice
00:25:51.780
from females and from feminine men. Number four, do the uncomfortable thing physically,
00:25:58.280
mentally, and emotionally. And number five, practice being bold and assertive. You do this
00:26:02.320
day in and day out, and you commit to being a strong man, you will be a strong man, and you will
00:26:07.080
get stronger. People will acknowledge it, and more opportunities will be afforded to you,
00:26:11.140
and you will be the kind of man that your community, your family, your business, and every other
00:26:15.260
aspect of life need you to be. Guys, that's all I've got for you today. I hope you have a great
00:26:20.300
weekend. If you have other ideas on how to build up your mental, physical, and emotional strength
00:26:24.880
and fortitude, please share those with me on Instagram at Ryan Mickler. Take a screenshot, let
00:26:30.680
people know what you're listening to, and let's get the word of this grassroots movement, Order of
00:26:36.100
Man, of reclaiming and restoring masculinity out to the masses. Again, check out my friends over at
00:26:41.120
Montana Knife Company. And the last thing I want to tell you is I've got a new course that's
00:26:45.160
going to be coming out in Q4 called Divorce Not Death, where we're going to walk you through the
00:26:49.760
first 12 months of divorce and or separation and help you navigate all that you need to
00:26:55.520
navigate as you're dealing with this very difficult time. Not only am I going to be sharing some of my
00:27:00.420
own personal story and things I've learned over the past year and a half to two years, but I'm also
00:27:05.520
bringing experts in from legal experts to relational experts to financial experts to help those men
00:27:11.480
dealing with that navigate those difficult waters. If you want to know more about that, we're going
00:27:16.640
to have the website up here soon. But for now, go to orderofman.com and sign up for our email
00:27:21.040
newsletter. And I'll make sure that you are one of the first to be notified when that course is
00:27:26.080
available. Again, orderofman.com and sign up for that newsletter. All right, you guys, have a great
00:27:30.380
weekend. Go out there, take action, be strong, and become the man you are meant to be.
00:27:40.040
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
00:27:44.640
and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.