Order of Man - BEDROS KEUILIAN ｜ Be a Man, Be The Man

00:00:00.000 In popular culture, it's increasingly frowned upon to utter the phrases man up or be a man.

00:00:05.980 Now it's easy to misconstrue what those terms mean. And it's also very convenient to dismiss

00:00:10.640 them as some sort of misguided sense of masculinity. You know, without context,

00:00:15.800 anything can be painted as negative or toxic. But with context, we can see how powerful those

00:00:22.100 statements can actually be. My guest and friend, Bedros Koulian is back on the podcast to dissect

00:00:27.700 what those phrases mean and teach us how we can incorporate solid principles in our lives

00:00:32.360 and in the lives of the young men who are looking to us as an example. We talk about the value of

00:00:38.600 harvesting your own provisions, why brutally honest feedback is crucial to your success,

00:00:44.420 losing and regaining your sense of purpose. And of course, our responsibility to the generations of

00:00:49.720 men who will follow in our footsteps. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest,

00:00:54.540 embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down,

00:00:59.120 you get back up one more time. Every time you are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient,

00:01:06.180 strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become at the end of the day.

00:01:12.420 And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:01:16.740 Men, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler, and I am the host and the founder of the

00:01:21.840 Order of Man podcast and movement. It's good to be back in my studio. I've been traveling for

00:01:27.820 about a week, week and a half. I went and saw Bedros Koulian, who's my guest today,

00:01:31.960 and then spent some time in Texas with Evan Hafer with Black Rifle Coffee and Tim Kennedy.

00:01:38.140 So those podcasts will be coming out soon. So it was good. It was good to travel and see those guys

00:01:42.900 and be around other good men and have a good time and have these conversations that are valuable for

00:01:47.560 me just as much as I hope they're valuable for you. But it's also good to be back and back into

00:01:51.960 my schedule and to be able to release some of these conversations because that's what this podcast

00:01:56.080 is all about. So if you're new to the Order of Man movement, we're trying to give you the tools and

00:02:02.400 resources. And in this podcast, the conversations that you need to thrive as a man. So we've got a lot

00:02:08.900 of good plans as we start 2021. I hope it's going well for, for you guys. Before we get into the

00:02:15.880 conversation, I just want to mention very quickly that we've got a lot of new merchandise in our

00:02:21.040 store. We've got a couple of new shirt designs. We also, this is a very, very limited run. So if

00:02:27.500 you're interested, make sure you head over there very quickly. I've got signed copies of Sovereignty

00:02:32.500 and usually I do paperback. So we've got paperback signed copies, but I also have an even smaller run

00:02:39.480 of hard cover copies of Sovereignty and those will be signed. So if you're interested in a signed copy

00:02:48.120 of Sovereignty, which is the book I wrote about three years ago. Yeah. Three years ago, actually

00:02:53.720 in February, it'll be three years. Then head to our store store.orderofman.com. And also on the topic

00:03:00.580 of a book, it looks like we're going to be writing a new book that should be out later this year. So stay

00:03:06.640 tuned on that. But for now, check it out. If you want to support what we're doing, store.orderofman.com

00:03:12.020 is a great place to do it. And also, if you would please leave a rating and review of the podcast,

00:03:16.420 believe it or not, just a simple two minutes to leave a rating review goes a very, very long way

00:03:21.760 in promoting the podcast on the podcast charts. And of course, getting this message out to the men

00:03:28.980 and women who need to hear what we have to say. All right, guys, with that said, let me introduce you

00:03:33.560 to Bedros. A lot of you guys are familiar with him. I've been really looking forward to having

00:03:37.400 him back on the podcast. I met Bedros years ago, and frankly, I'm honored to call him a mentor and

00:03:44.600 a friend. As I said earlier, I was fortunate enough to go down and have him invite me to speak at one of

00:03:50.400 his programs called the Squire program a couple of weeks ago. And although you may know him for

00:03:55.520 founding and running Fit Body Bootcamp, which is one of the largest fitness franchises in the world,

00:04:00.260 you may not know about his programs for men and young men. And I wasn't real familiar until I went

00:04:05.400 down there either, but incredible, incredible programs are running. These are transformative

00:04:10.780 events. And I'm honored that I got to play just a very, very small part in what this incredible man

00:04:16.100 is doing in the lives of men and young men who attend his events. He's also an author. He's an

00:04:20.900 entrepreneur. Of course, he's a speaker. He's a podcast host of the empire podcast. And he is an

00:04:26.600 absolutely incredible man, friend and mentor. Bedros, good to see you and sit down with you.

00:04:34.060 Finally, we were talking about it yesterday that this is the first time we've met.

00:04:38.920 Yes, sir. First time we met in person. Yet it feels like it feels like we already know you and

00:04:42.440 I know who you are and what you're about. Right. Exactly. Yeah. No, I really appreciate the

00:04:46.160 opportunity to come out here and experience what you're doing with your Squire program. Thanks,

00:04:50.660 man. And by the way, thank you for speaking at it, pouring into those men. It was just an amazing

00:04:54.820 talk. I know I personally took away notes and they did as well. Good. That's great. You know,

00:04:58.960 you said something to me yesterday. You had said that what you'd done with Fit Body Bootcamp and all

00:05:04.100 your other businesses, well, obviously, I believe there's still passion there. You never thought

00:05:08.500 that it would be funding what you're doing with the project and also with the Squire program. That

00:05:16.380 was very interesting to me how you and your thought process has evolved and where it's come since you

00:05:21.140 started. Yeah. Yeah. So it was one of those things where, again, I told you how much it cost to just

00:05:26.900 insure one class of the project. Right. $26,000. Right. Yeah. And people go like, no, that's for

00:05:33.400 the year, right? No, that's for one class. That's it. Yeah. And, you know, stuff like that. And then

00:05:38.200 when you think about the logistics of the whole thing, it literally costs about a hundred grand to run

00:05:41.960 one class for us. And we do it very high end. Like they get a real nice Swiss watch at the end with the

00:05:47.280 project crest on it and all this stuff. But all that to say that if I was just going to start that

00:05:52.200 from scratch and maybe I would not have started something so elaborate from scratch, but Fit Body

00:05:57.220 Bootcamp, my franchise has allowed me to have this discretionary fund to be able to do things that I

00:06:03.140 feel I'm called for. And in this case with the project for men and then the Squire program for boys

00:06:09.280 and experiencing that rite of passage. And so, you know, now in part of my coaching of other

00:06:16.480 entrepreneurs, I'm like, look, it's one, have multiple income streams. We've learned that

00:06:21.360 through this whole COVID dilemma. Definitely. Yeah. People who've had multiple income streams

00:06:26.760 found that some of the streams died and others stayed the same and others might've just skyrocketed.

00:06:32.280 And I think that's a good point too, because you're also talking about a diversification in

00:06:35.860 income streams too, right? As opposed to all being in the same avenue or vein, all being subject to the

00:06:42.180 same type of risk. Correct. Exactly. Because if you've got four income streams in the same space,

00:06:46.280 and that space crashes, it's a fun way to become homeless. Yeah. And so diversification and

00:06:52.880 multiple income streams, but then really being mindful about what do you spend your money on?

00:06:57.280 Right? Like, sure, we can all go buy things and I'm not against things. Like I love having nice

00:07:01.340 houses and experiences, et cetera. But if you're cut from the cloth of service and you keep saying,

00:07:07.800 I'm going to wait until I make the next million before I start donating and giving. What if you just

00:07:14.340 didn't go buy that thing to flash with and instead donated and gave now? And so to me,

00:07:20.440 it's always been that. I've been, I've had the good fortune to have the self-awareness to realize

00:07:24.780 that I am wired, hardwired to serve and it feels good. And I've done that for as long as I can

00:07:33.140 remember. And it's just a great feeling. Yeah.

00:07:34.880 I think people, whether it comes to, if it's service or starting a business or doing a podcast

00:07:40.740 or any number of things that anybody could do or have interest in, I think one of their biggest

00:07:44.520 concerns is because they may not be able to do it to the level that they want today,

00:07:50.380 that it's not even worth starting.

00:07:52.980 That's exactly what it is. Yeah.

00:07:54.740 I felt that way 11 years ago and 11 years ago, we started donating to gosh, 12 years ago now,

00:08:02.180 Shriners Children's Hospital. And we did that because a friend of mine, Jim Sia, he at the time

00:08:09.600 was a Miami police officer and he worked on the narcotics department, single father and his child,

00:08:17.840 his son had spinal issues and his son's in a wheelchair. And I said, Jim, how do you on a cop's

00:08:24.380 salary? How do you pay for all the medical procedures? As your son gets older every year,

00:08:29.940 the wheelchair has to get bigger.

00:08:32.220 Oh yeah.

00:08:32.680 Right. And just like when he told me the price, like 13 grand for a wheelchair, it's not cheap.

00:08:39.620 He goes, you know what, if it wasn't for Shriners Children's Hospital, I don't know what I would have

00:08:43.420 done. I had never heard of Shriners. And I remember thinking like, man, I got to donate something to it.

00:08:48.440 But at the time, 12 years ago, we're kind of just getting on our feet with our franchise and,

00:08:52.260 you know, credit cards are maxed out.

00:08:54.960 Sure. Yeah.

00:08:55.880 I was like, well, I could probably just donate maybe 50 bucks.

00:08:59.180 But I didn't. Six months later, it was eating away at me still. Like, why didn't I donate that 50 bucks?

00:09:05.100 Could it have bought something? Could I have donated 50 bucks three more times since? Right.

00:09:09.420 And so after six months of having it eat away at me, I realized that just donate what you can

00:09:14.500 and start the consistent habit. Right.

00:09:17.340 And then the 50 becomes 55, becomes 100, becomes thousands. And now we're seven figures in donating

00:09:23.380 to Shriners. We're partnered with Shriners. Our franchise now with every web special you buy

00:09:27.920 with our Fit Body Bootcamp workouts, you know, like two or three bucks of it goes to Shriners. And

00:09:32.480 that wouldn't have happened if I just waited, like, I can't wait to donate a million bucks or a hundred

00:09:37.640 grand or whatever. Right.

00:09:38.840 Because you always have other things to do with your money.

00:09:40.780 Of course.

00:09:41.260 Right.

00:09:41.840 Of course.

00:09:42.640 It's reality.

00:09:44.180 So, I mean, obviously there's benefits in service and donating and giving and being charitable.

00:09:51.860 You know, there's obviously benefits for the recipient.

00:09:54.340 Sure.

00:09:54.680 But there's also benefits for the giver too, right?

00:09:58.540 I think there's a lot to be said for an abundance mentality. I think there's a lot to

00:10:04.500 be said for the actions that you're taking that say, I have so much so that I can actually

00:10:12.280 give to other people now, which I actually think is part of the definition of being a

00:10:16.220 man.

00:10:16.760 Sure.

00:10:17.060 Is not only can you take care of yourself, but you have the capacity to take care of other

00:10:20.580 people.

00:10:21.040 Yeah.

00:10:21.500 Yeah.

00:10:22.060 And that is, again, we share in that definition and what a man is and should be.

00:10:26.620 And going back to what you said there, the act of giving definitely produces an amazing

00:10:34.060 outcome to whatever you're giving to, the church, the cause, the charity.

00:10:38.340 There's a selfish benefit to that as well in that all men seek out significance and fulfillment.

00:10:46.400 All humans have this desire for significance and fulfillment.

00:10:51.060 In fact, the project, we have the four F-bombs that when they're in line, create the fifth

00:10:55.920 F-bomb, which is faith, family, fitness, finance, fulfillment.

00:11:00.220 If you have those four F-rocks or bombs in order, you're going to have a sense of fulfillment.

00:11:04.560 If you have a sense of fulfillment, you're not going to go out there doing stupid things,

00:11:09.480 whether it's pornography, alcohol, drug abuse, infidelity.

00:11:13.120 We starve for fulfillment and we look for it in shallow wells because we haven't done the

00:11:19.700 deep work to create it.

00:11:21.340 And if we can create that, so part of that fulfillment is with your family.

00:11:26.260 If you can donate a fund and go to a Shriners hospital, there's 23 of them now across Canada

00:11:32.440 and U.S. to go and see exactly how your money gets used.

00:11:36.100 And then to show your, man, imagine if my parents took me to a Shriners hospital early

00:11:39.760 on and like, look where our money's going.

00:11:41.620 Even if it was just 20 bucks, I would have started donating, contributing, programming

00:11:46.020 myself that not only do I need to make enough money for me and my family, now it's installed

00:11:50.560 in my fiber that I must also give and serve a charity, a cause.

00:11:54.740 And so that is a very selfish thing.

00:11:58.180 The feeling of having a selfish, this significance and fulfillment saves us from doing acts of

00:12:06.740 stupidity as men.

00:12:08.880 It's funny, you know, you say the term, you use the term selfish and it has a negative

00:12:13.760 connotation to it, right?

00:12:15.520 Like everybody thinks selfish, negative, but there has to be a little bit of selfishness

00:12:19.700 in life, especially as you're trying to find fulfillment or purpose, meaning, significance,

00:12:24.120 all these things you're talking about.

00:12:25.260 Because if you can't learn to take care of yourself, selfish with your time, your pursuits,

00:12:31.400 your energy, then you'll never have the capacity to serve Shriners or your family or whatever

00:12:36.240 cause or charity you may belong to or be interested in.

00:12:38.880 Yeah.

00:12:39.040 Later today, when you get on an airplane, they are going to tell you right before you take

00:12:43.960 off, they're going to tell you to be selfish in the event that the oxygen masks fall, be

00:12:49.300 selfish and put your mask on so that you can be a useful tool to the people around you who

00:12:56.840 maybe can't or are panicking or need to be calmed down.

00:12:59.960 But if, so yeah, selfishness, you're right.

00:13:02.260 It does have a real negative connotation.

00:13:05.260 And I guess for the most part, when we say, well, you're selfish, it's like, hey, you did

00:13:08.220 for yourself before you did for others.

00:13:09.720 But selfish is also, if your cup is full, let's have it overflow and serve others, right?

00:13:14.920 I think where it takes on that negative tone is when it comes at the expense of other people.

00:13:20.340 So if we were to use your analogy of the masks, you put your mask on and then you never help

00:13:25.420 anybody else with their mask.

00:13:26.480 That's selfish.

00:13:26.960 That's a problem.

00:13:27.360 Well said, well said, but that's what most people do, right?

00:13:30.600 Is, is, is they will put their own that in my head right now.

00:13:33.260 Some dude just puts it on.

00:13:34.220 He's like, I'm good.

00:13:35.340 Everybody's screaming.

00:13:36.320 You're good.

00:13:36.640 I'm good.

00:13:38.340 But no, I mean, I think that's what people do generally is we fall on one side of the

00:13:43.100 equation or the spectrum is we either are so consumed with helping and serving and giving

00:13:49.740 back.

00:13:50.120 And it comes at our own well, the expense of our own wellbeing, or we're overly selfish

00:13:55.220 and we only take care of our own needs and never get back, give back to other people.

00:13:58.960 So there's gotta be, I think that balance in there.

00:14:01.040 Yeah.

00:14:01.240 That is true.

00:14:01.960 That is true.

00:14:02.720 I like that you talked about, um, the, the fifth F bomb, I think is what you called it

00:14:07.120 fulfillment fulfillment because, uh, I know a lot of men are dealing with not having fulfillment

00:14:12.800 in their lives.

00:14:13.420 And so they look for it in those shallow wells, like you were talking about.

00:14:15.880 Is there a place where you would suggest, so let me make sure I get this right.

00:14:20.360 So faith, family, finances, and fitness.

00:14:23.100 Is there a place where you would suggest that a guy plug into, like, if you're going to start,

00:14:29.400 do this, go, go here first, and then you can hit the other areas.

00:14:33.500 Yeah.

00:14:34.080 The easiest place to have a sense of control is in yourself.

00:14:39.260 Like you can decide what time you wake up.

00:14:41.060 You decide what goes in your mouth.

00:14:42.540 You decide how active you're going to be because you might say, well, if you focus on the finance

00:14:48.540 rock or pillar, Hey man, if we're in an economy like this, maybe your business isn't going

00:14:54.940 to take off.

00:14:55.400 And you're like, I'm not getting that sense of fulfillment now, but you can wake up and

00:14:58.660 run.

00:14:58.880 In fact, I saw your post that you're here in town.

00:15:00.560 The gym is closed.

00:15:01.520 Yeah.

00:15:01.820 You had dumbbells and you did something there in your room on a towel.

00:15:05.980 Right.

00:15:06.320 Bam.

00:15:06.540 Knocked it out.

00:15:07.600 That's a W.

00:15:08.420 That's a sense of fulfillment.

00:15:09.500 It's a small piece of fulfillment, which allows you to now stack another one on top.

00:15:14.200 I do believe that the best place we can start is ourselves.

00:15:18.600 Because when you start feeling that sense of confidence by, look at that, I'm getting

00:15:22.580 stronger.

00:15:23.220 Oh my gosh, I'm getting faster.

00:15:24.420 Holy crap.

00:15:25.080 I'm not so self-conscious anymore because I lost my gut.

00:15:29.200 My pants feel better.

00:15:30.140 My clothes feel better.

00:15:31.240 Like you need that.

00:15:32.620 And you stack those wins.

00:15:34.060 You go, who else can I help?

00:15:35.240 And what else can I do?

00:15:36.520 And now you're going to serve your spouse.

00:15:38.200 You're going to serve your kids.

00:15:39.400 You're going to serve your community.

00:15:40.380 You're going to serve your team.

00:15:42.300 But it all starts here.

00:15:43.360 And I know that from firsthand experience because when I wrote Man Up, and I know you've had

00:15:46.960 this my third time on your show and I greatly appreciate that.

00:15:49.520 We talked about it.

00:15:50.300 That I was trying to be, I was trying to lead a company, start a franchise, yet I was fat

00:15:56.300 and out of shape.

00:15:57.160 I wasn't sleeping well at night.

00:15:59.060 All the things that I could control of me, I wasn't doing, yet I was trying to control

00:16:02.020 them.

00:16:02.900 What a hypocrite.

00:16:04.080 What a hypocrite.

00:16:05.140 Right.

00:16:05.420 And then how, could you imagine how much I felt like an imposter?

00:16:09.480 Yeah.

00:16:09.940 And you can't be as effective.

00:16:11.120 You know, it's funny you talk about that story, a mutual friend of ours, Andy Frisella,

00:16:15.680 very much the same.

00:16:17.060 You know, I think it was three, four, five years ago that we sat down for the first time

00:16:20.960 and he said almost identical to what you just said.

00:16:25.300 Yeah.

00:16:25.540 And that's when he started getting things back in check and dial it in.

00:16:28.480 And then he's since obviously helped tens, if not hundreds of thousands of people since

00:16:33.140 that own personal transformation of the 75 hard and all of that.

00:16:36.560 Yep.

00:16:36.980 So I can certainly agree with that.

00:16:39.120 You know, it's funny that you say that.

00:16:40.600 That's a great example.

00:16:41.700 And shout out to Andy on this because before he launched that, we were talking and this

00:16:48.320 is again when the world was, so this might've been like late 2017 or maybe 2018.

00:16:53.620 This might've been 2018 we were talking and he's like, Hey, isn't it funny?

00:16:56.700 You know, we're going to speak at a similar event, same event.

00:17:00.120 And he goes, Hey, I always know that like if I have a speaking gig that's coming up,

00:17:03.660 as long as it's about, you know, three months away, I can get it.

00:17:07.640 I can get a shape for it and I can be prepared for it and all this stuff.

00:17:10.540 Right.

00:17:10.760 We're just shooting the breeze on that.

00:17:13.240 And he goes, I think I'm going to create a program on that.

00:17:16.240 And that was like, yeah.

00:17:17.680 And I was like, dude, no kidding.

00:17:19.560 And he had kind of talked about, you know, here's kind of what it would look like.

00:17:23.680 Like, and it was so neat to see a year and a half go by and then bam, 75 hard was made,

00:17:29.440 you know, but it all, all great things start with the self.

00:17:32.380 Like the greatest work we can do is on ourself.

00:17:34.420 And he was inspired to create 75 hard because he saw the impact that change made on himself.

00:17:42.000 Right.

00:17:42.460 Like where, where else can you start?

00:17:45.120 It would be creating a bigger impact than yourself.

00:17:48.080 Cause you're a walking, talking billboard that the product or service or the thing works.

00:17:51.940 Yeah.

00:17:52.760 And not only that, we can't make these decisions in a vacuum, right?

00:17:56.400 So if you start to improve in one facet of your life, let's take fitness, for example,

00:18:00.480 how would that not impact positively other areas of your life?

00:18:03.620 Of course it is.

00:18:04.880 You know, I think Andy did something else with the, with the 75 hard program.

00:18:08.020 And I wanted to come back to something I saw yesterday to talk to you about on this is that,

00:18:12.620 yeah, it's going to help you get fit and strong and in shape, but it's a, it's a mental health program.

00:18:18.740 Right.

00:18:19.060 And so it's, you're changing your mindset because you're doing things that are hard and uncomfortable

00:18:23.600 and maybe even things you didn't think you could previously do.

00:18:26.620 So what's funny is we were, we were at your Squire program yesterday and there was a young

00:18:31.700 man who had gotten the, in the, uh, ice bath and you and I were standing next to each other.

00:18:36.660 And he was like, I can't, he said, like, he literally said, I can't do this.

00:18:41.280 Tears in his eyes.

00:18:42.300 He was cold, hyperventilating.

00:18:43.640 Like it was not going well.

00:18:45.420 And then we had the conversation about, you know, in the next three minutes though, he's

00:18:50.000 going to prove to himself that he can do something he didn't think that he could do.

00:18:55.440 And that's a powerful, powerful moment for him.

00:18:57.980 That was such a transformational moment.

00:18:59.540 And, you know, after you spoke, you were there a couple hours and we did the truck pull in

00:19:04.400 that ice bath.

00:19:05.020 And that's where you saw that last night at the graduation dinner.

00:19:08.760 He, uh, you know, we like to get feedback from all of them.

00:19:11.680 Like, what was their big takeaway or, you know, what would you want us to do?

00:19:14.920 Something different.

00:19:15.660 Can you just give us some feedback?

00:19:16.440 Right.

00:19:17.700 And, uh, he goes that ice bath, I want it to get out, but because I stayed into it, he

00:19:22.760 was, my heads are above the cloud right now.

00:19:24.800 Those were his words.

00:19:25.980 Yeah.

00:19:26.260 And his dad just looked at him and start tearing up because how do you create that

00:19:31.700 moment in any other way?

00:19:32.920 Yeah.

00:19:33.120 Okay.

00:19:33.260 You can do an ice bath at home or whatever, but he's going to be like, no dad, I'm not

00:19:36.220 going in.

00:19:36.720 But in that moment with peer pressure and we do need pressure as men.

00:19:39.820 Sure.

00:19:40.220 Pressure, you know, Tim Grover.

00:19:41.380 Pressure, right?

00:19:41.780 Yeah, Tim Grover says that pressure is a privilege, right?

00:19:44.400 And positive pressure.

00:19:45.520 Like, no one's like, hey, you're going to hold your head under the water, but you see

00:19:48.220 your peers doing it.

00:19:49.500 And then there was young William, that tiny little dude.

00:19:51.480 Yeah.

00:19:51.920 Like, well, he did it like a little savage.

00:19:53.400 So, you know what?

00:19:54.300 I guess I can too.

00:19:55.340 He didn't flinch.

00:19:56.140 Yeah.

00:19:56.740 Yeah.

00:19:56.980 Like, positive pressure has helped me do a lot of things that I would otherwise back

00:20:01.980 out of in life.

00:20:02.980 That's a good point.

00:20:04.040 You know, it's funny.

00:20:05.320 That young man that we were talking about, he actually reached out to me on Instagram

00:20:08.440 and he said something that I thought was really, really cool.

00:20:12.540 He said, he apologized to me.

00:20:14.960 He said, I'm sorry for the language I used in that video.

00:20:17.320 And I just thought, because he was pretty worked up.

00:20:22.160 Yeah, yeah.

00:20:22.480 He was pretty worked up.

00:20:23.120 And I thought, man, what a testament to his father.

00:20:27.160 What a testament to what you guys are doing.

00:20:29.420 That not only is he caring about putting himself in difficult circumstances, but he cares about

00:20:34.740 the way that he presents himself and the way that he shows up and has respect and reverence

00:20:38.600 for what he's doing.

00:20:39.780 And even himself, honors himself by saying that.

00:20:41.840 That was pretty impressive.

00:20:42.560 I mean, in that moment, knowing all you and I knew about him was, right, from that day

00:20:48.260 yesterday, in that moment, it's like, okay, that's interesting about his reputation.

00:20:52.260 He might be someone who's emotionally reckless and cusses like a sailor.

00:20:56.780 So instantly, we start judging people and you're supposed to, and that's okay to do.

00:21:01.520 I know it's like scary, don't judge people.

00:21:03.100 But yeah, he was setting the foundation for his reputation.

00:21:06.780 But by reaching out and saying, hey, man, I'm sorry for my language, I got worked up, gives

00:21:11.660 you a second chance to go, you know what, look at this guy, look at the depth of his

00:21:14.640 character for me.

00:21:16.120 Yeah, I mean, what a great lesson in being able to remedy and fix things.

00:21:20.100 And also, you know, we talked about that ice bath being three minutes.

00:21:23.360 I think about that with a workout, too.

00:21:24.840 You know, if you're sitting there and you're like, maybe you're 50 pounds overweight and

00:21:29.220 you're thinking to yourself, I just want to lose weight.

00:21:31.120 I want to be healthy.

00:21:31.880 I want to be strong.

00:21:32.660 I want to look good.

00:21:33.560 I want to have the self-confidence that comes with it.

00:21:35.600 And then you see the, you know, the bag of chips, or you know that you're going to have

00:21:41.560 to get up at 5 a.m. or 6.30 or whatever it is and do your workout.

00:21:46.640 Change happens in such a short period of time.

00:21:49.740 You can not eat the bag of chips.

00:21:52.040 You can forgo that for 30 minutes.

00:21:54.600 Like, you can do that.

00:21:55.340 Anybody can do that.

00:21:56.240 Anybody can do that.

00:21:56.760 Or you can get up and you can work out for 20 minutes, even if you don't want to.

00:22:00.920 And then the way that you feel after you do that is incredible, and it sets the foundation

00:22:05.780 for you doing it moving forward.

00:22:07.700 Bingo.

00:22:08.380 And it's such a short period of time.

00:22:10.460 We're not telling you to suffer forever.

00:22:12.620 Just go suffer for a half hour, and then you're done.

00:22:15.360 Do you think, because isn't it funny that we have more convenience at our fingertips, more

00:22:21.160 access to information with these cool little gadgets, yet we've gotten more unhealthy

00:22:26.600 and fatter and diseased than ever.

00:22:31.760 And I wonder if we've gotten access to too much convenience.

00:22:37.060 In other words, if too much convenience and access, because the hunt for good information

00:22:42.080 when, well, you've probably done through an encyclopedia before, right?

00:22:46.020 Yeah.

00:22:46.200 And so going to an encyclopedia, when you don't have Google to give you the answer of

00:22:51.220 how many people, the population of Switzerland, which I just happened to do because we're opening

00:22:55.400 up locations in Switzerland right now.

00:22:57.040 But, you know, to go to an encyclopedia and do that, when you do harder work to produce

00:23:02.500 an outcome, you are more in love with that outcome than if the outcome came easy.

00:23:10.060 Building a canoe versus buying a canoe.

00:23:11.860 You will take better care of that canoe that you built with your son.

00:23:14.960 Then if you went and bought a canoe that someone hand built.

00:23:17.940 Of course.

00:23:18.360 That's just how it is because you know the work you put in.

00:23:21.240 And I just wonder if this convenience has kind of crippled us.

00:23:27.000 Well, I think as men, we used to be stronger and harder and tougher and more resilient,

00:23:32.060 more gritty, just because we had to be like, or you would die.

00:23:36.040 Or you would die.

00:23:36.560 Those are the two choices.

00:23:37.980 You can get tough or you're literally going to die.

00:23:39.680 We're not faced with that anymore, right?

00:23:41.260 So what we need to do is we need to put ourselves in, voluntarily put ourselves in demanding and

00:23:48.720 difficult circumstances.

00:23:49.960 That's not an easy thing to do, but it has to be done because it's not going to be presented

00:23:54.520 any other way.

00:23:55.260 So going back to modern days, I'm going to ask you, when someone has the option of going

00:24:08.860 to the grocery store versus turning on the app and literally saying, I want the, I don't

00:24:17.560 know if you've used those grocery store apps, but it would literally say.

00:24:19.780 I live in such a rural area.

00:24:21.420 My wife showed me, you could say, I want bananas.

00:24:25.540 I want them organic or not.

00:24:27.200 Oh, we have done that.

00:24:28.280 Okay.

00:24:28.600 And how many go pick it up?

00:24:29.720 Yeah.

00:24:29.900 It has the images of like, do you want it super ripe with the little dots, like three

00:24:35.000 or four different pictures, like how ripe do you want it?

00:24:37.000 Do you want it kind of green?

00:24:37.860 So it'll ripen up on your counter and then they'll deliver it to you.

00:24:40.600 So when you have the opportunity of going in and picking it out yourself, and let's say

00:24:44.540 it was raining that day.

00:24:45.600 In other words, people, I think when we didn't have the choice of this stuff of technology

00:24:50.780 and convenience, if it's thunderstorming and you're like, dang, my kid needs medication.

00:24:55.760 You're going to have to go out in that thunderstorm and brave the weather and go into the store

00:24:59.900 and get that thing.

00:25:00.620 And when you come back and you take care of your kid, you're like, you know what?

00:25:03.580 Doggone it.

00:25:03.980 I'm a man.

00:25:04.540 Right.

00:25:04.960 Like I braved some adversity there.

00:25:06.900 Definitely.

00:25:07.480 Versus doggone it.

00:25:08.560 I'm a man.

00:25:08.940 I just ordered kids title and all that's going to show up in four minutes and I can track it

00:25:12.480 where it is in my town.

00:25:13.920 Yeah.

00:25:14.220 Like I don't feel manly if I were to do that.

00:25:16.120 You wouldn't.

00:25:16.420 And there's no pride in that.

00:25:17.800 I'll give you another example.

00:25:20.200 So we need a big electromagnetic pulse to happen is what I'm saying.

00:25:23.240 Hey, look, that actually might, based on where we're at right now, that actually couldn't

00:25:26.680 be, I don't know if that would be much worse than what we're, anyways.

00:25:29.140 Sheesh.

00:25:29.640 So I'll give you another example.

00:25:30.760 So my son, my oldest son, he's been into hunting.

00:25:33.660 He's been on this hunting kick for a couple of years now and we've tried to kill an animal

00:25:37.140 and it's just never come together.

00:25:38.460 And so to back up, there hasn't ever been a moment in my life as my son has been in my

00:25:46.540 life for 12 years now since he was born where he had pride at dinner because what would

00:25:54.240 he have pride about?

00:25:55.560 Sure.

00:25:55.760 Like he's just eating.

00:25:56.720 He's consuming.

00:25:57.720 That's all he's doing.

00:25:58.560 He's just consuming resources.

00:26:00.100 So there's nothing to be prideful about.

00:26:03.120 Okay.

00:26:03.400 So we spent two years trying to figure out, okay, let's grow the food plot.

00:26:07.880 Let's put up the stands and put the cameras out.

00:26:09.920 Let's track where everything is.

00:26:11.380 Well, several months ago, we were invited to go on a hunt in Pennsylvania with a friend

00:26:15.220 of mine and we went out there.

00:26:17.000 Long story short, my son ended up harvesting his first deer, big, nice, mature Pennsylvania

00:26:23.180 buck.

00:26:25.460 And we, he went, he shot it himself.

00:26:29.000 He sat in a tree stand for two and a half hours in the cold and the dark by himself.

00:26:33.240 And he shot that thing.

00:26:35.340 We, we, we, uh, the first thing we did is we pulled it out of the forest.

00:26:39.640 We had a, we had a side by side.

00:26:41.080 So we bring the, brought the side by side up and it was me and my oldest son and my second

00:26:44.820 son.

00:26:45.420 And we had to together lift it into the side.

00:26:48.240 But so he's like, this is heavy dad.

00:26:49.600 I'm like, I know it's just us.

00:26:51.180 Like we got to get it in there.

00:26:53.360 Yeah.

00:26:53.740 So we lifted it in there and it took us two or three tries, but we finally got it in there.

00:26:57.420 Then we broke it all down.

00:26:59.300 We skinned it.

00:27:00.220 We broke the meat.

00:27:00.980 We processed it all.

00:27:01.960 Then we got home and we processed it further.

00:27:05.080 You would never imagine the amount of pride that he had in taking a bite of food at dinner,

00:27:11.780 something he'd never experienced before because there wasn't anything to be proud about.

00:27:16.100 And now there was an element of pride and there was accomplishment and satisfaction fulfillment

00:27:21.840 in his personality.

00:27:25.160 Yeah.

00:27:25.420 So to that point, my dad, when I was like, when I was a kid, I was probably 12, 13, probably

00:27:32.980 right around your son's age, um, told me a parable and an Armenian parable.

00:27:39.300 I'll just say it in English.

00:27:40.120 Cause it's going to make sense in English and an Armenian.

00:27:43.000 And, uh, so, you know, there's this family and dad says, Hey son, you're of age now and

00:27:47.660 you need to go find yourself a job.

00:27:48.900 So go to the market and find yourself a job.

00:27:52.180 Right.

00:27:53.420 And, um, of course, dad comes home that night.

00:27:55.900 And you find yourself a job.

00:27:57.660 Nope.

00:27:58.960 So he really gives him a stern talk and he's like, Hey, you're of age.

00:28:01.500 Now you need to contribute to this household.

00:28:02.720 Go find yourself a job.

00:28:04.460 And of course the kid doesn't go out and do it.

00:28:06.300 Dad comes home and goes, Hey, did you find yourself a job?

00:28:10.120 He goes, yep.

00:28:11.080 Look, I, uh, I earned five bucks.

00:28:13.220 Dad takes the five bucks and immediately walks to the fireplace and throws it in the fireplace

00:28:16.420 and the $5 burns.

00:28:20.460 And, uh, the kid's like looking at mom cause the kid got the five bucks from mom, like

00:28:24.940 just so dad doesn't get mad at me.

00:28:27.440 The next day the kid goes out and actually finds a job.

00:28:31.180 And dad says, Hey, how was your work?

00:28:33.200 Good.

00:28:33.600 I got another five bucks again.

00:28:35.800 Dad goes over to the fireplace to throw it.

00:28:37.600 The kid just jumps on his arm.

00:28:38.840 Like, don't you dare throw that.

00:28:39.980 Right.

00:28:40.560 And really it's, you value what you harvest.

00:28:43.120 You value what you harvest.

00:28:44.620 And it doesn't matter.

00:28:45.660 The, our version of harvest these days, I guess, in metropolitan USA is, is to be able

00:28:50.860 to go to a store.

00:28:51.960 And I I'm convinced that convenience and comfort are going to be the death of us.

00:28:58.220 Yeah.

00:28:58.580 I think the other thing it does when it's convenient, it frees up time.

00:29:02.440 Right.

00:29:02.680 So if you don't have to pick everything out and somebody else can pick your groceries,

00:29:06.040 you know, that example, it frees up time.

00:29:07.700 And then what do we do with that time?

00:29:10.180 More trivial bullshit.

00:29:11.820 And so now we're inundated with a bunch of trivial nonsense that doesn't really matter.

00:29:18.040 That does not add any sort of depth or fulfillment or meaning to our lives.

00:29:21.960 But we have a lot of time because we have all these conveniences.

00:29:24.600 Yeah.

00:29:25.080 You know, like me going from point A to point B.

00:29:27.080 I thought about it, uh, as on my flight out here, it took me, I left at, um, time did

00:29:33.720 I leave?

00:29:34.060 I left at two or three in the afternoon at my place and I got here in the evening.

00:29:37.900 It was probably nine o'clock in the evening.

00:29:39.760 Yeah.

00:29:40.300 So it took me about nine hours to travel from Maine to California, which I was complaining

00:29:47.880 about.

00:29:48.860 But I'm like, you know, a hundred years ago, it would have taken you months and you probably

00:29:55.100 could have very easily died on the way over.

00:29:58.200 The probability would have been higher as well.

00:30:00.120 So we've like, we've, we've come up all these conveniences that are very nice and comfortable,

00:30:04.040 but then we filled it with things that aren't relevant or don't give us more meaning and

00:30:09.260 purpose in our lives.

00:30:10.160 Yeah.

00:30:10.980 Ain't that something?

00:30:12.260 Ain't that something?

00:30:12.980 And that's the thing, right?

00:30:13.820 Like, cause the, the argument that someone might have is like, guys, what are you talking

00:30:16.880 about?

00:30:17.120 Like that gives, that convenient gives you more time to do purposeful stuff.

00:30:21.600 Yes.

00:30:22.040 On paper, that sounds amazing.

00:30:23.260 And the most disciplined will.

00:30:25.380 Well, the truth is the convenience of having Marlon, our housekeeper in my house, gives

00:30:31.900 both me and my wife to work on our, do our deepest work, right?

00:30:35.580 She, she keeps publishing recipe cookbooks and is the CFO for Fit Body Bootcamp and I

00:30:40.900 do my thing.

00:30:43.200 But the reality is most of us, and if I went back even 10 years ago, if I had the convenience

00:30:48.320 of someone shopping for me, I would have used that time to mess around.

00:30:51.780 Of course.

00:30:52.360 Just to do stupid stuff.

00:30:54.540 Yep.

00:30:55.400 And at the end of the day, you do enough stupid stuff, you start getting stupid.

00:30:59.820 That's just the reality.

00:31:00.860 Like if you're not sharpening those synapses, they're, they're dulling out and we get stupid.

00:31:05.440 And that is my greatest concern for society.

00:31:07.320 But anyways, I don't know if we have an answer for that.

00:31:09.180 I just wanted to hear from you on that.

00:31:10.600 I felt actually the same way when I hired my first employee, because I was really fearful

00:31:14.960 about hiring that individual because I thought to myself, what am I going to do with my time?

00:31:20.520 And I knew that I probably would have squandered a bunch of time.

00:31:23.540 Yeah.

00:31:23.640 Which then how do I pay for this individual?

00:31:25.580 Because now I have to worry about my paycheck and theirs.

00:31:28.660 So what am I going to do?

00:31:29.920 And then I just had a little bit of faith in myself and said, okay, well, I'm going to

00:31:32.940 be intentional about this.

00:31:34.640 I'm going to hire this individual.

00:31:36.100 They're going to do X, Y, and Z.

00:31:37.620 So I don't have to do that.

00:31:38.740 And now I'm going to do X, Y, and Z.

00:31:41.500 And I became more intentional about the way I was going to spend my time.

00:31:45.180 I think that's what guys are not doing.

00:31:46.900 We have all these conveniences and they aren't intentional about how they're spending the

00:31:50.920 time that has been freed up.

00:31:52.600 What was that quote that you said about if boys don't know?

00:31:56.180 Yeah.

00:31:56.340 If boys don't learn, men won't know.

00:31:58.320 If boys don't learn, men won't learn.

00:32:00.320 And you shared that yesterday at the Squire program.

00:32:02.280 And really what you're talking about here is the answer to, I guess, the question that

00:32:07.900 I brought up.

00:32:08.500 And that's, is all this convenience and technology harming us?

00:32:14.180 Well, yes, if we continue to do stupid stuff with the time that we've, I guess, bought back

00:32:20.400 because we're paying someone to deliver food for us.

00:32:24.260 But on the flip side, if we're intentional and if you teach your son that, hey, this thing

00:32:29.560 could really, lots of convenience and comfort, but it could also suck you into this whirlwind

00:32:34.960 of stupidity.

00:32:35.980 And so let me teach you how to use this.

00:32:39.700 This is no different than a, than a gun.

00:32:41.700 Of course.

00:32:42.440 And I do believe we can kill people with this.

00:32:44.160 I can leave enough messages for someone on their comments to get them close to suicide.

00:32:50.620 And we've seen, unfortunately, people do that.

00:32:53.140 And I, and I just want to kind of bring that to the surface.

00:32:54.760 Like we have a responsibility as parents, whether it's fathers teaching their sons and parents

00:32:59.360 teaching their family, their kids, but we have to teach our family on what do we do

00:33:04.760 with this device?

00:33:05.420 How do we use it?

00:33:06.380 What are the best practices?

00:33:08.040 And when we do buy back our time with it, because right now my son and daughter, they,

00:33:14.080 during the week, they do school through the laptop, right?

00:33:17.020 California schools are shut.

00:33:19.640 But they know that, hey, I'm going to go out there and do some activities and I'm going

00:33:23.160 to go skateboard.

00:33:23.980 I'm going to go do this and play with the dog.

00:33:25.760 Because given the opportunity, they would just screen suck.

00:33:29.220 Right.

00:33:29.920 But we've had those conversations.

00:33:31.900 And I, my greatest fear is that not enough dads, parents, fathers, mothers are having

00:33:36.560 those conversations, which are leading to the convenience and comfort factor creating

00:33:42.960 stupidity.

00:33:43.640 I think it's a, um, a misuse of a tool, right?

00:33:49.140 I mean, that's just a tool.

00:33:50.460 A gun's a tool.

00:33:51.360 Gun's a tool.

00:33:52.060 So the other day I was down in the basement because that's where we're building our canoe

00:33:55.060 that you were talking about.

00:33:56.400 And...

00:33:56.540 Do you have a strategy to get that thing out of there, by the way?

00:33:58.080 I do.

00:33:58.500 Yeah.

00:33:58.800 A lot of people are concerned with that.

00:34:00.120 You fled the house.

00:34:00.580 No.

00:34:00.820 Yeah.

00:34:01.360 A lot of people were very, very concerned.

00:34:03.360 Like, don't build a thing in the basement because how are you going to get it out of there?

00:34:06.220 I've got a plan.

00:34:07.560 All as well.

00:34:08.060 Yes.

00:34:08.320 I've thought about that.

00:34:09.700 10 years ago, I would not have thought about that, but I've made enough dumb mistakes.

00:34:12.540 So when I saw that post, remember what you were going to say.

00:34:15.220 When I saw that post, I'm like, dude, if he's building a canoe in the basement, how's

00:34:19.240 he going to get it out?

00:34:20.100 Oh, I'm sure he's thought of it.

00:34:21.380 But if he hasn't, there is that infomercial.

00:34:23.700 I forget the tape, the whatever gorilla tape or whatever tape where the dude cuts the boat in

00:34:27.620 half and he tapes it.

00:34:28.580 Oh, yeah.

00:34:28.600 And then tapes it.

00:34:29.260 And then it goes on the lake.

00:34:30.600 Oh, could you imagine if I built that and then I had to cut it apart?

00:34:35.900 Oh, shoot.

00:34:36.540 I would cut a hole in the wall before I cut that canoe apart.

00:34:39.980 Yeah.

00:34:40.640 Douglas, that's your message about the value of something that you've worked on.

00:34:43.640 Right.

00:34:44.080 Right.

00:34:44.440 I'll cut the hole in the wall.

00:34:45.400 Somebody else did that.

00:34:46.300 Yeah.

00:34:46.600 I built this.

00:34:47.580 Yeah.

00:34:47.700 I'm not messing up with me and my son did.

00:34:49.420 Yeah.

00:34:49.660 Well said.

00:34:50.040 All right.

00:34:50.380 Anyway, so we're down there.

00:34:51.840 My son and I, my oldest son and I are building the canoe and we had to put these forms on,

00:34:55.800 which is what holds the canoe.

00:34:56.900 It's the, the skeletal structure as you build it and you build the canoe around it.

00:35:00.760 And we had to put these forms on there and hold a couple pieces of wood in place.

00:35:03.940 And I said, all right, just hold it right there.

00:35:05.560 And there was a screw that I had pre-drilled and I got my drill and I drilled the screw

00:35:09.280 in and I said, just hold it while I drill it in.

00:35:11.640 So he held it and I drilled it in.

00:35:13.140 And then we went on to the other side.

00:35:14.500 I'm like, okay, hold it the same thing.

00:35:15.760 And I put my screwdriver down and I put it on his thumb, just messing with him.

00:35:19.860 And, and, and he's like, oh, and he got all afraid of it.

00:35:22.520 And I said, you know, that's actually a really interesting lesson.

00:35:24.620 I said, this screwdriver or this drill is just a tool.

00:35:28.340 It can either cause harm or it can cause what it is we want, the desired outcome to screw this board in.

00:35:35.400 It's all about how we use it.

00:35:37.720 So if I caused you pain, did the tool change?

00:35:40.940 He's like, no, no, the tool didn't change.

00:35:43.000 The way we used it did, but that's social media, that's phones, that's a vehicle, that's a firearm.

00:35:49.700 And it's even your own, your own body in the way that you communicate, right?

00:35:53.300 Like the way that we communicate, for example, in this podcast is a tool for the betterment of other people.

00:35:58.280 Or we can use the words that we share to put people down, to knock people, to diminish what they're doing,

00:36:03.680 to make them feel worse about themselves.

00:36:05.380 Gentlemen, I'm just going to take a break very, very quickly from the podcast.

00:36:10.520 I know you're enjoying it, but I do want to share something with you.

00:36:12.940 I'm a huge believer that the way you tee yourself up for the day will really determine your results for the day.

00:36:20.360 And as you compound enough of these powerful days together, you will, you will undoubtedly win.

00:36:26.100 Uh, that said, there are a lot of men, you might be one of them, uh, who don't know how to craft the day

00:36:32.340 from the minute that you wake up to the minute that you put your head on that pillow at night

00:36:36.740 for maximum productivity and efficiency.

00:36:39.780 And that's why for the month of February, uh, we're going to be talking about this exact topic

00:36:44.200 inside of our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council.

00:36:47.680 Uh, we're going to be talking about starting the day, right, uh, tools and systems for eliminating

00:36:53.660 distractions, uh, recapping your day. So you don't lose momentum each night.

00:36:58.360 And of course, we're going to be talking about so much more. So if you need help crafting the

00:37:02.580 perfect day, uh, if you want the tools and the systems, and of course the brotherhood and

00:37:06.580 accountability that come with iron council, and you want to make each day your best, but more

00:37:10.980 importantly, uh, you want the, the success that follows from having stacked up productive and

00:37:17.760 effective days, then join us inside the iron council at order of man.com slash iron council.

00:37:23.320 Again, that's order of man.com slash iron council. Do that after the show guys for now,

00:37:28.540 I'm going to get back to it with Bedros.

00:37:31.520 That is a powerful statement because as I was coming down the hill to pick you up from your

00:37:36.440 hotel, one of my coaching clients left me a voice shot. I, uh, him specifically, I have him

00:37:41.600 leave me a voice shot every Sunday. Just catch me up on your activities for the week. And, um,

00:37:48.380 you just kind of, you know, so I broke my toe and that really sucks because I have a boot on

00:37:53.220 it up and I got a coaching client. Uh, so he also does real estate coaching. I got a coaching

00:37:58.060 client using that system that you taught me and the ignition program is going to work just fine.

00:38:01.800 I'm really excited for that. And then, yeah, I'm having my business partner buy me out.

00:38:06.340 Dude, it was so low tone, the voice shot. And I found my energy changing. And I'm not a

00:38:17.480 woo-woo guy that goes out hugging trees and doing kumbaya. But I literally found like starting to

00:38:21.700 feel a little, a little funk as I'm driving down the hill, listening to his voice shot

00:38:25.160 and, uh, let's just call him Mike. And I sent a voice shot back. I'm like, Hey Mike, man, great,

00:38:30.280 great job on, on crushing it with that coaching client, getting a new coaching client. And I'm

00:38:34.700 glad to hear that you guys are going to find a way to have your business partner buy you out.

00:38:38.620 That's one more headache that you don't need. And you have now this big lump of money that you can

00:38:42.280 live off of as you build your coaching business. And so sorry to hear about your toe,

00:38:45.580 but can I ask who died? Because it seems like you're just so low energy, low tone. If,

00:38:51.740 if it's from your toe, then my gosh, what happens if you break a knee? What happens if you,

00:38:55.960 right? I said, just so you know how you show up in your tonality matters. And then I ended up

00:39:00.740 recommending a book to him. The book's called choose your people. Um, sadly it's out of print,

00:39:06.660 but if anyone does a Google search, it talks about all the different tones that people show up with

00:39:12.620 and what, and how they're perceived based on their tonality. Right. So if you're super enthusiastic

00:39:18.680 and whatever, uh, Hey, you might come off, there's a level of enthusiasm that if you surpass,

00:39:23.640 you might come off as a untrustworthy person.

00:39:27.560 Faking it. Right. Exactly. Sure. Exactly. On the flip side, if you're kind of like, Hmm. Yeah. And so

00:39:33.040 I broke my toe and I got a coaching client and I'm found a way to get bought out of my business. It's

00:39:37.240 like, Oh, I don't think I ever want to talk to this guy again. He just seems like a loser. Right.

00:39:41.220 There's everything in between. And so I'm like, dude, you got to find a way. This book's been out

00:39:45.240 of print for like 20 years. You got to find a way to buy it on eBay or find the cliff notes. Or maybe

00:39:49.220 someone does a review on YouTube, but you got to choose your people is the book. And, uh, he sent

00:39:54.300 me a voice shot right back saying, Holy crap. I listened to my voice shot. That was horrible. Thank

00:39:59.220 you for giving me those outside eyes. But sometimes we need those outside eyes to tell us how we're using

00:40:05.700 the tools that we have in our body, whether it's body language or it's actual voice and inflection.

00:40:12.080 Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Ray brought up a good point in the program yesterday with the question he asked

00:40:16.560 about how do we help and serve other people? And I talked about the experience that I saw him

00:40:20.580 interact with one of the young men there. And, um, you know, I think as leaders, we need to use the

00:40:27.360 tool, the tool of our voices and our presence and the way we communicate effectively, but we need to

00:40:33.120 also change them based on what we see in other people, right? Reading the room. Like, does this

00:40:38.720 person need me to be energetic, enthusiastic, or do they need me to be a little bit more firm than

00:40:44.060 maybe normally I would? Or do they need my empathy and compassion and understanding and caring at this

00:40:49.740 point? Like, I think we have to do a better job at figuring out what people need so that we can use

00:40:56.620 our tool to be able to more effectively help them for what they're after. Amen. Amen. There's just

00:41:02.320 too many guys who are like, Oh, you know, zero Fs and I don't, I don't care about whatever. If they

00:41:07.100 don't like what I have to say, then screw off. I'm like, how does that help anybody? Dude, that's like

00:41:12.200 showing up with a hammer and therefore everything's a nail, right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. That's just silly.

00:41:16.980 But I think that is a big problem is a lot of arrogance and ego and society today too. And,

00:41:21.660 and a lot of hurt feelings, right? That if somebody disagrees with me, then

00:41:24.700 they take that personally and they feel like they're under attack just because somebody

00:41:30.700 sent him a voicemail and said, Hey, you sound really tired and low energy today. You know,

00:41:36.060 most people would probably be offended by that. It doesn't sound like he was, but a lot of people

00:41:39.420 would probably be offended by that. You're right. And again, that's a byproduct of the culture that

00:41:43.020 we've created because as men, we've stopped asking for feedback. We've stopped asking for brutally

00:41:49.560 honest course correction because you would only ask that of people that you trust and respect.

00:41:56.560 Yeah. And there used to be a time that there was a plenty of people you could trust and respect.

00:42:01.420 Like these days, it's hard to find someone you could trust and respect. And then to even have

00:42:05.960 the confidence or to be taught as a young man that, Hey son, when you, when you find someone that you

00:42:12.500 trust and respect, it's okay to ask for brutally honest feedback and just listen, don't wait to

00:42:18.420 talk, just listen and don't defend yourself because someone just might be able to give you

00:42:22.900 feedback with their outside eyes that you have not even seen and have not experienced. My,

00:42:28.560 my first mentor, Jim Franco did that to me. Of course, he did it in a very harsh way. He was 60

00:42:35.020 something years old. This was about 20 years ago. I was a personal trainer. He was my personal

00:42:38.360 training client. And then, uh, I had had enough, I had enough gumption to ask him for a loan to start

00:42:44.720 my first personal training studio. And he goes, well, if I'm going to loan you money, I'm going

00:42:48.880 to be your business partner. If I'm going to be your business partner, I'm going to start teaching

00:42:52.060 you how to live your life with structure, et cetera. I'm like, shoot. All right, great.

00:42:56.040 Even better.

00:42:56.800 Yeah. But being from the East coast and also being from a very different generation,

00:43:01.280 the feedback was direct. And I found myself like the first year constantly like, wait, Jim,

00:43:07.820 but the reason I did that, right. He's like, and he would call me kids, like kid, just shut up and

00:43:12.400 listen. And I would shut up, but I wouldn't listen. Then I started defending him in your head,

00:43:17.600 creating defense in my head. Sure. I wasted that first year of, I guess, mentorship, that

00:43:22.500 relationship, because I would then go away with a pout. I never showed him because he wasn't going to

00:43:27.060 buy it anyway, but I would go away as a young man with a pout. And so I was probably in my early,

00:43:31.560 like mid twenties, 24, 25, 26. And I remember after about a year, I realized like, does this guy

00:43:38.560 have any mal, um, intention towards me? He probably doesn't. He's loaned me money and he's become my

00:43:45.500 business partner and he's trying to make me better so that he can make more money and I can make more

00:43:49.780 money and we can help more people. What if I actually took his advice and didn't try and defend

00:43:55.060 it, but it took a whole year to get there, man.

00:43:57.400 What, what was the catalyst though, for that change? Like, were you not experiencing the

00:44:01.160 results that you want? Like, why did you come to that conclusion that maybe you're going about

00:44:05.680 this differently? I would like to say that I came to that conclusion because I evolved into a better

00:44:10.840 person, but he was like, Hey, uh, I think I want to leave our partnership and you can just pay me

00:44:16.040 back over time. I was like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. What do you want to leave our partnership? He's like,

00:44:19.380 it seems like every time I try and coach you, mentor you, give you feedback, you're not,

00:44:24.740 you're not, you're not there. You're not taking it. You're not taking it. You're, you're defending

00:44:28.160 yourself. And I was like, Oh, okay. And that I had a fear of losing him because I truly felt.

00:44:36.280 And, uh, and now I understand when young entrepreneurs like, man, if I, if I could just

00:44:39.340 have you as a business partner, if I could just have you as a coach, a mentor, you do feel like

00:44:43.540 when you don't have a track record of success in a space and business, let's say in my world,

00:44:48.200 having someone who's been there and done that multiple times over, it does give you the sense

00:44:53.020 of confidence. You're almost writing, you're almost renting their confidence. You're leasing

00:44:57.140 their confidence. And you certainly have access to their brain trust, right? Especially if they're

00:45:01.040 loaning you money or chose to be your mentor or business partner. Yet I was using his money,

00:45:05.380 but I wouldn't want to take his advice or when I would, I would want to always defend myself first.

00:45:10.520 And he was just like, dude, I'm done. Like I saw something in my personal trainer and I wanted to

00:45:15.140 help him, but I realized you're not in this. He taught me this term. He goes, you're not

00:45:19.620 listening. You're waiting to talk. And there's a difference there. I was like, oh shoot.

00:45:24.960 And so the second year, of course, I'm like, Hey man, if you give me a second chance,

00:45:28.720 just give me another chance. I don't want to lose you as a business partner. I'm pretty sure I'll just

00:45:32.000 tank this business on my own. And the fear of losing him as a business partner is what got me

00:45:37.800 to turn that corner and realize he's got no malintent. All he wants to do is level me up and get me to

00:45:43.800 where he is probably 20 years faster. Maybe he didn't tell me those things. Maybe had he told

00:45:50.120 me like, look, B, I'm going to give you feedback. I love you. And I have no bad intentions towards

00:45:55.680 you. I'm going to give you feedback. It's going to hurt. But if you just listen and don't wait to

00:45:59.180 talk and accept the feedback and go, go, go just think deeply on it. And then apply to your life.

00:46:03.820 You will achieve success a decade, possibly two decades before me. Holy crap. Right? So he didn't say

00:46:11.100 that. But imagine if I just had enough wherewithal to be like this guy. So it took me a whole year

00:46:16.320 and it took the threat of him leaving basically. Yeah. I think that's a good lesson though. You

00:46:19.920 got to have consequences. Like we live in a society right now. I don't think, I think we want to strip

00:46:25.280 ourselves of any consequence, right? If anything bad happens in your marriage, get out, leave,

00:46:30.520 divorce, bankruptcy. You getting too much debt? Yeah, just bankruptcy. It'll be fine. No big deal.

00:46:35.060 That's why it's there. Whatever could go wrong. We've built in, even with COVID. Oh yeah,

00:46:41.040 you know, you haven't saved up any money. We'll send you checks. It's okay. We're going to send

00:46:44.680 you checks. Yeah. Yeah. These things where we're trying to strip people away or strip consequences

00:46:51.100 away from people's decisions is not going to serve us well in the longterm. We've built ripcords into

00:46:57.620 everything, into a marriage, into all types of relationships where we could pull the ripcord

00:47:04.020 and file the bankruptcy, pull the ripcord and file the divorce and pull the ripcord and name the outcome

00:47:09.900 where if the ripcord wasn't there and you have to, like if, if someone says Ryan's going to be your

00:47:16.620 only business partner or your only friend, who's going to have your back in life, like you can't

00:47:21.340 get another person. You can't have an army of 10. If we had our differences, we would have to work it

00:47:26.580 out. Yeah. We would have to work it out. And it goes back to what another lesson from good old Jim

00:47:33.460 Franco. He goes, you know what the difference is, um, between the ham and the eggs on a plate of

00:47:42.860 ham and eggs. I'm like, I don't know. It's breakfast. I don't know. One's ham, one's eggs.

00:47:48.780 Right. Different animals. He goes, well, the, the chicken was involved. The pig was committed.

00:47:54.260 That's a good point. It's a level of commitment. Yeah. That's a good point. And so these days people

00:47:59.000 are involved in friendships. They're involved in a marriage. They're involved in business,

00:48:03.420 knowing that there, there is no real deep sense of commitment because I can pull the ripcord and

00:48:08.220 get that government check. I can go to Tinder or whatever the next goofy app is and swipe left or

00:48:13.880 right or up and down and find the temper next Mrs. Right. And with the lack of commitment there,

00:48:20.500 we ended up operating more like the chicken where we're involved in life and not fully committed.

00:48:24.540 And that's, that can't lead to anything great. Can it? Well, so here's the deal on that. I don't

00:48:29.780 think there's anybody listening to this who would disagree with that, that if you're good, if you're,

00:48:33.600 if you're committed, you're going to experience more results. Like we all know that. So why don't

00:48:38.140 people get committed? Why do they dabble or make things casual and cavalier about the way that they

00:48:44.180 approach aspects of their lives? Well, one side of the coin for me in my head is I go,

00:48:50.320 they are seeing so many things. We have access to so many things. My wife and I had this crazy

00:48:56.380 conversation. We're like, you know what? We used to not really not, not care what happens in other

00:49:01.500 countries. But for the most part, you would turn on the news. Sure. There was that one talking head

00:49:05.520 that, you know, liked and trust who actually broadcasted news, not his opinion and not the

00:49:14.340 opinion of a conglomerate. Right. Right. And so, and it was usually the news kind of in your city,

00:49:20.320 maybe in your county and your part of the world. As humans, when we go back to caveman era,

00:49:29.060 did we really care what happened to the other side of the world, to the caveman there? Like,

00:49:32.440 I really don't care. How's that going to put food on your, in your cave? No, I still got to start my

00:49:37.460 fire today. Exactly. I still got to, you know, spear that saber tooth tiger and drag him into my cave so

00:49:42.500 the wife and I could cook it up for the family. Like the news I want to know is that we run out

00:49:47.040 of saber tooth tigers. Is it raining? And can I not start my fire? Like, I just want to know local

00:49:50.640 news. And I think I, I'm not, I'm not a doctor. Sean Stevenson's not here. We don't, but I do

00:49:56.140 believe our brain is only wired for, I just need this much information. And now we've got these goofy

00:50:01.000 things where we see information from all over the world and opinions from all over the world and

00:50:04.260 lifestyles and, and of course, careers and impact from all over the world. I'm like, well, shoot,

00:50:09.500 this dude's got a podcast and in six years, look at the impact he's made with his podcast.

00:50:14.100 So maybe I'm going to start a podcast as well. In addition to my franchise. And you know,

00:50:17.740 look at that guy. He's got a supplement company. I'm going to start that as well.

00:50:20.880 Well, shoot, look at that. Look, I might have the capacity to do all those things,

00:50:24.840 but that's because I know how to find and build leaders and attract them into my world.

00:50:30.320 If you only knew what you cared about that, and we didn't have access to this, I think you'd be like,

00:50:36.200 well, what am I passionate about? I'm passionate about making canoes. And I would just be

00:50:39.480 building canoes all day long, not knowing that there's a dude on the other side of the country

00:50:43.660 that is building airplanes. Right. Right. Right. And compare yourself to him. Right. The comparison

00:50:49.040 thing. And if he's like, well, he might be having more fun than me and he might be making more money

00:50:52.720 than me and he might be having a greater impact, but is he really? Cause he's feeling the same thing

00:50:57.840 about me as a canoe builder, isn't he? True. It's a good point. I don't think our brains are wired to

00:51:02.360 process that mega global information. Yeah. And then we have jealousy, envy, and greed kicks in.

00:51:09.580 The greed glands begin to percolate. And before you know it, I want to do what you're doing and you

00:51:14.340 want to do what he's doing and no one's really doing what they should be doing. Yeah. So what is,

00:51:19.040 so what is, is the solution just to turn it off? Is it to, in some ways, yes, I've actually, I went

00:51:25.720 from 1014 followers or that I was following, I'm down to 217. And my goal is to get it to a hundred,

00:51:35.620 a hundred people that I follow who are friends that I go through my filter of that I trust and respect.

00:51:42.840 Right. Trust and respect because there's someone in the industry, good dude, you know of him,

00:51:53.820 not going to put his name out there. He really is a good dude, good heart, great entrepreneur,

00:51:59.180 but stirs the racial pot, stirs the racial pot. And I'm like, dude, we're already divided enough.

00:52:08.460 Like, stop it. Be cool. Like, cut it out. Stirs the racial pot. And so I'm like, do I really need

00:52:14.900 to be following him? I don't. I can still be friends with him, see him at events. Hey, I'm in

00:52:20.680 your town. I want to go work out and break bread together. But I realized he does not, I'm not,

00:52:25.460 he's not, he adds value 90% of the time, but that 10%, if I get worked up, did he really?

00:52:31.820 Yeah. Right. So I just started, like, I need less information. I've gone to even less information

00:52:36.460 than I was getting. My life keeps improving because I'm, I'm convinced that we're not

00:52:41.600 capable of processing all this stuff. And then of course the algorithms are designed

00:52:46.180 to feed you whatever thing that you log onto and starts driving you crazy.

00:52:50.600 Of course. Yeah, it is. It is the, like that, that idea of the attention economy. Right. And,

00:52:57.500 and I, I would even think it's, it's different than just their attention. It's more of like an

00:53:02.220 outrage economy because I don't want just your attention. I want you to be, I want you to be

00:53:06.800 outraged. I want you to be worked up because if you're worked up, you'll make dumb decisions.

00:53:11.680 You'll, you'll tune into this longer than you should. My, my wife and I differ with some of

00:53:17.240 our philosophies on conspiracy theories that might be happening in the political climate right now.

00:53:22.880 And she's like, doesn't this even concern you? I'm like, yes, of course it concerns me,

00:53:26.740 but I, I'm not looking for entertainment. I said, I think that's what you might be looking. You might

00:53:31.820 be looking to be entertained. And she's like, yeah, it's entertaining. And I said, and that's fine.

00:53:37.120 I don't, I'm not going to get my entertainment that way. Like I, I'm worried about something

00:53:41.440 else. And so we have these types of discussions, but yeah, I think the goal of the media and the

00:53:45.780 news outlets and social media accounts and whoever it is you're referring to, it's like,

00:53:50.520 let me get you worked up and outraged because then you're mine.

00:53:53.180 That's exactly it. That's exactly it. Hey, there's a sweet, sweet little lady named Marlene

00:53:59.620 in Stratford, Canada. In case anyone's wondering where Stratford, Canada is, Toronto, keep going

00:54:05.200 North and then over a little bit, a little farming town called Stratford. And who's from Stratford?

00:54:11.180 That kid, the singer. Hey, Ed, I know you've played this guy's music as a DJ. He's, oh, it's on

00:54:22.360 a white kid from, well, I don't know if the world knows that he's from Canada, like a lot

00:54:27.060 of club music. He's like a modern day vanilla ice looking dude. If you think of it, throw

00:54:33.640 the name out, but very, very famous. Okay. Very, very famous kid. And from Stratford.

00:54:39.120 Yes. Marlene Ballantyne is the mother of Craig Ballantyne, my business partner in the Empire

00:54:45.600 Mastermind. Yeah. And so I send her boxes of the, uh, true lean wellness shots and she'll

00:54:51.460 send me an email. Dear Bedros, I see what's going on there in the United States. I'm very

00:54:55.400 concerned for you guys. If Trump goes back into power, Marlene, thank you so much. I love

00:55:00.460 you and I appreciate you. Right. And another box shows up. Dear Bedros, here's what I hear.

00:55:04.380 There's fires in Chino Hills. Are you? Marlene should not be worried about what's happening

00:55:09.880 in America. You're in Canada, in Stratford, that little, right? This poor little lady

00:55:15.420 does not need to worry herself about that. And I think don't, our brains aren't designed

00:55:19.000 for that. So going back to what you said, I realized as you were saying that, I'm like,

00:55:22.500 oh my God, maybe it's just a form of entertainment for her. And that's okay if it is, I suppose.

00:55:28.460 Well, but so then, and I don't, I don't know this woman, so I'm not making a speculation about

00:55:33.660 her, but I think a lot of people, yeah, for those people, it is entertainment and entertainment's

00:55:39.760 Bieber. Okay. Sorry. Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber. Yes. Stratford. Stratford.

00:55:46.980 I would have never guessed. And so when Craig goes to visit him, so imagine, I've actually

00:55:51.380 visited Marlene's home. Like I'm talking like 20 acre, 30 acre, 100 acre farms that I, you

00:55:56.020 know, I live in Southern California. I don't see that. It's different. Yeah. Right. She makes

00:55:59.480 the best smoked pork chops. It's a different story. But we go to their local little YMCA because

00:56:05.620 they don't even have a gym. And he's, Craig's like, you know, when Justin Bieber comes

00:56:09.700 out and visits his family, like he works out here. Like, I'm like, that's just bananas.

00:56:15.220 It like Justin Bieber works in this town, works out in this little hokey gym. But anyways,

00:56:22.820 let's continue. I just, the loop had to be closed. Justin Bieber. Yeah. The OCD kicked

00:56:27.820 in.

00:56:28.020 But what, but what is the balance though, between isolating or focusing on yourself and

00:56:35.780 then, you know, politics is a great example. I believe we should be informed.

00:56:41.400 Sure.

00:56:41.980 But I don't think we should be inundated and consumed to the degree that we're not able

00:56:47.340 to do our own things. Like how do you find the balance of, yes, this is information I need

00:56:52.840 and want and would be relevant. And this is nonsense. I don't want anything to do with

00:56:56.940 it.

00:56:57.620 Would you agree as someone who does very meaningful work, like you do deep work?

00:57:02.300 I try. Yeah.

00:57:03.000 I do deep work. You're being very humble.

00:57:05.660 Thank you.

00:57:07.940 If you have a purpose on this planet, if you have a purpose and you're doing meaningful,

00:57:15.220 deep work, the balance will form itself. You will be informed about what's happening

00:57:20.900 in your world, but you will not be consumed by it. And, you know, all caps, multiple exclamation

00:57:27.520 point comments on the medias, social medias, because you have deeper work to do. This goes

00:57:33.100 back to what I shared with the kids yesterday before you came at the Squire program. I said,

00:57:37.920 look, you know, so you saw Nest, our German shepherd there, Aaron's German shepherd. A German shepherd,

00:57:45.360 because Cookie is part German shepherd, my dog, part Mastiff. And so when we got a dog trainer,

00:57:50.800 the dog trainer pulls me aside and said, look, you know, the German shepherd in this dog,

00:57:53.860 that dog needs a, needs constant purpose. It needs to be shepherding something. So your kids are

00:57:57.960 going to be perfect for her to shepherd. So make sure you connect them. You know, she bonds with

00:58:01.200 your kids and she needs a morning routine. She needs a routine. Every morning she needs to have

00:58:04.480 this purpose. I'm chasing the ball. Dad's throwing the ball. She goes, don't you dare mess that up.

00:58:08.460 Right? Like she was just like the protector of all dogs on this planet. I was like, okay, man,

00:58:12.060 I won't. And I go, I'm just curious what would happen if she like loses her sense of purpose?

00:58:17.520 She goes, let me tell you what would happen. This beautiful backyard that you have,

00:58:19.900 she'll start digging holes in it, right? And I go, why? She goes, well, German, actually you have

00:58:25.660 one, don't you? Yes. That's why I remember that picture. Um, so you know, this as, as if they don't

00:58:30.900 have a sense of purpose and little children that they're shepherding, they begin to get anxious

00:58:35.920 and depressed. And in the absence of purpose or meaning, they begin to dig holes to give themselves

00:58:41.780 something to do. Yes. We were talking about that, about the beach. Yes. Remember when I said that

00:58:46.640 about the beach, we need purpose. That's it. Your strategy, show up with the shovel. I love that

00:58:52.260 because you're sure. Now you've got a sense of purpose because men, that's funny. Yeah. We're

00:58:55.740 not going to want to just lay there, but that's exactly it. And so if someone is doing their

00:58:59.680 deepest, most meaningful work, they're not going to start digging holes in their life. One of those

00:59:04.560 ways of digging holes is just going on there on social media and screen sucking and being part of

00:59:10.980 this conspiracy theory and being part of the whatever. And that's the loss of balance. I want

00:59:17.800 to know about government. I want to know about politics, but not to the point where it's become

00:59:21.920 my purpose. Right. Unless I'm going to be president or the mayor or whatever. Sure. Yeah. That's a good

00:59:27.480 point. And it makes me, it reminds me, you know, I guess I can look at events or social media posts or

00:59:34.160 conversations through as a litmus test. Let me say it this way. My purpose is a litmus test for what

00:59:41.320 else is relevant to me. So I might see a post or connect with somebody and say, yes, this is relevant.

00:59:46.120 For example, coming out here from Maine to California was relevant to my purpose and to

00:59:52.200 what I want to accomplish. And so that's the litmus test. If I was invited to, uh, Kentucky to

00:59:59.400 whatever, do something else that maybe it wasn't in alignment with what I'm after. And so I would

01:00:04.440 decline that opportunity. Uh, but the same thing with social media is like we get inundated and

01:00:09.320 entertained. And how is this relevant to your life and what you want to accomplish? If it is good, do

01:00:15.420 it. If it isn't, maybe you ought to find something that's a little bit more relevant for you. Yeah. But

01:00:19.580 I am convinced that it's exactly that it becomes a filler for meaning and purpose until you

01:00:28.060 hopefully until you find your purpose in meeting and those who don't, then they're just going to

01:00:34.320 keep going from, it might be pornography. It might be food, might be alcohol, might be drugs. It might

01:00:38.660 be just screen sucking. And cause as this delivers this false sense of productivity, like I'm doing

01:00:44.120 something good for my country, for my community. Are you, or are you really letting your family down?

01:00:48.780 Because now at the dinner table, you're spewing fear and conspiracy at the table. And really your

01:00:53.820 kid's like, Oh my God. Like I remember, I remember the true story, uh, class Oh five of the project.

01:01:01.020 I don't know if you saw the axes that were hanging there. I asked about them. So yeah. Okay. One of

01:01:04.660 the white acts. Yeah. I saw the white one. Yeah. Class Oh five. We had a gentleman pass away. And

01:01:09.440 you know, when that happens, obviously there's legal issues that arise. Right. Um, and so my family,

01:01:16.120 my son's 15 years old. Like he knows this happened and we're in the hot tub together and he hears me and

01:01:21.460 mom talking about it. He goes, Hey dad, are we going to be okay? I go in what way, bud? It was

01:01:27.140 like financially, are we going to be okay? Like, are we going to be able to live here? Are we going

01:01:30.660 to be able to keep our business? Like, you know, like, you know what, dude, that's a really good

01:01:35.060 question. And that was another reminder to me that little ears are listening on his case. He's a big

01:01:40.460 dude now, but bigger ears are listening. Right. And so when you're screen sucking and then you think

01:01:46.120 you're doing something productive by complaining about, guess what Trump did and Biden did and

01:01:49.620 the city ministry, is it really necessary for your kids to hear and not be able to process through

01:01:56.660 what's happening? Yeah. Like to me, I'm like, of course, man, we got insurance. We got all this

01:02:00.300 stuff and whatever. We're going to be fine. He didn't know that. He's just like, am I going to

01:02:04.480 lose my friends? And am I going to, we're not going to live, like, where would we live and where

01:02:07.420 would home be? And how's this going to happen? Are you going to jail? Yeah. You know, it's like,

01:02:10.400 oh shoot, those are all valid questions. Let's talk about it. You know, that's a good point. And I think

01:02:15.020 we as fathers have a responsibility to ensure that we're filtering that information and then

01:02:20.200 painting it in the correct context so that they can learn. You know, if you have a son or a daughter

01:02:25.020 who's afraid of something they hear about, your job is not to feed into it. Your job is to explain it,

01:02:31.080 to be rational and say, here's the reality and here's what we face and here's what we've done to

01:02:36.340 protect ourselves. And we explain those things. You know, like we always hear these things of like,

01:02:41.660 you know, you don't talk about politics and money and this and that. I'm like, no,

01:02:45.440 like with your children or, or sex or drugs or like you, that's exactly what you should be talking

01:02:51.880 about with your kids. You know, I remember having those, the birds and the bees with my two oldest

01:02:55.480 boys and we've talked about pornography and we've talked about drugs and we've talked about some really

01:03:00.480 awkward and uncomfortable things that I would have loved not to have talked about with them,

01:03:05.180 but that's my job. That's my responsibility.

01:03:07.540 Yep. Yep. And that's where really, I think the greatest thing a man can do with his son or

01:03:15.560 daughter is to assume the responsibility of, I've got to be a role model and I've got to forge

01:03:21.160 information to this, this, this child. Like they're going to grow and I have a responsibility to do

01:03:26.040 something. We can't just let time go by and let them grow. We actually have to pour into them.

01:03:29.980 You said it well yesterday when we were at the Squire program, when you were speaking,

01:03:33.680 you even have to correct yourself. You're like, uh, look, I know plenty of men. Okay. No, I know

01:03:39.140 plenty of adult males, right? Because you're right. They're just giant man children. That's all they

01:03:44.480 are. They're not men. They're giant man children because they are emotionally, mentally, some even

01:03:49.560 physically still underdeveloped. Yet they're set out into the world. And we have that responsibility

01:03:55.220 to lead our boys into understanding and defining, like, what does a man do? Are you just going to be a

01:04:02.420 savage protector? Uh, guess what? You're going to miss out on a very important part of life where

01:04:07.580 you have to be gentle and soft with your kids and your spouse. So yeah, you could also be a savage

01:04:12.700 servant. You could also be a protector and a provider. You could also be willing to be vulnerable.

01:04:18.560 And if the dads don't teach the sons, goes back to that quote you said that if the, how was it?

01:04:24.320 If the children, if boys, if boys don't learn, men won't know. Boys don't learn, men won't know.

01:04:28.720 And, you know, I was that, actually we share this in common. I learned way later in life,

01:04:34.560 all this stuff. And I was like, the hell if my kid's going to learn in his like late twenties and

01:04:38.700 thirties. And the first book that I got to change my kind of paradigm on that was Raising a Modern

01:04:44.500 Day Knight. Great book. Every dad should go get that book. I forget the author's name.

01:04:49.900 But when I read Raising a Modern Day Knight, I'm like, holy smokes. Holy smokes. First,

01:04:54.820 I got to start doing all this stuff. I got to have an ethos. Secondly, and my wife was

01:04:59.920 pregnant with Andrew at the time. I was like, all right, I got nine months to like instill

01:05:04.120 this in myself. Live it, be it, so that I could be a role model to my son. And without that,

01:05:10.660 man, it would have just been one of those things where hopefully I would have figured it out.

01:05:14.080 But if I didn't, I would have just been that dad who let his son grow older, but not necessarily

01:05:19.580 wiser. Yeah, which is a shame. I think that's a big problem in society is we have fatherless,

01:05:26.940 so many, millions and millions of fatherless homes. And these boys are looking for,

01:05:32.300 they're looking, they're looking to men. They're looking for purpose and direction. They find it,

01:05:36.680 they do find it, but it's usually misguided. Yeah. You know, they find it in the wrong places,

01:05:40.960 the wrong outlets. They find it in sexual abuse or drugs or substance abuse, violence. They find it,

01:05:49.940 but it's misguided. It's unfortunate. It takes men to be able to lead them correctly.

01:05:53.820 Yeah. And that temptation is so easily accessible too, which goes back to when you say they find it,

01:05:59.920 we know that all these former tribes and cultures, they had that ritual, that initiation into manhood.

01:06:13.620 Joseph Campbell talks about it, that, you know, there's this tribe in New Guinea where

01:06:18.520 the older men would come and pull the 13, 14 year old from the arms of the mom and take them away at night.

01:06:29.920 And they'd be wearing masks. And those masks signified the gods. And the gods really were

01:06:38.420 a metaphor for authority and structure that society has. So at the end of the day, you are looking to,

01:06:46.060 you're dependent on your mom and dad for food and clothes and all that stuff. And so, you know,

01:06:51.540 in some way they play the role of gods. And the idea was that they would steal this kid

01:06:56.340 at night from the mom. And one of those men wearing the mask would start fighting with the kid

01:07:06.480 and he would fight with the kid enough to then let the kid win. And as the kid would win, he would

01:07:14.400 tear off his mask and he put it on the kid. And by doing this, he's saying that you now have a seat

01:07:20.880 at the table. You have a seat at the table. You now are a, are God-like. You now have a say in

01:07:28.240 the structure and the authority of this. And now let's start molding you into that. And that's the

01:07:34.100 piece that's been missing. And if we don't have that rite of passage, we don't have that initiation,

01:07:39.940 they go looking for it elsewhere because as boys were always looking for this rite of passage.

01:07:45.220 It's just why boys look up to, squire program was lived based on knights, had squires because

01:07:50.080 squires look up to the knights on how do I become a man? How do I fight with the sword? How do I

01:07:54.580 tend a horse, et cetera? And so if we're looking for that and the fathers, fathers aren't delivering

01:07:59.980 it, and this isn't any news to you, you know this, fathers aren't delivering it. They're going to

01:08:04.940 look to gangs. Of course. Some look to the military, which is great. Like go there. At least there's

01:08:09.220 some sense of structure and discipline. But others end up in prison and prison certainly will

01:08:14.800 deliver that rite of passage. Oh yeah. Wes Watson, right? Great example. Yeah. And there's

01:08:22.160 structure there, but we're looking for it. And if we can't get it at home, they're going to find it

01:08:26.880 in gangs and in some level of violence, friends that are misguided, they're going to turn them

01:08:31.120 onto drugs, alcohol, pornography. So you might as well be the one pouring into your son.

01:08:36.940 And also, and I think this is a testament to what you're doing, and I think you talked about this

01:08:40.900 years ago when we initially talked, is letting them be around other men who aren't necessarily

01:08:47.160 their father. Yeah. You know, I've seen my oldest son in particular, because he is getting older and

01:08:52.940 he wants to be more involved with the men now as he gets older. And I've seen other men father him.

01:08:59.000 And you know, 10 years ago, I might have been threatened by that. But now I'm like, no, he needs

01:09:04.280 to be fathered by other men too. There's other advice. Sometimes another man can say something

01:09:10.240 or something in a way that I can't say it that might resonate more deeply with him.

01:09:15.240 So this community aspect of men is also very important. And we know that. We know that success

01:09:20.020 leaves clues. And so if, again, you have enriched your life by surrounding yourself with men that you

01:09:26.540 trust and respect, and you expose that. And the reason you're not threatened anymore

01:09:30.840 is because you're no longer a hypocrite. You are at that level. Sure. Yeah. Good point. You are one

01:09:37.860 of those men. And you're no longer threatened, because you're not just like, okay, I got this

01:09:41.520 Gucci watch, but I'm not really successful. And they're about to take it away if I miss a payment.

01:09:45.580 Yeah. Like, look, I can buy 20 of these. And so when you're there, the threat is gone. And you're

01:09:51.480 like, you know what, fellas, I bet you guys can say things and you guys will be able to show things in a

01:09:57.460 light and maybe I can't. Right. And one of the best examples of that is, in fact, we were talking

01:10:01.640 about Ray. Ray Care, as he says, Ray Care, former Navy SEAL. Every voicemail that he sets me is, this

01:10:08.640 is Ray Cash Care, former Navy SEAL. And when he comes to our house, so me and my son play ping pong.

01:10:14.400 We're like avid ping pong players. We even saw the ping pong table here. We have one at home, one here.

01:10:18.320 Ping pong's our thing. And Ray, as it turns out, is really good at ping pong. Now, I'll definitely

01:10:26.140 rub it in. I'll be very competitive with my son. Ray, as you saw, has a very different way of showing

01:10:31.880 up. Most definitely. Very loud. Yes. Yes. And so when he plays Andrew, and he's just like yelling at

01:10:40.240 him and cussing at him, and I'm like, this is good. It is good. I need Ray's influence on my son,

01:10:46.340 because the world is full of very aggressive people like that. And so my son, after now it's

01:10:52.780 been a couple of years that he knows Ray, and Ray comes over every Thanksgiving and five times a year

01:10:56.760 during the project. And now I see Andrew delivering that back to him. His wit has become more trailer

01:11:03.520 park, which is great, in line with Ray's. And I love that. And it is a, you know what it is, man? We

01:11:11.120 are like rocks. I see that. We're like rocks, these little jagged rocks. And I jump in a

01:11:16.320 in a bag. And then I, my son's born. And then, you know, maybe I have a friend that I trust and

01:11:22.420 you come in there and someone starts shaking up. So now it's like all these men in here and we start

01:11:26.620 shaking up the bag. And as all these men interact together of like-mindedness, we end up smoothing

01:11:32.380 out each other's jagged edges, don't we? Yeah. And, you know, you might give me an insight on this

01:11:37.640 part of life. And Ray gives me insight on that part of life. And Matt gives me insight on that part of

01:11:42.300 life. And because I trust and respect these people around me, I'm a more rounded man. And that is what

01:11:48.900 is missing. And as we closed off the Squire program yesterday, we had all the boys link up arms facing

01:11:55.520 out and all the dads and us instructors linked up arms facing in to them. And I said, boys, this is

01:12:02.840 what you're looking for in life. Like you're looking for boys like this who will face in and call you

01:12:08.320 out and give you feedback. Now I said, dads, now turn around, link up again with your back to the

01:12:13.240 boys. I said, boys, it looks like we might have our back to you. We've turned our back on you. We

01:12:16.500 haven't. We're here to protect you. We're looking out for you in times that you can't look out for

01:12:20.360 yourself because life has a way of doing that that puts us in a dark place. And we're here to look out

01:12:25.220 for you and be your strength when you can't be. And again, we turned back around, linked up, and we

01:12:29.800 poured into these boys. Each dad kind of shared one thing they wish they had learned when they

01:12:34.280 were 13, 14, 15 years old that would have helped them in life. But that's the thing, man. That was

01:12:40.320 the equivalent of all these jagged rocks going into a bag. And that's what a marriage is too,

01:12:44.580 by the way. Right? Oh, definitely. I realized how much my knuckles no longer drag as my wife and I

01:12:50.360 have spent time in the bag. There's been plenty of times I'm like, I want out of this bag. Of course,

01:12:53.720 because it's painful. Yeah. I want out of this bag. She's making me talk about things and look at

01:12:58.520 things and address things that I don't want to. Yeah. But as that bag keeps shaking up and now a little kid

01:13:03.120 and another kid, and now there's a dog and a cat and another dog. And man, the rough edges are smooth

01:13:08.740 out. And that is really where wisdom comes from. I love it, man. That's powerful. Well, this is the

01:13:13.820 third of many conversations to come. I really appreciate what you're doing. I really appreciate

01:13:18.000 the opportunity to come out and be just a very small part of what you guys are doing for the men

01:13:24.320 that are connected with you and the young men who are connected with you. And you're just doing great

01:13:28.600 work, man. So I'm proud and honored to call you a friend. I appreciate it. Likewise. Yeah. Thanks, man.

01:13:32.540 Thank you, man. There you go. My conversation with the one and only Bedros Koulian. I hope you enjoyed

01:13:38.020 it. I really enjoyed this one. The fact that I got to sit down with him face to face, it seems like

01:13:42.860 it always goes better when it's face to face. So we're going to be doing a lot more of that as we

01:13:46.760 continue down the path in 2021. So stay tuned for that. If you want to see this interview rather than

01:13:51.960 just listen, you can go to our YouTube channel, which is youtube.com slash order of man. You can check

01:13:57.880 out the iron council order of man.com slash iron council. You can check out the store store.order

01:14:03.360 of man.com. So many different resources. You can find us. If you go to order of man.com. In fact,

01:14:08.480 that's the headquarters. You'll find everything that we're doing, which seems to be more and more,

01:14:12.600 which I'm excited about. And I'm grateful to you for tuning in and making this project in this

01:14:18.140 mission and movement, a reality couldn't do it without you. So keep spreading the good word.

01:14:22.940 Uh, if you're listening to this on, on the podcast, wherever you're, you're doing the podcast thing,

01:14:26.800 just, uh, take a screenshot, share it on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, wherever it is. You spend most

01:14:31.300 of your time on social media. Uh, and, uh, yeah, that's it guys. We're going to be back of course,

01:14:36.820 tomorrow for the ask many thing and Friday for the Friday field notes, go listen to last week's

01:14:41.600 Friday field notes, by the way, if you haven't, uh, we talked about, uh, you being a liability or an asset,

01:14:47.560 one of the most important podcasts I've ever done. So make sure if you haven't listened,

01:14:50.780 go back and check that one out. All right, guys, we're going to call it a day. I appreciate you.

01:14:55.140 I hope you, uh, continue to be as productive and, and helpful and, and, uh, engaged in your

01:15:01.780 communities and families as, as I know many of you have, uh, the world needs us to step up now more

01:15:06.920 than ever. So get after it. We'll be back tomorrow until then go out there, take action and become the

01:15:11.800 man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge

01:15:17.280 of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - January 26, 2021

BEDROS KEUILIAN ｜ Be a Man, Be The Man

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