Order of Man


Being Amicable with Your Ex, How Proactivity Sets You up for Success, and How You Know You're Following God's Path ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING


Episode Stats


Harmful content

Misogyny

8

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Hate speech

5

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Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

On today's episode, the brother and sister duo of the sit down with Kip Sorensen. Kip is back from his moose hunt and talks about his hunting season and what he's up to now.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:05.960 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.360 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
00:00:15.340 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
00:00:19.520 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:24.720 Mr. Kip Sorensen, what's up, brother? Great to see you.
00:00:27.260 Good to see you, man. How's hunting?
00:00:29.340 Hunting's been good.
00:00:30.100 You've been off grid a bit.
00:00:31.160 Yeah, a little bit here and there. We did the moose hunt, and I actually did a podcast with Brecken on that one.
00:00:36.560 So that was a success. Did you see the pictures on that?
00:00:40.060 Yeah. Yeah. Awesome.
00:00:41.420 Well, and we talked about it a couple of weeks ago, how you saw a bull, I think, on day one.
00:00:46.020 Oh, that's right.
00:00:46.600 I passed it up, and then you're quiet day two, and I'm like, oh.
00:00:50.720 Yeah. Yeah, that's hunting. So we did that, and then I was in Minnesota,
00:00:54.280 and I went out there a little early to spend some time with my friend and get the hunt and everything
00:00:59.140 and stands and blinds set up. And we had the chance to go pheasant hunting and duck hunting.
00:01:07.280 Duck hunting is something I've never done before. That was a lot of fun.
00:01:10.740 Yeah.
00:01:10.960 And then we did our annual whitetail hunt there in Minnesota. I was able to shoot two does.
00:01:16.660 I was actually really proud on those does because both of them were really, really good shots.
00:01:21.280 One of them was the best shot I ever made on a deer. And then I think the second to last day
00:01:26.920 is one of my last sits. I had a really nice buck come in, and he was kind of trotting through a
00:01:36.260 food plot, and I was trying to get him to stop, and he wouldn't stop. And I finally got him to stop
00:01:40.200 right in my shooting window. I'm like, oh, perfect. So I drew back right as he was kind of
00:01:44.860 trotting about to come into my shooting window, and I stopped him right in that window. And I aimed
00:01:50.180 and shot, and he was a little further back than I would have liked, but I shot. And because he was
00:01:55.400 further back, the trajectory of my arrow arched up a little bit. So it ended up hitting a branch
00:02:01.940 and just hit that branch and skimmed off and flew over his back. And that was the only chance.
00:02:08.680 I think it was, yeah, it was the only chance I had a buck at while I was out there. And unfortunately,
00:02:12.820 I missed. So, but we still had a good time and the freezer is full, so we can't complain about that.
00:02:19.880 No, especially, I'm sure that moose, like that's going to be like a couple of years of meat.
00:02:25.340 400. I think it was like 420 pounds or something like that of meat. So it's pretty awesome. Yeah,
00:02:32.300 it's pretty awesome. That is awesome. Cool.
00:02:34.320 So yeah, now we're just basically kind of hunting around here and checking our cameras. And
00:02:38.660 well, obviously, you know, Brecken got a turkey because you and I were with him when he shot that
00:02:43.880 turkey. Yeah. So it's still deer season until the end of the month. And then we're already planning
00:02:49.460 out what we're going to hunt next year. So it's all good. Yeah. I love it, man. Love it.
00:02:54.420 Well, should we get into some questions today? Yeah, let's do it.
00:02:57.520 Uh, so last week we had talked about some in the iron council and we did, we're doing that again.
00:03:04.420 Uh, we had some leftovers that I thought were pretty good questions that I felt like I wanted
00:03:09.380 to get to. So Sean did a good job holding down the fort while you were away. I think last week,
00:03:14.700 or maybe that was my fault. Cause I had to change the time, I think. So either way. Yeah. Anyways,
00:03:19.680 I'm sure it was great. Let's get to it. It was great. Cause I listened to it. So
00:03:22.880 it was great. My, my part was great. His was questionable. All right. This is from Landon
00:03:28.980 Van Overbeek. And that's a joke, by the way. I mean, I know you guys know that's a joke,
00:03:32.820 but Sean just does a tremendous job. All right. Yeah. Landon Van Overbeek from a battle team
00:03:38.080 velocity. By the way, also guys, I promise I am going to get to some questions here. Uh,
00:03:43.240 this is from the iron council. If you guys don't. So when I talk about battle teams,
00:03:47.640 these are, uh, groups of men, uh, 10 to 15 men who are all working together on a weekly,
00:03:54.660 even daily basis to hold each other accountable to goals and objectives. So if you're interested
00:03:59.580 in some accountability, uh, a program, the tools, resources, then check out order of man.com slash
00:04:05.980 iron council. And we're opening about 30 days from today. So get on the waiting list on that. All
00:04:12.700 right. For real this time, he says, what is your opinion? Speaking of hunting on the use of
00:04:17.420 crossbows during archery season? Do you feel it's quote unquote fair for anyone to use them?
00:04:22.800 Should there be regulations on who IE above a certain age or disability, or do you think there
00:04:27.620 should be a complete separate season for crossbow season? Uh, I don't, I actually don't care. I
00:04:34.380 really don't. It's very interesting in the hunting community because you have rifle guys, you have,
00:04:40.980 uh, muzzle loader guys, you have archery guys. And then if you want to take it even further, you can
00:04:46.540 take, uh, traditional bows. And then you want to take it even further. You have primal bows and
00:04:52.800 hunting, which is equipment that these guys make themselves. And then you have cross, but like,
00:04:59.780 and, and it seems to me, everybody's like, well, you know, this is the best way to do it. If you
00:05:04.020 were a real hunter, this, and you were a real hunter that, I don't care if you want to go out and you
00:05:09.800 want to harvest a deer, maybe you want to take your kids out and you want to do this. I mean,
00:05:13.720 a rifle is a great option for that because it increases your odds of being able to go out and
00:05:17.680 harvest an animal. So that's cool. Uh, if you want to shoot a bow, I shoot a compound bow.
00:05:24.460 If you want to do that and you like the challenge of it and the thrill of it,
00:05:27.900 cause it is more challenging. There's no doubt about it. You have to be closer to an animal.
00:05:31.880 Um, you have to be more precise in your shots. There's a lot more, um, I would say dynamics
00:05:38.560 to the way that you shoot. Yeah. Smaller margin of error. Then that's cool. And, and,
00:05:44.300 and I think you should do that. Uh, regarding a crossbow. Yeah, I, I get it. If you're disabled 1.00
00:05:52.060 or you're injured or a lot of guys end up as they get older, they have shoulder problems. And so they
00:05:57.320 can't draw back a traditional bow or a compound bow that is. And so they move over to a crossbow.
00:06:02.840 So I think that's cool. Um, or even a, even a younger kid, really cool with a crossbow.
00:06:08.840 Brecken's first hunt he did in Texas on a deer was with the crossbow and he shot a pig with a crossbow.
00:06:14.900 Uh, but I actually don't care. I don't, I don't think it matters. Just do what you want to do.
00:06:19.820 And if your state regulates it or doesn't regulate it and you think it's wrong or right,
00:06:24.220 work, work with fishing game, work with DNR in your state to, to be an advocate for what you're
00:06:31.000 looking for. But I don't think it makes it, it's not any, it's not any easier than shooting with
00:06:38.440 a rifle. I think it's easier than shooting with a bow, but easy to me, isn't really that big of a
00:06:45.220 deal. So just do what you want, follow the rules, do what you want and advocate for what you think
00:06:49.760 is right. And it doesn't, I'm not going to judge that too many hunters do. Yeah.
00:06:54.480 What I'm hearing Ryan is pick your battle. And if you want something more challenging,
00:07:01.260 then do the thing that's more challenging. And if you don't want to do something that's challenging
00:07:04.900 and you want to hire a success rate, then shoot with a gun and it's agnostic, right?
00:07:12.140 Yeah. Yeah. Is that normal? Good.
00:07:15.540 I was going to say, I would actually really like to harvest an animal, whether it's a deer or a pig
00:07:19.820 or something with a crossbow. Cause that's fun. You know, it's just another, it's another,
00:07:24.960 it's another weapon. It's another, another skill. I see nothing wrong with it.
00:07:30.400 Based upon your understanding, states see that as the same thing. Archery is whether it's a compound
00:07:36.120 or a crossbow. Do you know?
00:07:38.120 Not all, I don't know offhand, but if I had to make an educated guess on it,
00:07:42.700 some states probably see that one in the same, most states probably see it as different.
00:07:48.040 And you would have to be over a certain age or having some sort of qualified
00:07:54.040 medical condition or disability. Yeah. If I had to, again, I don't know the rules because I've
00:08:00.040 never really looked into it, but if I had to make an educated guess, an assumption on it,
00:08:04.480 that's, that's what I would say. Got it. Interesting. Yeah. Oh yeah. I'm doing questions.
00:08:11.120 You're reading the questions. Yeah. Yeah. This is actually kind of nice. I just want to sit back and
00:08:15.220 listen. All right. So this is a bit of a long one. This one comes from Ryan O'Hare. He says,
00:08:20.440 my 15 year old had some friends spend the night this last weekend. Several of them left at one
00:08:25.500 point to go acquire fireworks. One kid had some stashed at his house. They came back empty handed.
00:08:31.600 Not sure why, probably because they used them all on the way back over. And they were asking if they
00:08:36.280 could make napalm. Having just finished fight club, that's what we're studying in the iron council this
00:08:42.680 month. I had a myriad of thoughts racing around in my head. I ended up telling them that if we lived
00:08:47.120 out of town and had some land, like I grew up, that we could blow some stuff up, but that I didn't want
00:08:52.580 them blowing stuff up in our backyard with neighbors all around. I think that's reasonable. He says,
00:08:57.560 what are some good activities that I can help facilitate that would give these boys an opportunity
00:09:01.920 to scratch this primal male itch? Something that we won't tell the mothers, but that also won't lead
00:09:08.060 to felonies. I'm sure I can find some land to use, but also some in-town activities would be good
00:09:14.680 too. A potato gun came to mind because there is some engineering, chemistry, carpentry involved.
00:09:20.340 Also be careful because those are not all legal in every place that you live. I'd love to have
00:09:27.620 a chunk of ideas that I could help execute with other dads over time. Any ideas that could be
00:09:34.540 covert service projects like guerrilla gardening. I don't even know what that is, but it sounds cool.
00:09:41.680 All right. So yeah, I mean, potato gun, I would say Tannerite is awesome. If you guys have never
00:09:47.780 used any Tannerite, which if you're not familiar and any man listening to this should be familiar
00:09:52.080 with it, it's an explosive. And so you can go out and find some land and you can go shoot it and it
00:09:58.840 goes boom. And it's awesome. Uh, another thing you could do is you could actually have a fight club.
00:10:06.480 Like you could have these boys fight with some rules, uh, or, or wrestle or do jujitsu. And that
00:10:12.900 might scratch some of that itch too. My, my oldest son, he's 14 when they were in Utah a couple of weeks
00:10:17.820 ago, uh, went to a party and they have boxing gloves and they were just doing boxing matches at the
00:10:24.300 party. And I saw some video of my son. Some of it looked good. Some of it did not look so good,
00:10:29.020 but it was hilarious. And you know, yeah, bloody noses, things like that. Big deal that that's a
00:10:35.400 way to scratch. I think that primal itch a hunting is a great opportunity to do that. Um, and then just
00:10:43.320 exploring, just going out into the wilderness and exploring and, you know, picking up rocks and
00:10:48.880 fishing and finding animals and throwing rocks and skipping rocks at the lake and things like this
00:10:55.560 are such a huge, huge way to productively and in a healthy way, scratch that itch, if you will.
00:11:04.860 Yeah. The one thing that comes to mind is being, being a little unreasonable, you know, kind of doing
00:11:11.460 the thing that like is not safe or seems too difficult to do that you would normally not do. Right.
00:11:17.860 That's part of what this is. And, and I can't help but think back when I was a kid, how many times I'd
00:11:23.300 be backpacking with my brother and they would go, Hey, like we were in Narrows, you know, Narrows and
00:11:29.080 Zions. And it's, you know, it's early evening. And my brother goes, we're middle of Zions, like these 0.99
00:11:36.860 huge, tall cliff walls. And he goes, let's see if we can see the sun before it goes down.
00:11:43.980 Hmm. I'm like, looking around. I'm like, I don't know if that's possible. He's like, let's try.
00:11:48.600 And so we're scaling up some sketchy wall. You know what I mean? And it was this big challenge
00:11:54.080 or if it's backpacking and go, let's try to get that peak. Are you serious? Yeah. Let's try it.
00:11:59.780 Or let's go snow camping when it's negative 10 outside. This sounds crazy, right? Let's do it.
00:12:06.040 It's, it's those adventures. It's the challenge. It's the thing they probably normally want to do
00:12:12.080 that is kind of the itch, you know? And, and there's a lot of controlled ways to doing this,
00:12:16.980 you know, like at first I thought make pipe bombs, but that's probably totally illegal.
00:12:20.720 You probably shouldn't be doing that, but yeah, get a, get a black powder rifle and, and talk
00:12:25.460 through what's happening in that black powder rifle. That's pretty awesome. Actually, if you think
00:12:29.000 about it or create a candy cannon or whatever, you know, so there's, there's lots of ways, but it's,
00:12:35.020 it's in this space of like, this is something that we normally want to do. It's something that
00:12:39.880 seems extreme in their minds. There's a, let me see if I can find this.
00:12:49.360 There's a guy on YouTube that my kids follow. I'm going to have to find out who it is.
00:12:59.000 And he, the guy used to work for NASA. And so he's, he's, he's brilliant. He, I think he's an
00:13:05.440 engineer or, or some scientist or something. I don't have to find his, his name, but he makes
00:13:11.960 all kinds of cool stuff on, on YouTube and like projects. And some of them are explosives and
00:13:19.180 something like, it's really cool. So I'll have to find that guy's name. I'll shoot, I'll shoot them a
00:13:23.800 message while we're, while we're talking today and see if I can find it before the end of this podcast.
00:13:27.220 Cool. All right, cool. Um, let's go to, this one comes from Rick Vernick. He says as a quality
00:13:38.560 manager in aerospace dealing with the quote, post COVID world has its challenges. People are leaving
00:13:44.520 the industry in droves and we are slow to hire and retain. This leaves me to take on more and more
00:13:50.180 people's jobs in my role. I'm going to put a pause on that. And I'm going to say something that Jocko
00:13:55.260 would approve of good. Cause I already know, I think this is being framed as something negative.
00:14:00.920 And I think there's a frame where this is positive, but let's keep going while I believe
00:14:05.340 in extreme ownership and doing the best job possible. My management calls out the few things
00:14:11.140 I can't get done versus all the ones that I do in a given week. So I would be proactive on that.
00:14:17.960 We'll talk a little bit more about that versus reactive. I'm feeling on a downward spiral and out of
00:14:24.140 control. There are very little resources to offload to, and the deadlines are starting to come and go.
00:14:29.100 It's beginning to really affect my life outside of work and unsure how to handle it. I'm hard work
00:14:34.040 and responsible, but feel I'll be a scapegoat. Nonetheless, you might, that's why we're going
00:14:37.920 to talk about proactiveness. Where do I draw the line between an extreme ownership and letting go as
00:14:43.260 my plate is beyond full more than one manager slash man can handle. Thanks for all you do.
00:14:48.620 Okay. So the reason I brought up being proactive is if you're going to leave it to your managers
00:14:54.860 to critique your work, they're going to critique your work. That's what they're going to do. And
00:15:00.560 that's what, isn't that what you do as a man? Like when things are moving along, what do we look for?
00:15:06.800 Well, we look for the problems first. We always do, whether it's your relationship or the way that
00:15:11.540 your wife is doing something or the way your kids are doing their chores or the way they're talking to you
00:15:17.240 and your wife, like this is what we do. We always look for the problem first. So why would it be any
00:15:22.120 different with an employer? So what I would suggest to you is that instead of being reactionary and
00:15:27.820 waiting for your employer to come and say, Hey, now look, I gave you all this, these projects and you're
00:15:33.500 not getting it done. You get out ahead of it. So what does that look like? Well, I would make a list of all of
00:15:38.600 the projects that you're working on. And I would, I would prioritize them. Hey, here's the 10 big
00:15:44.880 projects that we have. Here's what I think is important. And then I would go to your direct
00:15:49.120 supervisor. And I would say, look, here's the 10 that you've tasked me and our team with.
00:15:55.340 This is the priority as I see it, but I don't, I don't have the luxury of seeing the entire picture.
00:16:02.440 So is this correct or is this not correct? Now, what you do is once that manager gives you a
00:16:09.720 priority based on the way that he sees it, you have to manage expectations because that might
00:16:15.580 not be happening right now. And so their expectation is, Hey, I got you everything.
00:16:20.740 What's the problem? Well, the problem is they're not seeing it the way that you see it and you're
00:16:25.300 not seeing it the way they see it. So how do we manage expectations? Look at the priority and say,
00:16:31.320 if you're my manager, Kip, I'd say, great. I really appreciate. Sounds like pretty much on the
00:16:35.660 same page with a couple of little tweaks. Do you mind if I come back to you in the next two days
00:16:40.800 by Wednesday and give you a timetable and an expectation that you can have of me and my
00:16:47.680 department? I just want to make sure that we're managing expectations, that we're hitting what
00:16:52.240 you need to have hit, but that we're also being very reasonable in, in what we can expect in getting
00:16:58.680 all of this done. And of course, I think, you know, if you're a reasonable person, you're going to
00:17:03.760 say, yeah, sure. Wednesday. So now you come back Wednesday that gives you time to think about it,
00:17:09.380 that disengages you from the situation. So you're not reacting or responding emotionally,
00:17:13.260 like you might be tempted to. And you come back to your manager and you say, now, look,
00:17:17.500 we've got these 10 projects. Here's the priority. I feel like in the next 30 days, we can get these
00:17:22.620 three things done. I really do. I think the next three are probably going to take 60 days. I think
00:17:28.460 the next three are probably not even feasible this quarter based on X, Y, and Z. But if we had
00:17:38.820 X, Y, and Z, then we could bump these up and we could probably get these things done.
00:17:44.920 Can we have access to these resources? That might be more people. It might mean a tool or an investment.
00:17:50.640 And the manager is going to say, no, you can't have that. And you're going to say, well, then
00:17:53.540 look, I understand we're in tight times and weird times and bringing people on. I'm just telling you
00:17:57.620 without the team, it's just not going to happen. That is a much better approach than just sitting
00:18:05.780 back, waiting for the hammer to fall and hoping you don't become the scapegoat of all these
00:18:11.900 projects. Now you're out ahead of it. You're being proactive. You're showing initiative.
00:18:18.680 That's a really, really positive way to look at it. And plus, you're going to feel good because
00:18:23.440 you're moving the needle and you're being assertive like a man is. So that's what I would suggest.
00:18:27.620 Stop being a reactionary. Stop waiting for the world to happen to you. And you go exert yourself
00:18:32.540 and do this in a positive way that serves your upline management.
00:18:36.700 The only thing I'm going to just add a little extra value here is focus on what you need to do
00:18:44.500 to establish trust as well. It is quite amazing what freedoms and what success and accelerated
00:18:53.520 progress you'll make when there's strong trust between you and quote-unquote your manager.
00:19:00.260 And I think you need to own that. And so look for areas to establish trust. That's primarily three
00:19:06.440 ways, by the way. Overcommunication of how are things going? How are things progressing
00:19:11.120 throughout that entire process that kind of Ryan's talking about?
00:19:14.340 The second is you have to be consistent, like wicked consistent. So you can't do this. Oh,
00:19:22.860 here's my priority. Here's my updates. And you do it for like a week. And then you stop doing it
00:19:27.020 because you don't think it's going to be valuable. Now you're untrustworthy. And I know that sounds
00:19:32.080 extreme, but you're inconsistent. So now I don't know what to expect of you. So you have to be wicked
00:19:37.600 consistent on your communication and how you show up. And then third, establish a relationship.
00:19:46.120 That way, the stronger my relationship is with my employer or the stronger relationship I have with
00:19:52.140 Ryan, the higher probability is that we're going to trust one another because he understands my
00:19:56.960 character and my competence. And it's genuine, right? If we genuinely have a strong relationship,
00:20:02.960 I'm showing up from the perspective of, Hey, I know that you're doing whatever's possible to make
00:20:09.480 this work and don't rely on just these communications. So be consistent, overly communicate and make
00:20:15.900 sure you have established relationship. That's going to help along with everything that Ryan just
00:20:20.500 said. Awesome. Cool. Very good. I was listening. I was just trying to pull up that name because I
00:20:25.480 told you guys I would pull up that name, that YouTube guy. So very cool. All right, let's go to
00:20:31.400 Chase Kimball. He says, Ryan, in your separation with your wife, did you encounter a lot of negative
00:20:37.480 comments and lack of support from your family and friends? I'm in the middle of a divorce with my
00:20:42.220 wife and it's amicable. We have decided that we work better as friends without getting too much into
00:20:46.680 detail, but it seems that people around us are causing more drama than the two of us are. My wife and
00:20:52.620 I are happier with how our relationship is going and get along very well. I've been trying to distance
00:20:57.760 myself from everyone's projections, but find it hard not to do anything about it. I feel stuck in
00:21:03.100 how little I can react to the comments. How should I go about talking to these individuals,
00:21:07.660 especially the family members? Okay. So, all right, there's a lot to this. I don't know who
00:21:14.340 the family members are. If they're her family members, there's probably not a whole lot that you
00:21:19.720 can do. I don't understand all the ramifications of your dynamic, but it's not like you can go to her
00:21:24.660 parents and say, Hey, stop thinking or talking ill of me. It's just the reality. If it's your family
00:21:30.280 members, I think you probably should go to your family members and say, Hey, look, I know my wife
00:21:35.180 and I are going through a challenging time and we're, we're divorcing. And this is hard on everybody,
00:21:40.780 the kids, us, it's hard on everyone. And one of my boundaries though, is that you're not going to
00:21:47.200 speak ill of her, even in the midst of what's going on. You're not going to speak ill of her.
00:21:51.940 And also you shouldn't speak ill of her to your family members. Cause then you're giving them
00:21:57.220 permission to do the same and especially around your kids. So make sure that what you expect of
00:22:03.700 your family members is the same expectation that you have of her. And when your family members start
00:22:10.380 to talk and they're probably, if it is your family members, they're probably doing it for the right
00:22:14.760 reason because they love you and they want to protect you. But you need to tell them, Hey,
00:22:19.900 I want to have a working relationship with my ex-wife. I still have feelings for her in some
00:22:27.000 capacity. I still care about her. And she's still the mother of my children. And we're going to have
00:22:30.920 a healthy relationship and you're not going to undermine that. That's a boundary that I have.
00:22:35.340 And then you put your foot down on that. Now I would also talk with her. I would sit down. It sounds
00:22:42.140 like you guys are amicable and I would sit down with her and I would say, Hey, listen, you and I are
00:22:47.980 amicable. We're working on this. It sounds like this is going to be a better solution.
00:22:52.340 I have some concerns and my concerns are, is that there's some negative talking about me.
00:23:01.760 And I would ask that you stand up for me in those situations. You know, you don't have to,
00:23:07.720 you don't have to throw yourself under the bus, you know, but that you, that you shut that down
00:23:13.400 because it's important to me, especially as it relates to our kids. I could care less what your
00:23:18.180 family thinks of me, but it's important for our kids. And I don't want the relationship with our
00:23:23.080 children to be undermined. And so it'd be really important for me if you would be willing to do
00:23:28.000 that. And I want you to know that I will never speak ill of you. That if my family members or
00:23:34.640 friends are speaking ill of you, that I will defend you, that I will shut that down because it's also
00:23:41.360 important to me that I lift you up, especially in the eyes of our children. It's, it's just
00:23:48.400 communication. That's all it is. It's communication. And you can't probably communicate with her family
00:23:54.460 members the way that you can with yours. So you need to ask her to do that. And if you're amicable,
00:23:58.920 like it sounds like you are, then you have a good working relationship. I would actually think
00:24:03.640 she'd want to do that as long as you frame it in the right way.
00:24:08.240 Totally. Method to add, man.
00:24:11.660 Just the biggest thing is, I know it's a cliche and it's a cliche because it's, it's real.
00:24:17.720 It's like, I think Gandhi said it is be the change that you want to see in the world.
00:24:21.440 Right? So if, and I think this goes for a lot of men who are in separations and divorces,
00:24:27.060 especially the ones that are nasty. Like I understand there's frustration. I
00:24:33.460 understand there's anger. I understand there's probably a lot of questions about what is
00:24:38.260 happening. I know that it might seem unfair and all of that might be true. And so what,
00:24:45.780 what, what, what road do you want to take? Do you want, even though all of that might be true,
00:24:51.820 do you want to be angry and bitter and contentious and hostile towards each other,
00:24:58.340 especially if there's kids involved? Like, do you really want that?
00:25:03.280 Yeah. What will that give you? What will that give you? What will it give her? What will it give
00:25:07.340 your kids? Like, what is the, what is the end result? Misery for everybody.
00:25:12.680 Yeah. And you might say, well, you don't know. Cause my wife's a bitch. I don't, 1.00
00:25:16.060 you're right. I don't, maybe she is. And maybe you are too though.
00:25:20.420 And maybe you can begin to change and you can decide, you know what? Yeah, I'm angry and I'm
00:25:30.120 frustrated, but also I want to have a working relationship with this woman because our kids 0.98
00:25:37.520 are involved because I still do care about her because I want her to be happy. And so you put
00:25:42.860 your ego away and you put your pride away. I'm not saying you have to be a simp or a beta or any of
00:25:48.080 that kind of stuff. That's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, if you want to see that change
00:25:52.320 in her, then that's got to start with you. And it probably won't happen overnight because she 0.99
00:25:59.200 probably won't believe you because she doesn't trust you. That goes back to what you were saying
00:26:04.860 earlier. So if all of a sudden you do a complete 180 in your personality, she's going to think,
00:26:09.400 what's this guy's angle? What's he, what's he angling for? What's he jockeying for here right now?
00:26:13.520 But if you do it for days, months, years, all of a sudden it's like, oh, okay. Let me,
00:26:20.800 let me take a brick off the wall. The wall that she's put up between you and her to protect 0.57
00:26:27.040 herself. That's why she's done that. I don't, I don't think it's, I mean, yeah, there are some
00:26:33.240 vindictive women out there just like there are men, but I think for the most part, it's a wall
00:26:38.780 they've put up to protect themselves. It may not be appropriate, but that's what they feel like.
00:26:44.340 And you can begin to help her take those bricks down from the wall. If you act appropriately.
00:26:49.580 Anyways, that's my thought. I keep looking at you. We're still going on me.
00:26:55.840 Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt,
00:26:59.060 there we go. No, Matt. Holy cow. Matt Mattucci is how I would say that. There we go.
00:27:03.580 So in Bedros's new podcast, he talks about the difference between struggle and discomfort.
00:27:10.900 The differences are very well defined, but I am struggling to understand how to be uncomfortable
00:27:16.580 in situations instead of struggling. So in a difficult circumstance, how do you prepare to
00:27:22.840 be uncomfortable and not struggling? I will update this comment when I find an example and he hasn't
00:27:29.200 updated the comment. So, uh, all right. So the difference, I don't, I don't know Bedros's
00:27:35.900 definition, but the way that I look at it is if you're drowning in an, in the ocean and you,
00:27:42.760 and you've got the waves and the tide and you're like flailing around, you're struggling and it's
00:27:47.540 unnecessary. But if you had a life preserver, it would still be challenging. Or if you knew how to
00:27:55.700 tread water, or if you knew how to swim, it would still be a difficult, challenging circumstance,
00:28:01.180 but you wouldn't be struggling and, and it wouldn't be unnecessary in your head. That's what it is.
00:28:07.520 Right. Okay. So the way that I would suggest that you get good with being uncomfortable versus
00:28:16.200 struggling is having the tools and the skillset to deal with whatever you might encounter.
00:28:25.520 So I'm trying to think of an example now too. If your friend says, Hey, let's go run a marathon.
00:28:33.140 You're really going to struggle. If you've never run more than five or six miles, you're,
00:28:38.460 you're going to struggle and you might actually hurt yourself.
00:28:40.920 If however you decide that, Hey, you know what? Hey, thanks for the invite for the marathon.
00:28:47.680 I'm not going to run it with you next week, but in January, if there's one, I can commit to that.
00:28:55.160 And now you go get yourself uncomfortable. I'm going to run. I'm going to study. I'm going to
00:29:00.980 research. I'm going to look at the proper way to run, how to strike, where to strike on the ball of
00:29:05.880 my foot versus my heel. I'm going to practice. I'm going to get the right shoes. I'm going to,
00:29:10.060 I'm going to hydrate myself. Well, I'm going to fuel myself correctly. And all of that is going
00:29:14.440 to be really uncomfortable because I'm not used to it. And then that way, when we go run the marathon,
00:29:18.900 I'll be in a pretty good spot to be able to complete that without putting myself in unnecessary
00:29:23.740 risk. This is interesting. Yeah. Well, I mean, I, what's the objective of this question?
00:29:31.780 I don't, I don't know. I mean, is it to just make sure that I'm not struggling and, and, and I,
00:29:40.260 I understand the distinction between the two. One, one scenario that came to mind is I'll give you an
00:29:47.120 example because we have to do it at least once. Right. So from a jujitsu perspective, if I don't
00:29:54.220 know what I'm doing on the mat and I show up at a gym and someone's going all out, I I'm getting
00:30:01.420 destroyed. I'm struggling, right? There's a lack of competence. That's part of my training. And I'm
00:30:07.300 just, I'm flailing, right? Like I'm, I'm just trying to survive and it's a mess. That's, that's one
00:30:14.900 distinction. The second distinction is I have been training for a while and I'm putting myself in bad
00:30:21.920 positions, but I'm uncomfortable and I'm choosing to be uncomfortable, but I know that I'm safe. I
00:30:30.660 know that I'll be okay. Like there's some confidence in how I'm showing up. You know, the, the other
00:30:36.660 analogy that came to mind is like, you know, if I were squatting, right? So let, let's say I was going
00:30:43.420 to squat 500 pounds, right? That's a struggle. I'm probably going to get hurt. I'm going to, my form is
00:30:48.900 going to go bad and some bad might happen. Uncomfortable would be me putting 200, maybe 150
00:30:55.820 on the squat rack and doing it for 40 reps. Highly uncomfortable. My legs are burning. I want to quit,
00:31:04.300 but where, where's the struggle? It's a mental struggle, not that of a physical one. And so I think
00:31:11.840 that, I think maybe I'm just coming around and saying it a different way. It's like, there's a level
00:31:16.200 of, of preparation and, and confidence that comes with avoiding struggles in life. But then I can't
00:31:26.100 help, but think of Goggins and you say, well, Goggins, you doing some crazy pushup challenge or
00:31:31.000 running a hundred miles. Was that a struggle or, or is that just your mind being uncomfortable? And his
00:31:35.960 response was my body could have gone more and it was just in my head. And my body is capable of so
00:31:44.520 much more than I actually gave it credit for. So maybe there's just us coming to the realization
00:31:49.200 and not mentally quitting and thinking that it's a struggle when reality, it's just uncomfortable
00:31:54.780 and we're capable of so much more and believing in that. And then making sure that we have some
00:31:59.840 skill and confidence to bypass the struggles that might show up in life.
00:32:04.320 As you're saying this, I'm just trying to make this more simplified. Here's, here's what I would say.
00:32:09.360 And we can flesh this out a little bit, but I think using these definitions, struggle would be,
00:32:15.920 you would be in harm's way. You'd be at the risk of, of, of bodily or psychological injury.
00:32:26.940 So I'm trying to think of another struggle. Maybe it's addiction or relationship issues.
00:32:33.200 And it might be uncomfortable what you're trying to do, how you're trying to improve your life,
00:32:38.420 or you might be struggling so hard that you're contemplating suicide. Okay. That is not healthy.
00:32:45.780 Like you need to get help. You need to figure it out. You're struggling unnecessarily. And now you're
00:32:52.000 in danger psychologically or physically you're in danger. That's a problem. Okay. Versus discomfort.
00:33:01.420 I think discomfort leads to action because when you're uncomfortable, you don't want to be
00:33:08.240 uncomfortable. So you could, you could go one of two ways. You could get yourself out of the
00:33:11.640 environment. And if it's just a little discomfort, but the, what you're doing is good for you,
00:33:17.140 then you should not get yourself out of the environment. You should stay there, stay there
00:33:19.880 and learn to deal with it. If it is dangerous, then get yourself out of that environment.
00:33:23.340 Or you can actually take action to improve yourself. So I know like in, in this, this happens
00:33:32.780 a lot in spirituality. I hear people pray sometimes or, or their conversations with God and they'll
00:33:37.740 say, God, please, you know, lighten this load. Please like take this from me. I can't deal with this.
00:33:42.540 And I understand that I've prayed for things like that, but I think the better prayer is
00:33:49.200 help me find the strength to be capable of dealing with this. Like make, make me stronger,
00:33:59.440 put me in situations that are going to fortify me where I can be a better man than I was before,
00:34:06.540 not by lightening my load, but making me more capable of handling even greater challenges and
00:34:12.720 strife and adversity. And that's, I think what we want as men not to run away from, to use your
00:34:19.780 barbell analogy, not to put two plates on, but to figure out how you can be capable of putting three
00:34:25.760 plates on next time. And so that's what discomfort does. It drives you to action, hopefully productive
00:34:33.900 action. Struggle is unnecessary and could be dangerous. And maybe the value of this distinction
00:34:41.040 is to make sure that we don't put ourselves in a position of struggle and, and knowing when to draw
00:34:47.040 that line. Is that maybe the intent? Sure. Yeah, it could be, but again, I don't know Bedros is
00:34:53.680 framing because they're just words. Yeah. Somebody else could hear this and say, well, you know,
00:34:58.220 struggle to me means X, Y, and Z. Well, okay. Like it's the concept that we're after, not the word that
00:35:03.720 we choose to use. Yeah. All right. Let's drive on here. Oh, by the way, I figured out that guy,
00:35:10.640 I sent a message to my kids and I figured it out. Your kids actually text you back.
00:35:18.980 She texted me back. Does that not happen to you? No, only if they initiate the text.
00:35:24.940 Okay. Well, they don't love me. They texted me back. They must not. All right. So the guy's name
00:35:28.620 is Mark Rober. So it's, um, R O B E R his 22.8 million subscribers on YouTube. Uh, so I'm just
00:35:37.720 8 million subscribers. That's why that's awesome. So I can't remember who asked the question, but
00:35:43.880 he's got some great stuff. So the one I'm just looking through a few here, he just, he created
00:35:48.740 a squirrel maze. So this to the squirrel to get to food, he has to actually go through this maze.
00:35:54.660 That was cool. Beating five scam arcade games with science. And he's got the thumbnail is like this
00:36:00.940 hydraulic fist or something on his arm and he's punching a punching bag with it. Uh, a secret
00:36:09.120 hiding office or a secret hiding room behind a fake office. Uh, the world's largest t-shirt cannon
00:36:16.500 and exploding glitter bomb, which is hilarious because these people will, you know, those people,
00:36:22.760 especially during Christmas, they'll steal packages and off your front porch. Well, he
00:36:29.020 would put, he would put packages on his porch, but have this exploding glitter bomb. So when
00:36:35.060 people steal it, they'd get in their car and they'd open it up and it would do a fart spray 0.59
00:36:39.460 and a glitter bomb and just destroy their car. Hilarious. Uh, awesome. So yeah, world's tallest
00:36:48.800 elephant toothpaste volcano. He's got some really cool stuff is all I'm saying. So there might be
00:36:54.280 some ideas. Yeah. That's funny. All right, man. Let's move back to the iron council questions,
00:37:00.020 but we're to your questions. Now. Uh, I went through all the questions we had from last week
00:37:04.460 that we didn't get to. All right. Sounds good. All right. Greg Ray with today's economy and housing
00:37:09.620 interest rates. What are your thoughts on buying now and refinancing after rates go down or wait for
00:37:15.100 things to turn around? We have a house that we'd go on market, which could be tough to sell because
00:37:20.020 of the economy. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, personally, I wouldn't buy a house right now
00:37:24.380 just because of inflated market prices. I think we're, we're kind of seeing the top of it. And
00:37:30.000 some of those pricing is coming down. The market's easing a little bit. So I don't know that I would
00:37:34.520 buy a house right now. I was talking with a real estate agent a couple of days ago, his son's on
00:37:38.280 my son's football team. And we were talking about it and he was saying interest rates are
00:37:42.700 seven plus percent. I'm like, Oh my goodness. I mean, you're talking about refinancing. What
00:37:47.240 I don't, unless you know something, I don't know what, how are you going to refinance to something
00:37:51.540 more advantageous than what you currently have? I don't know what your current rate is, but
00:37:56.220 I think what he's saying is buy houses now while they're cheap and interest rates are high
00:38:00.820 and then refinance, like hopefully in five years when interest rates drop back down. So take advantage
00:38:06.600 of the housing. Is housing cheap right now? I don't think so yet. I think it might
00:38:12.260 end up doing that, but I don't think, I think it's still inflated. So, I mean, that might
00:38:18.520 be what he, what he mean or Greg means, but I don't, I haven't found anywhere that the pricing
00:38:23.700 is, is favorable for a buyer. That's for sure. For a seller. Sure. And a lot of people are
00:38:29.900 tempted in markets like these to sell, which is fine. You know, you could, you could pull
00:38:34.000 a lot of equity out of your place and make a nice little profit on a, on a property that
00:38:37.920 you may have, but just remember you have to replace it if you're living there.
00:38:40.700 Yeah. So you might be selling inflated, but then you have to go buy inflated. So if it
00:38:46.960 were me in this situation, ideally I would potentially sell a property and move into
00:38:53.980 another one that I already owned until the market became more favorable. And then I would
00:38:59.340 scoop up properties with all of the proceeds that I made from that big sale on the property
00:39:04.140 that I have that I sold. I think a lot of the times we game this, like we, people game
00:39:10.400 finances so often. It's like, well, you know, here's what I hear a lot. Well, I'm going to
00:39:16.180 buy this, this new vehicle because I get better gas mileage with it. And so it'll, it makes
00:39:22.640 sense. Okay. No, that's not what you did. What you did is you wanted a new vehicle because
00:39:32.100 it's, it was an emotional decision. And then you backfilled your emotional decision with
00:39:38.360 faulty logic. So if we were to go through the actual numbers, you'd have to drive like 200,000
00:39:46.700 miles a year for you to recoup the cost in fuel efficiency. Now, some people can do that. I've
00:39:54.420 got friends who are on the road a lot and where you look at the numbers and that actually makes
00:39:59.920 sense, but that's the exception. That's not the rule. So let's just make sure we're all
00:40:05.020 making smart decisions, logical decisions, not emotional decisions backfilled with faulty
00:40:12.360 logic that happens a lot. And I'm not saying Greg is, I think that was Greg. I'm not
00:40:16.660 saying Greg's doing that. I'm just saying, be cautious of doing that because that's a trap
00:40:20.140 we fall into quite often. All right. Drew Sains, in regards to a service-based business
00:40:25.920 and you're a service provider, how do you build in margin? In my case, I'm revamping my business
00:40:31.720 and aren't at a level to bring on support for client delivery and want to ensure my numbers
00:40:36.860 are solid when I get to that point. Full capacity, not in a full capacity though, was a comment that
00:40:44.880 he made. I think you're probably better to answer this question, but here is one thing
00:40:50.160 I would say. I would test. Personally, I would test. I would see what the market was willing
00:40:56.960 to pay. So you increase your prices over time and see where the threshold is. Does that make
00:41:05.240 sense? Yeah.
00:41:06.100 So maybe you start a little lower than you would think. And where do you start? Well, I think
00:41:09.280 you look at industry competitors, you look at what other people are charging. You look
00:41:14.820 at for similar products, maybe not in the same space, but similar, what people are willing
00:41:19.480 to pay for. And you look at ways to add additional value that isn't real cost intensive for you.
00:41:26.660 Like the Iron Council, we're putting together courses and programs and making courses available.
00:41:31.600 That's not going to be real cost heavy for us, but it's immensely valuable for Iron Council
00:41:37.260 members. So the, the, the investment of being an Iron Council begins to make more and more and more
00:41:43.880 sense. But I would test is kind of what I would say and increase prices over time. And you'll figure
00:41:50.480 out where that threshold is. Yeah. Most service-based businesses, right? We're talking typically probably
00:41:56.720 time and materials, right? And so your margins obviously come down to the cost of resources and all
00:42:04.580 the support versus what you charge, right? From a rate perspective. So obviously test the market,
00:42:11.860 see if your rates are right. The other part of this is focus on intellectual property, right?
00:42:16.460 And it's interesting because if I provide service XYZ and I start getting really good at it, well,
00:42:24.580 then I get more efficient at it. And on a time and materials, I'm charging less, right? Something that
00:42:30.420 took me 10 hours now takes me five, but yet I'm not recouping and charging for the experience and
00:42:36.860 the know-how that allows me to get it done in five, right? So look for opportunities to make that
00:42:43.600 IP or intellectual property where it's like, okay, well, instead of doing XYZ service, we're going to
00:42:48.920 package that up. And now that's a fixed bid or a fixed price solution we provide. And now we get it
00:42:55.680 done in two hours because we have all the documents and the templates and everything that allows us to
00:43:00.340 be highly efficient. And now our margins get higher and higher, right? So, and there's a balance
00:43:06.780 there, but look for fixed price, intellectual property packaged kind of products where you get
00:43:12.940 the benefit of being more efficient versus charging the time and materials. And then the other thing I
00:43:18.960 would focus on is I worked for a consulting firm back in the day and we were primarily just a project
00:43:25.320 based service provider. And the problem with projects is it just ebbs and flows, right? It's
00:43:31.780 just like, we're swamped, we're light, we're swamped, and it's just inconsistent cashflow. And during that
00:43:39.380 time, we focused on having a reoccurring service that we offered on a monthly basis and then locked in
00:43:47.040 clients into like a six month contract. And by doing that contract, they would get our professional
00:43:53.080 services at a discounted rate. So I'll give you an example. Ryan comes to me and says, Hey, Kip,
00:43:57.920 we need your team to do X, Y, Z. I'd be like, awesome. We'll do that project. However, Ryan,
00:44:02.600 if you have a service contract with us already in place, you get our professional services team at a
00:44:08.820 discounted rate. Do you want to sign up for a support contract first for six months? And he goes,
00:44:14.100 yeah, for sure. So now we have reoccurring flow of cash for six months from Ryan. He gets a discount
00:44:20.200 on the project. And then we're also staying involved with that client. So we have constant
00:44:25.660 communication. So that way, next time Ryan needs help, he hasn't forgotten about us. Why? Because
00:44:30.620 we're servicing and helping him on a monthly basis. So now we're almost like foot in the door for all
00:44:35.880 future work. Yeah. I mean, the monthly, the monthly retainer or monthly subscription or whatever you
00:44:41.680 want to, is a, is a great, again, iron council, same way, monthly, monthly basis. I have a baseline
00:44:47.760 revenue. And then we have other ancillary products and offerings that are available,
00:44:52.120 but that's, that's a healthy baseline revenue. You know, as you were talking about this I was
00:44:57.860 reminded of a story I heard once and I just pulled it up because I didn't want to butcher it. And it's
00:45:02.000 called, you can call it whatever you want, ship repairman story. So, so here it is. A giant ship's
00:45:07.820 engine failed. The ship owners tried one professional after another, but none of them could
00:45:12.380 figure out how to fix the broken engine. Then they bought, brought in a man who had been fixing
00:45:17.060 ship since he was young. He carried a large bag of tools with him. And when he arrived immediately,
00:45:21.560 he went to work. He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. Two of the ship's
00:45:26.280 owners were watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over the
00:45:30.820 old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something instantly.
00:45:35.540 The engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away and the engine was fixed.
00:45:40.220 A week later, the owners received an invoice from the old man for $10,000.
00:45:43.680 What? The owners exclaimed. He hardly did anything. So they wrote the man,
00:45:48.620 please send us an itemized invoice. The man sent an invoice that read tapping with a hammer,
00:45:55.420 $2, knowing where to tap $9,998. Effort is important, but experience and knowing where to
00:46:03.080 direct that effort makes all the difference. Guys, the reason I read that story to you is I don't ever
00:46:08.320 want you to discount your expertise. And that's what we're tempted to do is just because I spent
00:46:13.940 10 minutes tapping with his hammer doesn't mean that I get to discount because it costs me a lot
00:46:20.000 of time, energy, resources, and money. There's another thing that you need to know about abundance.
00:46:24.840 And this is very, very important. I'm going to use from the Iron Council. And we're pretty
00:46:29.000 transparent with the way that we make money and revenue and all this kind of stuff.
00:46:34.500 And if you actually want it, people like calculate it and they send it to me. They're like,
00:46:39.660 I can't believe you're making this much money. Here's the interesting thing about what we do
00:46:44.220 is that it doesn't cost me any, a little bit, but it's not proportionate. It doesn't cost me much
00:46:52.380 more to have 100 members than it costs to have 10 members, a little bit more, but not directly
00:46:59.720 proportionate. Okay. So because that's the case, people will say, well, then you should charge less.
00:47:07.080 Why should I charge less? It doesn't matter if I have 10 people or 10,000, it's still the same
00:47:14.220 value to that one individual. And it really doesn't matter what my cost is relative to what that
00:47:22.640 one individual is getting. So be careful because there's a lot of loser mentality out there. 0.99
00:47:27.960 There's a lot of poverty mentality that will say, well, you know, 10,000 times $90 a month.
00:47:34.680 Here's how much you're making. Okay. Yes. Technically that's right, but I don't need to discount
00:47:40.500 because I have 10,000 versus 10 and all the time, the energy, the experience, and people will say,
00:47:48.520 well, I could do that. Then do it. If you can do that, then you go do it, but don't let other people
00:47:55.640 discount what it's taken you to get there. I have people say all the time, things like,
00:48:00.120 well, you know, I wish I could dink around on Facebook all day. You can, you can do that.
00:48:04.920 You 100% can do that. And if you think that's what I'm doing, then I would encourage you to do that
00:48:10.540 and make all the wealth and abundance of prosperity and helping other people that we are here.
00:48:14.920 And I'm not even saying that, Sarkat, I'll help you. I will tell you what to do,
00:48:19.160 but there's a lot more that you don't see. So don't ever discount your services. And I'm not
00:48:26.420 saying physically discount. I'm saying, don't ever overlook the value that you offer.
00:48:31.740 I working for myself for over 15 years, I can't count how many times I was like,
00:48:38.500 there's no way the client's going to pay this much, right? There's no way. And in hindsight,
00:48:43.700 I laugh at what those rates were and what I actually thought was too expensive. Like I never
00:48:51.800 overpriced myself ever. It's usually always the opposite to your point. And there's a big difference
00:48:57.540 between a relationship with a client that's willing to pay your premiums versus a client that is
00:49:04.700 stingy and working from a scarcity mentality. Those are the worst clients.
00:49:13.700 Yeah. The project is less efficient. We will not get done as fast. They constantly push back.
00:49:21.940 They become red tape in the process. They generate huge inefficiency, right? Like no joke. It's like
00:49:28.220 a red flag for me when I hear a client go, oh man, your guys' rates are too high. Could we discount?
00:49:32.480 I'm like, you're not our client, right? Like we need the client that says, hey, we're willing to pay
00:49:39.000 whatever necessary at the high rate to get the best services possible. I don't want the client,
00:49:43.460 that goes, let us micromanage you through this entire process so we can reduce the cost as much
00:49:48.180 as possible. They actually will double the timeline of what it will take to actually complete a project
00:49:53.200 because of the lack of trust and the scarcity that they have.
00:49:57.460 Well, not to mention, you know, if you could take on one client and make, you know, five times the
00:50:05.080 amount. So you're losing money, but it's not just money. It's your, your time. You know, if I could
00:50:13.460 work with one client and make out here, here's how it's it. I would rather work with one client and
00:50:19.220 make $10,000 than five clients and make 2000 on each of them. Like that's just, I mean, that's just
00:50:26.280 common sense. Now there is a risk to that. And the risk is you lose the one client.
00:50:29.580 Yeah. So there is that risk, but that's why you go pick up five or 10 clients at 10,000 and not 50
00:50:36.780 at, you know, 2000, whatever the math is there. Yeah. Boy. All right. Ryan, uh, Umagat, Umagat,
00:50:46.340 sorry, Ryan from an, from a man of faith perspective, when at a crossroads or faced with a tough decision,
00:50:53.660 how do you know you are listening and following God's path and plan as opposed to acting out on
00:50:59.460 your own emotions or even out in direction or direct rebellion to God's plan? It can be hard
00:51:05.820 to discern God's voice from our own desires. And God may even remain silent on purpose from time to
00:51:11.260 time. I would say that if you are only reaching out to God, when you need something, it's going to
00:51:20.480 be more likely that you're doing life on your own. If you're only asking, then how do you know?
00:51:28.980 You don't know him. So imagine this, imagine, um, imagine a stranger that you have an interaction
00:51:39.560 with. Maybe it's a prospect or a new client or, you know, a waitress at the, uh, excuse me. I can't say
00:51:47.840 waitress, a server at the, at the restaurant. You have an interaction with somebody you don't know.
00:51:54.620 And that person is behaving a certain way and you're interpreting that behavior. That's what we
00:52:00.800 do. And you think, man, that person's a real jerk. Okay. Now let's take the same scenario. And that
00:52:07.980 server is your wife and you guys are struggling financially because you just got laid off
00:52:15.800 and she just had a miscarriage and she's at work trying to make ends meet knowing that she just
00:52:24.900 lost her baby. Are you going to say she's a jerk? Her behavior might look the same from a casual 1.00
00:52:32.240 outside observer, but are you going to think the same thing? No, of course not. Cause you understand
00:52:37.960 the context of what's happening. And if anything, you're going to be more gracious. Maybe you leave a
00:52:44.100 larger tip. Maybe you're kinder than you would normally be. Right? So you, because you know that
00:52:50.000 person. And so I would say the same thing with this question about God, if you're only going and God's a
00:52:57.100 stranger to you, then odds are you're misinterpreting his message or his lesson. But if you know him
00:53:08.680 and you pray to him and you read scripture and you go to church and you're around other people who are
00:53:16.420 intimately familiar with God and he's an integral part of your life, then when these challenging and
00:53:23.420 difficult circumstances arise, you lean on your knowledge of him, then it's probably more likely
00:53:31.600 that you're following his path and not your own. Yeah. I actually always struggle with these
00:53:38.280 questions. Cause I, I think, I don't know, I, I, I fall in the path that, that I think our creator
00:53:47.060 kind of sits back and, and, and lets us learn our lessons, you know, and that there's, there's little
00:53:52.700 disruption, you know what I mean? To the flow of things and, and probably to a fault. I know that.
00:53:57.800 Um, but, but one, one thing I would consider is, is in line with his plan. And if it's not, then
00:54:08.580 why would you even ask? You know what I mean? Like, is this plan? I know, but plan AKA, is it about
00:54:18.180 like the service of other individuals or is it about you? And, and the probability is if it's just about
00:54:26.040 you, he's probably indifferent, but if it's about serving other individuals, it's about a greater
00:54:33.940 good. It's about something beyond yourself. Then, then those, those have different weight in my mind.
00:54:41.320 So I used to up until even relatively recently, wholeheartedly agree with that,
00:54:47.960 but I'm trying to see if things a little different. I don't know that he's indifferent.
00:54:52.680 Hmm. It's just that kind of, yeah. Yeah. It's just that he may not answer you the way that you
00:55:01.040 want. Let me give you an example. When I was young, um, before internet and computers,
00:55:06.700 I remember I'd have to work on a school project, you know, write a report or something on
00:55:13.100 alligators, whatever. And I would ask my mom, mom, how do you spell alligator?
00:55:18.560 And she would say, instead of spelling the damn word, which I knew she was fully capable of 1.00
00:55:24.540 spelling the word for me, she would say, go look it up in the dictionary. And we actually had to
00:55:30.860 look it up in a dictionary or the encyclopedia. Like we had to open a book. This is crazy. Open a book
00:55:38.220 that had like a through C words. And we'd have to like go through and find it and then figure out
00:55:44.420 how to spell it. And it was so infuriating. I'm like, mom, tell me how to spell alligator. She's
00:55:48.860 like, no, I I'm like, cause you don't. Yeah. I would try that. Right. I'm tempter. Well, because
00:55:53.180 you don't know how to spell it. And that never worked because she didn't need to prove anything
00:55:57.320 to me. Yeah. And, and so she said, no, I'm not. I want you to know how to find it and figure it out.
00:56:03.920 And so inevitably I'd have to go look it up. And, but that's our relationship with God.
00:56:10.200 So like, God, please help this woman love me, or please help me get this promotion or please help 0.98
00:56:17.180 me, whatever. And you don't get what you want. You don't get the promotion. You don't get the
00:56:22.420 woman. You don't get whatever. And you're like, oh yeah, see, there's no God. Like you couldn't,
00:56:28.900 how powerful are you? You couldn't even give me what I wanted. And so you tempt him and he doesn't
00:56:35.820 answer. Cause he doesn't need to prove anything to you. And then you fast forward your life 10
00:56:41.100 years or 15 years or 20 years. And you're like, man, I'm really glad that God didn't answer
00:56:48.820 that prayer the way I wanted him to answer it. Cause I would not have what I have right now.
00:56:54.600 If that were the case, he knows just like my mom knew how to spell. He knows our plan is imperfect.
00:57:01.900 Perfect. And that sucks actually, because we're not as in control, but I don't think he's indifferent.
00:57:08.020 It doesn't sound like you actually think that either, but yeah.
00:57:12.200 Well, and what's fun on what's fun about this is to drive this thought home.
00:57:18.040 Your mom's spelling alligator for you doesn't help you learn how to spell alligator.
00:57:23.560 That's what I'm saying. That's the point.
00:57:25.080 But you figuring it out does. Right. And, and the perfect prime example of that is the fact that
00:57:31.420 that's why the Bible is whittled with parables because you need to figure out the meaning
00:57:38.940 because there's a big difference being told something versus you figuring it out. Right.
00:57:44.860 And a quote that came up on my Instagram actually yesterday or earlier this last week, late last
00:57:50.700 week from Dale Carnegie. And I think it's, it's relevant to this. It says, you cannot teach a man 0.73
00:57:55.900 anything. You can only help him find it within himself. That's how we learn. We don't learn
00:58:03.280 because Ryan told me X, Y, Z. I learned because he said some things and I had to internalize it and
00:58:09.280 think through it. And then that becomes wisdom and knowledge. Before that, it was just intellectual
00:58:14.920 understanding or logic. And those are two drastically different things. And thus the
00:58:20.740 reason for parables. So that way we could have a, a different connection to that knowledge by coming
00:58:26.960 to that realization on our own. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's, it's the knowledge versus wisdom.
00:58:33.980 You know, you can have knowledge of something without being wise. Cause I think wisdom is practical
00:58:38.340 application of knowledge. Yeah. It would dig in. We can always tie it back to jujitsu. I could,
00:58:44.920 know how to do a Kimura. Like I could know all of the steps, all of the ways that the proper
00:58:51.100 technique, I could know all of that. I could even know, I could even know Kip when you're going to
00:58:55.960 do it to me. I can know. I'm like, Oh, he's trying to go for a Kimura because of how he's positioned,
00:59:00.660 how he's got my arm. I know that. And yet I can't defend it or I can't submit somebody with it
00:59:06.560 because there's nuance to the game that you need to do it enough to realize. And by the way,
00:59:12.120 just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work. You need to go back to the
00:59:19.180 drawing board. Cause you might be missing a crucial step. I hear that a lot. Guys are like,
00:59:23.080 Oh yeah, I tried to start a podcast, but it didn't work. Really? Podcasting doesn't work.
00:59:29.500 You're, you're, you're telling me that podcasting doesn't work.
00:59:34.200 Like how can you look me straight in the eye and say that in all a guy who's created a very,
00:59:42.920 very successful podcast that podcasting doesn't work. It's not that it doesn't work. It's that
00:59:47.920 you're not doing something correctly, which is okay, but it's not an opportunity to throw in the
00:59:52.820 towel. It's an opportunity to learn and grow and develop and figure out that one little key thing
00:59:56.580 you might be missing. I don't know. It kind of deviated from the question, but at the end of the
01:00:00.580 day, I think if you know, God, you're more likely to be following God. If he's a stranger to you,
01:00:05.740 how do you know? How do you know if you're following his plan or not? You really don't
01:00:09.740 because you have nothing to compare it to. Yeah. All right. Last question. Is that cool?
01:00:15.240 Yeah, sure. Let's do more. Brandon Ballard, what are some strategies for dealing with burnout in
01:00:21.860 groups or activities that have brought you joy in the past, but now you are finding them less engaging?
01:00:26.880 Yeah. I saw this question beforehand. I have a very easy answer. Elevate yourself in the group.
01:00:35.900 Stop being a bystander. Stop being a participant. If something brings you joy or has brought you joy,
01:00:44.480 here's the thing. I don't know. When he said this, I kind of wondered if he was talking about
01:00:48.220 the iron council a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, totally. My thought too is like,
01:00:53.120 I'm on a battle team. It's not as engaging as it used to be. Yeah. Right. And I don't know if that,
01:00:57.660 but we're just assuming that, but I read it. I'm like, oh, I wonder if he's talking about the iron
01:01:00.760 council. He says strategies for dealing with burnout in groups or activities that brought
01:01:04.420 you joy in the past. Now they're monotonous and less engaging. The answer is to get engaged
01:01:11.480 and not just for your own benefit, but for the benefit of other people. So if you see something
01:01:17.020 in the iron council or other activities or groups that you belong to that brought you joy,
01:01:21.260 it might not mean that they're joy less. It might mean that you have, you have graduated
01:01:28.000 past participant. And now your new role is not simply to participate, but you to serve other
01:01:37.280 people. It's like you get to this peak and you're like, oh, this peak is beautiful. And then you stand
01:01:41.920 there. Have you ever gone on a big hike? You were talking about Zion. Angel's Landing is a great hike
01:01:45.620 in Zion National Park. And you hike and you go up the switchbacks and you go up the little narrow
01:01:49.500 trail and you're holding onto the chains and you get to the top and you're like, this is beautiful.
01:01:53.400 Well, how long is a beautiful four? Half an hour?
01:01:57.300 Yeah.
01:01:57.960 And then you're like, yeah, I get it. A lot of rocks up here and it's high. Like I'm ready to go down now.
01:02:04.460 Why? It's beautiful. By any objective standard, you get up there, you should be proud of it.
01:02:09.360 It's a challenging hike. It's pretty scary. And it's beautiful. And yet after a half an hour,
01:02:15.040 you're like, all right. Yeah. Got it. Yeah. You have gone past casual observer or casual participant
01:02:24.060 and you should be graduating into the guy that now helps somebody else.
01:02:32.060 Hey, you know, this is missing, but I think it could be added. And here's one thing we can do.
01:02:36.460 And if we did this, I think it would improve engagement. And there you're going to find an
01:02:40.680 entirely new meaning of your battle team, of the iron council, of your work, of your relationship,
01:02:47.580 of your church congregation, of your school board, of your football team that you coach,
01:02:53.160 an entirely new dynamic that you are unlocking. If you get over the idea that everybody else is just
01:03:00.140 there to serve you. And maybe your new role is now to serve other people, which is pretty exciting.
01:03:08.000 So look at it that way. Sure. Love it, man. All right. So we covered a couple of things. Yeah.
01:03:18.000 So I see we're going to open that up here in the coming weeks. So to get connected and to learn more
01:03:24.800 about the iron council in preparation for when we open that up, go to orderofman.com slash iron council
01:03:29.640 holidays are coming up as well. So if there is swag that you're wanting to get yourself or another
01:03:35.380 brother or your son, or if you're the spouse that's listening and you want to get some swag
01:03:40.380 for your husband, go to store.orderofman.com and get those orders in before the holiday season rush.
01:03:46.400 And let me make a plug on one thing that's big right now is we have signed copies of my newest book,
01:03:51.040 the masculinity manifesto. And we also have, I think a few more copies of our exclusive edition,
01:03:57.600 which is a custom leather bound journal over the book, custom leather bookmark, a personalized note
01:04:05.360 card from me. And those are available as well. It's all at store.orderofman.com.
01:04:12.280 Perfect. And then to connect with Mr. Mickler on Instagram and Twitter, go to at Ryan Mickler
01:04:17.600 and stay connected that way as well. Right on. Thanks, Kip. Appreciate you guys. Great questions
01:04:22.480 today. Keep them coming. We'll keep answering and we'll keep going. We'll be back on what day?
01:04:29.280 Friday. Friday. And until then guys go out there, take action, become a man you are meant to be.
01:04:35.380 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life
01:04:39.820 to be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.