Order of Man - Being the Mean Dad, Networking for Work, and Dealing with Difficult Conversations

00:00:00.000 if you need to have a difficult conversation with your aging mother you might say hey mom you know

00:00:05.840 we need to have a difficult conversation about your finances or a difficult conversation about

00:00:10.800 your living arrangements or whatever the thing might be i mean i am a little bit upset but i

00:00:15.520 think it's something that i want to have a good and productive conversation with you

00:00:18.880 are you available this weekend to do that so now you have three four or five days

00:00:23.920 where she can brace and prepare herself so having the buffer and letting a person brace themselves

00:00:29.440 in a way that is good for them is important you're a man of action you live life to the fullest

00:00:36.560 embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path when life knocks you down you get back up one more

00:00:42.400 time every time you are not easily deterred or defeated rugged resilient strong this is your life

00:00:50.160 this is who you are this is who you will become at the end of the day and after all is said and done

00:00:56.400 you can call yourself a man gentlemen welcome to the order of man podcast thank you for being here

00:01:03.680 today uh this is our wednesday episode it's our ask me anything where we field questions from guys all

00:01:10.640 over our following whether it's on twitter uh instagram facebook youtube uh or our exclusive brotherhood

00:01:18.240 called the iron council now normally today i'm joined by my co-host kip sorenson uh but he just informed

00:01:24.400 me a couple of days ago that uh he is taking his family to disneyland now why any man would ever

00:01:31.120 take his family to disneyland is beyond me uh that is the unhappiest place on earth you can spend

00:01:37.520 thousands and thousands of dollars and just have a miserable time where everybody walks away

00:01:43.280 loving each other a little bit less and being a lot more impatient towards each other so but

00:01:48.080 nonetheless that's where he's at and we got to give kip a hard time he is a good family man he made a bad

00:01:53.200 choice on this one and i hope he listens because he needs to know but in that in that case you are

00:01:58.720 running solo with me today so i'm going to answer some of these questions that we have and i'm also

00:02:04.240 going to share with you a headline that we we normally do every wednesday as well so i'll just jump

00:02:10.320 right into this on the headline i read over the weekend that the pentagon the department of defense

00:02:16.480 uh just had an audit as they do every year and for the seventh consecutive year in a row uh they

00:02:24.400 have failed their audit meaning that there is money that is unaccounted for and not just a few dollars

00:02:32.320 here and there it's a lot of money billions and billions of our dollars taxpayer taxpayer dollars

00:02:39.040 that the government cannot figure out where it's going how it's being spent and why it's not accounted

00:02:45.760 for now good news though and i say that very sarcastically as i'm reading through this article

00:02:50.640 and this comes from fox 10 in phoenix it looks like and this was the best information i could find on

00:02:56.240 it here it said that the michael mccord he's the under secretary of defense also known as the comptroller

00:03:02.800 and chief financial officer said quote unquote that uh the agency has turned a corner in its

00:03:09.360 understanding of the depth and breadth of its challenges well gee thanks mike really appreciate

00:03:14.880 you taking care of our money uh over the past seven years so you can understand how difficult it is for

00:03:20.800 you to track money he also said this so if someone had a report card that is half good and half not good

00:03:29.120 i don't know that you could call the student or the report card a failure what a loser okay this is

00:03:36.640 not an exercise that uh you can compartmentalize if you can't account for billions and billions of

00:03:44.960 our taxpayer dollars that's a failure not just because part of what you done is it have done is good

00:03:52.240 by your own standard but if you can't account for these these assets and this money yes

00:03:59.360 that we could all call that a failure and that's exactly what you're doing now he also said in here

00:04:04.640 and i'm failing to pull up the quote so i'm not quoting directly but to paraphrase what he said is

00:04:09.840 that he is confident by the year 2028 they'll be able to have a a good successful audit where they

00:04:17.040 can actually account for everything by 2028 four years from now so i i just i can't deal with this kind

00:04:24.080 of stuff like it is it is unbelievable to me that we the american public and the men in this country

00:04:30.080 continue to allow this nonsense to take place in in what universe would you or any of the men listening

00:04:38.080 be a ceo or a cfo of an organization and for seven years in a row can't account for the finances of

00:04:46.960 that organization and still have a job it's absolutely ridiculous now i did see that congress is trying to

00:04:54.640 pass some legislation uh in one of the bills that i i saw was uh up for proposal is that if they fail to

00:05:05.520 provide a successful audit of their finances then one percent of the allocated budget then is returned

00:05:13.920 back to uh i guess back to the government which is where it is now i'd say turn it back to the

00:05:19.920 taxpayers but so be it um they have a massive budget 824 billion dollar budget so we're not

00:05:28.320 talking about pennies here but what i would suggest instead of instead of returning that one percent

00:05:34.160 back to the government which is where it is anyways what i would suggest is that for any person in charge

00:05:41.360 mr uh mike mccord and any uh officers in charge over at the pentagon and specifically the 28

00:05:50.160 department of defense reporting entities that those men and or women who are head of those department if

00:05:57.920 they cannot complete a successful audit of where every dollar every dime of our american taxpayers

00:06:04.320 have gone taxpayer dollars have gone then they lose not only their income but they lose their pension

00:06:11.360 when they step into retirement there has to be accountability and you can't do a piss poor job

00:06:18.000 with our hard-earned money and then expect that you're going to reap the benefits and by the way

00:06:22.080 the benefits also of our hard-earned dollars you don't get to come in here and do whatever you want

00:06:28.880 run it however you want don't track for it don't account for it and then think that we're going to

00:06:34.000 continue to pay you not just while you're employed by the federal government but then in perpetuity

00:06:39.120 until the day that you die if you can't get it right you lose your job you lose your income and you

00:06:45.040 lose your pension when you retire now i'm hoping that some of this stuff changes when mr elon musk and

00:06:51.440 vivek ramaswamy uh come in as the uh department of uh government efficiency doge as it's affectionately

00:06:58.080 referred to as uh where we can start looking at this and i know that this uh audit issue to put it

00:07:04.480 mildly is certainly on vivek's uh radar because he has talked explicitly about it so that's my

00:07:10.800 headline got fired up today and this morning and uh this stuff's absolutely crazy and we need some

00:07:15.680 accountability not just hey we're going to return money back no you're there's going to be consequences

00:07:20.320 there are going to be consequences in fact there i would even say there should be not only the the

00:07:26.400 income loss and the pension loss but we ought to start talking about criminal charges if you can't

00:07:32.480 account for taxpayer dollars something is happening and i would argue that it's either just gross

00:07:39.360 incompetence or fraud or probably both and so we need to start looking at real consequences so we can

00:07:46.000 actually address these real issues all right with that said let's get into some of your questions

00:07:52.160 today again these come from instagram facebook and then i'll get to some questions inside of our

00:07:57.360 exclusive brotherhood the iron council uh this first one these are leftovers from last week

00:08:02.480 but the first one it's just a kind of a comment in passing but i thought i'd address it anyways

00:08:07.280 how early did i wake up today uh on the weekdays i wake up at about five or five thirty just somewhere

00:08:15.040 in there usually i'll my alarm is set for five thirty but i usually wake up at five five ten five fifteen

00:08:22.080 somewhere in there um i get up i get going i get into the gym i'm in the gym at six o'clock i do an hour

00:08:28.960 worth of of working out uh and it's all consists of strength training um i've been sitting in the

00:08:34.640 sauna for 15 20 minutes every morning and i've been enjoying that lately but that's what time i get up

00:08:40.720 on the weekends depending on whether or not my kids are with me or what i have going on i'm usually up

00:08:46.720 around six o'clock so that's pretty consistent across the board five thirty to six o'clock and guys it

00:08:52.560 doesn't really matter what time you get up what matters is that you give yourself adequate time to do what

00:08:57.680 you know you should be doing so if you've got to leave at eight o'clock for the office you probably

00:09:02.880 should not be waking up at seven thirty i would say give yourself a solid two hours before you get

00:09:09.040 going so if you leave at eight you should wake up at six if you leave at seven you should wake up at

00:09:15.120 five now that varies a little bit i'm just giving you a general rule of thumb but i think that allows

00:09:20.080 you to get up that allows you to go through your morning routine that gives you an hour 45 minutes

00:09:26.160 or so depending on where your gym is to work out it gets you back gets you an opportunity to clean up

00:09:31.520 and get yourself presenting well for the day maybe even spend a little time with the kids for breakfast

00:09:36.400 before you head out the door but that would be my recommendation two hours before you leave the day

00:09:41.360 leave the the house for the day this next one oh by the way that question came from philosophy b or let's

00:09:50.000 see b y mj this one comes from front end jockey he says as a man how can i build my self-esteem levels

00:09:59.200 in a way that they'll be through the roof i like this question more than the sister question we get

00:10:07.360 to this one which is how does a man build confidence and i don't really think you can build confidence

00:10:14.480 directly i think it can be built and it can be fostered and developed but i don't think you can directly

00:10:19.200 build confidence what you do is you build competence and belief in yourself and as a

00:10:25.600 byproduct of the competence and the belief in yourself naturally you're going to have more

00:10:32.000 confidence it's a lot like saying if somebody says i'm sad and you ask well why are you sad and they

00:10:38.560 can't really articulate why they're sad it's kind of a wasted emotion at that point where i'm happy or

00:10:44.560 i'm glad i'm angry i'm bitter i'm contentious i'm frustrated if you don't know why that's the case

00:10:50.400 i'm not saying that you shouldn't experience the emotion but i think you ought to get to the root of

00:10:54.400 the issue so that you don't just fix being sad you actually start doing the activities that make you

00:11:00.560 happier you do the activities that give you fulfillment so a lot of guys will think well you

00:11:06.320 know i just want to be more confident but they never connect the dots to what is it that you need

00:11:12.240 to do to be confident that's why i like this question is how can i build my self-esteem levels

00:11:17.200 so that they're through the roof and then of course obviously the confidence comes with it

00:11:20.720 maybe it's uh semantics but i hope you understand the point really the the most succinct answer that i

00:11:27.520 can give you for building self-esteem or building confidence is simply this make and keep

00:11:35.040 important commitments to yourself make and keep important commitments to yourself

00:11:43.840 now you can make all sorts of commitments but if they don't have any weight in your own mind they're

00:11:47.600 they're not valuable to you then it doesn't really matter because you can say a lot of flippant things and

00:11:52.080 be wishy-washy about it or or say something and know deep in your heart of hearts that it doesn't

00:11:56.640 really mean much to you so you have to make a a valuable important fulfilling commitment

00:12:05.280 and then you have to follow through on it that's it so to go back earlier when uh the other gentleman

00:12:11.040 was asking what time i wake up if one of your commitments through the end of the year is to

00:12:17.760 lose 10 pounds and build and develop your strength drink more water get more sleep lock in your

00:12:25.040 nutrition etc etc that's all meaningful right i think most of us would agree that that has purpose

00:12:32.080 and value built into it so that's the fulfilling meaningful commitment that you're making to yourself

00:12:39.120 and then you actually have to follow through and you can't just do it once you have to do it

00:12:43.040 consistently so if you get up and go to the gym this morning your self-esteem is going to go up it's

00:12:47.680 not going to go up to quote him through the roof that comes over time and the most important thing

00:12:55.520 about keeping commitments to yourself is it counts more when you don't want to do it or you have excuses

00:13:04.720 not to do it it counts more now i'm not saying that you're going to reap a whole lot more benefit just

00:13:12.080 because you're doing it when you don't want to do it but from a self-esteem steam perspective it counts

00:13:17.600 more because you know you didn't want to get out of bed today you know you had the hardship uh of you

00:13:25.040 know dealing with kids or your wife or uh having a long night the night before or whatever your excuse

00:13:31.840 is you know that was present and yet you still did it so when it comes to building self-esteem

00:13:38.720 self-esteem again it counts more when you know you don't want to do it i don't think you're going

00:13:43.920 to build self-esteem there's a there's a friend of mine who uh very fit he's in the gym every time

00:13:50.160 i'm there which probably means he's at the gym when i'm not there and i asked him about i don't know

00:13:58.000 something about getting out of bed or was it hard or something i can't remember exactly what i asked

00:14:01.600 he says no it's not really hard i it's just so built into my routine and i enjoy it it's not that

00:14:05.840 challenging so i'm not discounting him and the fact that he's still working out and training and

00:14:11.920 doing what he needs to do for his own health but i do discount the amount of confidence it's going to

00:14:18.880 build in him it's a little bit like the law of diminishing returns if you do something long enough

00:14:24.800 and it becomes such a habit or you enjoy it so much it's no longer a challenge for you and therefore

00:14:30.960 it's not going to build your self-esteem as much as something that was very difficult and challenging

00:14:35.040 for you to do and you overcame it by the way that's not an excuse to stop working out or stop

00:14:41.520 working hard um in your career aspirations or investing in your wife or investing in your

00:14:47.680 children you of course you should do those things but it's the challenging things that make it uh

00:14:54.000 meaningful so again to recap find something that's meaningful make a commitment to doing it

00:15:01.120 for a long period of time and then follow through on that commitment and you will be unstoppable the

00:15:06.720 only other thing i'd add to that too is whatever vices you might have or thought patterns beliefs

00:15:14.800 behaviors that are keeping you from having some self-esteem we need to find ways to get rid of that

00:15:22.800 so i for example i know a lot of guys who deal with substance abuse issues uh who deal with pornography

00:15:30.000 addiction and every time one of those individuals engages in that behavior when he's made a commitment

00:15:36.880 not to it diminishes the self-esteem so you might have been right and high and then all of a sudden

00:15:45.200 you slip into drug or alcohol abuse you slip into pornography use and then you just undid everything

00:15:52.480 that you work to develop when it comes to your self-esteem so build the self-esteem by making

00:15:58.400 commitments and keeping them and then removing those hurdles obstacles biases challenges struggles

00:16:03.200 and behaviors that you're trying to get rid of if you do that you will be unstoppable

00:16:09.040 this one comes from al decker 1970 i really enjoy listening to the podcast keep up the good work my

00:16:14.560 question is this i have a lot of folks with different political views on facebook and other platforms

00:16:20.160 some on the right and others on the left i call myself a traditional conservative i'm seeing a lot

00:16:25.600 of anti-semitism anti-jewish sentiment out there disguised as anti-zionism a lot of this comes from

00:16:32.480 my far-right friends who have little use for jews anyways that's a weird that's kind of a weird phrase

00:16:38.560 i kind of want to dive into that a little bit uh personally i support the idea of the jewish state and

00:16:43.280 if possible a two-state solution the question is how do i deal with these people some of whom i've

00:16:48.720 known on social media for decades i'm really sick to death of seeing all this anti-semitic bs there is

00:16:55.760 an increase of anti-semitic semitism in europe but all those folks do is blame the zionist it would be

00:17:01.920 a shame to cut all these folks loose but i can't see any other way i'm not really going to get too much

00:17:08.720 into my beliefs on it um i know there is obviously a lot of anti-semitism that floats around and i'm

00:17:15.680 sure it comes from both sides of the political spectrum and the cultural spectrum um the phrase

00:17:22.560 that he said is a lot of this comes from my far-right friends who have little use for jews

00:17:26.560 anyways i i don't i don't personally know anybody who thinks that um it's a very weird thing to say

00:17:34.240 i i've i've never come across anybody who said that not just jews but any person like i i can't imagine

00:17:41.360 somebody saying i don't have any use for black people or i don't have any use for asians i it's

00:17:47.440 it's a weird thing but i'm not the person you're talking about so maybe you have heard that um i think a

00:17:54.560 lot of the anti-semitism that we we are seeing personally i think a lot of it comes from the left

00:18:00.340 especially as we see this conflict between israel and palestine i i see it more heavily weighted on

00:18:07.540 the left and i also think on the right it possibly could be on the increase i don't know for sure but

00:18:13.240 at least intuitively or anecdotally i might think that it's coming to a head or increasing on the right

00:18:19.980 because conservatives are typically going to try to keep themselves maybe not historically but i think

00:18:26.540 uh a new perspective is hey we don't want to get involved in foreign conflicts i don't i don't think

00:18:34.540 it's the u.s's job to police the world ukraine russia israel palestine it's just it's not our job now

00:18:43.680 i'm not anti-involvement i'm not a isolationist for example or isolationist i should say um i think

00:18:53.160 that there there is a vested interest in us being involved to some degree you know for example in

00:18:58.740 russia if we can send support financial support to ukraine and ukraine can diminish to the degree

00:19:10.220 that it has the russian military i actually think that's probably in the united states best interest

00:19:14.620 you know we don't have to send soldiers over there we can send we can send support financial support

00:19:19.760 and weapon systems and things like this without having to get involved and it completely just

00:19:24.280 obliterates and decimates the russian military yeah i think that's probably a pretty good thing for

00:19:29.620 america so i'm not completely anti let's be involved you know at all but also i'm not a fan of

00:19:36.660 sending billions and billions and billions and billions of dollars to these foreign conflicts

00:19:41.120 when there's no real interest in us doing that i know that there's the side of it that says that we

00:19:49.020 need to help the world and spread democracy i spent time in iraq in 2005 2006 and from what i saw

00:19:58.640 to some degree and what i've seen since many of these cultures are not interested in our version

00:20:05.300 of democracy and freedom and it's not my job to make them believe they should it's that's their job

00:20:12.020 so i'm getting a little bit off on a tangent when i say that and by the way that another tangent i could

00:20:17.840 get on is biden um green lighting uh using missiles american missiles to launch into russia uh that's a whole

00:20:28.920 other conversation which obviously is not a good idea to say the least but to back to this question

00:20:34.980 for al he says you know um how do i deal with these folks i don't want to cut them off i mean i think to

00:20:41.180 the degree that they're being anti-semitic i mean i i'm not really interested in being in this a

00:20:46.900 relationship with somebody who's like overtly racist and is is contentious and creating problems

00:20:53.080 and is just toxic about everything um and so maybe you do have people that you're just not interested in

00:20:59.380 dealing with anymore and that's fine especially if it's just done through social media no good is ever

00:21:04.720 going to come from debating whether or not there should be or even can be a two-state solution uh in

00:21:11.020 israel and palestine like how's that going to work on on social media it's not but there might be other

00:21:17.760 people who just believe differently than you and i think that there's this cultural tendency

00:21:23.040 to villainize other people who believe differently than you you know for example my far-right friends

00:21:30.680 now you didn't say right wingers you know that right wing phrase same thing with libtards or snowflakes

00:21:39.360 like those insults are designed to ostracize and to be contentious now there might be some

00:21:48.600 element of accuracy in in statements like those and obviously it's a bit hyperbole but

00:21:56.480 if somebody's attempting to make you an enemy out of these things that's probably somebody you need

00:22:04.980 to cut off but just because somebody disagrees with you and i'm not saying you're doing this

00:22:08.640 al but if somebody disagrees with you it doesn't mean that they're racist it doesn't mean that they're

00:22:15.120 anti-semitic i mean we hear that all the time you know somebody that has an issue with with ben

00:22:20.980 shapiro does this actually and ben shapiro is somebody i highly respect but if somebody disagrees

00:22:26.500 with the way israel is handling their conflict he'll call it anti-semitic it's it's not anti-semitic

00:22:34.680 to have a disagreement so i would ask you al are you appropriately labeling or categorizing what is

00:22:42.840 actually happening maybe you are maybe you aren't but it's something to consider and there might just

00:22:47.180 be some people in your life who you're just not interested in having certain conversations with

00:22:51.100 and that's okay too but you have to decide and i think it's a bit of a of a of the spectrum based on

00:22:58.780 is this person somebody i want in my life at all i'd say on social media like if it's creating drama

00:23:04.820 and problems for you easy fix get rid of it if it's somebody close to you you know that's where it would

00:23:10.280 be i think more subject to interpretation so i hope that helps i think i got off on a lot of

00:23:15.020 tangents on that one but i have a lot of opinions on everything so uh trout junkie says how was my hunt

00:23:22.820 it was a good hunt i was in minnesota a couple of weeks ago i ended up shooting a doe and i thought i

00:23:28.620 made a good shot for those of you who are hunters uh she was quartered towards me i think more than i

00:23:35.500 thought she was so i made a good shot on entry hit her right behind the shoulder i just think it

00:23:41.560 exited a little far back so maybe i got into her guts maybe i got one lung but didn't get both and

00:23:49.020 we followed blood and i i looked for hours and hours and i never could find her unfortunately i

00:23:54.740 missed an opportunity on a buck that uh i just wasn't paying as good attention as i should have

00:23:59.900 and missed a good opportunity on a good buck and he just sat right out of range for half an hour just

00:24:06.180 taunting me um so unfortunately i didn't i didn't harvest a deer this year on that hunt but still a

00:24:12.020 good time with you know nine ten friends that i go out this is my seventh year i think so we always

00:24:17.500 have a good time out there so it was good it was good all in all it was good although not successful

00:24:21.940 uh based on me not bringing a deer home all right let's jump over to facebook i'm going to reload this

00:24:30.540 because i think some questions came up as we were talking here so this one comes from bob ross and bob

00:24:35.460 is one of our top contributors over in the facebook group that's at facebook.com slash groups slash order

00:24:41.500 of man he says what techniques do you use when you know you must have a difficult conversation with a

00:24:47.220 family member my situation specifically is with an aging mother yeah i don't know the the conversation

00:24:55.120 that you need to have but if you listen to my podcast that i did several weeks ago with jefferson

00:25:00.200 fisher it was a phenomenal conversation and he talked about the importance of uh giving people an

00:25:09.280 opportunity to brace or prepare themselves for these types of conversations and the more serious the

00:25:15.420 conversation the more buffer you need to give them and i'll explain that in a minute and then he also

00:25:20.140 shared some insights on how to have these in a direct impactful way but not pander to the person

00:25:29.140 not make them feel dumb and actually get to an appropriate place so let's start with a buffer first if you need

00:25:36.340 to have a difficult conversation with your aging mother you might say hey mom you know we need to have a

00:25:42.840 difficult conversation about your finances or a difficult conversation about your living

00:25:47.660 arrangements or whatever the thing might be and i'm not upset i mean i am a little bit upset but i

00:25:55.400 think it's something that i want to have a good and productive conversation with you are you available

00:25:59.440 this weekend to do that so now you have three four or five days where she can brace and prepare

00:26:06.720 herself and if it's something minor like hey mom you know i don't want you giving candy the kids like

00:26:11.540 we're trying to help them be healthy and too much candy like we're trying to cut back on that i don't

00:26:15.980 think that something like that needs as much of a buffer so having the buffer and letting a person

00:26:20.940 brace themselves in a way that is good for them is important i would also say be aware of it because

00:26:27.060 as a person who is more of an anxious attachment style if my girlfriend comes to me for example and

00:26:32.820 says hey i need to talk with you tonight so um you know carve out some time as an anxious attachment

00:26:39.520 style that would drive me crazy it would be a non-productive day i'd be in my head i'd be

00:26:45.900 worried i think you know the relationship's over she's met like whatever doom and gloom

00:26:50.300 is my personality so if you give the person a little bit of a heads up like if she said

00:26:54.460 hey um i need to talk with you tonight about our our plans over thanksgiving weekend a few things have

00:27:00.220 changed not a big deal i just wanted to keep in the loop okay that's fair because now i can

00:27:03.860 know a little bit about what it's about without having to you know lose my mind about it all day and be

00:27:08.840 non-productive but still have the conversation she needs to have with me so that's important

00:27:13.420 um the second thing is when you're actually having these conversations the first thing that you should

00:27:20.800 do is help them brace for that conversation and jefferson suggested saying this hey i would like to

00:27:28.500 have this conversation with you it's not going to be fun um it might be tense it's not going to be

00:27:35.120 enjoyable for either one of us but it's something that we need to address now that's really hard

00:27:40.280 because what a lot of people do is they'll try to tap the brakes and make it easier for a person

00:27:44.920 before they even have the conversation like hey you know i i love you and how are things and they

00:27:50.920 small talk and it's awkward and then it's like oh by the way you can't live here in the casita anymore

00:27:56.620 like that's that's not you're you're teeing somebody out for failure i know you're trying to let

00:28:02.360 them down easy and you're trying to make it easier on yourself but the best thing that you can do is

00:28:08.600 confront it head-on another thing that he suggested is that you should always come away with the outcome

00:28:14.540 first so that you can work towards what it is you're after because i know in the past maybe when i was less

00:28:22.520 assertive i would have this idea of a conversation i wanted to have and then i would start talking with

00:28:28.280 the person and i would feel bad and my conscience would get the better of me and you know my like

00:28:33.520 the nice guy syndrome would sneak in and all of a sudden we have a conversation and i didn't actually

00:28:40.360 get to the end result that i wanted because i was more worried about their feelings than i was about

00:28:45.220 the result and we should be aware of their feelings for sure but the result is crucial so with your mom

00:28:53.080 the result might be maybe there's some boundaries that you need to have in place again i'm guessing

00:28:58.460 i don't know what it is but if it's boundaries it might go something like this hey mom i need to have

00:29:03.500 a difficult conversation with you it's not one i want to have it's not one that's going to be i think

00:29:07.780 real enjoyable for either of us but it's important to me that i identify and communicate some boundaries

00:29:14.780 that i have with you that i think have been getting a little loose over the years and causing

00:29:18.840 some contention and friction in our relationship so i would like to talk about what those boundaries are

00:29:24.660 and help you understand what my boundaries are so that we can come to a place where we can have the

00:29:30.020 kind of relationship that i want to have in a really healthy way so you were fair you were direct

00:29:37.300 you were clear but you made no qualms about the fact that she's stepping over the line

00:29:42.920 and and not honoring your boundaries or maybe she doesn't even know what they are because you

00:29:47.860 haven't communicated them before so and then the third the last little bit of advice i would give

00:29:53.240 you on this is you might explain some rules of engagement and i don't think that you need to get

00:29:58.740 too granular immediately but a rule of engagement might be hey mom as we have this conversation i know

00:30:05.460 we've talked about this in the past and at times it's got heated and you've said some things and i've

00:30:09.920 said some things to you that i'm not proud of and regret and i just want to tell you i want to have

00:30:14.320 this conversation without yelling at each other without resorting to insults and attacks i just

00:30:22.060 want to have a healthy productive conversation that's a rule of engagement so now if she steps

00:30:28.500 over the line you can come back to it and say hey mom remember i said i don't want to yell at each

00:30:33.380 other i don't want to result result to insults so i'm going to ask that you don't do that because i

00:30:38.820 don't tolerate being treated like that that's in fact that's one of my boundaries and i'd love to have

00:30:43.540 this continue to have this discussion we can do that now or we can do it later when we can both

00:30:49.840 agree that we're not going to belittle or insult each other what's what's best for you so having

00:30:56.180 the rules of engagement allow the conversation to go smoothly in a way that you've identified and get

00:31:00.760 you to the result that you've identified i hope that helps i don't have the context so i hope that

00:31:04.880 helps as much as it can uh this next one comes from eric swanson he says this i've been looking for a

00:31:12.080 job for over a year i have gone through all of my savings and i'm currently working in a coffee shop

00:31:17.360 to make ends meet by the way eric i will say without reading the rest of your conversation here

00:31:21.780 your question um i just actually want to commend you because the way that i'm hearing you say this

00:31:27.760 is that you don't want to be working at the coffee shop it sounds like you're probably overqualified

00:31:32.100 to be there but you're doing it to make ends meet and i want to say there's something to be said for

00:31:36.220 that my wife makes good money but we're living like we had two incomes a mistake i know where

00:31:42.200 would you start over i've had nearly 20 years of public sector experience but cannot seem to get

00:31:47.340 back into a role in that field i've been working on building a digital marketing business but that's

00:31:51.420 been a long road well okay so a couple of things uh where should you start over you can't really start

00:31:57.240 over that's part of the problem because you've got some debt i assume and what i would suggest to

00:32:02.720 you first things first is because you have been living like you had two incomes is maybe you have

00:32:08.880 to sell some things you know maybe one of the cars needs to go maybe you have three cars maybe you have

00:32:13.820 a dirt bike maybe you have a four-wheeler maybe you have a bunch of tools like what is it that can go

00:32:19.840 that you can then take that money and build up a savings because your savings is diminished now

00:32:26.040 or potentially pay off debt on one car and if you're driving around a 2024 you know ford f250

00:32:34.480 maybe you ought to sell that and instead get a 2000 f150 and i know people always

00:32:44.180 they always buck this they're like oh no i can't do that because of this and then no like if it's

00:32:50.560 serious enough you got to do what you got to do and that's how you start over by making better

00:32:55.060 decisions right now in managing the current situation that you're in now at the coffee shop

00:33:00.140 you're probably making minimum wage or slightly over so you're not making a lot of money and i

00:33:04.940 don't know if you're working full-time but if you're not maybe you need to pick up a second gig or a second

00:33:09.680 job i would also suggest to you because of your public sector experience you have 20 years in it i don't

00:33:16.840 know if you've tapped into your network you have 20 years in that business if you don't have networks

00:33:23.040 and connections and contacts and resources i've got to ask what were you doing for 20 years

00:33:28.940 this is a moment where it's okay to be humble and maybe you've done this but to be humble

00:33:34.680 and ask for help i'm not saying ask for somebody to pay your mortgage payment by any means i'm saying

00:33:40.340 call jim up and say hey jim you know we used to work together at i don't public sector i don't know

00:33:45.820 what that is maybe it's it's uh law enforcement or maybe it's uh school teacher education i don't

00:33:52.120 know what that is but let's just say it's law enforcement hey jim like you're you're over the

00:33:57.160 department and man i'm just really struggling do you know of any departments in the area that are

00:34:02.420 looking for more officers or do you know if there's a job inside of the department that's not

00:34:08.460 me patrolling necessarily but maybe it's administration or secretarial or like whatever

00:34:16.260 so that maybe you can get yourself back in the door but if you don't have those contacts

00:34:21.260 then i would suggest to you that you start networking with those people because you have

00:34:26.540 friends so just start calling them up and be honest with them don't be sneaky don't be tricky

00:34:32.040 don't beat around the bush call up jim hey jim i know it's been a long time i should have kept in

00:34:37.560 contact i haven't but i'm struggling right now i've been looking for a job in our field for a year

00:34:43.800 and i'm not having any luck and i wanted to ask humbly if you have heard of anything or seen of

00:34:49.720 anything and if you do please let me know if something comes up down the road please can i be

00:34:56.040 the first one that you call like this is the time where you need to start really being humble and really

00:35:02.840 asking for the help that you need not a handout just an assist just like you would do if somebody

00:35:09.080 that you knew called and asked you and then the last thing i would say on this one eric is i would

00:35:14.060 say dave ramsey has some really really good information on the situation that you're in so if you haven't

00:35:20.140 gone through financial peace university i would highly suggest that you look into his i don't agree

00:35:25.900 with everything uh especially when it comes to building wealth and real estate and business he doesn't

00:35:30.740 talk about that a lot although that's how he built his wealth um but he also knows who his audience is

00:35:36.900 and you are his audience two incomes went down to one out of work dwindled all savings what do i do now

00:35:45.320 he's phenomenal he's got a lot of great information in that department so dave ramsey financial peace

00:35:50.780 university um also a previous podcast guest this one comes from zacharine when is it time to end a

00:35:58.420 relationship i've been with my girlfriend for three years we share similar values long-term goals and

00:36:04.500 we don't have children or major commitments however she makes it difficult for me to focus on my side

00:36:10.040 business after my nine to five it's always a struggle to pursue my passion and she would rather i spend the

00:36:15.880 time with her should i try to navigate this challenge given our shared values or consider finding someone

00:36:21.420 who would be more supportive of my ambitions i think there's a lot of false premise here

00:36:28.740 zachary i don't know your situation so maybe i'm making some wrong assumptions but there's some things

00:36:34.700 that stood out to me as you were saying this uh you said here uh she would rather i spend that time

00:36:42.620 with her well of course that's a good thing because she cares about you and wants to be with you

00:36:47.660 um you said consider finding someone who would be more supportive of my ambitions is she not supportive

00:36:54.280 of your ambitions or does she just want to spend time with you and secondary to that is would finding

00:37:01.080 somebody else really be the answer because i think somebody else would probably want to spend time with

00:37:06.900 you as well so i'm assuming that and i have to assume just for the sake of this question that you

00:37:12.740 haven't had these types of conversations with her yet other than just saying hey i need somebody who

00:37:17.960 supports my mission the way i would come at it maybe you've done this maybe you haven't but the

00:37:23.100 way that i would come at it is hey babe listen like you know i work from nine to five monday through

00:37:29.980 friday and you also know i'm really trying to build this side business i'm doing that for me it's

00:37:36.200 important it's something i've always wanted to do but i'm also doing it for our future relationship

00:37:40.940 i want to be a man who can be a provider for you and me and if we decide to bring kids into the world

00:37:45.920 for them as well but i also know your priorities are a priority to me and so i want to talk with you

00:37:54.820 about what it would look like ideally if i was able to work on this side business that i really believe

00:38:04.000 in for me and for us but also give you the time and attention that you deserve and that i want to

00:38:11.120 give to you because i love being with you and open it up that way because maybe she says hey babe like

00:38:17.340 i don't mind you doing the business i'm really glad you're doing the business i would just like to see

00:38:21.780 you three nights a week okay you might be able to do that so you might say all right well that's fair

00:38:26.720 and i i would say in a relationship that's a fair request so maybe that's hey monday wednesday and

00:38:33.820 friday i'm working on the side business but tuesday and thursday evenings those are our evenings i don't

00:38:41.620 work i don't do anything else we do date nights we do all the things saturday is our days or our date

00:38:46.680 night as well and then sunday we have all day together but you two can come up with the rules and

00:38:51.680 they can be whatever they want or whatever you want it doesn't have to be my rules it doesn't have to

00:38:56.080 work for my relationship or somebody else's it has to work for your relationship but unless you're

00:39:01.080 having those conversations with her you really don't know what she's even asking you because she

00:39:07.320 might be saying hey i just want to spend more time with you and she might even just be saying that as a

00:39:11.320 compliment you know for example um when i was gone i you know i texted my girlfriend i'm like hey i miss you

00:39:17.760 that didn't mean i needed her to do anything it didn't mean that i needed more from her it just meant

00:39:23.980 i miss you that's it like i'm out here hunting i'm having a good time i hope you're staying busy

00:39:30.000 you're doing well i miss you period so she might just be saying hey i just want to spend more time

00:39:35.340 with you i would take that more as a compliment than i would an indictment unless you know for

00:39:40.640 sure and you can't know for sure unless you've had that discussion with her now i will address one

00:39:46.180 other thing as far as ending the relationship i don't know if it's to that point yet but if you've

00:39:52.020 had these conversations about values and goals and she doesn't believe in that at all

00:40:00.220 that's that's a problem and you don't have commitments and you don't have children and

00:40:07.800 based on the way you're saying it i i imagine you guys aren't you don't own a house together

00:40:12.520 for example you said you had no major commitments so that's a good thing i would suggest until you start

00:40:19.000 working through some of these issues because there's a lot of contention here it sounds like

00:40:22.520 that you don't bring in any of those major commitments kids mortgages these types of things

00:40:28.380 until you get this stuff figured out the other thing is what you're doing might just be a season

00:40:33.040 maybe it's for the next year or two while you get this thing off the ground and you've talked with

00:40:36.840 other people about how long it takes and that's what they're suggesting and recommending and you're

00:40:40.320 able to communicate that with her but it sounds like there's a lot more conversation that needs to

00:40:44.460 take place but yeah at some point not now i don't think today but at some point if you've had these

00:40:50.460 discussions and she just does not want you working and you are adamant that you are going to work in

00:40:55.200 the evenings it's not going to work it's only going to get worse again i'm not advocating for that i'm not

00:41:01.680 even telling you to do that but that's was your question and that's the point that it could potentially

00:41:07.740 get to unless you're willing to have the good mature conversations i shared with you all right

00:41:13.480 let's jump over to our exclusive brotherhood this again is called the iron council if you want to know

00:41:18.420 more about it you can head to order a man.com iron council all right we'll take three or four here

00:41:25.920 so bryce fischbach says how do you find the balance between allowing your children to struggle

00:41:34.340 suffer and experience hardship with the need to nurture and protect them well nurturing is one

00:41:42.760 thing protecting is different protecting is making sure that they don't hurt themselves or somebody or

00:41:50.440 something else doesn't hurt them that's what protection is nurturing the same way you would nurture

00:41:58.320 a garden is not necessarily protecting but it's giving them the tools and resources they need

00:42:05.600 to develop grow and thrive so let me give you an example if we're going to use the gardening analogy

00:42:11.040 if you have a uh a peach tree every once in a while you're going to go to the tree and you're going to

00:42:19.140 prune the tree you're going to prune some of the limbs some of the boughs some of the branches you're

00:42:24.420 going to prune them back um you're going to pick some of the fruit off of there so all the nutrients

00:42:29.440 can go to fewer fruit and the healthy fruit so on one hand you could say well i'm damaging the tree

00:42:36.620 i'm literally cutting branches off of this tree and i'm picking the fruit before it's ripe i'm damaging

00:42:41.560 this tree but you're not actually damaging it you're nurturing it you're you're exposing that tree

00:42:49.780 if you want to say it this way to hardship in order that it will thrive and grow and develop into this

00:42:56.080 big robust beautifully producing fruit tree it's the same thing with your children to nurture your

00:43:03.040 children means to get them involved in experiences and information and thought processes even though

00:43:10.560 not comfortable you know will serve them over a long period of time now the way men and women

00:43:15.520 nurture generally is different so for example if you have a young child and you're teaching that

00:43:20.220 child to ride their bike and you're pushing them down and you finally let go the training wheels are

00:43:24.360 off and the kid goes 50 yards and then crashes mom runs over there oh my goodness runs over picks him up

00:43:32.340 wipes off the the boo-boo and like blows on it and kisses it and puts a little spongebob or my little

00:43:39.940 pony band-aid on on their knee that's nurturing it's not wrong it's just supportive it's nurturing

00:43:46.020 what a man does is he goes and says oh bud that's okay get up wipe it off and let's get you back on i know

00:43:55.300 you're scared but let's get you back on i'll be right here i'm not gonna let go of you but we need

00:43:58.960 to do it immediately let's go neither one of those were wrong but they're both different ways of nurturing

00:44:05.120 based on generally what men and women each bring to the equation women bring love and kindness and

00:44:13.120 compassion and empathy and men bring encouragement and toughness and resilience and fortitude to the

00:44:21.060 equation so that's important to differentiate and then what i would say is that when you have a child

00:44:31.500 who's suffering in hardship make sure that first it's meaningful because if it's not meaningful

00:44:38.280 then you're just banging your head against the wall and i don't think banging your head against

00:44:42.600 the wall unnecessarily is going to make you tougher i just don't i think it's going to give you brain

00:44:47.640 damage now i used to probably agree more with hey just do hard things because it's hard no do it

00:44:54.860 with purpose do it because it's meaningful and we're not at a shortage of hardship so it's not like

00:45:00.900 i have to do this hardship that's miserable and that's going to hurt me or i can't do anything

00:45:04.760 there's plenty of opportunities to be confronted with hardship with children sports primarily is a

00:45:10.140 great way to do that or have responsibility around the house whether it's chores or making dinner or

00:45:16.840 presenting ideas or reading a book and sharing it with the family these are all ways to present

00:45:22.680 hardship um but i but i would suggest that first it's meaningful and then second that they don't

00:45:30.920 become deflated because as men i think it's very easy for us to push our children so hard because we

00:45:37.920 love them it's not because we hate them it's because we love them so ladies if you're listening if you're

00:45:42.560 like my husband you're so hard on the kids it's not because he hates your kid it's because he loves the

00:45:47.400 kid he just doesn't know how to do it properly so you're gonna push on your kids you're gonna lean

00:45:53.080 on your kids into meaningful hardship to the point that they don't give up because if they're exhausted

00:46:00.980 or beat down or they give up or i've seen this in sports and i've i've actually been guilty of this

00:46:07.140 and i hate it i actually hate admitting it but you're berating them or belittling them when they're

00:46:13.060 playing sports or you're living vicariously through them and they have no interest in it whatsoever

00:46:17.660 you're not actually teaching them mental fortitude you're teaching them to be resentful towards you in

00:46:24.380 life in general so read your kids if they're beat down and just feeling deflated and devalued and

00:46:33.860 they're just hating life that's not teaching them toughness but if they're like dad this is hard

00:46:39.560 and you're like i know it's hard but you can do it i believe in you look how much better you've

00:46:43.580 gotten this last month you never played sports before and this is your first year and you didn't

00:46:48.240 score but man you scored on that last game look how far you've come see what hard work does

00:46:54.260 but they're not deflated they actually look at it as being motivating and then the third thing i'd say

00:47:00.060 or the last thing i lost track of what i said but um is make sure it's something that they enjoy

00:47:06.580 like i again i used to live maybe a little vicariously through my kids and thought my kids

00:47:13.520 especially my boys have to do everything that i do play football play sports be interested in hunting

00:47:18.660 my second son doesn't like to hunt i asked him one time why don't you like to hunt he's like dad i

00:47:23.700 don't like being cold i don't like being tired i don't like being bored like well those are good

00:47:28.560 reasons because you're going to be all three of those things if you hunt he's just not interested

00:47:32.600 he's gone on hunts with me he's actually been successful on hunts he's killed animals and

00:47:37.840 provided for the family but he doesn't enjoy it i don't need to beat him up about that i'll continue

00:47:43.320 to invite him i'll continue to encourage him and foster and share my stories and my oldest son loves

00:47:49.460 to hunt share stories and he can come and be involved in that if he wants but he likes other things

00:47:55.540 and so i'm going to be engaged in whatever those other things are if they move him nurture him towards

00:48:01.820 being a good and productive man in society so find outlets that your kids like not necessarily

00:48:08.200 what you like and i guarantee they'll be a lot tougher if it's things they like

00:48:11.320 all right let's go to ryan o'hare he says this uh i've heard both you and kip talk about trying to

00:48:19.640 bring a good attitude and energy to your family time i'm struggling to bring a fun or happy attitude

00:48:24.500 to the interactions with my two teenage boys these days feel that feel that ryan there are some household

00:48:30.280 chores that they know they need to do regularly and it seems like they need constant reminding

00:48:34.740 and still do a subpar job any tips on how to set my mentality and bring happiness to our interactions

00:48:40.900 while still holding them to standards they are fully capable of meeting well here's one thing i found

00:48:46.500 and i'm only speaking from experience is that at some point in my parenting and i've been a parent

00:48:51.160 now for a little over 16 almost 17 years now holy cow um you don't need to be a dictator but things do

00:48:59.380 need to get done and so i think you need to make sure that they understand the connection between

00:49:04.140 responsibility around the house and being part of the family so i don't think you're wrong for doing

00:49:10.180 that and i also think that there's a standard and so if they don't hit the standard then you tell

00:49:14.060 them to do it again if they don't hit the standard you tell them to do it again the problem is

00:49:18.060 that sometimes that's all we are i think i don't want to speak for kip but i think kip could probably

00:49:23.940 relate with this as well he's talked about it is sometimes we're only the authoritarian

00:49:29.000 we're only the disciplinarian we're only the person who administers the chores we're only the person who

00:49:36.260 deals out punishments when they don't do what they're supposed to do and so every time we do that

00:49:41.080 we take a little bit out of the emotional capital bank account and that's not bad necessarily if

00:49:48.240 you do it correctly for example if you have a bank account with ten thousand dollars is it bad to have

00:49:54.020 a withdrawal no you might need a thousand dollars to pay the mortgage payment or you might want to

00:50:00.520 take out two thousand dollars and do something dumb like kip did and take his family to disneyland

00:50:05.100 but you might want to do that and it's not bad did the disneyland thing is but taking your

00:50:09.480 family on vacation it's not bad go ahead and do that but you need to make sure there's enough money

00:50:15.580 in there to pull out the two thousand dollars because if there's not enough money in there

00:50:19.160 then it's bad you're overdrawn and you're going to have some financial repercussions it's the same

00:50:24.640 thing with your emotional account if you're always the disciplinarian if you're always the buzz kill

00:50:30.240 if you're always the party pooper if you're always the do your chores if you're always you didn't do

00:50:34.460 it right if you're always be work harder if you're always oh you could have got an a instead of a b

00:50:38.120 and that's all you ever do you're overdrafted right you're overdrawn on the account so what

00:50:45.280 you should probably consider doing ryan is making some deposits into the emotional account and what

00:50:51.300 does that look like hey i know i'm giving kip a hard time about disneyland but it looks like taking

00:50:56.580 your kids to disneyland it looks like when they do a really good job on their game instead of saying

00:51:03.600 you could have done better saying dude you were amazing man that second at bat that you had you

00:51:11.780 battled that pitcher and you came back and you ended up getting that double oh my gosh incredible

00:51:17.200 or if they're like hey dad you want to go play basketball and you're thinking chores need to be

00:51:21.880 done sure yeah they do you can do the chores but what what about a 20 to 30 minute maybe even 60 minute

00:51:28.700 little deposit in the emotional bank account by going out and just playing basketball with your

00:51:33.120 kids without come back say hey you know what yeah we got to do these chores we'll do it after let's go

00:51:38.620 let's go do basketball we have to do it after okay they're going to agree with that and the more that

00:51:44.060 you put into the bank account the more that you can withdraw and by the way when you do you'll have a

00:51:50.760 lot more respect from them right if you say hey kids look we played basketball this morning i love the time

00:51:56.640 but we got behind on the chores we need to get that done i think they're going to be a little bit

00:52:00.500 better about getting those done because they know that your relationship with them was a bigger priority

00:52:07.400 than cleaning the toilets in their bathroom i would also say like i said to bryce earlier

00:52:14.340 find things that they're interested in again hunting they doesn't like hunting so that's fine

00:52:20.960 let's go find something else next year he loves sneakers he loves tennis shoes i don't i don't

00:52:27.140 really care much about them he does he likes it so next year him and i are going to go to sneaker con

00:52:31.920 it's going to be two days you know and i'm not going to know what he's saying and he knows all the

00:52:37.280 shoes and what they cost and this and that and he knows all of that stuff so he'll be teaching me

00:52:42.400 and showing me but i'm going to be there and i'm going to be fully present i'm not going to be on my

00:52:45.160 phone i'm not going to be taking calls i'm not going to be pushing him aside i'm going to be there

00:52:49.160 with him having fun doing that because it's the emotional bank account so it's a balance right

00:52:56.180 it's a balance sheet and it's maybe not so much of a science all the time as it is an art with kids

00:53:00.500 but it is a balance sheet deposits withdrawals what does it actually look like for you all right let's

00:53:06.100 take the last one here got a lot on kids today this one comes from joe gunter he says i'm looking

00:53:11.480 for advice regarding my teenager 18 years old ready to graduate high school uh stepdaughter and the

00:53:17.320 oh let's see oh okay regarding a teenage stepdaughter and the constant never-ending battle

00:53:23.420 between her and her mom oh yeah as the stepfather i am trying to be patient understanding and kind

00:53:29.820 during some particularly nasty battles where she is being a complete a-hole to her mom i let her know

00:53:35.520 that she was not going to be disrespectful to my wife i think that's good she does not try to fling

00:53:40.760 fiery darts at me anymore and watches what she says around me about her mom as the battle

00:53:46.240 trudges on between the two she is still being a disrespectful little turd as a stepfather there's

00:53:51.440 a hesitancy to get in and mediate what's my play here sincerely hunkered down in the trenches well good

00:53:57.740 luck joe good luck um here's what i would say i don't know how long you guys have been together but

00:54:07.040 i think one of the first things that needs to be established is what role your wife is looking for

00:54:14.420 how involved and it's it might seem obvious but you don't know unless you've had the conversation

00:54:21.260 what is it that she actually wants from you have you had that conversation hey hun when you and

00:54:27.540 our daughter are getting into debates and like i feel a little bit apprehensive whether you want me

00:54:33.840 involved whether you don't want me to involve whether you want me to discipline not discipline

00:54:37.080 here's my perspective like always share what you think because otherwise it just comes across as too

00:54:42.420 passive and you don't want to be that way my perspective is that you're my wife and i'm on your

00:54:46.840 side but also if i can see it from her angle differently than maybe you can then i think i might give

00:54:53.320 her a perspective i don't really think it's your job to mediate to be the referee that doesn't seem

00:55:00.440 right to me i think your job is to be a teammate with your wife and also with your child but you're

00:55:12.640 not mediating between the two and i think that might that mentality might be a little bit of a

00:55:17.540 hang-up so you're on your wife's team it seems like you do a good job of saying hey you won't be

00:55:22.520 disrespectful to my wife but i think there's an opportunity here to probably talk with both and i would

00:55:29.300 say separately in this case both your wife and your daughter because i know your daughter you're

00:55:33.040 saying is being a disrespectful little turd but maybe your wife is too and i've seen that

00:55:37.460 and so maybe there's an opportunity for you in a very polite respectful tactful way to say hey hon

00:55:44.060 look you came down a little hard on her and i'm not sure would you mind if i shared my opinion with you

00:55:50.140 be aware of the answer and be aware of the timing when you ask that question if it's right after a fight

00:55:56.480 probably doesn't want to hear your opinion day or two later maybe it's more appropriate but you can

00:56:01.620 read the room a little bit and determine and say hey you know i think and then whatever you think

00:56:07.900 now with your daughter it's the same thing hey hon look you and your mom are going at it a lot lately

00:56:14.280 i know it's hard you're you're an 18 year old girl you probably want some independence you're going off

00:56:19.060 to work you're going off to college soon or whatever and life's starting we need to be respectful

00:56:24.000 because that's your mom and she's been here for almost two decades of your life and she will

00:56:29.220 continue to be here for you but man you just seem really upset lately is there something else going

00:56:34.580 on outside of what's happening here because i found that to be the case i've got a close personal friend

00:56:40.440 who um had a very similar conversation with me about his wife and his his son his uh oldest son

00:56:49.920 and i think based on the conversation that we had there was a lot more going on with the son

00:56:57.540 than the contention between the the mom and son and also the mom was doing some things that was

00:57:06.440 helping fuel the contention from the son so there's a lot of moving parts to this and i think if you can

00:57:12.940 isolate what those moving parts are and be on everyone's team because the goal is the same you know in

00:57:19.080 mediation i think or even if you want to look at it from another analogy of a referee you're working

00:57:24.740 with two competing sides or mediator i think about civil law or divorce you know divorce for example

00:57:31.100 mediation is two competing sides their their interests are at conflict with each other and so

00:57:37.460 there needs to be a mediator to make sure it's done fairly and respectfully you you're not on competing

00:57:43.340 sides here you're on your wife's side and you're on your daughter's side you just need to help them

00:57:48.600 see where the common ground is and i think by having those types of conversations and being aware

00:57:53.380 and respectful of both i think will help move that in the right direction i don't i hope that helps

00:57:59.600 i've not been in that situation so i'm giving you just at least what i've heard and what i've seen to

00:58:06.480 be effective and and what i know based on similar circumstances and situations so please let me know

00:58:11.540 how that goes all right guys we got through a lot of questions today i think i've got three or four

00:58:16.500 more that i'm going to save for next week and we'll kick things off with those questions next week

00:58:20.560 if you have additional questions a great place to join us is in the facebook group i would also

00:58:26.020 suggest that you look into the iron council i really want 2025 to be a big year for you and i know you do

00:58:31.980 too my question is how long have you been saying that 2024 was a warm-up 2023 was a warm-up 2021 was a

00:58:40.760 warm-up well damn how many warm-up years do you need to have warming up means you're getting ready

00:58:45.680 for actually executing and if you're not executing with your family a lot of questions about kids here

00:58:51.580 today for example or you're not executing at your work or your fitness then you need to do something

00:58:57.080 different and the iron council can help you do that because we have all the tools and resources

00:59:01.320 and you're going to communicate and work directly with a thousand other men who are all on the same path

00:59:06.460 so now you can talk to this other guy who's having the same situation with his stepdaughter and wife

00:59:11.020 or you can talk with the other guy who has kids and he's being the authoritarian and he needs to ease

00:59:16.420 off a little bit and create some fun or the guy who was 50 pounds overweight but this year 2024

00:59:22.000 he lost 47 pounds he's got six-pack abs and he's going to go run his first marathon later this year

00:59:28.160 or the guy who started a business in his basement and now he's has an office with five or six

00:59:35.300 employees and he's making 200 grand a year or the attorney that you need advice from because you're

00:59:41.040 going through a divorce and that guy's willing to share some insiders offer some suggestions for you

00:59:46.000 or financial planning or fill in the blank the iron council is where it's at so if you're interested

00:59:51.720 in that go to order of man.com iron council all right guys great questions today i know this is a

00:59:57.720 little bit better and dynamic when kip is here he's going to come back and uh it'll it'll be better when

01:00:03.240 he's here i always enjoy my conversations with kip he's been a friend for a long time i uh i miss him

01:00:08.880 when he's not here on this podcast so hopefully i was able to uh do okay today if you have additional

01:00:14.460 questions reach out connect with us i'm very active over on instagram and one other ask i would say

01:00:20.180 we're really trying to build up our youtube channel i think youtube is playing games we've got 300 and i

01:00:26.240 don't know 40 000 subscribers over on youtube and our videos are getting like a thousand views

01:00:31.140 it's just not being seen they're not promoting we're doing some things on our end to make sure

01:00:36.300 that we boost that up so more men can hear about this mission but it would be helpful if you went

01:00:41.400 to youtube and you subscribe to the order of man channel clicked like subscribe to it watched a few

01:00:48.860 videos shared them here and there that's what's going to help grow this movement things like that and

01:00:53.140 that is very much appreciated all right guys that's all i've got for you today go out there take action

01:00:58.200 and become the man you are meant to be thank you for listening to the order of man podcast you're

01:01:07.180 ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be we invite you to join

01:01:11.900 the order at order of man.com

01:01:14.160 you

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01:01:25.140 you

Order of Man - November 20, 2024

Being the Mean Dad, Networking for Work, and Dealing with Difficult Conversations ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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