Order of Man - BEN NEWMAN ｜ Elevate Your Standard

00:00:00.100 We all have standards, but for most of us, our standards aren't where they should be

00:00:04.440 and or they're not the type of standards that will lead us towards becoming the type of

00:00:08.860 men we have a desire to be.

00:00:10.740 And yet each and every day we operate by these standards, most of which is subconscious.

00:00:15.820 My guest today is an incredible performance coach.

00:00:18.600 And while that term gets tossed around a lot these days, Ben Newman is the real deal.

00:00:23.780 In fact, he coaches many fortune 500 companies, is one of the top 50 public speakers in the

00:00:28.640 world and has helped lead many college and professional athletes to multiple championships.

00:00:34.700 Today, Ben and I talk about why it's important, you know, you're setting an example to other

00:00:39.220 people, how to find what he calls your burn, grabbing your future and bringing it into

00:00:44.860 today, why your why is not enough, how to avoid being seduced by success and ultimately how

00:00:51.420 to elevate your standard.

00:00:53.480 You're a man of action.

00:00:54.360 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:59.100 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time.

00:01:02.440 Every time you are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:01:08.380 This is your life.

00:01:09.520 This is who you are.

00:01:10.920 This is who you will become at the end of the day.

00:01:13.540 And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:01:17.740 Gentlemen, what is going on today?

00:01:19.100 My name is Ryan Michler.

00:01:20.220 I'm your host and I'm the founder of the order of man podcast and movement.

00:01:25.180 Thank you for joining me.

00:01:27.260 My goal each and every week when we put out these podcasts and have these conversations

00:01:31.420 is to ask really good questions.

00:01:34.220 Sometimes I get it right.

00:01:35.400 A lot of the times I get it wrong.

00:01:36.900 But ultimately what I want to do is unpack the wisdom of highly, highly successful men

00:01:43.160 so that I can apply it in my life and hopefully you'll extract and gain some value from the

00:01:48.840 conversations and you'll be able to apply this stuff in your life as well.

00:01:52.960 And that's the goal.

00:01:53.680 We want to improve.

00:01:55.060 I want to improve.

00:01:56.000 I want to show up more powerfully as a man.

00:01:57.860 I know society says we're not needed, not wanted, but that isn't true.

00:02:02.020 That isn't the case.

00:02:02.780 So I want to show up powerfully.

00:02:03.960 And I know the guys listening, you want to show up powerfully in your life for the people

00:02:08.920 that you love and for yourself as well.

00:02:10.380 So we've got a great lineup and today we've got a great guest.

00:02:14.240 His name is Ben Newman.

00:02:16.340 I don't really have a whole lot of announcements.

00:02:18.620 I guess the only thing I would ask for you today is if you find any value in this first,

00:02:22.660 reach out to Ben and shoot him a message and let him know that you found value here

00:02:25.540 in the podcast and listening to him here.

00:02:28.620 And also just leaving a review takes a minute, goes a long way in bumping.

00:02:33.860 This podcast up the charts and obviously I'm excited when that happens and more people

00:02:38.800 will be able to come across this information.

00:02:40.820 So if it served you in some way, just leave a rating and review on your platform of choice.

00:02:47.540 And that's all I've got as far as announcements and asks go.

00:02:50.540 Let me introduce you to Ben.

00:02:51.980 He's like I said, one of the top 50 performance coaches in the world.

00:02:55.300 He's got an incredible resume considering that he's helped lead Kansas state to three

00:02:59.840 national championships.

00:03:00.780 He's the mental conditioning coach for 18 time national championship football team, Alabama.

00:03:06.720 He's worked with the U.S. Army, Anheuser-Busch, the Cardinals, the Dolphins, the Vikings.

00:03:11.460 I mean, I could go on and on with his resume, but suffice it to say that this man is the real

00:03:17.440 deal.

00:03:18.680 And during our conversation today, you're going to hear exactly why I say that.

00:03:22.100 He's a bestselling author, an incredible public speaker, and also an incredible human

00:03:27.220 being.

00:03:27.840 Enjoy, guys.

00:03:28.300 Ben, what's up, brother?

00:03:30.680 Great to see you.

00:03:32.120 Ryan, great to see you, too.

00:03:33.520 This is a long, long time in the making.

00:03:35.580 So I'm excited to spend this time with you and your listeners.

00:03:38.420 Yeah, we've been dancing around on the fringes of similar circles for years now.

00:03:42.740 So I knew it was just a matter of time before we made this happen.

00:03:46.080 Yeah, and it literally is years.

00:03:48.380 You know, some people like they say that it's been a few months like this has literally

00:03:51.540 been years.

00:03:52.820 So I'm very excited for the conversation.

00:03:54.500 You know, it is interesting because I have a lot of people that I would love to have

00:03:58.600 on the podcast.

00:03:59.460 Obviously, I've got 52 weeks a year.

00:04:02.820 So it's 50 interviews that I can do per year.

00:04:05.360 That's it.

00:04:06.460 And then I have a bunch of people that reach out.

00:04:09.540 So, you know, sometimes like, where do I make this happen?

00:04:12.060 There's so many great people I want to talk with.

00:04:13.820 And it's just hard to fit everything in.

00:04:16.600 No, no.

00:04:17.060 But that's life these days, you know, but that's life when you attack the way that you

00:04:21.700 do and you believe in what you're doing is that it attracts, you know, people to want

00:04:26.700 to be part of what you're doing.

00:04:28.200 I think there's a statement around that that is so powerful for people today because there's

00:04:33.180 just too many people.

00:04:34.020 I'm sure we'll get into this that are waiting on the sidelines to see what's going to happen

00:04:37.480 with the economy or is the media right or are they wrong rather than just continuing

00:04:41.560 to stay committed to what their beliefs are and the difference that they want to make.

00:04:46.580 Yeah.

00:04:46.740 And it seems like people just kind of waffle to and fro based on, to your point, what the

00:04:52.460 current economic climate is and who the president is and what the status of X, Y, and Z is.

00:04:57.740 And, you know, if I say this, will somebody get upset?

00:05:00.660 And I just wish more people would act on what they want to do or at least have a little voice

00:05:07.220 maybe in the back of their head saying, you should.

00:05:09.920 And then just go do it.

00:05:11.020 Like, forget about everything else.

00:05:12.220 Just go do it.

00:05:13.700 Yeah.

00:05:14.180 But the reality is people have that little voice that makes an excuse and it's far easier

00:05:21.060 to live to our excuses than it is to be clear on what our standards are than to operate on

00:05:27.580 our standards, which when you really break it down, right, it really doesn't make any sense

00:05:31.120 because when you do the things you know you need to do to be successful, you feel good.

00:05:35.960 And when you listen to that voice, whether it's 30 minutes later, two hours later, a week

00:05:42.020 later, you have guilt.

00:05:43.820 It actually increases your fears.

00:05:46.060 It increases your doubts.

00:05:47.520 It increases your uncertainties about yourself.

00:05:49.820 And so we listen to that voice because we think it's easier, but it's actually making your

00:05:55.140 life far more difficult than it needs to be.

00:05:58.620 Life and success is about great discipline in doing the little things you need to do over

00:06:04.740 and over and over again.

00:06:05.740 And they make you feel good.

00:06:07.080 So why wouldn't you want to listen to that voice and keep doing the things that you should

00:06:10.760 be doing to your point?

00:06:12.620 It's it's so relevant.

00:06:14.100 I was thinking about it Monday night and Tuesday night.

00:06:16.800 I trained jujitsu and I know how good I feel when I go.

00:06:20.920 I feel good.

00:06:21.920 I meet with guys who are motivated.

00:06:24.000 They're ambitious.

00:06:24.700 They're disciplined.

00:06:25.660 They're dedicated to a craft.

00:06:27.140 I get done.

00:06:28.060 I feel banged up, but I feel good mentally and physically.

00:06:31.080 That's this evening.

00:06:31.880 I'm already making up excuses in my mind right now at 11 o'clock a.m.

00:06:36.460 About like, how can I get out of this?

00:06:39.140 You know, is there something else I could be doing?

00:06:41.540 And I love it.

00:06:42.840 And I'm still make excuses not to do it.

00:06:45.400 I hope I hope the gym has electrical issues and they send me a text.

00:06:48.720 All classes are canceled tonight.

00:06:50.900 You're like, wait, you're waiting for something.

00:06:52.720 Yeah.

00:06:53.260 Isn't that weird?

00:06:54.240 What do you?

00:06:54.920 So we must get something out of our excuses.

00:06:57.860 Is it just comfort and mediocrity and complacency?

00:07:02.420 Is there something else at play here?

00:07:04.700 Well, you know, in our work in sports and in business, and I say this very humbly, it's

00:07:09.420 not to impress anybody.

00:07:10.860 And, you know, what you decide to share about my bio and resume, all those things that you

00:07:15.380 mentioned, you're like trying to highlight the good stuff.

00:07:17.720 But the reality is I still have two coaches.

00:07:20.440 I'm reading books every day.

00:07:21.860 I get knocked down.

00:07:23.000 I'm far from figuring it out.

00:07:24.800 Even though we do have the opportunity on a daily basis to work with champions in business

00:07:29.140 and in sports, I'm still trying to figure it out.

00:07:32.740 But one thing we have found is that the highest performers, they don't allow their feelings

00:07:38.820 to dictate how they show up.

00:07:40.700 So many people have heard me talk about for years, this concept of standard over feelings.

00:07:46.580 Don't allow your feelings to dictate how you show up.

00:07:48.800 You have to choose to live to the standard every single day.

00:07:52.000 It's not easy, Ryan, and you know it.

00:07:54.880 It's not easy to say, here's how many days I'm going to train this week and to train every

00:07:59.600 single one of those days.

00:08:01.080 But if you really want to be successful, you have to do what you say you're going to do.

00:08:06.740 And the world today is made up of all of these individuals who tell you how great they want

00:08:11.360 to be.

00:08:12.100 But then when we have a conversation with their action, we find out that they really don't

00:08:16.580 want it that bad.

00:08:17.320 And they actually live to their feelings far more than they live to the standards that

00:08:22.340 they know that if they live to those standards, that's what would actually cause them to be

00:08:26.400 successful.

00:08:26.920 Yet, they look at their favorite actors, actresses, entrepreneurs, athletes, and that's what those

00:08:34.180 people do.

00:08:34.880 They are where they are because they don't make excuses.

00:08:38.100 They don't live to their feelings.

00:08:39.600 And they consistently, with great discipline, do what it takes to be great.

00:08:44.160 Yeah.

00:08:45.200 It's funny.

00:08:46.000 I went to the fights.

00:08:47.600 There were some fights in Southern Utah over the weekend and I went to some fights and somebody

00:08:52.020 hadn't seen for a while came up and he's like, man, you look good.

00:08:55.220 You look strong.

00:08:55.880 You look fit.

00:08:56.400 You look good.

00:08:57.200 What have you been doing?

00:08:58.300 And I'm like, really?

00:09:00.380 Like, do you not know what I've been doing?

00:09:02.440 Not because you follow me, but because you know what it takes to be fit.

00:09:06.100 Like everybody knows what it takes to be fit.

00:09:08.620 Everybody knows what it takes to run a successful business.

00:09:11.720 Sure, there's nuances, but if you're not going into the gym every day, the nuances really don't

00:09:17.300 matter.

00:09:17.640 And it's funny because people are looking for that secret pill.

00:09:21.000 Like, what have you been doing?

00:09:22.380 I'm like, well, I've been to the gym every single day without exception for six months.

00:09:27.960 So like, that's it.

00:09:29.640 There's no guesswork here.

00:09:31.900 And that's the interesting thing.

00:09:33.500 They want you to say that it's a magic pill.

00:09:35.620 They want you to say that somebody sold you some magic drug to make it easier and to allow

00:09:41.620 them to live to their excuses and to not have to go to the gym.

00:09:44.580 We all know what we need to do.

00:09:46.560 For everybody listening, if I were to say, let's segment this one area of your life, what

00:09:50.960 do you need to do every day, not once a week, not twice a week, not when you feel like it,

00:09:57.640 but what do you need to do in order to remain consistent and successful in that area?

00:10:02.540 Most people know exactly what they need to do, but we choose to not do those things.

00:10:08.720 And when you really look at the science of the brain, you know, when you make those little

00:10:12.980 decisions and choices that actually triggers the release of dopamine in your body and you

00:10:17.560 actually feel good. So the reason why, like when you do what you say you're going to do,

00:10:22.320 you feel good. It makes you want to do it more. Like logically we have to get out of our own way,

00:10:28.400 recognize that nobody is coming to do the work for you. Nobody's going to allow you to put the

00:10:32.800 work on a credit card. You have to choose to do the work. Otherwise you're never going to have

00:10:38.280 that feeling that you're accomplishing what you're able to accomplish. And it's just,

00:10:42.360 I'm becoming more direct with this, Ryan, because sometimes in my work as a coach,

00:10:46.300 it's frustrating because you know exactly what you need to do, but you're choosing to not do it.

00:10:53.380 So one of the things I encourage people to do is you need to think about the example that you are

00:10:57.720 for somebody. You need to think about maybe the little eyes that are watching you make those

00:11:02.720 excuses. And you think those little eyes aren't watching you. I promise those little eyes are

00:11:07.580 watching every single move and the habits and the behaviors of those little eyes. Or if you don't

00:11:13.000 have children yet, that's what I'm referencing the little eyes. There's a colleague that's watching

00:11:17.040 you. There's a friend that's watching you. There's somebody that's watching you, watching how you show

00:11:21.360 up. And you have to ask yourself, are you going to accept showing up that way? And is that the example

00:11:27.340 that you want to be for somebody that might be watching you? Yeah, that's powerful. My,

00:11:32.980 my nine-year-old daughter, she's so funny. She shows her love for me through feeding me.

00:11:42.680 She's like her mom and she wants to feed me sweets and treats and this and that. And she bought this

00:11:48.980 little bag of a saltwater taffy and she's like, here, dad, have this. And I know that she's trying

00:11:54.720 to show that she loves me. And the other day I said, no, hon, I don't want that. And she said,

00:11:59.520 well, why not? Cause she thought I was rejecting her love, her gift. Right. And which is hard. So

00:12:04.600 usually I eat it, but I, I got thinking, and this was important to your point. I was like, you know,

00:12:09.800 she needs to see me be disciplined. She needs to see me not eat that. And so I explained to her,

00:12:15.300 I said, Hey, I know that you want to give that to me because you love me and you care about me.

00:12:20.220 And that's how you're showing that. But I want you to know that I'm sticking with a schedule with my food.

00:12:25.660 And I want you to see what that looks like, that sometimes we have to give up things that we

00:12:29.140 really, really want in order to have something that's important to us down the road. So it was,

00:12:35.180 but it is challenging. Cause I see her sweet eyes and I see the way she gives it to me. And I'm like,

00:12:39.080 and it's good. And I'm like, I really want that, but we have to resist.

00:12:43.360 You know, I'd love to bring this up. Cause I think it's in alignment with the conversation is,

00:12:49.140 you know, I originally had learned about you through my relationship with Andy Frisella

00:12:53.340 and with Andy, you know, he creates 75 hard most amazing program. This is not a challenge. This is

00:13:01.940 not a physical fitness contest. This is a program that when you choose to follow through and do it,

00:13:09.140 it will absolutely change your life. And here I am, this is the work that I do. And I had already had

00:13:14.260 a crazy workout where I'd done it every day for years in a row. And I still do it every single day.

00:13:19.080 And you know, I made excuses, right? And I was like, why do I need to do 75 hard? I'm a mental

00:13:24.200 conditioning coach. I've got my own stuff that I do. And finally, I was like, man, if this is working

00:13:28.680 for Andy, I need to challenge myself to go to the next level. And I already told you, I have coaches,

00:13:33.160 I read books, I'm coachable, man. I did 75 hard and I finished and it was life changing. I completed

00:13:40.140 the entire seven live hard program. I'm now getting ready to start phase one of doing the live hard

00:13:46.220 program again. And here's what I find fascinating about the program. For guys like, I'll just use

00:13:53.100 myself as an example. When I use that app and I can get that shot of dopamine to do the, I read those

00:14:00.460 10 pages. There is nothing that is going to stop me from clicking that little button and knowing that

00:14:06.920 I did the 10 pages. But here's what's fascinating, Ryan. People will complete 75 hard and then they get

00:14:14.040 back into their regular life. And because there's no damn button to click, they fall short of doing

00:14:21.420 the most basic, simple things. And we have got to stop overlooking the lessons that we learn when we

00:14:31.140 go through a program like 75 hard and learn to say, how does this apply in other areas of my life?

00:14:38.260 Like you need a fricking box to check to tell your daughter or your son that you love them every day.

00:14:43.040 You need a fricking box to check to tell your wife, I love you, babe. And you're beautiful. Like 0.93

00:14:48.460 we need to just learn that these behaviors and consistency is what changes your life.

00:14:55.560 I'm not a perfect father. I'm not a perfect husband, but I do little things every day to try to be the

00:15:01.980 best husband and father I can be, but I don't need a box to be able to check those things. And

00:15:07.520 so I love those shots of dopamine, but I also love the discipline that programs like that create.

00:15:14.400 So look, I don't, you know, Andy doesn't charge for 75 hard. So I can't be an affiliate charging

00:15:19.520 for 75 hard. The damn program is free. But like, Ryan, why do you think people are that way? I mean, 1.00

00:15:24.220 it's fascinating to me. And I know as disciplined as you are, don't you find that fascinating? Like

00:15:28.860 you could literally go through 75 hard and click the button, but then we get into your life and you miss

00:15:33.800 the most basic stuff because there's no box to check and there's no threat of going back to day

00:15:38.780 one. Yeah. I think there's two things. I think number one is at least for me, I'm just going to

00:15:46.240 speak for me is I get so overwhelmed. I really did want to ask you about this too, because I get so

00:15:53.460 overwhelmed with, you know, relationships with my kids and business. And then I'm coaching two sons,

00:15:59.740 baseball teams and, you know, answering these emails. And then this person wants me to

00:16:03.780 start this program. And this person wants me to do a collaborative event with them.

00:16:08.200 And, and it all is really exciting stuff. And I get so inundated with it that the things that are

00:16:14.160 seemingly insignificant, like just telling my daughter, I love her is, is just gets overlooked.

00:16:19.960 I hate to say that, but that's the truth. Like they seem like it's not that pressing, but the next

00:16:26.780 event that I'm doing is I wish I didn't have to speak that way, but that's the reality of where I'm at

00:16:32.480 anyways. Well, I I've learned over time that the way that I'm wired and most high performers are

00:16:39.980 wired is that when you understand the recipe that causes you to have success, you show up every day

00:16:47.180 wanting to attack that recipe. You want to attack that process. And so one of the things that this

00:16:53.060 worked for me, I'm not one of those coaches and speakers that, you know, that decided a couple of

00:16:57.080 years ago, this would be a cool profession to get into. I've been doing this for 17 years. And one

00:17:03.620 of the tools that we've used the entire time is what I call your prize fighter day. And it actually

00:17:09.640 breaks up the decisions and choices that individuals make to determine what does it look like for you to

00:17:16.460 win every day in your life, personally, professionally, and in your service to others. And actually writing

00:17:22.960 down, not results, but what are the behaviors? What are the disciplines? What are the choices

00:17:28.220 that when you make them, they will cause you to win when you start stacking those days on top of each

00:17:33.160 other? And I've shared it this way for years because there's far too many people who say, oh, I'm going

00:17:37.760 to work really hard for a week and then I'll pay attention to my kids. Really? Like that's, that's the

00:17:43.280 father or mother you want to be. You want to go and work really hard for two weeks and then show back up to

00:17:48.360 your house and say, I love you guys. And we have to understand people are watching your behavior and

00:17:54.000 what you say, what comes out of your mouth goes in your ears and that's what you believe. And that's

00:17:58.800 how you, that's how you take your action. So if you're one of those people who have been making this

00:18:02.720 excuse, well, I have to work really hard coming out of your mouth. I won't have time to see the

00:18:07.440 family over the next two weeks. Well, guess what? You're not going to see the family, nor is it a

00:18:11.360 priority to you. But if you decide, I will intentionally design what it looks like for me to attack

00:18:18.040 every day. And under no circumstance will I allow excuses. If there's an emergency or something

00:18:24.780 happened that pulls me away from it, I will deal with that then, but I will not allow self-talk or

00:18:29.520 silly excuses to not allow me to tell my kids that I love them, to not be present and focused when I'm

00:18:34.940 at home. I will take a day to not get a workout in because I just don't feel like it, to not make my

00:18:42.020 sales calls, to review my pipeline for 15 minutes, to start, not stay in control of the things that are in

00:18:47.960 your control. And it's excuses because most of the coaches and speakers that do the type of work

00:18:52.980 that I do, Ryan, they tell people that balance doesn't exist and you attack one thing and find

00:18:57.640 time for another. The only reason why those coaches do that is because they have no discipline.

00:19:02.340 Take a look at their life. They lack discipline in the areas that they tell you to avoid.

00:19:07.900 And so I think it's important that you pay attention to look at Sean Whalen. He teaches what

00:19:12.880 he calls the core four. At the end of the day, I recently had him on our podcast, The Burn.

00:19:18.500 I said to Sean, I said, you know, core four is really prize fighter day.

00:19:22.400 Of course. And I have something similar. It's all the same.

00:19:26.120 It's Andy Fursella's power list. Core four is Andy Fursella's power list. I don't give a shit what

00:19:31.360 you call it, but I've reached this point, Ryan, where it's like, I want to help people grab a hold of 0.98

00:19:38.980 your life and stop making the excuses. And I know this vein starts popping out of my neck and people

00:19:43.860 are like, why is this dude so intense? I just want you to write your best story of your life.

00:19:49.960 And if for me, you know, you need me to apologize because all I'm asking you to do, no matter how

00:19:56.140 many championship rings you see behind my head that I've been blessed to win with teams, no matter how

00:20:00.880 many championships I've helped people win in boardrooms, all I mentioned to those people that

00:20:05.860 get to wear those rings, all I mentioned to those people in boardrooms is I want you to look yourself

00:20:09.700 in the mirror one day at a time and say, today, I gave it my very best. And if you can do that,

00:20:14.380 nobody can ever take that away from you. Nobody can ever ask any more of you than you giving it

00:20:18.640 your very best. And when you do that, the by-product is winning at very high levels. And it's just

00:20:24.360 frustrating because Ryan, guys like you and I, we know that to be the truth, but far too many people

00:20:30.100 are fighting it today. So I'm not holding back anymore. So if this is too much for some,

00:20:34.360 some people like, I'm not going to apologize because I'm just asking you, I know Ryan encourages

00:20:40.640 you. We just want you to be your best one day at a time. I just want to be my best. I mean,

00:20:45.080 I feel like, you know, I talk with other guys about wanting to improve, but you know, I listen to

00:20:49.140 guys like yourself and Andy and, and other people. Uh, Waylon is as early mentor of mine and has become

00:20:54.600 a friend. I need it just as much as anybody else, even somebody who knows, like, I know what I

00:20:59.480 should be doing. I know how I should be showing up. I know there's a lot of people who are

00:21:02.560 watching me and yet I still fall short. I'm curious why you think we allow our excuses to

00:21:09.840 get in the way, even though we know we're going to feel better. We know, I think part of it maybe is

00:21:15.560 that there's usually some element of truth to our excuses. Like, Hey, you know, I, I'm really busy

00:21:23.300 at work right now. So that's why I can't work out. And so, yeah, you might be busy, but that's not the

00:21:28.560 entire truth, but that's what you're using. Like, how do we mitigate our excuses and step

00:21:34.060 away from those when we know we're making them? So we can, we can really go, go deep here. And I

00:21:40.240 think it'll be powerful and deliver some, some action items for people that maybe, maybe they

00:21:45.100 didn't expect. And, and once again, I just want to repeat, I still have coaches. I'm trying to figure

00:21:49.960 it out. There's a couple of things we've figured out in doing this for 17 years with some of the

00:21:55.020 highest performers to ever walk the face of the earth in business and in sports. And one of the

00:21:59.820 things that I found similar to when I mentioned, you know, a lot of coaches and speakers, leaders,

00:22:04.220 they lack discipline, yet they try to lead. They'll never reach their highest level of leadership

00:22:08.900 until they become disciplined in the areas that they ask of others. It's just the way that it is.

00:22:13.900 And one of the things we've also found is that everybody talks about why and purpose,

00:22:19.240 which is so unbelievably important, but it's not enough. What I've found is that the highest

00:22:26.760 performers, they actually have this burn. It's an underlying burn inside of them. It's like this

00:22:33.620 extreme fire and clarity that ignites their why and purpose every day that then causes them to be

00:22:42.840 disciplined every day. Not some days, not occasionally, but when they think of that burn,

00:22:50.360 it becomes this, I, I can't not do what I said I'm going to do. So for me, I can share with everybody.

00:22:57.380 I had to grow up fast. Parents divorced when I was six months old, never knew them together. My mother

00:23:02.460 had a rare muscle disease called amyloidosis. Her last year living, we had 24 hour nursing care in our 0.68

00:23:09.720 house. I would watch my mother come to the dinner table with an IV stand, sometimes one nurse or two 1.00

00:23:15.500 nurses just to be able to make it to the dining room table. And my mother would look me dead square 1.00

00:23:20.080 in the eyes and say, honey, how was your day at school? Every day, Ryan. And my mother passed 11

00:23:28.060 days before my eighth birthday. But what my mother left behind were some of the most powerful lessons I

00:23:34.020 ever could have learned from anybody because these two little eyes were watching her. So you wonder,

00:23:38.240 why does he talk about those little eyes? Because these little eyes watched her make it to that 0.63

00:23:42.340 dining room table. These little eyes have now had the opportunity to read her journal where she wrote,

00:23:47.900 beat the statistics, beat the odds, live with the disease that is chronic and fatal, believe in

00:23:52.520 yourself, combat anything, purpose in life. These are things that are in a journal in my safe in my house.

00:23:59.980 My mother's words, her tears are on that page. Her handwriting is on that page. I was able to get more

00:24:05.140 connected to my mom. I mean, your mom passes 11 days before your eighth birthday. There's so much

00:24:09.840 I remember, but those words in that journal have taught me so much about her. And Ryan, it's made me

00:24:16.200 appreciate living one day at a time. And my mother passed away at 38 years old. She taught me the

00:24:24.080 greatest life lesson I've ever learned. It's not how long you live. It's how you choose to live your life.

00:24:27.960 I'm 44 years old. That means I've been given six extra years that my mother never got.

00:24:35.060 And I've gotten to live those one day at a time. So the last thing I'm going to do is waste a day.

00:24:40.180 Ryan, that has created a burn inside of me. I am not saying I'm perfect. I will never be perfect.

00:24:46.860 I'm not saying I have perfect days. I make mistakes every day, but I will not allow a day to go by where

00:24:53.300 I don't say I will make the most of this day. I have challenge. I have adversity, but I will attack

00:24:59.760 every single one of these days. And I think all of us, we have that burn that when you care enough

00:25:04.800 to find that level of burn, you will not waste your days anymore.

00:25:11.120 How do you, cause look, I, I, I appreciate you sharing that story. That's, that's a powerful story.

00:25:16.400 And I know there's a lot of guys that have gone through similar type experiences. And I know that

00:25:21.260 there's millions of people who have gone through similar experiences to that and have used

00:25:25.180 situations like yours or differently to self-destruct, to, to crumble, to fall apart,

00:25:32.620 to be a victim of whatever their circumstances were. So what differentiates you from turning that

00:25:38.400 into a burn into versus somebody who uses that as an opportunity to burn themselves up and self-implode?

00:25:45.580 I think one of the things, and I've mentioned it twice and I'm going to mention it a third time.

00:25:51.660 So you realize how important it is to me is coaching and mentorship. You know, I was blessed

00:25:59.360 to have coaches in my life and mentors in my life and teachers in my life who were like,

00:26:04.060 they would look at my behavioral reactions. My attitude as a young boy after losing my mom. And

00:26:09.440 then your dad moves back in and he's a drug addict, alcoholic, bipolar, manic depressive, 0.99

00:26:14.580 passed out on the couch every day. Now I'm eight years old. I mean, Ryan, childhood's going great, 0.90

00:26:19.100 right? Yeah. This is my life. Yet you have these teachers who are like, yeah, this kid doesn't know

00:26:25.620 how to emotionally react, but like the kid's broken. Let me help this kid. And so I learned at a very

00:26:30.560 young age, like when people give you that helping hand and they give you that love, you don't have to

00:26:35.720 do it alone. And damn it, Ryan, there are far too many people who are trying to do it alone in life. 0.97

00:26:42.160 I mean, I always say you mentioned coaching two of your kids, baseball teams, but you can allow 0.99

00:26:46.540 little kids to go and you just throw the balls and the bats out and say, okay, go have fun, play

00:26:51.680 the game. Like we've all had coaches our entire lives, but we've become adults. And all of a sudden

00:26:56.960 you think like, well, I'll just do it on my own. My ego is so big. I don't need coaching. And look,

00:27:01.700 this is not a solicitation for coaching because my one-on-one coaching work, I'm booked and we have

00:27:08.060 other coaches on our team, but I'm not taking on additional coaching clients. I don't care if your

00:27:12.340 coach is one of your friends who becomes your accountability partner at the gym, who makes

00:27:17.180 sure that you actually get your ass to the gym and it's free for you to drive that accountability.

00:27:21.580 Call that person, your coach. All I'm saying is stop trying to do it by yourself. And I think these 0.96

00:27:26.940 individuals, we get lost sometimes and I've been there too, Ryan, but I've learned over time that like,

00:27:32.720 I need that. I need the coaches. I need the accountability. I want the help. I don't want

00:27:38.240 to do it by myself. And I think when people face challenge and adversity, they try to do it by

00:27:43.420 themselves. They don't connect to that burn or fire that causes them to want to fight. And they end up

00:27:49.140 going down this path that they don't have to go down. If you would stop trying to do it by yourself.

00:27:55.880 One of the questions I get very often is how do you find these coaches? You know, guys,

00:28:02.320 guys know the guys listen to this podcast because I preach that as well. And I have coaches in my

00:28:06.320 life. They ask, how do you, how do you find that person? What do you look for? Because they know

00:28:12.980 how important it is. So what would you say to that guy? Well, I think, you know, those, those are

00:28:17.940 situations where you, you know, who they are, you know, what they look like, you know, where their

00:28:23.100 websites are, you know, it's just going to be a fee that's charged for it. And you got to do the

00:28:27.840 research and then you got to take the action. And I'm just, I'm just going to be direct with this

00:28:31.740 because you're, you're, you're asking the number of people that reach out and they're

00:28:35.940 like, Hey, like, I'd love to talk to you about coaching. And by the time you get to the end

00:28:39.300 of the conversation, like they don't want to pay anything for coaching. It's like, well,

00:28:42.320 what do you think this is? Like I have proven techniques where I know I can help you drive

00:28:48.080 revenue in this, in your business. And that's, that's the reason why the head football coach

00:28:52.980 at Kansas state, Chris climate, we've won national championships together, conference championships.

00:28:57.880 Yeah. I've been with that man for nine years, nine years. Cause I don't know what the hell

00:29:01.840 I'm doing. I've got business clients that I've worked with for eight years. People,

00:29:06.200 when I started working with them, their companies were at 15 million of revenue and now they're

00:29:10.160 over a hundred million of revenue. So I've been coaching with them for eight years. Cause I didn't

00:29:13.840 know what the hell I was doing. If, if I have a relationship in coaching where something isn't

00:29:18.880 working, I get fired. That's why we're different than most coaches. I don't sign like a year long

00:29:23.720 contract. You got to give me a year. I say it's month to month, Ryan, if something isn't working,

00:29:28.620 then I'm fired. And I want you to be open and say like, man, this is not meeting my expectations.

00:29:33.980 I don't think we're a good fit and you're fired. There's no guaranteed. You have to work with me

00:29:38.280 over this period of time. And so I think you have to find that coach that's doing it for the right

00:29:43.120 reasons. You got to find that coach who doesn't need more business. And then you got to find that

00:29:48.100 coach that it may take an investment on your part, but without that investment,

00:29:52.640 you may never have the opportunity to see how great you can be. And so like one of the things

00:29:57.260 we've done with our coaching practice, I mean, we've got live group coaching. We've got one-on-one

00:30:02.740 coaching for individuals who can work with other coaches that don't charge what I charge, but I

00:30:08.540 mean, group, there's so many different ways to do this, but Ryan, people fight just getting started.

00:30:15.180 And so go look at my platform, go look at somebody else's platform, go look at anybody's platform

00:30:20.400 that's in, that's in this business. Heck reach out to Ryan. Maybe Ryan'll say, I want to be the

00:30:25.280 person who wants to do coaching work with you. Right. But like the reality is Ryan, people have

00:30:31.420 to stop deciding to not take action. And what was the first thing I said, go find an accountability

00:30:38.040 partner for free. Go, go, go say to your partner, my first job ever out of college, I was a paper

00:30:44.860 broker in Chicago selling newsprint commercial print paper, like Steve Carell out of the office.

00:30:50.000 I mean, but like, I didn't have money for a coach at that period of time, but like we built like the

00:30:56.280 sales team, we built this accountability. We'd have contests and we just, you know, bullshit with each 0.96

00:31:02.420 other and find ways to challenge each other. And it pushed us to grow. Like at the end of the day, 0.96

00:31:06.640 we were coaching each other. We didn't call it then, but like there shouldn't be any excuses.

00:31:11.560 You have to welcome not doing it by yourself and you got to go attack it and find those people

00:31:16.040 that are doing this for the right reasons. Not somebody who announced last week that they want

00:31:20.240 to be a coach or a year ago, wanted to be a coach and they're fighting to make it. Like

00:31:23.780 go find somebody with a track record of success. Cause otherwise, why would you take advice from

00:31:29.240 somebody who's just trying to make it themselves? They don't even know if their techniques work.

00:31:33.360 Right. It is interesting when you hear people say, say the money thing I'll often be met with,

00:31:38.360 you know, aren't you doing this out of the goodness of your heart? That's one I hear

00:31:42.800 or, you know, or, or the like, but it is interesting with our, one of our groups called

00:31:47.780 the iron council. Uh, often I hear from guys who are like, well, I don't want to pay to make friends.

00:31:52.500 And my response is we're not here to be friends.

00:31:55.840 But, but, but, but that's an excuse, right? Like, even though you and I are just finally having this

00:32:01.620 conversation, like I heard you with Frisella and I knew like this guy's disciplined,

00:32:06.980 this guy attacks, you've been doing this for such a lot years and years and years. Like

00:32:11.860 you have what it takes to help people. So the reason why they say that to you is because they

00:32:17.060 want to fight the help that you can provide. And you're like me. I mean, I've listened to you for

00:32:21.980 years. So you're like me, you have a big heart. You're not going to take somebody's money to take

00:32:26.120 somebody's money. Like if you can't help somebody or you can't provide the platform, that's actually

00:32:31.260 going to help them and guide them to a better life. I've fired clients because they don't,

00:32:35.880 they don't follow through and do it. I literally say to them, like, look,

00:32:39.260 I'm not taking a payment for coaching anymore because you don't listen to the coaching.

00:32:43.400 Yeah. Until you decide to listen to the coaching, like this coaching's over. And people are like,

00:32:47.620 are you serious? You're firing me. And it's like, well, yeah, because you're not taking the coaching.

00:32:52.380 And so if you're not coachable, I'm not interested in collecting money from you just to select,

00:32:56.740 say I'm collecting money. If you're not growing, I don't feel good about that. I know you're the same way.

00:33:01.620 I am. In fact, I don't do individual coaching for that reason. I got so tired of having guys

00:33:07.420 who said they wanted to do things and I would share with them what to do and we'd give them

00:33:10.440 a framework and we'd have discussions and spend a lot of time and energy and into making sure

00:33:14.380 that their plans were right. And they just wouldn't do it. I'm like, look, I could collect

00:33:18.760 that money or I could just go focus on something that A, I enjoy and B, something people will

00:33:24.040 actually do something with. So the individual coaching route, look, I know there's people out there who

00:33:28.200 will be incredible, but I decided not to go that route for that exact reason. I was so tired of

00:33:34.440 seeing people take my time and energy and not do anything with it. Yeah, they'd give me a paycheck,

00:33:39.500 but that wasn't enough for me. And I'll tell you, we even see it in the group setting, right? You've

00:33:45.780 got your group, we've got our group. And this is the part that drives me crazy. People will reach

00:33:50.360 out to our team and say, ah, you know, my needs aren't getting met. I don't know this group setting.

00:33:55.540 I don't know if this is for me. And it always boils down to let's take the last 30 days over

00:34:01.420 the last 30 days. How would you rate yourself on a scale of one to 10 for following through and doing

00:34:07.300 what you know you need to do to be successful? And they're like, I'm a six. And it's like,

00:34:11.660 is it the fricking group? Or is it the fact that 60% of the time you do what you're supposed to do

00:34:17.200 and 40%? So Ryan, it goes back to people have to stop thinking because I pay a fee to be in your

00:34:24.120 group. I will be successful. If you don't do the work, nothing is going to change. And so the key

00:34:31.280 has to be when somebody says, these are the tools that work. I can help you design this. These are the

00:34:38.040 action steps. And you're left with action items on a daily basis that are going to cause you to be

00:34:44.120 successful. At some point in time, you need to choose to make those decisions, to be disciplined

00:34:50.340 in those decisions, to allow that dopamine to run free. And you know, it feels good and start doing

00:34:57.260 what it takes to be successful and stop living to your feelings and stop living to your excuses.

00:35:02.680 Man, I'm just going to hit the pause button on the conversation very quickly. We'll get right back

00:35:08.020 to it. I talk with a lot of men who think that they're prepared to handle whatever life may have

00:35:14.060 to throw at them until life really throws something challenging at them. And then they discover how

00:35:20.220 prepared they really are or their lack of preparation. And what I found is that most men are willing to

00:35:26.400 work to improve their external circumstances, but rarely address the internal circumstances

00:35:31.960 that produce our desired results. And this leaves many men in a state of perpetual running with no

00:35:40.540 real or measurable or lasting results. And not to mention focusing on the external is of course,

00:35:47.060 largely outside of our control. And this is why I created the free battle ready program.

00:35:51.960 When you sign up for this program, you're going to unlock access to a series of emails

00:35:56.180 that are customized. They're designed to dive deep into the internal systems that we've adopted in

00:36:03.680 our lives and then break down what doesn't work and replace it with what will. So if you're ready

00:36:09.380 to create those lasting results in your life, you can unlock your internal improvement, which will

00:36:16.080 inevitably lead to external improvement at orderman.com slash battle ready. Again, that's orderman.com

00:36:23.260 slash battle ready. You can get signed up right after the conversation for now. Let's get back

00:36:27.740 to it with Ben. I'm not trying to play devil's advocate here, but I am trying to explore all

00:36:33.040 these veins about why people don't take action. I think that's the common theme about what we're

00:36:36.620 talking about here. Uh, I have heard, tell me what you think about this. Quite a few people

00:36:42.420 and they'll say they're vocalized or believe internally that if they can't move the needle today

00:36:49.460 to the degree that they want, they won't even start. I saw this all the time in my financial

00:36:55.820 planning practice. I would meet with, uh, meet with prospective clients and we would work out

00:37:01.460 a strategy or an investment plan. And because they couldn't do exactly what they wanted to do in that

00:37:07.460 moment, they'd say, well, you know, I'll wait until I'm in a different position. It would be like

00:37:12.440 saying, uh, I'm going to wait to go to the gym before I get in shape. It's a very strange phenomenon,

00:37:18.040 but I've seen it all the time. Do you run across that? So one of the things when I,

00:37:22.560 when I was a financial advisor, which is after I was a paper broker, moved back to St. Louis and

00:37:26.700 I was an advisor for 10 years, absolutely loved it. That's what actually, uh, created my first

00:37:33.040 speaking engagement opportunities back in 2006. I used to always share with people, let's say if

00:37:38.260 their savings, you know, we did their full planning analysis and they needed to save $2,500 a month.

00:37:43.440 Well, to your point, that individual wanting to save $2,500 a month, when their disciplines to

00:37:49.660 save were so bad, there was no way in hell that that person could save $2,500 a month. That was

00:37:55.480 still the number based upon. And you remember all this, right? When they wanted to retire, how much

00:38:00.200 money they need, how long that number is the number. Like you told me when you wanted all of

00:38:04.600 these things, that's your number. And people would then choose to do nothing, which made no sense.

00:38:10.320 So I used to always say, let's crawl before you walk and walk before you run. And even if we could

00:38:16.640 build the discipline over our first year together for you to save $500 a month, even though that's

00:38:23.420 20% of what you need to save, it's better than not doing anything at all. If we start at 500 and then

00:38:30.280 we get to a thousand, if it takes us three years to get to the $2,500 a month to help you hit your

00:38:36.300 financial goals, I promise you it's going to be worth it. But I cannot allow you to be those

00:38:42.240 individuals who do nothing and then expect that one day they're going to retire. It's just not

00:38:47.360 going to happen. And so what ended up happening was it then became the psychology of they knew I

00:38:52.520 was in this for the long haul. It wasn't this short term fix. And so then, you know, you're meeting

00:38:59.280 in a year, you're meeting in two years, and they can see that and they can understand that.

00:39:02.680 And that's also one of the reasons why Ryan, and I say this, you know, very humbly,

00:39:06.740 but I performed at a very high level in that space, which is what created these opportunities

00:39:10.780 to speak and start coaching is because I was fine to make a smaller sale if I was doing the right

00:39:16.400 thing for the client. And I was willing to outwork the people who were just trying to go hunt these

00:39:21.040 big elephants. And then what you end up finding is you find a bunch of elephants that want to work

00:39:25.180 with you. You find a bunch of loyal clients that want to work with you. And when you just work hard

00:39:30.260 in life, things tend to work out. It's a lot like the, uh, some of the best baseball, you know,

00:39:34.800 the best, best hitters in the world are the guys that get on base every time they get up to bat.

00:39:39.040 It's not about the home runs. It's how often can you get yourself on base? You know, I talked with,

00:39:43.920 uh, our boys and I was teaching them how to take a hit, you know, turn into it, take the hit. You

00:39:49.200 know, most of them bail and they get scared and freak out. I said, no, turn into it, take the hit in

00:39:53.280 the back. And, uh, so we were walking through that a little bit with them and, uh, they were,

00:39:59.640 they were kind of questioning it because they said, what did they say? One of them said, well,

00:40:04.840 why would I want to get hit when I can like try to hit the ball and get a base hit? I said, getting

00:40:08.820 hit is guaranteed on base. And I don't care how we do it. As long as it's more ethical, you need to

00:40:16.660 get your butt on base. So I'd much rather take the a hundred percent chance of you getting on base 0.89

00:40:22.280 than the, maybe you'll hit a home run on the next pitch. And I think if more of us recognized and

00:40:28.340 realized that, that it's not about that next huge sale, it's about the phone call that you make

00:40:33.040 today to a prospective client. It's not about you hitting a new PR at the gym. It's that you actually

00:40:38.880 went to the gym and did the reps. It's just not as sexy. So it's harder to get people to buy into it.

00:40:44.540 But that's, that's the process piece. That's the work piece. You know, we, as humans were

00:40:49.200 naturally ingrained. I want the result right now, which is really what you were speaking to in the

00:40:53.960 question, like, give me the result or I'm not getting started. But the reality is it's the

00:40:58.420 discipline to the process that drives the result that you ultimately want. I had the opportunity

00:41:04.080 to work for coach Saban for five years at Alabama, two national championships and all these amazing

00:41:09.740 relationships that have come with it. And two of the greatest lessons that I learned from coach Saban

00:41:14.460 are, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. That that's not, Hey, you have to

00:41:20.180 win. And that's it. No, it's the way you do. One thing is the way you do everything. That is a process

00:41:24.500 based statement that he would ingrain in our minds that if you're sloppy in one area, you're going to

00:41:31.400 be sloppy in another. So we might as well do it the right way. And then he used to always say,

00:41:36.640 we don't do things until we get them right. We do things until we can't get them wrong.

00:41:41.880 How often do you teach somebody a lesson? One time they hear, they go, I got it.

00:41:47.400 What the hell do you mean? What, how could you possibly have it? I just told you what it is.

00:41:51.740 Like you haven't tested it. You haven't tried it. You haven't faced adversity with it. You don't have

00:41:56.740 it, but we naturally want the result. I got it. I'm going to go get the result. You may have to try

00:42:01.120 it hundreds of times. And so the things that you learn from the greats, I mean, this is arguably the

00:42:06.860 greatest coach to ever coach anything. And I got to be there for five years working with the team.

00:42:12.240 They're 15 times a year. And what you learn is it's all about the process. And these days,

00:42:19.540 people say, embrace the process, trust the process. I always say, you better be prepared

00:42:24.220 to attack the process. You can trust it and believe in it all you want, but if you don't attack it

00:42:29.180 and do the work every day, you're going to fall short of consistent, continual peak performance.

00:42:33.920 I'm going to, I'm going to snag that. I actually, I'm taking notes here and I wrote that one down,

00:42:38.920 attack the process. It's a lot more assertive than just the, just, you just believe it,

00:42:43.520 just have faith in it. Yeah, sure you should. But if you're attacking that faith will come as a

00:42:47.480 natural outcome of you doing the work. I've been saying attack the process for 15 years because

00:42:53.180 I've always believed like it all comes down to the process. And Ryan, this is, you believe in the

00:42:59.800 same, I believe in the same, Andy Frisella believes in the same. You don't wake up in the

00:43:03.860 morning and stare up at the sky and say, dear God, I hope I look amazing at the end of 75 hard.

00:43:09.180 You actually have to do the work every day that meet the requirements of the 75 hard program.

00:43:15.320 It's the same thing with your work. You know what you need to do. You better be willing to attack

00:43:20.100 the process. Otherwise, at some point in time, you have to stop telling people how great you want

00:43:24.920 to be and how successful you're going to be if you're unwilling to do the work. And once again,

00:43:29.580 I know I'm being direct, it seems like it's in your face. But remember, all I'm trying to do is

00:43:34.420 get you to show up and be your best one day at a time and to connect to your burn or your fire or

00:43:40.140 your passion or the person you're sacrificing for, where you say, those little eyes are watching me

00:43:45.740 like I will be my best. I can't be a poor example. Or maybe there's somebody that's sacrificed for you

00:43:51.840 and that's your burn. And you say, I will not waste the sacrifice that they made. So whatever

00:43:56.140 form it comes in, at some point in time, don't let that fire go out. Light that fire. Let that

00:44:03.080 fire keep getting bigger and stronger and more potent every single day and just keep doing the

00:44:08.820 work. That's how winning is done. People don't want to hear that. They want to hear the easy way.

00:44:13.060 But that is how winning is done.

00:44:14.580 There's another powerful component of the process is that when things don't go your way or they're

00:44:21.800 not working out, you can actually look to your process and see where the breakdown is.

00:44:26.520 Because most people don't have those systems. They're just kind of winging it and maybe it'll

00:44:30.380 work, maybe it won't. It's like when I share a prize fighter day, right? I'm giving a keynote or

00:44:36.460 it's in a group coach or whatever that environment is. I'll teach the prize fighter day. You can find the

00:44:41.480 prize fighter day and our mental toughness playbook books that I've written. I mean, I talk about it

00:44:45.520 all the time and I always encourage people. Once you identify, here's, here are the things

00:44:51.240 personally, professionally, and in my service to others. When I do these things every day,

00:44:54.900 these are daily choices. When I do them, I will win. But then people forget to do what you just said

00:45:00.920 in a week, go back. I always say, run a seven day test. If this is your first time ever trying

00:45:05.680 something like this, don't just assume what you picked a week ago was right. Let's test it in a week

00:45:10.480 and go back and say, okay, the personal things I wrote down, was it right? Or do I need to add a

00:45:15.000 little more? Professionally, did it actually challenge me over the last week or do I need

00:45:19.740 to add a little bit extra? The of service, did it actually make a difference in somebody's life

00:45:24.720 or do I need to change it? And if it needs to be changed, change it. But once you nail it and you

00:45:30.320 start attacking that every single day, you will see a shift in your life. You'll see a shift in how you

00:45:35.200 feel and you will absolutely see a shift in results. But then when those results come,

00:45:39.980 here's the key to high performance. Don't be seduced by success. When you achieve that success,

00:45:49.040 don't be seduced. Remember the reason why you fail that way is because the work that you did all those

00:45:56.020 days in a row, stacking them to generate that result. If you want to continue to feel that,

00:46:01.000 just keep attacking one day at a time. Ryan, we know that it's simple. Everybody knows that it's

00:46:07.220 simple. The hard part is choosing to be disciplined. Identifying it, that's the easy part.

00:46:13.160 But then making sure that you're doing the right things and you're doing them with great discipline.

00:46:17.660 What are your thoughts? So you said it's hard to be disciplined and I've said things like that too.

00:46:21.360 I actually shy away from that language anymore because I think in our minds, we tend to make it

00:46:25.840 harder than it needs to be. And so I've told people when they say, well, you know, it's hard or it's

00:46:31.960 like, no, it's not hard. You're choosing to make it hard. It's actually very, it's not only simple,

00:46:37.200 it's also easy. And what are your thoughts about using that type of language or the thought process

00:46:42.740 behind it? I can absolutely see where you're coming from. It makes me think about shifting and

00:46:47.360 not saying that anymore because I probably need to follow it up with, see, I'm coachable. You got to

00:46:52.000 follow it up with, but when the environment is right, it then becomes unbelievably easy to execute,

00:47:00.520 right? So I remember when Ed Milet had me on his podcast and Ed's become a dear, dear friend. You

00:47:07.000 know, when I was on his podcast, Ed was like, you got to tell him what you told me about your alarm

00:47:10.540 clock. And I said, well, my alarm clock is my phone, but here's the difference. My phone is not on

00:47:16.160 my nightstand. My phone is in the bathroom. So I actually have to get up. I have to go to another

00:47:21.460 room in order to turn off my alarm. When you look on my alarm on my phone, it says Janet Fishman

00:47:28.880 Newman legacy. You can actually name your alarm. So here's my mother's name. That's my alarm. So

00:47:35.580 what have I done in order to trigger my desire to attack being disciplined in the day and to not live

00:47:42.940 to my excuses? I get up out of bed. Here's what I live for my burn every day. And to be an example

00:47:49.220 for my kids and for my wife, it'd be the best that I could be fueled by my mom. If I see my mother's

00:47:54.720 name, Janet Fishman Newman legacy, and I've kind of had a light jog to the bathroom. So my wife doesn't

00:47:59.620 kill me. I don't wake her up. What do you, what do you think the odds are that I'm going to hit the

00:48:03.900 snooze button and get back into bed? It's not happening. Right. So I think it comes down to,

00:48:08.640 you have to create the environment that causes you to execute.

00:48:12.360 That's really cool. As you were saying that I, I thought, well, what would my alarm say?

00:48:17.300 And immediately I should change in there. Your kids are watching you. That would be mine. Your

00:48:23.900 kids are watching you. I love it. Yeah. That's powerful. You've talked a little bit about

00:48:29.020 So hold on one second. Let me just, I want to grab it. So I want to pull this through. So now

00:48:33.920 Ryan's in the middle of the day. So that that's his reminder in the morning. He sees it. No way. I

00:48:40.360 don't care how damn cozy those sheets were. Ryan is not hitting the snooze button going back to bed. 0.98

00:48:44.560 He reads that, but here's what we know about the human mind. You're going to have that feeling

00:48:49.620 again in the middle of the day. And you've got to remind yourself if that statement hits you that

00:48:54.600 hard, when you feel that again, and when you don't want to do it and those feelings start to creep in,

00:49:00.800 you got to remind yourself in the heat of the moment during the day, those eyes are still watching

00:49:05.480 and you got to keep going back to it. There might be days where you have to go back to it 50 times,

00:49:11.600 but if the 50 times keeps you focused in the environment to take action, ultimately you'll

00:49:17.500 win and battle through the adversity or challenge you face. I think it also has to be real to you,

00:49:24.620 right? We, we hear all these, these clever, you know, contrived sayings online and the cute memes

00:49:30.720 in the quotes and, you know, and, and I have them too for, for our organization. I'm sure you have

00:49:36.060 certain things that you say repeatedly that people have come to know, but then other people adopt them

00:49:41.060 because they're quote unquote supposed to, but it doesn't hit hard, right? It doesn't, it's not the

00:49:45.940 same as your mother's name or in this case, the way I might feel about seeing that phrase, your kids

00:49:51.800 are watching you. So it's got to be something that you actually, that moves you, that drives you,

00:49:56.080 that burns you, if you will. Yes, that's the burn. And it's individualized. Like somebody could say,

00:50:02.340 wow, that's really powerful Ben's story. Like that's so moving to hear that. But Ryan, if I

00:50:08.080 made the recommendation to you tomorrow, put Janet Fishman Newman legacy on your phone, right? You'd

00:50:13.460 wake up the next day. Like that's not going to motivate you. And so people have to realize it might

00:50:18.500 take time to find what that burn is. And I have plenty of people who say I've never been through

00:50:22.980 challenge. I'd never been through adversity. I say, I wouldn't want anybody to

00:50:26.060 go through what I've had to go through to create what my burn is. I hope you haven't had to see

00:50:30.580 the things that I had to see, you know, by the time I was an eight year old boy. But if you haven't

00:50:35.880 had that challenge, you're struggling with what the burn is. I love asking people this question,

00:50:40.300 grab your future and bring it to today. Everybody sees something that's in their future, right? So

00:50:46.840 you're single. I don't have kids. I don't have this great, but you want a future, don't you? Do you

00:50:51.080 want kids? Do you want to own a company one day? Design something that you want to fight for

00:50:56.040 and that can become your burn. But these people who just decide, I don't want to spend any time

00:51:01.040 on it. It's easier to just tell you, I don't have clarity around it. That's just weakness,

00:51:05.720 allowing you to choose to not take action. At some point in time, you have to get clear.

00:51:11.020 You have to have these conversations with yourself and you have to be open to some of the discussions

00:51:15.420 or questions that are going to cause you to think differently so that you can then choose

00:51:19.180 different action that ultimately leads you to the life that you were destined to lead.

00:51:23.200 Yeah. Well, you've talked a little bit about standards, creating your standards. And I'm

00:51:30.440 curious how you do that. Sometimes we will always, we're in the place that we know, right? And we may

00:51:38.020 not know what we're fully capable of. So how do you begin to identify what kind of standards you want

00:51:42.740 to conduct yourself by? So I mentioned that I wasn't going to mention this, but I'll give a little

00:51:50.760 tease, a little tease for it. So my next book is actually in the process of being written. And it's

00:51:58.540 a book around this concept. I think standard has become this buzzword, Ryan. And everybody says

00:52:04.520 standard. You could hear, you know, in the March Madness tournament, people are getting done after the

00:52:09.200 game. And we just, you know, we live to the standard every day. And some people have understood and they

00:52:13.540 define what that standard is. But for a lot of people, it's just become this buzzword and people

00:52:18.080 don't know what it is. So we're actually writing a book that defines what the standard is. And it breaks

00:52:24.180 down all the different components of the importance of having a standard, defining what your standards are,

00:52:30.660 and then choosing to attack those standards. And then there's a four-step process that comes down to

00:52:37.200 the problem, the planning, the performance, and the payoff, and understanding how these different

00:52:44.160 elements of the standard in your life, once you create yours, it becomes a repetitious cycle of

00:52:50.540 attacking that standard day after day after day, knowing that that's what's going to cause you to

00:52:54.900 win. I've never been more excited about writing a book. I can't wait for this one to come out. I can

00:53:00.720 only give you so much, but we are finally going to answer that question that it's no longer a buzzword.

00:53:06.620 It's actually going to be people understanding how to define what their standard is and then give

00:53:12.400 them the confidence to go attack it. Yeah, I like that. I like the confidence to attack it,

00:53:18.420 but also to uphold it because I think all too often, most of us have a thought process around

00:53:26.040 what we will and will not tolerate. We've thought about that. We've thought about it ourselves and

00:53:31.380 other people, how they'll treat us, how we'll treat ourselves. But most of the time when it gets

00:53:36.620 hard, it's challenging, or there's a temptation, our so-called standard or our principles, they kind

00:53:43.500 of go by the wayside. And in that case, they really weren't principles or standards to begin with.

00:53:48.840 That's right. But that goes back to, well, I say I have standards, but if you can't articulate what

00:53:55.020 those standards are, well, then you don't have standards. You just have a word that you say

00:54:01.060 because you heard it on TV and it's, well, successful people say that they have a standard,

00:54:04.860 but if you can't articulate to me what that standard is or the process of how you attack

00:54:10.240 that standard, then you don't have a standard. Do you think people, I mean, there's a lot of

00:54:15.620 reasons why somebody might let their standard for themselves go. Do you think that one of the

00:54:20.040 reasons or how prevalent is it to be so consumed with the mediocrity around you that you might

00:54:28.620 offend somebody or you might make them feel uncomfortable or you're worried about their

00:54:34.260 opinion because you have an elevated standard or because you're performing to the degree that you

00:54:38.600 are? Does that weigh on people's minds? I think it's, I think everybody's different. It's a multitude of

00:54:44.880 different reasons, but at the end of the day, you know, once again, I define success by your ability

00:54:50.780 to look in the mirror one day at a time and say, today I've given it my very best. So when you

00:54:55.760 actually do that, there's no life of mediocrity. I mean, if you're really looking at yourself in the

00:55:01.920 mirror, it doesn't matter what somebody else thinks. It doesn't matter what somebody else does.

00:55:05.680 I'm not asking you to compare yourself or to go be somebody else. I'm just asking you to be your best.

00:55:11.500 And I think people tend to compare or they find comfort. Well, if they're letting themselves

00:55:17.780 off the hook, then maybe it's okay for me to let myself off the hook. Well, then, okay. Well,

00:55:21.200 you have to look in the mirror then and be honest and say, I let myself off the hook because being

00:55:25.700 my best really isn't that important to me. And I know this is tough stuff to hear, but it's the truth.

00:55:31.160 And then I think there's another camp of individuals who they take their past success.

00:55:35.820 This is being seduced by success. And they live off of that past success as long as they possibly

00:55:43.160 can without having to do the work today. And I think that comes out in like for me in my work.

00:55:48.320 So tomorrow I'll go see the Michigan state football team. Last year in my work with Michigan state

00:55:53.880 football, I showed up and I had this long run of straight workout days, right? Well, today is 1,369

00:56:03.620 straight days that I've worked out. I promise you tomorrow I will work out before I get on that

00:56:08.280 plane. It'll be 1,370. Well, what does that tell you? That tells you that when I was there months ago,

00:56:15.500 I had a string that was in the 1,100 days, right? I haven't made a choice to stop working. Well,

00:56:22.880 I'm in good shape. At one point in time, I was a good example for these kids. If I stopped doing

00:56:27.800 what I know shows that I'm an example of discipline for these young men, how in the world can I have a

00:56:34.800 conversation with them about being disciplined and doing what they say they're going to do?

00:56:39.320 Ryan, it goes back to the environment. I've created an environment where I want to be an example for

00:56:46.460 players. I want to go and get under the bar on the bench press. And I want to literally lift with

00:56:52.980 these guys if they're lifting after practice and they want to get some sets in because that's going

00:56:57.780 to be the differentiator. There's speakers who come in and then there's the performance coach who comes

00:57:02.760 in and his ass gets under the bar and he pushes weights with us and he strains with us. And as a 0.98

00:57:08.200 44-year-old man, I might not push as much weight, but I'm going to get my ass under that bar and I'm 0.98

00:57:13.020 going to push weight. But I'm going to do that like tomorrow. It's not, hey, I used to be in shape to be 0.94

00:57:19.760 able to do this. If you're living in, I used to be able to do this, trying to help and push and

00:57:25.020 challenge somebody to get a result today in my world, that doesn't work. That's just how I think

00:57:32.260 about things. And so I think if you're going to be in this world of coaching and encouraging,

00:57:37.460 like you have to show up and be your best too. I can't just pick and choose my days. I have to do

00:57:42.380 what I say I'm going to do. If you were to say to me, Ben, great story about the alarm clock. How did you

00:57:47.080 wake up today? You know, it's so funny that you asked that, right? I actually did hit the snooze

00:57:51.260 today. I decided to skip my workout today and I had a fat stack of pancakes with extra maple syrup

00:57:57.780 today. I mean, if those were my answers, then I'm a fraud. And so I've forced myself into an

00:58:05.200 environment that when I show up for that first call of the day, whether it's with you, whether it's with

00:58:10.240 a coaching client, whether it's somebody else, I'm going to have done the things that I said I was

00:58:14.460 going to do. Otherwise, I am a fraud for having a conversation with you about accountability.

00:58:19.700 And some people might say that that's extreme, but that's the only way that I know how to show up.

00:58:26.080 Well, and look, all of us fall short, you know, and you said it too, but I guess the key here is

00:58:30.200 that when you do recognize as quickly as you possibly can and get your ass back on track 0.57

00:58:35.360 to restore that integrity gap.

00:58:37.740 And I almost, it's not that, that we don't make mistakes. Sometimes you choose to fall off,

00:58:44.360 right? If I'm not doing 75 hard, I love pancakes. So I've become disciplined to know, like as much,

00:58:50.500 that's why I always use the pancake example. Like on a Saturday afternoon, Ryan and I might be going

00:58:55.220 to an event together. I might be like, man, I've been getting after it. I've been great on my

00:58:58.340 nutrition. Like, brother, I'm cheating this morning. I'm going to have a big fat stack of pancakes.

00:59:02.400 If it's on a Saturday morning, guess what I'm doing on Sunday? I promise you, I'm not eating

00:59:07.160 pancakes again. And so I think that's where the discipline comes in. It's not that we don't fall

00:59:11.880 off. It's not that we're not human. It's not that we don't decide to live, but it's like, I know that

00:59:17.380 the way that I'm wired, if I start eating pancakes every day, we're going in the wrong direction.

00:59:23.160 And so I think it comes down to becoming disciplined, even when you cheat, right? So the cheating,

00:59:30.320 it's not, I'm going to eat pancakes for a week in a row. No, it's like, if I'm going to eat

00:59:33.980 pancakes, that's one day I'm going to enjoy the pancakes and I'm back at it.

00:59:37.580 Nice. Yeah, that makes sense. You know, you were talking about, and you've mentioned a couple

00:59:40.960 of times now, this idea of process. And as I hear you talk about your training streak,

00:59:47.480 what's beautiful about that is that you no longer have to worry about the result because the result,

00:59:55.080 you know, is just going to take care of itself. I mean, how could you not have massive results

00:59:59.960 when you do something effectively for over 1000 days? I mean, it's just, it would, it would be

01:00:04.800 impossible if you tried to produce a result that was less favorable, if you're doing favorable work

01:00:10.320 for that long. And, and when you do these things, and I'm not saying to anybody, you have to do my

01:00:15.360 workout. There's people who work out way harder than I do, but this is not like I do 20 pushups a

01:00:20.980 day. I mean, the workout takes 45 to 50 minutes every single day. It's 10 minutes of planking. It's wall

01:00:27.700 sits. It's, you know, 350 jumping jacks in a row. It's 350 air squats in a row. It is not easy. But

01:00:35.440 to your point, when I do that, like there's no getting out of shape. Right. It's not, it's creating

01:00:42.500 an environment. It's not possible to get into bad shape when I do that every day. Well, and there's

01:00:47.740 the other side of it when, and I've, and I've said this, and I've actually dialed my fitness stuff

01:00:52.420 in over the last several months. And I, and I've told myself, I have to get out of shape or get in

01:00:57.140 shape. Well, what does that mean? That means I got out of shape, which was not the right thing to

01:01:01.940 do. And if you're always doing the right thing, you need to get into nothing, right? It's, you're

01:01:06.540 already there. It's like, it's the saying, how does it go? If you're always ready, you never need to

01:01:10.920 get ready.

01:01:11.940 Yep. A hundred percent.

01:01:14.420 So one other thing I wanted to ask it, and I think you briefly touched on this and, and maybe I just

01:01:19.880 missed it, but it seems like you had some sort of a framework for areas of life that, that men

01:01:24.920 or, or that your, your clients and the people you're working with, um, operate in. I think you

01:01:29.760 said one was professional. And I think another one you said is of service. Are these areas of life

01:01:34.640 that you direct people to work in?

01:01:37.240 Yeah. So I call it your prize fighter day and you actually break it down to what are the one or two,

01:01:43.500 or sometimes three things that, that when you do these every day, personally, you know,

01:01:48.680 they cause you to win. What are the one or two or three things professionally that when you do them

01:01:54.080 every day, it causes you to win. And then what is the, the one or two things that you can do that

01:01:58.300 are of service. And John Wooden, you know, another one of those arguably great coaches to ever walk

01:02:04.140 the face of the earth, you know, led the UCLA Bruins to 10 championships in 12 years, wrote more

01:02:09.260 bestselling books in his nineties than 99% of bestselling authors. John Wooden used to say,

01:02:14.620 you cannot have a great day until you've done something for somebody else with no expectation

01:02:18.840 of anything in return. And so that's part of what I try to encourage people to do in this broken world

01:02:24.220 that we live in today is be one of those individuals that's actually looking to do something, not for

01:02:29.600 money, not for recognition, but doing it because the world needs more love doing it because the world

01:02:35.160 needs more people to share the gifts that they've been given. And so I just encourage people

01:02:38.840 to build out those days so that it helps them define what it means to win every day. So that

01:02:44.560 when you look in that mirror at the end of the day, you can say, I hit it, hit it, hit it. I won

01:02:49.060 onto the next day. And if for some reason you fall short, you are not a loser. It doesn't, it doesn't

01:02:55.280 mean that your life is on the wrong track. One of the great lessons I learned from another former

01:02:59.900 coach of mine, Dr. Self, he used to say, you got to ask yourself the question, what can I improve

01:03:04.600 tomorrow based upon my performance today? So if you fall short, it encourages you to figure out

01:03:11.220 before you put that head on the pillow, what can I improve tomorrow based upon my performance today?

01:03:16.660 Did I call Ryan and spend 45 minutes talking about this amazing March madness, best tournament ever,

01:03:21.860 no number one seeds. Look at all these low seeds. This is amazing. Like, did I spend 45 minutes,

01:03:27.220 which kept me from doing what I needed to do to win? If that's the case, then tomorrow, it doesn't

01:03:31.120 mean I'm not going to be a friend. It doesn't mean I'm not going to have conversations.

01:03:34.600 But I realized I didn't need to spend 45 minutes. We could have talked about it for 15 minutes.

01:03:38.940 Yeah. And that 30 minutes would have given me the ability to do the things that I know I need to do

01:03:43.420 to win. So it's, you know, it's discipline, it's focus, it's intentionality. A lot of people aren't

01:03:48.820 willing to do it, but a lot of people actually don't want to win at their highest level. As I mentioned

01:03:53.120 earlier, they just say they want to win at a very high level. Yeah. We want the results without the

01:03:58.620 work, right? It'd be nice to say I'm winning at the highest level, but when it comes to doing that

01:04:04.580 work, you know, that discrepancy is where the real challenge is.

01:04:09.260 Correct. Yeah, exactly.

01:04:11.520 Well, Ben, I appreciate you. Let the guys know as we wind down today, where to connect with you.

01:04:15.660 Obviously, it sounds like you've got a book coming out in the fall. So we'll stay tuned. We'll have

01:04:19.820 you back on the podcast to talk more about that and get into depth on that. But let the guys know

01:04:23.780 where to connect with you.

01:04:25.260 So at Continued Fight, that's the Instagram handle, which is probably the very best way for us to stay

01:04:31.360 connected. And then our website is bennewman.net. But at Continued Fight, you'll get updates on the

01:04:37.480 book. You'll get updates if we're throwing events, all kinds of things. And you're getting me every

01:04:42.120 day. So I'm active on there every single day. If you're getting videos, that's our team, Tyler,

01:04:47.900 from our company, Legacy Media, that does all of our branding and videos and everything. But

01:04:52.720 it's me interacting every single day. So I look forward to seeing you over there.

01:04:56.800 Awesome. Well, I've been inspired by what you're sharing. And I'm glad we finally made

01:05:00.580 this work. Like I said, long time coming, but we finally made it work. So

01:05:03.840 I appreciate you, brother. I appreciate how you show up. I appreciate the example that you

01:05:09.040 said. And I know when you look at that phone every day, you're already doing that for your

01:05:12.140 children. So just keep doing it.

01:05:13.720 I will. Trying to. Thank you, brother.

01:05:15.940 Thank you.

01:05:18.000 All right, guys. There you go. Ben Newman. I told you that one was going to be a powerful one. I hope

01:05:22.400 you listened all the way through. And if you're hearing this, you did. And you know,

01:05:26.780 exactly why I said it would be so powerful. So what I would encourage you to do now is

01:05:31.000 to go connect with Ben on the Instagram. He's most active over there, as he said. He's got

01:05:36.880 courses and programs available over on his website, bennewman.net. And I think you're going

01:05:41.680 to be very excited about the results that you will produce if you follow the systems that

01:05:47.260 Ben has laid out and created and helped thousands and thousands of people at this point. So if you

01:05:54.060 enjoyed it, take a screenshot right now and post it up on Instagram. Tag Ben, tag myself. Let other

01:05:59.700 people know what you're listening to. That goes a long way. Leave that rating and review. Connect

01:06:03.700 with him. Connect with me. And then last, check out that battle ready program I talked to you about

01:06:08.420 a little earlier at orderman.com slash battle ready. All right, guys, you've got your marching

01:06:14.480 orders. We will be back tomorrow for our ask me anything. Until then, go out there, take action,

01:06:19.240 elevate your standard, become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:06:24.840 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:06:29.480 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - April 04, 2023

BEN NEWMAN ｜ Elevate Your Standard

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