Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.040 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.540 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.780 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.720 All right, Kip, we were talking offline here, but I wanted to record this because we were talking about a training partner of yours winning his match,

00:00:32.460 and you were talking about how nervous you were as his training partner.

00:00:37.440 Yeah, yeah. I was super. I was telling the guys, I'm like, am I the only one sitting in the chair, not fighting, and just completely exhausted and stressed out?

00:00:49.800 I was just like, dang.

00:01:19.800 Cheerleader of sorts. There's nothing you can do about it at that point, and so you have no control, and I think that's where the anxiety comes from.

00:01:27.700 You have no outlet for dealing with it.

00:01:31.200 Yeah. My heart was pounding, and I'm just not even doing anything.

00:01:36.080 Yeah, yeah. That's how it goes.

00:01:37.820 Well, good. He won, though, it sounds like.

00:01:39.200 Oh, yeah. That's awesome.

00:01:39.740 Yeah, first round, you know, three, three and a half minutes in, eventually got to mount ground and pound, you know, ref stoppage. 0.66

00:01:49.700 Right. It was good.

00:01:51.200 It was good.

00:01:51.540 I, it's good that it went the way it did, right? Minimal damage, you know what I mean? He did awesome, but I wanted to watch him fight more, you know?

00:02:02.000 So, so part of it's kind of like, for an entertainment perspective, I would have liked to see him go three rounds so I could watch him fight more, right?

00:02:11.260 And have him showcase his skills.

00:02:12.680 Well, it's the same thing for watching, yeah.

00:02:13.960 I mean, not only him, but just watching UFC, for example.

00:02:17.280 You know, most people want to see an entertaining fight.

00:02:20.860 Yeah.

00:02:21.600 And a tactical fight, a smart fight, usually, not usually, but in a lot of ways, isn't all that entertaining.

00:02:29.120 So there's a weird dichotomy there between entertaining the fans and then having fighters who actually know how to fight correctly with, like you said, minimal, minimal damage, not get themselves in trouble, trying to lengthen out their career.

00:02:42.500 But it doesn't necessarily equal a fun, entertaining performance.

00:02:47.840 Yeah, totally.

00:02:49.220 Yeah, I, through the years, I've always been so frustrated with, with fight fans.

00:02:54.360 I think there's some good fans that are educated.

00:02:57.340 And then there's just fans that just want to see people punch each other.

00:03:01.020 And they're the ones, they're the ones that typically, like, they're, they're ignorant to things.

00:03:05.900 Like, they'll even complain in the clinch, right?

00:03:08.800 Guys will be clenching knees to the thighs, which is super painful.

00:03:13.380 And they're like, come on, let's fight.

00:03:16.260 Stop hugging.

00:03:16.960 You're like, you have no idea.

00:03:19.420 If you've never been in that position is, or even just having, you know, a 210 pound guy on top of you actively trying to keep you pinned to the mat.

00:03:28.500 If you've never been in that situation, you have no idea how difficult that actually is.

00:03:33.380 Totally.

00:03:33.940 They're like, they're not even fighting.

00:03:35.300 They're just hugging.

00:03:36.340 Yeah.

00:03:36.480 Right.

00:03:36.840 Right.

00:03:37.200 Yeah.

00:03:37.360 Hugging.

00:03:37.720 That's what they're doing.

00:03:38.820 Yeah.

00:03:39.000 Go ahead and get in there and hug with those guys and see how it goes for you.

00:03:42.620 So, all right, man.

00:03:43.500 Well, let's get into some questions.

00:03:44.700 I know these are follow-up questions from Instagram.

00:03:47.540 I believe from last week, I put out a call and we usually get 200 questions.

00:03:51.980 So needless to say, we can't get through all of them.

00:03:54.240 We try to do a good job filtering through and picking the best ones.

00:03:58.120 And so we'll, uh, we'll, we'll get you to some good questions and some mediocre answers.

00:04:04.360 That was a joke, by the way.

00:04:05.640 Oh, I think I lost you on, uh, on connectivity.

00:04:09.380 There we go.

00:04:09.800 I got you back.

00:04:10.340 I got you connect.

00:04:11.080 You didn't laugh.

00:04:11.800 I'm like, that was a joke, but I think your internet or my internet froze, which is why

00:04:15.460 I didn't hear.

00:04:16.160 Or it could have just not been funny.

00:04:17.980 So who knows?

00:04:18.900 It's not that.

00:04:19.780 It's definitely not that.

00:04:21.560 All right.

00:04:22.120 So our first question from on Insta, William Connor, where I live, the gyms are closed.

00:04:28.240 I try and work out at home, but have trouble staying consistent.

00:04:31.460 I don't want to fill my head with anyone's, uh, any more excuses.

00:04:35.380 I just want to get it done.

00:04:37.080 Any tips on how to stay consistent?

00:04:39.080 I think we actually addressed this one last week.

00:04:41.760 Did we?

00:04:42.900 Yeah.

00:04:43.320 I mean, I remember talking about things that you should do.

00:04:46.900 Uh, I can't remember exactly what we addressed, but I'm pretty certain that we went through

00:04:51.020 that question last week.

00:04:52.520 Maybe you didn't answer it well enough and we should.

00:04:54.640 Yeah.

00:04:54.820 You're like, let me give Ryan another try at this question here.

00:04:57.520 No, I think we talked about, uh, making it interesting, making sure that you're mixing

00:05:02.720 it up, that it's entertaining, that it's fun.

00:05:04.940 Cause you're right.

00:05:05.480 We didn't answer this.

00:05:06.520 Yeah.

00:05:06.820 Come on, man.

00:05:07.760 Come on, man.

00:05:08.460 I'm slacking here.

00:05:09.680 I know.

00:05:10.100 I thought I was too.

00:05:11.480 So to this gentleman, if you haven't had your question answered yet, go back to last week's

00:05:16.860 ask me anything.

00:05:17.440 Cause it's there.

00:05:18.400 And cause we're not answering it twice.

00:05:20.360 I'm not going to do it.

00:05:21.320 I'm not going to repeat myself.

00:05:22.300 Just like I tell my kids, you know, I'm not going to repeat myself.

00:05:24.820 Although I end up repeating myself all the time.

00:05:27.520 Such as the nature of fatherhood, I suppose.

00:05:31.980 Okay.

00:05:32.560 I'm ready.

00:05:33.520 All right.

00:05:33.940 Let's go, man.

00:05:35.440 For real.

00:05:36.180 Let's do this.

00:05:37.060 All right.

00:05:38.000 Dave bears.

00:05:39.440 I'm moving to a farm with my lovely woman to work. 1.00

00:05:42.640 There, um, has a sheep herder and do some other random works for the owners.

00:05:48.220 It's a move due to the need of learning skills, going away from the city and the medical dictatorship

00:05:54.640 being more, being more sufficient and practice sustainability.

00:05:59.100 We are going to be earning very little money, but we will have very little expenses.

00:06:04.420 What skills would you advise me to learn to make this change of journey more successful

00:06:08.860 and productive?

00:06:09.740 I love your work.

00:06:11.060 Keep being awesome.

00:06:12.180 I think you're in the middle of it right now.

00:06:15.000 You know, you're going to go, it sounds like you're working for somebody else.

00:06:17.700 So what I would say is just be coachable, be open-minded and learn from those individuals

00:06:22.960 who you're going to be learning from.

00:06:24.340 Like, I'm sure you're not going in there with, with, with an arrogant attitude that you

00:06:28.640 know it all.

00:06:29.360 You're, you're going in there open-minded.

00:06:31.020 And I think that's a skillset that actually can be developed.

00:06:33.500 Your ability to be open-minded, your ability to learn your desire to be curious about why

00:06:39.460 things work and how, how they work the way they do and completely immerse yourself.

00:06:44.480 And the other thing that I've been thinking a lot about is the concept of mastery.

00:06:48.340 In fact, I think I talked about it a week or two on the Friday field notes that we should

00:06:53.000 all be on the pursuit of mastery, uh, mastery in and of itself.

00:06:57.140 I don't think it's achievable because it's a moving target.

00:07:00.480 It's like reaching your full potential.

00:07:02.000 Once you reach some element of your elevated potential, then you unlock new opportunities

00:07:07.520 for even more potential that you didn't have previously.

00:07:11.280 I mean, mastery is very much the same way, but that's not to say that you shouldn't be

00:07:14.940 on the pursuit of it.

00:07:15.940 So I think about the way, for example, that we show up in this podcast or the way you show

00:07:21.420 up at jujitsu or the way that you prepare and cook dinner to the way that you're

00:07:27.140 train and the conversations that you have, are you so lackadaisical in those things?

00:07:32.480 And I think that's much of the way society is now like so flippant, so casual and nonchalant

00:07:38.240 about the way they approach things.

00:07:40.320 And certainly there's an element for play and relaxation and enjoyment, but if you're

00:07:44.500 serious about it, you would be serious about it.

00:07:46.600 And you would, you would, would learn and immerse yourself in all the little nuances and

00:07:52.160 intricacies that most people don't see.

00:07:53.980 Like we were talking about with fighting, you know, most people don't see that because

00:07:57.260 they're not on that path to mastery and that's okay.

00:08:00.020 But if you're going to try to improve in one area, whether it's reading a book or training

00:08:04.800 jujitsu or the way that you communicate or the way that you present yourself, then you

00:08:09.220 ought to be focused on those intricacies.

00:08:11.700 So I would suggest to you that you should be curious.

00:08:14.960 You should have a desire to be on the path to mastery and that you should be humble and

00:08:20.100 open to things that you never would have imagined.

00:08:23.620 You would have been learning through this process, which actually sounds like a pretty

00:08:26.780 cool scenario and circumstance that you get to be part of.

00:08:32.040 Yeah.

00:08:32.400 Yeah, totally.

00:08:32.940 All right.

00:08:34.460 Colton Briner, 97.

00:08:36.700 Any advice for balancing self-improvement and a newborn child?

00:08:40.280 My son should be born any day this week and I've, and I've been dedicated to workouts along

00:08:44.960 with reading and I have felt a great deal of benefit to this discipline.

00:08:49.540 But at the same time, I don't want to continue with all of my habits.

00:08:54.020 If it takes away from time, I can be with helping my girlfriend and spending time with our

00:08:58.340 son.

00:08:58.660 And the podcast has been a pivotal part in turning my life around to be the father and

00:09:03.840 soon to be husband.

00:09:04.760 I want to be, thank you for all that you do.

00:09:08.220 So yesterday I was working on the canoe with my son and, uh, we were shaving a portion of

00:09:13.660 the canoe down the strips that we have to put on there and you have to match it up just

00:09:16.780 right.

00:09:17.440 And as you put it in, you have to bow and flex the strip while you wedge it in there.

00:09:21.580 And then once it's wedged into the right place, then you bend, you straighten it all out

00:09:24.840 and then you can staple and glue it where it needs to be.

00:09:26.820 And I was thinking about it cause I was, I was pulling it out of the spot where we had

00:09:31.640 just measured and shaved it down to the right shape and size and angle.

00:09:36.660 And I was pulling it out and I was bending the cedar strip, bending, bending, bending,

00:09:40.740 bending.

00:09:41.020 I'm like, please don't break.

00:09:41.960 Please don't break.

00:09:42.620 Please don't break.

00:09:43.520 And I bent and I popped it out of there and it didn't break.

00:09:46.000 And so we glued it all up, slid it back in there, flattened it out, glued, stapled, good

00:09:51.120 to go.

00:09:52.000 So I tell you this story because this is very much the way it's going to be for you, especially

00:09:56.980 with a newborn baby.

00:09:58.820 You've got to bend.

00:09:59.940 You don't, you can't break.

00:10:01.340 You don't have the luxury of breaking because your girlfriend's there, your baby's there,

00:10:05.060 you have responsibilities, you have obligations.

00:10:06.800 So you can't, cannot absolutely break physically, mentally, emotionally.

00:10:10.440 It's just not an option, but you can bend.

00:10:13.360 And so you're talking about working out.

00:10:15.340 You're talking about your priorities.

00:10:16.520 You're talking about reading and taking care of yourself and listening to these podcasts.

00:10:19.720 Those things shouldn't go away because if they do, you run the risk of breaking, but

00:10:24.280 you need to consider that your schedule is going to change, right?

00:10:27.940 The baby's going to be waking up at all hours of the night.

00:10:30.800 Your, your girlfriend's going to need your help here or there above and beyond what she may

00:10:35.280 have otherwise needed.

00:10:36.240 So I'm not telling you not to get those other things in.

00:10:40.400 I'm just telling you to get them in where you can and realize that this is the season

00:10:44.180 for pliability.

00:10:45.420 This is the season for you to adapt and adjust your schedule as necessary so you can fulfill

00:10:51.800 and meet your obligations, but still take care of yourself.

00:10:55.140 And most guys, what they'll do, I did it.

00:10:57.920 Kip, you've probably done it to a degree.

00:10:59.880 My friends go, my hobbies go, my exercise goes, everything goes because I think that

00:11:06.220 the priority should be my wife and kids and it should, but it comes at the expense of

00:11:12.680 your wife and your children if you're not taking care of yourself.

00:11:15.220 So maybe you need to wake up an hour earlier and you need to get some more exercise in,

00:11:19.900 or maybe your lunch break.

00:11:21.660 You know, if you have, and I'm just making up assumptions, but this will give you an example.

00:11:25.240 Let's say you have a 35, 45 minute break at lunch.

00:11:28.940 Well, maybe you take 10 minutes and you eat really quick.

00:11:31.820 And the other 30 minutes is, okay, I'm just going to do pushups and air squats and burpees

00:11:36.820 in my office.

00:11:38.300 There's ways to be, to get this stuff in.

00:11:41.440 You're just going to have to be a little bit more creative about it.

00:11:43.480 And you're going to have to flex and bend without breaking in order to make sure you

00:11:47.200 still take care of yourself.

00:11:48.140 But do not ditch your friends.

00:11:50.700 Don't ditch your hobbies.

00:11:51.640 Don't ditch your activities and your exercise.

00:11:53.540 It will be a detriment to you and everybody you care about.

00:11:56.440 I promise you.

00:11:57.600 Yeah.

00:11:57.800 And you'll find a way.

00:11:59.140 Hold the baby and do air squats for 30 minutes.

00:12:01.880 Do some curls with the baby.

00:12:03.260 Actually, don't do that.

00:12:04.820 I would.

00:12:06.360 Well, let the baby grow a little bit.

00:12:08.620 Do it on the couch or something.

00:12:09.840 But you can do air squats, you know, an hour of air squats, man.

00:12:13.540 That's a good workout.

00:12:14.500 You know, it's to, to reiterate what you're saying is so, so as, I was, as you know, I

00:12:21.620 went down to Parowan over the weekend.

00:12:24.180 What's Parowan?

00:12:25.220 I don't even know what that is.

00:12:26.500 Parowan.

00:12:26.920 I don't know.

00:12:27.400 It's a blip.

00:12:28.320 Oh, did I pronounce it wrong?

00:12:29.560 How do you pronounce it?

00:12:32.460 It's close enough.

00:12:33.460 We get you.

00:12:33.960 Okay.

00:12:34.480 It's like calling hurricane.

00:12:36.840 I don't know what you're talking about if you say hurricane.

00:12:39.320 Okay.

00:12:40.360 Anyhow.

00:12:40.840 Anyways.

00:12:42.080 Yeah.

00:12:42.400 You went to the dairy freeze.

00:12:43.700 Yep.

00:12:44.640 Dairy freeze is good burger.

00:12:46.020 Good fries.

00:12:46.820 Some, Mr. Jenkins is good times, but yeah.

00:12:49.380 So we had a long drive to go down.

00:12:51.740 Hold up.

00:12:52.040 Hold up.

00:12:52.400 Hold up.

00:12:52.880 Yeah.

00:12:53.740 You guys can't be, you, you South severe guys can't be running around Parowan just 1.00

00:12:57.600 without any chaperone or without any supervised supervision.

00:13:03.400 I don't know what you guys think you're doing.

00:13:04.400 Well, you're not around to, to stop us from coming in.

00:13:08.700 All right.

00:13:09.220 Sorry.

00:13:09.540 Go.

00:13:09.640 Uh, okay.

00:13:10.640 So, so we had a long drive down there roughly about two and a half, three hours.

00:13:14.860 I think it is.

00:13:15.520 And yeah, so I was talking with my son and we're talking about, um, a family member that's

00:13:23.860 struggling and, and is kind of his life's kind of difficult.

00:13:28.640 It's always been difficult, you know, and he's going through some more difficult times

00:13:33.280 and we're talking about how unfortunate that is.

00:13:37.020 And what I told Kyave is, is kind of what, what you're saying here.

00:13:41.620 I told him, you know, it's interesting is his life would be so drastically different

00:13:47.060 if he just got up in the morning and did a daily workout.

00:13:51.520 Oh, his, his life would be drastically different.

00:13:55.080 If he just read a book for 30 minutes a day, if he actually just took care of himself, that

00:14:02.520 heartache, pain, and suffering that he has brought upon himself, there's a great deal

00:14:08.620 of it.

00:14:09.120 It would have never happened if he just took care of himself, right?

00:14:13.560 Because when we take care of ourselves, we now put ourselves in a position to serve

00:14:17.960 others better.

00:14:19.280 Yeah.

00:14:19.480 And I know we say it all the time, but it's like, so true. 1.00

00:14:22.400 You know, we're look, I'm thinking of this guy, good guy, hardships, self-inflicted.

00:14:28.620 Why?

00:14:30.440 Because the lack of some self-discipline and put yourself first to put yourself through

00:14:35.620 the grinder to become better.

00:14:37.220 That's it.

00:14:38.560 That's the solution, man.

00:14:41.360 Like, well, I think it's crazy problem.

00:14:43.560 It is.

00:14:44.080 It is.

00:14:44.660 It's saddening.

00:14:45.820 It's maddening also.

00:14:46.840 But I think part of the problem is that it seems so almost trivial that it's really easy

00:14:53.560 to overlook and think, well, that couldn't be it, right?

00:14:56.960 If you're in the throes of despair, you're, you're, you're, you're struggling in your

00:15:00.540 marriage or you're struggling with your way, you're running up against a medical diagnosis

00:15:04.480 or you're, you're in the middle of a bankruptcy or you just lost your job or your wife said

00:15:09.520 she wants a divorce. 1.00

00:15:11.320 That that's, those are dark times, man.

00:15:13.660 And so, so a lot of guys will, they'll take drastic measures.

00:15:19.760 And, and, and when I say that they take both positive and negative drastic measures, like

00:15:24.840 some guys it's horrible, but they will attempt to kill themselves.

00:15:28.860 That's a drastic measure for a situation that is entirely, the situation is not entirely

00:15:34.720 within your control, but the way you respond to it is that's a drastic measure.

00:15:38.120 Or they'll sedate themselves through drugs and alcohol, drastic measures to avoid the

00:15:42.920 scenario.

00:15:43.820 Exactly.

00:15:44.820 So when you're in those difficult circumstances and Kip, you've been there, I've been there

00:15:49.000 personally.

00:15:49.580 It's very hard to, it's even hard to hear somebody say, well, why don't you just get

00:15:54.700 up and exercise in the morning?

00:15:57.160 Yeah.

00:15:57.680 Like if I were me, I'd be like, screw off, buddy.

00:16:00.220 Like you don't know what I'm dealing with.

00:16:01.540 And yet you do because everybody goes through these situations.

00:16:04.020 So because it doesn't seem like it's a drastic measure to a real dire circumstance, or at

00:16:11.040 least the interpretation of a dire circumstance, people don't think it'll work.

00:16:15.400 Like that's why the, is it Admiral McRaven or something?

00:16:20.220 He wrote the book, make your bed or something like that.

00:16:22.300 I haven't read it, but I know a lot of people make your bed, make your bed.

00:16:27.940 Like to somebody who's suicidal, that sounds insulting actually.

00:16:32.600 Yeah.

00:16:33.000 And yet it's these little things that we do go work out for half an hour, go read a book

00:16:39.100 or listen to a book, go, go once a week and hang out with a couple of friends over a beer

00:16:46.400 or a, you know, like a hatchet throwing bar or whatever, like just once a week, these little

00:16:52.660 things that don't really seem like a big deal.

00:16:56.040 When you start adding them together and compounding them together, your life, like you said, will

00:17:00.640 drastically change.

00:17:02.280 Think about it this way.

00:17:03.480 Let's say you're going to fly from, you're going to get on a plane.

00:17:07.060 You're going to fly from LA to, and you want to get to, uh, to New York.

00:17:13.240 Okay.

00:17:13.600 And so you hop on the plane, the plane, it's, it's four or five hours out of the frying pan

00:17:18.840 into the fire.

00:17:19.980 Right?

00:17:20.320 Exactly.

00:17:21.060 I don't know why anybody would want to go to any of those two places, but let's just

00:17:25.260 say in our hypothetical scenario here, you, you've got something going on where that has

00:17:30.740 to be.

00:17:31.020 Yes.

00:17:31.360 So you get on the plane, the plane takes off, you're going, and you're just one degree off,

00:17:39.720 like just even a sliver of a degree off in LA.

00:17:43.680 Okay.

00:17:44.160 Well, if you're, if you're one degree off North, you're probably going to end up somewhere

00:17:48.820 in Northern Canada or Greenland or Iceland.

00:17:52.340 By the time you get there, if you're one degree off to the South, you're going to probably

00:17:56.400 end up in Florida or the Bahamas.

00:17:59.160 Right?

00:17:59.560 So, and it's just one degree, it's just one little thing, but you compound that over,

00:18:05.300 what is it?

00:18:06.100 3000 miles.

00:18:07.120 I don't even know 3000 miles and you're significantly further off track, but you don't even notice

00:18:12.540 because it's just one degree.

00:18:14.260 It's not that big deal.

00:18:15.680 This is one degree.

00:18:16.740 It's just one extra meal.

00:18:18.380 It's just one bowl of ice cream.

00:18:20.480 Uh, it's just one time I missed jujitsu.

00:18:23.040 It's just one, uh, sleeping in and hitting that alarm.

00:18:26.540 It's one degree, not a big deal.

00:18:28.140 Yeah, it's not a big deal.

00:18:29.660 As long as you course correct.

00:18:32.200 Yeah.

00:18:32.740 But most people don't course correct, or most people don't even get on the path to begin

00:18:36.680 with.

00:18:36.920 They're all over the place.

00:18:38.300 So the one degree is important.

00:18:40.280 You've got to focus on that one degree.

00:18:42.400 Yeah.

00:18:43.040 Yeah.

00:18:43.780 And congratulations, by the way, Colton, on the, uh, on the new sun.

00:18:48.540 Exciting times.

00:18:49.140 All right.

00:18:50.220 Cyborg in Borg.

00:18:52.300 We've talked about, you've talked about jujitsu a lot.

00:18:55.120 Have you participated in any tournaments or do you plan to attend any soon?

00:18:59.440 I have not.

00:19:00.540 Although I would like to, I just had three guys from our gym, uh, compete a couple of

00:19:06.660 weeks ago.

00:19:07.200 Pete Robertson, Keegan did really well, like really well.

00:19:11.480 He, he had 10 matches over the weekend and I think he won seven or eight of them and six

00:19:20.620 or seven.

00:19:21.320 It was one less than he actually won, won by, uh, triangles.

00:19:26.420 He is all of them.

00:19:27.980 All of them.

00:19:28.900 That's awesome, dude.

00:19:30.080 He is so good at triangles.

00:19:31.800 He works on me, tries them at different angles.

00:19:33.900 Like, even when I roll with him, even when you know, they're coming there, he's super

00:19:39.000 hard.

00:19:39.420 He's a white, white belt.

00:19:40.440 He's super hard to defend on those triangles.

00:19:42.600 He loves them and he can set them up really, really well.

00:19:45.900 So yeah, he, he went down, um, tie also with origin, Nate with origin, those guys went down

00:19:51.940 and competed and whether they won draw or loss, like they said, it was, it was really,

00:19:58.520 really good for them.

00:19:59.440 So I, I do plan to compete, although I haven't competed yet.

00:20:02.840 Yeah.

00:20:03.520 Yeah.

00:20:03.960 It's always good.

00:20:04.920 Uh, it's amazing how much you learn in a, in a tournament when you sure it's like, it

00:20:12.000 just ingrains in you, the lessons learned more than normal.

00:20:15.340 So, yeah, yeah.

00:20:16.640 Well, there's consequences.

00:20:18.160 There has to be consequences.

00:20:19.880 That's, that's why consequences are such a good thing.

00:20:22.760 And it's unfortunate that we strip so many opportunities for learning through consequences

00:20:28.160 from our children.

00:20:29.720 You know, we want them to be protected and coddled and bubble wrapped and not to feel

00:20:33.220 bad and not to experience the consequences of the weight of their decisions.

00:20:37.000 And you actually rob them of opportunities for a little bit of pain to realize, Ooh, that

00:20:42.840 didn't work or I shouldn't do this or, or positive consequences.

00:20:46.260 Like, Hey, that just reinforced what I was doing and why I train.

00:20:50.020 And so you got to have winners and losers.

00:20:53.880 You have to, and I know no one wants to lose, but that's not a reason not to compete.

00:21:01.340 It's a reason to get better.

00:21:02.840 It's a reason to improve yourself so that you don't lose.

00:21:05.700 That's the point of loss.

00:21:07.040 I was actually having a really good conversation with, uh, Robert green, whose interview just

00:21:12.200 came out yesterday, uh, with, with 48 laws of power, uh, laws of human nature.

00:21:16.920 A lot of you guys are familiar with his work and he, and I was talking about win-win scenarios

00:21:20.380 and he's like, no, actually there are situations in life that are win-lose scenarios.

00:21:25.680 He's like, you know, popular culture doesn't talk about it, but if you're going into an

00:21:30.500 interview situation and it's you and one other person, one of you is going to get the job

00:21:34.640 and one of you isn't, and one of you wins and one of you loses.

00:21:37.880 And everybody wants to avoid having that conversation.

00:21:41.320 You should be aware of that.

00:21:42.920 So you can emerge victorious.

00:21:44.320 That is the point of, of the game that we're playing.

00:21:48.480 It's not always a win-win sometimes it's a win-lose.

00:21:50.840 So get on the right side of that equation.

00:21:53.480 Yeah.

00:21:54.000 That's funny.

00:21:54.880 Cause I mean, think about it.

00:21:56.000 Like, what do people say too?

00:21:57.340 It's like, Hey Ryan, I applied for this job, man.

00:22:00.300 Totally didn't get it.

00:22:01.040 What, what would you say?

00:22:02.000 Or the average person would say, oh, that's okay.

00:22:04.940 You know, it's probably not a really good job.

00:22:06.540 Like we all down.

00:22:07.860 Yeah.

00:22:08.020 They would just, we all like what I would say.

00:22:10.240 I was like, oh, that would suck.

00:22:11.600 What are you going to, how are you going to get better next time?

00:22:14.160 Yeah.

00:22:14.480 You're like, I knew you weren't going to get it idiot.

00:22:16.940 No, I would say, I would say good.

00:22:18.800 Start your own job then.

00:22:20.020 Or, you know, start your own business.

00:22:21.860 But you know what I mean?

00:22:22.740 Like we, we all coddle each other all the time.

00:22:25.420 You know, it's like, oh, don't worry about it.

00:22:27.480 You know, it's like, you don't want to actually, maybe you should worry about it.

00:22:30.280 That sucks.

00:22:31.460 What are you going to do?

00:22:32.080 So you don't have to feel that pain again.

00:22:33.540 You know, this is the thing that we talk a lot about with emotions.

00:22:36.380 You know, everybody wants to feel good all the time.

00:22:39.260 And sometimes feeling like dog shit is actually the right response.

00:22:43.420 You know, if you lose, you should feel bad about that.

00:22:45.860 If you don't get the job, you should feel bad about that.

00:22:48.160 If you get on the scale and you've gained 20 pounds over the past several months, you

00:22:52.200 should feel bad about that.

00:22:53.320 That's the exact right emotion to be experiencing.

00:22:57.220 And then we have these things like the weight thing, for example.

00:23:00.200 No, no, no.

00:23:00.600 Don't feel bad about it.

00:23:01.600 Love yourself.

00:23:02.380 Love your body.

00:23:03.100 It's the buddy positive movement.

00:23:04.900 And we know that doesn't serve anybody because you're lying to yourself.

00:23:08.380 Right.

00:23:08.760 When, if I got on the scale and I was 20 pounds heavier and I knew I felt like crap about it

00:23:13.260 and that I shouldn't be doing what I was doing or should get into the gym and do what I know

00:23:16.360 I should be doing.

00:23:17.640 And then I had a bunch of people try to convince me that it was good.

00:23:21.540 There would be this internal dialogue in my head of like, oh, well, Kip said it was okay.

00:23:26.100 And like these people still like me, but I still feel like a loser and I'm still going to

00:23:30.340 eat the bowl of ice cream, but I'm supposed to love myself.

00:23:33.540 And that internal dialogue is not helpful.

00:23:36.620 You know what the answer is.

00:23:37.940 The answer is to get off the couch, get into the gym, study, stop eating the junk food.

00:23:43.340 And when you do that, that's when you'll feel better about yourself.

00:23:46.800 Not when you accept and embrace your 20 extra pounds.

00:23:50.020 No, when you become a better, more improved version of yourself and you do the work towards

00:23:54.660 becoming that person.

00:23:55.540 Well, and it's, and it's funny because so many people, your society will be like, well,

00:24:01.160 you know, is it better that they're positive and they demonize?

00:24:04.440 Actually, what's better is that they get in shape.

00:24:08.080 Exactly.

00:24:08.660 That's what's better.

00:24:09.440 Exactly right.

00:24:10.240 That's what's better that it drives them to evolve, change and become better.

00:24:14.880 That's what's better.

00:24:16.280 Well, it's a false dichotomy.

00:24:17.700 That's, that's what it is.

00:24:18.860 And that's what people do.

00:24:19.920 They say, well, you can either feel bad about it or you can feel good about it.

00:24:23.300 But okay, well, like those aren't the only two choices that we have here, you know, like

00:24:29.720 there's other options that, that we might want to explore and consider, which is to your

00:24:35.640 point, fix yourself, get better, improve.

00:24:40.020 Totally.

00:24:40.680 When you hear this too, with like marriages, you know, well, you know, it's Ryan, it's,

00:24:45.640 it's probably better.

00:24:46.600 It's, is it better for my kids for us to be in a horrible relationship where we're arguing

00:24:52.860 and fighting and contention or to have loving homes and get divorced?

00:24:58.740 So, yeah.

00:24:59.520 And it's like, or you could actually just stop arguing and actually be loving to each other.

00:25:06.020 Start communicating.

00:25:06.740 People do it with jobs too.

00:25:08.380 What the false dichotomy they do with jobs is, would you rather, should, should you worry

00:25:12.860 about making more money or should you worry about, you know, being completely happy and

00:25:16.940 satisfied in your job?

00:25:18.840 Both.

00:25:20.020 I want to make a boatload of money and I want to be very, very fulfilled in the work that

00:25:25.760 I'm doing.

00:25:26.220 I actually want both.

00:25:27.500 I think most people would, they just paint themselves into these corners and don't even

00:25:33.060 realize that there's other options available or they realize they're available, but they

00:25:37.440 don't want to do the work to reach those other options.

00:25:41.160 So they're like, no, it's either the marriage is over or, you know, I'm going to be miserable

00:25:45.680 the rest of my life.

00:25:47.140 Yeah.

00:25:47.840 Wait, like there are other options, but you have to do the work.

00:25:52.500 Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:25:53.940 You know, that's not going to work.

00:25:55.600 You don't know my situation.

00:25:57.780 You don't, you don't know what I've been through.

00:26:00.340 Yes, I do.

00:26:01.620 Cause no man is an Island and everybody's been through the same shit you have to varying degrees.

00:26:06.740 Sure.

00:26:07.340 But we've all been there.

00:26:08.900 We all know what it's like.

00:26:11.160 That's funny.

00:26:13.000 All right.

00:26:14.120 Funny, but it's sad.

00:26:15.700 Like it's pathetic too.

00:26:17.840 You know, just wake up.

00:26:18.600 It's another option.

00:26:19.580 It's unfortunate.

00:26:20.280 It is unfortunate.

00:26:22.460 I don't know these guys.

00:26:24.380 I'm hopefully, hopefully you know these, but Anthony sent sends a Reno 94.

00:26:29.880 Who would win a fist fight, Rob Gronkowski or Travis Kels?

00:26:37.700 No, those guys.

00:26:38.840 I mean, sorry, Anthony.

00:26:40.800 I don't know.

00:26:42.060 All right.

00:26:42.520 We tried.

00:26:44.000 No, I didn't even try.

00:26:45.400 I'm just like, I don't know.

00:26:47.140 Well, I read the question at least.

00:26:48.840 I guess it's like Gronk on the, on the buck.

00:26:51.940 Like, I don't know who it is.

00:26:52.740 I don't follow professional sports.

00:26:54.160 So if that's who it is, I mean, I don't know.

00:26:56.700 Maybe it's sports.

00:26:58.320 Maybe it's an actor.

00:26:59.660 I don't know who it is.

00:27:02.440 All right.

00:27:03.240 T Dodson, 1106.

00:27:05.720 How do I approach helping my recent disabled stepfather?

00:27:09.000 He worked very hard with his hands for 50 years, causing severe nerve damage in his hands and forearms.

00:27:14.620 He did everything himself and can't do much of anything now.

00:27:19.720 He can barely grip a coffee mug, for an example.

00:27:21.980 He is struggling with depression and somewhat feels like he is, feels like he has lost his meaning in life.

00:27:30.500 How do I help him with what needs, needs done and still allow him to feel like a man?

00:27:35.840 Tough situation.

00:27:37.060 Thanks in advance.

00:27:38.560 I don't think, so here's one thing I would say you got to be careful of.

00:27:42.040 I don't think you can allow him to feel like a man.

00:27:44.140 Cause I don't think that's something you can just give to somebody.

00:27:46.840 Like it really isn't yours to give that, that has to be earned.

00:27:50.140 So I don't know the degree of, I think it's a stepfather's condition that he's currently dealing with.

00:27:56.900 But what I would suggest is that you look for ways for him to improve.

00:28:02.720 You look for ways for him to get better.

00:28:06.660 That may not be to the degree that he was performing before.

00:28:10.480 It sounds like he was very active and good with his hands, but there's certainly things that he can do to get better.

00:28:15.720 And so instead of focusing on what was, focus on what could be.

00:28:20.520 So here's where you are right now.

00:28:22.260 Here's the skill set or the motor skills or the activities and the duties and the responsibilities that you can do now.

00:28:27.660 And then what we do is we celebrate wins as he progresses from where he is now.

00:28:32.220 So, so example, if you look on a timeline of your life, you have, let's take your stepfather.

00:28:37.040 He's right here in this middle of this timeline.

00:28:38.740 And everything that happened to the left of the timeline is everything that was and everything that happens to the right is everything that could be.

00:28:47.220 And so what he's probably doing with his mindset right now, and I certainly understand why he would do this, is there's no hope because he's looking at what he was to this point.

00:28:59.880 And all he sees is what happened behind him and therefore he's inferior because he can't do that stuff.

00:29:07.240 What we need to do is we need to start getting him to focus to the right of that line.

00:29:10.900 That's hope.

00:29:11.520 That's optimism.

00:29:12.280 That's growth.

00:29:12.740 That's progression.

00:29:13.720 So we put a period on what has happened.

00:29:15.800 And every day I try to put a period on things, you know, I mess up or have a argument with my wife or get impatient with my kids or eat a little more food than I'm supposed to, or miss, miss a workout.

00:29:24.760 Okay.

00:29:25.080 So you put a period on it, stamp it, it's done.

00:29:27.940 It's done.

00:29:29.300 There's nothing you can do to go back.

00:29:31.120 And now every day I'm a new person and I have to think about the decisions I'm going to be making for moving forward.

00:29:36.280 So I think your job should be to get him to focus on this point as a starting point and look at the hope and the optimism and excitement of what could potentially be.

00:29:47.600 You know, I've had friends who have been seriously injured or have become disabled and even paralyzed.

00:29:52.940 And the ones that seem to out overcome these scenarios in these situations are the ones who believe, okay, well, I'm here.

00:30:01.500 I am right now.

00:30:02.160 I'm going to run a marathon.

00:30:04.900 That's forward thinking.

00:30:05.920 That's optimism.

00:30:06.780 That's hope.

00:30:07.520 The ones who don't do well are the ones that I used to be able to run a marathon and now I can't.

00:30:13.360 So I don't, I don't know how you get them focusing on this.

00:30:17.000 I just want to give you that framework that, that you help him see what could be.

00:30:22.340 And then as you acknowledge and recognize improvements in his motor skills and his functionality and his ability to perform, you know, maybe there's new hobbies and activities that he can try and he can do that.

00:30:32.740 He wouldn't have done in any other context that you begin to celebrate these things with him and you celebrate these victories.

00:30:38.980 You don't do it over the top because then it becomes like pandering and, and no man wants to be pandered to, but you celebrate them and you honor them and you acknowledge them and you tell him good job and you recognize that he's improved.

00:30:50.180 And then you form the connections.

00:30:51.960 Hey, remember a month ago, man, you couldn't even hold a pencil.

00:30:55.820 And now you just painted a painting.

00:30:58.240 You know, that's, that's awesome improvement.

00:31:01.440 What do you want to do next?

00:31:02.680 And so you focus on what's going to be happening moving forward.

00:31:06.060 That that's, that's the best advice I could give, I think.

00:31:09.380 And then, you know, there might be some, some need for therapy in here that goes above and beyond, you know, your ability to talk with them about these things.

00:31:17.580 His therapy might be something that would be very helpful and making sure that he knows that that doesn't make him less manly or helpless, that it actually is a tool like any other man uses a tool to improve himself in his circumstances.

00:31:30.280 Yeah.

00:31:31.320 Any books come to mind that, that in this scenario that he could introduce him to read?

00:31:38.560 Cause I, cause guys, I could see this being a difficult conversation.

00:31:41.900 You know, it's like, Hey, how are you doing today?

00:31:44.020 Great.

00:31:44.740 Hey, so I was really thinking you need a, you know what I mean?

00:31:47.060 It's like, how do you introduce these concepts?

00:31:49.240 I mean, I think it would be difficult if it depends on the cert, the situation.

00:31:53.160 I think if you're very close to your stepfather, I think it'd be an easier conversation than if you had a lot of distance from him mentally or emotionally, or even physically, I guess.

00:32:04.720 You know, like something like extreme ownership.

00:32:07.420 Another great book is as a man thinketh.

00:32:09.700 I think that's very important.

00:32:10.940 That's a really good one.

00:32:13.040 Probably Viktor Frankl's book.

00:32:15.320 Yeah.

00:32:15.560 Search for meaning.

00:32:16.820 Yeah.

00:32:17.060 It's like rise above your circumstance, find purpose in life, regardless of where you're at.

00:32:22.780 Yeah.

00:32:23.260 There might even be, here's one thing I've been thinking about books.

00:32:26.660 Cause a lot of guys ask like, Hey, I've got this friend who's dealing with this thing.

00:32:29.760 And I was thinking about getting him a book.

00:32:31.140 What do you think?

00:32:31.780 And again, I'm trying to put myself in somebody else's shoes and think, okay, if I was depressed or down or beat up or disabled or any number of factors that I'm dealing with,

00:32:41.400 would I be in the position to read a book?

00:32:43.840 Probably not actually.

00:32:45.120 Like I'm trying to wrap my head around this.

00:32:47.380 I don't think I'd, I'd be all hyped up and hopped up on reading some book you gave me, but if you read a book, so here.

00:32:54.700 So Kip, let's say I'm in that situation and you read this book and you came across man's search for meaning and you read it and you're like, Oh man, this would really benefit Ryan.

00:33:02.500 Somebody I care about and love and want to make sure he thrives and succeeds.

00:33:06.260 I think a better way to approach this is for you to read the book and then you to grab a highlighter and highlight pages and passages that you think are valuable.

00:33:15.280 And then just dog ear them and say, Hey, you know what, Ryan, I was thinking about it.

00:33:19.220 I was reading this book over the past couple of weeks and man, I really loved the book.

00:33:22.780 And I thought there was, you know, five or 10 different passages in here that I think, I think, I know you're going through a hard time, but I think you'd really appreciate these perspectives.

00:33:31.520 And you gave me that book and it was all dog-eared and highlighted up for me.

00:33:35.640 I would probably at some point read the whole thing, but I would certainly read what you, what you mark at least what you marked.

00:33:41.540 Yeah.

00:33:41.840 Yeah.

00:33:42.400 Yeah.

00:33:42.620 And so that might be a way to, to give somebody a book without, cause sometimes somebody will send me a book or ask me to read a book.

00:33:51.040 I'm like, I got like 40 books, like probably not going to read this whole thing, but if I could pick out five or 10 different things that are valuable, yeah, I could, I would certainly do that.

00:34:00.140 Yeah.

00:34:01.320 That's a good idea.

00:34:02.380 I've never heard of that before.

00:34:04.900 TM Goodner.

00:34:05.940 What is a tactful, a tactful way to dismiss yourself from a conversation where someone is imposing their thoughts?

00:34:13.220 I think that's interesting choice of words.

00:34:16.240 Someone is imposing their thoughts or beliefs that you don't agree with.

00:34:19.600 I encounter this scenario constantly in my line of work in the hospital industry.

00:34:25.240 I mean, look, sometimes you actually have to have the conversation, whether they agree with you or not.

00:34:30.000 And you have to, especially in a work environment, there has to be some sort of mutual understanding.

00:34:34.520 You don't have to agree on every position, but a lot of the times you're going to have to come up with a plan of action.

00:34:39.340 So you can't really dismiss having this conversation.

00:34:43.340 Now, other times there's going to be scenarios where it doesn't matter.

00:34:48.640 And so in that situation, you could say something as simple as, hey, we're going to have to agree to disagree on this because I don't see it your way and you don't see it my way.

00:34:59.340 And I don't actually see us getting closer together on the point.

00:35:02.260 And I'm really at this point, not even interested in trying to get there.

00:35:05.640 So, you know, I appreciate the dialogue.

00:35:07.740 If we ever want to revisit, we certainly can.

00:35:09.640 But as of right now, we'll just disagree.

00:35:11.980 And that's fine.

00:35:13.480 Yeah, we can disagree.

00:35:14.640 We're even recommended strategy.

00:35:16.940 You know, like I could see multiple scenarios where I might go, okay, well, how's this?

00:35:22.880 Let's go with strategy one.

00:35:24.840 We'll implement it.

00:35:25.760 Let's see how it works out.

00:35:26.860 And we'll pivot and adjust.

00:35:28.580 Right.

00:35:28.740 And when we pivot, let's consider some of the thoughts that you're, you know, that you're recommending and let's see how they pan out.

00:35:34.620 Or you go with their idea and then give it a good run and see if, I don't know.

00:35:39.520 You know what I mean?

00:35:39.920 There's some giving take that might happen.

00:35:43.000 And make it about strategy and finding the right answer.

00:35:46.380 Don't make it about who's right and who's wrong, if that makes sense.

00:35:49.840 It does.

00:35:50.140 And I think you're alluding to something I was going to share is that I always look for the motive in people when I engage.

00:35:56.640 Whether that's on Instagram or here, Kip, with you or guys in the Iron Council or any interactions that I have on a daily basis, I'm constantly looking for motive.

00:36:04.880 What is your motive?

00:36:06.400 Is your motive one of arrogance and pride and ego and you just want to be right?

00:36:10.160 Okay, if I know that, I'm actually not going to have that conversation.

00:36:13.800 And I get to decide that.

00:36:14.900 That's my decision.

00:36:15.780 If your motive is one of understanding and you want to learn and you want to be informed, then I think that's a worthy conversation, even in disagreement.

00:36:27.640 You know, I remember having a conversation with a gentleman.

00:36:30.740 His name is Amal Easton.

00:36:31.740 And he's a jujitsu studio owner in Colorado.

00:36:37.160 And we were hunting together at the end of last year.

00:36:40.540 And there was a lot that we actually disagreed with.

00:36:43.720 But I really, really respected, not his position so much because I just didn't agree with it.

00:36:49.680 And I don't think he agreed with mine, but I respected him as a person because I genuinely believe even in disagreement, he was actually striving for understanding knowledge to try to look at it from a different way.

00:37:01.980 And some, we got a little closer.

00:37:04.360 And some topics, we didn't get closer at all.

00:37:07.460 And that's okay.

00:37:08.440 Like, we still respected each other.

00:37:09.820 And we still learned a new perspective.

00:37:11.320 And I actually really enjoyed the intelligent dialogue with somebody who doesn't agree with me.

00:37:16.620 So I think you should look at the motive.

00:37:19.120 If it's a work environment, I mean, the motive should be to win.

00:37:23.180 The motive should be to make more money, to help the client, to fix this problem.

00:37:28.200 And if that's the motive, then I think your suggestion is exactly right.

00:37:34.560 All right.

00:37:34.820 Well, look, I want to win.

00:37:36.700 You want to win.

00:37:37.420 I don't think that this is the best path forward, but we both want to win.

00:37:40.560 So Kip, I'm willing to try it.

00:37:42.500 Like, what's reasonable?

00:37:44.220 Like, we do this for a month.

00:37:45.560 Do you think that's reasonable?

00:37:46.620 To see if this is going to work?

00:37:48.280 And you would say, yeah, I think that's reasonable.

00:37:50.040 Or no, we need two months or whatever it is.

00:37:52.180 Okay.

00:37:52.440 Well, what metrics?

00:37:53.360 What objective metrics are we going to use?

00:37:56.260 And you come up with some terms like, well, we would need to see this much in sales or this

00:38:00.060 much in revenue or whatever the goal is.

00:38:02.360 Okay.

00:38:02.680 And so if you're telling me that if you don't see that, then we're going to come back to

00:38:05.760 the table and we're going to implement something new, something that's different.

00:38:09.600 So you start setting these expectations up front so that there are, you are moving forward,

00:38:16.760 even though you might be implementing somebody else.

00:38:19.160 Cause maybe you're wrong.

00:38:21.060 Yeah.

00:38:21.800 Like you could actually be wrong.

00:38:23.080 And so what is your motive?

00:38:24.600 Is your motive to win or to be right or to move the team forward or to be arrogant or to

00:38:30.460 strive for understanding of what?

00:38:31.640 So you look for motives in others, but you also got to look for motives in yourself too

00:38:35.020 and be truthful about that.

00:38:37.580 Totally.

00:38:38.140 And, and everyone, and for those guys that, cause I have to do this, you know, I have to

00:38:42.800 make sure that like put my ego in check and say, okay, am I disagreeing just cause I want

00:38:46.360 to be right?

00:38:47.600 Does this serve the mission, you know, and, and making sure that I put the mission first

00:38:52.080 before my own personal desires or, you know, me attempting to protect my ego in some unique

00:38:57.580 way.

00:38:57.980 Um, but what's interesting too is people know, like we, we all know those guys where, where,

00:39:05.180 you know, that the thing that he's recommending or that he's debating about has nothing to

00:39:10.220 do with the mission or what's best for the company that has everything to do about his

00:39:16.620 ego, about looking important or something else.

00:39:19.840 And so if, if you're listening to us and you're the guy that's, you know, with the ego problem,

00:39:26.080 no one's fooled.

00:39:27.260 Everyone knows, right, right.

00:39:29.160 Yeah.

00:39:29.580 You're the only one thinking that like, Oh, it's what's best for the company.

00:39:33.700 And you're willing to die on the hill for it.

00:39:35.700 No.

00:39:36.480 Yeah.

00:39:37.060 Everyone knows that it's about you.

00:39:38.940 Right.

00:39:39.440 And that you're just being a punk, you know, because you want it your way.

00:39:43.160 So like, I don't know.

00:39:44.520 Yeah.

00:39:45.300 It's crazy how easy you can sense it.

00:39:48.420 You can.

00:39:49.200 And I think sometimes it requires you bringing it up too.

00:39:52.400 Hey Kip, what, what is your motive?

00:39:54.580 Why are you willing?

00:39:55.520 Yeah.

00:39:55.940 Because right now in this conversation, and of course you would have to do this only when

00:40:00.060 appropriate.

00:40:00.860 I mean, there's certain circumstances where you wouldn't be able to talk to a supervisor

00:40:04.660 or a boss like this.

00:40:05.980 But if you're on a level playing field, I would, I would actually come to you Kip. 0.99

00:40:10.000 And I'd say, you know, I've really been thinking about our conversation earlier and I can't help

00:40:15.420 but think that our motives aren't aligned.

00:40:17.400 My motive is to increase the bottom line, to serve our clients better and to grow the organization.

00:40:24.760 And without trying to be insulting to you, it really seems like your motive is to lift

00:40:29.860 and prop yourself up, but maybe I'm misunderstanding.

00:40:32.500 So can you help me understand what your motive is?

00:40:35.560 And if your motive is genuinely to help the client, please explain to me how this is going

00:40:39.840 to help the client.

00:40:41.360 Yeah.

00:40:41.800 Like I would have that conversation.

00:40:44.160 That's an assertive conversation.

00:40:46.300 If it's a supervisor or a boss who's asking your opinion, yeah, I would definitely give

00:40:50.340 it.

00:40:50.820 And in some context, if my boss says, no, we're going to do it this way.

00:40:54.320 Okay.

00:40:54.900 And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that it helps serve the client, even

00:40:58.820 though it is about that person's ego or pride or whatever it may be.

00:41:02.940 Yeah.

00:41:03.560 Well, and, and when you don't know, just ask the question, like you said, get more information

00:41:08.600 so you can understand the motive or get behind it, right?

00:41:11.780 Right.

00:41:11.960 It might just be a lack of information that you have.

00:41:14.400 And you might not even, my, the way I said, it might've been a little accusatory that you

00:41:18.380 might not even need to accuse.

00:41:19.580 You could, you could just simply say, what is your motive?

00:41:23.280 In what way do you think that this will help the mission?

00:41:26.720 Like how, how do you see it playing out?

00:41:29.260 That's a very good question without it being any sort of accusation against their motive.

00:41:34.380 Cause you are just assuming that's their motive.

00:41:36.280 So maybe you should be careful of being accusatory.

00:41:39.540 Yeah.

00:41:40.200 Yeah, for sure.

00:41:41.380 All right.

00:41:42.940 Jay back 88.

00:41:44.540 I'm starting to invest money for my children.

00:41:46.820 I've been only saving for them.

00:41:48.440 What's the best way to help set them up for the future?

00:41:51.460 Ages are five and 11.

00:41:54.380 Sounds like you're already saving for them.

00:41:56.200 So that's good.

00:41:56.920 You could do like, if you wanted to go the financial planning route, you could do 529 plans.

00:42:01.080 Those are college savings plans, which I like.

00:42:03.420 Cause you can transfer those over to other children.

00:42:06.180 If you're one child doesn't end up using it.

00:42:09.540 Those are advantageous too, because like you still maintain custody over those accounts.

00:42:15.300 There's other options like IRAs, Roth IRAs, you know, you can set up.

00:42:21.760 But when they reach 18, then that money is theirs.

00:42:24.900 Like you don't maintain custody over that.

00:42:27.060 So you got to consider, is this something I want to give to my children?

00:42:31.640 I actually take the approach of, I'm going to save and invest for me and my wife as much

00:42:37.560 as I can and how we want to do it.

00:42:39.720 And if I'm taken care of, then I know the kids will be taken care of because when they

00:42:44.300 hit 18, if they need help with going to school or they need help with some sort of an investment

00:42:48.820 or starting a business, if I've taken care of myself, then I've got the money to be able

00:42:52.300 to do that.

00:42:53.320 And if they're not doing what I think they should be doing, you know, they're not, they're

00:42:57.640 not living their life and not pushing forward.

00:42:59.560 They're not leaving the nest.

00:43:00.480 Then it's my money.

00:43:01.620 I don't have to give that to you for any reason whatsoever.

00:43:05.280 So I think take care of yourself first.

00:43:08.240 And if you and your wife are taken care of, then there's always options for how you can

00:43:12.860 take care of the kids.

00:43:13.900 You can gift them money.

00:43:15.040 You can invest for, I mean, there's also, you can pay their college.

00:43:18.160 You can pay for investment.

00:43:19.060 You can do all sorts of things, but my, my immediate reaction is take care of yourself

00:43:25.480 first.

00:43:25.880 It's also funny to see as a financial advisor, previous in my background, my financial advisor,

00:43:31.080 it's always funny to see what people will do for their kids that they won't do for themselves.

00:43:35.220 So I want to save money for my kids.

00:43:36.720 Well, cool.

00:43:37.080 How much are you saving or how much do you have invested?

00:43:39.280 I don't have any.

00:43:40.520 Okay.

00:43:41.880 Okay.

00:43:42.240 Well, that's an issue.

00:43:43.200 You probably ought to take care of yourself first.

00:43:45.540 And then if there's things left over, then we can worry about college planning, investments

00:43:50.920 for them, et cetera, et cetera.

00:43:52.420 So.

00:43:53.080 Yeah.

00:43:53.180 That way, when you go into retirement, it's like, you're not the massive burden on them.

00:43:57.680 Yeah.

00:43:57.840 Right.

00:43:58.420 Right.

00:43:58.860 Yeah.

00:43:59.040 My advice is spin it all, dude.

00:44:00.900 Who gives a crap?

00:44:01.800 They'll figure it out.

00:44:02.680 Enjoy life.

00:44:03.580 You and the wife.

00:44:04.900 They'll be fine.

00:44:06.960 Probably.

00:44:07.540 But.

00:44:07.700 I mean, I want my kids to succeed, you know, if my son came to me and he's like, Hey dad,

00:44:14.040 I'm going to start this business and it's a t-shirt business and here's my plan and here's

00:44:18.400 what I'm going to do.

00:44:19.220 And, you know, I need, I need $5,000 for this equipment and to set up this website and to

00:44:25.340 get this first batch of merchandise.

00:44:28.540 I, I would feel pretty good knowing that I had $5,000 to say, good, here's a loan for

00:44:33.660 you.

00:44:33.960 Yeah.

00:44:34.220 You're going to pay me back at this interest rate and here's how it's going to play out and

00:44:37.180 here's how it's going to work as a father.

00:44:39.860 Yeah.

00:44:40.200 You bet your ass.

00:44:40.920 I want that opportunity for my kids.

00:44:42.520 So yeah, I know you were joking, but there's a lot of people who do believe that like, Oh,

00:44:47.000 they'll just figure it out and they probably will, but why not give them a leg up in an

00:44:51.080 appropriate way so that, cause that, I think most people want to do that for their kids. 0.65

00:44:56.980 I know a guy, um, here in, uh, up in Ogden, he went to Weber state and wants his kids

00:45:05.260 around and his grandkids, he pays for college for all of his kids and grant for his kids

00:45:11.740 at one point.

00:45:12.580 And now his grandkids requirement, they have to go to Weber.

00:45:17.360 Oh, really?

00:45:18.540 Yeah.

00:45:18.980 And what's funny is all of them have, and, and in turn, they've all married people around

00:45:25.720 and they've not moved.

00:45:28.820 And I thought that's clever, right?

00:45:30.540 He was like, this is how I'm going to keep my family close to me.

00:45:33.800 And you know, I like that idea.

00:45:35.820 A lot of people would probably say, well, like you'd be a jerk.

00:45:38.620 They should be able to go wherever he wants.

00:45:40.440 And here's the deal.

00:45:41.340 They can't, he's just not going to pay for it.

00:45:44.300 So if it's your money that you get to set the terms and I don't think there's anything

00:45:47.640 wrong with that.

00:45:48.580 It's like, I set aside money for this at this college.

00:45:51.220 If you want to go somewhere else, I will wish you the best.

00:45:53.440 I will help you where I can, but I ain't paying for it.

00:45:56.140 And that's fine.

00:45:56.640 It's your money.

00:45:57.160 It's your resources.

00:45:58.560 Yeah, totally.

00:45:59.560 I think it's funny.

00:46:00.340 All right.

00:46:00.940 Aaron Kurtz 35.

00:46:02.540 I'm a third degree, uh, master Mason and an officer for my Masonic lodge.

00:46:07.380 I listen regularly and wonder if you've ever given any consideration to doing a podcast

00:46:11.840 on Freemasonry.

00:46:12.880 There are some terrific Masonic speakers out there and could make for some interesting

00:46:17.680 conversations.

00:46:19.080 Yeah.

00:46:19.600 I mean, I'd definitely be interested in that.

00:46:21.060 I don't know much about Freemasonry.

00:46:22.740 I know a little bit.

00:46:23.380 I've read a couple of books and watched some documentaries and things like that, but that

00:46:27.120 obviously doesn't make me any sort of expert or very knowledgeable on, on Freemasonry,

00:46:32.460 but I've always been intrigued.

00:46:33.920 So yeah, yeah, definitely open to that for sure.

00:46:36.660 Yeah.

00:46:37.220 I think it's cool.

00:46:37.880 I had a man, I had a thing like in early college where I was like, just, I don't know.

00:46:44.320 I was wigging out on Freemasonry for a while.

00:46:47.460 Yeah, totally.

00:46:48.780 I was like, oh, this is all this stuff.

00:46:50.360 Yeah.

00:46:50.740 Yeah.

00:46:51.020 From what I've seen and what I've read, there's a lot of things that are built into the way

00:46:55.460 Freemasonry works that have a lot of initiations and rites of passages and symbolism and meaning

00:47:01.800 and significance and things that are shared between the brotherhood, which I actually

00:47:06.780 believe in all of that stuff.

00:47:07.880 If you've heard me talk about rite of passages and much of what I have shared over the past

00:47:12.600 six years, it's probably much, very much in alignment with, with Freemasonry.

00:47:15.980 So I just haven't dug too deep into it.

00:47:18.900 Yeah.

00:47:19.000 I've always thought the, like the number of founding fathers of our country that were

00:47:23.860 Masons.

00:47:24.340 Yes.

00:47:24.960 Yeah, exactly.

00:47:25.500 It's kind of interesting.

00:47:26.580 That's fascinating.

00:47:26.700 You know, yeah, it is.

00:47:28.880 All right.

00:47:29.240 Lebby, Matt, mates, Ryan, how, how have you identified or approached men in your life to

00:47:36.820 join you in accountability, challenging yourself to grow and to pursue masculinity alongside you?

00:47:42.980 Thanks for all your work and what you're doing and the content you're putting out.

00:47:47.300 So I don't have a lot of guys in my life who, who I would say, let's pursue masculinity

00:47:52.300 together because that's not, that seems weird, but I have, I have guys that I trained jujitsu

00:48:00.680 with.

00:48:02.240 And so we don't talk about it from the guise of masculinity, but it's, it is masculine

00:48:06.260 to make yourself more effective.

00:48:07.800 You don't show up on the mat and say, Hey, let's do masculine stuff, guys. 0.85

00:48:10.640 Yeah.

00:48:10.940 Let's work on a masculinity today. 0.97

00:48:12.680 No, let's work on, on our moves and our technique and our strategy, you know, like that's

00:48:16.800 what we should work on.

00:48:17.500 And then I have other, other guys who are business coaches and mentors and other people

00:48:23.980 who are fitness trainers and, and experts in that area.

00:48:27.640 So it isn't like an all encompassing, let's work on masculinity except for outside of the

00:48:33.640 iron inside the iron council.

00:48:35.680 Yeah.

00:48:36.440 The iron council is actually specifically designated for that reason.

00:48:42.580 And so everybody there is working on subjects, topics, ideas, insight, accountability.

00:48:49.880 That's all built around masculinity.

00:48:52.280 You could do that on your own.

00:48:53.900 You know, you can have guys that you meet with on a weekly basis and you talk about different

00:48:58.060 topics.

00:48:58.620 Maybe you take subjects from the order of man podcast or from the book sovereignty and you're

00:49:04.020 meeting together.

00:49:04.560 And there's a very clear defined purpose, but you identify them like a sniper would identify

00:49:09.280 as target.

00:49:09.860 You know, if you're at, uh, at work, for example, you don't ask everybody and anybody

00:49:14.900 to be part of this.

00:49:16.080 You identify the target.

00:49:18.140 Okay.

00:49:18.380 That, that guy is very successful here.

00:49:22.260 He seems to have a good head on his shoulder.

00:49:23.720 He's very engaged with his family.

00:49:25.140 He seems like he wants to grow.

00:49:26.860 And so that's an individual that I want to develop a friendship with.

00:49:30.180 Same thing at jujitsu, you know, Hey, like I like training with the, all these guys.

00:49:34.100 And then there's a handful of them that I want to spend time with outside of the gym.

00:49:38.560 And so I invite them and their families over and invite them on other activities and try

00:49:43.860 to add an enhanced value in their own lives.

00:49:45.660 And then we become friends.

00:49:47.320 So you look at your surroundings and your environment and you be selective on who those

00:49:52.560 individuals are based on what they could bring to the table and what you think you could

00:49:57.000 add to their life.

00:49:57.840 And you invite them to spend time with you.

00:50:01.560 That's, that's it.

00:50:03.280 Hey, I'm going golfing this weekend.

00:50:04.920 Hey, I'm going to the shooting range.

00:50:06.380 Uh, I would like for you to come or, um, you know, maybe somebody at, at, at, uh, at

00:50:12.800 your gym or at jujitsu.

00:50:15.660 Hey, my wife and I were thinking about having some people over.

00:50:18.220 I know you're married and have a couple of kids about our kids' age.

00:50:20.620 Like, would you guys like to come over this weekend for, for a barbecue?

00:50:24.360 I think that's perfectly acceptable.

00:50:26.000 And you know what, it might go really well.

00:50:28.960 And you guys hit it off and you're like, Hey, cool.

00:50:30.860 Like, look, and you might not like them at all.

00:50:33.380 And then you're like, Hey, thanks for coming over.

00:50:35.300 And then you just know that's a jujitsu training partner and that's it.

00:50:38.440 And that's okay too.

00:50:40.080 Yeah.

00:50:40.980 Yeah.

00:50:41.180 And maybe tell them after, after you have dinner, you're like, Hey, things are coming

00:50:44.280 over.

00:50:44.860 I'd rate that experience, uh, a three.

00:50:47.240 So we probably won't do this again, but, uh, I'll see you on the mats.

00:50:51.000 Yeah.

00:50:52.200 Thanks for coming over.

00:50:53.140 We're never doing it again, but, um,

00:50:54.860 Glad we could do this.

00:50:56.860 Glad I know.

00:50:57.400 I don't like you.

00:50:58.180 Yeah, that's right.

00:51:01.740 All right.

00:51:02.380 Freedom Frogger 2.0.

00:51:04.300 What is the proper way to respond when someone tells you that you don't have to be blank to

00:51:09.960 be a man?

00:51:12.280 Okay.

00:51:12.800 Like, you know, some masculine trait.

00:51:14.940 Okay.

00:51:16.380 Cool.

00:51:16.900 Have a good day.

00:51:18.360 I don't care.

00:51:19.320 I don't understand this question.

00:51:21.340 I don't care if somebody says, well, here's one people say all the time.

00:51:25.880 You don't have to have a beard to be a man.

00:51:28.460 Yeah.

00:51:28.900 Okay.

00:51:30.900 I agree.

00:51:32.260 You don't have to train jujitsu to be a man.

00:51:35.060 Yeah.

00:51:36.360 That's true.

00:51:37.180 Like, I think doing jujitsu will make you a better man, but I don't think you have to

00:51:40.760 train jujitsu to be a man.

00:51:42.680 Like, there's nothing that I could think of outside of being on the path to protect,

00:51:47.340 provide, preside generally.

00:51:48.520 There's nothing I could think of that I would say, you have to do this.

00:51:51.960 And if you don't, you're not a man.

00:51:55.000 Can you?

00:52:00.960 Like, what would anybody say?

00:52:03.940 Like, you don't have to, you don't have to be strong.

00:52:06.860 Okay.

00:52:07.100 Well, that's one.

00:52:07.760 You don't have to be strong to be a man.

00:52:09.740 No, actually you have to try to be stronger.

00:52:12.680 Like, you don't have to be strong because strong is subjective, but yes, actually every

00:52:17.880 day you should be working on becoming stronger.

00:52:20.340 That is a manly thing.

00:52:22.080 I would say you don't have to, you don't have to serve other individuals to be a man.

00:52:29.940 I don't think anybody would say that.

00:52:32.280 Who would say that?

00:52:33.480 I don't know.

00:52:34.400 So, but I mean, because I do think that's very much of being able to serve other individuals

00:52:40.800 is part of being a man, right?

00:52:43.140 So, yes.

00:52:44.080 Well, I agree with you.

00:52:44.900 I'm just saying who would say that.

00:52:46.220 Okay.

00:52:46.660 But so here's, here's what I would say to answer this question in earnest.

00:52:51.020 If I was interested in having a conversation, if somebody said that to me, 80 to 90% of

00:52:59.340 the time, I would be willing to put money on it that I would not be interested in having

00:53:02.920 a conversation with that person just because of the, the, the way that they say that.

00:53:07.520 Okay.

00:53:07.960 But let's say we, let's say it's 10 to 20% of the time where I'm like, okay, well, let's

00:53:11.740 engage.

00:53:13.000 I would say, well, what makes you say that?

00:53:16.200 Like, that's your assertion.

00:53:17.260 So explain that to me.

00:53:19.160 Okay.

00:53:19.500 So the, well, okay.

00:53:20.980 So then what makes a man, a man, but just ask them questions like they're asserting something.

00:53:27.020 So just ask them questions, work it through.

00:53:29.040 Yeah.

00:53:29.780 Yeah.

00:53:30.560 I, everybody knows, even if they say, even if they say, well, you don't need that to be

00:53:35.280 man.

00:53:35.420 They know because especially coming from a man, they're trying to become more manly.

00:53:42.100 Like they're trying to make more money.

00:53:44.380 They're trying to equip themselves.

00:53:46.220 They're trying to get rid of their bad habits and their addictions, but they're doing things

00:53:50.420 in their life.

00:53:51.200 So if that wasn't important to them, why are they doing that?

00:53:54.000 Everybody is on the path at some point.

00:53:56.980 Yeah.

00:53:57.800 So, okay.

00:53:59.080 You don't think that's required to be a man.

00:54:02.500 Explain yourself.

00:54:05.400 Again, it's a question that if not, if a hundred people asked me, I would not have that conversation

00:54:11.000 with 98 of them.

00:54:12.340 Yeah.

00:54:12.700 Well, because you're not, I mean.

00:54:14.740 Well, I don't need to prove it to you.

00:54:16.180 Yeah, exactly.

00:54:17.520 What's the point of the debate, right?

00:54:19.160 What's the point of the discussion?

00:54:20.480 And if somebody is so convicted in that, like, well, you don't have to shoot guns to be a

00:54:25.060 man.

00:54:25.360 Well, I actually agree with that.

00:54:27.560 Like, I don't think you need to shoot guns to be a man.

00:54:29.880 I think you should, and you should know how the tool works and you should be able to shoot

00:54:33.980 a gun effectively.

00:54:35.080 But I don't think that defines you as a man.

00:54:37.360 Like, there's very little, I would say.

00:54:38.920 It might serve you.

00:54:39.460 Yeah.

00:54:39.720 Yeah.

00:54:40.600 Yeah.

00:54:40.860 So, that's what I would say.

00:54:44.660 Yeah.

00:54:45.020 All right.

00:54:47.660 BrettHawk24, what do you include in your EDC and what do you carry in your vehicle?

00:54:56.020 So, two separate questions.

00:54:57.540 EDC and then what's in my vehicle.

00:54:59.040 Okay, got it.

00:54:59.540 Yeah.

00:54:59.640 Uh, I carry Glock 43 is my, uh, my firearm that I carry every day.

00:55:06.040 And then just my other stuff, you know, my knife, my phone, my wallet, my keys, et cetera,

00:55:12.200 et cetera.

00:55:12.480 Phone, wallet, keys.

00:55:13.980 That's it, man.

00:55:15.240 And my gun and my knife.

00:55:17.620 It's funny when people say EDC and they like, they do the EDC dump and they've got like,

00:55:22.060 yeah, it's like a tire.

00:55:23.120 You like the Batman of like dads.

00:55:26.100 Like, what the hell?

00:55:26.880 Like, how are you, how do you carry all of that?

00:55:29.160 Oh, I carry my, I carry my military duffel bag with me all day, every day.

00:55:34.800 It's like, get real.

00:55:36.080 I carry a knife, a gun, keys, wallet, and my phone.

00:55:40.180 That's it.

00:55:40.600 What kind of wife, a knife are you carrying? 1.00

00:55:43.220 Like a blade or like a, like a Leatherman?

00:55:46.900 No, I probably should have a better knife, but I just have a little, just a little pocket

00:55:51.960 knife.

00:55:52.380 This is a little Gerber knife that I carry.

00:55:54.500 It's just like a little teeny little knife.

00:55:57.460 Yeah.

00:55:58.720 You see, I hate stuff in my pocket.

00:56:00.560 So I, I struggle with carrying a lot of stuff.

00:56:03.980 I do too, but you got to have a knife.

00:56:06.060 Like everybody has to.

00:56:07.000 Yeah.

00:56:07.160 Oh, so you don't have to have a knife to be a man.

00:56:09.220 No, actually you do.

00:56:10.620 If you're not carrying a knife around, then don't put yourself in the neck.

00:56:15.160 Yeah.

00:56:15.880 But no, you got to have a knife.

00:56:18.200 You should have a nice little Gerber kind of Leatherman, like a pocket size one.

00:56:24.300 Yeah.

00:56:24.460 It's kind of nice.

00:56:25.440 Yeah.

00:56:26.120 Yeah.

00:56:26.320 The only problem with that is they get a little clunky and big, but yeah, I mean, stuff

00:56:29.540 like that is, is good to have, uh, in my car, what I carry, I care.

00:56:35.080 So I have like basic medical supplies.

00:56:37.400 I have extra, um, ammunition, another firearm in there.

00:56:42.520 Uh, I've got some just little survival things like a fire kit.

00:56:45.900 I've got some stuff to keep me warm personally.

00:56:48.340 If I break down or something like that, I've got toe straps and cables and straps.

00:56:53.760 Um, I've got, uh, jumper cables, obviously, but I also have like a USB jumper kit that

00:57:01.440 I've used for myself and for other people, actually, believe it or not, I've used that

00:57:05.300 so often.

00:57:05.860 Um, yeah, basic, like basic survival stuff, some different blades.

00:57:15.460 That's about it.

00:57:16.920 And back in high school, when he was at Parowan, he had had the gun rack in the back window.

00:57:21.760 I remember when I moved to Parowan, I moved from Southern California and I was, when we

00:57:27.600 got there, I remember rolling into town and we saw these like old beat up farm pickup trucks

00:57:32.940 and every one of them with their cowboy mullet had their, their, uh, their guns in the gun

00:57:40.440 rack, in the window, the back of the truck.

00:57:42.080 And I'm like, what in the hell, where did we move?

00:57:44.800 And then it just became so commonplace and second nature that I actually, I actually like

00:57:50.820 it.

00:57:50.940 I think everybody should travel around with a gun in their vehicle display proudly.

00:57:55.580 And all those guns are like still in all those cars out in the school parking lot.

00:58:00.600 Oh, for sure.

00:58:01.380 Things aren't locked.

00:58:04.520 No.

00:58:05.760 Yeah.

00:58:06.340 It's such a different world.

00:58:08.200 It's a different, it's a better world, man.

00:58:09.900 It's a better world.

00:58:11.220 Oh man.

00:58:12.200 It's funny.

00:58:13.000 All right.

00:58:13.360 Yep.

00:58:14.340 Um, Northern Norman, what would you recommend my pronouns be?

00:58:20.340 I'm technically a male, but I can't grow a full beard.

00:58:23.440 Well, you're not a man then.

00:58:24.680 Cause you, you can't be a man unless you have a beard, obviously.

00:58:32.340 So he, or she, they, J, I don't know.

00:58:37.180 Isn't that one like G or J?

00:58:38.860 I don't know.

00:58:39.640 It's definitely not.

00:58:40.900 It's definitely not.

00:58:41.860 He, so grow a beard, do whatever you got to do.

00:58:45.220 Let's go, man.

00:58:45.960 Yeah.

00:58:47.420 Maybe more ice baths.

00:58:49.160 You know, what's funny is right.

00:58:51.440 People are there.

00:58:52.220 I'm going to get a message from somebody and they're going to say, yeah, you don't have

00:58:55.740 to beard to be a man.

00:58:56.780 I'm like, it's a joke guys.

00:58:59.100 It's a joke.

00:58:59.800 So don't 90% of you or more know that that's a joke, but there's like two of you that are

00:59:05.100 floating around who think I'm actually serious right now.

00:59:08.160 Yeah.

00:59:08.680 But yeah, she, they, she, them use, use any of those pronouns. 0.52

00:59:13.320 That'll be just fine.

00:59:14.560 Yeah.

00:59:15.000 We're just, uh, yeah.

00:59:17.040 Okay.

00:59:18.240 Eddie, I don't know.

00:59:21.500 Eddie alphabet change your Instagram handle.

00:59:23.980 Any advice for wanting to create content such as podcasts and videos when you're not comfortable

00:59:29.360 in front of a camera?

00:59:31.040 So advice on getting comfortable.

00:59:33.000 Yeah.

00:59:33.220 Just keep doing it, man.

00:59:34.340 Just keep doing it.

00:59:35.040 Yeah.

00:59:35.740 You know, how do you get comfortable being in front of a camera?

00:59:38.160 You get in front of a camera more.

00:59:39.280 How do you get comfortable public speaking?

00:59:40.860 You public speak.

00:59:41.440 How do you get comfortable asking women on a date?

00:59:43.160 You ask women on a date. 1.00

00:59:44.840 Just, it's just familiarity.

00:59:46.500 Yeah.

00:59:46.660 That's all it is.

00:59:47.160 I actually had a couple this weekend, had a couple of, uh, memories pop up from videos

00:59:51.820 that I had posted on Facebook and Instagram and whatnot.

00:59:53.860 I'm like, oh my gosh, I still have the first YouTube video I ever did on the YouTube channel.

00:59:58.180 I just thought, oh my gosh.

00:59:59.920 I was watching that the other day.

01:00:01.700 Yeah.

01:00:01.920 Yeah.

01:00:02.140 Asia and I were like, let's watch a comedy.

01:00:03.780 I'm like, oh no, no.

01:00:04.640 I got something better.

01:00:08.840 Did you really watch it?

01:00:10.940 I've seen it before, but I was joking.

01:00:12.600 I didn't say that.

01:00:13.280 No, I know you were joking.

01:00:14.260 I just didn't know if you've seen it, but, um, yeah, it's not bad.

01:00:18.540 It's not bad.

01:00:19.460 No, but it's not good.

01:00:20.720 You look so much different too.

01:00:21.820 Yeah.

01:00:21.980 Like a baby face.

01:00:23.160 Yeah, exactly.

01:00:24.380 Yeah.

01:00:24.740 So, um, reps.

01:00:27.860 Yeah.

01:00:27.940 Just do it.

01:00:28.400 Just reps.

01:00:28.960 I'm just trying to, I, I, again, I'm trying to answer these questions in earnest.

01:00:33.240 Cause I hate what's like, just do it.

01:00:35.280 What is, would you say the fear with that is being too wrapped up about what people think?

01:00:42.160 But I mean, that's, I mean, if you're doing, well, that is the material.

01:00:45.560 You should care about what people think, I guess.

01:00:47.740 I don't know.

01:00:48.240 Yeah.

01:00:48.340 Because if nobody saw it, you, if you knew nobody was going to see it, you would not be

01:00:52.200 afraid.

01:00:53.180 Yeah.

01:00:53.940 Right.

01:00:54.140 Like if you got, so I got a camera there, I got a camera there.

01:00:56.080 I got one here.

01:00:56.780 I got a bunch of cameras in here.

01:00:57.900 If I knew that whatever I was going to put out there, just, or whatever I was going to

01:01:01.640 record, wouldn't go out to public.

01:01:03.220 I would just record.

01:01:04.100 I would sit here all day, every day and record like that wouldn't be an issue of mine.

01:01:07.500 So what's the difference?

01:01:08.560 The fact that somebody else is going to see it and judge it.

01:01:11.360 That's the issue.

01:01:13.080 Everybody's worried about the perception of others.

01:01:15.000 And that's actually ingrained into us.

01:01:17.060 It's a defense mechanism to keep you alive because I need the tribe a thousand years ago.

01:01:21.920 I need the tribe to like me.

01:01:23.340 I need the tribe to perceive that I'm valuable.

01:01:25.840 Otherwise I'm going to be ostracized.

01:01:27.200 I'm going to be out on my own and I'm going to die.

01:01:29.420 So that's a defense mechanism.

01:01:30.080 And there's a dichotomy there, right?

01:01:31.900 Because to some extent you should care.

01:01:33.960 Otherwise this podcast wouldn't be successful if you didn't obviously care if there's a

01:01:39.000 following, right?

01:01:39.860 Yeah, I agree.

01:01:40.420 I think the fact that you care is indicative of something that's important to you and something

01:01:45.360 that's probably a worthy pursuit for you.

01:01:47.760 So you should care.

01:01:49.540 It becomes an issue when it paralyzes you, paralyzes you to the fear that you just, or to the point

01:01:54.260 that you just won't do it.

01:01:55.560 Don't take action.

01:01:56.120 Yeah.

01:01:56.220 Yeah.

01:01:56.640 So if you're doing it for the first time, look, here's the, here's the other cool thing

01:02:02.340 about it.

01:02:02.780 The first couple of videos that you do, the ones that you you're going to suck at and

01:02:06.380 you are like, let's just be realistic about this.

01:02:08.100 It's not going to go well.

01:02:09.040 The first videos that you do, nobody's going to see them anyways.

01:02:15.340 Yeah.

01:02:15.660 Cause you don't have a following yet.

01:02:17.160 Yeah.

01:02:17.560 Nobody's going to see them.

01:02:18.460 You're going to have 10 people watch it.

01:02:19.960 And those 10 people probably like you.

01:02:22.200 Nobody else is, it's your mom, it's your wife, it's your sister, it's whoever.

01:02:27.020 And they might raz you, tease you, give you a hard time, but it's all in fun.

01:02:31.540 Nobody else is going to see it.

01:02:32.960 And if it happens to go viral, that's because people like it.

01:02:38.520 Yeah.

01:02:39.040 So you're fine either way.

01:02:41.240 What's your thoughts on trying to be genuine more, just be a little bit more raw, kind

01:02:47.540 of like what we do here.

01:02:48.840 Right.

01:02:49.100 Like I, I feel like if we over script things and we try to, you know what I mean?

01:02:53.780 For something, then it comes across not, not genuine.

01:03:00.000 Yeah, I agree.

01:03:00.940 I agree.

01:03:01.440 I think there's been times where I've scripted out conversations or over prepared for a podcast

01:03:07.140 and it just came across as disingenuous.

01:03:09.800 It wasn't as engaging.

01:03:11.080 I didn't feel like I was doing any justice to my guest or to the people that were listening.

01:03:15.640 So yeah, I really do think you should not script things, but you should probably take some notes.

01:03:20.960 Like I take notes here, uh, whenever we're having conversations, wherever I'm going to

01:03:25.900 do a Friday field notes, but I don't stick so close to the notes or to a script that it

01:03:31.620 comes across as disingenuous.

01:03:33.040 This is something that I, but I've been doing it for six years too.

01:03:36.080 So it flows a lot better.

01:03:37.420 So you'll gradually work into it.

01:03:38.900 You just get started.

01:03:39.540 It's fine.

01:03:40.080 You just get started.

01:03:40.720 You'll, you'll be good.

01:03:41.820 All right.

01:03:43.100 Uh, I am Michael Hilton.

01:03:45.520 What would you recommend as a good resource slash book for communicating more effectively?

01:03:51.780 I would communicate more effect.

01:03:53.740 I would, I would communicate more.

01:03:55.660 Yeah.

01:03:56.100 Like the answer, don't the answer isn't to go hole up in your room and read a book about

01:04:01.420 communication.

01:04:02.440 It's to go into situations where you can communicate.

01:04:06.800 That's, that's the answer.

01:04:08.980 Yeah.

01:04:09.560 I'm not saying you shouldn't read about communication.

01:04:12.500 You shouldn't study about it, but don't let it come at the expense of you going to a networking

01:04:17.420 event or a BNI or chamber meeting or a conference or on a zoom call, somewhere where there's going

01:04:24.740 to be a lot of people.

01:04:25.760 That's where you really cut your teeth.

01:04:28.400 There's books like the assertiveness workbook is one that I, uh, recommend a lot.

01:04:32.820 I think that's the best one.

01:04:34.240 No more.

01:04:34.580 Mr. Nice guy is another good book.

01:04:37.340 Cause I think sometimes those who have an, uh, an over-exaggerated fear of speaking, usually

01:04:43.500 they just, there, it tends to be that they're the nice guy where they don't want to risk

01:04:48.140 offending anybody or upsetting anybody.

01:04:49.980 So they don't go out and have these conversations.

01:04:51.860 So yeah, no more Mr. Nice guy, the assertiveness workbook, but outside of that, I would spend

01:04:56.920 more time like online trying to figure out, okay, where are people congregating?

01:05:00.980 Oh, there's a chamber luncheon.

01:05:02.420 Okay.

01:05:02.580 I'm going to go to that.

01:05:03.880 Yeah.

01:05:04.300 I know there's this, there's this conference coming up.

01:05:06.440 I'm going to go to that and actually go where those people are.

01:05:09.720 And also, oh, so here's a thought.

01:05:12.280 So a couple of weeks, it must've been maybe three, four weeks ago.

01:05:15.100 Now I went to Soren X's a winter strong event that they do each year.

01:05:19.220 Um, and, uh, I'm typically, I'm a pretty introverted person just by my nature.

01:05:26.460 I think I just, I just don't need to be around a bunch of other people.

01:05:30.220 Like I'm completely content not being around other people and can get my energy and other,

01:05:35.000 other ways.

01:05:35.860 So I go to this event and I saw a couple of people on the ground.

01:05:41.700 They were starting fires with their bow drill.

01:05:44.300 And these were two individuals that I knew were going to be there.

01:05:47.040 And I wanted to meet and I was interested in what they were doing.

01:05:50.120 And I walked up there.

01:05:51.280 I'm like, Hey, um, I remember I've followed you on Instagram or whatever.

01:05:55.560 And, um, I really like what you're doing.

01:05:57.600 And I've never really known how to do this.

01:05:59.280 Like, can you walk me through it?

01:06:01.560 And then I, Oh yeah, sure.

01:06:02.660 And they showed me and we actually had a really good conversation.

01:06:05.320 And I left the conversation thinking, man, that was really easy to go talk to them.

01:06:10.780 Three, four, five years ago, I would have struggled.

01:06:13.220 I would have fought with myself.

01:06:14.440 Like, I don't know, like this, I don't know them.

01:06:17.780 They're going to think I'm weird or this is awkward.

01:06:19.660 And I just remember so nonchalantly just walking up and saying, Hey, I wanted to meet you.

01:06:24.240 And that's really cool.

01:06:25.040 Can you show me?

01:06:25.620 I've always been really curious.

01:06:27.460 And then you give that opera, that person an opportunity to share, share and showcase

01:06:31.400 their talents and their abilities.

01:06:33.160 I mean, what a great way to break the ice.

01:06:35.700 And then we ended up having a really good conversation.

01:06:37.740 Not only that, but throughout the rest of the weekend, because I didn't make it a big

01:06:42.440 deal.

01:06:43.780 And I think that's what most people do when they want to communicate.

01:06:46.420 They just make it a really big deal.

01:06:49.620 Like, Oh, yeah.

01:06:50.840 Almost desperate.

01:06:52.240 Yeah.

01:06:52.560 What if this person like thinks I'm weird?

01:06:54.980 And I don't know.

01:06:55.660 What if I say something dumb?

01:06:57.100 And it's like, you know, just go up to somebody and say, Hey, uh, that's an interesting logo.

01:07:02.640 I've never seen that before, but I'm really intrigued.

01:07:04.900 What is that?

01:07:06.760 That's all.

01:07:08.000 That's all it is.

01:07:09.240 Or, Hey, you're doing this thing on this boat.

01:07:11.940 I've never done that before.

01:07:12.800 Can you share with me?

01:07:13.920 That's it.

01:07:14.460 And I have no expectations about where the conversation is going to go.

01:07:18.420 It's just find something to talk about, whether it's what, what they're wearing or even in

01:07:24.340 an event, you know, you might be able to go up to somebody and say, Hey, you know, I don't,

01:07:28.400 I don't think we've met.

01:07:29.160 I'm, I'm Ryan and you introduce yourself and Hey, I've really enjoyed this event.

01:07:32.380 I liked, uh, John's presentation yesterday.

01:07:36.040 What's been your favorite thing?

01:07:37.200 Like it's so easy, but we make it harder than it actually needs to be.

01:07:43.580 Um, but those, those are some strategies for communication.

01:07:45.620 Just don't make it a big deal.

01:07:47.580 Go up, communicate, communicate to people, be creative in how you approach them and look

01:07:51.580 for something to talk about.

01:07:52.840 There's another method that I use too, which is the, the frog method.

01:07:56.140 So, so, which is an acronym.

01:07:57.660 So you talk about family and friends, uh, recreation, what they do for fun, occupation,

01:08:04.120 and then G is goals.

01:08:06.520 And so if we're in a conference together, uh, I might go up to you and say, Hey, you know,

01:08:11.140 this has been, I'm Ryan.

01:08:12.700 You know, this has been an interesting thing so far.

01:08:14.440 Uh, what's, what's been, what's, what was your reason for coming?

01:08:18.020 What did you want to get out of this event?

01:08:19.460 Goals, right?

01:08:20.460 What's your objective for being here?

01:08:22.280 These are just little things that you can remember that a little cues to help you have

01:08:25.660 a conversation with people.

01:08:28.380 Yeah.

01:08:29.060 Just ask questions.

01:08:29.680 If you ever, if you're ever concerned about what to say, ask questions.

01:08:33.060 So, yeah.

01:08:34.080 And just be genuine about it.

01:08:35.700 So then that way you don't ask the question, they respond.

01:08:38.260 And then you're like, you move on.

01:08:40.280 Right.

01:08:40.720 And then you're like, okay, he was just trying to talk.

01:08:43.200 You know what I mean?

01:08:43.580 Like he's actually not interested in the question.

01:08:45.380 And you'll get better at that for sure.

01:08:47.740 Yeah.

01:08:48.660 Um, Eric Swanson, uh, what are some good questions to ask someone arguing about a not, about not

01:08:56.160 absolute truth about social issues?

01:09:01.220 What is the best question to ask somebody arguing about something that is not true?

01:09:07.400 Did I hear that right?

01:09:08.580 Yeah.

01:09:09.020 Good questions to ask someone arguing about not absolute truth.

01:09:13.580 Like, you know, they're arguing that there is no absolute truth to things.

01:09:17.540 I'm assuming.

01:09:20.060 Again.

01:09:21.500 Yeah.

01:09:21.960 Why, why engage?

01:09:23.720 Yeah.

01:09:24.540 You know, like if somebody is saying, well, you know, they're, they're, I don't even know

01:09:29.600 what somebody would say where I'd be.

01:09:30.980 I would just be like, okay, you know, that's, that's cool.

01:09:34.080 Like if you gave me, yeah.

01:09:35.500 If you gave me some context, like you're really going to have this conversation and you wanted

01:09:39.420 to have this conversation.

01:09:42.120 Um, I just, or you want to get more clear, right?

01:09:46.120 Like, isn't that, isn't that how this question should go is like, how do I get more clear

01:09:53.480 on absolute, not people's argument about no absolute truth and get clear in my own mind.

01:10:01.480 So I feel good about my understanding of things.

01:10:04.080 Right.

01:10:04.520 Because, and in the end, that's really what you should care about.

01:10:07.120 Not what someone's arguing per se.

01:10:09.980 And maybe, maybe that question, maybe it is that maybe they are genuinely curious about

01:10:13.540 that.

01:10:13.800 And if that's the case, then you say, well, what makes you say that?

01:10:16.900 What, why do you believe that?

01:10:19.000 Why do you believe there's no absolute truth?

01:10:22.000 And how does that serve you?

01:10:24.200 How does that serve somebody?

01:10:25.680 Take gender, for example.

01:10:27.740 Gender is a social construct and it's made up and it's fluid and you can be anybody and

01:10:32.540 everybody.

01:10:32.980 Well, so how much do you know about biology?

01:10:36.260 Where does bio, I mean, clearly there's two distinct sexes. 1.00

01:10:41.820 Do you agree with that?

01:10:43.840 Okay.

01:10:44.280 Well, tell me why.

01:10:45.360 So then, okay.

01:10:46.360 You don't agree with that.

01:10:47.640 How do you explain XY chromosomes and XX chromosomes?

01:10:52.300 Can, can you work me through that?

01:10:53.880 And again, you're not trying to set them up.

01:10:55.200 Like if you don't believe, for example, that there is no biological difference between men

01:11:00.580 and women help me understand why we have XX chromosomes and why XY chromosomes help me 1.00

01:11:06.720 understand why men have beards and are generally bigger and stronger.

01:11:11.960 Like women, generally speaking, tend to be more supportive and nurturing and caring in

01:11:17.720 the way they approach things.

01:11:18.660 Is that hormonal or is that made up?

01:11:21.120 Is that conditioned?

01:11:22.080 Oh, it's conditioned.

01:11:22.860 Well, who conditioned that person?

01:11:24.540 And are these people who condition millions and billions of women and men, are they all

01:11:29.920 working together?

01:11:30.980 Because I mean, clearly we have, we have billions of men and billions of women who are all generally

01:11:39.160 acting very similarly, yet they grew up in different cultures and different places and

01:11:44.000 different experiences.

01:11:44.700 So how do you explain one culture that hasn't been introduced to another culture?

01:11:48.840 And yet they're quote unquote conditioning their boys, similar to the way that another culture 0.93

01:11:56.320 might be conditioning their boys.

01:11:57.480 It's like, well, you're telling me that's cultural, but like, I don't, I don't understand.

01:12:03.380 Help me understand that.

01:12:04.680 These are things that I would ask, you know, if I was having that conversation.

01:12:08.440 So totally.

01:12:09.780 Well, and it's good to understand.

01:12:11.760 I think it's good to understand that stuff.

01:12:13.620 Like what, what's your, what's your argument or how does that benefit society?

01:12:18.520 Or do you see that there's negative repercussions to that and, and just understand.

01:12:23.580 So you become more enlightened and knowledgeable about, you know, maybe the counter argument

01:12:30.020 to something that you might feel passionate about like that.

01:12:32.620 Well, and you've got to know counter arguments.

01:12:34.320 I was listening to a speech by Jordan Peterson and he said, you know, one thing that people

01:12:38.060 do all too often, especially when it comes to tribalism is they dismiss other people's

01:12:41.880 arguments.

01:12:42.560 And he said, that's a mistake.

01:12:43.900 Like you should be intimately familiar with people's arguments.

01:12:46.360 In fact, if anything, you should actually help them build up their argument.

01:12:49.860 So you can systematically dismantle it because if it's a weak argument, it's like the, like

01:12:54.640 if you're going to play a football game and you beat the worst team in the league, like,

01:12:59.120 are you good?

01:13:00.140 No, like, who do you want to beat?

01:13:01.320 You want to beat the best team in the league, right?

01:13:03.560 That's who I want to beat. 0.83

01:13:04.480 I don't want to beat the worst team.

01:13:05.760 I don't care.

01:13:06.460 I want to beat the best team.

01:13:08.000 I don't want to defeat the worst argument.

01:13:09.400 I want to defeat the best argument.

01:13:11.940 Morality is another subject.

01:13:13.680 A lot of people debate, you know, there is no absolute when it comes to morality.

01:13:17.660 I believe there is.

01:13:18.520 I believe it's through God.

01:13:20.320 Other people think it's malleable and it's, uh, it's constructed through different cultures

01:13:25.180 and society.

01:13:26.020 Okay.

01:13:26.460 Well, let's, let's discuss this.

01:13:29.280 If, if that's the case, then, then who gets to decide what is moral and immoral?

01:13:36.220 Uh, how does that benefit society?

01:13:38.420 If we have one group of people think that's morality and another group of people think

01:13:42.000 that's morality, how does that benefit us?

01:13:44.620 How does that serve us?

01:13:45.540 Or conversely, are there threats in that way of thinking?

01:13:49.640 Is, is, is there a, is there something that we ought to be careful of or aware of?

01:13:54.540 I think it's just being genuinely curious will lead you to better questions.

01:13:59.200 But if you're trying to tee people up, I think you're not going to, you're a not going

01:14:03.560 to ask great questions and be people are going to sniff it out.

01:14:06.860 Yeah.

01:14:08.140 Like I know when somebody's asking somebody disingenuous, something of me disingenuously,

01:14:12.720 I can, I can, I don't get it all right.

01:14:15.340 I will say that, but I can generally tell when somebody's being disingenuous, you can tell,

01:14:19.660 you know, that that's not an honest question.

01:14:23.180 Yeah.

01:14:23.660 But an honest question comes off differently.

01:14:25.940 It's phrased and, and, and, and said with a different tone and a different inflection.

01:14:30.040 And, and you will, you will communicate that too, if you're curious, or if you're just

01:14:34.980 trying to trick people and trap them, the motive counts.

01:14:38.240 It's important.

01:14:39.700 Yeah.

01:14:40.100 Well, and I just don't be that guy.

01:14:41.980 Like really your, your point in life is just like, you know what I mean?

01:14:47.080 Like focus on increasing your knowledge.

01:14:49.320 And I think sometimes when we dive into these questions, we also realize that the person

01:14:53.240 we're talking to is not well-informed.

01:14:55.620 You know, you start asking enough questions and they can't answer them.

01:14:58.380 And then you're like, oh, okay, you're just using talking points.

01:15:02.140 You actually don't understand this well enough moving on, you know, and then just don't get

01:15:06.860 engaged because they're not going to enlighten you in any way.

01:15:09.720 Yeah.

01:15:09.820 And it's funny because the, the morons or the ignorant, we'll say, we won't say morons,

01:15:13.900 we'll say ignorant.

01:15:14.440 The ignorant can actually lull you back into the argument.

01:15:19.420 Then, then who's being dumb?

01:15:21.220 Like, so let me give an example.

01:15:23.440 Rise above it.

01:15:24.400 Yeah.

01:15:24.580 Somebody talks about some subject.

01:15:26.780 Let's take gender, for example.

01:15:28.020 And so you engage and you have this discussion with them.

01:15:30.820 And then you realize, like you said, they're regurgitating some talking points, but they

01:15:34.800 haven't delved into it.

01:15:36.460 And what I've said in the past is, you know, like, I'm just not, these questions that you're

01:15:40.540 asking, they're not, they're not honest questions.

01:15:43.680 You obviously are very emotional right now.

01:15:46.540 You're not responding with reasoning or any evidence to back up your claims.

01:15:51.940 I'm just not interested in having this conversation.

01:15:54.040 And then what that person will do is they'll say, well, just because you don't have any good

01:15:59.420 responses to your thing.

01:16:00.820 And what they're trying to do is lull you back in.

01:16:03.820 And if you let that person, that ignorant person lull you back in, then you're actually

01:16:09.620 in the wrong.

01:16:10.820 Yeah.

01:16:11.540 They will deploy every little manipulative emotional strategy to get you back into the

01:16:16.320 conversation.

01:16:16.920 And if you fall for it, then you're the idiot, not them.

01:16:20.860 Yeah.

01:16:22.140 All right.

01:16:22.560 Let's take one or two more.

01:16:24.060 Okay.

01:16:24.580 I actually have to wrap up, man.

01:16:26.120 I'm sorry.

01:16:26.680 Let's wrap up.

01:16:27.380 We'll finish.

01:16:28.320 Okay.

01:16:28.720 That's what I meant to say.

01:16:29.860 What did I say?

01:16:30.500 Did I say something else?

01:16:31.880 We'll say two or three more.

01:16:32.840 Yeah.

01:16:33.080 And then we'll finish next week.

01:16:34.980 Okay.

01:16:35.320 Sounds good.

01:16:36.040 So support us guys, support the movement, support what we're doing here.

01:16:40.060 You can learn more about the iron council.

01:16:42.120 We're just about the order of man movement by going to order of man.com.

01:16:45.380 If you want to learn about the iron council as a specifically go to order of man.com slash

01:16:50.840 iron council.

01:16:52.180 And as always you can support and follow us by subscribing to the podcast, subscribing

01:16:58.640 to the YouTube channel, as well as following Mr. Mickler on Instagram and Twitter at Ryan

01:17:04.420 Mickler, and then supporting the movement through swag at the store that's store.orderofman.com.

01:17:13.480 Anything else you would add Facebook?

01:17:15.920 No, that's it.

01:17:16.920 Just, uh, just keep going.

01:17:18.920 Um, keep asking those great questions.

01:17:20.960 Keep subscribing.

01:17:21.740 We've got some great interviews coming up, including yesterday's podcast with Robert Green.

01:17:26.500 And I'm glad we'll keep chugging along.

01:17:27.760 Thanks guys.

01:17:28.520 Go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:17:31.120 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:17:34.000 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:17:37.700 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Bend Don't Break, the Path to Mastery, and Understanding the Intentions of Others ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Order of Man

Bend Don&#x27;t Break, the Path to Mastery, and Understanding the Intentions of Others ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Bend Don't Break, the Path to Mastery, and Understanding the Intentions of Others ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING