Order of Man - Books Every Man Should Read, Masculine Skill Sets, and Solving Your Own Problems

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.380 you can call yourself a man. Welcome to AMA 22. This is the Ask Me Anything segment of the Order

00:00:31.420 of Man podcast. For long-time listeners, you may be throwing a little bit for today's episode.

00:00:39.260 Normally, this is a conversation where Ryan Mickler and myself, Kip Sorensen, we go over

00:00:46.200 questions that get submitted to us. We talk about them here on this episode. Unfortunately, though,

00:00:52.380 I will be running solo today as Ryan's unable to do our recording for this given week. And so

00:00:58.660 in preparation for that, we posed questions to our Facebook group at facebook.com forward slash

00:01:08.120 groups forward slash order of man, and kind of geared the questions around what questions the

00:01:13.720 guys had for me specifically. So we will, or I will be answering those questions as part of this

00:01:20.640 podcast today, and we'll get through these questions. And this may be a little odd for you,

00:01:27.140 but trust me, it's a little bit more odd for me doing this AMA solo. I'll be honest, I'm tempted

00:01:35.600 to already hit stop on the recording and start over. But to the spirit in which Ryan likes to do a lot

00:01:44.340 of these podcasts, we, we purposely shoot from the hip, uh, not because we don't want to prepare,

00:01:50.360 but really because we want to make sure that this is kind of raw and real and, and, uh, Ryan's favorite

00:01:56.500 word authentic. So, um, so here you go. So we're going to go over these questions, uh, for first time

00:02:02.700 listeners, uh, the order of man podcast primarily consists of three different shows. Uh, Ryan does a

00:02:08.880 conversation with a guest on Tuesdays. Uh, these AMAs, these ask me anythings are on Wednesdays and

00:02:16.160 then, and then on Fridays, Ryan will do a Friday filled notes where he shares his ideas and opinions,

00:02:23.240 uh, regarding an array of different subjects and topics. So, um, like I mentioned earlier, uh,

00:02:30.140 part of the AMA is we, we filled questions primarily from three different areas. We, we filled

00:02:35.460 questions from our Patreon account, which you can learn more at patreon.com slash order of man,

00:02:41.560 or, uh, we'll get questions from the iron council, which is the mastermind slash brotherhood of the

00:02:50.720 order of man, uh, where we have 500 plus members that, uh, are, um, active, uh, memberships include

00:02:59.500 meeting with a team of individuals on a weekly basis and discussing topics and holding each other

00:03:05.160 accountable and having goals and, and whatnot. Uh, you can learn more about the iron council at

00:03:11.280 order of man.com slash iron council. And then last, like I mentioned already the Facebook group,

00:03:17.580 which is facebook.com slash group slash order of man. So let's, uh, let's go ahead and just jump

00:03:24.180 right into these questions. Some of them are a little funny. Like these guys are cracking jokes.

00:03:28.840 The fact that I'm, I'm having to run solo today, but, uh, yeah, but this, this will be a good

00:03:34.540 conversation. And a lot of these questions, I, I just briefly looked over right before I started

00:03:39.000 hitting record and, and some of them are really great questions. So I'll do my best to, to get

00:03:43.620 through this and, and, uh, we'll get rolling. So our first question is from Ryan Gillett. He says,

00:03:49.920 Kip Sorensen, how does it feel not to have Ryan weighing you down this week? Um, I think it's more

00:03:56.480 like, how do I feel about Ryan weighing me down this week by having me do this episode on my own? So,

00:04:03.020 uh, it's far easier with someone else on the mic and, and just shooting the breeze and, and having

00:04:10.220 a conversation and answering questions. So it's a little, a little bit more odd. I'm not used to

00:04:14.180 this, um, answering questions on my own. So, um, so I, I think he's weighing me down now. Normally he

00:04:20.980 doesn't. So, and it's, it's a hell of a lot easier to answer questions after you've heard someone else

00:04:25.760 already reply to them, uh, where you're going to have to actually hear me answer them first and

00:04:31.400 kind of shoot off the hip and we'll see what I come up with on some of these questions. Uh,

00:04:35.440 Ryan actually did have a more serious question. And that was around, uh, Ryan Mickler showing up

00:04:40.820 like he does in spite of schedule and sometimes illness, he is consistent and consistently brings

00:04:47.520 it part of why you're at the top of the spear. And I totally agree, Ryan. Uh, I don't think Ryan

00:04:52.640 has ever missed an episode. Uh, he's not about to let that happen now. Thus you guys get me,

00:04:57.840 uh, for this week and, uh, and he takes it really serious, but most importantly, I want

00:05:03.200 to clarify, I don't think he takes it serious that there's a podcast episode. I think he

00:05:07.860 takes it serious that he's given his word that he will, and he honors that word. And that's

00:05:14.160 super, super critical. Cause in the end guys, if we can't honor what we said we would do, then

00:05:19.640 we're, we're completely out of integrity. And, and we give a lot of people in our lives, no

00:05:24.440 reason to trust us and, or believe in anything that we say or do. So, uh, next question, Tyler

00:05:30.340 Cross, uh, where's Ryan heading this week? Uh, so actually I'm not a hundred percent sure,

00:05:36.580 but I know he's hunting. So, uh, Tyler, you'll have to follow up with him and maybe we'll,

00:05:40.760 we'll answer your question on next week when he's back online. Ben Jammin, Kip, are leg locks

00:05:47.580 the devil submission? Yes, Ben, it is the devil submission and everyone should know to, uh,

00:05:56.740 participate in devil submissions. So, uh, for you guys that aren't jujitsu guys, um, and

00:06:02.960 this is my opinion, guys, this is, there's not some jujitsu book, uh, life book in regards

00:06:07.380 to saying how things are, but this is my take on this. So, um, as many of you guys know, uh,

00:06:12.800 that are in jujitsu, there's a little bit of this, um, opinion in that culture that, uh,

00:06:19.560 especially lower belts that you stay away from leg locks, uh, culturally, uh, you could

00:06:25.380 do straight ankle locks or, uh, knee bars. Those were kind of sketchy, uh, not as sketchy,

00:06:32.020 but acceptable. Uh, but when we look at toe folds or hill hooks, um, and other submissions,

00:06:37.740 uh, in, in fact, some tournaments even straight out do not allow them. Um, and a lot of tournaments

00:06:45.180 don't allow them unless you're like black belts, uh, and certain, certain leg submissions, uh,

00:06:49.900 when you're a brown belt. Um, but there's been a little bit of a shift, I think, uh, in the,

00:06:54.840 in the culture of jujitsu where, uh, due to a lot of popular guys, um, in the circuit, uh,

00:07:01.440 proving to be highly affected by, by, uh, leg attacks. And, uh, so I think there's been

00:07:07.220 some momentum, uh, around jujitsu around going for the legs, but, uh, I don't know, man. I love it.

00:07:15.080 I love leg attacks. I think everyone needs to learn them. Um, now without demonizing everybody

00:07:21.280 in regards to preventing, like what's just used like hill hooks as an example. Um, unless a deep,

00:07:27.760 you know, in a, an attempt not to demonize people for being against them, this is why, uh, most

00:07:35.600 submissions, there's a little bit of pain right before damage. So let's just look at, um, an arm

00:07:41.380 bar for instance. If I get an arm bar, my, my arms being hyper extended, there's a point there where

00:07:47.980 I start feeling pain, right? I know that there's going to be some damage. I have a few seconds to

00:07:53.880 tap and luckily my opponent is, um, a good partner. Let's go. And I avoid damage, right? Uh, hill

00:08:01.960 hooks on the other hand can be super, super dangerous because you don't feel kind of that

00:08:08.640 precursor, um, warning of pain before there's damage. A lot of hill hooks, it's just tight,

00:08:16.800 but it doesn't necessarily doesn't, you don't feel pain. And, uh, and in some cases when you do feel

00:08:23.640 pain, then the damage is already done. And that's why a lot of these have kind of somewhat been

00:08:28.080 kind of outlawed, uh, in some tournaments because they're so dangerous. Now the problem with this,

00:08:33.520 and we can look at this analogy and how it might apply to other areas of our life. But the problem

00:08:38.080 with this is one, a lot of guys are in jujitsu because of self-defense. Well, then that doesn't

00:08:43.540 make sense why we wouldn't go after and learn a submission, uh, if it's highly effective on the

00:08:48.680 street, right? Or, you know, what's a, I get in a street fight and the guy knows how to do hill

00:08:52.580 hooks. So I don't know how to defend them. Uh, and, and by the way, what's the best way to learn how to

00:08:57.400 defend a hill hook to learn how to do a hill hook? Right. And so there's, there's a lot of benefit

00:09:03.540 to, um, getting rid of the ignorance, uh, learning these submissions, understanding when they are

00:09:11.680 dangerous. So then that way, when someone has me in the hill hook, I know when to tap, right? I don't

00:09:18.280 rely on my pain to say, okay, I better tap instead. I'm going, Hey, I know, because I know how to do the

00:09:24.300 submission. I know that he has me. So I'm tapping before, you know, something serious happens. So

00:09:29.700 yeah, I love, I love leg locks, Ben. Um, I'm assuming you're asking because, uh, you've been,

00:09:36.260 you've been tempted to come to the dark side, join us, join the dark side, go after legs. It's all good

00:09:42.660 fun. Be careful. Uh, especially with new white belts, new guys that are training that are, you know,

00:09:50.600 frantic and crazy. Uh, you might blow out their knee, right? If you, if you're not careful. So,

00:09:57.100 uh, let go of the pride, let go of the submission. If you think you're going to hurt your opponent

00:10:00.620 and be careful when guys are putting it on you tap early, um, and learn the submission. So you know

00:10:05.640 how to defend, but also so you don't get hurt. So that's my take, Ben. Uh, hopefully that answers

00:10:11.020 your question. All right. Joshua Gherkin, Kip, five or more books. Every man should in his,

00:10:17.320 should have in his library. Let's think of old school, not just the new ones. And I'm super happy

00:10:23.320 you said old school, not just the new ones, because it's always tempting, right? For us to spin off all

00:10:27.880 the, all the books that are, we're currently reading, uh, that we're kind of excited about and,

00:10:32.880 and whatnot. So, um, holy cow, this is, this may be a little tough. Uh, let me do my best. So,

00:10:41.040 um, first off that comes to mind, crucial conversations, uh, amazing book. Um, I don't

00:10:49.740 remember the author. You'll have to look it up, but it's really around the idea that for you to

00:10:56.160 have a legitimate constructive conversation with someone, you cannot have them defending their

00:11:01.820 ego. You have to have trust that is established. You can't be attacking them and everything else.

00:11:06.640 And, and I think far too often we have these conversations where we think we can argue with

00:11:09.980 someone and we're going to all of a sudden convince them or change their mind. Well,

00:11:13.480 not if we're attacking, right? Not if the relationship doesn't have a positive baseline

00:11:19.020 to actually start off of. Otherwise the conversation is about everything other than the topic of the

00:11:23.920 conversation. Great book. Um, Edward Simmons actually bought that book for me, uh, showed up in

00:11:29.860 my mail and it was awesome. And I appreciate Edward and, and a shout out to him for, for hooking me up with

00:11:35.340 that book. Uh, another book I'd add to the list on the old school list is as a man thinketh. Uh,

00:11:41.400 we talk about this a lot in the iron council. Um, well, I don't know, maybe we don't actually now that

00:11:46.560 I think about it, but James Allen is the author, uh, an amazing book, the premise, your thoughts drive

00:11:54.260 your actions, your actions drive results. So you need to change your thought process. Love the book. Uh,

00:12:00.200 no more Mr. Mr. Nice guy. Of course, I definitely, we know, I know we talk about that one quite a bit,

00:12:05.820 uh, on the podcast. Um, another book I'd throw in here. Uh, I know it's not like a quote unquote,

00:12:11.960 become a better man kind of book or self-help, but, um, it's the book, uh, a people's history of the

00:12:19.740 United States. Super amazing book. Um, there's actually another book I love in that same kind of

00:12:26.600 topic and it's the real George Washington. Um, I think there's so much for us to learn,

00:12:32.540 uh, from our forefathers and, uh, just, just totally love that book. Uh, if I had to round

00:12:38.560 off this list with two more, I would say morning miracle, uh, by hell, uh, Elrod. I love the morning

00:12:45.640 miracle, super great book. And then probably one of Ryan holiday's books, uh, maybe the daily stoic or,

00:12:52.040 um, the obstacles, the way probably I would add to that list. So anyhow, hope that helps. Uh,

00:13:00.420 great books. I've read all of those multiple times. Uh, that's how, that's how good those

00:13:05.300 books are. In fact, I've even bought as a man thinketh, I believe for siblings and friends on

00:13:10.880 a regular basis. And it's a really short read. So as a man thinketh is probably maybe one of the top

00:13:16.300 three books of all time on my list. Now an unrelated note, quasi related note, if you don't

00:13:23.700 mind me suggesting this, and I was talking to my boys about this, about the concept of, of religion,

00:13:29.380 they're teenagers. Um, and they're a little bit in this, or at least my 17 year olds, a little bit in

00:13:34.700 the space where religion is not important, right? It's about, uh, school and excitement and friends

00:13:41.460 and, and those kinds of things. And, um, and something I was telling him the other day, uh, was

00:13:48.300 imagine if you found, you dug up some treasure chest and it was full of these old scribes,

00:13:59.140 right? Old papers written hundreds of years ago by wise people. And not only written hundreds of years

00:14:06.140 ago, but rewritten, right? We have to keep that in mind, guys. There's no digital print of the Bible.

00:14:10.860 As an example for these books to make their way all the way until now, at some point, people had to

00:14:17.860 rewrite these things, right? To hold onto them. So these are the stories that were like passed down

00:14:23.680 right through generations. And I really think that if we were in a position where we found like the

00:14:28.500 books that are found, like within the Holy Bible, for instance, that we would read through them like

00:14:34.580 crazy, right? We would think this is amazing. And listen to these stories and some of this crazy old

00:14:40.640 wisdom or whatever, but we don't do that, right? We, we go, Oh, it's the, it's the Bible. It's tied to

00:14:45.640 religion. Maybe it's not, you know, or at least for some of you that may not be religious. We go,

00:14:50.060 Oh, it's tied to religion. I don't want to read that. Dude, I think you would, if you found those

00:14:54.840 same exact books and you read them. So with that in mind, I don't think you need to be religious to

00:14:59.860 see the huge value in old writings with it, whether it be, uh, whether it's the old Testament or the

00:15:06.080 Torah for that matter, same book, by the way, um, or the Quran or the Bible. I mean, I bet there is

00:15:12.780 just fascinating things to learn, uh, that's been passed down through centuries and it would just be

00:15:18.280 cool to read. So that's my, that's my prop or my, uh, me giving props to the Bible and other old

00:15:24.680 writings. I just think it's, it's super valuable and there's a lot to gain regardless of like the

00:15:30.360 religious tie-ins. So that's my take. All right. Uh, Jazid Flores, what's up, Jazid? What lessons did

00:15:39.200 you give your boys this last camping trip you had? All right. So let me give everyone the rundown,

00:15:44.380 uh, cause I doubt you guys all follow me on Instagram. So, uh, my two oldest boys, uh, one's 19,

00:15:51.540 the other 17. Um, they were just in town, uh, last week. Uh, my 17 lives with his mom in Phoenix,

00:15:59.260 Arizona. My oldest is going to college. So they're in town for the holidays. And, um, I told the boys,

00:16:05.020 I'm like, Hey, we should go, we should go backpacking. And they're like, yeah, sounds good. But we just

00:16:11.220 kind of spoke to it briefly. Um, and then my 17 year old says, Hey, are we, are we going to go

00:16:17.300 backpacking? I'm like, you really want to. And he was, he, I could tell he was a little bit on the

00:16:21.860 fence. He was like, ah, you know, you know, it's kind of cold. And leading up to this question,

00:16:26.480 it's been, it's, it's been damn cold outside. And, uh, and I'll be honest, I was thinking the

00:16:30.980 same thing. I thought if he says no, I'll be happy. Right. And then my 19 year old goes,

00:16:36.380 no, I want to. And I'm like, all right, let's do this. Load up your bags. And literally

00:16:41.800 like within an hour, probably I said, grab bags, throwing stuff in the bags, prepping,

00:16:47.780 getting dressed through the bags on our back and start up the mountain. Um, we're in Northern Utah.

00:16:54.980 Uh, let me just kind of set a precedence of how this trip went a little bit, if you don't mind.

00:16:59.880 Um, first off, I, I had a funeral, um, that I went to earlier in the day with my wife,

00:17:05.420 a good friend of ours passed away. Um, uh, super sad scenario, uh, mad props to Matt,

00:17:15.380 uh, her husband that is, uh, has two little girls and, uh, now he's a single father and, uh, he has

00:17:23.600 an amazing opportunity, um, to rise up and, uh, rise up to the occasion that has been placed before

00:17:32.900 him. And, uh, I know he'll, he's going to do an amazing job. Um, anyhow, so the funeral services

00:17:38.680 went long and we didn't get back until probably about, uh, maybe three or four in the afternoon

00:17:45.040 and we're supposed to go backpacking, right? So we get, we get ready, we get our packs,

00:17:50.820 we get on the trail and we probably only get maybe about an hour of sunlight before it gets dark.

00:17:56.900 Um, the temperature is in the single digits easily by that time, um, in the negatives,

00:18:03.940 uh, throughout the night. Once it got late, about halfway up our, uh, water and our, uh,

00:18:10.480 Nalgene bottles, uh, was frozen. The bladder tubes where you drink the water out of those became

00:18:17.500 frozen. Um, we're snowshoeing and, uh, a few feet of snow. Uh, super fun, super cold,

00:18:25.860 chilly. And, uh, it was awesome. Now let me add this caveat to this. My oldest son, um, Brendan,

00:18:34.920 uh, has Ash, uh, Usher syndrome, uh, which means that he has a hearing loss since birth

00:18:41.540 and he's losing his vision. And when it's dark, he's almost a hundred percent lights out. So at dusk

00:18:50.140 and when it's dark outside, he can't see, he can't see a thing. So some will call me a, a, a,

00:18:57.720 not very responsible parent. Others will say I'm crazy, but regardless we went and, uh, he did awesome.

00:19:05.340 But imagine, or at least maybe put yourself in his shoes a little bit in regards to what it would

00:19:10.580 mean to be hiking in darkness, in freezing cold weather and being barely able to see anything

00:19:17.700 right with, even with a headlamp on. So anyhow, this camp trip, uh, went great and it was super fun.

00:19:26.760 Uh, so back to your question, just, uh, it was a single nighter and then we came back the next day.

00:19:31.180 So Flores, your question is, you know, what lessons, um, did you give your boys? So unspoken lessons,

00:19:37.600 right? This is what's great about these kinds of things, guys. We don't have to, we don't have to

00:19:43.200 preach, right? I don't have to get on a pedestal and go, Hey boys, now let me express the importance

00:19:49.500 of grit, right? No, the, the process is the lesson, right? So what are the unspoken lessons

00:19:58.340 from that trip? That there is huge reward in tackling the difficult things, right? Guaranteed.

00:20:05.820 My boys were like, that was miserable. It was cold. It was, uh, at one point, I don't think we

00:20:13.200 made camp until 11 PM at night. The trail was on a steep climb. Uh, there's a little bit of risk of,

00:20:20.160 uh, kind of avalanche kind of area. Um, but most importantly, there's no place to sleep,

00:20:25.900 right? Like we had to reach our destination or it was go back the other way. And, and we're roughly,

00:20:32.520 I think about four and a half miles or four and a half hours of hiking that night, um, until we

00:20:38.920 made camp. And so it was difficult, right? There's probably times that they're like, Hey, let's maybe

00:20:45.100 go back. Right. But we kept pushing through, Hey guys, keep going, keep going. Let's keep going.

00:20:49.420 Keep your heart rate down, right? Don't get sweaty. We don't want to freeze. And, you know,

00:20:53.480 there's all kinds of survival things that we're kind of talking about, but most importantly, I think

00:20:57.480 the unspoken things that they lessons that they learned is the reward of doing the difficult

00:21:02.840 thing and the emotional reward of like how you feel about toughing it up and having some grit and

00:21:08.680 pushing through something that you don't want to do. I'm sure a little bit of my son was dealing

00:21:12.360 with some fear of not being able to see what he was, where he was walking. Right. And what if I

00:21:17.360 slide down the side of this thing? I know I was dealing with that a little bit of that fear,

00:21:21.300 right. As, as a father and being responsible for my boys and making sure that, you know, we're going to

00:21:26.600 stay warm enough, right. That no one's going to lose a toe over the night. Right. So, um, yeah,

00:21:33.280 so it was, it was, those were the unspoken, uh, lessons. Now that night while we're in the tent,

00:21:38.900 it was a great conversation. Uh, I asked the boys, we had a conversation around, um, what they would

00:21:44.640 want people to say at their funerals. Uh, that was on my mind, uh, due to attending Laverne's funeral.

00:21:51.180 And so, uh, I was given already some thought to it. And, and so I was asking them, you know,

00:21:56.360 what would you want people to say about you? And so we're kind of reflecting a little bit

00:22:00.300 in regards to kind of our, our purpose, right. Or at least the, our, the purpose that we want to

00:22:05.700 create or the impact that we want on life. And so we, we had a little bit of conversation around that.

00:22:10.720 So, all right. Next question, Josh, uh, Zafino Kip, how much better do you think you'll be

00:22:18.080 without Ryan? That is to be determined, Josh. Uh, you know what? I'm just bulldozing through this

00:22:25.740 and I'm going to keep talking while this thing records. I'm going to hit stop. I'm not going

00:22:30.300 to listen to it until it goes live. Otherwise I I'll guarantee you, I'm going to hit, I'm going to

00:22:34.180 want to rerecord everything and try to make it perfect. And, uh, and it will lose its authenticity if I

00:22:40.160 do so. So, um, I just hope that, uh, you guys appreciate some of these responses, Josh, and,

00:22:45.520 and that, um, you guys come back next week, at least when, when Ryan's, uh, back in the studio

00:22:51.040 or back on the mic. So, uh, Cameron Barron, what are top five masculine skills I should pass on to my

00:22:59.460 son? I want to learn them now while my son is little since my dad didn't teach me many skills.

00:23:04.960 Uh, so Cameron, this is an interesting question because the first thing that crosses my mind

00:23:13.560 when I hear masculine skills, I immediately think like, uh, change your tire, learn how to make a

00:23:21.180 fire, uh, learn how to defend yourself. Um, those kinds of things, but all the things that cross my

00:23:27.400 mind primarily are kind of those soft skills, um, things that I think will drive progress in those

00:23:33.720 other areas. So the first thing that comes to mind is, and, and I think, um, Oh, who was it? Tom

00:23:40.360 Bill, you talks about this is the value of seeing yourself as not being right, but the ability to find

00:23:49.040 the right answer. So I think that's a huge trait, mostly because by default, I think our behavior is

00:23:57.720 to have ego, right. And, and to come across as the person that's right all the time. And because by

00:24:03.200 doing that we lack learning, um, but, uh, so yeah, focus on, I think the idea of, Hey, you know what?

00:24:12.120 I'm not right, but I can find the right answer and having that be part of your personality and how you

00:24:18.120 see yourself, I think is an amazing skillset. Uh, the next would be mental fortitude, the ability to

00:24:24.900 handle and have some grit. Life is not easy. We learn this all the time. We talk about this on this

00:24:29.940 podcast all the time. That growth is where always in the uncomfortable, always in the struggle.

00:24:35.440 Well, guess what? You're not going to deal, or you're not going to learn in those moments of

00:24:40.260 struggle. If you do not have mental fortitude, if you're as woe as me, if you're being a victim and

00:24:45.560 all that other kind of bullshit that kind of comes with it. So I'd say mental fortitude and grit. I

00:24:50.020 kind of group those together. Um, another thought is, uh, ownership, constantly looking for the

00:24:57.040 opportunity to take ownership over the circumstance. So then that way we are not

00:25:01.160 oversighted by circumstances and we, we lose opportunities to learn and grow. So taking

00:25:06.900 ownership, um, second, you know, kind of maybe in that space of jujitsu, uh, learning how to

00:25:15.360 foster your violence. Uh, maybe, maybe there's a better way of saying this, but like, uh, and I,

00:25:21.680 I, in fact, I talked with my boys about this, you are violent. You are going to be violent. That's

00:25:29.540 okay. The, the, the, the goal is to how to control it, how to control your violence. Don't make,

00:25:38.560 don't demonize it, but learn how to use it. And, and we can see kids learning how to foster that and

00:25:46.260 control that violence through sports, through martial arts, through jujitsu and all those other

00:25:51.400 things. And, and I have to have the segue, but, um, you know, we see this all the time. You know,

00:25:57.220 Ryan has alluded to this on previous podcasts, this idea that like, Oh, I'll defill my family

00:26:02.000 when the time comes, you know, I'll bullshit. You don't even know what it's going to feel like

00:26:07.180 to be violent. If you haven't been violent with someone, right? You don't know if you can keep your

00:26:13.680 heart rate down, if you can prolong the storm, right? If it's some huge guy that you need to like

00:26:19.560 foster the, you know, whether the storm and until he gases out or whatever. And so we need to create

00:26:24.640 environments where we have an opportunity to be violent and learn how to control ourselves. And

00:26:30.260 that, and that's also part of that mental fortitude. And then last thing that kind of comes to mind is,

00:26:36.260 um, having an eagerness to grow and continue to learn that there is no like final, you know,

00:26:44.560 I've learned everything there is to learn, right? Like this constant eagerness and, and, and seeing

00:26:49.180 the value in learning, whether it be academic or trades or new skills. And I think that part will

00:26:54.980 come in, uh, and provide value when it comes about being self-reliant and lurking, working on your own

00:27:00.840 home and being able to fix your car and protect them and provide and preside for your family, you know,

00:27:07.400 and that's just going to help in all areas of your life, uh, including your profession. So Cameron,

00:27:11.560 I'm not sure if you're kind of looking for kind of, I don't know, particular skill sets, but, um,

00:27:17.920 hopefully this provides some insight in regards to my thought process around kind of these, um, I mean,

00:27:23.960 I still consider these skill sets, but they're more kind of, I don't know, soft skills, I guess. Uh, I'm not

00:27:28.540 sure what the term I'd use for those. So, um, hopefully that helps. All right. Cody Keller, Kip Sorensen,

00:27:35.840 my wife and our, uh, my wife and I are at disagreement. I want kids and she does not.

00:27:43.060 This is new help. Ooh, this is tough. Um, let me first explain why I think this is tough.

00:27:55.760 I would not be the man I am today. I would have not learned the lessons I have learned

00:28:03.380 if I didn't have the opportunity to be a father. By far, the most rewarding thing I've ever done

00:28:12.340 is be a dad. Um, I love my kids and it has been a huge, huge, amazing thing. So from my perspective

00:28:23.940 of having children, and then you came to me and said, Oh, Kip, you know, if you were in this situation,

00:28:30.020 knowing what I know about the joy and the opportunity to grow and learn by having children

00:28:35.360 and my spouse didn't want to have kids, um, maybe that might be a deal breaker. Um, but let me provide

00:28:45.060 you with some better insight than just saying it's a deal breaker and run, right? Because I don't think

00:28:50.980 things are that simple, right? I think that my wife are in disagreement about wanting kids. Well, why?

00:28:57.300 Why doesn't she want to have kids? Like, what are the specifics and what can you do to mitigate

00:29:05.960 whatever risk or reason she has for not wanting to have kids? Now, Cody, I'm not suggesting any of

00:29:11.920 this for you, right? I'm not, I, you know, I don't know what kind of husband you are or anything. So

00:29:16.840 don't, don't take this personal. Um, but let me throw out some suggestions and you, you see how this

00:29:21.760 might be a, how this might apply to you. Maybe she doesn't want to have kids because you don't pull

00:29:28.100 your weight, right? Theoretically, let's think of that scenario. You, you have a spout, you have a

00:29:34.660 couple, the man's not pulling his weight. He works all the time. Doesn't help at home, never picks up

00:29:40.740 after himself. He's a complete ass. He's a jerk. And, and he wonders, geez, well, why doesn't she want to

00:29:47.180 have kids? Well, because she doesn't want to do it by herself, maybe. Right? So now maybe that's in

00:29:54.120 your camp, but there's a reason, right? Ultimately, we know that there's a reason. There's a reason why

00:29:59.000 she doesn't want to have kids. So I would focus on what is the reason and how do you mitigate that

00:30:03.500 reason? Is the reason that she thinks that she would be a horrible mom and she doesn't want to

00:30:07.900 have kids because she's a fear of failure or whatever. Well, then maybe that's what you should be

00:30:11.980 addressing. Not necessarily demonizing her for not wanting to have kids. Maybe we focus on

00:30:16.940 helping her to realize how amazing of a mom she would be. Right? And help her get past some

00:30:22.040 self-esteem issues or something else. Right? So I'd, I'd focus on the why. I wouldn't be so quick

00:30:26.980 to say, she doesn't want to, I want to have kids. It's a deal breaker. I'm gone. I would focus on why

00:30:31.960 and, and get a better understanding and a true understanding of why. And, and by the way,

00:30:37.960 when she answers the reason why, then you ask another why to that why and another why, and you really go

00:30:43.240 deep into this to really understand where she's coming from. And, and you're not asking for this

00:30:48.760 advice, but I'm going to give it to you anyway, because well, I'm talking and you guys are stuck

00:30:53.500 listening to me. So don't make her wrong. We do this shit all the time. We have a tendency to listen

00:31:01.820 to someone and they, they, they'll say X, Y, Z. And we go, well, that's not right. Well, guess what?

00:31:06.500 It's right for them. That's their reality. That's their perception. You don't change people's

00:31:12.420 perceptions guys. And you certainly don't do it through arguing with them. If you're going to

00:31:18.240 change someone's perception, perception, you do it actually by being a lighthouse, right? By being an

00:31:22.740 example. And that causes some change and they find it for themselves, right? A lasting change

00:31:27.060 because a lasting change requires a person to do it on their own, not necessarily be forced upon

00:31:31.640 because you're being a jerk or you're demonizing them or whatever. So be careful when you have this

00:31:37.060 conversation with her. If you're understanding these wise of just understand from her perspective,

00:31:41.760 that is her reality. And that will allow you to have some empathy and, and try to provide some

00:31:47.640 assistance. Cool. All right. Jeff Snyder, if a machine could exactly duplicate your mind right down

00:31:55.820 to the same pattern of synopsis is firing, would it be you? Could it predict how you would react in

00:32:02.560 every situation? Why and why not? Jeff, dude, are you kidding? Uh, this is really a cool, interesting

00:32:10.760 concept. Um, man. And this is where I'm like, man, I should have read all these questions ahead of time

00:32:17.720 and give some thought to it. So let me think for this. Uh, let me think for about this for a second.

00:32:25.820 You know, this is interesting. I, I would pose the question back to you, Jeff is, do we believe

00:32:33.840 the synopsis is the only input we are receiving as a human? If it is, then I'd say, yes, it would

00:32:41.480 duplicate your thought process and it would, it could predict your, your reaction to different

00:32:47.400 situations. However, um, my personal beliefs, uh, I think we're more than just the synopsis. And I

00:32:55.620 think we get inputs from other things. I really do. I don't want to go all flu flu, uh, here, but,

00:33:04.280 um, uh, I believe in a, in a higher being. Um, I believe that there are spirits if you want to use

00:33:13.240 that term around us. And I think we get inputs, right? I think we get suggestions. I think we get

00:33:19.980 promptings. I think we get those things. And I think, and I, I think, and I think they should,

00:33:25.740 uh, affect the decisions we make. So no, I don't think it would, uh, be able to predict everything.

00:33:34.560 Um, but if it's the single input that we receive as humans, then yeah, I think, I mean, theoretically,

00:33:40.860 scientifically, the way I understand synopsis firing in the brain and patterns and those kinds of

00:33:44.820 things for sure. For sure. Uh, the question then would be, uh, well, I guess new synopsis fire,

00:33:50.860 right? When we learn, and that's how we cause a change in, in those patterns is by new additional

00:33:56.580 inputs through our reading process and through considerations and those kinds of things. So

00:34:00.200 maybe it would even predict future changes in growth, you know, very, very interesting concept,

00:34:05.680 nonetheless. But, but I think there's more inputs to who we are as humans. I don't think it's just

00:34:10.620 synopsis firing all the time. Uh, Peter Van Zyl, what's the most important, straightforward,

00:34:18.080 simple new year's resolution guys don't follow? Uh, most important, straightforward, simple,

00:34:26.180 man. You know what guys, I'm totally going to listen to this podcast in a couple of days and I'm

00:34:34.340 going to like come up with better answers. I totally know. I'm going to, I'm going to say something here.

00:34:38.420 We're going to record it. And then I'm going to go, you know, that was a lame response. And I

00:34:42.780 probably think of something better later, but, uh, yeah, so I'll do my best here. So straightforward,

00:34:49.260 simple new year's resolutions. I, you know what I think, you know, we, we talk about this sometimes

00:34:53.100 in the iron council. Uh, we've seen it with certain guys where they're struggling in their

00:34:59.380 lives. They're struggling in their relationships, in, in work and different areas. And usually the

00:35:04.980 recommendation that, that I give, and I've heard Ryan's give the same recommendation, uh, time and

00:35:10.220 time again is start working out, just get your damn workouts in. And the reason why I think personally

00:35:17.180 is because it start, you start learning grit, you start doing the uncomfortable. And once you start

00:35:23.480 doing the uncomfortable on a regular basis and you get out of your own head, then you can deal

00:35:28.120 emotionally with that tough client. Then you can deal emotionally with that tough employee. Then

00:35:34.600 you can have the more difficult conversations with the spouse. Like it really allows us, it's almost

00:35:40.680 like a jumpstart learning process. I really do think, uh, the physical aspects of our lives help us

00:35:48.000 jumpstart into the more emotional and spiritual sides if we take advantage of them. So Peter, I would

00:35:53.680 say straightforward, simple consistency around workouts. Most guys aren't man. And it drives me

00:35:59.860 mad. And, and, and we can get into all the reasons why not. Um, but regardless, I don't think they do.

00:36:06.600 And, and, and that consistency is, is key. And the, and, and it comes down to the fact is we don't get

00:36:13.520 quick enough results and guys start thinking, you know, though, this isn't working and then they get

00:36:17.600 in their own heads. So consistency is key. I think workouts are key. Um, and by the way, you know,

00:36:24.280 for you guys that are on the fence around, you know, martial arts or jujitsu for that matter,

00:36:28.460 that's why I do jujitsu, man. You know, in fact, I just got done training right before I started this

00:36:33.900 recording and I spent 45 minutes, 45 minutes, probably training with, I don't know, six other guys

00:36:42.780 and four of those roles. I was trying not to be killed. The game we are playing on jujitsu

00:36:53.220 sometimes is you try to kill me. I try to kill you. When you get me in a position where you could

00:36:59.120 kill me, then I'm going to tap and you're going to let go and we're going to start over. And the

00:37:03.720 irony is, even though we're not striking when a guy's on my neck and he's trying to choke me

00:37:07.860 unconscious, I am fighting for my life. So imagine I do that for 45 minutes and then I come here and

00:37:16.000 I go, Oh, I have to record this podcast. I'm kind of stressed out about it. Guess what? I'm really

00:37:19.960 not that stressed out about it. Why? Because I was just like, was trying to prevent myself from

00:37:24.820 getting killed for the last 45 minutes. So this, it kind of puts everything into perspective, right?

00:37:30.320 So find those things, man, find those areas to, to generate grit that are difficult makes other

00:37:37.580 areas of our lives seem a hell of a lot easier. So, and I think I'm cursing. I swear I was cursing

00:37:46.060 and swearing mostly because of Ryan. And I think this episode is going to prove that I do it on my

00:37:51.220 own, regardless of whether Ryan's here or not. So, all right, Jonathan Alexander, do you ever have an,

00:37:57.940 did you ever have an awkward stage? If so, how did you overcome your self-confidence issues?

00:38:03.640 This is crazy. Uh, yeah, yeah, actually, Jonathan, I totally did. Um, uh, without getting into too

00:38:13.720 much details and maybe this is some future question, if you guys care to know the details, but, um,

00:38:18.360 the majority of my life, I would say that I felt inferior. Uh, I was picked on, I was made fun of,

00:38:26.860 um, all the way, probably up into aspects of that. At least it, it lightened up as I got a little bit

00:38:34.500 older. Um, maybe started lighting up a little bit more by seventh or eighth grade, but I still kind

00:38:41.180 of was very awkward and concerned about what people thought. And you know what I mean? I don't know all

00:38:47.300 that kind of jazz probably until about my sophomore year in high school, uh, to be frank. Um,

00:38:54.200 the second part is how did I overcome that self-confidence? Here's the irony. I think this

00:39:00.640 is really interesting and I don't know if I'll do this justice. Um, I'd probably have to think about

00:39:06.680 this more to properly, um, communicate this, but I believe that those times where I was getting picked

00:39:17.160 on and I had low self-confidence and I was getting bullied and whatnot as a kid, um, I had the

00:39:24.980 mentality of F you. I'm my own person. I'm this guy, right? I'm not going to care what people think,

00:39:32.500 which obviously is me caring what people think. Um, but it was more about they're wrong and I'm right.

00:39:39.840 And I think what I learned around my sophomore, junior years, there wasn't a moment. I don't

00:39:46.160 remember the moment, right? Where this switched for me, but I know what the switch is. And the switch

00:39:51.520 is that I started caring about those relationships. Like I actually like, instead of making them wrong

00:40:00.440 and me right, I actually fostered. I was more intentional about how I treated people. I actually

00:40:06.660 kind of cared what people thought. And, and I, and I know I did care before obviously, but I cared,

00:40:12.860 like I managed the relationship. Maybe that's the correct term. And so I managed those relationships

00:40:18.400 and I was more open and more vulnerable. To be honest, I was more vulnerable with people. I just

00:40:25.080 own stuff, right? If I sucked, I would admit like, man, I suck. Right. An example of this,

00:40:32.360 I'll give you a perfect example of this. My freshman year, um, I didn't play sports as a kid

00:40:39.120 very much. Um, and my first organized basketball team I played on, uh, was actually my freshman in

00:40:47.180 high school. I tried out for the team, uh, crazy as it was, I actually made the team, which like kind

00:40:52.860 of shocked me to begin with. Uh, and a bunch of kids didn't. And I had kids that like railed me all

00:41:00.200 year long about how they should be on the team. And I shouldn't cause I suck. And guess what? I did

00:41:04.960 suck. I suck so bad as a freshman. I don't think I scored a basket for the entire season. I was the

00:41:13.720 charity guy, like on the last game of the year where my team and my coach is like trying to set up

00:41:20.080 for me to shoot the ball. So I could score like I was that guy, right? Like, like the bench would go

00:41:26.780 crazy if Kip would shoot it. Right. And even in those moments, I'd be like, I'm not shooting it.

00:41:32.240 Right. I didn't want the pressure. I was so like looking back at, I was like, man, I was so lame.

00:41:37.200 But regardless, I just owned it though. Right. Like I, this is where I started like, yeah, I know I

00:41:42.460 suck. Like I, instead of like pretending that it was something I wasn't, I just kind of started

00:41:48.200 accepting the fact that like, yeah, you know, I'm not very good. You know, um, that obviously changed.

00:41:53.460 I ended up being a, an amazing basketball player. Um, all American. I'm just joking. I wasn't never

00:41:59.700 that amazing. Um, I did get a little bit better than making a single hoop in an entire year,

00:42:05.220 but regardless, um, I, I think I started owning it a little bit and just started, you know, not

00:42:10.240 carrying it. Oh, not. How do I, I removed all the meaning I was constantly putting around things

00:42:16.460 and I just accepted it for the way it was. And I actually like focus on fostering relationships even

00:42:22.200 more. Hopefully that answers your question, Jonathan. Uh, I did my best. All right. Jordan

00:42:28.460 Mills, how long before Kip officially takes over? Yeah, Jordan, it's not happening. Um,

00:42:36.360 you know, here's the deal. And it's kind of funny. Um, but I have to say this, I just don't want to

00:42:41.620 skim over your, your funny comment. Cause I know you're kind of joking a little bit, but guys,

00:42:46.280 I have to say this, I am so committed to this cause. Uh, and you should too. You really should.

00:42:54.520 Here's, here's the deal. If you're not fighting for something right now about making the world a

00:42:58.700 better place, uh, within your community, within your neighborhood in some other way, if you're not,

00:43:03.400 as Ryan would say, lighting yourself on fire for others to watch, to grow from,

00:43:08.440 then you're not being fulfilled as a man. So you know what you want to cause join us,

00:43:13.600 join this cause and make a difference. Um, when ultimately we look at what Ryan's attempted to do

00:43:22.380 on this podcast, within the order of man, within the iron council, it's, if I had to sum it up,

00:43:27.620 it's about men leveling up and being present in their homes, which also means keeping the family

00:43:34.760 unit together and causing men to raise, to preside, to provide, to protect their families.

00:43:42.820 So those families are better off. Are you kidding? What an amazing cause, what an amazing

00:43:51.000 thing to be part of. And I, it's just an honor, um, that I'm on for the ride. So, uh, and I appreciate

00:43:57.960 Ryan for, for even letting me have a voice and, and, and playing a role within the iron council because

00:44:03.500 I get huge moral benefit from what I do. It's very awesome. Tony Erzy. Uh, Hey Tony, fellow,

00:44:12.540 uh, battle team leader, right? A battle team, Mike, uh, in the iron council, as well as, uh,

00:44:19.160 an echo alumni battle team, echo alumni. Tony is a, uh, I consider a good friend and an amazing guy.

00:44:25.580 Uh, his question, what's the best and worst financial decision that you have made in your

00:44:30.500 life? Best and worst financial decisions. This is actually funny. You guys will appreciate this.

00:44:37.160 In fact, if most of you are feeling bad about your financial situation, listen to this story

00:44:42.300 and you're going to feel a lot better maybe. Um, okay. So I'm in the IT industry. Um, I'm an IT

00:44:49.660 consultant by trade. I was a software developer for years. Um, now I help run, um, a practice for a

00:44:57.420 company here in Salt Lake city where I, I'm a kind of a SharePoint architect. Uh, if you want to use

00:45:02.580 that term, think of knowledge management, document storage, sharing information, sharing those kinds

00:45:06.120 of things. We have a team of developers. I love what I do. It's super rewarding. We help companies

00:45:10.860 become more efficient, all that kind of jazz. Okay. So that kind of sets a tone for my career,

00:45:15.720 right. Of what I do. Um, I was living out in New York and, uh, running my business, my own practice

00:45:22.860 at the time I moved back to Utah, uh, because we're expecting a kid and we wanted to be here in Utah

00:45:28.180 with family. And at the time I, we just moved back to Utah. And so it was a little bit on the tough

00:45:35.200 scale from a work perspective because, you know, I'm having to ramp up new work client base here in

00:45:40.420 Utah where everything was in New York for the previous years. And I had a good friend, Kurt,

00:45:47.340 uh, moved to Utah, uh, moved to Utah also from New York, but he moved to Utah with the idea of

00:45:53.340 doing a tech startup around, uh, taxes. And, um, Kurt reached out to me and said, Hey Kip,

00:46:01.200 man, I want you to, I want you to join me on this venture, right? I want you to help me on the IT

00:46:06.860 side, on the technology side. I think you're a great fit. And I, and I'm paraphrasing here,

00:46:11.960 but I was kind of like, Kurt, I, you know, I don't know, man, you know, I don't think it's

00:46:15.740 a good fit or whatever. And he, and he was awesome. He came back and maybe one other time or so and

00:46:21.660 said, Hey Kip, you know, I've thought about this some more. And I really think that you're the right

00:46:24.960 fit. And I'd love to do work for you or do work with you. Now here's the reality. Uh, Kurt's idea

00:46:32.500 spot on. Kurt is a stellar man. Uh, super cool guy, love him and his family. He had an amazing

00:46:39.120 idea, but the reality was, is I could not invest the time necessary to work with him

00:46:47.240 and financially provide for my family because I, I wasn't very good at my savings. I didn't have a

00:46:54.180 good, uh, you know, savings where I could draw upon over months of time as we ramp, you know,

00:47:01.260 this quote unquote project up and, and that kind of thing. Uh, so I never kind of partnered up with

00:47:07.280 Kurt and there may have been some other, uh, things that didn't quite pan out. Right. But

00:47:11.780 regardless, this is my, from my point of view, if Kurt ever listens to this, he's probably like,

00:47:15.540 what in the hell is he talking about? So anyhow, it didn't work out. Right. Uh, let's just say that

00:47:22.580 that idea that Kurt came up with, um, is just killing it, killing it really, really, really well.

00:47:30.500 In fact, Kurt is doing amazing stuff. Uh, super awesome. Um, he ended up, uh, launching the company

00:47:38.800 Canopy. If you guys want to Google Canopy, uh, in here in Utah, Kurt is just doing awesome.

00:47:45.000 And, uh, and I can't help but, but think, uh, you know, if I was in a position to say yes and

00:47:50.380 partner up with Kurt, that I would be even doing, uh, far better financially now, uh, than I am.

00:47:55.580 So that would probably be maybe the worst financial decision. Uh, and the decision,

00:48:00.540 just to be clear, the decision wasn't to join or not to join Kurt. The decision was

00:48:04.820 of to do better at my savings financially for my family. Right. If, if I were in a position

00:48:12.920 financially, I would have been able to take advantage of that opportunity, but because I

00:48:17.660 wasn't opportunity came opportunity left and there's nothing I could have done about it.

00:48:22.580 Right. So the lesson learned for me there is be ready. So that way, when the opportunities

00:48:28.640 come, we can take advantage of them. So that would be my worst financial decision. Um, luckily

00:48:33.660 I'm still friends with Kurt. So I get to, uh, still hang out with him and he doesn't think

00:48:37.340 I'm completely worthless for not jumping on board. Uh, best financial decision. Um, so I sold

00:48:44.400 my practice, um, merged, whatever term you want to use with, with a competitor, uh, roughly

00:48:51.080 about eight months ago. Uh, I would like to say, and I hope, uh, that that merger is the best

00:48:57.520 financial decision I made, but it's yet to be determined. Um, so the, the runner up though would

00:49:03.460 probably be when I was working for a company by the name of I am flash. It's a joint venture between

00:49:09.420 Intel and micron. And, um, and the irony was, uh, I got outsourced. It was down in the downturn of

00:49:18.960 the economy back in, I think it was, it was at 06, 07, where kind of things were taking a hit.

00:49:24.120 Um, they outsourced my department for the most part, uh, to our counterparts in, uh, Singapore

00:49:31.780 or no, or India. I can't remember. And, um, I got laid off and, um, I remember I immediately

00:49:42.040 updated resumes within a couple of days. I got a call from a recruiting company and they said,

00:49:48.300 Hey, we have a contract, um, with the DOD in Virginia. Um, if you'd be interested.

00:49:57.800 And the first thing that crossed my mind is I should start my own business. I should do my own

00:50:03.460 thing. And I remember specifically thinking, I'm going to pitch this to my wife and I don't think

00:50:10.540 she's going to agree, but I'm going to try anyway. And this, this illustrates how amazing my wife is.

00:50:16.080 Um, I remember coming home that night and said, Hey, I have this crazy idea. And she's like,

00:50:20.760 what? I'm like, I think I should start my own business. Um, I have a good severance package

00:50:25.960 from Intel. It'll cover my salary for, you know, a number of months. And during that time,

00:50:31.480 I'll start ramping up and start my own thing. And if it doesn't work, I'll just go find a job.

00:50:35.740 And that's kind of what I've like always held in my back pocket. Worst case scenario,

00:50:40.220 I'll just go find a job. And, uh, she looked at me and she's like, I love it. Let's do it.

00:50:46.040 And I did that. And roughly for the next 11 years after that, I, um, I had my own consulting company

00:50:54.160 for all intents and purposes, nothing crazy. It's not like I had hundreds of employees. It was like,

00:50:59.460 like a big firm or anything is myself and a handful of guys at most sometimes. Um,

00:51:05.000 but guess what? Financially, it was the best decision I've ever made. Um, not only did I have

00:51:12.600 financial freedom, I had freedom of flexibility of time and everything else. It was, it was awesome.

00:51:19.280 And I loved it. So glad I did it. Um, if any of you guys are on the fence of like wanting to do your

00:51:25.640 own thing, dude, just try it. Worst case, if it doesn't work out, you can just go find a job.

00:51:31.260 Dennis Morris, key takeaway from your winter pack trip with your boys. Uh, yeah. So another

00:51:37.960 question about our pack trip. Uh, you know what? I had a key takeaway, Dennis, and, and, and I'll sum

00:51:43.240 about, I'll sum it, sum it up by what my 17 year old said. So, uh, we camped that night. It was,

00:51:50.220 it froze our balls off, right? It was super cold. Uh, the way down was a little rough, but I told the

00:51:57.480 boys, I'm like, Hey, let's skip breakfast and let's bell out. And then once we get down the mountain,

00:52:02.560 let's just go grab some burgers. Right. And, uh, they're like, all right, let's go. So we push

00:52:07.800 through, uh, we drop off gear. We go, um, we go grab some burgers and we place our order and we sat down

00:52:16.280 at the booth and my 17 year old goes, Oh man, this chair feels so good. And that was my takeaway.

00:52:27.500 That is why we do hard things. That is why I go backpacking with my boys. That's why we rough it up.

00:52:36.360 That's why I do jujitsu because it causes me to appreciate the simple things. It made us appreciate

00:52:43.080 our beds that night. I appreciated, um, a shower. I appreciated a hard wooden chair at a astro burger.

00:52:53.260 Uh, it causes us to appreciate things. Um, and so that, yeah, that was my key takeaway. The other

00:53:00.380 key takeaway on a more negative note is why we're hiking that night. Uh, my boy says, man, we've been

00:53:07.220 talking about this for years. And I thought epic dad failure, right? What's the perception we talk

00:53:16.380 about, but we don't do. And so I thought about that while we're hiking that night that, you know what?

00:53:22.120 I need to act a little bit more. You know, I, I put work maybe a little too upfront. Hey guys,

00:53:27.600 bad timing works, got priority. And I don't put priority to recreation sometimes and doing things

00:53:33.280 with my boys, especially exciting things. And let's be frank. Was it that big of a deal

00:53:37.240 for me to start hiking at 5 PM at night and then come back down by what? 11? No, I could have done

00:53:44.480 that. We could have done this multiple times each winter, but we hadn't because it wasn't convenient.

00:53:51.740 And, uh, and it got me thinking about, I need to make sure that, uh, convenience does not drive

00:53:56.940 the actions I make, especially when it comes to spending time with my kids. And as you guys have

00:54:01.620 little ones realize, man, uh, as they get older, you got to take advantage of that time you have

00:54:07.040 with them. Um, it, I know it's such a cliche, it goes by so quick, but it's also something that we

00:54:12.420 can't get back. So find the present, live in the present, um, look for those opportunities to make

00:54:18.540 lasting memories. And that's kind of my key takeaways from that, Dennis. Will Darter, uh,

00:54:24.680 Will's question. When I think of KIPP, I think of someone who knows how to make a partnership

00:54:29.880 beneficial. What is a practical guide to building great partnerships, i.e. spouse, work, and

00:54:36.000 community. First off, Will, man, thanks. Uh, I appreciate that, uh, impression that you have

00:54:41.820 of me and I appreciate you, uh, stating that. Um, yeah, so practical guide for building great

00:54:49.280 partnerships. Um, this is off the cuff, man. So if there's some thought process to this,

00:54:54.040 I might maybe even have something better, but, uh, this is what comes to mind. Uh, one, uh, integrity,

00:55:02.360 honor, uh, and, and guys, not the, not the bullshit integrity that we get in society. Well, you gotta be

00:55:07.980 honest and, uh, have integrity, but, but we have these white lies and, uh, you know, I'm late to that

00:55:14.440 meeting. Oh, it was traffic. And these little lies that we tell ourselves, and we actually think

00:55:18.540 other people are buying into that bullshit. Yeah. That's not integrity. Uh, integrity is extreme.

00:55:24.400 It is like apologizing that you're a couple minutes late, right? That as an example, right?

00:55:30.000 So I'm talking true integrity. Um, I think that sets the tone for whether people can trust you or

00:55:35.900 not, right? If there is no trust in a relationship or in a partnership, then everything else is out the

00:55:40.200 window. So integrity spot, it has to exist. Second authenticity. I know Ryan hates that word. I love

00:55:47.580 that word, by the way, if you haven't noticed. Um, you gotta be authentic. None of this egos,

00:55:54.200 you know, the opposite of authentic, in my opinion, is having ego in the way and pretending

00:55:58.380 that you know the answer, uh, because you don't want to accept that you're wrong. Admitting that,

00:56:03.940 Hey, you know, I don't know, or I'll, I'll figure it out. Right. So, um, and being raw and real with

00:56:09.780 yourself, people respect that. I respect that. I can't stand. Oh man. If there's one thing that

00:56:15.500 drives me mad is if I meet someone and I feel like they're putting on like a show or a front,

00:56:21.100 I am, I am immediately turned off by that individual. I don't care how successful they

00:56:25.760 are in life. I don't care about their accolades or anything else. If they're not them, if they're

00:56:31.180 not themselves, I don't like it. And so I think, um, when we're authentic, people know what they're

00:56:37.080 getting and it's part of, and let's be honest guys. Integrity is what? It's also part of being

00:56:42.100 authentic, right? Putting on a front, creating a facade is actually kind of dishonest. If you look

00:56:48.020 up the Webster's definition of line, I believe it is, um, being done, it has obviously being

00:56:53.920 dishonest in there, but it also includes or creating an impression that is not a hundred percent

00:56:59.960 accurate. Holy cow. How often do we do that? All the time. People do it all the time and people see

00:57:09.620 through it. People see through it all the time. And we actually think they don't, they do. So just

00:57:14.220 be yourself, own it, right. Um, and be authentic and, and have integrity. Um, another clear communication,

00:57:23.240 um, transparency and communication. But what I'm really looking for here when I say that is, um,

00:57:30.220 managing expectations. I think that's super critical. It's critical for our relationship with

00:57:36.080 our clients, uh, where, where I work. It is super critical. And it's not because like we're trying to

00:57:42.960 hoodwink or, or, or anything. What the setting, the expectations is the clear communication through

00:57:51.680 two parties of what is going to specifically get done. And let's be frank, even look for opportunities

00:57:59.380 within your relationship with your spouse, setting expectations. Hey, will you do that? Yeah,

00:58:03.720 sure. I'll do it. And then you do it half-assed. Is that expectation? Is that setting expectation?

00:58:08.020 No setting expectation is clearly identifying what it is that you will be doing right. And how it's

00:58:13.100 going to be done. Right. Um, I would even argue back to integrity. Sorry, this just came to mind

00:58:18.120 is having integrity is also doing things the way they were meant to be done or should be done,

00:58:25.520 not just doing them. So there's a little bit of a quality work, right. To that definition of

00:58:33.020 integrity. Um, and probably fourth, I would say, I don't know if this is the word, but like empathy

00:58:40.160 on, uh, being empathetic or seeking to understand before being understood, I think is the term that

00:58:46.860 Steven Covey uses first seek to understand then to be understood. Like that's everything in a

00:58:53.740 relationship where we're having communication. If you're communicating from the perspective of just

00:58:57.800 speaking, speaking, speaking, but not from the position of trying to understand what the person

00:59:02.120 wants or what they need, then you're not going to be able to set those clear expectations.

00:59:06.140 And then there's going to be a disconnect in regards to what the agreement is and what's,

00:59:09.880 who's doing what, and those kinds of things. So in summary, empathy, or maybe what's slash that

00:59:16.200 actually no empathy. Number one, uh, seek to be a, seek to understand then to be understood.

00:59:21.780 Number two, honor and integrity. Number three, authenticity. And number four,

00:59:27.720 clear communications and managing expectations. There you go. There's the list will. All right.

00:59:35.180 Chris Dalton. Uh, how does it feel to be in charge this week? Kip? Uh, you know, I'll be honest. I

00:59:40.920 had much rather be talking with Ryan just because it seems like we're seriously guys. And not that

00:59:47.200 you're asking for this insight, but when we have our AMAs here every week, I really, it really just

00:59:52.440 feels like Ryan just shot me a call and said, Hey, what's going on, man? I, you know, I don't know,

00:59:58.160 man. And Hey, check out this question. And we just chat about it. That's all we're doing. We're

01:00:02.100 just having a fun conversation. It's actually really enjoyable. And so, uh, probably not as enjoyable,

01:00:08.220 uh, on my own to be frank. Um, but, uh, it would be great. And plus, can I crack jokes when you're by

01:00:15.520 yourself? I don't even know if it works, right? Does that even work? Is that even funny if I crack a joke

01:00:20.340 and I like to be funny. So I don't know if I can be funny when, when I'm rolling solo here.

01:00:25.360 So, or maybe that was just funny that I just said that. So, or maybe that's funny that I just said,

01:00:30.500 I'm just joking. All right. Chris Dalton. Yeah. That's what I got, man. Uh, cliff daily.

01:00:35.680 Hey cliff, man. How's it going? Uh, Kip, do you feel guilty after cleaning this old man's clock on the

01:00:41.300 numerous roles we've had in Utah on a more serious note? You were one person I've always looked forward to

01:00:47.000 scene, always very friendly and actually concerned about your, your wellbeing. Awesome cliff, man. I

01:00:52.740 appreciate that. Um, you know what? It's funny. Uh, you know, you're, I know you're joking around

01:00:58.700 about me cleaning your old man's clock on the mats. Um, but here's the deal though. And I, and, and if

01:01:05.720 you don't mind me using your comment as a, as a soapbox to, to talk about something else.

01:01:10.480 One of the benefits of jujitsu, it is a ego destroyer. My ego gets crushed on a regular

01:01:20.140 basis. By the time you are an upper belt and let's just say upper belt is Brown and black belt. By the

01:01:26.900 time you're a Brown or black, there's no ego left. It's been destroyed by the numerous guys ahead of

01:01:34.400 you. That just beat the shit out of you all the time. And guys, I guarantee you, if you haven't

01:01:40.920 experienced getting the, the crap beat out of you, it is humbling. It is humbling. They beat you.

01:01:50.360 He could kill me on the streets. That takes a lot of like humility to come to that acceptance.

01:01:59.340 Some guys are humbled. Guess what happens to the guys that aren't? They leave because they can't

01:02:08.400 deal with it. They can't deal with the humility. So they quit altogether and they stopped doing

01:02:15.680 jujitsu. That's what happens. So Cliff, dude, there's no pride in me left. So clean your old man's

01:02:24.120 clock on the mats. Whatever, dude, everyone gets caught. You know how it is. Jiu-jitsu is tough.

01:02:30.320 We're there to push each other, uh, to roll hard, to prep ourselves for, for real world scenarios and

01:02:36.580 for competitions. And, and it's, it's just an honor to, uh, to be able to roll with someone and, um,

01:02:44.320 and experience what it is to do jujitsu, uh, with like-minded men like yourself. So, um,

01:02:50.580 it's always an honor, Cliff, uh, Jeremy Ryan Judd. Uh, this is our last question by, uh, by the way.

01:02:57.080 So Jeremy, Jeremy, we're going to get through all the questions, by the way, I don't think Ryan has

01:03:01.680 ever gone through all the questions together. So this has to say, I mean, this has to count for

01:03:06.760 something. The fact that, uh, I pulled this off. So, uh, Jeremy Ryan Judd, a recent theme on the

01:03:12.200 Facebook group in the IC is to realize no one can solve my problems for me. That if I want to change,

01:03:18.220 I'm going to have to actually change. I am going to have to put in the work and eventually make a

01:03:22.960 choice on my own. My question is what final internal reference point do you use just before

01:03:30.640 committing to a large life decision? Is it a mental confirmation of having run the facts through your

01:03:36.160 head? Is it intuition, a spiritual or religious confirmation of some sort? What finally gives you

01:03:42.900 the sign to move forward? Or is it all the above? Um, Jeremy, it is all the above man. Um,

01:03:53.840 for you religious guys, I, I, maybe I'm being sacrilegious when I say this, I think our creator

01:04:00.900 put us on earth to experience a great deal of suffering, pain, and to figure it out on our own.

01:04:07.460 Now, I don't think that we're solo a hundred percent solo, but I also think that we're here

01:04:14.380 to kind of drudge through, to learn lessons through our mistakes, to weigh the pros and cons,

01:04:23.240 to make a leap of faith in some cases, uh, when necessary. So with that in mind, what's my reference

01:04:32.040 point? Um, let me, let me try to think of an example. Uh, uh, Soren was my company. Um, I merged

01:04:39.100 it with, uh, a company called journey team. Um, earlier question, guys, I, if hopefully you got

01:04:47.220 the gist of it when I was talking about starting my own business, I was really positive about it,

01:04:50.360 right? Best financial decision I've ever made in my life. It was awesome. Super great. So you think

01:04:57.320 me selling quote unquote, and now working for another company was a hard decision to be made

01:05:01.500 for sure. Super tough. So what was my committing? What was my, uh, reference point first? I evaluated

01:05:11.000 all the facts. I ran them through my head. Here's my top five concerns. How do I address these concerns?

01:05:16.700 Are they valid concerns? What's the financial impact? What's the emotional impact? What's the

01:05:20.720 impact on my time? Right. Um, and what's the long game, right? One of the analogies, I love this analogy

01:05:29.080 is, uh, and I think Jocko mentioned this on his podcast, uh, maybe a month or so ago where he was

01:05:35.480 saying that, um, if, if your goal in your career is to it, and what's what we're referencing it to a

01:05:41.900 game, right? If you're, if your career, your game that you're playing is to earn 20 points a game,

01:05:49.140 then soccer is not a good game for you, right? Soccer has a cap. You're not going to make 20

01:05:55.900 points in the game of soccer, but you are in basketball. So if that's your goal, you should

01:06:00.700 be playing basketball. Same thing in our jobs. All right. And that was one of the things I

01:06:04.580 considered is in this game of working for another company, how much can I score? What's the final

01:06:11.420 score? Is this the right game for the long run? Right. And that was one of my decisions. So I ran those

01:06:17.500 through my mind, work them through, discuss them with my spouse. Cause we're a partnership,

01:06:22.400 right? We make these decisions together. Um, there was some intuition. There was some gut checking

01:06:28.800 of, and it went, and the key thing was, it wasn't just a generic, like, uh, gut check. No, no, no.

01:06:35.000 I am bothered. There's a portion of me that's bothered to buy, buy this move. What are they?

01:06:41.060 What are the key things that are keeping me up at night? And you guys want the irony here?

01:06:47.540 Guess who I communicated those gut checks with the owner of the other company. That was part of our

01:06:53.940 conversation, right? What am I concerned about? These are the things that concern me, right? I'm

01:06:59.380 concerned about this. I'm concerned about my schedule, right? Do I have the flexibility of go

01:07:04.060 doing jujitsu midday? Is that going to go away? Cause that's very much part of my life, right? Very

01:07:10.160 much part of what kind of makes me who I am, right? Um, other concerns was financial. Of course,

01:07:17.280 when you own your own business, there's a lot of tax write-offs that come with owning your own

01:07:22.140 business and integration and those kinds of things. Those are going to go away as a W2 employee,

01:07:27.020 right? Is, is a financial compensation sufficient, right? There's another aspect of owning your own

01:07:34.420 business, your identity, your pride in growing your own thing. Wow. Where am I going to get that

01:07:40.060 from, right? If I go to another company. So these were kind of these gut checks, right? Things that

01:07:44.740 kind of bothered me. I had to think about it. I had to figure out why does this bother me?

01:07:48.940 And then once I identified what those are, I had that clear expectation and communication of,

01:07:54.040 Hey, these are the areas that are bothering me. And this is why. And we will walk through those.

01:07:58.260 And then lastly, do you not think I kneeled and prayed and has asked for, uh, spiritual guidance

01:08:04.920 in regards to maybe if this is the right decision for me and my family? Hell yeah, I did. And I just

01:08:10.540 said, talked about praying and then said, hell yeah, right after. So that's not a really good

01:08:14.640 example. I know. So, but regardless, yeah, I, I, I think it's all of those, man. I think it's logical,

01:08:20.560 uh, breakdown. I think it's understanding the intuition, the gut check. And I, and for me,

01:08:25.300 it's also includes that, that spiritual confirmation side of, yeah, you know what? I'm feeling better

01:08:29.740 about this. So, um, it's all of those, Jeremy, at least for me. So, all right, guys, I promise you,

01:08:37.660 I'm not going to hit stop and play and then rerecord this damn thing. We're an hour and eight

01:08:41.920 minutes in. Um, this is, this has been, uh, a good ride. It was, it was, it's been good. And these

01:08:49.280 questions are awesome guys. And I appreciate you guys, uh, answering the call from Ryan to, to answer

01:08:54.420 these, uh, to ask these questions. And, uh, hopefully some of these kind of, some of these

01:08:59.380 responses kind of give you guys some insights in regards to my thought process around, um, what

01:09:03.800 we're doing. Um, so ways you guys can support this movement. I talked about this earlier,

01:09:09.600 right? If, if you're not fighting for something, find something to fight for. And, um, and if you

01:09:14.940 like this fight, this order of man fight, um, spread the word and, and you can do that by subscribing

01:09:21.840 one to the podcast to sharing the podcast or doing a rating and review, whether it be on iTunes,

01:09:27.960 Stitcher or whatever, um, aggregator that you use for your podcasts, um, help, help the

01:09:34.580 movement prolong. And, and by the way, the, the call is being answered. Um, that iron council,

01:09:40.760 the iron council brotherhood in which, which I help, uh, run with Ryan. Uh, I think we've

01:09:45.960 had a record members join like over the last month. It has been awesome. And, uh, guys are

01:09:53.360 getting on the court and looking for opportunities to level up and, um, and it's, and it's been huge.

01:09:58.580 So continue, uh, continue sharing, um, continue sharing the, the message and, and most importantly,

01:10:06.140 continue being the lighthouses to those in your life and, and be the example that, that everyone

01:10:11.040 needs, that your family needs, that your community needs, that your friends need, uh, be that man,

01:10:15.880 uh, to show them the way. Um, if you want to submit to future AMA podcast, uh, AMA episodes,

01:10:23.860 uh, once again, you can join us on patrion.com forward slash order of man. You can also join us

01:10:29.920 on Facebook at facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash order of man. And lastly, uh, you can

01:10:36.320 join us within the iron council and that's order of man.com forward slash iron council. Uh, you can

01:10:41.480 follow Mr. Mickler at Ryan Mickler, R Y A N M I C H L E R on Instagram. Uh, you can follow me on

01:10:49.840 Instagram at Kip Sorensen. That's K I P P S O R E N S E N. And then you can also follow Ryan on Twitter

01:10:58.580 at order of man. Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure. Um, if you're looking for some swag, jump onto, uh,

01:11:06.720 um, order of man.com and visit the store. I think we have a, an array of, uh, t-shirts. I think we

01:11:12.940 still have the beanies that are available and a few other things. I appreciate you guys and, uh,

01:11:18.060 what you're doing. And, uh, you know, I didn't script this part, but, um, take action and become

01:11:25.900 the man you were meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're

01:11:30.200 ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join

01:11:34.940 the order and order of man.com.

Order of Man - January 09, 2019

Books Every Man Should Read, Masculine Skill Sets, and Solving Your Own Problems ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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