Order of Man - Boys Break, Men Build

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan

00:00:27.340 Mickler, and I'm the host and founder of this podcast and the Order of Man movement, which

00:00:32.040 is designed to reclaim and restore masculinity in this society that hates masculinity, that

00:00:38.700 despises masculinity, that frankly despises everything that you as a man stand for. So

00:00:43.120 what I want to do is give you the tools, the conversations, the resources, and the equipment

00:00:48.520 to be able to resist this trend of pop culture, which says that masculinity is whatever you

00:00:56.620 want it to be, and it's subjective, and it means this and that. It means nothing. And

00:01:01.180 I want to give you, again, the tools and everything that you need to become a more capable father,

00:01:07.100 husband, business owner, community leader, whatever you're showing up as a man.

00:01:11.660 So today, I wanted to talk with you about the difference, one of the differences anyways,

00:01:15.640 between men and boys. And I'm not just talking about age. We're going to get into it in a minute

00:01:21.700 because I know plenty of males who are not acting like men. They're acting like perpetual little

00:01:30.700 boys. So we're going to talk about that here in a minute. Before we do, I just want to give a quick

00:01:34.880 shout out to our friends and show sponsors over at Origin Maine. Specifically, I want to tell you

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00:02:34.640 you're going to get a discount when you do. All right. So again, Jocko Fuel, use the code ORDER at

00:02:39.620 checkout. So again, today I wanted to talk with you about one of the primary differences between

00:02:44.640 boys and men. Again, this has nothing to do with age and it has more to do with the way that you

00:02:52.100 show up, the way that you act. And yes, I'm going to be talking about it from the context of your

00:02:57.820 sons and the young men you might lead and coach and interact with on a daily basis. But I want you

00:03:03.780 to ask yourself the same question for you personally. And then also ask the same questions for

00:03:09.480 the males who should be men, but are acting more like boys. Maybe that's a brother or a cousin or

00:03:16.360 a colleague. Maybe it's even your father. But I know plenty of people in my life who should be men.

00:03:23.580 They're males, but they should be men and they're acting like boys. So the other day I was outside

00:03:29.840 and I saw this little toy scale that we had. And my youngest son has this big old milk crate. It's

00:03:41.300 probably five by six feet. And then it's probably two and a half to three feet deep. And so we turned

00:03:49.060 that into a little pool. We've made an ice bath. We've done a lot of different things with it,

00:03:52.620 but I saw this little scale outside of the pool outside. And he brought it out because he wanted

00:03:59.820 to play with it. And then later that afternoon, I looked at it and I realized that it was broken.

00:04:04.200 It was smashed. Clearly it had been smashed. So pretty confident in who the culprit was. I called

00:04:11.180 my two youngest sons down and outside. And I simply asked, who did this? Who broke this toy? Because

00:04:22.420 it was very clear that somebody had deliberately and intentionally broke this toy. And the older of

00:04:28.800 the two confessed and he said, I broke it. And I said, why did you break this toy? And his response

00:04:34.520 was, I just felt like breaking it. And I know what that feels like, not only breaking a toy, but just

00:04:42.920 throwing an entire wrench in the system of life, just being destructive for the sake of being destructive.

00:04:49.420 I think that's our masculine energy. Those are the hormones that are coursing through our veins.

00:04:55.660 That's the power and the strength physically that we have. We want to assert our will. We want to

00:05:01.500 assert our dominance. We want to at times destroy. This isn't something exclusive to boys and young

00:05:08.020 men. This is something that all males experience. And I believe that one of the greatest threats in

00:05:15.020 society that we face today is the lack of righteous fathers in the home. And I'll tell you why that is

00:05:23.040 because a righteous father is the only individual. Maybe that's a little too harsh, a righteous man.

00:05:33.080 I will say, I don't think this applies as, as much to women, but a righteous man, we'll call it a father

00:05:39.360 figure. Is the only individual in a young man's life that is able to temper and refine that destructive

00:05:52.300 spirit and nature that all of us as males possess. You've heard me refer to it as the natural man.

00:06:01.940 The natural man is lazy. He's weak. He's emotional. He's old. I should say he's overly emotional.

00:06:10.280 He responds and reacts based on emotion alone. And he doesn't produce effective outcomes for himself

00:06:18.940 and the people that he cares about. My son was acting in a way that he thought was congruent with

00:06:28.540 who he was as a man and a male. He wasn't really deliberately and intentionally thinking about

00:06:34.560 that, but that what was going on, what was going on. And it's up to us as men, whether that's a

00:06:41.660 biological father, or you've adopted a child, or you're a foster parent, or you're a coach to young

00:06:47.240 men in your community, it's up to us as men to refine that destructive, raw power and desire to destroy.

00:07:05.540 And again, this isn't exclusive to young males. It's exclusive to all of us.

00:07:11.580 It's what courses through all of our veins. So I told my son, as he said, you know, I just felt

00:07:20.500 like destroying. And I said, you know what you, and I'm paraphrasing here, but I said, you are

00:07:24.560 powerful. You have the power to break and to destroy and to leave a mess and a wake of collateral

00:07:36.300 damage in your path. You have that power because you're a man. And now you have a decision to make.

00:07:43.580 Do you use that power to destroy, to break things for the sake of breaking things, or do you use it

00:07:51.780 to build? Do you use that same masculine energy and the hormones, the testosterone that's coursing

00:08:01.520 through your veins to build and to harness and to create, or do you destroy? And that's one of the

00:08:09.460 primary differences between men and boys. Boys break, men build. And that's why I say it isn't

00:08:18.520 exclusive to young men, because I know plenty of what should be mature men age-wise who are acting

00:08:29.460 more like boys because they're breaking things. This could manifest itself as simple as an internet

00:08:36.200 troll. You know, how, what a pitiful existence for a male. He literally spends time on the socials,

00:08:47.720 tearing other people down, undermining what they do, mocking, poking, ridiculing. These aren't men.

00:08:55.180 These are little babies. These are little boys. Somebody that goes into a movie theater or a fire

00:09:02.680 station or a school and shoots up everybody that they can is destroying. That's boy-like behavior.

00:09:12.620 So we've got a wide range, a broad spectrum of how this shows up from the internet troll

00:09:19.600 who doesn't know how to build anything meaningful and successful in his own life. So he has to tear down

00:09:24.600 other people. That's a boy who never learned. I don't care what age he is. It's a boy who never

00:09:28.620 learned how to build things up to the young males that we see who believe that the path to glory or

00:09:39.620 whatever it is they're after is to take innocent life. Those are children. Those are boys.

00:09:48.520 The beauty of this though, is we can use the same energy to destroy, to build. And so, as I talked

00:09:55.620 with my son about the differences between a boy and a man, I asked him, I said, do you want to be a boy

00:10:01.300 who destroys and breaks things for the sake of breaking things? Or do you want to be a man

00:10:07.020 who is interested in maybe how things work, but uses that strength, that physical, mental,

00:10:14.300 emotional strength, the desire to be physical, to build, to fix, to lift, to edify. And he said,

00:10:25.320 dad, I want to be a man. I said, good. I want you to be a man. Let's talk about how to do that.

00:10:30.000 We spent the rest of the afternoon building Lego and doing chores and working on a couple of projects

00:10:36.280 and mowing the lawn. And we spent the afternoon in productivity. I said, man, if you've got enough

00:10:41.720 energy to break these toys, clearly you have enough energy to do something productive.

00:10:47.860 And it's sad to me. Not only is it sad, but it's pitiful and it's disgusting how many adult males

00:10:56.640 have never learned these lessons. And by the way, that's not entirely a failure on their part. That's

00:11:04.500 the failure of the previous generation. If my sons don't know how to harness,

00:11:10.600 their masculinity, that's a failure in my, on me. That's an indictment on me, not necessarily on

00:11:21.800 them. Now there comes a point in time where every man needs to take it upon himself, his own

00:11:26.720 responsibility, whether he was raised in a loving, positive, constructive home or not. There comes a

00:11:34.860 point in time where every man needs to step up and do that. That's part of what we're doing here.

00:11:38.160 But I mean, that's a failure on my part. So I want you to consider, and honestly, give yourself an

00:11:43.620 honest assessment. Am I doing right in this department? And it starts with you, by the way.

00:11:49.780 You know, so many of us will look at our kids and think, you know, I really want to raise my kid

00:11:53.100 right. And I want my daughters, we're going to talk more about daughters, but today we're talking

00:11:57.720 about sons. I want my sons to, to grow up and to be honorable and to produce and to add value to

00:12:03.580 people's lives. And then these guys don't even look at their own lives. Are you looking at your

00:12:08.780 own life that way? Cause they're modeling you. And yes, every boy has a decision whether or not

00:12:17.580 to follow in his father's footsteps. You're going to influence that child, but they're going to make

00:12:23.200 their own decisions. So it's not entirely on you, but look, a large part of how they behave and how

00:12:28.460 they act and how they show up and the way they think about life and how they use that masculinity

00:12:32.780 that's coursing through their veins is up to you. All right. You know, what about the, what about the

00:12:37.840 kids that don't have fathers? Yeah, there are those children and it's your job as a member of your

00:12:42.720 community to ensure that these boys get what they need. That's why I believe competitive sports is such

00:12:47.800 a phenomenal outlet for this. You know, I've, I've, I've coached boys who don't have any male figures

00:12:55.080 and presence in their life. And I can tell you with a 100% certainty that I know, I know just by

00:13:02.380 interacting for a brief moment, which children have engaged fathers in their homes and which ones

00:13:07.260 don't, I can tell, I can have a conversation. I can see if that boy looks me in the eyes. I can see if

00:13:12.400 he has a level of confidence or even swagger. I can see if he's ever played baseball or catch or

00:13:17.700 played hoops with his dad. I can see, I can tell it's that evident.

00:13:25.620 So when our president's talking about, you know, the greatest threat to society or civilization is

00:13:33.720 this, this, this idea of white supremacy, that isn't the greatest threat, Mr. President.

00:13:40.120 The greatest threat is that we have an increasingly, a dangerously increasing lack of engaged, capable,

00:13:50.600 righteous fathers in the home. That's the greatest threat. And part of my mission over the past six

00:13:56.560 years and moving into the future is focused on exactly that. It's making you more capable so that

00:14:03.360 you can make your sons and the men that you serve in your community more capable of being the kind of

00:14:09.040 men that they have a desire to be and the kind of men society needs them to be. That's the greatest

00:14:13.860 threat. And it goes across racial lines. It grows, goes across sexual orientation. We need more men.

00:14:23.640 So let me give you a couple of pointers here. Maybe you have a couple of pointers for me. Maybe I

00:14:28.320 missed something. If you do, please share with me on the socials, on the Instagram, uh, hit me a

00:14:34.420 message, tag me in your posts. Let me know what the problem is. Guys, this is a battle. All of us

00:14:39.020 need to engage in. And some of you are dabbling, you know, you're listening to the podcast and

00:14:43.040 occasionally you might send me a message or no message at all. You'll like what we have to share.

00:14:46.860 And you're like, Hey, I liked what you had to share. And I appreciate the compliments, but damn,

00:14:50.700 let's get engaged. You know, share what we're doing here. Call other men to step up, call other men to

00:14:57.160 listen, do a group study, have, have a weekly get together over fight night or golf or bowling. I don't

00:15:04.280 care what it looks like, but get together with other men and talk about these concepts.

00:15:07.760 Let these guys know where you're hearing this stuff from. You know, some of you guys are just

00:15:11.860 like peeping and just kind of like in the shadows, you know, Ryan, I really like your stuff, but,

00:15:16.220 and I've even had people say, you know, I really agree with you, but I can't share it because,

00:15:19.580 you know, my employer, my boss, my blah, blah, blah. No, like, are you going to be a man or not?

00:15:24.320 You know, what a shame if you have opinions and you feel like you can't share them out of some sort of,

00:15:29.880 you know, consequence that might come from it. God, that's not, that's not freedom.

00:15:37.000 That's not Liberty. It's not masculine behavior. So guys, please share this stuff. All right,

00:15:41.040 let's get into this. Number one, you got, and, and, and the way that I kind of framed this,

00:15:47.680 because I did a social media post the other day on this is I said something to the effect of,

00:15:52.160 you know, men literally and figuratively know how to harness the power of fire

00:15:57.460 to produce effective outcomes, literally and figuratively, right? Literally we've taken fire,

00:16:03.280 which can destroy and burn and hurt and is painful. And we can harness it to create shelter

00:16:09.660 and create warmth and do all the things that we needed to do. That's what men do figuratively and

00:16:15.060 literally. So number one is that at times we got to let the fire off the leash. All right,

00:16:20.400 here's what society does a phenomenal job at doing, treating all little boys and all men like girls.

00:16:26.360 And they even say, Hey, what, you know, why can't you act like little Susie? Why can't you be a good

00:16:31.380 little boy? What does good little boy mean? Well, in society today, it means that you sit down,

00:16:35.920 that you shut up, that you color within the lines and that you do what you're told.

00:16:39.300 All right. And if you don't act like that, cause that's what girls do. You know, I've got three boys.

00:16:43.820 I've got a daughter. My daughter is significantly more well-behaved than my sons because that's in her nature.

00:16:50.400 She wants to be a nurturer. She wants to be a supporter. She wants to build, this is in her

00:16:55.020 nature. And so she's significantly more well-behaved by design, by nature than my boys are.

00:17:01.900 And society says, well, why can't you little Tommy be more like little Susie? And they may not say it

00:17:08.820 actually, but everything about their demeanor, everything about the words that they're using,

00:17:14.080 everything about the consequences they administer, everything about the conversations

00:17:18.000 they're having to our young men are saying, you need to act more like a girl. You want some great

00:17:24.060 reading information on this? You can read anything by Dr. Leonard Sachs, specifically Boys Adrift and

00:17:29.580 Why Gender Matters. You can also read Dr. Warren Farrell's work, his book called The Boy Crisis. I've

00:17:35.900 had both authors on my podcast and they've talked about these issues specifically. If you want to raise

00:17:41.340 men and you want to be a man, then at times you're going to need to let the fire off the leash a

00:17:46.200 little bit. You're not going to let it run rampant. This is a controlled burn. If we're going to use

00:17:50.760 this analogy even further, you're not going to let it run rampant. You're not going to let it do

00:17:54.920 whatever it wants to do. You're not going to not control it. You're going to do a controlled burn

00:17:58.980 and you're going to let the fire off the leash a little bit. This is why men take risks.

00:18:03.580 This is why we encourage little boys to climb the tree and to build a fort and to take the gun out

00:18:09.480 and shoot. When I was a kid, that's what we were doing. We were building ramps out in the road.

00:18:14.160 We were building tree houses. I remember I was trespassing on somebody's yard and we got shot

00:18:18.840 out with a salt pellet by the owner of that home. I'm not suggesting that you trespass on people's

00:18:24.360 houses, but damn, if you can't take a little bit of risk. When's the last time, for example,

00:18:29.960 you as a man have taken a risk? When's the last time you asked for a promotion or asked a woman on a

00:18:34.620 date or made love to your wife in maybe a more, I won't say aggressive, but assertive way?

00:18:43.040 When's the last time you act like a man? You go to work and the boss tells you what to do and you're

00:18:51.020 a good little boy and you sit down in your cubicle and you shut up and you process your stack of

00:18:56.500 paperwork and you come home and you watch the show and your wife henpecks you and tells you to do all

00:19:02.740 the honeydew list. When's the last time you went on an adventure? When's the last time that you took

00:19:07.720 a risk? When's the last time you actually felt like a man? I'd be willing to bet for the majority of you

00:19:13.380 listening to this podcast and have been listening for any amount of time. It's been a long time since

00:19:18.520 you did that. Well, you know what? Maybe this weekend you ought to say, hon, I love you, but me and

00:19:24.460 the boys are going camping. We're going fishing. We're going to the fights. We're going to the game and

00:19:29.780 we're going to go out and we're going to have a good time. Again, we're not going to be reckless

00:19:33.120 because we do have obligations and responsibilities. This is not just a free for all. This is a

00:19:38.880 controlled burn. Guys, let it off the leash. Don't put yourself on a leash. Some of you are.

00:19:47.940 Take the leash off, like literally unhook the leash around your neck, throw it to the wayside and go

00:19:53.160 be a man. All right. Number two, curiosity, guys, is a virtue. This ties into number one,

00:20:00.020 but curiosity is a virtue. You know, so many of us have been conditioned like, oh, don't go over

00:20:05.260 there. Don't, you know, it's dangerous. That's scary. Oh, you're going to get into altercation

00:20:10.240 with somebody. You're going to disagree with somebody. You're potentially going to risk

00:20:13.300 making somebody else feel bad or feel offended or, you know, oh, you shouldn't explore that thing

00:20:18.740 over there because you got a good job and you got this good thing going on. And oh, no,

00:20:22.360 no, no. Don't travel across the country because, you know, you have obligations and responsibilities.

00:20:27.380 Damn. Aren't some of you guys curious? Aren't you curious what it would be like to go on an

00:20:34.180 adventure? Aren't you curious about what it would be like to live in a new state? Aren't you curious

00:20:39.640 about taking up hunting or going on that hike or going on that adventure or picking up that new

00:20:45.260 hobby or that activity or sport? Aren't you curious? Cultivate that. You know, we don't need people

00:20:52.260 telling us what to do every single moment of our lives. How pathetic, how lame. Be curious.

00:21:00.420 Be fascinated. Be interested. This life has so much to offer. And so many of us are like,

00:21:06.120 oh, I can't do that because, you know, I got the bills to pay. Yeah, you do have the bills to pay.

00:21:11.280 But does that mean you can't enjoy, that you can't check things out, that you can't be interested in

00:21:15.600 something that maybe somebody told you you shouldn't be interested in? I'm interested in

00:21:20.540 everything. And that's what actually has made me a great podcaster. I want to hear from these guys.

00:21:25.140 I'm going to hear. I'm curious, like what works? What doesn't? What have you employed? What strategies

00:21:31.080 and tactics have you used? And then I'm going to use them myself. You know, we're building a canoe.

00:21:38.180 I've built a merchandise business. Obviously, we've built Order of Man. I've been in financial planning.

00:21:42.520 I've done so many different things. And I think quite literally, it's, it's, you're doing a

00:21:48.600 dishonor to, well, we'll say it this way. If you're, if you believe in God, you're doing a dishonor to

00:21:54.940 God by not moving forward on some things that he may have planted in your brain. And if you believe in

00:22:02.980 creationism, then you're doing a dishonor to your ancestors in the past who have given you

00:22:09.560 wonderful opportunities to explore and to go on your own path. Some of you guys are like,

00:22:14.920 oh, I can't do that. You know, it's not supposed to, it's because you've been conditioned to do

00:22:18.940 that. Be curious. And by the way, this, what I'm sharing to you today with you today is applies

00:22:24.820 to both you and your, and your children, your boys specifically. We're going to do more about

00:22:29.080 girls and our daughters, but for now we're talking about your sons. Okay. So let the fire off the

00:22:35.100 leash a little bit. Controlled burns. Number two, curiosity is a virtue. Be curious.

00:22:39.400 Allow your children to be curious. Explore. Here's a great example with that toy that my son

00:22:44.820 broke. Okay. I don't want you to break it. I want you to take it apart. I want you to find the right

00:22:50.480 tools and I want you to take it apart so you can figure out how does this work? How does it move?

00:22:55.800 Like what, what is it? How useful is it? That's what I want. I don't want you to destroy for the

00:23:00.900 sake of destroying. I want you to figure it out. I remember when we first moved to this home here in

00:23:05.460 Maine, two years ago, we had an old washing machine that needed to be taken out and we had

00:23:09.200 a dumpster coming in. My wife and I moved the washing machine out into the yard and my son came

00:23:14.040 to me and he said, dad, can I same son, by the way, so you can see his nature. Dad, can I break this

00:23:19.340 washing machine? And initially I said, no, no, you can't break the washing machine. And I thought about

00:23:26.080 it more. And then I went down and talked to him. I said, Hey bud, what, why do you want to break the

00:23:29.220 washing machine? He's like, I want to see how it works. Okay. That's different.

00:23:32.440 You're not, you're not breaking it for the sake of breaking. I said, cool. So yes, you can break

00:23:39.640 the old washing machine and you can figure out how it works. And so he was out there with a hammer and

00:23:45.060 a screwdriver and rocks, and he was tearing this thing apart. And he came to me and he said, dad,

00:23:51.340 I remember this vividly. Dad, did you know that there is a concrete blocks or, or, or blocks of

00:24:00.260 concrete in, in the machine itself? I was like, I actually didn't know that. And I said, I wonder

00:24:05.720 why they're there. And he says, well, I think they're there so that it keeps it stable. So it

00:24:09.280 doesn't just like wobble around and fly around. Like it it's, it's there to keep it stable.

00:24:14.880 It's probably a pretty good reason it would be there. But the point was, is that he was curious

00:24:19.600 and he was breaking it apart to figure it out, not just to destroy, but to figure it out. So then

00:24:24.540 he can create and be more, uh, more creative, uh, and then have this, this perspective on how,

00:24:31.500 for example, washing machines work. And he does that with everything. That's his personality,

00:24:34.880 but curiosity is important. All right. Number, uh, number three, exhaust these boys guys,

00:24:40.800 you got to exhaust these boys. Look, so many kids and so much time behind the Nintendo behind the

00:24:46.600 Xbox or the PlayStation. I don't know what the thing is, but behind one of those, if I'd said like

00:24:50.980 Sega, that, that would probably date me, but you know, behind the PlayStation or the Xbox or the

00:24:55.680 Nintendo or whatever the thing they're using, I don't know what it is. They spend so much time

00:25:00.240 behind the thing. They spend so much time behind YouTube, behind the TV. They never get out. Uh,

00:25:06.160 and, and then you wonder why there's all this pent up energy and frustration and contention.

00:25:11.100 You guys do the same thing. You know, you get home from work and you're like, I'm tired.

00:25:14.680 And then you have dinner and then you plop your fat ass in front of the couch for three or four

00:25:19.280 hours before you go to bed. Well, yeah, you're not exhausted. You haven't exercised any of those,

00:25:26.100 those masculine virtues or the masculine hormones like testosterone that are coursing through your

00:25:31.440 veins. Guys, exhaustion is a good thing. You should be exhausted at the end of the day,

00:25:35.880 not because you're fat and overweight and out of shape, but because you've burned it all up throughout

00:25:41.120 the day. And if you're sitting behind a cubicle every day for eight, nine, 10, 12 hours, and that's all

00:25:47.780 you're doing. And you're just punching away at that keyboard. And you're staring at those pixels

00:25:51.980 on that computer screen. I mean, you're not exhausted. You're domesticated. That's it.

00:25:59.220 You're domesticated. I watched Terminator the other day with my wife. Cause she'd never seen Terminator

00:26:05.040 or more specifically Terminator two. And I got thinking about these, these Terminators,

00:26:12.460 they're robots. They have no emotion. They have no passion. They follow orders. They follow

00:26:20.040 directives. They do what they're told. It's just code. It's just numbers punched into the system.

00:26:27.460 Perform X, Y, and Z. That's not you. Actually, it is a lot of you. It shouldn't be you. Damn.

00:26:35.240 Get out. Exhaust yourself. See, see how long it takes you to do a hundred pushups. Go run around

00:26:41.540 your, your house. Get, get a tee and play baseball with your kid. Play catch. Go build something,

00:26:49.360 build a fort, do something, exhaust yourself. You know, so I hear from so many parents who,

00:26:58.040 women, in fact, a lot of times are like, Oh, you know, my, my kid is so hard to control and

00:27:02.520 I don't understand what's going on. And I, yeah, well, he spends four hours on PlayStation.

00:27:10.200 What do you, what do you think is going to happen?

00:27:15.900 He's not going to be engaged. He's not going to be excited. He's going to have all that pent up

00:27:21.440 frustration and contention and animosity. And again, the masculinity that's coursing through his veins,

00:27:26.760 he's just going to have it there, like cycling through his body and no outlet to, to actually do

00:27:31.560 anything with it. Like go be exhausted. You and your son, exhaust them, beat them down. Obviously

00:27:39.080 not physically beat them, but wear them out. What is it? Theodore Roosevelt who said, I'd rather wear

00:27:46.200 out than wear out than break down or something like that. I'm obviously paraphrasing and butchering

00:27:51.120 it, butchering it at the same time. But yeah, I want to wear out, burn it up. Yeah. Like, like I think

00:27:57.240 about this ADD thing, you know, it's overdiagnosed. We know that we know that for a fact, ADD, ADHD

00:28:04.020 overdiagnosed, especially in the public school system. Yeah. Because little Timmy doesn't want

00:28:09.660 to sit there and listen to, you know, Mrs. Johnson talk about whatever the hell she's talking about

00:28:13.680 for eight hours. He wants to be out there and he wants to pick up rocks and have snowball fights

00:28:19.880 and turn sticks into, into guns and, and have sword fights and build forts and all the things

00:28:26.540 that men should be doing. But you know, we can't do that. Zero tolerance for any of that violent

00:28:30.300 stuff. Yeah. Because you want little Timmy to be little Susie literally anymore. You know,

00:28:36.600 this transgenderism things like, Oh yeah. Well, you know, you don't feel like a boy. Well,

00:28:40.000 no shit. He doesn't feel like a boy. You're not treating them like a little boy. That's why you

00:28:44.520 have all these kids. We're like, I don't know. Sudden gender onset, gender dysphoria onset. Well,

00:28:49.880 you know, like, I don't, I don't know if I'm a boy or a girl. Well, line them out. Yeah. You're a boy.

00:28:56.960 Oh, dad, like dad, mom. I don't know if I'm a little girl or I'm a little boy. I don't know.

00:29:01.140 Yeah. You don't know. So, so let me tell you, you're a boy and let me actually show you what that

00:29:07.220 means and how powerful that is and why you'll want to be a boy and how you can fully embrace that.

00:29:14.520 Guys, this world is crazy. It's your job to fix yourself and to fix our young men.

00:29:24.940 This is the greatest threat society faces. You know, you've all heard the thing,

00:29:31.240 uh, good, strong men create good times, good times, create, you know, weak men, weak men,

00:29:37.360 create hard times, hard times, create strong men. You've all heard it. That's true.

00:29:43.220 That's true. That's true. Times are good. We have to make dumb shit up to worry about. That's how good

00:29:50.960 times are. So worry about race and gender and this and that, like we don't have anything real to worry

00:29:58.360 about. So we make things up to worry about. Give your boys an opportunity to thrive by exhausting them

00:30:05.600 and just letting them wear themselves out. All right, here we go. Number four. Yeah, my number

00:30:11.780 four. I wrote these down. So don't forget them. Number four, reward the action, not the result.

00:30:18.180 Okay. The results will come. And I think it's important that we honor and recognize those

00:30:21.540 who've achieved. I think that's important. No participation trophies around here, but guys,

00:30:25.840 we got to reward the action. You know, if our boys are out doing the thing and, and, and they're

00:30:30.100 engaged and they're pushing hard and they're working out and they're training and they're doing,

00:30:34.640 they're, they're doing their schoolwork. They're learning everything they can and they're, and

00:30:38.300 they're pushing themselves. Then psychology one-on-one, we need to reward good behavior.

00:30:44.240 The good results, the, the outcome, the circumstances will take care of themselves. If we're doing the

00:30:48.940 right thing, then we need to honor the action, not necessarily the result. This goes for boys.

00:30:54.640 It also goes for adult males. I'm using that term deliberately because there's a distinction

00:31:00.040 between an adult male and a man. Okay. Adult male. We need to foster the right actions, which is

00:31:09.240 getting up, getting out of bed, going to work, planning out your day, executing your day, having

00:31:15.620 discipline, making amends with other people in the, in this processes, when you mess up,

00:31:20.720 engaging yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, doing hard things, taking risks,

00:31:26.680 attempting to provide and protect and preside for and over other people. These are all things that

00:31:32.260 we should be doing on a daily basis. And we need to be encouraging the behavior by rewarding the

00:31:38.240 behavior. And I'm not saying, give everybody everything. I'm just saying, acknowledge it.

00:31:42.160 If a young man exerts himself to his fullest potential, you should acknowledge that and tell him,

00:31:46.880 hey, good job. I know maybe it didn't pan out the way that you wanted it to this time,

00:31:51.280 but I do want to acknowledge that you pushed harder than you've ever pushed and the results

00:31:56.840 will come. Same thing with yourself. I tend to be in this trap where I focus so much on the results

00:32:03.640 that I get thinking about what the next result is without rewarding myself, not unnecessarily,

00:32:10.840 but rewarding myself for doing good work, for being consistent on the podcast or securing podcast

00:32:17.580 guests or being disciplined with my diet or my workout regimen or, uh, going to the gym when I

00:32:23.760 don't want to, or going to train, like be proud of that and, and, and display pride in your children.

00:32:30.560 You're that when they do the right things, that's what we should be rewarding. The results will come

00:32:36.620 do the right thing long enough. The results will come. And guys, the last thing I wanted to share

00:32:40.520 with you today is that you've got to connect the dots. You have to, because kids, they're not dumb,

00:32:46.440 but they don't know they're ignorant. And there's a difference between being dumb and being ignorant.

00:32:52.420 Our children are ignorant. And this is why I get so riled up when I hear about this transgender stuff

00:32:58.080 is, and I see parents who are like, well, you know, like, what do you think you are? You're the parent.

00:33:04.460 You're the adult. If a child comes to you and says, you know, I don't know if I'm a boy or a girl,

00:33:09.820 and I don't know about life and I don't know about this. And I don't know. Yeah. Because they're

00:33:14.440 ignorant by their nature. That's why the family unit is so important because we have ignorant youth

00:33:21.480 paired up with hopefully wise adults who will can say, who will say, yeah, you are confused because

00:33:29.660 you're a kid. So let me tell you how things work. How could you? How could you? You don't know.

00:33:41.420 Yes, I do know. I'm the adult. I'm the parent. And if I don't know, I need to get educated. If I'm

00:33:48.840 just as confused as my damn kids are confused, what good am I having around?

00:33:52.840 You're the parent. You're the adult. You're the mentor. You're the employer. You're the leader.

00:34:00.820 You're the coach. Act like it. What if they're upset or offended? I don't care if they're upset

00:34:08.780 or offended. They need to know how the world works. I say things to my kids that they get upset about

00:34:14.220 that doesn't feel good because I'm more worried about reality in life than the way they feel about

00:34:23.140 things. And yes, there's a way to deliver it in a tactful way, but damn.

00:34:30.380 Oh yeah. You can be anything you want to be. No, you can't. No, you can't. But let me tell you how to

00:34:38.860 behave. Let me tell you how to act. Let me tell you what works. Let me tell you what doesn't work.

00:34:45.060 That's your job. And you got to connect the dots because kids won't always do it for themselves.

00:34:50.380 So when my son destroyed this toy, it wasn't like, don't be destructive. He doesn't know why.

00:34:55.800 He feels like he should be. He's like, there's a toy. There's a hammer. I want to smash. Okay. Smash it

00:35:00.500 because he's ignorant. He's 10. He doesn't know any better.

00:35:05.940 So me as his father comes in and says, Hey, look, you're powerful. You can destroy. You can break

00:35:14.540 that thing. You're strong enough to do it. Or you can use the same masculinity, the same feeling,

00:35:22.680 the same testosterone and other hormones going through your body. And you can use that to build

00:35:27.580 and to make and create and solve problems. And then he realizes next time he's all worked up or hot

00:35:33.960 and bothered or wants to smash something. He thinks to himself, well, dad told me when I feel

00:35:38.680 like this, that I ought to build. And so instead of destroying, he goes and builds a home or he

00:35:43.460 builds a car or he creates a website or he takes a picture or he mows his neighbor's lawn or he adds

00:35:50.100 value to people's lives. And then he exhausts himself in doing good work as opposed to just being

00:35:56.020 destructive. That he looks at the fire and isn't so infatuated with the fire that he decides to burn

00:36:02.040 down the entire village. There's an old, I believe it's an African proverb that says, uh, the, the,

00:36:08.860 the boy, something like this, the boys must be initiated or they'll burn the village down just

00:36:15.100 to feel its warmth. They'll burn the village down just to feel its worth or excuse me, it's warmth

00:36:21.820 because they're ignorant. They don't understand the consequences and it's our job to understand them

00:36:29.620 for ourselves. And then ensure that our children and the people, the kids, the boys specifically in

00:36:35.400 this podcast, that we have a responsibility for understand the ramifications and consequences

00:36:40.800 of their actions. And then to use the fire, the energy, the masculinity that's coursing through their

00:36:47.240 veins, not to burn the village down, but to build the village up, to serve themselves,

00:36:54.020 to serve other people, to do good work, to be productive, to produce desirable results and to

00:37:02.080 lead a good life and also help other people lead a good life. That's part of your responsibility as a

00:37:08.060 man. It isn't just about you. That's another distinction between boys and men, by the way,

00:37:11.880 boys by their nature are consumers. They consume, right? Consume resources, energy, time, attention,

00:37:18.080 and men produce more than they consume, which is why we're capable of taking care of a wife and taking

00:37:26.860 care of kids and having employees because we've learned to produce more than we consume. Consumption

00:37:33.300 doesn't go away. It's just a matter of whether or not you offset it with your production.

00:37:39.620 So there it is, guys. Boys break, men build. What are you? Are you a breaker or are you a builder?

00:37:48.080 What are your sons? Are they breakers or are they builders? It's your job to ensure you're a builder

00:37:53.420 and your sons are builders. And the other boys that you have a responsibility for in some capacity

00:37:59.300 are builders as well. Let's recap and we'll call it a day. Number one, let the fire off its leash,

00:38:04.500 controlled burn. We're not letting it run rampant. It's a controlled burn. Number two,

00:38:09.040 curiosity is a virtue. It's okay to be curious. Number three, exhaustion is a good thing. Exhaust

00:38:17.260 ourselves. Number four, reward the actions, not the result. And number five, make sure you're

00:38:24.520 formulating the connections. You're connecting the dots between what we're talking about, building,

00:38:29.900 breaking, positive behavior, negative behavior, et cetera. All right, guys, that's all I've got.

00:38:35.320 We'll be back next week on Tuesday for another good interview. So make sure you tune in, make sure

00:38:39.060 you subscribe, leave a rating and review. Check out origin, jocofuel.com. Use the code order,

00:38:44.260 O-R-D-E-R at checkout. We might have one or two spots for legacy. I don't know based on how many

00:38:49.400 people have registered, but if you want to check it out, that's for boys between the ages of eight

00:38:53.380 to 15. We talk about a lot of these concepts. You can check it out at order a man.com slash legacy.

00:38:58.600 Also last note, take a screenshot right now, take a screenshot on your phone, share it on Facebook,

00:39:04.820 Twitter, Instagram, wherever you're doing the social media thing. It goes a very, very long way

00:39:09.200 and letting other people know what you're listening to and promoting this work of reclaiming and

00:39:13.560 restoring masculinity. All right, guys, that's all we've got for you today. Go out there,

00:39:17.760 take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the Order of Man

00:39:22.320 podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

00:39:27.100 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - June 04, 2021

Boys Break, Men Build ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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