Order of Man - Burning Boats vs. Burning Bridges, God's Sovereignty vs. individual Sovereignty, When to Speak vs. When to Shut Up ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.460 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.680 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.600 Hey, Kip. It's good to see you back. I don't know whether the guys who are listening thought that you would be back or not, based on our last conversation.

00:00:31.760 So, I don't know how they feel about it.

00:00:34.960 Yeah.

00:00:35.340 Well, you know what? And depending on how you feel about it, we may not want to know.

00:00:39.220 So, just keep your opinions to yourself.

00:00:41.680 Well, it's good to know that you do actually listen to the podcast occasionally.

00:00:46.160 Yeah. I like that. We'll see if Kip listens or not. Yeah.

00:00:50.060 That's right. Yeah. And you did. You passed the test.

00:00:52.600 So, you're still in. And if you didn't, then you're out.

00:00:56.500 So, I'm glad you made the right decision. 0.92

00:00:57.760 Well, my mom actually texted me and said, hey, I was listening to hear you and these guys said crap about you.

00:01:03.160 I thought, oh, I'm going to listen.

00:01:05.660 Well, it's good to see you back, man. You went to, you were doing a lot of things.

00:01:09.360 I got, people were sending me messages of like, look, I'm with Kip.

00:01:12.060 I'm like, I don't, I don't care if you're with Kip.

00:01:14.440 Like, why are you sending me texts about your pictures with Kip?

00:01:17.620 Making me feel bad for not being at the muster.

00:01:19.720 Yeah. It was deer hunt, a mad scramble one day at Disneyland and then off to the muster in Vegas.

00:01:30.160 How was the one day at Disneyland? Were you able to hit one ride the whole, the whole entire day?

00:01:34.600 And yeah, it rained. And so, uh, it wasn't bad because most people belled out.

00:01:40.360 So that's true. Yeah. So I will say that October at Disneyland is actually, I was going to say, it's not good.

00:01:48.900 It's not good. It's more manageable than the rest of the time.

00:01:52.920 Dude. What was great is, well, and I, I think Disneyland was closed, but right in the peak of COVID, we went to Universal Studios.

00:02:03.120 We went to Orlando. I like, yeah, I like Universal Studios. It was awesome. Yeah. Like literally no lines on anything.

00:02:11.260 I'm like, this is so worth wearing a mask if I don't have to wait in any lines.

00:02:15.480 Perfect. It was, it was pretty slick. I'm sure that's gone. That opportunity has passed itself for all of you guys.

00:02:20.560 Yeah. And then the deer hunt, how did that go? Um, uh, I mean, it was, I didn't even get a fire, my weapon.

00:02:29.460 So I, but I saw, we saw a few does, my brother drew on a buck for a moment and just didn't have a clean shot.

00:02:36.980 Wait, it was an archery hunt. No, I I'm sorry. I hadn't had glass on rifle. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um,

00:02:45.340 that just a hell of a lot of hiking. So I was all over that mountain. Was that a Delta area? Is that where you guys hunted or where did you hunt?

00:02:54.220 No, we, we drew tags, um, in the Manti region. So we were just North of Mount Pleasant. Yeah.

00:03:01.760 In those mountains. So it was, but you know how it is. Like, even if, even if we don't get a fire weapons, it was me and my two brothers and my brother's three boys.

00:03:11.420 And so it was the, you know, the five of us up there. It was, it was good. Yeah. Yeah. We had, uh, we had youth day, uh, not this last week in the weekend before.

00:03:22.880 So there's one day for youth in Maine. And then we had Maine resident day, which was Saturday. And so we went out both days. We didn't see a single thing. Uh, and it was funny cause I was texting my neighbor.

00:03:36.400 I saw my neighbor yesterday at some Halloween thing, like a trick or treat thing. And, and he was like, how did it go? I'm like, uh, it was okay. You know, we spent some time together. It was fun, but we didn't see anything. He's like, yeah, it was slow for me.

00:03:46.920 I saw 23 does in one buck. I'm like, get the hell out of here. That's not slow. You trying to rub it in on me or what? I'm like, I needed you to teach me my, your, your secrets, man.

00:03:56.900 But, uh, yeah, like ours, like we, where we went, um, we had a hike through private land. Like there's like a little hiking path, you know, to get through this property.

00:04:09.120 The fields are just full of deer and bugs. And I'm like, there's so much irony of just walking by all these to go to the mountains, to not find anything.

00:04:21.880 You know, it's like those, those deer know, man. It's like, you wouldn't think, but they know turkeys. No deer. No. Yeah.

00:04:30.500 Well, anyways, it's good to have you back, man. We've got some good questions that we're fielding from the Facebook group, I think today.

00:04:36.680 So you and I hand selected a few of these and, uh, I think they're pretty good questions. So let's get after it.

00:04:43.720 Yeah. Sounds good. So like Ryan said, these questions are coming from the Facebook group to join us there.

00:04:48.800 Go to facebook.com slash groups slash order, man. All right.

00:04:53.100 First question before you get into that. Yep. One thing I do want to make sure the guys know is that by the end of this week, we're actually going to be shutting down registration for the iron council, uh, for the month of November.

00:05:06.440 And we're probably going to be opening it up in December barring to just, or, or, or continued on some, some things that we have in place.

00:05:13.300 Cause we really want to make sure we put a heavy emphasis on our current members, which is almost a thousand members now.

00:05:18.820 Uh, and these guys have really big lofty goals for 2022. We want to make sure we give them all the support they need and then putting into some place, some strategies.

00:05:28.240 And, uh, concepts that we want to implement come 2020, 2020, 2022.

00:05:32.200 So if you're interested in joining the iron council and you've been on the fence, like get signed up in the next couple of days, otherwise it's going to be 30 to 60 days before you'll be able to join us.

00:05:42.260 And then you'll be hot, be behind the eight ball, uh, as it comes into the new year. So get joined up right now.

00:05:49.000 There you go. All right. Kyle Schweiger.

00:05:52.120 How do you balance chasing my dreams and providing for my kids? They seem to be counterintuitive. Um, they live pretty well now. When is enough?

00:06:05.160 Man, unless you want to go like run away with a circus, I'm not really sure that they're, they're at odds with each other.

00:06:12.120 I can't imagine a scenario and like, Hey, I w I want to do this. And it's at odds with providing for my family. Really? Like there's people that are,

00:06:19.820 that have created the dumbest shit, selling the dumbest shit. Like, look at these, uh, these, like what's Jake and Logan, Paul, look at them. 1.00

00:06:28.000 Like they've created this, this empire out of nothing. And what are they selling themselves? Like, that's it. Their ability to be annoying.

00:06:36.920 That's what they're selling. And so like, what, what are you trying to sell? That's at odds with putting food on your kids' table.

00:06:45.480 I mean, look, we live in this incredible time. Unlike any other time in history, there's so much

00:06:52.260 prosperity. There's so much abundance. I mean, think about what we do with order of man. We're

00:06:56.500 talking about how to be a better man. And, and, and we're making seven figures doing this. Like,

00:07:02.040 come on now. I just don't think they're at odds. And if you think they're at odds, that's probably what

00:07:07.580 your, your hurdle is. So you're creating odds and barriers that just aren't there.

00:07:12.240 So I actually would like to know more about this question. Like, what is it that you think you want

00:07:17.380 to do or pursue that would be at odds with you providing for your family? I just don't see that

00:07:22.240 being the case unless it's some sort of weird, obscure. And even in that case, there's a bunch

00:07:27.060 of weird, obscure people who would buy whatever it is that you're interested in selling or offering.

00:07:31.580 So I don't, I don't see why this would be at odds with, with providing for your family. I commend you

00:07:36.740 for wanting to do that, but it's not at odds with it.

00:07:38.760 Well, and I would say that, that Ryan, you chasing your dreams is part of being a good parent,

00:07:45.980 right? To, to show your children, like, this is what it looks like to go after and to have a

00:07:50.480 meaningful life and to pursue something you've always wanted to pursue, right? That's part of

00:07:55.560 parenting. It, it, I find it interesting that we, we even do this with work. I think sometimes as

00:08:00.780 we'll go, we'll work is from, let's say nine to five and families from here and fatherhood is,

00:08:07.320 no, they're all intertwined with how I show up at work should be the same, same. It develops me into

00:08:14.280 a man that shows up as a father in life. Like it's, it's who I am being in life as a whole.

00:08:21.740 And some of it, we might classify as work, but, but they're very much part of the same thing. I think,

00:08:26.780 I think so. I think they're all, they all support one, each other.

00:08:31.860 Yeah. I mean, your ability to make income isn't the only determinant factor of whether or not you're

00:08:35.960 a good father. It's an important factor for sure. Cause you got to put food on the table and a roof

00:08:40.240 over your kids' head. Sure. But it's not the only factor. And it's a bit of a false dichotomy. It's

00:08:45.140 like the question, Kip, we get all the time about guys who are like, well, you know, should I,

00:08:49.340 should I go work this job that, that has the potential to, to be the best thing ever and pursuing my

00:08:55.540 dreams? Or do I stay in this other job and be miserable, but make good money? Like you could

00:08:59.300 actually have both. You can, you can make great money and you can pursue something more meaningful.

00:09:04.600 In fact, I think in this day and age, you can make more money pursuing something that is meaningful.

00:09:10.400 Like the fact that it's meaningful and significant and important to you will over time gradually mean

00:09:18.060 that you're going to make more income. Why? Because income is a metric of value. And the more

00:09:24.640 valuable you can be to other people, the more money that you're inevitably going to make.

00:09:29.120 So it's, it's a bit of a false dichotomy. And I really think that you can have your cake and eat

00:09:33.220 it too in this scenario. And you should be working towards that. Now let's, let's address this though.

00:09:39.080 And, and give them some pointers here just because you're pursuing your dream doesn't need,

00:09:43.800 mean you need to be reckless. So a lot of guys have that burn the boats, burn the bridges mentality.

00:09:49.080 Yeah. And, and I, I do understand that to a degree. And I think at some point you really

00:09:54.260 need to take that leap of faith. Depends who's on the boat, right?

00:09:58.040 Yeah. That's true too. Yeah. And what you have to risk and what you have to loot. Like there's

00:10:02.640 a lot of choices here. Yeah. So at some point you do have to commit and you do have to take a leap of

00:10:09.780 faith, but you don't have to burn the boat. Like I didn't burn the boats when I started Order of Man.

00:10:15.700 I was doing my full-time financial planning practice. I did it for about two years before I

00:10:20.720 finally sold the practice and went full bore with Order of Man. But by the time I did that,

00:10:25.600 I was already making significant income with Order of Man. You know, so it's nice. It's a nice little

00:10:30.900 tweet or a nice little meme or quote on Instagram about burning the boats and like all that kind of,

00:10:37.720 look, I get it. But also the reality is you don't have to do that. You can be working a job right now

00:10:43.700 and you can be really good at that job. And one of the things that Kip, you say all the time,

00:10:47.820 which I really appreciate is you talk about becoming the best in your current occupation,

00:10:53.780 your current line of work. And that's going to help you either feel more valuable and meaningful

00:10:58.880 where you are, but it's also going to help you develop and build skill sets for when you do

00:11:03.100 eventually maybe make a leap. So be the best where you are, but also have a plan where you're

00:11:09.320 you're gradually phasing out of this and moving over to this. It's a seamless transition,

00:11:13.700 not an abrupt stop. Yeah. One question for you, Ryan, because I think this might be what

00:11:19.960 some men might be thinking as they listen to us is, but what's, what's the red sign? What's the flag

00:11:27.360 for you of, Hey, you know what? I'm putting work or AKA chasing a dream too high of a priority.

00:11:36.160 What would you use as a measuring stick to say, Hey, you know what? This is too much.

00:11:40.160 Right. And, and I'm, I am, I am putting that before my family or above a higher priority.

00:11:47.020 I really think we need to measure our commitments. So when you married your wife, you made a commitment

00:11:54.420 to honor her, to respect her, to, till death do you part. Uh, and if your own selfish desires and

00:12:02.440 aspirations are getting in the way of your prior commitments, that's a problem. So if it's creating

00:12:08.220 rifts in the marriage, uh, if it's not allowing you to, cause when you signed up to have children

00:12:13.400 and when I say signed up, I mean, when you decided to get it right, like you didn't literally sign up,

00:12:21.900 but you know what I'm saying? When you signed up to have kids, then you made a commitment to honor

00:12:27.380 those kids, to teach them, to respect them, to be there, to be present, to teach them, to father

00:12:31.500 them, et cetera, et cetera. And if your work is getting in the way of that commitment,

00:12:35.800 then that's a problem. Right. So I think you have to weigh it in comparison to your other

00:12:42.320 commitments and obligations and responsibilities. And sometimes that means you need to sacrifice

00:12:46.880 quite honestly, you know, like it would have been nice if, when I started order of man,

00:12:52.380 if I could have just went from day one, just went and just ran with it. And I think we'd be a lot

00:12:57.140 further ahead today. If I did that, actually, maybe not. I don't know. I'll explain that in a

00:13:01.300 minute, but I couldn't do that because I already made commitments to my wife and my kids to protect

00:13:05.860 them, to provide for them, to put food on the table, to put a roof over their head. My wife wasn't 1.00

00:13:09.200 working. She's staying at home with the kids. So I had commitments and I've had to put a deliberate

00:13:14.000 throttle on the business actually. Yeah. Because I made those commitments and I make that consciously.

00:13:18.660 Like it isn't something I'm unaware of. I'm very aware of that. I've made those conscious choices

00:13:23.300 and decisions. So I think when it's at odds with your other commitments is where it becomes a problem.

00:13:30.740 Got it. Okay. Talking about burning bridges or boats, I mean, Jason Schmidt, when you've made the,

00:13:37.720 when you've made the decision to burn the boats and go all in on your path, what's the best method

00:13:43.020 to keep the doubt at bay, to allow you to stay the course? I found that this is the hardest part.

00:13:49.600 I mean, if you look, I think it's natural to have doubts about where you're going and progressing and

00:13:55.160 moving forward, even if you have quote unquote, burn the boats, but like you don't have time to

00:13:59.020 entertain that because you burn the boats. Like you just said, if I've burned the boats completely,

00:14:03.780 then you really don't have time to entertain. What if it goes wrong? Cause what's your backup plan?

00:14:08.660 Well, you don't have one. That's the actual whole point of burning the boats.

00:14:13.000 Yeah. It's a, it's, I mean, let's be frank, right? The whole phrase is the idea of being fully

00:14:17.940 committed to doing whatever you're doing, right? Without this idea of, well, I got this plan B.

00:14:24.160 So when it gets tough, I'll just go with plan B. And that doesn't mean that you're, you're going to

00:14:28.940 free yourself of doubt and frustration and worry and concern. When I married my wife, I made a commitment,

00:14:35.240 an eternal commitment to be with her. And yeah, I still had doubts. You know, when I go all in on

00:14:42.320 the business with order of man, there's still days where I'm like, I don't know if this is the right

00:14:46.080 thing to do, but my path is forward, not backwards. Right. So like if my marriage is struggling and it

00:14:52.680 has in the past, my, my path isn't to retreat and look for a divorce and separation and withdraw.

00:15:00.580 Oh, my path is how in the world are we going to get through this moving forward? Yeah. And that's

00:15:05.800 a much more productive way to look at it. Look, everybody has doubts. That's okay. Not everybody

00:15:10.860 has solutions. So if you can be the man who figure out solution to figures out solutions to his

00:15:16.120 problems, you're going to be much more valuable than the man who has doubts and doesn't do anything

00:15:19.660 about it. Cause a lot of guys, what they'll say is, well, you know, I'm worried about X, Y,

00:15:23.700 and Z. Okay. We've talked about this in the past, Kip. That's incomplete. Yeah. We're all worried

00:15:30.500 about X, Y, and Z. Everybody's worried about that. The next half of that sentence is I'm worried about

00:15:37.260 making enough income. So I am going to try this form of marketing. I'm worried about making sure

00:15:44.320 that I provide enough value to my clients. So I'm going to go above and beyond so that they get

00:15:50.660 maximum value and they want to refer people to me. See, that's the complete thought.

00:15:55.420 Most of us just kind of stop abruptly and we don't really think about it. Imagine the burn,

00:16:01.120 burn the boats mentality or that analogy. I think it was some Spanish conquistador,

00:16:07.120 maybe Cortez or somebody that we get this story from. Imagine if he's like, Hey, I'm going to burn

00:16:12.660 all these boats and then we're just going to sit on the beach and see what happens.

00:16:17.460 That's not how it went is we're going to burn the boats and then we're going to

00:16:20.640 march forward. Here's our strategy. Here's our plan. Here's our maneuvers. We're trained to do

00:16:24.640 this and we're going to go forward. And that's the complete thought.

00:16:29.220 And let's be, if I, we should probably confirm if it was Cortez, but, and I would assume that he

00:16:35.060 didn't burn the boats because he needed them burnt. He burnt the boats. So his men would be forced to

00:16:41.200 follow him and they wouldn't bail out on him. Like, I really don't think like order a man, for instance,

00:16:47.100 you didn't need to burn any boats. You can actually be committed to something and be committed to a

00:16:52.960 plan, execute against it and actually see what happens. I actually think that most doubt comes in

00:16:58.180 because people start questioning the plan and they go, Oh, well, I'll just think of workouts,

00:17:05.600 for instance, right? I have a, I have a regimen. I've done my research. I go, okay, this is the diet.

00:17:11.020 This is the workout plan. I'm going to commit to the doubt. Isn't your commitment. The doubt is,

00:17:18.820 is this the right plan? And it's a little bit of a lie in the sense of, well, this is kind of hard

00:17:25.120 and maybe this isn't the right plan versus maybe your commitment necessarily shouldn't be

00:17:30.700 so much to the results, but just be committed to the plan and actually see it through and say,

00:17:36.640 Hey, I have a plan. I'm going to commit to showing up and doing my best job in the plan. I'm going to

00:17:41.680 trust the process and then see what happens. But we get, we look beyond it and go, Oh, well,

00:17:47.180 you know what? My waist isn't any thinner than it was. And my weight's going up. And, and then they

00:17:52.720 start doubting the plan. And in some cases, as we know, like even in the iron council, it's like

00:17:58.040 most guys in the IC, if they look at their battle plan and said, if I executed a hundred percent on

00:18:05.620 it and we looked at it retrospectively and said, man, if I did what I had in that plan last quarter,

00:18:12.280 a hundred percent, we would all almost a hundred percent agree. I would have been so much better

00:18:18.560 off, but yet we don't execute against it because we just get wrapped up. And I think it's just a,

00:18:25.600 it's the lie and it's the excuse. And we're looking for excuses because things get a little tough.

00:18:31.800 Well, so I was actually going to rebuttal to what you said, but then you came back and give me,

00:18:35.980 gave me the rebuttal to my rebuttal ahead of time. Yeah. Well, I saw it on your face and I thought I

00:18:40.340 better keep talking until I see smiles. No, I'm just joking. So my initial rebuttal was, no,

00:18:46.740 you should be questioning the plan. Of course, you have to question the plan.

00:18:51.700 Yeah. Otherwise it isn't the right one. Yeah. Right. But you said something interesting. You

00:18:56.420 said, if you go back and you did a hundred percent, I think we'd all be satisfied with where we are.

00:19:01.160 So here's what guys do. They do 70% of the plan and then they question the plan.

00:19:05.940 Yeah. Bro, don't worry about questioning the plan until you do a hundred percent of it.

00:19:10.520 Yeah. Like 70% ain't going to get you there. It's the 30 you didn't do that is actually going to move

00:19:15.360 the needle. It's the 30 you don't want to do. It's the 30 that's uncomfortable. So yes, question the plan.

00:19:21.760 But actually do the plan fully. It's a, it's a go, no, go exercise. You either did it or you

00:19:28.260 didn't. If there's 10 steps to the plan and you did seven, then you didn't do the plan.

00:19:33.920 Not you did 70% of it. No, you didn't do it at all. It's a complete, it's like a package deal.

00:19:40.060 It's like this podcast. You get me and Kip. You don't get to get one or the other. You get both of us.

00:19:45.320 Right. So you got to do a hundred percent of it. But there's another thing I wrote down here too,

00:19:49.500 Kip is I wrote, there's a big difference between burning boats versus burning bridges.

00:19:54.880 Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I was kind of using the analogy of like, you know, if your family's on

00:20:00.300 the boat and you're going to burn it for your career, bad idea. Maybe wait, because again,

00:20:06.680 that's an obligation, right? You said you're going to get these people safely to shore,

00:20:10.200 do that first. And then you can worry about burning the boat.

00:20:13.320 Yeah. But, but there is a difference between burning boats and burning bridges. Burning boats

00:20:18.680 is not having a plan B like, Hey, I'm going forward. I'm fully committed to this. Burning

00:20:23.780 bridges is idiotic. You don't need to make it harder on yourself just for the sake of being hard. 1.00

00:20:30.860 Like if there's a, for example, if I'm going to leave an employer, like I'm not going to walk into 0.99

00:20:39.280 his office and yell and scream and talk about how big of a moron he is and F this and F that. And I 1.00

00:20:45.080 don't need, no, I'm going to go in there and be respectful and say, Kip, I appreciate you training

00:20:49.280 me over the past five years. I appreciate the opportunities you've afforded me. I appreciate

00:20:53.380 everything that you've taught me. I've made a decision for myself and for my family to move forward

00:20:57.880 with this new project, but I want to let you know that you've been a big part of that.

00:21:03.080 And although my path has taken me different now, somewhere, somewhere different now,

00:21:08.720 I really respect you and I honor you. And I thank you for everything that you provided for me.

00:21:13.800 Okay. So that's burning the boats, but I didn't burn bridges with you. And if anything, I solidified

00:21:18.840 the bridge. And I'm not saying you do that to tuck tail and come back, but there may be an

00:21:23.820 opportunity down the road where you can make a connection for me, or I can make a connection

00:21:28.320 for you, or I need a referral or an introduction. We don't need to burn bridges just because we've

00:21:34.100 decided to burn boats. Yeah. Yeah. I've had so many scenarios in my life where my ego wanted to burn

00:21:42.240 a bridge. And I think the Lord, I did not do it totally because those relationships came back around.

00:21:49.740 I ended up knowing someone who knew that person, like so many scenarios. And it's even happened to

00:21:55.360 me where someone burned a bridge for me. And then I ended up becoming their boss.

00:21:59.700 You know what I mean? Yeah, man. It's like, guys, yeah. Like don't, yeah, don't do that.

00:22:06.160 Yep. All right. John Reiners for believers. Where is the line between faith and sovereignty?

00:22:14.380 How do we claim full sovereignty over our lives when the scriptures tell us that everything comes

00:22:19.980 from the Lord? So this is one, Kip, you and I discussed even hitting on this, this question,

00:22:25.680 because this is one we get all the time. And we made the decision that we should talk about it

00:22:29.460 because it does get brought up all the time. Here's what I'll say. And I actually talked about

00:22:33.420 this in the iron council. Can I say something really quick?

00:22:34.980 No, you asked the question. No, you asked the question. That's your role, Kip. There's nothing else.

00:22:40.300 No, go ahead. Let me, let me tee you up. This is so critical. Like, this is like,

00:22:48.100 like, even if you're not a believer, the idea of faith and sovereignty and making a clear distinction

00:22:55.000 of how they're related to one another, I think is so critical. And it's even more so for anyone that

00:23:01.620 has a religious belief and a higher power. You have to get this straight in your head.

00:23:06.200 Proceed. Proceed. We haven't got the same word. All right. So this is a question that got brought

00:23:14.020 up on Friday's call in the iron council. Were you on Friday's call or were you out?

00:23:18.160 No, I was mustering, mustering, mustering like that. So we talked about this on Friday's call

00:23:24.400 because somebody else brought it up. And here's what I, here's what I said to that individual

00:23:29.220 that, and look, I'm just going to talk about it from a spiritual religious perspective right now

00:23:34.500 that God, one of the greatest blessings that God gave it, gave us is free agency, free will.

00:23:42.780 Like that is a, that is a blessing through scripture that we know he has bestowed upon us

00:23:48.060 because here's the deal. If Kip, you and I, and everybody listening did not have free agency over

00:23:52.940 our lives, what would be the point of this existence? There would be no point to being here.

00:23:57.740 There'd be nothing we need to learn. There'd be nothing, no way that we need to grow,

00:24:01.460 no challenges we need to face, no hardships that we need to deal with and improve and get

00:24:06.200 better from. There'd be no point to being here, but we're here. So we know that we're here for

00:24:11.380 reason. And we're here to be challenged, to be tested, to learn, to grow, to develop. And the

00:24:17.400 only way we can do that is if God has granted us agency over our own lives. Now that doesn't mean

00:24:24.000 we get to absolve ourselves of the consequence or the responsibility that comes from making choices,

00:24:29.280 but it does mean that we get to make our own. So in his infinite wisdom, God said to you,

00:24:34.860 I give you sovereignty over your life. I give this to you. And that's a gift to do what we want to do

00:24:43.020 with it. It doesn't always go according to plan. It never goes according to plan. It doesn't always

00:24:47.640 work out the way we would like. We don't always make the best choices, but the fact remains that

00:24:52.060 we have sovereignty over our own lives. And God has given that to you. Now, let me give you another

00:24:58.620 scenario. Let's say that you're 50 pounds overweight or more, and you've really wanted

00:25:04.120 to get in shape. And so you decide to look into some coaching and you hired a trainer and he gives

00:25:11.820 you a workout plan. He tells you what your program's going to be. He works you through your macros and

00:25:17.620 your micros, and he teaches you about nutrition and he gives you meal plans and he gives you all of this

00:25:22.360 stuff. Would you ever say to yourself that because somebody else gave you a plan for working out,

00:25:28.900 training, lifting weights, and eating, that you have relinquished your sovereignty? No. No, because it's

00:25:35.160 still a choice to execute against said plan. You would never say you'd relinquish your sovereignty.

00:25:41.280 And so by choosing to follow the gospel of Christ or any other gospel or doctrine, it doesn't matter

00:25:47.760 what it is. Do you believe that you are giving up your sovereignty by voluntarily making a choice to

00:25:53.560 follow a path that you believe will serve you well? Of course not. The loss of sovereignty is

00:25:59.620 involuntary and it's done typically through manipulation, coercion, or force. Meaning that some

00:26:08.140 employer or some person or some organization manipulated you or some army forced you and took away your rights

00:26:16.320 and your freedoms. They took from you. It's not that you gave, they took from you. That's the

00:26:23.480 difference. So by choosing to follow God's path, you're not relinquishing control. You're making a

00:26:32.060 voluntary choice to live a path that you think will serve you well for whatever reason. And I'm not going

00:26:37.080 to judge what that is, but you think that will serve you well. That's a sovereign choice that you made.

00:26:42.380 And I commend you for making that choice, but it isn't at odds with God's sovereignty or dominion

00:26:47.480 over this world and all of universe and all that we know. It just isn't. Yeah. And, and I think

00:26:54.540 there's, there's a sense of honor that comes from taking something voluntarily and choosing to do

00:27:02.920 something with it. Yeah. I mean, imagine, imagine our children, if you, if you, whether it's, I don't

00:27:11.040 know, financials or you grant your kids gifts and they do nothing with their gifts, right? Because,

00:27:21.200 and as we know, talents require action and development. It's, it's very similar in the sense

00:27:27.720 of we need to take what has been granted to us and honor it by doing something with it, by being,

00:27:33.160 by acting upon it. And, and in your example of the gym, if we don't, if we don't go, if we go with

00:27:38.980 the gym theme here is, can you still give credit to the gym that said, Hey, you know what, if it wasn't

00:27:45.980 for some of this equipment and the weights and the membership in which you granted me, I wouldn't be

00:27:51.580 able to work out and, and grow physically in the way I am without this, this gift of gym. The answer

00:27:59.240 is, yeah, you should be grateful for that gift and grateful for the training and the plan that you

00:28:04.960 didn't even know about. Right. That's not taking credit away from the Lord in regards to recognizing

00:28:11.640 the, the, the role and the position and the things that have been granted to you.

00:28:16.140 Yeah. Well, and it's not, it's also Kip, not taking away any of your effort either,

00:28:20.680 because let's just take ABC gym. How many people have a membership to ABC gym and don't do anything

00:28:27.220 with it? Yeah. Like just because it's there and it's a resource doesn't mean that you're

00:28:32.060 actually utilizing it effectively. So there's two different things. You've got the environment,

00:28:36.900 you've got the space, and then you've got you who has to use it. But I wrote a couple of things

00:28:40.600 down here too, Kip. One of the things you talked about is taking something and making it better.

00:28:44.780 That's actually very masculine. You think about what we, as men do, we take raw materials and then

00:28:51.160 we, we manipulate them and we use tools to chop trees down, to turn into houses and lumber and

00:28:59.880 turn into paper. Like we, we, as men take raw materials, raw goods and repurpose, repackage,

00:29:07.160 combine, do a lot of manipulation, use tools on to create productive outcomes for ourselves and other

00:29:13.020 people. Like technology is another great example. Technology is amoral. Money is amoral. All these

00:29:19.020 things around you, this environment that you live in is amoral. It isn't until you as a man acts upon

00:29:24.940 it and decides to put it to good use and turn it into a tool. You take tools, for example, and you're

00:29:30.260 trying to mine iron ore and metal and steel out of, out of the ground. Okay. Well, that was a raw

00:29:37.040 resource and we, we, we used it effectively to create a productive outcome now, but there's,

00:29:42.960 there's another question in here. And this is something I've pondered on a lot is destiny and

00:29:48.900 fate, you know, these types of words versus free will, especially when it comes to God. Cause I'll

00:29:53.800 have a lot of people ask me, for example, you know, if, uh, if God knows all, if he's infinite in his

00:30:00.000 wisdom, then he would know the path that we're going to walk. Right. Like you would agree. Would you

00:30:04.500 agree with that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I would. So does that take away our free will? No, it doesn't.

00:30:10.640 Here's why. Even though he may know the path you're going to walk, you don't. And so you're

00:30:16.040 still making a choice free of knowing the outcome, which means you have free will, even though he may

00:30:21.820 already know what you're doing. These are philosophical questions that I go late at night

00:30:27.560 and can't sleep. It's either late at night. It's either this or jujitsu. That's all I think about when I go to

00:30:31.920 sleep and I can't go to sleep and that's how it works. Well, and it's, and it's easy to relate

00:30:37.540 when you think for, if you're a parent, right? Like, you know, like so many times, you know,

00:30:43.240 what's going to happen. If your kid does ABC, you know, and you just sit back and you go, Oh man,

00:30:50.700 you know, they're going to crash and burn or they're going to get hurt or, you know what I mean?

00:30:55.040 Whatever. And you let them choose sometimes. So that way they'll, they'll learn. So no, I jujitsu is

00:31:01.780 super funny. I was thinking, I was in a sales meeting this morning. No joke. This is how it

00:31:07.180 goes. I'm sitting right next to this other guy and we're talking and I look down and I see his arm

00:31:12.240 right by me. And I, and I thought, I'm going to grab here. I could wrist lock him. Like immediately.

00:31:20.240 My first thought is like, how would I, how would I hurt him from here?

00:31:24.240 It's so funny. It is. And you laugh because it's so true all the time. I'm like, I walk around like

00:31:32.080 at a store. I'm like, kick the back of the leg, check, get his neck. You know, I'm like, 0.99

00:31:39.000 it's on my head all the time. It's awesome. It's it. I do the same. I don't know that I go that far,

00:31:45.820 but like when I put my head on my pillow, the first thing my mind goes to is like jujitsu.

00:31:52.660 And then I can't sleep. And I'm like, okay, if he does this, then I'm going to do that. And then,

00:31:56.780 or I go through a move and you know, like my, my buddy I trained with, he's a black belt,

00:32:00.900 Ryan Daggett, you know, he'll destroy me like he always does. And then at night I'm like,

00:32:05.140 how did you do that? Okay. Wait, what, what did he do? Wait. But then how did he get to that

00:32:09.540 position? Well, what was his, what were his feet doing? And it's a blessing and a curse.

00:32:16.540 Yeah. In fact, at our, our last main event that night, you know, I, I worked through my mind.

00:32:22.900 I even grabbed Clint in the hotel. I'm like, Hey, can you be a dummy for me? I just want to kind

00:32:27.200 of go over some sequences, you know, just make sure I'm good for tomorrow. He's like, yeah, sure.

00:32:31.600 We went over them. I couldn't sleep for like three hours. I was like walking through sequences in my

00:32:37.360 head. It just got on my brain. And I was like, Oh man. So it's awesome. Yeah. It's cool. I like it.

00:32:43.760 Uh, even though I get less sleep, I still like it. All right. What's next?

00:32:47.720 Uh, Billy, uh, with you, with your recent monster whitetail harvest, how do you utilize your meat?

00:32:54.980 Jerky ground steak. What is your favorite dish to make with venison meat or any game

00:33:00.360 jerky at all? You're asking the wrong guy. Like I'm not. So here's usually what I do when I take

00:33:08.140 it to a butcher, when I take a deer to a butcher, usually what I do is like, of course the backstrap,

00:33:15.400 I usually keep the backstrap in the tenderloin for myself. I don't, I don't turn that in. I pull

00:33:19.040 the backstrap tenderloin out myself and then I'll just cut them up into little, little steaks, 0.61

00:33:23.980 you know, on the backstrap and tenderloins are pretty easy because they're semi-small. Um,

00:33:28.420 but usually what I'll do at a butcher is I'll, I will usually quarter it and I'll give it.

00:33:33.220 And I've broken down animals all by myself. If I'm going to do it, I'll do it myself. That's fine.

00:33:37.480 And then I make as much roast as I possibly can out of just the big, the bigger pieces of the

00:33:43.140 hindquarters. Uh, and then I will get some of it as jerky, but the majority of it, if it's not a roast,

00:33:51.280 it's not the backstrap, it's not the tenderloin. I usually have them cut it with some tallow or,

00:33:56.560 or beef fat and just turn it into burger. That's what I do personally. Yeah. Yeah. As far as it's,

00:34:02.380 as far as best meals, whatever, it doesn't matter. Like I like stew, like stew venison stew is really

00:34:08.180 good. Um, we, I love the roast that we have backstrap. You don't need to do anything to it.

00:34:13.800 My good friend, Brandon Lilly, when we were out there in Minnesota, uh, he cooked up three hearts,

00:34:19.320 two or three hearts that we had. And I normally don't like the texture of heart,

00:34:23.040 but the way that he prepared it and he chopped it up and the stuff that he did with it, it was so

00:34:27.680 good. I'm not a cook. I need to get that recipe from him and give it to my wife. Cause I'm not 1.00

00:34:32.180 going to do it, but my wife will. But, uh, yeah, that's usually what I do. I'm a pretty simple man.

00:34:37.480 Just give me, give me the roast, give me the backstraps and grind the rest down with some beef fat and we'll 0.68

00:34:42.080 call it good. Get some burgers out of it. That's what we do. Yeah. Yeah, man. I've,

00:34:47.180 I've seen so much, like I've, we've had guys, you know, this, my dad was a wild game butcher as a

00:34:53.240 kid. That's the reason. Yeah. That's the reason we never went hunting. Cause that was like busy

00:34:59.080 season, but no joke, man. We've, we've had people come in and like with an elk and like

00:35:04.760 jerky at all. I'm like, really? Correct. Y'all. Yeah. Waste to me. Well, my dad had a really good

00:35:13.000 jerky recipe that a lot of people loved. Yeah. He had a reputation. Yeah. Yeah. We had a huge

00:35:19.800 smokehouse for just massive amount of jerky, but, um, yeah, that's funny. All right. Justin,

00:35:26.280 what do you do? What, like, what would you, what would be your go-to on a, on a mule deer,

00:35:30.340 a whitetail? I'd be the similar to you. I do all the major standard cuts, you know, get as many cuts

00:35:35.920 and then out of the scraps, what I call the scraps, I would just probably hamburger it and then

00:35:40.800 jerky the rest. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Cool. It's pretty good. All right. Justin Herzl, uh, what to

00:35:47.100 consider when to speak and when to hold your tongue? I need this. Cause I, I, I probably speak

00:35:53.420 way too much. Yeah, I do too. And I ended up, I ended up probably more than I need to put in my

00:35:58.880 foot in my mouth. I think I'm having a hard time answering this question, but I think really

00:36:04.960 probably what you ought to do is, is examine your motives. Like, is this ego? Am I just

00:36:12.120 hearing myself talk? Am I just trying to sound good? Yeah. And, and only you can identify what

00:36:17.860 that is. And I, and I've heard guys, and even at times I like to talk, I like the sound of my own

00:36:22.700 voice. Obviously I mean, it's what I do for a living, but I have identified times where I'm just

00:36:27.140 like yapping for the sake of yapping. Cause I like the sound of my own voice or I want to, I want to feel

00:36:30.900 important. So it takes a, it takes a really honest look at yourself as to whether or not you're doing

00:36:38.020 it for yourself or you're doing it for other people. And if you do it for other people, I think

00:36:42.720 the way that you're going to deliver something is going to be significantly more genuine and it's

00:36:47.940 going to land more effectively because you're going to ask questions. I see this actually in the

00:36:52.060 Facebook group quite a bit. Somebody will ask about a scenario and you know, you'll have a hundred

00:36:56.660 comments from guys like, we'll do this, do that and do this and do that. And they're all

00:36:59.940 conflicting. It's like, well, hold on a second. Like how many of you guys are actually asking

00:37:03.960 questions to try to get some context to the situation that's going on. And, and to me,

00:37:10.040 that could be, it's hard to say though, because even somebody who offers advice could feel like

00:37:15.320 they're coming from the right place. It's such a hard thing and it's very personal, but I would say

00:37:20.740 examine your motives. Are you trying to hear yourself talk? Uh, or are you genuinely offering

00:37:27.480 feedback, but there's also another side to this? Sometimes guys will be quiet when they should

00:37:33.240 speak up. You know, if you see something dangerous or something needs to be shared or something needs

00:37:39.560 to be said, or you need to defend a position, then you, you have an obligation to speak up.

00:37:46.680 And so a lot of guys won't speak up because they're afraid, uh, or they're, they're worried

00:37:52.040 about how it will come across, which is also a very egotistical motive. So ego can show up in one

00:37:59.160 of two ways. You're going to over talk or you're going to under talk. And so you need to be really

00:38:03.680 truthful about what your motive is. And then I think you're going to have a better decision as

00:38:08.660 to whether or not you should speak up or not. And just listen. That's cool. I, I, this was on my

00:38:14.480 mind a lot this past couple of days at, at that muster, something that Jocko shared that I thought was

00:38:19.600 like, yeah, that's pretty crazy. And he said that, so there was like five, 600, got five, 600 people

00:38:26.460 there at this event. He had zero communication around slides, music, food, the lanyards, the

00:38:38.120 workbook. He said, when someone asked him to sign the workbook, that's the first time he's ever even

00:38:42.080 seen it before. Right. He had almost zero communication around any of those things.

00:38:49.440 Now, part of this is decentralized command and ensuring that like people are empowered or

00:38:53.740 whatever, but part of it also is trust. And he, he talked a lot about when of course building

00:39:01.880 relationships, but also getting people's. And I, now these are Kibbs terms, not Jocko's, but

00:39:07.120 getting people's buy-in requires them to come to conclusions on their own, which often is more in

00:39:15.000 the area of a question than it is you telling them. Right. And it kind of goes back to what you're

00:39:20.520 saying is like making sure they're in line with the desired outcome that, you know, like you've

00:39:25.300 mentioned in the past, you know, the commander's intent and then let it be. And I really thought,

00:39:30.340 I really took away from that. It's like, how often am I speaking saying, Oh, are we doing this?

00:39:35.500 And, Oh, are we doing that or whatever? And it's not necessary at all. And I'm just

00:39:41.820 quasi micromanaging, making sure I sound important and et cetera. Right. When it's probably would,

00:39:49.420 would have been totally okay for it just to be handled the way it was going to get handled.

00:39:53.940 Maybe better. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and the other thing that I really, if you don't mind me sharing,

00:39:59.740 cause I, I really thought this was really interesting is, you know who, who, who used the

00:40:04.600 analogy of the bank account, the emotional bank account? Who was that? Was that Stephen Covey?

00:40:09.800 I don't know. I've heard it so many times. I don't know who like, I've heard of the,

00:40:14.000 like the relationship bank account. I, I, so many times, I don't know who originally said it.

00:40:18.200 Yeah. So, so echelon front, they, they talk about your leadership capital and you only have so much

00:40:25.880 leadership capital and, and that you should also be mindful of that as well. And I think it kind of

00:40:30.760 relates to this is if you're speaking all the time, it loses its value a little bit.

00:40:35.760 Oh, definitely. So choose when you're going to speak. So that way it's even more impactful

00:40:41.360 and treat it as some capital or maybe a bank account balance, almost like we've, we've heard

00:40:47.280 with the whole emotional bank account. So, yeah, no, it's a good point. I also wrote down here.

00:40:52.720 It's a good time to speak and to shut up. If you know, you're, if you know, your place. 0.87

00:40:59.180 Yeah. You know, like, for example, if I went to muster and Jocko's on stage,

00:41:03.600 I'm not going to raise my hand and talk and pontificate on all the things that I know about

00:41:07.720 leadership. Cause it's not, no, that's a stupid example, but it's also true. 0.98

00:41:12.460 But people do it all the time, all the time, all the time. So you have to know your place. 0.99

00:41:17.340 And here's another way you can know your place. Did somebody ask for your opinion?

00:41:22.860 Like how, how many guys give unsolicited feedback? I get it quite often. And I, I try to ascribe

00:41:30.460 noble intentions to it. I think genuinely people are trying to help, but we just suck at 0.97

00:41:36.700 communication. Not just them. All of us suck at communication. We're all inferior. We need to work

00:41:42.960 on that. But if, if nobody asked you, probably the default is just to keep your mouth shut. 0.84

00:41:50.940 Totally.

00:41:51.880 Now, if somebody asked you, there's a tactful way to do it and a tactful way to bring it up,

00:41:54.960 but unless they asked the default should be not really my place to talk about it.

00:42:00.680 Totally. You know, one thing I used to say in, when I ran, when I was a battle team leader in the iron

00:42:06.240 council, when, and guys were soliciting feedback, I would tell guys that take the feedback. That's

00:42:15.160 it. Like, don't reply to it because then you discredit what the person gave to you. And not

00:42:23.560 only that, but you cheapen it a little bit and, and, and you don't have to protect your ego. Right?

00:42:30.000 So if you gave me some advice and you're like, Hey, and I asked for, I'm like, Hey, Ryan, you know,

00:42:34.920 what's some correct, you know, great ways to foster my relationship better with my wife. What are your

00:42:39.820 top five recommendations? And you gave them to me. And then right after, instead of saying,

00:42:44.780 thank you, Ryan, I really appreciate that. Instead I went, Oh, you know what? Well,

00:42:48.940 I already do this and I did this and what, and, and then you're like, you know, your thought process

00:42:54.460 is like F you, right? That's exactly what I will never give you advice again. Exactly.

00:42:59.540 So don't like, and yeah, I don't have to protect my ego and let you know, Oh, I already do two of

00:43:04.780 the five. No, just say, thank you. And then, and accept the advice, but far too often we get advice

00:43:12.420 from people. We immediately have to reply back and explain, you know, what we're already doing and

00:43:16.080 whatever. And it's like, well, are you listening then? You know, like, I don't know. That is just

00:43:20.220 another thought. No, you're right. And, and I was going to say by saying thank you. And that's the

00:43:25.200 appropriate response, by the way. Like if I said, Kip, what do you have for me? And you gave me

00:43:29.260 a couple ideas. The appropriate response is thank you. I'll, I'll have to consider those.

00:43:34.260 I'll have to think on that. Yeah. I got, I'm going to have to process that. I appreciate

00:43:38.240 you sharing that with me. That's it. And just because you say thank you doesn't mean that

00:43:45.580 you have to accept it all, that you have to embrace it all, that you even have to act on it.

00:43:49.760 It's kind of like getting pulled over and getting a ticket and the cop says sign here. You're not

00:43:54.180 admitting guilt. You're just saying you received the ticket. Yeah. So by saying, thank you, you're

00:43:59.440 not saying that you're going to implement everything that you're not going to do all that

00:44:03.280 that person said. You're just saying, thank you for sharing some value with me. And then I'm going

00:44:07.320 to have to take it and I'm going to have to process it and work through it. And I'll come to my own

00:44:11.420 conclusions because I'm a grown ass man, but thank you. I appreciate you sharing with me. Period.

00:44:16.300 Totally. All right. What else we got? All right. Cody Drody with 18 years old, being the age in

00:44:22.980 which kids become an adult, do you feel in this day of age, 18 year old is still the age you let

00:44:29.240 them fail? This is such a loaded question. I love it. So anyhow, I mean, you should be letting

00:44:34.760 them fail by the time they're two years old. I know, but let me finish. Let me finish. This is

00:44:39.980 good. This is good. All right. Okay. So you let them fail. What I mean, do you feel that the age

00:44:45.280 number still applies to this, this day of age it's different or have we deemed it different?

00:44:51.300 My kids is making some horrible choices as an age enrolled. Do I sit back and watch it go down

00:44:56.900 into the dumpster fire or stay on her ass? FYI, she has moved out on out of the home. Her boyfriend 1.00

00:45:03.520 is a senior and she opted not to go to college as he convinced her not to leave him. So she's doing

00:45:09.400 nothing with her life, had a $26,000 scholarship for academics and wasted it. 1.00

00:45:15.280 Well, I don't know if she wasted it necessarily spending more than, you know, if it's $26,000,

00:45:22.560 but she's going to have to spend a hundred thousand, that could have been a waste too. 0.95

00:45:25.740 There's so much to unpack here. So here's what I wrote for communication styles. There's four

00:45:33.540 ways to communicate generally. And every way you communicate with another individual falls

00:45:37.400 into one of these four camps. Am I hearing a future Friday field note?

00:45:40.400 Uh, they've probably done 12 of them already on this particular topic, but yeah, maybe we can delve

00:45:45.940 into it deeper if you guys want, but okay. So the first one, and these aren't in order, but the first

00:45:50.120 one is passive. And that's what Cody is saying. Like, do I sit back and let her flounder? That's

00:45:56.840 passive, right? I'm going to sit back. I'm not going to do anything. I'm just gonna let her flounder and 0.99

00:46:00.840 let her figure it out. Passive. 0.99

00:46:02.240 And criticize her and show her my body language next time I'm around and talk. 0.92

00:46:07.440 Well, that's different. No, that's different.

00:46:09.040 Oh, okay. That's a different, that's different. So passive is do nothing. Just hands up in the air

00:46:14.680 indifferent, nothing. Okay. Number two is aggressive. Why are you making these dumb decisions? You're so

00:46:21.240 dumb. You're making mistakes. Your boyfriend's a loser. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's aggressive. 1.00

00:46:25.680 Okay. The third one, that's what you alluded to just a second ago, passive aggressive.

00:46:30.240 You make comments under your breath. You criticize behind your back. You talk shit,

00:46:36.260 but you don't really actually ever address it with her. You complain and you gripe and you moat that 1.00

00:46:41.120 you're passive aggressive, right? You're sarcastic about it. You make little jabs,

00:46:46.300 like inappropriate jabs to try to like cloak is kindness, but really you're just trying to get at

00:46:51.860 her. That's passive aggressive. The fourth communication style is assertive. 0.96

00:46:57.500 And assertive knows what to do when, when do I speak up and what tone do I use? How do I communicate

00:47:06.500 this? When should I be communicating? When should I not to go back to our last question?

00:47:11.420 If I'm going to say something, how do I say it in a way that's going to produce favorable results?

00:47:15.840 That's what an assertive person would do. It doesn't mean that you're going to set salvage people

00:47:19.600 of their feelings or the way that they're going to deal with it, but you are going to address things

00:47:24.280 in an appropriate way that moves the needle forward. And so you're asking Cody, whether it

00:47:29.180 was Cody, right? Yes, sir.

00:47:31.640 So you're asking whether you should be passive or aggressive. Neither. You should be assertive.

00:47:38.800 That's your daughter, man. You should be constantly communicating with her. That doesn't mean you're

00:47:43.840 going to rescue her because that might be aggressive. Even to rescue her might be aggressive.

00:47:48.700 And can we say, Ryan, is it safe to say that everything that you're saying and the advice

00:47:54.960 you're giving is applicable to all age groups at this time? Yes, because assertive is based on the

00:48:01.660 other person. Yeah. Age, maturity, situation, personality. What does this person need from me

00:48:09.100 in order to move the needle? So what my two-year-old needs from me is potentially a timeout and a quick

00:48:16.800 conversation about why they can't bite their sister. An 18-year-old, what they might need

00:48:23.760 from me is a hug and I love you and I want to support you. And what questions do you have about

00:48:30.400 your future? And is this the person that you think is going to lead you to that point and have a

00:48:34.780 meaningful, deep, significant conversation? You wouldn't have that same conversation with a two-year-old.

00:48:39.580 Yeah. But look, it's also assertive to say, hey, look, hon, you're 18 years old. You made the

00:48:47.180 decision to move out. You earned your scholarship. You walked away from that and you've made the

00:48:53.280 decision to get a job. You've also made the decision to move out and get a place or maybe

00:48:57.980 even move in with your boyfriend. I don't know the situation. And so because you've made that decision,

00:49:02.340 I'm going to take a step back and allow you as a grown woman to make those decisions. But know if

00:49:09.840 things don't go according to plan that you can reach back out to me and we can come up with some

00:49:14.300 solutions. That doesn't necessarily mean you're going to move back with me and mom. It doesn't

00:49:18.780 mean that we're going to loan you money. It means that we're going to have a discussion at that point

00:49:23.460 and know that we're here to support you in whatever decision that you need to make. That's hard to do

00:49:27.940 with a daughter, with a son, but that's what an assertive individual would do. And therefore, you're

00:49:34.460 not going to burn any bridges. You're not going to alienate the relationship. You're honoring her

00:49:39.140 as a young woman who's independent and capable of making good choices. And also you're letting her

00:49:44.260 know that, hey, if things don't go according to plan, I'm still here to support you. I'm still your

00:49:48.260 dad and I will do what I can do. It doesn't mean that I'm going to go back to passive and let you

00:49:52.340 railroad me by moving in and taking all my money. It means we're going to have a conversation about

00:49:57.000 that at that point. So think about those four communication styles and become an assertive

00:50:01.040 communicator versus a passive or aggressive or the snarky passive aggressive. What would be the

00:50:07.840 mindset for each of those? Because I really do feel that there's a different mindset that you would

00:50:14.700 have to have to execute those different communication styles. Well, it's a selfless desire

00:50:24.500 for long-term growth of an individual. That's how an assertive person communicates.

00:50:32.400 It's a selfless desire for long-term growth of the other person. And it's selfless because

00:50:38.920 your willingness to have the uncomfortable conversation for the greater benefit of that

00:50:48.680 individual that you care about. Correct. Because what a lot of people will say is, well, they'll

00:50:54.340 know, for example, they need to have a real, a real heavy conversation with an employer or an

00:50:59.900 employee or a wife or a daughter in this case. And they'll say, well, I don't want to have that

00:51:04.740 because I don't want to alienate them or push them away or make them feel bad. I doubt that's the

00:51:09.320 real motive. Yeah. I think the real motive is you don't want to have that conversation because

00:51:14.580 you want to spare yourself of the hardship of the conversation and the discomfort of the

00:51:19.600 conversation. And so that's not selfless. That's actually selfish. Yeah. And then the long-term

00:51:25.980 growth component of that is important because if my daughter came to me and said, hey, dad,

00:51:29.800 things aren't working out and Billy moved out and he doesn't want to be with me anymore. Can I move

00:51:34.100 home? The short-term solution is to say, yes, move home and let me give you all the money.

00:51:39.500 But that's not a long-term strategy and it's certainly not going to help her over the long

00:51:44.820 haul. So that's why you have to have both factors. It has to be a selfless desire for

00:51:50.040 long-term growth of that other individual. And if you do that, I really think you're going to make

00:51:56.660 some great decisions as a father, whether your child's two or 18 or 40, you're going to make some

00:52:02.100 great decisions if it's a selfless desire for their long-term growth. And this applies to your wife, 0.94

00:52:07.960 to your colleagues, coworkers, employees, community members, neighbors, siblings,

00:52:13.200 daughters, sons, et cetera. Got it. Matthew Whitehead. My mother has been diagnosed with

00:52:20.460 breast cancer for over a year now. What is the best way to support her emotionally through this rough

00:52:25.720 time and not forget my emotional health as well? I find myself so caught up on helping her that I

00:52:31.740 forget to make sure that I'm okay. Well, you're, you're, so she has, his mother has breast cancer.

00:52:38.080 Is that right? So she's, I assume that she's fully there. She's mentally, you know, cognizant in a way

00:52:46.840 like everything's fine mentally. It's just physically, she might be diminished and has some health issues

00:52:53.040 and tired and et cetera. Yeah. So you just need to have a conversation with her. Like, do you think

00:52:56.900 she wants you to be just taking care of her forever? Like hand over foot? Like she doesn't 1.00

00:53:01.140 want that. She wants you to live your life. So the conversations I would have with my mother

00:53:05.080 would be, Hey mom, like I'm going to come visit you on every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday,

00:53:11.180 or what I'm just throwing out arbitrary visits, but Monday, Wednesday, Friday afternoon, I'm going to

00:53:15.800 come here and I'm going to spend a couple of hours with you each evening. I'm going to make you

00:53:18.880 dinner on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. But on Tuesdays and Thursdays, like those are times I won't be

00:53:23.720 able to, because I'm going to be with my family, or I'm going to be training and exercising. And

00:53:29.840 then you just create and establish those boundaries and you communicate those to her. She's a grown

00:53:33.300 woman. Like she understands that she wants you to be happy. She wants you to take care of herself. 1.00

00:53:38.060 So you guys come up with whatever schedule that is, whatever support that looks like. But you can't

00:53:44.840 have that if you haven't established any boundaries. And also if you haven't communicated them with her,

00:53:50.040 like you're working on a bunch of weird assumptions right now that may or may not be true. You're just

00:53:54.820 guessing. She's a grown woman. Like get her involved in this situation. Tell her exactly what 0.58

00:54:00.740 you said to me. Hey mom, you know, I want to be here and support you. You've raised me and I love you

00:54:07.680 and I want to be here and I would sacrifice for you. But I also want to make sure that I'm taking care

00:54:12.340 of myself and that I'm leading my own family, if that's the case effectively. And I just, I really want to

00:54:17.200 have this conversation about what you need from me, what I can give you, what expectations you have

00:54:22.700 of me, what expectations I would have of you and how I can still live my life in the wake of this.

00:54:27.360 Holy cow. Are you kidding me? You don't think she would be completely and deeply respectful of a

00:54:32.620 conversation like that? Of course, a hundred percent without any doubt in my mind, she would love a

00:54:38.080 conversation like that. And honored that you would talk to her about it that way. She's not a child,

00:54:44.480 man. She's your mom. She raised you and potentially your siblings. Like treat her like a woman, not like 1.00

00:54:51.380 a child and have these conversations with her and you two decide what's going to work best. Not me,

00:54:57.920 Kip, not you. You two decide what's going to be best. Hell, she might even say, I don't want you

00:55:04.160 here all the time. You're bugging me. You're here all the time treating me like a baby and I'm a grown

00:55:09.840 woman. I'm capable. Like, please leave me alone. Like, give me some space. She might actually think 0.90

00:55:14.500 that, but she's not willing to say it because you haven't led and opened up with that conversation.

00:55:19.040 So you got to find out what the limits are and what the boundaries are.

00:55:22.960 Yeah. I like it. I mean, it's true though. Don't you think that's true? I would think.

00:55:27.340 It's totally true. And one thing that my mom, I've had a conversation with my mom about

00:55:32.760 like a fulfillment as a parent later in their years. And one thing that she told me years ago was

00:55:40.380 nothing makes, and this is at least for her, nothing makes me feel more fulfilled as a parent

00:55:47.600 as seeing you successful and happy. And so, so now knowing that I, I make sure to communicate what's

00:55:56.680 going on in my life. Right. And, and because that feels like, Hey, I did my part as a parent,

00:56:01.880 you know what I mean? And that my, my son is happy and life is good. Like, that's a good thing.

00:56:06.920 Yeah. They don't want me miserable feeling sorry for them.

00:56:09.820 That's a good conversation to have. I'm glad you had, I had a conversation with my mom.

00:56:13.940 This was probably two or three weeks ago about long-term care.

00:56:18.400 You know, like I, that's, I don't want to talk about that, but my mom's in her,

00:56:22.240 in her mid sixties. And I, you know, in the next 10 years, 15 years, like it's likely that

00:56:28.060 there might be some situation where we need to make sure that's taken care of. And I,

00:56:31.620 she lives on the West coast. I live on the East coast. And I told her, I said, mom, I'm not,

00:56:36.840 I'm not moving out there. I'll move you. Look, we have the financial means. I'll move you out here.

00:56:42.420 She's like, I don't want to live in your house. I do not want to live in your house. And she's out 0.99

00:56:46.160 of respect. She's saying that. Yeah. I said, there's, there's a, there's an incredible

00:56:49.820 long-term care facility right down the road, you know, and we, we would help you take care of that cost.

00:56:56.120 And you could be close to me and, and Trish and be close to the kids. Like, I don't want to have

00:57:02.200 that conversation, but the alternative is never having that conversation, not respecting it,

00:57:08.140 not respecting her, her, not respecting me, and then creating a very, a much more difficult

00:57:14.260 circumstances than it would need to be. If we just have the conversation about it.

00:57:18.880 Yeah. Totally. Totally. That's our lot, man. I mean, that's the next lot. I mean,

00:57:23.600 those are the conversation I've had with my parents. I'm where you guys at financially,

00:57:28.180 what debts do you have? You know, I'm trying to, you know, luckily they're, they're open to it,

00:57:33.380 to have the conversation. And so, yeah. And my mom, you know, I'm the executor on her trust,

00:57:38.260 the secondary executor, her husband is the first obviously. But you know, I, she sent me all of

00:57:44.380 her estate planning documents, uh, advanced care directives, which is your, you're basically your

00:57:48.920 health stuff. If you become incapacitated, like we're having these conversations, it's important

00:57:55.260 that we do. And I think in this case, it's very important that you talk with your mother about

00:57:59.200 expectations from each other. So you guys get on the same page and you're not guessing about it.

00:58:03.060 She's, she's probably asking the same question of herself that you're asking right now. So

00:58:07.440 just like get together and talk about it.

00:58:09.260 All right. Anthony Novak needs some help from a brother. He says, if my job requires me to be

00:58:16.540 gone two weeks at a time as a truck driver, how can I maintain or ideas on how to maintain my

00:58:21.540 relationship with my wife and my young children? I was going to say it's easy. I don't think it's

00:58:26.280 easy. I think it is pretty simple. Uh, there's a lot of things that you can do, especially with

00:58:30.120 the technology that we have between FaceTime and social media and just picking up the phone

00:58:35.220 and calling, but there's other things that I think would go a long way. If you were to surprise

00:58:40.380 them while you were gone with things that are important to them. Uh, so it might be nice just

00:58:46.360 to send a bouquet of flowers to your wife occasionally midweek or mid two weeks and say, Hey hon, you

00:58:51.700 know, I'll be home next weekend. I love you care about you thinking about you. Uh, or, you know,

00:58:57.960 maybe your kids, I don't know, they, they love some kind of weird thing that you happen to be on the

00:59:05.040 road and you see something that they might like, and you take a picture with it. Like it doesn't

00:59:08.540 have to cost you anything. You just take a picture with it. Or one thing I've seen guys do is they

00:59:14.160 will take a picture of their family and they'll carry it with them. And then whenever they're

00:59:18.700 somewhere, they'll actually take a picture with them and with their family. Like, Hey, you guys are

00:59:22.820 here in spirit with me. Uh, or I've even seen guys have some sort of little, either a Barbie or an

00:59:28.940 action figure. And you know, they'll be in Nebraska, for example, in the cornfields. And it's like,

00:59:34.860 you take a picture of Barbie in the cornfields and you send it to your little daughter. And it's like,

00:59:38.200 Hey, look, Barbie's in Nebraska in the cornfields. And you make them feel included in what you're

00:59:44.000 doing, man. I think that would go a very, very long way. But the key is to stay in touch,

00:59:49.060 do it in a personal way, uh, and do it in an interesting and unique way. Uh, and always

00:59:55.180 have it be fun or surprising, um, or unexpected. I think it'll go a really long way. That's what

01:00:00.620 I would suggest. Yeah. I agree. Outside of your normal stuff, like call and that kind of stuff.

01:00:04.900 Of course. Yeah. Nightly prayers. I think consistency is probably key, right? Just consistency,

01:00:11.620 not hot and cold. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. That's good. I didn't even consider that,

01:00:16.700 but yeah, that's a great idea. Nightly prayers. I like that. Cool. Let's take one or two more.

01:00:21.560 All right. Sounds good. Kelby Jones. Um, long question. He says my fame might have very weird

01:00:30.220 dynamics. So, um, it's not too long though. So here we go. My sister's 27 with five kids,

01:00:36.420 um, from a mentally and physically abusive husband. She goes off and on with him and the other guys

01:00:42.080 always partying and hooking up with other guys. Her husband is just as bad. Yeah. Okay. 0.97

01:00:49.860 I'm going to let you continue in a straight to the point. Okay. All right. But here's the point here.

01:00:54.480 Here's what I would say. That's your sister. She's a grown woman. She can make her own choices, 1.00

01:00:58.900 be the best damn uncle. Those kids have ever had period. Yes. Still continue to serve your, 0.99

01:01:08.260 your sister, continue to love her, invite her to be part of the family, but she's making bad choices. 1.00

01:01:14.200 You know, it, that's what you're talking about here. I already know where you're going with this.

01:01:17.900 You're going to say, what can I do for my sister? And how do I get her on the path? She's a grown

01:01:21.960 woman. You at this point need to open your arms and your heart to help her to the degree that she is

01:01:28.040 desiring and then be the best damn uncle. Those kids have ever had. 0.99

01:01:34.780 Am I wrong on what the rest of the question is asking about? There's a little bit more to it.

01:01:41.640 Okay. Let's hear it. Okay. So ultimately I'm paraphrasing. Grandma's in assisted living.

01:01:49.580 Sister is living in her house, which is grandma's house in grandma's house, which he is actually

01:01:56.920 his house and he's the power of attorney of, and they're kind of taking advantage of the situation.

01:02:02.920 Okay. Hold on. Who owns the house? Grandma or this guy?

01:02:07.340 Grandma. Grandma, but it is his in the will.

01:02:12.620 So it's not his. He's just the power of attorney. Got it. Okay. All right.

01:02:16.900 Got it. Sister's taking advantage of grandma. And so he's getting to this point where like,

01:02:22.000 Hey man, you know what? I feel like just washed my hands of it. Too much drama. Not sure how he should

01:02:27.700 approach it and express his feelings and dealing with this situation.

01:02:34.320 Yeah. I mean, so, okay. So yeah, there is that, that actually is a, uh, divergent from what I had

01:02:39.400 thought actually, I went a different path. Um, all right. I still think your points just,

01:02:44.260 I mean, what I said is maybe, maybe still be accurate. Sure. But this took a little twist here.

01:02:48.200 Um, yeah, I mean, look, I think what you probably need to do at this point is get the other family

01:02:55.420 members involved and, and see like, if there's, if there's mom in the picture or other siblings

01:03:00.300 and kind of figure out, this is not to pit them against your sister or anything like that,

01:03:05.320 but you're, you have a, you actually have a fiduciary responsibility.

01:03:09.580 I hope you understand that. You have a, your grandma has given you. Yeah.

01:03:13.980 You have a fiduciary responsibility. And so if you're not actually, I mean,

01:03:18.220 there's legal ramifications of this as well. So like when there is an obligation responsibility,

01:03:24.800 and I think that you need to have some serious conversations with your sister. Now that's

01:03:29.140 probably in all likelihood going to alienate some of the relationship it will. And if you're not

01:03:36.280 willing to do that because you agreed to be the fiduciary, you agreed to this. If you're not willing

01:03:42.380 to honor and uphold grandma's desires and wishes, then yes, you have to resign that position.

01:03:48.320 Yeah. You have to, because you're not, we talk about all the time. You're not being a man of your

01:03:53.120 word. You're, you gave your word that you would administer the estate the way that your grandma

01:03:57.720 had a desire for you to administer. Is she still alive grandma? Yeah. Yeah. She's just in a living

01:04:03.780 facility. Yeah. So you, you made that commitment. And if you're going to, if you're going to honor

01:04:09.140 that commitment, then you have to honor it fully. And if you're not going to honor it,

01:04:12.660 then you have to step aside and you have to talk with grandma about that. That, that to me is clear

01:04:17.000 as day. It's not very clear because you have are emotionally wrapped up in that, but that, that is

01:04:22.360 the solution. That is the answer. I would talk with sister first and, and because you already know what

01:04:27.320 grandma wants and grandma may be mentally on the decline where, where she can't tell you any longer, 0.60

01:04:32.120 but that's why she did it before she got to that point. So you would take care of this. So kudos to her

01:04:38.040 for grandma for taking care of all the stuff ahead of time. But yeah, since you already know the desire

01:04:43.980 of grandma, you, you really need to talk with your sister and tell her what her desire was. And

01:04:47.540 while you have a legal and moral obligation responsibility to follow these directives and

01:04:52.180 carry it out or step down. Yeah. Got it. Oh man, tough.

01:05:00.360 Thomas Zimmerman, another tough scenario. I'm a party of one as far as refusing to bow to the vaccine

01:05:07.520 mandate at work. I am now on leave without pay until I decide to take the shot to retain my

01:05:13.740 position or try to find work elsewhere. Recommendations for next steps.

01:05:22.460 Like the, you, you already know what they're like. I get frustrated with these questions because

01:05:27.480 that, like they are, it's there, like you're there. You only have one of two choices, get a new job,

01:05:34.100 which you can do. There's 10 million available jobs in the United States. It may not be exactly

01:05:39.160 what you want it to be. All right. But like you can go get work for sure. A hundred percent. Well,

01:05:44.800 Ryan, but I have to move. Yeah. Well, it's a tough situation. So you can either do that or you can get

01:05:50.420 the shot. Like there isn't some magical third answer that I can give you here. Like I can't go to

01:05:58.200 your employer and convince them that, Hey, you know, he really, he's a great worker. He, like,

01:06:02.160 these people are delusional. They've lost their minds. They're so manipulated at this point. 0.98

01:06:08.020 So make your choice. You want, you're going to go get the shot and then you can go back to work

01:06:11.500 with your current employer. And if you do, you know, live with that choice. That's a choice you're

01:06:14.760 making as a grown man. And I'm not going to hold that against you. I'm not going to judge you for

01:06:19.200 that. It's not my position. Like you have to make your decision just like you Kip and me have to make

01:06:23.960 our decisions. So make your decision. And sometimes making choices means that you have to choose

01:06:30.200 between two less than favorable choices. Sometimes making choices mean you have to choose between

01:06:35.980 two very favorable choices. Sometimes the answer is clear and sometimes it isn't. And this time,

01:06:42.340 I think, you know, that, I mean, clearly you don't want to take the shot. Otherwise you already would

01:06:47.540 have done it now. So find another job. And also everybody else who's listening, let this be a

01:06:53.880 reminder to get your shit in order, get your financial house in order. So if at any point you have to 0.96

01:06:59.780 leave your employment for any reason, whether they're asking you to get a shot or they're

01:07:04.140 asking you to jeopardize your morals, or you just don't like working for them anymore, that you have

01:07:08.700 enough money set aside where you're going to be okay. And you don't have to sacrifice your standards

01:07:14.220 and your morals in order to put food on the table. Get your financial affairs in order, save the money,

01:07:20.080 invest, set money aside, get out of debt, build up food provisions, build up other provisions for

01:07:25.980 rainy days. Do this now so that in six months or a year, you're not asking Kip and I what you should

01:07:31.860 do about not being able to have a job. But I think in this particular case, either take the shot or go

01:07:39.680 find a new job. Period. Yeah. And, and I would, if you don't mind me adding to it, you know, stop 0.75

01:07:47.960 thinking that there's stability just because you work for an employer, right? A hundred that drives

01:07:53.720 you mad. Everyone always, Oh, well, I work for a company. So I have stability versus if I work for

01:07:58.940 myself, you tell me right now, how much more stability Zimmerman has in this instance. He may be great at

01:08:07.120 his job. He may kick ass and guess what? No stability whatsoever. Yep. Out of his control. 0.99

01:08:15.600 So, and, and, and I think it's healthy for us to look at our employers. If you work for someone and

01:08:20.940 see it as a contract, you're the CEO of yourself as Andy Priscilla would say, treat your employment as

01:08:27.180 that, right? This is an agreement between me and another company. You're right. And, and it's just as

01:08:33.220 stable or instable as if you work for yourself. In fact, I would argue that working for yourself has

01:08:38.280 more stability because there's a direct correlation between the work that you do and your employment

01:08:43.940 versus when you work for a corporation, sometimes there is no correlation. You're just a cog in the

01:08:48.860 wheel and the decision of your employment is based upon something other than your work.

01:08:54.840 Yeah. Great point. Cool. Well, we got through a lot today, man. Really good questions. Powerful

01:09:00.240 questions. You know, I don't even know on some of those questions if we gave very clear,

01:09:05.500 succinct answers, but hopefully we gave you some things to consider. I mean, that's really what the

01:09:09.340 whole goal of the podcast is to do is to talk as men about some of these hard and difficult choices

01:09:15.100 and decisions and life situations, and hopefully we can come up with some good solutions moving

01:09:19.620 forward. So I hope we did that today. Yeah. So a really a call to action. I think Ryan,

01:09:24.520 you mentioned already earlier. If you were on the fence in regards to joining the iron council,

01:09:29.300 that's going to be closing down or at least the membership to sign up for a period of time will

01:09:34.180 be closed down for maybe 30 to 60 days. So if you're on the fence, execute now, get in the IC,

01:09:40.580 otherwise you're going to kind of get pushed off until a later date. So to learn more about the iron

01:09:46.240 council, go to order of man.com forward slash iron council. And of course, as always to follow

01:09:51.660 Mr. Mickler on the socials, you can follow him at Ryan Mickler. That's M I M I C H L E R on Twitter

01:09:58.820 and Instagram. Anything else, sir? That's it, man. Kip, I appreciate you. You always have great

01:10:04.760 insights. Good to have you back. And guys, we'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take

01:10:09.960 action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:10:15.560 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:10:19.240 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - November 03, 2021

Burning Boats vs. Burning Bridges, God's Sovereignty vs. individual Sovereignty, When to Speak vs. When to Shut Up ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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Order of Man - November 03, 2021

Burning Boats vs. Burning Bridges, God&#x27;s Sovereignty vs. individual Sovereignty, When to Speak vs. When to Shut Up ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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Burning Boats vs. Burning Bridges, God's Sovereignty vs. individual Sovereignty, When to Speak vs. When to Shut Up ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING