Order of Man - February 06, 2026


Clarity Creates Confidence ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats

Length

24 minutes

Words per Minute

169.55905

Word Count

4,185

Sentence Count

332

Misogynist Sentences

4

Hate Speech Sentences

3


Summary

Confidence isn t loud, it s not boisterous. It s not settling. Confidence is not about knowing exactly what you want and pursuing it, it's about having clarity about where you stand and how you want to get there.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 I'm clear about the decisions that I'm making.
00:00:03.200 Guys, confidence isn't loud.
00:00:04.900 It's not boisterous.
00:00:06.800 Confidence is calm.
00:00:08.240 It's grounded.
00:00:09.240 It's reassuring.
00:00:10.920 It's settling.
00:00:12.360 And you can feel it.
00:00:13.400 When a man walks into a room
00:00:14.700 that maybe you don't know or never seen before
00:00:16.320 and doesn't need anything from the room
00:00:18.660 or from the people in it.
00:00:20.020 That calmness, that confidence,
00:00:21.640 it comes from clarity,
00:00:22.640 knowing exactly what he wants, pursuing it.
00:00:25.540 It's just clarity.
00:00:26.520 That's all it is.
00:00:27.020 A man who's clear gets what he wants.
00:00:30.000 When it comes to confidence,
00:00:33.340 most men believe that confidence
00:00:34.960 is simply something that you earn.
00:00:37.680 And to a large degree, that's true.
00:00:41.100 Most guys think that once I have more experience
00:00:43.980 in fill in the blank,
00:00:45.680 or once I make more money,
00:00:47.920 or once I know this will work out,
00:00:51.040 then I'll be confident.
00:00:52.840 But even though it has a element of truth to it,
00:00:56.780 it's a bit backwards.
00:00:59.040 Because confidence doesn't always come after certainty.
00:01:04.760 Confidence comes from clarity.
00:01:07.340 It comes from knowing what you want,
00:01:09.600 knowing what you're going to go after.
00:01:11.020 When a man is unclear about what he wants in life,
00:01:13.980 romantically, platonically, professionally,
00:01:17.220 everything in his life feels heavier.
00:01:20.600 It feels like it has more weight to it.
00:01:22.060 On decisions, relationships, even rest.
00:01:26.660 And men mislabel that weight as insecurity,
00:01:31.240 and self-doubt, and uncertainty.
00:01:34.260 But the real problem that so many guys have in their lives,
00:01:37.640 and I've been guilty of this too in my life,
00:01:39.200 and I can tell you that times
00:01:40.280 where I'm most confident in my life
00:01:42.140 is where there is no ambiguity about what I want
00:01:45.280 and what I'm trying to accomplish.
00:01:46.580 And that's the real drain.
00:01:50.000 I've really been focused on this concept
00:01:52.160 and this idea of ambiguity lately.
00:01:54.200 That's the real energy drain for so many men.
00:01:57.380 I don't think it's hard work that exhausts us.
00:02:01.040 I think for the most part,
00:02:02.940 we as men actually like hard work.
00:02:06.880 We find meaning and purpose and direction
00:02:09.820 and fulfillment in it.
00:02:11.520 But when we have unclear expectations
00:02:14.520 about the way that we're going to show up,
00:02:16.820 that's where we begin to drain some of our energy.
00:02:20.300 I mean, look, we can go out there
00:02:22.160 and work 14, 15, 16, 18-hour days.
00:02:25.200 We can train as hard as we possibly can.
00:02:27.480 We can carry the burden of masculinity
00:02:29.720 and responsibility like nobody else.
00:02:32.940 But this idea of ambiguity, this uncertainty,
00:02:36.260 this idea that we're just not clear on what we want
00:02:39.200 is quietly draining us.
00:02:43.040 And what that looks like,
00:02:44.620 and tell me honestly, or ask yourself this honestly,
00:02:48.100 have you ever stayed in conversations
00:02:51.200 that go absolutely nowhere
00:02:53.640 because you don't know where to take them?
00:02:56.320 Have you tolerated or accepted unclear roles
00:03:01.800 or expectations of yourself or other people?
00:03:04.960 Have you been keeping options open,
00:03:09.480 whether it's in relationships or business
00:03:12.520 or whatever it might be,
00:03:13.800 because deciding on doing something,
00:03:16.900 actually making a decision feels risky to you.
00:03:20.060 That's how you know you're having ambiguity in your life
00:03:22.560 and it's having a drain,
00:03:24.180 an impact on the way that you show up.
00:03:25.780 Because your nervous system,
00:03:27.520 when it's unclear and uncertain,
00:03:29.220 it stays on alert
00:03:30.040 because it doesn't know where you stand.
00:03:32.880 And I've spent, gosh, the last two months,
00:03:35.960 two and a half, three months,
00:03:36.900 really focused on how to regulate my own nervous system.
00:03:40.920 And I can tell you,
00:03:41.580 I fall prey to all the things
00:03:42.860 that I'm gonna talk with you about today,
00:03:44.280 but I don't want to not know where I stand.
00:03:47.960 Not with myself, not with other people,
00:03:50.100 not with business,
00:03:50.840 not with any aspect of my life.
00:03:53.140 And when we do that, what ends up happening,
00:03:55.900 and guys, again, ask yourself if this is you.
00:03:58.820 Are you a chronic overthinker?
00:04:03.140 Do you often hesitate making decisions in your life?
00:04:08.600 That's why simple decisions feel really,
00:04:11.460 really complicated to you.
00:04:12.940 And we all know people like this,
00:04:14.180 if we're not these people ourselves.
00:04:16.000 I haven't had too much problem making decisions in my life.
00:04:18.920 I tend to be an underthinker than an overthinker,
00:04:22.520 but it does happen.
00:04:24.900 And it's not weakness.
00:04:26.300 It's unresolved clarity.
00:04:29.900 You don't have any idea of where you're going.
00:04:33.320 Your energy leak isn't really that
00:04:36.420 you're just putting too much effort in
00:04:38.040 and you're tired and physically exhausted.
00:04:39.620 You have all the energy in the world.
00:04:41.260 It's your indecision.
00:04:44.440 Think about that.
00:04:45.280 Let me say that again.
00:04:46.260 The energy leak that you have in your life
00:04:48.660 is not in the effort that you're putting forth.
00:04:51.620 It's in your indecision.
00:04:54.800 All right, number two.
00:04:56.300 Clarity creates confidence.
00:04:59.380 And I'll tell you why.
00:05:00.740 Because it settles the nervous system.
00:05:03.680 When you finally make a decision
00:05:05.740 and start acting on what you want,
00:05:08.360 what you value,
00:05:10.560 what you will and will not tolerate
00:05:13.240 in different relationships,
00:05:14.420 your body begins to relax.
00:05:16.880 You become at ease.
00:05:18.280 You become congruent with who you actually are.
00:05:21.060 There's this phrase I often talk about
00:05:24.940 called the integrity gap.
00:05:26.140 And I'm not sure if I coined that years and years ago.
00:05:28.580 I've seen it pop up now and again,
00:05:30.200 but, or I got that from somewhere else.
00:05:31.820 It's been so long,
00:05:32.820 everything blends together at this point.
00:05:34.920 But there's this integrity gap.
00:05:36.780 And the gap is between
00:05:37.980 what we know we ought to be doing,
00:05:41.180 or at least the way we're thinking
00:05:42.440 about life and experiences
00:05:43.680 and what we're actually doing.
00:05:45.100 And when that happens,
00:05:47.360 it creates uncertainty.
00:05:50.040 It creates confusion.
00:05:51.100 It creates stress that's unnecessary.
00:05:55.520 Clear men,
00:05:56.900 they don't rush through things.
00:05:59.000 They don't posture.
00:06:01.040 They don't have to explain themselves
00:06:03.060 unnecessarily or excessively.
00:06:05.020 They move deliberately and intentionally
00:06:07.400 because they've already decided.
00:06:10.100 And when you've already made those decisions,
00:06:12.220 the, what is it, FOMO, fear of missing out,
00:06:15.340 that doesn't impact you.
00:06:17.860 You know, there's all sorts of events
00:06:19.040 and podcast opportunities
00:06:20.380 and experiences that I could partake in
00:06:22.460 because I get asked quite frequently
00:06:23.840 just by the nature of my job.
00:06:26.220 But when I decline something,
00:06:28.200 I don't have FOMO
00:06:29.940 because I made a conscious decision.
00:06:32.540 I'm clear about the decisions that I'm making.
00:06:36.100 Guys, confidence isn't loud.
00:06:37.840 It's not boisterous.
00:06:40.040 Confidence is calm.
00:06:41.280 It's grounded.
00:06:42.560 It's reassuring.
00:06:44.240 It's settling.
00:06:46.080 And you can feel it
00:06:47.180 when a man walks into a room
00:06:48.720 that maybe you don't know
00:06:49.400 or never seen before
00:06:50.320 and doesn't need anything from the room
00:06:52.660 or from the people in it.
00:06:54.280 That calmness, that confidence,
00:06:56.140 it comes from clarity,
00:06:57.140 knowing exactly what he wants,
00:06:59.320 pursuing it.
00:07:00.580 And it's not really his personality
00:07:03.420 or his charisma
00:07:05.120 or the X factor we often hear about.
00:07:07.980 It's just clarity.
00:07:08.900 That's all it is.
00:07:09.460 A man who's clear gets what he wants.
00:07:13.260 All right, number three.
00:07:15.060 Why men avoid clarity?
00:07:17.580 And it's really important that you understand this,
00:07:19.560 especially if you're a man who often deviates
00:07:22.420 or can't make decisions or overthinks.
00:07:25.240 And here's the really uncomfortable truth about it.
00:07:28.160 Most men aren't unclear in their life
00:07:31.980 because they don't know.
00:07:33.260 They're unclear because the clarity
00:07:37.180 that they need to communicate,
00:07:38.740 it requires courage.
00:07:42.400 Think about that.
00:07:44.020 Whether it's a romantic relationship,
00:07:45.940 maybe a business venture,
00:07:47.180 you're thinking about starting a business,
00:07:48.620 you're thinking about asking that woman on a date,
00:07:50.320 you're thinking about telling your wife
00:07:51.540 how you feel about her,
00:07:52.400 you're thinking about talking with a client
00:07:55.860 or having a conversation with your kids
00:07:57.500 or bringing something up in life.
00:07:59.920 It's not that you don't already know the answer.
00:08:03.760 I mean, we've got 70, what, 5,000 roughly guys
00:08:07.100 in our Facebook group.
00:08:09.240 We've got 1,000 guys in the Iron Council.
00:08:11.580 We've got 300 and almost 50,000 guys on YouTube.
00:08:15.040 The guys who are having a hard time
00:08:18.320 or asking questions about,
00:08:20.700 what should I do in this scenario?
00:08:21.880 Aren't asking because they don't know.
00:08:23.980 They're asking because they don't have the courage
00:08:26.180 to do what they know they ought to be doing.
00:08:31.860 That's the real issue.
00:08:33.280 That's the root of the problem.
00:08:34.580 So if you don't have clarity in your life,
00:08:36.280 ask yourself,
00:08:36.980 is it that I don't have clarity
00:08:38.180 or is it that I don't have courage
00:08:39.740 to do something about it?
00:08:42.480 Because the reality is,
00:08:43.820 is that clarity might demand
00:08:46.560 that you disappoint some people, right?
00:08:51.600 Maybe you're dating a few women
00:08:53.120 and you are trying to make a decision
00:08:55.860 on who you want to pursue
00:08:57.520 as a long-term relationship.
00:08:59.380 And if you want to be clear to yourself
00:09:02.020 and fair to those other women you're dating,
00:09:04.480 then you need to be courageous and say,
00:09:06.380 hey, I'm not going to do this.
00:09:07.580 I'm pursuing something else.
00:09:10.720 If you're thinking about starting a business
00:09:12.800 and maybe you're in a relatively secure
00:09:15.840 employment position right now,
00:09:18.620 it's going to be pretty hard to walk away
00:09:21.760 from that residual income or that paycheck.
00:09:25.060 I know because I did it 11 years ago
00:09:27.200 to start Order of Man.
00:09:28.820 And when I did, I disappointed people.
00:09:30.740 I disappointed my boss.
00:09:31.780 I disappointed people who invested in me.
00:09:33.360 I disappointed some of my clients
00:09:35.420 who didn't want to come over.
00:09:36.620 And like, it just happens.
00:09:38.960 And you have to wrap your head around the fact
00:09:41.100 that you're going to disappoint some people.
00:09:42.720 It also might create some conflict.
00:09:44.760 People are going to be mad at you.
00:09:47.560 I was talking with someone the other day
00:09:48.540 and they said they started implementing boundaries
00:09:50.240 in their life and their significant other
00:09:53.360 got really upset and mad about the boundaries
00:09:56.840 they were enacting because they weren't used to it.
00:10:01.720 But the courage and the clarity demanded
00:10:03.900 that they start enacting boundaries
00:10:05.400 and people don't always like that
00:10:06.720 because they're used to you the way that you currently are.
00:10:09.840 The other thing it's going to do,
00:10:10.920 it's going to force you to act.
00:10:12.140 It's going to force you to make decisions
00:10:15.380 and actually do something about it.
00:10:17.120 And then when you act, you have to own that.
00:10:21.260 Not only the positive outcome, but the negative outcome.
00:10:23.580 If it was just the positive,
00:10:24.500 we wouldn't have any issue with it.
00:10:25.600 It's the negative, it's the hardship.
00:10:27.660 So what men do is they tell themselves,
00:10:31.060 well, you know, I'm just being patient
00:10:32.620 or I'm waiting for the right time
00:10:35.840 or another one I often hear,
00:10:37.040 if it's in, if it's God's will.
00:10:40.220 Those are lies, guys.
00:10:42.960 God's will, I'll give you that one a little bit,
00:10:45.480 but that's, when I hear people say that,
00:10:48.300 it's very passive.
00:10:49.680 It's not an assertive position.
00:10:53.340 You don't need to be patient.
00:10:55.160 You don't need to wait for the right time.
00:10:56.880 You don't need to convince yourself if it's God's will.
00:10:58.960 God's will is that you go forth
00:11:00.760 and move in the direction that you've been called to move.
00:11:04.440 Because patience,
00:11:08.000 and I'm using that term liberally,
00:11:10.260 patience, quotations,
00:11:12.080 without direction becomes avoidance.
00:11:16.900 And that's what most men are doing.
00:11:18.540 They're just avoiding.
00:11:20.540 And they're packaging it and wrapping it up
00:11:22.900 so they can swallow it in being patient
00:11:25.480 and waiting for the right time.
00:11:26.780 And if it's God's will, that sort of thing.
00:11:29.360 And avoidance always turns into resentment in your life.
00:11:32.580 And so if you're resentful about why you haven't got lucky,
00:11:35.220 why everybody else gets theirs
00:11:36.680 and you can't seem to get yours
00:11:38.120 and all this kind of stuff,
00:11:39.700 well, that's because you're avoiding
00:11:42.300 what you should be doing.
00:11:43.240 And the people who are having success in their life,
00:11:45.300 barring, you know, hitting the lottery
00:11:46.720 and some random stroke of luck
00:11:48.560 are actually the ones out there not justifying,
00:11:52.680 not rationalizing,
00:11:54.100 not being quote-unquote patient.
00:11:56.460 They're out there getting after it
00:11:57.780 and being clear about what they want.
00:12:01.680 So you really have to consider
00:12:04.300 what you avoid clarifying
00:12:09.020 will eventually confront you.
00:12:14.800 But when it confronts you,
00:12:16.280 it's going to be bigger and scarier.
00:12:19.060 It's going to be a bigger monster to deal with
00:12:21.260 because you didn't handle it
00:12:24.020 when it was a little baby.
00:12:25.080 And so you let it mature
00:12:26.320 and you let it develop.
00:12:27.280 You let it build
00:12:28.260 and gain all this threat against you.
00:12:33.840 And you let that happen
00:12:35.140 because you couldn't take action.
00:12:36.440 And so now you're going to be faced to confront it,
00:12:38.400 whether it's your wife finally tells you
00:12:40.480 she wants a divorce,
00:12:41.800 whether your business starts to crumble
00:12:44.620 because you aren't staying on top of it,
00:12:46.580 whether you get diagnosed with a medical condition
00:12:48.740 because you weren't in the gym
00:12:49.960 and eating right and getting after it.
00:12:51.780 But whatever you're not clarifying in your life,
00:12:54.520 trust, guys.
00:12:55.080 It will eventually come after you.
00:12:57.800 And it's going to be rough when it does.
00:12:59.420 So be proactive.
00:13:01.160 All right, number four,
00:13:02.500 clarity is respect.
00:13:04.500 It's not aggression.
00:13:05.640 It's not bravado.
00:13:06.600 It's not ego.
00:13:07.400 It's not arrogance.
00:13:08.200 It's respect.
00:13:09.520 And all of us as men,
00:13:10.800 that is our love language.
00:13:12.020 You know, the five love languages
00:13:13.640 with acts of service
00:13:15.500 and words of affirmation
00:13:17.380 and physical touch.
00:13:18.840 All that stuff is great.
00:13:19.960 But at the end of the day,
00:13:21.280 what we as men generally want is respect.
00:13:24.520 And respect is a signifier of competence.
00:13:28.720 Clarity is respect.
00:13:31.540 A lot of men,
00:13:33.820 especially recovering nice guys,
00:13:35.560 will confuse clarity with just being harsh.
00:13:40.580 They worry that, you know,
00:13:41.820 I don't want to hurt her by saying that.
00:13:43.660 I don't want to rock the boat.
00:13:46.460 I don't want to seem too rigid.
00:13:48.340 I don't want to be perceived as a jerk.
00:13:51.180 But clarity isn't aggressive.
00:13:53.000 I'm not telling you to be aggressive and a jerk.
00:13:54.880 It's respectful.
00:13:56.660 It respects your time.
00:13:58.340 It respects your energy.
00:14:00.180 It respects your values and your dreams
00:14:02.280 and your desires and your wants.
00:14:03.940 But it also respects the other person's ability
00:14:07.680 to respond honestly,
00:14:09.340 to be honest with you,
00:14:10.840 to communicate effectively with you,
00:14:13.900 for them to make their own decisions in their life
00:14:17.120 and for you to give them the opportunity to do that.
00:14:21.340 When we stay vague,
00:14:24.300 we're not being kind.
00:14:27.840 A lot of men think that.
00:14:29.320 Like, oh,
00:14:29.620 if I just tiptoe around this
00:14:31.740 and walk on eggshells
00:14:32.900 and try not to hurt anybody,
00:14:34.180 well, you know,
00:14:34.500 I'm just being soft and being kind
00:14:36.080 and letting people down gently.
00:14:37.300 That's not what you're doing.
00:14:38.160 You're being unclear.
00:14:39.620 You're being weak.
00:14:40.520 Frankly, that's what you're being.
00:14:41.420 You're being weak.
00:14:42.440 And you're hurting people.
00:14:45.360 You know,
00:14:45.760 if you've got an issue to bring up
00:14:46.960 with your significant other,
00:14:47.860 but you're tiptoeing
00:14:48.720 and you're walking on eggshells
00:14:49.960 and you're not telling them the truth,
00:14:51.100 how are they going to improve?
00:14:54.060 How are they going to meet you
00:14:55.120 where you want to be met?
00:14:56.080 And trust me, guys,
00:14:57.580 the women in your life,
00:14:58.560 they want to meet you
00:14:59.680 where you want to be met,
00:15:01.480 but they don't know where to go
00:15:02.900 because you're not talking about it.
00:15:06.620 And isn't that a frustrating thing for you
00:15:08.360 when you believe that your woman
00:15:11.180 wants you to guess
00:15:12.280 and read between the lines?
00:15:13.380 Well, you're doing the same thing
00:15:14.340 when you're being vague
00:15:15.780 about what you want.
00:15:16.740 Be clear.
00:15:17.960 Hey, babe, I love you.
00:15:19.000 This is what I'm after.
00:15:19.820 This is where I want to go.
00:15:20.780 This is the direction I'm heading
00:15:21.820 and I want you to be part of it.
00:15:22.960 And what do you think?
00:15:24.780 Man, I'm telling you,
00:15:26.820 to our female listeners,
00:15:28.600 that would be a breath of fresh air
00:15:30.920 because what we think as men is,
00:15:32.500 oh, that's being weak.
00:15:33.260 That's being passive.
00:15:33.980 That's being cowardly
00:15:34.860 or like that's or oppositely
00:15:37.300 that's being mean
00:15:38.740 or too aggressive.
00:15:40.460 And to a woman,
00:15:41.540 what it actually signifies is,
00:15:42.840 oh, God, finally a leader.
00:15:46.420 Finally, a man who says what he wants.
00:15:49.280 He speaks what's on his mind.
00:15:51.400 He's not unregulated.
00:15:53.280 He's not unhinged.
00:15:55.620 But he talks about what he wants.
00:15:57.160 He talks about what he's after.
00:15:58.420 He gives direction.
00:15:59.220 He gives clarity.
00:15:59.880 He leads effectively.
00:16:01.320 Guys, when you stay vague,
00:16:02.780 you're not being kind.
00:16:04.420 Again, you're being unclear.
00:16:05.720 And unclear men create unstable,
00:16:09.320 fragile relationships,
00:16:11.260 broken teams,
00:16:14.000 contentious households,
00:16:15.660 just how it works.
00:16:17.640 All right, number five, application.
00:16:20.580 The most important thing right here.
00:16:22.840 This is where clarity is missing.
00:16:26.580 Okay, I want you to look inward
00:16:27.880 for a minute here.
00:16:29.080 And I want you to think about something.
00:16:31.800 Hopefully, you have a journal
00:16:32.780 or maybe you can take some notes
00:16:34.400 or you can reflect on this later
00:16:35.540 if you're driving.
00:16:36.840 But a relationship, for example,
00:16:39.400 that feels draining
00:16:40.300 or maybe you're dealing with a decision
00:16:44.140 that you've been delaying.
00:16:46.780 Maybe there's a standard
00:16:48.000 that you have for yourself
00:16:49.140 that you've been negotiating down
00:16:50.780 for yourself or other people.
00:16:54.020 And then I want you to ask yourself
00:16:55.360 what am I unwilling
00:16:59.020 to get clear about?
00:17:02.380 Is it your bank account balance?
00:17:05.320 Is it jumping on the scale?
00:17:09.680 Is it asking your wife
00:17:12.180 how she feels about the relationship?
00:17:16.200 Is it stepping away
00:17:17.440 from that employment
00:17:18.520 that you've been miserable at
00:17:19.700 for the last two decades?
00:17:20.700 It's like, what is it
00:17:21.660 that you are unclear about?
00:17:25.820 It's not, what do I not know?
00:17:28.380 It's not like, you know.
00:17:31.160 No.
00:17:31.920 I'm saying,
00:17:32.620 what are you unwilling
00:17:33.440 to get clear about?
00:17:35.360 What are you avoiding?
00:17:38.720 What clarity are you pushing aside
00:17:42.240 because you know
00:17:43.440 it's going to require you
00:17:44.260 to do something?
00:17:44.800 It takes some honesty, right?
00:17:48.740 To say, hey, I'm going to
00:17:49.720 I'm going to jump on the scale
00:17:51.380 and I'm, you know,
00:17:52.300 80 pounds overweight
00:17:53.060 and so I'm going to make that real
00:17:55.200 and I'm actually going to do
00:17:56.400 something about it.
00:17:57.320 Or my marriage has been in the dumps
00:17:59.940 for the past two years
00:18:00.960 and I know it has
00:18:03.700 but, you know,
00:18:05.440 I go to bed lonely.
00:18:06.320 She goes to bed lonely.
00:18:07.120 Maybe I sleep on the couch.
00:18:08.140 Maybe we haven't had sex for years.
00:18:09.540 Like whatever,
00:18:10.520 whatever symptom you're dealing with.
00:18:14.340 Okay.
00:18:14.760 Well, probably time
00:18:15.840 for a conversation with her
00:18:17.040 because if you don't bring it up,
00:18:19.060 she will.
00:18:19.780 Whether it's in the next two days,
00:18:21.680 two months or two years,
00:18:22.560 she'll bring it up at some point
00:18:23.740 and you'll be left wanting.
00:18:27.200 Guys, the last thing
00:18:28.000 I want to share with you
00:18:28.680 and I'll close it down for today
00:18:29.860 is I want you to make
00:18:31.140 some decisions this weekend.
00:18:34.000 I don't want to inspire you
00:18:35.680 and motivate you.
00:18:36.660 I want you to have direction.
00:18:39.540 So this week,
00:18:40.440 I want you to choose
00:18:41.320 just one thing,
00:18:42.480 one simple thing.
00:18:43.760 Not easy.
00:18:44.540 I'm not saying it's easy.
00:18:45.660 I've had four conversations
00:18:47.300 since January 1
00:18:48.400 with people that I have needed
00:18:49.580 to apologize with
00:18:50.600 and make amends
00:18:51.440 to the degree that I could
00:18:52.360 and not a single one
00:18:53.420 of those conversations
00:18:54.200 was comfortable for me.
00:18:56.620 In fact,
00:18:58.080 most,
00:18:59.120 all four of the conversations
00:19:00.160 that I had
00:19:00.840 when I reached out initially,
00:19:02.060 I was hoping that they would
00:19:03.180 not respond to me
00:19:04.180 and all four did.
00:19:05.280 And I got on the phone
00:19:06.220 with these individuals
00:19:06.880 and I explained my position
00:19:08.300 and I said,
00:19:08.760 I'm sorry
00:19:09.200 and I explained
00:19:09.900 where I was at
00:19:10.540 and that's it.
00:19:13.300 And fortunately,
00:19:14.760 it doesn't always work out
00:19:15.900 like this,
00:19:16.280 but fortunately,
00:19:16.800 all four of those individuals
00:19:17.740 were very graceful
00:19:18.820 in the way
00:19:21.480 they received
00:19:22.100 my apology.
00:19:23.480 So it worked out well,
00:19:24.620 but it was scary.
00:19:27.080 It was.
00:19:28.700 Starting a business
00:19:29.540 is scary.
00:19:32.160 Asking a woman
00:19:32.840 on a date
00:19:33.280 is scary.
00:19:35.260 Opening your heart
00:19:36.200 again
00:19:36.640 is scary.
00:19:38.740 Talking with your wife
00:19:39.920 about
00:19:40.500 how the marriage
00:19:42.200 has not been good for you
00:19:43.380 or for her
00:19:43.960 is scary.
00:19:46.280 Getting on the scale.
00:19:47.760 Opening your bank account balance.
00:19:49.100 Guys,
00:19:49.560 like,
00:19:50.140 enough of the,
00:19:51.240 just the bravado
00:19:52.220 of like,
00:19:52.780 I'm good,
00:19:53.380 everything's good.
00:19:54.120 No,
00:19:54.280 it's not.
00:19:54.680 It's not good.
00:19:55.940 Some of your life
00:19:57.400 probably is,
00:19:58.200 but be honest.
00:19:58.900 If you're not going to do it
00:19:59.760 with me
00:20:00.180 or anybody else
00:20:00.900 in your life,
00:20:01.340 then do it for yourself.
00:20:02.280 Pull up the bank account balance.
00:20:05.040 Jump on the scale.
00:20:06.180 Yeah,
00:20:06.360 it's going to be ugly.
00:20:08.140 Talk to your wife.
00:20:08.880 It's going to be brutal.
00:20:09.900 And she's going to be like,
00:20:10.400 yeah,
00:20:10.520 I'm not happy either.
00:20:11.640 That's what she's going to say.
00:20:12.520 When you go say,
00:20:13.180 hey,
00:20:13.400 you know what,
00:20:13.780 babe,
00:20:13.940 we got to sit down
00:20:14.580 and we're going to have
00:20:15.020 this conversation.
00:20:15.780 You tell her,
00:20:16.620 hey,
00:20:16.700 I'm not happy,
00:20:17.460 but I want to be.
00:20:19.800 I want this to be a thing for us.
00:20:21.760 And you know what she's going to say?
00:20:22.760 Yeah,
00:20:22.940 I'm not happy either.
00:20:25.380 And then both of you
00:20:26.340 are going to breathe
00:20:27.280 this big sigh of relief
00:20:29.080 because you're finally
00:20:29.860 talking about it.
00:20:30.900 you're finally being clear
00:20:34.020 about what you want,
00:20:36.060 what you need.
00:20:36.580 And she's going to be
00:20:37.260 so relieved
00:20:38.260 because she's had
00:20:39.060 all of this pressure on her
00:20:40.860 literally for years.
00:20:42.280 And that's no joke.
00:20:43.600 That's scientifically documented.
00:20:45.540 For years,
00:20:46.300 she's been feeling this way.
00:20:48.280 And she's waiting for you
00:20:49.840 to do something about it.
00:20:53.140 It's time to do something about it.
00:20:56.580 It's one conversation,
00:20:58.860 not the conversation.
00:21:00.360 It's just one.
00:21:01.640 It's one boundary.
00:21:02.780 It's one decision.
00:21:04.280 And handle it like a man,
00:21:05.540 not aggressively,
00:21:06.660 not emotionally.
00:21:07.820 Again,
00:21:07.980 we want to be emotionally regulated,
00:21:09.760 but calmly,
00:21:11.380 clearly,
00:21:13.620 decisively.
00:21:16.400 Confidence just doesn't show up
00:21:18.060 when life gets easier.
00:21:19.300 It might feel like that.
00:21:20.440 When everything's going well,
00:21:21.560 you might think,
00:21:22.040 I'm really confident.
00:21:22.900 No,
00:21:23.080 you're not confident.
00:21:24.180 It's just going well.
00:21:25.800 It's a trick.
00:21:30.320 You think you're good.
00:21:31.520 You think you're confident,
00:21:32.480 but you're not.
00:21:32.860 Everything's just good.
00:21:34.180 Can you be confident
00:21:35.240 when things aren't good?
00:21:36.300 And that's where clarity steps in.
00:21:38.940 Confidence shows up
00:21:39.880 when you decide.
00:21:41.800 So,
00:21:42.340 if your life,
00:21:43.140 guys,
00:21:43.400 feels uncertain,
00:21:44.440 it's not because you're weak.
00:21:49.040 It's not because
00:21:50.200 you don't have what it takes.
00:21:52.780 It's because you just
00:21:53.660 haven't decided yet.
00:21:55.640 You don't,
00:21:56.300 you don't lack confidence.
00:21:58.500 You've just been
00:21:59.500 delaying
00:22:00.840 and negotiating
00:22:01.840 with clarity.
00:22:03.140 So,
00:22:03.600 don't do that.
00:22:04.900 Do something else.
00:22:06.000 Get clear.
00:22:07.020 Get out of notepad.
00:22:08.320 Here's the things
00:22:08.960 I want to address
00:22:09.620 in these key areas of my life.
00:22:11.220 Here's the people
00:22:11.720 I need to involve
00:22:12.400 in these decisions.
00:22:13.440 Here's the conversations
00:22:14.260 I need to have
00:22:14.980 and here's how
00:22:15.640 I'm going to do it
00:22:16.200 and I'm going to start
00:22:16.980 right now.
00:22:19.500 If you want
00:22:20.140 some additional
00:22:20.620 conversations like this
00:22:21.860 and you want
00:22:22.600 a
00:22:23.040 band of brothers,
00:22:25.700 men who are
00:22:26.400 quite literally
00:22:27.320 in your corner
00:22:28.380 rooting for you,
00:22:29.560 cheering you on,
00:22:30.760 celebrating,
00:22:32.260 giving you a kick
00:22:32.900 in the pants
00:22:33.360 when you need it,
00:22:34.260 when you're down
00:22:35.020 on yourself,
00:22:36.140 wrapping their arm
00:22:36.680 around your shoulder
00:22:37.400 and saying,
00:22:37.820 hey man,
00:22:38.080 you got this
00:22:38.600 or maybe saying,
00:22:39.300 hey man,
00:22:39.700 stop acting like that.
00:22:40.740 It's time to step up.
00:22:41.980 I have men like that
00:22:42.880 in my life
00:22:43.320 and they're part
00:22:43.740 of the Iron Council.
00:22:45.060 I am the founder
00:22:46.040 of Order Man
00:22:46.920 and Iron Council,
00:22:47.780 but like the old,
00:22:48.780 I think it was
00:22:49.380 Rogaine commercials,
00:22:50.380 not only am I
00:22:51.140 the president,
00:22:51.880 but I'm also a client.
00:22:54.000 I do the same thing
00:22:55.120 that I'm asking
00:22:55.960 you guys to do.
00:22:56.740 I would not ask you
00:22:57.540 to do something
00:22:58.060 that I'm not doing myself.
00:22:59.400 I have in the past.
00:23:00.780 We're not always
00:23:01.720 men of integrity,
00:23:02.480 but I am now
00:23:03.560 and I've got a battle team
00:23:05.240 just like I'm encouraging
00:23:06.080 you to have a battle team
00:23:06.900 in your life,
00:23:07.400 10 to 15 men
00:23:08.180 who are going to walk
00:23:09.020 through life
00:23:09.880 with you.
00:23:11.540 Join us
00:23:12.200 in the Iron Council
00:23:13.080 at orderaman.com
00:23:14.420 slash Iron Council.
00:23:15.540 But guys,
00:23:15.960 at the end of the day,
00:23:16.760 what I really,
00:23:18.060 really want you to know
00:23:18.840 is that it's clarity
00:23:20.040 that creates confidence
00:23:21.560 and conversely,
00:23:22.920 the action
00:23:23.440 that's required
00:23:24.400 to move forward
00:23:25.960 clearly.
00:23:27.340 All right, guys,
00:23:27.760 I hope that helped.
00:23:28.340 If it did,
00:23:28.760 take a screenshot,
00:23:29.480 send it to a brother
00:23:30.080 or your father,
00:23:30.760 your cousin,
00:23:31.220 your uncle,
00:23:31.700 your colleague,
00:23:32.180 your coworker.
00:23:33.240 Join us
00:23:33.720 in the Iron Council
00:23:34.440 orderaman.com
00:23:35.280 slash Iron Council.
00:23:36.800 Join us also
00:23:37.260 at the Men's Forge,
00:23:38.420 themensforge.com
00:23:39.740 April 23rd
00:23:40.780 through the 26th
00:23:41.640 in St. Louis.
00:23:43.060 Love to see you there.
00:23:44.140 Myself,
00:23:45.320 Larry Hagner
00:23:46.320 with the Dad Edge,
00:23:47.300 Dwayne Noel,
00:23:48.240 and we've got
00:23:48.880 three other speakers
00:23:50.360 that we may have
00:23:52.080 locked down
00:23:53.020 and one of them,
00:23:55.920 I think I can go ahead
00:23:56.840 and announce this,
00:23:57.700 Frank Schwartz,
00:23:58.420 who is the CEO
00:23:59.640 of F3.
00:24:02.360 So for any of you
00:24:03.160 F3 guys,
00:24:04.500 Frank's going to be
00:24:05.080 out there
00:24:05.580 and he's going to speak
00:24:07.600 and he's going to run
00:24:08.280 some F3 events for us
00:24:09.580 while we're out there
00:24:10.160 at the Forge.
00:24:10.800 Go to themensforge.com.
00:24:14.060 All right, guys,
00:24:14.660 we'll be back next week
00:24:15.540 for our interview.
00:24:16.140 Until then,
00:24:16.480 go out there,
00:24:16.840 take action,
00:24:18.100 get clear,
00:24:19.000 get confident
00:24:19.660 and become the man
00:24:20.840 you are meant to be.
00:24:22.800 Thank you for listening
00:24:23.700 to the Order of Man podcast.
00:24:25.800 If you're ready
00:24:26.140 to take charge of your life
00:24:27.400 and be more of the man
00:24:28.540 you were meant to be,
00:24:29.820 we invite you to join
00:24:30.740 the order
00:24:31.140 at orderofman.com.
00:24:33.160 The Order of Man
00:24:34.500 The Order of Man
00:24:35.080 The Order of Man
00:24:36.420 The Order of Man
00:24:37.000 The Order of Man
00:24:37.540 The Order of Man
00:24:38.420 The Order of Man
00:24:39.760 The Order of Man
00:24:40.340 Is the Order of Man
00:24:40.800 The Order of Man