Order of Man - Clarity Creates Confidence ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 I'm clear about the decisions that I'm making.

00:00:03.200 Guys, confidence isn't loud.

00:00:04.900 It's not boisterous.

00:00:06.800 Confidence is calm.

00:00:08.240 It's grounded.

00:00:09.240 It's reassuring.

00:00:10.920 It's settling.

00:00:12.360 And you can feel it.

00:00:13.400 When a man walks into a room

00:00:14.700 that maybe you don't know or never seen before

00:00:16.320 and doesn't need anything from the room

00:00:18.660 or from the people in it.

00:00:20.020 That calmness, that confidence,

00:00:21.640 it comes from clarity,

00:00:22.640 knowing exactly what he wants, pursuing it.

00:00:25.540 It's just clarity.

00:00:26.520 That's all it is.

00:00:27.020 A man who's clear gets what he wants.

00:00:30.000 When it comes to confidence,

00:00:33.340 most men believe that confidence

00:00:34.960 is simply something that you earn.

00:00:37.680 And to a large degree, that's true.

00:00:41.100 Most guys think that once I have more experience

00:00:43.980 in fill in the blank,

00:00:45.680 or once I make more money,

00:00:47.920 or once I know this will work out,

00:00:51.040 then I'll be confident.

00:00:52.840 But even though it has a element of truth to it,

00:00:56.780 it's a bit backwards.

00:00:59.040 Because confidence doesn't always come after certainty.

00:01:04.760 Confidence comes from clarity.

00:01:07.340 It comes from knowing what you want,

00:01:09.600 knowing what you're going to go after.

00:01:11.020 When a man is unclear about what he wants in life,

00:01:13.980 romantically, platonically, professionally,

00:01:17.220 everything in his life feels heavier.

00:01:20.600 It feels like it has more weight to it.

00:01:22.060 On decisions, relationships, even rest.

00:01:26.660 And men mislabel that weight as insecurity,

00:01:31.240 and self-doubt, and uncertainty.

00:01:34.260 But the real problem that so many guys have in their lives,

00:01:37.640 and I've been guilty of this too in my life,

00:01:39.200 and I can tell you that times

00:01:40.280 where I'm most confident in my life

00:01:42.140 is where there is no ambiguity about what I want

00:01:45.280 and what I'm trying to accomplish.

00:01:46.580 And that's the real drain.

00:01:50.000 I've really been focused on this concept

00:01:52.160 and this idea of ambiguity lately.

00:01:54.200 That's the real energy drain for so many men.

00:01:57.380 I don't think it's hard work that exhausts us.

00:02:01.040 I think for the most part,

00:02:02.940 we as men actually like hard work.

00:02:06.880 We find meaning and purpose and direction

00:02:09.820 and fulfillment in it.

00:02:11.520 But when we have unclear expectations

00:02:14.520 about the way that we're going to show up,

00:02:16.820 that's where we begin to drain some of our energy.

00:02:20.300 I mean, look, we can go out there

00:02:22.160 and work 14, 15, 16, 18-hour days.

00:02:25.200 We can train as hard as we possibly can.

00:02:27.480 We can carry the burden of masculinity

00:02:29.720 and responsibility like nobody else.

00:02:32.940 But this idea of ambiguity, this uncertainty,

00:02:36.260 this idea that we're just not clear on what we want

00:02:39.200 is quietly draining us.

00:02:43.040 And what that looks like,

00:02:44.620 and tell me honestly, or ask yourself this honestly,

00:02:48.100 have you ever stayed in conversations

00:02:51.200 that go absolutely nowhere

00:02:53.640 because you don't know where to take them?

00:02:56.320 Have you tolerated or accepted unclear roles

00:03:01.800 or expectations of yourself or other people?

00:03:04.960 Have you been keeping options open,

00:03:09.480 whether it's in relationships or business

00:03:12.520 or whatever it might be,

00:03:13.800 because deciding on doing something,

00:03:16.900 actually making a decision feels risky to you.

00:03:20.060 That's how you know you're having ambiguity in your life

00:03:22.560 and it's having a drain,

00:03:24.180 an impact on the way that you show up.

00:03:25.780 Because your nervous system,

00:03:27.520 when it's unclear and uncertain,

00:03:29.220 it stays on alert

00:03:30.040 because it doesn't know where you stand.

00:03:32.880 And I've spent, gosh, the last two months,

00:03:35.960 two and a half, three months,

00:03:36.900 really focused on how to regulate my own nervous system.

00:03:40.920 And I can tell you,

00:03:41.580 I fall prey to all the things

00:03:42.860 that I'm gonna talk with you about today,

00:03:44.280 but I don't want to not know where I stand.

00:03:47.960 Not with myself, not with other people,

00:03:50.100 not with business,

00:03:50.840 not with any aspect of my life.

00:03:53.140 And when we do that, what ends up happening,

00:03:55.900 and guys, again, ask yourself if this is you.

00:03:58.820 Are you a chronic overthinker?

00:04:03.140 Do you often hesitate making decisions in your life?

00:04:08.600 That's why simple decisions feel really,

00:04:11.460 really complicated to you.

00:04:12.940 And we all know people like this,

00:04:14.180 if we're not these people ourselves.

00:04:16.000 I haven't had too much problem making decisions in my life.

00:04:18.920 I tend to be an underthinker than an overthinker,

00:04:22.520 but it does happen.

00:04:24.900 And it's not weakness.

00:04:26.300 It's unresolved clarity.

00:04:29.900 You don't have any idea of where you're going.

00:04:33.320 Your energy leak isn't really that

00:04:36.420 you're just putting too much effort in

00:04:38.040 and you're tired and physically exhausted.

00:04:39.620 You have all the energy in the world.

00:04:41.260 It's your indecision.

00:04:44.440 Think about that.

00:04:45.280 Let me say that again.

00:04:46.260 The energy leak that you have in your life

00:04:48.660 is not in the effort that you're putting forth.

00:04:51.620 It's in your indecision.

00:04:54.800 All right, number two.

00:04:56.300 Clarity creates confidence.

00:04:59.380 And I'll tell you why.

00:05:00.740 Because it settles the nervous system.

00:05:03.680 When you finally make a decision

00:05:05.740 and start acting on what you want,

00:05:08.360 what you value,

00:05:10.560 what you will and will not tolerate

00:05:13.240 in different relationships,

00:05:14.420 your body begins to relax.

00:05:16.880 You become at ease.

00:05:18.280 You become congruent with who you actually are.

00:05:21.060 There's this phrase I often talk about

00:05:24.940 called the integrity gap.

00:05:26.140 And I'm not sure if I coined that years and years ago.

00:05:28.580 I've seen it pop up now and again,

00:05:30.200 but, or I got that from somewhere else.

00:05:31.820 It's been so long,

00:05:32.820 everything blends together at this point.

00:05:34.920 But there's this integrity gap.

00:05:36.780 And the gap is between

00:05:37.980 what we know we ought to be doing,

00:05:41.180 or at least the way we're thinking

00:05:42.440 about life and experiences

00:05:43.680 and what we're actually doing.

00:05:45.100 And when that happens,

00:05:47.360 it creates uncertainty.

00:05:50.040 It creates confusion.

00:05:51.100 It creates stress that's unnecessary.

00:05:55.520 Clear men,

00:05:56.900 they don't rush through things.

00:05:59.000 They don't posture.

00:06:01.040 They don't have to explain themselves

00:06:03.060 unnecessarily or excessively.

00:06:05.020 They move deliberately and intentionally

00:06:07.400 because they've already decided.

00:06:10.100 And when you've already made those decisions,

00:06:12.220 the, what is it, FOMO, fear of missing out,

00:06:15.340 that doesn't impact you.

00:06:17.860 You know, there's all sorts of events

00:06:19.040 and podcast opportunities

00:06:20.380 and experiences that I could partake in

00:06:22.460 because I get asked quite frequently

00:06:23.840 just by the nature of my job.

00:06:26.220 But when I decline something,

00:06:28.200 I don't have FOMO

00:06:29.940 because I made a conscious decision.

00:06:32.540 I'm clear about the decisions that I'm making.

00:06:36.100 Guys, confidence isn't loud.

00:06:37.840 It's not boisterous.

00:06:40.040 Confidence is calm.

00:06:41.280 It's grounded.

00:06:42.560 It's reassuring.

00:06:44.240 It's settling.

00:06:46.080 And you can feel it

00:06:47.180 when a man walks into a room

00:06:48.720 that maybe you don't know

00:06:49.400 or never seen before

00:06:50.320 and doesn't need anything from the room

00:06:52.660 or from the people in it.

00:06:54.280 That calmness, that confidence,

00:06:56.140 it comes from clarity,

00:06:57.140 knowing exactly what he wants,

00:06:59.320 pursuing it.

00:07:00.580 And it's not really his personality

00:07:03.420 or his charisma

00:07:05.120 or the X factor we often hear about.

00:07:07.980 It's just clarity.

00:07:08.900 That's all it is.

00:07:09.460 A man who's clear gets what he wants.

00:07:13.260 All right, number three.

00:07:15.060 Why men avoid clarity?

00:07:17.580 And it's really important that you understand this,

00:07:19.560 especially if you're a man who often deviates

00:07:22.420 or can't make decisions or overthinks.

00:07:25.240 And here's the really uncomfortable truth about it.

00:07:28.160 Most men aren't unclear in their life

00:07:31.980 because they don't know.

00:07:33.260 They're unclear because the clarity

00:07:37.180 that they need to communicate,

00:07:38.740 it requires courage.

00:07:42.400 Think about that.

00:07:44.020 Whether it's a romantic relationship,

00:07:45.940 maybe a business venture,

00:07:47.180 you're thinking about starting a business,

00:07:48.620 you're thinking about asking that woman on a date,

00:07:50.320 you're thinking about telling your wife

00:07:51.540 how you feel about her,

00:07:52.400 you're thinking about talking with a client

00:07:55.860 or having a conversation with your kids

00:07:57.500 or bringing something up in life.

00:07:59.920 It's not that you don't already know the answer.

00:08:03.760 I mean, we've got 70, what, 5,000 roughly guys

00:08:07.100 in our Facebook group.

00:08:09.240 We've got 1,000 guys in the Iron Council.

00:08:11.580 We've got 300 and almost 50,000 guys on YouTube.

00:08:15.040 The guys who are having a hard time

00:08:18.320 or asking questions about,

00:08:20.700 what should I do in this scenario?

00:08:21.880 Aren't asking because they don't know.

00:08:23.980 They're asking because they don't have the courage

00:08:26.180 to do what they know they ought to be doing.

00:08:31.860 That's the real issue.

00:08:33.280 That's the root of the problem.

00:08:34.580 So if you don't have clarity in your life,

00:08:36.280 ask yourself,

00:08:36.980 is it that I don't have clarity

00:08:38.180 or is it that I don't have courage

00:08:39.740 to do something about it?

00:08:42.480 Because the reality is,

00:08:43.820 is that clarity might demand

00:08:46.560 that you disappoint some people, right?

00:08:51.600 Maybe you're dating a few women 0.98

00:08:53.120 and you are trying to make a decision

00:08:55.860 on who you want to pursue

00:08:57.520 as a long-term relationship.

00:08:59.380 And if you want to be clear to yourself

00:09:02.020 and fair to those other women you're dating,

00:09:04.480 then you need to be courageous and say,

00:09:06.380 hey, I'm not going to do this.

00:09:07.580 I'm pursuing something else.

00:09:10.720 If you're thinking about starting a business

00:09:12.800 and maybe you're in a relatively secure

00:09:15.840 employment position right now,

00:09:18.620 it's going to be pretty hard to walk away

00:09:21.760 from that residual income or that paycheck.

00:09:25.060 I know because I did it 11 years ago

00:09:27.200 to start Order of Man.

00:09:28.820 And when I did, I disappointed people.

00:09:30.740 I disappointed my boss.

00:09:31.780 I disappointed people who invested in me.

00:09:33.360 I disappointed some of my clients

00:09:35.420 who didn't want to come over.

00:09:36.620 And like, it just happens.

00:09:38.960 And you have to wrap your head around the fact

00:09:41.100 that you're going to disappoint some people.

00:09:42.720 It also might create some conflict.

00:09:44.760 People are going to be mad at you.

00:09:47.560 I was talking with someone the other day

00:09:48.540 and they said they started implementing boundaries

00:09:50.240 in their life and their significant other

00:09:53.360 got really upset and mad about the boundaries

00:09:56.840 they were enacting because they weren't used to it.

00:10:01.720 But the courage and the clarity demanded

00:10:03.900 that they start enacting boundaries

00:10:05.400 and people don't always like that

00:10:06.720 because they're used to you the way that you currently are.

00:10:09.840 The other thing it's going to do,

00:10:10.920 it's going to force you to act.

00:10:12.140 It's going to force you to make decisions

00:10:15.380 and actually do something about it.

00:10:17.120 And then when you act, you have to own that.

00:10:21.260 Not only the positive outcome, but the negative outcome.

00:10:23.580 If it was just the positive,

00:10:24.500 we wouldn't have any issue with it.

00:10:25.600 It's the negative, it's the hardship.

00:10:27.660 So what men do is they tell themselves,

00:10:31.060 well, you know, I'm just being patient

00:10:32.620 or I'm waiting for the right time

00:10:35.840 or another one I often hear,

00:10:37.040 if it's in, if it's God's will.

00:10:40.220 Those are lies, guys.

00:10:42.960 God's will, I'll give you that one a little bit,

00:10:45.480 but that's, when I hear people say that,

00:10:48.300 it's very passive.

00:10:49.680 It's not an assertive position.

00:10:53.340 You don't need to be patient.

00:10:55.160 You don't need to wait for the right time.

00:10:56.880 You don't need to convince yourself if it's God's will.

00:10:58.960 God's will is that you go forth

00:11:00.760 and move in the direction that you've been called to move.

00:11:04.440 Because patience,

00:11:08.000 and I'm using that term liberally,

00:11:10.260 patience, quotations,

00:11:12.080 without direction becomes avoidance.

00:11:16.900 And that's what most men are doing.

00:11:18.540 They're just avoiding.

00:11:20.540 And they're packaging it and wrapping it up

00:11:22.900 so they can swallow it in being patient

00:11:25.480 and waiting for the right time.

00:11:26.780 And if it's God's will, that sort of thing.

00:11:29.360 And avoidance always turns into resentment in your life.

00:11:32.580 And so if you're resentful about why you haven't got lucky,

00:11:35.220 why everybody else gets theirs

00:11:36.680 and you can't seem to get yours

00:11:38.120 and all this kind of stuff,

00:11:39.700 well, that's because you're avoiding

00:11:42.300 what you should be doing.

00:11:43.240 And the people who are having success in their life,

00:11:45.300 barring, you know, hitting the lottery

00:11:46.720 and some random stroke of luck

00:11:48.560 are actually the ones out there not justifying,

00:11:52.680 not rationalizing,

00:11:54.100 not being quote-unquote patient.

00:11:56.460 They're out there getting after it

00:11:57.780 and being clear about what they want.

00:12:01.680 So you really have to consider

00:12:04.300 what you avoid clarifying

00:12:09.020 will eventually confront you.

00:12:14.800 But when it confronts you,

00:12:16.280 it's going to be bigger and scarier.

00:12:19.060 It's going to be a bigger monster to deal with

00:12:21.260 because you didn't handle it

00:12:24.020 when it was a little baby.

00:12:25.080 And so you let it mature

00:12:26.320 and you let it develop.

00:12:27.280 You let it build

00:12:28.260 and gain all this threat against you.

00:12:33.840 And you let that happen

00:12:35.140 because you couldn't take action.

00:12:36.440 And so now you're going to be faced to confront it,

00:12:38.400 whether it's your wife finally tells you

00:12:40.480 she wants a divorce, 1.00

00:12:41.800 whether your business starts to crumble

00:12:44.620 because you aren't staying on top of it,

00:12:46.580 whether you get diagnosed with a medical condition

00:12:48.740 because you weren't in the gym

00:12:49.960 and eating right and getting after it.

00:12:51.780 But whatever you're not clarifying in your life,

00:12:54.520 trust, guys.

00:12:55.080 It will eventually come after you.

00:12:57.800 And it's going to be rough when it does.

00:12:59.420 So be proactive.

00:13:01.160 All right, number four,

00:13:02.500 clarity is respect.

00:13:04.500 It's not aggression.

00:13:05.640 It's not bravado.

00:13:06.600 It's not ego.

00:13:07.400 It's not arrogance.

00:13:08.200 It's respect.

00:13:09.520 And all of us as men,

00:13:10.800 that is our love language.

00:13:12.020 You know, the five love languages

00:13:13.640 with acts of service

00:13:15.500 and words of affirmation

00:13:17.380 and physical touch.

00:13:18.840 All that stuff is great.

00:13:19.960 But at the end of the day,

00:13:21.280 what we as men generally want is respect.

00:13:24.520 And respect is a signifier of competence.

00:13:28.720 Clarity is respect.

00:13:31.540 A lot of men,

00:13:33.820 especially recovering nice guys,

00:13:35.560 will confuse clarity with just being harsh.

00:13:40.580 They worry that, you know,

00:13:41.820 I don't want to hurt her by saying that.

00:13:43.660 I don't want to rock the boat.

00:13:46.460 I don't want to seem too rigid. 0.99

00:13:48.340 I don't want to be perceived as a jerk. 0.94

00:13:51.180 But clarity isn't aggressive. 1.00

00:13:53.000 I'm not telling you to be aggressive and a jerk. 0.99

00:13:54.880 It's respectful. 0.99

00:13:56.660 It respects your time.

00:13:58.340 It respects your energy.

00:14:00.180 It respects your values and your dreams

00:14:02.280 and your desires and your wants.

00:14:03.940 But it also respects the other person's ability

00:14:07.680 to respond honestly,

00:14:09.340 to be honest with you,

00:14:10.840 to communicate effectively with you,

00:14:13.900 for them to make their own decisions in their life

00:14:17.120 and for you to give them the opportunity to do that.

00:14:21.340 When we stay vague,

00:14:24.300 we're not being kind.

00:14:27.840 A lot of men think that.

00:14:29.320 Like, oh,

00:14:29.620 if I just tiptoe around this

00:14:31.740 and walk on eggshells

00:14:32.900 and try not to hurt anybody,

00:14:34.180 well, you know,

00:14:34.500 I'm just being soft and being kind

00:14:36.080 and letting people down gently.

00:14:37.300 That's not what you're doing.

00:14:38.160 You're being unclear.

00:14:39.620 You're being weak.

00:14:40.520 Frankly, that's what you're being.

00:14:41.420 You're being weak.

00:14:42.440 And you're hurting people.

00:14:45.360 You know,

00:14:45.760 if you've got an issue to bring up

00:14:46.960 with your significant other,

00:14:47.860 but you're tiptoeing

00:14:48.720 and you're walking on eggshells

00:14:49.960 and you're not telling them the truth,

00:14:51.100 how are they going to improve?

00:14:54.060 How are they going to meet you

00:14:55.120 where you want to be met?

00:14:56.080 And trust me, guys,

00:14:57.580 the women in your life,

00:14:58.560 they want to meet you

00:14:59.680 where you want to be met,

00:15:01.480 but they don't know where to go

00:15:02.900 because you're not talking about it.

00:15:06.620 And isn't that a frustrating thing for you

00:15:08.360 when you believe that your woman 0.68

00:15:11.180 wants you to guess

00:15:12.280 and read between the lines?

00:15:13.380 Well, you're doing the same thing

00:15:14.340 when you're being vague

00:15:15.780 about what you want.

00:15:16.740 Be clear.

00:15:17.960 Hey, babe, I love you.

00:15:19.000 This is what I'm after.

00:15:19.820 This is where I want to go.

00:15:20.780 This is the direction I'm heading

00:15:21.820 and I want you to be part of it.

00:15:22.960 And what do you think?

00:15:24.780 Man, I'm telling you,

00:15:26.820 to our female listeners,

00:15:28.600 that would be a breath of fresh air

00:15:30.920 because what we think as men is,

00:15:32.500 oh, that's being weak.

00:15:33.260 That's being passive. 0.98

00:15:33.980 That's being cowardly

00:15:34.860 or like that's or oppositely

00:15:37.300 that's being mean

00:15:38.740 or too aggressive.

00:15:40.460 And to a woman,

00:15:41.540 what it actually signifies is,

00:15:42.840 oh, God, finally a leader.

00:15:46.420 Finally, a man who says what he wants.

00:15:49.280 He speaks what's on his mind.

00:15:51.400 He's not unregulated.

00:15:53.280 He's not unhinged.

00:15:55.620 But he talks about what he wants.

00:15:57.160 He talks about what he's after.

00:15:58.420 He gives direction.

00:15:59.220 He gives clarity.

00:15:59.880 He leads effectively.

00:16:01.320 Guys, when you stay vague,

00:16:02.780 you're not being kind.

00:16:04.420 Again, you're being unclear.

00:16:05.720 And unclear men create unstable,

00:16:09.320 fragile relationships,

00:16:11.260 broken teams,

00:16:14.000 contentious households,

00:16:15.660 just how it works.

00:16:17.640 All right, number five, application.

00:16:20.580 The most important thing right here.

00:16:22.840 This is where clarity is missing.

00:16:26.580 Okay, I want you to look inward

00:16:27.880 for a minute here.

00:16:29.080 And I want you to think about something.

00:16:31.800 Hopefully, you have a journal

00:16:32.780 or maybe you can take some notes

00:16:34.400 or you can reflect on this later

00:16:35.540 if you're driving.

00:16:36.840 But a relationship, for example,

00:16:39.400 that feels draining

00:16:40.300 or maybe you're dealing with a decision

00:16:44.140 that you've been delaying.

00:16:46.780 Maybe there's a standard

00:16:48.000 that you have for yourself

00:16:49.140 that you've been negotiating down

00:16:50.780 for yourself or other people.

00:16:54.020 And then I want you to ask yourself

00:16:55.360 what am I unwilling

00:16:59.020 to get clear about?

00:17:02.380 Is it your bank account balance?

00:17:05.320 Is it jumping on the scale?

00:17:09.680 Is it asking your wife

00:17:12.180 how she feels about the relationship?

00:17:16.200 Is it stepping away

00:17:17.440 from that employment

00:17:18.520 that you've been miserable at

00:17:19.700 for the last two decades?

00:17:20.700 It's like, what is it

00:17:21.660 that you are unclear about?

00:17:25.820 It's not, what do I not know?

00:17:28.380 It's not like, you know.

00:17:31.160 No.

00:17:31.920 I'm saying,

00:17:32.620 what are you unwilling

00:17:33.440 to get clear about?

00:17:35.360 What are you avoiding?

00:17:38.720 What clarity are you pushing aside

00:17:42.240 because you know

00:17:43.440 it's going to require you

00:17:44.260 to do something?

00:17:44.800 It takes some honesty, right?

00:17:48.740 To say, hey, I'm going to

00:17:49.720 I'm going to jump on the scale

00:17:51.380 and I'm, you know,

00:17:52.300 80 pounds overweight

00:17:53.060 and so I'm going to make that real

00:17:55.200 and I'm actually going to do

00:17:56.400 something about it.

00:17:57.320 Or my marriage has been in the dumps

00:17:59.940 for the past two years

00:18:00.960 and I know it has

00:18:03.700 but, you know,

00:18:05.440 I go to bed lonely.

00:18:06.320 She goes to bed lonely.

00:18:07.120 Maybe I sleep on the couch.

00:18:08.140 Maybe we haven't had sex for years.

00:18:09.540 Like whatever,

00:18:10.520 whatever symptom you're dealing with.

00:18:14.340 Okay.

00:18:14.760 Well, probably time

00:18:15.840 for a conversation with her

00:18:17.040 because if you don't bring it up,

00:18:19.060 she will.

00:18:19.780 Whether it's in the next two days,

00:18:21.680 two months or two years,

00:18:22.560 she'll bring it up at some point

00:18:23.740 and you'll be left wanting.

00:18:27.200 Guys, the last thing

00:18:28.000 I want to share with you

00:18:28.680 and I'll close it down for today

00:18:29.860 is I want you to make

00:18:31.140 some decisions this weekend.

00:18:34.000 I don't want to inspire you

00:18:35.680 and motivate you.

00:18:36.660 I want you to have direction.

00:18:39.540 So this week,

00:18:40.440 I want you to choose

00:18:41.320 just one thing,

00:18:42.480 one simple thing.

00:18:43.760 Not easy.

00:18:44.540 I'm not saying it's easy.

00:18:45.660 I've had four conversations

00:18:47.300 since January 1

00:18:48.400 with people that I have needed

00:18:49.580 to apologize with

00:18:50.600 and make amends

00:18:51.440 to the degree that I could

00:18:52.360 and not a single one

00:18:53.420 of those conversations

00:18:54.200 was comfortable for me.

00:18:56.620 In fact,

00:18:58.080 most,

00:18:59.120 all four of the conversations

00:19:00.160 that I had

00:19:00.840 when I reached out initially,

00:19:02.060 I was hoping that they would

00:19:03.180 not respond to me

00:19:04.180 and all four did.

00:19:05.280 And I got on the phone

00:19:06.220 with these individuals

00:19:06.880 and I explained my position

00:19:08.300 and I said,

00:19:08.760 I'm sorry

00:19:09.200 and I explained

00:19:09.900 where I was at

00:19:10.540 and that's it.

00:19:13.300 And fortunately,

00:19:14.760 it doesn't always work out

00:19:15.900 like this,

00:19:16.280 but fortunately,

00:19:16.800 all four of those individuals

00:19:17.740 were very graceful

00:19:18.820 in the way

00:19:21.480 they received

00:19:22.100 my apology.

00:19:23.480 So it worked out well,

00:19:24.620 but it was scary.

00:19:27.080 It was.

00:19:28.700 Starting a business

00:19:29.540 is scary.

00:19:32.160 Asking a woman 1.00

00:19:32.840 on a date

00:19:33.280 is scary.

00:19:35.260 Opening your heart

00:19:36.200 again

00:19:36.640 is scary.

00:19:38.740 Talking with your wife

00:19:39.920 about

00:19:40.500 how the marriage

00:19:42.200 has not been good for you

00:19:43.380 or for her

00:19:43.960 is scary.

00:19:46.280 Getting on the scale.

00:19:47.760 Opening your bank account balance.

00:19:49.100 Guys,

00:19:49.560 like,

00:19:50.140 enough of the,

00:19:51.240 just the bravado

00:19:52.220 of like,

00:19:52.780 I'm good,

00:19:53.380 everything's good.

00:19:54.120 No,

00:19:54.280 it's not.

00:19:54.680 It's not good.

00:19:55.940 Some of your life

00:19:57.400 probably is,

00:19:58.200 but be honest.

00:19:58.900 If you're not going to do it

00:19:59.760 with me

00:20:00.180 or anybody else

00:20:00.900 in your life,

00:20:01.340 then do it for yourself.

00:20:02.280 Pull up the bank account balance.

00:20:05.040 Jump on the scale.

00:20:06.180 Yeah,

00:20:06.360 it's going to be ugly. 0.97

00:20:08.140 Talk to your wife. 0.96

00:20:08.880 It's going to be brutal.

00:20:09.900 And she's going to be like,

00:20:10.400 yeah,

00:20:10.520 I'm not happy either.

00:20:11.640 That's what she's going to say.

00:20:12.520 When you go say,

00:20:13.180 hey,

00:20:13.400 you know what,

00:20:13.780 babe, 0.51

00:20:13.940 we got to sit down

00:20:14.580 and we're going to have

00:20:15.020 this conversation.

00:20:15.780 You tell her,

00:20:16.620 hey,

00:20:16.700 I'm not happy,

00:20:17.460 but I want to be.

00:20:19.800 I want this to be a thing for us.

00:20:21.760 And you know what she's going to say?

00:20:22.760 Yeah,

00:20:22.940 I'm not happy either.

00:20:25.380 And then both of you

00:20:26.340 are going to breathe

00:20:27.280 this big sigh of relief

00:20:29.080 because you're finally

00:20:29.860 talking about it.

00:20:30.900 you're finally being clear

00:20:34.020 about what you want,

00:20:36.060 what you need.

00:20:36.580 And she's going to be

00:20:37.260 so relieved

00:20:38.260 because she's had

00:20:39.060 all of this pressure on her

00:20:40.860 literally for years.

00:20:42.280 And that's no joke.

00:20:43.600 That's scientifically documented.

00:20:45.540 For years,

00:20:46.300 she's been feeling this way.

00:20:48.280 And she's waiting for you

00:20:49.840 to do something about it.

00:20:53.140 It's time to do something about it.

00:20:56.580 It's one conversation,

00:20:58.860 not the conversation.

00:21:00.360 It's just one.

00:21:01.640 It's one boundary.

00:21:02.780 It's one decision.

00:21:04.280 And handle it like a man,

00:21:05.540 not aggressively,

00:21:06.660 not emotionally.

00:21:07.820 Again,

00:21:07.980 we want to be emotionally regulated,

00:21:09.760 but calmly,

00:21:11.380 clearly,

00:21:13.620 decisively.

00:21:16.400 Confidence just doesn't show up

00:21:18.060 when life gets easier.

00:21:19.300 It might feel like that.

00:21:20.440 When everything's going well,

00:21:21.560 you might think,

00:21:22.040 I'm really confident.

00:21:22.900 No,

00:21:23.080 you're not confident.

00:21:24.180 It's just going well.

00:21:25.800 It's a trick.

00:21:30.320 You think you're good.

00:21:31.520 You think you're confident,

00:21:32.480 but you're not.

00:21:32.860 Everything's just good.

00:21:34.180 Can you be confident

00:21:35.240 when things aren't good?

00:21:36.300 And that's where clarity steps in.

00:21:38.940 Confidence shows up

00:21:39.880 when you decide.

00:21:41.800 So,

00:21:42.340 if your life,

00:21:43.140 guys,

00:21:43.400 feels uncertain,

00:21:44.440 it's not because you're weak.

00:21:49.040 It's not because

00:21:50.200 you don't have what it takes.

00:21:52.780 It's because you just

00:21:53.660 haven't decided yet.

00:21:55.640 You don't,

00:21:56.300 you don't lack confidence.

00:21:58.500 You've just been

00:21:59.500 delaying

00:22:00.840 and negotiating

00:22:01.840 with clarity.

00:22:03.140 So,

00:22:03.600 don't do that.

00:22:04.900 Do something else.

00:22:06.000 Get clear.

00:22:07.020 Get out of notepad.

00:22:08.320 Here's the things

00:22:08.960 I want to address

00:22:09.620 in these key areas of my life.

00:22:11.220 Here's the people

00:22:11.720 I need to involve

00:22:12.400 in these decisions.

00:22:13.440 Here's the conversations

00:22:14.260 I need to have

00:22:14.980 and here's how

00:22:15.640 I'm going to do it

00:22:16.200 and I'm going to start

00:22:16.980 right now.

00:22:19.500 If you want

00:22:20.140 some additional

00:22:20.620 conversations like this

00:22:21.860 and you want

00:22:22.600 a

00:22:23.040 band of brothers,

00:22:25.700 men who are

00:22:26.400 quite literally

00:22:27.320 in your corner

00:22:28.380 rooting for you,

00:22:29.560 cheering you on,

00:22:30.760 celebrating,

00:22:32.260 giving you a kick

00:22:32.900 in the pants

00:22:33.360 when you need it,

00:22:34.260 when you're down

00:22:35.020 on yourself,

00:22:36.140 wrapping their arm

00:22:36.680 around your shoulder

00:22:37.400 and saying,

00:22:37.820 hey man,

00:22:38.080 you got this

00:22:38.600 or maybe saying,

00:22:39.300 hey man,

00:22:39.700 stop acting like that.

00:22:40.740 It's time to step up.

00:22:41.980 I have men like that

00:22:42.880 in my life

00:22:43.320 and they're part

00:22:43.740 of the Iron Council.

00:22:45.060 I am the founder

00:22:46.040 of Order Man

00:22:46.920 and Iron Council,

00:22:47.780 but like the old,

00:22:48.780 I think it was

00:22:49.380 Rogaine commercials,

00:22:50.380 not only am I

00:22:51.140 the president,

00:22:51.880 but I'm also a client.

00:22:54.000 I do the same thing

00:22:55.120 that I'm asking

00:22:55.960 you guys to do.

00:22:56.740 I would not ask you

00:22:57.540 to do something

00:22:58.060 that I'm not doing myself.

00:22:59.400 I have in the past.

00:23:00.780 We're not always

00:23:01.720 men of integrity,

00:23:02.480 but I am now

00:23:03.560 and I've got a battle team

00:23:05.240 just like I'm encouraging

00:23:06.080 you to have a battle team

00:23:06.900 in your life,

00:23:07.400 10 to 15 men

00:23:08.180 who are going to walk

00:23:09.020 through life

00:23:09.880 with you.

00:23:11.540 Join us

00:23:12.200 in the Iron Council

00:23:13.080 at orderaman.com

00:23:14.420 slash Iron Council.

00:23:15.540 But guys,

00:23:15.960 at the end of the day,

00:23:16.760 what I really,

00:23:18.060 really want you to know

00:23:18.840 is that it's clarity

00:23:20.040 that creates confidence

00:23:21.560 and conversely,

00:23:22.920 the action

00:23:23.440 that's required

00:23:24.400 to move forward

00:23:25.960 clearly.

00:23:27.340 All right, guys,

00:23:27.760 I hope that helped.

00:23:28.340 If it did,

00:23:28.760 take a screenshot,

00:23:29.480 send it to a brother

00:23:30.080 or your father,

00:23:30.760 your cousin,

00:23:31.220 your uncle,

00:23:31.700 your colleague,

00:23:32.180 your coworker.

00:23:33.240 Join us

00:23:33.720 in the Iron Council

00:23:34.440 orderaman.com

00:23:35.280 slash Iron Council.

00:23:36.800 Join us also

00:23:37.260 at the Men's Forge,

00:23:38.420 themensforge.com

00:23:39.740 April 23rd

00:23:40.780 through the 26th

00:23:41.640 in St. Louis.

00:23:43.060 Love to see you there.

00:23:44.140 Myself,

00:23:45.320 Larry Hagner

00:23:46.320 with the Dad Edge,

00:23:47.300 Dwayne Noel,

00:23:48.240 and we've got

00:23:48.880 three other speakers

00:23:50.360 that we may have

00:23:52.080 locked down

00:23:53.020 and one of them,

00:23:55.920 I think I can go ahead

00:23:56.840 and announce this,

00:23:57.700 Frank Schwartz,

00:23:58.420 who is the CEO

00:23:59.640 of F3.

00:24:02.360 So for any of you

00:24:03.160 F3 guys, 0.78

00:24:04.500 Frank's going to be

00:24:05.080 out there

00:24:05.580 and he's going to speak

00:24:07.600 and he's going to run

00:24:08.280 some F3 events for us

00:24:09.580 while we're out there

00:24:10.160 at the Forge.

00:24:10.800 Go to themensforge.com.

00:24:14.060 All right, guys,

00:24:14.660 we'll be back next week

00:24:15.540 for our interview.

00:24:16.140 Until then,

00:24:16.480 go out there,

00:24:16.840 take action,

00:24:18.100 get clear,

00:24:19.000 get confident

00:24:19.660 and become the man

00:24:20.840 you are meant to be.

00:24:22.800 Thank you for listening

00:24:23.700 to the Order of Man podcast.

00:24:25.800 If you're ready

00:24:26.140 to take charge of your life

00:24:27.400 and be more of the man

00:24:28.540 you were meant to be,

00:24:29.820 we invite you to join

00:24:30.740 the order

00:24:31.140 at orderofman.com.

00:24:33.160 The Order of Man

00:24:34.500 The Order of Man

00:24:35.080 The Order of Man

00:24:36.420 The Order of Man

00:24:37.000 The Order of Man

00:24:37.540 The Order of Man

00:24:38.420 The Order of Man

00:24:39.760 The Order of Man

00:24:40.340 Is the Order of Man

00:24:40.800 The Order of Man

Order of Man - February 06, 2026

Clarity Creates Confidence ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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