Order of Man - Confronting a Cheating Spouse, Life Lessons from Jiu-Jitsu, and Working with Emotional Children

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.060 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.520 You are not easily deterred, defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:15.560 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.800 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.060 Kip, what's up, man? Glad to have you back on the AMA.

00:00:28.680 You're communicating with a different guy based on the length of my beard this week.

00:00:33.640 Yeah, I thought that was Brian Mitchler, but I realized it was you.

00:00:39.240 Yeah, it is me. A little smaller beard. A little lower on the pride a little bit, but here we are nonetheless.

00:00:48.860 Yeah, I'm enjoying – for the YouTube guys, for the people that's not subscribed to YouTube, you've got to check this out.

00:00:56.460 Get subscribed. Right, exactly.

00:00:58.200 Yeah, right. Just has like a serious soul patch. That's all – he shaved everything, and he just has this soul patch going on.

00:01:04.320 Soul patch, flavor saver. What other names can we come up with?

00:01:09.320 Oh, man. Yes.

00:01:10.780 You said it, not me.

00:01:11.780 Yeah, this morning I just – I've been thinking about it for a while because jiu-jitsu has been kicking my trash lately with getting the beard pulled on and whatever.

00:01:25.000 So I've been thinking about it for a while, and this morning I just – I went into the bathroom, and I'm like, all right, hon, I'm doing this.

00:01:30.640 And she's like, okay. So I'm like, what do you think? Like here, and I had the scissors held up to my beard.

00:01:34.680 I'm like, you think here? She's like, no, I think that's too short because she likes my longer beard.

00:01:37.980 And she's like, no, I think that's too short. I'm like, really? I'm like, no. And I just did it.

00:01:43.080 And she's like, whoa. And all the – like my little girl was in there, and one of my boys was in there.

00:01:48.160 They're like, no, because they actually like the beard. So, yeah, it's a little different.

00:01:52.900 My neck's cold, but other than that, I'm pretty good.

00:01:55.900 Do any of your kids not like the beard?

00:01:59.200 No. Well, they don't – none of them know me without it.

00:02:02.840 I guess my oldest, really. My oldest is almost 12 now, so he was seven when I started growing my beard.

00:02:11.200 But the rest were – well, like my second was four years old. Yeah, four years old.

00:02:17.180 So – and my other two don't know anything but me having a beard, so it's weird to them.

00:02:22.800 Yeah. My six-year-old, whenever I shave, she's like, oh, I don't like it.

00:02:27.320 You don't even look like my dad. You look like some young guy.

00:02:30.940 Yeah. Yeah, she's like totally weirded out, but it's funny.

00:02:34.040 It is what it is. So here we are. Well, we got some good questions this week.

00:02:37.160 I'm excited to get into them. I perused some of them and saw some of them.

00:02:41.380 So these are all coming from our Brotherhood, the Iron Council, I think, this week.

00:02:45.820 Yeah. Yes, sir. And it was great having you out.

00:02:49.540 The guys who met up with us in Salt Lake and get some training on – when was that? Thursday morning?

00:02:54.940 Was that Thursday morning? Yeah, Thursday.

00:02:56.520 Yeah, we did a little jujitsu training, a little no-gi, which, man, that is a completely different animal for me than –

00:03:04.200 because most of my training is with a gi, so a completely different animal.

00:03:07.880 Yeah, it's good though.

00:03:09.560 It's fun.

00:03:10.780 Marcus is going to assume that you shaved that beard because he called you out about choking you with your beard on Facebook.

00:03:18.800 That's true.

00:03:19.260 And then you go shave it like two days later.

00:03:21.300 That's true.

00:03:22.020 Well, I told him, I said, I'm immune to beard chokes, and he's like, I'll put that to the test, and then I trim it.

00:03:26.820 So maybe he will think.

00:03:28.780 Yeah.

00:03:29.800 It's not looking good on your part.

00:03:31.380 No.

00:03:31.980 We'll see.

00:03:32.400 We'll see how it goes.

00:03:33.880 I fear I just expose my neck even more, and I'll just get tapped out more on chokes than I'm used to.

00:03:38.700 But we'll see how it turns out.

00:03:41.300 Yeah.

00:03:42.200 Good times.

00:03:42.980 I almost got another stripe on my belt last night.

00:03:46.200 What do you mean?

00:03:46.600 Hold on.

00:03:47.480 You almost got another stripe?

00:03:49.180 I don't even understand how you almost got one.

00:03:51.020 And Pete was like, if you can pass my guard, I'll give you a stripe.

00:03:55.520 And I'm like, okay.

00:03:59.020 And, man, I tried so hard.

00:04:01.580 And he was just sitting there laughing the whole time.

00:04:04.520 He's like, and we got done.

00:04:06.220 It was like a 10-minute round.

00:04:07.280 We got done, and I didn't pass his guard.

00:04:09.980 And he's like, stripes are hard to get here, Mickler.

00:04:12.840 Stripes are hard to get here.

00:04:17.080 That makes it worse.

00:04:18.420 Because let's see the translation.

00:04:21.340 Here's the translation.

00:04:22.640 I think you've gotten good enough to be awarded a stripe, but I'm not sure.

00:04:27.980 And then the answer was, no, you're not.

00:04:30.100 You're not.

00:04:31.160 My suspicion was correct.

00:04:34.560 Yeah.

00:04:35.080 That stinks.

00:04:36.020 No, it was good.

00:04:36.680 No, it's good.

00:04:37.080 I want it to be hard.

00:04:38.060 Like, if it wasn't hard, it wouldn't mean anything.

00:04:39.620 So, you got to earn it, man.

00:04:41.420 You got to earn it.

00:04:42.740 Love it.

00:04:43.420 Yeah.

00:04:43.620 I love it.

00:04:44.040 It's funny how a little strip of medical tape on a piece of fabric starts becoming meaningful.

00:04:49.900 I know.

00:04:50.260 It's like this little 10-cent piece of tape, and it means the world to you.

00:04:53.920 So, we'll get there.

00:04:54.860 We'll get there.

00:04:56.280 All right.

00:04:56.900 So, like Mr. Mickler already said, these questions were filled in from the Iron Council, our exclusive brotherhood.

00:05:02.800 To learn more, go to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:05:06.740 All right.

00:05:07.300 First question.

00:05:07.840 Brian Dunnigan, what are some of the most important lessons that you've learned from Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu?

00:05:15.440 Man, there's a lot here.

00:05:18.560 I think the first one is, and I don't know that these are in order, but I would say consistency is big.

00:05:25.620 Because when I started doing Jiu-Jitsu about a year and a half ago, I want to say it was like August, July, July, August, somewhere in there of 2018.

00:05:39.680 Yeah, 2018.

00:05:41.760 I went for like three classes, and then I went to Origins Immersion Camp, and I came back, and I maybe did like one.

00:05:47.800 He's like, that's good enough.

00:05:49.020 Right.

00:05:49.460 And I maybe did like one or two.

00:05:50.940 Yeah, I know enough.

00:05:51.820 I got this.

00:05:52.380 Maybe did like one or two more classes, then kind of phased out.

00:05:56.820 But then when I got here to Maine in July, end of June, beginning of July of last year, 2019, I have been super consistent since then.

00:06:07.020 So for the past seven months now, you know, I've been very, very consistent.

00:06:12.740 And I think that's like anything, you know, is we have to maintain a level of consistency.

00:06:19.040 Jiu-Jitsu to me seems like it could be perishable.

00:06:21.940 I mean, a lot of the principles you're going to learn and hold on to, but it's perishable, just like most skill sets are.

00:06:28.640 And people are getting better around you.

00:06:30.280 And so whether it's business or relationships or any facet of your life, like it's not enough just to go once a week and say, okay, you know, I filled my quota for the week.

00:06:38.080 Like you have to be very, very consistent about doing it.

00:06:40.720 So that's been good.

00:06:42.420 The other thing that I can think of that comes off right off the top of my mind is just not like bull rushing everything, not like muscling everything and trying to like strong arm everything.

00:06:55.000 Cause I remember when I first started doing that and I still do it, but not to the degree I was is I would just gas myself out by like pushing, trying to push people off of me and move other people instead of move myself.

00:07:07.860 And so I've learned, okay, I'm just going to move myself around this individual, look for gaps, look for spaces, uh, find the holes and then attack those holes as opposed to me, like trying to force everything.

00:07:18.920 And that's, what's really interesting about jujitsu too, is you learn a lot about your own personality and you learn a lot about other people's personalities as well.

00:07:27.440 When you roll with them, they can see very quickly what type of person this is, which, which is good.

00:07:33.020 It's, it's good.

00:07:33.760 But if you are looking at it objectively with your own performance, it allows you to see very quickly some holes in your personality, not just your game, but your personality and how you might be able to shore those, those areas up by learning, by training with different partners.

00:07:48.920 Um, and just improving those specific areas.

00:07:51.960 So, I mean, there's a lot, we, we talk about it every, every week.

00:07:55.120 It seems like we talk about, Oh, and jujitsu, dah, dah, dah, dah, but man, those are the two lessons that come off immediately is just consistency.

00:08:01.400 And then being, being patient, looking for gaps, not trying to strong arm everything, but, uh, move to where it's going to make the most effective difference.

00:08:12.140 Yeah.

00:08:12.580 Is there a philosophy coming out of jujitsu that you've kind of, you probably appreciate more than, than other philosophies that transcend off the mat into everyday life?

00:08:23.260 I don't know about philosophy, but one of the mindsets I would say is try to improve your position.

00:08:30.520 Right.

00:08:31.520 Right.

00:08:32.520 Because as somebody who's just getting started down this jujitsu path, I, I, I used to think that in order to win, you have to submit somebody.

00:08:42.520 And yes, that is true.

00:08:43.880 That is what technically you are trying to do, but the likelihood of me, especially early submitting anybody was very, very unlikely.

00:08:51.820 And so talking with Pete Roberts, he said to me, and this is very valuable, you have to redefine your wind.

00:08:58.720 Like you're not, you're not going to tap, like, I'm not going to tap Pete.

00:09:02.740 Right.

00:09:03.640 Like that'll be a decade before that happens.

00:09:06.520 So if you don't redefine your wind, then you could get discouraged very, very quickly.

00:09:11.020 And so he said to me, he said, maybe, maybe your win is don't let me sweep you and, and for, for this role, for this session.

00:09:20.220 And that's a win or get past my guard.

00:09:23.100 Right.

00:09:23.500 And that's a win.

00:09:24.900 So I think we have a tendency as, as high achievers, and I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with this.

00:09:31.520 It can be destructive toward, towards what you're trying to create, but we have a tendency of comparing ourselves to everybody else.

00:09:39.620 And if you're comparing yourself to somebody else and then using it as an excuse to beat yourself up and why you're a loser or why you're pathetic or why you shouldn't be doing this.

00:09:49.960 And it causes you to engage in some destructive behavior, namely quitting.

00:09:54.840 That's what a lot of people will do.

00:09:55.980 Like I suck at this.

00:09:56.800 It's not meant to be.

00:09:57.560 So I'll quit.

00:09:58.580 Then it's not serving you to compare yourself to somebody else.

00:10:02.440 Yeah.

00:10:02.840 So for me, it's, it's the, the philosophy is yes, the goal, the end objective, which is to submit somebody in jujitsu or whatever that objective you're working towards is important.

00:10:14.260 But more important than that is just improving daily.

00:10:18.640 Right.

00:10:19.420 I'm just going to get a little better, a little better, a little better.

00:10:22.000 Like last night I trained last night and we were working on triangles and like, like a leg triangle and then, um, uh, arm bars.

00:10:31.420 And then I went and trained this morning.

00:10:33.000 I'm like, okay, well my, like my win today, I know I could submit, I can do that.

00:10:36.420 But my win today is catching somebody in a triangle or an arm bar.

00:10:39.440 If I can do that, then I'll feel good about that.

00:10:41.640 And that's that incremental, that, that Kaizen method of 1% better every day.

00:10:46.080 That is a philosophy that's really highlighted itself on my, on my path.

00:10:50.200 Yeah.

00:10:52.020 And what I love about that too is, is the idea of position and submission and that, that there's no win in a match without putting yourself in a position to have that opportunity.

00:11:04.440 Right.

00:11:04.980 And that translates to life, right?

00:11:06.860 It's, it's about getting in the right position first.

00:11:09.740 So opportunities present themselves and, and jujitsu is no different, right?

00:11:13.780 You can go, Oh, I have this opportunity to choke this guy, but if you're not in the right position, guess what?

00:11:19.300 You're going to get armbarred, right?

00:11:20.820 If you're in a guy's guard and you're trying to choke him, you're going to get armbarred or, or something else.

00:11:24.700 And so we have this mentality in life, right?

00:11:27.580 That we can, Oh, well I can win this.

00:11:29.800 I could do this thing without putting ourselves in the right position first.

00:11:33.260 And, and jujitsu is no different.

00:11:35.020 We have to put ourselves in that right position and then the opportunity of submission will present itself.

00:11:40.900 It's a great point.

00:11:41.900 I, the analogy or the phrase that I heard is you're campaigning, whether you want to look at it as a political campaign or you want to look at it as a military campaign, right?

00:11:53.060 You're going on small incremental campaigns and you have to know where the battle is.

00:11:57.320 So if, if I've got you in half guard and I'm going for a choke, but I expose myself to something else.

00:12:04.260 Well, then I forgot where the battle was, right?

00:12:06.860 I thought the battle was me choking you out, but the battle was really to get my leg out of there or put my arm in a different position so that I can set that up.

00:12:13.480 So it's about winning the campaigns.

00:12:15.680 You win this campaign, then this campaign, then this campaign, and ultimately, hopefully you win the war, but you can't win that without winning those battles and those individual campaigns and knowing, knowing where the fight is, is very important too.

00:12:30.080 You know, we see the, the finish line and we see the goal and then we forget about all these other little things that are happening and we get flanked and we get destroyed by things that we didn't acknowledge were there when we should have seen those things.

00:12:42.260 But we're so focused on that without learning to campaign that we, we get, we get handled.

00:12:48.800 Yeah, totally.

00:12:50.900 All right.

00:12:52.340 Ed Mather.

00:12:55.780 Masturbation.

00:12:56.360 Yay or nay?

00:12:58.140 Ooh, I saw this one.

00:12:59.640 I'm like, man, how do we, how do we address this?

00:13:01.800 Look, I, I think, well, we can come up with a couple of different angles.

00:13:05.820 The, to me, the most healthy practice is to have sex with a woman.

00:13:13.060 Right.

00:13:13.460 That you're committed to.

00:13:14.280 That you're, that, and I should say that, that you are committed to, that you are, yes, that's the rule that you're committed to.

00:13:19.820 And she's committed to you, by the way, also, because a lot of guys might, might think, oh, I'm committed to this woman.

00:13:26.100 And, and then you go sleep with this woman and you realize, oh, she's not committed to me.

00:13:29.760 Or maybe she was unfaithful to her partner.

00:13:31.640 And then you try to build a relationship on that.

00:13:34.060 I mean, how long is that going to last?

00:13:35.680 Right.

00:13:36.000 Yeah.

00:13:36.260 The relationship was built on lies and deception.

00:13:39.700 You're not the one that's going to fix her.

00:13:42.000 Like, it's just not going to happen and vice versa.

00:13:44.340 Um, so that, that's, that's the better practice.

00:13:48.420 Um, I'm, I'm kind of torn on this actually.

00:13:53.180 Like, I think it's probably a practice to be avoided generally.

00:13:57.500 Uh, I think there's some discipline that can come in, you know, not choosing to engage in masturbation.

00:14:05.320 Uh, there's things like semen retention that I've looked into.

00:14:09.500 And I don't know if I buy into that whole thing.

00:14:11.420 There's some weird stuff there.

00:14:13.620 Uh, you know, and then, then you got to think what comes with that.

00:14:16.200 Well, pornography comes with that.

00:14:17.420 And I think pornography, pornography is certainly a destructive and a behavior that you should not engage in.

00:14:23.780 So, I mean, I'm not going to say yes or no.

00:14:26.180 I mean, I know we have needs.

00:14:27.740 I know we're, we're, we're sexual.

00:14:30.120 Like, that's just kind of how it is.

00:14:32.180 So, I'm not going to say yes, you should or no, you shouldn't.

00:14:34.280 But just, I would say just be careful.

00:14:37.260 Right?

00:14:37.640 Like, it's easier to go rub one out than to court a woman.

00:14:40.740 I will say that.

00:14:42.220 Right?

00:14:42.600 It's easier.

00:14:43.120 It's easier to go.

00:14:45.200 It's, it's weird.

00:14:46.060 It's a weird conversation.

00:14:46.980 But it's easier to jack off than it is to go court somebody or, or take your wife on a date or try to woo her over.

00:14:52.260 It's easier.

00:14:53.720 And therein lies the trap.

00:14:55.100 Right?

00:14:55.500 It just, it could just be easier and there's no effort required.

00:14:58.700 You pull up your phone, you pull up a website, you rub one out.

00:15:03.000 And like, that's significantly easier than having to invest in earning a mate essentially.

00:15:09.080 So, just be careful.

00:15:11.600 Be cautious.

00:15:12.280 Don't get, like, entangled into it.

00:15:14.580 Don't, don't let it, you know, dictate your life or how you're going to run your schedule.

00:15:18.680 But I'm not going to tell you whether you should or shouldn't.

00:15:20.560 That's up for you to decide.

00:15:22.640 Yeah.

00:15:22.960 Yeah, I think, I mean, I think I'm back to what you originally said, man.

00:15:27.820 I like, think about it.

00:15:28.820 I mean, if, if I'm sexually frustrated and it's been two weeks or whatever, and then my wife's good to go, like, that's awesome.

00:15:37.800 And, and if I wasn't, it wouldn't be as great, right?

00:15:41.940 Like, that's better for her and better for me.

00:15:44.240 Like, maybe that's frustrating.

00:15:46.140 It could be frustrating at times, but like, but, but it's also like, I don't know.

00:15:50.440 I just can't help but think of this, of the scenario by which, like, some dude goes rub one off and then his wife's like, wants to be intimate with him.

00:15:57.660 And you're like, oh, sorry.

00:16:00.080 You know what I mean?

00:16:00.620 It's like, oh, well, you just, you just undermined her opportunity to be with you intimately.

00:16:06.560 And, and now it's not as great for her or maybe you're not interested now.

00:16:10.520 It's like, that sucks.

00:16:11.600 It's like, that's a really crappy scenario.

00:16:14.520 So I don't know.

00:16:15.660 I think the trap is again, I mean, just to go back to what I said earlier, I think the trap is, it's just, it's easy.

00:16:21.580 It's the easy way out.

00:16:23.460 And that's a problem.

00:16:24.880 You know, it's like, let's be real.

00:16:27.460 Like, you know, you, you see that porn star or whatever on that website and she's got the perfect set of breasts.

00:16:34.480 She's got the perfect type body.

00:16:36.020 She's like, like the perfect ideal thing or whatever.

00:16:39.200 Right.

00:16:39.500 And then you see your wife and you're like, okay, well, this is like a real human being.

00:16:43.820 And she has flaws and you have flaws.

00:16:45.960 And all of a sudden you're not as attracted to her because you're so fixated on this Barbie doll image of a woman.

00:16:51.500 It's like, it's just not, it's not healthy.

00:16:54.840 It really isn't.

00:16:55.800 It's not healthy.

00:16:56.580 So just be cautious.

00:16:59.040 It's like, to me, it's like alcohol, right?

00:17:01.260 Like I don't drink alcohol, but I'm not going to tell another guy that it's like, he should or shouldn't.

00:17:07.060 If he wants to have a drink, like have a drink.

00:17:08.960 Cool.

00:17:09.420 That's fine.

00:17:09.960 No problem.

00:17:10.620 But don't let it, don't let it control you, right?

00:17:15.300 Just don't let it control you.

00:17:17.940 Don't use it as a form of escapism either.

00:17:21.040 Yeah.

00:17:22.240 Thanks Ed for bringing that up.

00:17:24.200 Everything's awkward.

00:17:25.340 Yeah.

00:17:26.320 No, it's good.

00:17:27.140 I mean, these are the conversations that we should really have actually.

00:17:29.900 So it's a good conversation.

00:17:31.500 Well, I normally don't talk with other dudes about masturbation and certainly with not thousands and thousands of them listening either.

00:17:37.980 So first time for everything, I suppose.

00:17:42.280 Awkward.

00:17:43.920 Weird.

00:17:44.600 All right.

00:17:44.920 Luke Watts struggling with my six year old son.

00:17:48.620 His emotions take over when he gets challenged or corrected, or sometimes even when he hears no.

00:17:55.460 I know some of this is because he is six and some of it's because I modeled this kind of thing.

00:18:01.320 Anger taking over my, anger taking over in particular.

00:18:04.900 I'm working on staying calm when I address this and trying to offer him strategies to help him stay calm and not let emotions take over.

00:18:12.880 But have seen little progress this last month.

00:18:16.260 Lots of things are going on like back to school here in Australia.

00:18:19.900 Any other tips for handling emotions, driven responses in your children, boys or girls?

00:18:25.760 I have a younger daughter as well.

00:18:27.320 Thanks, lads.

00:18:29.160 Yeah, that's a good question.

00:18:30.340 I know my kids get this way at times and certainly the fact that he's six years old is a huge factor of this.

00:18:36.660 He's immature, obviously six.

00:18:38.480 He's learning from you.

00:18:39.640 Sounds like he's learned some negative behavior and you're aware of that.

00:18:42.980 So I commend you for acknowledging that and then working to fix it because a lot of guys don't.

00:18:48.320 You know, they're like, my kid's an asshole and nothing I can do about it.

00:18:51.480 I don't know where to get that shit from.

00:18:52.920 Yeah, exactly.

00:18:53.760 Yeah, like it's funny, you know, that we see it in our kids and we can't acknowledge they learned it from us.

00:18:59.340 So I commend you for acknowledging that.

00:19:02.500 You know, my oldest is he's very sensitive, right?

00:19:07.660 Like he's very in tune with the way other people feel.

00:19:10.480 He's very in tune with his emotional side.

00:19:13.700 Uh, I think he's driven a lot by his emotional response and the way that he makes decisions, which I think is kind of just his natural inclination.

00:19:21.500 Just like some people are more logical.

00:19:23.740 He's more emotionally driven, right?

00:19:25.160 In charge.

00:19:25.540 So when he gets upset, particularly when he gets upset, like he doesn't perform well or something doesn't go his way.

00:19:32.860 Like I can actually see his emotion coming out of him, the way that he's responding to it.

00:19:38.680 So for him, um, I've, I've just taught him some box breathing methods.

00:19:44.020 You know, when I see him getting upset like that, I'm like, Hey dude, like timeout, like literally like Breck and you and I let's, let's time out here for a second.

00:19:52.420 Let's disengage from whatever you're upset about and let's just go sit down and talk about it.

00:19:57.200 He does like to talk through things so I can be really calm and talk to him about it and be logical with him that way.

00:20:01.960 Um, but ultimately if I can just get him to breathe, like just, just breathe like deep breaths, hold it deep breath out, long breath out.

00:20:09.500 That actually really, really helps.

00:20:12.040 And now it's, we've done it so much that I can say when he's getting frustrated, I can say, Hey, why don't you just go in the other room for a minute?

00:20:21.080 And we're not kicking you out or anything.

00:20:22.900 Just go be by yourself for a second, work on your breathing and then come back in five minutes.

00:20:28.380 And now I don't even need to go into there.

00:20:30.400 Like he can go and he comes back like a completely different person because of that, that breathing technique.

00:20:36.580 That's going to take some time, especially for a six-year-old.

00:20:39.100 He's 12, so almost 12.

00:20:40.920 So for a six-year-old, it's going to be even more challenging to do that.

00:20:44.080 But I know my second son, if I just give him a hug, man, life is good.

00:20:50.420 Like if he gets fired up, I'm like, dude, come here.

00:20:53.220 And I just grab him and I don't say a word and I just give him a hug.

00:20:57.760 Like he feels better.

00:20:59.420 You know, he's just like, he can feel my presence.

00:21:01.500 He can feel my calmness, my breathing for whatever reason, it just calms him down.

00:21:05.760 So I really think it's going to take a lot of experimentation to figure out what's going to work best for him.

00:21:10.360 And then it sounds like he's got a daughter as well.

00:21:12.560 She's going to be different.

00:21:13.680 So you're gonna have to experiment there, but just try different things like that.

00:21:17.200 Try calmness.

00:21:18.900 My, my third, my daughter, like her, I just have to engage with.

00:21:23.300 Like we could go roll on the mats.

00:21:25.700 We have mats at our house that we can roll around on or play with or wrestle or whatever.

00:21:29.700 And that's what calms her down.

00:21:31.060 So like every one of them is different.

00:21:32.660 Just find through experimentation, what's going to work best and what's producing the best result.

00:21:37.480 And then be consistent about doing that.

00:21:39.720 And you'll see that they'll start to learn these practices and implement them as part of their, their routine.

00:21:45.820 Yeah.

00:21:46.460 You know, that hug strategy works off really well for me, but I do a rear naked choke and they seem really calm and I feel better.

00:21:53.760 Yeah.

00:21:54.000 It's amazing.

00:21:55.140 Yeah.

00:21:55.380 They kind of sedate it a little bit and they go loose and limp.

00:21:59.020 I thought you were going to say that that hug works really well.

00:22:01.540 Like you wanted me to give you more hugs or something like that.

00:22:04.420 So yeah, I'll remember that next time we get together.

00:22:07.400 Kip, so good to see you.

00:22:09.440 Do you feel okay?

00:22:10.460 Let me hug you.

00:22:11.800 Put your, your, the back of your head and my hand on the back of your head and just push

00:22:15.560 you down to my shoulder and smother me into your short beard.

00:22:18.920 That's right.

00:22:19.200 Into my short beard.

00:22:22.120 Yeah.

00:22:22.600 I just, you just got to experiment.

00:22:24.400 And you know what?

00:22:24.960 Here's the deal with these questions.

00:22:26.280 Like this is a great question.

00:22:29.040 Sometimes the correct course of action is the one that you're currently on.

00:22:33.860 Like it was this guy's name, Ed.

00:22:36.540 Is that right?

00:22:37.820 Luke, Luke Watts.

00:22:38.880 Okay.

00:22:39.100 Luke is way off.

00:22:40.720 So Luke, maybe you're actually doing the right thing.

00:22:44.020 Cause what I heard is that you're actually doing a lot of good things and just keep doing

00:22:47.960 that that's the answer.

00:22:49.220 Like just keep doing that.

00:22:51.160 Cause there's a lot of behavior over the past six years.

00:22:53.740 I think he said his son was six, a lot of behavior over the past six years that have

00:22:58.360 created this environment that you've noticed is not ideal.

00:23:01.820 So it's going to take a lot of unpackaging, kind of rewinding a little bit, rebuilding some

00:23:05.940 new strategies.

00:23:07.100 And that just takes time.

00:23:08.780 Just, just because it isn't working immediately or, or you said, Hey, it's not working over

00:23:13.620 the last 30 days.

00:23:15.580 30 days is not a lot of time.

00:23:17.520 So just keep doing it and implement some of these strategies as well.

00:23:20.940 I think that'll help.

00:23:22.660 One thing that you've mentioned, Ryan, that I really like is you said, whenever you implement

00:23:28.420 something new, you're going to naturally kind of get some pushback.

00:23:31.100 And even this, you might like what you might be implementing is exactly what your son needs,

00:23:36.000 but he's not used to it.

00:23:37.900 Right.

00:23:38.360 And he's not familiar with it.

00:23:39.880 And you're going to probably get a little natural pushback.

00:23:42.060 So just realize that it's not going to go smooth immediately.

00:23:44.820 It'll take some time.

00:23:46.220 The only other thing that, that I would add is I would add the conversation of what's going

00:23:51.900 on.

00:23:53.140 Why are you upset?

00:23:54.640 I don't have a little dialogue of what is really, because with my, my 15 year old now,

00:24:02.320 whenever he gets upset, well, first off, let's just say this, us getting angry that

00:24:05.840 they're upset negates all this and just makes it worse.

00:24:10.200 Right.

00:24:10.480 So I think that's a given.

00:24:12.000 We need to be calm when they're upset.

00:24:14.460 But with him, it was always kind of, if he's arguing with my, my wife, I just sit him down.

00:24:19.840 I was like, what's going on?

00:24:20.560 Well, you know, when mom says this, I'm like, okay, was that true?

00:24:24.440 Was that your interpretation of it?

00:24:26.200 And he's like, well, you know, that's my interpretation.

00:24:28.080 You're like, okay.

00:24:28.720 Like, so what you're mad about is actually not even real first off, right?

00:24:33.180 That's, you're creating that on your own.

00:24:36.040 Realize that mom's doing this from this perspective, like help them understand the emotions and where

00:24:41.000 they're coming from.

00:24:41.680 And I think that intelligently gives them some ammunition to deal with other things in a

00:24:45.860 different manner in the future on their own as well.

00:24:48.440 So I would say in addition to that is, and I'm not suggesting Kip, you do this at all.

00:24:53.220 I think you do a wonderful job.

00:24:54.260 Probably at this is like, be careful of pandering to him a little bit.

00:24:59.680 Right.

00:25:00.160 So, cause I think that's the mistake too, is, is, is you treat them like babies and then

00:25:06.720 they have some resentment built up.

00:25:08.560 Right.

00:25:09.040 So there, there's a line between like, oh, was it your fault or was it this, or was it

00:25:13.920 your perception?

00:25:14.720 And I don't know if pandering is the right word necessarily, but just like, just

00:25:19.700 let them figure it out on their own a little bit.

00:25:21.720 Yeah.

00:25:22.000 Well, and just like not treating them like a complete baby, you know, like even if they're

00:25:26.980 six or 10 or 15, like, you know, let them figure some things out and let them, let them

00:25:31.640 struggle a little bit and work through it without having to like coach them on everything, you

00:25:36.620 know?

00:25:37.000 Yeah.

00:25:37.180 Sometimes just being quiet is good.

00:25:39.980 Answering a, asking a question and just listening, you know?

00:25:43.680 Yeah.

00:25:44.100 Shut up and listen.

00:25:45.300 Yeah.

00:25:45.480 And maybe a hybrid of that approach, Ryan would be, Hey, go into the other room, do

00:25:50.460 your breathing.

00:25:50.940 And then when you come back, then we can talk now.

00:25:53.580 Yeah.

00:25:53.940 Now let's talk.

00:25:54.920 And what, what did you work through?

00:25:56.120 Let me give you some coaching on what you got clarity around.

00:25:59.560 Yeah.

00:26:00.280 There's a lot of little strategies that you can use and experiment with.

00:26:03.260 Yeah.

00:26:03.800 Yeah.

00:26:04.100 And to your point, it's different for every kid, every kid, you think you're figuring

00:26:07.400 it out.

00:26:07.700 You're like, Oh, cool.

00:26:08.500 I got this.

00:26:09.080 And then your next kid's completely opposite.

00:26:11.940 Right.

00:26:12.420 So, but I think that requires a level of empathy.

00:26:15.180 Like, Oh, this kid is not the same and that's okay.

00:26:17.340 I just need to know how to have the conversations, the activities, et cetera, that will help him

00:26:23.060 or her improve.

00:26:24.620 Yeah.

00:26:25.300 All right.

00:26:26.020 Adam, uh, is it Lyons or Lyons?

00:26:28.760 L Y I would say Lyons.

00:26:30.680 Yeah.

00:26:30.780 I'd say Lyons.

00:26:31.380 Adam Lyons.

00:26:32.340 How do you set boundaries for yourself when it comes to choosing between spending time with

00:26:36.600 family versus spending time with your friends and going out with my son in daycare.

00:26:40.400 Now I prefer to spend time with him over to having a sitter, watch him while I do extracurricular

00:26:45.700 stuff, but I'm concerned it may reflect poorly on other relationships.

00:26:50.220 Well, so here's the problem with this.

00:26:52.140 Not the question, just the set of circumstances is it's not a formula, right?

00:26:58.040 Cause if it was a formula, it's like you spend 73% with your family and then 27% is your

00:27:05.300 own.

00:27:05.600 Like, that's not how this works.

00:27:07.160 If it was, it would be way easier.

00:27:08.820 Nobody would ever ask the question because we'd all have the formula.

00:27:12.060 So it's, it's very intuitive, right?

00:27:14.640 Like you have to be in tune.

00:27:15.700 And at times, you know, the family's firing on all cylinders and things are going well

00:27:19.940 and the relationships are solid and, and maybe you can afford to invest a little bit

00:27:24.480 more time and energy into yourself.

00:27:26.020 And then there's other times where, you know, there's some issues between your, you and your

00:27:31.820 wife with communication or your son or daughter is dealing with something at school or, you

00:27:37.980 know, they're going through puberty and there's a lot of emotions and changes that you need

00:27:41.520 to be aware of.

00:27:42.380 And maybe you need to be a little bit more present, but I do like the idea of, of doing

00:27:48.800 both.

00:27:49.300 Like they don't have to be mutually exclusive, right?

00:27:52.020 So you can go and take care of yourself.

00:27:54.000 A prime example would be when we were in Salt Lake this past weekend, you know, that was

00:27:59.120 for me, right?

00:27:59.900 Like I went and I visited friends and you and I, and, and 10 other guys had an opportunity

00:28:04.500 to roll and train.

00:28:06.180 And I also brought my kids, right?

00:28:08.900 So we put in some hours with, with the kids.

00:28:11.100 We had a great time with my two oldest boys.

00:28:12.860 And I also recharged and rejuvenated by doing things that I like to do.

00:28:16.540 So I think there is, especially when your kids are young, a lot of great overlap in that,

00:28:21.400 yeah, you don't have to drop them off with a sitter.

00:28:22.780 You can have them come to jujitsu.

00:28:24.940 And occasionally I'll have my kids come to jujitsu and I'm like, Hey, I'm going to, I'm

00:28:28.660 going to train.

00:28:29.120 This is dad's training.

00:28:30.180 You guys can hang out over there.

00:28:32.080 You can find something to do.

00:28:32.940 You can roll around on the mats over there in this section.

00:28:35.500 This is your section.

00:28:36.520 And I'm going to be over here.

00:28:37.520 Don't, don't interrupt me unless there's a problem or an emergency.

00:28:41.140 Those are the boundaries.

00:28:42.280 You do your thing.

00:28:43.160 I'm going to do mine.

00:28:43.840 Then we'll come back together and everything's fine.

00:28:46.400 So I wish I could tell you like the balance is found right here in this moment.

00:28:52.160 It's not, you just have to look at it and say, okay, does my family need my attention?

00:28:58.320 Yes.

00:28:58.820 Good.

00:28:59.220 Give them more attention.

00:29:00.480 Is my family okay for tonight?

00:29:02.880 Yeah.

00:29:03.140 I think they're okay.

00:29:03.920 Mom's home.

00:29:05.280 Everybody's happy.

00:29:06.600 School.

00:29:07.180 Well today, my wife's doing well.

00:29:09.180 Well, I can afford to back out a little bit and go do something for me.

00:29:14.100 You just have to play with it.

00:29:15.440 It's just a lot of it's just intuition.

00:29:18.380 A lot of it's just, yeah, it's just feeling it out.

00:29:23.220 That's it.

00:29:23.800 I wish I had a better answer and say, well, it's this, this percentage of this time.

00:29:27.380 And then you're set.

00:29:28.320 It's just not, that's what makes it hard.

00:29:30.880 Yeah.

00:29:31.540 And I would assume Adam, there might be a little bit of guilt.

00:29:34.080 I think that we come in into the scenario.

00:29:36.000 We talk about this often that, that, oh, you know, I feel bad taking my kids and dropping

00:29:40.940 off the sitter so I can go to gym or so I can go to here and I should be spending time

00:29:44.580 with them.

00:29:44.960 And, but, but it's also like, you don't want to create resentment against your kids for

00:29:49.300 not living and you need to establish those boundaries and, and show them that those things

00:29:52.940 are also equally important.

00:29:54.460 So, um, yeah, it's a balance.

00:29:57.020 And not only that, you're absolutely right.

00:29:58.500 But not only that, it, for your kids to be with a babysitter is actually good for your

00:30:03.700 kids.

00:30:06.120 Like they need exposure to other authority figures.

00:30:10.320 And if it's always you, like, if you're always the one who, who's, who's the authority, then

00:30:17.400 that's going to create a problem because when they get a boss or they get married and there's

00:30:22.140 some other figure that they have to be accountable to, it's like, they don't know how to handle

00:30:25.180 it because they've only been accountable to mom and dad.

00:30:27.080 The other day we were at a movie and my, my second son was kicking the seat in front of

00:30:33.140 him and the guy turned around and he was polite, but the guy, and if he wasn't, I would have

00:30:36.660 said something, but he was polite.

00:30:37.680 He's like, Hey, excuse me.

00:30:38.880 Could you be careful not kicking my seat?

00:30:41.340 And I think a lot of dads would like rush in and like, I'm like, no, he's right.

00:30:45.560 Like, don't kick his chair.

00:30:47.360 Totally.

00:30:47.680 And so I turned to my son, I said, well, what do you say?

00:30:50.700 He said, oh, I'm sorry.

00:30:51.540 I didn't mean to kick it.

00:30:52.140 Okay.

00:30:52.560 Now we fix it.

00:30:53.360 Right.

00:30:53.520 So I can let other people have some of that authority and let my kids be accountable to

00:30:58.240 other people to a degree.

00:30:59.700 Now, obviously if the guy was a dick at that, that would have been handled differently,

00:31:02.640 but he wasn't, he was fine.

00:31:04.100 And my kid learned like, oh, you don't kick the seat in front of you.

00:31:07.120 And that was a good experience for him to have another interaction with another adult

00:31:11.200 because he's going to get that in life.

00:31:12.900 So yeah, don't think that, that it has to always be you giving kids exposure to other

00:31:20.040 people, their peers, other authority figures is actually a good and helpful thing for them.

00:31:25.400 Yeah, totally.

00:31:27.200 All right.

00:31:27.960 Clint McKynes, just some comments.

00:31:30.620 Thanks for making some time hitting the mats while in Utah.

00:31:33.320 I know I appreciated a ton as I'm sure the other guys did also.

00:31:37.500 Did Ryan get Kip to tap at all during that session?

00:31:42.700 Um, no, what do you, not even close.

00:31:46.520 Now I will say that Kip, it was fun.

00:31:49.420 I will say that Kip had me in a triangle and he let go and he thinks Kip thinks that he let

00:31:56.620 go because he had me and I think he let go a little early.

00:32:01.500 Cause I think I'm not entirely convinced Kip that you had me.

00:32:07.060 I, I didn't say I did have you.

00:32:09.040 I know, but you, but you, you kind of led me on to believe that you thought you had me

00:32:13.940 and I think you let go early.

00:32:16.740 No, no.

00:32:17.520 I was just like, Oh, I want to try something else.

00:32:19.840 No, you're like, I got this.

00:32:21.640 I got this.

00:32:22.180 I'm like, no, he doesn't got this.

00:32:24.640 Yeah.

00:32:25.560 No, it's all.

00:32:26.980 The thing I'll tell you, go ahead, go ahead.

00:32:29.680 Sorry.

00:32:29.880 I keep interrupting you.

00:32:30.660 I was just going to say that after we got that training, I told Ryan, man, dude, you feel

00:32:34.460 really strong.

00:32:35.400 That's what I said that, that in the world of jujitsu, that's the other insult that you

00:32:39.420 can, that you bring to bear.

00:32:40.900 Instead of technique.

00:32:41.680 I think I lost you.

00:32:46.660 You there.

00:32:48.640 Yeah.

00:32:49.220 Okay.

00:32:49.680 You're saying, yeah.

00:32:50.720 Instead of saying great technique, you're like, you're strong.

00:32:54.160 Yeah.

00:32:54.760 I'm, I'm too, uh, too green to, to know that that's an insult.

00:32:59.100 Cause I would take that as a, as a compliment.

00:33:01.840 Um, yeah, you're like, yes.

00:33:03.360 Yeah, that's right.

00:33:04.120 That's right.

00:33:04.520 I'm strong.

00:33:05.520 Um, no, I thought it was good.

00:33:07.320 I, you know, the Kip, the thing I appreciate about you is everything.

00:33:10.380 When you roll is like, everything is super fluid.

00:33:14.280 You're very flexible.

00:33:16.200 It's like the exact opposite of me.

00:33:18.260 I feel like, I feel like you're like water and I'm this like block, like trying to do

00:33:24.440 different things.

00:33:25.080 And so it's always fascinating to roll with somebody.

00:33:28.080 Not only can you see their personality, but just their body types.

00:33:32.460 Like I have a guy, Ryan Daggett, he's a friend of mine up here and he's, he's long.

00:33:36.860 He's probably, I would say six, four, maybe, maybe six, five, somewhere in there.

00:33:41.700 And he's super long and he loves to do the lasso and then just like spread me out.

00:33:47.240 And I'm like, damn.

00:33:48.560 And I just can't get around it.

00:33:50.580 Like, but then there's other guys that I roll with who, who like, who like physicality

00:33:57.840 and they like to be close proximity and ground and pound.

00:34:00.780 And I, I like that game.

00:34:02.260 So I'm like, bring it on.

00:34:03.280 Like, let's be chest to chest and do what we need to do.

00:34:06.360 And so like, it's so fascinating to see everybody's different personalities and styles coming through

00:34:11.860 and then their body types and what you stack up well against versus what's like your weakness.

00:34:16.560 You move very, very well, which is difficult for me because I don't move as like, I'm more

00:34:22.140 rigid and slower and you are like flowing and fluid, which makes it hard to like get ahold

00:34:28.420 of you.

00:34:28.760 So it's interesting, such a great game, such a great game.

00:34:35.020 I remember, I remember in, uh, whenever you're like, I use strength unnecessarily, like earlier

00:34:40.720 on this podcast, you mentioned that I can't, I can't help, but I have flashbacks.

00:34:44.700 Sometimes when I'm dreaming, I have nightmares of this, of Ryan in my half guard, I think.

00:34:49.560 Like, and, and I'm trying to work like a half guard game and you're just sticking your elbow

00:34:54.580 and grinding it into my jaw and making eye contact.

00:35:00.960 I'm just like, you're an asshole.

00:35:03.320 Just smashing my feet for no reason other than just to be a jerk.

00:35:08.580 I, I, um, I like it a lot.

00:35:12.540 Like, I really like it.

00:35:14.020 Like, um, if I catch some, one of my favorite, uh, things to catch somebody in is like an Ezekiel

00:35:20.200 cause I love it.

00:35:22.340 Cause it hurts like, and I can just put my fist right there and just like a crank.

00:35:27.880 Like, and I can even feel like my face just like, I just love it.

00:35:33.220 I love it.

00:35:34.320 So that is something I need to be aware of.

00:35:36.320 Cause I think if you're in like a tournament and you're competing, that's one thing, but

00:35:41.040 you don't want to be a dick partner, right?

00:35:43.380 Like when you're training with somebody, you want to be a good partner.

00:35:47.160 So, yeah, that's funny.

00:35:48.900 We need to get you to do the, the, have you seen that triangle variation where you just

00:35:52.760 use your fist to finish off the choke?

00:35:54.760 No, but I would like to learn that.

00:35:56.240 Yeah.

00:35:56.680 Anytime I can make a fist and bury it in somebody's neck, like I'm pretty happy with that.

00:36:02.100 Yeah.

00:36:02.560 There's a nice, there's a nice triangle variation where you can use one fish or both fists to

00:36:07.420 finish the choke off.

00:36:08.540 Yeah.

00:36:08.960 You're going to have to show me that one.

00:36:09.960 It's extra enjoyable.

00:36:11.360 All right.

00:36:11.940 Yeah.

00:36:12.640 Uh, oh my goodness.

00:36:14.400 This is funny.

00:36:15.400 Did you read this question?

00:36:16.960 I think I know which one you're referring to.

00:36:20.620 Somebody went ahead and created my, uh, alter ego.

00:36:25.380 I, I noticed.

00:36:27.560 Yeah.

00:36:28.160 Uh, this question is from Brian, Brian Mitchler.

00:36:32.960 Is veganism the sustainable solution to ending world hunger and cruelty?

00:36:39.300 I feel it may even bring world peace.

00:36:41.860 Any thoughts on veganism and its role in manliness?

00:36:46.220 It was funny.

00:36:47.460 Cause the guy has a headbutt.

00:36:49.620 I saw that.

00:36:50.420 Read the, read the first, uh, the first part of that question.

00:36:54.240 Really?

00:36:54.460 The first question.

00:36:55.140 Read that one.

00:36:55.600 Yeah.

00:36:56.780 Is veganism the sustainable solution to ending world hunger and cruelty?

00:37:03.280 So I read that sentence and I was like, what the hell?

00:37:06.740 I'm like, it is not cruel to harvest animals.

00:37:10.560 That's immediately what I thought.

00:37:12.560 And then I'm like, who wrote this?

00:37:14.480 They're in the iron council.

00:37:15.580 Like, this is weird.

00:37:16.760 And then I looked and it's Brian Mitchler.

00:37:18.860 I'm like, oh, okay.

00:37:19.840 Yeah.

00:37:20.020 I got the joke.

00:37:23.540 Um, yeah, it's not, it's not cruel to harvest.

00:37:27.580 I mean, what?

00:37:28.640 97% of the population eats meat.

00:37:31.440 Here's my thought though.

00:37:32.380 Like to answer it truthfully.

00:37:33.720 Cause there are people who legitimately like have this question, probably guys that are

00:37:37.840 listening and in the Facebook group.

00:37:39.860 And like, let's address it.

00:37:41.400 If you want to be a vegan, be a vegan.

00:37:45.160 I don't care.

00:37:46.340 I really don't.

00:37:47.340 I don't.

00:37:47.800 It doesn't bother me.

00:37:48.780 It doesn't say anything about your manliness.

00:37:51.420 I know we like to joke about it, but like nobody legitimately thinks that if you decide

00:37:56.020 to eat things other than meat, that you're less of a man, right?

00:37:58.860 Like nobody actually thinks that.

00:38:01.220 So when we bust your balls about it and we give you a hard time, that's what we're doing

00:38:05.440 is we're just giving you a hard time.

00:38:07.280 We're just having fun.

00:38:08.360 Right?

00:38:08.840 So if you want to eat vegetables, cool.

00:38:11.040 The problem I have is when vegetarians or vegans or whatever, they, they have to like get

00:38:18.640 on everybody else who does eat meat.

00:38:20.380 Like nobody cares what you do, but you care what everybody else does.

00:38:23.540 Like just shut up and live your life, eat what you want to eat and let other people eat

00:38:27.480 what they want to eat.

00:38:28.760 And then they say, well, haven't we evolved past eating animals?

00:38:31.780 No, we haven't 98% of us have not evolved past and we probably never will.

00:38:39.100 And nor do we need to.

00:38:40.720 That's why those animals are here.

00:38:42.460 This is, this is natural.

00:38:44.440 This is the cycle of life.

00:38:46.420 It's the food chain.

00:38:47.500 We're at the top of the food chain.

00:38:50.260 It is what it is.

00:38:51.520 Right.

00:38:51.840 And then when we die and we will die, then we grow into plants and grass and dirt and

00:38:58.000 animals eat us, like this is just the way it is.

00:39:01.820 And there's nothing wrong with it whatsoever.

00:39:04.160 So if you want to eat vegetables and whatever else you eat, tofu or whatever, cool, eat it.

00:39:08.860 Great.

00:39:09.580 Good on you.

00:39:10.720 I like vegetables with my steak.

00:39:16.360 It's just a weird.

00:39:17.240 I had, we had some good friends in our friends from New York.

00:39:22.220 I don't know.

00:39:22.600 We had someone at the house and we were talking about hunting and cruelty and killing animal.

00:39:27.580 And, and someone said, Oh, I, I feel so bad.

00:39:30.680 I couldn't do it.

00:39:31.480 And I'm like, you should, you should feel a little bad.

00:39:35.040 It should be a reverent thing.

00:39:36.360 There should be some reverence around it.

00:39:37.780 That, that, that should be the emotion.

00:39:39.360 Cause right now, like you said, 97% of us are all pulling the trigger anyway.

00:39:43.680 We're just pulling the trigger with the dollar bill or, or something else.

00:39:46.780 Like you should, you should, you should know what it feels like to take a life.

00:39:51.800 You should feel that.

00:39:53.140 And, and it would change.

00:39:54.680 It would change you.

00:39:55.780 It would change your perception about animals and that's good.

00:40:01.300 It is a good thing, but it's uncomfortable.

00:40:04.700 So, Oh, okay.

00:40:05.340 Let's avoid it.

00:40:06.460 Right.

00:40:06.660 And then let me just, yeah, let's have someone else pull the trigger.

00:40:10.060 So I don't have to face it.

00:40:11.300 Right.

00:40:11.560 It's like, no, it should.

00:40:13.500 It is funny because I mean, you're, you're so right pulling the trigger with our, with

00:40:18.080 our dollar bill or whatever.

00:40:19.160 That's such a great way to look at it.

00:40:21.080 It's funny because every once in a while, somebody will say something, they'll see me

00:40:24.160 hunting or whatever.

00:40:24.740 And they'll say, Oh, how could you do that?

00:40:26.020 I can't believe that's so wrong.

00:40:27.220 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:40:28.500 And I asked him my first question.

00:40:29.920 I always ask, do you eat meat?

00:40:31.100 And the overwhelming majority of them say, yes, you'd expect them to be kind of wise

00:40:38.660 enough to go, Oh no, no, I don't eat meat.

00:40:41.040 Yeah.

00:40:41.220 At least lie about it.

00:40:43.280 But they, the reason they don't lie is because they cannot formulate the connection of eating

00:40:52.000 a burger from Burger King or from the grocery store and an animal dying.

00:40:56.020 If they, if they knew, if they could make that connection, they would either not eat

00:41:01.180 animals because that's what they say they believe, or they wouldn't lie about it.

00:41:05.640 I mean, excuse me, they would lie about it because they don't want people to know, right?

00:41:09.980 But the, the fact that they're not lying about it, that, that ignorant says that they don't

00:41:16.280 understand the connection between food and death.

00:41:20.100 It's a very interesting thing.

00:41:22.140 Very interesting.

00:41:23.200 It's very hypocritical and very ignorant.

00:41:26.020 So now look, if somebody says, no, like, how could you do that?

00:41:30.660 Right?

00:41:30.740 I can't believe you kill an animal.

00:41:31.740 And I said, do you eat meat?

00:41:32.520 And they say, no, I don't eat or consume animal products.

00:41:36.020 At least that person has some integrity.

00:41:39.040 Like, I don't agree with their lifestyle necessarily and what they choose to eat.

00:41:42.300 And that's fine.

00:41:43.280 They don't need my permission, but at least that individual has some integrity.

00:41:47.780 And, and the other thing too, is like, you can't completely get rid of, like, there's

00:41:52.460 been studies that have shown, like, there's more animals that die through, uh, harvesting

00:41:56.480 of crops than any, any hunting that ever took place.

00:42:00.400 Like you think about the mice and you think about the rodents and the rabbits and the coyotes

00:42:03.580 and the deer who were going to eat that.

00:42:04.840 And like, it's like, you can't escape it.

00:42:07.320 We are part of nature.

00:42:09.740 And in a lot of ways, this is the other cool thing.

00:42:12.460 I had great conversation with, um, I think it was with John Lovell from warrior poet society.

00:42:17.960 And we, and we talked about that, that issue, like eating animals and, and how we're sustaining

00:42:25.240 our life and how we're contributing.

00:42:26.900 And the thing that got brought up is that human beings are the only predator that's humane.

00:42:34.740 Like lions are not humane.

00:42:37.200 Yeah.

00:42:37.780 We're not eating the cow while it's still breathing.

00:42:41.080 Yes.

00:42:41.540 We are a, we are the only super predator that considers the feelings of our prey.

00:42:47.620 Yeah.

00:42:48.340 And, and I'm not saying that's wrong.

00:42:49.620 I'm just saying we are actually not only at the top of the food chain, but we're also

00:42:54.520 the most humane hunters are the same way.

00:42:57.460 The overwhelming majority of hunters.

00:42:59.340 I know they don't revel in the kill.

00:43:01.860 It's part of the game.

00:43:03.360 And they're very, very reverent about the process of stalking an animal of making an ethical

00:43:10.040 shot.

00:43:10.620 Cam Haynes is a great example.

00:43:12.180 Like he trains every single day all year long so that when the moment comes and he has to

00:43:18.980 put an arrow into an animal that he makes the absolute best, most humane, ethical kill shot

00:43:27.000 that he possibly can, because he doesn't want that animal to suffer because he knows what

00:43:31.600 he's intimately familiar with an animal suffering.

00:43:33.880 Cause I'm sure that he's had experiences where he's lost an animal or wounded it.

00:43:38.260 And he doesn't want that.

00:43:39.800 No true hunter wants that.

00:43:41.360 Yeah.

00:43:42.420 So yeah, it's just interesting.

00:43:44.760 This guy, Brian Mitchler, man, he's something else is his title, his title as like a job

00:43:53.680 is authenticity consultant.

00:43:57.860 Who did that?

00:43:58.940 Did you do that?

00:43:59.640 Thanks Brian.

00:44:00.440 No, I didn't do it.

00:44:01.980 But someone with admin access obviously sounds like a Reese, something Reese would do or, or

00:44:09.540 someone is willing to pay a monthly fee into the iron council to continue to do that forward.

00:44:14.580 They're paying a membership just so they can do that.

00:44:17.440 That's awesome.

00:44:18.460 Brian, you get to stick around for a little while.

00:44:21.980 Yeah.

00:44:22.340 We'll stick you around.

00:44:23.080 That was great.

00:44:23.800 All right.

00:44:24.280 Marty Miller, uh, mentoring and coaching are both important for personal development.

00:44:29.740 Could you compare and contrast these and give some examples from your life?

00:44:34.400 Also suggest some practical ways that these strategies can be implemented in the IC.

00:44:39.020 D thanks.

00:44:40.360 Uh, so mentoring and coaching.

00:44:43.080 I mean, yeah, it's pivotal.

00:44:44.700 Uh, look, we might just be debating semantics when we get into like, what's the difference

00:44:48.540 between a mentor or a coach or a whatever, like you can fill in the blank.

00:44:52.140 I don't, I don't really want to get into the distinctions there.

00:44:54.900 I ultimately, I think what you should be looking for is somebody who is willing to tell

00:45:00.180 you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear.

00:45:04.700 That to me is a very good indicator that this is somebody who actually cares about you.

00:45:10.120 They're not always worried so much about your feelings that they aren't willing to help

00:45:13.100 you grow and expand.

00:45:14.460 So somebody who's going to tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want

00:45:17.660 to hear.

00:45:17.980 Another component that you look for is somebody who isn't going to like provide you all the

00:45:25.180 answers.

00:45:26.160 That's way easier.

00:45:27.220 And it's nicer when somebody says, Oh, just do X, Y, and Z.

00:45:30.400 And sometimes that's necessary.

00:45:31.720 But most of the time it's, it's like, well, coach them through, ask them good questions,

00:45:37.560 allow them to come to their own conclusions.

00:45:39.660 That's a, that's so much better than just giving somebody the formula or the perfect answer

00:45:45.760 is letting them discover it for themselves and giving them just enough rope to, to not

00:45:51.820 hang themselves with, to not kill themselves.

00:45:53.620 Like just enough to feel some pressure and feel some pinch, but at the same time, like

00:45:58.060 not, not hurt themselves.

00:46:00.480 And like, I'll give you an example, Pete Roberts, he's, he's somebody like that.

00:46:04.300 For me, we had a great discussion a couple of days ago.

00:46:06.180 We went to lunch together and I'm talking about putting together this new event.

00:46:09.880 And he shared with me a lot of cool insights, a lot of good insight.

00:46:13.380 He's like, look, man, I don't want you to have to pay tuition payments.

00:46:15.700 That's what he calls it.

00:46:16.440 It's like, I don't want you to screw this up, but he's like, there's going to be some

00:46:19.520 risk involved and it's my risk.

00:46:20.720 It's not his risk.

00:46:21.540 It's my risk.

00:46:22.300 I have to assume that like he can't take that level of risk on, but he's willing to help me and

00:46:27.540 coach me and teach me what he knows.

00:46:29.000 So that doesn't become so expensive that it breaks me or, or is unnecessary risk that

00:46:35.180 I shouldn't expose me and my family to.

00:46:37.100 So that that's what you look for.

00:46:39.120 As far as practicality, just implement what you guys talk about.

00:46:43.860 Just implement it.

00:46:45.320 Like that's the greatest thing you can do.

00:46:46.920 If you, if you ask for somebody for advice, whether it's somebody on Instagram or, or an

00:46:51.840 official mentor capacity or a coach, somebody you've paid or hired to help you, the best thing

00:46:56.900 you can do is actually implement the advice.

00:46:59.040 Like, I can't tell you how often I talk with people and say, Hey, you know, I'm thinking

00:47:02.080 about us starting a podcast.

00:47:03.000 What should I do?

00:47:04.580 Here's a couple of thoughts.

00:47:05.540 Here's a couple of resources.

00:47:06.860 And then they never do anything with it.

00:47:09.040 It's like how insulting.

00:47:11.540 Not only did you waste my time and that's exactly what you did.

00:47:14.340 You wasted my time.

00:47:15.400 Cause you didn't like, I was gracious enough to give you a gift.

00:47:19.580 And then you didn't implement.

00:47:20.820 So you wasted my time and like you wasted your time.

00:47:23.360 Like why even ask me the question if you're not going to implement anything, like what

00:47:26.740 a, what a crazy thing to do.

00:47:28.600 So if you have somebody, you trust enough to ask questions, to mentor, to coach, to counsel,

00:47:32.380 to guide you, the least you could do is just take it and apply it.

00:47:36.640 I think that's it.

00:47:37.900 It's pretty practical.

00:47:38.800 I think this would be insightful and maybe I'll go first.

00:47:42.980 Cause I, I think we, we get wrapped up with this idea is a mentor, a coach, right?

00:47:48.600 So for me, I have a jujitsu coach.

00:47:51.840 I have a fitness strength and conditioning coach.

00:47:55.180 I consider my CPA a form of a business coach.

00:47:59.200 I have a, a business coach that may not even know that he's my coach or my mentor, Ron

00:48:05.220 Heffernan.

00:48:05.700 I make him my coach, right?

00:48:07.120 Cause I, I seek his advice from a business perspective.

00:48:10.140 Like I have multiple people in my life that I would put this title on and there are all

00:48:16.240 different assets or different aspects of my life that I've like chose like, okay, this

00:48:21.860 person can help me in these areas.

00:48:23.720 Right.

00:48:24.140 I'm assuming it's the same for you.

00:48:25.940 It is.

00:48:26.520 I think what most people are looking for, it's great insight.

00:48:29.320 I think what most people want is they're looking for like their, their Obi-Wan Kenobi,

00:48:34.780 right?

00:48:35.180 Or, or Rocky's trainer, right?

00:48:37.820 Like they're looking for that, that one person who have this amazing relationship with, and

00:48:43.060 they teach him everything about life.

00:48:46.260 It's not how it works.

00:48:47.480 Like you're not going to get that, but you are going to, and by the way, good.

00:48:51.740 Well, I was just gonna say, by the way, in your example, it didn't work out too well,

00:48:54.980 right?

00:48:55.280 Like Obi-Wan totally failed.

00:48:57.980 Exactly.

00:48:59.220 And Rocky's personal life was a complete wreck.

00:49:02.360 Yes.

00:49:02.740 Right.

00:49:02.960 Because his coaching was only for boxing, right?

00:49:05.740 Like no one was helping him on that marriage of his or raising a kid.

00:49:08.780 Right.

00:49:09.700 That's exactly right.

00:49:10.820 You got, but you got to find people who are doing what you want.

00:49:14.860 And I know this sounds overly simplistic.

00:49:16.300 I get it.

00:49:17.060 Okay.

00:49:17.360 I understand.

00:49:17.720 But it's the truth.

00:49:19.860 You got to find people who are doing what you want to do.

00:49:22.940 One of two things I should say this way.

00:49:24.980 Doing what you want to do, having results, doing what you want to do, or results in coaching

00:49:29.720 other people to do what you want to do.

00:49:31.280 I add that caveat because I take athletics as a great example.

00:49:36.060 Like it doesn't take a Superbowl champion quarterback to coach a quarterback who can then go on to

00:49:44.740 win the Superbowl, right?

00:49:47.260 Like for example, Tom Brady, arguably the greatest quarterback of all time.

00:49:52.580 Well, he still gets coaching, but I guarantee the guy he gets coaching from, is it as good

00:49:59.480 a quarterback as Tom Brady is?

00:50:02.040 Yeah.

00:50:02.620 It's just not possible.

00:50:03.520 Tiger Woods, another great example.

00:50:04.600 It's like his coach is not as good as Tiger Woods at golf.

00:50:07.120 And yet he can still coach that individual.

00:50:09.080 So you can have one of, or both your, your results and success in that area or results

00:50:16.800 in producing results in other people in that area.

00:50:19.220 And then you hire these people to teach you, to lead you, to instruct you, to guide you

00:50:25.300 and to teach you what they know.

00:50:28.000 It's that simple.

00:50:29.400 It really is that simple.

00:50:31.220 So if you want to get strong, find a fitness coach like you did.

00:50:34.940 If you want to get good at jujitsu, go to the best jujitsu gym that you can possibly find.

00:50:39.220 If you want to learn about growing a business or starting a podcast or creating a movement

00:50:44.860 like we do here, find somebody who's doing that, pay them to do it.

00:50:48.140 And then do what they say because they have some, some record of success.

00:50:55.960 All right, John Jenkins, have you ever considered trying to get national coverage on a segment

00:51:01.080 such as 60 minutes to promote our mission and what we stand for?

00:51:05.040 Can I just point this out?

00:51:06.900 Cause I love this about John here.

00:51:08.660 He says such as 60 minutes to promote our mission and what we stand for.

00:51:14.400 And I, when I read that, I was like, yes, yeah, that, that stood out to me too, because

00:51:18.640 that's what it's about.

00:51:19.800 I, I, I try to be very careful of saying me, mine, my, I, like that's something I try to

00:51:25.160 be very, very careful of it.

00:51:27.020 When I'm talking about it in the context of what we're doing here, I always try to be deliberate,

00:51:32.160 although I don't get it always right about saying we, us, our, that's more valuable than

00:51:39.900 just saying, I, me, mine.

00:51:41.220 Yeah.

00:51:41.900 So the fact that he's using that term is awesome.

00:51:44.660 Yeah.

00:51:45.220 And it creates an opportunity for John then to say, yeah, we, right.

00:51:49.020 But if you always said, I, my team and I mission or whatever, it doesn't even create that opportunity

00:51:54.360 for John to say, no, it's ours, right?

00:51:56.920 Like you, you, you give him that opportunity to do that based upon the language that you use.

00:52:02.260 Right.

00:52:02.820 So there's a, I learned this and then we'll get to John's question.

00:52:07.180 I had this pet peeve when I was early in my financial planning practice.

00:52:10.860 I had a trainer that would actually come with me on my appointments.

00:52:14.440 Like they were legitimately my appointments, the people that I connected with, the people

00:52:18.100 that I called, scheduled the appointment.

00:52:19.740 And then I brought my trainer with me to help me.

00:52:22.280 And I had one trainer in particular that anytime he would jump in, he would start talking to

00:52:27.860 that individual as if like, I wasn't even there.

00:52:30.980 It was so infuriating, he would say, oh, my plan is, and my strategy is this.

00:52:35.680 And what I would do for you is this.

00:52:37.300 I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, this is not your thing here.

00:52:41.380 Like the least you could do at a minimum, at a minimum is say the, what, what we can

00:52:46.480 do for you and how we will help you at a minimum better.

00:52:50.840 Even than that is probably in that case to say, Hey, here's what I'm going to help Ryan

00:52:55.120 do for you guys.

00:52:56.140 Here's how he's going to help.

00:52:57.660 Here's how he's going to structure your plan.

00:52:59.600 Like be very aware of this.

00:53:01.960 All of us have been in situations where people, and that's what, this is what they're doing.

00:53:05.740 They're taking credit where they shouldn't take credit.

00:53:09.320 That's what's happening.

00:53:10.860 And you are probably doing it too.

00:53:12.480 I'm doing it too.

00:53:13.460 People are listening who are doing it too.

00:53:15.140 When you say, I, me, mine, you're taking a hundred percent credit for something that

00:53:21.340 isn't a hundred percent yours.

00:53:22.840 With, with the iron council, for example, because all these questions are coming from

00:53:27.380 the iron council.

00:53:28.420 It would be easy for me to say me, mine, my, I, that kind of thing, because you could justify

00:53:33.300 it.

00:53:34.240 Right.

00:53:34.300 But if I don't use the term we and us, then I'm discounting Kip, everything that you bring

00:53:41.540 to the iron council.

00:53:42.280 And I've been doing team leader calls lately.

00:53:44.620 Cause we do that every quarter just to make sure we're, we're in sync with everything.

00:53:47.820 And it would be discounting everything that the team leaders have been doing over the past

00:53:52.880 almost five years now.

00:53:54.720 Like what right do I have to claim credit for something?

00:53:57.760 Do I have right to claim some of the credit?

00:53:59.560 Yeah.

00:54:00.020 Which is why I say we, but what right do I have to claim their efforts as my own?

00:54:07.440 I don't have that right.

00:54:09.840 Uh, so to answer John's question, national coverage, that is something I'm very interested

00:54:14.360 in.

00:54:14.660 Frankly, I haven't done a whole lot of that.

00:54:16.440 Any of that up to this point, uh, I got a connection with Tucker Carlson's team.

00:54:21.660 Uh, I put out a call and I've got some feedback and some ends for Prager university.

00:54:27.300 Um, but yeah, like 60 minutes, all these things, these would all be great outlets.

00:54:30.620 So if you guys have connections or opportunities, and you think that it would be a good fit for

00:54:37.200 what we're doing here, I would just ask that you make the connection and we'll see what

00:54:41.560 we can do.

00:54:42.000 And we'll get this message out to the masses, which is what needs to happen.

00:54:47.960 Did I lose you again?

00:54:48.880 I think we're having some, uh, connectivity issues today.

00:54:51.000 It's been rough.

00:54:52.980 Yeah.

00:54:53.840 Yeah.

00:54:54.060 A little bit.

00:54:54.780 Cool.

00:54:55.080 All right.

00:54:55.320 What's up?

00:54:55.640 What else?

00:54:56.520 Okay.

00:54:57.620 Um, let's jump to our anonymous question.

00:55:00.600 Okay.

00:55:01.120 Uh, so Mr. Anonymous over the last few months, I've noticed strange behavior out of my girlfriend.

00:55:07.540 I've asked about it, but I get the old, I'm just stressed out response.

00:55:11.320 I tell her to let me know what I can do to help and move on Saturday.

00:55:16.580 I see her texting a guy on messenger, but I don't really think, um, about it too much.

00:55:22.480 Last night, she left her phone in the living room to go take a shower and a message pops

00:55:27.780 up on the home screen talking about past sexual experience, past sexual experiences.

00:55:33.400 I'm torn how to proceed.

00:55:35.120 I have a kid.

00:55:36.160 So kicking her to the curb is last resort.

00:55:39.400 Not the first.

00:55:40.300 Yeah, I know this is, and I'm assuming not the first time, but I'm assuming not the

00:55:45.880 first, first resort, right?

00:55:48.180 Yeah.

00:55:48.380 First option.

00:55:49.080 That's kind of how I read that.

00:55:50.900 Yeah.

00:55:51.340 I mean, this is tough, man.

00:55:52.560 You know, like this stuff happens.

00:55:54.140 This is actually, unfortunately not, it's not uncommon.

00:55:58.480 You know, we hear things like this quite a bit, uh, that I think the first course of

00:56:02.600 action is to confront the issue head on tactfully, respectfully.

00:56:09.220 Cause if, you know, if you jump in there, guns a blazing, which, you know, maybe, maybe

00:56:13.680 you can make the case that you have some right to do, uh, it's just not going to work.

00:56:17.680 That, that, that's the thing.

00:56:18.720 Like you, you want to be effective.

00:56:20.540 Yeah, exactly.

00:56:21.180 Like regardless of the outcome, you want this thing to work out for, for you, probably for

00:56:27.260 her to some degree, even though there might be some anima, of course, some bitterness

00:56:30.660 and contention and animosity, definitely your kid.

00:56:33.740 So you need to confront this head on.

00:56:35.940 Like you can't, here's what I would not do.

00:56:38.660 I would not side skirt the issue.

00:56:41.320 I would not set her up to fail by like testing her and putting out these little things.

00:56:46.320 Like I wouldn't play games.

00:56:47.960 A lot of people would do that.

00:56:48.860 Like, Oh, I'm going to see what she does.

00:56:50.300 You dude, you already know.

00:56:51.700 All right.

00:56:52.240 You, you already know she's cheating on you.

00:56:54.160 You know that.

00:56:55.800 So, and this is actually good for this month that we're talking about the idea of assertive

00:57:01.820 communication.

00:57:02.420 This is a moment where you're going to have to practice that assertive communication and

00:57:07.380 say, look, you know, your phone was out.

00:57:10.080 I figured out what's going on.

00:57:11.280 I know what's going on, but I need to hear it from you.

00:57:15.600 And you need to give her the opportunity to confess, to confront and to share what is

00:57:22.540 actually going on.

00:57:23.980 Like you can't, there's no healing whatsoever.

00:57:26.340 Whether you decide to keep it on, keep going with her or, uh, or disengage altogether, nothing

00:57:33.680 will move forward without her confessing and being truthful and you confronting it.

00:57:40.580 So that's the very first step.

00:57:42.800 Then from there, I think it's being very realistic about what she wants.

00:57:48.200 You know, it sounds like maybe you want to try to make amends or that's certainly a consideration.

00:57:52.580 And I think I'm not going to tell you not to, but you know, if that's something that

00:57:57.480 you want to consider is making amends with her, you need to make sure that she wants to

00:58:02.020 make amends.

00:58:03.300 You need to ensure that she's fully on board with this.

00:58:07.240 And if there's any inkling, any inkling whatsoever that she's not vested or she's not interested,

00:58:14.360 please, I beg of you and anybody who's in this situation, don't think that you're going

00:58:19.620 to change her, right?

00:58:22.680 Like, like don't fall into the trap of saying, well, yeah, but if I behave just this certain

00:58:27.260 way, then maybe she'll see she won't, she won't.

00:58:31.720 Now you can improve yourself and you can fix yourself and you should be doing all of those

00:58:35.040 things.

00:58:35.260 Cause we talk about that at length, but don't change for her.

00:58:40.200 Like, don't do that for her, do that for you.

00:58:42.700 And if there's no inkling of her or some small little, little tell that she, that she doesn't

00:58:49.500 want to improve or fix, or she wants to continue this, this behavior, seeing this guy, you got

00:58:53.700 to get out of this situation.

00:58:55.080 You have to, it sucks.

00:58:57.300 That's the thing that's so hard about this is that it sucks because you're thinking about

00:59:02.460 you, you're thinking about her, you're thinking about your kid.

00:59:05.420 It's all good things to think about, but it's not going to be better.

00:59:09.320 Like, think about this, what's going to be better for your child, you and her, the child's

00:59:17.500 mother being, being separated, but being like happy or being together and being contentious

00:59:25.400 and bitter and miserable and backbiting and cheating on each other.

00:59:30.280 That's not going to be good for the kid either.

00:59:32.320 So again, step one, confront, give her the opportunity to like actually come clean and

00:59:40.500 confess what is actually happening.

00:59:43.180 Then from there, it's a decision of, is this going to continue?

00:59:47.480 If you feel like it will, and you feel like she's not interested in, I don't want to say

00:59:52.940 like repent, but that's kind of what the thing is.

00:59:54.980 Like if she's not interested in that, then you got to move on to, okay, well, what's the

00:59:59.460 exit strategy here?

01:00:00.380 You know, how can I make sure my kid's protected?

01:00:02.600 How can I make sure I'm protected?

01:00:04.940 Because at this point it becomes a very difficult decision, but a business decision.

01:00:10.720 Nonetheless, you got to fight for your right as a father, fight for your financial rights

01:00:14.480 and make the best decisions that you can on that course of action.

01:00:19.360 Now, if she says she, if she's committed to changing, make her come up with a plan, like

01:00:24.140 tell me how you're going to do it.

01:00:25.380 Right?

01:00:26.440 Like it's not good enough for you to say, oh no, I'm going to change.

01:00:29.580 I'm going to change.

01:00:30.040 Cause that's what, of course they're going to say that when they get caught.

01:00:32.860 Okay.

01:00:33.300 Well, what's your plan?

01:00:34.440 Like, tell me how that's going to happen.

01:00:36.140 You're going to go to counseling.

01:00:37.240 We're going to go together.

01:00:38.700 You're going to change your behavior.

01:00:39.900 Like, am I going to see this progress?

01:00:41.360 Like, tell me exactly what you're planning on doing in order to correct and rectify this

01:00:46.140 behavior.

01:00:46.540 And here's what I would not do either is don't ask what you can do, right?

01:00:55.360 Like, so if I'm, if I'm going to my wife, cause I know she's stepping out on me or whatever,

01:00:58.960 I'm not going to ask her what I can do to improve the relationship.

01:01:04.020 This is her thing.

01:01:05.360 I didn't cheat on her.

01:01:06.700 She cheated on me.

01:01:08.160 Now that doesn't mean I'm not going to go to work on myself.

01:01:10.340 I am, but I'm not going to, I'm not going to put myself at her mercy because she messed

01:01:16.320 up.

01:01:16.760 That's her.

01:01:17.460 That's on her.

01:01:18.840 And when I say, Hey, what can I do to change?

01:01:20.940 I'm not going to allow her the opportunity to say, well, you know, if you did this and

01:01:24.480 this and this, then I wouldn't have cheated on you.

01:01:26.500 Bullshit.

01:01:28.320 You made a conscious decision to step out on me and I'm not going to come off of my,

01:01:34.900 my, my, my mantle of masculinity, if you will.

01:01:39.060 And, and subject myself to changing my behavior because you made a mistake.

01:01:47.000 Now I'm going to change my behavior because I want to change me and improve me and do it

01:01:51.940 for me.

01:01:52.320 Not for you.

01:01:53.160 You, you have to answer to me.

01:01:55.280 I'm not the one on trial here.

01:01:57.860 So you tell me if you want to maintain this relationship, what you're going to do to improve

01:02:03.240 what behavior is going to change, how you're going to ensure that's happening.

01:02:07.460 And I'll worry about me and what I'm going to do for me, not for you.

01:02:12.760 If you don't mind me adding Ryan, I think what's critical about what you said is one

01:02:19.780 has long lasting growth and transformation tied to it where the other just generates

01:02:27.020 animosity and temporary, right?

01:02:29.560 If she's coming to you going, Oh, well, if you would have done that and you, and you

01:02:33.660 jump on that train and go, Oh yeah, sure.

01:02:35.480 I'll change who I am and I'll do all these.

01:02:37.140 It's not going to work, right?

01:02:38.840 Change doesn't come from that angle, right?

01:02:42.660 You're, you just cow towing and being someone that you quote unquote have.

01:02:47.840 Yeah, exactly.

01:02:48.780 That's not going to work that way.

01:02:50.060 So even if it, even if you wanted to, it's just going to create more animosity than it

01:02:55.140 is anything else.

01:02:57.120 Yeah.

01:02:58.200 And, and why would you, why would you put yourself at a lower, like at a low and a lower inferior

01:03:05.600 position in this relationship?

01:03:08.160 Like my, my job is to continue and do it, do it virtuously.

01:03:13.220 But my job within the dynamic of my family is to increase and improve my position and

01:03:18.400 dynamic within the family.

01:03:19.940 Like it's not to subject people.

01:03:21.400 It's not to be a tyrant or dictator, but it's to constantly build authority and credibility

01:03:26.080 because then when I speak and when I act and when I make decisions, if I have increased

01:03:30.840 levels of accountability, increased levels of credibility and authority, then they will

01:03:34.780 follow voluntarily.

01:03:35.940 Like everything improves because I'm getting better.

01:03:38.440 I will never, ever position myself in an inferior position to make my wife or children feel better

01:03:48.620 about themselves or better about their poor decisions.

01:03:51.200 I've got to stay here above the fray and they've got to elevate to this level.

01:03:56.040 It's just the way it is.

01:03:57.320 And whether we're talking about a negotiation, because that's what a separation essentially

01:04:01.540 is.

01:04:01.980 And that's what it might come to in order to be a negotiator.

01:04:05.780 You have to have the upper hand.

01:04:09.180 Yeah, I, at one point, Ryan, we should, we should chat about that more.

01:04:13.880 I, I, I would love to have that conversation above and beyond just this use case in this

01:04:19.440 relationship, this scenario about a spouse, right?

01:04:21.940 About the importance of, of seeing at that higher level in multiple facets of life, including

01:04:26.920 work and our relationships with our families and whatnot.

01:04:29.120 That, that might be a great, great discussion.

01:04:31.220 Maybe it's a Friday field notes in the future, but yeah, it'd be good.

01:04:33.600 I mean, a simple analogy we can use is let's say somebody falls overboard of a ship, you

01:04:39.380 know, what are you going to do or, or, or, or is in the pool, you know, you're going to

01:04:44.160 throw a lifesaver to them.

01:04:46.180 You know, you're only going to go in there and subject yourself to that own level of risk

01:04:50.960 at the, as a last resort, but you're going to, you're going to try to scoop them out of

01:04:55.680 the water.

01:04:56.100 You're going to throw a lifesaver.

01:04:57.060 You're going to get that pole and like try to grab this and pull them in.

01:04:59.900 You're not going to actually like go into the water unless it's evident somebody is going

01:05:04.320 to be injured or die because you don't.

01:05:06.680 Right.

01:05:07.680 But the first resort is, can I save this person from this position that I'm in right now?

01:05:12.260 And that's the better position, right?

01:05:14.840 I mean, going back to jujitsu, right?

01:05:17.280 If you think about somebody sweeping you, what does somebody need to do to sweep you?

01:05:21.580 They need to get some of your foundational elements out from underneath, right?

01:05:28.200 So like I've got my knees, I've got my feet, I've got elbows, or I've got arms in order

01:05:32.660 for you Kip to sweep me, you've got to eliminate at least two, well, at least one, if not two

01:05:39.020 or three of those pillars.

01:05:41.660 And if you can do that, then you can probably sweep me more successfully.

01:05:45.680 But if I can maintain my foundation, keep my hips straight, keep my feet and knees and

01:05:50.900 things on the floor and keep myself up, propped up, like you're going to have a harder time

01:05:54.980 getting me to where you want me to go.

01:05:57.900 Like I'm in the position of power and that's where we need to be.

01:06:00.960 We need to be in that position of authority.

01:06:02.660 And we can't do that when we're flailing around with somebody on the bottom.

01:06:06.100 We have to be up here on a strong base, strong foundation, doing what we can, offering a

01:06:10.880 hand, offering a lifesaver to pull them out of the situation they find themselves in.

01:06:14.700 But the other thing too, is they have to exert themselves, right?

01:06:18.560 Like if I see somebody in the water and I'm like, here, grab this.

01:06:21.480 And I throw them a lifesaver.

01:06:23.120 Like they still have to grab it.

01:06:25.820 Like it's your responsibility to grab it.

01:06:27.960 Or I put a pole out there or a stick or whatever you got to grab, you got to do something.

01:06:32.620 And if you're not willing to do that, it's like, man, is this person really struggling?

01:06:38.700 Like, yeah.

01:06:40.720 Exactly.

01:06:41.580 Do they want to be saved?

01:06:42.940 Right.

01:06:43.220 Yeah.

01:06:43.780 Yeah.

01:06:44.700 Um, one thing that came to mind really quick on this question before we move on is I think

01:06:49.340 there's the importance of being clear in communication and setting expectation.

01:06:54.780 I can't express that enough.

01:06:56.360 And, and maybe because I think it's one of those areas where we might just assume, right?

01:06:59.940 Oh, you know, of course what she did is wrong and she won't do it again.

01:07:04.080 But I would literally like, Hey, so just to be really clear, this is unacceptable.

01:07:09.500 And, and I will not subject myself to this.

01:07:14.320 So if this happens again, right?

01:07:16.380 Like really set those expectations.

01:07:18.540 Yeah.

01:07:18.760 Um, even expectations going into the initial conversation, Hey, you know, I need to have

01:07:23.800 a serious conversation about, about something.

01:07:26.220 Yeah.

01:07:27.220 And here's what I don't want it to be.

01:07:29.280 I don't want it to be an argument.

01:07:31.580 I don't want to get, I don't want to attack each other and upset each other verbally.

01:07:36.320 I don't, I certainly don't want it to get physical.

01:07:38.880 I just want to have a very level headed, truthful conversation about some things that I've discovered

01:07:47.260 with regards to our relationship.

01:07:49.760 And if I feel like it's going to go somewhere that I'm not interested in going, I'll end

01:07:55.620 the conversation.

01:07:58.000 Yeah.

01:07:58.440 I'd love to have this conversation, get things figured out, but these are the terms by which

01:08:01.720 we're going to communicate.

01:08:03.300 Yeah.

01:08:03.660 And by the way, that communication, it's good for them.

01:08:06.500 Yes.

01:08:06.960 Right.

01:08:07.280 If she's, if she's in this relationship with you in a way that she doesn't want to be in,

01:08:12.860 like, then she should be out.

01:08:14.120 Like, like this is, it's a conversation of what's best for both of you.

01:08:17.840 Not just, you know what I'm saying?

01:08:19.600 Like she needs to figure out what she's doing and she needs to have some integrity around it.

01:08:24.220 And that conversation benefits her as much as it benefits you.

01:08:28.020 Right.

01:08:28.780 Yep.

01:08:29.580 Tough, tough, tough situation.

01:08:32.020 A realistic situation, situation a lot of people are dealing with.

01:08:35.600 And, you know, I hate to say it like this, but I think we do need to say it is let this,

01:08:40.720 let this be an example to those of you who don't find yourself and don't, are not in

01:08:46.780 this situation right now.

01:08:48.360 Let this be an example of, you know, finding somebody that you can commit to being, being

01:08:54.060 very aware of and, and ready to bring a child into the world when, when that situation calls

01:08:59.200 for it, um, addressing red flags early, like let this serve as an example of some things

01:09:05.780 to be aware of.

01:09:06.380 So you don't find yourself in that position.

01:09:08.040 I hate to say that because this is somebody we're talking about.

01:09:11.000 There's a real human being that's dealing with this shit, but also it, it, it is, it is a

01:09:17.600 good reminder of like, okay, this is some of the things that could happen if I don't address

01:09:21.420 these issues up front.

01:09:23.000 Totally.

01:09:23.520 And the flip side, right?

01:09:26.500 The, the danger of chatting late night with an old high school fleeing on messenger, right?

01:09:34.260 Like avoid these circumstances where, you know, you might get your ego stroked and feel good

01:09:40.120 and feel wanted and desired by someone and fall into that pit of like letting that conversation,

01:09:45.460 you know, start creeping into your, to your marriage.

01:09:48.220 Like I think there's some danger and warning signs on, on both sides of this, uh, question

01:09:53.880 for all, for all of us really.

01:09:55.540 So, well, let me, let me share a really interesting conversation.

01:09:58.400 My wife and I had, um, a couple of days ago, she wanted to post something on social media

01:10:02.540 and, um, it was, it was like really thoughtful and some things that she'd been dealing with

01:10:07.280 and she wanted to post this picture while she went down to the Bahamas a couple of weeks

01:10:11.700 ago and she posted, she had this picture of her in a swimsuit and like, she looked great.

01:10:17.200 You know, my wife, she looked, she looked amazing.

01:10:19.940 And she asked me, she said, Hey, I want, I want to post something about posting this,

01:10:24.520 but how do you feel about me posting this picture?

01:10:26.760 And it was her in her swimsuit.

01:10:27.880 And I said, you know, I, I don't, I don't really like that picture.

01:10:30.640 I mean, I, I like that picture, but, but I don't, I don't really want you to post that

01:10:37.640 picture.

01:10:38.920 I, do you have another picture that you, I would feel more comfortable if you used a different

01:10:43.020 picture.

01:10:43.420 Now in today's society, by today's standards, that a lot of people would say, well, who are

01:10:52.700 you to say what she can and can't post?

01:10:54.540 And this isn't the 1950s and they'll say all these things.

01:10:58.840 Yeah.

01:10:59.940 It, I mean, to me, I think like what came of that for me is that I had enough social capital

01:11:08.540 built up that she asked me.

01:11:10.880 And when I said, I really would like you to use a different picture that she used a different

01:11:15.420 picture out of respect for our relationship.

01:11:19.400 That to me was a very, there was a lot of that's, that's years and years of work and effort.

01:11:25.920 I'm not trying to keep her down.

01:11:27.200 I'm not trying to manipulate or control or none of that, you know, feminist and these

01:11:34.100 types, they're going to get all worked up about me saying that.

01:11:36.680 But to me, when, if, if I was looking at another relationship and I heard that happen, I'm like,

01:11:41.400 man, that is a level of respect on both parties.

01:11:45.220 And both of them have earned that level of respect through the effort and the work over

01:11:51.360 years and years of, of effective communication, of honoring each other, respecting each other's

01:11:59.200 wishes.

01:11:59.440 And here's the thing.

01:12:00.700 If she came to me and she has come to me, there's been posts that I've made where she's

01:12:04.780 like, I don't really like that, that I've actually deleted because, because I respect

01:12:11.000 her and I want to honor that.

01:12:13.840 There's been posts where I'm like, Hey, I'm, I'm thinking about sharing this.

01:12:17.820 Like, are you okay with it?

01:12:18.880 She's like, eh, I don't, I don't really think you should.

01:12:20.920 And I haven't, it's a speedo photos or yeah.

01:12:25.060 Well, yeah, let's, let's not talk about it.

01:12:27.440 Okay.

01:12:29.620 I don't want all the girls, you know, like beating down my doors and whatnot.

01:12:33.340 And she, she was worried about that.

01:12:34.800 You know, she's worried about all the, all the women, like, you know, chasing me on Instagram

01:12:38.340 because that happens a lot.

01:12:39.440 All the women's women's.

01:12:41.200 Yeah.

01:12:41.860 Yes.

01:12:42.200 Anyways, the point that I'm making that you're making light of now, um, is the point that

01:12:48.960 I'm making is it's just, it's respect.

01:12:50.920 Right.

01:12:51.360 And it, and it takes a lot of effort and a lot of work.

01:12:54.020 And when we had that moment, I just, it just reminded me of like, this is what it's about.

01:12:59.840 You know, there's a, there's a, there's a level of mutual respect.

01:13:03.960 She respects me enough to ask.

01:13:06.080 I respect her enough to do the same thing, to feel honored when she does that.

01:13:12.120 And of course, through my years and years of work in the relationship and hers as well,

01:13:16.800 you know, she feels comfortable asking me.

01:13:19.880 Um, and, and then she honors what my thought is, you know, so that's, that's powerful.

01:13:24.520 So, and you can see that level of respect for different relationships all over the place.

01:13:29.020 Right.

01:13:29.360 It's, it's, it's present when couples want to backbite each other in front of family members.

01:13:34.640 Yeah.

01:13:35.720 And it's present when they run their mouth about their husband against someone else.

01:13:40.240 Or on social media, you know, it's like.

01:13:41.680 On social media.

01:13:42.820 Yeah, totally.

01:13:43.620 Like those are all these little elements of like where there's a huge amount of lack of

01:13:48.320 respect and not consideration for one another.

01:13:50.700 Right.

01:13:51.180 And, and, and it can really feel like there's a form of isolation, right.

01:13:56.020 When your spouse doesn't do that, right.

01:13:57.720 When they don't respect you.

01:13:58.800 So yeah, that's tough.

01:14:00.240 Yeah.

01:14:00.440 All right.

01:14:01.000 We have three more questions in the IC.

01:14:02.580 You want to try to push through these?

01:14:03.660 Let's.

01:14:03.780 So we're at about an hour and 15.

01:14:05.360 Let's do like, we'll try to do like rapid fire or something.

01:14:07.960 Okay.

01:14:08.340 All right.

01:14:08.800 Derek Cripe.

01:14:09.700 These are like long, long questions.

01:14:10.960 I'll read fast.

01:14:11.780 The Mr.

01:14:12.700 The Mrs.

01:14:13.360 And I was listening to the Mrs.

01:14:15.660 Mickler episode on the road trip to Texas yesterday.

01:14:19.220 What really happened to the snowblower?

01:14:22.420 Now for my real question, how do you approach conversations about big life changes with your

01:14:27.760 children?

01:14:28.240 I E when you, when we're all getting ready to move to Utah to Maine, how do you approach conversations

01:14:33.760 how do you discern true vision from impulsive dreams, things in advance and keep us, keep

01:14:38.700 up the good work?

01:14:39.540 Okay.

01:14:39.940 So let's get through all these snowblower.

01:14:43.660 Suffice it to say that.

01:14:45.920 Do you respect your wife?

01:14:47.240 No, diesel fuel was put into our, our gas powered, uh, snowblower.

01:14:55.360 That's it.

01:14:55.940 I'll just leave it there.

01:14:57.100 Oh, we got it worked out.

01:14:59.680 It's working again.

01:15:00.460 We drained it.

01:15:01.020 It's working again.

01:15:01.680 Everything's fine.

01:15:02.240 No big deal.

01:15:03.480 That's, it's almost as good as my son putting oil in the radiator.

01:15:07.240 Yes.

01:15:07.760 Yeah.

01:15:08.160 Yeah.

01:15:08.400 That, that would be a good one.

01:15:11.020 Oh man.

01:15:12.280 So we got it taken care of.

01:15:13.500 All right.

01:15:14.020 Um, what was the second question about approach approaching kids with big decisions?

01:15:19.480 Big life changes.

01:15:20.460 Yeah.

01:15:20.580 Yeah.

01:15:20.740 I think you just, I think you need to be realistic, right?

01:15:23.840 Like I wouldn't paint it as some glorious fairy tale.

01:15:26.340 Cause it's not going to be like, just be realistic.

01:15:28.400 Hey, here's, here's the amazing things that could happen.

01:15:31.680 Here's the opportunities that present themselves here.

01:15:34.440 Let me teach you a little bit about the area, which is something we did about Maine.

01:15:37.620 Like, look at the, look at the house, look at the property.

01:15:40.320 Here's the animals.

01:15:41.040 Here's the hunts.

01:15:41.620 Here's the activities.

01:15:42.400 Here's the things that we can do.

01:15:43.400 And they got really excited about that.

01:15:45.000 But we didn't, we didn't paint it as all, all rainbows and fairy tales.

01:15:49.540 You know, we, we said, Hey, it's going to be hard.

01:15:51.620 You're going to have to leave your friends and we're really comfortable here.

01:15:54.440 And we like this house, but man, that's the trade-off.

01:15:58.040 You know, you have to be willing to take a risk to go do these things.

01:16:00.600 And fortunately our kids got behind it.

01:16:02.440 They're young enough, which is good.

01:16:04.040 And that's part of the reason we made the decision now.

01:16:05.900 You know, but yeah, I think we just painted it realistically for them, told them why we're

01:16:10.380 doing it, treated them like human beings, as opposed to just little pawns in our game

01:16:15.100 of the family.

01:16:15.740 Like, no, you look, you don't get a vote necessarily, but your, your consideration is important to

01:16:22.400 us.

01:16:22.620 Like we want to know how you're feeling and what you're experiencing.

01:16:25.740 Ultimately mom and I need to make that decision, but you know, we want to hear from you.

01:16:30.300 We want to know.

01:16:30.900 And as they express their concerns and their frustrations and their excitement, so we listened

01:16:35.140 to all of them and we took them into consideration and we frame the conversation in a way that

01:16:41.240 would address the things that they worried and excited about because we treated them with,

01:16:45.380 with respect, you know?

01:16:47.680 So what was the third one, the vision versus impulse discern?

01:16:52.160 Yeah.

01:16:52.700 Vision versus impulsive dreams.

01:16:55.420 Um, that's a pretty good question.

01:16:58.640 I would say if you haven't really spent any time being deliberate about your vision, then

01:17:04.460 it might just be impulse.

01:17:05.700 Like if you haven't ever taken any time to sit down and legitimately write and think and

01:17:11.180 visualize about what you want and what you want the future to hold, it's probably just

01:17:16.340 impulsive.

01:17:17.220 So, which by the way, it doesn't necessarily mean it'll be wrong.

01:17:22.640 Yeah.

01:17:23.220 I was just going to think that, you know, impulsiveness, it might actually work out and it might not.

01:17:27.520 And, and you know what, even if you plan everything out, that actually might not work.

01:17:32.040 So it's not to say that, I mean, I think there's a lot to be said for feelings and intuition

01:17:38.340 that a lot of us don't take it into consideration.

01:17:40.260 Like sometimes it just feels right and that's enough.

01:17:43.820 That's enough depending on the level of risk and you can create a plan around it.

01:17:47.500 But yeah, if you haven't like deliberately intentionally mapped out what you want your

01:17:52.900 life to be like and experience and the opportunities you have, then it's probably just impulsive and

01:17:58.960 it would be good for you to start thinking.

01:18:01.260 And if you're in the iron council, should be doing your vision stuff anyways, right?

01:18:05.720 Cause that's part of the battle plan.

01:18:07.000 So.

01:18:08.120 Yeah.

01:18:09.200 Prem at ball.

01:18:10.240 Do you think it's important for a man to stay up to date with news and current affairs?

01:18:14.640 I personally found that it upsets me and doesn't add value to my life when I keep up with the news.

01:18:19.560 I think you should focus on smaller first and expand out from there.

01:18:24.660 Like if you're focused on the results of, of the, um, of the presidential election, for example,

01:18:32.100 and you don't know what your kids are afraid of, then you're probably focused on the wrong things.

01:18:37.280 Right.

01:18:39.080 Or, or you don't know what's keeping your wife up at night, but you're worried about what CNN

01:18:43.200 is telling you about the town hall thing in Virginia and the second amendment debates.

01:18:47.400 Then like you probably have those skewed a little bit, but I do think it's important to stay up to

01:18:53.900 date with current events within moderation.

01:18:56.700 You've got to understand the motive of the media in the media industry is to rile you up, right?

01:19:03.480 Because the more riled up you are, the more you're going to pay attention.

01:19:06.640 So like if you, if you come to a conversation or a circumstance, or in this case, you're listening

01:19:12.720 to the media, but you know what the motive is, you can make better decisions about how to engage

01:19:17.620 and respond to what you're seeing and hearing.

01:19:19.760 If you know, the motive is to rile you up, then just don't get riled up.

01:19:23.280 Hey, good to know.

01:19:24.300 Okay.

01:19:24.580 There's a thing in Virginia about the second amendment debates.

01:19:27.260 Good to need to know about that.

01:19:28.440 That'd be valuable to know, but I think you need to start with your fam, start with you

01:19:32.340 know yourself really well, then expand that to, to my family, then expand that to my neighborhood,

01:19:39.260 maybe even like my church or some other organization that I'm part of, then expand that out to my

01:19:44.240 state, then expand that out, you know, federally.

01:19:47.840 And, and I think that would be a better approach, but yeah, I think it's probably a good idea that

01:19:51.860 you stay up to date to, to some degree regarding current events.

01:19:55.900 Yeah.

01:19:56.340 Half the news that we hear is just noise anyway, right?

01:19:58.580 It's like, Oh, there was this scenario and you're like, okay, that's all I needed to know.

01:20:02.940 That's it.

01:20:03.200 I don't need to know all the other information that you just gave me, boy.

01:20:06.520 Cause half of it's just perception and opinion.

01:20:08.640 And if you know, if you know the motive of the, the source of information, then you can

01:20:14.840 better make that decision.

01:20:16.600 If you don't know the motive, then you're going to take everything personal and think

01:20:20.880 everything applies to you equally.

01:20:22.340 It doesn't, some things just don't matter and you have to be willing and able to discern

01:20:29.000 what matters and what doesn't.

01:20:30.480 Boy Scouts of America filed chapter 11 bankruptcy in order to, uh, equitably compensate all victims

01:20:41.860 who were abused during their time in scouting.

01:20:44.240 What do you think of this move?

01:20:45.840 Seems like a PC to show and to appease the vocal minority.

01:20:50.240 Boy Scouts is done.

01:20:51.580 I mean, you can go back.

01:20:52.920 I'm actually curious, uh, yeah, I'm actually curious because I, and I was talking to my wife

01:20:58.900 about this this morning cause she'd saw it and she had told me about it.

01:21:01.480 And, um, I, I should go back into Facebook, but I want to say four or five years ago, I

01:21:07.800 said, boy Scouts is done.

01:21:09.600 Boy Scouts is done.

01:21:11.000 They'll be out of business within five years.

01:21:12.840 And I had people, Oh no, you know, they're going to do whatever they're done.

01:21:16.840 They're done.

01:21:17.420 When you start jeopardizing and compromising on your standards, you're done.

01:21:22.280 Whether that's inviting girls into it's, it's a shame that they have all these sexual misconduct

01:21:28.360 and, and, and assault allegations and cases that they're dealing with.

01:21:33.060 Um, but I mean, yeah, they're done.

01:21:36.520 It's a, it's, it's over.

01:21:37.540 Boy Scouts had a good run there, but they started jeopardizing their, their standards and their

01:21:42.220 morals.

01:21:42.540 And here's the result.

01:21:44.960 Like it's unfortunate.

01:21:46.620 So is it PC?

01:21:48.500 No, I don't think it's PC.

01:21:49.760 I think it's a move to save their asses.

01:21:52.040 Yeah.

01:21:52.480 And they'll probably try to restructure or try to like reformulate it or something, but shame

01:21:56.960 on the leadership of, of Boy Scouts for getting themselves into this position for jeopardizing

01:22:02.700 their morals and their standards and for undermining and ruining a great institution that has served

01:22:08.520 millions, millions of young boys and men.

01:22:11.820 And they ruined it through their own weak, spineless, cowardly leadership.

01:22:19.200 The travesty.

01:22:22.840 This is what happens when you get weak leaders.

01:22:26.100 It's weak leadership.

01:22:28.260 And you know, you, I get it.

01:22:31.420 I get why they would, why they would start changing these things.

01:22:36.040 And I, I understand, but you don't ever compromise your morals and your standards.

01:22:41.000 This is the result always.

01:22:42.820 Inevitably, this is the result.

01:22:44.340 So it's unfortunate.

01:22:46.320 Goodbye to the Boy Scouts.

01:22:48.600 Even if they come back and they like restructure, they're done.

01:22:53.100 Nobody cares about the Boy Scouts anymore.

01:22:55.100 They've rendered themselves obsolete.

01:22:57.720 Yeah.

01:22:58.580 So now we have to do, we have to do a better job, right?

01:23:01.720 Like in order of that, we have to do a better job as men serving our kids, serving the young

01:23:07.160 men in our communities, coaching where we can.

01:23:09.640 Um, I've got some thoughts tinkering out and bouncing around in my brain about like, what

01:23:13.940 can I do to help solve this problem?

01:23:15.700 A little bit of that has to do with legacy, which is coming up soon.

01:23:19.560 Um, you know, so I'm, I'm not willing to like bash on them without coming up with some

01:23:24.720 improvement and thinking about how we can fix this.

01:23:27.160 But yeah, we're doing a good thing here and we need you guys to spread this mission and

01:23:30.500 this cause because now more than ever, it's, it's needed in society and the Boy Scouts filing

01:23:36.000 for bankruptcy and jeopardizing their morals and their standards is a great indicator of,

01:23:40.080 of larger problem that's happening.

01:23:43.540 Yeah.

01:23:44.580 For you guys that are interested, we might have a couple spots left for legacy.

01:23:49.500 Um, that is our father young man event, June 11th through the 14th, uh, to learn more about

01:23:55.640 that, go to order of man.com slash legacy.

01:23:59.240 Join us.

01:24:00.240 There's limited spots.

01:24:01.560 I think last time we spoke, there was just like two or three, so reach out today.

01:24:06.860 Um, he's coming and he's got a friend coming.

01:24:09.120 So like it might be closed out, but if you're interested, just jump on real quick, order

01:24:13.940 man.com slash legacy.

01:24:15.260 And you can see if there's maybe one, maybe two spots tops, but yeah, there's not very

01:24:19.560 many spots left.

01:24:20.840 Okay.

01:24:22.000 Um, to join us guys, to spread this word and to get a hat, uh, bubble would be proud of

01:24:27.160 us today, both of us sporting a slight, uh, a slight curve in the brim, a little bend

01:24:32.720 in the brim.

01:24:33.540 Yep.

01:24:34.000 A little bit of bend, a little bit of Bubba in us, um, to get your guys's swag and support

01:24:40.120 the movement.

01:24:40.640 Visit us at a store.order of man.com for your hats, shirts, decals, and more.

01:24:46.940 And of course to spread this message, uh, subscribe to the podcast, hop onto YouTube, take a look

01:24:52.300 at, uh, Ryan's not as glorious beard, um, still his neck, actually just, just hop on

01:24:59.060 and take a look at his neck.

01:25:00.200 Yeah.

01:25:00.520 Oh my gosh.

01:25:01.300 There it is.

01:25:01.860 There is a, I wasn't even sure if you had one for years.

01:25:04.540 There is a neck.

01:25:05.220 Yeah.

01:25:07.020 It is weird.

01:25:07.800 Even with my earbuds, I can feel like my earbuds haven't got all tangled up in my beard like

01:25:12.180 they normally do.

01:25:13.000 So I might be onto something here.

01:25:15.640 Yeah.

01:25:16.040 You're like, where's my earbuds?

01:25:17.220 So they're like, oh, it's in my beard yesterday.

01:25:19.580 Yeah.

01:25:19.700 Um, and to follow Mr. Mick, Instagram or Twitter at Ryan Mickler.

01:25:27.400 And then finally, uh, join us on Facebook, uh, submit your questions to the AMA there as

01:25:31.580 well as, uh, look into the iron council, our exclusive brotherhood to learn more about

01:25:35.640 the IC or the iron council.

01:25:37.580 Go to order of man.com slash iron council.

01:25:40.620 And of course that Facebook group is facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

01:25:45.780 Cool.

01:25:46.860 Got her.

01:25:48.100 Well guys, I apologize.

01:25:49.280 We had some, uh, sounds like some internet connectivity issues.

01:25:52.300 So we'll try to work through that a little bit, but I think you caught most of it.

01:25:55.380 Anyways, guys, glad you're here.

01:25:56.460 We'll be back on Friday for Friday field notes, but until then go out there, take action,

01:26:01.380 become the man you are meant to be.

01:26:02.880 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:26:05.700 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:26:09.480 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - February 19, 2020

Confronting a Cheating Spouse, Life Lessons from Jiu-Jitsu, and Working with Emotional Children ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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