Order of Man - Confronting the Stress of Masculinity ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 Figure out what things in your life are stressing you out.

00:00:03.960 And if they're things that have to be done,

00:00:06.160 maybe consider that there's a different way for them to get done.

00:00:09.180 So one source of stress in my life is accounting.

00:00:13.340 I don't enjoy it. I don't want to do it. I'm not good at it.

00:00:17.000 I don't really care about it all that much, frankly,

00:00:18.980 but I know it needs to be done.

00:00:20.460 And so I don't do it, but I make sure that it gets done.

00:00:24.260 So I have a CPA. I have a bookkeeper.

00:00:26.840 I know that you're likely stressed because if you're anything like me

00:00:32.180 and the millions and millions of men that we've impacted over the past 10 years,

00:00:36.620 it's become painfully aware for many men that the stress of life,

00:00:42.800 the stress of being a man, the stress of providing and protecting

00:00:45.760 and presiding for ourselves and our families and our loved ones

00:00:48.400 and our communities can be very daunting and overwhelming at times.

00:00:52.940 This is not going to be something where I'm going to throw a pity party

00:00:56.280 with you today or tell you that people are out to get you

00:00:59.480 and society doesn't care about you.

00:01:02.480 Although maybe some of that has some tinge of truth,

00:01:05.580 we're not going to focus on that.

00:01:07.060 What we're going to do is focus on how we as men can handle the stress of life

00:01:11.100 and masculinity in the most effective way so we can continue to do our jobs

00:01:15.900 and serve the people that we love and care about.

00:01:19.200 I will say one thing about society when it comes to stress

00:01:22.120 and the way that we as men handle it is that there's not the same societal push

00:01:26.380 or standard as it has for women to address these things in a healthy way. 0.94

00:01:33.120 And so nobody's really going to probably talk with you about your problems.

00:01:38.280 Nobody is really going to probably care quite the same way

00:01:42.540 that generally I think society and other people care about women's health.

00:01:46.480 And so it's on you.

00:01:48.880 It's your responsibility to ensure that you don't allow the stress

00:01:52.700 of making the mortgage payment and getting a promotion

00:01:56.440 and taking care of the kids and putting food on the table

00:01:59.600 and everything else that comes with being a man

00:02:02.480 isn't so daunting and overwhelming that you crumble.

00:02:06.500 That's part of the reason I wrote the book Sovereignty in 2018,

00:02:10.400 which is called, again, Sovereignty, the Battle for the Hearts and Minds of Men

00:02:13.700 because it's on you.

00:02:16.520 It's your responsibility.

00:02:18.160 Now, there's resources like this one here that can help,

00:02:21.820 but at the end of the day, it's your responsibility

00:02:23.520 to ensure that the stressors of life don't get in the way

00:02:27.000 of your performance, your production,

00:02:29.420 and the way you're serving other people.

00:02:31.620 So let's break this down.

00:02:32.480 I've got five tips for you today.

00:02:34.300 You all know that you're stressed to some degree,

00:02:36.380 and here's how we can confront it.

00:02:38.460 Number one is you just need to figure out why you're stressed.

00:02:41.500 Now, I know that might seem like a thorough answer.

00:02:44.440 Just figure it out.

00:02:45.580 That's not what I'm saying at all.

00:02:47.520 What I'm saying is that we have triggers and we have responses,

00:02:52.500 and typically the first thing that we acknowledge

00:02:56.040 is the response, maybe a little bit of the trigger,

00:02:59.820 but it goes much deeper than what it typically is.

00:03:02.640 So, for example, let's say you get home from a long day of work

00:03:06.360 and one of your children wants to go run an errand

00:03:10.740 or do something or needs you to take them to football practice

00:03:13.960 or needs to be picked up from their friend's house

00:03:16.520 or whatever it might be, and you lose your mind.

00:03:20.920 You lose your cool.

00:03:21.880 You yell.

00:03:22.380 You scream.

00:03:22.880 You shout.

00:03:23.460 You berate.

00:03:24.180 You do whatever it is you do when you're stressed to the max,

00:03:27.060 and is it really that you're stressed about having to take your son

00:03:29.740 to football practice, or is there something deeper?

00:03:32.300 Or it's typically something deeper,

00:03:34.320 and the people, unfortunately, that we love

00:03:37.460 end up taking the brunt of our stress

00:03:40.380 or the other issues that are going on.

00:03:43.440 In my own personal experience

00:03:45.000 and in the lives of the people that I talk with,

00:03:46.980 the men that I talk with,

00:03:48.440 typically what it is is it's a lack of efficiency in production

00:03:53.160 and or, I guess, it's what I would call the integrity gap.

00:03:59.080 It's the gap between what we know we ought to be doing

00:04:02.080 or what we ought to be producing

00:04:04.040 and the gap between that and our current performance

00:04:09.440 or our lack of action.

00:04:12.160 And the greater that gap, that integrity gap,

00:04:14.680 the more stressed out you're going to be

00:04:16.220 because deep down inside, even if it's subconscious,

00:04:19.240 you know that you're capable of so much more

00:04:21.900 than you're currently producing.

00:04:24.140 And that creates a lot of frustration, contention,

00:04:27.480 anxiety, depression, stress,

00:04:29.480 and in some cases, even suicide.

00:04:32.720 So you have to get to the root of the problem.

00:04:35.200 Driving your son to football practice is not the issue.

00:04:38.180 Hearing your daughter ramble on about a story

00:04:41.080 as to why her friend is not her friend anymore

00:04:43.920 and now she is, but now she isn't,

00:04:45.440 and they hate each other, but they don't,

00:04:46.640 they love each other.

00:04:48.160 That's not the source of your frustration.

00:04:50.540 It's typically you.

00:04:51.940 Again, maybe it's procrastination,

00:04:54.340 not doing the work that you need to get done.

00:04:56.540 Maybe it's not having enough time in the day

00:04:58.860 to accomplish all that you need to accomplish.

00:05:01.040 We'll address that one here shortly.

00:05:04.100 Maybe you had something happen at work

00:05:06.500 that bothered you.

00:05:08.860 You lost a big client, for example,

00:05:11.220 or you had a bad performance review,

00:05:13.820 or your boss was a little too rough or critical

00:05:16.780 of the work that you did,

00:05:18.560 or you had an employee mess something up

00:05:22.360 which caused some problems in the business.

00:05:24.480 I mean, there's a lot that could go on every single day.

00:05:28.000 And I think it's important that you figure it out.

00:05:29.620 And part of the reason you want to figure it out

00:05:31.540 is because you need to figure out

00:05:33.000 if there's reoccurring things.

00:05:35.460 So if work is a continual source of frustration for you,

00:05:39.800 okay, that's good to know,

00:05:41.600 but what about work is frustrating you?

00:05:43.640 And you can dive deeper.

00:05:45.260 Maybe it's the people you work with.

00:05:46.700 Maybe it's not having enough resources that you need.

00:05:49.580 Maybe it's not that your business is making

00:05:51.820 that kind of income that you need to be making

00:05:54.040 to provide for your employees

00:05:55.740 and provide for yourself and your family.

00:05:57.960 But when you start to get to the root of the issue,

00:05:59.960 then that gives you the fuel and the ammo

00:06:02.220 to tackle the real problem,

00:06:03.720 which is not running your kid to a football game.

00:06:06.380 It's not hearing your daughter's story.

00:06:08.900 It's not that your wife is hard to deal with today

00:06:13.360 because something happened to her.

00:06:14.700 It's usually something on your end

00:06:16.940 and I think largely within your control.

00:06:20.480 And so let's figure out what we can do here

00:06:22.120 in these next couple of steps

00:06:23.540 once you begin to identify.

00:06:25.440 And I would suggest that you take time

00:06:27.080 every single day, by the way,

00:06:28.440 to think about these things.

00:06:30.400 Journaling has been a big process for me.

00:06:33.220 Where if I'm stressed, I'll write it down.

00:06:35.060 Just getting it out of my mind and onto paper

00:06:37.480 seems to help sometimes,

00:06:38.740 but it also gives it direction.

00:06:41.240 And men need direction.

00:06:42.780 If we think about things in our mind

00:06:44.440 over and over and over again

00:06:45.680 and create this echo chamber in our mind

00:06:47.380 where these ideas and these frustrations

00:06:50.120 or impatience or whatever it manifests as

00:06:52.160 just bounce around in our brain,

00:06:53.800 it's very frustrating because there's no direction.

00:06:58.100 We have all this energy and that's what it is.

00:07:00.000 It's stored energy in our mind

00:07:01.700 and we have no outlet for it.

00:07:04.220 And so it just grows and builds and festers

00:07:08.220 and adds more and more pressure.

00:07:10.100 We need to put it somewhere.

00:07:11.520 We need to aim it somewhere

00:07:12.780 and then let it do its thing.

00:07:14.620 And journaling or even creating a plan of attack

00:07:17.540 for dealing with that customer,

00:07:20.120 that client or that work project will really help.

00:07:23.820 Okay, so number two, and I have a 2A and a 2B.

00:07:26.240 So the 2A is to remove things that are stressing you out.

00:07:30.760 All right, if there's a person in your life,

00:07:33.360 let's say it's a neighbor or a family member,

00:07:36.160 to the degree that you can,

00:07:38.380 I realize there's some sensitivities here,

00:07:40.100 but to the degree that you can,

00:07:41.680 you need to get rid of that thing from your life.

00:07:45.600 If it's a person, a friend or an acquaintance or a neighbor,

00:07:48.540 you don't need that person in your life.

00:07:50.160 There's nowhere that says

00:07:51.140 you have to have that person in your life.

00:07:53.020 And if they continue to be a source of frustration for you

00:07:56.200 or stress, or even people I know

00:07:59.000 who suck up all the energy all the time, 0.81

00:08:01.800 I don't really spend a whole lot of time with those people

00:08:04.240 because it doesn't help me live the kind of life

00:08:07.640 that I want to live.

00:08:09.280 So I'm very aware of who and what is stressing me out.

00:08:13.380 So it might be people.

00:08:15.640 Maybe it's certain activities that you're doing.

00:08:19.420 Typically, these are vices.

00:08:20.820 So it could be pornography, it could be alcohol abuse,

00:08:24.320 or drug use, or gambling, or playing video games,

00:08:28.560 or whatever distraction method of choice you have.

00:08:32.020 That will stress you out.

00:08:34.240 Because again, it's gonna exacerbate the integrity gap.

00:08:38.660 If you're engaged in these behaviors

00:08:40.560 more than you'd like to be engaged in these behaviors,

00:08:42.880 and you're spending a half an hour, hour,

00:08:45.220 and hours every day engaged in this type of behavior,

00:08:48.620 that means that you have potentially two hours

00:08:51.400 during the day that you're not working,

00:08:54.000 that you're not getting fit,

00:08:55.360 that you're not having the conversations

00:08:56.940 that you wanna have,

00:08:57.680 that you're not present for your family.

00:08:59.160 And I know because I've been there.

00:09:00.820 When I was in the throes of my alcohol abuse,

00:09:03.140 that was a very real issue for me.

00:09:05.700 I was amazed when I stopped drinking

00:09:07.720 how much time I got back.

00:09:10.260 And it was literally three to four hours per day.

00:09:12.500 Because when I was in the depths of it,

00:09:15.420 I was, it seemed like 24-7,

00:09:17.880 drunk, passed out, or hungover.

00:09:20.820 So when I stopped drinking,

00:09:23.160 the first, one of the very first things I realized is,

00:09:26.480 I have a ton of time throughout the day

00:09:28.800 to now get more and more done.

00:09:30.920 And so I got a lot of projects around the house done.

00:09:33.180 I got the finances in check.

00:09:35.720 The business started to grow again

00:09:37.540 because I recaptured that time.

00:09:41.540 Therefore, I was reducing the integrity gap

00:09:44.740 and ultimately producing a better life for myself

00:09:47.980 and the people that I care about

00:09:49.640 and have responsibility for.

00:09:51.420 So figure out what things in your life

00:09:54.320 are stressing you out.

00:09:55.880 And if they're things that have to be done,

00:09:58.060 maybe consider that there's a different way

00:09:59.740 for them to get done.

00:10:00.880 So one source of stress in my life is accounting.

00:10:05.140 I don't enjoy it.

00:10:06.440 I don't want to do it.

00:10:07.580 I'm not good at it.

00:10:08.740 I don't really care about it all that much, frankly,

00:10:11.040 but I know it needs to be done.

00:10:12.360 And so I don't do it,

00:10:14.420 but I make sure that it gets done.

00:10:16.160 So I have a CPA.

00:10:17.640 I have a bookkeeper.

00:10:19.260 There might be other things that you have.

00:10:20.860 Maybe it's cleaning the house.

00:10:22.360 Do you need to clean the house?

00:10:24.820 Maybe you guys, you and your wife,

00:10:26.660 hire a housekeeper for a day a week

00:10:30.860 or one day every couple of weeks.

00:10:34.340 So you don't have to do everything.

00:10:36.060 See, that's part of the problem that men think.

00:10:38.580 And I get it.

00:10:39.680 We want to be valuable.

00:10:41.680 But the problem is, is if we do everything,

00:10:43.820 then we can't really do anything all that well.

00:10:47.920 My job as a leader and as a man

00:10:50.000 is to make sure everything gets done.

00:10:52.860 It's not to do it all myself.

00:10:55.240 Let me say that again.

00:10:56.040 It's not my job to do everything myself.

00:10:58.440 It's my job to ensure that everything gets done.

00:11:02.200 Some of those things I will do.

00:11:04.360 Other things, if we're at home, my kids will do.

00:11:07.220 Other things, if it's in the work setting,

00:11:09.440 I'll have an employee or a contractor

00:11:12.220 or a service provider that does that

00:11:15.260 so that I don't have to.

00:11:17.380 And then I can outsource that

00:11:18.740 because it needs to get done.

00:11:20.100 And then I can focus on the things that I like to do

00:11:22.380 that make me productive,

00:11:24.060 that add joy, fulfillment, and productivity to my life.

00:11:28.020 2B is to eliminate distractions.

00:11:30.580 Okay, distractions come in the forms

00:11:32.360 I just told you, the vices,

00:11:33.800 but they also come from this little device,

00:11:36.620 your cell phone, where you might spend an hour or more

00:11:41.120 every single day scrolling and scrolling

00:11:44.420 and scrolling mindlessly,

00:11:45.800 not with any sort of clear, deliberate purpose,

00:11:49.720 but just mindlessly.

00:11:50.800 And you're losing hours per day

00:11:53.340 that could be spent on more productive things.

00:11:55.920 You have to get rid of those distractions.

00:11:58.420 This is why time blocking works really well for me.

00:12:01.260 I don't send two emails

00:12:02.560 and then do a social media post

00:12:04.600 and then do a podcast

00:12:05.520 and then do this and then do that.

00:12:07.460 No, I block out time, segments,

00:12:10.100 hour or longer increments

00:12:12.640 where I'll spend an hour, even this afternoon,

00:12:15.640 cranking out a bunch of emails.

00:12:17.780 Okay, then I don't get distracted

00:12:19.300 with emails throughout the day

00:12:20.420 because I know I'm gonna handle it then.

00:12:21.980 Again, the device, I mean, I'm on this thing all day anyways,

00:12:26.260 just as a product of my work,

00:12:27.660 but I'm very deliberate about how much time

00:12:30.260 I'm spending on social media

00:12:31.500 relative to how much time I'm spending

00:12:33.160 in the business doing my work.

00:12:36.440 What are your distractions?

00:12:38.240 Are there, is it people, is it vices,

00:12:40.400 is it technology, is it video games?

00:12:42.780 Is it activities that you shouldn't be engaged in,

00:12:47.840 like accounting and bookkeeping?

00:12:50.340 There's gonna be distractions

00:12:51.580 that if you can eliminate those,

00:12:53.200 you'll recapture time.

00:12:54.400 And then if you use that time effectively,

00:12:56.260 you'll have less stress in your life.

00:12:58.660 All right, number three, guys,

00:13:00.740 you have to fix some things about your health.

00:13:04.420 Namely, your mental, your emotional,

00:13:06.720 and your physical health.

00:13:08.420 If you aren't carving out time

00:13:10.160 to take care of those three things on a daily basis,

00:13:13.060 then inevitably, you're gonna be more stressed

00:13:15.560 than you need to.

00:13:16.960 And when I start talking about this conversation,

00:13:19.840 without doubt, usually what I hear,

00:13:22.240 typically, if not exclusively, what I hear is,

00:13:25.700 well, I just don't have the time for that.

00:13:27.420 And that's a bit ironic, right?

00:13:29.140 Is that you're trying to not be stressed

00:13:32.180 by getting all that you need to get done.

00:13:33.860 And I'm telling you,

00:13:35.140 maybe you shouldn't focus so much on that,

00:13:37.000 and you should actually deploy your time in other places.

00:13:40.420 That's exactly what I'm telling you.

00:13:42.380 Because if you have 24 hours in a day,

00:13:46.080 but all of that time is being underutilized,

00:13:50.840 man, what if I just told you to take out an hour,

00:13:53.240 an hour and a half every single day

00:13:55.080 to focus on your health in some aspect?

00:14:00.380 That makes the rest of the 23 hours that much better.

00:14:03.160 And you might say,

00:14:03.720 23 hours, I have to sleep in there.

00:14:04.960 Yeah, but even the sleep will be better, right?

00:14:08.160 If you're physically fit, your sleep will be better.

00:14:11.960 This is one thing I talk with you guys about a lot

00:14:13.760 because many men have sleep apnea.

00:14:15.940 And I know that it's a true medical condition.

00:14:18.280 I get it.

00:14:19.140 And if you're working with your physician, good, you should.

00:14:22.340 But what a physician will usually do is say,

00:14:24.760 throw a CPAP machine on,

00:14:27.060 and that'll take care of your sleep apnea.

00:14:29.560 Well, let me run another scenario past you.

00:14:32.740 How about you lose 50 pounds?

00:14:34.220 That way you don't have this spare tire of fat

00:14:37.460 trying to strangle you,

00:14:39.260 your neck every night when you're sleeping,

00:14:40.860 or you don't have basically the equivalent

00:14:43.540 of two 45-pound plates sitting on your chest

00:14:47.580 trying to suffocate you when you're breathing.

00:14:50.780 Maybe that might have something to do

00:14:52.720 with your inability to breathe correctly at night.

00:14:55.160 And again, I'm not a medical professional,

00:14:56.980 so I could be wrong,

00:14:58.840 but I know in my own personal life,

00:15:01.080 when I lost about 40 pounds,

00:15:03.720 lo and behold, I was sleeping better,

00:15:06.040 I was breathing better,

00:15:07.060 I felt more rested,

00:15:08.440 I was more energized and energetic in the morning.

00:15:10.720 So doing the right things from a health perspective

00:15:13.840 will even help your sleep improve.

00:15:15.940 And when your sleep improves,

00:15:17.120 now you're gonna have more energy

00:15:18.240 to deploy towards your family,

00:15:19.680 or your career,

00:15:20.660 or whatever else that you're currently pursuing.

00:15:24.400 So fixing your mental health,

00:15:26.340 that's learning, okay?

00:15:27.600 The more that you can learn

00:15:28.880 about things that are important to you,

00:15:31.500 what it means to be a man,

00:15:33.960 how to show up as a man,

00:15:35.100 how to develop skill sets that are marketable,

00:15:37.280 how to grow your business,

00:15:38.280 how to lead your family,

00:15:39.900 you can carve out 20 to 30 minutes per day

00:15:42.360 learning something.

00:15:43.560 Maybe it's listening to this podcast

00:15:45.160 or paying for a course

00:15:47.460 that is helping you learn

00:15:49.600 how to be a better public speaker

00:15:51.360 or researching how you can critically think

00:15:57.280 about issues you might be dealing with.

00:16:00.360 Like the more that you could focus

00:16:01.860 on your mental health,

00:16:02.900 the better off you're gonna be.

00:16:04.240 And ancillary to that is your emotional health.

00:16:08.080 Not allowing yourself to become so emotionally charged,

00:16:12.540 to react emotionally

00:16:13.700 and have crazy outbursts

00:16:15.400 at every little thing that comes up.

00:16:17.160 And also emotional resilience

00:16:18.860 so that when the stress of the day comes up,

00:16:23.100 you're not feeling so overwhelmed

00:16:25.800 that you self-destruct.

00:16:28.780 I mean, that's the last thing that you want.

00:16:30.420 Or leave a wake of collateral damage

00:16:32.380 because you're pissed off

00:16:33.340 and you're yelling

00:16:33.800 and you're shouting at everybody.

00:16:35.720 But an emotional health improvement

00:16:38.760 is going to allow you

00:16:40.320 to be that much less stressed

00:16:42.180 and you'll find that the things

00:16:43.780 that used to stress you out

00:16:45.000 just don't stress you out the same way.

00:16:47.060 And that is a beautiful thing.

00:16:49.060 I know over the past three years

00:16:50.480 as I've focused on letting go of control,

00:16:53.860 not feeling like I need to be in charge of everything,

00:16:58.100 prioritizing, getting my physical health in order,

00:17:01.400 that my mental health is way better.

00:17:03.820 Things slide off my back way easier.

00:17:06.500 The things that used to bother me

00:17:07.800 don't quite bother me so much.

00:17:09.480 I'm significantly more grounded

00:17:11.780 when I hear bad news or frustrating news

00:17:14.260 or something I don't like.

00:17:15.760 And that's been obviously very helpful.

00:17:18.220 And the third component of that that I mentioned

00:17:20.280 is again, your physical health.

00:17:22.640 Working out every day,

00:17:24.380 going for a walk, a ruck,

00:17:27.020 going to the gym, doing strength training.

00:17:30.200 Maybe it's jujitsu or Krav Maga or Muay Thai

00:17:34.480 or whatever, running.

00:17:36.940 Fill in your fitness regimen of choice.

00:17:40.600 But you should be doing that every single day.

00:17:43.200 Not only is that going to help you

00:17:44.320 with your mental and emotional health,

00:17:45.940 but it's health.

00:17:47.100 It's going to make you feel better.

00:17:48.620 It's going to make you look better.

00:17:50.140 It's going to make your clothes fit better.

00:17:51.860 It's going to give you more respect from other people.

00:17:53.860 And inevitably, of course,

00:17:56.420 all of those things are going to improve

00:17:58.320 your levels of stress.

00:18:01.220 Number four, guys,

00:18:03.020 sometimes we just need to mix it up.

00:18:05.640 We just need to mix life up sometimes.

00:18:08.020 We get in monotonous patterns.

00:18:11.220 Sometimes if you're anything like me,

00:18:13.280 your day feels like Groundhog Day

00:18:14.840 where you wake up,

00:18:16.400 you go into the office,

00:18:17.780 you talk to the same people,

00:18:19.180 you do the same things,

00:18:20.300 you send the same emails,

00:18:21.400 you get home,

00:18:22.760 you have the same food,

00:18:24.200 you have the same conversations with your kids,

00:18:26.140 you go to bed the same time,

00:18:27.220 and then you do it every day,

00:18:29.140 every week for the rest of your life. 0.88

00:18:32.280 Well, that sounds pretty miserable.

00:18:34.760 So what I would suggest

00:18:36.320 is if you're feeling like

00:18:37.220 you're in a quote-unquote rut

00:18:38.540 is that you just need to mix it up.

00:18:40.900 Maybe it's time to go on a quick vacation.

00:18:43.580 And I know, I get it.

00:18:44.660 I'm busy.

00:18:45.200 I don't have time.

00:18:45.720 I don't have the money.

00:18:46.320 I get it.

00:18:46.980 Make the time.

00:18:49.160 Find out a way to make it work.

00:18:51.400 Because if you do,

00:18:52.980 I promise the next week

00:18:54.560 you'll be that much more effective and efficient.

00:18:57.260 Not to mention anything

00:18:58.380 that's going to help

00:18:59.040 with your mental and emotional

00:19:00.180 and physical well-being.

00:19:02.580 But mix it up.

00:19:03.860 Go on a vacation.

00:19:05.740 Say yes to something

00:19:06.820 that sounds kind of wild

00:19:08.420 that you've always wanted to try

00:19:09.540 but have never done before.

00:19:11.440 Hang out with somebody new.

00:19:13.980 Go somewhere different.

00:19:15.560 Even just driving a different way to work.

00:19:17.520 Or instead of having a Diet Coke

00:19:20.100 on your way to work,

00:19:21.060 drink something else.

00:19:22.540 Instead of doing the same workout

00:19:24.080 that you've always done,

00:19:25.560 do a different workout.

00:19:27.020 Like you're not going to deviate

00:19:28.180 so far and so long

00:19:29.640 that it's going to get you off track.

00:19:31.400 It's just enough of a mix-up

00:19:33.060 to make life interesting again.

00:19:35.420 And we can find all sorts of incredible things

00:19:37.780 in the fringes of our daily activities.

00:19:40.660 New insights.

00:19:41.520 New perspectives.

00:19:42.440 We'll meet new people.

00:19:44.100 We'll have new experiences

00:19:46.380 and new ways of looking at things.

00:19:49.460 So not only is it going to help you

00:19:50.700 be less stressed

00:19:51.540 and get you out of that cycle,

00:19:52.980 it's going to provide valuable insight

00:19:54.800 that you would not have gotten

00:19:56.020 any other way

00:19:56.980 because you're so used

00:19:58.420 to doing the same things

00:19:59.480 over and over and over again.

00:20:02.640 I know I feel it in my business.

00:20:04.840 I do the same things every day pretty much.

00:20:08.280 Even if I'm podcasting,

00:20:09.520 I'm podcasting with different people.

00:20:10.880 But guys, I'm always experimenting

00:20:12.620 with the people that we bring on,

00:20:14.660 new courses and products that we're offering,

00:20:16.760 new events that we're putting out

00:20:18.200 because I personally need that.

00:20:20.280 I can't stay engaged

00:20:21.660 in doing the same thing,

00:20:23.180 the monotonous minutia

00:20:24.780 every day, all day

00:20:25.820 for the rest of my life.

00:20:26.860 I would not have been in this business

00:20:28.120 for 10 years,

00:20:29.580 10 plus years at this point

00:20:30.840 if I didn't mix it up from time to time.

00:20:33.840 And the last point

00:20:35.020 that I wanted to make here

00:20:36.000 is that sometimes it's okay

00:20:37.920 to change the tempo

00:20:39.020 and pace of your life.

00:20:40.860 I know that for the past 10 plus years,

00:20:42.720 I've been talking about being effective

00:20:44.400 and being efficient

00:20:45.400 and chasing your goals

00:20:46.720 and tackling them head on

00:20:48.520 and being as aggressive as you can

00:20:50.040 and accomplishing those things.

00:20:52.060 And maybe this is a little bit

00:20:53.300 of calmness for me.

00:20:54.420 Maybe it's a little bit of maturity

00:20:55.760 and maybe it's just a little bit of wisdom

00:20:57.720 that I'm getting as I age.

00:20:59.660 But I think it's okay

00:21:00.840 to just change the tempo

00:21:02.140 and pace every once in a while.

00:21:04.180 But notice what I didn't say.

00:21:05.760 I didn't say change the direction.

00:21:07.240 Unless you're on a bad path.

00:21:09.840 Okay, then that's different.

00:21:11.020 That's the exception.

00:21:12.400 But I'm not telling you

00:21:13.400 to change your direction.

00:21:14.760 If you're still on your fitness journey,

00:21:16.280 by changing your tempo and pace,

00:21:17.920 that's not changing the trajectory

00:21:19.940 of where you're going.

00:21:20.800 It just means that maybe

00:21:21.620 you're going to slow down

00:21:22.360 and walk for a minute.

00:21:23.580 And I think that's okay.

00:21:25.700 I do.

00:21:26.940 I wouldn't do it all the time.

00:21:29.240 I would be very mindful

00:21:30.620 of how often I'm doing this.

00:21:32.580 I would also make sure

00:21:33.540 that you understand your personality.

00:21:35.040 And if your personality is to slack off,

00:21:37.060 maybe you don't need

00:21:38.300 to keep that tempo or pace.

00:21:40.200 Maybe you need to pick up

00:21:41.400 the tempo and pace a little bit.

00:21:44.160 But whatever you can do

00:21:45.260 to just change the speed

00:21:46.720 at which you operate.

00:21:47.780 Some of you will need to go faster

00:21:49.040 and some of you might need to go slower.

00:21:51.160 I could stand to go slower

00:21:52.700 from time to time

00:21:53.620 as with many of the men

00:21:55.400 that I work with and talk with.

00:21:57.420 But changing that tempo and pace

00:21:59.000 will allow you to rejuvenate,

00:22:02.040 to recharge,

00:22:03.500 to get ready to tackle

00:22:06.020 the next day or the next week

00:22:07.920 or when you get back from vacation.

00:22:09.440 But change that tempo.

00:22:10.400 Don't change the direction.

00:22:11.580 Change the tempo.

00:22:13.180 So those are my points

00:22:13.980 for you guys today.

00:22:14.860 I could go on and on

00:22:15.800 with more and more points.

00:22:16.900 But at this point,

00:22:17.420 I feel like if I did,

00:22:18.900 I would just be adding more work,

00:22:20.960 therefore more stress to your plate.

00:22:23.180 And that is the opposite

00:22:24.300 of what I'm trying to do today.

00:22:26.000 Let me recap for you guys.

00:22:27.040 Number one, figure out why you're stressed

00:22:29.300 and go deeper than what that trigger was.

00:22:31.980 If your kid is asking for a ride

00:22:34.540 to football practice

00:22:35.680 and that's what you're stressed out about,

00:22:38.280 it's something else.

00:22:39.700 Go deeper, figure out what it is.

00:22:41.960 Number two, A is remove the things

00:22:43.740 and people that are stressing you out

00:22:45.180 and if applicable, delegate them.

00:22:47.040 And then two, B is to eliminate distractions.

00:22:49.460 So little things that come up

00:22:50.700 throughout the day

00:22:51.180 that keep you from accomplishing

00:22:53.000 what you want to accomplish.

00:22:54.760 Number three, fix your mental,

00:22:56.320 emotional and physical health.

00:22:58.160 Number four, mix it up from time to time.

00:23:00.400 Go on a vacation, do something new,

00:23:02.320 hang out with somebody new,

00:23:03.340 try a different hobby

00:23:04.480 or activity or pursuit.

00:23:06.140 And number five,

00:23:06.920 change the tempo and pace of your life,

00:23:08.780 but not the direction.

00:23:10.060 And only I'd add that's caveat,

00:23:12.020 temporarily,

00:23:13.140 you're only going to do it for a minute

00:23:14.360 and then you get back to your pace

00:23:16.280 unless your pace is too slow.

00:23:18.360 And then I would say,

00:23:19.000 pick it up and figure out how to sustain it.

00:23:20.880 So guys, I hope that helps.

00:23:22.080 If you have any other ideas

00:23:23.720 on how you personally

00:23:25.260 have eliminated stress from your life

00:23:27.380 or reduced stress,

00:23:29.200 reduced stress, excuse me,

00:23:31.720 please let me know

00:23:32.700 in the comments over on social media.

00:23:34.920 I'll make a post about this

00:23:36.380 and then I'll also make a post

00:23:38.720 in our Facebook group,

00:23:39.960 which you can find

00:23:40.640 at facebook.com slash groups

00:23:42.240 slash order of man.

00:23:44.420 And let's have a conversation about it.

00:23:47.100 This is something that impacts men.

00:23:49.220 Not only is it a mental thing,

00:23:50.380 it's a physical thing.

00:23:51.340 When you're stressed,

00:23:52.140 cortisol levels go up,

00:23:53.800 you retain fat,

00:23:55.020 you end up saying 0.99

00:23:56.440 and doing dumb things 0.98

00:23:57.540 that hurt the people around you. 0.96

00:23:59.560 By any metric,

00:24:01.080 any metric,

00:24:02.020 being chronically stressed

00:24:03.460 is not going to serve you

00:24:04.920 or the people that you care about.

00:24:06.200 So we need to figure out a way

00:24:07.380 as men to deal with it

00:24:08.880 because society is not going

00:24:10.220 to advocate for it

00:24:11.120 and nobody's going to help you

00:24:12.500 take care of it.

00:24:13.220 It is on you,

00:24:14.620 which is where it needs to be

00:24:15.740 because you're the person

00:24:17.020 who has the ability

00:24:18.760 to do something about it.

00:24:20.500 All right, guys,

00:24:21.380 we will be back next week.

00:24:22.900 Until then,

00:24:23.300 go out there,

00:24:23.660 take action,

00:24:24.860 reduce and eliminate

00:24:25.540 the stress in your life

00:24:26.440 and become a man you

00:24:27.460 are meant to be.

00:24:32.280 Thank you for listening

00:24:33.240 to the Order of Man podcast.

00:24:35.320 You're ready to take charge

00:24:36.380 of your life

00:24:36.940 and be more of the man

00:24:38.080 you are meant to be.

00:24:39.340 We invite you to join the order

00:24:40.680 at orderofman.com.

00:24:43.080 We'll be right back,

00:24:44.220 say,

00:24:45.160 we'll need you.

00:24:46.960 Thank you.

00:24:47.760 Thank you.

00:24:47.960 Thank you.

00:24:49.760 Thank you.

00:24:49.960 Thank you.

Order of Man - July 25, 2025

Confronting the Stress of Masculinity ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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