Order of Man - Consumerism, Guilty Consciences, and Crippling Anxiety ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 The brain is incredible and can consume all sorts of information, can learn and develop and grow.

00:00:07.460 And obviously, we know a lot about neuroplasticity.

00:00:10.480 My biggest concern with acquiring new information is at what expense.

00:00:14.960 So if I spend a bunch of time consuming more information at the expense of doing something with the information I currently have, that's the problem for me.

00:00:25.320 And it's very easy to fool ourselves into thinking that as we acquire information, we're actually making our lives better.

00:00:32.360 I don't think we are until we apply it.

00:00:35.820 You're a man of action.

00:00:37.500 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:38.960 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:41.900 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:46.340 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:51.380 This is your life.

00:00:52.480 This is who you are.

00:00:53.600 This is who you will become at the end of the day.

00:00:56.860 And after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:01:02.700 Kip, what's up, man?

00:01:03.720 Great to see you on the back of our Thanksgiving weekend here in the United States.

00:01:07.260 I hope you had a good one.

00:01:08.520 Yeah, I had a great time.

00:01:10.100 We follow a tradition of boycotting Black Friday, go to a small town up in Idaho and go to Hot Springs and just chill.

00:01:18.580 So it was a really relaxed weekend and you know how it is.

00:01:23.860 You're cut from the same cloth.

00:01:25.580 Once you take some time off and you relax, you're like, okay, let's get back to work and get some things done.

00:01:31.040 So I'm excited to be at the office and be on the podcast and get busy.

00:01:35.200 Yeah, this morning I was getting in here because I was out of town for the weekend too and I got in and I hit the ground running.

00:01:42.920 I've got my entire day planned out, all the emails.

00:01:46.320 I went through and probably did 30% of my emails are already caught up on and done.

00:01:51.260 I've got store orders from Black Friday and Cyber Monday, which is today as of this recording.

00:01:57.260 I think the Black Friday thing is a lot less prevalent than it's been in the past just with online sales.

00:02:04.080 I don't know why anybody would go to any of these big box stores and beat each other up and trip over each other and get sick and get physically assaulted just to buy a TV for $200 less than it was.

00:02:20.840 That's insane.

00:02:22.460 But I think online sales have negated a lot of that craziness.

00:02:27.260 Yeah, I hope so.

00:02:29.140 And for us, we started being annoyed with Black Friday when we're having Thanksgiving dinner and some family members are like, hey, we need to take off.

00:02:37.220 And we're like, well, you guys taking off early.

00:02:39.300 Oh, well, that sell, there's a sell that starts tonight.

00:02:41.880 And I'm like, okay, now it's infringing.

00:02:44.760 Now it's infringing in the holiday and what we're trying to accomplish.

00:02:48.300 I'm like, now I don't like it.

00:02:50.900 Yeah, I don't blame you.

00:02:52.240 You know what I get a little peeved by is just the level of consumerism that has engulfed all of us.

00:03:00.220 I was thinking about it over the weekend.

00:03:03.600 Christmas is a great holiday for what it actually is.

00:03:09.200 But the commercialized version is becoming horrible.

00:03:13.720 You know, you could spend easily thousands, three, four, five, $10,000 on gifts for people.

00:03:21.060 Why?

00:03:21.440 Because somebody told us that we're supposed to buy gifts for each other on this day. 0.97

00:03:26.420 That is ridiculous to me.

00:03:29.880 You know, and I see people buying things for distant cousins and relatives and this person and that person. 0.91

00:03:37.000 Oh, and it's never I want to buy this person a gift.

00:03:40.060 It's I feel obligated to get this person something.

00:03:43.700 I don't know them.

00:03:44.920 I don't talk to them throughout the year.

00:03:46.600 They don't talk to me.

00:03:47.900 I might see a couple of posts on Facebook about them.

00:03:50.640 And I feel obligated to give them something for some weird reason.

00:03:54.960 I don't understand it.

00:03:56.160 It's crazy.

00:03:56.980 It's crazy.

00:03:57.760 It is crazy.

00:03:58.600 And the noise of it.

00:03:59.940 You know, one of the books that we've talked, you know, we've I know you've read this book, Essentialism, because we've covered it in the Iron Council years back.

00:04:08.460 But you take that book and then you take the holiday season and then you think all that we're doing is consuming a bunch of products that we don't need.

00:04:15.700 A bunch of things that are just more noise, more annoyance.

00:04:21.320 And I can't help but like think of all the things.

00:04:23.980 I mean, that's what marketing is.

00:04:25.780 You need to buy this thing that you really don't need. 0.99

00:04:28.600 And then we go around buying a bunch of shit we don't need. 0.99

00:04:30.860 And it's just I don't know. 0.99

00:04:34.040 We're sound like old men complaining on the podcast here, but I'm just over it. 0.99

00:04:37.900 I'm so over it.

00:04:39.220 And I don't have the energy for it.

00:04:40.360 I think a lot of people feel that way.

00:04:41.520 Well, and, you know, one of the things that I've I've realized and I've known this for a long time, but it's just more and more so is my my attention span seems to be diminishing in some ways.

00:04:53.660 Obviously, the level of information that I am able to consume is greater than it's ever been throughout human history with these little supercomputers in our pockets.

00:05:03.800 So I'm just inundated, constantly inundated.

00:05:06.400 But I've realized that everything you buy is more than just the product or the service itself.

00:05:14.900 Because you buy that thing, for example, you know, a hot tub.

00:05:20.420 You want to buy a hot tub.

00:05:22.160 And that sounds pretty nice.

00:05:23.560 You know, it's cold outside.

00:05:24.920 You can get in the hot tub with your wife. 1.00

00:05:26.760 You can enjoy it.

00:05:27.660 The kids will enjoy it.

00:05:28.820 You can relax, you know, whatever.

00:05:30.200 It sounds pretty nice.

00:05:31.760 And then you realize, oh, that increases the power bill.

00:05:35.320 And then I have to maintain the water temperature and I have to maintain the chlorine level and I have to clean the thing.

00:05:44.140 And then I have to clean the top.

00:05:46.220 Oh, I have to buy a top for it.

00:05:47.760 And then everybody else wants to come over and use the hot tub.

00:05:50.340 And then I have to entertain.

00:05:51.680 And, of course, when they're over, you know, I can't just have them sit in the hot tub.

00:05:55.040 I have to put a charcuterie board together and make sure there's a big screen TV so we can all hang out and watch the game while we're sitting in the hot tub.

00:06:03.200 It just becomes insane.

00:06:05.120 It's never just the thing.

00:06:06.900 There's always more to it.

00:06:08.780 Yeah, totally.

00:06:09.700 Let me ask you this.

00:06:10.740 I'm changing the subject a little bit.

00:06:12.240 And you alluded to it, like the amount of information that you retain and take in.

00:06:17.520 Have you reached a point where you start questioning your ability to retain more information than you already do?

00:06:27.180 I don't think that's the biggest issue.

00:06:30.680 The brain is incredible and can consume all sorts of information, can learn and develop and grow.

00:06:38.340 And, obviously, we know a lot about neuroplasticity.

00:06:42.060 Speaking of which, I have a point to make on Andrew Huberman that I wanted to share with you that was kind of a new development.

00:06:48.660 Talking about neuroplasticity got me thinking about that.

00:06:51.380 Yeah.

00:06:51.520 So I don't think that we're at a lack of space, if you will, to consume more information.

00:07:00.740 My biggest concern with acquiring new information is at what expense.

00:07:06.080 So if I spend a bunch of time consuming more information at the expense of doing something with the information I currently have, that's the problem for me.

00:07:16.760 And it's very easy to fool ourselves into thinking that as we acquire information, we're actually making our lives better.

00:07:23.980 I don't think we are until we apply it.

00:07:26.640 So I used to take great pride in reading 100 books in 2024.

00:07:31.480 What if instead of reading 100, you read four or five?

00:07:35.800 And instead of reading 100, you read the four or five, and you actually apply it on a quarterly basis.

00:07:40.820 You took 90 days and said, this is the book I'm going to read, and for 90 days, I'm going to apply this into my life, and I'm going to work at making whatever I learned about an integral part of my daily plan or my daily life.

00:07:52.820 Yeah.

00:07:53.400 That, to me, would be more valuable than acquiring new information with the caveat of that it's information that you don't necessarily need.

00:08:03.840 Some information we do, right?

00:08:05.340 So, for example, I'm trying to figure out how to bolster the YouTube channel for Order of Man.

00:08:09.120 So I've bought a program, a course, that teaches me how to do that.

00:08:14.560 But the difference is it's precise, and it's based in something I've actually identified as a missing component of the business versus whatever companies and institutions and everything else want to throw at me.

00:08:29.800 It's more deliberate and intentional.

00:08:32.040 Got it.

00:08:32.660 Got it.

00:08:34.380 Good times, man.

00:08:35.640 And also on that, like with the YouTube course thing, I'm not going to do a YouTube course and a podcasting course and a marketing course and a Shopify course and a this course and a that course.

00:08:45.600 No.

00:08:46.560 I'm going to do the YouTube course this quarter.

00:08:49.740 Actually, 2025.

00:08:50.860 First quarter of 2025.

00:08:51.780 And then when I have a bearing on that, maybe I do that for a second quarter because it's going well or I need to shore some things up, but then I can move on.

00:08:59.880 So I'm really trying to be more selective about what I do and a little, not as broad, but much deeper in the application of it.

00:09:08.640 Totally.

00:09:09.040 I mean, it goes back to what you're saying.

00:09:10.520 I mean, imagine, I don't know why this book crossed my mind.

00:09:13.020 Maybe I saw it online this morning, but like the four agreements, small little book and imagine a guy that reads 20 books or the one guy that reads just that book, but integrates that, but integrates that book into his life.

00:09:28.640 So it's part of his being.

00:09:31.000 We both know that guy would be better off than the other.

00:09:35.000 Of course he would.

00:09:35.820 Yeah, of course he would.

00:09:36.840 So it's just, it's really that application of, it's the difference between, uh, I would say intelligence and wisdom.

00:09:46.380 You know, there's a lot of intelligent, very smart people, but wisdom, I would take somebody like Elon Musk.

00:09:53.600 He's obviously intelligent.

00:09:55.360 There's no debating that, but he's also wise and he's wise because he knows how to properly apply the information.

00:10:02.060 And that's what wisdom is.

00:10:03.100 It's the discernment to be able to apply information appropriately.

00:10:07.440 Yeah, totally.

00:10:09.220 All right, sir, do you got a headline for us?

00:10:12.000 Well, I mean, the biggest headline, uh, whoops, let me switch over here.

00:10:16.240 This, I, I pulled it because I'm trying to be fair and objective.

00:10:19.560 Okay.

00:10:20.180 I pulled this from CNN, my favorite news network.

00:10:25.540 And as many people may have heard, President Biden has pardoned his son, Hunter.

00:10:33.700 Did you hear this?

00:10:34.940 Yeah.

00:10:35.320 Yeah, totally.

00:10:36.740 Yeah.

00:10:37.540 And, uh, there was, I'm just scrolling down.

00:10:42.280 I thought I had it pulled up, but apparently I don't.

00:10:44.080 I highlighted it, but now I can't find it.

00:10:45.500 Um, so Hunter was sent, uh, excuse me, charged with crimes relating to, uh, uh, a gun case

00:10:53.720 and a tax case.

00:10:54.660 And he was, uh, slated to be, um, not, yeah, sentenced, excuse me, drawn a blank here, sentenced

00:11:03.140 on December 12th.

00:11:04.300 But, you know, ironically enough, here we are.

00:11:05.900 Uh, and then this is what's interesting to me.

00:11:08.300 This, this is, this is outrageous.

00:11:10.680 And this is coming directly from CNN here.

00:11:12.900 It says the broadly crafted pardon explicitly grants clemency for the tax and gun offenses

00:11:17.660 from his, his existing cases.

00:11:20.720 Plus, plus any potential federal crimes that Hunter Biden may have committed quote from January

00:11:28.160 one, 2014 through December one, 2024.

00:11:31.440 This timeframe importantly covers his entire tenure on the board of Ukrainian gas company

00:11:37.660 Burisma and much of his other overseas work, including China.

00:11:40.960 He had faced scrutiny for his controversial foreign business dealings.

00:11:44.200 And Trump has repeatedly said he should be prosecuted for his activities in Ukraine and elsewhere.

00:11:49.720 And then, uh, in Joe Biden's statement as to why he issued this pardon after lying multiple

00:11:57.800 times about not pardoning his son, Joe Biden says this, quote, uh, his son, I should say

00:12:04.520 this issue, the pardon because his son was quote, selectively and unfairly prosecuted.

00:12:10.940 Hunter was treated differently from people who commit similar crimes.

00:12:15.160 I mean, if this isn't just a blatant misuse of the, the justice system and a spit in the

00:12:24.420 face of the American people, I don't know what is.

00:12:28.340 I, I, it's ridiculous to me that there is so much projection.

00:12:31.680 You couldn't rest assured at this, at this point anymore, you can just rest assured that

00:12:36.180 that side of the aisle, anytime they accuse the conservative side of the aisle of doing

00:12:40.500 something, it's to deflect and push attention away from the very thing they're doing that

00:12:47.580 they don't want to draw attention to.

00:12:49.160 It's all projection. 1.00

00:12:50.600 We know it at this point, Biden is a liar. 1.00

00:12:53.800 He has always been a liar. 1.00

00:12:55.980 And if you can't see it now, you're absolutely ridiculous. 1.00

00:13:01.060 This is insane. 1.00

00:13:03.300 Look, most pardons, I think are probably insane.

00:13:07.340 A lot of them are politically charged and politically motivated anyways, but to pardon your son for

00:13:16.000 a crime that he was committed of right before you get out of office.

00:13:21.400 And by the way, I don't really actually think that Joe Biden cares about his son, Hunter Biden.

00:13:27.480 I think he cares about himself because now what this does is it closes the book on all of the

00:13:34.000 potential ties and links to Joe Biden through his son, Hunter.

00:13:38.920 Now that connection has been severed for 10 years, a 10-year time frame, he can't be charged

00:13:45.340 for any of that.

00:13:46.140 So he just basically pardoned himself is what he did.

00:13:50.080 Yeah, a blanket.

00:13:51.040 I love the blanketed approach of like, and anything else that might potentially come up.

00:13:55.940 I didn't realize that.

00:13:57.100 If he may have done something, then we'll go ahead and do that.

00:14:00.260 Well, and I love to riff on this.

00:14:04.200 Of course, he doesn't care about his son.

00:14:07.100 Of course, this isn't about his son.

00:14:08.940 And the reason why is because it's obvious that time after time, Joe has more likely rescued

00:14:19.080 his son and has not held him accountable for his actions and is probably rooted in what

00:14:27.920 is easy for him and probably most importantly, how it reflects on his own personal reputation.

00:14:34.540 And that's how you get an individual at his age continuing to make bad mistakes because

00:14:41.900 he hasn't paid the price for them.

00:14:43.560 And I actually don't, obviously, I don't know Hunter.

00:14:47.980 I don't know Joe personally, but I know human nature.

00:14:51.920 And that is exactly what happens when you have rescued and saved your kids all the way

00:14:58.340 until adulthood.

00:14:59.140 And then they still haven't learned the lessons that you, that you prevented them from learning

00:15:04.900 because you were probably selfish as a parent and wanted to deal with easiness and, or was

00:15:12.600 more concerned about your reputation and how it looked than what was best for your kid to

00:15:17.200 learn. 1.00

00:15:17.680 And now you have an adult boy running around making stupid ass decisions because he's never 1.00

00:15:23.900 learned the lessons in life that he should have learned probably when he was younger. 1.00

00:15:27.180 I agree with everything you're saying, but I think there's a difference between what's

00:15:34.680 happening in this case and the average person, the average parent.

00:15:40.220 I think the average parent doesn't offer their child discipline or give them the direction

00:15:46.180 or the guidance or the things that you are right about because either they don't know how

00:15:52.060 to do it because they were never taught the proper way to do it, or they are, to your

00:15:57.780 point, a little self-serving, but it's more, it's not self-serving in that I want to use

00:16:03.340 my children as pawns for my political gain and expedience.

00:16:07.200 It's, I want to serve myself.

00:16:09.140 I don't want to have this uncomfortable conversation.

00:16:11.300 I don't want to feel bad about myself for doing this.

00:16:13.560 So the, so you're not wrong, but I think the average parent that doesn't provide that

00:16:18.800 for their child is more like, Oh, I don't know how to do it.

00:16:21.200 It's scary.

00:16:22.060 In this case, it's, Oh yeah, right.

00:16:24.780 In this case it's, Oh no, I'm going to use this, my child as a political pawn.

00:16:30.840 He uses his dead son as a political pawn.

00:16:34.060 Yeah. 1.00

00:16:35.620 Like this is a horrible, horrible person.

00:16:38.820 And I hope that everybody can begin to see it. 0.54

00:16:41.480 And by the way, all the people are going to say, what about Trump?

00:16:44.260 What, what about like this is like, we don't need to play the, what, what about ism?

00:16:48.380 This is a completely separate issue.

00:16:50.020 We can have that discussion too.

00:16:51.140 I'm happy to do it, but this isn't really dependent on how somebody else behaves. 0.91

00:16:57.160 This is an isolated, he is a horrible person. 0.96

00:17:00.160 He's proven time and time again, he's a horrible person. 1.00

00:17:02.700 He was a horrible president. 0.98

00:17:04.480 He set this country back decades, if not centuries through his, his, uh, foreign policy, his economic 0.95

00:17:13.380 policy.

00:17:13.940 And now we can see, I hope it's clear to everybody else that he is corrupt as any politician that

00:17:20.680 has ever been in office.

00:17:22.740 What was the phrase that he used on his son that he was unfairly, uh, let me pull it up

00:17:29.440 here.

00:17:29.680 I pulled a kip and put it away.

00:17:33.220 Sorry.

00:17:34.000 Before we were done, Ty, uh, quote unquote, selectively and unfairly prosecuted.

00:17:39.620 Yeah.

00:17:40.740 Welcome to taking the mantle of leadership.

00:17:44.440 Of course he is maybe, and he should be like that, that that's the reality of this too,

00:17:52.860 is, is anybody that says like, oh yeah, that's, that makes sense.

00:17:56.120 No, no.

00:17:57.500 When you take on the mantle of certain positions, especially public office, without a doubt, 1.00

00:18:03.980 you are taking on more scrutiny and it's even more important that you have your shit 0.99

00:18:10.180 together. 1.00

00:18:13.080 That that's part of the deal.

00:18:14.560 And, and I, and I think we, we need to normalize that too.

00:18:17.120 That's normal.

00:18:18.620 And, and if you don't want that, then don't, don't step into those roles.

00:18:22.820 Yeah.

00:18:24.400 No, I, I agree.

00:18:25.760 I would just say on this with those two quotes, again, selectively and unfairly prosecuted.

00:18:29.840 The other quote was Hunter was treated differently.

00:18:31.940 I actually agree with Joe Biden on that, but not the way he's saying it.

00:18:38.200 He was selectively and unfairly prosecuted to his benefit.

00:18:42.760 He was treated differently to his benefit.

00:18:46.240 He wasn't treated more harshly than anyone else in this situation.

00:18:50.480 He was treated less harshly.

00:18:52.620 And it was only because a judge saw what was happening with this plea deal and blew up that 0.96

00:18:58.440 plea deal because it was complete garbage, but the DA or whoever it was, was trying to

00:19:03.960 sneak this plea deal through and tie these, these tax charges into, or the, um, uh, yeah, 0.91

00:19:11.040 the tax charges into the gun charges to do away with both simultaneously in a plea deal

00:19:15.700 that had nothing to do with his tax charges.

00:19:17.560 Yeah.

00:19:18.000 He was treated unfairly to his benefit, to his benefit, not, and not against him.

00:19:23.700 Yeah.

00:19:24.400 All right.

00:19:24.720 But, and this, and this just illustrates, I mean, let alone all the conflict of interest

00:19:29.500 problems within politics.

00:19:31.500 I mean, he should have never been doing any of those deals.

00:19:35.660 Yeah.

00:19:36.080 Just what a mess.

00:19:38.120 Yeah.

00:19:38.700 Ah, good times.

00:19:40.080 With that said, should we get into some questions today?

00:19:42.100 Yeah, absolutely.

00:19:43.460 All right.

00:19:43.680 So Joshua, uh, Kusius, Kusius, I think, what are some strategies you have seen for, uh, to

00:19:51.340 be effective with teaching children, not old enough to work about the values of, of

00:19:56.820 contribute contributing chores or chores, but there are other opportunities to add value

00:20:01.200 to the home and community that actually warrant compensation versus allowance.

00:20:06.900 Uh, war, uh, warrant compensation, but they're not old enough to work. 0.90

00:20:10.500 He said, so how do you compensate a child for that?

00:20:13.120 Right?

00:20:13.800 Yeah.

00:20:14.240 Like I'm thinking like old enough to work, like a date, like a normal job is what I'm

00:20:19.360 assuming.

00:20:20.040 Yeah.

00:20:20.640 Oh, got it.

00:20:21.520 Yeah.

00:20:21.920 Well, I would, what I would suggest is do things around the community and just let them

00:20:27.960 see you do it and involve them in the process.

00:20:30.740 So an example of that, uh, when I was in Maine, my oldest son and I, whenever there was

00:20:36.660 a snow storm, we had this plow, we put it on, we had it, uh, attached to the front of

00:20:41.900 the truck and it was awesome.

00:20:43.400 It's just a cool toy for a man to have.

00:20:45.680 And we would go plow our driveway and, you know, it would take half an hour, hour, depending

00:20:50.120 on how much snow I needed to move around.

00:20:51.720 But I actually enjoyed the time I'd put in a podcast or, uh, you know, do whatever and,

00:20:56.160 and push the, push the snow around. 0.77

00:20:58.660 But what we would do is we would actually go get a drink or go on a quick drive on a

00:21:04.620 snowy day.

00:21:05.120 Cause it was kind of fun just to see the snow and everything else.

00:21:07.340 But every time we saw somebody pushing snow with a shovel, we would just say, Hey, can

00:21:13.260 we scrape your driveway off real quick?

00:21:16.300 And they're like, why?

00:21:17.360 We're like, we're just driving by figured it might be easier.

00:21:20.240 And we do one or two passes on their driveway and they'd have to clean up and do the tidying

00:21:23.940 up, but it was a help to that person.

00:21:26.080 And so we actually really enjoyed that.

00:21:27.580 We'd drive around, we do two, three, four, five, uh, driveways, and then we'd go get our

00:21:31.920 drink and we'd come home and get on with our day.

00:21:34.360 But that was an opportunity for, for him to see how a man adds value to his community,

00:21:39.960 uh, just through us being involved in doing it together.

00:21:43.320 Maybe it's going to mow the, the widowed woman's lawn next door. 1.00

00:21:47.840 Uh, maybe it's having him come in to work with you and, and showing them how to, um, how you

00:21:56.120 deal with clients or customers or what you do on a, on a daily basis.

00:21:59.680 Uh, if you have a business, one thing that I have is I have the merchandise store and

00:22:04.440 all of my kids are involved to varying degrees in boxing up orders, shipping orders, printing

00:22:11.380 labels, sending emails.

00:22:13.560 They are highly involved in all of that.

00:22:15.840 So if there's one benefit of starting a business that most people overlook, it's the ability

00:22:19.840 you now have to teach your children real time, what it means to run a business.

00:22:25.100 And so when my oldest sees that we're out of, you know, this shirt that I have on, for example,

00:22:29.700 and maybe he failed to reorder this when he was, he's not doing it now because he's older,

00:22:35.640 but when he was doing inventory and we didn't have the large that people wanted, he could

00:22:40.800 see that was a direct result of him not doing the work that he should have done.

00:22:45.060 Or if a shirt came back because they ordered a large and we sent them an extra large by accident,

00:22:50.120 then I could show him, Hey, look how much this cost us.

00:22:53.880 This cost us $7 in shipping because now they had to ship it back and another $7 because

00:22:59.260 we have to reship a product.

00:23:01.800 And sometimes it just makes sense for us to say what we usually would say is, you know,

00:23:06.320 hang on to the extra large, give it to somebody else.

00:23:08.440 We'll just send you a large because that was our mistake.

00:23:11.860 So we give a shirt away and he could see there's a cost associated with messing up and not doing

00:23:18.280 things right. So I say, get your kids involved in everything that you possibly can and let them

00:23:23.360 see you do it. And I think they'll begin to see that there's a direct correlation between the way

00:23:27.860 that you show up as a man and how you feel about yourself and how frankly other people feel about

00:23:32.780 you. Totally. And double down on what we give them, you know, like our daughters, they,

00:23:39.460 they pay for their phones. Um, the wife and the girls, they, they did a trip to Rome.

00:23:45.900 The girls had to pay for half of that vacation, half of their airfare. And, and they had a hustle, 1.00

00:23:53.200 right? And some, some of it was like, well, I don't have enough money saved. Okay.

00:23:57.400 Let's, what are ways for you to make money? You know, I could, I could do jail nails and invite 0.97

00:24:03.740 all the neighborhood girls over, you know, Oh, how do I, how am I going to advertise? You're going to

00:24:08.700 have to cold call people. Who could you babysit? What's the different neighbor? Like, and they're thinking,

00:24:13.920 they're just thinking through it and, and dude, they'll talk about a good relationship to providing

00:24:19.860 value once, once it's their creation. Um, and there's many, many ways, Joshua, for you to come

00:24:26.440 up with this. I mean, even during Christmas, we, we don't want to give our kids money to buy each

00:24:31.960 other gifts. They have to earn that money to buy gifts for each other. So, so it's, it's rooted in

00:24:38.820 the right behavior and it's their contribution. That's, that's granting the gift to someone

00:24:44.080 and they sell boxes of oranges and they go around the neighborhood asking people who wants to buy a

00:24:50.800 box of orange. We make them do the order. We make them take orders. We have them do the delivery,

00:24:56.040 right? Like there's lots of opportunity for them. You just might, they might have to be creative and

00:25:02.320 come up with stuff. One thing that I did with, and I love this idea and I want to riff on this

00:25:08.360 because these are valuable, valuable lessons for anybody listening. But my oldest son is really

00:25:13.820 into photography, sports photography in particular. He's on the field. He's got this long lens with a

00:25:19.680 two time multiplier and he knows all this stuff. And he just invested in Lightroom for photo editing and

00:25:25.320 he's getting jobs now. And he'll come over and he'll say, Hey dad, can I use your computer to upload

00:25:30.960 files? Which I have no problem with. You can use my computer. Sure. But a month, maybe two months

00:25:36.620 ago, he came up to me, he said, Hey dad, I'd like to have my own computer. So I don't have to jump on

00:25:39.920 yours and I can do it on my own schedule. I'm like, yeah, that's a good idea. And I said, let's,

00:25:44.060 well, I'll go with you. We can, we can look at stuff. And we found a computers, you know, six,

00:25:48.440 700 bucks, you know, it was not a top of the line computer, fairly inexpensive. It's a good

00:25:51.940 first computer for him. And he said, well, I don't, I don't have six or $700. I'm like, yeah,

00:25:58.180 I know. I know. He's like, can you buy it for me? I said, no. He's like, well, why not? I said,

00:26:03.500 what are you going to be using this for? He's like business. I said, exactly. Why would I buy

00:26:07.580 something for you to make money? And he's like, yeah, but I don't have six or $700. I'm like,

00:26:12.300 here's what I'll do. I'll pay for it. I'm not buying it. I will pay for it. And in return,

00:26:19.280 I want 20% of every job that you get paid for until you pay me back. And he's like, well,

00:26:27.460 what if I don't want to do that? I'm like, you don't have to do that.

00:26:30.240 And you don't need to, that's the deal. Yeah. And he's, he said, well, you know,

00:26:37.340 like, do I, or he said something like, do I have to? I said, no, you don't have to. He's like,

00:26:40.400 well, how do I have the computer? I'm like, well, then you save up your money and you figure out a

00:26:43.520 way. And then when you do enough jobs and you can buy it yourself, you can decide, but that's the deal.

00:26:49.100 And he took the deal. It was a good deal. I'm not charging him any interest because I'm not

00:26:52.680 trying to gouge my son either. I'm trying to teach him lessons. And so sure enough, you know,

00:26:58.700 every job he does and will do, he's going to pay me 20% of that job until I get my money back. And

00:27:03.320 then that computer is now his, but it's a great way to be able to assist your child and give them,

00:27:08.220 you know, I don't know if when I was a young man, if I, I would have had the opportunity for my mom to

00:27:15.560 buy me a computer. I don't think just based on our economic situation, that would have been real

00:27:21.360 feasible. So as a father, our job is to provide these types of opportunities, but we need to be

00:27:28.520 very careful not to allow it to hurt and harm our children by giving them everything just because

00:27:36.020 we want to provide them with the opportunity. So in this example, I provided him with an opportunity

00:27:41.540 that I'm not sure I would have had when I was growing up. And yet he still learned the lesson

00:27:46.100 he needed to learn, which is you pay for your own things. And if you borrow money, you have to pay it

00:27:50.260 back. So there's a lot that you can do to your point, if you're creative about it.

00:27:56.200 Totally. Totally. All right. We have two questions that are kind of, they're, they kind of piggyback

00:28:00.320 on each other. So if it's, if it's okay, I'll read both of these. So the first one's from Kevin

00:28:05.980 Nickel. He says, why do we as men tend to take on too much ownership? And then Dan Effinger, he said,

00:28:14.220 I asked this to Romulus and wanted to get your opinion. Jocko talks about extreme ownership

00:28:18.500 and that the book has fundamentally changed my life because it forced me to take ownership

00:28:22.720 of where I'm at in life. But I have to wonder, but I have to wonder, is there such a thing as

00:28:28.080 too much ownership? So really the, the addressing this concept of taking on too much ownership,

00:28:34.880 which is super great because I think this is a common misunderstanding, but go ahead.

00:28:41.360 Yeah. Well, I, I would say I'm going to correct Kevin just a little bit. Um, the, this is what

00:28:46.260 we would call confirmation bias. You're saying that why do men take on so much ownership? You're

00:28:53.600 only saying that because you're around men who take ownership. If you compared the people, and I know

00:29:00.340 you, Kevin, you do it too. And I know the guys that you hang out with, at least in the iron council

00:29:04.620 and they do take ownership as well. I don't know what your friend's circle is outside of it.

00:29:10.120 This isn't all men. Exactly. I would suggest that the greater majority of men don't take enough

00:29:17.280 ownership. So the first thing I would say is congratulations. You're erring on the right

00:29:23.740 side and the men you're surrounded with are also erring on the right side. And I would err,

00:29:28.400 if I'm going to mess up, I would err on taking too much ownership versus too little ownership.

00:29:33.480 Yeah, absolutely. But, but to answer your question about why do you and the men you're around take

00:29:39.640 on so much ownership, it's because you want to be valuable and you want to grow and you want to learn

00:29:44.580 and you want to get better and you're humble and you're willing to be a leader and you're willing

00:29:49.660 to sacrifice and you're willing to stand up when most men sit down and you're willing to go into

00:29:55.220 difficult things when most men run away. Those are all really, really noble things. So the guys that

00:30:00.540 you're around and you are doing good work, when you feel like, man, am I taking on too much

00:30:05.120 ownership? That's a sign that you're a righteous, noble, virtuous man. But the second part of that

00:30:12.980 question is, is there a time when you take on too much ownership? Yeah, there's two in general.

00:30:17.460 One is when you take on things that aren't yours to take on and it comes at your own expense.

00:30:27.540 Like taking the fall for somebody at work when it wasn't your responsibility, that's at your expense.

00:30:35.880 There's another reason. This is the second reason this is so important. Because when you take ownership

00:30:41.060 of somebody else's mess up, you rob them of the opportunity to learn from their screw up.

00:30:49.400 If somebody at work doesn't hold their weight on a task or an assignment or a project as the project

00:30:56.680 leader, ultimately, yes, the buck stops with you. But if you strip that ownership from that person who

00:31:05.960 missed their assignment, they're free to do it in the future. In fact, the quote is, you encourage

00:31:11.920 what you tolerate. So if you don't ever, let's say, Kip, you're my subordinate in some way on this

00:31:18.220 assignment and you drop the ball and I just read Extreme Ownership and I decide, you know, I'm going

00:31:22.960 to take, Kip, this is not your fault. This is on me. I didn't give you resources and I could have done

00:31:27.440 better and I this and I that and I whatever. You're good. Don't worry about it. And then I go out and I

00:31:32.880 explain to the higher ups why we missed the project and I take the fault and the blame for it. Noble,

00:31:38.440 sure, but also stupid. Because you, Kip, in this instance, don't get to learn anything. 1.00

00:31:47.520 Yeah, Ryan, I guess it was his fault. Nothing to change over here.

00:31:52.940 Kip, you're good. Yeah, that is Ryan's fault. He didn't do this. He didn't do that. He didn't give

00:31:58.860 me what I needed. He's a dick. He's an asshole. He's a this. He's a that. Yep, it's him. 1.00

00:32:03.660 Yeah. And all of a sudden, you're probably worse, I would say, than you were before because

00:32:08.700 you didn't learn anything from not keeping your promises, not working diligently, not learning to

00:32:15.320 speak up and ask for resources. Whatever the problem was, you don't have to now address that at all.

00:32:21.060 Totally.

00:32:21.600 Now, there's a way to take ownership and also expect another person to take ownership. So, Kip,

00:32:26.980 in this case, Kip, you know what? I want to start by saying, first and foremost, that I

00:32:32.000 need to let you know that I failed to keep you on task. I failed to give you what you needed to

00:32:38.580 complete this. I feel like maybe there was some misunderstandings and I failed to address that.

00:32:43.340 I would like to know what you think you could have done better to ensure this project would have,

00:32:49.520 you know, we would hit the deadline or the mark. Yeah. And then give you an opportunity to explain,

00:32:55.580 well, I could have communicated better with what I needed. Or, you know what? I didn't do that thing

00:33:01.080 and I should have done that thing. Or I didn't bring in this resource and, you know, I should have

00:33:07.420 brought that resource in. Ownership is not, it's not finite. It's not like if I take ownership,

00:33:16.820 then you don't have to take any. We can both be responsible for something.

00:33:20.820 Totally. And both have a part to play. Marriages and relationships are the same.

00:33:26.520 If you get into an argument and the other person says, I'm sorry, does that mean you don't have

00:33:34.420 anything to be sorry about? Of course not. Maybe you didn't handle yourself properly either.

00:33:40.060 And so, although she may be sorry for her portion in the disagreement and argument,

00:33:44.820 you can still be sorry about whatever you think your contribution to it was.

00:33:50.200 They're not mutually exclusive. You can, you can both work on this ownership. So yeah, don't,

00:33:55.460 don't rob people of ownership. Take, take on what you can, but don't rob them of their opportunity to

00:34:01.500 learn lessons. Yeah. I mean, there's a formula here, Kevin and Dan, to ensure that you're taking

00:34:07.900 ownership effectively. That's what I'll call that, taking ownership effectively. And it is,

00:34:12.460 you can't lie about it. That it can't be a lie. It can't be a stretch. It can't be a,

00:34:18.820 you know what, as a leader, I need to take ownership. No, take ownership of what? Well,

00:34:24.620 I don't know. Ownership of the failed. No, no, no. That's a pass. What exactly could you have done

00:34:31.960 differently to prevent this from occurring? And if, and if what you're saying is not real,

00:34:38.700 and it's like some bullshit thing, then you're not really taking ownership and you're trying to 0.95

00:34:43.620 take on the, the mantle of ownership because you know, you should. So you have to be, be able to be 0.97

00:34:50.660 precise in what is it that you would pivot and adjust and do differently. And it has to be true.

00:34:56.880 And if it's not, then it's not an area for you to take ownership over. This is where everyone gets

00:35:03.020 so wrong with extreme ownership, especially leaders, because like we learn this principle

00:35:07.680 and then it's like, Oh my gosh, you know, I should always take ownership for all things.

00:35:11.420 And then you'll get a leader that will go like, Oh, that's on me. I'll take ownership of that.

00:35:17.580 Challenge everybody in the room to go, Whoa, hold on. What are you taking ownership of?

00:35:21.200 Like what exactly? You got to get to the exactness because that's where the growth is. That's where

00:35:31.120 the, Hmm, let me self-reflect. There's this area for me to pivot and adjust where I can grow.

00:35:37.140 That's why we take ownership by the way. It's just so we can learn. That's it. It's not to take

00:35:43.000 responsibility from someone else and wear the mantle of responsibility. No, it's actually not.

00:35:48.360 It's actually this be self-aware and pivot and grow and adjust. And like you said,

00:35:54.340 don't steal that and rob that from someone else either. And by the way, it's impossible for you

00:36:00.660 to take ownership and responsibility for something that is in the realm of responsibility of someone

00:36:05.480 else. If you get precise to the area of pivot and adjustment. So just be really clear. What is it

00:36:14.600 that you're adjusting? And, and then you're never going to take too much ownership.

00:36:20.380 And then, and there is a thing is such a thing as too much ownership. If it's not yours to take,

00:36:24.860 that's too much. You're stealing. It's not yours. Part of the, part of the reason that, uh,

00:36:28.960 Jocko wrote dichotomy of leadership because this was the problem. He saw people ran with this and

00:36:34.320 they're like, Oh, wait a second. He's like, he's like, Whoa, there's a dichotomy here. There's a paradox.

00:36:39.700 You know, I think about a coaching relationship. Let's say on a, on a football team, you have a

00:36:43.880 coach and then you have a quarterback and let's say the team loses and the quarterback says, Oh man,

00:36:49.300 I could have done a job, better job coaching the team. That's not your job. You couldn't have done

00:36:54.320 a better job coaching the team. You could have done a better job communicating with the coach

00:36:59.280 or leading your team or inspiring your team or holding them accountable to their routes or their

00:37:05.320 blocks or whatever, but you can't coach the team that's on him. So let him own that.

00:37:11.620 The only other thing I would say here to Kip, one thing that I hear a lot, and I learned this in the

00:37:16.060 military and I used to say it, and I don't really totally like it anymore is when people mess up,

00:37:21.520 I've heard people say, and I've used this is no excuses. I learned that phrase when I was in basic

00:37:26.960 training, actually before, if ever I was to get in trouble, I was instructed to say, Hey, no,

00:37:32.580 no excuses, drill sergeant. And it worked like, Hey, private, you messed up. You did this, you did

00:37:38.040 that. No excuses, drill sergeant. And it actually worked. It got them off my back. Yeah. But there's

00:37:44.720 a problem with it. It, I think it becomes like you don't go deeper of identifying why. Yeah, exactly.

00:37:53.100 You're just brushing it off. You're like no excuses. And so it's the same thing with a guy who says,

00:37:58.200 I'll take ownership of that. What do you, of what, what do you mean? Yeah. Same thing with

00:38:02.720 no excuses. Instead of saying no excuses, which you can say, Hey, I don't have an excuse for that,

00:38:06.960 but here's what happened. And here's what I'm going to do about it to ensure that it doesn't

00:38:13.020 happen again. And so you need to make sure that that part is, is included in the scenario.

00:38:19.600 Yeah. I love that. You know, and, and this is a little bit of a tangent, but it's like, man,

00:38:24.220 it's end of year. This is coming up in January. And I always have this thought, uh, come Jan one

00:38:30.820 and everyone's ambitious, right? We're like, Oh man, you know, this is my year. I'm going to make

00:38:35.160 these pivots and blah, blah, blah. But we don't address the issue. We don't do what you just said

00:38:43.180 and say, why didn't you do it this year? Cause just doubling down and going, Hey, no excuses

00:38:51.440 this year. I'm going to make it happen. No, that's not enough. The probability is you're

00:38:58.000 going to repeat what you've always done until you identify why you didn't do it today.

00:39:04.160 Why didn't you do it yesterday? And until you address that, man, you're just beating yourself

00:39:10.920 up going, Oh, I just need to try harder. I need to try harder. And you're not addressing

00:39:15.140 the fact that, uh, you didn't get it done. And why didn't you?

00:39:22.880 It's true. Sorry, Kip. I got a little distracted. I got a couple of phone calls right in a row

00:39:27.340 and I looked and it was my youngest son. I'm like, Oh boy, what's going on?

00:39:30.760 Do you need to double check?

00:39:31.920 Well, no. And then he texted me and

00:39:34.740 the house is on fire. No big deal. No excuses.

00:39:38.420 Yeah. Hey, it's, it's no excuses. Don't make sure it doesn't happen again.

00:39:41.860 Uh, he's, what did he say? I wanted, I wanted to read this cause it's,

00:39:46.260 it's cool to get stuff like this and to see where the relationship is. Oh, it was just an audio

00:39:53.480 message, but it just said, Hey dad, what are you doing? I'm just hanging out. I just wanted to say

00:39:57.860 hi and I love you. Bye. And it's like, man, stuff like that. I love, love getting stuff like that.

00:40:04.520 Um, and I think, you know, that goes back to what we were saying earlier about sometimes we as dads

00:40:10.480 think like, if we're harsh, that we can't have good loving relationships with our kids. And I

00:40:15.460 would agree that if you're harsh unnecessarily about it, you can't, but if you have discipline

00:40:21.320 and you expect a standard and have expectations for your children and the way they show up,

00:40:27.120 you can do that and still have a really, really good relationship. It's when we become dismissive

00:40:33.940 or overly harsh with our children that it puts the wedge, but it's never discipline. Just know

00:40:40.920 that guys, it's never discipline. It's the way you administer it. You know, it's funny. I had,

00:40:46.000 tell me if this ever happened to you as a kid, but there's been a couple nuances. I remember even in

00:40:52.680 high school where I went to go ask my parents if I could do something and I wanted them to say no.

00:41:00.820 Hmm. Like I wanted them to give me the right answer of structure, the correct, like, you know,

00:41:11.000 like I really wanted them to, and they didn't like, and I really do feel like to some extent,

00:41:17.760 not only do like, it's, it's probably ideal that we're creating structure and, and discipline for

00:41:23.840 our kids, but they even thrive. And sometimes we'll even ask for it, but we assume it's always

00:41:31.200 just net negative. Yeah. For them when reality it's, it's good for them too. Well, I think, um,

00:41:39.120 I don't know that I ever had that experience, at least that I can think of. I was always hoping

00:41:43.420 they'd let me do the dumb thing, but maybe mine let me do the dumb thing so much that I was just 0.91

00:41:48.840 like, please just tell me no once. I think, I think that we want to respect the people that we

00:41:57.920 love. And we know inherently it's more respect, respectable when somebody has structure and

00:42:08.520 standards and discipline and commitment and dedication and sacrifice. And so when your parent

00:42:14.520 says no, even though you might be upset about it and you know, it's the right thing, you can't help

00:42:19.840 but respect that. And I want to respect the people that I love. It's hard when I don't respect the

00:42:26.460 people that I love. That's really conflicting for me. I love this person. I care about them. I want

00:42:31.520 the best for them, but I have no respect for that person because they're wishy-washy. They're all over

00:42:36.240 the place. Yeah. Yeah. I'm actually, um, putting together some information for this week's Friday

00:42:42.860 field notes on how to get more respect. And here's some things that I wrote down loosely, but

00:42:46.420 creating boundaries, uh, communicating effectively, following through on your commitments, presenting

00:42:52.700 well, uh, consistency, your motives are always important. Like why you're doing the thing that

00:42:58.580 you're doing. Um, confidence, competence, continuum, which is basically that competence breeds confidence.

00:43:04.420 And then the ability to make decisive choices, decisions. Hmm. So this is what we're looking

00:43:11.580 for in others. I think it's safe to assume this is what our children or our wife is looking for

00:43:19.120 from us. They want to respect you, of course. So be respectable. Yeah. All right. Cornell Tate.

00:43:27.160 Um, I'll make this quick. I'm dating a woman with severe anxiety and I see her get in her own

00:43:32.980 way where her imagination and fear sometimes cloud her decision-making and the view of the world.

00:43:39.120 Have any of you dealt with a romantic partnership who is, uh, inks, uh, has anxiety or dealt with a

00:43:46.400 friend or family member or a colleague who has it. I am a resilient individual who takes significant

00:43:51.720 more risk as a member of the iron council and just a person who strives for a challenge in general.

00:43:56.820 Thus, it is extremely difficult to deal with reason with, or compromise with someone who has such

00:44:02.840 an overactive mind. And then he kind of gives some backstory over, but that's, that's the meat of the

00:44:08.280 question. I mean, look, this is probably not going to be real popular the way I say it, but you're

00:44:13.460 dating this woman. I don't know how long you guys have been together. I don't know your situation.

00:44:17.480 I don't know if you have kids together. I don't know anything about that, but if it's been a few

00:44:21.300 months or a year or something like that, I think you really need to ask, is this something that you

00:44:25.560 want to do forever? Because the likelihood of it going away is probably not real high.

00:44:32.260 And even if she gets the help that she needs and she starts to work through some of these things,

00:44:36.020 this is always going to be a thing. And you're saying in the comment, it's hard to deal with

00:44:40.900 somebody like this. It's what's it's, it's frustrating. These are the words that you're

00:44:44.760 using. I can't help but think, is this something that you want to sign up for? Now I know people are

00:44:49.460 going to hear that. And some are going to be like, yeah, of course run. Some guys are going to run,

00:44:53.600 run away as fast as you can. And other guys are going to be like, oh no, like stay supporter.

00:44:58.140 If you love her. I land somewhere in the middle. Like I don't think love's enough. There are deal

00:45:02.440 breakers for me. And, and if this is something that you can't deal with, you don't need to deal

00:45:09.240 with it. And you're not obligated to sign up for it because you love her. Okay. So I want to say that

00:45:14.740 and get that out of the way because you might be there. I don't know. I'm not telling you to do that.

00:45:20.440 I'm just saying it's a consideration. Uh, outside of that, man, you can't, unless she's ready to work

00:45:28.240 on it, unless she's willing to do work about it, there's nothing you could do. And in fact,

00:45:33.320 anything that you do might actually be counterproductive because you're now the source

00:45:38.680 of her anxiety. Yeah. So when you're like, Hey hon, like I really wish, blah, blah, blah, blah,

00:45:44.320 fill in the blank. And she's like, I wish you'd stop bothering me about that. I'm gosh,

00:45:47.680 I'm so busy and everything else. And you're like, well, I know, but it would help you and it would

00:45:50.840 help us. And then we could do this and this, and then you're now the angst, the, the, the ire of her, 0.97

00:45:56.540 of her issues. Yeah. So I, if I was in a relationship like this would have conversations,

00:46:07.420 not a conversation, but conversations about what, how she feels about her level of anxiety.

00:46:16.660 Like if it's a problem or not. Yeah. If she, if she says it's not a problem,

00:46:20.400 then she's not even aware of it. And that's even bigger problem. Yeah. But ask her, ask her those

00:46:26.620 questions. How do you, don't say, do you think this is a problem? That's accusatory. Yeah.

00:46:30.880 The question is, how do you feel about the anxiety that you've dealt with and that you've shared with

00:46:36.920 me? It's not accusatory. That's curiosity. It's a better question. Same, it's leading to the same

00:46:42.640 place. It's just a better formulated question. And then when she says whatever she says, if she,

00:46:48.040 if she says it's not a problem at all, I mean, you don't really need to say anything at that point

00:46:53.080 because anything that you say is not a problem. If she identifies that it is an issue, then the next

00:46:59.760 question or line of questions is have you thought about what you might do to help you overcome some

00:47:07.180 of this crippling anxiety you're dealing with and let her come up with the solutions to her own

00:47:13.000 problem. She's a big girl. And the more that you try to do it, the more you try to white night, 1.00

00:47:18.020 as we call it, the more you become the source of the problem and the more contention is in the

00:47:24.360 relationship. I, I am just convinced at this point, the part of the key to developing new

00:47:31.340 relationships is finding somebody that you can tolerate the way they are, the way that they

00:47:38.260 already are. Yeah, totally. Yeah. Because you're not going to change them. No. You know, like I'm dating

00:47:45.040 a woman who's, you know, 38 years old. She might be mad at me for saying that. I don't know, but I'm dating

00:47:50.860 a woman who's in her thirties and that sounds better, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to shut up. 1.00

00:47:59.460 I'm digging myself into a deeper hole. Anyways, she's not going to change. I mean, she's aware of

00:48:05.380 things that she wants to improve and change and she does a lot of self-development, self-work, but she's

00:48:10.500 got her way of doing things. And as a 43 year old man, she's not going to change me. Of course not.

00:48:16.840 No. I'm 43. I, yes, I can grow and I can get better and I can improve, but only if I have a

00:48:24.120 desire to, it's not going to come from her or anybody else. It's going to come from here, from me.

00:48:29.100 So I think you need to find somebody, this goes for all men, who you can deal with and compliment

00:48:37.580 the way that they already are. And if you can't red flag for me. Yeah. I, and isn't that what we

00:48:47.440 all kind of want anyway, too, is someone accept you the way you are, not that you and I are complacent.

00:48:55.900 We're not complacent. You know what I mean? Like you're an individual that wants to be the best

00:49:00.320 version of yourself. You know, your shortcomings, you want to improve all that's true. But in the

00:49:05.580 same breath, I also want someone that is willing to accept me exactly the way I am and not, not set

00:49:13.440 on a bunch of pretense of me changing and evolving into someone else. That doesn't feel like love,

00:49:19.120 right? That feels like something else that's icky, you know? And, and, and, and trust me,

00:49:25.460 she doesn't want you to want her based upon a bunch of, you know, if she changes, she does this, 0.71

00:49:31.920 ah, it's yucky. Right. Yeah. That's not ideal. So I think, I think the key right here in this,

00:49:38.120 in this particular instance is find out to what degree she's willing to work on it. And if she's

00:49:42.620 willing to work on it and you see improvement to, to your standard, to your, it is to you. Like,

00:49:48.300 here's one thing people get confused on when it comes to standards and the way we expect,

00:49:52.700 I guess you could say other people to behave is you can't have expectations of others, or at least

00:49:59.900 you shouldn't have expectations of others. And the same goes for romantic relationships. If you start

00:50:05.400 having expectations about the way that they show up or the way they respond to you or the way they

00:50:10.100 perform or the way they do this or the way they do that, you're in for a rude awakening and it's

00:50:14.280 going to be a miserable experience. But that said, that doesn't mean you don't have standards.

00:50:22.040 So if she doesn't show up the way that you feel is an appropriate way in the relationship,

00:50:29.340 you at any point have the right to not be engaged in that relationship. And it's not an ultimatum.

00:50:38.500 It's not like, Hey, change or I'm out. It's this, you are not what I'm looking for. I am not

00:50:43.940 interested in this relationship. Yeah. That's so hard for people to do, but it will save so much

00:50:49.080 headache. I feel like I'm trying to tell this guy to, to run. I'm really not. I'm saying have

00:50:54.700 conversations and ask yourself if you're comfortable enough for a long-term relationship

00:50:59.480 with the answers she provides to you. Yeah. Yeah. And, and, and realize, right. If,

00:51:06.240 if marriage is in the future, um, whatever's annoying you now will annoy you tenfold later.

00:51:13.000 Oh, totally. Totally. It just will. When the gloves come off. Yeah. Like when the gloves come

00:51:17.820 off, all those, all those little sweet things that just annoyed you a little bit become major

00:51:23.380 annoyances. So if it's hard now, it's just going to get harder. So sorry to my, to my wife. All

00:51:31.440 right. Uh, Kylan Flynn. Oh, she would say worse about you. So don't worry about that.

00:51:35.900 But in the same breath, like the things that used to annoy me, I've, so how about the guys that are

00:51:42.660 married already in a committed relationship that are highly annoyed, right? You know, I've been

00:51:47.540 really annoyed with some key things with my wife and you know, what has really helped me to accept

00:51:55.020 them, to let go and go, guess what? She's not changing. She's going to do that thing that I 1.00

00:52:02.840 can't stand and is never going to change and that's okay. You know? And, and so there's some

00:52:09.980 just acceptance is powerful as long as it's not something that's like a deal breaker, right? Yeah.

00:52:14.920 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, um, you know, like she, she, uh, she likes to go out and party late with

00:52:20.160 her friends and, and, you know, cheat on you. Yeah. That's probably, you're probably not going to

00:52:26.820 allow that. But if she like, I accept her the way she is, Ryan, it's totally okay. Yeah. But if she

00:52:32.640 choose her food weird, it's like, okay, well, that's obnoxious. Or she has like a click in her 1.00

00:52:36.760 jaw or something. It's like, okay, get over. My kids tell me all the time. They're like, we hate how

00:52:41.580 you eat chips. I'm like, well, I'm not changing the way I eat chips. So you can either go to another

00:52:45.760 room or you could plug your ears or you could just not listen. Yeah. But no, I'm not changing that.

00:52:51.680 So deal with it. And that's, I think pretty sound advice for relationships too.

00:52:56.620 Totally. All right. Kylan Flynn, what BP goals and objectives have moved the needle the most

00:53:03.460 for each of you? Q1 25 is coming. Yeah. I mean, for me, uh, maybe not to get super specific on this,

00:53:12.780 but every time I, I have an objective in what we call the connection quadrant, that's the relationships

00:53:20.320 that we have with my kids. That just seems to make my life better. Yeah. Uh, so if it's doing a

00:53:27.540 project, if it's coaching one of their teams, if it's committing to help them with a project or an

00:53:34.020 assignment or a task or to learn a new skill, that is always invaluable to me. It improves every facet of

00:53:40.700 my life. Uh, the other one is every time I invest in my own self development. And when I say invest,

00:53:48.880 I'm talking about monetary investment. Yeah. Buying books, buying courses, going to seminars,

00:53:55.960 going to events, investing in a new business, investing in this business that always pays

00:54:03.280 huge dividends as well. Those two things move the needle the most for me. I don't say connection

00:54:07.720 because I'm, I'm, it's a, or excuse me, um, condition, which is the physical aspect.

00:54:13.420 But I, I'm not going to say I have that locked down. I certainly don't. There's things I can do

00:54:19.360 specifically with regards to my nutrition that would really help. And I'm working on those things.

00:54:24.400 Uh, but I enjoy working out and I enjoy moving and I enjoy being strong. So I don't need to make

00:54:30.680 that an objective because I just, I like to do it. It's not a hard thing for me to go do.

00:54:35.280 Yeah. I don't have to convince myself in the morning to go work out, you know, and I'll,

00:54:39.580 I'll answer this question or maybe in a different way, just to add more to what you're saying,

00:54:44.760 you know, and I was on a, on a, on a, what a, what we call a rapid fire meeting with a team this

00:54:49.980 morning. Right. And they have weekly commitments. And, and I gave this advice to that leader and I'll,

00:54:55.260 I'll say the same thing here. No one needs planning around the whirlwind.

00:55:02.200 And the whirlwind is all the things that have to get done that you're going to absolutely just

00:55:08.940 do right. Like they're the, the mundane busyness of life. That's the whirlwind.

00:55:17.140 And Stephen Covey used this analogy and I'm sure he stole it from someone else. Right. But it's like

00:55:22.060 he had used to have this, this bucket. And if you poured the sand in the whirlwind into the bucket,

00:55:28.840 and then you had these rocks and the rocks are the important things in life.

00:55:32.200 And then you put the rocks on top of the sand, eventually they all won't fit into the bucket

00:55:37.560 of life. You can't get to them. But when you put the rocks in first and prioritize the important

00:55:44.960 items and then pour the whirlwind around it, that it all fits within the bucket. And, and so for me,

00:55:53.940 the, the most effective objectives and goals have always been me prioritizing the things that aren't

00:56:00.240 part of the whirlwind. The things that I'm not going to normally do right there, the communication

00:56:06.400 course and dedication of an, of a 30 minutes a day to study around how to be better at that.

00:56:13.620 I'm never going to do that. That's never urgent enough to do it on a day-to-day basis, but they're

00:56:19.320 important just like our kids and, and being more present to them. And so whenever I've had goals

00:56:25.680 and objectives that were properly aligned to the important elements of life that were not part of

00:56:31.900 the whirlwind, then I've always had more success. And I try to, and to your point, Ryan, I, I treat

00:56:37.460 the daily workout as very similar to the whirlwind. I'm going to do it right. I'm, I'm hitting the gym

00:56:44.300 every morning. I don't need to prioritize that. So what is the, the physical element of my life that

00:56:51.060 needs to be a rock that requires some extra intentionality for it to get done? Those are

00:56:56.940 the rocks that I need to create. Yeah. Well, and Kip, we've identified four of those rocks that make

00:57:03.640 it easy for all of us, ourselves included to focus on. And the way that we, the way that we frame it

00:57:10.420 is calibration, which is your mental, emotional, and spiritual health connection, which is the

00:57:18.020 relationships that you have with other people condition, which is your physical health. And the

00:57:24.200 last is contribution, which is making yourself into a man of value. So if it's a calibration that

00:57:33.480 relates to your spirituality or your mental wellbeing, if it's, if it's connection, it's, Hey, I need to

00:57:41.520 improve the relationship I had with my wife this quarter. And you really need to focus on that. So I'm

00:57:46.160 going to spend a lot of time showing her in different ways, how much I appreciate her and

00:57:50.020 having conversations so we can nurture and foster and develop a powerful relationship and then doing

00:57:55.080 date night every week. If it's with your kids, you know, maybe it's a project or coaching one of

00:58:00.440 their teams. And then we move into condition and we've have physical health. So you have weight

00:58:05.040 training, training for a marathon, the nutritional aspect, recovery, sleep, mobility, all sorts of

00:58:11.140 things. And then the last is contribution. Contribution would be self-development. So it's,

00:58:16.100 it's getting a YouTube course. Cause you want to build out your business. Uh, it's, it's learning,

00:58:22.640 um, you know, Jordan Peterson, I've talked a lot about over the past, uh, couple of months now has

00:58:28.360 great courses on daily wire plus, uh, that, that you can enroll in. He has the Jordan Peterson Academy

00:58:34.340 that you can enroll in now too. Like he has things that you can invest in your own education.

00:58:40.320 That's self-development or contribution. So when you hit all four of these on a daily basis,

00:58:44.740 by the way, not just once a week, but every day you hit those four, then the sand goes in. Like,

00:58:49.620 I got to send this email and this, I got to put out this fire and that person needs my attention.

00:58:53.400 But those four things remain steadfast. They're always done. Yeah. All right. Bob Ross. I often feel

00:59:01.560 guilty when I do something for myself, both small single day events or large multi-day event trips.

00:59:06.960 I find myself feeling guilty. I know these events helped me to be better,

00:59:11.380 but I find it difficult. Do you deal with this? And if so, how?

00:59:16.940 I don't, I don't deal with it because it's just important. I mean, it kind of goes into what we

00:59:23.700 were just saying is crucial. And if it doesn't control your life, I mean, that's the thing,

00:59:28.460 you know, I know guys who go into the gym and they're four or five hours a day at the gym,

00:59:31.480 maybe two hours in the morning and two hours at night. To me, that's a problem. I don't know their

00:59:35.300 life. It's not mine to judge, but for me, that doesn't work because it robs me of the

00:59:40.200 opportunity I have to do other things like hang out with my friends and family members and,

00:59:44.940 and engage in, you know, other hobbies and activities that are interesting and important

00:59:49.880 to me. So I think it's just finding the, the appropriate person. I was going to say balance.

00:59:56.220 I'm hesitant to use that word because it implies that it's supposed to be proportionate across

01:00:00.800 the board and it isn't, but to find the correct recipe. Maybe that's the best way to say it.

01:00:07.080 Yeah. So for me, it's an hour in the gym in the morning. And that's, that's the, that's what the

01:00:12.740 recipe calls for. You know, when you're baking a cake, it's like this much sugar, these many eggs,

01:00:17.960 this much flour. If you get any of that wrong, it's going to be disgusting. You're not going to eat it.

01:00:24.340 It's the same thing in your life. For me, the recipe calls for an hour a day of training,

01:00:28.620 of working out, reading, having conversations like this, you know, and so it's just part of

01:00:36.580 the recipe. You know, imagine trying to eat a cake without any sugar in it or without it,

01:00:42.540 or you forgot the eggs. The end result is going to be something that is not edible. And it's the

01:00:49.640 same thing with your life. Imagine not putting in the ingredient of taking care of yourself in some

01:00:56.020 way. And then the other thing that I would say is as men, we tend to isolate ourselves because we

01:01:04.360 think we're the only ones that need to make the decision. But there are people who are impacted by

01:01:09.240 the decisions that you're making that you probably ought to consider in the decision-making process.

01:01:13.760 So if you're married, then you should talk with your wife about,

01:01:17.980 hey, hon, I'd really like to get into shape. And I feel like I need to train Monday through Friday

01:01:25.300 for 45 minutes to an hour. But I realized that's a little different than we've done in the past. So

01:01:31.300 I want to work with you on what would be the best way to go about doing that. And she might say,

01:01:36.880 well, you know, here's our schedule. And you guys might come to the conclusion that Monday,

01:01:40.320 Wednesday, and Friday morning, and Tuesday and Thursday afternoon or on a lunch break are the best

01:01:44.700 times to do that. Cool. You can do that. You can be accommodating. I think there's men who fall on

01:01:50.400 either side of the spectrum where they'll say, well, I don't need to accommodate. This is my life.

01:01:54.900 I'll do it. I don't want it. That's stupid. And there's other guys who will say, well, you know,

01:01:59.520 she says she's having a hard time and like, she's busy. And so like, I can't, you know, do anything.

01:02:04.380 So I'm just going to kind of wallow and be a loser. Well, the answer is in the middle.

01:02:09.200 Yeah. Well, Bob, you're a, you're a long time supporter of, of the movement. And so I'm going

01:02:16.480 to, I'm going to give you the more abrupt answer. Why are you feeling guilty? And maybe you're feeling

01:02:22.240 guilty for a reason. The reality of it is, is it could, could it be true that you should feel

01:02:29.200 guilty because when you're not doing these single day events, you're not showing up as powerfully at 0.95

01:02:33.660 home that you should be, that you're not getting shit done that you said you would get done. 0.95

01:02:37.220 Right. And then we take on these events and then we feel guilty. Absolutely. Maybe you should feel 0.98

01:02:41.420 guilty. Right. So I think, and I don't know this, uh, Bob, but like, I think that our ability to have

01:02:50.700 these trips and have our, our personal time gets hell of a lot easier when we're showing up powerfully

01:02:57.800 between those trips, when we're doing our job, when we have our shit together, when we're working hard, 0.64

01:03:04.880 when we're reliable, when our family knows that we're serving them, it gets really easy to do a

01:03:10.580 multi-day trip. And so maybe see this guilt is not necessarily something bad, but maybe an indicator

01:03:17.180 on the dashboard of where's this guilt coming from? Is it warranted? And are we showing up powerfully?

01:03:24.160 And, and maybe we need to ask, I mean, here's a, here's a good ask. You're a little nervous about

01:03:29.520 doing a week long hunting trip in Hawaii and you feel a little guilty about it. Hey, honey,

01:03:35.120 for me to do this hunting trip in Hawaii, what would need to happen between now and then for you

01:03:40.380 to feel good about me going? Well, I'd really want you to get that stuff done that you've always said

01:03:46.520 you get done that you keep blowing up. Got it. You know what? I'll do that. I'll commit to doing that.

01:03:51.280 Uh, I think we need to not spend as much money. So maybe we save up money a little bit leading into

01:03:58.700 that trip. So I feel better about us blowing that type of money on that type of trip. Got it. I'll do

01:04:03.080 that. Get clear and, and make sure that that guilt's not warranted. Great points. Really great. Other

01:04:10.980 than you're going to have to actually like do some work, you know, what do you know? Um, you know,

01:04:18.600 the other thing is you were saying that is also make sure that she has the time that she needs and 0.98

01:04:24.960 don't judge it. A lot of guys will do that. So we'll, we'll say, Hey, we're going to go on this

01:04:29.960 hunting trip or this conference. And we can justify that in our minds because we see the value of it.

01:04:35.400 And then she says, well, I'm going to go spend the weekend with my mom and my sister and sister-in-law,

01:04:40.800 and we're going to do a spa day all together. And you're like, that's stupid. Why would anybody want 1.00

01:04:44.720 to do that? It doesn't, she's not asking you to go. She wants to go spend time with her mom and her

01:04:52.380 sister and sister-in-law. Your answer is sounds great, hon. Have a great time. Kids and I'll be

01:04:58.980 safe and have fun. And we've got plans and don't worry about us. Yeah. That's the answer. So allow

01:05:05.280 her the same thing that you would want for yourself, but don't judge the way she decides to spend that

01:05:09.900 time. Cause she, you don't want her to judge the way you spend yours. Yeah, totally. Uh, do you have

01:05:16.340 enough time for two more questions? I really like these questions and maybe we rapid fire them if we

01:05:20.720 need to. Eric Searing, how to not lose patience with your children during hetic times. Um, don't allow 0.98

01:05:31.480 the chaos to infiltrate your mind and heart. That's a decision you have to make. People are going to

01:05:43.600 get mad at you. People are going to yell at you. People are going to be mad. They're going to be

01:05:48.320 emotionally charged. Things are going to go wrong. People are going to be upset. Our job as men is to

01:05:53.720 stay above it. And that is not apathetic by the way. Some people interpret that to mean like,

01:06:00.800 you don't care. No, I do. I care deeply. If I'm in an argument with my girlfriend, I care deeply about

01:06:07.200 it, but I'm not getting into the trenches. Even if she wants to get into the trenches, I cannot allow

01:06:12.740 myself to do that. My job is to stay above it. And that's a conscious decision that we as men can make.

01:06:20.620 Yeah. That when things are heated, just say to yourself, my job, my job as a man is to be the

01:06:28.640 calm in this storm. And so I'm not even telling you not to be mad or not to be upset or not to

01:06:35.780 have emotional responses to what people are saying. I'm saying you are to be the calm in the storm.

01:06:42.680 And so when your kids are bouncing off the wall and they're pulling on your leg and they're not doing

01:06:45.880 what you ask them to do, and they're not putting their shoes on when you're heading out the door and

01:06:49.380 the house is a mess and, you know, mom's maybe having a bad day and everything else is going wrong.

01:06:55.340 You can be patient just because you've decided to be patient. There's other strategies I think

01:07:00.020 we've talked about at length of making sure to give yourself margin, stepping away from the situation

01:07:05.100 if it's called for. But at the end of the day, it's a decision to be patient. I was driving down

01:07:11.360 the road the other day and, you know, it's kind of near Christmas time. I was on a busy street at a

01:07:18.080 busy intersection and this guy was trying to merge and he like drove past everybody that was in line

01:07:25.060 and he just like hurried and jerked in front of me. The inferior version of myself would have probably

01:07:31.720 honked at him and then rode his ass for the next three miles and been all pissed off. Instead, 1.00

01:07:37.080 in a moment of clarity and wisdom, very rare clarity and wisdom, I thought, you know what?

01:07:43.860 That guy probably has somewhere to be. I would have done the same thing if I was in his shoes.

01:07:49.060 It's not a race. I don't even know where that guy's going and I'm not going to be any later to

01:07:53.880 wherever I'm going. It's fine. Because you just make the decision to be that way and it takes practice.

01:08:00.920 And so when it doesn't go well and you find yourself being impatient,

01:08:07.420 evaluate it. We call them after action reviews. Hey, what agitated me? What irritated me? Why did

01:08:12.980 I feel that way? Why did that guy cutting me off that way piss me off so bad? What would I have

01:08:19.880 done different? If I was in a better space, how would the man I want to be handle that exact same

01:08:24.320 situation? Or what would the guy that I look up to do in that case? And you just ask yourself those

01:08:29.900 questions and then you decide to make better decisions next time.

01:08:33.740 Full disclosure, what I'm about to say, I don't follow the counsel, what my thoughts are at least.

01:08:43.340 But one of the best ways to prepare for the hectic times is to not lose our patience in the mundane

01:08:48.780 little things. And I can't help but think, man, how many times do I get pissed off over

01:08:56.920 a room not being clean or kids not doing something or like stupid stuff around the house? 0.96

01:09:06.420 And if I follow that to a conclusion and think, well, if I can't handle that, how am I going to handle 0.98

01:09:13.540 a death of a grandparent? Am I going to handle the death of serious issues within our family?

01:09:22.040 Probably not very well. And so maybe a challenge for guys that are listening, it's like, well,

01:09:29.480 I don't have hectic times, so it's not a big deal. Figure out where you're losing your temper

01:09:33.880 in the mundane. There's your reps. There's the reps that we need to prepare us for the hectic times,

01:09:41.540 because if we can't handle our first world problems really well, we're certainly not going

01:09:46.160 to handle major difficulty very well. And this whole concept will all rise to the occasion is

01:09:51.200 just complete bullshit. Like you won't, you'll fall to pieces is what you'll do. So I also wrote 1.00

01:09:58.180 down here, Kip is for me, it's, it's really when I'm impatient, it's a matter of, it's a mismanagement

01:10:04.040 of time or activities, my own personal activity. And we've talked about this at length. You know,

01:10:11.300 if I'm upset because that guy on the road cut me off, it's because I didn't give myself adequate

01:10:16.160 time to get from point A to point B. Yeah. You were already late to your thing. That's why it's

01:10:21.540 pissing you off. Yeah. Or a mismanagement of activities in that same scenario. It could be

01:10:26.860 that I was so pissed off about work because I was feeling guilty that I wasn't getting all my work

01:10:30.900 done. And I had so many emails, but I spent, you know, an hour dinking around or having conversations

01:10:35.280 with somebody I shouldn't have had. And so I'm now frustrated and agitated. And then I'm driving down

01:10:39.440 the road, the guy cuts me off and it just adds to that agitation. Dude, it's so true, man. Well,

01:10:44.360 and I was thinking about this on the way to work. How's this literally like before we started this

01:10:49.900 call, this recording at 10 AM, I could tell you already, Ryan, today was going to be a great day.

01:10:58.500 I already know it. And the reason why is because by 10 o'clock already today, I'm getting some serious

01:11:04.460 shit done. Yeah. I'm already feeling great about my day. My workout was solid. I didn't 0.99

01:11:09.340 compromise the workout. I got some things done. I cleaned up some things in the house. I even did

01:11:14.060 some laundry before leaving the house. Like, like solid day. Yeah. And you know what? If Asia calls

01:11:21.700 you and says, Hey, one of the kids broke their arm on bouncing on the trampoline or sledding this week

01:11:26.400 or this afternoon, you can handle that with clarity better. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're like, you know

01:11:33.540 what? Like it's not, I'm not saying it's not, it's, it's not convenient. It's certainly not,

01:11:38.120 but you're like, you know what? I got 70% of my work done by one o'clock. Yeah. I'm good. Let's go

01:11:44.640 take care of the kids. And then tomorrow you can come back and get back to kicking ass. 1.00

01:11:47.900 And, and I think some of it is about getting the work done. The other part is being in integrity. 0.99

01:11:53.060 Right? Like I feel, I feel good. Why? Because I'm doing what I know I should be doing. Yeah. And,

01:12:01.400 and it's when, it's when we've compromised ourselves and have self-betrayal that when the

01:12:07.120 world shows up, we're just even more angry at it. You know, I was thinking as you were saying that

01:12:14.080 how inefficient guilt and lying are like when you are guilty of something and you're feeling it,

01:12:25.020 it's so inefficient. It just drains all of your resources, all of your mental energy. Same with

01:12:30.840 lying. Cause you're trying to keep up with what lies you did and what you said to one person versus

01:12:34.860 another. It's exhausting. It's such a drain on your resources. So the, the, the less guilt you can

01:12:41.000 have by doing what you say you're going to do and not doing what you said you're not going to do.

01:12:44.080 And not lying about things because you have a clear conscience and there's nothing for you to

01:12:48.720 lie about. You're free to pursue so much more. Yeah. Ah, so good. All right. Last question. Austin

01:12:56.720 Hargrove and help with your stepchildren that have a mental and physically abusive father, 0.71

01:13:05.780 more mentally abusive than physical. He has them every other week.

01:13:10.280 More mental than physical or was it the other way around? More mental than more mentally abusive than

01:13:17.500 physically abusive, better relationship with those stepchildren. They're with that father every

01:13:22.740 other week. Well, I mean, I don't, I don't know the, obviously I don't know the situation. I don't know

01:13:29.040 the degree to which we're talking about with abuse, but if it's severe enough, law enforcement needs to be

01:13:36.720 involved in that. Yeah. So that's the first thing that I would consider. But I think this is a lot

01:13:43.300 of conversations with your wife at this point of the expectation that she might have of how you handle

01:13:50.760 and conduct yourself. Now I know you guys are already married. It sounds like, and so maybe you've already

01:13:54.760 had those conversations or maybe you haven't, but this is a good time to start talking about what are

01:14:00.540 your expectations as, as her, her father now? Cause that's what you are. Uh, I, and also depending

01:14:08.960 on her age, you can have conversations about this. I would not throw her stepfather under the bus.

01:14:15.780 That's, I don't think that's appropriate. Uh, but I would show her through your words and actions,

01:14:22.820 what it means to be a good man and how a man treats the people in his life. Yeah.

01:14:29.000 So how do you show up for her as your daughter? What kind of conversations are you having? What,

01:14:34.680 what kind of care do you have for her? How does she feel? You know, depending, again, depending on

01:14:40.340 her age, the way she feels intuitively is going to mean more than her, her, um,

01:14:46.960 the way she logically processes it. Yeah. Just the way she feels about it. Uh, the way that she sees

01:14:53.320 you treat her mom, the way she sees you engage with that server. When you guys all go out to eat,

01:14:59.000 together, uh, those are going to mean way more to her. And trust me, she is observing that.

01:15:06.520 And what will start happening is she will equate feeling good and happy and positive and uplifted

01:15:15.080 with you. And she will start to associate feeling down and upset and sad and beat down with her father,

01:15:25.360 which is exactly, unfortunately, what needs to happen. She needs to start making those connections 1.00

01:15:31.500 because there's probably not a lot. I don't, again, I don't know the situation. I imagine that

01:15:36.640 if it was a real case of actual physical abuse, law enforcement would already be involved. Custody

01:15:43.260 issues would be taken care of and they should, but whereas she's seeing him every other weekend,

01:15:48.680 you need to be the predominant male voice in her life. Totally. And again, you don't do that by

01:15:54.240 throwing him under the bus. You do that by good conversations about how she is to be treated,

01:15:59.160 how she can be respected, how people will respect her. You teach her how to uphold boundaries,

01:16:06.220 how to communicate clearly and effectively what is appropriate and how people will treat her.

01:16:11.080 And then you show her what it means to be a good man and how he treats his people.

01:16:15.520 Totally. Yeah. You, it's, it's safe to say that any kid that is getting like mental and physical

01:16:22.280 abuse, um, is on the path of probably having very low self-confidence. Of course. And so I would

01:16:31.880 double down Austin in what, how do you create opportunities for these kids or kid stepchildren? So kids

01:16:40.000 to, to build confidence, help them realize how amazing they are and what they can accomplish and

01:16:50.340 get them the rep. So they know it for themselves, right? Don't, don't just double down. Like you're

01:16:55.560 so amazing the way you are. No, like give them the reps to, so they can prove it to themselves that

01:17:02.100 they're capable of doing hard things, right? Pure, like have them build their self-confidence for

01:17:08.700 themselves. The other thing is be careful not to judge, have empathy with your children and what

01:17:20.340 they're struggling with and how they might even show up. One thing that has been just really present

01:17:26.220 for me over the last couple of weeks is this idea that uncertainty and fear

01:17:33.800 promotes self-reflection or promotes, uh, survival in self. So if Ryan, if you're in a relationship and

01:17:46.440 you're fearful, who are you thinking about? Yeah, me, of course. Just you. So you thinking,

01:17:54.860 being thoughtful towards mom and dad and thinking about other people starts going away in an environment

01:18:00.920 where there's a lot of uncertainty and fear. So, so these kids might be very selfish. They might

01:18:08.160 come across like they're very selfish. It's because they're in survival. So don't jump to too many quick

01:18:15.360 conclusions. Think critically about what might be happening every other week that is dictating or

01:18:23.760 altering their behavior a little bit. So then that way you can navigate those waters effectively and,

01:18:30.660 and, and, and in an empathetic way and not generate more uncertainty and more fear for them because

01:18:37.280 you know what I mean? You're losing your patience or, or whatever else. And so just really double down

01:18:42.180 on the psychology of what might actually be occurring. So that way you can navigate those waters better.

01:18:48.560 Yeah. I love it. Powerful. We've got a lot of good questions. Did we, did we hit both

01:18:52.620 iron council and Facebook today? Awesome. Yep. Yep. We got them. We got through them all. I'm sure

01:18:57.540 there'll be more that pop up and we'll try to get those answered next week. Hopefully we gave you

01:19:01.000 guys some things to consider. I will say this is sometimes the questions you might hear do not

01:19:05.780 directly apply to your unique situation, but I think more often than not the answers that we attempt to

01:19:13.820 provide apply broadly if we're giving you the correct answer. Absolutely. So regardless of your

01:19:21.140 situation, whether it's talking about a stepchildren versus your own children or dealing with a difficult

01:19:29.360 person at work versus dealing with a difficult family member, these are all applicable in every

01:19:35.920 single facet of life. If you choose to look at it that way, if you think, Oh, I got to tune out for

01:19:39.680 this one because I don't have stepkids. It doesn't apply. There is knowledge to be gained in every

01:19:45.720 conversation and every scenario and every situation in every experience if you're looking for it. And

01:19:52.120 that's one thing that's really served me this last year as we kind of wind up 2024, I'm going to say

01:19:57.160 2014, 2024 is just being curious, letting judgment go, letting expectations of other people go.

01:20:08.780 You and I kind of bantered a little bit about that on Instagram, like no expectations of the way other

01:20:13.180 people show up, let them show up. Um, and just being curious, you know, like what makes you tick?

01:20:20.840 What makes you think that, you know, you don't have to agree with it, but you might be curious about

01:20:24.900 why, uh, or in a scenario where you think you can't learn anything, ask yourself, man, this isn't like

01:20:30.880 the best meeting that I ever want to be in, but is there something I can take away that will help me

01:20:34.620 be better at my job? Or this isn't a conversation I really want to have with the missus. It's going to

01:20:39.820 be contentious and frustrating, but can I learn something about her or the way I communicate with

01:20:44.300 her that might help our relationship get better? Always be curious, always be looking for ways

01:20:49.740 to develop, to grow, to learn and to get better. Absolutely. We have two pretty quick kind of call

01:20:56.780 outs. One is the iron council. We're going to be opening that up, uh, for an enrollment in roughly

01:21:01.360 about a week or so. A week and a half or so. Yeah. So be ready for that, uh, to learn more about

01:21:06.400 the ICA, at least until then, uh, that's order of man.com slash iron council. And then of course

01:21:11.740 to get your swag for the holidays, your order, man, uh, hoodies as well as some windbreakers and

01:21:18.960 a few other things. That's store.org. The camera hat that we have. There's a lot of cool new stuff

01:21:24.580 in there. Yep. So store.org.com. Yep. Awesome guys. We'll go check it out. We'll get it to you

01:21:30.640 before Christmas. If you do it quick, other than that, uh, we'll be back on tomorrow. No, Friday,

01:21:35.980 Friday. Yes. I've done this for eight years and I still forget when we'll be back Friday. All right,

01:21:42.780 guys, have a great day until then go out there, take action and become a man. You are meant to be.

01:21:47.320 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:21:56.320 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - December 04, 2024

Consumerism, Guilty Consciences, and Crippling Anxiety ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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Order of Man - December 04, 2024

Consumerism, Guilty Consciences, and Crippling&#xA0;Anxiety ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

Summary

Transcript

Consumerism, Guilty Consciences, and Crippling Anxiety ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING