Order of Man - Courage, Competence, Confidence ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.840 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.680 and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement Order of Man. I want to welcome

00:00:32.300 you here. I want to welcome you back. Regardless of how long you've been with us, I think a lot of

00:00:37.300 you guys know what we're all about, but just in case, it's our goal to help reclaim and restore

00:00:42.520 masculinity. And to that end, I am interviewing some of the world's most successful men from all

00:00:47.780 walks of life, from all backgrounds, from all cultures. And we're having these conversations

00:00:52.800 on the podcast, distilling their experience, their knowledge, their information, and sharing that

00:00:58.620 with you so that we can improve our lives as fathers, husbands, business owners, community

00:01:03.460 leaders. And then of course, we've got our, uh, ask me anything, which is a, uh, a show that I do

00:01:09.040 with my co-host Kip Sorenson, where we are fielding questions from our Facebook group and from other

00:01:14.460 social media channels, from our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council. And then of course,

00:01:18.560 we've got this show Friday field notes, which is just me, just me and you. I'm sharing some ideas,

00:01:24.580 some thoughts that I've had from throughout the week, and I've got a good one. At least I think

00:01:27.800 it's a good one. A lot of people ask about this. A lot of the men in our groups ask about confidence

00:01:32.380 and how to develop more of it. So we're going to get into that. I do have a couple of very quick

00:01:36.520 announcements before we get into that. Uh, we have opened the store back up. It's been closed for

00:01:41.660 about two to three weeks because we've moved warehouses from our old warehouse into my basement

00:01:47.680 because my oldest son is actually going to be fulfilling those orders. So that's, that's back

00:01:51.700 open. Uh, please bear with us a little bit on that. It doesn't look great at this point, but we wanted

00:01:56.360 to hurry and get that open because we have had a lot of requests about how to get order of man

00:02:00.820 merchandise. So if you head to store.orderofman.com, you can check it out. You can pick a patch shirts,

00:02:07.840 planners, decals, flags, patches, all of the stuff is over there. And because we're opening back up,

00:02:13.480 uh, I decided that we would do a sale. So if you use the code Brecken, B R E C K E N, that's my son's

00:02:21.720 name Brecken at checkout, you'll get a 10% discount off of anything and everything. So again, that's

00:02:28.560 store.orderofman.com. Uh, the other thing I wanted to make a mention of is our exclusive brotherhood,

00:02:34.040 the iron council. This is a brotherhood of 500 men all working together to identify objectives,

00:02:41.180 to hold each other accountable, to complete challenges and assignments, and really just

00:02:46.280 push in every facet of life. I found that when I surround myself with strong, motivated, ambitious

00:02:53.080 men who are on very similar paths as I am, that I have inevitably improved my own life. And those

00:02:59.220 people I'm around have inevitably improved theirs. So if you're interested in banding with us and

00:03:04.240 learning a little bit more about what we're up to head to order of man.com slash iron council.

00:03:09.760 Again, order of man.com slash iron council. That's it by way of announcement. So we'll just

00:03:15.540 jump right into this at this point. Uh, again, I want to talk with you about confidence. It is

00:03:19.920 critical, critical that all of us, wherever we are, wherever we happen to be at life in life,

00:03:25.100 that we develop new levels of confidence. And it's an issue that a lot of guys in our groups and

00:03:31.840 social media channels and everywhere we are want to develop. They have a lot of questions about how to

00:03:36.800 develop this. And I think there's actually a lot of backwards thinking about how to develop confidence

00:03:42.100 or find it or articulate it. So we're going to get into that. Uh, but of course, if you don't

00:03:46.500 already know, I mean, this level of confidence is so, so critical in our lives. It gives us the ability

00:03:52.060 to connect with women. Uh, it gives us the ability to potentially present in front of an audience and

00:03:58.660 share a story that will impact other people and certainly help us become more influential.

00:04:03.500 Uh, it gives us the ability to talk with a boss and ask for a raise or ask for a promotion,

00:04:08.760 or even potentially start a business or ask for a sale. Uh, gives us the ability to go into the gym,

00:04:14.560 potentially for sitting on the sidelines for the past two, three, five years, or even decade.

00:04:19.440 If we don't have some measure of confidence, then we'll never live up to the potential that we have

00:04:24.700 to achieve big things in our lives. So I want to talk with you about this. I want to talk with you

00:04:28.980 about how to develop it. Uh, I want to talk with you about some strategies that I've personally

00:04:33.480 used in my life. And there's certain areas of my life that I'm still working on developing

00:04:37.060 confidence in. And it's these little tactics that I'm going to share with you today, specifically

00:04:41.000 10 of them that have helped me and that will continue to help me develop more levels of

00:04:45.760 confidence in every area of my life. Now, the reason I wanted to talk about this is because I think

00:04:50.840 so many men get this backwards. What they do is they look at somebody who is confident or seems

00:04:57.040 confident. For example, they might look at me and think that I'm a confident individual because I

00:05:00.820 can share this information on a podcast or do a video. And they think that somehow these confident

00:05:07.040 men that they aspire to be like in some capacity are just born with this ability to be confident,

00:05:12.160 to assert themselves, to communicate a message, to put themselves out there, to overcome the fear

00:05:17.000 that is holding them back. And I found that in my life, in most of the lives of the men that I

00:05:23.260 work with who are successful, it doesn't work like that. They aren't gifted or bestowed this level of

00:05:29.240 confidence. They've earned that. And that's what you need to know first and foremost is that if you

00:05:33.740 want to be confident in your life, you have to earn it. And the formula, a very rough formula, but this

00:05:39.500 will help you understand for developing more confidence is very simply this. Exhibiting courage leads

00:05:46.480 to competence, which fosters confidence. Let me say that again. Exhibiting courage leads to

00:05:54.940 competence, which fosters confidence. So if you're courageous and everybody has the ability to be

00:06:02.060 courageous, if you're courageous and you put yourself out there and you start acting and doing

00:06:06.720 the things that you know you should be doing in every facet of life, you will inevitably begin to

00:06:11.840 develop some level of competency in that thing, whether it's public speaking or asking for the

00:06:17.660 sale or asking a woman on a date or connecting with your children, any facet of life. When you

00:06:24.060 exhibit a level of courage, you are going to start developing and building competence with that

00:06:30.780 competence, confidence comes. Now it doesn't come all at once, but gradually over time it builds up.

00:06:36.180 And so this is a cycle. You exhibit courage, you start developing competence. It fosters confidence,

00:06:44.300 which gives you then the ability to take even more courageous and bold risks and bold moves,

00:06:51.980 which will inevitably produce more competence and more confidence. And it's a cycle. It's a cycle.

00:06:57.540 But I think we have to jump into this cycle at the courage level. See, most people will get this

00:07:02.820 backwards. What they think is that if I can just be confident, if somehow I can just miraculously be

00:07:07.980 confident in my life, then I will be able to develop some level of competence. I'll start

00:07:14.020 developing some level of mastery towards some hobby or interest or activity. And that will help

00:07:19.780 me be more courageous. That will help me take bigger risks and bolder moves in the future.

00:07:24.980 It's not how it works. It works the exact opposite. And so if this is the formula, courage,

00:07:31.540 competence, confidence, confidence, then the question is, and if we believe that we have to

00:07:36.040 tap into courage first, how do we develop more courage? See, most people are going to ask,

00:07:40.700 how do you develop more confidence? That's not the right question. The right question is,

00:07:45.100 how do you develop more courage, which will inevitably produce the confidence that we're after?

00:07:50.560 All right, let's get into this. So I've got 10 steps here. I want to address with you.

00:07:54.880 Number one, these aren't in any order necessarily, but I think you'll see that all of them have value

00:08:00.980 and will help you exhibit more courage in your life. So number one, have a deep, emotionally

00:08:05.960 charged vision for your life. I talk with so many men who are just flying by the seat of their pants.

00:08:12.340 They don't have any idea of what they're doing. They're more worried about getting into work or

00:08:16.360 completing that one project or what they have to do this evening or what party's going on this

00:08:20.540 weekend, but they don't have a charged, emotionally charged vision for the next year or two years or five

00:08:28.240 years or 10 years. And if you don't get this part, right, nothing else matters. You've got to have

00:08:34.420 a vision for the type of man that you want to become. When you look at what it means to be a

00:08:38.940 good father, do you know what that looks like? Do you know what that feels like? Do you know what

00:08:42.760 that tastes like? Are you emotionally connected? Is it a deep connection to the type of individual

00:08:48.600 you want to be? If not, you're not going to exhibit the level of courage that you have the potential

00:08:53.440 to exhibit. You've got to sit down and I would encourage you doing this on a weekly basis,

00:08:58.200 if not daily and carve out time to just think. We don't have any time to be quiet. We don't have

00:09:05.120 any time to reflect. We're so busy. We're so consumed. We're so distracted with the noise of

00:09:12.200 media and social media and technology and everything else that we have going on that we very rarely give

00:09:18.100 ourselves any time to just think about life and the cosmos and the stars and the heavens and

00:09:23.760 what life means and what's in store for us. Guys, these are all very, very important practices

00:09:30.520 in being able to exhibit more courage because if you are deeply charged about that vision and then

00:09:37.260 you're faced with some task that maybe you're a little afraid to do, you know what it's going to

00:09:42.880 take and you've given yourself the power, the fuel to be able to do it because you know

00:09:47.660 that the vision you have for yourself is greater than the fear of doing whatever that thing may

00:09:53.440 be. So action step, take some time every day at a minimum every week and write down in a journal

00:10:00.920 specifically what you envision for yourself as a father, as a husband, as a member of the community,

00:10:08.040 as a coach, a mentor, an employer, an employee, a client, a whatever, fill in the blank and think

00:10:15.100 about what that individual actually looks like. So you can start moving yourself towards that person.

00:10:21.460 Number two, be very specific now on what you want to accomplish and why. See, most guys will say,

00:10:28.320 if I ask them, what do you want out of life? They'll say, I want to be wealthy. Okay, well,

00:10:33.780 great. I mean, welcome to the club. Like we all want to be wealthy, right? But what does that actually

00:10:38.860 mean for you? That's a subjective term or other people will say, well, I just want to be healthy.

00:10:44.860 Okay, good. Again, welcome to the club. We all want to be healthy, but what does that even mean?

00:10:49.580 Or I want to have a good marriage or I want to be a good dad, or I want to have a successful

00:10:54.560 business, all worthy objectives, all worthy goals, but they're not specific enough.

00:10:59.080 They're not specific enough. And they don't give us laser like focus when it comes to the activities

00:11:03.280 that we'll need to complete on a daily basis in order to achieve those objectives. If you just say,

00:11:08.300 for example, that I want to be healthy, I mean, you're going to hit some marks every,

00:11:12.340 every now and again, you're going to probably eat right for a little while. And you may go into the

00:11:16.460 gym here or there, go on a quick run or go on a walk with your family. But are you going to be

00:11:20.300 this laser like sniper type focus with regards to what you want? What are you going to do? What

00:11:26.800 activities, what exercises, what food specifically, how are you counting the food? Are you doing intermittent

00:11:31.600 fasting? What kind of diet are you doing? All of these questions that will lead to you taking action

00:11:36.560 and you taking action, of course, develops that level of confidence. So be very, very specific.

00:11:42.000 If you say, I want to be wealthy, good. How wealthy, how much money do you want to make this

00:11:46.500 year? If you say, I want to be healthy, good. How much weight do you want to lose? How much strength

00:11:50.260 do you want to build? What do you want your body fat percentage to be? How, how heavy do you want to

00:11:55.200 go on, on deadlifts or squats or bench press or whatever else you may be doing? Very, very specific.

00:12:02.280 If you say, I want to be a good dad. Great. I love it. But what does it mean? Okay. It means

00:12:07.220 spending an hour a day with each one of my children or going on a camp out or an individual activity

00:12:12.780 with my kids once a month or helping them do their homework every single night. These are very

00:12:18.940 specific. These are going to lead to you taking the courage in order to accomplish these things,

00:12:24.220 which will foster again, the confidence and, and develop the, uh, the confidence. All right.

00:12:28.880 That was number two. Now you've got number two, specifically what you want. Now you've got

00:12:32.780 to tie back to very small actionable steps that will get you there. So if you say, I want

00:12:38.360 to be healthy, I want to get down to 15% body fat. Great. Worthy goal, worthy vision. You

00:12:44.700 know what that looks like. You have a very specific measurable objective. Now, what are you going

00:12:49.780 to do on a daily basis? Well, I am going to go to the gym and I'm going to do this specific

00:12:56.000 strength training or I'm going to do CrossFit or I'm going to do hit training. But again,

00:13:00.780 it's very specific. And I'm going to do that every day, six days a week for an hour at this

00:13:07.080 time specifically. Okay. Now you've got this small actionable step. It still might be scary

00:13:12.600 to you, especially if you haven't been in the gym for a while, but you're going to be

00:13:15.580 able to exhibit more courage because you know exactly what you're up against. If you don't

00:13:19.460 know what the enemy is, how are you ever going to be able to face that enemy? And yet we

00:13:24.320 as men grow men, bury our heads in the sand and believe that somehow things are just going

00:13:28.440 to miraculously work out. They're not deep emotionally charged vision was number one.

00:13:33.900 Number two is being very specific on what you want to accomplish. And then number three, tying

00:13:38.780 that into small actions. They don't have to be groundbreaking, life altering, earth shattering

00:13:45.500 type actions. I'm talking about very small things that you can do every single day that

00:13:52.680 will begin to produce that result. That was number three. Number four, guys, I cannot over

00:13:58.060 emphasize the importance of surrounding yourself with other men, men specifically. I'm talking

00:14:04.660 about now who are achieving what you want to achieve. Now I'm not going to say that what

00:14:10.020 they know is going to be transferred to you through osmosis. It certainly isn't. There's

00:14:13.900 going to be more work required on your part, but I can tell you that every time I surround

00:14:18.080 myself with somebody who's fitter than I am or somebody who's a better hunter, because

00:14:22.480 that's important to me than I am, or somebody who is a more committed father or a more engaged

00:14:27.740 husband or a more successful business owner or wealthier or whatever it is that I want.

00:14:33.560 Every time I surround myself consistently with these individuals, it gives me the strength

00:14:38.640 and the fortitude and the courage and the resiliency to be able to take the same level and type

00:14:43.820 of action that these individuals are taking. But if I'm surrounded by losers, frankly, who 0.77

00:14:49.240 are not fit, who are not successful, who are not good fathers, who are not good husbands, 0.90

00:14:53.180 who aren't engaged in the community, who aren't being able to build wealth and they're up to

00:14:57.200 their eyeballs in debt. If those are the types of individuals that I'm surrounding myself with,

00:15:01.480 I need to exhibit no courage in order to be comfortable around those people. It takes courage

00:15:07.960 and boldness to be around people who are more successful than you are. So find those individuals.

00:15:13.820 And when you do, you will naturally find yourself aspiring to be more like them through the

00:15:20.040 actions that you're taking. And you'll see what actions they're taking and how they overcome fear

00:15:25.280 and how they exhibit courage and how they develop mastery and how they've been able to build some

00:15:30.580 level of confidence in their lives. So four, again, surround yourself with others who are

00:15:34.180 achieving what you want to achieve. Number five, familiarize yourself with the thing that you're

00:15:38.960 afraid about or of, I should say in controlled environments, familiarize yourself with what

00:15:44.800 you're afraid of in controlled environments. I talked about this, I think on the ask me anything

00:15:49.260 earlier in the week, my son was afraid to take the trash out at night because he had to walk

00:15:54.360 out to the backyard and it was dark and he was scared. I think if you have kids, we're all kind

00:15:58.640 of familiar with that. So he was freaked out a little bit about it. So what I did is I said,

00:16:02.980 well, I'll go out there with you. So for a couple of nights I went out there with him.

00:16:05.920 And then the third night I said, okay, well, why don't you take the dog? And so that third

00:16:09.660 night Sarge went out there with him and before long, he's going to be able to go out and do

00:16:13.520 it himself because he's been exposed to the fear in a controlled environment. The controlled

00:16:19.900 environment is that we're in our yard or that I'm present or the dog is present, but we can

00:16:24.500 do the same thing. If you're afraid of public speaking, for example, you don't need to go

00:16:28.720 straight from, I'm afraid to, I'm going to go speak in front of a thousand people. No, join

00:16:33.460 Toastmasters or join business network international, or ask your family to listen to your presentation

00:16:39.380 or start presenting to your team at work. And maybe there's only five or 10 people there, but

00:16:44.420 again, you're just exposing yourself to these fears, to these risks in controlled environments.

00:16:50.680 So you're not just jumping into the deep end. You're working your way into it. Now I know a lot

00:16:55.040 of people say, Oh, just jump in with, you know, both, both feet or headfirst into the deep end.

00:17:00.220 Look, it doesn't work. Especially if you're afraid of something, we're trying to develop

00:17:04.300 courage. How do we do that? Small steps, controlled environments. And then we gradually build upon

00:17:09.980 those things. So look at what you're afraid of public speaking, going to the gym, having

00:17:15.660 a difficult conversation, uh, approaching an attractive woman. Like look at what you're actually 0.91

00:17:22.140 afraid of, and then figure out ways to familiarize yourself with that fear in a controlled environment.

00:17:30.380 A prime example, if you're afraid of talking with women or asking women out or approaching

00:17:35.340 attractive women, then you can familiarize yourself with being around women in the workplace or some 0.88

00:17:41.420 hobby or interest or activity that you're part of, or a conference that you attend. And you're not

00:17:45.820 trying to ask these women out necessarily, but this is a small step to familiarize yourself

00:17:50.300 with being around women, which will help you build upon that. All right. Number six,

00:17:55.520 develop and build upon small wins. Again, I already said this, this doesn't have to be a grand,

00:18:00.880 elaborate plan right now. You don't have to do the biggest, boldest, most audacious thing that you can

00:18:06.860 possibly think of. Just build those small wins. That momentum moving forward is what's going to help

00:18:13.380 you gradually get better and better and better and improve and improve and improve. If you're scared

00:18:19.000 to go into the gym, maybe the small win is I just woke up 15 minutes early today. Didn't even go to

00:18:23.660 the gym. I just woke up 15 minutes earlier today. Pat yourself on the back. Be proud of that. Is it

00:18:28.400 ultimately what you want to do? Should you remain at that position? No, but you're building towards

00:18:32.760 it. You're getting there. So I woke up 15 minutes early, uh, this, this morning, maybe tomorrow you

00:18:38.400 wake up 15 minutes early and you decide, you know what? I'm just going to do 10 pushups. That's all I

00:18:42.240 want. I don't need a full workout. I just need 10 pushups or I'm going to go for a walk or I'm

00:18:47.220 going to drink a hundred ounces of water today. And a lot of times we look at these things and

00:18:51.000 think it's silly. Like, Oh, you know, if I'm not going to the gym for an hour that I'm failing,

00:18:54.960 you're not failing. You were, you're better now than you were yesterday. And to me, that's a success.

00:19:01.660 Now, yes, I want you to achieve more, bigger, greater, more audacious, bolder, but we got to start

00:19:08.780 somewhere. You got to start somewhere. And as Sal, uh, for Silla in our podcast earlier this week

00:19:14.280 talked about it's left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. We see these things that we

00:19:19.060 want, like these visions that we have, which I talked to you about in point number one. And we

00:19:22.080 think, Oh, I got to have that thing. We do. We're going to get there, but just take one step at a

00:19:27.100 time, develop and build upon small wins. Uh, number seven, find people who are going to hold you

00:19:34.020 accountable a couple of years ago. And I'll give you a quick little anecdote, a story here a couple of

00:19:39.940 years ago. Uh, this is yeah, about two years. Uh, I got an invite from the founder of Spartan races,

00:19:46.300 Joe DeSena. And he asked if I would want to participate in the Spartan Nogogi and the Spartan

00:19:52.620 Nogogi, for those of you who don't know, is a 60 hour endurance event put on by Spartan races.

00:19:57.360 And it's designed to, to test you, to, to break you actually. And your goal is to last 60 hours.

00:20:03.960 Now I went out there and participated in the event and I probably got into maybe

00:20:11.120 18, 20 hours. And I just thought, man, I cannot do this. I started to get into my own head. I

00:20:18.760 started to think, Oh, I'm not going to be able to complete this. This is too hard. This is too

00:20:22.200 challenging. I'm going to throw in the towel or ring the bell, which they had. They had a bell.

00:20:26.100 He had to ring if you wanted to tap out. But one of the things that kept me engaged in that event

00:20:32.180 is that at the time, I believe, I want to say we had about 10,000 members of our Facebook group.

00:20:37.020 And of course we had the podcast, which was going strong as well. And I remember thinking while I

00:20:42.320 was out there in the hills, the mountains of Vermont, that I had told tens of thousands of men

00:20:48.940 that I was going to compete in this event and that I would make 60 hours. And there was no way in hell

00:20:55.240 that I was going to come back from Vermont and tell everybody that I told you I'd get 60,

00:21:01.240 but I only got 30. Sorry guys. No way was that going to happen. And that's the point that I'm

00:21:06.680 making right now is this level of accountability. Now I think that's kind of indirect accountability.

00:21:11.160 There's direct accountability, which I'll talk with you about here in a second, but that level

00:21:15.460 of accountability kept me in the game. It pushed me further and harder than I would have been able

00:21:21.760 to do on my own. I think that we underestimate our abilities physically, mentally, emotionally,

00:21:27.520 but when we have this level of accountability in our way, it causes us to go just a little bit

00:21:33.620 further than we think maybe we should or could or would. So that was indirect. Direct accountability

00:21:40.920 is somebody directly in your life. You have a relationship with your wife, a brother, a colleague,

00:21:47.860 a coworker, a friend, a child, some sort of accountability partnership or group. Like for example,

00:21:53.520 the iron council, these are men specifically in your life who are going to call you, whether

00:21:59.160 it's a text or an email or a visit or a phone call and actually hold your feet to the fire.

00:22:05.080 It's not comfortable, especially when you first get started in, in, in trying to develop this

00:22:10.200 confidence and build accountability partners. It's not comfortable. It never is comfortable to go

00:22:15.160 further or to get pushed harder than you're comfortable with. That's why we call it a comfort

00:22:20.020 zone, right? But having this level of accountability from other individuals will always,

00:22:25.660 always pay dividends and it will always cause you to push just a little further. It's peer pressure

00:22:30.960 and peer pressure. Isn't always bad. There's positive peer pressure as well. If you're surrounded

00:22:34.960 yourself with men who want to achieve and want to push and want to be motivated and drive,

00:22:40.740 you're going to want to be like them. And that peer pressure is positive. It's,

00:22:44.640 it's helping you do the right thing. So find accountability partners. That was number seven.

00:22:48.920 Number eight, don't make excuses for your fear. All right. The more, just call it for what it is.

00:22:58.380 The more that you make excuses for being afraid or why you didn't complete it or why you didn't

00:23:04.220 exhibit this level of courage, the more likely that you are to dismiss it. And then even worse,

00:23:09.820 continue down that path moving forward. If you're afraid to speak in public, for example,

00:23:14.440 and you come up with the excuse that you can't do it because you've got a conflicting schedule

00:23:18.680 and you kind of just made that story up. So you wouldn't have to do it. You're going to fall

00:23:22.480 into that trap the next time and the next time and the next time, instead of saying, Hey, this is the

00:23:27.400 reason why I didn't do it. Just look at the man in the mirror and say, you know what? I was afraid.

00:23:31.820 I was afraid the reason I didn't take that presentation or the reason I didn't ask that

00:23:37.300 woman on the date, or the reason I didn't talk with my boss or have that difficult conversation,

00:23:41.260 or the reason I didn't go into the gym today is because I was afraid. It's not comfortable.

00:23:46.960 It's not easy to say. No man wants to admit his, his flaws and his weaknesses, but that is the

00:23:51.800 foundation for growth. If you're not able to look at the guy in the mirror and tell at least him the

00:23:55.460 truth, how are you going to ever succeed in life? This reality that you are afraid is the foundation

00:24:03.040 for growth. And hopefully that makes you throw up in your mouth a little bit. When you tell that guy,

00:24:08.200 I was weak, I was scared, and I was afraid. You should feel bad about that. And because now you're

00:24:14.260 admitting to yourself what is actually happening and how you're actually feeling and why you should

00:24:20.400 feel a little bad or guilty or even shameful or remorseful about that. Good. That's the proper

00:24:26.680 response. Now, hopefully next time, when you have a decision to make, you will ask yourself, am I going

00:24:32.900 to be courageous? Am I going to overcome the fear that I'm feeling by going to do this

00:24:38.180 quote unquote, scary thing? Don't make excuses guys. You'll continue to make those excuses down

00:24:43.800 the road. You keep giving yourself an out. You wear that path down and it becomes easier to travel

00:24:48.520 than the right path, which is the truth that you're afraid. Number nine, we're on number nine,

00:24:54.840 redefine failure. So many men look at failure as trying something and not succeeding. And that's true. 1.00

00:25:02.100 I mean, let's, let's call it for what it is. If you set out to accomplish something and you

00:25:06.000 don't complete it, then yes, technically you've failed. We don't need to beat around the bush when

00:25:10.660 it comes to that. But also there's an expanded level of failure in, in my understanding and my

00:25:16.920 capacity. And that is that I feel like if I have an idea or a thought or a challenge or a trial or a

00:25:23.960 hurdle or an obstacle, something that I want to overcome, that the failure is not doing it and

00:25:30.740 failing, but that the failure is not trying it at all. If I have this thought and I don't do it,

00:25:38.120 that's failure. If I have a thought and I do it and I don't complete the objective, maybe I failed,

00:25:42.860 but there's certainly more to that. I'm certainly more proud of that than never trying that thing

00:25:47.540 at all. So guys reframe the way that you're thinking about failure from doing it and not

00:25:52.680 succeeding it to having the idea and never doing it at all and pride yourself on at least trying it.

00:25:59.040 Hey, it may not have worked. You may have to go back to the drawing board. There may be some

00:26:02.620 things that you have to do a little differently, but at least you did it. You can look at yourself

00:26:06.580 in the eye and say, I completed that. I accomplished that. I tried that. And that to me is what's going

00:26:13.340 to help you develop more courage, more confidence, more confidence. All right, guys, the last one.

00:26:18.720 And I think this is a really great point. Again, this comes down to reflection, which frankly,

00:26:22.860 a lot of us just don't do. We don't take the time to do this thing. And what I want you to do is I

00:26:27.200 want you to weigh the cost of inaction. All right. If you're wrestling with an idea or you're wrestling

00:26:32.460 with an action, I want to go to the gym. I want to ask the girl out. I want to, uh, ask for a 0.99

00:26:37.880 promotion. I want to start a business. If you're wrestling with that idea, what I'd like you to do

00:26:42.080 is weigh the cost of not doing it. What is the cost of inaction? See, most of us, what we'll do is

00:26:47.940 we'll weigh the cost of action. If I do this thing, for example, if I start a business, well, I could

00:26:54.920 fail. I could be that I don't make any money. It could be that people reject me or that they

00:27:00.840 ridicule or mock me. It could be that I lose friends. It could be that I pick up too much

00:27:05.380 debt that I can't pay off. And I'm not saying you shouldn't at least consider these things,

00:27:08.920 but if you're going to spend that much time and energy focused on what could potentially go wrong,

00:27:15.000 if you try this thing, I only think it's fair to yourself to then say, okay, well, if that's the

00:27:21.300 cost of doing it, what is the cost of doing nothing? What is the cost of maintaining the job

00:27:27.620 or the occupation that you're currently in that you're not satisfied with? What's the, what's the

00:27:32.260 cost of not asking for a promotion, literally hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars

00:27:37.560 over the course of your lifetime. Is that a cost you're willing to pay? Now we look at it and we

00:27:42.240 think, all right, here's the pros and cons. See, most of us just look at the, the downside of trying

00:27:46.840 something new, but are you ever looking at the downside of not doing anything at all?

00:27:52.360 The status quo, the current path you're on, there's a cost to that. And you need to understand

00:27:57.500 what that cost is. The only way you can understand what it is, is to ask yourself and analyze and pour

00:28:02.400 over the information. If I do nothing, I will live a life less than I deserve. If I do nothing,

00:28:10.140 I will not make money or as much money as I'm capable of. If I do nothing, I will not be fulfilled

00:28:16.660 and satisfied because I'll be 50, 60, 80, a hundred pounds overweight. What gentlemen is the cost

00:28:23.800 of doing nothing of maintaining the status quo? I think when you start to look at that, you'll see

00:28:29.560 very quickly that the cost of taking action, or I should say the benefit of taking action outweighs

00:28:36.980 the cost of doing nothing. So guys, let me recap these as we wind down today. And then I would love

00:28:43.260 to hear from you. All right. So share on Instagram at Ryan Mickler, Twitter at Ryan Mickler. My last

00:28:49.800 name is spelled M I C H L E R. I'm very active on both. That's where I'd like you to connect with me

00:28:54.640 moving forward, Instagram or Twitter and share with me what you're doing. Hey Ryan, I took point

00:28:58.980 number seven, which is finding people who will hold you accountable. And I've got a accountability

00:29:03.240 partner and this is what we're doing. Or Hey Ryan, I weighed the cost of not asking for that

00:29:08.120 promotion. And I went in and I, I asked, and I got a promotion, like share these stories with me,

00:29:13.100 tag me in your posts where you're doing these things. I try to really, really be active on

00:29:17.360 social media because it's important to me that I connect with you guys and know that what I'm

00:29:21.300 sharing with you, you're implementing and it's working for you. All right. So let me recap these

00:29:25.100 and we'll call it a day. Uh, number one, have a deep emotionally charged vision for your life

00:29:30.040 to be very specific on what you want to accomplish and why you want to accomplish it. Number three,

00:29:37.020 tie that to small actionable steps that you can take on a daily basis. Number four,

00:29:43.040 surround yourself with others who are achieving what you want to achieve. Number five, familiarize

00:29:48.580 yourself in controlled environments. So if you're afraid of something, expose yourself to it in a

00:29:54.100 controlled environment where the risk is reduced. Uh, number six, develop and build upon small wins.

00:30:01.440 Remember left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot. Uh, number seven, find people who

00:30:06.920 will hold you accountable to what you say you want to accomplish. Number eight, don't make excuses.

00:30:13.300 All right. Don't lie to yourself and craft some little excuse or reason why you didn't accomplish

00:30:17.940 it. Just say, I was afraid, call it for what it is. That's the foundation for growth. Number nine,

00:30:23.480 redefine failure, not as trying it and not succeeding, but as not trying it at all. And number 10,

00:30:29.820 weigh the cost of doing nothing guys. I hope that helps. I hope you take these steps and you

00:30:35.040 implement it in your life and you develop more courage, which will foster more competence,

00:30:40.420 which will inevitably create more confidence in your life. Make sure you share with me on Instagram

00:30:44.840 or Twitter at Ryan Mickler. Uh, the, uh, couple of announcements that I had shared earlier.

00:30:49.720 Number one is the iron council. That's our exclusive brotherhood. And interestingly enough,

00:30:54.160 everything that I talked about here, these 10 points, we talk about more, more in depth inside of

00:30:59.720 our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council, check it out, order of men.com slash iron council.

00:31:03.280 And again, the store's open. So if you want a hat, you want a shirt, you want a decal or a flag or a

00:31:09.500 battle planner or a journal. It's all at store.orderofman.com. Great way to support what we're

00:31:16.600 doing. And, uh, I always deliver on this stuff, the best quality. You're not going to find cheap

00:31:21.200 shirts, cheap hats, cheap journals. Like this is the best quality stuff. And yeah, I don't, maybe don't

00:31:25.940 make as much as I could, but it's more important to me to put quality work and products out into the

00:31:31.100 world. And, uh, I just found that to be better all around. So check it out. Store.orderofman.com.

00:31:37.340 All right, guys, that's all I've got for you. Appreciate you being on this journey and mission

00:31:40.220 with me. You definitely helped me when it comes to my level of courage and the things that I'm doing

00:31:45.020 and the way that I'm putting myself out there, which builds my level of confidence, which helps

00:31:49.080 me succeed at greater levels and every facet of my life. So I want to thank you for that.

00:31:52.960 All right, guys, get after it. We'll be back next week for our interview, uh, on Tuesday with

00:31:57.280 the one and only Cal Newport. But until then go out there, take action and become the man you are

00:32:02.140 meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your

00:32:07.040 life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - March 01, 2019

Courage, Competence, Confidence ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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