Order of Man - Course Correcting, Becoming a Sovereign Man, and Dealing with the Judgement of Others

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.720 Hey, what's going on, man? A little different than previous episodes where we're starting to do some more video again.

00:00:32.480 You need to upgrade your backdrop, though.

00:00:35.400 And then you grow a beard, too. And I need to get my hair cut. There's a lot of pressure to this whole video thing.

00:00:41.320 Did you see that I – well, you might even be in your underwear. I really don't know.

00:00:45.800 Maybe.

00:00:46.320 Did you see that I cut my beard?

00:00:48.240 Yeah. Well, I saw the original post. You're like, look what happened at Jiu-Jitsu Day.

00:00:52.260 And I thought, oh, that is horrible. Look how much that is. Like, it looked like so much. I was like, that's horrible.

00:00:58.440 This morning when I looked at that post –

00:01:00.220 Yeah, no, I looked at that post this morning. I'm like, actually, those kind of look like pubes.

00:01:04.120 Like, I wonder if somebody's going to think that's not my beard. And it's like, that's what got ripped out.

00:01:08.220 Somebody said, you need to wear a cup, bro. I'm like, yeah.

00:01:11.440 That's funny.

00:01:14.340 Yeah. Anyways. Yeah, you do need to upgrade your beard, your haircut, your wall, all of the above.

00:01:20.320 Yeah. Dude, the office – so, we're remodeling our office. We just moved into this building.

00:01:26.240 And, dude, it's going to be so nice when it's done. I'm looking forward to it.

00:01:31.360 Right on, man.

00:01:32.140 So, but anyhow, you were saying, because if you don't mind bringing it up, you were saying that you caught someone in that clock choke.

00:01:40.140 Is that – what did you call it?

00:01:41.720 Well, it's a form of a clock choke where you're using –

00:01:44.080 Clock choke. Okay.

00:01:44.660 Yeah. We're kind of using – it's not their traditional clock choke. So, anybody that does jiu-jitsu, it's not what you think, right?

00:01:51.680 We're talking about side control, passing the lapel to the arm that's cross-facing and then twisting, right?

00:01:59.020 Yeah.

00:01:59.440 But did you get it under his chin or were you like smashing his face when you were doing it?

00:02:03.380 No, I got it. I got it in his neck. I got it in there really well.

00:02:06.740 Yeah. And I told you before we hit record, I almost felt a little bad doing it because I was holding him, you know, the cross-face and I had his collar underneath his neck.

00:02:17.700 And I'm sitting there trying to hide it and I'm pulling my gi out, right, of my belt.

00:02:23.960 I'm getting it ready. And I'm like, dude, this almost – like this feels wrong on so many levels.

00:02:28.780 I'm getting this dude up. And I put my head down so he couldn't see it and just reached it up there and grabbed it with that other arm.

00:02:36.980 And as soon as I grabbed it, I'm like, oh, man, he's in for a world of hurt.

00:02:41.060 And then just cranked it, straightened that arm out, put my head down, and it was a quick tap.

00:02:46.860 Yeah.

00:02:47.220 But it felt good to know like I'm like, yeah, it worked.

00:02:50.240 So, I was rolling with him and another guy and they're like, what was that?

00:02:53.840 You're like, I don't know.

00:02:55.060 I can't tell you guys. I don't know. It's just something I threw together.

00:02:57.320 This is a secret move.

00:03:01.060 Well, and so as you go for that more often, what will happen sometimes is you'll pass that lapel into your hand and then you'll rotate, but the guy will drop his chin.

00:03:11.980 Yeah.

00:03:12.540 And then that gi will go across the chin.

00:03:15.160 But as you're a vice grip tightening, you can't see them, right?

00:03:19.740 Right.

00:03:20.040 Because you don't know what's that.

00:03:21.120 You don't know if it's like crushing their face or not, right?

00:03:24.020 And so there's been a couple of times I do that and as I turn around, I look and the guy's face is just being, you know, by script, by fabric, you know?

00:03:32.920 It's so mean, man.

00:03:33.880 It's so mean and I love every minute of it.

00:03:37.440 Because you know what?

00:03:38.260 I think sometimes when I'm thinking I'm being mean, I'm like, you know what?

00:03:41.300 If the role was reversed, he would do the same thing to me.

00:03:44.460 Exactly.

00:03:44.780 I had this guy I was rolling with a couple of, it must have been the end of last week and he had me in, well, he almost had me in a triangle and I had my hand down and I had my fist and it was like right in his throat.

00:04:01.420 And I'm like, oh, this feels wrong, dude.

00:04:04.000 This doesn't feel right.

00:04:05.020 And I'm like, no, dude, he's got his legs wrapped around my neck and he's pulling on the back of my head.

00:04:10.320 No, I'm going to put my fist in his neck.

00:04:12.080 Like, yeah, he was able to still finish it, but I felt less bad knowing he was trying to kill me as much as I was trying to kill him.

00:04:20.360 Yeah, that's funny.

00:04:21.500 I was training with Court McGee.

00:04:23.780 He was on the podcast.

00:04:24.800 Do you remember Court?

00:04:25.520 Yeah, for sure.

00:04:26.020 And he came into the gym last week and him and Ramsey, Ninjum, and a couple of those guys, both those guys, UFC fighters at one point.

00:04:37.160 And, um, it just, it just beat the crap out of me.

00:04:42.780 It was that post you had made on in the Facebook group the other day.

00:04:46.160 No.

00:04:46.540 And, and I didn't, I wasn't, like, it was that bad.

00:04:50.000 Like it was just constant, just destruction.

00:04:52.680 And I felt hopeless.

00:04:54.200 I, every fiber of my body's like, why am I doing this?

00:04:57.520 Like, you know what I mean?

00:04:58.560 It was just a really, really rough train and no one was giving me anything.

00:05:04.260 Like there, there was no kindness.

00:05:07.280 It's so good for you.

00:05:08.820 That's why I did, uh, the podcast that I released just yesterday with, was with the deco.

00:05:12.940 Yeah.

00:05:13.580 And, uh, man, it was a great, great conversation.

00:05:16.340 I've got a lot of good feedback on that one already, but, uh, yeah, more, more men need to do jujitsu.

00:05:22.540 Yeah.

00:05:23.060 There's something about that grind, man, that, that whole mental mentality of survival and just, I don't know.

00:05:29.460 It's great.

00:05:30.000 And to deco such a nice guy, he is so genuine, so sincere, but then he can kill you without you knowing what's happening to you.

00:05:37.440 So totally.

00:05:38.620 Well, let's get into it.

00:05:40.240 Um, I think we're, you know, our, our, uh, our traditional five minutes into it before we get started.

00:05:45.440 If you're listening to this or I guess watching it too, cause we're very active on YouTube.

00:05:49.080 Um, the YouTube channel has been doing very, very well.

00:05:51.760 Uh, I think we've had like a thousand or maybe even more subscribers over the past week or two.

00:05:56.380 Uh, so keep checking it out.

00:05:58.200 Um, we've got this video on YouTube, youtube.com slash order of man.

00:06:01.700 But what we're doing here, guys, if you're new for the first time is we're fielding your questions from, uh, our exclusive brotherhood, the iron council, and also from Facebook.

00:06:10.080 I think today's questions are exclusively from our Facebook group, which is at, uh, facebook.com slash groups slash order of man.

00:06:17.260 And that is the best way to submit questions.

00:06:19.160 I have guys that'll email me occasionally or shoot me a message on Instagram.

00:06:22.780 I'm like, dude, like I got to have it all housed in one place.

00:06:26.400 I can't be fumbling through there.

00:06:27.480 So just go to the Facebook group.

00:06:28.780 You'll be able to submit your questions there.

00:06:30.200 That's no, no circumventing the system.

00:06:32.420 That's right, man.

00:06:33.200 No, uh, yeah, no, no sneaking around.

00:06:35.440 Like do it, do it right.

00:06:37.060 Or your question is not getting answered.

00:06:39.100 Yeah.

00:06:39.520 Hook me up, bro.

00:06:40.140 But I got a question for you.

00:06:41.520 Yeah, exactly.

00:06:42.340 I should, uh, I should take money like on the side for getting questions on.

00:06:46.400 I don't think people care about our opinions that bad, but maybe give it a try.

00:06:50.380 See how it works out.

00:06:52.280 And by the way, I'd like to point out that I think that the YouTube subscription is increasing

00:06:57.460 because of this and not because of, you know, the job going.

00:07:01.360 No, it's because of you.

00:07:02.520 It's because people want to see you.

00:07:04.800 So by the way, so if you guys are listening, if you guys have not seen the, what are we

00:07:11.480 calling it?

00:07:11.920 Like the promo video for the origin, uh, for the main event that, uh, Will did, dude, that

00:07:18.140 video was so awesome.

00:07:19.640 It turned out so good.

00:07:20.800 I feel, I feel really bad about you and Joshua not being in the video and I know, no, you're

00:07:27.440 right.

00:07:28.140 I even messaged Joshua and I'm like, dude, I don't know what to say.

00:07:31.160 Like I'm, I am a dick.

00:07:33.540 I'm sorry.

00:07:35.200 I will correct this.

00:07:36.960 Anyways, Joshua Laycock yourself were instrumental and very, very critical in making sure that

00:07:42.180 was a great event.

00:07:42.780 And I feel like an a-hole for leaving you guys out of it.

00:07:47.040 Yeah.

00:07:47.620 He, he, I'm sure he realizes it's a honest mistake, not a big deal, but regardless, that

00:07:52.880 video is so awesome.

00:07:53.860 Like I've watched that video so many times.

00:07:56.040 I don't know why I just want to keep watching it.

00:07:58.600 I'm like me again, probably.

00:08:00.580 Yeah.

00:08:00.680 To look at your face and your beard.

00:08:02.500 That's right.

00:08:03.580 Yeah.

00:08:03.940 To look at my face.

00:08:04.820 I don't know when the last person, whoever saw my face, I mean, that's, that's been a

00:08:08.000 while.

00:08:08.340 It's been at least five years.

00:08:08.800 They just focus on the beard.

00:08:09.980 You're like, my face is up here.

00:08:11.420 Yeah.

00:08:11.620 Like when you're talking to people, you're like, you're like, guys, not here.

00:08:17.980 All right.

00:08:18.420 Let's get into the questions, man.

00:08:19.600 I'm on a time crunch.

00:08:20.520 In fact, I'll just, uh, I'll throw this out as a teaser, a little bit of a time crunch

00:08:24.680 today.

00:08:24.880 Cause I've got an interview with the one and only Ryan holiday.

00:08:27.240 Uh, I talk about his upcoming book, October 1st called stillness is the key.

00:08:32.860 So I've got a interview with him this afternoon that I've got to make sure that I'm ready for.

00:08:38.180 And, uh, right after this, this conversation.

00:08:40.680 So let's get to it.

00:08:41.720 Warm up script for you, right?

00:08:43.120 That's right, man.

00:08:43.620 That's right.

00:08:44.440 All right.

00:08:44.880 Wayne Squire.

00:08:46.300 How are some step-by-steps to rewire your brain to think positive instead of negative?

00:08:53.720 Well, I, you know, I think, uh, I think one of the best things you can do is be around

00:08:57.840 positive people.

00:08:58.940 Yeah.

00:09:00.160 That's naturally going to, going to rub off.

00:09:01.980 I'm not going to call it osmosis, but the way that other people are behaving and acting

00:09:06.300 and communicating and, and, and sharing themselves is naturally going to rub off on you.

00:09:12.140 And you're going to start to pick up some of their mannerisms and their mindsets and their

00:09:15.200 beliefs and patterns, et cetera, et cetera.

00:09:17.480 I think that's one way.

00:09:19.080 Another way is to be very conscious about what you're doing and what you're thinking and,

00:09:25.880 and how you're behaving and how you're responding to different situations and encounters.

00:09:31.180 And that requires a level of margin that most men don't have in their lives.

00:09:35.800 Most men are just, man, they're stacked with tasks to task, activity to conversation to project.

00:09:41.040 And they have no space to think about what they're going to say or how they're behaving

00:09:45.040 or how they're showing up and how they're responding to different scenarios.

00:09:48.240 And because they don't have that margin in their life, they end up going this default

00:09:52.740 path, which in this case, it might be a negative path.

00:09:56.600 So create some, some margin in your life, surround yourself with positive people.

00:10:01.180 And then at the risk of beating a dead horse, the after action review, this is, this is

00:10:07.260 why we do this.

00:10:08.200 This is why we evaluate the way that we're showing up.

00:10:12.000 And it's not just about the performance.

00:10:13.860 The performance is important, but it's the way that you went about it.

00:10:17.480 So if I'm doing an after action review, for example, for this podcast, I'm going to talk

00:10:21.420 about the way that we did the intro to the way that we answered the questions and our level

00:10:25.700 of preparedness and the audio quality and your lack of a good looking backdrop in your,

00:10:30.560 in your studio there.

00:10:31.820 Like, I'm going to look at that stuff and then I'm going to think about, you know, how

00:10:37.140 we, the softer side of it, the intangibles, the things that you didn't see and what was

00:10:41.780 my mentality going into it?

00:10:43.280 And did I take time to prepare?

00:10:44.860 And what was I upset about something else?

00:10:47.960 Or was I high on something else that, that got me excited?

00:10:50.800 You know what I'm saying?

00:10:51.700 So what do you mean high on something else?

00:10:53.940 I mean, like excited about, that did come across, that did come across.

00:11:00.600 It did sound a little like Rogan on you.

00:11:03.140 I was like, it's not, it's not Rogan ask.

00:11:05.240 What I mean is I had, I had, what I meant to say, let me clarify here is that I had a

00:11:10.540 win from earlier in the day and I'm still stoked and excited about that.

00:11:14.380 And so that carried over into the way I'm having a conversation now.

00:11:17.700 Copy.

00:11:18.360 That, that I dig myself out of the hole or deeper into the hole.

00:11:21.200 No, no, you're solid now.

00:11:22.500 All right, cool.

00:11:23.520 Anyways, it's, it's the softer side, the things that are intangible that you can't really see

00:11:27.500 or, and, and not even quantify in a lot of ways, but go back and review those things as

00:11:31.840 well.

00:11:32.580 And between those three strategies, I really think you're going to start teeing yourself

00:11:36.500 up for being a more positive person.

00:11:38.440 Yeah.

00:11:38.920 I, I, one, one tactic that I like that's related to this is how, in those moments of margin,

00:11:46.820 evaluating how you're going to show up in that next segment of the day or whatever.

00:11:53.460 Guaranteed.

00:11:54.020 If I pull into my driveway and I take three minutes and I think, okay, before I walk in

00:12:00.040 this house, how can I show up?

00:12:02.360 What kind of dad am I?

00:12:03.800 What kind of dad do I want to be?

00:12:06.080 How should I interact with my parents, my parents, my kids when I walk in the room?

00:12:11.020 It's high now, man.

00:12:12.200 Yeah, I know.

00:12:12.780 I know.

00:12:13.160 I'm like, I live with my parents still.

00:12:15.540 How should I interact with my wife?

00:12:17.020 Like just intentionality.

00:12:19.240 Right.

00:12:19.560 And I think we can plan the intentionality throughout our days.

00:12:23.120 And, and a lot of it has to do with what you're saying, right?

00:12:25.420 Is that margin is we have to give ourselves those margins to be able to sit and contemplate

00:12:30.580 a little bit before we progress on.

00:12:32.980 Yeah.

00:12:33.140 And not to beat a dead horse, but again, with, with this book, cause I've been reading it

00:12:36.880 is he actually talks a lot about obviously stillness, but creating the margin, learning to say

00:12:41.520 no clearing your mind, uh, and really getting at peace with yourself by not stacking up

00:12:47.520 your day with so many activities and projects.

00:12:49.560 And I see that with, with, uh, fathers a lot with their kids.

00:12:54.260 Not only do they do it to themselves as, as men, but they do it to their kids as well.

00:12:57.920 So it's okay.

00:12:58.960 Monday night, we've got to go here.

00:13:00.160 And then when you're done with this, then we've got to go to piano lessons.

00:13:02.020 And then when you're done with piano lessons, you have to do all your homework.

00:13:03.940 Then when you're done with your homework, we got to do this.

00:13:05.420 And it's, and they do that every single day.

00:13:07.480 It's not, it's not good for kids.

00:13:10.120 One of the rules that we have is that our children can pick one activity per season.

00:13:16.080 So if it's jujitsu, great.

00:13:18.360 That's the activity that you choose.

00:13:19.920 If it's baseball or football or soccer or what, uh, gymnastics, whatever you pick, it

00:13:24.780 doesn't really matter to us.

00:13:26.480 You got to pick something.

00:13:27.800 That's a rule.

00:13:28.540 And you can only have one per season.

00:13:30.860 And that helps us maintain some sanity within the dynamic of the family and the health

00:13:36.740 of our children as well.

00:13:38.920 Yeah, totally.

00:13:40.200 All right.

00:13:40.440 Riley Henry, thoughts on collecting unemployment after separating from the military while finding

00:13:46.660 the right career path?

00:13:48.400 Yeah.

00:13:48.680 I mean, I saw this one.

00:13:50.180 Um, that's why it's there, right?

00:13:52.300 It is there, but I'm torn on this because if you're fully capable of not needing these benefits,

00:13:59.480 then it's better not to collect the benefits.

00:14:02.840 It's better.

00:14:03.680 It's, it's just better.

00:14:04.860 It's better for your psyche.

00:14:06.140 It's better for your wellbeing.

00:14:07.060 You wouldn't ask this question if there wasn't some level of guilt in accepting benefits for,

00:14:12.640 uh, your, your, you transitioning.

00:14:15.020 Now, I know there's a lot of guys out there who are going to say, well, that's why it's

00:14:17.920 there and you should be able to use it.

00:14:19.220 I agree.

00:14:20.000 That's why it's there.

00:14:20.920 And is it moral?

00:14:22.960 Is it, is it legal?

00:14:24.180 Is it ethical?

00:14:24.640 Yeah, maybe you could make the case that it is, but even the morality side, like if you're

00:14:29.240 fully capable of going out and finding work, uh, then why, why should you mooch off the

00:14:36.500 system?

00:14:37.040 I don't think that you should better than that.

00:14:40.260 I would say is to be prepared.

00:14:44.200 You know, you're going to transition out of the military.

00:14:46.680 Are you setting money aside?

00:14:48.160 Are you saving money?

00:14:49.360 Are you living within your means?

00:14:51.280 Are you working to build up your resume?

00:14:54.100 Are you securing job opportunities and interviews now?

00:14:57.540 Are you building out your network?

00:14:59.180 Are you starting a business and are building a social media channel so that you can start

00:15:02.700 your business?

00:15:03.260 What are you doing now that will put you in the position, uh, to be better off when you

00:15:08.960 do transition out of the military?

00:15:10.120 I actually talked a little bit about this in sovereignty as well, is that you're, you're

00:15:14.720 always going to put yourself in an inferior position when you're relying upon somebody

00:15:19.080 else to provide for you in some capacity.

00:15:21.500 In this case, financially, you collecting unemployment benefits is going to be far inferior to you

00:15:28.160 going out and having a job and providing your own way and paving your own path.

00:15:32.620 Obviously financially, that's the case, but emotionally as well.

00:15:36.940 I mean, how many men do we talk with, for example, who are injured or disabled or have some sort

00:15:42.580 of medical condition and they feel like complete shit because they're not contributing financially

00:15:48.840 to the household that is a financial problem.

00:15:51.420 Yes, but it's also a mental and an emotional issue that these men deal with.

00:15:56.760 So why would you voluntarily put yourself in that situation?

00:16:00.460 Now, if things go wrong and things go South and it's unexpected, having that in place is

00:16:04.580 good, but you can't tell me you don't know you're going to transition out of the military.

00:16:08.540 You can't tell me as a man that there isn't a risk at some point of you becoming disabled

00:16:13.620 or injured or hurt and unable to work or losing a job.

00:16:16.540 That's your job to anticipate what could potentially go wrong and then create the

00:16:22.300 contingencies and plans in place so that when and if that day happens, you aren't having

00:16:27.240 to rely upon the government or a handout or even a little bit of money from your parents

00:16:32.980 or friends or whoever it may be.

00:16:34.980 That's your job as a sovereign man to take care of yourself.

00:16:38.360 If you need it, it's there.

00:16:40.100 Use it temporarily for what it's for outside of that.

00:16:44.020 Make yourself so capable and responsible and again, sovereign that that is a non-issue.

00:16:52.800 Do you think it's a slippery slope to collect the unemployment where you might be putting

00:16:57.540 yourself in a position where it affects you in a negative way mentally versus embracing

00:17:03.520 the suck a little bit, right?

00:17:04.980 And the pressure and pressing forward instead?

00:17:07.260 Yeah, I mean, I definitely think it makes you more complacent, right?

00:17:11.180 If you've got, I don't even know what employment benefits would look like, but let's say you

00:17:14.800 have, I don't know, 500 bucks, a thousand bucks, who knows, whatever it is.

00:17:18.940 If you have that sort of money coming into your household, okay, well, you're set.

00:17:25.180 You can make the mortgage or you can pay for the groceries.

00:17:27.180 And I'm not going to say that that's going to provide for your way of life, but certainly

00:17:30.680 it makes you more, more complacent, more mediocre and yeah, naturally by design that it's designed

00:17:38.800 to make you feel more comfortable.

00:17:40.940 So I, I, we do our best work as men when our backs are against the wall because there's

00:17:45.860 no alternative.

00:17:47.840 You fight or you die.

00:17:49.640 And that's actually why I like, uh, leading my own business.

00:17:53.720 That's why I've always gravitated towards commission, uh, positions because I want to

00:17:59.500 eat what I kill.

00:18:00.400 I don't want to earn at the time I was working, uh, right out of high school.

00:18:04.620 I think minimum wage for me was $5 and 25 cents.

00:18:07.320 How old are you?

00:18:08.960 Yeah.

00:18:09.100 I'm like 53, 38, not that old, but I $5 and 25 cents.

00:18:18.300 Yeah.

00:18:18.700 I think I'll sell some things and I think I can make more than five bucks an hour.

00:18:23.740 Yeah.

00:18:23.960 So I've always gravitated towards, no, I don't want your minimum wage.

00:18:28.100 I want, I want to know what the, the maximum potential is.

00:18:31.880 That's what I'm worried about.

00:18:33.380 And I remember going into retail and, and, and, and doing very, very well.

00:18:38.160 And I would ask, uh, one time our store manager, I said, you know, you're, you're cutting my

00:18:42.980 hours back.

00:18:44.260 Like, I don't understand why he's like, well, it's expensive to have you here.

00:18:49.380 Imagine that.

00:18:50.620 Yeah.

00:18:51.220 I'm like, it's not expensive.

00:18:52.120 I sell.

00:18:53.400 Yeah.

00:18:53.800 It might be more expensive than having John Schmo over here doing the thing, but yeah,

00:18:59.660 I bring in four to five to six times the revenue.

00:19:02.120 And he was worried about how much he was paying me on commission.

00:19:04.980 It was ridiculous.

00:19:06.400 Like there is a, when, when you're working for an employer and we had this conversation

00:19:11.040 last week a little bit, and I'm not going to knock anybody who works for an employer.

00:19:14.260 I don't think that's bad necessarily, but inherently built into the program is a conflict

00:19:18.820 of interest.

00:19:20.680 Yeah.

00:19:21.740 Inherently built into it.

00:19:23.040 There's not a damn thing that you can do about it.

00:19:25.360 Now your goals are aligned in a lot of ways in that the more productive that an employee

00:19:29.400 is, the, the greater the company does, et cetera, et cetera.

00:19:31.740 But an employer is always going to try to pay you less.

00:19:35.780 Yeah.

00:19:36.340 You're always going to try to make more.

00:19:38.800 And, and I'm not saying these employers are underhanded or shady.

00:19:41.460 I'm not saying any of that.

00:19:42.600 I'm just saying inherently built into the employer employee relationship is a conflict

00:19:47.540 of interest.

00:19:48.160 And I'm not interested in that.

00:19:49.780 So I choose to take it upon my own hands.

00:19:53.600 It's interesting approach or a way of seeing that.

00:19:56.300 I've never thought of it that way, but you're totally accurate.

00:19:58.800 I mean, everyone's trying to not everyone, but a lot of people are trying to get as much

00:20:02.780 as they can get by default, everyone.

00:20:06.380 And again, it's like I said, like I said, it's, I'm not saying it's immoral.

00:20:10.140 If you're an employee, an employer, I'm not saying by the nature of you trying to pay

00:20:14.720 your employees less that you're immoral.

00:20:16.420 I'm not saying that it's a, it's a, it's an agreement.

00:20:19.220 This is why I'm not a huge fan of minimum wage laws.

00:20:22.660 There's a lot of reasons.

00:20:24.140 One of the reasons is that it prices out entry-level positions for people wanting to get into the

00:20:28.360 workforce.

00:20:28.880 We won't necessarily talk about that.

00:20:30.440 We can address that later, but it just encourages and promotes this level of mediocrity and barely

00:20:39.260 getting by and, you know, just punching the time clock.

00:20:42.000 And as soon as I'm out, I'm out.

00:20:43.660 Like there's a whole lot of reasons why I just don't think it's good for people.

00:20:47.300 It's not good for men.

00:20:48.240 I want to know upside potential, not minimum downside potential.

00:20:52.060 Yeah.

00:20:52.520 Yeah.

00:20:52.900 I like that.

00:20:53.820 That's one of the benefits of consulting is I tell guys when we're, we're looking to hire

00:20:58.900 new candidates that, that it's, it's a bittersweet perspective because in the world of consulting,

00:21:04.980 you're not, you're not a cog in a corporate will where you have some perceived value, but

00:21:12.000 we're all not quite sure really if you provide value or not.

00:21:15.840 As a consultant, we know, I know who it brings in the best margins.

00:21:21.500 I know if you're, are, if you're bleeding this out or if you're providing value, it is

00:21:26.840 100% apparent and we all know.

00:21:29.200 Yep.

00:21:29.860 And that's amazing because it has a sense of great gratitude because you know that you're

00:21:35.800 valuable, but for some people they can't, they can't deal with it.

00:21:38.920 Right.

00:21:39.140 Like they, they want to, they want to have this perception of, well, I'm valuable just

00:21:43.000 because of me, you know?

00:21:44.540 And you're like, actually, no, you just be how this works.

00:21:48.660 Yeah.

00:21:49.340 Like, I'm sorry.

00:21:50.540 Like you're a good person, but you're bleeding the company.

00:21:54.560 Like not only are you not valuable, you're destructive.

00:21:58.900 Yes.

00:21:59.840 You're a cost.

00:22:00.960 Yeah.

00:22:01.400 And it's just so upfront and personal in the world of consulting that it, it, some people

00:22:05.440 don't like that.

00:22:06.180 It's funny because this is, this is the society that we live in, that everybody's special.

00:22:10.860 Everybody's magical.

00:22:11.680 We own, we all have a tremendous worth and value.

00:22:14.960 And I think we do have potential worth.

00:22:16.820 I think we have unlimited potential value and worth, whether or not you decide to tap

00:22:21.320 into it is an entirely different question.

00:22:23.520 Yeah.

00:22:24.360 So, so I've, I think Kip, by the nature of you being a human being, I believe that you

00:22:29.640 have worth, but to an organization, you have to prove that to me and you have to, and

00:22:36.140 you have to show and illustrate that that is actually the case.

00:22:40.420 Warm and fuzzies and feel goods don't get the bills paid and they don't grow the business

00:22:44.760 and they don't deliver the services and the products to the people that you've promised

00:22:48.180 to, to deliver them to.

00:22:50.100 Yeah.

00:22:50.720 It's so crazy.

00:22:51.820 All right.

00:22:52.400 Crazy.

00:22:52.960 It's insane.

00:22:54.360 You're absolutely right.

00:22:55.500 It is insane, but we have to make sure everybody feels good and nobody gets their little

00:22:59.980 feel bads hurt.

00:23:01.320 Yeah.

00:23:01.720 And it starts early, man.

00:23:03.520 Early.

00:23:04.560 Yeah.

00:23:04.860 To indoctrinate these people so that, uh, so that they, they, they just do what they're

00:23:10.260 supposed to do, right?

00:23:11.040 Toe the line, make your minimum wage.

00:23:12.700 What is it?

00:23:13.240 Seven or eight bucks now.

00:23:14.260 I don't know what it is.

00:23:15.120 10 bucks.

00:23:15.800 Whatever it is.

00:23:16.960 Make your minimum wage.

00:23:17.840 Do your job.

00:23:18.540 Punch in, punch out.

00:23:19.860 Don't think about anything else.

00:23:21.260 Don't ask questions.

00:23:22.080 Do what you're told.

00:23:23.280 Pay your taxes and be a good little boy.

00:23:26.220 Yeah.

00:23:26.420 And luckily, hopefully we have enough productive people to cover your ass since you're highly

00:23:31.040 inefficient.

00:23:34.100 Yeah.

00:23:34.800 All right.

00:23:35.500 Craig.

00:23:35.800 We're laughing.

00:23:36.540 Hold on.

00:23:36.860 I'm going back to this.

00:23:37.640 We're laughing because it's, we're laughing because not because it's funny, but because

00:23:42.260 it's pathetic.

00:23:43.040 At least that's why I'm laughing.

00:23:44.480 I don't know about you, but it's pathetic.

00:23:46.820 Yeah.

00:23:47.300 It's a joke.

00:23:48.760 Yeah.

00:23:49.360 That's why organizations like what we're doing are so important.

00:23:52.060 It's critical.

00:23:52.420 Well, and it's, and I, maybe I shouldn't, well, yeah, I'm not mentioning names, but

00:23:56.760 I had a guy come to me, um, it was about a year ago and he says, Hey, so do we do, um,

00:24:02.780 do we do, uh, compensation increases for 10 or like for how long we've been here?

00:24:08.280 I'm like, sell more.

00:24:09.140 Cause you've been here longer.

00:24:10.400 No, I'm like, no, not at all.

00:24:12.480 Like just cause you've been here doesn't mean like you provide, like you could be here five

00:24:17.320 years and you're less productive than you were when you started.

00:24:19.580 If anything, we should actually be talking about decreasing your salary.

00:24:22.600 You know, it's like, it's really simple guys.

00:24:24.940 You got guys listening in to our conversation now?

00:24:27.260 No, maybe.

00:24:29.080 Yeah.

00:24:29.600 No more, more people need to hear it for sure.

00:24:32.520 No, that's true.

00:24:33.240 It's like for 10 year, what are you talking about?

00:24:35.600 You've been here for 10 years, let's say.

00:24:37.960 Okay.

00:24:38.480 Well, yeah, you should naturally be making more because you know, hopefully what the hell

00:24:42.780 you're doing.

00:24:43.580 Yeah.

00:24:43.980 So you're more productive value than you did before or in a different capacity, maybe

00:24:48.160 or something, but like, yeah, I don't know.

00:24:51.820 Just for sticking around.

00:24:52.820 Yeah.

00:24:53.120 No, you're actually more expensive to the company.

00:24:55.180 We'll just, that's why people get fired and replaced and get replaced with younger people

00:25:00.100 because younger people are cheaper than older people.

00:25:02.620 And if all you're doing is if you're doing the same level of work that a 20 year old kid

00:25:06.420 can do shame on you, not shame on the employer.

00:25:09.320 The employer is being smart.

00:25:10.480 He's allocating his resources effectively by hiring somebody who's half the cost of you.

00:25:16.060 So if you want to stick around, take a page from, I think it's Seth Godin wrote a linchpin

00:25:21.440 making yourself indispensable.

00:25:23.960 You better damn well make yourself indispensable because there's a young workforce coming behind

00:25:27.940 you that can do it better, faster, smarter, more intelligently and for half the cost.

00:25:33.300 Yeah.

00:25:33.620 And what's interesting is that whole loyalty conversation.

00:25:36.700 It's always one way.

00:25:38.420 Always.

00:25:39.260 Right.

00:25:39.500 It's, well, I've been loyal to this company.

00:25:42.300 Well, yeah, but company's been loyal to you.

00:25:44.680 We've kept you employed for five years.

00:25:47.080 And have you really been loyal to the company?

00:25:49.000 What if I can't, let's take you as an example.

00:25:52.060 If you came to me and said, Hey, Ryan, you know, like this other job, they're going to

00:25:55.600 pay me twice as much.

00:25:58.340 But I, you know, I'm loyal.

00:25:59.600 I'll stick around.

00:26:01.060 Yeah, right.

00:26:02.280 There's no loyalty there.

00:26:03.780 What you would say is you'd say, Hey, I'll stick around if you match that offer.

00:26:07.660 Yeah.

00:26:08.500 Is that loyalty?

00:26:09.220 That's not loyalty.

00:26:10.300 Yeah.

00:26:11.340 That's an agreement, right?

00:26:13.020 That's all it is.

00:26:13.600 It's an agreement between two mutually consenting adult parties.

00:26:19.260 That's why I'm not a fan of minimum wage.

00:26:21.780 Now, with that said, I do have to say this.

00:26:24.400 We sometimes invest in employees.

00:26:27.880 We realize that there's times and seasons, right?

00:26:30.280 If I have a stellar guy that's highly productive on the team and he's going through a dip or

00:26:36.300 a crisis or whatever, do I immediately go, Oh, you're not productive.

00:26:41.060 Shoot him to the curb.

00:26:42.100 No.

00:26:42.960 From a business perspective, there's an investment.

00:26:46.960 Hey, it's an investment to keep him around.

00:26:49.220 That's how valuable he is based upon how he was historically.

00:26:53.020 It's an investment for many costs for him to come back around and, and, and, uh, keep

00:26:59.400 him on the team.

00:27:00.580 So compared to hiring somebody new, right?

00:27:03.440 Exactly.

00:27:04.160 Exactly.

00:27:04.800 So, but it's still, it's, it's still part of your value bring, right?

00:27:08.260 If you bring a huge amount of value in the past and you're in a slump or whatever, it's

00:27:12.980 that value is a deposit in that account, which will allow you to have slumps sometimes.

00:27:18.200 All right.

00:27:20.720 Anything else on that question?

00:27:22.700 I'll probably bring it up when you start talking.

00:27:24.700 Okay.

00:27:24.940 You ready?

00:27:26.620 Okay.

00:27:27.200 Craig Knapp.

00:27:28.920 Gentlemen, how do you handle getting your course aligned after a couple of days or, or

00:27:35.080 more of setbacks?

00:27:36.260 An example, I'm trying to master my health by eating clean this past week.

00:27:39.860 I have completely blown it.

00:27:41.680 I know it.

00:27:42.480 I don't feel good about it, but I would like advice on how to shore up that discipline.

00:27:46.880 Very simply don't compound it.

00:27:49.960 Everybody messes up.

00:27:51.260 You're going to mess up.

00:27:52.220 I'm going to mess up.

00:27:53.300 Kip, you're going to mess up.

00:27:54.680 Even, even the people we think don't mess up, mess up.

00:27:57.740 I can assure you, I promise you what they don't do is they don't compound the problem.

00:28:03.020 So, the best way to overcome a setback and getting course corrected is to recognize it

00:28:10.340 quickly.

00:28:11.280 That's why the after action review is so critical.

00:28:13.960 Recognize it quickly and adjust as quickly as you recognize it.

00:28:18.560 So, for example, if you missed your workout this morning, you're going to feel bad about that.

00:28:26.560 You're going to feel guilty about that.

00:28:27.700 And you know what?

00:28:28.200 You should.

00:28:30.380 Contrary to popular belief, you should feel like crap about that because the idea is that

00:28:35.580 that's going to drive you to make sure that you do it tomorrow.

00:28:38.580 So, let's say you miss out your workout today.

00:28:40.780 You feel like crap.

00:28:41.560 You wake up.

00:28:42.120 You wake up two hours later.

00:28:43.100 You're like, man, I missed my workout.

00:28:44.420 I'm going to feel bad about that.

00:28:45.780 Okay, well, you recognized it.

00:28:47.280 Step number one.

00:28:47.900 Step number two, fix it as quickly as possible.

00:28:50.900 That doesn't mean wait till tomorrow.

00:28:53.500 Fix it now.

00:28:54.840 Is there a small workout that you can do now?

00:28:57.140 Can you skip lunch or just eat something in five minutes and then go to the gym for 30

00:29:02.160 minutes and do a workout?

00:29:03.720 Can you run?

00:29:04.480 Can you do some jumping jacks in your office?

00:29:06.660 What can you do to fix the situation as quickly as you recognize it?

00:29:11.260 And those individuals that recognize faults or missteps or things they've messed up on

00:29:18.020 who learn to adjust them as soon as they recognize them are always going to win.

00:29:23.680 But if you compound it and you're like, well, you know, I missed my workout.

00:29:27.800 I guess I can just eat like a pig for the next 24 hours until tomorrow morning.

00:29:32.780 We laugh at that, but that's what people do.

00:29:35.860 Well, I missed my workout, so I guess I'll just do whatever I want because I already ruined

00:29:41.540 it.

00:29:41.960 So I guess I'll just do whatever I want for the next couple of days.

00:29:45.140 And it's apparent in Craig's question where he says, I'm trying to master my health by

00:29:51.560 eating clean this past week.

00:29:55.740 So you could tell that his compound window is a week.

00:29:58.840 And so I blew the week and you're like, well, no, really, you just blew a day.

00:30:04.660 But the minute you probably blew the day, you went, uh, now my week is blown because

00:30:09.880 I messed up one day.

00:30:11.120 So then he throws the entire week out as well.

00:30:14.060 And I like what you said, even to take it further, you said, well, he ruined the day.

00:30:17.440 No, he didn't.

00:30:18.080 He just messed up this morning.

00:30:19.940 Yeah.

00:30:20.420 The moment really moment.

00:30:21.980 Yeah.

00:30:22.720 Yeah.

00:30:23.000 So Aubrey Marcus has this, this concept in his book, own the day, own your life, where

00:30:27.900 he talks about breaking it down and winning the battle at the smallest common denominator.

00:30:33.460 So it's not about even winning the day necessarily, although that's kind of the title of the book.

00:30:38.240 It's about winning a moment, like you said.

00:30:41.360 So, okay.

00:30:42.540 You know, you gave into temptation, whether that's food or laziness or slothfulness or pornography

00:30:49.160 or, uh, gluttony or drug abuse or whatever, whatever your thing is, right?

00:30:55.000 You gave into the moment.

00:30:56.840 Okay.

00:30:57.760 Shame on you.

00:30:58.940 Feel guilty.

00:30:59.940 Use the guilt.

00:31:00.600 Like we talk about using quote unquote negative emotions to fix it.

00:31:04.380 Use the negative emotion.

00:31:06.200 And I say negative in quotations, cause I don't think there's negative emotions.

00:31:09.400 They're, they're all just trying to tell us something like you wouldn't say the dashboard

00:31:12.600 on your car.

00:31:13.080 That's telling you that your gas is out is a negative indicator.

00:31:16.300 Like, oh, that's a, that's a bad thing.

00:31:19.380 You'd say, oh no, that's telling me that I need to go get gas.

00:31:22.120 Yeah.

00:31:22.480 Let me cover that up.

00:31:23.480 I don't need that negativity in my life.

00:31:25.560 You don't assign judgment to it, right?

00:31:27.180 Like shame on that thing for, for telling me that, that my gas is low and you just go

00:31:32.260 get gas.

00:31:33.760 Right.

00:31:34.120 And that's what it, that's what it is with guilt as well.

00:31:36.180 It's like, oh, I feel guilty, but now I feel guilty for feeling guilty.

00:31:40.880 No, you just recognize, oh, I feel guilty because I missed my workout.

00:31:44.340 How do I fix that?

00:31:44.960 Stop missing workouts.

00:31:47.140 Yeah.

00:31:48.200 So go work out right now.

00:31:49.680 Go work out right now.

00:31:50.340 Don't wait till tomorrow.

00:31:51.120 Just, Hey, you know what?

00:31:52.040 And you know what?

00:31:52.760 It may have to be an inferior workout.

00:31:56.680 I get that, right?

00:31:57.380 Because if you have an hour set aside in the morning and then you got to get to work, I

00:32:00.300 realize, you know, we don't have the flexibility that we'd like to have in our day necessarily.

00:32:05.540 So just do what you can.

00:32:06.860 Like Teddy Roosevelt says, do what you can with what you have, where you are.

00:32:10.520 Yeah.

00:32:10.620 That's how you fix the problem as quickly as you recognize it.

00:32:13.720 Yeah.

00:32:13.880 That's funny.

00:32:14.760 I remember in the IC a few months, well, not a few months, man.

00:32:18.260 It's been a long time, man, by the way.

00:32:20.820 Maybe about a year ago, if you remember, we did a pushup challenge.

00:32:25.060 Remember this?

00:32:25.880 There's so many pushups per day or whatever.

00:32:27.580 And the same scenario, I didn't do my pushups earlier in the day.

00:32:33.340 I get off work.

00:32:34.600 It's, it's seven o'clock, eight o'clock.

00:32:36.760 My wife's like, let's go grab dinner.

00:32:38.320 So we're at the restaurant.

00:32:39.700 Oh, let's go to Cold Stone.

00:32:41.460 And I'm thinking, I have a hundred pushups I got to do between now and midnight.

00:32:46.900 And I'm at Cold Stone and I thought, I better start now.

00:32:50.880 So I start actually doing pushups outside of Cold Stone.

00:32:54.480 Now people are probably like, what the crap?

00:32:56.480 But the point was, is I didn't want to go to my team and go, I didn't do them.

00:33:01.260 Yep.

00:33:01.540 I had no excuse.

00:33:03.700 I still had four hours in my day to do them.

00:33:08.240 You know?

00:33:08.840 And, and so I missed the opportunity to do them earlier in the day or I messed up or whatever.

00:33:14.380 And I course corrected and thought, well, now's as good as any.

00:33:18.820 And, and got on the floor and started doing some pushups and people thought it was funny,

00:33:21.880 I guess.

00:33:22.160 Yeah.

00:33:22.680 And you know, if you're worried about what people thought more than you worried about

00:33:26.100 keeping your commitments, then you wouldn't have done that.

00:33:28.520 And you would have been a loser.

00:33:30.260 Totally.

00:33:30.960 Well, and I had a good play, right?

00:33:32.460 People started laughing.

00:33:33.340 They're like, Hey, you need to be doing the pushups.

00:33:35.820 Hey, get down here with me.

00:33:38.020 Put the ice cream cone down, sir.

00:33:40.500 And start doing some pushups.

00:33:42.840 Yeah.

00:33:43.200 You know, it's true.

00:33:44.220 And what's interesting about this is one of the questions that we get asked all the time

00:33:47.900 is developing confidence, right?

00:33:50.080 This is the answer.

00:33:51.900 The way that you develop confidence.

00:33:53.800 Let me, let me back up.

00:33:55.040 The way that you do not develop confidence is by compounding your slip ups.

00:34:00.380 The way that you develop confidence is by winning the battle with commitments to yourself.

00:34:06.740 Yeah.

00:34:07.460 You committed to doing something.

00:34:09.380 So you do it.

00:34:11.620 Even if it means at 11 o'clock at night, you're doing cold, cold stone pushups and everybody's

00:34:17.720 looking at you weird, you are going to get up more confident than you did before.

00:34:22.580 I guarantee you, I guarantee you.

00:34:25.180 And if all you would have done is pig out on the ice cream thing and went to bed, there's

00:34:30.440 that guilt indicator popping up because you know, you didn't keep the commitment to yourself.

00:34:34.580 Yeah.

00:34:35.120 Which is setting, what's the message you're sending to yourself about who you are as a

00:34:39.760 man and what, and your level of integrity.

00:34:41.920 Yes.

00:34:42.720 And the other people who are relying upon you, your wife, right?

00:34:45.420 My wife doesn't trust me.

00:34:46.680 Yeah.

00:34:47.040 Why should she trust you?

00:34:48.580 You can't win a small battle with pushups.

00:34:50.920 So why should she trust you when it comes to her livelihood?

00:34:54.180 Oh, my kids, they, they don't have any level of respect and they run their mouths and, and

00:34:58.140 they won't do what they're supposed to be doing.

00:34:59.940 Well, yeah, they're modeling your behavior.

00:35:01.980 Of course, that's what they're doing.

00:35:04.320 Turn the mirror around, fix yourself.

00:35:06.000 And then you start to fix other people through that process.

00:35:09.900 Love it.

00:35:10.480 All right.

00:35:10.680 Michael Connors, probably the most important question today is what is your favorite flavor

00:35:16.520 of mulk?

00:35:17.220 Um, I like the peanut butter mulk, peanut butter mulk.

00:35:24.360 Yeah.

00:35:24.600 I like that.

00:35:25.060 I mean, they're all good.

00:35:25.620 The mint's good.

00:35:26.220 The mint chocolate's good too.

00:35:27.860 I would say the peanut butter mulk is my favorite.

00:35:30.240 It's my go-to.

00:35:31.020 For you guys that don't know, mulk, we're talking about Jocko's, mulk is pretty much

00:35:37.300 the protein drink, uh, provided by Origin Labs, partnered up with Jocko.

00:35:42.560 Um, learn more at originusa.com.

00:35:46.080 Is that the origin?

00:35:47.720 Actually, I think USA goes to, but originmain.com.

00:35:50.440 Um, and if you do use the code order, O-R-D-E-R, uh, cause they're going to give you a discount

00:35:55.060 on anything that you purchase over there.

00:35:57.120 Awesome.

00:35:57.780 All right.

00:35:58.280 Michael, I had a second question.

00:35:59.680 Biggest lesson learned during the demo of the barn?

00:36:03.180 Hire somebody else to do it.

00:36:07.260 Don't do that again.

00:36:08.580 Um, biggest lesson, hmm, that things are going to take longer and are going to be harder

00:36:19.180 than you think they are when you start.

00:36:23.280 So plan and be prepared for it.

00:36:25.300 And that's not just demolitioning a barn.

00:36:26.880 That's starting a business, developing a relationship, getting a promotion, improving your jujitsu game,

00:36:32.620 uh, becoming a better hunter.

00:36:33.980 It's going to take longer.

00:36:35.460 It's going to be harder.

00:36:36.440 It's going to cost you more money.

00:36:38.340 Financial retirement is another one that I think about.

00:36:40.820 So know that your expectations are set way too high.

00:36:45.460 You're way too ambitious and you think too highly of your skills.

00:36:48.680 So building the contingency plans to make sure you do this right.

00:36:52.200 That's funny.

00:36:53.060 Do you mind sharing, um, one of the things that we did at the origin main event, you know,

00:36:59.120 the analogy that you had about tearing out the wood out of the barn and making room?

00:37:03.720 Because I, when I, when I read this question, obviously the question's not geared towards me

00:37:08.000 because I didn't demo the barn, but it was a great analogy that came out of that demolition.

00:37:13.880 Yeah.

00:37:14.540 And I, and I just, and it was really impactful to me during the main event.

00:37:18.740 And so maybe if you want to mind, yeah, for sure.

00:37:20.900 That was actually one of my favorite, most favorite moments from the, from the entire weekend.

00:37:25.100 But as I was tearing down the barn with, with my family and they all helped, my son was on

00:37:29.720 a 15 pound sledgehammer, tearing out walls and breaking down studs.

00:37:33.140 And my wife was, was sweeping and directing and helping organize the chaos and the madness.

00:37:38.640 And then of course, keeping me on track.

00:37:40.280 And she was organizing and doing all that.

00:37:42.120 Um, I, my, my daughter was sweeping, like everybody was involved.

00:37:46.980 And as I was tearing all this wood out of there, and it was a lot of wood that we pulled

00:37:50.320 out of there from the walls to the, to the boards and everything else that was in there.

00:37:54.780 I started to think about why I, why I was doing this.

00:37:58.580 Like why in the world was I taking all this time and effort and attention and tearing this

00:38:03.260 barn down?

00:38:03.720 And I realized, well, I've got to make room for the 75 guys who were coming to the event.

00:38:10.180 And as I started thinking about this, cause I'm a little sick and twisted this way, I

00:38:13.900 started thinking about the analogy of how that applies to life, right?

00:38:17.760 We have all of these wonderful things that we want to incorporate into our lives.

00:38:21.260 We want to have romance and we want to build wealth and we want to start businesses that

00:38:25.640 impact other people.

00:38:27.000 Uh, we want to pursue meaningful hobbies and we want to start working out.

00:38:30.440 We want to start reading and journaling and all the things that we've talked about for

00:38:33.300 years.

00:38:34.540 And at the same time, we don't ever clear out any space or margin or room for these new

00:38:40.160 activities, endeavors, and mental thoughts.

00:38:43.920 Well, you have to clear the space.

00:38:46.160 And just as much as I want to squeeze 75 guys into our barn, if I don't clear all that

00:38:50.700 rubble and that junk out of there, I'm not making any room for those guys to come in and

00:38:55.460 share in the experience.

00:38:57.160 So the analogy to me was in life, think about what you have to get rid of in your life in

00:39:04.960 order to make way for the new.

00:39:06.680 Maybe it's some old beliefs.

00:39:08.680 Maybe it's some, some animosity and resentment towards individuals.

00:39:13.280 Uh, maybe it's some, some extra weight around the midsection that you have to let go of.

00:39:17.120 Maybe it's a, it's a habit that's, that you've clung onto for so long, whether it's tobacco

00:39:22.920 use or drugs or pornography or laziness or procrastination or whatever.

00:39:27.280 What do you have to clear out in order to make way for the new?

00:39:32.900 And so what we did at the event itself is I actually took the wood that I pulled out of

00:39:37.920 there and I cut it up into, uh, I think they were, they were two by sixes.

00:39:42.800 I cut them into like six or seven inch pieces.

00:39:45.280 So they were just chunks of wood.

00:39:46.620 And I had all the guys take time with a Sharpie marker and write down what they needed to get

00:39:53.980 rid of in their life.

00:39:55.260 And so they took, I don't know, 15 or 20 minutes doing that.

00:39:58.060 And then during the bonfire that evening, I had each of the gentlemen there share with

00:40:03.800 us as members of, of the event, what they were going to get rid of in their life.

00:40:08.540 And then literally burn it by throwing that piece of wood with the written statement in

00:40:13.980 the fire itself.

00:40:14.820 It's a very, very powerful moment.

00:40:16.960 I think 98% of the attendees were vocal and actually said what they're going to get rid of.

00:40:23.560 Uh, there was a few who chose not to, and that's fine.

00:40:25.860 It's their, it's their experience.

00:40:28.060 Uh, but they did write things down.

00:40:29.780 Everybody wrote things down and it was a very powerful moment to see what guys needed to

00:40:33.320 let go of in order to make way for the new.

00:40:35.400 It's a very cool experience.

00:40:36.880 Yeah.

00:40:37.080 It was awesome.

00:40:38.000 It was a great, great night.

00:40:39.700 Yeah.

00:40:40.480 One thought that came up to, for me this past Sunday, actually, I was, I was teaching gospel

00:40:45.900 doctrine.

00:40:46.380 Did you know I teach gospel doctrine?

00:40:47.920 Uh, I think you mentioned that before.

00:40:49.780 Okay.

00:40:50.500 Um, I wouldn't go to your class if I knew it was you.

00:40:53.340 It was good stuff.

00:40:54.300 It was good stuff this past Sunday.

00:40:55.840 I'm sure it was.

00:40:56.780 It was the other person's turn to teach.

00:40:59.720 Yeah.

00:41:00.200 It was great.

00:41:01.000 I was sat and watched.

00:41:02.800 Um, so, but one of the things that came up is the power or the effect of forgiveness.

00:41:10.020 And it was around the same concept.

00:41:13.400 And, and I don't, and just to be really clear to the guys that are listening, uh, this isn't

00:41:17.940 hypothetical, like, Oh, you got to remove things from your life to make room for the

00:41:22.080 new.

00:41:22.300 No, that's what needs to happen.

00:41:24.380 Like, this is like almost factual for me.

00:41:27.720 Right.

00:41:28.060 Like I feel very passionate about this.

00:41:29.640 If you are holding on to hate and grudges and remorse and whatever, you can't like, it

00:41:39.520 doesn't work that way.

00:41:40.520 Like in the space of spirituality, right?

00:41:43.520 You're not going to have the spirit of Christ in you.

00:41:47.060 If you're focused on contention and hatred and unforgiveness, it doesn't work that way.

00:41:52.800 And, and we, and even last week, we talked about this a little bit on how much we, we, what

00:42:00.480 we ponder on and what we, what we think about and what we're around affects our mentality.

00:42:05.220 That's part of what this is.

00:42:07.080 And if we are unwilling to forgive people, we're not going to have room in our hearts

00:42:12.340 to love them.

00:42:14.040 And it's really that simple.

00:42:15.640 And I think that transcends to just so many different areas of life.

00:42:18.840 And, and sometimes I think what we have a tendency to look at this from the perspective

00:42:22.840 of kind of like a wishwashy, like, Oh, it's a feel good idea.

00:42:26.980 No, I think it's actually a requirement that you need to move those things out of your life

00:42:32.440 to, to have a new.

00:42:34.280 Yeah.

00:42:34.480 I mean, definitely.

00:42:35.140 We know there's studies that show that, for example, willpower is fleeting.

00:42:39.720 So if you spend all of your time, attention, focus, energy, and willpower on things that

00:42:44.340 are unimportant or toxic or negative or destructive to your own wellbeing.

00:42:47.660 Okay, well you consumed it on those things.

00:42:50.120 You have literally no more to give to more positive, encouraging, uplifting behaviors

00:42:55.440 and thoughts and ideas.

00:42:57.660 So burn it down so that you can make way for something that you know is going to be, I

00:43:03.520 mean, this goes back to the first question we let off with, which is how do you be more

00:43:06.720 positive?

00:43:07.780 What do you need to burn down in your life in order to create ways and paths for the positivity

00:43:11.680 to, to come into your life, if you will.

00:43:14.400 Yeah.

00:43:14.540 All right, Jesse Burchett, how can you convince another man that he is and should still man

00:43:23.420 up to be a father when you are in a relationship with his ex and the child's mother without

00:43:29.160 conflict?

00:43:30.500 Just because they are separated and he does not have full custody of the child does not

00:43:35.080 make him any less of a man, but hearing it from an enemy is not working out.

00:43:40.240 Well, I would say first, why do you feel the need to do that?

00:43:48.420 Is it your place to do it?

00:43:51.260 And is you, I'm assuming I'm getting this right, that it's, he, this guy is with his

00:43:57.920 ex-wife, ex-wife, are there kids?

00:44:00.280 Did he say anything about kids in the picture?

00:44:01.620 Um, yeah, he does his, with his ex-wife and child's mother.

00:44:06.620 Yeah.

00:44:07.780 So, so he's used.

00:44:10.620 So, so he's probably in a relationship with a woman and he's wanting to tell the ex-husband

00:44:17.920 that he needs a man up and still, even though he doesn't have full custody, he needs to be

00:44:23.500 there for his kids.

00:44:24.640 Right.

00:44:25.080 And, and level up.

00:44:26.740 No, no, I don't think that's your place.

00:44:31.640 I mean, what are you, what are you going to say to the guy?

00:44:33.720 Like he, I mean, it's apparent that he doesn't want to do that.

00:44:38.040 And coming from you, the asshole that married his, his wife and has his kids.

00:44:43.360 And I'm, I'm just saying like from his perspective, I'm not saying you are, I'm saying it from his

00:44:47.460 perspective.

00:44:47.960 It's likely that that's how he views you and you saying that is only going to make matters

00:44:55.000 worse and create some animosity.

00:44:57.320 Now I have friends and I won't say anything.

00:45:00.160 I have friends who used to feel this way about men who married their ex-wife and, and now

00:45:06.060 is the stepfather to their, their children who have gotten over that, but they've had to

00:45:11.120 go on their own path and their own journey and, and process of self-discovery.

00:45:15.340 There's, there's no new husband that's going to create that catalyst for change.

00:45:22.140 I just don't see that happening.

00:45:23.620 So be an example, be an example to her, be an example to this, this guy, uh, be an example

00:45:31.180 to little Timmy or Tommy or Sally or whoever it is and live your life, impact those you

00:45:38.020 can impact, let the chips fall where they may.

00:45:40.540 I just don't know if it's your place, your job, or even effective to try to convince this

00:45:44.820 guy to quote unquote man up.

00:45:47.020 Yeah, no way.

00:45:48.360 No way.

00:45:49.100 I can relate to that.

00:45:50.420 The first, first boyfriend that was around my kids after my divorce, by default, every

00:45:56.120 dude that stepped in that house was a complete ass.

00:45:59.100 Of course.

00:45:59.680 Even though it's likely that they hurt.

00:46:02.300 Right.

00:46:02.660 Yeah.

00:46:03.360 Yeah.

00:46:03.600 When, when, when you have that threat of fulfilling, uh, someone filling your role as father around

00:46:10.840 your children, it is a very hard thing to, uh, look beyond.

00:46:15.580 Yeah.

00:46:16.460 Yeah.

00:46:17.080 I just think there's, we've had these sorts of questions come up in the past over the

00:46:22.960 past.

00:46:23.220 It seems like two or three weeks.

00:46:25.560 Guys, your job is not to convince people.

00:46:28.020 Yeah.

00:46:28.260 You can't change people.

00:46:29.380 You're not going to change people.

00:46:31.040 Be, I would say, be a great example when it's appropriate and situations get brought

00:46:36.780 up where you might be able to share a story of your own, not point fingers.

00:46:41.180 Kip, you should blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

00:46:42.440 No.

00:46:43.020 Hey, you know what, Kip?

00:46:43.900 I noticed something.

00:46:44.860 And I remember when I was really struggling in my life, um, it was hard for me and I did

00:46:48.900 these couple of things and man, it seemed to really help.

00:46:52.100 Um, yeah.

00:46:52.800 So take that for what it's worth.

00:46:54.700 Yeah.

00:46:55.260 What, and that's the power of sharing.

00:46:57.140 Right.

00:46:57.840 Is if you share a story that how it impacted you, Ryan, I'm not, I can't even argue with

00:47:04.240 that.

00:47:05.060 Oh, that's an argument.

00:47:06.160 That worked for him.

00:47:07.080 And then it's on the table for me to look at and go, Hmm, I wonder how that might relate

00:47:12.260 to me.

00:47:12.860 And then I can decide if that is something that I want to hold on to.

00:47:18.540 That is the power of sharing.

00:47:20.300 And by the way, that's only made possible by if Ryan shares, right?

00:47:26.220 So one, you have to be willing to share.

00:47:28.160 And then second, you're just presenting possibility for other individuals.

00:47:31.680 And let's, let's be hypothetical.

00:47:33.680 Right.

00:47:34.200 And, and I think this might show up in, in marriages, to be honest, right?

00:47:38.800 Where you might have a spouse that says, Hey, you need a man up.

00:47:42.280 Not you, Ryan, of course, not you, but other guys, lesser men.

00:47:46.100 Yes.

00:47:47.940 Might have their spouse to say, well, you need a man up or whatever.

00:47:52.820 What's the impact of me changing my behavior because I got harassed by my spouse versus

00:48:01.780 me seeing someone do something the way they do it.

00:48:05.060 And me making the decision of, Hey, you know what?

00:48:07.820 I should probably do that.

00:48:09.740 Those are two, two drastic scenarios.

00:48:12.920 One is fleeting.

00:48:14.180 It'll be a temporary stop gap just to get someone off my back.

00:48:18.100 And I, and I felt negative about it for a temporary period of time.

00:48:22.760 The other one has a level of trans, like transformation or inspiration out of it where

00:48:28.520 it's like, it was my idea, man, maybe I should do that.

00:48:32.660 And I own it in a way different way than just someone telling me I should man up.

00:48:36.920 Right.

00:48:37.560 Yeah.

00:48:38.160 I think this also comes into play when we're talking about imposter syndrome.

00:48:42.280 I was listening to a podcast a couple of days ago and I think it was Rogan.

00:48:46.040 He was asking his guest.

00:48:48.640 I don't know.

00:48:49.340 Anyway, anyways, the point's the same.

00:48:50.780 He was asking his guest about if he ever feels like an imposter and, and I've never

00:48:55.860 dealt with that, but guys have asked me that.

00:48:57.800 Do you ever feel like an imposter?

00:48:59.020 No, I've never felt like an imposter.

00:49:00.720 Like in what way?

00:49:02.140 Because I'm suggesting to men that, that they do these things to be more manly.

00:49:08.000 Right.

00:49:08.300 And so they would say things like, well, who makes you the expert and why are you the

00:49:12.080 authority?

00:49:12.920 Yeah.

00:49:13.120 Like you're, you're faking some expertise to, to be where you're at.

00:49:17.620 And look, I don't feel like I'm an imposter.

00:49:20.240 I've never dealt with that.

00:49:21.260 And here's why, because I don't really talk a whole lot about what guys should and shouldn't

00:49:27.120 do.

00:49:28.100 I should simply share what's worked for me.

00:49:32.360 That's not me posing.

00:49:35.420 That's not me making up something different about who I am.

00:49:39.140 That's not even positioning myself as an expert or some sort of guru.

00:49:42.260 It's simply, here's what's worked for me.

00:49:44.060 Here's what I believe.

00:49:46.020 I, I, I do at points take some, some moral authority.

00:49:49.940 But if you choose differently, okay, that's fine.

00:49:52.700 Like, again, I'm not here to convince you.

00:49:54.960 I'm not here to sell you.

00:49:56.420 I have, I believe that we're on a very powerful and important mission to reclaim and restore

00:50:01.740 masculinity as defined by me.

00:50:04.300 I'm not so arrogant to believe that other people don't have some sort of credible thoughts

00:50:09.780 that might be different than mine with regards to masculinity.

00:50:13.560 But this is as defined by me, seeing as how it's a movement that I created.

00:50:17.500 And, and I'm not going to convince you.

00:50:20.040 There's no, like, I should do this and you should do that.

00:50:23.040 Do whatever you want.

00:50:24.480 But here's what's worked for me.

00:50:26.240 Yeah.

00:50:26.680 Here's what I think would work for you.

00:50:29.360 It's really the beard providing inspiration at most times.

00:50:32.740 Oh, it is, man.

00:50:33.500 It's its own entity.

00:50:34.660 It's its higher power.

00:50:35.740 Just, just doing its thing.

00:50:39.120 Do you ever watch the fake martial arts videos from Rogan?

00:50:43.200 Yes.

00:50:44.280 There's that.

00:50:45.080 And then like McDojo, I think is another one.

00:50:47.060 Is that, is it like on Instagram?

00:50:49.720 Well, did you watch the master?

00:50:51.380 You watch Master Ken, right?

00:50:52.740 Yeah, of course.

00:50:53.260 But that's not what you're talking about, right?

00:50:54.660 You're talking about like the guys, like the guys that like are Tai Chi or whatever stuff.

00:50:59.500 And they're claiming to be real.

00:51:01.340 Yeah.

00:51:01.920 Yes.

00:51:03.060 Last night, I totally got a kick and started watching all these, all these like, you know,

00:51:07.500 what's the weirdest thing about that to me is buddy, you're always going to find one asshole

00:51:11.960 who thinks that he's special, right?

00:51:13.860 You're always going to find that.

00:51:15.820 But I'm not, that's not even the issue with me.

00:51:18.540 I see those videos.

00:51:19.220 I'm like, there's always a charlatan, always.

00:51:21.780 We're never at a loss for that.

00:51:23.300 What's surprising to me is that those people that are with him are faking getting hurt,

00:51:28.880 are faking being knocked down.

00:51:30.740 I'm like, it's not even so much the quote unquote master.

00:51:33.620 It's the followers who are like going along with it.

00:51:36.840 Are they brainwashed?

00:51:38.380 Are they, do they really believe that they're, they're being impacted?

00:51:42.260 Like, I don't understand, is it just an innate desire to fit in and be accepted?

00:51:48.520 I have no idea.

00:51:49.540 I cannot fathom how they, I don't know.

00:51:54.300 I don't even know how to put it into words.

00:51:56.120 It's so easy to me.

00:51:57.200 I totally agree.

00:51:58.120 That's the part that blows my mind.

00:52:00.080 Like I get that there's some crazies, right?

00:52:02.000 But I'm like, well, why are all those students there?

00:52:06.020 Are they paying money?

00:52:07.500 Like, that's the part that blows, it makes me feel uncomfortable when I watch the video

00:52:12.660 just thinking, oh man, I don't know.

00:52:15.460 There's some that I see.

00:52:17.140 Like I see some of these guys with, I don't know, knife attacks, for example.

00:52:21.300 And I think to myself, okay, well, somebody who didn't know could see that as being credible.

00:52:26.520 I could, I could see that.

00:52:27.900 Yeah.

00:52:28.100 And there's some that are like, he just stares at him and evil, evil look.

00:52:32.740 And the guys get blown back.

00:52:34.800 I'm like, okay, come on.

00:52:35.780 Like, obviously we know, have you ever seen the videos where you have one of these Tai

00:52:41.140 Chi guys and then you have a real martial artist, like they challenge and the Tai Chi

00:52:45.960 guys and the real martial artist just kicks his trash.

00:52:50.500 Have you ever seen those videos?

00:52:51.520 Yeah.

00:52:52.200 So funny.

00:52:53.400 So funny.

00:52:54.960 So gnarly, man.

00:52:56.560 But you're right.

00:52:57.120 It's the followers that blow my mind.

00:52:59.520 That's the part that's really uncomfortable.

00:53:01.680 It's just, you know what?

00:53:02.900 There's a good lesson to be learned there in that we are so suggestible as human beings.

00:53:07.340 We have, we have such a desire to fit in and belong and be part of something that we will

00:53:13.860 do some of the weirdest, most asinine things that a human being can think of even just subconsciously

00:53:21.580 to fit in.

00:53:22.360 Be very, very aware of that because no man is immune to it.

00:53:26.440 We laugh at it, but we're not immune to it.

00:53:28.760 It's the same thing why one, one perfect example is, uh, is the Holocaust.

00:53:35.940 I mean, I don't, I don't believe for a minute that the millions of German soldiers were all

00:53:42.840 human, evil human beings that just were hell bent on destroying the earth.

00:53:46.880 I believe that if I was born in that time that I could have in, in, in Germany, that I very

00:53:55.040 easily could have been one of those soldiers very easily.

00:53:59.400 And if you think anything but that, I, I believe you're a bit delusional.

00:54:04.080 Yeah.

00:54:04.580 I think you're not being open-minded enough.

00:54:06.520 You're just not being aware of, of human nature.

00:54:09.560 And so what the point I'm making is that we need to remain vigilant against this sort

00:54:16.800 of thing and be willing to stand up, make ourselves sovereign individuals.

00:54:20.040 So we don't subject ourselves to these types of ploys and plots, whether they're harmless,

00:54:25.060 like buying into the Tai Chi thing or something completely destructive and damaging, like something

00:54:32.300 as horrific as the Holocaust and these other atrocious activities.

00:54:36.440 Would you say that the root of that belonging is really purpose?

00:54:43.980 No, I think it's more, I think it's more primal than that.

00:54:46.660 I just think it's survival.

00:54:48.440 Yeah.

00:54:49.020 I mean, I'm not saying that purpose doesn't tie into it because we all want to feel like

00:54:52.600 we're part of something and that our life has meaning.

00:54:55.500 Yeah.

00:54:56.000 But I think even more foundational than that, we just need to be part of the tribe so we

00:54:59.840 don't die.

00:55:01.080 Yeah.

00:55:01.840 I'm sure there's so many people that decided like, if you, you know, like Nazis as

00:55:06.400 an example where they felt they had to.

00:55:09.620 And in many cases, maybe they did, right?

00:55:11.680 Maybe they did.

00:55:12.400 Maybe they were coerced or, you know, that was the only option they felt was available.

00:55:16.180 And if you're looking at that or choosing to death yourself, well, okay, that starts

00:55:21.700 to look somewhat attractive.

00:55:23.440 Yeah.

00:55:23.860 That's gnarly, man.

00:55:25.100 Yeah.

00:55:25.340 All right.

00:55:25.580 Zach Williams.

00:55:26.740 Oh, this is also why, Kit, one more thing.

00:55:28.340 Oh, yeah.

00:55:28.540 This is also why we as moral men, men of conviction and principle and virtue ought to stand up against

00:55:36.800 these atrocities as well.

00:55:38.340 Yeah.

00:55:38.940 Because there's situations where people can't avoid and it's our job to do that.

00:55:43.760 Yeah.

00:55:43.920 Well, last week, I think it was last week you mentioned on the podcast about, let's imagine

00:55:50.320 a, I can't remember the example that you gave, but remember, imagine that you were your stance

00:55:58.660 on a political issue that is controversial and if your conviction would be different if

00:56:05.520 everyone knew versus if no one knew.

00:56:07.920 So, yeah, and, and when, when you use that example last week, what I thought was really

00:56:12.400 powerful is how many people probably agree with you, but because you're not taking a stance

00:56:19.200 and actually communicating your convictions, they don't either.

00:56:23.600 Oh, yeah.

00:56:24.220 I mean, this is, and I think there is a push to silence those who have something to share

00:56:29.560 and I'm not going to say truth necessarily because I don't get into like the, my truth

00:56:33.480 thing.

00:56:33.900 That's, that's perception, but your perception is important.

00:56:38.360 And your viewpoint is important.

00:56:40.580 For example, there was a, a Facebook post today from, from the town that I moved from

00:56:46.340 where they had put gay pride banners all over the town.

00:56:49.480 The city had sanctioned this and they had put gay pride banners all over the town.

00:56:54.200 And there was a debate and the mayor said, this is what they're doing.

00:56:56.980 And there's a debate about, and I said, you know, this is a, this is not a great precedent

00:57:00.020 that we're setting here and has nothing to do with LGBTQ rights or whatever.

00:57:04.520 It doesn't.

00:57:06.000 And two things can exist simultaneously.

00:57:07.980 An individual can have a healthy level of, of respect and understanding for an individual

00:57:14.240 and also not necessarily agree with or support their positions.

00:57:17.940 Those two things can exist simultaneously.

00:57:20.760 But when you support one group, you start to isolate one group, whether it's, uh, the gay

00:57:28.880 community or a straight community or a black community or a white community, when you start

00:57:33.400 to isolate one group, the problem, the precedent that you're setting is that you're saying it's

00:57:37.300 okay that we support this one group.

00:57:39.740 So what happens when white straight men pride wants to come into town?

00:57:44.980 Would you be, would you do the same thing in the name of tolerance and acceptance?

00:57:48.740 What happens when, I don't know, Satan worshipers of America says, well, we just want to be accepted.

00:57:55.060 So why wouldn't you put these banners all over town?

00:57:58.860 You know, you, you, you have to, you have to make a stand for what you believe in.

00:58:02.580 And it's not always comfortable and it's not always easy, but there, you've got to have

00:58:07.340 some moral principle and integrity and stand up for these things and, and realize that

00:58:12.440 it's not your obligation to agree with Tori, to even support opposing viewpoints.

00:58:17.300 Should you strive to understand them?

00:58:19.300 Sure.

00:58:20.220 But you don't, you're not obligated to agree with them or even accept it.

00:58:24.360 Yeah, totally.

00:58:26.440 All right.

00:58:27.120 Zach Williams has a question on parenting older children, 19 year old, huge decision made.

00:58:33.700 That's putting them in prison.

00:58:35.280 Any guidance on pushing past the anger and embarrassment and being the father figure still

00:58:42.280 needed, but still holding to their, uh, holding their feet to the fire as consequences of their

00:58:47.300 actions.

00:58:49.220 Well, I'm not at 19 years old.

00:58:51.520 I'm not sure how much fire you can hold to their feet, like they're adults.

00:58:55.020 Right?

00:58:56.000 So the way that you hold your, their feet to the fire is you don't enable them.

00:59:01.300 You make them live with the consequences of their choices, man.

00:59:05.640 That's so hard.

00:59:07.540 I used to think.

00:59:08.440 And at 19, by the way, they're, they're getting the full, the full blood of their consequences,

00:59:15.360 whether you give it to them or not.

00:59:17.480 Yeah.

00:59:18.000 I used to be so, so naive when I would say things like, well, just kick them out of the

00:59:24.620 house.

00:59:24.820 It's easy.

00:59:25.400 Like, and now that I have kids, I'm thinking to myself, damn, if one of my kids was hooked

00:59:32.540 on drugs, for example, it's so easy to say, just kick them out and then he'll have to

00:59:37.940 live on his own or she'll have to live on her own.

00:59:39.880 And, and yet when you think about it being one of your own children, it's like, that's

00:59:46.340 not an easy thing to do.

00:59:47.780 There is one little red flag I heard in here and that's how do you overcome the anger and

00:59:53.800 the embarrassment?

00:59:55.260 Yeah.

00:59:55.760 I don't, I would caution against that because that's an ego driven, that's an egocentric

01:00:01.480 belief and thought.

01:00:03.960 And I'm not saying I'd be above that, but it is, it is centered and originates from, from

01:00:09.200 ego, from pride, from wounded pride.

01:00:12.200 Yeah.

01:00:12.640 And the problem with that is that you'd let it cloud your course of action, which in

01:00:20.200 all fairness, he did say, how do you still be the father he needs to be?

01:00:23.300 He did say that too.

01:00:24.880 Yeah.

01:00:25.280 You might be letting your ego and that wounded pride cloud the attention and the focus where

01:00:33.860 it should be, which is how do I let my son experience the full weight of his consequences?

01:00:39.900 How do I inspire?

01:00:41.200 How do I be a shining example?

01:00:44.980 How do I encourage?

01:00:46.060 How do I educate?

01:00:47.040 How do I foster these different choices?

01:00:49.780 And I think if you really spent more time focused on that than being angry because you're

01:00:54.920 embarrassed and look, I'm not saying that's, that's without cause.

01:00:58.560 Potentially it is depending on the situation, but the focus I think should be more on how do

01:01:04.980 I heal my son versus how do I fix my own reputation?

01:01:09.440 Yeah.

01:01:11.120 I think this transcends the young kids.

01:01:14.080 Of course, when we do, when we have younger children that are doing certain things, it

01:01:19.300 reflects on us as parents.

01:01:21.440 We think that those around us or our neighborhood or whatever might look at us in a negative light

01:01:27.740 or think we're bad parents or whatever.

01:01:29.360 And to your point, Ryan, when that's the focal point, your kid knows that by the way, they

01:01:36.340 know you're mad because of you, because it makes you, makes you're choosing to be angry

01:01:43.620 because of what they did.

01:01:45.080 And that your concern is how they, how you look, not about how they feel, not about the

01:01:51.220 circumstance or anything else.

01:01:52.940 So your kid knows it.

01:01:55.160 And, and to your point, Ryan, that should not be the driving factor of how, how I address

01:02:00.860 issues with my son because I'm embarrassed because he made me look bad in front of the

01:02:06.860 neighbors.

01:02:07.280 That's the last thing that you should be worried about.

01:02:11.200 What you should be worried about is ensuring that your kid knows that he's loved regardless

01:02:16.260 of his actions and that you're willing to help in a way that, you know, maybe, and maybe

01:02:24.720 it's even tough love.

01:02:25.720 That's fine too.

01:02:26.580 Right.

01:02:26.640 Help doesn't necessarily bring them back into the house or give them money.

01:02:29.780 Like we have to be, we have to define that.

01:02:31.880 But, but it's important, I think, regardless of the circumstances and boundaries that you set

01:02:36.080 that they know that they're loved and an unfortunately anger and embarrassment is almost the opposite

01:02:41.440 of what gets reflected as love.

01:02:44.040 They're not going to see it as that.

01:02:45.560 No way.

01:02:45.820 They're going to see it as something drastically.

01:02:47.020 And it isn't, it isn't, it isn't selfless.

01:02:49.080 It's selfish.

01:02:50.160 Again, I'm not saying that I would be above that.

01:02:52.220 I certainly would.

01:02:52.980 You know, here's the other thing is people are judging you anyways.

01:02:56.700 Yeah.

01:02:57.560 Like even if you have the, even if the kid's perfect child, people like, Oh my gosh, you

01:03:02.780 see this guy, how he parents his kids.

01:03:04.260 It's like, people are going to judge you no matter what.

01:03:06.920 So whether you do it right, wrong, or anywhere in between on the spectrum, people are going

01:03:10.340 to judge you.

01:03:11.980 So do what you know to be right.

01:03:15.000 Have this, this level of love and empathy and focus and attention on your, on your son,

01:03:19.700 not so much maybe on yourself and then act accordingly.

01:03:22.620 Yeah.

01:03:23.360 One, one point that I'd like to bring up Ryan and maybe get your thoughts on this is if Zach's

01:03:28.840 question was kind of geared differently and instead of a 19 year old, it was a 17 year

01:03:34.980 old or a 16 year old.

01:03:38.140 This is really tough at a 19.

01:03:40.540 I think it starts becoming easier because they're a full fledged adult, but there's this

01:03:45.820 answer becomes clear, but I don't know that it would be easy.

01:03:49.000 Yeah.

01:03:49.760 Fair enough.

01:03:50.120 I see what you're saying.

01:03:50.800 It's more clear, but when they're younger, this is, this is not as clear because they're

01:03:57.960 almost adults.

01:04:00.020 You're still responsible for them.

01:04:02.780 They're in this space of maturity where they want some independence and you need to be more

01:04:09.140 hands off.

01:04:10.100 You're not going to grab Zach and bend him over your leg and spank him, right?

01:04:14.560 Like not when he's 17.

01:04:16.300 So that, that is a real struggle for me currently right now in this balance of, of letting the

01:04:25.280 chips fall as they may, but still, I don't know, finding that balance of how do I influence

01:04:31.780 my children?

01:04:32.320 And it's more from the perspective of their respect and providing suggestion than it is

01:04:38.640 like hardened.

01:04:39.940 You can't do these things or I'm going to, because there becomes a point where you start

01:04:43.840 pushing them away.

01:04:45.680 And, and at these older years, these kids do have the capability of just leaving like

01:04:52.120 that can happen, right?

01:04:53.240 I could ruin my relationship with my 17 year old based upon how I raise him and how we

01:04:58.920 communicate.

01:04:59.420 Like that is a feasible option where that's definitely not going to happen with my eight

01:05:03.700 year old.

01:05:04.480 Right.

01:05:05.180 And, um, I think there's, it's valid.

01:05:08.580 It's valid.

01:05:08.920 I think there's this, this strategy of detachment that we may want to visit, right?

01:05:14.380 Because you, you do in a way have to detach yourself from the situation.

01:05:18.320 You're attached, which is why you're hurt.

01:05:20.540 Why your pride in your, your, uh, your ego is, is wounded, is damaged because you're attached

01:05:26.560 to the situation and rightfully so.

01:05:28.640 So how can you detach yourself from the situation?

01:05:31.600 And then you start thinking of courses of action, a detached response would be something

01:05:37.720 like, what can I do or, or what does my son need?

01:05:45.180 Think about that for a second.

01:05:46.580 What is the course of action that my son needs from me?

01:05:51.060 That's a detached response as opposed to, I just want to, I just want him to love me and

01:05:55.460 I want to love him.

01:05:56.260 That's attached.

01:05:57.120 You need to detach.

01:05:59.340 What does he need from me?

01:06:01.900 And he might need a kick out of the nest.

01:06:04.080 I'm not saying he does.

01:06:04.920 I'm just saying based on the situation, maybe he does.

01:06:07.400 He might need to flounder a little bit.

01:06:10.960 He might need, I don't know.

01:06:13.860 He might need, again, I don't know what the situation is, but he might need some counseling.

01:06:18.620 He might need some therapy.

01:06:21.220 Detach yourself and ask, what does he need that is going to serve him well?

01:06:27.120 Not what you want to give him so you can maintain your pride and your, your ego or the love

01:06:31.980 that he has for you or his feelings towards you.

01:06:35.420 What does he need?

01:06:36.440 Detach yourself and then take your course of action.

01:06:39.280 I love that.

01:06:39.880 I like that.

01:06:40.620 What is, Jocko has, doesn't he have a principle in extreme ownership kind of around?

01:06:45.280 That's what it is.

01:06:45.820 Detachment.

01:06:46.420 Yeah.

01:06:46.900 But is it detached?

01:06:47.920 Like what's the phrase that he uses?

01:06:49.620 I don't know.

01:06:50.360 Somebody, somebody will be sure to correct us.

01:06:52.500 So we'll, we'll figure that out.

01:06:53.840 But, um, I, I, I don't, I don't know what it is, but yeah, detachment that, that is a

01:06:58.980 principle for sure.

01:07:00.180 Yeah.

01:07:00.800 I like it.

01:07:01.280 How are we doing on time?

01:07:02.580 Actually got to get going.

01:07:03.480 We got to wrap things up.

01:07:04.460 Okay.

01:07:05.080 All right.

01:07:05.580 Let's wrap up.

01:07:06.660 All right.

01:07:06.940 Bring us on then.

01:07:07.660 We mentioned this.

01:07:08.660 Yeah.

01:07:08.880 We already mentioned this at the beginning of the podcast.

01:07:11.740 Um, stop sending me personal messages unless you're going to Venmo me some money.

01:07:17.200 Um, otherwise your questions have to be submitted through Facebook.

01:07:20.940 Um, don't, I, I, maybe someone would, maybe I should, I, I was joking.

01:07:27.260 I'll clarify just in case.

01:07:28.920 Uh, so, so to submit your questions, send us money to get our,

01:07:32.720 you don't think someone's going to be, things have happened.

01:07:37.440 Yeah.

01:07:37.840 So it's going to be a smart.

01:07:38.700 I can just Venmo me a dollar or a penny, a penny.

01:07:42.140 Here's five cents.

01:07:42.900 Kip.

01:07:43.120 What's this worth?

01:07:43.740 How much, how much of your time is this worth?

01:07:45.740 Yeah.

01:07:45.940 How much of a question can you get me for five cents?

01:07:48.280 You get three, three, three words for that.

01:07:51.000 Three words, three words.

01:07:52.380 I'd be like, so Ryan, Facebook is where you face your, uh, submit your questions guys.

01:07:59.480 So facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

01:08:02.700 And then our other way that we filled questions is really from the iron council, uh, to learn more

01:08:07.820 about that exclusive brotherhood and rub shoulders with like-minded men.

01:08:11.640 Um, there's a question in here that I was really excited about getting to hopefully get to it next

01:08:16.700 week, but it was really around what is the difference between having a group of men that

01:08:21.980 hold you accountable versus being a member of the IC.

01:08:26.600 And I think that would be a fun thing for us to kind of dive into.

01:08:29.780 So guys that feel like, Hey, I am around like-minded men, right?

01:08:33.380 I I'm surrounding myself around guys that hold me accountable.

01:08:36.420 What, what more would I be able to get out of the IC?

01:08:38.780 And so maybe we direct, uh, address that next week and it'd be a great discussion.

01:08:43.400 But to learn more about the iron council, you can go to order of man.com slash iron council.

01:08:47.900 Of course, subscribe to the podcast, follow Mr.

01:08:50.560 Mickler on Twitter or Instagram at Ryan Mickler and visit the store.orderman.com for any type

01:08:57.860 of swag, hats, shirts, decals, flags, and you get a flag.

01:09:02.780 And then, um, we have some new shirts.

01:09:06.720 Yeah, man.

01:09:07.380 Yeah.

01:09:07.880 You should have been wearing it today.

01:09:09.060 It's a little disappointed.

01:09:10.620 Well, you didn't tell me where we go on a video, man.

01:09:12.980 Um, maybe I'll wear it next week.

01:09:14.140 I told you weeks ago we were doing more video.

01:09:17.060 Don't blame that on me, man.

01:09:18.460 Okay.

01:09:19.500 Schedule wise, we have two things.

01:09:21.840 Try builder starts the October 1st, October, uh, to learn more about the try builder order

01:09:27.720 register that's order man.com slash try builder.

01:09:31.580 There's still some opening spots, so you need to act quickly and get on there and register.

01:09:36.700 Where are we at, sir?

01:09:37.840 On the main event, are we, do we have any openings?

01:09:41.160 Yeah, there might.

01:09:42.120 I don't know.

01:09:42.900 I would just say try to register and see what it says.

01:09:45.980 I honestly don't know right off hand, but if we have a few more registrants, we'll, we'll

01:09:50.760 squeeze you in.

01:09:51.380 I'm sure it's low.

01:09:52.620 How's that guys?

01:09:53.440 If not full.

01:09:55.540 Yeah.

01:09:55.720 That event is May 29th through May 31st, 2020 with an iron council dinner on the 28th.

01:10:03.580 Learn more about that event.

01:10:05.200 And I think one of two ways first to register, go to order man.com slash main event to kind

01:10:12.060 of see a highlight reel, I guess, of what the event would somewhat be like.

01:10:16.420 Jump to our YouTube channel, watch the video that was raised.

01:10:21.820 Uh, people are, the world is starving for men.

01:10:24.900 Is that the, that one's actually on the at order man.com slash main event too.

01:10:28.660 You can watch the YouTube video right there as well.

01:10:30.300 Oh, perfect.

01:10:31.320 Yep.

01:10:31.560 Yeah.

01:10:31.720 So watch that video.

01:10:32.420 I think that video is like a perfect synopsis of what, what you might get into.

01:10:36.880 Except for it doesn't have Kip or Joshua on there.

01:10:39.620 I'm on there.

01:10:40.340 I'm doing a jujitsu.

01:10:41.420 That's true.

01:10:42.060 That is true.

01:10:43.580 All right.

01:10:44.160 Did we get it?

01:10:45.080 Yep.

01:10:45.480 Yes, sir.

01:10:46.220 All right, guys.

01:10:46.900 Want to let you know, I appreciate you.

01:10:48.140 Great questions today.

01:10:49.000 I don't feel like we got through a whole lot, but we really dive deep into some of those

01:10:52.600 questions.

01:10:52.940 So I thought that was really good.

01:10:54.340 We'll, uh, we'll keep going.

01:10:55.560 You keep asking your questions and, uh, we'll be back on Friday for Friday field notes,

01:11:00.800 but until then take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:11:03.560 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:11:06.180 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:11:10.160 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - September 18, 2019

Course Correcting, Becoming a Sovereign Man, and Dealing with the Judgement of Others ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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