Order of Man - Creating a Powerful Family Culture ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.560 and I am the host and the founder of the order of man movement and podcast. I want to welcome you

00:00:32.160 here and welcome you back. We continue to grow this thing, which is very, very important.

00:00:36.500 And I'm going to talk with you a little bit about why I believe this mission is so important.

00:00:40.900 As I talk about a subject that is near and dear to my heart, my family, and of course the, uh,

00:00:46.660 the power that comes not just within the dynamics of the walls of our home, but within society as a

00:00:52.920 whole guys, if you're new to the movement, to the podcast, this is a resource, which is dedicated to

00:00:59.340 giving you the tools, conversations, resources, guidance, direction, focus, clarity, processes, all that

00:01:06.700 you need to be a more capable father, husband, business owner, leader in your community, and a man in

00:01:12.720 general. So I'm going to get to that in just a minute, uh, as far as creating a powerful family

00:01:17.440 culture and why this is so important. We're going to talk about what culture means. Uh, we're going to

00:01:22.100 talk about how, again, to create something that's powerful within the walls of your home, which

00:01:25.540 obviously will impact society. Uh, and then we're going to get into four, a four-step process. We'll

00:01:33.440 call it that a four-step process for beginning to create your own family dynamic. Uh, this may be for

00:01:39.560 young men with new families, or maybe you've got kids that are, uh, in their, their high school years

00:01:46.000 or middle school years, or maybe they're leaving or you're empty nesters. I still think what we're

00:01:49.560 going to be sharing with you today is going to be very, very valuable for you. And again,

00:01:52.640 collectively society as a whole, uh, before I get into that, I just want to mention, we've got a lot

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00:02:10.820 We've got this one, a green one, and then a black with camo. Uh, so we've got some new cool stuff

00:02:15.780 over there. Check it out. Store.orderofman.com store.orderofman.com. Again, a great way to

00:02:21.140 support what we're doing here. Look good in the process. They're clothes you need. Anyways,

00:02:24.960 you might as well, uh, support if you believe in what we're doing and that's a great way to do it.

00:02:28.780 All right, guys, let's get into this. So, you know, I wanted to talk with you first about what I think

00:02:32.780 generally is happening in society, not just to and about the family, but I think I was going to say

00:02:40.900 that, that, that it is intentional and it is intentional. And some of it, I don't know,

00:02:44.920 is entirely intentional, but at a minimum, the family unit is being rooted away, uh, from society.

00:02:53.840 And I think there's a lot of intentional reasons about that. I think there's a lot of people who

00:02:57.820 would be in control, who would love nothing more than to be everybody's mother and father and,

00:03:03.720 and completely demolish and undermine and diminish the importance and the role of biological fathers

00:03:11.100 and mothers in the home. Uh, I think that's very clear. I think it's very deliberate. I think it's

00:03:15.560 very intentional. And I also think that there's a lot about society that just unintentionally

00:03:20.260 roots it away, uh, and, and, and rots or attempts to rot the value and the perception of what the

00:03:27.980 family brings to children, to a husband, to a wife, and then to society as a whole. You know,

00:03:33.820 you look at the family court system, for example, and how that is stacked against men. I saw a statistic

00:03:38.420 the other day that said there are more single 30 year olds than there are married 30 year olds.

00:03:45.860 And I know inevitably, when I talk about that, men will say, well, there's no real reason for men to

00:03:50.340 get married anymore. And, and I think this comes from the ultimate play to diminish and demean and

00:03:58.240 look down upon men who would love nothing more than to lead their families with honor and strength

00:04:04.300 and courage and raise righteous children and lead their wives to a place they could not have imagined

00:04:09.560 going on their own. So we're, we're up against a very tall order here. And I believe that the family

00:04:17.340 unit is fundamental to a thriving society. This is where children, our future generations learn about

00:04:26.340 hard work and, and virtue and being honest. And the lessons that come with rolling around with their

00:04:33.100 dad or working in the shop or sweeping floors and having chores and the responsibility of

00:04:38.680 managing a home and everything else that goes into you being a dad, you raising kids, you leading your

00:04:45.520 wife, et cetera, et cetera. It's very, very important. And yet all of these units we'll call them for,

00:04:54.340 for the sake of argument are being undermined and rooted away. The family unit, you look at church,

00:05:00.680 even over the past six to eight months. I mean, this church is a place where regardless of what

00:05:04.980 denomination or anything like that, church is a place where people learn the power of the individual.

00:05:10.260 They learn about responsibility. They learn about virtuous living and sacrifice and honor and

00:05:15.120 commitment. There's other institutions and organizations that traditionally provided this as

00:05:20.200 well. One I think of is boy Scouts. And I've been very vocal about the boy Scouts and how they've lost

00:05:26.680 their way. And they've tried to appease the doctrine of popular culture rather than live by and live

00:05:32.240 according to their standards that are set forth in the charter. And it's a real shame and a travesty to

00:05:38.620 the young men who unfortunately don't have a great family dynamic or potentially don't have a father at

00:05:45.860 home. So guys, we need to do better. If you're a father, you need to do better. Just like I do. I'm not

00:05:51.200 pointing fingers at you. If you're not a biological father, there's opportunities for you to act as a

00:05:57.300 father for, to be fatherly or to act as a father figure. It could be coaching. It could be mentoring

00:06:03.340 a big brothers, big sisters program. There's all sorts of ways that you can do this, but it's very,

00:06:08.440 very important that what we do is the patriarch. I know that becomes a swear word in modern times,

00:06:13.580 and it's not at all. I have a completely different definition of it. In fact, I think it's much

00:06:19.120 needed in a valuable contribution to society. It was a patriarch. It's your job to ensure that

00:06:25.980 there's a culture set forth in your family that cannot be rooted away, that cannot be undermined,

00:06:31.340 that cannot be diminished by the government, by the school system, by the doctrine of popular culture.

00:06:40.120 I mean, I even think about young children going to college and losing their way because they've been

00:06:46.080 indoctrinated to believe something that should have been unshakable as, as a child, because they

00:06:53.480 learned these things over 18 years of being involved with a mother and a father in the home.

00:06:59.180 This is why it's so important that you create a culture and you're deliberate about it. You're

00:07:03.960 intentional about it because if you're not deliberate, intentional about it, some of it might happen and

00:07:09.200 some of it may wear off, but you're going to be less effective. And I don't know about you,

00:07:13.580 but as a father or whatever role that I show up in, I want to be as effective as possible.

00:07:18.980 And sometimes because I'm a human being, I mess up. I screw up. I don't do what I need to be doing.

00:07:27.920 I lose my patience. I lose my call, my cool. I potentially, you know, occasionally yell at my

00:07:33.320 children and then I don't want to do that. And there's things that I do and I go wrong. And I've

00:07:37.020 realized that if I'm more intentional about the way that I show up as the patriarch of my home,

00:07:42.040 the husband, the father, the man of the house, then I will be more effective in accomplishing

00:07:48.620 what I want to accomplish, which is to partner with my wife, walk hand in hand with her towards

00:07:53.020 our goals and our ambitions that we have for our lives and to raise self-sufficient contributing

00:07:58.760 members of society, children who don't, I shouldn't say children, adults who don't need me or their

00:08:06.900 mother in their lives anymore. We, they want us in their lives, but don't need us in their lives.

00:08:11.900 That's the kind of man that I want to be. That's the kind of patriarch I want to be.

00:08:16.360 And the intentionality I'm going to give you today is going to help you do just that. So this

00:08:19.420 is a four-step formula for creating and fostering a much needed culture to, in a way, I don't want

00:08:28.340 to say shield, but protect against the, the, the degenerate society that has infected most of the

00:08:41.940 world. It seems like at this point, I want to inoculate my children against that. I want to,

00:08:47.260 I don't want to protect them. I don't want to shield them from it, but I want this home to be a place

00:08:51.360 where they know that what they learn is true and right and good and will serve them and other people.

00:08:56.880 Well, that's why the culture is so important and they're not going to get it anywhere else.

00:09:01.400 They're not, they're not going to get it in the schools. They're not going to get it when they

00:09:04.980 get to college. They're not going to get it from their friends because odds are their friends aren't

00:09:09.180 getting the culture they need and everything else that they're going to be exposed to. So certainly

00:09:14.480 not on social media or the media in general or movies or music or any of that, everything else

00:09:20.660 they're exposed to is typically at direct odds with the culture that I'm sure the overwhelming

00:09:28.060 majority of you as men are trying to create in your family. So let's talk about this four-step 0.59

00:09:32.020 formula. Number one is you have to identify what the culture is. I already told you, you need to be

00:09:37.260 intentional. If you're just doing this kind of haphazardly and you're not thinking much about it,

00:09:41.760 you're probably going to get some things, right? I mean, let's be honest. You're not going to screw

00:09:45.440 everything up. You're going to screw a lot up just like I do just because that's what we do.

00:09:50.680 But if you're not intentional about it, you're going to screw up more things than,

00:09:53.740 than you would otherwise, if you were intentional about it. So I think this is the very first. And

00:10:00.460 I was going to say the most important, it's not the most important. They're all important,

00:10:05.140 equally important. You need to do all of these steps, not just one, but it is very crucial

00:10:08.900 that you identify what type of culture that you want to create. What do you tolerate? What do you

00:10:13.500 stand for? What don't you stand for? What values do you have as a family? It starts with you as the

00:10:18.260 father, and then it's communicated to your wife. And then it's communicated and articulated to your

00:10:22.740 children. And by the way, I think it's very important that we get them involved in the process.

00:10:26.360 I'm going to turn my camera here for just a quick minute. So right there on the wall,

00:10:31.300 right there is, if you're not watching this and you're just listening, obviously you can't see it,

00:10:36.780 but you can go to YouTube and subscribe to the YouTube channel if you're interested. But right there

00:10:41.280 is a, um, code of conduct that my two oldest boys and I created, and we did it together.

00:10:48.160 It wasn't something that I, uh, that I just thought of and documented and didn't get them

00:10:53.920 involved in the process. No, I asked them, what do you value? What's important? How do we act

00:10:58.480 in the heat of the moment? And when things get scary or you feel emotional or you feel upset or

00:11:04.180 whatever it may be, how are you going to behave? How are you going to respond to people? And so we

00:11:09.060 documented that we wrote it all down. And as we wrote it down, I got them involved in the process

00:11:13.840 and I directed and navigated it. And then, so we've got it all written down there. And then I

00:11:19.220 just went ahead and I, I framed it and I've got one and my two oldest boys have one in their room as

00:11:25.080 well. Okay. So you have to identify it. What, what is it that you value? Do you value hard work?

00:11:30.880 Do you value honesty, integrity, cleaning up after yourself? Do you value being kind towards one

00:11:38.460 another, a service mentality that, that you're an individual and you're more important than anybody

00:11:44.960 else in the, in the household, or that this is a collective. And yes, you are important as an

00:11:48.720 individual, but not any more important than anybody else. How are you going to behave in certain

00:11:53.280 circumstances? And when things get hard and difficult, do we quit or do we drive forward guys?

00:11:57.860 You've got to document the stuff. You've got to write it down. You've got to identify it. I would

00:12:01.800 also have you consider that maybe you ought to think about some traditions that you can incorporate.

00:12:06.860 I mean, isn't that what culture is? Culture loosely defined. I'm paraphrasing here would be

00:12:13.360 a collective body of humans. So in this case, your, your family, but it could be geographical or your

00:12:19.660 neighborhood or your church or whatever. But in this case, obviously your family. So it's a

00:12:24.900 collection of human beings who all are working towards the same objective, believe very much

00:12:30.260 the same way, celebrate, honor, uh, encourage, foster each other. Uh, and then of course have

00:12:37.500 certain traditions in place to honor each other and to honor the commitments and to honor the things

00:12:43.220 that you as a family unit value. So if you don't have traditions from very serious traditions,

00:12:49.860 I'll give you an example, rights of passages for my children. When they get to turn, when they turn

00:12:54.720 eight years old, they have a right of passage every two years until they're 18. Those are very

00:12:59.620 serious traditions. Now, granted we have fun and we enjoy the process, but there's also a lot of struggle

00:13:04.280 and there's a lot of, a lot of hardship in there as well. And there's things that they earn, uh, that,

00:13:10.420 that, that they can use in their life and, and, and have, and as a remembrance of what they completed,

00:13:16.220 that's a tradition. And it might be, you know, silly traditions, things like, Hey, we're just

00:13:21.200 going to get together and we carve pumpkins or Tuesday night is taco night. And that's just what

00:13:26.320 we do. Every Tuesday night is taco night. And that's your tradition. Those are silly. Some are

00:13:31.680 less serious, of course, and some are more serious. And you've got to have a broad range of them.

00:13:35.480 You've got to have them all because what I want my children to do, or what I assume you want your

00:13:39.600 children to do is when they get out into the real world and it's all real, but you understand what I

00:13:44.320 mean when they get out into the real world and they're faced with a job and bills and their own

00:13:51.320 families and the hardship that comes with being a human being, that what they can do is they can

00:13:57.560 look back fondly on the experiences that you and your wife created, and they can draw upon the lessons,

00:14:05.020 the foundational principles, the values, and the traditions that you implemented over nearly two

00:14:11.020 decades of raising them. And they can begin to incorporate that into their life or at a minimum,

00:14:16.440 use that as a, as a compass, as a North star to get them through the hardship that they will

00:14:23.760 inevitably face. What we're doing now, as we create a family, a family culture is we're creating the

00:14:30.520 foundational bedrock in which they will build their lives. The, the adage is the wise man builds his

00:14:39.600 house upon the stone, right? And the, the foolish man builds his house upon the sand. A family culture 1.00

00:14:44.520 is the stone. It's the bedrock that your children and your wife and you will use to get yourself

00:14:52.520 through the difficult, inevitable hardships that we are going to face throughout life. And if you don't

00:14:59.940 do this for them by identifying and by getting them involved in the process, they will build their

00:15:04.160 foundation of life on sand, on loose soil, on, as I've said in the past, the doctrine of popular

00:15:10.640 culture, which is goes whichever, which way people are feeling at the time. And it's fleeting and it

00:15:16.760 has no, no stable value to it. Identify what you value, identify what you stand for, identify. And by the

00:15:25.920 way, it's not everything, right? When you're, when you're creating your culture, you don't need to do

00:15:30.760 every, we're going to address every little situation that would possibly come up. What you ought to do

00:15:35.300 is you ought to write this stuff down as a family unit. So you do this on a Monday evening or a Sunday

00:15:39.940 night or whatever, whenever it works for you. And you start listing out what are, what are important

00:15:45.260 lessons? What are, what are the things that we value? What do we enjoy doing together as a family?

00:15:50.420 Are we a culture of, of excellence? Are we a culture of physical activity? Are we a culture of

00:15:56.680 video games or something worse? Like, what is it that you guys stand behind? And so you document,

00:16:04.560 you write all this stuff down. And what you're going to start to find is you're going to start

00:16:07.100 to find different values and experiences, traditions that all kind of lump together into certain

00:16:11.800 categories. And those are the categories that you want to address. Because if you dress at all,

00:16:15.940 it becomes less relevant and just the most significant and important things. And then go from there.

00:16:20.740 And again, the traditions as well. So step number one is identify. Step number two is how are you

00:16:26.720 going to communicate this? How are you going to communicate this culture? Because it's not enough

00:16:31.500 just to have a culture. Like at times it does need to be communicated, right? So I can draw upon,

00:16:36.220 I'm going to turn my camera again here, just as you can see, I've got my code of conduct right there.

00:16:42.180 When myself, because I uphold myself to this code of conduct, but when myself or my children fall out

00:16:47.600 of line with that code of conduct, now it's very easy for me to go back because we did this and we

00:16:51.640 did this together. So we can go back and say, Hey, listen, you know, here's how you behaved or

00:16:57.460 here's what you did. And this wasn't in line with the code of conduct that you and I created.

00:17:03.040 So what do we need to do to get back on track? And now I have documentation that I didn't create.

00:17:08.500 We created it together. They adhered to it. They actually signed it. Literally their signatures are on

00:17:12.660 that because they signed it and they helped create it. And now we can draw back on it. We can look at

00:17:18.580 it and we can say, okay, well, that was my behavior. And it wasn't alignment with our code of conduct.

00:17:23.000 So this is what the expectation is. This is what the standard is. And, and you get yourselves back

00:17:29.300 on track because it's easy for all of us to deviate, but without identifying it and without having the

00:17:34.640 ability or the methods for communicating this type of information, again, you're just kind of flying by

00:17:40.840 the seat of your pants, excuse me, and hoping things work out. So what I would suggest is that

00:17:45.900 you have a weekly family meeting. Now this, some of this stuff should obviously take place

00:17:51.740 every single day, every single day. Now for us, what works best is having these types of

00:17:57.640 conversations at the dinner table. And so we'll go around and we'll ask what was the best part of your

00:18:02.400 day? What are you grateful for? What do you want to accomplish? What's tomorrow look like?

00:18:06.780 How are your goals happening? If we talk about these things over dinner, it's a very easy way

00:18:11.820 to do it. We're all enjoying and laughing and eating and having a good time. And yet we use it

00:18:16.300 as an opportunity to get very serious about what we're wanting to accomplish as a family and what

00:18:20.860 our children want to, will want to accomplish when they are no longer in this house. So how are you

00:18:26.920 going to communicate it? Again, I'd recommend a weekly meeting, dedicated, no, no phones. Like we all

00:18:33.800 know what time we do it. We do it. We're consistent about it. It happens. And then having daily

00:18:39.080 checkpoints, different things that are built into your day. And look, I know it's hard.

00:18:43.700 You know, there's so much going on school and potentially sports, maybe not so much now with,

00:18:47.740 with this, this COVID thing. But you know, when, when things begin to pick back up and normalize

00:18:55.160 and stabilize and they will, you're going to have things, they're going to have things. They're going

00:18:59.080 to be at school and sports and dance and baseball and all this other stuff. So it becomes increasingly

00:19:04.340 difficult. But if, if you want to lead your family well, and you want to create this culture,

00:19:08.240 this is exactly what you'll do. All right. That's step. Number two is communication methods. Step

00:19:11.600 number three is implementation. I mean, really you just got to implement it, right? And when things don't

00:19:17.400 go the way that they should be going, or the way that you guys have agreed collectively to,

00:19:21.520 to the culture is you need to get back on track and you need to squash it. And look guys,

00:19:26.460 as parents, it doesn't make it easier as a parent, when things go wrong, that you automatically just

00:19:31.320 address it and deal with it. Because sometimes, especially in the short term, it's easier to let

00:19:35.600 things slide. Oh, you know, he didn't do his chore. And so like he can do it tomorrow or he didn't get

00:19:41.000 his schoolwork done. And so we'll play catch up another time. No, like if it's in your culture that

00:19:46.220 we are responsible, that we do our chores, that we take care of the house, that we're grateful for what

00:19:50.800 we have. And we treat our things with respect. I mean, I've, I've gotten my children out of bed

00:19:55.620 to do a chore. And at times my wife and I have disagreed on that, but I've said, look,

00:20:00.940 the standard and the expectation is that you have a responsibility and it doesn't go away because

00:20:06.560 you're tired. So if I tell my son, for example, to do the dishes after dinner, and then he somehow

00:20:14.260 sneaks by and doesn't get it done. And then it's bedtime. And I see he got in bed and I go downstairs

00:20:18.440 and I noticed the dishes aren't done. I go in there and say, Hey, bud, you got to go downstairs

00:20:22.900 and do the dishes. And yeah, of course he's upset. And I just want to sleep. I'm tired. Hey,

00:20:27.220 then do it the first time you're asked, but there needs to be a consequence to it.

00:20:31.300 Because if there's no consequence, if you're not enforcing the culture,

00:20:34.080 and I'm not saying be the taskmaster, the slave driver of someone, I'm saying at all,

00:20:38.220 but I'm saying you are the, the, the, the standard by which everything else is measured. And you need to

00:20:45.560 make sure that those standards, that the culture you've created together and collectively is adhered

00:20:52.240 to. Otherwise, is it really a culture at all? No, of course not. Everybody's doing their own thing.

00:20:57.980 They're all going in their own direction. There's no real guidance or clarity or focus on what you

00:21:01.440 should be doing. And of course you're not producing the results that you want. So communicate the stuff

00:21:06.040 guys communicate always constantly frequently. And that's why I talked about those communication

00:21:11.860 methods, but then this will also help you with ensuring that everything is implemented and then

00:21:15.840 talking with them about how we behave and why we do it. That's another important thing.

00:21:20.040 A lot of parents will say, you just do it just because I said so. And I get it because you're

00:21:24.580 tired and you don't want to continue to have the same conversations over and over again about doing

00:21:28.640 your chores or doing your homework or, you know, whatever it is you do. And yet that's a lazy way to

00:21:34.680 address it. I'm not pointing fingers. I do this too. Just do it because I said so, because that's what

00:21:38.820 we do. That's not really serving them. Right? So we need to explain and communicate and articulate

00:21:43.980 why this is what we do. So if my children, for example, don't want to do the dishes, I'm like,

00:21:48.560 cool, don't do the dishes, but you don't get to use the dishes when it's dinner time.

00:21:52.600 Because if you want to use the dishes, then there's some responsibility that comes with that.

00:21:56.440 And that means you have to do the dishes. If you don't want to make the bed, okay, we'll sleep on

00:22:00.460 the floor. Well, I don't want to sleep on the floor. I don't want to sleep on the bed. Then make the bed

00:22:03.640 because that's the responsibility of having the thing. So we're teaching lessons as we're

00:22:09.000 communicating this culture as well. And guys, the last step is just to really reinforce it.

00:22:13.360 And I kind of touched on this a little bit too. So again, the four steps, I'm going to get into

00:22:17.360 the reinforcement section here in a second, but the four steps are number one, identify what your

00:22:21.740 culture is. You got to talk about it guys. If you don't talk about it, you don't address it. You

00:22:25.120 don't think about it. It's not going to happen. And it's certainly not going to be effective as it

00:22:28.920 could be had you communicated it. Number two is communicate those methods frequently, often,

00:22:33.280 as often as you possibly can communicate those, those methods or those traditions and values and

00:22:42.320 things that you want to adhere to communicate those fine methods for doing that. Number three

00:22:46.220 is implementation. Also as a father, your job is to ensure that you're creating opportunities for

00:22:50.940 your children and your wife to exercise the culture and the thoughts and the beliefs and the

00:22:57.160 actions that you guys have agreed upon doing. And that's not always convenient, right? It's not

00:23:01.520 always easy. It's not always convenient. It's certainly a challenge when life is so busy and

00:23:06.300 you have work and you have other obligations and priorities, but you as a father need to create

00:23:11.980 opportunities for your children to struggle for them to do the right thing. Just this morning. In fact,

00:23:18.320 I told my two oldest boys, we got some new, I talked about the store, the order of man store

00:23:22.900 earlier. We got some new merchandise in. And I said, boys, I need you to check in this inventory.

00:23:29.340 We got two, two new items. I think we got a new shirt and some hoodies. And I said, I need you to

00:23:35.480 document the inventory, check it all in, make sure it's right. Punch it in the computer. They know how

00:23:40.040 to do this because we've had these conversations and they put up a little stink. I'm like, Hey,

00:23:43.340 this is what I require, right? This is what the store requires. You want to manage the store. You

00:23:47.920 want to make money. Yes, yes, yes. Good. Then this is what you have to do. And so they did it

00:23:52.020 reluctantly at first, but they got doing it. And, uh, I could have done it. I would have done it

00:23:57.720 faster. I would have done it more effectively because they actually did mess up on, on one of

00:24:01.860 them. And we had to correct it. If I would have done it, it would have been done faster, more

00:24:05.140 effectively, and, and just better. But that's not the goal for me as a father. The goal for me as a

00:24:11.900 father is to create opportunities where they can do what they're supposed to be doing. And if I go back

00:24:15.880 and I see that it's done incorrectly, well, here in the Michler household, we have a culture of

00:24:19.980 excellence, which means you don't shortcut. You don't take the easy way just because it's more

00:24:25.340 convenient. You do it correctly. You do it right. You do it excellent. So I went down there and I

00:24:31.000 saw that it wasn't done as, as, as correctly as it could have been. And I called them both in and they

00:24:35.080 were doing their own stuff at that point. And they were again, frustrated. I said, no, remember we have

00:24:39.620 a culture of excellence and this is an opportunity for you to be excellent. So me as a father creates

00:24:44.620 those opportunities, even though, yeah, I sacrifice my time and attention and resources. My job isn't

00:24:51.220 as a father to do everything for them. It's to create opportunities for them to figure some things

00:24:55.940 out. So when it comes to implementing, implementing these processes, you have to create the opportunities.

00:25:02.940 And then guys, again, the last step is to reinforce them, right? Reinforce them. And I'm not just talking

00:25:07.560 about negatively, by the way, because you could read into that and think, okay, well, if things aren't

00:25:11.300 going right, then it's your job to be, you know, the bearer of bad news and, and to toe

00:25:15.620 the line and get them all in, in step. And yes, certainly you're going to have to do that

00:25:19.800 at times, but also reinforcement means positive reinforcement. So when you see your son or daughter

00:25:25.840 doing something that is in accordance and adherence to the culture you're trying to create, then

00:25:30.500 you honor that. And by the way, I'm not saying reward that. Okay. Cause I think what we could

00:25:36.700 get into is making them believe or leading them to believe that every time they do something that

00:25:42.180 they just should do that they're entitled to some prize or gift. No, that's not what I'm saying at

00:25:48.280 all. What you're trying to do here is to reinforce the behavior. So if you see that your son does

00:25:53.740 something, maybe he cleans his room and you go in there and you're like, wow, this actually looks

00:25:57.980 really good. Like he's, he's got all the little corners, put all the clothes away. He did things that

00:26:02.180 I asked him, didn't ask him to do. Like he actually did a really good job on this. Then you

00:26:06.640 reinforce that behavior by saying, Hey, you know what, son, I went and checked your room after you

00:26:10.820 cleaned it. And I got to say, man, it looked really good. Your bed's tightly and nicely made.

00:26:16.040 You vacuum the floor, you put your clothes away. You picked up the trash that was lying around and you

00:26:22.140 did an excellent job. And I I'm proud of you. I honor you for doing that. Good job. We don't need to

00:26:28.320 make it a bigger deal than it is, but he's going to be more enticed or your daughter will be more

00:26:32.860 enticed to continue that behavior. If they know that they're going to get positive reinforcement

00:26:36.680 from you. So when I talk about the four step to reinforce, I'm talking about not only the negative,

00:26:43.060 the disciplinary, because I think that's easy for us as men to fall into, not even fall into just do

00:26:48.240 it is required. So I'm not just talking about the discipline and making sure that people are doing

00:26:52.100 things right and getting after them when they're not. I'm talking about the positive reinforcement

00:26:56.020 that comes along with doing things well. And when they thrive and succeed, then you honor that.

00:27:01.100 I'll give you another example. My oldest son, he has lost. I want to say he's lost about 5% body fat

00:27:07.140 and 16 pounds over the past 30 to 40 days. And the kid is on a terror right now. I mean, he's,

00:27:16.080 he's exercising one, at least maybe two times a day. He's eating right. He's making good decisions

00:27:23.560 when there's sweets and treats. He doesn't partake of those things. These, these are his decisions he

00:27:28.280 made on his own. And every day I honor and commend him for the work that he's doing. Not unnecessarily.

00:27:34.800 I don't go overboard. I don't get him a bunch of gifts and shower him with all these lavish praises.

00:27:39.240 I just say, you know what? I'm proud of you. You're doing a really good job. And you know what?

00:27:43.580 You're also inspiring me to do a better job. And you can see when I say that he gets a little twinkle in

00:27:48.360 the eye, he puts his shoulders back and his chest up a little bit higher. And then he has just a

00:27:53.060 little bit more fuel, not a lot, but just a little bit more fuel to continue to do what we encourage

00:27:59.040 him to do. And he's better for it. And he feels proud about it. And he's accomplishing and he's

00:28:04.300 becoming the type of young man that I've always hoped he would become because we're doing some

00:28:09.880 things right. Not everything. Certainly myself more, you know, than, than my wife, but I, I don't get

00:28:15.240 it all right. Not even close, but being very intentional and deliberate about the culture

00:28:20.860 that we're trying to create has been valuable for me. It's been valuable certainly for my wife and

00:28:24.860 my children. And it's something that I plan on doubling down on because I realized the importance

00:28:28.800 of culture in a world that has lost all sense of culture and meaning and purpose and tradition

00:28:35.360 and values and collective ambitions. The world is losing that. Some of that is intentional

00:28:43.340 by design. And some of it is not, but regardless, the world is losing it. And we, as fathers and

00:28:49.340 husbands have the opportunity to create a stable bedrock for our families to thrive and to grow 1.00

00:28:55.120 well beyond them being under our household and well beyond our time on this planet.

00:29:01.060 But it starts with you. It starts with understanding the power and the importance of a culture. And it

00:29:06.420 starts with a four-step process of one, identifying what your culture is together and collectively

00:29:10.960 two, the communication methods for ensuring that you guys continue to stay on track with the culture.

00:29:16.880 Three is the implementation of that culture and creating opportunities for your children to step

00:29:21.960 into it. And four, to reinforce, to discipline when necessary and to positively encourage and reinforce

00:29:27.100 when appropriate. All right, guys, I hope it helps. Leave me some messages, send me an email,

00:29:32.420 whatever, whatever it may be. And let me know what you're doing in your family dynamic, how you're

00:29:40.680 improving your culture. And let's continue to share. Let's continue to grow, support the order man

00:29:46.200 movement by heading to the store. That's a small, seemingly insignificant way to do it, but it is

00:29:51.180 appreciated. And it gives me an opportunity to give my children responsibility, which is part of our

00:29:55.900 family culture because they're running the store and every package that you get will be received by

00:30:00.120 my oldest or my second son. But also share this. All right. If you, if you like this message or any

00:30:07.020 other message that we've shared, any of the podcasts and the interviews that we've done,

00:30:09.760 then just share it, share it with somebody who needs to hear it. Take a screenshot of you listening

00:30:12.960 to the podcast, post it up on Instagram or Facebook, wherever you're on social media,

00:30:17.800 Twitter. I'm very active over there, all at Ryan Mickler. You can find me and let's continue the

00:30:22.400 conversations. All right, guys, I will be back next week. I'm going to be hunting next week. I'm

00:30:26.620 excited about that, but I've got some prerecorded conversations for you because I just want to

00:30:30.820 keep the momentum, if I can say that, and the, the ball rolling. All right, guys, we'll be back

00:30:35.320 next week. Until then, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

00:30:39.720 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:30:44.260 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - October 23, 2020

Creating a Powerful Family Culture ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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