Order of Man - September 12, 2018


Creating a Rite of Passage, Becoming More Decisive, and Your One Objective as a Leader｜ ASK ME ANYTHING


Episode Stats


Length

1 hour and 7 minutes

Words per minute

190.96342

Word count

12,878

Sentence count

1,015

Harmful content

Misogyny

3

sentences flagged

Hate speech

4

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

On this episode of Ask Me Anythings, Kip and I answer a few of your questions and talk about a recent car accident that happened to Kip's 15-year-old son. We also talk about what it's like to be a dad to a teenager.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.
00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.
00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:25.720 Kip, what's going on, brother? Thanks for joining me back on, I think, number five.
00:00:29.280 Are we on number five for the Ask Me Anythings?
00:00:31.160 Yeah, AMA number five.
00:00:34.060 It's like five and a half, actually, because we did this.
00:00:38.480 These questions that we're going to answer today, we already did last week.
00:00:42.620 Yeah.
00:00:43.140 But it didn't work.
00:00:44.920 Which is probably unfortunate that you bring that up because people are going to assume that we're totally on top of these questions.
00:00:50.040 So I don't remember any of them from last week.
00:00:52.120 I just remember the Megatron one.
00:00:55.380 Which I think we'll get to.
00:00:56.440 The most important one.
00:00:58.020 I don't remember any others.
00:00:59.260 Guys, if you're just tuning in, you don't know what it is we're talking about.
00:01:02.840 Each and every week, Kip Sorensen and myself, we do Ask Me Anythings.
00:01:07.100 So these questions come in from our Facebook group, come in from Patreon account, come in from Instagram, Twitter, wherever you are on social media.
00:01:16.280 That's where these questions are coming in from.
00:01:17.940 We go through as many as we can and you get some insight into the inner workings of Kip and my brain.
00:01:23.480 And I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but that's what it is.
00:01:26.740 It should at least be entertaining.
00:01:29.660 It should.
00:01:30.640 I don't know if it always is.
00:01:31.560 Because you're so funny.
00:01:32.340 Yeah.
00:01:33.620 And that's the running joke, guys.
00:01:35.060 If you don't know, I am not a funny individual.
00:01:36.940 I have never been categorized as classified or characterized as being funny.
00:01:42.400 I'm more of a serious type.
00:01:43.680 But Kip, you're our comedic relief.
00:01:45.520 Yeah.
00:01:45.720 And we're working on getting you to sing that Garth Brooks song.
00:01:49.680 What was it?
00:01:50.480 Cry Me a River.
00:01:52.420 No, it's not Cry Me a River.
00:01:55.260 The dance.
00:01:56.800 The dance.
00:01:58.200 And you guys are going to have to keep working on that one because it's not going to – actually, no.
00:02:02.880 No, it's not going to happen anytime soon.
00:02:04.500 You thought about it.
00:02:05.820 No, I didn't.
00:02:06.300 You're like, yeah, you know what, maybe.
00:02:07.040 I was just trying to get your guys' hopes up.
00:02:08.860 Man, let's change the subject.
00:02:10.580 It sounds like you've had an interesting past 24 hours though.
00:02:13.920 I'm trying to deflect and talk about you singing instead.
00:02:16.440 No, because this was an interesting story and I think a lot of guys would relate with this, especially if they have young teenagers and how difficult and challenging that can be at times.
00:02:28.020 Totally.
00:02:28.520 What happened last night?
00:02:29.380 Was it last night?
00:02:30.420 No.
00:02:30.840 Well, yeah, it was last night.
00:02:32.500 I'm a very particular person.
00:02:34.720 I know if something's not right based upon how I place things.
00:02:40.340 And so, anyhow, last night –
00:02:41.940 Did you get a little obsessive about that stuff?
00:02:43.640 Like everything's in its right place?
00:02:44.720 No, I just – I'm just aware of it.
00:02:47.180 Like I'm like, that's not right.
00:02:48.300 Like I'm just –
00:02:49.040 It's just out of place, right?
00:02:50.060 Yeah.
00:02:50.440 Yeah, it's kind of weird.
00:02:51.640 Like I know if someone's messed with my laptop or it was been in my office, like I could tell.
00:02:58.580 So, anyhow, Asia and I, my wife, we went on date night last night, came back, you know, go to bed, whatever.
00:03:06.680 I wake up this morning to go to the gym and I hop in my car and that seat fell awfully close to the steering wheel.
00:03:14.180 Almost to the point that my knees were hitting the dash.
00:03:17.060 And I thought, what the hell?
00:03:19.300 That's not right.
00:03:20.900 And then I started looking around and I'm like, oh, my headphones aren't in the normal spot in my car.
00:03:26.180 Oh, jeez.
00:03:27.220 Things seemed shifted.
00:03:28.420 And I thought, well, I know my wife didn't drive my car last night. 1.00
00:03:31.820 Right, because you guys rode together.
00:03:33.560 Yeah, yeah.
00:03:34.420 So, all that I did is go into the house and say, honey, you better talk to our son about driving my car last night or I'm going to beat him.
00:03:46.600 And then I decided to go to the gym and do legs instead.
00:03:49.660 And he's 15.
00:03:51.540 15.
00:03:52.300 Freshman in high school.
00:03:53.720 Doesn't have his permit.
00:03:55.080 My gosh, man.
00:03:56.040 And you would assume like maybe he backed it out of the driveway and then pulled back in.
00:04:02.860 No, no, no.
00:04:03.480 Like Ferris Bueller and like went backwards to wind the odometer down from where it was.
00:04:09.720 Yeah, yeah.
00:04:10.760 No, no.
00:04:11.480 Instead, while he was babysitting, he hopped in the car, drove down like busy streets, picked up his buddy, brought him back to the house so they could hang out.
00:04:22.680 While he was babysitting?
00:04:23.960 So, the other kids were at home while he went on this joyride?
00:04:26.720 Yeah, my daughters are at home by themselves.
00:04:28.660 Oh, man.
00:04:29.060 He's going for a joyride.
00:04:30.620 Oh, man.
00:04:32.380 So, have you had a conversation with him yet?
00:04:35.080 No, because I'm not calm enough.
00:04:37.740 You need to wait a few more hours.
00:04:39.240 Yeah, I'm going to have to wait until tonight to talk.
00:04:42.860 I let the wife – it's funny. 1.00
00:04:45.540 It's interesting how – that's one thing that we figured out how to do as a couple is to know when the other one is not in the right state of mind and to be able to step in and go, okay, I'm calm right now.
00:04:55.560 I'll deal with the current situation.
00:04:57.440 So, she was the calm one this morning and I was not.
00:05:01.100 No, that's good.
00:05:01.740 So, I haven't.
00:05:02.460 Well, and I told you I wanted to talk about that story.
00:05:05.000 You're like, I don't know.
00:05:05.440 It makes me look bad or whatever.
00:05:07.180 It totally makes me look bad.
00:05:08.280 I don't think it does at all.
00:05:09.340 I think it makes you look good because you can't entirely keep that kind of garbage from happening.
00:05:14.900 I mean, kids have minds of their own and they're going to do their thing and they're going to test the bounds and do everything they can to assert themselves as leaders and independent, right?
00:05:23.880 Yeah.
00:05:24.340 I don't think it makes you look bad.
00:05:25.560 I think you handled it correctly.
00:05:27.160 I guess we'll see tonight if your son's still alive and you're still free from prison if you handled it correctly or not.
00:05:33.480 Totally, totally.
00:05:34.040 Well, and it's funny.
00:05:35.400 I mentioned this earlier before we started is it's funny how often we place judgment on other parents, right?
00:05:43.380 And go, oh man, well, my kids would have never done that.
00:05:46.200 I had a friend that she posted something on Facebook and a parent had apparently told her she was a horrible parent because her little boy – and I'm talking little, like six or seven years old.
00:05:57.980 Maybe even littler than that.
00:06:00.180 Yeah.
00:06:00.440 They were at the park and she was changing her other kids or doing something and the little boy ran over to the tree or the bush and peed in the bush like little boys do.
00:06:10.700 Like that's what they do, right?
00:06:11.420 Yeah.
00:06:11.660 Even grown men do that.
00:06:12.860 I still do that.
00:06:14.020 Yeah.
00:06:14.420 Not in public but, you know, not where there's a bunch of little kids or anything, of course.
00:06:19.500 But this conversation is going downhill fast.
00:06:22.960 Anyways.
00:06:23.260 Yeah.
00:06:23.600 That was funny.
00:06:24.740 Yeah.
00:06:25.500 Well, so –
00:06:26.460 Was that a joke?
00:06:27.220 No.
00:06:28.060 No.
00:06:28.480 It was – I don't do that.
00:06:30.100 I really don't do that.
00:06:30.900 That's serious.
00:06:32.980 So, another parent had confronted her and told her how bad of a parent she was because her little boy ran over to the bushes and peed in the bushes.
00:06:39.680 Crazy stuff.
00:06:41.020 Yeah.
00:06:41.500 Crazy.
00:06:41.880 Everyone's so easy to judge.
00:06:43.160 When we lived in New York, we lived in lower Manhattan and there's like no kids ever, right?
00:06:49.320 Like you get on the subway and you're like, look, there's another little kid.
00:06:53.260 It's like a rarity, right?
00:06:54.740 Kids are – they're kind of isolated in areas on Manhattan and all the time we'd have New Yorkers some – because everyone's subpoionated, right, in New York.
00:07:04.180 And we'd have someone go, hey, you need to tell your kid to wear a helmet or like tell Asia. 0.86
00:07:10.620 And Asia would just constantly just, shut up. 0.99
00:07:13.520 Go have a kid of your own.
00:07:14.980 I could see – I could totally see her do it.
00:07:16.820 I've only met your wife twice maybe, but I could totally see that.
00:07:22.140 I could totally see that.
00:07:23.200 That's funny.
00:07:23.680 Yeah, totally.
00:07:24.540 Well, should we get into these questions?
00:07:25.760 We're doing it for the second time.
00:07:26.920 I think we already mentioned that.
00:07:28.360 Last week we recorded a show, but it didn't record or something.
00:07:32.780 I think our computer – I don't know.
00:07:34.060 Something happened and we didn't have enough time to do it.
00:07:35.880 So, we're doing round two.
00:07:37.240 So, hopefully – you know what?
00:07:38.380 I'm glad we're doing this though because I feel better today than I did last week.
00:07:42.220 I was feeling like garbage last week when we were recording and I felt it.
00:07:45.420 I was like, I'm not doing a good job here.
00:07:47.600 So, this is going to be better.
00:07:49.160 Not feeling good or not physically feeling good or just not in the zone, I guess, last week?
00:07:53.180 Maybe a little bit of both.
00:07:54.220 I don't know.
00:07:54.580 I don't know where I was at last week, but I definitely feel like I'm in a different place this week.
00:07:59.320 So, this will be better anyways.
00:08:00.960 Yeah.
00:08:01.140 So, you guys are going to get a better version of Ryan and meanwhile, I'm just like using one of those flex things in my hand to –
00:08:08.520 The Thighmaster?
00:08:09.560 My – yeah.
00:08:10.620 Or to manage my –
00:08:11.800 Oh, your stress ball.
00:08:12.740 Stress ball or something.
00:08:13.980 Stress ball, yeah.
00:08:14.800 Yeah.
00:08:15.700 Not the Thighmaster though.
00:08:17.300 Although, I could do a Thighmaster in my hand, I'm sure. 0.70
00:08:21.780 You could.
00:08:22.460 You could.
00:08:22.760 Yeah.
00:08:22.860 All right.
00:08:24.060 First question is from – oh, man.
00:08:29.780 You got a hard name.
00:08:30.920 I would say Jazid maybe, Flores.
00:08:33.380 That's how I would pronounce that, but I could be way off.
00:08:36.200 Hey, let's go with it.
00:08:37.300 All right.
00:08:37.600 Jazid Flores.
00:08:39.520 Ryan, can we create a rite of passage for us or do something to draw the line between the teenager or 20s and being a man?
00:08:49.080 We might be creatures of symbols and rites.
00:08:53.020 That is really important as you really know.
00:08:55.300 Great show.
00:08:55.860 So I think it's a little scattered there, but I think he's asking, yeah, dude, are you going to put together the rite of passage by Ryan Mickler on Order of Man?
00:09:06.540 Well, we have one.
00:09:07.720 It's called Uprising.
00:09:09.400 And so we do that every couple of – twice a year I think is what we ended up doing those now.
00:09:14.760 But it's a three-and-a-half-day experience in the mountains of southern Utah and we push men physically, mentally, emotionally.
00:09:21.320 And I'm not bold enough to say that you can call yourself a man only if you've gone through the uprising.
00:09:27.220 But I think the elements that are inside of the uprising, which is physicality, the mental component, the somewhat of sleep deprivation, being around other men, doing things you haven't done before,
00:09:38.080 really pushing yourself, having conversations you haven't had, thoughts and ideas that you haven't ever thought about before.
00:09:44.920 Those are the types of elements that are required, I think, in a rite of passage.
00:09:48.180 And it's really sad because society just doesn't have rites of passages for boys anymore.
00:09:53.500 I think outside of – as a young man, for me, it was Boy Scouts, which Boy Scouts has made some horrendous decisions over the past several years.
00:10:02.080 We can get into that in another conversation and sports as well, competitive sports.
00:10:08.720 But I don't think boys really have these rites of passages.
00:10:11.780 And so, I think we can recreate that.
00:10:13.940 We're doing one in the next couple of weeks called Legacy, which is a rite of passage for sons.
00:10:20.360 So, 20 dads from all over the country are coming in with their boys and we're creating something very similar.
00:10:25.520 So, yeah, we've got one.
00:10:27.300 Outside of that, create your own.
00:10:28.600 If you go to Order of Man and you search for rite of passage, you can see – I think I've broken down five, six, seven elements that every rite of passage should have.
00:10:38.280 And you can go out there and create your own.
00:10:39.800 But, yeah, rites of passage are critical.
00:10:41.380 Really, really important.
00:10:42.920 And it's just something that society doesn't focus on very much.
00:10:46.660 Yeah.
00:10:47.000 And I think getting on top of it now, right, and establishing what that looks like ahead of time.
00:10:51.460 So, we're not last minute like, oh, my son just turned 13.
00:10:56.260 Let me hurry up and try to throw something together is critical.
00:11:00.280 I mean, I have older boys and, man, I wish I would have thought about this stuff.
00:11:04.840 I didn't even think about this, right, when they were teenagers.
00:11:08.160 Well, that's why he's out joyriding in your car and doing the things he shouldn't be doing.
00:11:11.880 So, my lack of rites of passage.
00:11:16.140 That's right.
00:11:16.740 That's right.
00:11:17.440 I will tell you that one of the things that I have done and will continue to do is a rite of passage when my boys turn eight.
00:11:25.220 So, my oldest is 10 now.
00:11:27.040 So, we did a rite of passage when he was eight.
00:11:29.900 And again, it's in that article that I mentioned.
00:11:32.540 My other son, my second son is turning eight in December.
00:11:35.200 So, we'll do one for him.
00:11:36.480 And then we do it every two years up until he's out of the house.
00:11:40.280 So, we'll have these rites of passages built in five, six times throughout the course of his youth, his teenage years.
00:11:49.460 I love it.
00:11:49.940 Yeah.
00:11:50.220 I love it.
00:11:50.700 Cool.
00:11:50.960 What else?
00:11:51.780 All right.
00:11:52.400 Shane Wallen, his question is the only one we remember from last week and it's Megatron or Galvatron.
00:11:59.560 Right.
00:12:00.940 I still don't know who Galvatron is.
00:12:02.960 I didn't look it up.
00:12:04.100 You should have Googled it.
00:12:04.920 We should have.
00:12:05.480 I didn't look it up.
00:12:06.620 I didn't really care all that much.
00:12:08.220 But like you said, it was the only question that we remembered from last week.
00:12:12.500 I don't know who Galvatron is.
00:12:13.940 So, I can't answer that question.
00:12:15.400 But Megatron is the gun, right?
00:12:17.480 The transformer that turns into the gun.
00:12:19.320 And Galvatron is the fighter jet, maybe?
00:12:22.680 I don't know.
00:12:23.520 It's a stretch.
00:12:24.640 Megatron is the – he's like the head boss, isn't he, for Transformers?
00:12:31.020 Yeah.
00:12:31.420 He's like the – he's the main bad guy.
00:12:33.760 For the bad guy.
00:12:34.580 Yeah.
00:12:35.380 I think he turns into like a Glock, a Glock 43.
00:12:40.620 That's what you would – like the super villain on Transformers turns into a Glock 43.
00:12:46.920 Well, it's some type of handgun.
00:12:49.320 But I think it's a handgun because that always bothered me because I'm like, wait a second.
00:12:53.060 You're the most powerful evil transformer and you turn into a gun which has to be used by another transformer.
00:12:59.140 You know what I mean?
00:13:01.220 Like –
00:13:01.480 I don't think he turns into a gun, man.
00:13:03.440 I think he does.
00:13:04.780 No.
00:13:05.100 He turns into like – I don't know.
00:13:06.640 I don't even know what he turns into.
00:13:08.560 But it can't be a gun.
00:13:10.820 All right.
00:13:11.000 We'll go look at that.
00:13:11.880 Maybe you guys can set us straight.
00:13:13.160 What else we got?
00:13:13.700 Or someone – yeah.
00:13:14.220 Set us straight on the Facebook group and let us know who Galvatron is and what Megatron turns into.
00:13:20.880 All right.
00:13:21.400 Gregory Hunt.
00:13:22.700 His question, what's the best way to set boundaries in work relationships regarding how they treat you?
00:13:29.140 Well, so boundaries is one of the questions that we get all the time.
00:13:32.340 We get so many questions about boundaries and it's really not that complicated.
00:13:36.820 Like you've got to figure out what you're going to tolerate and what you won't and then adhere to them.
00:13:43.320 Just stick to them.
00:13:44.820 You know, here's how we will be treated.
00:13:46.420 Here's how we will not be treated.
00:13:47.720 When somebody crosses the line that you've identified, then you inform that individual in a polite and respectful way and you just do it.
00:13:58.660 I think there's some other elements to this as well.
00:14:01.280 One of the elements I think of for sure is how much do you respect yourself?
00:14:05.500 Because a lot of times people feel like they get walked over and then when you start asking and digging deeper, they don't even respect themselves.
00:14:11.880 Which is being exuded in the way that they're communicating and interacting with their coworkers and bosses and employees, etc., etc.
00:14:19.000 If you don't respect yourself, then how can you expect other people to respect you?
00:14:23.160 So the first component of this is what are you doing in your life worthy of being respectful of yourself, right?
00:14:33.480 What challenges have you faced?
00:14:34.780 What obstacles have you overcome?
00:14:36.240 What trials have you had to go through?
00:14:37.720 How are you making yourself better?
00:14:39.780 When you do those things, you start to walk a little differently.
00:14:43.660 Physically walk differently.
00:14:45.320 Head high, shoulders back.
00:14:47.140 You got a little pop in your step.
00:14:48.520 It's like you actually have somewhere to be.
00:14:50.380 You have purpose, focus, drive.
00:14:52.000 And when you have those things, I think inherently people are going to treat you different regardless of anything else you say.
00:14:57.880 Now you've got this in place.
00:14:59.420 Now you start establishing boundaries.
00:15:01.220 Here's what I will tolerate.
00:15:03.140 Here's what I won't tolerate.
00:15:04.180 I'll give you a prime example.
00:15:05.180 Yesterday, my second son, we just started football.
00:15:07.400 I coached his team, a little flag football team.
00:15:10.160 And I went through warm-ups with him.
00:15:12.320 First practice, went through warm-ups with him, sat him down.
00:15:15.060 I'm like, all right, guys, here are the expectations.
00:15:18.620 And I said, you will listen to me.
00:15:21.400 You will apply what I have to say.
00:15:24.500 Everywhere we go, we're running.
00:15:26.580 You don't walk anywhere once you get onto this field.
00:15:29.200 And the fourth component is we will respect each other.
00:15:31.480 And we broke that down and we talked about what that means.
00:15:33.680 You've got to articulate the expectation because if you have this in your mind and you're not sharing it with individuals, they may or may not know what it is you're talking about.
00:15:41.640 Or they may be completely caught off guard when you get upset about something they said and they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:15:49.360 I didn't even know that was bad.
00:15:50.700 Well, yeah, because you didn't articulate it.
00:15:52.480 That's on you.
00:15:53.320 You've got to articulate what the boundary is.
00:15:54.900 And if somebody crosses that line politely, respectfully, suggest that they handle it in a different way.
00:15:59.860 And I think most people will do that.
00:16:02.380 Would you say, Ryan, that this becomes a difficult scenario for most people because they don't set boundaries up front?
00:16:11.840 Relationships go down a negative path.
00:16:14.680 And now they're having to react to a negative scenario in the relationship and have now a difficult conversation because they never set up boundaries to begin with.
00:16:26.600 I think that's definitely a component.
00:16:28.200 They never set the boundary.
00:16:29.400 So that's one.
00:16:30.060 There's a couple of different multifaceted problems here.
00:16:32.400 They never set the boundary or they did in their own mind and they didn't communicate it.
00:16:36.580 So that's number one.
00:16:38.020 Number two is when somebody stepped over the line, they didn't correct it immediately.
00:16:44.580 Yeah.
00:16:44.920 So one of the things, I know this is going to sound funny, but it'll make sense.
00:16:48.260 When we got our German Shepherd about a year and a half ago, I joined Mike Ritland.
00:16:52.300 He's a Navy SEAL and dog trainer.
00:16:53.780 Amazing individual.
00:16:54.720 I joined his dog training program.
00:16:57.140 And one of the things that he talks about, he says, hey, if there's behavior problems, you have to address those things immediately.
00:17:02.720 Immediately.
00:17:03.660 Because if you don't address them immediately and then you come back six hours later and try to correct a problem, the dog doesn't even know what you're upset about.
00:17:10.680 And we think we're all that much different.
00:17:12.820 We're not.
00:17:13.580 If you, if you see a problem and you don't address it immediately, and then you come back two days later and you're like, hey, remember yesterday and you did X, Y, and Z.
00:17:21.940 And this happens in relationships too, right?
00:17:24.160 Couples keep score.
00:17:25.340 Or remember last year when you didn't let me go do that thing?
00:17:28.580 It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:17:29.720 What are you even?
00:17:30.320 I didn't even know you were upset about that.
00:17:32.420 That's your fault because you didn't communicate that.
00:17:34.340 And then the problem gets worse and worse and worse.
00:17:37.180 So that's problem number two.
00:17:38.420 Problem number three is people are just cowards.
00:17:41.500 They're scared that they're so scared to have a difficult conversation with somebody that they just let it slide, let it slide, let it slide.
00:17:50.720 And then they send messages.
00:17:52.100 How do you set boundaries at work?
00:17:53.680 And I'm not suggesting that Greg is doing this, but I know a lot of guys who bring up these questions because they're so afraid of having a difficult conversation.
00:18:02.100 So get good at having difficult conversations.
00:18:04.180 When you see something that needs to get brought up, bring it up.
00:18:07.040 Have the uncomfortable conversation with your kid about taking the joyride.
00:18:10.420 Have the uncomfortable conversation with your wife about how she made you feel.
00:18:14.380 Have the uncomfortable conversation with the employee who continues to show up late.
00:18:19.060 The more you do that, the better you'll get at it.
00:18:22.500 Thanks, Greg, for helping me.
00:18:24.980 I need to drop off this call and go talk to my kid.
00:18:27.240 No, I'm not calling you out.
00:18:28.340 I think with what you're doing where you're like, no, I'm going to have the conversation.
00:18:32.440 I don't think you're avoiding the conversation.
00:18:35.460 I think you're getting your head in the right place.
00:18:38.100 So I wasn't calling you out.
00:18:39.580 I'm just simply saying that you've got to at some point have that conversation.
00:18:45.980 No.
00:18:46.180 And I think you're totally spot on in the sense of we procrastinate.
00:18:50.620 At least I know that's my default behavior.
00:18:52.780 It's like, okay, this is a difficult conversation.
00:18:54.500 Today's busy.
00:18:56.520 I'll blow it off.
00:18:57.360 You know what I mean?
00:18:57.900 And wait until another time to think that things need to be aligned, right?
00:19:03.340 To have that conversation.
00:19:04.520 And by delaying it, it just perpetuates the problem and makes it worse, I think.
00:19:08.120 Yeah.
00:19:08.220 And they do need to be aligned to somewhat, but to some degree, but it's not always going
00:19:13.740 to be perfect.
00:19:14.300 It's never like the best time to have an uncomfortable, awkward conversation.
00:19:18.100 Just do it and get out of the way and then you're done.
00:19:20.540 Yeah.
00:19:21.360 What else?
00:19:22.200 All right.
00:19:22.700 Connor, Jacob Fuller.
00:19:24.240 His question is, I'm sure it's been covered, but I own a small business and I'm seeing
00:19:28.100 tremendous growth.
00:19:29.180 So awesome, Connor.
00:19:30.080 That's great.
00:19:30.940 Along with that, I have a toddler.
00:19:33.020 What are some things that I can be doing to avoid getting burned out professionally and
00:19:37.460 not being active with my son and socially as I need to be?
00:19:41.420 I guess what I'm asking is, how do I balance everything better?
00:19:44.840 Look, here's the deal.
00:19:46.220 It's a good question.
00:19:46.740 Your son, I'm assuming, I don't know if it's a new son.
00:19:51.420 I don't know if you said if it's a newborn or I don't know.
00:19:53.720 Toddler.
00:19:54.080 Toddler.
00:19:54.440 Okay.
00:19:54.960 So in 16 to 18 years from now, you're not going to look back on your life when your son
00:20:02.020 is up, grown up, moving out of the house, going to college, getting married, getting
00:20:05.760 a job, doing all the things that they do.
00:20:07.320 So you're not going to look back and say, man, I sure wish I would have worked a lot
00:20:12.440 more and really grown in that business.
00:20:13.760 Another 20%.
00:20:14.780 What you're going to say is, man, I wish I would have made Tommy's first football game.
00:20:21.600 I wish I would have spent a little more time playing catch with him in the yard.
00:20:26.760 I wish I would have taken a little more time and stayed up with him and did some homework
00:20:30.360 or read him a few more books or just cuddled on the couch and watched a movie together.
00:20:35.140 Those are the things that you're going to be saying.
00:20:37.320 We as human beings have this amazing ability to project ourselves into the future.
00:20:42.600 It's called consciousness.
00:20:44.060 And as we project ourselves into the future and look back, we can make more accurate choices
00:20:50.220 in the moment because we can recognize the greater picture, the grander scheme of things.
00:20:56.320 So number one, get your mind right.
00:20:59.000 Is the business the most important thing?
00:21:01.540 No, never.
00:21:02.820 You will never hear me say that.
00:21:04.460 Now, is it important?
00:21:05.960 Absolutely.
00:21:06.360 Your job as a man is to provide for your family, including your son.
00:21:10.540 But it's also provision with mental and intellectual and physical presence with him as well.
00:21:20.500 So get your mind right.
00:21:21.560 Number one, about what's really important.
00:21:23.880 Now, number two, you do have to go to work.
00:21:26.160 You do have to provide a living.
00:21:27.420 That's your job.
00:21:28.320 It's one of your jobs.
00:21:29.580 So what do you do?
00:21:30.440 You establish boundaries.
00:21:31.380 For me, I have very clear and concise boundaries to come back to that conversation we're having earlier about when I'm working, when I'm not working, when I put my phone up, when I eliminate distractions because I'm engaged with my family, when my kids have my attention, when I'll be coaching, when my wife has my attention.
00:21:46.460 And to the best of my ability, and I can always get better at this, I do not let anything get in the way of those things.
00:21:53.560 I'll give you an example.
00:21:55.280 Three weeks ago, and a lot of guys have heard me talk about this now, and you and I both went out to Maine two, three weeks ago and did Origins Immersion Camp.
00:22:04.480 And I had scheduled this months ago, months ago, I had scheduled this to go out on, I believe, a Saturday.
00:22:11.720 And after we had scheduled it, we got the plane flights booked, all that stuff taken care of.
00:22:17.340 We get our son's football schedule.
00:22:20.640 And my wife comes to me and she says, hey, that's Breck's first game on Saturday.
00:22:26.280 You're going to miss it.
00:22:27.240 I said, no, I'm not going to miss it.
00:22:28.620 And so I bumped my flight back.
00:22:30.020 I paid a little extra money to change my flight, but I did it.
00:22:33.320 Because that was a boundary that I had established.
00:22:35.280 I make my son's football games.
00:22:37.420 And he would have understood and everything would have been fine, I'm sure.
00:22:40.220 But what kind of precedent am I setting when I don't adhere to my own boundaries?
00:22:45.480 So we make sacrifices because we recognize what's important because we do have the ability to look forward.
00:22:51.860 Like I said, 18, 20 years and look back and wonder if we made the right decision.
00:22:58.180 That's great.
00:22:59.240 You're on top of it today.
00:23:00.820 I'm on it, man.
00:23:01.660 Fire.
00:23:02.020 Yeah, you're doing way better than last week.
00:23:03.680 I know.
00:23:03.920 I don't even know what I said last week, but it wasn't nearly as good as that.
00:23:07.040 No, I'm just joking.
00:23:08.260 All right.
00:23:08.560 It's always good for Mr. Mickler.
00:23:10.500 I appreciate that.
00:23:11.660 Next question.
00:23:12.480 John Gibson.
00:23:13.640 The biggest obstacle in your opinion that most men face or struggle with, how to solve and move forward with that problem?
00:23:20.500 Man, there's so many.
00:23:21.620 There's so many problems.
00:23:22.980 But I actually wrote a book on the biggest problem.
00:23:25.560 If I didn't think this was the biggest problem, I wouldn't have wrote the book on it.
00:23:28.160 And that is personal responsibility.
00:23:30.420 Guys, we give away our responsibility and all the benefits that come with it.
00:23:37.880 The power that comes with taking responsibility over your life.
00:23:40.580 I call it the book Sovereignty, which is the battle for the hearts and minds of men.
00:23:43.660 And it's our ability to give away power to our spouses and the government and our employers and our kids and this and that at the expense of our own well-being.
00:23:54.780 And I think most of us are noble and virtuous in our intentions, meaning we want to sacrifice and we want to provide and we want to take care of other people.
00:24:05.780 And we want to give as much as we can, but if we don't figure out a way to accept the burden of responsibility, I just think we're living a life less than we're capable of.
00:24:15.400 And I say burden of responsibility, but it's also an amazing thing as well, because in my life, every time I've taken on some meaningful measure of responsibility, I'm not talking about just taking on tasks for the sake of taking on tasks.
00:24:29.700 I'm talking about meaningful, purposeful responsibility. My life has always been enhanced. It's always got better when I accept a greater burden of responsibility, when I step up at work and I take on a new project or I get promoted or I have a child or when I got married or when I started this business or when I decided to level up my fitness, every area of life, when you can take responsibility for it and you give yourself the power.
00:24:58.740 You give yourself the power to change your life, but too many guys give it all away, throw up their hands. There's nothing I can do. And then they get upset about why their life isn't as good as they hope it would be.
00:25:10.680 It's amazing how the opposite of that is, it's not your responsibility. And there's a little bit of victimness that is applied to that. I mean, taking responsibility is also coming to the realization that you have a say in the matter, that you have the opportunity to change it or evolve it or adjust, right?
00:25:31.400 There's, there's, there's an area of growth that's kind of tied to that, that opportunity to, to take or to have your sovereignty, right?
00:25:39.940 Yeah. I mean, you're right. And that's so true. That's a great, that's a great recognition is that the opposite of that is, is the victim mentality. And we see it everywhere. I mean, so many people just love, love, love, love cling to this idea that they're the victim, that somehow somebody owes them something or they don't have what they should have because people are keeping them back or some circumstance beyond their control is what's keeping them back.
00:26:04.360 Look, there might be some truth to that. No doubt. I'm not going to say that that's not the case. There might be some truth to that, but you are significantly weaker when you adhere to that so much so that you aren't willing to take action in some burden of responsibility in the ultimate circumstances in which you find yourself. I see this all the time. I had done a, uh, uh, Friday field notes. I think last week, uh, nobody owes you a thing. And I can't tell you how many messages I got from guys.
00:26:32.260 You're like, well, somebody owes me minimum wage and my parents got cancer, which I'm sorry, that's unfortunate. And, and so people owe them things because they got cancer. It's like, you know, I get where you're coming from. I do, but it's all on us to take care of what we can take care of. Stop shifting the responsibility. You know what? Just stop focusing on the things that are out of your control. Yeah. There are things beyond your control. Just stop focusing on those things and focus on the things that look, you could. Okay.
00:27:01.920 So you got cancer. I, I can't imagine what that's like. I have family members that have gone through that. I have family members that have gone through worse. And I'm not saying that isn't a crappy hand. It certainly is a crappy hand, but what can you do to enhance your life with the hand that you've been dealt? And there's so much that you can do so much.
00:27:23.040 Well, and there's an opportunity to rise above, right. And, and, and, and even become even a greater person than you would have been without the hardship and the thing outside of your control.
00:27:34.040 Yes. I haven't shared this very often, but so my oldest, uh, and I think we've talked about this.
00:27:39.340 You and I have. Yeah. Yeah. So my oldest son, so he was born with a hearing loss, um, a moderate to severe hearing loss. So with, you know, when he was four months old, he got little baby hearing aids and he's had those most of his life and was diagnosed as autistic.
00:27:57.400 And then roughly about, geez, how long has it been now? Maybe three years ago. Um, we found out that he's losing his vision. So he has ushers syndrome and the diagnosis from the, from the doctor is that he will lose his vision entirely.
00:28:17.900 And, and, and think of it as a donut that just gets smaller and smaller throughout his life. Right now, Brendan is his name is the perfect example of someone going, okay, here's my lot. It's unfair. It completely sucks ass and it's unfortunate, but guess what? I'm not going to be a victim about it. He's not a victim about it.
00:28:40.180 I've never heard him complain or even ever say anything about what was me, poor me, or this is so unfair. Like he never complains. Like his first response was, so how am I going to get around when I'm older forward thinking? Yeah. I'm like, you're going to have to take a bus and probably get a walking dog and you'll have a cane and you'll have to learn how to use the buses.
00:29:03.600 Like he has accepted the lot that has been handed to him and then has decided like, okay, that is the fact. It's not right. It's not wrong. It is what's so now, how do I rise above this and, and proceed forward? And it's inspiring.
00:29:18.080 And, and I, and I, and I know it sounds super weird, but who he is as a young man and how our family interacts is partly because of how he decided to deal with that circumstance. It inspires us. It inspires me all the time.
00:29:36.220 So I'm not saying that was his lot or that it's okay that it happened to him, but he has certainly taken this as an opportunity to not be a victim and to rise above the circumstance. It's been handed to him.
00:29:49.940 It's awesome, man. I mean, that's, yeah. What more do you say? It's awesome. It's amazing. Great example. Yeah. Very cool. All right. Joel Ramirez. I make decisions period. Good. I'm just, yeah. Good job, Joel.
00:30:03.860 Um, sometimes they work out great. Sometimes we take a loss. Is it okay to take my family for that ride or should I start playing it safe to protect my family from any hardships that may come?
00:30:16.960 Well, that's the nature of decisions. Sometimes they work out and sometimes they don't. That, that is the nature of making decisions. And as a man, I believe it's our responsibility to make some of those decisions, uh, on behalf of the people that we're leading in this case, your family. Now, should you include them in that decision? Uh, yeah.
00:30:32.340 If you're married and you're making decisions that will impact your wife and your children, then you probably ought to include her in the decision-making process. Just like I do with my wife. Uh, is it okay to take my family for that ride? Talk with your wife. You guys decide that together. There's some risks that are worth taking. One of the risks that we are considering right now is, is moving. And you, Kip and I have talked about this is there's a risk associated with moving. What if we don't like the new place?
00:30:58.380 What if the schools aren't good? What if it doesn't work out? What if who knows? We buy a lemon of a house. I don't know, whatever, all of the, the, the risks that come with it. So what do we do? Well, we mitigate against that risk by saving money and having our debt and everything in order and having a place to come back to. And we mitigate some of that risk. Uh, but we feel like collectively, my wife and I, that the risk is worth a potential reward and gain of, of experience and adventure, which is why we're doing it.
00:31:26.080 So there's other times where the risk is too great for the potential reward. And so you don't make that decision. This is an interesting thought when he says, should I play it safe? I think too many people play it too safe. What I would suggest doing is playing it out. Like if you go start a business, let's think about this. You're an employee somewhere and you're making relatively good money.
00:31:48.380 You're happy with where you are. And yet you feel like business or, or something different is calling to you. The question then is, do I go pursue that? Or do I stay where I am? And there's a lot of ways you can pursue this that will mitigate some of that risk. Like maybe you don't quit. You just go work as a side business, right? But let's just assume for the sake of argument that you go out and you do that thing. What's the worst that can happen?
00:32:12.600 Well, the business could flop. You could run out of money. So you won't have any way to pay for food or a roof over your head. Okay. Well, how do you mitigate that? By putting money in savings. Good. Check. Got that done.
00:32:25.540 Okay. Now, or, or you, you could, maybe you don't enjoy it. Maybe it's not a viable business model. Maybe everything falls apart. Maybe the economy goes away. What's the worst that can happen? Well, you got to go get a new job. Can you get a new job? Are you hireable? Well, I have this degree in this designation in a field that doesn't have, it has a high demand, but not a lot of people to fill it. So yeah, there's places I can go. Cool. Then I think that risk is probably worth taking or at least exploring.
00:32:52.640 So figure out what the risk is, figure out if the potential reward is, uh, is relevant enough to take that risk and then mitigate that risk by putting yourself in a position that will limit exposure to loss.
00:33:05.660 So much of those risks seem to be tied to mindset. As you know, roughly about seven, eight years ago, and geez, no, it's been longer than that. Nine or 10 years ago, I started my own business and it seems so risky. It seems so dangerous.
00:33:22.180 And, and a phrase that I'd tell myself all the time that made me feel like calm was, uh, you know, if it doesn't work out, I'll just go get a job. Right. And I could do that anytime, like anytime moment I could go, you know what? Yeah, it's not working out. I'm going to go get a job.
00:33:36.800 Right. Anytime you can do that. That's not risky. You know, and I hear that. I think the greater risk, and I'm not saying this is bad. All right. So somebody who's an employee of an organization and loves what they do, I'm not saying this is bad.
00:33:46.540 But for me, from my perspective, the greater risk is putting myself at the hands of an employer or a company or an industry or the economy in a way that doesn't resonate with what I want to do. At least within business for me, if things aren't going right, I have the power to actually change.
00:34:01.400 I have the power to evolve, to adapt, to grow, to create new offerings that consumers are going to want to own and purchase and be part of that to me is empowering that that's not risky to me, but that took a lot of change in my mindset because I grew up in a household where you will get a job.
00:34:19.200 My mom was working three jobs at one time in order to provide. And so she went out and she got her jobs and she did what she needed to do. And business and entrepreneurship wasn't even something on the radar because I hadn't been exposed to it. So it seemed risky at first until I got involved, until I saw what other people were doing. And then it became less risky than the alternative.
00:34:39.660 Yeah. Just a great example of just mindset. How much that versus reality.
00:34:45.180 Yeah. Well, and I would say too, to your point, because Kip, that's a really good point is surround yourself with people who are doing the, or taking the type of risks that you want. Like I've got a friend, his name's Andy Stumpf. A lot of the guys are familiar. He's a Navy SEAL and he's crazy. He does base jumping, right? So he jumps off bridges and buildings and does that squirrel suit flying and everything else. And my thought is if you're going to take a risk like that, you probably want to surround yourself with experts who understand the potential downfalls and what to look for in a suit and how to fly and how to do everything.
00:35:14.760 So that you know what the expectation is and you know what risks you might be facing, even the ones you can't see. So find, find people who are taking the same sorts of risks and communicate with them, have conversations with them. So you can start to have a clear expectation of, of what reality is versus what you've made up in your mind.
00:35:32.320 All right. Next question is from JD Gamble. Addressing the role of one's faith in relationship to one's masculinity.
00:35:42.720 Addressing the role of faith in relationship to masculinity. Well, I know for me, I am a man of faith. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe in the Bible and I believe in what we learn about in scripture.
00:35:58.880 And I believe that is the foundation of what makes me a man. And so if you're asking about my role or my, excuse me, my faith is a role in masculinity. It's a huge foundational principle of it.
00:36:12.300 In fact, a lot of what we talk about here is Christian based. I don't talk about it from a Christian perspective necessarily. And there's reasons for that. You can go back and listen to, I think it was maybe the third asked me anything or fourth asked me anything that we did. 0.99
00:36:24.180 We actually addressed that. Uh, but I don't, I don't necessarily believe that it has to be. I believe that there's other foundational principles and virtues and things that people adhere to that help them identify and develop their own sense of masculinity.
00:36:39.720 So the answer is find something that works for you. I do believe there has to be some sort of foundational principle. There has to be some sort of rules or parameters in which you operate. If it's just chaos, I don't think that's going to help you be the most effective man possible.
00:36:59.000 I just had Jocko willing on the podcast yesterday, and we were talking about his new book, dichotomy of leadership, but him and Leif, their, their, one of their previous books was extreme ownership. And he talks about discipline equals freedom. And Aristotle said something very similar through discipline comes freedom 2000 years ago. He said that.
00:37:17.840 And, and, and what that means is that when you adhere to a set of parameters that you've identified as being important to you, then you actually free yourself, right? If you, if you, for example, if you cling to healthy principles, like I will eat, right, I will consume real food. I will exercise. I will move my body. I will do all of these things that we know how to do.
00:37:37.640 So then the likelihood of you, then the likelihood of you living a healthier, longer, more meaningful life is significantly greater because you imposed your own set of limitations upon yourself. If you didn't, and you had all the donuts, you never exercised, you did whatever you wanted to do. The risk of you living a shorter life or not unhealthy life are significantly greater. So find a set of parameters, whether it's faith-based or something else in which you feel you can operate so that you can produce the type of life.
00:38:07.640 that you're wanting to produce for yourself. Cool. There you go, JD. Next question, Blake Byron Walker. His question is, we tend to emphasize decisiveness and sticking to your guns on a problem or an issue, but I'm curious to hear your perspective on intelligence and holding multiple conflicting ideas in mind and making complex decisions.
00:38:27.400 I remember this question from last week. And I think I had said something to the effect of decisiveness and intelligence is not, those are not conflicting terms. You can be intelligent. You can take in new information. You can even be decisive and then change your mind.
00:38:47.300 Some people call this wishy-washy, right? He's wishy-washy. Oh, he's a flip-flopper. Really? Maybe he just learned something new that he didn't have access to before. And now he does something different. I'm watching my kids play football. For example, my oldest, his 10, first year of tackle football.
00:39:06.000 And my, my second is eight. This is his third year of flag football. And it's really interesting to watch their progression. Well, my oldest, my 10 year old comes home and he's talking about new plays and new ways of, of blocking and different things that he enjoys doing that he's never been exposed to.
00:39:24.000 And so he sees the game in a whole new light because he's got new information that he didn't previously have access to. So I would hope that he would change. And I would hope that any intelligent man who comes across new information, even though he may have had a current path that he was on is willing to accept that maybe he didn't have the entire picture. Maybe there's a new perspective that he didn't see.
00:39:45.280 And when you take on that new perspective and you're willing to open yourself up to the possibility that there's a new and better way you improve your likelihood of success, we see things in such a limited scope. And sometimes that works out and other times it doesn't, but the more stimulus in the form of information that you can let into your life, the more capable you are of making the correct decisions for yourself and the people you have a responsibility for.
00:40:11.060 Yeah. So I think it's important to be decisive. And I also think it's important to be open-minded and hold conflicting ideas is what I think Blake said. Um, you can do both.
00:40:23.960 Yeah. In the iron council, we, we use this term, you know, after action review, would you mind sharing that a little bit of, of kind of the role that plays in, in your life and how that applies to this concept?
00:40:37.600 Oh yeah, sure. I mean, so the after action review is something I learned in the military and basically it's a, a system for reviewing whatever it is you did, whether it's a military exercise or a conversation that you had, or this podcast, I'll do an after action review or a project that you may do at work or a conversation that you have with your kids.
00:40:54.840 But it's an opportunity for you to look back on that engagement and evaluate yourself objectively how you did. What did you accomplish? What didn't you accomplish? What did you do? Well, where did you thrive? Where did you fall behind? And the most important question, what can you do better moving forward?
00:41:13.020 Those are the kinds of reviews that I do. And I used to write these out at the end of the day, every day I would, I would do a written out after action review. I don't anymore because it's so internalized that I look at everything I do. Like I said, I'll do one after this podcast. I did one last week and I, and I told you in the beginning of this podcast, I said last week I wasn't on.
00:41:32.180 Well, that's because I went back and I reviewed and I thought to myself, no, Ryan, you were off. You were down, you're a little under the weather. You weren't feeling well, whatever it was. So you were putting out an inferior product. And in this case, the recording didn't work anyway. So I think it was somewhat of divine inspiration maybe.
00:41:48.200 But we come back here and I do it differently this time. And this is going to be a significantly better podcast than that ever had the potential of becoming because I was willing to look at it objectively and figure out where we could do better and where we should do better.
00:42:02.180 And what I love about that, Ryan, is that it's, it's intentional, right? Like if we look at Blake's question, it's like, we tend to emphasize decisiveness and, you know, perspectives and multi holding conflicting ideas. Sometimes we wait for that to happen to us, right? We wait for a scenario to come up and then, and, and challenge us. And then we go, Oh, well, maybe I should change it. Or it's a very reactive. It could be very reactive where, and after action review is I completed something. How did it go?
00:42:32.180 What adjustments do I need to make? Is there conflicting ideas that I need to possibly implement or adjust as part of the overall process? And it's tied to the results and the actions in which you took. I don't know. It's just a great example in my mind of being intentional about possible conflict of ideas and considering other perspectives as part of what we do on a regular basis.
00:42:58.740 I think that's exactly right.
00:43:28.720 I think that's exactly right.
00:43:58.700 test. That is less likely to get your ego involved and open you up to the possibility that maybe there's a different way. I'm not saying I'm above doing that, you know, falling prey to my ego. I do it all the time. People will say something on Facebook or Instagram or whatever. They'll come back with a, with a comment that's counter to what I had just said. And my knee jerk reaction is like, well, you're wrong. I'm like, well, hold on. Maybe they're not attacking me individually.
00:44:24.700 Maybe they're not the enemy. Maybe they're not the enemy. Maybe they're not the enemy. Maybe they're actually helping me expand my capability, broaden my horizon, which will ultimately serve me very, very well. So be open to that. Be careful of the ego.
00:44:43.040 Yeah. Cool. So Keith's Cornell's question is a word, uh, leadership and Keith, you know, it's funny when we recorded this last week, we're talking about a better episode this time than what we did last time. I think last time I just threw Keith under the bus and said, Hey, you should put a question mark on that or whatever. And you know what? I may have copied this in wrong or whatever. So with that in mind, Keith Cornell, what I'm going to suggest is I'm just going to ask Ryan, you know, for
00:45:13.040 four tips around leadership that you think would, would be a beneficial to people in leadership positions.
00:45:21.240 I'm only going to give one, and then we can expand on that. And the one tip is your job as a leader is to render yourself obsolete. Period. Your job as a leader is to put yourself out of work.
00:45:33.980 And what that looks like may have a whole spew of ideas, right? What are the actions that a leader might need to take to make themselves obsolete?
00:45:44.720 Sure. Yeah. I mean, there's, there's an infinite number of areas and directions we can go with that. Right. But I think the foundational principle, knowing that your job is to put yourself out of a job, whether it's a father or a project manager or leader at work.
00:45:57.580 Jocko talked about him as a commander in Iraq is to get yourself to a position where you're no longer needed to make some of these other decisions so that you can go on to something new.
00:46:11.520 So how do you do this? Well, I think you give people opportunities to lead. You know, I'll take fatherhood. For example, my job is to not be needed. I know that sounds really strange.
00:46:23.400 Uh, and some people say, well, you're just, you're building up your own competition. You're no, you're not. All right. You're, you're helping other people. And that is always a good thing.
00:46:32.960 So I try to give my sons and my daughter as many leadership opportunities as possible. I try not to rescue them from the situations and the circumstances, negative situations and circumstances in which they find themselves because I want them to develop a skillset and the mindset to be able to, to master those challenges when they arise.
00:46:52.100 I, I think service, having a servant mindset is critical. You're there to serve. You're not there to push other people down. You're there to, to lift people up.
00:47:01.660 Did we use the analogy of climbing over a wall? Was that last week for this? Or was that another one?
00:47:06.800 I can't remember.
00:47:07.920 Do you, you know what I'm talking about though, right?
00:47:09.300 Yeah, yeah, totally.
00:47:09.920 So the analogy we used is that if you and your team have the objective to climb over this wall, that I think a lot of people think, okay, Kip, my, I got to get over this wall.
00:47:21.880 So get down and I'm going to step on your knees and then your shoulders and then your head, and then I'm going to get over the wall. 1.00
00:47:25.800 But a leader, I don't think does that. I think a leader says, all right, Kip, we're going to get over this wall. I want you to use me. I want you to put your foot on my hands and then I'm going to prop my hands up. And then I want you to step up onto my shoulders. And then I want you to step up my head. And then I want you to pull yourself up the rest of the way. And I think what you said is you're going to look over the wall and flip me off after that happens. I think that's what you said.
00:47:45.580 No, I, I, I envision we're having a tank top on and I curl you. It's an order of man tank top. You got to make sure you say that it's not just any tank top. That's right. That's exactly what would happen. But you guys get the point, right? The point is, is that you are, you are being used, if you will, as the footstool for bigger and greater things for the people you're working to serve. And I think so many leaders say, no, I'm going to step on you to get to the top. No, you'll get to the top. You will get to the top. Zig Zig Ziglar.
00:48:15.580 Said, if you help enough people get what they want, you will inevitably get what it is you want.
00:48:21.580 I love that. I love that. It's one of my favorite quotes. And it's so true. I found it to be so true in my life.
00:48:27.400 Well, and I have, if you don't mind me sharing, I have a perfect example of this. I, I did this leadership, um, seminar slash program a few years back and they, we had to create a project to cause impact within our community. And, and it was over a few months and, and people,
00:48:45.560 people engulfed themselves in making sure that this project was going to work. And then in the last stages of the project and without any of us knowing that this was going to happen, they said, now give it to someone else.
00:49:00.120 Hmm. And everyone was pissed immediately like what, but I've worked so hard and, and this is my baby. And so much identity was being created around how this project was going to be this huge success. And, and there's ego involved, right? Like you would know that I'm going to look good, right? When this thing happens and, and it's tied to who I am and my value as a person.
00:49:24.280 And then you're, you do all this work to make sure it's a success. And then you hand it over to someone else to almost kind of take the credit. Yeah. And it, and it was such an, a revealing exercise. It was super, super cool.
00:49:37.280 What was the point? What was the, what was the ultimate objective of that exercise?
00:49:40.820 It was to give a way and to be a leader, to prop someone else up and say, and to have the conversation with them that, Hey, I believe in you, you can do this. And I'm going to hand over the reins to you. It was, it was a way to your point. It was a way of propping them up over that wall and saying,
00:50:00.280 can you take this on and, and, and, and causing us to individual, to have the mindset individually to realize that guess what, who, who you are as a leader is not sometimes in the limelight. It's not about taking credit. A lot of the time, you know, we, we get this from Jocko quite a bit. And we've heard this in other leadership books and whatnot, that you, you praise your team. They're the ones that did all the work. You praise them. You don't take the praise.
00:50:26.560 And then when the problem goes wrong, you take accountability. Yeah. Right. And, and that's what leaders, that's what leaders do.
00:50:33.020 Well, and, and to me, what is as a leader or just an individual, a man in general, what is your ultimate objective? I mean, is your ultimate objective to be served? Is your ultimate objective to, to stand on a pedestal and say, look at me and how good I am and every, all the good and wonderful things I did, or is your objective as a leader to actually add value to really create something significant and meaningful in people's lives?
00:50:55.300 You know, I, I look at a order of man, this, this movement, for example. And of course I want to have impact and I have big aspirations for myself. And those are significant goals that I have and income goals that I have and the experiences that we have within this organization and family. Sure. Of course.
00:51:13.600 But at the end of the day, if I can see literally millions of men across the planet that are salvaging broken and devastated marriages, they're able to rekindle relationships with their children who they didn't know how to connect with before.
00:51:30.460 That get rid of that extra 30, 40, 50 pounds they've been packing around for 10 years, that get the promotion, that start the businesses, that raise their children. Like if I see that, that to me is significantly better than look at me, look how great and wonderful I am. It's no, look at him. Look at Kip.
00:51:53.940 Look how far he's come in the five episodes on this podcast that we've done. Look at the guys in the iron council who are doing all the things I just talked about. Look at the millions of men who are listening to this podcast and improving their lives.
00:52:06.160 That to me is the evidence of what we're doing, not me standing on the pedestal and everyone pointing up to me and telling me how great I am.
00:52:15.200 That feels good, right? I mean, that feels good. And that's, that's the danger is that it feels really good, but it also feels really good to me when somebody else succeeds. And I know in my heart, I don't even have to say it. I know in my heart that I had a small part to play in the progression of that individual.
00:52:33.520 Yeah. Well, and I think that, that progression on the ego side or individual side is fleeting.
00:52:43.320 Yeah, true, true.
00:52:44.680 That will only last so long, right? But when, when your impact is being kept alive in other people through service to them and they're leveling up, that lasts, right? The, the impact is so substantially, uh, I don't know, the longevity of it, right? Is substantially longer.
00:53:02.600 Well, it's, it's generational, right? You go in and you change a man who, who interacts with his wife, interacts with his kids, interacts in his community.
00:53:11.560 And then the people he's serving, they go on to interact with their spouses and their kids and their communities and so on and so on and so on. You will never ever be able to accurately measure the impact that you are having on another individual and society as a whole. Never. And that works both positively and negative. By the way, the negative impact you have will last. The positive impact you have will last. And you can't possibly measure how long that will last.
00:53:39.580 And I don't know about you guys, but like, that's why this podcast, that's why the order of man movement, the iron council and what we are doing is so huge, right? Like I, you know, we talk about this all the time on, on our battle team, or at least I try to bring it up all the time that like the impact is so much greater.
00:54:01.580 Like we think like, and even, even guys, part of the Facebook group or even people listening right now, we think that you're listening to this podcast for you. I'm listening to this podcast so I can, you know, better myself or become a better father or husband or son or whatever.
00:54:17.040 Uh, it's much bigger than that. You're listening to this podcast. You're part of the iron council. Why? Because you want to have a positive impact on your kids. You want to be a better husband. You want to create an environment where your kids are protected, where you're presiding.
00:54:35.280 Like the impact is far greater than just our individual selves. Right. And, and that's what makes Ryan, like what you've done with the order of man and what you continue to do. So impactful, man, it's, it's so awesome. And it's obvious in the growth and just the, the mass, the awesomeness of, of what's really going on, uh, regarding, you know, this podcast and, and your interviews and your book and everything else. It's, it's, it gives me chills.
00:55:04.560 Just be heard.
00:55:05.760 Well, I mean, I appreciate that. And I'm glad you're part of it. I think doing this together with you and the other guys and the, and the millions of people that listen, like, I think that's what makes it significant. If it was just me on my own, like how, how, how miserable, like we don't live in these vacuums. We live in ecosystems with, with people that are impacted by the things that we're doing. And so we might as well make the best and the most greatest impact, positive impact that we possibly can.
00:55:32.020 Yeah.
00:55:32.800 Hmm.
00:55:33.200 Cool.
00:55:33.380 Good stuff.
00:55:33.880 What else?
00:55:34.420 All right. Matthew Hulk. Hey, Matthew. I think I know you. Um, how's it going, buddy? All right. So his question, I'd enjoy hearing your thoughts on making a mark. I'd say as fathers, one of the greatest legacies we can leave is our children in the form of well-developed people. Beyond that though, is making a mark, uh, on the world, a sign of ego, or is it a duty to leave the world a better place than we found it?
00:55:58.020 Um, this kind of ties into what we just talked about?
00:56:28.020 It's not the reason I do it. It's just a byproduct of what it is I'm doing. Right. So, so it's not, it's not at the expense of other individuals. It's at the enhancement of them. So yes, I am, I am served by doing this podcast. I am uplifted. I am edified. I am inspired.
00:56:58.020 Feel good about that. And I'm uplifted. And my, my heart and soul are, are, are filled as well. So maybe it's selfish. Is that always a bad thing? No, I think it's okay to serve yourself. I think it's okay to take care of yourself.
00:57:11.620 Now, if it comes at the expense of other individuals, then I think that's a, that's a problem, but very rare, I think is, is the instance, unless you're doing something illegal, immoral, or unethical, that you're doing something that's going to uplift yourself. And it's coming at the direct expense of somebody else.
00:57:27.480 Do you think that, Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead.
00:57:29.900 Well, I was just going to say, do you think that that ego is something that never goes away? And then it's a, it's a constant thing that you need to keep in check and kind of evaluate and make sure that it's, it's not getting in the way always. I don't think there's a, I don't think there's a soul on the planet who doesn't deal with some level of ego, ego. I think it's always there. I think it's more prevalent for some people than others.
00:57:54.680 And I think it's just, you just got to be careful because for example, pride, we use that word, we use pride and arrogance and ego all kind of in the same meaning, but, but, but they're not ego and arrogance to me is something that isn't really earned or it's excessive.
00:58:14.680 Meaning that you did something good and you just, you just took it to the extreme and you allowed it to become a hindrance. Now, proud being proud of your accomplishments. There's nothing wrong with that. You should be proud. You should be wanting to make yourself proud. You should be wanting to put yourself in difficult situations where you really have to test your mettle as a man and then come out of those unscathed and be proud of the man that you were and the man that you've become.
00:58:44.680 It's when we take it to the extreme that we end up sabotaging ourselves because we think we're invincible or we think that nothing can get to us or that we're just divinely guided and directed.
00:59:00.420 So nothing bad will ever happen because we have divine providence, right? That's a problem. And what the problem is, is that that leaves us open to all sorts of blind spots that we're unwilling to look at. Being proud is one thing, being arrogant, egotistical, and allowing the blind spots to sabotage yourself is a dangerous, dangerous game that we ought to avoid playing.
00:59:25.600 So in that same area of ego, Rob and Bruggen's question is individualism and the ego. Me, personally, I don't know what he means by individualism, but perhaps you do.
00:59:39.600 I mean, it could mean so many different things. Individualism. It's good to be an individual. You have your own set of unique skills and abilities and talents and ambitions and experiences and beliefs and cultural backgrounds that make you an individual.
00:59:57.760 But I think there's also an element of serving the collective. And the collective could be your family. The collective could be your employees or your employer, just your coworkers. The collective could be your neighborhood. It could be a church organization. It could be a fraternity. It could be some organization in which you belong. It could be so many different things.
01:00:23.600 Your individual experiences. Bringing those to the collective is a collective is a good thing.
01:00:30.140 Yeah.
01:00:30.540 I don't really understand how this ties into the ego necessarily, unless you're trying to take over some organization with your own way of doing things. Maybe you're a boss and you think you have it all figured out. So you're unwilling to listen to your quote unquote subordinates. That's egotistical. That's what I was talking about. You're opening yourself up to blind spots.
01:00:51.420 Instead, you should take your individual talents, gifts, abilities, skills, and combine those with the individual talents, gifts, and abilities of skills of the other people so that you guys can collectively win.
01:01:06.760 I don't know if that answers his thought process, but that's how I would address that.
01:01:12.500 All right. I love it. Cool.
01:01:14.500 All right. Let's do maybe a couple more, Kip. I know we're getting somewhat close on time here, so let's just do a couple more.
01:01:19.840 Yeah. Okay. Sounds good. All right. Jeremy Hine, his question is, how do you keep work at work? So apparently this is a lot like the boundary conversation, but I think what Jeremy's specifically asking here is what tools have you employed to keep some separation and what tools and methods have worked or did not work?
01:01:37.920 So maybe a little bit more on the tactical side above and beyond just establishing boundaries perhaps.
01:01:43.460 Well, so yeah, I look at what distractions get in the way and I try to eliminate those distractions.
01:01:50.760 One, for example, the cell phone, obviously, you know, I'm at work. Most of my 99% of my business is done online and I have that thing everywhere.
01:02:00.400 24 seven, even when I'm sleeping, it's right by my head. So eliminating that altogether, putting it away, turning it off, leaving it in the car, locking it in a safe, doing whatever it is you need to do to get rid of that.
01:02:12.040 So that you can be engaged with your family is critical. Uh, as far as leaving family stuff at home, address family stuff. When you have the opportunity to address family stuff, the more that you can address the work, when you're engaged in the work, meaning address family stuff, handle it correctly, get your bills paid on time, have the conversations with the wife and the kids that need to be had.
01:02:33.800 The more likely it is that you're going to be fully engaged in business. If you're dinking around at the office and you're not doing everything that needs to be done and you aren't diligent in your tasks and your, your responsibilities, then you're going to get home and you're going to be frustrated because you didn't do your work that, you know, you should have been done.
01:02:49.700 And all you're doing is thinking about work when you should be hanging out with your family. It's because you weren't productive with the time that you had. So make, make some plans every night when I'm done, I make a new plan for tomorrow.
01:03:01.640 And then when I get in, in the morning, I'm talking about specifically business. Now, when I get into the, in the office in the morning, I review the plan. I adapted, adjusted based on emails and other things that I've received from throughout the night or new information or ideas. And I'm, and I readjust and I make a new plan for that day. And I do that over and over and over again. But I also do the same thing for my family.
01:03:19.820 My wife and I talk about what we're going to do every morning, me and my wife and kids have a family meeting and we talk about, okay, here's football practice. And we need to take our daughter to this dance recital. She's got soccer practice today. So we've got to take her here and you've got to go pick up this and I've got to run this errand.
01:03:39.240 And so we get on the same page and we have these meetings so that we're all on the same page and we know what needs to be accomplished. And then we execute. And because we're able to get those things done effectively, it frees up our space and capacity to focus on work or to focus on home when those things need to be focused on.
01:03:53.780 Yeah. I'm wondering how much of this has to do with the mindset that some people have that, that they can multitask, right? That I can be present and effective hanging out with the kids at the campfire and, and still answer some work emails, right? Like we have this mindset that we can juggle things. And in reality, I think it's folly to think that we're, even if it's just multiple work tasks, right?
01:04:17.980 The idea of multitasking has been proven to not exist, right? It doesn't even exist. It's not possible. And, and what I'm hearing from, from what you're saying, Ryan, is it's, we need to engulf ourselves, right? If we're with the family, we're with the family. If we're at work, we're with, we're at work. And for me personally, I plan family things no different than I plan work things.
01:04:39.300 Why should you, it is no different. Yeah. I mean, if we have date night on Monday night, guess what? That's on my calendar. And I'm intentional with that. Just like I am. If I had a meeting, you know, in a boardroom.
01:04:51.060 Yep. Yep. Um, Jocko yesterday in the podcast that I just released said, and I'm paraphrasing here, said something to the effect of we build credibility and authority by performing in excellence in everything we do. Something along those lines.
01:05:09.300 And, and I'm thinking about you saying date night, you better be the best damn date that your wife has ever had. And when you're at work or you're on a, let's take a sales call. You're making a sales call. That better be the best damn sales call that other individual has ever heard. Or when you're, and I'm just looking at a picture that a friend of mine sent, his name's Trent Tobler. He does some amazing artwork, oil paints. And when he's sitting in his office and he's painting, he better be the best damn painter that ever lived.
01:05:38.260 Yeah.
01:05:40.020 We can't do that if we're constantly distracted by, well, I'm painting, but I can also answer this message or, oh, there's something really important at work on. I'm just going to take this call while you're sitting at the table at the restaurant with your wife.
01:05:53.800 It's hard because there's so many distractions in life, but you better be the best fill in the blank that you can be whenever you are being that fill in the blank bottom line. And I think that will solve a
01:06:23.800 question. So I got through most of the questions that we wanted to answer today. I got to go back to the drawing board and figure out what's going on with my recording software. But anyways, I think we got through a lot. I hope some of that helped. I hope that you're gaining some insight from these.
01:06:36.520 Ask me anything. Make sure if you would just connect with us on social media. I'm over on Instagram, very active over there at Ryan Mickler. My last name is spelled M I C H L E R.
01:06:47.040 But also on Twitter, also on Facebook, wherever you're doing the social media thing. So go out there, check it out, check out our new Patreon account, which I think we mentioned earlier in the show, patreon.com slash order of man. And there's all sorts of places you can find us. So I appreciate you guys being on this journey with us. I hope that you're enjoying the ask me anythings. Keep asking those questions. Kip and I will keep answering them. And until Friday for our Friday field notes, take action and become the man you are meant to be.
01:07:15.780 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.