Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.740 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.040 Kemp, what's up man? Great to see you today.

00:00:26.700 Good to see you. You had a great weekend.

00:00:30.480 And then I also saw a post and one of the questions today from this Facebook group was about this as well.

00:00:36.120 And so I might as well just dive into it. And maybe you can't disclose.

00:00:40.920 So what's the what's the deal with the FBI?

00:00:44.800 Yeah. So this so this actually didn't happen recently.

00:00:48.420 And I didn't I didn't try to be misleading. I could see how maybe it came across as misleading.

00:00:52.640 OK, because I swear this has happened before.

00:00:54.900 It happened. It happened right as I think I was talking to my wife.

00:01:00.760 It was right before. I think it might have been the weekend before the inauguration.

00:01:06.880 And I get and so that must have been.

00:01:09.900 That was probably after January 6th, because inauguration is what the 21st or 22nd, somewhere

00:01:17.060 right in there. So it was in that window that I was gone on a business trip.

00:01:23.360 Now, I didn't go to January 6th. I didn't participate in that.

00:01:26.060 It never sounded like a good idea.

00:01:28.120 My wife, I remember, had mentioned like, hey, there's going to be marching and this and

00:01:32.380 that in D.C. on the on the on January 6th.

00:01:37.320 You should go to that.

00:01:39.900 And I was like, no, I'm not going to that.

00:01:41.660 And she's like, why not? I said, what am I going to do?

00:01:43.220 Just march around with a bunch of idiots and not get anything done like that sounds like 1.00

00:01:46.660 such a waste of time. 1.00

00:01:48.740 And she's like, no, you should go like other people will be there.

00:01:51.180 And I'm like, no, I have other things.

00:01:52.300 I'm not I'm just not interested.

00:01:54.620 And I didn't go.

00:01:56.500 And then after everything went down on January 6th, she was like, I am so glad that you didn't

00:02:02.060 go do that. 0.52

00:02:03.360 And I said, I didn't I didn't know any of that was going to take place.

00:02:06.740 But but clearly there was a little foresight there where I'm like, I'm not doing that.

00:02:11.660 Anyways, we I'm on a business trip.

00:02:15.200 And as I'm away on our security cameras, an alert comes up and I just casually glance at it.

00:02:22.260 And I see that there's two individuals that I don't recognize, a male and a female at my house.

00:02:28.980 So my wife was gone at the I was gone.

00:02:33.560 My wife was gone.

00:02:34.380 She was in town, but she was at home with the kids, but they were on an errand or something.

00:02:39.320 And I call her up and I said, who who was at the door?

00:02:44.560 Who was that?

00:02:46.100 And she said, I don't know.

00:02:47.140 I have a card here from the FBI.

00:02:50.200 And I still have the card.

00:02:51.660 I kept it.

00:02:52.440 And on the back of the card, it says something like we have questions for you.

00:02:56.240 Please call something like that.

00:02:58.020 I'd have to look at it.

00:02:58.700 I don't exactly remember what it says.

00:03:00.400 So I'm freaked out.

00:03:01.540 I'm like, what in the world?

00:03:02.800 So I call the the office or whatever and ask for the agent and I talk with them.

00:03:09.700 And it's really hard to explain what.

00:03:14.380 Like what you feel in that moment, because, you know, you haven't done anything wrong and

00:03:19.580 yet you're racking your brain on what in the world the FBI could be visiting you about,

00:03:24.120 especially when you talk about some of the subjects I talk about, especially as, as it

00:03:28.680 was after January 6th, uh, which I think maybe by default, you, you might assume that I would

00:03:36.400 be lumped into that crowd.

00:03:37.560 I'm not, but you might assume that if you didn't know anything else about me.

00:03:40.980 And then we had a new president that I was outspoken against.

00:03:46.620 Right.

00:03:46.800 So there's like a lot going in my mind right now.

00:03:48.940 I'm like, what in the world?

00:03:50.660 And he didn't disclose a whole lot of information other than there was an investigation.

00:03:58.400 And I, I was, I was racking my brain on like an investigation on me, an investigation on somebody

00:04:05.780 else, whatever.

00:04:06.540 So long story short, it sounds like somebody in one of our groups, just based on the conversation

00:04:14.440 and the direction of the conversation, it went, I'm having a hard time illustrating the

00:04:18.160 story succinctly because it was so strange.

00:04:22.500 And there's so many gaps that I have to fill in because they would not disclose information

00:04:26.760 with me.

00:04:27.420 But it sounds like somebody had made a statement that another person didn't like, or maybe I

00:04:36.160 made a statement that somebody didn't like, again, I don't know.

00:04:39.580 And they decided to report that to the FBI as some sort of credible threat or act of violence.

00:04:48.320 I really don't know.

00:04:49.460 Like I said, I don't know.

00:04:50.760 And I have not had follow-up since I, so I said, well, why are you investigating me?

00:04:57.600 Now, here was the interesting thing.

00:04:58.760 This individual was asking me a lot of questions about me and a lot of questions about my organization

00:05:05.020 that aren't just readily available.

00:05:10.500 That's what was strange to me.

00:05:12.040 This is a person who knew a lot about me, a lot about my history, and a lot about my

00:05:17.320 organization.

00:05:19.420 And it sounds like based on what had happened, that somebody had made this report and that

00:05:27.360 this individual at some point may have started walking back some of their comments based on

00:05:34.300 what they had initially said.

00:05:35.580 And that this FBI agent was just trying to do a thorough investigation and figure out

00:05:41.600 what in the world is the source of this threat or this report or this, whatever it was.

00:05:49.460 Yeah.

00:05:50.320 So nothing ever came of it.

00:05:52.540 And I said, you know, what, what, what do I need to do?

00:05:57.340 Because look, I'm a law biting citizen.

00:06:00.020 I, I appreciate law enforcement.

00:06:03.500 I do.

00:06:03.980 I think that this country does have to have law and order.

00:06:08.360 Nothing can work if we don't have law and order.

00:06:11.820 And so I want to do right.

00:06:13.160 You know, I want to, I want to make sure that I'm following the rules that I'm, but I'm also

00:06:17.120 exercising my right to speech and bear arms and these other things that I have a right

00:06:21.780 to and are protected by the constitution.

00:06:25.320 It was just very frustrating knowing how much they knew about me and the fact that they,

00:06:30.480 but here was an interesting thing about it.

00:06:32.220 We had a phone call and I answered questions over the phone.

00:06:36.740 There was never any face-to-face interview or conversation.

00:06:42.640 So why did you come to my house?

00:06:45.360 Why did you come to my house when I was away?

00:06:47.760 Why not?

00:06:48.140 If your follow-up questions were just done over the phone.

00:06:51.000 There's just a lot of dots that aren't connected and the timing of having a new presidency and me

00:06:59.680 being outspoken against that.

00:07:01.480 And, and the fact that I'm talking a lot about masculinity and manliness, and also the fact

00:07:08.120 that I am rallying men around a cause, not a political cause by any means, but a cause to

00:07:14.880 become better leaders, to serve their families, to serve their communities, to make themselves

00:07:20.340 more capable in every way possible.

00:07:22.500 And I'm wondering if I got lumped in with, what is it?

00:07:28.340 The Proud Boys or this QAnon people or, or there's not, what's the other one, 4chan or

00:07:36.000 what, what, I don't know what all the groups are.

00:07:38.040 Cause I just don't really, maybe I should pay more attention, but I don't.

00:07:41.500 And I'm wondering if I got lumped into that, somebody made, uh, what they believe was a

00:07:47.100 reputable allegation or claim against a person within my organization.

00:07:51.680 Actually, it was probably you.

00:07:53.160 It was, it was you, wasn't it?

00:07:55.840 Well, I actually know where this is coming from because you said a threat.

00:08:00.000 And then I immediately went like, yeah, of course, because the jujitsu that we cover at

00:08:06.480 legacy and main events is a threat to society because we're bad-ass and we're fully capable

00:08:13.640 men.

00:08:14.860 It's not, but here's the thing.

00:08:16.480 It's not a threat.

00:08:17.360 And I know you're, you're joking, but you're actually not totally wrong, but it's not a

00:08:22.020 threat to society.

00:08:23.180 It's a threat to the individuals who want to control society.

00:08:27.040 That's the problem is that when we talk about men being responsible and being sovereign and

00:08:34.660 being individuals and leading their families well and having their financial house in

00:08:40.040 order, that's not a threat to society.

00:08:43.440 That's a value add to society.

00:08:45.540 The threat is that society becomes less controllable by the powers that be.

00:08:51.200 That's the issue that they're dealing with.

00:08:54.180 So anyways, nothing ever came of it.

00:08:56.400 And I honestly, I hate to say this, but I got to be really frank and forward with you guys

00:09:00.600 on this is like, I didn't say anything about it initially because again, I've got my business.

00:09:07.720 I've got my family.

00:09:09.240 I've got things, you know, and I wish that I would have said something earlier, but I

00:09:14.540 didn't.

00:09:15.100 And now I need to actually start talking about it and make right for that and not sharing

00:09:18.960 that because I do have a right to share that story.

00:09:21.440 I do have the right to speak what's on my mind and experiences and things that have happened

00:09:25.340 to me.

00:09:25.700 So anyways, that's where it was coming from.

00:09:28.780 Very awkward, very strange, very scary for my wife.

00:09:32.640 Not scary.

00:09:33.600 I asked if she was scared.

00:09:34.740 She was pissed.

00:09:36.740 She was like me, very pissed, very upset about what was going on and how it went down and

00:09:41.340 the conversation that was being had.

00:09:42.880 So a lot of, a lot of gaps, a lot of gaps.

00:09:46.840 I wish I could tell you more, but it is what it is.

00:09:52.640 I'd be freaked out a little bit.

00:09:54.040 Well, I was initially, I'm not now because there's nothing and there wasn't then, but

00:09:59.300 there's nothing to be freaked out about, but still, you know, when the FBI comes knocking

00:10:05.940 on your door, that's a, that's a thing you don't ever think you'd have to experience.

00:10:13.260 Yeah, for sure.

00:10:15.520 There you go.

00:10:16.700 There's the story.

00:10:17.480 There you go.

00:10:18.280 There's the story.

00:10:19.380 I know a lot of these guys are like, well, I want it to be better.

00:10:21.460 I wanted them to come in and bust your house down and take your guns away and, and haul 0.94

00:10:27.200 you off and steal your computer.

00:10:28.680 I'm like, sorry to disappoint.

00:10:30.020 Like, I don't want that to happen.

00:10:31.220 And I'm sorry to disappoint you guys that that's not actually what went down.

00:10:34.860 Well, they came into the front door.

00:10:37.020 They sat down in the living room and, and Ryan left his blue belt laying over the couch.

00:10:43.560 That's right.

00:10:44.120 And then all of a sudden, like you notice their eye contact made, made, uh, made their

00:10:48.420 eyes made contact with the blue belt.

00:10:50.200 And eventually like, did you just stop asking questions?

00:10:52.700 And they're like, Hey, you know what, sir?

00:10:54.620 We obviously got the wrong person.

00:10:56.920 That's right.

00:10:57.660 Have a great day.

00:10:58.620 Sorry for the inconvenience.

00:11:00.600 See you.

00:11:01.060 They, they looked at the blue belt and they looked back over to me very slowly.

00:11:04.640 And as they looked at me, I was just nodding.

00:11:07.240 Yes.

00:11:07.740 Up and down with a menacing look.

00:11:09.520 And it was over.

00:11:10.480 And then they saw my sling.

00:11:12.220 I had my sling draped over the couch.

00:11:14.480 I didn't have it on at the time.

00:11:16.440 And they said, well, what's, oh, you have a sling.

00:11:18.920 Did you have surgery?

00:11:19.500 I said, that sling is not for me.

00:11:27.440 All right.

00:11:28.420 Enough of that.

00:11:29.240 Let's move on.

00:11:29.940 That's good.

00:11:30.360 Let's get to some questions.

00:11:31.020 That's pretty good.

00:11:31.460 I am assuming you've been what you binge watched terminal list.

00:11:37.940 I did.

00:11:38.260 I watched it like in three nights, three or four nights.

00:11:40.880 Very good.

00:11:41.700 Very good series.

00:11:42.900 Very good.

00:11:43.580 So good.

00:11:44.400 So yeah, it was good to see Jack make a little cameo, a four-time podcast guest.

00:11:49.980 And just, you know what?

00:11:51.840 Here's the thing about Jack.

00:11:52.920 You guys got to know that some of you don't, I've had the opportunity to spend some time

00:11:56.280 with him and break bread with them.

00:11:57.480 And the very first time I met Jack, I, I asked if you'd come on the podcast and I told him

00:12:02.560 I'd be in his area in Utah.

00:12:04.480 And he said, yeah, why don't you come on over?

00:12:05.940 And he, I had met his wife, um, came to his house.

00:12:09.760 We recorded at his house.

00:12:11.600 And right as I left, he said, Hey, hold on.

00:12:13.820 I got something for you.

00:12:15.260 And I started leaving and he came out and he, he went into his garage and he came back

00:12:20.160 with a bunch of alchemy.

00:12:22.680 And he's like, Hey, could you guys use this?

00:12:24.140 Do you want this?

00:12:24.680 I said, absolutely.

00:12:25.880 It's elk meat.

00:12:26.520 Of course.

00:12:26.940 Yes.

00:12:27.780 And he gave us some meat and there's, there's something special about the hunt community

00:12:33.020 because we all share because that's what you do.

00:12:36.400 Uh, but then there's something special about somebody who's like, Hey, have some of my family's

00:12:40.720 food.

00:12:41.760 His daughter and him shot that it was, I think if I understand correctly, her first elk, uh,

00:12:47.640 and sharing that says a lot about, I think somebody, maybe I'm reading to provide, but

00:12:54.500 no.

00:12:55.440 Well, and I think we need to provide clarity.

00:12:57.220 It's not just their food.

00:12:59.440 It's food that they hunted and it changes the meaning of it.

00:13:03.480 Correct.

00:13:03.840 When, when Matt, our neighbor invites me over of, Hey, I'm cooking some elk.

00:13:08.880 That's special, right?

00:13:10.280 It's not like, Hey, when we went to Costco, we prepped and they got some ground beef at

00:13:14.340 Costco.

00:13:15.240 Yeah, no, this is, it's, it's a very meaningful thing for them to share that because the effort

00:13:20.060 that went into it.

00:13:21.360 Well, and also it's with, with hunting.

00:13:23.920 And I actually believe this is true about any community.

00:13:26.220 So if it's hunting, if it's jujitsu, uh, any interest usually has some sort of community

00:13:32.020 built around it is the beauty of it is that they're shared experiences.

00:13:37.240 So when Jack tells me about him hunting, I can relate to that.

00:13:42.600 That's a, I want to hear about that story.

00:13:44.780 And I'm doing him honor by listening to something that's important to him.

00:13:48.920 And then also learning and gleaning information from what he did, what went well, what didn't

00:13:54.000 go well so that I can become a better hunter.

00:13:56.020 But this is the same for any community.

00:13:58.080 And it's part of the reason why community is so important.

00:14:01.640 And I also think to go back to our previous discussion, it's part of the reason why the

00:14:07.440 powers that be don't want us actually congregating around righteous activities. 0.97

00:14:13.680 That's why you see a dwindling and a dismissal, frankly, uh, and even, even attacks against

00:14:22.820 churches.

00:14:24.060 Because that's where people to go to learn about morality.

00:14:28.440 That's where they go to serve each other. 0.99

00:14:30.620 That's where they go to support and lean on each other.

00:14:33.340 And that's where they go to become independent from any other institution or government that

00:14:38.980 wants power over them.

00:14:40.740 It's the same reason.

00:14:42.200 It's the same government.

00:14:43.260 That's a good point too.

00:14:44.360 I didn't say it.

00:14:44.840 Yes.

00:14:45.040 That is a very good point.

00:14:46.680 It's the other reason why you'll see a continued dismantle of once moral and very powerful communal

00:14:57.020 institutions like the Boy Scouts of America.

00:14:59.440 I started talking about the problems with Boy Scouts about six or seven years ago.

00:15:05.320 The Boy Scouts are done.

00:15:06.960 It's all but dead. 0.97

00:15:08.460 This is ridiculous. 0.98

00:15:09.640 And you know what? 0.99

00:15:10.220 I got mocked.

00:15:11.200 I got ridiculed.

00:15:12.580 I had people say some nasty and vile things to me because of what I was saying about the

00:15:17.380 Boy Scouts two, three, four years later.

00:15:20.620 It's all but non-existent now.

00:15:23.280 Oh, well, you know, we're trying to do good.

00:15:24.780 Well, you know what?

00:15:25.680 Once the tree goes bad, the fruit goes bad.

00:15:29.440 It's just a matter of time.

00:15:30.660 And that's what I was saying.

00:15:31.600 But there's a clear and deliberate intention behind dismantling those.

00:15:35.800 If you want to say it's a spiritual battle, I would agree with you. 0.61

00:15:38.760 If you don't believe it's a spiritual battle, you can bet your butt that it's a temporal one

00:15:43.380 because the government doesn't want you to be strong.

00:15:46.360 It doesn't want you to be capable and it doesn't want you to be moral because you won't depend

00:15:50.700 on the government if that's the case and they cannot pull on your strings.

00:15:55.520 The government really doesn't control.

00:15:57.260 Correct.

00:15:58.340 The government doesn't really want you educated.

00:16:01.940 It wants you to learn how to be a cog in the wheel, which is why you see so much of this

00:16:08.920 permeated through public schooling and also through higher level academia.

00:16:14.360 It doesn't want you to be independent.

00:16:17.620 It's the same thing in the medical community.

00:16:19.640 And I hate to say this, but it really is the same thing in the medical community.

00:16:24.820 I just saw some reports with Big Pharma.

00:16:28.940 They've known for years and years, if not decades, about the – well, I'll say this.

00:16:36.140 They've made some of these drugs for mental illness more than they really are.

00:16:45.240 And they've even shown studies that some of the other – like a placebo, a sugar pill basically

00:16:50.920 works 85% as effective as some of these highly potent, powerful brain-altering chemical drugs.

00:17:00.840 Okay, if you're telling me that the medical – and that's Big Pharma, I know, but it's

00:17:06.180 also peddled by psychiatrists, medical doctors.

00:17:09.580 If you're telling me they don't want you fat, broke, miserable, diseased, ill, and sedated, 0.94

00:17:16.080 think about what they're doing with our young men. 0.97

00:17:18.560 Pumping them full of Adderall and Ritalin.

00:17:21.400 And then we see some school shootings.

00:17:23.520 We see things like this.

00:17:24.640 We see the rise of fatherless homes.

00:17:26.620 Every institution at its highest level is working to undermine and dismantle and diminish

00:17:30.580 the nuclear family.

00:17:32.560 That's by design.

00:17:34.800 We have to understand and acknowledge that that is by design.

00:17:39.660 I think it's a spiritual and temporal battle.

00:17:41.620 But even if you believe it's just a temporal one, it's just as bad.

00:17:45.540 And it leads to the same place.

00:17:47.800 So we better start waking up against what's happening in education, in government, in the

00:17:55.920 medical communities.

00:17:57.680 It's a very scary time, but it's also a pivotal moment where we can decide to wake up and step

00:18:05.220 up or stay sedated and be squashed.

00:18:10.700 Yeah.

00:18:10.720 And a great way to wake up is to, like you mentioned earlier, is join a community of

00:18:17.180 like-minded individuals in which we're fielding the questions from our Facebook group today.

00:18:23.100 So if you haven't joined us there, join us and get connected with like-minded people.

00:18:28.920 It was so great.

00:18:30.100 Like even just last week, Bubba Downs was traveling through town.

00:18:33.620 How nice was it for Bubba to go, hey, in town, called up Clint, grabbed dinner, edified through

00:18:41.300 a great conversation.

00:18:42.480 Why?

00:18:42.880 Because we're aligned in purpose in something greater than ourselves and rising up.

00:18:48.900 And how refreshing that is to be around those kind of guys versus guys that just happen

00:18:54.660 to be your wife's friend's husband or just random dude from high school that you played

00:19:02.460 sports with that is a punk and you don't even care about.

00:19:06.320 So geez, like let's be a little bit more selective in regards to the people that we hang out with.

00:19:12.780 So to join us there, that's facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

00:19:17.360 It is interesting, Kip, that most of the friendships you see with not just men, I think this applies

00:19:23.700 to women as well, just happen to be by proximity by default. 1.00

00:19:28.540 It's your buddy from high school because you live next door to him and you're in a bunch

00:19:31.860 of the same classes and you're, or you played football with him.

00:19:34.540 It's your next door neighbor because he smells you when you're having barbecue and he invited

00:19:39.140 you over for one.

00:19:39.860 And now you feel like you have to invite him over for one.

00:19:42.260 It's the guy that sits next to you in the cubicle and you're both miserable at your job. 0.57

00:19:46.500 And so you talk about how miserable you are together.

00:19:49.340 Now you're miserable together as if that's better. 0.98

00:19:51.820 It's worse actually.

00:19:53.700 That's how most guys go about it.

00:19:56.180 Yet then you look at every facet of their life, whether they're doing it or not, they

00:20:00.040 all know they should have clearly defined goals and objectives.

00:20:03.360 Again, whether they're doing it or not, every man knows that if I want to get in shape, I

00:20:08.420 have to have a clear goal and a strategy for making it happen.

00:20:11.860 If I want to start a business or get a promotion or make more money or get out of debt, then I

00:20:16.800 have to have a clear goal and a strategy for making that happen.

00:20:20.260 We understand that in every context of our lives, except relationships.

00:20:26.840 We just don't do it in relationships.

00:20:29.460 And if we do, or somebody teaches us how to do it, our knee-jerk reaction is, well, you

00:20:35.580 know, this is manipulative.

00:20:37.900 I'm just gaming this.

00:20:38.940 I can't, I'm trying to build, and you're telling me I should, I should have a system

00:20:44.060 or I should have a process.

00:20:45.660 And I should, yes, yes.

00:20:46.980 That's what I'm telling you.

00:20:48.500 And if you can be more deliberate and intentional about the relationships that you have, just

00:20:53.160 like your food plan and your meal prep, the better results you're going to experience.

00:20:57.800 So don't, and by the way, your next door neighbor might actually be one of those guys that you

00:21:03.200 want to have, but you better figure it out.

00:21:05.800 You better put it through a litmus test and really find out if that's the guy you want

00:21:09.900 in your corner.

00:21:10.640 And if he wants you in his corner.

00:21:13.080 Yeah.

00:21:13.360 And I don't know about you, Ryan, but as I get older, I realized I only have so much

00:21:17.340 energy.

00:21:18.820 And so even, and don't get me wrong. 0.95

00:21:20.560 It's like, if, if I have a neighbor that doesn't make the cut, it's not like I'm a jerk to them.

00:21:25.300 It's not like I disown them or whatever, but I got to be intentional in regards to where

00:21:30.600 I spend my time.

00:21:31.980 And it's not a discredit to them, or it's not like they're not valuable human beings.

00:21:36.780 It's just, if, if I'm going to be intentional with my energy and my time, I should be spending

00:21:42.680 it with individuals that meet the cut.

00:21:46.420 Correct.

00:21:46.500 That's absolutely correct.

00:21:48.460 You, again, you need to be deliberate and intentional.

00:21:51.100 I'm going to share a Friday field notes this week.

00:21:53.160 So you guys please listen, cause it's important.

00:21:54.940 I feel like over the past 60 days or so, roughly I've fallen off a little bit, like physically,

00:22:01.780 mentally fallen behind.

00:22:02.940 I'm going to explain why that is on Friday.

00:22:06.340 But I also have been getting on track over the past several weeks and what, and I have a

00:22:12.620 list of reasons I've been documenting them all.

00:22:14.560 I've got them all written right here because I want to share them with you.

00:22:17.200 And one of the things that I've written down is just being more protective of my time and

00:22:25.000 knowing that if something doesn't align with my goals and ambitions professionally and

00:22:30.920 personally, it's a no.

00:22:32.500 It's just a no, it's gotta be a no, because I felt like what was happening is because of the

00:22:38.700 success of order of man and other facets of my life, there was so many opportunities and all

00:22:44.240 these bright, shiny objects and everything was so busy.

00:22:47.500 And I just became consumed.

00:22:49.260 And rather than dealing with it, I withdrew and I retreated and I shut it out.

00:22:55.880 So I'd go through the motions, but I actually wasn't being deliberate and intentional about it.

00:23:01.200 And it really hasn't been until these last several weeks where I've realized, okay, that's the

00:23:06.280 problem is that rather than addressing it correctly, I disengaged and I retreated because

00:23:12.500 I was so overwhelmed, man, you don't have to do that. You can do what you want to do.

00:23:17.900 You just can't do everything. And this goes to what you were saying about time.

00:23:22.380 I can't give everybody the same amount of time that I would like to. Kip, I'd love to get on the

00:23:28.360 phone with everybody who listens to this podcast and have an hour long conversation every Tuesday

00:23:33.300 like you and I do. I would love to be able to do that. And I actually tried to do things like

00:23:38.500 that because I thought that was the right thing to do. And then I realized I'm going crazy.

00:23:44.760 I'm going crazy and I'm not being productive. I'm not being effective. I'm withdrawing from

00:23:50.960 situations and I'm failing myself and my family, my business and you who are listening.

00:23:57.140 So I've got to say, no, I can't spend all my time with and for other people.

00:24:02.360 And I have to be more selective in how I do this.

00:24:05.100 When you say withdrawing, are you maybe said another way, just not being fully present.

00:24:12.040 So giving, giving a hundred percent to that in which you're committed to, because you've said

00:24:16.680 yes to too many things. So now everything's a little maybe half-assed or you're just not giving

00:24:21.680 your all. And then the quality is being affected. Yeah. Things would fall through the cracks. I was

00:24:26.340 dropping the ball. I was letting people down. Then I was feeling guilty because I couldn't give

00:24:32.100 everybody all the attention I wanted to, or all the projects I wanted to attention. And then I wasn't,

00:24:36.420 I wasn't getting them done. So now I feel doubly guilty because now I'm not even following through

00:24:42.860 my commitments. And now I'm have confidence issues because I'm not doing out of integrity needs to be

00:24:49.280 done. That integrity gap that we were talking about a couple of weeks ago, it's a brutal cycle.

00:24:54.840 And it really doesn't stop until you realize that you're in the cycle and that you put your foot

00:25:01.260 down and you prioritize and realize what you're going to say yes to, and what you're going to say

00:25:05.500 no to. I had three people email me today. Well, over the weekend, I was getting them to them today

00:25:10.780 because I don't check emails on the weekend. That's a thing. I've got to put those things in

00:25:14.660 place. So I was looking at my emails this morning and I had three podcast requests. Normally I would

00:25:20.000 have said, yeah, let me see. Let me look at my calendar. Okay. You know, Wednesday at four 30.

00:25:24.400 Yeah. Tuesday at two. Okay. And I would sneak them in. And then I was pissed at everybody.

00:25:30.400 I was bugged that I was going on this podcast. So I let that person down. I was bugged at myself

00:25:36.640 because I got a boatload of other work to do. And I'm here on this podcast. I don't want to be on.

00:25:41.500 I was pissed that my family wanted me to come to the lake because I was like, well, I'd love to come

00:25:47.600 the lake. Wouldn't that be nice, but I got to do this podcast. So it's like, it's horrible.

00:25:52.080 So I had three this morning and I wrote all of them back. And I simply said, I appreciate the invite.

00:25:57.740 What you're doing sounds incredible, but I've made the decision at this stage not to do podcasts.

00:26:04.080 I might change down the road, but the answer is no, but I wish you the best. And I appreciate the

00:26:09.760 invite all the best to you. Oh my gosh. Kip, like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders

00:26:17.000 because I'm saying no. All right. Questions. I hope on Friday, you go into how do you deal with,

00:26:27.240 first off, I can't relate to the whole FOMO thing. It's not a thing for me, but it is hard to pass up

00:26:34.740 opportunities. And I don't know, it's just hard to pass up opportunities where there's this chance to

00:26:41.380 maybe grow in a different area or to contribute. And, and how do you get to a point where you can

00:26:48.520 have confidence around your saying no? I mean, and maybe it's just saying no and how you feel

00:26:54.200 about it. But for me, I can't, for me, I think by saying no, sometimes I then second guess that no

00:27:02.560 and go, man, maybe should I have. And then it's still kind of drags with me a little bit. So I don't

00:27:07.560 know, maybe a request from me, you know, if you, if you dive into that aspect, I get it. I get it.

00:27:12.700 You know, I understand it. I'll, I will say this, something that really helped me in the past several

00:27:18.360 weeks was I have a close personal friend who I really admire on a lot of different fronts,

00:27:24.920 but professionally is an incredible human being and is building it's Pete with origin. He's building

00:27:29.560 something amazing. Absolutely amazing. And I see what he's doing and I'm like, man, I got to do that.

00:27:35.480 I got to be like him, you know, not, not create his, recreate his business, but do what he's doing

00:27:42.320 in my business. I'm like, I want to do this and I want, and I'm inspired and I'm motivated by him.

00:27:47.280 And we went to lunch the other day and he's like, he said something and he said it in passing,

00:27:52.080 probably doesn't think much of it, but he said, man, I know where you're at, but I want to tell

00:27:57.100 you, there's no way in a million years I'd be able to do what I'm doing. If I was in your situation

00:28:01.720 where you are with your family, you've got young kids and everything else. And he says, I look at

00:28:08.440 you and it seems like you figured out a way to walk the never ending change of the, of the line

00:28:15.140 between professional and personal life. He's like, that's awesome. And it was, it was really refreshing

00:28:20.820 to hear somebody that I admire as much as I do say, dude, I couldn't, I couldn't do what you're

00:28:28.180 wanting to do. If I was in your shoes, it's like, okay, got it. You're in a different space.

00:28:35.520 And that, isn't that what we do? We look at what everybody else does and it's like, well, you know,

00:28:40.080 I want to have a business like Kip. I want to start a movement like Ryan. I want to run a,

00:28:44.940 an organization and start a brand new hunt line and be connected with these guys like Pete. I want

00:28:48.660 to have a podcast like Joe Rogan. Like we do these things, but we don't accurately look at

00:28:54.840 the stage or the place they are in life that has got them to that, that position. And are we willing

00:29:01.700 to try that? Right. Yeah. Right. It's so tough though. Right. Because of course it's tough because

00:29:09.700 we want to achieve, right. And we want to push forward and we want to kill it. And it's hard not 0.98

00:29:14.960 to, I don't know, want to sacrifice and say yes too many times in an attempt to do that.

00:29:20.420 Well, Kip, here's the interesting thing. The only way that you can have that, where you,

00:29:27.840 where you don't have FOMO, you're not holding yourself to a standard of people that you admire

00:29:32.780 and respect, uh, that you're not aspirational for your own goals and objectives. The only way

00:29:39.140 to have that is for you to be indifferent. Yeah. For you to be a slug. Yeah. Right. It's like,

00:29:48.100 because sometimes don't we wish, like, I'll tell you, I stay up at night. Last night I was doing it

00:29:52.320 and my wheels are turning like, I can hear the gears in my brain just

00:29:58.700 turning about what do I do and how do I grow this and how do I connect and how do I market and how

00:30:04.600 do I this and how do I that? What's my next thing? Hey, the book, what's after that?

00:30:09.060 That's what happens to my brain. And at night, sometimes I'm like, man,

00:30:12.720 I just want to shut this off. The only way for it to be shut off is to be that slug, 0.90

00:30:19.340 to be completely indifferent. And I'm not excited about the prospects of that at all.

00:30:26.020 So we take the good with the bad and we don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

00:30:29.840 And we realize that the reason we have FOMO, the reason that we're motivated by people,

00:30:34.660 the reason that we put ourselves into competition with others is because we're aspirational,

00:30:41.320 is because we're motivated, is because we're hard chargers. And that's a good thing.

00:30:47.620 We just need to figure out as high achievers, talking to all of us who are listening, how to

00:30:53.260 rein it in. It's like riding a horse. The first time you get on a wild Mustang,

00:30:58.820 he's going to buck you off and you won't be able to control it. But you finally start to break that

00:31:03.540 horse a little bit and finally get a saddle on that thing and put some reins on that horse.

00:31:07.940 And all of a sudden you got some power with you now, but it's controlled power.

00:31:14.860 Got it. So all you guys from Sevier, County, and Parowan, it just all came together once we

00:31:20.180 used the analogy of horse breaking. They're like, oh yeah, got it.

00:31:24.780 That's right. Horse, cattle, probably some sheep farmers out there too. Sheep and goat farmers. 0.65

00:31:30.640 Well, you will use better analogies for our Southern Utah brothers.

00:31:35.360 Yeah. Actually, it's funny you say that. I was thinking about a buddy of mine. I think he's,

00:31:40.640 gosh, I think we went to Iraq together. He wrote a great book. He was actually on the Jocko podcast

00:31:45.040 about a month ago. His name's Braxton McCoy. And he's like, he's one of the most manly men that I

00:31:51.240 know. Like when you see him, you're like, yeah, that's the guy. Like that's the picture of a man in

00:31:56.620 the dictionary. And he's just got this awesome mustache and red beard. He looks like a cow. He

00:32:02.680 is a cow. He doesn't look like he is a cowboy. Yeah. I was thinking about him as I was giving 0.98

00:32:07.740 that analogy. Cause I think he would appreciate that. So if you're listening, that was for you,

00:32:12.000 Braxton. All right. Our first question, Marty Otto Seneca. I listened to your most recent episode

00:32:21.600 with Ms. Trish and would like some more info on the point you made about undermining each

00:32:26.540 other. That's all it says about undermining each other. Yeah. So maybe it doesn't ask what kind

00:32:33.580 of clarification. Okay. Well, let me see what I can do. So I think what he's referring to,

00:32:37.520 if I remember correctly, is that when we have a way of approaching our children,

00:32:43.800 it's usually our children or it could be anybody else. It's a third party. Yeah.

00:32:48.620 But alignment. Yeah. Right. If we're out of alignment with each other on something and we're

00:32:53.060 talking with a third party, again, friend, family member, colleague, coworker, kids,

00:32:56.600 whatever, we don't undermine each other in front of each other. Yeah. So if, so if my kid came to my

00:33:04.560 wife and said, uh, Hey, can I have a snack? Then I don't go and, and she says, no, then I don't say,

00:33:13.520 Hey hon, it's okay. It's okay. It's fine. You can have a snack. You don't do that.

00:33:19.100 What you do is when they come to you and they'll pit each other against you, they'll pit you guys

00:33:24.820 against each other. They're so good at manipulation. It's like built in. Yeah. They're

00:33:29.800 so good at it. And so then, then little Timmy or Tommy will come to you. Hey dad, can I have a snack?

00:33:36.700 What did mom just say? That's the correct answer or even better. No,

00:33:40.780 not what did mom say? Cause that's kind of a subservient position. Yeah. 1.00

00:33:46.920 Like, well, I would like you to brush off. Yeah. So the best answer is no mom and I have told you

00:33:53.820 that there's no snacks an hour before dinner. You know that. So don't even ask. Right. I know that's

00:34:00.480 a silly, small example, but that's the point that we're making. And then what we do is we talk

00:34:04.800 afterwards. So I go back to my wife and I say, Hey hon, if we're outside and we're all hanging out and

00:34:09.640 it's, you know, two or three hours before dinner and the kids want to have an ice cream, like I

00:34:14.200 don't see any problem with that, but it sounds like maybe you have an issue with that. Oh no,

00:34:17.240 I only took issue with it because an hour earlier they had an ice cream, but I didn't know that.

00:34:23.020 So you, so you don't undermine in front of each other. You, you are a unified front and then

00:34:28.460 grievances and problems are taken care of behind the scenes so that you can get on the same page and

00:34:35.260 realize where each other are coming from. I got a good example of this.

00:34:39.460 It's a little bit more complex and you can see certain angles. So we have some late property.

00:34:46.000 I have two, I call them teenage boys. Unfortunately, they're more boys than men, but 20 and 18.

00:34:55.220 And they, they ask mom, Hey mom, can we go down to the property and take the jet skis out and kind

00:35:01.020 of chill out down there. And she makes arrangements and, you know, not arrangements, but make some,

00:35:07.820 set some expectations in regards to if that's allowed or whatnot. And, and she gives them,

00:35:15.280 you know, those expectations and clarity around what's acceptable and not acceptable.

00:35:20.960 I, this, she gives me an update and I disagree with some of the expectations.

00:35:25.380 Now at first her tendency was like, well, fine. Like, why don't you just tell the boys opposite

00:35:32.940 them? Right. Like call them up and go, Hey, uh, you know, it's not happening, you know, because now

00:35:37.920 that's, that's me undermining her. Right. I'll, I, let me swoop in and destroy what mom said,

00:35:45.720 undermine her and, and lay down the hammer. 1.00

00:35:47.840 And then you're the dick. Yeah. And then I'm the dick or the flip side is, 1.00

00:35:52.640 so that's one way that I could undermine, or there could be undermining. The other way there 0.98

00:35:57.440 could be, is then we talk, get proper alignment. And then she reaches out to them and goes, Oh,

00:36:04.700 talk to your dad and Nope, you can't do that. And now she just undermined me. 1.00

00:36:10.080 Right. Right. Because of our disagreement. And so it, it's really unified front is really what I

00:36:17.960 think about. You can have disagreement. You can see things differently, but that unified front is

00:36:22.380 so critical. And even a silly thing, like, Hey, Hey, Ian, you want to be able to go? I'm okay with it,

00:36:29.540 but ask your mom. There's a little bit of undermining, even in that status where it's like, Hey,

00:36:34.920 I'm cool. I'm on your side. Mom might be the asshole though. So ask her. I mean,

00:36:39.940 literally like, those are the things that we want to be very careful about. And it's like, Hey,

00:36:45.760 let me think about it. Let me talk to mom, make sure that we're in alignment. And while I'll get

00:36:50.760 back to you, there's a really proper way to honoring her and honoring your relationship,

00:36:56.540 even in those small instances. And, and this is the reason why it's so important to have constant

00:37:04.240 communication with your wife. Now you might say to me, well, Ryan, my wife and I talk all the time.

00:37:09.280 Like when my, we talk at night at dinner and we talk about like the kid's day. And like,

00:37:15.160 if she has a question about something or we need to help, you know, she needs help with the budget

00:37:19.520 or I do, we talk, it's like, that's not what I'm referring to. I'm not talking about the day-to-day

00:37:25.260 minutiae bullshit that yes, you should definitely talk about that stuff. I'm talking about deliberate 0.88

00:37:31.340 and intentional carved out time for more serious family issues. So that when there is a request

00:37:39.720 like this, and she says, Hey, hon, the boys wanted to go. And I told them, and now I'm kind of thinking

00:37:44.880 about it and I probably shouldn't have what, what, what should we do next time? Or what, what do you

00:37:49.860 think about that? Right. You, but you can't do that if you don't have time carved out in the day for

00:37:54.280 it because your day is already maxed out. So you've got to carve out time to do that, to,

00:37:59.540 to communicate. There's another problem. Actually, if you're not doing that, if you don't have

00:38:04.440 effective communication with her, there's a problem here with your, with your scenario.

00:38:08.520 Let's say she came to you and said, Hey, I think it's okay. The boys go,

00:38:12.940 here's the conditions I gave them. And you're like, well, no, they, here's the,

00:38:17.120 here's the other conditions. Here's the risk you could run. Now you're a bully to your wife.

00:38:24.280 Yeah. And she sees that, or at least she experiences it, whether it's consciously or 0.91

00:38:30.040 subconsciously. Well, how come I don't get to say it's always Kip's way. He's what does he think?

00:38:34.960 He just runs everything. And yeah, based on my belief, let me, I'll say like this, based on my

00:38:41.660 belief, you are the patriarch of the home. So yes, in a way my, what I say goes like, that's the dynamic

00:38:49.460 of our home. I think that's the proper way to set up a family structure, but that's not to say that

00:38:55.420 I'm dismissive of my wife's perspective and opinion and feedback and concern. I care about

00:39:03.100 those things and I want to make sure that we're on the same page. So I better communicate to her

00:39:07.180 why it's so important that we do it this way, or you know what, here's something you could do.

00:39:12.580 Try this. Your wife makes a decision and she makes a good decision instead of going in and saying, 0.98

00:39:21.480 well, you know, I would do this and that. And just say, hon, that was awesome. And I agree with

00:39:25.900 all of that. That was so great. Period. You don't need to beat her up if there's nothing to beat her 1.00

00:39:32.480 up about, but some of us will. I've done it. We're all guilty of it. Totally. Well, even in my

00:39:37.440 circumstance, you know, in retrospect, I'm looking at the circumstance and I, it was a bitch session, 1.00

00:39:43.480 right? It was like, oh man, well, how about these things and blah, blah, blah. Well, what are you 0.97

00:39:48.060 suggesting? Like, what am I suggesting if not undermine her and re-communicate and crush the

00:39:53.960 plans and the expectations that were already set? However, if I communicated in a way of, hey, here's

00:40:00.140 some concern for next time, something to consider for next time, because my concern is, is blah, blah,

00:40:05.680 blah, blah. Knowing that it's already been communicated. I don't want to undermine what

00:40:09.800 we've done. I don't want to, you know what I mean? Disrupt what was already communicated and agreed

00:40:14.600 upon. But next time they go, maybe a few things to consider because here's my concerns. Yeah. Yeah.

00:40:22.880 Effective communication goes a long ways. All right. What else we got?

00:40:26.260 All right. Rudy Vander Viver. Rudy Vander Viver. I promise that's the name. What is the best way we can

00:40:32.600 create a space of open communication with either our family, wife, business, friends, and et cetera?

00:40:38.540 How do you help those that struggle with communication be more open to discussion and ideas

00:40:42.800 to help solve situations, come to resolutions, and, and, or make plans to create better outcomes?

00:40:49.720 I feel like we've answered this question in a lot of ways. So here's what I'm going to say. I'm

00:40:53.340 going to give you something different that I'm not sure I've really ever harped on. And it's very,

00:40:58.220 very important because yeah, you can carve out time and you can tell her you want to talk. You can do

00:41:03.620 all those things and you know, those things. Yeah. The tactics of it. Yeah. Yes. Here's what you need

00:41:08.620 to know. The way that you respond when somebody does something that you want them to do is going to

00:41:17.360 determine whether or not they do it again or do something different. Totally. So let's say your wife 1.00

00:41:24.180 comes to you. And she's like, ah, after dinner, we put the kids down, we go to bed and we, after

00:41:31.300 dinner, she's like, ah, today was such a long day. Like one of the kids threw up and the other one

00:41:36.620 got in a fight at school. And then little Timmy got a D on his report card and man, it was just hard.

00:41:42.480 And then my mom called and she's struggling and she misses us. And like, like she just unloads on you.

00:41:48.420 And you're like, hon, hon, hon, just, I can't, I'm busy. Like it's been a long day at work for me

00:41:55.620 too. And I just, I can't, he like, I don't care about little Timmy's poopy diaper. I don't care

00:42:01.860 about what your mom's upset about. Okay. I just can't do this right now. And then two days later

00:42:07.160 you go to her and you're like, hon, I'd really like to work on our communication. I'd like to carve

00:42:12.500 out time for communication. What's, what's going on? Nothing. Well, how come you never talked to me?

00:42:19.660 It's funny. Cause we know what it's like. Cause we've all done it. So the answer to creating and

00:42:25.640 fostering an environment of effective communication is when somebody actually communicates with you,

00:42:31.920 you handle it in a positive way. So when your wife says, Hey, little Timmy had a crappy diaper

00:42:39.280 and then he puked and this person, this and that, and you're like, I really don't want to hear about

00:42:42.740 this. You don't say that you say, Oh man, that does sound like a tough day. I'm sorry. Is there

00:42:50.040 anything I can do to help? No, I just wanted to let you know. Thank you. It's important. Your,

00:42:55.000 your day is important to me. That must be hard. I don't know how you do it. Cause I would go nuts

00:42:59.380 in that situation, man. She's going to be, she's going to share it with you next time, right? She's

00:43:06.440 going to open up. And also when you want to talk with her about something she doesn't want to hear

00:43:12.660 about, there's all sorts of things. I talked to my wife about jujitsu. Sometimes I'm like, Hey,

00:43:17.720 let me show you this move I learned. And so we go on the front room. She doesn't want to do that.

00:43:22.820 She doesn't care or even about my business. Hey hon, like this is cool. And like, like check out

00:43:27.680 this technology. She cares because she knows I care about the things. And sometimes I make sacrifices.

00:43:34.380 And so she's going to do the same. That's the only way is the way that you behave in moments of

00:43:43.420 communication will dictate how people will communicate with you moving forward. 0.99

00:43:49.220 I think for so much of this has to do with just us having our stuff together, like having our shit 0.99

00:43:56.700 together, right? Because the time that it's hardest to listen to is when we're feeling sorry for 0.98

00:44:02.620 ourselves. When, when I want to be hurt, I don't want to help. I'm too busy. Like, or I'm running

00:44:08.080 my own story. So I, I'm incapable of emotionally caring for another because I want that to be done

00:44:16.200 for me. Yeah. And it's just really stresses the importance of just getting your stuff together so

00:44:22.620 we can be in a position to serve better and not be a reactionary to what, what occurs.

00:44:28.560 One of the things that I'm really good at is when my wife has a grievance of some sort and vocalizes 0.72

00:44:37.980 that to me, I'm really good at making it her fault. I'm not saying that as a redeeming quality guys.

00:44:50.240 Yeah. But I acknowledge that about myself. She's like, Hey, you've been this and this and this. Well,

00:44:55.140 the reason is, is because the house is messy or the reason is, is because the kids are just about,

00:45:02.380 they don't even know when to come in. You can't even keep control of them during the day.

00:45:06.320 Yeah. That's something I personally need to work on is just saying, Oh, you know what? Yeah. I can

00:45:12.780 see that. I need to come up with some systems for boundaries in the office or taking care of the

00:45:17.960 space or something, but there's a different, I know there's a different way to handle that. I just want

00:45:21.920 to acknowledge that because like, I'm not, I'm not telling you guys this because I have it figured

00:45:27.060 out. I'm actually going to go back and listen and be like, Oh yeah, that's a good idea. I didn't need

00:45:30.200 to do that. Yeah. All these, all these scenarios are just running through my head of like, Oh yeah,

00:45:36.260 I don't handle that very well. Mine is way more, more critical. I, I, I will complain about how she's 1.00

00:45:43.560 communicating. So I'm open to tip, but Oh honey, the way you should say that is this way. Right.

00:45:50.840 Oh, that's, that's gotta be lovely. Yeah. You're like, it's not always, that's not true. What you

00:45:57.980 should say is I feel like not, I am, you know, I'm like, which does not help the case at all.

00:46:05.520 The best thing to do is tell her to calm down. That's always the best option. 0.76

00:46:10.820 Yeah. One, one more thing that I do. You need to go for a walk. You need to go for a walk.

00:46:16.420 You're too emotional. Yeah. Another thing that I do, I think it's important. We acknowledge how

00:46:23.340 crappy we are at this is I have a really short temper and, and I have even more so, cause again,

00:46:30.780 this stems from what I was telling you guys about earlier. Stress too much. Stress too much. Yeah.

00:46:35.140 So rather than go from zero to, you know, one or two and deal with something that needs to be dealt

00:46:40.580 with, I go from zero to 10. And then I I'm actually pretty good. And I'm saying this with sincerity,

00:46:48.360 I am pretty good at recognizing where I went wrong quickly and then trying to fix it. I'm actually

00:46:56.460 pretty good at that. So one thing I'll do is I'll go from zero to 10 and blow up and piss 0.97

00:47:02.140 everybody off and make everybody mad and rile them all up. And then I'll go to my wife and I'll say, 0.90

00:47:06.880 Hey, you know what? I handled that situation wrong. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that.

00:47:11.140 Which is pulling that off within a 20, like definitely a 24 hour window, usually even just

00:47:17.860 several hours like that. It's usually just like a couple hours. I'm like, Oh crap. Yep. There you go.

00:47:24.620 Dummy. You did it again, you know, and then you have to go fix it. And that, so here's, 0.93

00:47:29.020 here's what, because, okay. Because that's my personality of like zero to a hundred and then

00:47:35.160 a hundred back down to zero very quickly because I do that. When I go to my wife and I say, Hey, 0.89

00:47:41.700 you know what? I handled that incorrectly. I yelled at you. I yelled at the kids. I made

00:47:44.580 everybody feel bad. I'm really sorry about that. She doesn't immediately forgive me. And I'm like,

00:47:49.180 what's your problem? I said, sorry. And now you're going to be short with me all day.

00:47:56.180 Hey, like, where are you? These are things I need to work on. Like we, I'm just, you guys are

00:48:01.860 laughing. I know you are because y'all do the same thing. We're all the same. We're a little bit

00:48:08.000 different, but we're all the same. These are things all of us can work on. Yeah. You're 24 hours. I'm

00:48:14.100 about 24 days is kind of what I'm working on. Really? No, not that bad, but I have a hard time

00:48:22.360 because what, once again, it's busy and I'll be like, all right, I need to have that communication.

00:48:29.460 But by then it's nine, it's 10. I'm like, I want to go to bed. I don't want to do this before we go

00:48:35.160 to bed. Cause it gets drawn out and then it will be up late and I'll blow it off. Yeah. Out of

00:48:41.460 convenience. That's my, yeah. Like I know I should have those conversations. I don't have them as fast

00:48:49.020 as I should. Yeah. Yeah. My personality tends to be just by nature. I'm a bit of a worrier.

00:48:56.720 And so when things are wrong, I worry about them and I try to fix them like fast. Cause I want to

00:49:04.960 get it resolved, whether it's a business thing or a relationship thing or whatever. I'm like, Hey,

00:49:10.360 that, that was an issue. That was a problem. Now I want to resolve it fast so I can drive on. I can

00:49:13.980 get past it and move on with it. And I know that about my personality is, is just, I worry and I

00:49:21.600 fret over those things. And so I, I want to bring it up. Like, I don't want to dwell on something

00:49:26.360 longer than it needs to be dwelt, dwelt upon. If that's the right way to say it. And, and I just

00:49:32.800 want to fix it so then we can put it behind us and then move on. And I know we'll never move on.

00:49:38.260 At least I won't because I'm a worrier. I'll never move on until I check this thing off the box.

00:49:44.700 Yeah. And that makes sense. Why you're kind of like Trish, I resolved it. Let's, let's move on.

00:49:49.640 Right. Like let's be happy now. Don't keep this on my plate because I wanted to get it off.

00:49:54.620 Yep. Exactly. I guess the point, another point here guys is to know yourself too. Like no,

00:50:00.800 no, how you respond, no, where you step in it, no, how you are good at resolving things. Cause

00:50:06.040 being a worrier and wanting to resolve things, that's not a bad trait,

00:50:11.200 but if it conflicts with how somebody else might approach it, then it becomes not something positive.

00:50:20.120 So know yourself. All right. What else we got?

00:50:22.880 Jake opinion. I go to a men's ministry, uh, Saturday mornings. That is exactly how you've

00:50:29.720 described church men's groups. Feminized. Since I found order of man, you've helped me change my 0.92

00:50:35.780 mentality. And I find more often than not, I'm disappointed with men's ministries. 0.99

00:50:40.740 What would you, what would be your approach to a men's group that is just, isn't checking your boxes?

00:50:48.520 Well, I think, I think we first have an obligation to try to fix our situation in our environment.

00:50:54.680 So a lot of times people would just withdraw immediately. Like I'm out, man. What if you

00:50:59.560 could have been the guy, all of those people needed? Not only, not only that, it represents a

00:51:04.800 tremendous opportunity for you to make something of yourself, right? Like think about at work.

00:51:13.080 You see a problem at work and you're like, they don't pay me for this. I'm out of here.

00:51:19.400 Okay. That's what most men would do. They don't pay me enough for this bullshit. I'm out.

00:51:23.840 Well, what if you just waited a second and try to figure out what the problem is. And then you went

00:51:28.920 to your boss and you're like, Hey boss, the company I was with before actually had this exact same deal.

00:51:34.340 And I shared with them a 10 point plan on how to resolve it. And within 60 days, we were getting

00:51:39.160 more money. We were selling bigger contracts. Receivables went, went, or the, I don't even know

00:51:45.720 if they're called receivables or collection or whatever went down. And, and I would love to share

00:51:50.580 that plan with you if you're interested. And maybe your boss says, Oh, no, we're good. Okay.

00:51:55.280 Well, no, you tried, you know, that's what men do. We try to make ourselves a resource and a value

00:52:00.420 add to the environment. Or he might say, actually, I am pretty interested in that. And even better,

00:52:05.780 he might say, well, Hey, you know, Ryan seems like it worked. Why don't you, would you be interested

00:52:10.540 in implementing that? Now I can't give you a raise. I can't give you a promotion or anything like

00:52:15.260 that, but man, would you be willing to head that up? Like, why do we say no? I know why we do.

00:52:20.580 They don't pay me. That's not my job description. Oh, if you want me to do it,

00:52:24.120 you got to pay me more, but why don't you figure it out? And maybe you actually fixing the problem.

00:52:28.840 A boss thinks, Whoa, Ryan just solved that problem in six months. We've been dealing with

00:52:34.240 that for six years. Maybe I had to look at this guy a little bit closer. Now, maybe you do it and

00:52:40.200 nothing ever comes of it. And that happens over and over again. And at some point, yes, you're being

00:52:44.180 abused. Yes. Yeah. But at least give yourself a fighting chance. Okay. So now to go back to church.

00:52:50.580 Same thing. Let's say you love your church congregation, your pastor, your preacher,

00:52:54.760 your whoever is a phenomenal human being. You love their sermons. You love what he has to say.

00:52:59.000 He's got balls and you can stand up against crazy cultural things, but the men's group just sucks. 0.99

00:53:07.300 Fix it. That's the first thing you do. You don't retreat. The first thing you do is you try to fix it. 0.99

00:53:13.020 And here's what I would do. And I've talked about it before. I'd go to whoever heads it up.

00:53:16.780 And I'd say, Hey, you know, I really like you guys. I would really want to make sure that

00:53:22.440 selfishly that I'm served by being here, but also I think I really want you and the guys to be served.

00:53:27.920 And I think there's some really cool things we did at my previous congregation. That would be a lot of

00:53:31.860 fun here. I actually have access to a shooting range and I would like to invite all the men to

00:53:38.100 the shooting range on, uh, on Wednesday evening at six o'clock on, on me. You guys just, if you have

00:53:44.760 a gun, cool. If not, I'll take care of it. You know, everybody pitching 20 bucks will buy 20 bucks.

00:53:49.820 Won't buy much ammo anymore, but you know what I'm saying?

00:53:53.460 Everyone gets a shot.

00:53:54.760 Yeah. Everyone shoots one shot shoots once, not as in one turn, just literally one squeeze of the

00:54:00.340 trigger, but you, but you, you set it up and then they get there and you're like, Hey, you talk to

00:54:08.040 the guy in charge. If you're in charge, Kip, I'd say, Kip can't, here's what I'm thinking for the

00:54:11.900 evening, but I'm going to defer to you. You just let me know. Um, I would like to, when we get to

00:54:15.980 the range, I would like to open it with a prayer. Cause I think it's important that we pray. This is a,

00:54:21.740 this is a spiritual congregation. Uh, and then I would like to share a scripture reference on

00:54:27.340 the importance of being able to defend yourself and take care of the people that you love.

00:54:32.160 And then we will shoot and then we'll, and I'll just close it out with a prayer at the end of the

00:54:37.180 evening. Is that cool with you? He's going to love that. He doesn't have to do anything.

00:54:43.840 You make him look like a rockstar. You play to his vanity, which, you know, he's in charge.

00:54:48.380 And by the way, when you give the prayer, you say, Hey, I just want to first and foremost,

00:54:52.000 thank Kip for helping me organize this and getting you guys. I'm telling you what we think

00:54:59.580 it's, it's true. It's like, well, he shouldn't be like, this is church. Well, he is. So get over

00:55:04.200 it. Hey, I just want to thank Kip. I don't know if you guys know how much Kip cares about you guys.

00:55:09.420 Like he genuinely loves you guys. He wants to serve. He wants you to win. And he was gracious

00:55:14.100 enough to take out one of your guys's activities. And I wanted to share something with you that I love

00:55:19.680 and that I think would be valuable for all of us. So first and foremost, Kip, thank you for doing

00:55:23.720 this. Let's open it up with a prayer. Man, that's how you do it. You go and you do activities men want

00:55:30.440 to do, but you have to have a spiritual undertone, which is the prayer and the scripture that ties

00:55:36.020 into the message, but go to jujitsu, go train, go serve, go run a marathon, go to the shooting range,

00:55:43.920 do a golf outing. There's do a barbecue. Hey guys, family barbecue tonight. And

00:55:49.060 have like a chili cook all the guys, all the guys in the congregation, you make your best chili and

00:55:56.200 we're going to have a blind taste test. And we're going to dub the winner, you know, the best chili

00:55:59.720 in this congregation. It's, it's not hard stuff. You just have to assert yourself and go out of your

00:56:06.560 way. And I'm telling you with a hundred percent certainty, the guy who's leading your men's group

00:56:13.340 in your church right now with 100% certainty. If you do it, the way we're telling you to do it,

00:56:19.480 we'll be ecstatic about what you're doing. He's not going to reject that. If he does,

00:56:26.580 I would take some issue with the congregation. Cause that's a sign of maybe some, some disease

00:56:32.300 within the, within the, the group. Yeah. Listening to you, I think I started constantly,

00:56:41.160 what is it that we get hung up on? And I think there's huge power in getting clarity and commitment

00:56:49.640 to the strategic outcome or the desired outcome and intent. So you can connect with it and realize,

00:56:57.940 okay, wait, this, this brother that's running this men's group, ultimately, what is he trying

00:57:03.540 to achieve? We're trying to bring these guys together. We're trying to create strong community

00:57:07.620 so we can uplift each other. Awesome. Like I can get behind that. Now, once I'm connected to that,

00:57:13.680 I can go, okay, well, Ryan is just going about it. Maybe a little different and wrong.

00:57:19.900 And, and, and, and now I'm my judgment on you as an individual and how it's being approached

00:57:25.720 kind of goes out the window a little bit. And I think that, oh, okay. It's just not effective.

00:57:31.320 And, but I understand that you and I are both aligned with what we're trying to accomplish.

00:57:37.000 And then it's easier to emotionally get behind different approaches and strategies to ultimately

00:57:43.900 reach that outcome. Far too often. I think we get wrapped up in the how, and it's like, oh,

00:57:48.440 they're wrong. They're wrong. They're wrong. Guess what? You're probably both fully aligned

00:57:52.780 with the desired outcome. How you're getting there is the only difference. And, and that kind of gives

00:57:59.060 us the, I don't know what I'm looking for, like the discipline and the motivation to stay committed

00:58:04.940 to the cause of change versus just bailing. Yeah. Yeah. It's a great point. I love it.

00:58:12.440 Well, Kip, why don't we take one more and then we'll wrap things up for the day.

00:58:15.380 Okay. Sounds good. Well, geez, let me find a good one really quick. Cause we have three more. We,

00:58:21.180 we probably talked a little, I was worried that we wouldn't have enough questions today.

00:58:24.600 Well, we, we talked about a lot of, a lot of other things. I've just got a busy day. I've got a,

00:58:29.220 well, I'm going to be doing more reading of my book today. So you guys need to know that is that

00:58:33.680 when the book, the masculinity manifesto comes out, it will be available on audible as well.

00:58:38.400 And then I've got an electrician who just got here. I need to go talk with him in about 10 minutes

00:58:42.620 because he's wiring the big, huge industrial fans in the barn to cool us off in there. So.

00:58:50.080 Exciting time. So we don't slide off the third floor.

00:58:54.600 Yeah. No, actually the fans will be below the third deck. So I'll have to buy two more chopped.

00:59:00.420 Yeah. So it drops you into the hole and you got to shoot the gap without getting diced.

00:59:04.780 No, then we'll buy two more and we'll put them up on the top deck. It's going to be amazing.

00:59:08.440 All right. Jay Denmark, his questions around just toxic people. What is the best way to deal with

00:59:14.080 toxic people? How to tell the difference between someone joking and being disrespectful.

00:59:19.380 Where's that line? I always see negative. I always see negativity towards others,

00:59:25.260 especially my coworkers picking on one of my younger coworkers who is 18. I'm not sure whether

00:59:30.360 to step in and say something or try to lead by influence. I'm just not sure.

00:59:36.520 No, I think I would step in and say something because Kip, let's say you're, you're being that

00:59:42.120 person of the 18 year old when appropriate. I probably wouldn't tell a boss this because

00:59:47.080 it's not really your appropriate place to do that. But I would befriend the 18 year old in that case.

00:59:52.420 I'd be like, Hey man, like I know sometimes it can be challenging. It's all new stuff. And there's

00:59:57.260 a lot of guys here, a lot of, you know, a lot of whatever going around. Like, don't, don't talk

01:00:02.400 about your boss by the way. Don't do that. But Hey, look, I know how hard it is. It's a stressful

01:00:06.320 environment. I get it. So befriend that person. But if you're in the position, I'd say,

01:00:10.140 Hey Kip, man, quietly, privately. Hey Kip, can I share something with you? Yeah. Hey,

01:00:18.360 I think you're joking because I know you, we've, we've got a good friendship and, and you kind of

01:00:22.940 have a sarcastic personality. But, but Bill, you get on him and I don't think you know how it affects

01:00:32.200 him because he's actually having a hard time working here because he's not reading your sarcasm

01:00:38.900 and sarcasm. He thinks you're being a jerk. I don't think you are. I think you mean, well, 1.00

01:00:43.400 I think the reason you joke with him is because he's part of the team and that's what we do as men.

01:00:49.940 Right. But I, I just do what it, with it, what you want. I just wanted to bring it to your attention

01:00:55.700 because I want to have a good work environment. And I know you do too. And we want to make this guy

01:01:00.680 feel welcome because he's a kick-ass employee. So just something to be aware of. And that's a great

01:01:06.360 non-threatening way just to bring it up the first time. Totally. Totally.

01:01:11.220 So I don't think sarcastic people are, I really don't think they're generally assholes. I think 0.97

01:01:18.740 that they probably lacks, not all, not all sarcastic people, but a lot of them lack some confidence and

01:01:25.480 there might be some integrity issues there and they hide it by being snarky and sarcastic.

01:01:31.520 And I don't even think subconsciously they're trying to elevate themselves above people.

01:01:37.760 I think they're trying to elevate themselves against who they know they are.

01:01:44.620 Like they're not trying to prove that they're better than you. They're trying to prove that

01:01:49.720 they're better than they actually are themselves. And the way to do it is by making snarky comments

01:01:57.200 that could be misinterpreted very easily as being rude or negative. But if you do that and then in

01:02:04.900 addition, befriend the 18-year-old, even if that doesn't work out in that environment, that's manly

01:02:11.220 to me. That's befriending the kid and then talking with the peer. That's just the right, when you say,

01:02:19.700 hey, don't worry about all this stuff. Well, like Marcus really, waste no more time arguing what a man

01:02:23.800 should do or will be, be one. That's what a man is. That's what a man would do.

01:02:30.360 The secret sauce that you said that I think is profound is you didn't say you are being this way

01:02:36.200 or it seems as though, or you might consider that way allowed the boss to come to that conclusion on

01:02:44.420 your own. And you're just sharing what you're seeing and sharing it as not as a judgment, but

01:02:51.760 but just an awareness or a thought that you might have. And that's non-threatening. You take that same

01:02:58.500 exact conversation and say, hey, want to give you a heads up. When you joke around with Tommy,

01:03:03.880 do you're being a complete ass. And he's pissed off when you're treating that way. 0.99

01:03:08.460 One, that's not even true. That's your interpretation of it anyway. And he's going

01:03:14.360 to take that front and be highly defensive towards that type of statement versus you just sharing

01:03:19.600 what you're observing. Well, think about each of those little role plays that we did. When

01:03:25.420 you go and talk with Tommy, you're like, hey man, I know it can be a rough environment. I work here too.

01:03:31.360 I know it can be challenging. It's very stressful, but I just want you to know you're doing a great job.

01:03:35.120 I really appreciate working with you. What are you doing? You're putting yourself on the same team.

01:03:41.240 Now you're on his team. That's what you want with other people. We're on the same team. Hey man,

01:03:46.020 we're on the same team. Then when you go to the peer or whoever, and you say, hey, I don't know if

01:03:51.740 you understand. I know you want a great work environment. So do I. We all want to be here and

01:03:56.260 work in a great environment. And I don't know if you know, but sometimes Tommy interprets that as

01:04:02.040 negativity, I don't think you're being that way. I just think it's, it's easy for him to read it

01:04:06.680 that way. But man, like you, I want to create a winning environment too. What did I just do?

01:04:12.180 We're on the same team. You're on my team. I'm on your team. Just like if I was on a football team

01:04:17.900 and I'd be like, hey, Kip, man, I've noticed that, uh, that one particular play that block is seems to

01:04:24.860 be a challenge. Um, it's, it's hard for you to hit that block, but it's crucial because we want the

01:04:31.040 team to win. Am I missing something? Like, is there some confusion about it or, uh, you know,

01:04:36.900 what I would say that to a teammate on a football field? Cause I want to win. And so does he, by the

01:04:43.300 way, even the guy that's missing the block wants to win. Of course he does. Yeah. You got to put

01:04:48.040 yourself on the same team, but what was the first part of that question? Best way to deal with toxic

01:04:52.680 people, toxic people. Yeah. Difference between joking and being disrespectful. So this goes back to what I

01:04:59.220 was saying about from me going from zero to 10, like don't go from zero to this person's a toxic, 0.87

01:05:05.880 toxic, horrible human being just as escalated. So, okay. Let's just say, Hey, so zero is, 0.75

01:05:15.460 is he's a decent person, right? Like everybody starts at zero in my book. You're all a zero.

01:05:20.420 You're all decent people unless you prove otherwise. And then you start getting into the negatives.

01:05:24.160 And then if you do above and beyond, I think you're exceptional, not just decent. Now you're

01:05:27.980 exceptional. So everybody starts a decent with me. Okay. And then if you prove some things,

01:05:34.620 I don't go from decent to a fricking asshole. I go from decent to he's not a great communicator. 0.99

01:05:41.660 Still decent. He's not a great communicator. Then I might go from decent to not a great communicator

01:05:48.000 to man, that guy's probably really hurting. He's probably got some baggage. Like he's, he, he probably,

01:05:56.740 well, either, I think one of two things, either was abused as a kid or was dropped on his head as a

01:06:01.200 kid, but not, not, I don't think he's a horrible human being yet. And I just work up that chain.

01:06:09.460 And then I address it as appropriate based on where he is on that, on that tier. And at some point,

01:06:15.540 yeah, you're going to hit asshole status and we're going to have an asshole reaction, 0.99

01:06:21.140 but everything else has to have had happened prior to that event. And I don't even think you'll get to 0.99

01:06:27.760 that event. I think either the behavior will change or you'll leave, which is also appropriate. If

01:06:33.660 you're in that environment and everybody's at this 10 up here, if you've done, like we talked about on

01:06:39.840 the previous question, if you've done everything you can as a man and you've tried to affect change,

01:06:44.080 not happening, you probably ought to remove yourself from the environment, which is why it's

01:06:48.600 so important to do the other things that we talk about, which is to make yourself valuable,

01:06:52.880 to get yourself financially free, to get yourself sovereign, to learn how to network really well.

01:06:58.980 So if you ever find yourself in one of those environments, you have what I call a walkaway fund, 0.99

01:07:04.920 or some people call an FU fund, where if I was ever in that situation and Kip, you were a real jerk, 0.98

01:07:11.340 I could say, Hey, thanks. I'm out of here. Well, when's your last day? Yesterday. Because we've 0.99

01:07:17.600 had these conversations over and over and over again, and I'm not going to be here and be treated

01:07:23.220 this way and work in this kind of environment. I wish you the best. I hope something changes,

01:07:27.480 but I'm out. And there's nothing you can hold over my head to say, well, well, you know,

01:07:32.760 I couldn't get your paycheck next week. That's okay. I'm trying not to get all hyped up here.

01:07:37.680 That's okay. I got $500,000 in the bank. I don't need, it would be nice. I don't need the $4,000

01:07:44.820 paycheck you owe me. I'm going to be okay. And $4,000 ain't worth my self-respect. Bye.

01:07:52.020 But that's way down the line, way down the line. So get everything in order before you get to that

01:07:56.620 point. I have to say this one thing, because I think people say that they think this all the time.

01:08:01.880 You said, I think we can paraphrase that in the conversation today, that we should look to the

01:08:08.560 opportunity to impact and change and not just be so quick to bell out. And I think when it comes to

01:08:13.980 relationships, that opportunity to have change occur and impact is found in relationship,

01:08:21.800 not the judgment. So if I'm struggling with you, it can't be superficial, right? If I want to cause

01:08:29.640 changing you, I need to establish a relationship. I need to understand you. What makes him tick?

01:08:35.040 Why does he come across so abrasive or aggressive and literally get to know you? If it's always

01:08:45.480 superficial, I'm never in a position of influence and thus there's never going to be change.

01:08:51.760 And now it requires some effort and you'll have to have some balance in regards to how much you need

01:08:57.660 to invest in those relationships. But that change is found in establishing of a relationship,

01:09:02.680 which ultimately will give you empathy and understanding. Judgment is just superficial

01:09:07.520 and you'll never get to the root of anything. And no one's going to listen to you if you don't have

01:09:12.560 an established relationship of some sort. They will, as long as you're superior in some way in the

01:09:21.060 hierarchy to them. But that's not a great way to build commitment. I think I talked about it last

01:09:28.520 week. You'll get compliance with people. I can get people to comply. I want people to be committed

01:09:37.000 to it. And that requires what you're saying, the relationship.

01:09:39.840 Totally. Cool. All right, brother. Let's wrap it up. Let's call it a day.

01:09:44.660 Yeah. So, I mean, really call to action is join us, band with us, be part of our community. If you

01:09:52.140 haven't already, join the Facebook group at facebook.com slash groups slash order of man

01:09:57.300 and connect with Mr. Mickler on the socials, Instagram, and Twitter at Ryan Mickler. And as

01:10:02.940 always, you can get your order of man swag from the store. That's store.orderofman.com.

01:10:07.720 Excellent. All right, you guys. Great questions. We monopolized a bit of the time early on and

01:10:13.140 didn't get to your questions. So, we'll save the few that we didn't get to for next week. Appreciate

01:10:17.420 it all. And we'll catch you on Friday. Remember, I'm doing that Friday field notes about getting

01:10:23.120 off track and ways that I've got back on track. So, make sure you're subscribed. All right, guys.

01:10:27.740 We'll see you on Friday. Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

01:10:32.320 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:10:36.820 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

Creating a Unified Front, Finding a Calling Greater than Ourselves, and Building Men's Groups in the Church ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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