Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, man? Glad to be joining you for another round

00:00:27.660 of Ask Me Anything. I think you have a slight glow. I think someone's been messing around

00:00:34.460 on the mats, maybe. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't be drawing any attention

00:00:40.080 to me. Don't be calling me out. None of that stuff. Just don't worry about it.

00:00:45.240 You have a little extra training in here when no one else is training.

00:00:48.800 You'll find out when we roll next whether I've been training or not, but I can neither confirm

00:00:52.520 nor deny whether I have. I got a message from Marcus. You remember Marcus? He was talking trash

00:01:00.360 with you last time he came training. Yeah. He said he was going to choke me with my beard, 0.98

00:01:04.360 so I cut it off. I'm like, what are you going to do now? Marcus is like, happy Brown Belt Day. 0.68

00:01:09.540 It's been two years. Has it really? Yeah. And we're chatting this morning. I thought,

00:01:13.760 I don't think I'm any better than I was in that photo, and it's been two years. I don't know if

00:01:19.220 that's a good sign. What would be an average time for somebody who trains regularly, let's say

00:01:28.720 three to five days a week, for them to go from brown to black? Brown to black? I think it's 1.00

00:01:36.780 probably about average three years. Three years, if you're training three to five days a week

00:01:42.420 consistently. Yeah. So for you, it'll probably be like six years, seven years, somewhere in there.

00:01:50.100 Got it. Check. For me, we're looking at maybe two years. I got it. Six months. I just want to get on,

00:01:56.020 you know, just figure this out. Holy cow though. Yesterday, man, when I rolled, I almost lost my

00:02:01.060 lunch twice. Like legit, like my stomach wasn't queasy. I was legitimately on the verge of puking

00:02:08.040 out my guts. I was like, and it's only been two months, man. And I'm, and I'm, it's not like I'm

00:02:13.580 not active. Like I'm still training. I'm still running. I'm still lifting weights, you know? So

00:02:18.180 the cardio is just brutal, but I caught my second wind about four, four rolls in and felt actually

00:02:24.740 pretty good. Also known as anger. Yeah. Yeah. Just, yeah. Just got pissed enough that, yeah.

00:02:31.640 Well, and what's funny is it doesn't, I don't even know if it's, it's just different cardio,

00:02:35.540 right? Cause you, you can have guys that are like runners and then get on the mat and they're just

00:02:40.460 like gassing out. So it's just, yeah. I remember that when, so I did CrossFit, uh, for like I

00:02:46.880 started CrossFit about five, six years ago and I got pretty heavy into it for a couple of years.

00:02:51.180 And then I had a buddy of mine who came down and he stayed with me from Northern Utah and I invited

00:02:56.060 him. I'm like, Hey, I'm going to train in the morning. You want to come? He's like, yeah, sure.

00:02:58.480 And he's, he's strong. He's physical. He's, he's always in good shape and it just demolished him.

00:03:04.840 And I was like, why? I like, I didn't, it was hard for me to wrap my head around, but

00:03:09.040 yeah, everything's just so different. And the body's ability to adapt to what you're asking of

00:03:14.360 it is, is insane. Like if you're telling it to run, like I think of Cam Haynes, for example,

00:03:19.060 the guy runs marathons on his lunch break and people are like, Oh, how can you do that? How are

00:03:22.800 your ankles and knees? And he's like, yeah, my, I've just been doing it so long. My body is just,

00:03:27.260 this is what I demand of it. And then you have other guys who are in the gym, you know,

00:03:32.280 strength training, power, power lifting. I think like Brandon Lilly, for example, and you know,

00:03:38.120 he, he adapted to power lifting the way that his, or Chris Duffin is another great example,

00:03:42.560 just adapted to what the body required. And then you have jujitsu guys and their bodies adapt to that.

00:03:49.440 And then you cross over to something else and it just, you think you're strong. You think you're

00:03:53.880 capable and in good shape and you are for what you're doing, but not necessarily for a different

00:03:59.260 practice. Yeah, totally. Totally. Cool, man. Well, lucky you. Yeah. Feels good. Yeah. I remember

00:04:08.660 I went to your, right before this COVID-19 thing broke out, broke out. And this was how it broke

00:04:13.180 out. You came to my gym and that's how it spread. Yeah. I brought it back here to Maine. Dude,

00:04:18.060 I've been in the army. I'm an, I'm immune to everything. There's, there's nothing. I probably

00:04:23.140 have some parasite or something that kills all the viruses anyway. So, well, I say that about being

00:04:27.560 raised on a farm. I'm like, yeah, same thing. How much crap has been through my body? Like,

00:04:31.380 yeah, exactly. Like literally crap. Totally. Um, I was, I was thinking about it and it was actually 0.99

00:04:38.620 funny because I remember seeing something at your gym, in fact, and it said something to the effect

00:04:44.020 of like, this was right before like everything kind of broke out. And it said something, it was a memo

00:04:49.280 and it said like, due to the Corona virus, we're not going to shake hands or something anymore. And I'm like,

00:04:53.840 what the hell? I was that a joke or was that serious? 0.86

00:04:59.920 I don't know because I remember that same sign. I'm like, okay, hold on. So when I shake hands,

00:05:04.520 but I'm going to like full out, just sweat into your mouth. Right. Right. Yeah. I thought he,

00:05:11.400 I thought it was a joke, but like, it was so official. I'm like, I don't know. Maybe they're

00:05:15.460 being like, maybe they're being serious about this. Yeah. Cause it's the hands that transfer. It's

00:05:20.280 not nothing. Yeah. We don't want to do like, it'd be funny. You go into the gym. They don't do like

00:05:24.340 fist bump before they roll. They're just like, sorry, we're not going to do that. And then you

00:05:27.340 just get right into rolling. Okay. Whatever. Yeah. Actually, I think there's actually something

00:05:33.640 to be said for, uh, I don't know. I'm, I guess I was going to say, I'm going to tread lightly and I

00:05:39.400 don't, yeah, I just want to be like empathetic to what's going on and aware and intelligent about it.

00:05:44.420 But I also think there's something to be said for, you know, being out in public, being around other

00:05:49.700 people building up the antibodies and, and, and strengthening up your immune system through

00:05:55.100 social interaction, through the things that we do. I'm not saying we need to be reckless about it,

00:06:00.020 but I kind of, at this point question, like is isolation and making your immune system weaker,

00:06:05.060 the best strategy? I don't know. It's tough, man. Well, there's so many, there's some ideas.

00:06:10.260 Yeah. There's some surveys coming out of New York about some of the people that,

00:06:14.520 that the highest percentage of individuals with COVID-19 are ones that were isolated in their home.

00:06:19.540 Yes. And not moving around. So, right. I don't know. I, I, I think in the grand scheme of things,

00:06:25.700 you know, there's a whole lot of data that we don't know. And then over time, you know,

00:06:29.880 we'll probably look back at this and go, Oh yeah, that's not what we thought it was,

00:06:33.860 or you know what I mean? And we'll be able to understand and have some retrospective or at least

00:06:38.580 hopefully we do. I just think, I just think there's, this is being taken as like an opportunity to

00:06:46.900 like wrestle some control. You know, there's probably some validity to it, but not to the

00:06:54.080 degree that we're being led to believe. And it's a very powerful moment for the government to wrestle

00:06:59.980 control over our lives, over our finances and the economy, over the way that we, we show up and what

00:07:07.200 we're doing and the conversations that we're having. I'm in fact, I'm working on getting somebody

00:07:12.860 on the podcast. In fact, he, he agreed to come on. He's a police officer. I don't know all the

00:07:17.720 details, but he's a police officer. And he posted a video like, Hey, I'm not going to enforce this

00:07:23.400 stuff. Like some of this stuff is unconstitutional. And just because some, some member of the chain of

00:07:29.540 command, like my, my chief or, or a governor or a mayor says that we have to enforce these,

00:07:36.420 these codes or these orders, like they don't get to supersede what the constitution says.

00:07:42.860 Yeah. So he, he put this video out and it's been viewed millions and millions of times just in

00:07:50.340 the past couple of days. And, uh, and, and he basically he's, he got fired. His, his police

00:07:57.820 department fired him or, or he's on quote unquote administrative leave until they do an investigation

00:08:02.880 and they told him to take the video down. He's like, no, I'm not taking that video down. And last

00:08:07.000 I heard he was fired. So I just reached out to him. He's like, yeah, man, I want to come on the

00:08:11.500 podcast. He's like, in all honesty, the past 48 hours have just been unreal. Uh, but yeah,

00:08:18.100 I want to come on and talk about it. So he's going to come on. And I was looking, they're

00:08:21.480 doing like a go fund me for him. It seems like if I remember correctly, again, this is just

00:08:25.660 in the past 48 hours, they had a goal. Somebody, a family member or friend had set up a go fund

00:08:30.300 me for him and his family. Cause he doesn't have work now. And it was like $50,000 was the

00:08:35.320 goal. He's at like 200 plus thousand dollars already. So yeah, for sure. And that just

00:08:41.700 proves that people are like, no, we, we back that right. We back his approach. Exactly.

00:08:46.580 Exactly. So pretty wild stuff, man. We'll, uh, we'll see how it all plays out. Well, let's

00:08:51.180 get into some questions for sure. Yeah. So we're fielding questions today from our Facebook

00:08:55.920 group to join us there, go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man. All right. You're

00:09:02.180 ready for these. I don't know. I'm a little nervous. It's not like we've done 200 of them

00:09:06.860 or whatever. You guys have never heard these questions before. These are unique questions.

00:09:13.060 Never be heard. Never heard before questions. All right. Let's get out. All right. Kurt Leach

00:09:18.500 in a recent podcast, you mentioned that your calibration objective this quarter was to finish

00:09:23.420 some work in your barn. The way the battle plan is laid out in my head, I probably would

00:09:28.260 have chosen to put this underneath contribution. You often run into situations where you have

00:09:33.260 an objective that you want to accomplish that would fit in multiple quadrants. How do you

00:09:38.160 approach these situations? Yeah. Every single objective you could possibly think of spans multiple

00:09:45.380 quadrants. You know, like if, for example, um, well, here's the one he's talking about with

00:09:53.640 the barn is, is my goal. And I changed that by the way. And so I'll tell you that in a minute,

00:09:57.300 but the initially it was the barn to do the barn renovation and build out. And it would definitely

00:10:02.180 fall into contribution. He's right. Like it would definitely fall into contribution because I'm

00:10:06.060 building that barn for the events that we're doing and, and, and, and make business kind of

00:10:11.200 related. Yeah. But for me, that actually having the time to just be out there and, and work with

00:10:18.100 my hands and swing the sledgehammer and see the progress, like that really helps me. That's like

00:10:25.380 a form. I hate, I hate to say it, but it's like a form of meditation in a way. Like I just get lost.

00:10:30.240 Yeah, exactly. So that's why I put it there. And I had other things for other components, but guys,

00:10:37.180 we don't make decisions in a vacuum. And this is actually a very good thing, regardless of where you

00:10:42.440 start on the self-improvement journey. Like I actually talk a lot about starting in the gym,

00:10:46.360 start with your physical health. I just think it's the lowest barrier to entry. I think you'll

00:10:50.960 see the results quicker than any other facet. And it translates perfectly over into other

00:10:57.120 quadrants of your life. So that's where I recommend starting, but that's not where you

00:11:01.420 have to start because if you decided, you know what, I'm just going to start with my, my spiritual

00:11:07.020 wellbeing. And you decided, okay, I'm going to read, I'm going to read scriptures every single

00:11:12.420 morning for 15 minutes. I mean, that's going to help you be a better husband.

00:11:16.360 Yeah. It's going to help you connect better with your kids. It's going to help you lead

00:11:19.340 more effectively at work. It's going to, it's, it's going to help every facet of your life.

00:11:23.040 If you decide I'm going to get in shape. Uh, and so I'm going to, I'm going to focus first

00:11:28.120 on spending an hour in the gym every single day. And I'm not going to eat any crap, like

00:11:32.280 no processed sugars, processed foods, that sort of thing. And that's the only two things you did.

00:11:37.300 You're going to be a better husband. You're going to be a more energetic father. You're going

00:11:42.340 to be a more successful employee or business owner because of that thing. So we, it, that's

00:11:48.760 the beauty of it. It doesn't matter where you plug into the system. What matters is that you plug in

00:11:54.200 and then you'll see that this is all cyclical and it all is interconnected in, in, in ways that maybe

00:12:00.060 you didn't even initially think. So yeah, that's why I chose to put it into calibration. Although

00:12:05.060 to, I can't remember who asked this question to his point, Kurt to Kurt's point. Yeah. It could

00:12:11.340 have very easily fallen into another quadrant. I just happened to put it here because that was

00:12:16.480 appropriate for me. So what do you say to the guy, the, the opposite scenario where a guy goes,

00:12:22.820 oh, you know, I just, I'm going to double down on this one thing and I'm not going to. Yeah. So

00:12:27.700 what's, what's the advice there? Cause you're right. It bleeds over, but there's some risk too,

00:12:32.860 to just saying I'm focused on contribution for instance. Yeah. Well, so let me, let me play out

00:12:37.700 a scenario, which is actually fairly common. Like I'll hear a lot of guys, young, young men.

00:12:43.140 Hey, I'm in school right now. And I'm just, I'm so swamped with classes and that's my focus.

00:12:49.320 It's everything. Right. And so they don't do anything else and I get it. I understand. And I

00:12:56.300 also believe to a degree that we have seasons in our lives, right? And seasons start and seasons end.

00:13:00.680 And they're usually short term, 90 days, you know, six months, a year, and then they're done.

00:13:07.260 So yeah, I understand that, but I just think that you're doing yourself a huge disservice.

00:13:12.320 If you're in school, as an example, and you're not taking care of your mental health,

00:13:17.520 like you'd carving out just a little bit of time. I'm not talking about hours and hours a week. I'm

00:13:23.120 talking about 10 minutes here, 15 minutes, every single morning. And you carve that out of your day.

00:13:28.960 Everything else will be more effective. Like you'll be a more, a diligent and a successful

00:13:36.340 student because, because you're doing that. Your level of focus to study and to get your test scores

00:13:43.460 right and where they need to be and to be engaged will go up because you took 15 minutes to think

00:13:48.340 about your mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing, or because you took 30 minutes to go in

00:13:53.440 and exercise. You're just going to be a better student. So it is tempting to think that because

00:14:00.100 it is a season and you have to be hyper-focused on this one thing that you shouldn't do anything else.

00:14:06.100 I just, I don't think that's, I don't think that's advantageous. I don't. I think, I think you're just

00:14:12.140 going to burn out very quickly. Okay. For you guys listening to podcasts that, that you're, you're,

00:14:17.740 you might be hearing some new terms, right? Like contribution and calibration and quadrants and

00:14:24.700 battle plans and those kinds of things to learn more. There's really a handful of things. Uh,

00:14:29.180 one, you can get Ryan's book sovereignty, which really lays out the entire approach around battle

00:14:35.460 plans and these four different quadrants and how we can use them to become more effective.

00:14:39.180 You can also get your hands on those battle plans, um, at the order of man store,

00:14:43.500 store.orderofman.com. All right. Yeah. Can I give one more thing real quick on that? Um,

00:14:49.260 so in two weeks I'm coming out with a free course. It's available to anybody. It's called four weeks

00:14:54.240 to battle ready or battle readiness. I struggle with the name cause we don't have, have it quite

00:14:59.420 pinned down, but four weeks to battle readiness. So if you just go to our website, orderofman.com

00:15:04.420 and sign up for our emails, you'll be the first to be notified when that course is available. And it's

00:15:09.880 a 30 day course that comes directly to your email inbox, gives you actionable strategies that you

00:15:14.960 need to do every single day. You can focus on those things and it'll walk you through everything that

00:15:19.640 we're talking about, but ultimately it's not about what we're talking about. It's about producing

00:15:23.240 the results that you want over the course of a 30 day timeframe. So yeah, that's, that's what it's

00:15:29.400 about. Love it. All right. Robert McDowell. One of the things his, uh, this pandemic has brought to

00:15:36.440 the forefront of my awareness is how disconnected we've become in knowing and understanding the

00:15:41.520 purpose of our constitution and the rights and responsibilities we have as American citizens.

00:15:46.720 Have you considered having a guest on who would be considered a constitutional scholar,

00:15:51.520 someone who could do our enthusiasm as well as informed citizens that you have done, uh, that what

00:15:57.240 you have done for encouraging males to become better men? Uh, I'm open to that. I have not considered

00:16:03.120 that specifically, but yeah, I'm certainly open to that. I actually think somebody who would be

00:16:07.100 really good would be Mark Levin. Like I think Mark Levin would be the perfect individual. I mean,

00:16:12.080 he's highly, highly intelligent. Um, if I understand and know correctly, I believe he's,

00:16:17.880 he's a lawyer, I believe is his background. Um, and he knows the constitution inside and out.

00:16:23.820 Like he's somebody I think would be very good, but if you have other suggestions, then let me know.

00:16:27.760 Cause I'm certainly open to that. Cause I agree. We don't, we don't know. And it's unfortunate. Like

00:16:32.080 how many people don't understand the, the, the rights, uh, that we have and how this country

00:16:40.120 was, was founded. It's actually pretty disturbing. Isn't the group, uh, was it a heritage foundation?

00:16:46.000 Heritage foundation. Yeah. I'm wondering if they have some good resources because that's like

00:16:49.920 kind of their bread and butter, right? Yeah. Yeah. I was signed up for their stuff for a while,

00:16:54.060 or I was getting their, their, uh, their newsletter. I think it was called in primus or primus

00:17:00.340 or in primus or something like that. Anyways. Yeah. Uh, either way, I agree with Robert,

00:17:04.500 man. I think that would be a great episode. I'd be really interested in that. Yeah, for sure.

00:17:09.160 We've got some good ones coming out, man. We've got, so I saw your list the other day on your

00:17:12.980 Instagram. That was slick. I mean, that's look like we've got, we've got some very powerful guys

00:17:18.160 coming on. Like I just had a great interview, uh, with Matt Fraser, the second person to win four

00:17:23.680 consecutive CrossFit titles. Uh, so he, I just had a really, really good conversation with him

00:17:29.320 yesterday. That one will be released. Yeah, I'm sure. Keep telling yourself that maybe,

00:17:36.240 maybe it's jujitsu. I don't know. Well, that's what I, that's the, that's the only thing I meant.

00:17:40.800 Yeah. Um, so I had him, Steven Pressfield, the author of Gates of Fire, which I'm reading. I

00:17:47.540 haven't read yet, but I'm reading now. Have you read that book? No. Holy cow. That's an awesome book.

00:17:53.240 Really? Awesome. Gates of Fire. Gates of Fire. It's about, um, the Spartans and the battle of

00:17:58.620 Thermopylae, which is like, everybody knows 300, right? The movie 300. That's the battle of

00:18:03.080 Thermopylae. So this is actually the historical account of it. It's really good. Oh, the, because

00:18:08.380 they, that's right. The passage was right. It gave you fire, right? Yeah. Yep. So, um, and then he

00:18:15.560 wrote the, uh, art of war, excuse me, the war of art, war of art, war of art. And that's a great,

00:18:23.180 I really enjoyed that book. That's one of my favorites. Yeah. Uh, and then the, his follow-up to

00:18:27.960 the war of art was, uh, I think it's called do the work. I think that he also wrote, if I,

00:18:34.360 if I understand correctly, he wrote the legends of Bagger Vance. So really the guys, yeah, the guy's

00:18:39.460 very talented. He's coming on, uh, Dave Rubin, the author of don't burn this book that, that one

00:18:45.300 should be really interesting. I'm sure people will hate me and despise me. Cause I had him on

00:18:49.020 cause he's, he's conservative. Yeah. Uh, which is interesting because kind of a polarized guy,

00:18:54.160 he's polarizing, but it's interesting. Cause he is conservative. He used to be ultra left.

00:18:58.340 He's, he's gay and he believes in abortion, but he's a conservative. It's like really interesting

00:19:04.820 guy. Yeah. Very fascinating man. So I'm excited to have him on. Um, but look, this is the power

00:19:10.560 of just asking people like just asking them, right. And, and, and swinging for the fences.

00:19:16.480 I've got a, I've got a great lineup of potential guests and people I want to have on. And I've

00:19:20.460 had a couple of people turn me down over the past several weeks, but I'm taking the at-bats

00:19:24.360 taking the rips. So yeah, I love it. Yep. Okay. Gary Gray, Ryan, my job is typically an action

00:19:32.620 packed job in college athletics where I thrive on adrenaline. However, during this shutdown

00:19:37.820 phase of college athletics, working alone each day, I find it very dull and so far out of ordinary.

00:19:43.780 Do you have one tip or word of advice to help those who usually function in a very upbeat

00:19:49.140 environment with lots of people pushing through this period of dullness? Thanks.

00:19:53.960 Yeah. I still think you can create challenge with not only yourself, but with other people.

00:19:59.580 Cause if you're looking at sports, college sports, I mean, you're a competitive environment. You're

00:20:04.440 probably more of a red personality. I imagine at that level, you kind of have to be, it seems like

00:20:10.160 to be competitive and to win and to be successful in that, in that Avenue. So I would just rally people

00:20:16.900 together. Maybe there's some competitions that you can do online, you know, like where you guys do a

00:20:21.540 workout or you do a thing. And then you guys all submit your scores online and you get on a zoom

00:20:27.180 call and you talk trash with each other and compete and just make it a good time. Make it, make it fun.

00:20:32.580 But also making yourself the project. And I've talked about this and I've used this term before

00:20:36.340 is like, just make yourself the project, you know, like what, what area of your life can you try

00:20:40.700 something new, something you'd never done before? How can you gradually level up? Uh, for me, you

00:20:46.100 know, like I was going to say jujitsu, but again, that's limited. Right. But, uh, guitar, I've talked

00:20:51.200 about that over the past several weeks. Like I actually just have a lot of fun seeing how I've

00:20:55.280 improved. And I was playing last night. Uh, and it was, it was funny. Cause my wife was there reading

00:21:00.180 and I was like playing and she's like, Hey, do you mind if I go read in the other room?

00:21:04.240 Like, I'm like, what? It doesn't sound good. She's like, you're like the kid that's like

00:21:09.480 practice your drum drums. Yeah. But I was, so she left, she did go in the other room while I was

00:21:15.840 playing. And then I was like, man, I don't sound awesome. I know that, but I actually sound better

00:21:20.120 than I did two weeks ago. Yeah. Right. And so you start to see those incremental improvements and it

00:21:25.060 feels good and it feels exciting and it re-energizes you and gives you some motivation to keep going.

00:21:29.140 Uh, so make yourself the project, look for things that, that normally you haven't done,

00:21:34.240 and look, the way you view this is important too. If you're like, this sucks, this is dull, 0.64

00:21:40.520 this is miserable. I hate my life. Then you're making it worse. Like you're taking a bad situation 1.00

00:21:46.480 and you're making it worse because it's self-fulfilling prophecy. And I'm not saying

00:21:51.220 you have to put your head in the sand to be ignorant and pretend like everything is amazing,

00:21:54.760 but maybe it's actually a pretty good moment to focus on some things that you've never considered

00:22:00.460 before that you've always wanted to do, but never had the space and margin to do.

00:22:04.240 it. And you could really use this time as an opportunity for your own personal growth and

00:22:09.040 development. What if instead of thinking this was dull, you're like, no, this is actually really

00:22:13.200 exciting because I get to write that book I've always wanted to write. Or I get to pick up that

00:22:17.640 new hobby that I've always wanted to participate in. Or I get to think about a way that I can take my

00:22:23.840 college athlete training and make it available online. I'd never thought about that before. I didn't

00:22:30.940 have the space to think about it, but now I can make it available online. And you're giving all

00:22:34.980 these, these thoughts to these like new ideas and perspectives that had never been considered

00:22:40.140 before. So yeah, the circumstances have changed. I think in a way you're believing that the default

00:22:46.620 is this, just a shitty situation. It's not, it's not, it's actually a very powerful situation filled

00:22:53.660 with opportunities for you to create something. So look at it that way and then find a way to create

00:22:59.800 something, build yourself into something more, look for ways to add value. This goes back to the

00:23:05.580 contribution objective we were talking about earlier, add value to your athletes. You can do

00:23:10.040 this if you look at it that way, as opposed to like, I'm dull, I'm dull. It's boring. Like, how do I,

00:23:14.700 how do I fix this? Well, you fix it. You create new opportunities.

00:23:17.660 Yeah. And Gary, I think the iron council is a perfect example of that, right? I, we we've done

00:23:23.120 pushup challenges. We have other challenges in, in, in the past. We continue to do monthly challenges

00:23:28.200 and it, you know, I found myself running a, I think ended up running 16 miles on a Saturday morning 0.96

00:23:34.340 because of stupid challenges in the iron council. Right. And I probably wouldn't have done that if I 0.98

00:23:40.080 didn't have guys on my team running that morning as well and kind of pushing each other via text message

00:23:45.820 and on, on calls and stuff. And so there, there's lots of ways that we can level up with other

00:23:49.960 people. And I think the iron, iron council is a perfect example of that. We do it on a regular

00:23:54.780 basis. Yeah. Literally what we do. So. And maybe it's not as advantageous as doing it in person,

00:24:00.720 but actually maybe it's better because there's better opportunities, more access to individuals

00:24:06.360 you'd never have access to in any other environment. So yeah, you're like, Oh, face-to-face is always

00:24:11.300 better in a lot of ways. Yeah. But in some ways, like you're going to meet people who you never

00:24:17.240 would have run across. They have different ideas and thoughts and challenges and ideas that you'd

00:24:22.100 never consider before. So in a lot of ways it could actually be better. Yeah, for sure.

00:24:29.660 Austin Meech, after talking, uh, to a couple of close friends, we decided to start a men's group

00:24:35.320 of between five to 10 men aspiring to become better in all aspects of life. What are some tactics we can

00:24:40.700 address to continue to have these meetings as well as cover topics that would keep us engaged in

00:24:45.680 becoming better? Uh, well like question, different angle. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're, yeah, your topics

00:24:52.780 should pertain to each other. So if there's five to 10 of you, I mean, if you're meeting to, let's just

00:24:57.600 say you're meeting every two weeks as an example, uh, and you've got, you know, 10 topics, you know,

00:25:03.720 you're good for four or five, six months. I mean, just, just right off the bat. So what I would do

00:25:08.440 if it were me is I would let each individual pick the weekly topic. So if Kip, you, you and me,

00:25:13.860 and I picked week one or weeks one and two were my topic, I'd give you the heads up and say, okay,

00:25:18.760 Kip, like in, in two weeks, it's going to be your topic. So start thinking about what you want to

00:25:23.080 address. And then that way you're engaged. And then the other cool thing about that is maybe now

00:25:27.920 you moderate those two weeks. So it isn't always the same moderation. I moderate the first two,

00:25:32.880 you moderate the second two, the next guy moderates the third two and so on. Um, I mean,

00:25:38.640 that's what I would do. I don't think this is really that difficult. I think you just have

00:25:42.480 these topics and discussions. I would say, be very, very careful of turning it into a Bible study.

00:25:47.520 And I don't mean literally like studying the Bible. I mean, be very careful of sitting around

00:25:53.040 in a circle and holding each other's hands and singing Kumbaya and praying and like that kind of

00:25:57.200 stuff. I'm not saying that's bad. I'm just saying like what men need. And this is why I think

00:26:02.360 the churches have failed men and continue to fail men because they're doing that. They're preaching

00:26:08.060 to men like they're women. And we know that women bond best in, in communities, right? Looking at each

00:26:15.720 other, facing each other, circling up, facing inwards. That's actually a big difference between

00:26:20.520 women and men. Women, when they circle up, they face inwards towards each other. When men circle up, 0.99

00:26:26.800 what do they do? They face outwards towards the enemy. Yeah. Right. So we naturally as men,

00:26:33.260 we don't want to sit in literal or figurative circles, talking to each other, knee to knee,

00:26:38.400 holding hands and talking about all of our problems. There's a time and a place for that,

00:26:43.120 but very rarely is that like something that we want to do. We can actually address our problems

00:26:48.200 and work through our issues when we're still standing shoulder to shoulder, but we're faced towards

00:26:52.840 enemy, right? So we're engaged in a common objective or against a common enemy. And so

00:26:59.700 we're still working through our issues, but we're doing it together. Like how often I remember this

00:27:05.020 playing sports, me and my buddies, like we would bust each other's balls hard. You know, like, dude, 0.92

00:27:11.380 you screw that up or, Hey, you mess that up. And I mean, I, I remember guys like, yeah, we lost the

00:27:16.400 game because of you. I mean, like heart, like hard stuff. Right. Yeah. And so it's a casual observer

00:27:23.340 looking from the outside in was like, Oh, what an asshole, except for not really, because that forced 1.00

00:27:29.420 me or the other person who had the guilty conscience or who messed up to get better, to improve. 0.99

00:27:34.840 And men really respond and engage in this way. That's why it's very difficult for me. Like when I

00:27:40.920 hear women who are like, Oh guys need this, you guys need to be more vulnerable and need to open up.

00:27:45.520 Yeah. If we were women, we would actually listen to what you have to say and we would apply it. 1.00

00:27:50.580 But anytime a man tries to apply stuff like that, he feels weird and awkward and uncomfortable.

00:27:55.780 And it actually produces the exact opposite result that we're trying to produce.

00:28:01.120 Like women want to feminize men. It's like, Hey, you're what you're saying is actually right. 1.00

00:28:06.940 Like men need to work through their issues. You're right. We do, but we don't need to do it like

00:28:12.060 women. We need to do it like men. Oh, I don't understand that. Right. 1.00

00:28:15.520 Cause you're not a man. So you shouldn't understand it. It's the same thing. When guys say,

00:28:19.840 I don't understand my wife. Well, no shit. You're not a woman. Like why would, what makes 1.00

00:28:24.920 you think that you should understand her? Now you can be empathetic and you can try to see

00:28:29.960 her perspective, but you're never going to fully understand how her brain and body works. 1.00

00:28:34.640 Cause if you did, then you too would be a woman, but you're not. This is why men and women work 1.00

00:28:40.140 well together. Given that we can work through our differences and not fully understand and

00:28:45.980 appreciate the differences that we have to offer. So anyways, I'm getting on a soapbox. What I would

00:28:50.560 say though, is like find something that you can rally against or towards so that your shoulder to

00:28:57.140 shoulder front towards enemy, not sitting in a circle, holding each other's hands and, and,

00:29:02.640 and having this sort of like prayer circle thing. And I get, I'm not talking about necessarily

00:29:07.060 spirituality, but I think you guys get the point. Totally. And I think topics could be tied to

00:29:12.480 activities. So like if I'm covering a topic this week, everyone has homework, do these actions

00:29:19.040 before a call on Thursday. And then we're going to have a talk conversation of what did you struggle?

00:29:24.060 What was the internal dialogue that you had? You know, what did we learn through that experience?

00:29:28.700 It's like the, the more you can tie it to actually take an action. I think you'd get better engagement

00:29:32.820 from men during the actual conversation itself versus just speaking in hypotheticals.

00:29:37.700 Yeah. Well, I think the, I think the thread in that, because I agree with you. And I think the,

00:29:42.200 the foundation of that is responsibility. Yeah. Right. Like if you get some ownership,

00:29:47.280 that's right. You put responsibility and the responsibility doesn't end when this meeting

00:29:52.100 ends. It's like you now, okay, here's what we talked about. Here's what we discussed. Here's what

00:29:55.740 scenarios we went through. Now you have some, you got to shoulder the responsibility, like go out

00:30:00.960 there. Here's your homework. Here's your challenge. Here's your assignment. That's your burden to bear

00:30:05.540 for the team. And then you bring it back with what you've learned. If you're not willing to do that,

00:30:11.820 like, I don't want you in my circle. And if I'm starting a men's group, like I'm going to weed people 0.99

00:30:16.900 out and invite the right people in. And you do that by giving them responsibility. And here's what

00:30:21.260 happens when you give men responsibility. They either step up and you're like, cool, this is a guy I want

00:30:25.340 on my corner or they don't. And one of two things happen more often than not, they leave themselves.

00:30:30.640 They self-select themselves out. Cause they're like, this is stupid. I don't want to be part of 1.00

00:30:36.420 this. All they do is blah, blah, blah. And really what that means is they didn't have what it takes.

00:30:41.380 And that's fine. Like if that's the excuse they want to tell themselves, Hey, if somebody leaves

00:30:46.060 because of that, it's like, cool, that's okay. Like I have no ill will, but you just weren't right for

00:30:51.560 the group. So you want to start selecting these or having them select themselves out of it by giving

00:30:56.680 them responsibility because they will step up or they'll step out and both are good for your group.

00:31:02.640 Yeah. Invite them to commit. And if they don't commit,

00:31:05.180 yeah. What are you some sort of like missionary or something?

00:31:08.860 Oh, is that a commit? Invite them to commit.

00:31:12.040 Well, I'm thinking of like, we do this in work, right? You like you set expectation,

00:31:17.200 but the next thing is, are you going to do it? Expectation. Yeah. Like for sure.

00:31:22.260 Don't just set expectation and then sit back and, you know, have past, you know, commitment.

00:31:27.220 Exactly. Yep. Exactly. All right. You're making, making fun of missionaries.

00:31:33.780 All right. Daniel, I'm making fun of you, not missionaries. 1.00

00:31:37.220 Well, but if that's the answer, did you serve a mission by the way?

00:31:42.640 I did not. I didn't either. Did you?

00:31:44.600 No, I didn't either. Idiots. 1.00

00:31:46.320 So we can make fun of missionaries. 1.00

00:31:49.900 All right. All right. Daniel Zamora,

00:31:52.940 what ways can one use to develop their son's belief in God?

00:31:56.540 Talking about missionaries.

00:31:59.200 One ways to develop your son's belief in God.

00:32:04.780 I mean, I'm trying to think about something different than the obvious answer.

00:32:08.340 Like, oh, read the scriptures and pray and like all that stuff.

00:32:11.320 Right. We call those the primary answers, right?

00:32:14.300 Go to church, read, pray.

00:32:16.700 And they're not wrong, by the way.

00:32:18.100 They're, they're right.

00:32:19.720 But you already know that.

00:32:20.680 Like I'm trying to give you something you don't already know.

00:32:23.960 Actually, you know what I would do?

00:32:25.840 I guess this depends on the age and the maturity level.

00:32:28.280 I would just actually talk with my son about it and, and not like talk, but like get his perspective.

00:32:35.700 Hey, what do you think about God?

00:32:37.840 Yeah.

00:32:38.420 What do you, what do you think about where we come from?

00:32:40.140 What do you think about when we die?

00:32:41.860 And then when he says, well, I think this challenge it like, oh, really?

00:32:45.260 Like what, why, why do you think that?

00:32:47.760 Like encourage him and challenge him to build his own testimony.

00:32:52.780 Right.

00:32:53.140 A lot of, I think parents are afraid of having this conversation because, well, it's awkward,

00:32:59.280 but also somebody who's a religious parent, for example, doesn't want to push their child

00:33:06.120 away from it.

00:33:06.740 So they're like, oh, I don't want to talk about it.

00:33:08.420 Cause what if they go there?

00:33:09.500 Like, isn't that the reason we should talk about it?

00:33:12.220 So I asked my kids, you know, my, my son, my oldest son and I, we enjoy hunting together

00:33:16.120 and I'll ask him questions like not always about God, but sometimes like, what do you

00:33:20.820 want to do with your life?

00:33:21.620 Oh, really?

00:33:22.260 Why do you want to do that?

00:33:23.760 Or we're sitting outside, you know, and we're looking at nature cause we're turkey hunting.

00:33:27.780 And I'm like, man, look at all this stuff.

00:33:29.260 Do you think like this just came together?

00:33:31.380 Do you think God created it?

00:33:32.720 Do you think that it's different than when God created it?

00:33:36.100 If you believe, like, I'm just asking him questions out of genuine curiosity for what he believes,

00:33:41.200 but also the beauty of it is that it encourages him to start thinking about it and formulating

00:33:47.000 connections that he wouldn't have formulated by listening to somebody on the pulpit or hearing

00:33:51.920 my testimony about God.

00:33:54.340 I want him to build and foster his own, which means I need to get him thinking and working

00:33:58.500 through these things.

00:33:59.900 So yeah, just look for opportunities and moments to have some powerful, powerful conversations

00:34:04.720 that normally you just don't have with your kids.

00:34:08.400 And, and I try, I actually feel like one of my strengths is being pretty aware of the

00:34:14.280 relationship I have with my kids and what my objective is and to getting them to be self

00:34:18.620 sufficient human beings and, and fully capable of taking care of themselves.

00:34:24.280 And even like knowing that that to me is a strength that I have, like even still, it's

00:34:29.200 hard for me to get into these deep conversations.

00:34:32.020 Uh, it's just something that I haven't conditioned and trained myself to do.

00:34:36.760 But man, when I do, when I have these kinds of conversations with my kids, it's awesome.

00:34:41.600 Like I'm always amazed and surprised.

00:34:43.980 I'm like, Whoa, like that was deep, you know, for a 12 year old kid to be talking about.

00:34:49.460 And a lot of the times I come away with a perspective that I hadn't even considered before.

00:34:54.340 So yeah, I just think you have these really powerful conversations.

00:34:57.480 And here's what I would say.

00:34:59.560 One more qualifier with these things is don't do it with an intended outcome.

00:35:06.940 Yeah.

00:35:07.980 Just do it with, I'm just curious.

00:35:11.440 Like, I'm just, I'm just curious.

00:35:13.400 I just want to ask good questions.

00:35:14.920 I actually do that with a podcast now.

00:35:16.900 And that's why I think the podcast is part of the reason the podcast is better now than

00:35:20.720 it was four or five years ago.

00:35:21.960 Cause five years ago I would have like scripted questions, scripted, scripted questions and

00:35:27.220 try to control the conversation.

00:35:28.580 That's right.

00:35:29.020 And it's like, got to go this way.

00:35:30.320 And now like, here's, here's some notes from one of my conversations with Scott Carney.

00:35:35.620 I just keep them in this notepad.

00:35:37.260 Um, but like, for example, let me just pull it to one of these pages here.

00:35:42.500 And you're just writing those out as you're talking like, Oh yeah, I'm curious about this.

00:35:46.520 Right.

00:35:46.700 Well, so here's Matt Fraser's, um, notes from yesterday.

00:35:50.080 Like when I started this yesterday, it looked like, it looked like this.

00:35:56.880 So Ryan Moran's coming on this afternoon.

00:35:59.400 Yeah.

00:35:59.860 And that's, that's my notes for our podcast.

00:36:02.460 Yeah.

00:36:03.100 And you're like, what's his name?

00:36:04.460 Yeah.

00:36:04.720 Yeah.

00:36:05.080 Gotta write that down.

00:36:06.140 No, I write that down so I can review back later and know who I'm talking about, but it's

00:36:09.920 a blank page.

00:36:11.460 Look, I have, I'm not saying I don't know anything about this guy.

00:36:14.180 Like I've read his book.

00:36:14.940 I know his topics.

00:36:15.720 I know what he talks about.

00:36:16.700 And then I just leave a blank page and he says something.

00:36:18.880 I'm like, Oh, interesting.

00:36:20.020 Like Matt yesterday, uh, for example, was talking about his, his rules of life, like

00:36:26.080 how he identifies rules of life to live by.

00:36:28.120 And I'm like, Oh, that's actually really fascinating.

00:36:29.740 And you can see, I just wrote it right there.

00:36:31.100 Rules of life.

00:36:32.280 Yeah.

00:36:33.300 Um, and, and that level of curiosity without an intended outcome.

00:36:37.560 Like I didn't get on the podcast thing.

00:36:39.080 Okay.

00:36:39.260 I gotta get Matt to say this one thing about this one situation.

00:36:42.440 I'm like, no, I just want to see where it goes.

00:36:44.540 Yeah.

00:36:44.900 So just be curious, no intended outcome, no, no motive other than to get to know your child

00:36:52.760 and have them think about things that maybe they haven't thought about yet or put, put

00:36:57.660 into, put into words.

00:36:58.900 Yeah.

00:36:59.900 I think, I mean, this is one of those typical examples, I think, or answers that we would

00:37:05.260 have given in the past is like, be the example, you know, kind of thing.

00:37:09.660 But, but I had a little bit of a, an experience just this past weekend around the same conversation

00:37:16.080 where, you know, I called up a buddy and said, Hey, you know, do you have a minute?

00:37:19.500 And let's, which we literally just like went for a walk around the neighborhood and was

00:37:23.000 chatting.

00:37:23.420 And it was funny because in my conversation with him, you know, his approach to the conversation

00:37:31.320 was drastically different than mine.

00:37:33.180 Mine was, Oh, well, that's how life works.

00:37:35.940 And you have tough circumstances and you grow translation in his world was that's how the

00:37:42.480 atonement works.

00:37:43.560 And that's how God helps men change.

00:37:46.480 And, you know, and I'm like, Oh, I didn't even see it that way.

00:37:49.460 Like I approached that like completely from a selfish, I will do it myself, kind of no

00:37:56.360 involvement kind of thing from God in my life where his thought process was drastically

00:38:01.300 different.

00:38:02.000 And a little bit of me like walked away from that conversation from like, well, you know

00:38:05.480 what?

00:38:05.660 I, I don't correlate some of those things that happened in my life religiously enough.

00:38:11.860 Right.

00:38:12.620 And, and because of that, my kids may not hear, hear that in my conversations with them

00:38:18.340 as much as they probably should.

00:38:20.200 So I guess what I'm saying for Daniel is like, there's probably conversations where you're

00:38:26.160 not maybe involving God in your life.

00:38:29.120 And in those conversations enough that, that probably could benefit that relationship with

00:38:35.100 your son.

00:38:36.260 Yeah.

00:38:37.160 Yeah.

00:38:37.840 I like it.

00:38:38.680 All right.

00:38:39.440 Jonathan Pina, uh, what is more important in today's society, IQ or EQ?

00:38:45.580 Thanks.

00:38:46.340 Be safe.

00:38:48.060 Uh, it's, this is a, a false dichotomy.

00:38:51.780 I don't even know what EQ is.

00:38:53.740 Emotional intelligence.

00:38:55.060 Oh, it's so you need to work on your IQ, Kip.

00:38:58.420 No, I'm just kidding.

00:39:01.320 And apparently.

00:39:02.340 So I know what EQ is.

00:39:03.720 Yeah.

00:39:03.900 And me, and me, uh, criticizing you means that I need to work on my, my emotional intelligence.

00:39:09.400 And your EQ.

00:39:10.340 Yeah.

00:39:10.480 That's right.

00:39:11.100 Got it.

00:39:11.720 No, it's, um, it's just a false dichotomy.

00:39:15.380 It's like, why do you have to pick one?

00:39:18.760 Sometimes you need to be intelligent.

00:39:21.080 Like both are important.

00:39:22.680 Right.

00:39:23.400 Yeah.

00:39:23.740 So I just don't, I don't see the point of asking this question.

00:39:28.700 Like, so what if I said emotional intelligence is the right answer that?

00:39:32.920 Okay.

00:39:33.080 So what are you going to do with that information?

00:39:35.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:39:35.460 If you're too dumb to do anything. 1.00

00:39:38.220 But, and I'm not trying to dismiss the question. 0.99

00:39:40.340 I'm just saying like, this isn't, I just don't know what the point of the question is.

00:39:45.540 You should develop both and certain situations are going to call for one or the other, or more

00:39:52.000 heavily weighted towards this or that.

00:39:53.900 Like, for example, when we're talking about the ramifications of COVID-19, then probably

00:40:01.340 the way that we lay out the strategy for overcoming it would be an intelligence discussion.

00:40:08.720 Like we're going to look at the, the facts as objectively as possible, and we're going

00:40:13.820 to make an objective recommendation based on the data and information.

00:40:18.900 Now, the way that you share that with an individual who's going to be directly impacted by the decisions

00:40:26.900 you're going to be making requires a heavy dose of emotional intelligence, right?

00:40:32.480 So there's the logical side, which is important.

00:40:35.140 Why would we dismiss that?

00:40:36.440 And then now how I communicate it is going to be more of the emotional side of things.

00:40:41.660 So that it doesn't like, it's just not a great, like a, not a solid question because

00:40:48.040 the answer doesn't like lead you to anything.

00:40:51.760 Like you need to work on both and you need to understand when both are appropriate, when

00:40:57.200 the other one isn't appropriate.

00:40:59.540 Some people, myself, I need to work probably more on emotional intelligence because I tend

00:41:04.700 to be pretty fact-driven, pretty black and white.

00:41:07.860 There's not a whole lot of gray in my life and this is the way it is because this is the

00:41:12.560 way it is.

00:41:13.640 Yeah.

00:41:14.140 And, and then sometimes that comes off and I, and I communicate it that way because that's

00:41:19.180 how my mind works.

00:41:20.360 And then I end up, you know, hurting friendships or insulting my wife when like, I didn't mean

00:41:26.360 to, it wasn't what I intended, but the way that it was received was insulting.

00:41:31.540 And then looking back on it, I'm like, oh yeah, I could kind of see how that was.

00:41:34.040 Although that wasn't my intention, my intention was like, well, here's the facts, here's the

00:41:37.620 information.

00:41:38.360 What's your problem?

00:41:40.280 Yeah.

00:41:40.840 So some of us need to focus more on emotional intelligence and some of us need to focus on

00:41:44.960 actual intelligence, what, what the situation calls for.

00:41:49.160 And based on your own personal, your, your own personality.

00:41:54.400 Okay.

00:41:55.400 Paul Ives, I took over leading a sixth grade boys youth group virtually because I didn't want

00:42:01.340 to see it fall apart during the quarantine besides faith lessons.

00:42:05.240 We are discussing what other things to do.

00:42:08.820 Uh, what, what other virtual things, uh, do you think we might be helpful in teaching

00:42:13.780 these boys in transition to manhood?

00:42:16.140 First of all, uh, is this Paul Paul?

00:42:19.760 Yep.

00:42:20.460 Awesome job, Paul.

00:42:21.700 Like way to step up.

00:42:23.000 That's what I'd say first.

00:42:24.120 And like above anything else, like I didn't want this to fall apart for sixth grade boys

00:42:28.220 or were they sixth graders or six year old boys?

00:42:31.220 Sixth graders.

00:42:32.180 So they're what?

00:42:32.900 Nine, 10 years old, 10, 10, 11, somewhere in there.

00:42:35.080 11, 10, 11.

00:42:35.980 Yeah.

00:42:36.740 So awesome.

00:42:38.360 I love that.

00:42:39.200 Congratulations.

00:42:39.880 And way to epitomize what we talk about here, which is leading, you know, not even,

00:42:44.260 not just ourselves and our families, but expanding that or you're doing that.

00:42:47.460 You're living that, which is cool.

00:42:49.560 Um, as far as topics, I think he said faith is, is the first thing he said.

00:42:53.740 Yeah.

00:42:54.500 Besides faith lessons.

00:42:56.180 Yeah.

00:42:56.340 Uh, physical fitness.

00:42:58.600 Yeah.

00:42:58.960 Like my son has every Thursday night, he does a virtual call with some, some boys, his age,

00:43:04.940 uh, in, in our church.

00:43:06.860 And the one they just did is physical fitness.

00:43:08.800 And he's like, dad, I didn't run my mile.

00:43:10.360 I'm going to get on there and I'm not going to, I'm going to be, you know, like everybody

00:43:14.400 else probably ran and I didn't do it.

00:43:15.680 I'm like, well, let's go run it real quick.

00:43:16.940 He's like, yeah, but it's in a half an hour.

00:43:18.180 I'm like, dude, it's not going to take us 30 minutes to run a mile.

00:43:21.320 It's going to take us like 10.

00:43:22.720 Right.

00:43:23.140 He's like, ah, I'm like, you said, I'm like, you said, I'm like,

00:43:26.180 you said you would, do you want to go there and be the kid who didn't do it?

00:43:29.020 Or do you want to be the kid who did?

00:43:30.280 He's like, I want to be the kid who did.

00:43:31.360 I'm like, cool, let's go run it.

00:43:32.680 And we went and ran it and got it done.

00:43:34.500 And he came back and he talked to the boys about it.

00:43:37.280 And, um, it was funny.

00:43:38.540 Cause after the class I said, so how did it go, man?

00:43:41.860 Like everybody else run it.

00:43:43.400 He's like, I was the only one who did it.

00:43:45.620 Awesome.

00:43:46.120 And I was like, how'd you feel?

00:43:47.240 Did you feel like you shouldn't have?

00:43:48.300 Cause nobody else did.

00:43:49.000 He's like, no, I was like actually really proud that I was one of the few who decked or the only

00:43:52.700 one who actually did it.

00:43:53.960 Yeah.

00:43:54.340 It's like, yeah, you should be proud.

00:43:55.660 Good for you.

00:43:56.620 So I think there's ways to like incorporate the physical fitness challenge of it.

00:43:59.580 Like we talked about earlier.

00:44:00.900 Yeah.

00:44:01.680 Money is a big issue.

00:44:04.000 Like have them, I don't know, start a little business or do some chores around the house

00:44:08.280 or do a budget.

00:44:09.460 I think having the financial discussion is important.

00:44:12.500 Uh, you could have a book of the month club where you read something for those boys.

00:44:16.040 I would say like hatchet would be a really good book.

00:44:18.740 Uh, maybe even, uh, 11, I don't know, is 11, maybe like into Harry Potter and some of that

00:44:26.740 stuff.

00:44:27.480 Yeah, I think so.

00:44:28.140 And you guys could even like read the chapters together.

00:44:30.160 Like, okay, we're all going to read this chapter and then talk about it.

00:44:33.000 Right.

00:44:33.220 So then that way it's a little bit more group activity.

00:44:36.360 Yeah.

00:44:37.040 Yeah.

00:44:37.320 So yeah.

00:44:38.440 Read good books, physical fitness, money.

00:44:42.320 You've got the faith thing covered.

00:44:43.860 Um, relationships, service to other people that, that would actually be a really good

00:44:50.100 one is like, how do you serve other people?

00:44:51.820 Whether it's your sister or your brother, your parents, a neighbor, you know, maybe you

00:44:55.660 need to go pull some weeds for the elderly couple that, that lives next door. 0.66

00:44:59.940 So you challenge them to go do that, or you do it all together.

00:45:02.400 That might be hard with what we're dealing with now, but yeah, I think those are some

00:45:06.780 pretty good topics that, that I would personally address and deal with.

00:45:10.880 You know, what else I would do is I would look in the Facebook group and I would look

00:45:15.000 for the reoccurring issues that you see in the Facebook group.

00:45:17.960 And I would say, there's a topic that needs to be addressed.

00:45:21.240 In fact, that's, that is what we do.

00:45:23.900 Yeah, for sure.

00:45:25.480 And what we've done, uh, for our young boys too, is, is find some inspirational people

00:45:30.560 to come on to the zoom call, you know, so they're not just hearing from you every time.

00:45:35.120 Right.

00:45:35.340 We had, uh, I was looking up his name, Satima Ghali.

00:45:38.860 Oh yeah.

00:45:39.560 Like a football player.

00:45:40.940 The team is awesome.

00:45:41.400 Yeah.

00:45:41.520 He's a stud.

00:45:42.480 And so we had him on, talk to the, the young boys in our neighborhood and kind of give his

00:45:47.680 take.

00:45:48.040 And I think we're lining up someone for tomorrow as well.

00:45:50.800 So try to find someone, inspirational athletes that these guys might look up to, and that

00:45:55.480 might draw their attention more than just hearing you.

00:45:58.820 Um, on that same note, Kip, that's a really good idea.

00:46:01.700 What one thing that I also encourage you to do for 10 and 11 year old boys, they may not

00:46:05.300 be able to moderate like a full meeting, like an hour long.

00:46:08.060 I don't know how long your meetings are, but let's say.

00:46:09.300 Have him conduct it.

00:46:10.500 Yeah.

00:46:10.780 At least a component of it.

00:46:12.380 Yeah.

00:46:12.840 You know, like, Hey, the first 10 to 15 minutes, Johnny, you, you got this one right here.

00:46:19.060 Here's how this goes.

00:46:19.900 I want you to find your favorite quote and share with us your favorite quote, quote, and

00:46:25.720 why that's important.

00:46:27.620 Three things that went really well for your week, three things that didn't go so well.

00:46:32.220 And then your plan to improve upon them.

00:46:35.060 Perfect.

00:46:36.360 You know, you put them on a little bit of a hot seat and they got 15 minutes, 10, 15 minutes,

00:46:39.860 and then you cover the rest of it.

00:46:41.740 Yeah.

00:46:43.080 I love that.

00:46:43.900 We did, I did a thing for the youth around public speaking and it was really fun because

00:46:50.120 we covered tips.

00:46:51.360 And then literally right after I was like, all right, Ethan, you're up.

00:46:56.440 Yeah.

00:46:57.260 And, and, and, and then I just gave him a topic.

00:46:59.320 Like he wasn't even prepared.

00:47:00.560 I'm like, all right, your topic is this go.

00:47:04.120 Yeah.

00:47:04.480 And then he, he tried, uh, these boys are 12, 12.

00:47:08.240 So I mean, they're right there.

00:47:09.380 Yeah.

00:47:09.740 And it was great.

00:47:10.800 Like, and then afterwards we talked about it.

00:47:12.480 Okay.

00:47:12.700 What did he do wrong?

00:47:13.640 Oh, he used, um, a couple of times and he was maybe quiet.

00:47:18.520 He wasn't, you know, projecting well enough and come up with some strategy.

00:47:23.460 And they really love that.

00:47:24.680 They love and talk about what, you know, what he did well too.

00:47:26.940 I'm sure you do that, but just make sure we bring that to attention.

00:47:29.340 I just focus on the stick.

00:47:31.000 Yeah. 1.00

00:47:31.160 It's like, you suck. 1.00

00:47:32.440 You suck. 1.00

00:47:33.240 Here's everything. 1.00

00:47:34.180 Just stop.

00:47:34.960 All right. 1.00

00:47:35.400 You're horrible. 1.00

00:47:36.020 You're acting like you're 10, not 12. 1.00

00:47:40.240 You're presenting like a 10 year old.

00:47:42.440 Yeah.

00:47:42.900 Now everyone's like, no wonder why Kip's kids are like, hate him.

00:47:46.820 Yeah.

00:47:47.160 That's right. 1.00

00:47:47.680 Total jerk. 1.00

00:47:49.840 Oh man. 1.00

00:47:50.800 That's all right.

00:47:51.380 I like what Paul's doing.

00:47:52.580 Yeah.

00:47:52.960 I love that too.

00:47:53.900 Greg, uh, Wenberg.

00:47:55.720 Oh, my cursor's in the way.

00:47:58.620 I can't find.

00:47:59.440 All right.

00:47:59.720 Finding vision and purpose when it's hard to identify.

00:48:02.480 I've got a great life, a good job, and I'm constantly finding ways to improve as a man,

00:48:07.180 husband, father, and employee.

00:48:08.860 But I do not carry the conviction of purpose and something greater than me.

00:48:13.120 I would start with looking at the men that you admire, pick out five to 10 men that you

00:48:24.720 really respect.

00:48:26.200 Maybe that's your father or grandfather or brother, uh, even a neighbor, you know, or

00:48:32.760 somebody that we've had on the podcast, whoever just five to 10 men that you really admire and

00:48:37.200 respect and start documenting all of the reasons you admire and respect that individual.

00:48:43.120 And then I think what you're going to find is you're going to find some commonalities

00:48:46.480 between those people.

00:48:48.140 Those commonalities are going to be the things that you value the most.

00:48:53.340 So if you notice, for example, the 10 people that you picked out, all 10 of them are strong

00:48:58.280 family men.

00:48:59.580 They're like patriarchs of their family.

00:49:01.680 Then that's a pretty good indicator that that is something that you truly, truly value.

00:49:07.700 If all 10 of them have the ability to communicate effectively in their public speaking,

00:49:12.780 and they present ideas well, then your ability to present ideas and to be influential and

00:49:19.680 motivational to other people is something that you probably really value and something

00:49:25.440 that you aspire to have and be in your life.

00:49:27.660 So when you start to identify these common values and characteristics that these individuals

00:49:32.320 have, then that will lead you to the kind of man that you want to be.

00:49:37.740 Now you start writing this down.

00:49:40.140 Okay, well, I want to be somebody who can articulate his thoughts clearly, can share big ideas in

00:49:46.820 a way that are, that is easy to understand, can rally hundreds and thousands and tens of hundreds

00:49:53.480 of thousands of people towards a common objective and a common purpose.

00:49:58.660 Because then you ask yourself, so you start working backwards, what kind of man do I need

00:50:04.760 to become in order to do X, Y, and Z?

00:50:08.060 So if I want to inspire, which is personally, like I want to inspire millions and millions

00:50:12.860 of men across the planet to lead themselves, their families, their businesses, their communities

00:50:17.000 well.

00:50:18.140 If that's the kind of individual, that's my vision for who I want to be, then I've got to

00:50:23.020 reverse engineer and connect the dots between the type of man that I need to show up as. 1.00

00:50:27.000 So if I'm a fat, lazy, overweight, out of shape, piece of shit, frankly, am I going to inspire 1.00

00:50:38.200 millions of men to lead themselves and other people effectively? 1.00

00:50:43.020 Of course not.

00:50:44.240 Get in shape.

00:50:45.360 Right.

00:50:45.760 I mean, that's, I got to start there, right?

00:50:48.540 Yeah.

00:50:49.060 If, if I'm not willing to read good books and listen to ideas and study other presenters,

00:50:55.920 who, who share ideas in powerful ways, how am I ever going to do that for myself?

00:51:03.620 So that means that I've got to be able to study and research those who can communicate

00:51:09.540 effectively and learn their strategies and their techniques and the way they show up.

00:51:13.140 I've got to do this podcast, for example, because then I get to put these things into

00:51:17.120 practice and, and see where I'm strong and where I'm weak and how I can shore my weaknesses

00:51:21.860 up, but it all starts with the values that you have.

00:51:26.080 And by the way, your values aren't wrong.

00:51:28.020 Right.

00:51:28.420 So you hear a lot of guys will say things like, Oh, well, you know, if you don't care

00:51:32.880 about your family, I mean, everybody cares about their family to some degree, but I know

00:51:38.140 people who just, well, Andy Frisilla right now, like he doesn't have children.

00:51:41.840 He's got his wife and I know he leads himself and her.

00:51:43.980 Well, he doesn't have kids.

00:51:46.400 I don't know if that's in his, in his stars or if that's something he wants to do or not.

00:51:50.200 But I know that he wants to be influential in the business space and he wants to motivate

00:51:56.280 people to live their lives the way they want to live.

00:51:58.120 Like that doesn't make him wrong.

00:51:59.640 Cause I, I want to be a family man first.

00:52:02.160 Like I want to raise my kids and be involved and intimately connected with what they're doing.

00:52:07.040 Well, he, he doesn't have that.

00:52:08.400 So it's, it's different.

00:52:09.260 And neither one of us are wrong.

00:52:11.020 He's not wrong. 0.53

00:52:12.140 I'm not wrong.

00:52:12.660 He's not right.

00:52:13.300 I'm not right.

00:52:14.180 We just value what we value.

00:52:15.860 And then when you work backwards into what kind of man do you need to become in order

00:52:21.820 to accomplish that vision that you have for yourself?

00:52:24.960 Right.

00:52:25.440 And how, how important do you think, or does it relate in regards to what you're good

00:52:30.260 at?

00:52:30.500 Right.

00:52:30.720 Cause I've heard that too, is like, you, you can ask those around you that, you know,

00:52:35.020 your loved ones or people that around you, and they will also give some insight of what

00:52:40.260 you're good at, like what they, what, what you do that inspires them.

00:52:44.600 And that can maybe even spark those ideas of like natural talents and that is somewhat

00:52:51.060 related to purpose.

00:52:52.160 Do you, do you agree with that idea or no?

00:52:54.360 Kind of.

00:52:55.040 Let me work into that a little bit.

00:52:56.800 Yeah.

00:52:57.060 What you do, like what you, let's say that I'll say this way, what you do for work, for

00:53:03.220 example, isn't like what you're good at.

00:53:07.620 Yeah.

00:53:08.380 Right.

00:53:08.620 Like, so, so Simon Sinek actually addresses this in his book, start with why, if you take

00:53:14.300 a baseball player, for example, like the best baseball player in the world, he's good at

00:53:22.160 baseball because he's good at other things.

00:53:24.200 Yeah.

00:53:24.840 Not because he's good at baseball.

00:53:27.140 Totally.

00:53:27.740 Like, that's what we have to understand.

00:53:29.240 Like Jordan, LeBron James, I mean, whoever picks somebody they're good at basketball,

00:53:34.980 Kobe Bryant, not because they're good at basketball, but because they're good at other things that

00:53:42.280 happen to make them good at basketball.

00:53:43.760 And by the way, those things that they're good at could have made them great at a million

00:53:48.920 other things.

00:53:50.420 Yeah.

00:53:50.900 Like Kobe Bryant's focus and determination and just competitiveness and the edge that

00:53:57.220 he had would have made him a great actor or entrepreneur or fill in the blank.

00:54:06.020 It just happened to be that he was doing basketball, right?

00:54:08.440 Yeah.

00:54:08.540 And because he loved basketball, he likes basketball, you know, that's part of the deal

00:54:11.100 too.

00:54:11.280 You got to like, you got to enjoy it.

00:54:13.260 But I think you got to be careful of falling into the trap of thinking, oh, I'm supposed

00:54:16.460 to be a public speaker.

00:54:17.540 I'm supposed to be a basketball player.

00:54:19.020 I'm supposed to be this.

00:54:19.960 I'm supposed to be an astronaut.

00:54:22.960 Maybe, or maybe you just have these set of skills that allow you to be good at that

00:54:27.100 thing, which is why you have, why you found purpose and significance and meaning in

00:54:30.800 it.

00:54:30.920 So yeah, everybody has strengths, but those strengths, they're not going to necessarily

00:54:36.840 make you good at that one thing.

00:54:38.420 Like there isn't one thing, oh, that's the thing that you were born to do.

00:54:42.280 No, it's not.

00:54:43.580 You just happen to use your set of skills, applied them effectively and you became that.

00:54:49.180 Yeah.

00:54:49.580 I feel like maybe I'm rambling on that one a little bit, but I just don't want people

00:54:53.980 to get caught up in the identity of like, what do I do for work?

00:54:57.700 Yeah.

00:54:58.160 It doesn't matter.

00:54:59.000 You can do anything and you can be successful at it.

00:55:03.420 Assuming that you're using that skillset.

00:55:05.060 And a lot of those talents and skills transcend, obviously what we do for work.

00:55:08.480 Yeah.

00:55:09.100 Of course.

00:55:09.980 Like I wasn't destined to become the founder of order of man.

00:55:14.980 It was that I was diligent.

00:55:16.720 I was dedicated.

00:55:17.580 I enjoy talking and having this conversation.

00:55:19.860 I enjoy sharing ideas.

00:55:21.500 I'm never at a loss for my opinion.

00:55:23.440 And that happens to make me pretty decent at this.

00:55:26.560 And it could have been like, that's why I was a good financial planner too.

00:55:30.040 Same set of skills.

00:55:31.540 Yeah.

00:55:32.600 Copy.

00:55:33.280 All right.

00:55:33.780 Matt Nugent.

00:55:35.160 I'm not sure why he's asking me this question.

00:55:37.160 So Kip, can you address how to get a go about getting your wife's significant other on

00:55:43.020 board with your hobbies or on board with you taking time to take care of yourself?

00:55:46.700 Both of us working full time and having seven month year old makes it very difficult to

00:55:51.820 find time.

00:55:52.920 Any, any time that I do, she, and any time that I do, that's bad grammar.

00:55:59.280 She feels that I would rather be doing these things and spending time with them.

00:56:04.060 So he's just assuming that I'm more selfish with my time than maybe you are.

00:56:08.500 Or that you know how to communicate that better to your wife than I do.

00:56:11.340 Well, I don't know.

00:56:12.400 Ask my wife. 0.99

00:56:16.060 Yeah.

00:56:17.180 You know, I, I, I think, I think it goes back with a lot of things.

00:56:21.600 Right now we're in the process, whether good or bad.

00:56:25.260 We did a remodel of a property we have and we're in the, in the process of selling it.

00:56:30.260 And I'm working and unfortunately, and I'll, I'll just be really frank here.

00:56:35.240 I have failed to be a team member in that remodel process.

00:56:39.380 If you ask my wife right now, she's completely like, you left me this up all to myself.

00:56:44.900 And, you know, and she's upset.

00:56:46.640 She's upset currently.

00:56:47.700 And I, and I think, and here's the irony.

00:56:51.060 If we went through the list and say, was I supportive from my perspective?

00:56:55.940 Yeah.

00:56:56.440 Well, I did these things and I worked on the house and like, and, and my definition of

00:57:01.780 supportive is action.

00:57:04.420 Guess what her definition of it is.

00:57:06.820 Did I come home and go, Hey, how did it go today?

00:57:09.320 And what do we like?

00:57:10.680 We didn't talk about it.

00:57:12.940 Right.

00:57:13.340 So, so I would probably suggest Matt, that a lot of it has to do with conversation more

00:57:17.760 than it does anything else.

00:57:19.660 Um, and getting her on board and let's be frank.

00:57:22.220 And we talk about this all the time where, you know, by default, you change up the game.

00:57:27.560 I think we're going to all get some natural pushback sometimes because it's uncomfortable

00:57:31.700 and what's going on and, and, and they're not going to maybe see the benefit in things.

00:57:36.100 But if I'm going to jujitsu on a regular basis, but I'm showing up correctly when I come

00:57:41.400 home, I'm pulling my weight.

00:57:43.340 I'm being real reliable.

00:57:44.880 I'm having integrity.

00:57:46.420 Then she's not going to mind those things, but she is certainly going to mind it.

00:57:50.440 If I'm not becoming a better man because of it, or I'm not pulling my weight because

00:57:54.640 I'm lacking in another place.

00:57:55.920 So I think that's also really critical.

00:57:57.940 And then Ryan, you talk about this all the time is like, give her the space and create

00:58:02.380 the environment by which she has the right to do the same thing and help her get over

00:58:06.060 the idea of quote unquote, feeling guilty for leaving the kids with you or, or whatever.

00:58:11.300 Cause that, that does seem to be a natural default for a lot of our spouses, which is

00:58:16.540 good.

00:58:17.040 That's a good thing.

00:58:18.060 Right.

00:58:18.460 Cause she has those motherly instincts and she wants to be involved with you and the kids 0.99

00:58:22.140 like that's the kind of wife I want, you know, but then that's what you have to contend 1.00

00:58:25.920 with.

00:58:26.120 Look, I think it can be summed up very simply like this.

00:58:30.300 How is you, yeah.

00:58:32.640 How is you taking care of yourself in her best interest?

00:58:38.340 Cause if all you do is explain how it benefits you, then why would she be on board with that?

00:58:44.760 Yeah.

00:58:45.900 Think about it in a, in a client context.

00:58:48.560 If all you, if you went to a, let's say you're my perspective client, Kim.

00:58:52.120 Okay.

00:58:52.860 And, and we're going to talk about financial planning and I come to you and I say, Hey,

00:58:56.400 look, Kip, if you invest with me, man, I'm going to make $10,000 more this year.

00:59:01.580 And, uh, and then I'm going to be able to go on vacations.

00:59:04.700 Uh, and I'm going to buy that car that I wanted.

00:59:07.220 Cause man, I really liked that car.

00:59:08.780 Have you seen this?

00:59:09.220 It's awesome.

00:59:09.580 Like check this car out.

00:59:10.320 Like I'm going to buy that because you're going to be a client of mine.

00:59:12.480 Yeah.

00:59:12.820 It's going to be awesome.

00:59:13.560 Like, I don't know what, like how it's going to work out for you, but like for me, it's going

00:59:16.740 to be really good.

00:59:17.940 Yeah. 0.93

00:59:18.220 It sounds ridiculous. 0.94

00:59:20.460 Yeah, totally. 0.85

00:59:21.440 But we do that.

00:59:23.860 Oh man, hon, I'm going to go to jujitsu because like, ah, I just feel so much better.

00:59:27.400 And like, and I enjoy it and it's challenging and I'm getting stronger.

00:59:30.760 And I, yeah.

00:59:31.360 And I like, I look good.

00:59:32.380 Cause I'm leaning out.

00:59:33.220 Like, this is awesome.

00:59:34.040 I love this.

00:59:35.720 She might be happy for you.

00:59:37.100 Cause she loves you.

00:59:38.040 But it's like, well, what the hell?

00:59:40.720 Like why?

00:59:41.860 What about me?

00:59:43.580 Which by the way, if you sign the dotted line that says I will honor and love you and cherish

00:59:47.500 you, then a, what, what about me is a legitimate concern on her part.

00:59:52.980 So you need to communicate it and articulate it in a way that's like, Hey, here's how this

00:59:58.820 is going to work for you.

00:59:59.680 And you're not making it up like this genuinely here's, and then also you need to back it up

01:00:04.420 with your actions.

01:00:05.140 Like my wife, she encourages me to go to jujitsu because she knows that when I come back, I'm

01:00:11.480 more engaged.

01:00:12.420 Uh, I, I, I'm more connected that I I'm more energetic that I can lead the family and my

01:00:18.760 children and with her well, because I take care of myself.

01:00:22.520 And she also doesn't mind having some time to read a book once the kids are in bed without

01:00:28.140 having to, you know, entertain me or spend time.

01:00:31.000 Like she's taking her time and doing her thing.

01:00:33.320 And we've talked about that.

01:00:36.000 It's in her best interest for me to go to jujitsu a couple of nights a week.

01:00:38.960 Totally.

01:00:40.340 And because it's in her best interest, I don't, I hate using this, this term, but you'll

01:00:44.720 understand I've sold it that way.

01:00:47.420 Yeah.

01:00:48.140 And that way I can go do that.

01:00:49.660 And she appreciates it and she actually encourages it.

01:00:52.460 She ensures that I go do it.

01:00:54.480 Yeah.

01:00:54.900 And I think one thing I've, I've used in the past, whenever guys like are struggle with,

01:00:59.380 well, how do I, you know, I'm really struggling with getting her on board or I really want to

01:01:03.560 do X, but I don't think my spouse will agree with it or it's going to cause a debate.

01:01:07.720 One thing that I've recommended in the past is go to her and say, I really want to do

01:01:12.660 this.

01:01:13.560 What would I need to be doing for you to feel okay with that?

01:01:18.280 What would I need to do for you to be on board?

01:01:20.960 I think you've got to be careful on that one though.

01:01:23.920 So you're not just appeasing or.

01:01:25.740 Yeah.

01:01:25.840 Because there's a lot of guys listening who are nice guys.

01:01:28.800 Yeah, that's true.

01:01:30.600 Kip, you're, you're, you're not nice.

01:01:33.080 No, I'm not, you're, you're, you're, you're respectful, right?

01:01:38.140 There's a difference in my mind of this, this quote unquote, nice guy and respectful, right?

01:01:42.820 You honor her, you respect her, you cherish her, but you're not like the proverbial nice

01:01:47.880 guy.

01:01:48.840 Yeah.

01:01:49.540 But a lot of guys listening are.

01:01:50.940 So what they think is like, you're going to go negotiate, right?

01:01:57.160 Like, hon, if I do the dishes, can I go out with my buddies tonight? 0.92

01:02:01.680 Like we hear that and we're like, that's, that sounds ridiculous. 0.68

01:02:04.700 And it does. 0.91

01:02:05.960 You're not.

01:02:06.580 And I know you're not, I know you're not saying that, but some guys will hear it that

01:02:10.600 way.

01:02:11.400 Yeah.

01:02:11.840 And they'll think like, oh, so I just got to go negotiate with her.

01:02:15.540 Like I gotta, I gotta, I gotta ask or grovel or beg to go out and hang out with my buddies.

01:02:19.420 No, no, no, no, no.

01:02:20.060 That's not what we're saying.

01:02:22.480 We're saying that you need to show up as the kind of man that she needs you to be so that

01:02:29.000 there isn't an issue when you, you're not asking for permission, but there isn't an issue when

01:02:35.440 you say you're going to go do something that's going to serve you in the family.

01:02:39.320 Well, yeah.

01:02:40.460 And I, again, I know that you don't, you're not saying it like that.

01:02:43.680 I just know through the emails that we get, there's men who are hearing it like that.

01:02:47.940 And then they'll apply it and they're like, well, now I just, I'm acting like a little 0.99

01:02:51.880 bitch. 1.00

01:02:52.280 I'm like, yeah, you kind of are actually. 1.00

01:02:55.020 Oh, well, you told me to know you deciphered it that way.

01:02:58.840 We're not telling you that.

01:03:00.400 So just, we need to be aware of the distinction.

01:03:02.680 That's good.

01:03:03.340 Good clarity.

01:03:04.880 All right.

01:03:05.360 We are up on, I think we had to wrap up.

01:03:08.020 Yeah.

01:03:08.140 Let's take a one more and then we'll wrap up quick.

01:03:10.560 All right.

01:03:11.420 Dimitri Golvin, any thoughts regarding clearing bad debts before making the decision to get engaged

01:03:16.860 to have kids?

01:03:17.640 I have about a year left before debts are completely paid off, but I wonder if more

01:03:21.840 unexpected expenses will just come up that will get in the way.

01:03:25.660 Should I just keep on going with life?

01:03:27.440 Even if debts take a tiny bit longer to pay off in the process.

01:03:31.020 Yeah.

01:03:31.140 I mean, if it's not substantial, I would say, yeah, I don't think marriage is going to

01:03:37.080 impact your ability to pay off your debt.

01:03:39.020 In fact, it might actually help it.

01:03:40.860 Yeah.

01:03:41.220 Um, cause our income went up when I got married, like she had income, I hadn't, like our income

01:03:45.820 went up.

01:03:46.220 Our expenses went up moderately relative to the doubling of income.

01:03:50.700 Right.

01:03:51.020 When we got married.

01:03:52.120 So that actually might help it in a way.

01:03:54.300 Um, now if it's over the top, here's actually what I'd be more worried about.

01:03:58.640 Cause it sounds like you're a responsible guy, right?

01:04:00.840 You're thinking about paying off.

01:04:02.120 Plan this out.

01:04:02.720 Right.

01:04:03.040 Dead off in a year.

01:04:04.080 Like, so here's what I'd be more worried about.

01:04:06.340 What does she bring to the table? 0.89

01:04:07.960 Or yeah, do you know?

01:04:10.820 Yeah.

01:04:11.020 And, and what is her approach to it?

01:04:13.540 I'd be more concerned with that than what you bring to the table because you sound like

01:04:17.860 an intelligent, thoughtful, smart guy.

01:04:23.380 And, and I'm sure your wife is, or your potential wife is too, but you better find that out right

01:04:27.880 now.

01:04:28.760 Cause if she's coming to the table with 30, 40, 50 grand of debt, that's your debt now. 0.98

01:04:33.540 Yeah.

01:04:34.020 And bad spending habits, which we will just, which is worse.

01:04:36.500 Yeah.

01:04:36.940 Way worse than the debt is she doesn't know how to handle the money. 0.99

01:04:41.080 So if you've got some moderate debt, you know, like I had a car loan when we got married,

01:04:46.500 that's it.

01:04:48.040 You know, maybe a small car loan.

01:04:49.880 I don't know.

01:04:50.460 Maybe, maybe I owed my mom a thousand dollars or something for deposit on a rent or something.

01:04:54.300 I don't know.

01:04:55.360 I don't think that's a reason to keep you from, from being married.

01:04:59.260 Yeah.

01:04:59.620 I would be very, very concerned with, not concerned, just very, very aware of her money habits,

01:05:08.360 her thoughts around money, the debt that she's bringing in.

01:05:11.980 And I think you ought to be fair and tell her the debt that you have too.

01:05:15.000 So she's aware of that.

01:05:15.800 She needs to be able to make a reasonable decision as well.

01:05:17.820 So, but I'd be more concerned with that than having a little bit of debt that you're actively

01:05:21.880 working on paying off.

01:05:23.140 Cool.

01:05:23.360 And what a great time for you guys to sit down and say, Hey, you know, we're getting

01:05:26.780 more serious.

01:05:27.380 What's our game plan around debts?

01:05:29.660 And when we get married and, you know, like what a great, I think that's awesome.

01:05:35.660 Yeah.

01:05:35.820 I didn't do that, but I wish I would have.

01:05:37.580 Yeah, for sure.

01:05:38.080 I mean, when my wife and I got married, if I remember correctly, she had a small car

01:05:41.460 loan, um, that her dad was paying for, well, guess who started paying it off?

01:05:47.500 Yeah.

01:05:48.060 Me.

01:05:49.500 In fact, we just, we bought a new car, I think when we got married or not long after.

01:05:52.860 So it was like, it's a package deal, man.

01:05:56.440 So you better be aware of what's in the package.

01:05:59.020 Totally.

01:05:59.580 And it's funny too, when, when Asia and I got married, it was so funny because she was

01:06:03.400 like, I remember she asked once, she's like, how much do you make?

01:06:06.360 And I'm like, that's interesting that you've never asked this question.

01:06:09.300 And we've been dating for a while and pretty serious.

01:06:11.940 Like we've already been talking marriage and I told her and she was just like, whoa, you

01:06:15.720 make way more money than I thought you did, you know, blah, blah, blah.

01:06:18.480 And then when we got married, I remember she was frustrated because she's like, where's

01:06:22.120 all our money?

01:06:22.520 I'm like, child support, but we never talked about it.

01:06:27.160 So she's like super frustrated, you know, cause she probably got some expectation like, oh

01:06:31.840 man, we're going to be doing great financially.

01:06:33.520 She didn't have no idea how much I paid in child support.

01:06:35.340 So, so look, here's what I would say.

01:06:38.340 And I'm saying this as, as, as nice as I can, but it's an important lesson.

01:06:42.040 That's her fault.

01:06:43.680 Yeah.

01:06:44.120 We should have had that conversation.

01:06:45.720 She should have had that conversation with you. 0.64

01:06:47.320 Yeah.

01:06:47.520 So allow that to be a, allow that to serve as a warning for you not to let those conversations

01:06:55.560 go unsaid between you and your potential partner.

01:06:58.200 Yeah.

01:06:58.820 It's not comfortable.

01:07:00.340 And you know what?

01:07:01.200 Her asking how much you make.

01:07:02.380 That's the last thing you want to talk about.

01:07:03.320 No, of course not.

01:07:04.160 And her asking how much you make.

01:07:06.200 That's a reasonable question for somebody who's considering partnering up with you for

01:07:10.660 the rest of your life.

01:07:11.400 That's a reasonable request.

01:07:13.440 Yeah.

01:07:13.800 So, yeah, it's, it's folly to think that won't matter because it definitely will.

01:07:19.020 It matters.

01:07:19.780 It matters.

01:07:20.920 All right.

01:07:21.440 Cool.

01:07:21.880 Well, those are, those are some good questions.

01:07:23.600 We had some good ones today.

01:07:24.840 Yeah.

01:07:25.180 Yeah.

01:07:25.340 They were unique.

01:07:27.240 Never been heard.

01:07:28.380 Never before.

01:07:29.000 Never, ever before.

01:07:30.140 Yeah.

01:07:30.540 All right.

01:07:30.740 Let's close this thing down.

01:07:31.780 I got to go.

01:07:32.400 So let's close it down.

01:07:33.920 Yeah.

01:07:34.160 Join us online guys on Facebook, facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

01:07:38.660 Learn more about the iron council at order of man.com slash iron council.

01:07:42.780 Ryan, you already alluded to this to learn more about getting battle ready or the battle

01:07:47.620 readiness that will be coming.

01:07:49.040 Yeah.

01:07:49.380 Let's say it right.

01:07:49.900 Yeah.

01:07:50.400 Go to order of man.com and subscribe to the newsletter to keep updated.

01:07:54.360 And of course you can connect with Mr.

01:07:56.560 Mickler on Instagram and Twitter at Ryan Mickler.

01:08:01.060 Swag in the store.

01:08:02.220 Yeah, sir.

01:08:02.940 All right, guys.

01:08:03.500 We'll wrap it up.

01:08:04.480 We'll be back on Friday.

01:08:07.620 I was considering giving you the topic for Friday.

01:08:10.620 Ooh, secret.

01:08:12.400 No, I'll say it.

01:08:13.180 No, I don't know.

01:08:14.300 No, I'll keep it.

01:08:14.980 I'll keep it a secret.

01:08:16.340 Just tune in on Friday.

01:08:17.600 You guys, you guys will like it.

01:08:18.500 Subscribe to the podcast and then it's just a given.

01:08:20.920 So that's right.

01:08:21.300 And then I'll just show up and you want to think anything of it.

01:08:23.880 It shouldn't even matter.

01:08:24.860 You just listen to every episode.

01:08:26.380 That's what you do.

01:08:27.240 That's what I would do.

01:08:28.340 That's what I do.

01:08:29.920 Good.

01:08:30.860 All right, guys.

01:08:31.540 That's it.

01:08:31.860 We'll be back on Friday.

01:08:32.560 Until then, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:08:36.940 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:08:39.820 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:08:43.500 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

01:08:46.980 Order of Man, you're ready.

01:08:51.600 We'll be right back on Friday.

01:08:52.220 We'll be right back.

01:08:53.160 Thank you.

01:08:53.380 Thank you.

01:08:54.220 We'll be right back.

01:08:55.660 Thank you.

01:08:56.380 Thank you.

01:08:56.780 Thank you.

01:08:57.300 Thank you.

01:08:57.900 Thank you.

01:08:58.140 Thank you.

01:08:58.320 Thank you.

01:08:59.040 Thank you.

01:08:59.800 Thank you.

01:09:00.020 Thank you.

01:09:00.620 Thanks for listening.

01:09:01.560 Thank you.

01:09:05.820 Thank you.

Creating Opportunities out of Bad Situations, Building Local Men's Groups, Difficult Conversations with Your Wife ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

People

Summary