Order of Man - Daring Drops, Debates & Discipline

00:00:00.000 I've been doing this long enough and I'm fairly confident in it.

00:00:03.520 I think I'm pretty good at it.

00:00:04.980 I can always improve.

00:00:05.900 I see that.

00:00:06.940 But my 60 to 70% is better than probably 95% of podcasters out there.

00:00:16.740 What, when you put something out into the world, you never know who it's going to impact

00:00:20.960 and how it's going to impact them.

00:00:23.100 I've said things, I'm like, that was stupid.

00:00:25.240 Where people have pointed it out and said, hey, that one thing you shared, that was amazing.

00:00:30.560 You're a man of action.

00:00:32.200 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:33.640 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:36.600 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time.

00:00:40.000 Every time.

00:00:41.060 You are not easily deterred or defeated.

00:00:43.340 Rugged.

00:00:44.160 Resilient.

00:00:45.140 Strong.

00:00:46.100 This is your life.

00:00:47.200 This is who you are.

00:00:48.620 This is who you will become.

00:00:50.340 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:56.200 Kip, what's up, man?

00:00:57.280 Great to see you on this fine Monday morning.

00:00:58.800 You thought I was a little bothered when you said, hey, and I got on.

00:01:01.780 I was like, hey, because I was like sending emails out.

00:01:04.200 It's like hard for me to do two things at once.

00:01:06.420 So I heard a noise.

00:01:08.000 I'm like, just grunted at you.

00:01:10.220 Dude.

00:01:10.460 No, I totally get it.

00:01:11.360 Like, in fact, on Friday, I remember I was at my desk.

00:01:13.860 Someone walked up and I just went, I just gave them the finger.

00:01:16.640 I went like this.

00:01:18.500 I'm like, I'm in the middle finger.

00:01:20.340 Well, you know, just wait one second finger, you know, because I'm like, I'm in this sentence

00:01:25.260 of what I'm typing.

00:01:26.600 Like, I can't stop.

00:01:27.760 Yeah.

00:01:28.260 Yeah.

00:01:28.600 No, I get it, man.

00:01:29.640 Fourth of July week.

00:01:32.340 Awesome.

00:01:32.920 Yeah.

00:01:33.500 Exciting times, man.

00:01:34.720 Exciting times.

00:01:35.600 My last weekend was pretty exciting, too.

00:01:38.420 I don't know if I told you.

00:01:39.600 I went skydiving.

00:01:40.520 Dude.

00:01:40.780 Well, I follow you on the gram.

00:01:42.180 So by default, I stay in the know.

00:01:44.700 But yeah, holy crap.

00:01:45.940 I can't believe you went.

00:01:47.560 Dude, you didn't think I would do it or what?

00:01:50.720 I mean, I don't think that sounds fun to you.

00:01:53.960 So I'm not sure why you would go.

00:01:55.400 It doesn't.

00:01:56.000 Yeah.

00:01:56.780 It doesn't.

00:01:58.640 I went actually with my girlfriend because she's always wanted to go skydiving.

00:02:03.220 So I got us tickets to go skydiving.

00:02:06.660 And we finally picked a date that worked.

00:02:09.200 And we went out there and we did the class and everything else.

00:02:12.140 And then, but we didn't know we couldn't actually go together.

00:02:14.740 We had to go one at a time because it was a very small plane.

00:02:16.940 So the guy's, it's like a one man show.

00:02:18.580 He goes up, drops you off.

00:02:21.020 Then he comes, picks back up the other person, drops them off.

00:02:24.100 Got it.

00:02:24.480 So I was like, well, do you want to go first or second?

00:02:26.500 And she's like, I don't care.

00:02:27.340 I'm like, okay, well, I'll go.

00:02:28.660 Like, I'm super.

00:02:29.320 I'm like, I'll go first.

00:02:30.480 Like, is that good?

00:02:32.280 So yeah, no problem.

00:02:33.780 So I go first and we fly out there.

00:02:36.740 It's about a 20, 25 minute flight.

00:02:39.200 And have you skydived at all?

00:02:41.560 No.

00:02:42.060 Is this out of Vegas, around Vegas, around St. George or what?

00:02:45.440 No, Southern Utah.

00:02:46.520 Okay.

00:02:47.280 Here in Hurricane.

00:02:50.180 So they kick open the door and it just like, poof, just hits you, you know, the wind.

00:02:55.460 And he's like, all right, stick your feet out.

00:02:58.780 And so you stick your feet out and it's dangling outside of the plane.

00:03:01.640 And there's this little platform on top of the wheel.

00:03:04.560 And you kind of like scoot your butt to the edge of it and stand on this platform.

00:03:09.620 And I told him before I went up, I'm like, I want to do front flips off of it.

00:03:13.740 Yeah.

00:03:14.260 And he's like, okay, yeah, we can do that.

00:03:16.480 So I'm standing up there and he's kind of like, you know, braced, give me a little push.

00:03:20.380 And I jump and we did like two and a half flips before I was able to right myself.

00:03:24.980 And it was crazy.

00:03:26.840 You go 120 miles an hour.

00:03:28.500 And I think our free fall was like 30 to 45 seconds before we opened the shoot.

00:03:33.820 You're falling at 120 miles per hour.

00:03:37.180 Yeah.

00:03:37.620 That's gnarly.

00:03:38.560 Yeah.

00:03:39.760 It was crazy.

00:03:40.620 And so you hit, you pull the cord and parachute rips you up and, you know, you're sitting there

00:03:45.840 floating.

00:03:46.300 I was sick to my stomach.

00:03:48.200 Like, I legitimately thought I was going to throw up.

00:03:51.620 Yeah.

00:03:54.300 I was like, keep it together, Mickler.

00:03:56.140 Come on.

00:03:57.280 So I'm floating down and he's like, oh, this is getting a little bumpy.

00:04:00.700 I'm like, bumpy.

00:04:02.820 And he's like, it's okay.

00:04:04.060 He's like, let's angle.

00:04:05.620 And we're looking at the wind and he's helped.

00:04:06.920 He's having me steer it, but he's giving me instruction and helping where it needs to.

00:04:10.220 Yeah.

00:04:10.760 And, uh, he's like, we should be on the ground already.

00:04:12.940 I think we're getting lift.

00:04:13.980 So we kept getting a little bit of lift.

00:04:15.620 And so the parachute wasn't like taking us down as fast as it normally does.

00:04:20.020 Yeah.

00:04:21.020 Anyways, we get down there and land.

00:04:22.660 I thought it was a pretty good landing.

00:04:23.700 I said, it was a good landing.

00:04:24.480 I'm like, cool.

00:04:25.400 And, uh, my girlfriend was there and I'm like, gave her a hug.

00:04:28.580 I'm like, that was awesome.

00:04:29.320 You know?

00:04:29.640 And, and, uh, the guy, he was like, Hey, go tell the pilot we're not doing anymore.

00:04:36.600 And I'm like, what?

00:04:37.520 He's like, the wind is just too variable and she's lighter than you.

00:04:41.280 That'd be even scarier.

00:04:42.560 Like we're not doing it.

00:04:44.100 So she didn't even get to go.

00:04:45.360 I went for her and she didn't even get to do it.

00:04:50.420 I'm like, damn, I should have, I went first just not thinking anything, you know?

00:04:55.040 Yeah.

00:04:55.360 But I was like, damn, like the whole, like that whole afternoon, I'm like, you're an idiot.

00:04:59.920 You should have let her go for, I didn't know, but still I felt horrible.

00:05:04.160 I felt so bad.

00:05:04.960 She could have wanted you to go first too.

00:05:07.160 I mean, there's some benefit of you going first and that might calm her nerves.

00:05:10.660 If she had any, I don't know.

00:05:12.940 It's hard to say.

00:05:13.580 No, I think she, I don't know.

00:05:14.660 She was tougher than I was.

00:05:15.860 I think that's why I was like, I'll go first if you don't mind then.

00:05:19.480 Get this out of the way.

00:05:20.860 So the concern was, once the parachute was out, you're getting too much lift and wind that like getting to the ground.

00:05:29.720 Wind, it was like shifting wind.

00:05:31.740 The wind was getting stronger.

00:05:32.840 It was shifting a little bit when we were coming down and we're getting that lift.

00:05:37.620 So it made it bumpier.

00:05:38.900 He's like, it's probably okay, but I don't want to do anything skydiving.

00:05:42.960 Probably okay.

00:05:44.340 Those, those two things, concepts don't go together.

00:05:47.760 Yeah.

00:05:48.260 So, yeah.

00:05:49.860 Yeah.

00:05:50.300 So hopefully we can get something rescheduled pretty quick for her.

00:05:52.920 I felt like a dick.

00:05:54.840 Oh, I felt bad.

00:05:55.860 Like stole her, stole the thing that she wanted to do.

00:06:00.400 Exactly.

00:06:01.140 Yeah.

00:06:01.880 That's my weekend.

00:06:03.100 Dude, that's crazy, man.

00:06:04.320 That's awesome.

00:06:06.380 That's fun.

00:06:07.000 My kids are like, are you going to do it again?

00:06:08.120 I'm like, no, no, I'm not.

00:06:09.880 That was good enough.

00:06:10.980 I don't, it was cool.

00:06:12.960 It was a good experience.

00:06:14.140 I lived, but I'm like, okay, I'm not doing that ever again.

00:06:17.240 No freaking way.

00:06:20.640 Anyways, well, should we get into some headlines today?

00:06:23.340 Yeah.

00:06:23.760 Yeah.

00:06:24.220 We'll get in some headlines.

00:06:25.340 I, you know, the number one thing on my mind this past week, of course, is, is the presidential

00:06:31.480 debate.

00:06:32.080 And we could, we could go, we go hour about how that went and all kinds of kind of funny

00:06:38.340 moments.

00:06:39.160 Entertainment probably more than anything else is the best way I could explain how it went.

00:06:44.680 But here's the crazy part that I learned about this past week.

00:06:47.700 So this is the first time since debates have been televised that a debate occurred this early

00:06:57.140 in the year.

00:06:58.980 Yeah.

00:06:59.120 This is also the first time that a debate has ever been done before the DNC convention.

00:07:07.260 I know where this is leading, I think.

00:07:09.360 Yeah, totally.

00:07:10.220 And I, and I, I'm not a political analyst.

00:07:14.980 I, I don't know what I don't know, but I, I'm just a logical person and I can't, it blows

00:07:22.340 my mind how, how Biden did in the debate.

00:07:28.080 I don't think he did any worse than I thought he would have done, to be honest with you.

00:07:33.780 Like I didn't watch that.

00:07:35.040 Oh, I thought it was way worse.

00:07:36.820 Oh, see, I, I'm like, I've seen him, I've seen enough footage of him fumbling and forgetting

00:07:41.820 his thought process or whatever that like, this wasn't like, oh my gosh, it's a reveal

00:07:48.440 to me that, that his cognitive decline is, is an issue.

00:07:52.980 I, it, it just solidified what I already felt.

00:07:55.940 We all knew that.

00:07:56.580 Yeah.

00:07:57.260 Yeah, sure.

00:07:58.080 But if you open up the news, Ryan, over the last week, you would think that half the country

00:08:02.420 all of a sudden realized that their president is not, yeah, they're shocked.

00:08:06.820 I'm like, what are you guys talking about?

00:08:09.260 What have you been watching?

00:08:10.580 Totally.

00:08:10.940 What have you been watching?

00:08:12.180 The, the best comedic joke that I've seen over the last six months is, and I don't know

00:08:17.220 who the comedian is, but he always talks about, about Biden being the Roomba, the Roomba

00:08:23.080 vacuum.

00:08:23.480 He goes into Roomba mode and he's like, uh, uh.

00:08:26.940 That's funny.

00:08:27.720 I'm like, that's hilarious because it's so true.

00:08:31.140 It's pretty accurate.

00:08:31.960 Yeah.

00:08:32.060 He's like a little Roomba vacuum.

00:08:34.160 So I can't help, but, but look at this whole landscape and like, oh my gosh, these guys are,

00:08:39.360 they're, this is just a setup.

00:08:41.760 This is just.

00:08:43.560 Yeah.

00:08:43.880 I think they're all flipping the script so they can throw in, uh, another candidate on

00:08:50.880 the democratic party before the debates.

00:08:53.420 And, and if, and, and I followed Vivek quite a bit, according to him, they can do that.

00:08:59.580 That could happen.

00:09:00.480 And even Ben Shapiro and the guys at daily, uh, daily wire.

00:09:03.860 Right.

00:09:04.440 They talked about that.

00:09:06.080 They, if he chose to step down, he has to voluntarily relinquish those, those delegates.

00:09:13.040 Yeah.

00:09:13.220 If he chose to step down, then they could inject a new candidate with, without any voting on

00:09:21.760 the democratic side, which is kind of jacked up in itself.

00:09:27.420 If, if this is intentionally done and, and that's all, I don't think that's going to happen.

00:09:33.460 You don't think so.

00:09:34.240 You think they're going to run with him?

00:09:35.700 I don't.

00:09:36.880 I do.

00:09:37.580 Yeah.

00:09:37.840 Unless he dies.

00:09:38.340 It's going to be a slaughterhouse because like the left right now is all like he's incompetent.

00:09:43.120 So they're, they're all like thinking he's not going to do it.

00:09:46.260 So.

00:09:47.300 Well, the conservative side of the aisle is wants him to run clearly.

00:09:51.360 Obviously.

00:09:52.280 Yeah.

00:09:52.680 Obvious reasons, but I don't, I don't think they're going to do it, man.

00:09:56.560 Like, I mean, obviously Kamala is very unpopular.

00:09:59.720 She's, she's, she's probably more unpopular than Biden is.

00:10:03.440 Yeah.

00:10:04.040 Uh, she's just, she's just insufferable.

00:10:07.220 Like she's just an insufferable person.

00:10:10.200 Miserable person.

00:10:11.260 Yeah.

00:10:12.240 Yes.

00:10:13.060 Um, the other, there's other talk about Michelle Obama.

00:10:16.600 I don't think Michelle Obama, I think she, man, if she was, if she actually competed

00:10:21.360 in this race, like she could, she would probably win.

00:10:23.920 I think she would probably win.

00:10:25.660 Yeah.

00:10:26.380 But I don't, I, I, she's expressed interest in not doing it.

00:10:30.580 And then the other one you hear a lot is, um, Gavin Newsom.

00:10:33.720 Yeah.

00:10:35.160 Which is so extreme.

00:10:36.640 The people we choose from is so extreme.

00:10:39.440 I mean, he only, he just, he almost got recalled what six months ago, you know, it's like crazy

00:10:45.000 stuff.

00:10:45.760 Yeah.

00:10:46.000 Well, I, I didn't actually come prepared with a headline.

00:10:48.240 I was just going to talk about that.

00:10:49.580 So I think you hit on a bunch of things I was going to say, but it was, it was crazy.

00:10:54.020 And I don't care.

00:10:55.080 I take all your bias.

00:10:56.660 I have bias.

00:10:57.480 You have bias.

00:10:57.980 We all have biases one way or the other.

00:11:00.020 Take all of that out.

00:11:02.340 Clearly Biden is just no longer with us and hasn't been for a long time.

00:11:06.660 And I actually thought, again, it's trying to be as unbiased as I can be.

00:11:10.280 I thought Trump, I was, it was definitely the best Trump has ever debated ever.

00:11:14.720 Without a lot.

00:11:15.520 And I thought he was fairly presidential.

00:11:18.520 Yeah.

00:11:19.160 Uh, he, he's learned a lot.

00:11:20.800 The only thing where he struggled when he's, he started, they started talking about their

00:11:24.760 golf handicap or something.

00:11:26.700 And then, but I did like where Trump's like, Hey, let's not be children, Joe.

00:11:31.060 This is Trump scolding somebody else not to be childish.

00:11:36.700 Hilarious.

00:11:37.140 But outside of that, I thought, man, this guy, he came ready to play.

00:11:43.060 He was sharp.

00:11:44.100 Yeah.

00:11:44.320 And he had a couple of quick jabs that weren't like super condescending where it came across

00:11:49.500 as villainous or mean, like he's done in the past, but it was like very matter of factly,

00:11:53.440 but they were still cleared insults and jabs.

00:11:56.480 Like he just did, he did a really good job from that perspective.

00:11:59.320 That is what I was shocked about the most is how emotionally controlled he stayed and

00:12:06.860 he held back on the attacks of the, of the individual.

00:12:09.860 Cause I mean, even when Joe like went Roomba mode a couple of times, I thought for sure

00:12:18.080 Trump was going to go, look, he can't even think he's a senile old man, like totally like

00:12:23.780 jump on it and just attack him in the moment of his, of his blankness.

00:12:29.320 And he didn't, he just let him be with it.

00:12:31.860 And I was like, man, that's some serious constraint from Trump.

00:12:34.420 Cause I think Trump of the past would have just went hog wild and just demonized the crap

00:12:41.060 out of him.

00:12:41.280 Trump did make a couple of looks over him to him.

00:12:43.680 Like a couple of confused, like bewildered looks that I was like, that's perfect.

00:12:48.080 You don't need to say anything.

00:12:49.300 He just looked at him like, it's, it's.

00:12:53.780 It's comical, but it's also sad.

00:12:55.900 This is, it's really, this is for the presidency of the United States of America.

00:13:01.100 So anyways, I didn't really want to get too political and I don't think we were political.

00:13:05.220 I just thought, you know, we're, we're sharing it like it is.

00:13:07.580 So yeah, I watched the whole thing.

00:13:09.620 All right, man.

00:13:10.020 I watched the whole thing.

00:13:10.800 It was great.

00:13:11.860 Yeah.

00:13:12.220 I got through about 70% of it.

00:13:13.760 I'm like, okay, I'm done here.

00:13:15.260 I get it.

00:13:15.900 Let's see where this is going.

00:13:17.820 All right, man.

00:13:18.400 Let's get into some questions today.

00:13:19.940 Yeah.

00:13:20.280 So we're going to field questions from the iron council.

00:13:23.780 Um, we're officially closed.

00:13:25.800 Are you going to keep it open a little bit longer this week?

00:13:29.120 Uh, you'll have to check.

00:13:30.380 I think I've, it's, it's supposed to close today, July 1st, Monday.

00:13:34.220 Uh, this will come out on Wednesday.

00:13:35.920 I might, I might leave it open till Wednesday.

00:13:38.960 Um, we'll, we'll see to be determined.

00:13:41.180 So you'll have to go check it out.

00:13:42.160 Order of man.com slash iron council.

00:13:44.300 Excellent.

00:13:44.800 And we're going to fill the, our questions today from those brothers of the iron council.

00:13:48.540 First question, Joe, uh, Guttner in reading wild at heart, Mr. Eldridge states that in

00:13:55.540 order to build activities that will engage young men's groups, you need to have an element

00:14:00.660 of danger, have a battle to fight and overcome, et cetera.

00:14:04.280 What are some tactics that I can use to convince my church leadership?

00:14:08.880 And I thought, I thought those interesting church leaders slash attorneys.

00:14:13.120 So I don't, I don't understand, like maybe the church has attorneys.

00:14:16.460 I don't understand.

00:14:17.080 I, I can, I can, uh, shed some light on that here in a minute, but finish this question.

00:14:21.520 So church leadership slash attorneys that these elements are engaging for young men and needed.

00:14:28.360 I would, I would be hard pressed to think that his leadership wouldn't be interested in

00:14:33.400 doing this for young men.

00:14:34.500 I mean, I know churches are continually becoming more and more feminized, but I still think if

00:14:39.660 someone like yourself is willing to step up, that church leadership for the most part is

00:14:44.920 going to embrace it.

00:14:45.960 And if they don't, I personally would consider another church that they're, they're just,

00:14:50.980 there's too many churches that don't believe in masculinity.

00:14:53.460 There's too many churches that want to feminize everything that want to take this element of

00:14:57.180 danger or risk out of the equation.

00:14:59.400 I think probably I could be wrong here.

00:15:01.920 What he's referring to with regards to attorneys is legal protection and insurance purposes.

00:15:08.380 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:15:09.300 If I had to guess, you know, these congregations have their insurances in place, they have legal

00:15:14.100 protections in place to make sure, you know, they're, they're, they're structured entities

00:15:19.160 and organizations.

00:15:19.880 So they need to protect themselves.

00:15:21.200 And that makes sense.

00:15:22.620 If that's an issue though, there's a lot of things that you can do that would be sanctioned

00:15:27.460 by your church congregation that still have liabilities and, and waiver forms and these sorts

00:15:33.740 of things.

00:15:34.220 You know, for example, if you were to take the young men or, or the older men in your

00:15:39.920 congregation on a Saturday to go shooting, if you went to a shooting range, those shooting

00:15:45.860 ranges are going to have liability forms and waivers and safety classes that they can participate

00:15:52.520 in.

00:15:52.960 Your church can have its own liability waiver.

00:15:55.060 Uh, you can do everything by the books.

00:15:57.340 You record everything from safety procedures, protocols, the instructors who are coming in

00:16:03.200 to teach the thing, record it all.

00:16:04.920 And it really shouldn't be an issue.

00:16:07.420 I don't, I don't really know why this would be an issue from, from a legal standpoint, but

00:16:12.680 I'm not an attorney and I don't know exactly what you're dealing with.

00:16:15.100 But like I said, if you have to convince, uh, a, a church leadership, a pastor, for example,

00:16:20.820 or the board that you should be able to take your young men to go to a shooting range or

00:16:26.480 to go on an overnight camp out or to go river rafting this summer or any number of things that

00:16:32.520 these boys would love to do and learn a ton from you're in the wrong congregation.

00:16:36.840 And there's plenty of churches who believe in that sort of thing, support that, that sort of

00:16:41.740 thing. And I'd love to see, frankly, the church numbers for these organizations that don't embrace

00:16:47.960 masculinity dwindle. I mean, I, I don't like to say that as a Christian, but they're not,

00:16:53.420 they're not doing what's in the best interest of their, their members and society at large.

00:16:58.440 So I would question that pretty heavily personally.

00:17:02.820 Yeah. You could always do this on your own. Yeah. A good example of this is, is actually my wife,

00:17:10.780 we were, um, our kids go to a private school and she had this wild idea that we should convince

00:17:18.820 the entire school to have its school year for three months in like Dominican Republic.

00:17:26.400 Awesome.

00:17:27.200 I know it's so up my wife's alley of craziness.

00:17:30.560 It sounds like her.

00:17:31.400 Yeah.

00:17:33.120 Here's her idea. Let's all move to another country for three months.

00:17:36.720 Yeah. I'm like, I don't know if anyone could do that, honey. Um, anyhow, so, so she brings

00:17:42.320 it up to the school owner and he's like, yeah, I don't know, whatever. She's like, well, maybe

00:17:46.900 we'll just do it on our own. And then she started reaching out to all the other families. Hey,

00:17:53.780 would you, would you, she got like more than half the school interested in possibly doing

00:17:58.160 it as a group? Yeah. So if, if, if your church isn't doing it, man, just raise your hand and go,

00:18:04.760 Hey, who wants to do this with me and my kids? And you can get some momentum and make things happen.

00:18:10.740 It doesn't have to be official. You, you use this example all the time. Oh, order a man meet up or

00:18:16.300 these other things aren't happening. You do it. You schedule it. You make it happen. Don't,

00:18:22.000 don't wait to convince or think that your church has to be the framework to make this possible.

00:18:28.160 Cause I, I think you could easily do it. We had a, yeah, we had a GS Youngblood on our Friday

00:18:33.920 iron council call last week and he wrote a book called the masculine in relationship. And we were

00:18:39.620 talking a little bit about the mentality of men relative to women just generally, but men are

00:18:44.160 very directional and there's too many men who are showing up without any sort of direction. It's

00:18:48.980 that Roomba, right? They're like looking around, like, I don't know what to do. Point me in the right

00:18:52.220 direction. Yeah. No, pick a direction and go. And you're going to find out that it's the right

00:18:57.940 direction and you're going to continue, or you might find out that's the wrong direction. So

00:19:01.720 turn around or pick a new direction, but men are directional. So if we're sitting around like

00:19:07.160 waiting and hoping, so I really liked that idea of just do it yourself, whether it's again,

00:19:11.120 shooting or camping or white rot water rafting jujitsu, like do an evening of jujitsu with the

00:19:16.520 boys. They would love that stuff. They would love it. So yeah, I love it. Good suggestion.

00:19:22.660 All right. Christopher Kroom, how far in advance do you plan your podcast and what do you do to

00:19:29.140 create an outline? What keeps you consistent? Uh, how far out do I plan my podcast? I would say

00:19:36.460 two to four weeks, not very far out because a lot of the things that I talk about are culturally

00:19:41.320 relevant. So this podcast for our ask me anything, I usually ask for questions the night before.

00:19:47.460 Yeah. So that, and sometimes we get some questions from the week before. Yeah. Yeah.

00:19:54.320 Friday field notes is usually a couple of weeks. I have a calendar schedule where, you know,

00:19:58.820 father's day might be coming up or 4th of July is coming up. And so what can I talk about that's

00:20:03.140 relevant to what might be happening in society and culture? Uh, podcast guests, usually a couple of

00:20:09.440 weeks. I don't like to go any further than a couple of weeks because I don't think it's fair to,

00:20:13.600 unless, unless my guest has a book that's coming out, for example, in two months. And then I might

00:20:19.340 record now with a release date of two months down the road to coordinate with their book launch.

00:20:24.280 But I, I just think I'm, I want to treat people fairly. And if somebody is going to spend an hour

00:20:29.840 to an hour and a half with me and impart their wisdom on me and the people who listen, then I owe

00:20:34.980 it to them to put out that episode in a really timely manner. That's why I do it like that.

00:20:39.280 Yeah. So Christopher mentioned, well, he kind of mentioned, you know, what, how far in advanced

00:20:44.460 and your outline that you use. I don't, I don't use an outline for, well, that's not, that's not

00:20:52.120 true. So I guess an outline for the ask me anything would be just questions, but that's it. Yeah. An

00:20:56.940 outline for the Friday field notes. Usually my Friday field notes are built around five to seven

00:21:01.360 habits or principles you can use. So if there's a particular topic, I might identify five things you

00:21:07.000 can do to improve in that department. And that's kind of my outline. But when I write it, I just

00:21:12.060 write the bullet points and I riff, I don't, there's nothing scripted about what I do. I just riff on

00:21:17.200 the subject. If there's something I need to quote, I'll do that obviously, or something I need to study

00:21:22.020 up on, I'll do a little bit of that, but I don't, I don't, I don't have a script that I use. On my

00:21:29.120 interviews, usually what I'll do is I'll just pull up my notes in on, on my computer. And if I have,

00:21:35.720 you know, Larry Hagner came on the podcast yesterday. And so I've got a list of things

00:21:39.680 that I think would be relevant to talk about. And I only put those things on there, or I might have

00:21:46.240 a specific question that I want to ask or a topic I want to address. So I put that in there with no

00:21:50.440 other context and then I might bring it up. But usually if I can get one or two questions in,

00:21:56.280 I'm so curious about everything anyways. And that's my sole motivation is being curious about what makes

00:22:01.340 this person tick. I don't really need a whole lot of prompts. I'm just asking what I hope are

00:22:06.820 thoughtful questions. And I, and I know that the best compliment that I could get from somebody,

00:22:13.160 a podcast guest is I've never been asked that before. Yeah. To me, that is the best compliment

00:22:19.740 that somebody as a, as a professional conversationalist, which is what I, what I consider myself when

00:22:26.020 somebody says, man, that's interesting. I've never been asked that before. I'm like, boom,

00:22:30.080 did it right. That's what we want. We want new insight that this person hasn't just regurgitated

00:22:35.300 and rehearsed, you know, a thousand times. Yeah, for sure. Well, and you have been really

00:22:40.740 consistent. Christopher references that in his question. How often do you run into a problem

00:22:46.040 where you're like, Oh, I'm only two weeks out. And you have a guest that says, Oh, I have to

00:22:51.060 reschedule. Do does your short timeline get you into predicaments where you're, you're threatened

00:22:58.640 on whether you'll have an episode or not? Yeah. Um, a couple of weeks ago we had Jackson Hightower

00:23:04.340 actually last week, Jackson Hightower, we were supposed to record on a Wednesday or a Thursday

00:23:10.180 and he had some technical issues and we couldn't record. And I didn't have another interview lined up.

00:23:16.780 I recorded that interview on Monday morning and bless Chad's heart. He doesn't like when I do this,

00:23:22.000 but he gets it every once in a while. It's hard on him. I don't like doing it to him,

00:23:25.120 but I'm like, Chad, like I'm going to record at nine this morning and I'm going to get it to you.

00:23:29.800 And so he's, he's editing a podcast with, you know, 12 to 15 hour turnaround. So yeah, sometimes it

00:23:38.480 happens. I don't like doing that to him. He's always been really, really good about it. Um, but it does

00:23:44.500 happen, you know, and that's just the trade-off. What would you do in that example? If he couldn't

00:23:49.080 reschedule for Monday, I'd scramble to find another guest, uh, or I do something creative, like

00:23:56.360 maybe have somebody interview me, uh, might be an option or typically. Yeah. Yeah. I would want to

00:24:06.120 keep it to it. Still keep it to an interview format for that show. So I think I would just scramble.

00:24:11.800 I've got a large enough Rolodex at this point where if I called somebody up and I said, Hey,

00:24:15.240 I need a last minute guest and I'd love to have you back on or, you know, and I've had other people

00:24:20.720 have been on before. I mean, worst case scenario, maybe like pull out an old episode. That was one

00:24:26.700 of my favorites. Worst case scenario. I've done that. Maybe I don't think I've ever done it with an

00:24:32.500 interview, but I think I've done it with a Friday field notes, maybe three or four times when I was

00:24:37.860 going through the midst of my divorce and just was not in the proper head space, but I haven't

00:24:43.060 missed an episode. We always release a podcast. Yeah. And that's eight, eight or nine years,

00:24:48.060 nine years. Yeah. It's like 1400 episodes. So people say, well, what do you do to stay consistent?

00:24:55.700 Kip, you, you train about as regularly as train jujitsu is about as regularly as I, I know anybody

00:25:02.020 does. And there's probably guys who train more, more for whatever, but you are really, really

00:25:06.500 consistent. What keeps you consistent? I don't compromise. Like if it's scheduled,

00:25:12.980 it's scheduled. That's it. What do you mean? Like there's no other choice. I treat it equally

00:25:19.300 as important as anything else. When I don't, then it will always get disrupted. Yeah. That's,

00:25:26.340 I mean, I think that's the right answer is if once you say that this is not an option,

00:25:32.260 then it's not, there's no alternative. Yeah. So you do what you have to do and you make it work.

00:25:41.740 There's another side of it. You actually have to enjoy it. Yeah. I enjoy podcasting. So it's not

00:25:47.920 really hard to convince me about, Oh, I'll have to podcast. I don't feel like sometimes I do,

00:25:53.140 but not very frequently. Yeah. So I think if you truly enjoy something and you see the value in it

00:26:00.920 and you haven't given yourself a little escape hatch, then consistency will not be an issue.

00:26:06.840 Yeah. Last question. Actually, it's really just for me. I'm just curious how often, and maybe this is

00:26:12.640 early days for you and maybe this no, no longer shows up, but how often do you have to have the

00:26:18.660 mindset of, I'm just sending that recording off? I'm not going to like, I had too many arms. I,

00:26:27.300 I, it wasn't that good. And you just let go of all that judgment and you're like, it's recorded,

00:26:33.480 it's done. I'm going to send and forget the rest or around how it went. A hundred percent of them.

00:26:40.720 Okay. Yeah. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't really question. I do question some of them.

00:26:47.460 You know, there might be like 10% where I'm thinking, man, I don't know if that was good.

00:26:51.540 Like the Friday field notes I did last week was 10 commandments for effective communication. It was

00:26:57.740 built around, um, uh, what? I can't even think of the term right now. Uh, logical fallacies built

00:27:06.200 around logical fallacies. Oh, nice. And I thought it was good information, but I, when I recorded,

00:27:12.140 I'm like, I don't know. I sounded a little, I felt maybe like a little scatterbrained about it.

00:27:16.320 Yeah. But I hit send anyways. I'm like, I don't know. Just send it. I went back and listened to

00:27:21.000 it. Yeah. I don't like it. Yeah. I don't like how it turned out, but I'm not going to take it down

00:27:25.660 just the next time I do it. I'm going to learn from that. I listened and I was not as fluid in

00:27:31.200 what I wanted to articulate as I thought I could be. I didn't have as good examples as I would have

00:27:36.620 liked. So there's some feedback, but it's out there and I'm not taking it down. I'll just do better next

00:27:43.460 time. Yeah. Well, and I think that's insightful. I asked that question because I think that's

00:27:47.700 insightful for people because the average individual wouldn't have sent it. They would

00:27:53.440 have been, Oh, you know what? I need more time to prepare. I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll re-record

00:27:59.100 it. Right. And then it never goes because it didn't meet the expectations of what they think.

00:28:06.040 And in doing so, they, they almost don't grow from it by releasing it and letting it be.

00:28:12.540 If that makes sense. I just find it fascinating because I remember the first time, the first few

00:28:18.800 times that I had control over like an AMA where I had to record solo, which gave me control, right?

00:28:25.460 Because if this didn't go well, what could I do? Not send it. I could just record another one.

00:28:30.460 Yeah. Hit stop. Yeah. And I remember the first time I had to do an AMA solo, I totally hit stop

00:28:37.380 and record like five times. And I was like, this is ridiculous. Like this isn't working. I got to

00:28:44.760 just accept this thing. I'm going to hit the record button and just let the chips fall and, and just

00:28:52.200 go. Otherwise it's never going to happen. You know what's for guys like us, Kip, and I imagine a lot

00:28:57.800 of the people listening to, we are our harshest critics. So this is going to sound very arrogant,

00:29:03.560 but my, I don't even know if I want to say, it sounds so arrogant. I've been doing this long

00:29:12.440 enough and I'm fairly confident in it. I think I'm pretty good at it. I can always improve. I see that,

00:29:17.700 but my 60 to 70% is better than probably 95% of podcasters out there. And I'm not trying to be

00:29:29.540 arrogant. I'm not trying to say I'm better than anybody else. I've just been doing it long enough.

00:29:34.560 And the reason that's important is because when I send something out that I think is 60 to 70%,

00:29:40.900 the average listener, and I've had this a lot where I'm like, that was garbage. And the listeners are

00:29:46.980 like, man, Ryan, that was one of your best episodes. I'm like, what? So you never know

00:29:53.020 what, when you put something out into the world, you never know who it's going to impact and how

00:29:58.500 it's going to impact them. I've said things, I'm like, that was stupid. Where people have pointed

00:30:03.500 it out and said, Hey, that one thing you shared, that was amazing. So it, but it's also on the other

00:30:10.120 side of things. It's not an excuse. Just sending nonsense out into the world because send it is not an

00:30:16.120 excuse to not prepare, not put plan and not get better as you go. Yeah. Yeah. I see that. I see

00:30:23.540 that. Like I've done that so many times where I'm like, immediately regret it. And I'm like, Oh,

00:30:28.420 that's, I shouldn't have done that. And then someone's like, Oh, that was so good. I'm like,

00:30:32.420 it's just wild. Yeah. Yeah. So like, okay. So weird. Yeah. I love it, man. Cool. Thanks for

00:30:39.940 that. Also the additional questions. Also, I would say just be honest to be, be humble. Like I just

00:30:49.340 said it a minute ago, that episode I did with the 10 thou shalt nots in communication. Just all my

00:30:55.060 favorite. I can do better, but I don't, I don't need to pretend like I, like I'm not going to hide

00:30:59.720 that from you guys. Yeah. Cause you're going to listen and be like, yeah, that wasn't his best.

00:31:03.920 He can do better. So why like me not bringing it up, isn't going to, it's not going to automatically

00:31:09.980 change the performance I had. It's like, Oh, he recognizes it. Cool. I keep, I think I'll stick

00:31:15.160 around. Yeah. That's it. Just be humble and honest. Well, and it's interesting. I was, I was listening

00:31:21.440 to something. I think it was Jordan Peterson was talking about how empathy a lot, like there's a

00:31:28.320 connection around when we have empathy for people. It's really fascinating. If you think about it,

00:31:32.880 this is the example of, have you ever seen, have you ever watched someone sing and they're like,

00:31:37.820 it's really bad. Right. Oh yes. And what does it do to you? It hurts you. It hurts you. Right.

00:31:44.520 You're like, Oh, I can't stand this. Yeah. Cause of empathy. That's what it is. It's empathy. We're

00:31:52.600 like, Oh my gosh, I'm feeling the same suffering that they're feeling. And I just feel awkward and,

00:31:59.000 and all that stuff that that's the power of us being us and, and being some, have some authenticity

00:32:07.060 and, and some humility and, and how we show up because people relate, they're relating to you

00:32:12.120 anyway. And, and if you choose to pretend, then you're, guess what? You're not relatable.

00:32:19.560 Yeah. And then what connection do people have?

00:32:24.460 I think you just hit it with that. It's the connection when you're presenting or on a date

00:32:31.180 or presenting in front of an audience or singing at a performance, you are trying to connect with

00:32:36.020 whoever you're there with, whether it's one person or a thousand, you're trying to get connected with

00:32:40.640 them in some way. Uh, and if you pretend like you don't have faults and flaws, that's not connectable

00:32:49.580 because everybody's intimately familiar with their own faults and flaws. Yeah. So there's a lot of

00:32:56.000 people like in public speaking, like professionals who will say, Oh, don't ever tell people you're

00:33:00.220 nervous. I disagree. I don't think you should drone on and on and on about it. But I think if you

00:33:05.700 mentioned once and said, Hey guys, like, I'm excited to be here. Don't mind the sweaty pits. I'm super

00:33:09.920 nervous, but I've got an important message for you. Yeah. That's endearing actually. Yeah. Well,

00:33:15.680 especially if they've noticed the sweaty pits, right? If you didn't say something and they noticed

00:33:21.740 your sweat and balls, they're, they're like totally like in their mind going, Oh, it's so embarrassing

00:33:26.320 or whatever. The minute you go, Hey, it is what it is. Then it is what it is. Yeah, totally. Same thing

00:33:34.240 on a date. Like these date bros will say, Oh, you know, be an alpha. Don't ever let her know you're

00:33:39.100 scared. I'm like, no, man, if you're on a date and just say, Hey, you know what? Like

00:33:42.960 it's been a few years. I'm really nervous. I'm glad to be here with you tonight. I'm looking forward

00:33:47.760 to a great dinner evening together, but I just want you to know, I'm a little nervous. How do you feel?

00:33:53.560 That's endearing. Yeah. People like that. It eases the tension because she's probably feeling it too.

00:34:00.860 Do you ever see anger, anger management? Yeah. Adam Sandler. Yeah. I'm thinking about the bar scene

00:34:06.560 when you're like, I just have a hard time expressing myself when I'm on the verge of

00:34:11.900 exploding in my pants. That's right. I forgot about that. Yeah. That's, that's Ryan's recommendation.

00:34:22.020 Just own it. Yeah. Just tell him. Just own it. Hey, you know what? It actually would probably

00:34:28.180 work. She'd probably say finally a guy who's honest. Yeah. All right. Andy Collins, advice

00:34:36.760 needed. I've been following Dave Ramsey. I have my debt snowball in progress. I should have my first

00:34:42.420 debt, a personal loan paid off by middle of Q4 at the latest. How do I balance putting extra money

00:34:49.080 towards paying a loan off and being able to have a social life? I know my financers are holding me back

00:34:55.940 from being able to take the next step forward. But at the same time, I don't want to become

00:35:00.780 a recluse. So focus on myself. Um, it doesn't say if he's married and with kids. No. Okay. It's

00:35:10.700 different. If, if you were married with kids, it would be, I would be a little bit of a different

00:35:15.460 answer. I think that I, that I'll give you as that I would as a single person. Um, may I'm just

00:35:20.720 going to throw this out here. Maybe you shouldn't balance. I think that's actually probably what Dave

00:35:26.020 Ramsey would say. Yeah. That's the price. I mean, look, you got yourself into this situation. You

00:35:31.840 want to pay the debt off as quick as, as possible. So yeah, you got to sacrifice. Yeah. Balance is,

00:35:39.660 I don't, I'm, the more I hear about people that want to balance, the more I'm just turned off by the

00:35:45.100 idea. I don't want to balance balance to me represents the way most people use it. I don't

00:35:51.160 use it this way, but the way most people use it is this like perfect homeostatic state between all

00:35:56.660 of your tasks and projects and assignments and activities and interest. And everything is just

00:36:02.620 harmoniously euphoric. Yeah. Welcome to the real, real world. That doesn't happen here.

00:36:09.700 So if I'm working right now, Kip, and I get a text from my son, he's like, dad, I broke my arm and I'm

00:36:15.840 in the hospital. Screw balance. Kip, I'm out. You finish on your own. I'm going to be with my son.

00:36:23.860 Right? Of course. Nobody would balk at that, but that's what you do. So I look at balance as a verb.

00:36:31.580 You're it's, it's, it's an action that you're taking. You're, you're not finding balance. You're balancing.

00:36:37.420 And you're balancing between all of the things that you have going on in your life. And sometimes

00:36:43.760 there's certain aspects of your life that need more emphasis than others. In this case, your debt was

00:36:49.860 out of hand. And so you're focusing all of your effort towards getting rid of this debt. Now, if

00:36:55.440 you have to do that for 10 years, I don't think that's sustainable, but if you have to do that for

00:36:59.460 12 months, I say, buckle down. You can do that for 12. Oh, and by the way, you can do free stuff on the

00:37:06.720 side to have a little bit of enjoyment in your life, but maybe you're not going to go on a vacation,

00:37:13.560 or maybe you're not going to go hit that extra round of golf, or you're not going to do whatever

00:37:18.020 it is you do as often as maybe you do because you're sacrificing. So I would say, depending on the

00:37:23.600 length, buckle down. And to add this dynamic of having your wife involved, this has to be her decision

00:37:30.200 too. Because if you want to do it and she doesn't, you're not going to really, you're not going to

00:37:35.140 win. Nobody's going to win. Yeah. So make sure you guys are on the same page. And then in the

00:37:38.620 meantime, enjoy life for free. Go on a hike, go for a drive, go camping this weekend. That doesn't,

00:37:45.960 I mean, maybe some food, but I think there's a lot of free options that you can do where you can

00:37:51.000 still enjoy some of that social dynamic and social life. If you want to go out and have drinks with

00:37:55.180 your buddies, maybe don't drink, maybe get some water. So you still have the social dynamic,

00:37:59.460 but you're not spending the extra 50, 60, 80, a hundred dollars for the evening.

00:38:03.200 Well, and it's funny. We, we assume that how we show up is like net negative on everybody,

00:38:08.800 you know, but, but he calls you up and says, Hey dude, you know, let's go out. And you're like,

00:38:14.060 Hey, sorry, man. Like I'm really focused on being out of debt. It's really important to me.

00:38:18.240 Let's go to the park and play some tennis or pickleball or play hoops or go on a hike instead.

00:38:23.900 Are you okay with that? Not only did you just choose an activity that benefits my pocketbook,

00:38:32.580 but I'm probably a little bit inspired. Like, damn, Andy's taking this thing really serious.

00:38:39.440 Maybe I need to get my finances in check. Guys, like we assume that like you'd be putting people

00:38:46.320 out. You're not going to be putting them out. If anything, you're showing up powerfully. You're

00:38:49.640 showing up what it looks like to sacrifice and make some pivots around something that's

00:38:53.780 important to you. That should happen more often. We need more people around us doing those kinds of

00:38:59.260 things. And so don't assume that it's focused on yourself. If you're not spending money,

00:39:04.040 I think it'd be positive. Yeah. Agreed. Good call. Ian Erickson. Oftentimes when big changes come

00:39:12.960 around in my life, I resort to suboptimal behaviors like isolating or resorting to, to poor eating habits.

00:39:20.520 How can a man improve his emotional responses to big life changes when they embed, embeddably occur?

00:39:29.680 Thanks y'all. Just don't do that.

00:39:33.980 Don't do it.

00:39:34.620 Like still do all the things, you know, you're supposed to be doing. It's, I know it's easy

00:39:39.160 when you're stressed and you're overwhelmed. You're like, Oh, I can't see my friends or I can't go on a

00:39:44.620 date this weekend with my wife or man, I'm tired. I shouldn't go to the gym. Don't just make a

00:39:50.040 decision like we were talking about earlier. Just don't do it. You know, it's my girlfriend and

00:39:56.440 I were talking about this over the weekend. We were talking about, you know, when people get

00:39:59.680 stressed, like when you get stressed out because of, of work or family dynamics or whatever.

00:40:05.800 Well, that, that stress causes your body damage, maybe to a slight degree, which could potentially

00:40:13.960 open you up to being sick, for example. Yeah. So you're stressed and now all of a sudden you're

00:40:20.220 sick. And now because you're sick, you're like, Oh, I'm too tired. Like, I don't think I'm going to

00:40:25.480 go to the gym, which makes sense. But if you don't go to the gym, you're not going to get those

00:40:29.200 endorphins released. You're not going to get the positive mental physiological benefits that could

00:40:34.080 actually help reduce your stress. And as your stress goes down, then your immunity builds back up.

00:40:40.800 You're able to get the proper sleep you need. And then you're no longer sick. It's vicious.

00:40:46.860 It's brutal. So what I suggest when you have some of these factors, whether it's stress or illness or

00:40:53.300 fatigue, just keep doing what you know you should be doing. Cause it's going to help

00:41:00.880 speed up the process of recovery. The way you do it might look a little different. So if you're sick,

00:41:07.120 I mean, maybe you're not going to go into the gym and you're not going to just bust your ass and do

00:41:11.720 this heavy strength lifting day, but maybe you decide to get up and take your dog for a walk.

00:41:17.820 Not ideal, right? Compared to what you're used to, but still you're able to move your body and build up

00:41:22.260 some of those endorphins and get some vitamin D, which is going to help your immune system.

00:41:26.240 So make the decision to keep doing those things. There's one other suggestion I would give you is

00:41:33.600 major life events will have a less drastic impact on you. If you're able to anticipate ahead of time

00:41:44.240 that you're probably at some point going to deal with something. So a great example of this would be,

00:41:49.020 uh, let's say, um, you get a race and you're bringing another, I don't know, 500, a thousand

00:41:59.760 dollars a month home because of this raise that you got. Most people will go out and they'll buy the

00:42:05.380 new truck because they think they can quote unquote afford it. And Dave Ramsey would agree with me on

00:42:11.560 this as well. They can't afford it. They can might be able to afford the payment, but they can't afford

00:42:15.540 the actual vehicle. There's a distinction, but they go buy this new truck and I've seen trucks,

00:42:20.700 80, $90,000 trucks that people put on seven and eight year loans. I'm talking $1,100 a month payment

00:42:26.280 for their truck payment. It's crazy. Okay. So congratulations, you got a raise and you have a

00:42:31.560 slightly nicer truck. That's cool for a minute till everybody's seen it. No longer is, you know,

00:42:37.080 patting your back about how cool you are with your new truck, right? It's going to wear down and wear off.

00:42:41.200 And, but, but now you're strapped with this thousand dollars payment. And then all of a

00:42:46.300 sudden you have an unknown medical expense or the transmission on your wife's van goes out

00:42:52.340 and you need seven grand. Well, shit, you, you didn't anticipate that was going to come up.

00:43:01.200 And so you went and spent all this money on this brand new truck. And now you got to take out a credit

00:43:05.440 card debt for $7,000, which is going to increase your stress, which is going to make you sick, which,

00:43:09.980 you know, it goes back to what you're saying earlier. You anticipate those challenges.

00:43:17.480 There's going to be struggles in your marriage. Anticipate that there's mental baggage that you're

00:43:23.180 dealing with that you're not quite aware of right now. So you probably ought to deal with that ahead

00:43:28.760 of time by having friends, having meaningful hobbies, maybe going to therapy. There's going to

00:43:34.560 be financial hardship that comes up. So yeah, you should be saving money. You shouldn't be investing

00:43:39.780 more than you think you should. The more you can anticipate and be aware of and address those

00:43:44.900 before they come up, the less relevant. And even in many cases, non-existent they are.

00:43:50.160 Yeah. I love that. I mean, I'll give you, can I give one more example on that?

00:43:54.660 Sorry. One more example. So I've got a rental here in Southern Utah and the, the, um, the property

00:44:02.380 management company called me up and they're like, Hey Ryan, like the, the air conditioning is going

00:44:06.700 out. And in Southern Utah right now, we're talking about a hundred, 105 degrees. It's hot.

00:44:12.220 Yeah.

00:44:12.760 AC unit goes out. I'm like, Oh man. I'm like, all right, well they'll, they're like, we'll get a

00:44:18.000 couple of proposals, some bids. We'll send it over. You can make your decision. So they sent three over

00:44:22.080 and it roughly was about seven to eight grand. And so I said, let's choose this one. I think it

00:44:28.320 was like 7,500 bucks. I'm like, choose that one. Like, great. So they call me up. They're like,

00:44:32.700 Hey, it's $7,500. I pay them a 70, $7,500. Now look, that's not a fun, like, I'm not excited about

00:44:39.100 that, but I'm also not overly stressed about it. It's not going to ruin my day. It's not going to ruin

00:44:45.760 my month. It's not going to ruin any part of my life. I'm still going to be able to work. Cause I

00:44:50.760 have mental clarity. Like I'm still going to be able to enjoy my life because I have enough money

00:44:55.860 to handle that $7,500 expense. Now this is not an accusation towards anybody else as far as their

00:45:02.420 worth, but man, if you're strapped for cash, I know how stressful that can be. This is why it's so

00:45:09.400 important. And when we talk about the book sovereignty, why it's so important to become a

00:45:13.380 sovereign individual. I don't want a financial institution to have their grubby hands all over

00:45:19.180 my personal wellbeing. So there's a little bit of an example to show, like, if you have the money set

00:45:27.840 aside and something comes up, it's still not enjoyable, but it's manageable. Yeah. I just want

00:45:35.080 to expand on the, you know, anticipating what might occur. And, and that is transcendent. For instance,

00:45:43.400 if you're unhealthy, you have bad healthy, bad eating habits, you're not taking care of your body,

00:45:54.000 and then you find out you have cancer, the probability of, of, of you recovering from cancer

00:46:01.420 drastically is reduced. So what's the anticipation to that? Be healthy. What's the anticipation of

00:46:10.480 being able to deal with stress with teenage kids? Be emotionally healthy today, right? Like

00:46:17.880 the anticipation, isn't you trying to guess necessarily what might go wrong. Sometimes the

00:46:23.620 anticipation is, is your house in order? Is your life in order? Is your house organized? So then that

00:46:31.580 way, when you do have a stressful day, you don't have that loaded energy and stress because you've never

00:46:39.020 cleaned the garage in 20 years. And now it's even more frustrating. Yeah. Like those things add up.

00:46:45.420 And, and this is why, like in the iron council, some of the things that we're working on is the

00:46:50.540 foundational things that allow us to deal with what life throws at us because we may not know what

00:46:57.900 that is. And, and, and I, I just want to, there are foundational things that we can all be doing to

00:47:03.780 anticipate hardship in our lives. And they're kind of rooted in this boring, consistent, get your life

00:47:09.580 in order, get your health in check, get your emotional health in check kind of space.

00:47:14.100 Well, and Kip, I think you can tell, I mean, you won't always get it right, but when you look at a

00:47:19.060 guy, let's say you go to the grocery store today and you, and you see a guy and walks in and he's

00:47:23.780 sharp, he's groomed well, he's fit, he's wearing good fitting clothes. He walks with a bit of

00:47:31.140 confidence. You look outside and you see he's got a nice vehicle. It doesn't have to be brand new,

00:47:36.100 but it's clean. It's orderly. Like you could be pretty certain that that guy has things locked down.

00:47:44.700 Yeah. And not because he's lucky, not because anything else, because he's probably disciplined

00:47:49.880 in many areas of his life to, that he was able to create that type of life.

00:47:55.400 But alternatively, and some people say, well, it's not fair to judge. I'm not judging the person's

00:47:59.900 worth, but there's some discernment here that we ought to exercise. But you see the next guy walking

00:48:04.640 to the grocery store and he's got basketball shorts, you know, down to his knees. And he's like

00:48:10.220 wearing Crocs with socks and he's got a baggy shirt on and maybe like it's full of holes and stained

00:48:16.300 and he's a little overweight and his hair's all disheveled. And his car is the one that's,

00:48:21.040 you know, smoking on the way in when he was pulling into the, like, that's a guy who's

00:48:25.860 probably not eating right. He's probably doesn't really care too much about his own mental health.

00:48:31.660 Clearly he's not concerned about his organization and his discipline in his life.

00:48:36.180 He's strung out.

00:48:37.040 He probably doesn't have.

00:48:38.120 Tired.

00:48:38.880 Yeah. Maybe he doesn't have companionship. And if he does, probably not real satisfied with

00:48:44.020 their own connection, let alone the physical connection that they could otherwise have.

00:48:49.180 It's a manifestation of that person's daily choices.

00:48:54.440 Yeah.

00:48:55.360 So look at yourself.

00:48:58.960 Are you 40, 50, 60 pounds overweight? What does your grooming say about your personal daily choices?

00:49:06.560 Look at your workspace. Is it organized? Is it structured? Is it cleaned?

00:49:10.580 Look at your bills. Like when you get your mail, are you afraid to get your mail?

00:49:17.160 You shouldn't be afraid to open your mailbox.

00:49:20.420 But millions and millions of people are because they know it's another creditor coming after the

00:49:24.100 money they're owed. What does your truck look like or your vehicle? Does that have McDonald's

00:49:29.140 wrappers and bags everywhere? Like fix all of that, guys. If you fix those things,

00:49:35.860 these are minor things that you can put into practice that are going to help you

00:49:41.220 be able to deal with those adversities that come up more readily, more easily, and maybe just

00:49:48.540 wipe them out before they even happen to begin with. But look the part. More important than look

00:49:54.760 the part, be the part. Be that man. Today, right now, be that man. And then tomorrow and tomorrow and

00:50:01.420 the next day and so on. Be that kind of man. It's really, for me, when I'm hearing what you

00:50:07.200 just said, it really comes back down to like energy management. And when we keep things unaddressed,

00:50:15.040 when you don't address the bills in the mail, when you don't address that thing that needed to be done

00:50:20.200 that you've blown off. And like right now, and I use the garage as an example because I was working

00:50:26.060 on it over the weekend. It's kind of gotten out of control a little bit. You don't think that garage

00:50:30.580 causes reduction of energy for me. It absolutely does. It has a cost. And my day would be better

00:50:40.020 today if that garage was cleanly and nicely organized. Without a doubt. Yeah. So if the

00:50:48.460 garage can do that to me, trust me, there's all these things that we're not addressing that just

00:50:54.560 eat up our energy. And because of that, stealing it from Jocko, because we're not disciplined in

00:51:01.100 addressing those things, the freedom to go. Well, here's a permanent example. Last thought really

00:51:07.020 quick. My daughters, I said this to my daughters because it's summer and they keep having friends

00:51:12.160 like swing in around like 3 p.m. Hey, can we go play? And I'm like, girls, you need to be disciplined.

00:51:21.000 So when that opportunity presents itself, it's not a big deal. But if you choose not to be

00:51:27.400 disciplined in the day, and if your friends show up tomorrow at 3 p.m. and your chores and your things

00:51:32.360 aren't done, you're not going. You're not going out. Well, what if they don't show up? It doesn't

00:51:38.500 matter. Be disciplined and then you get the freedom to make choices without consequence. But if you're not

00:51:45.460 going to be disciplined up front, you're going to lose out on opportunity. Yeah.

00:51:53.880 Daniel Messina, I had a girl in the past I was in love with and we both badly messed up in the

00:52:01.800 relationship. I, however, hope we have both grown from it. It has been several years since I've talked

00:52:08.640 to her, but I have recently been thinking of getting back in touch. What is your advice for stepping back

00:52:15.080 and objectively looking at the facts to see if it's a good idea to entertain the thought of

00:52:20.020 mending the broken relationship? Uh, first thing I would consider is how you have changed.

00:52:27.720 Have you changed or are you the same guy that was dating her years ago? And you're waiting and

00:52:32.540 you're hoping that she just changed. Yeah. Right. If you haven't changed, I mean, you've gotten older.

00:52:38.700 So some people say that, oh, we've matured. Why? Oh, we've gotten older. Well, that doesn't mean

00:52:42.220 you've matured. Yeah. Just means you're two years older. So like what work have you actually done

00:52:47.440 to put yourself in a better spot? Are you the kind of man that's capable of having the relationship you

00:52:52.860 want with this woman? I would also consider, it sounds like maybe you guys are on the outer circle

00:52:58.760 of each other, maybe on some fringes. Do you know if she's done any work? Right. That would,

00:53:03.960 you might not know that, but that's definitely an important consideration.

00:53:07.020 I would also ask, what was the problem to begin with? Were there irreconcilable differences?

00:53:15.340 Were there cultural differences that are very difficult and hurdles? Were there differences

00:53:20.260 in values, different goals and objectives, things that even if you guys are mature, it's still not

00:53:26.200 going to work. Yeah. And if that's the case, don't waste your time. There's so many other women who

00:53:32.160 you'll love just as much, actually you'll love more, who are aligned with 99% of the things that

00:53:38.060 you are. So ask yourself, what was the problem in the relationship to begin with? If you feel like

00:53:43.360 the problem is not irreconcilable differences, and if you feel like you've matured to the point where

00:53:47.880 you might be able to have a relationship with a woman like this, then I would say, yeah, bro,

00:53:52.680 call her. Of course, call her. And here's what you say. Well, you just said it.

00:54:01.200 Hey, you know, I know we haven't talked in a long time, but I've been thinking about a relationship.

00:54:08.920 Man, I loved you. And I enjoyed our time together. And I've been thinking about a lot of the work that

00:54:15.740 I've done personally. And you've been on my mind lately. And so I thought I'd give you a call to see

00:54:21.700 if there's anything here or to see if you'd be interested in grabbing a bite to eat with me this

00:54:26.240 weekend. And then let the expectation go. Yeah, that's going to be the hardest thing. Because she

00:54:32.900 might say, oh, you know what? I'm not interested. She might say, I'm in another relationship right now.

00:54:39.800 Maybe you guys do go grab a bite and you're just, you find yourself to be totally incompatible.

00:54:44.700 Oh, that's fine. Don't have a, an agenda other than I'd like to take her out to see where we're at.

00:54:53.640 And if you do that, you're going to come across as calm and confident. There's no hidden agenda here.

00:54:59.420 So she's not going to be feeling a lot of that pressure that would otherwise exist. And then you

00:55:03.400 can make a decision after the first date. Do I want a second date or no, you know what? That was good

00:55:09.420 closure for me. And you give her a hug and you say, Hey, it was great to see you, but I don't see

00:55:14.940 this going anywhere, but I wish you the best. And that's good closure too. Yeah. What do you think

00:55:20.160 about Daniel just getting complete with the broken relationship period? Right? Like, like if

00:55:29.560 there's unfinished business, well, no, like, uh, part of, and, and part of me, I'm hesitant to say

00:55:35.540 this because it might come across like, Oh, it's, I'm not suggesting that you manipulate and you

00:55:41.280 pretend to do one thing when reality, what you're doing is seeking something else. That's not what

00:55:44.900 I'm suggesting, but I kind of feel like, Hey, if, if I was in a past relationship, I showed up like a

00:55:51.680 dip wad. It's been five years. Like part of me feels like I should probably just clean that up anyway.

00:55:58.680 You know, and say, Hey, the relationship you mean? Yeah. And just apologize, right? Like with no

00:56:05.540 intent of getting back together, just like, Hey, just so you know, like I've been really thinking

00:56:09.040 about our relationship in the past. I really showed up in a really bad, bad way towards you.

00:56:15.080 There's many ways I could have addressed that better. And to be frank, I just want to be complete

00:56:19.700 with that. And I'm going to apologize for that. I think that's, I think that's powerful. I actually,

00:56:23.900 I, I did that, um, with somebody I dated for a little bit and when we ended things, it, it didn't

00:56:30.060 go well. And I, after a little bit, I eventually messaged her and I just said, Hey, you know what?

00:56:36.640 I'm really sorry about how that whole thing went down. I think, I think you deserve better than that.

00:56:40.340 And I'm sorry. Yeah. And that's it. And, and she didn't respond and I didn't follow up.

00:56:47.300 Yeah. That was all that needed to be said. And hopefully, you know, that maybe in some way that

00:56:54.460 maybe helped her a little bit, it definitely helped me. So yeah. Yeah. I like, I think that

00:57:02.520 closure is good. All right. Regan Hufner, best ways to break a dopamine seeking habit. I've been

00:57:10.340 struggling with using social media to numb out or distract when I start experiencing anxiety

00:57:15.980 and fear. So because of the anxiety and the fear is what I'm hearing is you're running straight to

00:57:21.820 social media as a distraction. Plopping on the couch and just avoiding the thing probably. Yeah.

00:57:30.160 I would say lean into the thing in that case. So here's how I would do it. If, and I, and I have

00:57:36.980 done this and I actually started doing this a lot more and it's really, really helpful. And it's

00:57:41.100 something that I have not done for very long. So take it with a grain of salt, but it is helpful.

00:57:45.980 When I start to feel stressed or overwhelmed with life or work or whatever, I have my journal.

00:57:55.080 It's right here. And I get it out and I write down everything I'm feeling and experiencing.

00:58:03.500 I don't, I don't really need a, like a conclusion. I don't need resolution. I don't need direction.

00:58:09.480 For me, I just write down. I'm angry because I'm frustrated because this is shitty because

00:58:18.360 I don't like this because like, I just write it down. And what I found for me, this was a practice

00:58:26.240 my therapist taught me is what, what I found for me is that it gets it out of this little echo chamber

00:58:32.040 where it's bouncing around. To me, it minimizes the actual thing. Cause I start reading and I'm like,

00:58:37.160 oh, that's really not that big a deal. It also helps me see. Yeah. Yes. It also helps me see the

00:58:45.040 story. You say this a lot. What's the meaning you put behind it. When I put it on paper, there's less

00:58:50.940 of a story for some reason. It's more factual. It's more data. And so I can look at it and be like, oh,

00:58:57.000 well, that's, this happened and that's made me mad, but I think I misinterpreted the circumstances

00:59:06.180 because I'm seeing it in a different way. And I'm like, oh, maybe that person didn't actually mean

00:59:11.640 that, or maybe work, maybe this is actually an opportunity. Like I shouldn't be frustrated. This

00:59:17.100 is showing me a weakness or a gap where I can actually do something different. And it gives me

00:59:21.300 a different perspective in the way I look at it. So it allows me to focus on the actual problem

00:59:29.040 and then deal with the underlying issue. And I've noticed my stress levels, not just in that moment,

00:59:35.720 but generally are tending to decrease and go down because I'm more able to regulate them. If you,

00:59:43.740 if you're stressed and overwhelmed and have this anxiety and the things that you're talking about,

00:59:49.020 but you never learn how to deal with it, it will never go away. Yeah. So you're going to find

00:59:55.220 yourself on the couch more and more, or in my case, you're going to find yourself drinking more and more

01:00:00.260 because you're trying to numb yourself of what you're experiencing. And so the answer is the exact

01:00:07.700 opposite. Instead of numbing, face it, run into it, address it. And then you won't have to worry about

01:00:15.420 sedating yourself because there's nothing that you're unhappy with. Yeah. That works for me.

01:00:21.500 I like it. Sean and I talked about this last week on the AMAs. And I really do feel this. Like I,

01:00:29.140 it's funny over the last six months, I've been working on some, some leadership guides. Right.

01:00:35.720 And one of the guides is like, well, how do I have these difficult conversations? How do I,

01:00:39.740 how do I provide difficult feedback? How do I terminate an employee? Right. Like all these

01:00:44.540 things that we don't want to do as leaders that we have to do. And I've been really hyper-focused on

01:00:50.840 how do I, how do I quit this content in a way so it's not, not uncomfortable. And, and really over

01:00:58.920 the last couple of weeks, I'm like, um, that's not the approach. The approach is be courageous.

01:01:05.660 That's it. Right. Like let's accept the fact here that life is going to come with anxiety.

01:01:14.720 Life is going to come with fear. It's going to come with the unknowns. It's going to come with

01:01:19.820 frustration. And we need to stop this idea that it shouldn't be this way. And that's part of the

01:01:27.960 problem. Part of the problem is we're so immediately jumping to the conclusion that I shouldn't feel anxiety

01:01:34.780 and fear that we look for exits. Why shouldn't it feel this way? So let me get medications and let me

01:01:41.560 avoid it. And let me do these things because I shouldn't have to says who, and, and the irony

01:01:47.000 about it all is that is where growth is guaranteed Reagan. The very things that are generating anxiety

01:01:55.320 and fear in your life are the opportunities of growth for you guaranteed, but yet you are robbing

01:02:02.880 yourself from growing and leveling up as a human because you don't want to experience it. And maybe

01:02:10.920 just the answer is we need to embrace it instead a lot more and stop making it wrong. I wrote this

01:02:17.240 down, Kip, as you were talking, and we've talked about this a little bit, but there's three C's that I

01:02:21.280 think more men need to understand. And we usually get this backwards. So the way that we do this most

01:02:26.080 of the time. So the three words are confidence, capability, and courage. Again, confidence,

01:02:31.600 capability, and courage. Most men think that if they were more confident in something, then they

01:02:38.440 would be able to be more capable in something, right? Because they'd be able to do it more readily.

01:02:44.060 And if they were able to do it more than they would build up this, this like more confidence,

01:02:49.320 but then they would say to themselves, oh, I can take on more. Now I can take on more risk. Now I

01:02:53.960 can really do what I want to do, which is be courageous. It's the exact opposite. You have to

01:03:01.080 earn confidence. It's not some, you can make up bravado, you can fake ego, you can fake pride,

01:03:09.080 you can, but you cannot fake confidence. So the pattern is this courage to your point is the first

01:03:16.740 thing that needs to be displayed. And you're not courageous unless you're uncomfortable.

01:03:24.880 Like for example, if I, if I did 2000 jumps out of a plane and I got up there and I wasn't scared,

01:03:34.180 I wasn't nervous on my 2000 jump. Am I being courageous? No, there's nothing for me to overcome.

01:03:41.900 Um, therefore no courage was needed. So the more courageous you are eventually leads you to

01:03:48.320 developing some sort of capacity or capability to be proficient in whatever it is you're after.

01:03:53.400 And that proficiency, or at least being on the path to proficiency is what builds your confidence,

01:04:00.540 but you have to build it in that order. And that all comes with you confronting reality,

01:04:05.120 embracing it for what it is, and then having the courage to deal with it in the moment, head on.

01:04:11.100 Well, I'll ask you, Ryan, over the last 10 years, is there, is the leveling up always have

01:04:20.260 the requirement of courage? And I'm assuming the answer is yes. Like, it's like, it's always required

01:04:28.620 as long as you're on a path of improvement there and the stakes just get bigger. It seems like them,

01:04:33.740 to be honest with you, like, I don't know, even when I think about things I need to be courageous

01:04:38.360 about, like, stresses and anxieties and fears of life, I don't think they've, I've mastered anything.

01:04:45.020 Or let me say it, once I've mastered something, the next level, the stakes are just higher now.

01:04:51.360 And it's like, holy crap, I need to stop thinking that, like, someday, I don't have to deal with

01:04:59.080 something. No, there's always going to be something to deal with. And as we level up,

01:05:03.780 that something just gets bigger and bigger, which means greater opportunity for growth,

01:05:09.440 greater impact for good. And I just think the stakes go up.

01:05:13.100 So years ago, when I was doing my financial planning stuff, I was starting to do a few events

01:05:18.240 to build my client base. And I would invite them to dinner and these type of things. And we do big

01:05:24.260 group presentations. And, you know, some of them, depending on how many people we'd have show up,

01:05:28.600 could be like 1000 bucks or a couple thousand dollars or whatever. And I remember thinking to

01:05:33.480 myself, man, wouldn't it be cool if I put together a $5,000 event? I'm like, oh, I couldn't even wrap my

01:05:39.940 head around it. This event that's going to cost me 5,000. Like, oh, it's scary. I don't know.

01:05:46.580 We do 60, 70, $80,000 events now. Next year, we've got one that's going to be in six digits.

01:05:55.500 Yeah.

01:05:57.200 And everything has been scary. The $5,000 event, that was scary. The 10,000 was scary. The 60 was scary.

01:06:06.700 The $151,000 one, that's going to be scary. They're all scary. It's just to the degree you're

01:06:12.500 capable of dealing with it.

01:06:14.160 Yeah. Yeah. I like it. All right. We have a couple more questions we might get through the IC. Actually,

01:06:19.260 last question. We have two more in the IC. Thomas Christie, how do you balance weight training

01:06:25.580 versus jujitsu? I've had the hardest time prioritizing one over the other. I know a lot of

01:06:31.340 guys are good at doing both at the same day, but my body breaks down as fast when I do that.

01:06:40.800 Yeah. I hear that. I think that's part of what led to my injury. Stupidity also. A healthy dose of

01:06:47.360 stupidity and some fatigue.

01:06:49.720 And a little bit of pride.

01:06:51.220 Well, and I think the pride and the fatigue led to stupidity. I'll say it that way.

01:07:02.100 Yeah.

01:07:04.560 I don't know. I'm not really going to speak on this one because I feel like I'd be speaking

01:07:07.580 out of my ass if I did because I'm not good at this either. I've been on a real heavy weightlifting

01:07:12.880 kick lately. So I'm five to six days a week in the gym weightlifting. My jujitsu leaves something

01:07:19.960 to be desired. I, it's, it's been a couple of weeks and it's few and far between. So maybe you

01:07:26.020 have something better for them. I I'm like the opposite of the pendulum, right? So I, I'm the guy

01:07:32.040 that does the thing that you don't want to do that breaks down. So I lift every day and, and then I

01:07:38.320 train. So I don't, I don't train every day though. Um, but it's not uncommon that I'd lift weights and

01:07:44.300 train jujitsu in the same day. How's this? What's the, and I don't know, Thomas, I think sometimes

01:07:50.640 we, we, we look at the, the schedule of, of what our intention is and we're like, oh man, that's

01:07:57.020 really hard to do. But when it comes to execution, we're never doing that anyway. Like it's like a

01:08:02.820 subpar version of that. And, and so maybe the leveling up, isn't you lifting and training every

01:08:10.280 day? Maybe the level up is that you're going to jujitsu three days, three days a week and you're

01:08:15.720 lifting four days a week. That's awesome. Like most people aren't doing that. So if you can lift

01:08:23.800 four days a week and train jits three days a week, you're killing it. And that didn't require two a

01:08:29.580 days. That's, that's one or the other. So I think you might be like ambitiously like, oh,

01:08:38.080 ideal state is this. Yeah. But guess what? How far are we really from the ideal state most of the

01:08:43.220 time? Like I don't, I even said it. Oh, I lift every day. Actually, I don't. I don't lift every

01:08:50.360 day. Every day I usually do. Right. But in the grand scheme of things, I probably ended up working,

01:08:57.260 working out five to six days a week. I usually miss a day or something. You know what I mean? Due to

01:09:03.020 something. So I don't know. I think when you get down and you drive for consistency, you'll find

01:09:09.900 out that you don't need to prioritize one or the other. You can probably fit in both. And, and anybody

01:09:15.300 that's doing jujitsu and or weightlifting every single day of the week in my book, you're getting

01:09:20.880 after it. You're doing great daily exercise of one or the other dude. Don't, I wouldn't stress too

01:09:27.280 much about it. And, and worst case, if you're like, oh, my lifts are, are, cause I've heard this too.

01:09:32.960 Like I've heard guys like they don't want to body build, do lifts because their muscles get too

01:09:40.560 fatigued or wicked sore. And then they've gotten injured because of that in jujitsu. Right. And it's

01:09:47.140 like, well, just be aware of it. Like maybe you do more functional training instead of weightlifting.

01:09:51.720 Maybe your jujitsu, you need to calm down a little bit. Right. And just like, Hey, I'm going to go

01:09:57.540 train, but I'm not going to be as aggressive because my packs are wicked sore. And I'm going

01:10:03.640 to keep my elbows tight and I'm going to be defensive a little bit more. Right. Like there's

01:10:08.040 ways. Right. And I even know guys that are like, I'm not going to train, but I'm going to grab a

01:10:13.160 partner and we're drilling for an hour instead. And I'm just doing movement and those drills.

01:10:19.360 And even that is amazing. Yeah. So it does, but I know they're not fun. Yeah. No, but you're

01:10:29.580 better, but it's better than nothing. Right. And so you might just need to compromise a little

01:10:33.780 bit. I mean, I would even say like, I don't know about jujitsu, but with weightlifting, I

01:10:37.840 mean the common narrative these days and you know, things change and we learn more, but the

01:10:42.400 common, the common theme, at least that I've seen with maximizing your strength training

01:10:47.700 is three to five days a week. Yeah. So anything more than that, you're actually

01:10:52.980 your results are lagging because you're doing it more. Like your body needs time to recover. And

01:10:59.480 that's one of the hardest things for a guy who's trying to get after it to wrap his head around

01:11:03.680 have to recover. Yeah, you do. Unfortunately, it sucks. Wouldn't it be awesome if you went to the gym

01:11:10.940 and you were just like a fraction of a percent bigger tomorrow than, you know, that you were

01:11:15.180 today? Yeah. Those two a days would happen all the time. Everyone would be like lifting two days a

01:11:19.860 week. If you got results, they'd never leave. Yeah. Yeah. They'd never leave. Yeah, absolutely.

01:11:25.440 All right. Last question. Yep. Jerry Seidel, what has improved your life the most this year?

01:11:32.380 Hmm. I saw this one and I thought I had an answer and now I spaced it because I've done a lot.

01:11:41.440 Do you have one? No, I was hoping to think more why you answered.

01:11:48.300 Uh, I think for me, just some self-awareness practices have been really valuable for me. Um,

01:11:58.120 also I think this is along the same lines is a lot more grace for myself, a lot more empathy for

01:12:09.320 others. And as I said earlier, learning to become more self-aware.

01:12:17.320 Those are, those are what I've done. Like how I got there was a mix of a lot of different things

01:12:23.600 from therapy to journaling, a lot of reading, studying material. I wouldn't normally study,

01:12:29.320 um, Connor Beaton, uh, with men's work, that book men's work. That's a really good book.

01:12:35.920 A lot of internal work, shadow work, figuring out why I think the way I think, figuring out why I do

01:12:42.000 the things I do. Um, I'm a lot less emotionally reactive than I've been lately. I noticed, I

01:12:50.780 really have noticed that as a big difference in my life by doing this work is that I'm not so easily

01:12:57.320 tossed around by other experiences, other people, the things that I think would normally stress me

01:13:06.400 out. They don't actually, I mean, there's still, I still need to manage them. I'm still aware of them.

01:13:10.580 I still don't enjoy them, but I don't lose my mind like I used to. I'm not, they're not even

01:13:16.560 emotionally charging. Like, yeah, that sucks. Well, we can deal with that. And that's like the extent

01:13:21.340 of my frustration. So it's been really helpful. I think I just am just happier a little bit more,

01:13:30.240 a little bit more light, maybe a little more carefree, a little happier, not so uptight all

01:13:36.600 the time. It's been a good change. Yeah. It's interesting how, I mean, it's not interesting.

01:13:41.860 It makes sense, right? That, uh, you know, giving yourself grace also has probably helped allow you

01:13:50.320 to be empathetic for others. You know, those are two things that you add up and it's like,

01:13:54.500 that makes sense that those two things would be correlated as well. Cause they're kind of one

01:13:59.300 in the same. I, um, I, you know, I, I think a breakthrough, I'll say it that way, kind of a

01:14:06.100 breakthrough I've had or something that's just been on my mind a lot of late is, is I have to be,

01:14:13.380 and I've been working on it, but like I, I've, I've spent too much of my life trying to navigate

01:14:18.940 the waters of managing people's reactions. Oh, I don't want to bring that up because Ryan might

01:14:27.960 versus no, should I bring it up? And then how he chooses to react is up to him and, and, and being,

01:14:38.760 having a little bit more courageous in regards to how I show up, not trying to navigate and manage

01:14:44.680 people's reactions. I think that has probably been a key thing for me over the last few months.

01:14:50.980 I wrote this down as you're saying this, cause I felt that too. And I wrote here,

01:14:54.180 not taking responsibility for things you're not responsible for.

01:14:58.360 Yeah. Well said. Yeah. You know, like how often do we like bitch and moan about the weather?

01:15:04.420 You're not responsible for the weather or, or when somebody's up, here's one along the same lines,

01:15:11.220 when somebody is upset, I don't really feel like it's my job not to make them upset or to,

01:15:18.720 or to help them not be upset. Maybe that's a better way of saying it. Like you can be upset.

01:15:23.860 Like you're mad. I don't need to solve that for you. It's not my responsibility to make you not mad

01:15:30.080 right now. Like you're a, you're an adult, you're a, you're a person, you're a human being capable of

01:15:36.480 thought. Like figure it out. Now I'm not rude about it. Like I'm not like an asshole, like figure it

01:15:41.580 out. It's your problem. I don't do that, but I don't take it upon myself. It's not my job to solve

01:15:46.740 your problem. If you ask me, I'll give you advice. I'll help. Sure. But outside of that, you can manage

01:15:53.920 it. You got this. And that is liberating. Totally. I would, I would, I would change the way I felt

01:16:01.660 based on how other people were feeling. Like my day would be determined by how somebody else was

01:16:08.640 feeling. That's a horrible way to live life. Yeah. Now somebody around me is upset or mad or

01:16:13.860 glad or happy. You know, like, I'm not going to say it doesn't ever impact me, but, or I don't think

01:16:18.380 it's my fault or something. I get into that sometimes, but typically I can break myself out of that fairly

01:16:23.980 quickly and just go on about the things that are important to me. Yeah. And that's really, really nice.

01:16:29.840 Not something I'm great at, but something I'm working on. Yeah. Something I'm working on as

01:16:34.340 well. I don't want to come across like I, I have it figured out, but it's, but the importance of it

01:16:39.940 is, is very illuminated in my life. I'm like, Whoa, like that's a, that's an issue that I need to

01:16:46.400 do a much better job at. And I can't help, but wonder how little people show up in life due to that,

01:16:54.660 that they're, they're so stressed about how someone might react that they don't say what

01:17:02.780 needs to be said. They don't show up how they probably should show up. Right. And they're

01:17:06.980 playing small all in, in this attempt to just manage all these things that are really outside

01:17:15.220 of the realm of control. And not only is that just probably exhausting and frustrating, but what are

01:17:23.320 they leaving on the table in regards to how they show up as a person in because of the fear of what

01:17:30.960 might happen if they do X? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Craziness. Well said. Sounds like we're working on some

01:17:39.540 similar things. Hope that helps. Anything else, Kip? No, sir. No, sir. We can, we can wrap up. I'm going

01:17:45.300 to assume due to the holiday week, we're going to keep the iron council open. If you're curious,

01:17:52.580 if it's open a little bit longer, go to order of man.com slash iron council. If it's closed,

01:17:58.820 this is where you can learn more about what we're about. We will open enrollment, um, at the end of

01:18:04.740 this quarter, um, for the fourth quarter of the year. And you can always sign up, get notified via

01:18:10.960 newsletter and whatnot, uh, to stay in contact. As always, you can connect with Mr. Mickler on the

01:18:16.500 socials, X and Instagram at Ryan Mickler. And we do have some new swag in the store. I saw that orange

01:18:22.440 hat. So yeah, I got it right here. I can't wear it because it messes. It's so it's such a, uh,

01:18:30.460 effective pattern that it actually confuses my camera. It doesn't know where to focus when I have

01:18:35.820 this hat on, which is, you go into camouflage. The camera has no idea. It's good camo might just

01:18:42.320 be because my bat. See, look, see, see you go out of focus. Yeah. That's funny. Yep. It gets confused

01:18:49.220 about, look, I'm out of focus now. Cause it was picking up on my hat. There it goes. Yeah. Crazy,

01:18:53.600 right? Yeah, it is crazy. Yeah. Store.orderman.com. I actually think, I don't even know if we have any,

01:18:59.700 I think we might've sold out of these. If we, if we don't, we have a few left at, uh,

01:19:04.540 orderman.com slash hunter orderman.com slash hunter. Love it. All right, guys. Great questions

01:19:10.580 today. Appreciate you as always. Hopefully we gave you some things to consider and we will be back on

01:19:15.400 Friday for the Friday field notes until then go out there, take action and become a man you are meant

01:19:21.060 to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:19:29.640 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of

01:19:34.280 man.com.

Order of Man - July 03, 2024

Daring Drops, Debates & Discipline ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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