Order of Man - Date with Intention, Choose Your Wife Over Your Mom, and Get Into Your Kids' World ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 that after being on this planet for nearly 50 years at this point,

00:00:04.200 that the only thing that matters is to make yourself and your creator proud.

00:00:09.840 That's it. That's it.

00:00:11.500 If you can make yourself proud today and you can make him proud

00:00:16.480 because you honored and respected the gifts that he bestowed you with,

00:00:20.340 then you win and everybody else around you wins.

00:00:24.360 Kip, what's up, man? Great to see you.

00:00:26.640 We are back to it this week.

00:00:28.040 I had a really good weekend.

00:00:29.240 Um, I took my, uh, I wanted to tell you this and share hunting stories because what man

00:00:34.380 doesn't love sharing hunting stories, but yeah, I took my youngest son on a pig hunt

00:00:40.460 last weekend with outdoor, uh, uh, from field to table.

00:00:45.740 Um, and it was so awesome.

00:00:48.900 He's 10 and he's never really shot more than a little, you know, red rider BB gun and a

00:00:56.080 a little 22 a bolt action 22 we have and a lever action henry 22 we have and then we have this

00:01:01.560 little cool ruger 22 rifle with a um with uh oh hold on there's a bug on me man i felt a bug on 0.74

00:01:10.160 my elbow and i just flicked him off me holy shit that scared me um and it's got this little red 0.63

00:01:17.800 dot on it anyways he's only shot 22s but we went out there and we're shooting six five creed moors 0.90

00:01:22.400 and we're on the range and he's shooting it and i'm like dang he's getting it's suppressed which

00:01:27.680 is nice because it cuts down on the noise and the violence and the in the recoil but we were

00:01:34.600 long story short we were sitting in a box blind and i'm trying to keep him busy and entertained

00:01:43.960 he's getting bored and he looks up he's like dad there's a pig and it was a big bore and it was

00:01:49.820 about 120 yards 130 yards away and i said okay well like hold on just like we don't need to rush

00:01:56.180 this pig's gonna be around for a minute like just breathe and so we're sitting there watching it

00:02:01.240 and in my mind i'm like i don't know if he can make this shot you know it's 130 yard shot we 0.99

00:02:06.860 trained him to shoot him in the head i'm like i don't know if he can do it and he's like dad should 0.98

00:02:11.240 i do it now i'm like no just hold on like wait till he turns broadside you're gonna shoot him 0.99

00:02:16.080 right in the head, right where we told you behind the ear. And he's like, okay. He's like, now I'm 0.99

00:02:20.380 like, no, he's still moving. Just wait. And then the pig went behind this feeder and he, my youngest

00:02:27.900 son's like frustrated. He's just like ready to go. He's like, okay, I'm going to do it in three

00:02:31.420 seconds. I'm like, no, you can't even see him. Hold on. And, and he's like, okay. I said, wait

00:02:37.560 for him to come out the other side. He will. And he did. The pig came out to the other side

00:02:40.840 and he's facing us. And he's like, no, I'm like, no, wait till he turns broadside. He will. It's 0.95

00:02:45.500 okay breathe and finally the pig turned broadside and he's like are you ready dad I'm like I'm ready 0.98

00:02:51.180 when you're ready and I said just breathe and do it slow and he did and shot this pig and it 0.95

00:02:58.180 dropped right where it stood and just went stiff-legged legs straight in the air and I 0.92

00:03:05.460 I was so excited for him he ran up and he saw it and I mean he made the perfect headshot on the 0.95

00:03:12.360 six, five Creedmoor drilled this pig, dropped it where it stood. And it's the biggest pig 0.99

00:03:17.320 that I it's bigger than anything I've ever shot. Anything that my oldest, my oldest two boys have 0.97

00:03:22.560 shot. And so man, he was just on cloud nine. So he's, he's a hunter now he's officially a hunter.

00:03:28.900 I love it. How long was that wait between him seeing it? And then you guys kind of waiting

00:03:34.100 for the right shot. How long was that? It wasn't too long. I would say it's probably

00:03:38.660 maybe four or five minutes you know if three to five minutes i felt like an hour to him oh for

00:03:45.160 him he's like let's go already it might not even be it might have been closer to three minutes

00:03:50.020 you know and i said just wait breathe through it and i've done this enough and kip you know you

00:03:54.340 you went on a hunt with us your first bow hunt with us and have had success over the past couple

00:03:58.780 years um yeah but i love taking new hunters out whether it's it's guys that have never been

00:04:06.460 hunting before my own kids how there's just something amazing about it so it was a good

00:04:12.200 weekend really good weekend but now i'm stressed out trying to get back on top of everything

00:04:15.740 and then i leave you mean all those things sody what's that i was gonna say all those things that

00:04:22.120 you need to do they just didn't disappear because you went on holiday and i thought all the all the 0.69

00:04:27.380 shit would take a break as i took a break but clearly that doesn't happen so here we are playing 0.72

00:04:32.720 catch up. So, but we'll get it all done. Yeah. And we got the forge event, like you said, 0.97

00:04:37.180 right. So we, uh, you know, we got a busy week. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be great. Yeah.

00:04:43.240 Well, let's get into some questions today. I know we got some over on Facebook. I've got a few here

00:04:47.200 that were posed to me. So I think we've got plenty of questions and hopefully we can give some guys

00:04:51.500 some good answers today. Yeah, absolutely. And, uh, yes, these are, I don't know, there's some

00:04:57.420 good questions in here. So Benjamin Williamson, new guy, actually, that just joined the Iron

00:05:04.000 Council. So welcome, Benjamin. Welcome to the Brotherhood. He says, this question can apply

00:05:09.360 to any of you. Was there ever a time when you were able to draw some connections between your

00:05:15.420 initial resentment and anger towards your father and how that might be a negative impact your

00:05:21.920 relationship with God or as your heavenly father in terms of intellectual skepticism or emotional

00:05:29.360 or relational distance. My other question is about, oh, let's leave there. He has two questions.

00:05:35.500 Maybe we answer both, but this correlation, right, between our maybe some father wounds and how that

00:05:42.020 relates to our relationship with God. Yeah, I never really had the conversation about God

00:05:48.460 with my father uh it's just not something that we talked about he wasn't in the home and yeah

00:05:54.840 the other father figures that i had in my life weren't particularly spiritual or religious so

00:06:01.540 these are just not conversations that i've had so i can't say that there's any sort of

00:06:07.440 feeling that he did or did not have that influenced the way that i felt because it just wasn't

00:06:13.580 something we addressed. And I think the lesson there is that even in the absence of conversations,

00:06:19.720 that can be an impact in a young man's life. And I think about that with my own children,

00:06:25.140 it would be much easier to avoid having certain conversations, whether it's drugs or religion or

00:06:31.220 politics or sex or money. And there's plenty of young men who grew up without those conversations

00:06:37.260 from who should be the most influential, influential person in their life. I never had

00:06:42.820 that so there's nothing there for me so i can't really answer that question honestly other than

00:06:50.240 to say make sure that your voice is the loudest voice in your children's head because if it's not

00:06:59.060 you it's gonna be their school teacher or their buddies or that influencer or the pop star that 0.98

00:07:07.160 they heard say some dumb random shit about life that isn't going to serve them well it's got to 0.98

00:07:13.420 be your voice and the only way to do that is to be present mentally emotionally spiritually 0.99

00:07:19.380 physically and to get into their environment and world that's the only way it happens

00:07:25.640 yeah i don't know if benjamin's well i'll give you another angle right for you benjamin as you

00:07:33.340 um, as you're obviously considering this question, you know, it, it comes to one of my older

00:07:38.760 brothers. He made this correlation for me. He helped me actually understand this. It was in

00:07:43.060 my twenties and I was kind of, you know, early twenties. I was just kind of trying to establish

00:07:50.800 a better relationship with, with God in my life. And my brother, Dustin noted this. He's like,

00:07:58.460 well, Kip, this is, he says, I believe this is difficult for you because the idea of a heavenly

00:08:05.200 father, right? Of a God, it's hard to feel what that looks like when you've had an absent

00:08:12.900 relationship with your dad. But if you had a great loving relationship with your father,

00:08:19.540 you can build on that, right? You can go, oh God, that's what God must feel like for me all the

00:08:26.400 time or it's relatable, let me say it that way. And I do feel that I use that to, I think,

00:08:34.140 understand my relationship with God better is by how I see my children and how I have some

00:08:39.920 unconditional love for them, how I want what's best for them. And so now that I have that

00:08:44.680 experience for myself, I do draw that connection of what that would be like for God. And so I have

00:08:54.720 found that, that, that the absence or the lack of a strong relationship with my father has

00:09:00.040 absolutely played a role in my relationship spiritually, um, with my God without a doubt.

00:09:07.420 And I think actually, if I had a father that was more active in my life, that was expressive of

00:09:11.720 love that I felt loved by, that would only help me in my relationship with the higher power.

00:09:17.400 it's interesting because we are so influenced by the environments that we're immersed in

00:09:25.920 that we don't even realize how immersed in it we are

00:09:31.520 it's it's like telling a human to point to oxygen what do you mean it's literally everywhere how do

00:09:40.940 i point to it or telling a fish to point to water like it just is it's in the entirety of our

00:09:47.000 existence and i think we are very much the same way and our children are very much the same way

00:09:53.380 those who grew up in a house of of love and care and consideration and kindness are so immersed in

00:10:02.540 it that they don't even know how to point it out and the the opposite is also true there are

00:10:08.980 children who are born and raised in environments of hate and hostility and violence and scarcity

00:10:14.580 and fear that they don't understand a fish doesn't understand what it would be like to live

00:10:20.420 in an environment of oxygen and we don't understand what it would be like to live

00:10:24.400 in in the ocean it's just it's amazing to me how influenced we are by the environments that

00:10:32.900 we find ourselves in, which just underscores the importance of putting ourselves in environments

00:10:39.080 where our children can thrive. I even think about that this weekend. I've got videos and pictures,

00:10:44.600 and I was there with outdoor field solution, outdoor solutions from field to table. And

00:10:50.620 we were out with guides and we would get my, my youngest son and I, he's 10. My youngest son and

00:10:58.560 I would get back at the end of the day. And he'd be like, dad, I really liked Ryan, who was one of

00:11:02.760 our guides and then he'd come back and he's like i really liked wesley who's one of our guides

00:11:06.500 and i really like jimmy who's one of our guides and i watched these guys interact with when my

00:11:12.140 son shot that pig wesley rolled up because he was somewhere else he rolled up and he came over

00:11:18.080 and he gave my son he doesn't even know my son he gave my son a big hug he's like dude i'm so proud 0.99

00:11:22.740 of you because 24 hours earlier he was working with him on how to make shots on the range

00:11:28.740 and so my son is now was now for three and a half days immersed in this environment of hunters

00:11:36.200 and good men and and men who are showing their skills and teaching their skills and cheering

00:11:43.180 for each other and celebrating each other and laughing and doing all of these things that's

00:11:47.620 an environment that i deliberately set up for my son and it isn't just me it's other men who i want

00:11:53.240 in his life. Man, the importance of environments cannot be overstated.

00:12:01.900 I love it. All right. Another question by Anthony M. Ott. He says, guys, long time listener,

00:12:09.420 my question, a little bit of a long one, so I'm going to jump around a little bit here. He says,

00:12:13.840 I grew up with a single mother household with my older sister. He's now on a grown adult with a

00:12:19.900 wife and three kids. He says, we had a fallout during Easter with sentences emotionally charged

00:12:26.580 pretty much insinuating how we need to be there for her, his mom, because of the stuff that she's

00:12:32.480 going through, but in a much more polite way, but manipulative. I'm not tempted at all to feed into

00:12:39.760 this dynamic, but I don't want to come across dismissive. How do I maintain autonomy to provide

00:12:45.660 and preside for my family and prioritize them, but also give her the attention she wants without

00:12:52.300 feeling like I'm feeding into an ancient role I was trained to fulfill, being emotionally

00:12:57.240 responsible for her wellbeing. Thanks again for all that you guys do. Yeah. Yeah. I think I

00:13:04.120 understand the essence of the question. You know, how do I, how do I honor and respect what she

00:13:08.660 might want and need and desire from me as my mother? And how do I do that with some clearly

00:13:14.120 established boundaries and rules for the way that i show up and maintain my own standard in life

00:13:19.400 is is that yeah would you say that's accurate okay yeah the only thing i'd add is there's

00:13:24.960 obviously some concerns around how it affects his family right um yeah how that's where the

00:13:31.860 boundaries how it's affecting his wife and kids yeah yeah yeah we we train people how to treat us

00:13:39.200 and if you and i don't i based on your question it doesn't sound like your mom's being

00:13:46.200 being spirited or malicious or vindictive or anything like that it just sounds like there's

00:13:51.740 a misalignment between what she might need or what maybe even the family perceives that she

00:13:56.020 might need versus what you and your immediate family your wife and three kids need uh and

00:14:02.180 And if you allow people to treat you in a way that does not align with your values, then that's your responsibility. It's not theirs. And if you do one of two things, if you either get combative and start to argue and fight and that sort of thing, it's not going to go over well.

00:14:23.060 if you ignore it and you don't address it and bring it up it's not going to go well because

00:14:28.680 they don't know how to act you know again i'm going back to this experience i had with my son

00:14:35.020 there was some moments where he was really good there was some moments where i'm like hey we don't

00:14:38.680 that's not how we behave because of x y and z so here's the better way to show up because he's a

00:14:44.760 kid well we have to do the same thing with adults kip if you if you jumped on the phone with me you

00:14:51.920 let's say you called me this afternoon and you began to disrespect me in some way maybe you

00:14:58.220 made some personal uh insults maybe you got loud maybe you got offensive towards me i would stop

00:15:06.820 you in your tracks and i'd say hey hey hey hold on a second if we're going to continue this

00:15:12.380 conversation this is how you will address me and if you can't do that then i'm not having this

00:15:20.420 conversation so the ball's in your court but that's my boundary and then you can either decide

00:15:26.680 okay well if i want to have this conversation with ryan i'm gonna have to do it within these

00:15:31.160 parameters otherwise he's just not going to have the conversation and that is the most manly thing

00:15:38.700 that you can do in these situations and so when it comes to your mother and potentially siblings

00:15:45.480 and aunts and uncles and things like that you need to let them know hey i love my mom here's

00:15:52.440 how i can show up here's how i commit to showing up but i will not be doing x y and z i can explain

00:15:59.960 that to you if you want if not that's okay too but i have my family that i need to take care of

00:16:06.480 and so this is the way that we'll be showing up for my mother you can take it or leave it

00:16:11.340 I don't care, but this is how I'll be showing up. And then I would also talk with your wife and your

00:16:17.500 three kids. And I would say to them, Hey guys, like, how should we show up for grandma? You know,

00:16:23.640 what are the things that we can do? What are the things that we won't be able to do?

00:16:27.700 And here's why I think we should do this. And here's why I don't think we should do this.

00:16:31.700 But at the end of the day, your wife and kids matter more than your mom. And I know that might

00:16:40.520 sound really harsh. And I know there's a lot of people that say that maybe that shouldn't be the

00:16:45.360 case, but there's a scripture that says that you ought to cling to your wife where two people

00:16:50.460 become one and she should be the most important person in your life. You leave the mother and you

00:16:57.120 go partner and pair with your wife. Your wife is the most important person in your life, not your 0.97

00:17:03.960 kids, not your mom, not your friends. It's your wife. So you better honor that as a priority

00:17:10.200 and also teach her how you are to be treated. You know, and I can't help but imagine that

00:17:19.120 having that conversation, if done appropriately with respect, that most moms would be a little 0.75

00:17:26.500 and then would have a huge amount of respect for you, for you showing up that way for your wife

00:17:34.840 and kids. She would be proud. I mean, yeah, I've done, I've done something similar to this where

00:17:40.080 there's a little bit of family drama and I called out some people that I was confident they were

00:17:47.120 going to be very upset with me. Um, and they actually reached out to me later and said,

00:17:55.060 that's how a great husband should act yes right and it was fascinating right because i thought oh

00:18:02.120 i i didn't think that would have happened but but i think your mom would even see it as is you doing

00:18:08.220 your duty right and you being a great husband and a good father even though it may not serve her

00:18:13.300 right so i i think there's an element there ryan let me ask you something real quick on that cap

00:18:18.240 and then i want to hear what you had to say so decades ago i'm old enough now where i don't say

00:18:24.280 years ago anymore i say decades ago you bunch him into of the batches of 10 years at a time

00:18:31.180 so decades ago when on my on my wedding weekend uh my mom came to see me get married of course

00:18:42.020 as as she should and she was acting really weird she wasn't being inappropriate but she was being

00:18:49.360 whiny and complainy and clingy and just really inappropriate and i love my mom to death

00:18:56.400 and it's completely opposite of how i've ever known her to behave at the time and i remember

00:19:03.100 going on a walk with her it was a day maybe or two before my wedding and i went on a walk with

00:19:08.060 her i said hey mom come go for a walk and she said yeah so we went for a walk and i said what

00:19:12.520 the hell is going on with you yeah and she's like what do you mean i'm like you are being 0.81

00:19:18.760 in some ways like really inappropriate you're being whiny you're moping around you're you're 0.89

00:19:26.340 being weird you're bringing a weird energy to the environment and i don't i don't appreciate it

00:19:32.020 and i don't know what's going on like i just want to know what's up it's like i don't know like

00:19:37.120 you're my son my oldest son you're getting married and i feel like i'm losing you to

00:19:41.440 to your wife your soon-to-be wife and i just i don't it's just hard i'm like look

00:19:46.000 I understand all that I really do I get all that and and I can see why that would be a fear for you

00:19:53.500 and I can see why you'd be concerned your little boy is getting married and I'm not going anywhere

00:20:00.040 like the dynamic might shift a little bit but I'm not going anywhere like I'm still your boy like

00:20:04.520 I'm still your son I still love you but you will not do this this weekend this is my weekend and

00:20:13.280 this is her weekend and you will get over yourself long enough to be able to get through

00:20:20.040 to be able to be moody next week whatever you need to get through but this weekend is not for you

00:20:27.280 and you know what that was really hard to say to my mom but she was like you know what you're right

00:20:36.580 this isn't about me i can do that and the rest of the weekend went great it was amazing it was

00:20:41.820 beautiful yeah but that's my job as a man she needed to be led in that moment and i needed to

00:20:50.220 lead and it was the right thing to do for her it was the right thing to do for me it was the right

00:20:54.660 way to respect my soon-to-be wife to clear things up to lead to be assertive to communicate

00:21:00.580 effectively and that's what's expected of you as a man it's as simple as that i just and i love the

00:21:07.380 fact that instead of just going hard, like, uh, this is not your weekend. It's like, well,

00:21:12.640 what's going on to understand, you know, how, uh, how do I mitigate, you know, your concerns or

00:21:19.000 what, you know, you, you, you got curious around what was, what she was dealing with. And, and I'm

00:21:25.560 sure that your comments and suggestions to her not only reset kind of the boundary of how she

00:21:31.820 needs to act, but also address some of her concerns of like, Hey, you know, I'm not going

00:21:36.700 abandon you. There's some humanity in that. So I actually really appreciate that. That's a great

00:21:42.140 story. I don't even remember what else I was going to say, to be honest with you, now that

00:21:46.620 I think about it. I don't know. Your comment was so good, man. It was just so profound.

00:21:50.660 Might as well move on. Yeah. All right. Jay Wayne. Actually, sorry, I'm all over the place now. See,

00:22:01.260 y'all messed me up here yeah yeah jane way jay wayne uh in dire straits who are your three people

00:22:08.740 you call up to circle the wagons you got their back and they all would cooperate with each other

00:22:15.920 as well this one's hard because if i leave somebody out i'm like i didn't make the top

00:22:22.660 three yeah yeah maybe maybe well and and let's be honest like that's not that valuable right we we

00:22:29.160 throw out three names and, and great. Everyone sits back and goes, awesome. They have a guy,

00:22:33.560 right? So what's add to Jay's question, if you don't mind of like, um, how, what kind of

00:22:40.900 relationship and what have you done to form that type of relationship with those three people?

00:22:45.820 Right. And, um, I don't know, like maybe some tactics of, of having those types of people in

00:22:51.920 your life. Well, I have the three, I know who the three are, so I can, I can say who they are and I

00:22:58.220 should because i should honor them actually um and then i can also talk about what makes it those

00:23:03.380 three which as i as i think about it all three have there's there's some striking similarities

00:23:12.500 between the relationship i have with all three which is kind of interesting as i think about it

00:23:17.100 so number one it would be you so you're you would you be one of those three it'd be jay gerdulo who

00:23:26.300 obviously you have you know and have a good relationship with and then it would be larry

00:23:29.900 hagner who a lot of guys know the dad edge like it'd be those it'd be those three people

00:23:33.980 um i have some more to say but what were you gonna you were gonna ask something

00:23:39.280 does the three change for you depending on the scenario that's a good question i i guess probably

00:23:46.980 like if it was something personally related i would call you three if it was something

00:23:52.660 professionally related i might be more inclined to call larry right off hand because he's in a

00:23:58.820 similar space um if it was something that didn't have any sort of personal relevance i might call

00:24:06.360 somebody completely different you know if i if i needed help with social media for example

00:24:12.580 uh well one guy who comes to mind is connor beaton with man talk so connor and i actually

00:24:17.680 have a coaching call in in may uh and i wouldn't call him on a personal basis if i was personally

00:24:25.680 struggling with something he wouldn't be my top three although we're friends but professionally

00:24:29.980 based on what i would need or need some help with then he would be somebody i would call

00:24:34.260 bedros coolian is another one who i would call on a professional basis even personally i would

00:24:40.400 talk with him personally i have shared personal things with him um so yeah i guess it would it

00:24:47.080 would change. If there was some acute issue that I was dealing with, I'd be a little bit more

00:24:52.300 selective with who I would choose, but broadly and generally, I would say it would be one of

00:24:56.380 those three men. Got it. Got it. Okay. So back to the other part you're going to share about,

00:25:01.840 I don't know, like why those three, or maybe like, what have you done to formulate that or

00:25:07.300 to create that for yourself? Yeah. So just broadly two things. I have shared some really

00:25:16.020 sensitive information with you and Jay and Larry information that I would not want other people to

00:25:22.760 know like I just would not want other people to know and that's part of it the fact that I have

00:25:32.160 a level of trust explaining things to you guys that I would just not want anybody else to know

00:25:37.900 and if you don't have that level of trust with a person then that is a problem and you've got

00:25:43.940 to figure out a way to develop and build trust with that person which leads to point number two

00:25:48.360 i know you guys and you have shared information with me that probably wouldn't be flattering for

00:25:53.800 you yeah and it's a two-way street the trust right and so that information stays with me

00:26:00.220 and i've earned that trust and you've earned that trust and larry and jay have earned that trust and

00:26:04.380 i've earned that trust with them when i say i'll do things i do things when they say they'll do

00:26:08.600 things they do things when i call them even if they don't answer immediately they get back with

00:26:13.480 me when they call me even if i don't answer immediately i get back with them i know your

00:26:18.280 families i know less so with jay and even less with with larry just because of of the regional

00:26:27.640 geographic yeah yeah right but with you i mean we've broken bread together as family and we've

00:26:33.720 played together we've gone to the lake together and you've invited us to your place and like we've

00:26:38.060 done things together. But I also think it takes a level of going first. Leaders go first. How can

00:26:53.080 you lead if you're not out front? You can't. I don't think you can. You have to be out front

00:27:00.940 in some ways. And so it's scary and it's risky and it's challenging, but leaders go first.

00:27:05.720 and that means that if you're having a hard time it's probably going to take you going first and

00:27:13.340 telling your buddy that hey man i'm having a hard time with something can you help me work through

00:27:17.060 some issues and they will they absolutely will but it's scary and so i remember when i was going

00:27:22.600 through when my ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce i called all three of you and i told you

00:27:28.160 exactly what was going on and i explained it and i explained what i my culpability in it

00:27:34.800 Um, and it wasn't flattering and it wasn't pretty, but it took me going first to build

00:27:41.360 that deep connection that we now have over the past, well, Kip, for you and I probably

00:27:45.780 eight or nine years at this point, nine years, I think maybe even 10 decades at this point.

00:27:52.340 Um, and same thing with Jay, like I've known Jay just as long.

00:27:55.840 I've known Larry just as long, maybe even a little longer with Larry, but yeah, it takes

00:27:59.840 time.

00:28:00.160 well and it's what's fascinating i love that you said lead first absolutely true

00:28:06.260 and that it allows it creates safety for those people to open up

00:28:12.220 so if if our relationship is somewhat superficial and you reach out and you kind of open up a little

00:28:21.060 bit and say hey kip you know i'm dealing with this i hang up the phone going oh now ryan's

00:28:27.100 a person that I can go to. Yeah. Right. Because, because you extended trust to me. So it's really

00:28:33.460 fascinating. I, at least in the corporate environment, I don't know if I deal, I agree

00:28:37.540 with this. I'm going to go on a riff a little bit, but you hear this all the time. It's like,

00:28:40.860 you know, people need to earn your trust and I disagree kind of right. Like I'm like, um,

00:28:46.400 actually you can extend trust and try it out. Yeah. But sometimes if you're sitting back and

00:28:52.500 going, you know, I need proof. Well, that's not leading either. That's sitting back and waiting

00:28:58.120 for someone else to show you something, validate it. You know, I'm not saying you have to put

00:29:03.120 everything out there. You know what I mean? To all people all the time, but like, I don't know,

00:29:08.200 you need to be taking the step into fostering that type of trust in a relationship. And,

00:29:13.400 and it's fascinating how much trust we get when we ask for, for help, not the other way around

00:29:21.840 that I establish trust with you by reaching out to you and saying, Hey, Ryan, can I get your help?

00:29:27.320 I need some help with things that allows you to trust me more, which is fascinating to me.

00:29:32.880 Do you, there's a story of, of Benjamin Franklin and he, there was people that he didn't like

00:29:41.060 and that they didn't like him. And he was committed to figuring out how can I build

00:29:48.580 trust and credibility with this person. And do you know what he did? Have you heard the story?

00:29:53.040 Do you know what he did? Yeah, I've heard the story. Yeah. He asked them for help

00:29:56.800 is what his approach was. Yeah. He would borrow books. That's right. That's what it was. So he

00:30:04.040 would reach out to this individual and he'd say, Hey, can I borrow? I know you have this book. Can

00:30:07.760 I borrow this book? I've been interested in, interested in reading it. I'd like to read this

00:30:11.080 book. And can I borrow it from you? And the person, because most people are kind-hearted

00:30:16.700 would say okay maybe feel weird but like okay like they're not going to reject it and so they

00:30:21.500 lend the book and then he would read the book and he would give it back and he would give it back

00:30:24.620 with personal notes and he he would share what he learned about the book and thank them and

00:30:29.080 automatically it built a level of rapport and connection and trust with the person because he

00:30:33.280 asked for help it's so what it's fascinating to me you know what's funny is as you were saying

00:30:38.480 this i i thought when you were talking about me reaching out to you with some of my personal

00:30:43.340 issues, you felt like you could then connect with me. And I thought, well, I have dirt on him now,

00:30:49.160 so I can share my dirt because if I share my dirt, I'm going to share his dirt.

00:30:55.400 Which is probably true, but that's not what my mind was. No, I know. But I, but I think there

00:31:01.240 is to your point, I think there is this opportunity to say, Hey, let's see how this person handles this

00:31:05.940 information let's see if they treat what i share with them gently and and with a level of of respect

00:31:14.360 and reverence and so we don't blab our our all of our dirt we don't we don't open ourselves up

00:31:21.720 completely but we say hey let's let's experiment here let me give you this and see how you deal

00:31:27.300 with this and if they handle it with care then okay i can give this person a little bit more

00:31:34.340 And by the way, this isn't just platonic friendships. This is romantic relationships, right? If you're, if you're courting a woman or if you're, you're married, then you just share something about yourself that isn't necessarily flattering, but isn't going to be catastrophic either and see how they handle it.

00:31:52.740 you can tell pretty quickly, Hey, that person's not interested or they're flippant with what I

00:31:58.760 just shared, or they're going deep with me. And that's a person that maybe ought to

00:32:03.920 be a little bit bigger part of your life again, platonically or even romantically.

00:32:10.280 Yeah. Yeah. And I love, I just love what happens to people when they serve others. And, and I wish

00:32:18.520 i could reference this but there's there's evidence of this from studies that i've read

00:32:23.700 around the psychology of what happens and when you serve people um what's the what's the chemical

00:32:31.280 reaction that that generates connection and affection and love for people do you remember

00:32:36.500 um it's it's not dopamine it it's not oxytocin oxytocin it might be i'll look it might be

00:32:45.860 oxytocin. But regardless, that gets released when you are helping people. And so when we create

00:32:53.560 these opportunities for people to serve us, it's good for the relationship. And in most cases,

00:33:00.420 we kind of treat it as like, well, I don't want to burden Ryan. I don't want to burden my friends

00:33:06.140 with this thing. No, you're robbing them from the opportunity of fostering a stronger relationship

00:33:11.120 with you, you know, so don't, don't look at, you know, seeking advice and counsel from others as

00:33:17.300 some negative thing to the relationship. If anything, it will be positive. Yeah. So I just

00:33:22.080 pulled this up. It says, this is on chat GPT. It says the primary chemical, uh, primary chemical

00:33:27.940 most associated with building relationships is oxytocin. So we got that right. Uh, people often

00:33:33.480 call it the bonding hormone or the love hormone. It's released in situations like physical touch,

00:33:40.400 which could be hugging handshakes sex eye contact and meaningful conversation which is what we're

00:33:47.160 talking about here here's the big one acts of trust generosity and connection and even shared

00:33:53.820 hardship or teamwork so this is why you see people who are going well you know this got me thinking

00:34:01.000 about a movie that i love that i watched when i was a kid which was speed right sandra bullock and

00:34:06.200 keanu reeves and the the joke about it was you know relationships built in hardship are you know

00:34:14.560 whatever i can't exactly remember but that's the reality is like sandra bullock's character and

00:34:20.420 keanu reeves's character were in this hardship together and that released oxytocin which was

00:34:27.040 the bonding hormone so it may not last but that hormone is very powerful and it says this when

00:34:33.440 oxytocin is released it increases feelings of trust lowers fear and defensiveness

00:34:41.280 strengthens emotional bonding and reinforces connection with the person you're interacting

00:34:47.660 with it also talks about dopamine as the reward and excitement hormone serotonin as the mood

00:34:56.260 stability and well-being hormone and then endorphins comfort and long-term bonding

00:35:00.220 but oxytocin is the primary chemical yeah yeah see we know what we're talking about we do a little

00:35:07.720 bit sometimes yeah there's some good stuff in there yeah all right all right uh jeremy pragu

00:35:14.320 i have a question and would like to get your opinion i i read this earlier there's not really

00:35:19.180 a question in here okay he like gives us a statement so we'll have to riff a little bit

00:35:24.200 okay even though he says i have a question just reflect your voice a little higher at the end

00:35:28.860 other than it sounds like a question. Okay. Let me, let me give it that a try. I'll try this.

00:35:33.060 Okay. Uh, I'm a tire guy. I have been my whole life doing large tires on head on a tire guy,

00:35:39.400 like doing tire repairs, probably on heavy equipment. My last job, I worked in 11 to 14

00:35:46.240 hours a day, six days a week, and at least two hours of commuting. I just took a new job, um,

00:35:53.400 in Alaska. It's three weeks on and three weeks off. I have a lot more time with the wife and

00:35:58.520 kids when I'm home, but when I leave, all of the house responsibilities fall into my wife 0.94

00:36:04.480 for three weeks at a time. And also, just as you know, my kids are ages 17 and 19.

00:36:12.240 Okay. I didn't fluctuate very good. You said 17 and 19? And I'm like, wait, are you questioning

00:36:22.460 their ages? No, they're not 17 and 19. Yeah. I didn't know where to fluctuate. I mean, I,

00:36:26.980 obviously he doesn't feel good about leaving his wife with the responsibilities for yeah

00:36:30.980 i mean clearly right like he's like how do what he's asking i think is how do i help my wife

00:36:38.260 even though i might not be there for three weeks yeah yeah yeah yeah i like that so what i would

00:36:45.740 say is you're 17 and you're 19 did he say sons daughters did he did he clarify

00:36:50.020 nope no okay 17 19 no genders they're adults so they can help so if they're gonna still live at

00:36:59.260 home and they're gonna be there which it sounds like they are then what i would say is to train

00:37:06.920 them if you haven't already to begin to train them to help out around the house you know maybe

00:37:13.800 they're not gonna cook or do some of those duties that she handles whatever those duties might be 0.98

00:37:18.400 but can they change the oil in the car? Probably because you're a tire guy. So I'm sure you're 0.98

00:37:24.560 also a mechanic and you can teach them how to take care of vehicle maintenance. Can they do

00:37:30.560 basic replay repairs around the house, like plumbing and electrical? Can they, are they

00:37:36.860 working? And if they're working, can they contribute financially to the groceries? I mean,

00:37:40.900 your 19 year old should. I just had a conversation with my son, uh, several weeks ago, my oldest son,

00:37:46.680 who's who's already turned 18 and he'll be graduating this year and i said hey if you're

00:37:50.880 going to if you're going to school and i and i did preface with this caveat if you're going to

00:37:56.820 school and pursuing a meaningful degree not like some liberal arts degree or something

00:38:02.260 like or to go teach people how to teach like that's not a thing but if you're actually going

00:38:09.540 to school to pursue a career that requires a degree or you're working on your career training

00:38:19.500 he might go into firefighting so if he's in the academy then you can stay i would love to have

00:38:25.280 you stay at my house full time now there's going to be duties and responsibilities and there's

00:38:32.540 going to be a minor financial contribution i'm not feeding you you're an adult now so you're

00:38:37.340 going to feed yourself. And so you're going to contribute money to pay for groceries. You're

00:38:42.620 going to help cover the cost. It's going to be minor, but help cover the cost of some of the

00:38:47.500 housing because I want you to learn how to do that. But you can be here, but you're also going

00:38:54.140 to contribute. And I think you can teach your 17 and your 19 year old to contribute in meaningful

00:38:58.980 and significant ways and hold them accountable to doing that while you're gone. I don't think

00:39:04.120 that's too much to ask. And especially at that age, I'm kind of like, I don't know, like giving

00:39:11.880 your responsibilities, your wife at kids at that age. I mean, you're not, there's not much

00:39:16.500 responsibility happening for the 17 and 19 year old kids. It's not like you have a bunch of little

00:39:21.280 kids at home and she's like overran with them. She's almost an empty nester while you're gone 0.81

00:39:26.580 for three months with the, with that age, at least in my opinion, but maybe I checked out,

00:39:30.620 you know, with my kids when they're that age, but, and I don't know the dynamic, but they're

00:39:35.080 adults. I mean, even the 17 year old is almost an adult. So yeah, I would say that I would also

00:39:40.280 just ask her. I think it's as simple as that. Hey, babe, like I feel really guilty when I'm

00:39:45.800 gone. I know I've been here more than I have in the past. I'm really grateful for that. But when

00:39:49.180 I'm gone, it weighs heavy on my mind that I'm not there to help you take care of things around the

00:39:53.420 house. What would be some good ways for me to ensure that things are taken care of? And she

00:40:00.220 might say you know what i just want to make sure the mortgage is paid and i want the finances to

00:40:05.840 be handled and um if i have an issue maybe i'll just offload that to you so you can call and get

00:40:12.720 the plumber scheduled or the the lawn mode while we're away and so maybe you do maybe you hire

00:40:20.880 somebody to come mow the lawn when you're gone maybe you have maybe you hire somebody to come

00:40:26.960 clean the house once a week. I have, I have a home cleaner who comes in twice a month and she 0.99

00:40:35.660 comes in and she'll do dishes and she'll vacuum everything and she'll clean up the space and 1.00

00:40:42.340 she'll clean the bathrooms. I don't, I don't want to do that. So she comes and does that twice a

00:40:47.780 month. You can do that. You can hire somebody to do that. You have to be careful with women on that

00:40:51.920 one because sometimes they feel like you're undermining what they should be doing. I know a 1.00

00:40:56.600 lot of housewives and homemakers feel inferior if they have a house cleaner or a homemade um but 1.00

00:41:03.540 just communicate that with her but there's ways that you can take care of those things even if 1.00

00:41:08.680 it's financially so that that offloads some of her responsibility while you're gone that's what

00:41:13.600 i would yeah and i would get connected also even to the emotional state right like how are we doing

00:41:19.320 when I'm gone for four months? How are you feeling? Right. Are, do you feel like you're

00:41:26.180 abandoned? Are you feeling lonely? You know what I mean? How do we get moved beyond that? Could we

00:41:31.400 do phone calls? Right. Because he's very much tactical right now. Right. I'll do, you know,

00:41:35.880 what needs to be taken care of? Well, make sure that you're also addressing how she's feeling

00:41:40.020 about it. Right. And mitigate some of those concerns that she might have even from an

00:41:43.940 emotional perspective. Yeah, that's a good call. I mean, you could even do like a virtual date

00:41:48.080 night it's like hey every thursday is date night and we do facetime and eat dinner together i was

00:41:55.160 gonna say i would take it with reverence not like hey i'm gonna sit on the couch in my pajamas while

00:41:59.240 you do the same thing it's like no we're gonna we're gonna eat dinner together and have a

00:42:03.120 conversation or i don't i'm trying to think a little bit outside of the box but it's like

00:42:08.760 no you're gonna go to a restaurant and i'm gonna go to a restaurant and we're gonna we're gonna

00:42:13.420 eat mexican tonight together on the phone yeah it might sound silly yeah right that's what i think

00:42:20.720 like it might sound silly but like what if you went to a mexican food place your favorite food

00:42:26.240 place and you just got on a facetime and you're like you ordered chips and salsa she ordered chips

00:42:31.080 and salsa and you guys are having chips and salsa together kind of and then you asked her what she's

00:42:36.120 going to order or you let her order for you or and you order for her like make you can make things

00:42:40.780 fun you can be creative yeah i mean you could even you could even like turn the phone around

00:42:46.620 to the server i know this sounds silly but i trust me guys she trust me she will love this

00:42:53.180 and you turn the you turn the phone around and you let her order for you with the waiter

00:42:58.100 and then you order for her with her waiter like i think something like that would be i think you

00:43:04.560 guys could have a ton of fun with things like that yeah yeah i totally totally agree all right

00:43:10.500 what questions do you have? Okay. So, all right, let me pull my questions up here. All right. So,

00:43:17.080 oh, where are they? I would love to pull them up, but I don't know where they are.

00:43:23.680 I thought I had them pulled up. Stand by. We'll get it. Technology is so amazing

00:43:30.920 and so horrible at the same time. All right, here we go. I got them.

00:43:36.580 all right this one's kind of funny so this one's from daniel harper he says i caught myself

00:43:42.360 exaggerating a story in front of other men to sound more impressive i mean who hasn't done that

00:43:48.440 i love that he's admitted it yeah we all do it we won't tell anybody but uh he also said he saw

00:43:55.160 it land with him so he kind of kept going it sounds like they bought it and that bothered me

00:44:01.300 more than anything else and then this is what he this is his question he says how do i kill

00:44:05.820 the need for validation when it actually works out in your favor and it does it does work out

00:44:14.480 in your favor you know what um here's how i answer that question i have found that people

00:44:21.980 relate more deeply when you communicate your inadequacies over exaggerating how great and

00:44:33.820 wonderful you are it's just universally true so if you're going to exaggerate a story

00:44:41.820 i'd have you test this theory instead of exaggerating how good you are

00:44:48.660 talk about why you're a screw-up talk about where you messed up self-deprecating humor

00:44:55.420 not to the point where you undermine like undermine yourself but just poke at yourself

00:45:01.960 a little bit and instead of telling the person how you caught that huge fish talk about how

00:45:11.020 you weren't paying attention and the fish actually took the pole and you lost not only the fish but

00:45:18.700 your fishing pole because now it's in the middle of the lake somewhere and see just see just test

00:45:25.220 this with me. Just see if they relate more with the inadequacies or the embellishments.

00:45:32.660 And I think it'll be the former. Yeah. I totally agree. In fact, I, I usually double down on the

00:45:40.720 embarrassing things. I think they get more of a laugh anyway than, than the great stories.

00:45:47.460 it's just more relatable it's just people i could go anywhere for any story that i want

00:45:55.900 i i can find people bragging and exaggerating and embellishing their stories and

00:46:01.480 what you can't find is somebody who's honest and humble and willing to laugh at themselves a

00:46:09.480 little bit you know what this reminds me of uh jesse itzler um it was hilarious it was probably

00:46:16.240 a couple of months ago and he had a post on social media and it's him taking a picture with

00:46:22.260 this couple outside of a convention hall where he was like a keynote speaker and he's taking a

00:46:28.160 picture with this couple and he goes, and then in the description, he says, this couple asked me to

00:46:33.600 take a picture. He's like, I assume that they were wanting to take a picture with me. He was like,

00:46:42.520 they were asking me to take a picture of them and he just injected himself into the picture

00:46:47.240 and then they ended up having a conversation about who he was and they had no idea who he was

00:46:52.640 i'm like that's so funny it's hilarious that's hilarious actually jesse's a good example so i

00:46:59.360 did a podcast with jesse in atlanta and i don't i mean i think he's a billion him and his wife are

00:47:05.500 billionaires they're a billionaires at this point individually by the way like he's a billionaire

00:47:11.080 and she's a billionaire individually isn't she like the founder of spanks or something or whatever

00:47:17.420 that like exercise clothing for women yeah anyways yeah they're both billionaires individually

00:47:22.880 and i went to their home and it's this it's unbelievable he's got like a treehouse forest

00:47:30.660 and he's got a basketball court in his basement and the guy is just humble and he's a little bit 0.53

00:47:38.280 goofy right he's a goofy guy yeah and he's silly and goofy and funny and he's lanky and kind of

00:47:45.100 weird and quirky but he's but he's humble he he laughs at himself he jokes about it he talks 0.93

00:47:54.140 about his inadequacies and yet he's hyper hyper successful not only in the realm of finances

00:47:59.900 and career but his his kids and his wife the beautiful family i mean that's a great example

00:48:05.880 right there. I'm glad you pulled him up. It's a great example. Yeah. Super funny. So how let's

00:48:11.640 assume though, that the validation is too much, right? Like it's, um, we just find ourselves

00:48:19.180 seeking validation for other people back to his question. Yeah. Um, how do we make that less

00:48:25.660 important if it's, if it's driving our behavior too much? I would say that if you're seeking

00:48:30.920 validation from others, it's because you haven't learned to validate yourself. And I recorded a

00:48:35.740 video i haven't posted it yet but i recorded a video just yesterday and i said something to the

00:48:39.980 effect that after being on this planet for nearly 50 years at this point that the the only thing

00:48:47.900 that matters is to make yourself and your creator proud and that's it that's all that's it if you

00:48:57.040 can if you can make yourself proud today and you can make him proud because you honored and respected

00:49:04.980 the gifts that he bestowed you with, then you win. And everybody else around you wins. So how do you

00:49:10.760 make yourself proud? You get up when your alarm goes off. You don't hit snooze or sleep in, you get

00:49:16.720 right up. You go hit the workout that you said you were going to hit. You go make the sales calls

00:49:22.580 that you said and committed to making. You respect your wife and you take her out. If you said, hey, 0.97

00:49:28.960 I'll make you dinner tonight, then you make her dinner tonight. If you told your kids that you'll

00:49:32.940 play catch with them after work then you play catch with them after work if you told your boss

00:49:37.560 you'll hit that deadline you hit the deadline if you committed to go change the oil in your truck

00:49:42.720 you change the oil in your truck all the things that you said you were going to do even if you

00:49:47.100 didn't write them down you just said them in your mind then if you do those things you will be

00:49:51.460 honoring and respecting yourself and when you can do that then you can look yourself

00:49:57.880 right in the eye and know that that's all that matters. And everybody else will be served by

00:50:05.620 that, by the way. So it's not being selfish. It's actually a really powerful alignment between how

00:50:12.040 you show up and the way other people need you to show up. And then if you use the God-given

00:50:18.440 talents and gifts and abilities that are innate within you to improve your life and the lives of

00:50:23.680 others then you will be making him proud and you will not be squandering what he's given you

00:50:29.200 if you can do those two things you don't need anybody else to tell you how great and wonderful

00:50:34.620 you are you already know you don't need to win people over through your stories because

00:50:40.280 it doesn't matter it's as simple as that a lot of work a lot of effort but it is simple

00:50:47.100 make yourself and him proud yeah love it all right number next one um

00:50:54.400 so this comes from chris vaughn uh he said my seven-year-old son watched me get disrespected

00:51:02.080 by another man in public and i didn't escalate it he says i kept calm and walked away and now

00:51:08.760 i'm questioning if i showed strength or weakness what should a man model in that moment that's

00:51:15.880 interesting because i actually had an experience this last weekend with that and i won't share all

00:51:23.080 of the details because the person i got into it a little bit with i actually respect but this

00:51:28.800 individual disrespected me and i called him on it right then and there because i will not be

00:51:36.940 disrespected by anybody now i don't know the circumstances here if it was a person a

00:51:45.640 stranger i mean i've had all sorts of scenarios i walked into a an archery shop one time and the guy

00:51:52.480 the guy there the owner of the archery shop was so disrespectful to me in front of my son my oldest

00:51:58.820 son he was probably 11 or 12 at the time so disrespectful and i didn't say anything to the

00:52:06.000 guy i was like okay and i left but here's what makes it important is did you communicate it

00:52:14.240 effectively with your son or your daughter that's what you need to do because they understand right

00:52:22.560 because if they don't know then they're going to start filling in the blanks and the assumptions

00:52:25.560 aren't going to be great and so okay so what a stranger said something to you in public

00:52:31.260 did you does that warrant a response maybe not necessarily probably in most situations it doesn't

00:52:38.520 because why? And then what you do is you explain to your son, Hey, look, people are going to

00:52:44.280 disrespect, disrespect you. People are going to say rude things. People are going to say mean

00:52:47.780 things. We don't need to respond to everything. This is how a man handles himself. That's the

00:52:51.900 disconnect. Did you explain it to him? So when I walked out of that archery shop, I asked my oldest

00:52:59.400 son, I said, Hey bud, how did you feel about that? He's like, that guy was rude. And I said, yeah,

00:53:05.200 he was. He was rude. And how do you think we handled it? He's like, I guess we handled it

00:53:10.520 well. We just went well, went somewhere else. I said, yeah, exactly right. We just go somewhere

00:53:14.040 else. We take our business somewhere else. He's welcome to feel that way. He's welcome to be rude

00:53:19.400 as long as it doesn't infringe on me personally. He can be rude. He can say what he wants to say.

00:53:24.140 Not everything warrants a response or here's a response by us deciding to walk away. By the way,

00:53:31.900 that's a response because he said i didn't escalate it what did you need to escalate it

00:53:39.520 in a negative direction right like did was it a was it a threat okay so kip let's say you and i

00:53:45.120 are out we don't know each other and we're out in public and i'm at a restaurant and you butt in

00:53:50.620 front of me in line and i'm like oh excuse me sir like we're here in line and you're like i don't

00:53:55.020 care. I'm doing it anyways. It's like, do I need to fight with you over that? Yeah. Or could I just

00:54:04.480 assume that, you know, Hey, I could say something as simple as this. Hey, you know what? Like maybe

00:54:09.280 you've got places to be and you're busy. And so like, whatever, man, that's fine. Cool. If that's

00:54:14.940 what you need to do, good. I don't care. Do I need to get into a fight and an altercation over

00:54:20.700 that? Well, and if you did, it's like, what are you teaching your kid? Hey, if anyone ever

00:54:25.620 bruises your ego, go to violence. Yeah. Right. Right. Or, or tit for tat. And then, you know, 0.82

00:54:34.060 make fun of them and cause more drama. Like when has that ever worked in a positive way? Never.

00:54:41.880 Right. So why would you want to teach that? Right. But to your point, you got to communicate it too,

00:54:46.180 right because social media well and and maybe even the kid might be filling his ego and felt

00:54:52.440 man i felt like you should have hit him or you should have pushed him or you should have done

00:54:58.360 something and if you don't explain why that's inappropriate now he's going to put the label

00:55:03.200 on that action as oh dad's a coward or you know dad didn't stand up for himself or whatever right

00:55:08.620 so to your point that the context of that conversation with your kid is critical right

00:55:13.220 i i think there's another element here and i don't i don't know with chris i don't i don't 0.96

00:55:17.920 know a situation but i i present myself as someone not to be fucked with in in public

00:55:24.800 yeah because i don't want people messing with me or the people with me totally and and i've had 0.73

00:55:33.320 i've had i've had people laugh at me about it my ex-wife would often joke she's like why do you

00:55:40.020 walk around like that in public i'm like what do you mean she's like you walk around like a gorilla

00:55:43.840 and i said you know what you better be grateful and thankful for the way that i walk around because

00:55:49.460 have you and i ever been messed with in public she's like no i'm like then probably don't

00:55:54.320 complain about that and we were joking like we we weren't arguing we were joking about it

00:55:59.580 but yeah i present myself as someone not to be messed with and this situation that i had

00:56:06.760 over the weekend disrespectful the tone was disrespectful so I came back Adam and I said

00:56:13.980 no we're not doing that this is how you will be treating me I don't I don't care about anything

00:56:22.460 else I don't care about the situation this is how we'll be treated and he didn't say another word

00:56:28.440 and I turned to my son who's 10 and I said hey you don't ever let somebody disrespect you like

00:56:35.560 that without saying something. You don't need to escalate it, but nobody treats you like that

00:56:42.520 out loud. If somebody has an issue, they can bring something up, but this is how we handle

00:56:47.660 ourselves. You just have to have the conversations and you have to explain it. But yeah, walking

00:56:54.400 away is not cowardly i think he says did i show strength or weakness i don't know you have to

00:57:05.900 answer that question for yourself but if it's not a threat to you or yours then i would say it's

00:57:13.040 probably not weakness it's probably a strength to walk away now if it's a threat that's a different

00:57:19.300 conversation. Yeah. Well, and it's interesting. This would, this would be a fun, I don't know,

00:57:24.560 like I'm now thinking about this is, this would be a fun thing to deep dive into is where weakness

00:57:29.800 and where our ego come into play and how often when our ego feels attacked, we take that as

00:57:36.400 weakness. And I don't, I don't think that is weakness. It's something else. Right. So I don't

00:57:43.160 know. I don't know. I have to think on that. Wait. So I don't quite understand that you said

00:57:48.040 when our ego is attacked, it's not weakness. What, what does that, what do you mean by that?

00:57:52.240 Well, it, I think there's a lot of instances in our lives where our ego feels bruised and we

00:57:59.720 associate that to being weak. Oh God, it's not weakness. That's not weakness. That's something

00:58:05.460 else that that's, I don't know. I don't know what the answer is, but they're not the same thing,

00:58:13.000 but I would probably bet that most people, when they, when their ego feels attacked and they

00:58:18.020 don't respond they would put the label of being weak on it and it's not weak yeah it's something

00:58:23.720 else but i would just rewrite the script and in this instance i would rewrite the script that's

00:58:30.280 running through your mind is because what's running through your mind is like i should

00:58:33.400 have stood up for myself why yeah like work through that guy doesn't he doesn't know you

00:58:39.400 whatever whatever you got into is not accurate and you know what maybe even you were

00:58:47.800 having a bad day. Like I've had that situation. I, you know, here's a good, here's a good example.

00:58:51.840 This was not going to be flattering at all, but I'll explain it anyways. So I was coaching my

00:58:58.080 oldest son's flag football team years ago. And this was probably 10 years or so ago, 10 or nine

00:59:04.600 or 10 years ago. And the other team, the referees weren't calling certain things that were illegal

00:59:12.500 based on the rule book and i actually i'm a coach when i coach i read the rules because they need to

00:59:19.260 abide by the rules and we do too and i expect everybody to be held to the same standard so i

00:59:24.640 actually know the rules better than probably a lot of the umpires and referees and so i've had

00:59:28.860 situations where i've called an umpire or referee over and i'm like and i have the handbook with me

00:59:33.880 and i'm like hey right here can't do that and they're like oh yeah you're actually right and so

00:59:40.760 it changes the the call um but i got a little belligerent one time and i kind of started you

00:59:49.380 know yapping my mouth a little bit at the referee and i just dragged it on and on and on and the

00:59:55.700 other coach was like dude it's a kid's game or something like he said something like that he's

00:59:59.420 like you're being crazy and at the time i was pissed off and i'm like you know i thought about

01:00:03.940 it more and more and i was like no you know he's probably right and i went up to him after the game

01:00:08.200 and I'm like, Hey man, I wanted to tell you, like, I was pissed when you said that, but you,

01:00:13.640 you were actually right. I get a little heated in the moment. I get excited. I want to win.

01:00:18.220 I'm competitive. He's like, no, I get it. I am too. He's like, but I think you took it too far.

01:00:21.780 I'm like, yeah, you're right. I did. I just wanted to tell you, you know, I apologize.

01:00:28.340 Like I could have handled that better. And we shook hands and, and even now we're friends.

01:00:32.540 Like I see him in town and stuff. We live in a small town and I see him. We're friends,

01:00:35.400 but like he was right i was wrong and it's okay to say that it's actually better that you do

01:00:42.220 that goes back to a previous question about building trust with people yeah totally

01:00:47.260 yeah all these all these histories of getting riled up during uh little league baseball games

01:00:55.400 and stuff now like flooding into my mind totally totally totally uh all right let's see i'm gonna

01:01:03.520 find a good one here. I've got, I've got, I've got seven or eight different questions. Okay. So

01:01:11.240 this is a good one. I'm curious about this one. So this is Kyle Brennan. He says, I make really

01:01:15.460 good money. He says, I'm in good shape and I've got a lot of options with women. So he's confident, 1.00

01:01:20.360 right? Yeah. He said also, but I can't seem to stay interested in one woman for more than a few

01:01:26.880 weeks at what point is that me just lacking discipline versus me not meeting the right person

01:01:34.760 and i don't know i don't even know if it's a discipline question necessarily

01:01:40.000 it might just be you're chasing the bright and shiny object maybe you don't want to commit maybe

01:01:47.800 you don't want to be pinned down and there's actually nothing wrong with that here's what i

01:01:51.440 novelty yeah novelty yeah one thing i would say is you do need to be honest with the women that

01:01:58.260 you're dating right so if you make them believe you're just dating them and not dating other

01:02:04.340 people that's an issue but as long as you're honest i don't think there's anything wrong with

01:02:09.180 dating around that's the point to try to figure out who you want to be with and who you resonate

01:02:17.320 with and who you connect with. But here's, here's what I would probably suggest is I would spend a

01:02:23.280 lot of time thinking about what you're actually looking for, because you might be at a stage in

01:02:27.600 your life. I don't know how old Kyle is. He might be a stage in his life where he's not ready to

01:02:31.600 settle down and that's fine. That's completely fine. So go spend time with women, date a bunch

01:02:37.320 of women, figure out what you like, figure out what you don't like, figure out what your type

01:02:40.760 is, figure out how to handle conflict. Just again, be honest. That's, that's all I would say is be 0.69

01:02:46.460 honest and respectful and upfront about that with them so that they can make decisions because

01:02:50.540 they don't need to participate in the game that you're playing but they do need to know the rules

01:02:56.020 otherwise you're being deceitful and that's not good yeah so sure do that figure out what you want

01:03:04.000 do you want to date around i'm assuming because you're asking this question you're potentially

01:03:09.720 trying to look at a long-term relationship and if that's the case what i would suggest is to

01:03:15.940 write down what exactly you're looking for in a woman because if you don't write it down and

01:03:21.460 it's not crystallized in your mind how do you know if you come across it yeah and by the way

01:03:27.920 you're not going to find the perfect one but you might need to realize hey what am i willing to

01:03:34.860 tolerate what am i willing to put up with what is okay if it means that i can have these things on 0.99

01:03:40.720 my list of characteristics and attributes in a woman. And once, once you have that,

01:03:48.560 then you can measure, I'm, I want to be careful. It sounds a little cold and calculated, but you

01:03:55.020 can, you can, I don't know how else to say it. You can measure the women that you meet against 0.88

01:04:01.460 the desires that you have. It's as simple as that. Yeah. Well, and, and as you date, I mean,

01:04:06.340 that's the whole point of dating, right? Is to even validate and test against that. You're like,

01:04:10.540 oh this is really important to me and then you date a girl and you're like actually it's not

01:04:14.780 that important what really you know made me want to draw from that relationship was something else

01:04:20.980 and that's not even on my list so maybe i you know so it's part of you learning what you want to

01:04:26.920 um in these relationships so make sure also that like as you you know maybe break up with a girl

01:04:33.060 and you're looking at dating someone else like what was it what was it that that didn't work for

01:04:37.340 you, you know, and, and learn from it versus, and if you find yourself like, well, there's nothing,

01:04:43.180 it's just this other girl's exciting. Now you're chasing excitement and that's probably something

01:04:46.820 else than, than you, you know, learning, you know, what's ideal. So. You know what, as you were

01:04:54.060 saying that, I thought the goal here is to date with intentionality. Yeah. And your intention

01:05:00.280 might be to find a long-term relationship. And that's a good intention. That's a worthy intention.

01:05:07.340 and if you're not there yet you can still date with intention so what does that look like

01:05:12.380 figuring out what you like and you don't like yeah you could you could go on a hundred dates this year

01:05:19.420 and and and enjoy it but still do it with intention and the intention is hey i'm gonna 0.99

01:05:27.340 spend time with a lot of different women because i want to know what exactly i'm looking for

01:05:34.480 and what exactly i don't want and that's still intentional and that's okay as long as you

01:05:41.240 communicate that with her that's that's the that's the caveat i always give that because if you're

01:05:46.280 just if you're just whoring around and you're you're lying and deceiving that's a problem too

01:05:52.580 so just do it intentionally totally cool brother all right got a lot of good questions we've got

01:06:00.320 more we can get through um guys called action today check out the iron council this is built

01:06:05.980 by you this is a brotherhood built by men like you who are working together going through

01:06:13.840 assignments going through courses going through programs having conversations the question earlier

01:06:18.980 we had about who would you call interestingly enough all three of those would not be

01:06:26.140 yeah all three of those would not be you jay and larry would not be relationships if it weren't

01:06:32.680 for the brotherhood that we built here so if you if you are looking for men in your corner

01:06:38.780 and want to be surrounded by good men who are doing good things who are going to hold you

01:06:43.060 accountable who you can hold accountable then look no further than the iron council go to

01:06:47.800 order of man.com iron council get signed up immediately we'll get you paired up with a

01:06:51.520 coach and we'll get you on board as fast as possible. So you can start reaping the benefits.

01:06:57.120 Anything else? I just, no, I was just going to share really quick. I mean, I had a conversation

01:07:01.620 with, um, a gentleman literally last week and we were talking about what we do in the IC, um, with

01:07:08.200 our, with our quarterly goal setting and accountability and the calls that we have.

01:07:13.040 And at the end of the conversation, he was like, sign me up. And I asked him, I'm like, why? Like,

01:07:19.700 I'm just curious. Like, why, what is it? And he's like, I have people in my life. I love them.

01:07:23.760 They're great, but they're, they're focused on drinking on the weekends and going partying.

01:07:30.600 And he's like, and that's not me. I want to be a better version of myself. I want to be a better

01:07:36.640 dad. I want to improve in the areas of my life. And they're not like-minded in this space of

01:07:42.780 trying to become a better version. And he's like, and I don't have people like that in my life.

01:07:47.020 and he's like and you guys obviously are so i want you in my life you know and that's that's 1.00

01:07:53.420 really what we're doing so you know you know what's interesting about that kip is you've got

01:07:57.520 you you run a team a desert guard inside the iron council and you've got what eight guys or so on

01:08:04.880 your team yep and these are these are men that you have personally invited to join the iron council

01:08:09.900 so what that means is that you already knew them before they joined the iron council and you brought

01:08:16.480 them in and i'd be willing to bet i don't want to put words in your mouth so you tell me the

01:08:20.040 honest truth about this i'd be willing to bet that by having them inside the iron council with

01:08:25.140 structure calls meeting accountability reporting check-ins that your relationship has gone from

01:08:33.040 wherever it was and exponentially grown because of the iron council structures the systems the

01:08:40.960 support even though you already had those relationships they're probably elevated i

01:08:45.440 could be wrong, but I'm pretty confident. It's totally true. Absolutely. All of them are elevated

01:08:50.100 because of it. And you're right. All of them. I mean, some of those guys, you know, this sounds

01:08:54.180 bad. It's true. But like some of those guys, even they are not even aware of the order of man.

01:09:00.020 Right. So I'm like, join this battle team. And they're like, who's Ryan Mickler? I'm like,

01:09:02.940 don't worry about it. But, but my point being is like, to your point, I had established

01:09:10.600 relationship and then what are those guys doing right now oh man we need to get so-and-so part

01:09:15.740 of this team we need to get so-and-so in the iron council right because they're seeing the value of

01:09:20.400 that structure absolutely i mean imagine like imagine being a really good football player

01:09:27.160 or just athlete in general and you're just naturally talented and gifted and then you go

01:09:33.280 play for you know bill belichick in his heyday with the patriots you're going to be even better

01:09:39.520 because of the systems and the structure and the support and the accountability and the guidance

01:09:44.840 and the coaching so yeah get involved if you want to magnify your results get involved and

01:09:51.600 people will say well what am i going to pay to to be part of a friend group that's you're not

01:09:57.100 paying to be friends you're investing in a system that improves your life and you're going to build

01:10:05.720 some friendships at while you're at it, but that's not what you're paying for. You're paying

01:10:10.860 for yourself to improve. And what is that worth? I don't know. It's worth more than you pay. I know

01:10:17.040 that if you put forth the investment in the, in the effort. All right, brother, appreciate you

01:10:21.460 guys. Um, thanks for the great questions today. We will be back next week until then go out there,

01:10:26.500 take action, become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:10:30.980 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:10:36.080 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - April 22, 2026

Date with Intention, Choose Your Wife Over Your Mom, and Get Into Your Kids' World ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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