00:00:48.900He's 10 and he's never really shot more than a little, you know, red rider BB gun and a
00:00:56.080a little 22 a bolt action 22 we have and a lever action henry 22 we have and then we have this
00:01:01.560little cool ruger 22 rifle with a um with uh oh hold on there's a bug on me man i felt a bug on0.74
00:01:10.160my elbow and i just flicked him off me holy shit that scared me um and it's got this little red0.63
00:01:17.800dot on it anyways he's only shot 22s but we went out there and we're shooting six five creed moors0.90
00:01:22.400and we're on the range and he's shooting it and i'm like dang he's getting it's suppressed which
00:01:27.680is nice because it cuts down on the noise and the violence and the in the recoil but we were
00:01:34.600long story short we were sitting in a box blind and i'm trying to keep him busy and entertained
00:01:43.960he's getting bored and he looks up he's like dad there's a pig and it was a big bore and it was
00:01:49.820about 120 yards 130 yards away and i said okay well like hold on just like we don't need to rush
00:01:56.180this pig's gonna be around for a minute like just breathe and so we're sitting there watching it
00:02:01.240and in my mind i'm like i don't know if he can make this shot you know it's 130 yard shot we0.99
00:02:06.860trained him to shoot him in the head i'm like i don't know if he can do it and he's like dad should0.98
00:02:11.240i do it now i'm like no just hold on like wait till he turns broadside you're gonna shoot him0.99
00:02:16.080right in the head, right where we told you behind the ear. And he's like, okay. He's like, now I'm0.99
00:02:20.380like, no, he's still moving. Just wait. And then the pig went behind this feeder and he, my youngest
00:02:27.900son's like frustrated. He's just like ready to go. He's like, okay, I'm going to do it in three
00:02:31.420seconds. I'm like, no, you can't even see him. Hold on. And, and he's like, okay. I said, wait
00:02:37.560for him to come out the other side. He will. And he did. The pig came out to the other side
00:02:40.840and he's facing us. And he's like, no, I'm like, no, wait till he turns broadside. He will. It's0.95
00:02:45.500okay breathe and finally the pig turned broadside and he's like are you ready dad I'm like I'm ready0.98
00:02:51.180when you're ready and I said just breathe and do it slow and he did and shot this pig and it0.95
00:02:58.180dropped right where it stood and just went stiff-legged legs straight in the air and I0.92
00:03:05.460I was so excited for him he ran up and he saw it and I mean he made the perfect headshot on the0.95
00:03:12.360six, five Creedmoor drilled this pig, dropped it where it stood. And it's the biggest pig0.99
00:03:17.320that I it's bigger than anything I've ever shot. Anything that my oldest, my oldest two boys have0.97
00:03:22.560shot. And so man, he was just on cloud nine. So he's, he's a hunter now he's officially a hunter.
00:03:28.900I love it. How long was that wait between him seeing it? And then you guys kind of waiting
00:03:34.100for the right shot. How long was that? It wasn't too long. I would say it's probably
00:03:38.660maybe four or five minutes you know if three to five minutes i felt like an hour to him oh for
00:03:45.160him he's like let's go already it might not even be it might have been closer to three minutes
00:03:50.020you know and i said just wait breathe through it and i've done this enough and kip you know you
00:03:54.340you went on a hunt with us your first bow hunt with us and have had success over the past couple
00:03:58.780years um yeah but i love taking new hunters out whether it's it's guys that have never been
00:04:06.460hunting before my own kids how there's just something amazing about it so it was a good
00:04:12.200weekend really good weekend but now i'm stressed out trying to get back on top of everything
00:04:15.740and then i leave you mean all those things sody what's that i was gonna say all those things that
00:04:22.120you need to do they just didn't disappear because you went on holiday and i thought all the all the0.69
00:04:27.380shit would take a break as i took a break but clearly that doesn't happen so here we are playing0.72
00:04:32.720catch up. So, but we'll get it all done. Yeah. And we got the forge event, like you said,0.97
00:04:37.180right. So we, uh, you know, we got a busy week. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be great. Yeah.
00:04:43.240Well, let's get into some questions today. I know we got some over on Facebook. I've got a few here
00:04:47.200that were posed to me. So I think we've got plenty of questions and hopefully we can give some guys
00:04:51.500some good answers today. Yeah, absolutely. And, uh, yes, these are, I don't know, there's some
00:04:57.420good questions in here. So Benjamin Williamson, new guy, actually, that just joined the Iron
00:05:04.000Council. So welcome, Benjamin. Welcome to the Brotherhood. He says, this question can apply
00:05:09.360to any of you. Was there ever a time when you were able to draw some connections between your
00:05:15.420initial resentment and anger towards your father and how that might be a negative impact your
00:05:21.920relationship with God or as your heavenly father in terms of intellectual skepticism or emotional
00:05:29.360or relational distance. My other question is about, oh, let's leave there. He has two questions.
00:05:35.500Maybe we answer both, but this correlation, right, between our maybe some father wounds and how that
00:05:42.020relates to our relationship with God. Yeah, I never really had the conversation about God
00:05:48.460with my father uh it's just not something that we talked about he wasn't in the home and yeah
00:05:54.840the other father figures that i had in my life weren't particularly spiritual or religious so
00:06:01.540these are just not conversations that i've had so i can't say that there's any sort of
00:06:07.440feeling that he did or did not have that influenced the way that i felt because it just wasn't
00:06:13.580something we addressed. And I think the lesson there is that even in the absence of conversations,
00:06:19.720that can be an impact in a young man's life. And I think about that with my own children,
00:06:25.140it would be much easier to avoid having certain conversations, whether it's drugs or religion or
00:06:31.220politics or sex or money. And there's plenty of young men who grew up without those conversations
00:06:37.260from who should be the most influential, influential person in their life. I never had
00:06:42.820that so there's nothing there for me so i can't really answer that question honestly other than
00:06:50.240to say make sure that your voice is the loudest voice in your children's head because if it's not
00:06:59.060you it's gonna be their school teacher or their buddies or that influencer or the pop star that0.98
00:07:07.160they heard say some dumb random shit about life that isn't going to serve them well it's got to0.98
00:07:13.420be your voice and the only way to do that is to be present mentally emotionally spiritually0.99
00:07:19.380physically and to get into their environment and world that's the only way it happens
00:07:25.640yeah i don't know if benjamin's well i'll give you another angle right for you benjamin as you
00:07:33.340um, as you're obviously considering this question, you know, it, it comes to one of my older
00:07:38.760brothers. He made this correlation for me. He helped me actually understand this. It was in
00:07:43.060my twenties and I was kind of, you know, early twenties. I was just kind of trying to establish
00:07:50.800a better relationship with, with God in my life. And my brother, Dustin noted this. He's like,
00:07:58.460well, Kip, this is, he says, I believe this is difficult for you because the idea of a heavenly
00:08:05.200father, right? Of a God, it's hard to feel what that looks like when you've had an absent
00:08:12.900relationship with your dad. But if you had a great loving relationship with your father,
00:08:19.540you can build on that, right? You can go, oh God, that's what God must feel like for me all the
00:08:26.400time or it's relatable, let me say it that way. And I do feel that I use that to, I think,
00:08:34.140understand my relationship with God better is by how I see my children and how I have some
00:08:39.920unconditional love for them, how I want what's best for them. And so now that I have that
00:08:44.680experience for myself, I do draw that connection of what that would be like for God. And so I have
00:08:54.720found that, that, that the absence or the lack of a strong relationship with my father has
00:09:00.040absolutely played a role in my relationship spiritually, um, with my God without a doubt.
00:09:07.420And I think actually, if I had a father that was more active in my life, that was expressive of
00:09:11.720love that I felt loved by, that would only help me in my relationship with the higher power.
00:09:17.400it's interesting because we are so influenced by the environments that we're immersed in
00:09:25.920that we don't even realize how immersed in it we are
00:09:31.520it's it's like telling a human to point to oxygen what do you mean it's literally everywhere how do
00:09:40.940i point to it or telling a fish to point to water like it just is it's in the entirety of our
00:09:47.000existence and i think we are very much the same way and our children are very much the same way
00:09:53.380those who grew up in a house of of love and care and consideration and kindness are so immersed in
00:10:02.540it that they don't even know how to point it out and the the opposite is also true there are
00:10:08.980children who are born and raised in environments of hate and hostility and violence and scarcity
00:10:14.580and fear that they don't understand a fish doesn't understand what it would be like to live
00:10:20.420in an environment of oxygen and we don't understand what it would be like to live
00:10:24.400in in the ocean it's just it's amazing to me how influenced we are by the environments that
00:10:32.900we find ourselves in, which just underscores the importance of putting ourselves in environments
00:10:39.080where our children can thrive. I even think about that this weekend. I've got videos and pictures,
00:10:44.600and I was there with outdoor field solution, outdoor solutions from field to table. And
00:10:50.620we were out with guides and we would get my, my youngest son and I, he's 10. My youngest son and
00:10:58.560I would get back at the end of the day. And he'd be like, dad, I really liked Ryan, who was one of
00:11:02.760our guides and then he'd come back and he's like i really liked wesley who's one of our guides
00:11:06.500and i really like jimmy who's one of our guides and i watched these guys interact with when my
00:11:12.140son shot that pig wesley rolled up because he was somewhere else he rolled up and he came over
00:11:18.080and he gave my son he doesn't even know my son he gave my son a big hug he's like dude i'm so proud0.99
00:11:22.740of you because 24 hours earlier he was working with him on how to make shots on the range
00:11:28.740and so my son is now was now for three and a half days immersed in this environment of hunters
00:11:36.200and good men and and men who are showing their skills and teaching their skills and cheering
00:11:43.180for each other and celebrating each other and laughing and doing all of these things that's
00:11:47.620an environment that i deliberately set up for my son and it isn't just me it's other men who i want
00:11:53.240in his life. Man, the importance of environments cannot be overstated.
00:12:01.900I love it. All right. Another question by Anthony M. Ott. He says, guys, long time listener,
00:12:09.420my question, a little bit of a long one, so I'm going to jump around a little bit here. He says,
00:12:13.840I grew up with a single mother household with my older sister. He's now on a grown adult with a
00:12:19.900wife and three kids. He says, we had a fallout during Easter with sentences emotionally charged
00:12:26.580pretty much insinuating how we need to be there for her, his mom, because of the stuff that she's
00:12:32.480going through, but in a much more polite way, but manipulative. I'm not tempted at all to feed into
00:12:39.760this dynamic, but I don't want to come across dismissive. How do I maintain autonomy to provide
00:12:45.660and preside for my family and prioritize them, but also give her the attention she wants without
00:12:52.300feeling like I'm feeding into an ancient role I was trained to fulfill, being emotionally
00:12:57.240responsible for her wellbeing. Thanks again for all that you guys do. Yeah. Yeah. I think I
00:13:04.120understand the essence of the question. You know, how do I, how do I honor and respect what she
00:13:08.660might want and need and desire from me as my mother? And how do I do that with some clearly
00:13:14.120established boundaries and rules for the way that i show up and maintain my own standard in life
00:13:19.400is is that yeah would you say that's accurate okay yeah the only thing i'd add is there's
00:13:24.960obviously some concerns around how it affects his family right um yeah how that's where the
00:13:31.860boundaries how it's affecting his wife and kids yeah yeah yeah we we train people how to treat us
00:13:39.200and if you and i don't i based on your question it doesn't sound like your mom's being
00:13:46.200being spirited or malicious or vindictive or anything like that it just sounds like there's
00:13:51.740a misalignment between what she might need or what maybe even the family perceives that she
00:13:56.020might need versus what you and your immediate family your wife and three kids need uh and
00:14:02.180And if you allow people to treat you in a way that does not align with your values, then that's your responsibility. It's not theirs. And if you do one of two things, if you either get combative and start to argue and fight and that sort of thing, it's not going to go over well.
00:14:23.060if you ignore it and you don't address it and bring it up it's not going to go well because
00:14:28.680they don't know how to act you know again i'm going back to this experience i had with my son
00:14:35.020there was some moments where he was really good there was some moments where i'm like hey we don't
00:14:38.680that's not how we behave because of x y and z so here's the better way to show up because he's a
00:14:44.760kid well we have to do the same thing with adults kip if you if you jumped on the phone with me you
00:14:51.920let's say you called me this afternoon and you began to disrespect me in some way maybe you
00:14:58.220made some personal uh insults maybe you got loud maybe you got offensive towards me i would stop
00:15:06.820you in your tracks and i'd say hey hey hey hold on a second if we're going to continue this
00:15:12.380conversation this is how you will address me and if you can't do that then i'm not having this
00:15:20.420conversation so the ball's in your court but that's my boundary and then you can either decide
00:15:26.680okay well if i want to have this conversation with ryan i'm gonna have to do it within these
00:15:31.160parameters otherwise he's just not going to have the conversation and that is the most manly thing
00:15:38.700that you can do in these situations and so when it comes to your mother and potentially siblings
00:15:45.480and aunts and uncles and things like that you need to let them know hey i love my mom here's
00:15:52.440how i can show up here's how i commit to showing up but i will not be doing x y and z i can explain
00:15:59.960that to you if you want if not that's okay too but i have my family that i need to take care of
00:16:06.480and so this is the way that we'll be showing up for my mother you can take it or leave it
00:16:11.340I don't care, but this is how I'll be showing up. And then I would also talk with your wife and your
00:16:17.500three kids. And I would say to them, Hey guys, like, how should we show up for grandma? You know,
00:16:23.640what are the things that we can do? What are the things that we won't be able to do?
00:16:27.700And here's why I think we should do this. And here's why I don't think we should do this.
00:16:31.700But at the end of the day, your wife and kids matter more than your mom. And I know that might
00:16:40.520sound really harsh. And I know there's a lot of people that say that maybe that shouldn't be the
00:16:45.360case, but there's a scripture that says that you ought to cling to your wife where two people
00:16:50.460become one and she should be the most important person in your life. You leave the mother and you
00:16:57.120go partner and pair with your wife. Your wife is the most important person in your life, not your0.97
00:17:03.960kids, not your mom, not your friends. It's your wife. So you better honor that as a priority
00:17:10.200and also teach her how you are to be treated. You know, and I can't help but imagine that
00:17:19.120having that conversation, if done appropriately with respect, that most moms would be a little0.75
00:17:26.500and then would have a huge amount of respect for you, for you showing up that way for your wife
00:17:34.840and kids. She would be proud. I mean, yeah, I've done, I've done something similar to this where
00:17:40.080there's a little bit of family drama and I called out some people that I was confident they were
00:17:47.120going to be very upset with me. Um, and they actually reached out to me later and said,
00:17:55.060that's how a great husband should act yes right and it was fascinating right because i thought oh
00:18:02.120i i didn't think that would have happened but but i think your mom would even see it as is you doing
00:18:08.220your duty right and you being a great husband and a good father even though it may not serve her
00:18:13.300right so i i think there's an element there ryan let me ask you something real quick on that cap
00:18:18.240and then i want to hear what you had to say so decades ago i'm old enough now where i don't say
00:18:24.280years ago anymore i say decades ago you bunch him into of the batches of 10 years at a time
00:18:31.180so decades ago when on my on my wedding weekend uh my mom came to see me get married of course
00:18:42.020as as she should and she was acting really weird she wasn't being inappropriate but she was being
00:18:49.360whiny and complainy and clingy and just really inappropriate and i love my mom to death
00:18:56.400and it's completely opposite of how i've ever known her to behave at the time and i remember
00:19:03.100going on a walk with her it was a day maybe or two before my wedding and i went on a walk with
00:19:08.060her i said hey mom come go for a walk and she said yeah so we went for a walk and i said what
00:19:12.520the hell is going on with you yeah and she's like what do you mean i'm like you are being0.81
00:19:18.760in some ways like really inappropriate you're being whiny you're moping around you're you're0.89
00:19:26.340being weird you're bringing a weird energy to the environment and i don't i don't appreciate it
00:19:32.020and i don't know what's going on like i just want to know what's up it's like i don't know like
00:19:37.120you're my son my oldest son you're getting married and i feel like i'm losing you to
00:19:41.440to your wife your soon-to-be wife and i just i don't it's just hard i'm like look
00:19:46.000I understand all that I really do I get all that and and I can see why that would be a fear for you
00:19:53.500and I can see why you'd be concerned your little boy is getting married and I'm not going anywhere
00:20:00.040like the dynamic might shift a little bit but I'm not going anywhere like I'm still your boy like
00:20:04.520I'm still your son I still love you but you will not do this this weekend this is my weekend and
00:20:13.280this is her weekend and you will get over yourself long enough to be able to get through
00:20:20.040to be able to be moody next week whatever you need to get through but this weekend is not for you
00:20:27.280and you know what that was really hard to say to my mom but she was like you know what you're right
00:20:36.580this isn't about me i can do that and the rest of the weekend went great it was amazing it was
00:20:41.820beautiful yeah but that's my job as a man she needed to be led in that moment and i needed to
00:20:50.220lead and it was the right thing to do for her it was the right thing to do for me it was the right
00:20:54.660way to respect my soon-to-be wife to clear things up to lead to be assertive to communicate
00:21:00.580effectively and that's what's expected of you as a man it's as simple as that i just and i love the
00:21:07.380fact that instead of just going hard, like, uh, this is not your weekend. It's like, well,
00:21:12.640what's going on to understand, you know, how, uh, how do I mitigate, you know, your concerns or
00:21:19.000what, you know, you, you, you got curious around what was, what she was dealing with. And, and I'm
00:21:25.560sure that your comments and suggestions to her not only reset kind of the boundary of how she
00:21:31.820needs to act, but also address some of her concerns of like, Hey, you know, I'm not going
00:21:36.700abandon you. There's some humanity in that. So I actually really appreciate that. That's a great
00:21:42.140story. I don't even remember what else I was going to say, to be honest with you, now that
00:21:46.620I think about it. I don't know. Your comment was so good, man. It was just so profound.
00:21:50.660Might as well move on. Yeah. All right. Jay Wayne. Actually, sorry, I'm all over the place now. See,
00:22:01.260y'all messed me up here yeah yeah jane way jay wayne uh in dire straits who are your three people
00:22:08.740you call up to circle the wagons you got their back and they all would cooperate with each other
00:22:15.920as well this one's hard because if i leave somebody out i'm like i didn't make the top
00:22:22.660three yeah yeah maybe maybe well and and let's be honest like that's not that valuable right we we
00:22:29.160throw out three names and, and great. Everyone sits back and goes, awesome. They have a guy,
00:22:33.560right? So what's add to Jay's question, if you don't mind of like, um, how, what kind of
00:22:40.900relationship and what have you done to form that type of relationship with those three people?
00:22:45.820Right. And, um, I don't know, like maybe some tactics of, of having those types of people in
00:22:51.920your life. Well, I have the three, I know who the three are, so I can, I can say who they are and I
00:22:58.220should because i should honor them actually um and then i can also talk about what makes it those
00:23:03.380three which as i as i think about it all three have there's there's some striking similarities
00:23:12.500between the relationship i have with all three which is kind of interesting as i think about it
00:23:17.100so number one it would be you so you're you would you be one of those three it'd be jay gerdulo who
00:23:26.300obviously you have you know and have a good relationship with and then it would be larry
00:23:29.900hagner who a lot of guys know the dad edge like it'd be those it'd be those three people
00:23:33.980um i have some more to say but what were you gonna you were gonna ask something
00:23:39.280does the three change for you depending on the scenario that's a good question i i guess probably
00:23:46.980like if it was something personally related i would call you three if it was something
00:23:52.660professionally related i might be more inclined to call larry right off hand because he's in a
00:23:58.820similar space um if it was something that didn't have any sort of personal relevance i might call
00:24:06.360somebody completely different you know if i if i needed help with social media for example
00:24:12.580uh well one guy who comes to mind is connor beaton with man talk so connor and i actually
00:24:17.680have a coaching call in in may uh and i wouldn't call him on a personal basis if i was personally
00:24:25.680struggling with something he wouldn't be my top three although we're friends but professionally
00:24:29.980based on what i would need or need some help with then he would be somebody i would call
00:24:34.260bedros coolian is another one who i would call on a professional basis even personally i would
00:24:40.400talk with him personally i have shared personal things with him um so yeah i guess it would it
00:24:47.080would change. If there was some acute issue that I was dealing with, I'd be a little bit more
00:24:52.300selective with who I would choose, but broadly and generally, I would say it would be one of
00:24:56.380those three men. Got it. Got it. Okay. So back to the other part you're going to share about,
00:25:01.840I don't know, like why those three, or maybe like, what have you done to formulate that or
00:25:07.300to create that for yourself? Yeah. So just broadly two things. I have shared some really
00:25:16.020sensitive information with you and Jay and Larry information that I would not want other people to
00:25:22.760know like I just would not want other people to know and that's part of it the fact that I have
00:25:32.160a level of trust explaining things to you guys that I would just not want anybody else to know
00:25:37.900and if you don't have that level of trust with a person then that is a problem and you've got
00:25:43.940to figure out a way to develop and build trust with that person which leads to point number two
00:25:48.360i know you guys and you have shared information with me that probably wouldn't be flattering for
00:25:53.800you yeah and it's a two-way street the trust right and so that information stays with me
00:26:00.220and i've earned that trust and you've earned that trust and larry and jay have earned that trust and
00:26:04.380i've earned that trust with them when i say i'll do things i do things when they say they'll do
00:26:08.600things they do things when i call them even if they don't answer immediately they get back with
00:26:13.480me when they call me even if i don't answer immediately i get back with them i know your
00:26:18.280families i know less so with jay and even less with with larry just because of of the regional
00:26:27.640geographic yeah yeah right but with you i mean we've broken bread together as family and we've
00:26:33.720played together we've gone to the lake together and you've invited us to your place and like we've
00:26:38.060done things together. But I also think it takes a level of going first. Leaders go first. How can
00:26:53.080you lead if you're not out front? You can't. I don't think you can. You have to be out front
00:27:00.940in some ways. And so it's scary and it's risky and it's challenging, but leaders go first.
00:27:05.720and that means that if you're having a hard time it's probably going to take you going first and
00:27:13.340telling your buddy that hey man i'm having a hard time with something can you help me work through
00:27:17.060some issues and they will they absolutely will but it's scary and so i remember when i was going
00:27:22.600through when my ex-wife told me she wanted a divorce i called all three of you and i told you
00:27:28.160exactly what was going on and i explained it and i explained what i my culpability in it
00:27:34.800Um, and it wasn't flattering and it wasn't pretty, but it took me going first to build
00:27:41.360that deep connection that we now have over the past, well, Kip, for you and I probably
00:27:45.780eight or nine years at this point, nine years, I think maybe even 10 decades at this point.
00:27:52.340Um, and same thing with Jay, like I've known Jay just as long.
00:27:55.840I've known Larry just as long, maybe even a little longer with Larry, but yeah, it takes
00:28:00.160well and it's what's fascinating i love that you said lead first absolutely true
00:28:06.260and that it allows it creates safety for those people to open up
00:28:12.220so if if our relationship is somewhat superficial and you reach out and you kind of open up a little
00:28:21.060bit and say hey kip you know i'm dealing with this i hang up the phone going oh now ryan's
00:28:27.100a person that I can go to. Yeah. Right. Because, because you extended trust to me. So it's really
00:28:33.460fascinating. I, at least in the corporate environment, I don't know if I deal, I agree
00:28:37.540with this. I'm going to go on a riff a little bit, but you hear this all the time. It's like,
00:28:40.860you know, people need to earn your trust and I disagree kind of right. Like I'm like, um,
00:28:46.400actually you can extend trust and try it out. Yeah. But sometimes if you're sitting back and
00:28:52.500going, you know, I need proof. Well, that's not leading either. That's sitting back and waiting
00:28:58.120for someone else to show you something, validate it. You know, I'm not saying you have to put
00:29:03.120everything out there. You know what I mean? To all people all the time, but like, I don't know,
00:29:08.200you need to be taking the step into fostering that type of trust in a relationship. And,
00:29:13.400and it's fascinating how much trust we get when we ask for, for help, not the other way around
00:29:21.840that I establish trust with you by reaching out to you and saying, Hey, Ryan, can I get your help?
00:29:27.320I need some help with things that allows you to trust me more, which is fascinating to me.
00:29:32.880Do you, there's a story of, of Benjamin Franklin and he, there was people that he didn't like
00:29:41.060and that they didn't like him. And he was committed to figuring out how can I build
00:29:48.580trust and credibility with this person. And do you know what he did? Have you heard the story?
00:29:53.040Do you know what he did? Yeah, I've heard the story. Yeah. He asked them for help
00:29:56.800is what his approach was. Yeah. He would borrow books. That's right. That's what it was. So he
00:30:04.040would reach out to this individual and he'd say, Hey, can I borrow? I know you have this book. Can
00:30:07.760I borrow this book? I've been interested in, interested in reading it. I'd like to read this
00:30:11.080book. And can I borrow it from you? And the person, because most people are kind-hearted
00:30:16.700would say okay maybe feel weird but like okay like they're not going to reject it and so they
00:30:21.500lend the book and then he would read the book and he would give it back and he would give it back
00:30:24.620with personal notes and he he would share what he learned about the book and thank them and
00:30:29.080automatically it built a level of rapport and connection and trust with the person because he
00:30:33.280asked for help it's so what it's fascinating to me you know what's funny is as you were saying
00:30:38.480this i i thought when you were talking about me reaching out to you with some of my personal
00:30:43.340issues, you felt like you could then connect with me. And I thought, well, I have dirt on him now,
00:30:49.160so I can share my dirt because if I share my dirt, I'm going to share his dirt.
00:30:55.400Which is probably true, but that's not what my mind was. No, I know. But I, but I think there
00:31:01.240is to your point, I think there is this opportunity to say, Hey, let's see how this person handles this
00:31:05.940information let's see if they treat what i share with them gently and and with a level of of respect
00:31:14.360and reverence and so we don't blab our our all of our dirt we don't we don't open ourselves up
00:31:21.720completely but we say hey let's let's experiment here let me give you this and see how you deal
00:31:27.300with this and if they handle it with care then okay i can give this person a little bit more
00:31:34.340And by the way, this isn't just platonic friendships. This is romantic relationships, right? If you're, if you're courting a woman or if you're, you're married, then you just share something about yourself that isn't necessarily flattering, but isn't going to be catastrophic either and see how they handle it.
00:31:52.740you can tell pretty quickly, Hey, that person's not interested or they're flippant with what I
00:31:58.760just shared, or they're going deep with me. And that's a person that maybe ought to
00:32:03.920be a little bit bigger part of your life again, platonically or even romantically.
00:32:10.280Yeah. Yeah. And I love, I just love what happens to people when they serve others. And, and I wish
00:32:18.520i could reference this but there's there's evidence of this from studies that i've read
00:32:23.700around the psychology of what happens and when you serve people um what's the what's the chemical
00:32:31.280reaction that that generates connection and affection and love for people do you remember
00:32:36.500um it's it's not dopamine it it's not oxytocin oxytocin it might be i'll look it might be
00:32:45.860oxytocin. But regardless, that gets released when you are helping people. And so when we create
00:32:53.560these opportunities for people to serve us, it's good for the relationship. And in most cases,
00:33:00.420we kind of treat it as like, well, I don't want to burden Ryan. I don't want to burden my friends
00:33:06.140with this thing. No, you're robbing them from the opportunity of fostering a stronger relationship
00:33:11.120with you, you know, so don't, don't look at, you know, seeking advice and counsel from others as
00:33:17.300some negative thing to the relationship. If anything, it will be positive. Yeah. So I just
00:33:22.080pulled this up. It says, this is on chat GPT. It says the primary chemical, uh, primary chemical
00:33:27.940most associated with building relationships is oxytocin. So we got that right. Uh, people often
00:33:33.480call it the bonding hormone or the love hormone. It's released in situations like physical touch,
00:33:40.400which could be hugging handshakes sex eye contact and meaningful conversation which is what we're
00:33:47.160talking about here here's the big one acts of trust generosity and connection and even shared
00:33:53.820hardship or teamwork so this is why you see people who are going well you know this got me thinking
00:34:01.000about a movie that i love that i watched when i was a kid which was speed right sandra bullock and
00:34:06.200keanu reeves and the the joke about it was you know relationships built in hardship are you know
00:34:14.560whatever i can't exactly remember but that's the reality is like sandra bullock's character and
00:34:20.420keanu reeves's character were in this hardship together and that released oxytocin which was
00:34:27.040the bonding hormone so it may not last but that hormone is very powerful and it says this when
00:34:33.440oxytocin is released it increases feelings of trust lowers fear and defensiveness
00:34:41.280strengthens emotional bonding and reinforces connection with the person you're interacting
00:34:47.660with it also talks about dopamine as the reward and excitement hormone serotonin as the mood
00:34:56.260stability and well-being hormone and then endorphins comfort and long-term bonding
00:35:00.220but oxytocin is the primary chemical yeah yeah see we know what we're talking about we do a little
00:35:07.720bit sometimes yeah there's some good stuff in there yeah all right all right uh jeremy pragu
00:35:14.320i have a question and would like to get your opinion i i read this earlier there's not really
00:35:19.180a question in here okay he like gives us a statement so we'll have to riff a little bit
00:35:24.200okay even though he says i have a question just reflect your voice a little higher at the end
00:35:28.860other than it sounds like a question. Okay. Let me, let me give it that a try. I'll try this.
00:35:33.060Okay. Uh, I'm a tire guy. I have been my whole life doing large tires on head on a tire guy,
00:35:39.400like doing tire repairs, probably on heavy equipment. My last job, I worked in 11 to 14
00:35:46.240hours a day, six days a week, and at least two hours of commuting. I just took a new job, um,
00:35:53.400in Alaska. It's three weeks on and three weeks off. I have a lot more time with the wife and
00:35:58.520kids when I'm home, but when I leave, all of the house responsibilities fall into my wife0.94
00:36:04.480for three weeks at a time. And also, just as you know, my kids are ages 17 and 19.
00:36:12.240Okay. I didn't fluctuate very good. You said 17 and 19? And I'm like, wait, are you questioning
00:36:22.460their ages? No, they're not 17 and 19. Yeah. I didn't know where to fluctuate. I mean, I,
00:36:26.980obviously he doesn't feel good about leaving his wife with the responsibilities for yeah
00:36:30.980i mean clearly right like he's like how do what he's asking i think is how do i help my wife
00:36:38.260even though i might not be there for three weeks yeah yeah yeah yeah i like that so what i would
00:36:45.740say is you're 17 and you're 19 did he say sons daughters did he did he clarify
00:36:50.020nope no okay 17 19 no genders they're adults so they can help so if they're gonna still live at
00:36:59.260home and they're gonna be there which it sounds like they are then what i would say is to train
00:37:06.920them if you haven't already to begin to train them to help out around the house you know maybe
00:37:13.800they're not gonna cook or do some of those duties that she handles whatever those duties might be0.98
00:37:18.400but can they change the oil in the car? Probably because you're a tire guy. So I'm sure you're0.98
00:37:24.560also a mechanic and you can teach them how to take care of vehicle maintenance. Can they do
00:37:30.560basic replay repairs around the house, like plumbing and electrical? Can they, are they
00:37:36.860working? And if they're working, can they contribute financially to the groceries? I mean,
00:37:40.900your 19 year old should. I just had a conversation with my son, uh, several weeks ago, my oldest son,
00:37:46.680who's who's already turned 18 and he'll be graduating this year and i said hey if you're
00:37:50.880going to if you're going to school and i and i did preface with this caveat if you're going to
00:37:56.820school and pursuing a meaningful degree not like some liberal arts degree or something
00:38:02.260like or to go teach people how to teach like that's not a thing but if you're actually going
00:38:09.540to school to pursue a career that requires a degree or you're working on your career training
00:38:19.500he might go into firefighting so if he's in the academy then you can stay i would love to have
00:38:25.280you stay at my house full time now there's going to be duties and responsibilities and there's
00:38:32.540going to be a minor financial contribution i'm not feeding you you're an adult now so you're
00:38:37.340going to feed yourself. And so you're going to contribute money to pay for groceries. You're
00:38:42.620going to help cover the cost. It's going to be minor, but help cover the cost of some of the
00:38:47.500housing because I want you to learn how to do that. But you can be here, but you're also going
00:38:54.140to contribute. And I think you can teach your 17 and your 19 year old to contribute in meaningful
00:38:58.980and significant ways and hold them accountable to doing that while you're gone. I don't think
00:39:04.120that's too much to ask. And especially at that age, I'm kind of like, I don't know, like giving
00:39:11.880your responsibilities, your wife at kids at that age. I mean, you're not, there's not much
00:39:16.500responsibility happening for the 17 and 19 year old kids. It's not like you have a bunch of little
00:39:21.280kids at home and she's like overran with them. She's almost an empty nester while you're gone0.81
00:39:26.580for three months with the, with that age, at least in my opinion, but maybe I checked out,
00:39:30.620you know, with my kids when they're that age, but, and I don't know the dynamic, but they're
00:39:35.080adults. I mean, even the 17 year old is almost an adult. So yeah, I would say that I would also
00:39:40.280just ask her. I think it's as simple as that. Hey, babe, like I feel really guilty when I'm
00:39:45.800gone. I know I've been here more than I have in the past. I'm really grateful for that. But when
00:39:49.180I'm gone, it weighs heavy on my mind that I'm not there to help you take care of things around the
00:39:53.420house. What would be some good ways for me to ensure that things are taken care of? And she
00:40:00.220might say you know what i just want to make sure the mortgage is paid and i want the finances to
00:40:05.840be handled and um if i have an issue maybe i'll just offload that to you so you can call and get
00:40:12.720the plumber scheduled or the the lawn mode while we're away and so maybe you do maybe you hire
00:40:20.880somebody to come mow the lawn when you're gone maybe you have maybe you hire somebody to come
00:40:26.960clean the house once a week. I have, I have a home cleaner who comes in twice a month and she0.99
00:40:35.660comes in and she'll do dishes and she'll vacuum everything and she'll clean up the space and1.00
00:40:42.340she'll clean the bathrooms. I don't, I don't want to do that. So she comes and does that twice a
00:40:47.780month. You can do that. You can hire somebody to do that. You have to be careful with women on that
00:40:51.920one because sometimes they feel like you're undermining what they should be doing. I know a1.00
00:40:56.600lot of housewives and homemakers feel inferior if they have a house cleaner or a homemade um but1.00
00:41:03.540just communicate that with her but there's ways that you can take care of those things even if1.00
00:41:08.680it's financially so that that offloads some of her responsibility while you're gone that's what
00:41:13.600i would yeah and i would get connected also even to the emotional state right like how are we doing
00:41:19.320when I'm gone for four months? How are you feeling? Right. Are, do you feel like you're
00:41:26.180abandoned? Are you feeling lonely? You know what I mean? How do we get moved beyond that? Could we
00:41:31.400do phone calls? Right. Because he's very much tactical right now. Right. I'll do, you know,
00:41:35.880what needs to be taken care of? Well, make sure that you're also addressing how she's feeling
00:41:40.020about it. Right. And mitigate some of those concerns that she might have even from an
00:41:43.940emotional perspective. Yeah, that's a good call. I mean, you could even do like a virtual date
00:41:48.080night it's like hey every thursday is date night and we do facetime and eat dinner together i was
00:41:55.160gonna say i would take it with reverence not like hey i'm gonna sit on the couch in my pajamas while
00:41:59.240you do the same thing it's like no we're gonna we're gonna eat dinner together and have a
00:42:03.120conversation or i don't i'm trying to think a little bit outside of the box but it's like
00:42:08.760no you're gonna go to a restaurant and i'm gonna go to a restaurant and we're gonna we're gonna
00:42:13.420eat mexican tonight together on the phone yeah it might sound silly yeah right that's what i think
00:42:20.720like it might sound silly but like what if you went to a mexican food place your favorite food
00:42:26.240place and you just got on a facetime and you're like you ordered chips and salsa she ordered chips
00:42:31.080and salsa and you guys are having chips and salsa together kind of and then you asked her what she's
00:42:36.120going to order or you let her order for you or and you order for her like make you can make things
00:42:40.780fun you can be creative yeah i mean you could even you could even like turn the phone around
00:42:46.620to the server i know this sounds silly but i trust me guys she trust me she will love this
00:42:53.180and you turn the you turn the phone around and you let her order for you with the waiter
00:42:58.100and then you order for her with her waiter like i think something like that would be i think you
00:43:04.560guys could have a ton of fun with things like that yeah yeah i totally totally agree all right
00:43:10.500what questions do you have? Okay. So, all right, let me pull my questions up here. All right. So,
00:43:17.080oh, where are they? I would love to pull them up, but I don't know where they are.
00:43:23.680I thought I had them pulled up. Stand by. We'll get it. Technology is so amazing
00:43:30.920and so horrible at the same time. All right, here we go. I got them.
00:43:36.580all right this one's kind of funny so this one's from daniel harper he says i caught myself
00:43:42.360exaggerating a story in front of other men to sound more impressive i mean who hasn't done that
00:43:48.440i love that he's admitted it yeah we all do it we won't tell anybody but uh he also said he saw
00:43:55.160it land with him so he kind of kept going it sounds like they bought it and that bothered me
00:44:01.300more than anything else and then this is what he this is his question he says how do i kill
00:44:05.820the need for validation when it actually works out in your favor and it does it does work out
00:44:14.480in your favor you know what um here's how i answer that question i have found that people
00:44:21.980relate more deeply when you communicate your inadequacies over exaggerating how great and
00:44:33.820wonderful you are it's just universally true so if you're going to exaggerate a story
00:44:41.820i'd have you test this theory instead of exaggerating how good you are
00:44:48.660talk about why you're a screw-up talk about where you messed up self-deprecating humor
00:44:55.420not to the point where you undermine like undermine yourself but just poke at yourself
00:45:01.960a little bit and instead of telling the person how you caught that huge fish talk about how
00:45:11.020you weren't paying attention and the fish actually took the pole and you lost not only the fish but
00:45:18.700your fishing pole because now it's in the middle of the lake somewhere and see just see just test
00:45:25.220this with me. Just see if they relate more with the inadequacies or the embellishments.
00:45:32.660And I think it'll be the former. Yeah. I totally agree. In fact, I, I usually double down on the
00:45:40.720embarrassing things. I think they get more of a laugh anyway than, than the great stories.
00:45:47.460it's just more relatable it's just people i could go anywhere for any story that i want
00:45:55.900i i can find people bragging and exaggerating and embellishing their stories and
00:46:01.480what you can't find is somebody who's honest and humble and willing to laugh at themselves a
00:46:09.480little bit you know what this reminds me of uh jesse itzler um it was hilarious it was probably
00:46:16.240a couple of months ago and he had a post on social media and it's him taking a picture with
00:46:22.260this couple outside of a convention hall where he was like a keynote speaker and he's taking a
00:46:28.160picture with this couple and he goes, and then in the description, he says, this couple asked me to
00:46:33.600take a picture. He's like, I assume that they were wanting to take a picture with me. He was like,
00:46:42.520they were asking me to take a picture of them and he just injected himself into the picture
00:46:47.240and then they ended up having a conversation about who he was and they had no idea who he was
00:46:52.640i'm like that's so funny it's hilarious that's hilarious actually jesse's a good example so i
00:46:59.360did a podcast with jesse in atlanta and i don't i mean i think he's a billion him and his wife are
00:47:05.500billionaires they're a billionaires at this point individually by the way like he's a billionaire
00:47:11.080and she's a billionaire individually isn't she like the founder of spanks or something or whatever
00:47:17.420that like exercise clothing for women yeah anyways yeah they're both billionaires individually
00:47:22.880and i went to their home and it's this it's unbelievable he's got like a treehouse forest
00:47:30.660and he's got a basketball court in his basement and the guy is just humble and he's a little bit0.53
00:47:38.280goofy right he's a goofy guy yeah and he's silly and goofy and funny and he's lanky and kind of
00:47:45.100weird and quirky but he's but he's humble he he laughs at himself he jokes about it he talks0.93
00:47:54.140about his inadequacies and yet he's hyper hyper successful not only in the realm of finances
00:47:59.900and career but his his kids and his wife the beautiful family i mean that's a great example
00:48:05.880right there. I'm glad you pulled him up. It's a great example. Yeah. Super funny. So how let's
00:48:11.640assume though, that the validation is too much, right? Like it's, um, we just find ourselves
00:48:19.180seeking validation for other people back to his question. Yeah. Um, how do we make that less
00:48:25.660important if it's, if it's driving our behavior too much? I would say that if you're seeking
00:48:30.920validation from others, it's because you haven't learned to validate yourself. And I recorded a
00:48:35.740video i haven't posted it yet but i recorded a video just yesterday and i said something to the
00:48:39.980effect that after being on this planet for nearly 50 years at this point that the the only thing
00:48:47.900that matters is to make yourself and your creator proud and that's it that's all that's it if you
00:48:57.040can if you can make yourself proud today and you can make him proud because you honored and respected
00:49:04.980the gifts that he bestowed you with, then you win. And everybody else around you wins. So how do you
00:49:10.760make yourself proud? You get up when your alarm goes off. You don't hit snooze or sleep in, you get
00:49:16.720right up. You go hit the workout that you said you were going to hit. You go make the sales calls
00:49:22.580that you said and committed to making. You respect your wife and you take her out. If you said, hey,0.97
00:49:28.960I'll make you dinner tonight, then you make her dinner tonight. If you told your kids that you'll
00:49:32.940play catch with them after work then you play catch with them after work if you told your boss
00:49:37.560you'll hit that deadline you hit the deadline if you committed to go change the oil in your truck
00:49:42.720you change the oil in your truck all the things that you said you were going to do even if you
00:49:47.100didn't write them down you just said them in your mind then if you do those things you will be
00:49:51.460honoring and respecting yourself and when you can do that then you can look yourself
00:49:57.880right in the eye and know that that's all that matters. And everybody else will be served by
00:50:05.620that, by the way. So it's not being selfish. It's actually a really powerful alignment between how
00:50:12.040you show up and the way other people need you to show up. And then if you use the God-given
00:50:18.440talents and gifts and abilities that are innate within you to improve your life and the lives of
00:50:23.680others then you will be making him proud and you will not be squandering what he's given you
00:50:29.200if you can do those two things you don't need anybody else to tell you how great and wonderful
00:50:34.620you are you already know you don't need to win people over through your stories because
00:50:40.280it doesn't matter it's as simple as that a lot of work a lot of effort but it is simple
00:50:47.100make yourself and him proud yeah love it all right number next one um
00:50:54.400so this comes from chris vaughn uh he said my seven-year-old son watched me get disrespected
00:51:02.080by another man in public and i didn't escalate it he says i kept calm and walked away and now
00:51:08.760i'm questioning if i showed strength or weakness what should a man model in that moment that's
00:51:15.880interesting because i actually had an experience this last weekend with that and i won't share all
00:51:23.080of the details because the person i got into it a little bit with i actually respect but this
00:51:28.800individual disrespected me and i called him on it right then and there because i will not be
00:51:36.940disrespected by anybody now i don't know the circumstances here if it was a person a
00:51:45.640stranger i mean i've had all sorts of scenarios i walked into a an archery shop one time and the guy
00:51:52.480the guy there the owner of the archery shop was so disrespectful to me in front of my son my oldest
00:51:58.820son he was probably 11 or 12 at the time so disrespectful and i didn't say anything to the
00:52:06.000guy i was like okay and i left but here's what makes it important is did you communicate it
00:52:14.240effectively with your son or your daughter that's what you need to do because they understand right
00:52:22.560because if they don't know then they're going to start filling in the blanks and the assumptions
00:52:25.560aren't going to be great and so okay so what a stranger said something to you in public
00:52:31.260did you does that warrant a response maybe not necessarily probably in most situations it doesn't
00:52:38.520because why? And then what you do is you explain to your son, Hey, look, people are going to
00:52:44.280disrespect, disrespect you. People are going to say rude things. People are going to say mean
00:52:47.780things. We don't need to respond to everything. This is how a man handles himself. That's the
00:52:51.900disconnect. Did you explain it to him? So when I walked out of that archery shop, I asked my oldest
00:52:59.400son, I said, Hey bud, how did you feel about that? He's like, that guy was rude. And I said, yeah,
00:53:05.200he was. He was rude. And how do you think we handled it? He's like, I guess we handled it
00:53:10.520well. We just went well, went somewhere else. I said, yeah, exactly right. We just go somewhere
00:53:14.040else. We take our business somewhere else. He's welcome to feel that way. He's welcome to be rude
00:53:19.400as long as it doesn't infringe on me personally. He can be rude. He can say what he wants to say.
00:53:24.140Not everything warrants a response or here's a response by us deciding to walk away. By the way,
00:53:31.900that's a response because he said i didn't escalate it what did you need to escalate it
00:53:39.520in a negative direction right like did was it a was it a threat okay so kip let's say you and i
00:53:45.120are out we don't know each other and we're out in public and i'm at a restaurant and you butt in
00:53:50.620front of me in line and i'm like oh excuse me sir like we're here in line and you're like i don't
00:53:55.020care. I'm doing it anyways. It's like, do I need to fight with you over that? Yeah. Or could I just
00:54:04.480assume that, you know, Hey, I could say something as simple as this. Hey, you know what? Like maybe
00:54:09.280you've got places to be and you're busy. And so like, whatever, man, that's fine. Cool. If that's
00:54:14.940what you need to do, good. I don't care. Do I need to get into a fight and an altercation over
00:54:20.700that? Well, and if you did, it's like, what are you teaching your kid? Hey, if anyone ever
00:54:25.620bruises your ego, go to violence. Yeah. Right. Right. Or, or tit for tat. And then, you know,0.82
00:54:34.060make fun of them and cause more drama. Like when has that ever worked in a positive way? Never.
00:54:41.880Right. So why would you want to teach that? Right. But to your point, you got to communicate it too,
00:54:46.180right because social media well and and maybe even the kid might be filling his ego and felt
00:54:52.440man i felt like you should have hit him or you should have pushed him or you should have done
00:54:58.360something and if you don't explain why that's inappropriate now he's going to put the label
00:55:03.200on that action as oh dad's a coward or you know dad didn't stand up for himself or whatever right
00:55:08.620so to your point that the context of that conversation with your kid is critical right
00:55:13.220i i think there's another element here and i don't i don't know with chris i don't i don't0.96
00:55:17.920know a situation but i i present myself as someone not to be fucked with in in public
00:55:24.800yeah because i don't want people messing with me or the people with me totally and and i've had0.73
00:55:33.320i've had i've had people laugh at me about it my ex-wife would often joke she's like why do you
00:55:40.020walk around like that in public i'm like what do you mean she's like you walk around like a gorilla
00:55:43.840and i said you know what you better be grateful and thankful for the way that i walk around because
00:55:49.460have you and i ever been messed with in public she's like no i'm like then probably don't
00:55:54.320complain about that and we were joking like we we weren't arguing we were joking about it
00:55:59.580but yeah i present myself as someone not to be messed with and this situation that i had
00:56:06.760over the weekend disrespectful the tone was disrespectful so I came back Adam and I said
00:56:13.980no we're not doing that this is how you will be treating me I don't I don't care about anything
00:56:22.460else I don't care about the situation this is how we'll be treated and he didn't say another word
00:56:28.440and I turned to my son who's 10 and I said hey you don't ever let somebody disrespect you like
00:56:35.560that without saying something. You don't need to escalate it, but nobody treats you like that
00:56:42.520out loud. If somebody has an issue, they can bring something up, but this is how we handle
00:56:47.660ourselves. You just have to have the conversations and you have to explain it. But yeah, walking
00:56:54.400away is not cowardly i think he says did i show strength or weakness i don't know you have to
00:57:05.900answer that question for yourself but if it's not a threat to you or yours then i would say it's
00:57:13.040probably not weakness it's probably a strength to walk away now if it's a threat that's a different
00:57:19.300conversation. Yeah. Well, and it's interesting. This would, this would be a fun, I don't know,
00:57:24.560like I'm now thinking about this is, this would be a fun thing to deep dive into is where weakness
00:57:29.800and where our ego come into play and how often when our ego feels attacked, we take that as
00:57:36.400weakness. And I don't, I don't think that is weakness. It's something else. Right. So I don't
00:57:43.160know. I don't know. I have to think on that. Wait. So I don't quite understand that you said
00:57:48.040when our ego is attacked, it's not weakness. What, what does that, what do you mean by that?
00:57:52.240Well, it, I think there's a lot of instances in our lives where our ego feels bruised and we
00:57:59.720associate that to being weak. Oh God, it's not weakness. That's not weakness. That's something
00:58:05.460else that that's, I don't know. I don't know what the answer is, but they're not the same thing,
00:58:13.000but I would probably bet that most people, when they, when their ego feels attacked and they
00:58:18.020don't respond they would put the label of being weak on it and it's not weak yeah it's something
00:58:23.720else but i would just rewrite the script and in this instance i would rewrite the script that's
00:58:30.280running through your mind is because what's running through your mind is like i should
00:58:33.400have stood up for myself why yeah like work through that guy doesn't he doesn't know you
00:58:39.400whatever whatever you got into is not accurate and you know what maybe even you were
00:58:47.800having a bad day. Like I've had that situation. I, you know, here's a good, here's a good example.
00:58:51.840This was not going to be flattering at all, but I'll explain it anyways. So I was coaching my
00:58:58.080oldest son's flag football team years ago. And this was probably 10 years or so ago, 10 or nine
00:59:04.600or 10 years ago. And the other team, the referees weren't calling certain things that were illegal
00:59:12.500based on the rule book and i actually i'm a coach when i coach i read the rules because they need to
00:59:19.260abide by the rules and we do too and i expect everybody to be held to the same standard so i
00:59:24.640actually know the rules better than probably a lot of the umpires and referees and so i've had
00:59:28.860situations where i've called an umpire or referee over and i'm like and i have the handbook with me
00:59:33.880and i'm like hey right here can't do that and they're like oh yeah you're actually right and so
00:59:40.760it changes the the call um but i got a little belligerent one time and i kind of started you
00:59:49.380know yapping my mouth a little bit at the referee and i just dragged it on and on and on and the
00:59:55.700other coach was like dude it's a kid's game or something like he said something like that he's
00:59:59.420like you're being crazy and at the time i was pissed off and i'm like you know i thought about
01:00:03.940it more and more and i was like no you know he's probably right and i went up to him after the game
01:00:08.200and I'm like, Hey man, I wanted to tell you, like, I was pissed when you said that, but you,
01:00:13.640you were actually right. I get a little heated in the moment. I get excited. I want to win.
01:00:18.220I'm competitive. He's like, no, I get it. I am too. He's like, but I think you took it too far.
01:00:21.780I'm like, yeah, you're right. I did. I just wanted to tell you, you know, I apologize.
01:00:28.340Like I could have handled that better. And we shook hands and, and even now we're friends.
01:00:32.540Like I see him in town and stuff. We live in a small town and I see him. We're friends,
01:00:35.400but like he was right i was wrong and it's okay to say that it's actually better that you do
01:00:42.220that goes back to a previous question about building trust with people yeah totally
01:00:47.260yeah all these all these histories of getting riled up during uh little league baseball games
01:00:55.400and stuff now like flooding into my mind totally totally totally uh all right let's see i'm gonna
01:01:03.520find a good one here. I've got, I've got, I've got seven or eight different questions. Okay. So
01:01:11.240this is a good one. I'm curious about this one. So this is Kyle Brennan. He says, I make really
01:01:15.460good money. He says, I'm in good shape and I've got a lot of options with women. So he's confident,1.00
01:01:20.360right? Yeah. He said also, but I can't seem to stay interested in one woman for more than a few
01:01:26.880weeks at what point is that me just lacking discipline versus me not meeting the right person
01:01:34.760and i don't know i don't even know if it's a discipline question necessarily
01:01:40.000it might just be you're chasing the bright and shiny object maybe you don't want to commit maybe
01:01:47.800you don't want to be pinned down and there's actually nothing wrong with that here's what i
01:01:51.440novelty yeah novelty yeah one thing i would say is you do need to be honest with the women that
01:01:58.260you're dating right so if you make them believe you're just dating them and not dating other
01:02:04.340people that's an issue but as long as you're honest i don't think there's anything wrong with
01:02:09.180dating around that's the point to try to figure out who you want to be with and who you resonate
01:02:17.320with and who you connect with. But here's, here's what I would probably suggest is I would spend a
01:02:23.280lot of time thinking about what you're actually looking for, because you might be at a stage in
01:02:27.600your life. I don't know how old Kyle is. He might be a stage in his life where he's not ready to
01:02:31.600settle down and that's fine. That's completely fine. So go spend time with women, date a bunch
01:02:37.320of women, figure out what you like, figure out what you don't like, figure out what your type
01:02:40.760is, figure out how to handle conflict. Just again, be honest. That's, that's all I would say is be0.69
01:02:46.460honest and respectful and upfront about that with them so that they can make decisions because
01:02:50.540they don't need to participate in the game that you're playing but they do need to know the rules
01:02:56.020otherwise you're being deceitful and that's not good yeah so sure do that figure out what you want
01:03:04.000do you want to date around i'm assuming because you're asking this question you're potentially
01:03:09.720trying to look at a long-term relationship and if that's the case what i would suggest is to
01:03:15.940write down what exactly you're looking for in a woman because if you don't write it down and
01:03:21.460it's not crystallized in your mind how do you know if you come across it yeah and by the way
01:03:27.920you're not going to find the perfect one but you might need to realize hey what am i willing to
01:03:34.860tolerate what am i willing to put up with what is okay if it means that i can have these things on0.99
01:03:40.720my list of characteristics and attributes in a woman. And once, once you have that,
01:03:48.560then you can measure, I'm, I want to be careful. It sounds a little cold and calculated, but you
01:03:55.020can, you can, I don't know how else to say it. You can measure the women that you meet against0.88
01:04:01.460the desires that you have. It's as simple as that. Yeah. Well, and, and as you date, I mean,
01:04:06.340that's the whole point of dating, right? Is to even validate and test against that. You're like,
01:04:10.540oh this is really important to me and then you date a girl and you're like actually it's not
01:04:14.780that important what really you know made me want to draw from that relationship was something else
01:04:20.980and that's not even on my list so maybe i you know so it's part of you learning what you want to
01:04:26.920um in these relationships so make sure also that like as you you know maybe break up with a girl
01:04:33.060and you're looking at dating someone else like what was it what was it that that didn't work for
01:04:37.340you, you know, and, and learn from it versus, and if you find yourself like, well, there's nothing,
01:04:43.180it's just this other girl's exciting. Now you're chasing excitement and that's probably something
01:04:46.820else than, than you, you know, learning, you know, what's ideal. So. You know what, as you were
01:04:54.060saying that, I thought the goal here is to date with intentionality. Yeah. And your intention
01:05:00.280might be to find a long-term relationship. And that's a good intention. That's a worthy intention.
01:05:07.340and if you're not there yet you can still date with intention so what does that look like
01:05:12.380figuring out what you like and you don't like yeah you could you could go on a hundred dates this year
01:05:19.420and and and enjoy it but still do it with intention and the intention is hey i'm gonna0.99
01:05:27.340spend time with a lot of different women because i want to know what exactly i'm looking for
01:05:34.480and what exactly i don't want and that's still intentional and that's okay as long as you
01:05:41.240communicate that with her that's that's the that's the caveat i always give that because if you're
01:05:46.280just if you're just whoring around and you're you're lying and deceiving that's a problem too
01:05:52.580so just do it intentionally totally cool brother all right got a lot of good questions we've got
01:06:00.320more we can get through um guys called action today check out the iron council this is built
01:06:05.980by you this is a brotherhood built by men like you who are working together going through
01:06:13.840assignments going through courses going through programs having conversations the question earlier
01:06:18.980we had about who would you call interestingly enough all three of those would not be
01:06:26.140yeah all three of those would not be you jay and larry would not be relationships if it weren't
01:06:32.680for the brotherhood that we built here so if you if you are looking for men in your corner
01:06:38.780and want to be surrounded by good men who are doing good things who are going to hold you
01:06:43.060accountable who you can hold accountable then look no further than the iron council go to
01:06:47.800order of man.com iron council get signed up immediately we'll get you paired up with a
01:06:51.520coach and we'll get you on board as fast as possible. So you can start reaping the benefits.
01:06:57.120Anything else? I just, no, I was just going to share really quick. I mean, I had a conversation
01:07:01.620with, um, a gentleman literally last week and we were talking about what we do in the IC, um, with
01:07:08.200our, with our quarterly goal setting and accountability and the calls that we have.
01:07:13.040And at the end of the conversation, he was like, sign me up. And I asked him, I'm like, why? Like,
01:07:19.700I'm just curious. Like, why, what is it? And he's like, I have people in my life. I love them.
01:07:23.760They're great, but they're, they're focused on drinking on the weekends and going partying.
01:07:30.600And he's like, and that's not me. I want to be a better version of myself. I want to be a better
01:07:36.640dad. I want to improve in the areas of my life. And they're not like-minded in this space of
01:07:42.780trying to become a better version. And he's like, and I don't have people like that in my life.
01:07:47.020and he's like and you guys obviously are so i want you in my life you know and that's that's1.00
01:07:53.420really what we're doing so you know you know what's interesting about that kip is you've got
01:07:57.520you you run a team a desert guard inside the iron council and you've got what eight guys or so on
01:08:04.880your team yep and these are these are men that you have personally invited to join the iron council
01:08:09.900so what that means is that you already knew them before they joined the iron council and you brought
01:08:16.480them in and i'd be willing to bet i don't want to put words in your mouth so you tell me the
01:08:20.040honest truth about this i'd be willing to bet that by having them inside the iron council with
01:08:25.140structure calls meeting accountability reporting check-ins that your relationship has gone from
01:08:33.040wherever it was and exponentially grown because of the iron council structures the systems the
01:08:40.960support even though you already had those relationships they're probably elevated i
01:08:45.440could be wrong, but I'm pretty confident. It's totally true. Absolutely. All of them are elevated
01:08:50.100because of it. And you're right. All of them. I mean, some of those guys, you know, this sounds
01:08:54.180bad. It's true. But like some of those guys, even they are not even aware of the order of man.
01:09:00.020Right. So I'm like, join this battle team. And they're like, who's Ryan Mickler? I'm like,
01:09:02.940don't worry about it. But, but my point being is like, to your point, I had established
01:09:10.600relationship and then what are those guys doing right now oh man we need to get so-and-so part
01:09:15.740of this team we need to get so-and-so in the iron council right because they're seeing the value of
01:09:20.400that structure absolutely i mean imagine like imagine being a really good football player
01:09:27.160or just athlete in general and you're just naturally talented and gifted and then you go
01:09:33.280play for you know bill belichick in his heyday with the patriots you're going to be even better
01:09:39.520because of the systems and the structure and the support and the accountability and the guidance
01:09:44.840and the coaching so yeah get involved if you want to magnify your results get involved and
01:09:51.600people will say well what am i going to pay to to be part of a friend group that's you're not
01:09:57.100paying to be friends you're investing in a system that improves your life and you're going to build
01:10:05.720some friendships at while you're at it, but that's not what you're paying for. You're paying
01:10:10.860for yourself to improve. And what is that worth? I don't know. It's worth more than you pay. I know
01:10:17.040that if you put forth the investment in the, in the effort. All right, brother, appreciate you
01:10:21.460guys. Um, thanks for the great questions today. We will be back next week until then go out there,
01:10:26.500take action, become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man
01:10:30.980podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:10:36.080We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.