Order of Man - DAVID NURSE ｜ The Life-Changing Power of Taking Action

00:00:00.000 You already know everything you need to know to achieve your wildest dreams, or at least get you

00:00:04.540 on the path to making them a reality. The only question that remains is whether or not you'll do

00:00:09.660 it. And that's a question that has been plaguing millions of men for a very long time. Will I do

00:00:15.800 what is required to achieve my desires? My guest today, former NBA player and current NBA mindset

00:00:21.680 coach, David Nurse, has made a life out of teaching elite level athletes, execs, and high achievers

00:00:27.400 how to move from knowing to doing. Today, David and I talk about hidden roadblocks that keep us from

00:00:33.160 success, the nine different action archetypes, and how to move past what keeps you back, the formula

00:00:39.400 for your own success mission, finding intrinsic value in the work you do, why he considers the

00:00:45.440 masses to be the asses, how to use negative thoughts to your advantage, and the life-changing power of

00:00:51.840 taking action. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly 0.95

00:00:57.320 chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time. You

00:01:03.120 are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is

00:01:09.540 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:01:15.200 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Mickler. I'm your host,

00:01:21.080 and I'm the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. I am glad that you're here. It is

00:01:26.520 apparent to me more so than it's ever been that we need more of us, more strong, bold, capable,

00:01:32.100 courageous men in the battle to reclaim and restore masculinity in a society that is increasingly

00:01:38.880 dismissive of it. Now, I've been saying that for eight years. Eight years I've been saying that,

00:01:44.180 and it's been going on for far longer than that, but it is evident now more than ever that what I was

00:01:49.300 saying eight years ago was absolutely true, that it's up to us to reclaim and restore masculinity,

00:01:55.780 and that's exactly what we're doing via this podcast, learning from other incredible men,

00:02:01.360 our Iron Council, which is our exclusive brotherhood, holding each other accountable to do more, to be

00:02:05.740 more, the events that we run, everything that we have going on, and I just want to say thank you

00:02:11.200 for standing in this battle. Thank you for being the kind of men that I have a desire to be,

00:02:16.880 that we're all working to be. Thank you for taking action. Thank you for applying the information.

00:02:21.160 Thank you for sharing it. You're doing your part, and I really appreciate that. And look,

00:02:25.580 if you're not doing your part, do your part. And what I mean by do your part is step up as a man,

00:02:32.420 lead yourself, lead your family, lead your friends, lead your employees, your community members,

00:02:38.120 lead and share this message if you would, because I'm telling you, if you get value from this,

00:02:43.500 other men are going to get value from this as well. Got a great one, as always, lined up for you today.

00:02:48.400 Before I get into it, just want to let you know that we are currently open. We've been open for

00:02:52.880 about a week, I think just under a week for our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council.

00:02:59.360 And I'm going to talk more about that later. But if you are interested in finding other men

00:03:04.000 who are interested in what you're interested in, who want to succeed, who want to thrive,

00:03:08.000 who want to be accountable, who want to hold you accountable and want to call you to something

00:03:11.740 more, then check out the Iron Council at order of man.com slash iron council. It's order of man.com

00:03:18.520 slash iron council. All right, guys, let me introduce you to David. He's a former NBA player.

00:03:24.940 He's a current mindset coach with the NBA. I should say with NBA players. And this is to some of the

00:03:31.480 most elite NBA athletes out there. His name is David nurse, and he's helped hundreds of NBA stars and

00:03:38.360 corporate executives dominate for the last 15 years. He's been doing this. He's been hired by

00:03:43.360 top fortune 100 companies. He was named one of the top 50 keynote speakers in the world. He's the

00:03:50.460 author of the bestsellers pivot and go a breakthrough and his newest book, do it a life-changing power of

00:03:57.360 taking action. I think that you're going to hear exactly why this guy is such a high performer,

00:04:02.800 uh, why NBA all-stars hire him and how you can take your life to the next level. Enjoy guys.

00:04:11.460 David, what's up, man? Great to see you. Great to have you on the podcast.

00:04:14.840 Ryan. I appreciate it, man. Ben, Ben, a big fan. You've had some really good friends of mine on,

00:04:19.500 so I got to, I got to outperform those guys. I'm sure that you will. I'm sure that you will.

00:04:24.840 We had some good discussions via email and, um, a mutual friend, Matt Jenkins introduced us. So I

00:04:31.020 wanted to give Matt a shout out. Matt is, I don't know how, how much you know him or if you saw him

00:04:36.160 at an event or something, but Matt is a super networker. He's incredibly networked and, uh,

00:04:42.040 and he knows how to connect people really well. Yeah. Yeah. Yo, I, I spoke at a company event of

00:04:47.400 his down in Dallas and he came up after the talk and he's like, Hey, you've got to meet my friend,

00:04:52.020 Ryan. He's, he's got a podcast. Uh, I don't know if you've heard of it or not. It's called order a man.

00:04:56.840 I'm like, uh, yeah, of course. It's like, Oh, okay. Let me see if I can introduce you.

00:05:03.100 And usually I don't think anything of it because people will say those types of things, but just

00:05:07.160 up. And as we will be talking about his power of taking action and being true to his word.

00:05:14.100 It's amazing. And most people don't know. No, I'm glad he does, man. He's been a good friend for

00:05:18.840 years and obviously an avid supporter of what we do. Uh, it is interesting. I will say, and this might

00:05:23.180 come across a little arrogant or egotistical, uh, every once in a while I run into a guy about our

00:05:28.520 age and, and he'll, he'll ask, you know, what is it that you, I'm like, I have a podcast. And he's

00:05:32.540 like, Oh, what's it called? And I say, order of man. And at this point it's almost it again,

00:05:39.240 it sounds so arrogant, but it's almost, it's almost weird at this stage if they haven't heard of it.

00:05:46.060 And I, and, and that's just a testament to guys like you who come on the podcast and our guests

00:05:53.340 and the guys that are listening and applying. So man, just, just honored to have you here today.

00:05:58.520 Well, that's really cool. But it isn't it humbling when you hear, like talk to people who don't know

00:06:03.980 about it and you're like, ah, I got so many more people to reach. Right. And I always tell people

00:06:08.540 like, Hey, if, if you think you ever are going to be the biggest in some area and that's your ultimate

00:06:13.280 goal and that's what you're striving for, you probably shouldn't because then just go search

00:06:17.600 the number one cricket player in India and see how many followers he has. And tell me if you've

00:06:23.080 ever heard his name and he's got millions and millions of followers. So stop stressing about that

00:06:28.640 people that think like that's the end goal, but I digress. And anyways, it's hard though, because we,

00:06:35.860 we, uh, we fall into a comparison trap. I think a lot of the times, and we think that if somebody's

00:06:42.160 got a million followers, then we have to have a million one and totally, you know, as nice as

00:06:48.220 that is, I don't really think the surface level things that most of us try to achieve in our lives

00:06:53.500 are actually the deep and meaningful goals that are significant to us. We just do it because we

00:06:57.700 think we're supposed to, or because we're comparing ourselves. And I've seen too many guys fail to

00:07:02.780 really think about, or at least have some sort of vision for what they actually want, what they

00:07:07.520 truly want, which would provide meaning and purpose in their lives. It's good, man. It's

00:07:11.900 very spot on. What do you, uh, what do you suggest to somebody who are, well, let me back up.

00:07:18.360 Where do you start on this path? We're going to talk a lot about taking action today. That's

00:07:22.920 something you do. Um, you're a mindset coach. You've coached hundreds of guys in the NBA.

00:07:27.500 You played in the NBA. It's like, where does a guy start when he wants to improve himself?

00:07:33.240 Yeah. And it's a phenomenal question because one of the hardest things to do is actually,

00:07:37.500 start and actually go. And a lot of people will hold themselves back from that because they think,

00:07:43.920 well, Hey, I don't have the whole picture together. Like, I don't know what it's going

00:07:48.060 to look at, like at the end result. Nobody knows what it's going to look like at the end result,

00:07:54.140 Ryan, you and I can both attest to like, we don't know where we'll be five years from now,

00:07:57.480 10 years from now. But if we don't take a step forward, like we are literally going to go

00:08:02.160 backwards every day, you get the option to either, Hey, I'm going to try to take a step forward

00:08:08.380 because you never stay the same. Our human neurological system, our biology, physiology,

00:08:13.660 everything is changing. We have 300 billion cells in our body that are changing every single day.

00:08:21.160 That's 1% of your entire being. So over the course of a hundred days, literally every cell in your body

00:08:27.180 is new. So why I say that is people can get this picture of, wow, we are changing. So if you think

00:08:33.860 you're just going to stay the same, you're not, you're going to digress. So the biggest thing that

00:08:38.400 you can do is think about, all right, what is my God given gifts? Okay. Not what do I like,

00:08:46.600 what am I super passionate about? Because a lot of people say, Hey, you know what? I'm really

00:08:50.300 passionate about playing video games or eating food. Okay. That's probably not your God given gift.

00:08:54.900 That's cool. But what are you like? What can other people ask people around you, ask people who will

00:09:00.420 tell you the truth? What are you really, really good at? People come back to me and they're like,

00:09:04.820 David, you're a great encourager. And now I think of that like, well, that doesn't really take any

00:09:10.620 skill. I mean, anybody can be an encourager, but I lean into that. If I have an ability to see the

00:09:16.020 best in people and help them unlock their roadblocks to get it out. So think about what are people

00:09:21.580 telling you around you? Truth tellers. I'm not saying the American idol syndrome where everybody

00:09:26.580 tells you you're the greatest singer and you actually suck. No, those aren't the people you 0.96

00:09:29.980 want to surround yourself with. So figuring out what your God given gift is, and then also figuring out

00:09:35.520 how can you use that for a purpose for others? And I want to say that is like, if you only use your

00:09:43.120 God given gift for you, like we're talking about the followers or even looking at having a massive bank

00:09:48.660 account, you and I both know billionaires who are extremely just have hate their life, they're

00:09:55.420 stressed, they have no purpose in their life, other than to just accumulate a lot of money. And when you

00:10:01.620 die, that money is not going with you. Steve Jobs, super wealthy, super famous on his deathbed. And he was

00:10:08.260 miserable. He had no no like, nobody around him. So figuring out what your God given gift is your skill, 0.88

00:10:14.580 your ultimate skill, and then how can you put it in purpose for the benefit of others. So we could

00:10:20.820 call this, I'm hesitant to call it passion. I like to call it just basically God given skill with purpose

00:10:27.600 equals mission. That's when you know you're on a mission. Now also saying this, Ryan, we aren't going

00:10:34.100 to know, especially younger people, you have to figure it out. The first swing you take is not going to be

00:10:40.180 the home run. The first girl you date is probably not going to be the one that you marry, you have to 0.89

00:10:45.200 actually do. And you learn from doing. I got my MBA, master's in business in school. And I can't tell

00:10:52.820 you one thing I learned about business in there that actually applied. It's all through trial and error.

00:10:58.320 It's all through actually doing. And the greatest way to actually learn is just by going and by failing.

00:11:05.060 And I know, I know it sounds cliche. Hey, yeah, fail. That's how you grow. But think about it.

00:11:10.520 That's the only way that we actually do. So long answer to that question is just do because one of

00:11:17.680 the inaction is actually inaction. And that's the worst action you can take.

00:11:23.140 I like that. You know, you said something in passing that I contend with a little bit. You said,

00:11:27.460 I think you said your God given gift is that of an encourager, I think is the term you used.

00:11:31.620 And you said, that's not really that hard. And that's, I take a little issue with that. I think,

00:11:38.820 I think one way that we can identify what we're naturally gifted with, what we're talented with

00:11:45.900 is if we're doing things and they seem, it seems like it comes easy to us. That might be something

00:11:53.060 that's a God given gift because I think there's plenty of people who would say, yeah, I'm not a

00:11:57.440 great encourager. I'm not a great supporter. I'd like to be more supportive of my wife or my

00:12:01.600 kids or my friends or my employees. And I'm not great at that. I'm one of those people.

00:12:06.440 So I wanted to throw that caveat in there because I think people think, oh, you know,

00:12:11.940 yeah, I work hard, but that's easy. Nobody, everybody does that. It's like, no, not everybody

00:12:15.600 does that. That's true. That's a good call out. Thanks for that, man. Because that is like,

00:12:21.620 I look at it like, hey, well, I think everybody can do this, but you're right. If it is your skill,

00:12:28.140 it comes easy for you. Other people aren't as naturally inclined to do that. So you should

00:12:33.720 know you should be leaning into it. That's a good point. Yeah. Yeah. I like the, I mean,

00:12:39.240 the whole concept of do it is it's just, it's so simple and you said it, it's cliche, but it's like,

00:12:47.700 but nobody, nobody goes out there and does anything. You know, I was at the gym and I ran into somebody

00:12:53.680 that, that I've known for a long time. I haven't seen him for a long time. And I'm like, man,

00:12:56.980 I need to connect with this guy. And I was doing another workout. I'm like, I'll catch up with him

00:13:01.200 later. No big deal. I'm like, no, like you want to catch up with a guy. You want to connect with

00:13:05.220 him. Like just go get his number. Say, Hey man, can I get your number? So I got his number. I put

00:13:09.440 it in the phone. I texted him. I'm like, Hey, here's my number. He sends me a message back. He's

00:13:13.380 like, Hey, let's go to lunch sometime. And, uh, I, I about wrote, yeah, I'm going to be gone.

00:13:20.360 Uh, you know, I'll, I'll, I'll shoot you a message when I get back. I'm like, no,

00:13:24.400 I have time today. Like, no, yeah, good. Let's go to lunch today. And I wish more people would do

00:13:29.980 that. I'm not trying to toot my horn. I'm just saying like, you got to exert yourself. You've

00:13:33.900 got to take initiative and you've got to take those first steps. That's what's going to drive

00:13:37.220 you towards something great eventually. Man. But, but think about all the times that you have

00:13:41.940 stepped into a room or a situation like that where you didn't necessarily feel like, man,

00:13:46.380 I really want to do this. Or you have a little bit of fear or nervousness and going in a room

00:13:53.040 with quote unquote, bigger people. I've done it many times. I'm like, eh, let me think of

00:13:58.820 an excuse to get out of this. But every time you come out on the other side, you're like,

00:14:03.480 damn, I'm so glad I did that. And that's where the growth is found this day and age, man, 0.95

00:14:08.220 we live in an excuse laden society where you can basically make any excuse and think, well,

00:14:14.460 you know what? Body empowerment is actually however I feel about myself and look about

00:14:19.780 myself. And, and I, no, it's not. Our body is a temple. God gave us his body to be a temple

00:14:26.060 treated as that. Like I think there's just too many built in excuses by people in society,

00:14:31.080 too many easy way out. And then, so as I say that, I think it's easier than ever to be successful.

00:14:39.720 Now, whatever your term of successful is, you have to define that. I'm not saying it's

00:14:44.860 like we talked about earlier, but it's easier than ever. Everybody's going to find an excuse.

00:14:51.000 Literally this, the phone, the iPhone, 3.2 hours per day is the average American is on their phone,

00:14:59.040 not for business calls, but for doom scrolling, 3.2 hours. Netflix or a TV is 3.8 hours. Look,

00:15:07.360 look at that. Like literally, if you turn off the TV and you put your phone down, you're winning.

00:15:12.460 You're winning in a massive way. There's so many distractions. There's so many excuses.

00:15:16.740 And there's so, and now too, we live in this, like you can get an incredible education off YouTube

00:15:22.020 and podcasts. If somebody goes back and listens to every one of your podcasts, I guarantee they will

00:15:27.140 be extremely successful. You'll get so many nuggets out of life that you need. Now, a lot of

00:15:32.020 people know knowing is the easy part, but doing, it's a completely different ball game. And right

00:15:39.760 in between there, there's a gap between knowing and doing. It's the same gap between where you are

00:15:46.020 right now, listening to this podcast and where you dream to be. And then there's lies that you're

00:15:51.880 telling yourself reasons you're holding yourself back for why you will never get to this other side

00:15:56.800 where you want to be. What do you think are the most heavily used excuses? I'm, you know,

00:16:03.620 I imagine time is there. I imagine, I don't know what to do. I hear that about the gym. Guys are

00:16:07.760 like, Oh, you know, I want to get in shape, but I don't know what to do. It's like, do you go to the

00:16:11.020 gym right now? No. Well, why don't you just walk in the gym and start doing like, you know how to do

00:16:16.540 pushups, right? You know how to do a bench press. You know how to do a deadlift, like do something.

00:16:20.400 And then we can worry about the details, but what are the excuses that most people use in your

00:16:27.520 experience? Well, that's a great one. I would say busy is a huge excuse. Busy is BS. Busy is

00:16:34.300 literally whatever you decide is important to you and you decide is essential. Like I'll use the term

00:16:40.320 busy if it's people I don't want to talk to, but am I ever going to be too busy for my wife? Or when

00:16:45.660 you said, Hey, can we do this podcast today? I've moved things around. I'm not too busy for it. Sure.

00:16:50.260 I got 8 zillion things going on in my life, but it's whatever is the most important to you.

00:16:55.300 So busy is definitely one, not knowing quote unquote air quotes, how to do it. I mean,

00:17:01.060 like I said, like figure it out. You don't have to have it all together. Perfectionism and what ends

00:17:07.720 up being just like procrastination is one of the biggest things people will then now it's been

00:17:13.460 almost termed like, Oh, procrastination is a sexy thing. Like procrastinate. No, 95% of people

00:17:20.240 people studied in this study done in Canada, massive study, 95% of people who procrastinated

00:17:26.180 were less happy, less content with their lives because of procrastination. So that's not a great

00:17:32.000 thing. But I think the biggest thing holding people back, Ryan, and here it is, this is the

00:17:36.860 biggest thing holding people back. It is fear. Now fear comes in a lot of ways. Fear mainly comes

00:17:43.440 in the word uncertainty. People are so afraid of the uncertain. If I told you, everybody listening,

00:17:52.060 the day you are going to die might sound morbid, but you would actually be more accepting of it. 0.93

00:17:57.360 Now we're all going to die. We don't know what day it is, but if you knew you're going to die 15 years

00:18:01.660 from now, five years from now, you'd live your life differently. But since we don't, we live in the

00:18:07.340 uncertain. We live in the, and it's, I mean, it's hilarious to me and probably to you too, is like,

00:18:14.240 what is society doing to us? They are literally creating fear based on uncertainty so that we live

00:18:22.120 in a scarcity mindset and we follow every single order that they say, even though it's a bunch of BS.

00:18:27.780 So we're basically sheep just walking around doing whatever they want us to do because of

00:18:34.080 uncertainty, this recession that's supposed to happen that they've been talking about forever.

00:18:39.720 Like the people that thrive are the ones that look at this like, oh, everybody's going into a

00:18:44.140 recession. No, no, no, no. This is an opportunity. Look up the companies that were started during a

00:18:49.400 recession or a depression. It'll blow your mind because people see what others say. Oh, scarcity,

00:18:56.620 fear, uncertainty. No, no, no, no. It's an opportunity.

00:19:00.380 Yeah. You, you said something a minute ago that, that caught me by surprise. You said

00:19:05.420 something to the effect that procrastination is viewed as, as sexy. I'm not, I'm not sure what

00:19:11.260 you're referring to. I don't, I don't consider that. I've never heard that. Is that something,

00:19:16.720 is that kind of like the body positive movement type thing going around?

00:19:20.100 It is. There's, there's books written on it. There's Ted talks given on it.

00:19:24.620 Like if you procrastinate, the theory is if you procrastinate, your mind is going to work better

00:19:31.500 at the end when the pressure is on. And that's when you're going to come up with your creative

00:19:35.400 ideas because you've given your mind this time to work and to soak and to have, because you know,

00:19:40.580 there's hyper focus where you're laser focused in on something and then there's scatter focus where

00:19:45.000 you're doing multiple things. And that's kind of the procrastination and scatter focus is where the

00:19:49.880 creative brain is, is working without you like basically subconsciously knowing. So that's the

00:19:55.500 theory on it. But my theory is people are just using excuses to say, Oh, it's, I can procrastinate.

00:20:01.540 Yeah. Yeah. But studies are going to show you're going to be miserable. You're going to be stressed

00:20:04.760 to the max. What's the, uh, what's the law? I don't know right offhand where it says that the,

00:20:09.580 the work expands to the time allowed or something along those lines. So as you're saying that I've never

00:20:15.040 heard that before, so that's interesting. But as you're saying that I, I, my, my reaction to that

00:20:20.660 is, well, if you want to give yourself time to marinate and think, and then you can work really

00:20:25.040 focused towards the end of your deadline, just move your deadline up. Like just, just try to do today

00:20:33.220 what you were going to do all week. And I think if you move the deadline up quicker, then you'll get

00:20:38.540 that focus without the, uh, excuse of procrastination or the sexiness of procrastination. So strange.

00:20:44.700 I mean, it's just another excuse and why people don't take action. There's just, I mean, there's

00:20:50.720 a multitude of different excuses. And I went on a three year in-depth dive of studies, surveys,

00:20:56.860 way too much research and all over to figure out why the main, the main reasons people hold

00:21:02.700 themselves back because we are our biggest defenders and 92% of people never accomplish their dreams.

00:21:10.160 8%, 8% are people are doing what they love. And there's another stat that 85% of people hate

00:21:16.960 their jobs. It's just mind blowing to me. Like literally it's inside of us. If you want to be

00:21:22.720 living the life you want to live, it's there, it's totally there, but you're holding yourself back in

00:21:26.500 different reasons. And the nine reasons are fear of other people's opinions, which I call the

00:21:31.920 allodaxaphobia, the burn. So if somebody burned you in the past, there's a reason like you like,

00:21:39.120 say you've got, I mean, this is a great one for, for dating. Oh, well, I got burnt by love. I'm never

00:21:44.300 going to open my heart up again. Why? The next person has nothing to do with that other person.

00:21:48.660 Let that go. Inopportune. Are you too young or too old? The timing has to be just right.

00:21:55.440 We know the timing is never just right. You make the timing right. The blamer. Is there something 0.99

00:22:03.220 you're blaming in your, like, is it your parents? Is it the place you were born? Is it the status

00:22:09.600 you were born? I wasn't born in the middle of nowhere, cornfields of Iowa. I could blame that

00:22:13.560 on everything, but I don't. So is there something you're blaming? The test believer is another one. 0.93

00:22:20.080 So if you've seen people that have taken their Enneagram or they're even the bigger one, we're like,

00:22:24.580 well, I'm introverted. I can't connect. Yeah. Why? Because you said you're introverted. No,

00:22:30.900 you can definitely connect. Interesting. So that's, that's another big one. The perfectionists,

00:22:36.560 like we're talking about the scarciest scarcity mindset and an interesting one that I found on

00:22:43.280 the scarcity mindset. So this is basically like fearing the unknown and you're just holding onto it.

00:22:48.980 You're hoarding it. You're not taking a risk. You're not betting on yourself. This is one like where

00:22:54.240 people say, well, I don't want to pay anything to be coached or to learn. Like that could exponentially

00:23:00.200 blow everything up for you. But scarcity mindset, if you're living in that mindset, it lowers your IQ

00:23:06.320 by 14 points. Really? 14 points. That's what the study said with these. I'll have to get you with

00:23:13.460 the exact details on the link. I'm curious about that. 14 points goes from being proficient

00:23:19.160 to just below average. Or do you think, so I, again, I don't know the study you're referring to.

00:23:26.600 Is it, is it a causation thing or a correlation thing? And what I mean by that, is it that people

00:23:31.940 with lower IQs tend to have more scarcity or is it the other way around? You know what I'm saying?

00:23:37.140 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's a really good point. I think it's probably give and take. I bet

00:23:40.920 it's, I'll do some more in-depth dive on it for you and get you the exact study of it, but I'm sure

00:23:47.200 it's probably, it's probably a little bit of both. I mean, I just look at it and think if you have a

00:23:52.480 higher IQ and I don't know, I mean, I'm just kind of from the hip here. It seems like if you're,

00:23:57.600 you're more intelligent, then you're going to actually look for opportunities, which I think

00:24:02.180 is a sign of abundance as opposed to scarcity. Yeah. Well, that's, you just hit the nail on the

00:24:07.800 head right there. Do you live in viewing things as abundance or do you live in scarcity? You could

00:24:13.580 even look at it like, well, there's 8 million podcasts. Why is my podcast going to be the biggest

00:24:18.580 one? I've got to compete with everybody else. Or you look at it as like, well, there's 8 million

00:24:23.500 podcasts. There's a lot of podcasts doing really well. That means there's a need for a podcast.

00:24:28.780 It's all the, I call it the pie a la mode. Most people will see a pie 100% and there's only a

00:24:35.040 small amount of slice. They have to elbow their way and box out and get that little slice, but not

00:24:39.860 really. You can build this pie up. You can a la mode, put ice cream on top and grow it up. Like

00:24:45.440 in this podcast world, there's a lot of opportunity in the speaking world that I'm in. I'm not thinking

00:24:52.140 like, I have to elbow out Tony Robbins because there's only a certain amount of gigs. No,

00:24:57.280 if a lot of people are speaking, that means there's a lot of need for it. So that's the scarcity

00:25:02.320 mindset that if first the, obviously there's a lot up to go around.

00:25:08.040 Yeah. Well, plus there's only one you, right? So Tony Robbins is Tony Robbins and yeah,

00:25:15.020 you know, he resonates with millions of people clearly, but there's a lot of people who don't

00:25:18.660 resonate with him. And that's an opportunity there for you or the way that you say a certain

00:25:23.580 thing. I had a guy on the podcast last week, Dwayne Noel. He, he, he shares a lot of timeless

00:25:30.040 wisdom, you know, things that I think most men would probably agree with. Most men have probably

00:25:36.960 heard, but he's sharing it in such a unique and interesting and fascinating way. Jordan Peterson's

00:25:43.640 a great example of that. He's not sharing anything new and that's not to knock what he's doing.

00:25:48.120 He's taking ancient, you know, philosophers and, and, and scholars and repurposing their

00:25:54.740 work to share a message in a unique way that resonates with people.

00:25:58.720 So good. And it's so true. I mean, it's why Ryan Holiday was stoicism. Right.

00:26:02.200 Stoicism isn't what he created. He's just done such an in-depth dive on it that he has become

00:26:08.240 basically the go-to guy for that. And I, I, I would attest to anybody who's looking to

00:26:14.940 really stand out is to make a niche, be very, find something you're like, you'd love. Like we're

00:26:21.520 talking about how do you take a step forward? If you want to write a book or be a speaker or a

00:26:24.920 podcaster, come become very niche in some subject that actually matters for people and know that

00:26:30.580 inside and out. James Clear on habits. James Clear literally studied habits and then wrote about

00:26:36.460 habits for eight years to build up a blog and a newsletter. Now he's the habits guy.

00:26:41.300 Like it's not like you, you're not, he wasn't born with it. Holiday wasn't born with stoicism.

00:26:47.120 If you weren't born with it, you develop it and it takes time. And that I think too,

00:26:52.120 is the greatest separator as well. As we were talking about kind of full circle and back to

00:26:56.220 the, I think it's easier than ever to be successful. Literally, I call it the don't give up-ness.

00:27:02.420 If you have this don't give up-ness about you and you just keep going, it's not going to always be a

00:27:06.780 straight line. The stock market goes up and down. Vegas, you go up and down, but it's progressing

00:27:11.680 upwards. If you don't give up, you pivot along the path that you're on, you will be successful.

00:27:17.880 It will take time. Nobody, as we know, has ever just had, sure, you can have sparks of fame or you

00:27:24.920 can have sparks of success, but it's not longstanding if you haven't done the work to build

00:27:30.880 the roots to sustain anything and everything. Like I give the example of my uncle's the head

00:27:37.880 coach for the Toronto Raptors in the NBA. He won the NBA championship in his first year as a head

00:27:43.620 coach. And everybody was like, oh, he got so lucky. Lightning struck at a bottle. No, he was a head

00:27:50.900 coach for 27 years prior, coaching in D-League, coaching in the USBL, coaching in Brighton, England.

00:27:57.760 I went over there and spent time with him. No one in Brighton, England, even knows they play

00:28:01.800 basketball. He was taping players' ankles and popping popcorn at halftime. Like, I kid you not,

00:28:07.240 but the difference is he lived in the mentality of, I'm going to be an NBA coach someday. I don't know

00:28:13.820 how long it's going to take to get there. I'm going to get there and I'm not going to give up along the

00:28:17.980 way. But when the times get hard, people want this instant success. They want instantly to get

00:28:24.260 there, especially now if they look at, like, I'm sure you get this so much, right? They look at you

00:28:29.080 like, oh, he's got a massive podcast and I want to start a podcast. Why don't I have 18,000 downloads?

00:28:36.780 Like what, what, how does he do that? And you want to say, dude, walk in my shoes for 20 years and then

00:28:42.840 we'll talk. It's crazy. Yeah. It's, and you know, it is funny because people, maybe this is the

00:28:48.760 underestimator, which I think is another archetype you talk about, but I've had people say things

00:28:55.280 like, um, you know, it'd be nice if I could just dink around on social media all day as if that's my

00:29:01.460 job. I'm like, yeah, do that and see how that pans out for you. Like, see if that's what it takes to run

00:29:08.020 this successful podcast and movement. And then we can talk about it, you know, but it's always funny to hear

00:29:13.900 people from the outside. They look in not just to me, but other people, whether it's athletes or

00:29:19.500 anybody that has any level of success and they think, oh, well, you know, it's easy because this

00:29:25.200 person's athletic or it's easy because that person's connected or it's easy because fill in the blank with

00:29:30.240 whatever. And I think what most people don't get, and I, and I'm starting to realize this, I've interviewed,

00:29:37.640 I think around give or take 400 highly successful men via this podcast. And one thing I found in

00:29:46.380 common, there's quite a few things, but one thing I found in common is that all of them are strangely

00:29:53.740 addicted to the work and that they just let the outcome take care of itself. And I think most people

00:30:01.600 are addicted to the outcomes without the work. Oh, right. You couldn't have set that up even

00:30:07.520 better. Can I hit on that for a second? Yeah, I'd love you to. Okay. So that is so key. And this is

00:30:13.940 what I call system plus process equals results. And I realized this when I was working with one of my

00:30:21.740 NBA players who now is on a hundred million dollar contract over multiple years with the Los Angeles

00:30:28.000 Clippers, but he was playing for the Raptors at the time, my uncle's team. And he was kind of just in and out of

00:30:33.920 the lineup. He was coming up on a contract year. He wasn't getting a whole lot of minutes. Like dude could have

00:30:38.560 been out of the league. Now he validated himself based on points per game, based on results, based on stats,

00:30:46.340 like most of us do. And he would drive himself nuts if he didn't have a good game. So it's like, we have to throw

00:30:52.200 everything out the window. We have to do things differently. So all we did was focus on his system, meaning who he

00:30:57.920 was, his ultimate strengths, like we talked about earlier. And for Norm Powell was his name. It was

00:31:03.800 catch and shoot threes and attacking the hoop downhill. So attack the hoop, catch and shoot threes. That's

00:31:09.520 all we're going to focus on. That's all we're going to count. We're not going to look at shooting

00:31:12.560 percentage. We're not going to look at stats. How many times can you get to those great shots of yours

00:31:17.940 in the game? System. Process, meaning the work you're putting in, the daily habits to improve your

00:31:24.020 catch and shoot threes, to watch film. Okay. Where are players angles at? How can we get the

00:31:28.080 small, slight advantage detail? Who are the best ever to do this? We're going to study them. How

00:31:32.280 did they do it? Get to the rim. And that's his process, his daily habits. So poured in the system

00:31:38.240 process to equal results. Now, before COVID shut down the NBA and the world in 2020, Norm Powell coming

00:31:45.520 off, he was coming off the bench, not playing a whole lot. The Western Conference player of the week,

00:31:51.960 that last week before the world shut down, LeBron James. Everybody knows LeBron James.

00:31:57.440 The Eastern Conference player of the week, Norm Powell. Dude went from obscurity and being out of

00:32:02.520 the league to being the player of the week. He earns a $92 million contract with the Blazers and

00:32:09.620 playing with the Clippers. Now he's having, he might be the sixth man of the year, like extreme success

00:32:14.080 because he stopped worrying about the results. Because if you focus on the results,

00:32:19.000 like you were talking about, they don't come. But if you focus on the system and you fall in

00:32:24.720 love with the process, now I'm going to switch it here to give you the formula because this goes

00:32:29.680 right in step with the, I've been blessed to work with 30 NBA all-star appearances, players that have

00:32:36.360 a cut to 30 and $3.8 billion on court revenue. I did all the math and add it up because it makes it

00:32:41.960 sound really cool like that. Yeah. I should have been on percentage of some of those, but no,

00:32:45.460 that didn't happen. Another day, another time. So they're like, every one of these players hits

00:32:50.660 these three things. They know what their talent is. They, they, they're not trying to do everything

00:32:56.840 in this store. Like I give the example, if you're, if you're good at a lot of things in the NBA,

00:33:01.600 you're not playing in the NBA. You can be great at one thing. I grew up with this guy, Kyle Korver.

00:33:07.320 He's less athletic than I am. He can't dribble the ball. He can't really play much defense,

00:33:12.360 but he can shoot the piss out of it. He's a top five NBA three-point shooter all time. And he's

00:33:18.320 made over a hundred, he made over a hundred million dollars in the NBA because all he did was focus on

00:33:21.480 that strength. So you know, your strength and you have what I call insatiable drive. And this is the

00:33:27.720 difference in, you can put this in terms of your own life. I say, do I drag this player to the gym

00:33:34.120 or do they drag me to the gym? And that's the, that's a huge difference maker. If I have to tell the

00:33:41.120 player, Hey, Hey, we got to work out. Like you got to practice, you got to train. They're never

00:33:45.540 going to make it. But if it's a player who says, Hey, when are we working out? Let's get there at

00:33:50.260 7am. They're going to be successful. Worked with a guy, Domates Sabonis. He's a three-time NBA

00:33:55.360 all-starter during COVID. He came out to LA just to work out. There was hardly any gyms open. We found

00:34:02.260 these beaten down warehouse gyms, these Jewish community centers that we snuck in 6 30 AM every 1.00

00:34:08.040 morning. This guy had already made max $100 million, been an all-star, but he just loved the

00:34:13.600 process. He wanted to continue to improve every single day. And the final piece is, is actually

00:34:20.940 the, it's what I call relentless consistency. So this means no matter if the lights are on

00:34:26.240 or you're in the gym on your own in the summertime, in the humid, humid heat working out, you put it in

00:34:33.300 day after day, even if you don't feel like it day after day. And I tell my guys, I remind them of

00:34:39.400 the 17 second rules, what I call it. And I did these studies through training players for 10 years.

00:34:45.480 I bring a stopwatch with me. Anytime they didn't want to work out, it was one of those days. I'd hit

00:34:51.600 the stopwatch and see how long it took for them to actually get into the motion and get through that

00:34:57.600 mental block to where they would be. Okay. 17 seconds was the time that kept coming up on

00:35:02.620 average. So think about that. You'd go to the gym, man, I don't want to work out, but if you do one or

00:35:07.160 two reps, you're in it, you're in the system. So it's just making that first step. So to recap the

00:35:14.260 NBA all-star formula, you know, your strength, you have insatiable drive. You're dragging me to the gym.

00:35:21.620 You want to wake up. You want to go to work. You're passionate about, you want to do it.

00:35:26.060 And you have relentless consistency. You're taking one step forward, no matter if it feels

00:35:31.120 like you're sludging around in the mud. All right, man, I'm stepping away from the

00:35:35.800 conversation very quickly. I alluded to it earlier. We've got our exclusive band of brothers,

00:35:39.720 the iron council that is open for enrollment. I've got a lot of messages lately. Guys, we're open.

00:35:45.200 We as men inherently know that we need to surround ourselves with and band with like-minded men that

00:35:51.140 can march shoulder to shoulder with us as we work to improve our lives. But

00:35:55.440 most of you know, as well as I do, how hard it is to find men worthy of marching with us.

00:36:01.520 It seems like most men are more interested in following the status quo and even justifying

00:36:06.840 their mediocrity than being called and challenged to something more, something that you know you're

00:36:14.420 capable of. And that's why we created the iron council seven years ago. And now with thousands

00:36:19.540 of men having gone through our programs and our courses and banded with us, I can confidently say

00:36:24.800 that the men who marched to battle with other men are better off than those who go out alone.

00:36:31.740 So if you're looking for men to march with into life, then make sure you check out the iron council. 0.94

00:36:38.120 You can do that at order of man.com slash iron council. Got a very short video. You can watch,

00:36:43.220 you can learn about the features and benefits and what you'll get and what is there and available to

00:36:48.120 you. Again, that's at order of man.com slash iron council. We'll be open for a little bit longer.

00:36:53.080 So make sure you do that quickly again, order of man.com slash iron council. All right, guys,

00:36:59.280 let's get back to it. David. I, uh, I consider myself pretty fortunate. I believe that I've been

00:37:07.060 blessed with this drive that you're talking about and the ability to be relentlessly consistent.

00:37:13.280 I'm wondering how much of it is innate in personality or a combination of experiences

00:37:23.980 that you've had as a child and growing up and what you've, what you've, what stories you've created

00:37:29.440 from those experiences, or is this just something like, can somebody who's never been driven in his

00:37:34.980 life decide today? Like, Hey, I'm, I think I'll be driven and then, and then be driven. Do you know

00:37:41.500 what I'm saying? Like how, how does it totally know what you're saying, man? And like, to be

00:37:46.020 completely honest, I actually don't have a formula for, Hey, this is what, like, this is how you get

00:37:53.740 drive. This is how you do it. I think there's so many things that happen in the way we, we grow up

00:38:01.020 in our past, in our experiences, in our, our capacity for drive. Good friend of mine, Rich

00:38:08.660 DeVinney wrote a book called attributes. And I really liked how he outlined it as the, I can't

00:38:14.500 even remember how many attributes, but a lot of attributes that you're born with a certain capacity

00:38:19.080 for it. So let's say you're a hundred percent superstar. If it's, if it's all at the top, but let's

00:38:24.980 say my drive, I'm born at a 58 and you're born at a 92. You have a much more already.

00:38:31.600 Sounds about right. I was gonna flip it around, but Hey, it's your podcast. No, but I, I, I mean,

00:38:41.560 I totally think you can get there. I think people have, I mean, just like the way you were raised

00:38:48.160 might be it, or what, if you had to work for everything in your life, if, as opposed to like,

00:38:53.600 we'll see people who, and I think this is a really, I mean, tough thing for, and it sounds like a very

00:39:00.780 first world problem, but with people with a lot of money, how do they raise their kids? Because

00:39:04.460 they're always going to be okay. But how do you, how do you create the uncomfortable when there's

00:39:08.920 already this net you can fall into to be comfortable? I didn't have an, I didn't have anything. I was

00:39:14.020 living out of my car doing basketball camps from seventh grade girls, basketball teams. So I could

00:39:18.780 make money living in New Mexico and giving basketball lessons to a, a lottery winner just to be their tax

00:39:24.900 right off. Like there's that helped me with my drive, but how do you get to that point? I mean,

00:39:31.880 that might be another book. Maybe you might've sparked another book. What, what do you think on

00:39:36.520 that? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on that. I don't, yeah, I think a lot of it is you're

00:39:41.400 born with it. I do. Um, I think a lot of it is your, your upbringing, you know, what, what did your

00:39:48.120 parents, what is your coaches, what are the people in your life tell you about being driven and what,

00:39:53.220 what, what it will produce. I also think it has to do with the stories that we tell ourselves,

00:39:59.120 you know, we, we, you and I can have similar experiences and walk away with a completely

00:40:03.280 different perception of that experience. And one might be empowering and one might be a real

00:40:10.040 hindrance to, to your success. But I've also noticed a lot of the guys that, that I've had on

00:40:17.520 the podcast have, and the only thing I've been able to like dub this as is this like F you energy.

00:40:25.320 Yeah. Like not like, like almost, almost negative, like, like dark almost where it's they're,

00:40:34.420 they're out to prove something or they've got a chip on their shoulder or they feel like they've

00:40:40.180 been slighted in some way by either people or culture or even God. And they've just got this

00:40:47.740 energy that just exudes, like, I will show you. And that's, that's what I would call the F you energy.

00:40:54.180 Yeah. And that's can be used in a great way. Agreed. But let me flip that for you. There's

00:41:00.040 people that have that F you energy that, so what you have when you have F you energy is you are seeking

00:41:04.600 validation. For some reason, somebody would validate you. Was it a parent? Was it somebody

00:41:09.160 as a teacher? You're always seeking validation. And at the core, that's what we all want. We want

00:41:13.860 to feel like we are loved, appreciated, validated. That's what drives companies and cultures more than

00:41:19.480 bonuses and financial gains. It's the validation piece. Now that F you energy can take you a long ways,

00:41:27.840 but will it ever bring you true contentment? I don't know. And I think we're all circuit,

00:41:33.160 we're all, we're not certain seeking happiness. Happiness is fleeting. We all know that we're

00:41:38.400 seeking contentment and what contentment means. It doesn't mean you're just like, Oh, I'm done.

00:41:43.880 I'm living on the beach. No, you're content with where you are right now in your life. You're still

00:41:48.520 driven for more, but that drive of, for validation doesn't keep you up at night. It's like not, it's

00:41:54.780 like me saying, man, if I'm not where Ryan's podcast, if my podcast isn't as big as his man, F you,

00:42:01.620 I got to get there. I'm content where I'm at. It's not close to where you're at, but I'm content

00:42:06.340 with that. You know what I'm saying? Like, I think it's a great thing to have, but I also think it can

00:42:14.100 be just like anything, just like any great skill or any great habit you can have. It's a double-edged

00:42:19.740 sword. You can also die by the same strength that you have because you overdo it.

00:42:24.860 Yeah, I, I agree. I mean, one of the questions I get all the time is that, that question of,

00:42:29.420 you know, how do you, how do you balance contentment? Like you're saying with, with

00:42:34.320 ambition or desire? I don't know. I don't, I don't know. I don't think I've ever reached a

00:42:40.400 point in my life. And even now where I'm like, yeah, I'm good. But, but, but once again, if you

00:42:47.600 get to that point where, yeah, I'm good, like now your drive for more is kind of, it's, it's gone.

00:42:54.380 And there's, it's another cliche thing to say like, Hey, the joy is in the journey,

00:43:00.680 blah, blah, blah. But it really is like, there's never a Ryan. I made it moment. It's over. I'm

00:43:07.180 done. I'm packing it in. Like I know for a fact, like if I have a book that hits a New York times

00:43:11.500 bestseller number one, which I hope it does. I hope they do at some point. I'm not going to be done.

00:43:17.120 It's not going to fill me. It's like you hear stories of the Olympic gold medalists. Like they're

00:43:21.380 on top of the world, the best in their sport in the world. They're empty after that. No gold

00:43:27.360 medals have been like game over complete. Oh, Michael Phelps. He wins the most gold medals of

00:43:32.860 anybody. And then he goes into depression. What should that show you? You will never be filled

00:43:37.640 by the supposed mountaintop that you're searching for. Yeah. I look, I'm kind of at a loss for words

00:43:44.840 because these kinds of questions actually really caused me to think and ponder of where that line

00:43:51.420 is, where it, where it's okay to be content or how to have content and also ambition. I think both can

00:43:58.640 exist harmoniously in a way. Um, so let me jump in real quick. I'm like, that's really good. Like

00:44:07.540 we don't have the answers for these. Like we're not always saying like you have the answers. So

00:44:12.380 anybody listening, this is something to really think about, take some time and think about what

00:44:17.040 that balance looks like to you. And not even a balance, but it's more of a, a weighted scale

00:44:22.900 and everything can be weighted on a scale. Like we're talking about of it's the, the contentment

00:44:29.260 with the chip on the shoulder drive, which, which side are you on? Which side are you, are you progressing

00:44:34.800 for? Same thing with, and I think this is, this is everything for individuals, for companies,

00:44:41.980 for teams. This is the make or break. There's two sides of the spectrum. There's either ego. We'll

00:44:47.700 say this is on the left side, ego, all about yourself. And there is full alignment. I call,

00:44:54.620 I say full alignment with God, full alignment with who you were created to be or who your team

00:44:58.800 was created to be. There's only two sides. That's it. There's nothing else. Every day you wake up

00:45:04.620 and gravity society is pulling you towards ego. Well, okay. It's got to be about you. Oh, get

00:45:13.080 yours. Oh, do it your way. When in reality, if you are in full alignment, which comes into the,

00:45:19.120 how am I serving the people around me? How am I serving my teammates? When I go to work,

00:45:23.780 is it about me? Am I complaining about what's going on? Or am I looking to somebody else to see

00:45:29.060 how I can serve that person? And that, are we all on the same path for a team? I've been around

00:45:35.420 all the top NBA cultures. I coached with the Nets. The Miami Heat head coach is one of my best friends

00:45:41.460 and Celtics, Spurs, Warriors, you name it. Every team, when you have full alignment or you're close

00:45:49.200 to full alignment with the same mission, the same goal, and you're on the same page, all levels, GM,

00:45:54.840 coaches, players, trainers, doesn't matter. That's the cultures that are the best. It sounds

00:46:00.960 easy, but man, is it fricking difficult because natural inclination is ego. What is in it for me?

00:46:10.020 So we're, so I'm glad you're bringing this up because we're actually talking about ego in our,

00:46:13.640 in our brotherhood, the iron council, destroying the ego is the title of, of our monthly topic.

00:46:18.320 And there's been some debate about when ego is good and can serve us. And I, and I can see it,

00:46:23.300 you know, I, I think for example, I've had some, so many incredible people on the podcast guys,

00:46:28.020 you know, Matthew McConaughey has been on, uh, Tim Tebow, I think is a mutual friend of ours.

00:46:33.160 Uh, Terry Cruz, David Goggins, like I've had incredible people on and I deserve to be

00:46:40.840 in the conversation with those guys. And on one hand, I feel like I don't deserve it. And then on

00:46:47.080 the other hand, I'm like, no, I do deserve that. And is that ego? And is that, is that what's

00:46:51.160 driving me to do bigger things than maybe I would otherwise do?

00:46:56.420 Yeah, no. So good point. Now I don't even, I don't think that is ego as more of a self-belief.

00:47:03.840 And I think that self-belief is totally needed. And like, so look at it from an outside perspective.

00:47:09.680 If you look at it from my perspective and I see those names and then I see your name,

00:47:14.220 it makes total sense. But am I like, am I good enough? Like, do I deserve to be in that?

00:47:18.860 And that happens to everybody. I'm sure Tim Tebow feels the same way. I'm sure Goggins feels the

00:47:23.360 same way. And that's like, that's the encouraging thing. Because when we walk into these rooms and

00:47:29.240 you created that room right there, understanding that everybody in that room is feeling some kind

00:47:35.840 of doubt in themselves. Not, I mean, not, not like people might put on a front, they might put on a

00:47:41.980 face, but even you admitting that, like, dude, you look, you're the manliest man. Your podcast is the

00:47:46.900 order of men. Like, I don't know about that, but exactly, exactly. But it's so good for people to

00:47:53.080 hear that. So they understand like, it's okay to feel that way. And one reason that I've been able

00:47:58.720 to connect with NBA players and for them to trust me is because I look at them as human beings who

00:48:05.200 have issues, who have struggles. I don't look at them as superheroes who are untouchable. And I just

00:48:09.700 want to get a selfie with them. And people relate to that. Like you step into those rooms, like with,

00:48:14.060 with Tebow or Goggins and you're not fanboying them. You're one in them. You're in that brotherhood

00:48:20.580 with them. And I think that like you being able to be open and admitting that, like it's going to help

00:48:25.400 a lot of people. Have you, uh, have you always had this? Cause you've, you've mentioned God a couple

00:48:30.460 of times is as being in alignment with God. And this is our God given gifts. Is this something that

00:48:36.000 you've always had in your life? Is this relatively new developments? What does your faith journey look

00:48:42.120 like? Yeah, that's a great question, man. And no, I haven't. So I grew up, I grew up knowing God,

00:48:47.920 like knowing there was a God, but didn't have a personal relationship with Jesus until I was in

00:48:53.400 college and everything was about me. I like, if you'd have looked at me from the outside, it was

00:48:57.740 big man on campus, best basketball player on the team. You know, he's the maze, got it all going on,

00:49:02.780 but man, I was broken inside and like literally seeking the next high that I could get. And

00:49:09.840 can I, can I jump in real quick on that? I don't, I don't want to overlook what you just said. I

00:49:14.860 actually want to dive into that. Cause a lot of guys feel the same way. When you say you were broken

00:49:18.980 inside, what exactly do you mean? So I would seek, I would seek earthly pleasures as far as going to

00:49:25.860 parties, drinking alcohol, feeling like I had to be the man. So I would look for those as my,

00:49:32.640 what I say, quote unquote highs. I wasn't necessarily, I wasn't doing drugs and that,

00:49:35.980 but the same concept, like you're looking for things that will fill you. Now I didn't. So,

00:49:41.860 so then I start going to this thing called fuel. One of my teammates who's a freshman on the team is

00:49:46.380 like, Hey David, come just check this out. Fuel was this just, it's a Christian hangout. And they

00:49:50.920 were just singing worship songs. And man, I, I, I, I thought they were on drugs. They were like,

00:49:56.720 you know, they're singing, they were smiling. What is wrong with these people? I felt weird.

00:50:01.480 I felt weird. I was like, dude, don't, don't, don't invite me to this anymore. But something

00:50:05.500 in me was, I had to keep going back. Cause I wanted to know what, what was giving them that joy.

00:50:10.220 And then over time, it wasn't a snap of the fingers. It wasn't a awakening kind of thing,

00:50:15.300 but it was like, these people understand that, that Jesus is the way he came to die for our sins.

00:50:20.420 And he gave his life for us. So we don't have to live in our own. It's all about us. It's a

00:50:24.640 dependency on us, like literally freeing us up. He was that ultimate sacrifice and realizing that

00:50:30.640 gave me extreme freedom, extreme joy. It filled the hole that I was seeking. And now I've,

00:50:37.660 I've gone on to do a lot of studying on this. And I mean, I think a great resources, if people are

00:50:43.960 wondering, just watch the case for Christ, this, this guy who didn't have any belief and he got,

00:50:49.100 went and did tons and tons of studies and found Jesus was the way. And now I'm not preaching and

00:50:54.120 saying like, you have to do this, but I'm just telling you what's worked for me. And like,

00:50:57.620 now I can literally walk onto stages in front of thousands of people. And I don't really care

00:51:03.660 what they think because their, their thoughts and what they think about me. I'm not going home and

00:51:09.340 wondering, man, what that guy in the front row, did he not like me? Did he not like my talk?

00:51:12.620 And I kind of say this jokingly at the talks. I say, well, you know why I don't care what you

00:51:16.980 think? Because I have God and I have my smoking hot wife and that's all I need and everything. 1.00

00:51:22.520 But, but really that's, I mean, that's it. That's why I can do that or feel that way.

00:51:28.540 Yeah. No, it's a good point. I've thought about that a lot. This actually goes back to our

00:51:32.420 content discussion we were having is, you know, if you're always chasing the external,

00:51:38.200 the external is always moving, right? It's the, the goalposts move your, your desires and your

00:51:44.400 ambitions as a human being change cultures, change priorities, change. And so it's, it's

00:51:51.080 constantly moving and you're constantly chasing. But for me, and I, and I've tried to be developed

00:51:57.280 this, this walk with faith a little bit more over the past, I would say year. So maybe a little less

00:52:02.000 then is that, that, that God is constant. Like there is no chasing there. There is no, it's,

00:52:10.900 it's just there and you are enough. Yes. In and of itself. Like there's nothing else you need to

00:52:17.300 prove. Yeah. So what if everybody said that when they woke up, I am enough. I mean, think about that.

00:52:24.640 Yeah. How would that be?

00:52:26.020 I think some people will use that sometimes as an excuse to not progress or not excel. And I think

00:52:32.620 that's not true. At least it shouldn't be because if my thought is, you know, what do we do with the

00:52:39.860 things that we value? Well, we pay attention to them. We treat them nicely. You know, I think about

00:52:44.400 a vehicle, somebody goes out and buys a brand new car and they spend 80, 90, a hundred grand on the new

00:52:48.700 vehicle. What are they going to do? They're going to wash it every couple of days. They're not going to

00:52:52.260 bring any, any food into the car. They're going to make sure their kids get all their crap out every 0.98

00:52:57.140 time they get out because they value it. And so they, they treat it with respect. And so if we 0.98

00:53:02.960 believe that of ourselves, like we are intrinsically valuable, then what do you do? You go to the gym

00:53:08.640 and you take care of your body. You put the right fuel in, uh, you, you consume the right material,

00:53:14.800 whether it's podcast or books or music or, or entertainment, like you take care of the things that you

00:53:20.380 value. It's good. It's really good, man. And it's even like, it goes even further where you're

00:53:25.360 talking about the faith of like, we all worship something. It's just, what are we worshiping?

00:53:29.760 What are we giving that time to? So yeah, it's, it's a whole that we're all like, I think everybody

00:53:36.300 at some level is feeling like there's something more. I think we're created to know that there is

00:53:42.900 something more and it's our journey to seek out what that something more is. And like, like I told,

00:53:49.840 like for me, that is knowing and understanding that Jesus fills that hole for me. And I'm not

00:53:56.060 saying like, everybody has to believe that, but it's really, I mean, it gives me that sense of peace

00:54:00.100 that this journey, this life, it's not, it's not the end all be all. Everything does not depend on me.

00:54:07.240 And when I know that, that like I'll put in as much work, man, I like to like, I call it planting

00:54:12.580 seeds. I'm going to plant seeds all over the place. So I have a lot of things going on.

00:54:16.820 Now it's, it's, it, I I'll work, I'll work like it's all on me, but I'll pray like it's all on God.

00:54:22.380 And he's going to, he's going to grow those seeds. He's going to grow those trees on his time on the

00:54:27.780 better timing. And it really always ends up being like that. I always think like, man, I wish it

00:54:32.600 would happen now. I got to have this. But then when it comes, when it actually happens, I'm like,

00:54:38.120 damn, good timing, God, that was better than mine. 0.95

00:54:40.960 Yeah. But it's still a battle. Like, I'm not saying like, I wake up like, oh yes, I know I'm 0.99

00:54:46.160 very content. No, it's a, it's a constant struggle with ego. It's a constant struggle with wanting

00:54:51.420 things. Now it's a constant struggle with like literally trying to just push myself away and

00:54:57.540 bring more of God in. And on the days that I do that, I have much better days. And the days when

00:55:03.640 it's all dependent on me and I feel like, man, I got to do this. It's a, man, then I'm stressed.

00:55:07.440 And I tell people, when was, I ask them, when, when did something great happen when you were

00:55:13.040 extremely hurried and extremely stressed and burnt out with no margin in your life?

00:55:17.780 Yeah, never.

00:55:19.100 Yeah.

00:55:20.200 So I want to shift gears a little bit and talk about, I don't even know what to call it necessarily,

00:55:26.400 but maybe we were talking about negative energy or dark energy or dark fuel. Maybe I guess you could

00:55:34.560 say is sometimes I think, you know, when I'm doing something, I know I should be doing that.

00:55:38.060 Even I don't want to do, I'm trying to wrestle with this in my head, like go to the gym, for example.

00:55:42.880 And one thing I've caught myself saying is, and I, and I actually take pride in is I, nobody else is

00:55:49.460 here. Like I actually love going to the gym when no one else is there because I'm like, look, nobody

00:55:55.380 else is willing to do what I'm doing right now. And that drives for me. Is that,

00:56:00.880 is there value in using some of that maybe negative or darker fuel versus positive encouragement? I

00:56:10.060 don't, I don't know what that looks like.

00:56:11.240 Oh, heck yes, man. Absolutely. Like that right there. I mean, think about it. Like I always tell

00:56:17.020 myself I'm different and that's a good thing. Like I'm not everybody. If you look at everybody

00:56:22.800 and every just like, if you look at the masses, the masses are literally the asses. I always say 1.00

00:56:27.300 whatever everybody's going. If, if the news is saying this, if everybody's going this way,

00:56:32.360 you should take a dead sprint the opposite way, because that's the way that it's going to be

00:56:36.540 right. And now it's finally coming out and things and like seeing how everything has agenda driven

00:56:41.620 to it. Or, I mean, even looking at like the cornflakes or fruit loop study versus ground beef,

00:56:46.460 like it's just laughable into your, to your point of like, yeah, that kind of energy is great

00:56:53.600 because it's a separator. You know, like I tell people another way to be always successful is do

00:56:58.720 the things, embrace doing the things that other people don't love to do. And you'll always be

00:57:03.020 successful. You're taking votes daily for yourself by going to the gym. You're different. So when shit

00:57:08.660 hits the fan, you get through it. Most people crumble. So I think there's an absolute positive 1.00

00:57:14.420 to that negative energy, to that fuel. And I also think it's very healthy to like, even when you're

00:57:21.980 having these negative feelings, these negative thoughts, to embrace them, to actually like,

00:57:28.420 literally understand that they are there. The worst thing people can do in this, ironically,

00:57:34.120 I gave a TED, I did a TED talk on this, why negative thoughts are a good thing. Because the reason that

00:57:39.040 people are so strung out is because they try to suppress negative thoughts. And anytime you suppress

00:57:45.680 something, you're pressing it down, but it's just building up and it ends up exploding.

00:57:50.220 So understand the negative thoughts are there. They're going to happen. They're totally cool.

00:57:55.420 They're totally natural. It happens. You don't have to put on this face in this front that it's

00:57:59.680 everything is positive. Oh, if I just meditate for an hour, and I think positive thoughts,

00:58:05.020 oh, I'll speak it into existence. Hell no. We all have negative thoughts. Like even you saying,

00:58:10.800 hey, man, I feel a little bit like I don't belong in these rooms that I go into. That's awesome.

00:58:15.240 That's embracing that there is these doubting thoughts, these negative thoughts. You have to

00:58:21.220 let them out. And once you're able to let out the negative, understand that they are there,

00:58:26.440 that's the way that you can then add on the positive. But you can't, you can't clean. It's

00:58:31.500 kind of like, and I'm just thinking of this analogy at the top of my head right now, but I think it works

00:58:35.520 really well, like a, like, like a zit, like you have to pop it out. You have to get the root out

00:58:40.900 of it first. There you go. Take that. I like that. I thought about this with even, you know, the,

00:58:50.060 the commonly held belief is that men are supposed to suppress their emotions and, and we're not

00:58:56.660 supposed to be emotional. And what I would suggest is that the guys who are trying to suppress their

00:59:01.520 emotions are the most emotionally volatile ones out there because they're not even aware of what's

00:59:09.720 happening. It's like a tool that's being wielded in the background and you don't even know what's

00:59:14.340 going on or when it's going to be used or how it's going to manifest itself. It's like, if you,

00:59:18.720 if you really want to be, don't have emotional volatility, be less impacted by your emotions,

00:59:24.260 then you need to embrace them, understand them and utilize them for productive and effective outcomes.

00:59:29.520 Man, that's so good. And that is also like to be a man and we need more people who are men

00:59:36.640 leaders. So it's like, yes, be vulnerable, but like we've been telling the whole way,

00:59:42.740 there's two ends of every single spectrum, but don't go over the top and just be like,

00:59:47.800 Oh, you know, the, uh, everything is okay. I'm just going to love my body. No, we still need that

00:59:53.820 strictness of being a man leader and standing up for what is right in this crazy world that we live

01:00:00.500 in. But we also have to show people our, our authenticity. Like I almost think vulnerability

01:00:05.960 is a word that is just used too much. And it's, it is correct way. It's, it's gotten over the top,

01:00:11.340 but our authenticity of just like, man, Ryan is who he is. And like, that, that makes me feel like,

01:00:17.280 okay, here, here it is. This is what I tell you. Like, this is the number one,

01:00:20.640 like most attractive thing about a person is when they're so comfortable in their own skin,

01:00:26.260 it makes other people comfortable in their skin. And just by this podcast, like you're,

01:00:31.860 you look comfortable in your skin and you're giving me a sense of comfortability of like,

01:00:36.200 okay, I can be me. Ryan's being him. Like, I don't have to, like, we're not playing some

01:00:40.140 arm wrestling game. Who's this or who's that? I got, I'm not into that. It takes it too much energy

01:00:45.400 and to try to be somebody else or put on a face, like it's way too damn hard. There's

01:00:50.340 enough stuff going on in the world. Like just be you. Well, I think there's other value in that.

01:00:55.540 If you can learn to be okay with yourself, then you actually allow other people to be okay being

01:01:01.480 themselves. And I've noticed that over the past six months is my expectations of others have gone

01:01:08.660 down drastically. And I, I'm not saying that negatively. I'm saying I judge less than I used

01:01:13.540 to. I don't hold people to unrealistic expectations about what they should and shouldn't be doing. I

01:01:20.560 was at the gym this morning and I saw this person doing some really weird workout. And I, at first I

01:01:25.680 was like, what in the world are they doing? But you know what? I don't know. I don't know what

01:01:29.540 they're doing. I maybe, who knows, maybe that person's an Olympian and that workout or whatever

01:01:35.680 they're doing is what got them the gold medal in the 2008 Olympics. I don't know, but it is very

01:01:42.760 nice to be comfortable enough in my own self that I don't have to worry about trying to change other

01:01:50.620 people or to get them to fit into my mold of what should or should not be, man. It's a very peaceful

01:01:57.500 feeling. Oh, that's so good. That's, I mean, yeah, like we, you, you can't give energy to somebody who

01:02:05.640 doesn't want that energy and like, you can't be everything for everybody. And that's a struggle. A lot

01:02:10.680 of high performers achieving people do, but you're right. Like you can't change somebody else unless

01:02:15.280 they want to be changed. That might be his favorite workout. And that's the reason he's at the gym. But

01:02:19.080 if you tell him like, actually, man, you should do some deadlifts and some squats. That'll help you a lot

01:02:22.860 more. Who's not coming to the gym. I mean, he should do that, but who am I to say, who am I to

01:02:28.260 say? Hey, give it a shot. See what happens, man. See what happens when you tell him that.

01:02:33.220 No, I mean, it takes all types, right? There's not, everybody's going to be a power lifter and

01:02:37.060 that's, that's great. That's good. That's not a problem, you know, but we get so hung up on. And I

01:02:41.260 look, I've been there, you know, I have a podcast called order of man, where I try to teach other men

01:02:47.620 how we can be better at this. And so I've, I've taken it too far where I'm like, you should do

01:02:52.820 this. You should do that. You shouldn't do this. You should. I don't know. I don't know what your

01:02:56.240 life is. I don't know where you're at. I don't know what your experiences are. All I know is that

01:03:00.680 I'm trying to improve and maybe something I say or something you say will help somebody on their

01:03:06.400 own journey, wherever that is. Yeah. But I think that at the end of the day, I mean, that's what

01:03:10.880 makes it authentic. If you're just like, Hey, this is what's worked for me. This is what I'm doing.

01:03:14.760 This is what I'm into. And people look at you and they're like, dude, I really look up to Ryan. Oh,

01:03:19.000 he's doing that. Okay. I'm going to get on that board. I'm going to do that same thing. I mean,

01:03:22.520 I think that's the most powerful leadership, leadership through, through actual examples

01:03:27.380 and actually doing the work. That's the best form of leadership. And people see that.

01:03:33.520 I wanted to go back to, I'm, I was looking at my notes. I take notes as I do this. Cause I want

01:03:38.060 to save these things, but you were, we were talking about, where was it here? Uh, oh, I wrote this

01:03:44.500 what's behind the excuses. And you, you alluded to this and you said it's fear. I wanted to get

01:03:50.040 your take. If there's, there's one other thing that I think it could be, um, it's laziness.

01:03:55.560 You know, I think sometimes we're just, we're lazies. So we come up with excuses as to why,

01:04:02.000 why we can't do things. I mean, is that, is that something that you've seen and how, if it is,

01:04:07.120 then how do you condition that out of yourself? Yeah. I totally think laziness is, I mean,

01:04:11.640 absolutely a big one. We're talking about the phone and hours and talking about watching TV hours.

01:04:16.760 I think it is, but I think there's a bigger, something, something deeper that's happened

01:04:22.220 to create that laziness, some kind of unbelief that you can actually achieve your dreams.

01:04:27.020 Somebody, a parent that told you, you weren't good enough or some kind of thing that you blame.

01:04:32.460 So I think there's an excuse innate that creates laziness, but that also that, that laziness is

01:04:37.820 based on some type of fear that you have. And also like that one of the greatest fears actually,

01:04:45.400 and this might not go towards the laziness, but it is the fear of success. Well, what if you do

01:04:51.420 something and you actually become successful, then you have something like now there's expectations on

01:04:56.200 you. Now there's a wall on your shoulders. It's much easier to not have any expectations. It's much

01:05:01.380 easier to just float through and cruise through life. And society has made it very easy to do that

01:05:07.720 nowadays that people can actually get by doing that. So yes, I think lazy, laziness is absolutely,

01:05:15.400 an issue. And I think laziness still goes, it goes in hand in hand with complacency. And I think

01:05:20.980 complacency is one of the hardest things for companies to take it to the next level. How do

01:05:25.480 you motivate people that really aren't motivated? Can you actually spark intrinsic motivation? I mean,

01:05:31.280 you could continue to dangle extrinsic things like you're giving a dog a treat, but when does that run

01:05:36.080 out? Can you actually spark that internal motivation that out of the laziness? And I think there's

01:05:42.880 something in the past that you have to unlock before they can become driven in that. And there's

01:05:49.200 a thing called traumatic age regression, meaning there's something in your past that happened where

01:05:58.040 you're frozen in that time. Traumatic age, what'd you say? Regression. Regression. Traumatic age

01:06:04.100 regression. There's something in your past that keeps you frozen in that time. And until you address

01:06:10.120 that, until you become aware of that, until you work through that, you're not able to go

01:06:14.360 past that. So it's all right. An example would be, this isn't the best example, but like, if you go

01:06:22.140 back to your, your childhood home, there, you, like, I know from a fact, if I go back to my childhood

01:06:27.720 home, I'm kind of back in that mold of like, well, I'm kind of like a high schooler. I'm feeling like

01:06:32.340 that. Like I can't stay too long because who I was in the past and nothing, it wasn't bad or

01:06:38.060 anything, but that's not who I am now. It brings me back to frozen time. So I'm not saying that is

01:06:44.480 for everybody, but I think the majority of people, there's the past is such a tricky thing when like

01:06:51.620 how many things have shaped us to who we are today. But the biggest understanding is that the past

01:06:56.180 escapes you for who you are today. You learn from it. You take from it. You don't let it. It's not a

01:07:02.400 woe is me in the past. It's a, how did I learn from this past that is getting me right to this

01:07:08.000 spot, to this present moment where I'm supposed to be. And then how do I anticipate the future to

01:07:12.780 come? People can get that down. Then I think they kick out of that laziness, but, but I don't think

01:07:18.980 many people can actually grasp that. Yeah. I've always thought about even laziness, you know,

01:07:25.240 they're, they're committed to something like they're committed to, you know, sit on the couch

01:07:32.480 and watching TV. Like they've got a pretty good commitment to that committed to maybe overeating

01:07:36.700 committed to all sorts of things. So maybe we can just shift that and be committed towards something

01:07:42.320 that's actually going to serve you. You know, one, one exercise that I've, I've done over the past

01:07:47.540 little bit, that's been really helpful is when I, when I find myself in a situation that isn't going

01:07:53.100 favorably, maybe that's a conversation I'm having or a result I'm producing, uh, or even just an

01:07:58.860 internal dialogue that I'm having. I asked myself, why do I do that? You know, like why, why do I do

01:08:05.580 that? And, and I asked myself in sincerity, not like you're an idiot. Why are you doing that? No, I asked 1.00

01:08:10.900 myself, why do you do that? And it started to take me back to experiences that I really haven't thought

01:08:17.240 of for potentially decades where I've formulated a behavior or a belief based on what somebody else

01:08:26.880 said. You know, I, this is a silly example, but this will illustrate the point. Um, I buy good shoes.

01:08:34.520 I buy brand brand name shoes. I don't shop at Payless. I don't buy shoes at Walmart or Target or any of this

01:08:42.580 stuff. My kids buy, I buy brand name shoes for my kid. It's important to me. I'm like, why, why,

01:08:48.940 why is that so important? Well, I remember I was in maybe sixth grade, fifth or sixth grade and Tim,

01:08:55.760 I even remember his name. Haven't seen him for 35 years or whatever it is. Tim made fun of my

01:09:02.360 cheetahs that my mom bought me at Payless shoe store. A kid from three decades ago is impacting

01:09:10.160 decisions that I'm making today. Isn't that wild? Yeah. That's one that I know about. Imagine all

01:09:17.600 the stories I don't know about. But how funny is it when like in marriage and with kids, like you're

01:09:25.280 seeing the way that you were raised and maybe it wasn't the best way that it was like, there's

01:09:29.640 certain things like, I know there's certain things that was different than the way my wife was raised,

01:09:34.340 like completely different. And you just got to ask like, well, why, like, why did we do that? Is that

01:09:39.380 the right way to do that? But, but most people don't ask that question. I don't think like most

01:09:45.740 people are not furious. And I think that's an unbelievable skill that will take you a long

01:09:52.440 ways in life. Leaders are curious. They ask questions. There's people in general now in this

01:09:57.160 day and age, if you just ask questions of, well, why are they telling us to do this? Well, why is it

01:10:02.560 this way? You're going to learn a lot, but most people say, oh, government said do this. Man,

01:10:08.320 I trust them with my whole life. Let me do it. They have their best, our best interest in mind.

01:10:12.780 No doubt. You know, a mind blowing thing that most people don't know is funny to me. The Federal

01:10:18.980 Reserve, it's not ran by the government. Right. Most people think, oh, Federal Reserve,

01:10:23.600 money's safe. We have to buy the government. Yeah. Good luck.

01:10:27.420 Yeah. We talked a little bit about that with some of these banks going under. We talked a little bit

01:10:31.060 about that on one of our episodes earlier in the week, talking about the gold standard and

01:10:36.040 fractionalized banking. And it's scary how many people who don't understand some of these concepts

01:10:41.360 that's impacting their daily lives. Yeah. But why don't they? Because they don't ask.

01:10:46.100 They don't ask. Yeah. They don't ask. Yeah.

01:10:48.220 Well, David, this has been fascinating, man. I really appreciate the conversation. I know

01:10:52.640 everybody's going to be excited about the information you're sharing, obviously, in your

01:10:56.700 new book. And you have a couple other books that are behind you there, Pivot and Go and Breakthrough.

01:11:00.680 Let the guys know where to connect with you, learn more about what you're doing,

01:11:04.060 and then pick up a copy of the book. Yeah, totally. DavidNurse.com website. Everything's there.

01:11:09.700 Social media, David Nurse NBA. Yeah. The books, anywhere books are sold. Come out here to Los

01:11:16.980 Angeles and go to Air One and eat way too expensive hot bar food. We can kick it out here. 0.99

01:11:23.360 Awesome. Yeah. Easy to connect with. We'll sync it all up.

01:11:26.780 Thank you for having me on, man. I love your show. I love what you're doing for men and for leaders.

01:11:31.740 So, dude, it's an honor and I appreciate all you're doing.

01:11:34.660 Right on, brother. Let's stay connected. Totally.

01:11:38.120 Gentlemen, there you go. David Nurse. I hope you enjoyed that conversation.

01:11:42.160 I personally did. There's some podcasts that we just hit it off well and it's like,

01:11:46.980 I don't know, sitting in the truck with your buddy or at a game and just having a conversation

01:11:52.160 between two friends. And that's what this one felt like. David is obviously very successful.

01:11:57.480 He helps other successful people be more successful. And I know that the information

01:12:03.100 he shares in his books and his messages and his keynote speeches, absolutely phenomenal. Top notch.

01:12:08.820 So please connect with David on the gram. I'm going to be sharing links and videos and pictures

01:12:14.100 and all sorts of things on Instagram and Facebook and Twitter and YouTube. If you would, please do

01:12:18.740 your part. We don't do a bunch of advertising and I don't know, sell you mattresses or life insurance.

01:12:24.400 We don't do a lot of that. We don't do any of that actually. But one thing I do ask is that if you

01:12:28.940 found value in this, please share. This is a grassroots movement and we need you sharing it with

01:12:33.420 other men who will be impacted by the work we're doing to grow this mission. And it's not just about

01:12:38.240 growing the mission. It's about what the mission is to reclaim and restore masculinity. And I hope

01:12:43.600 you'll help with that. All right, guys, we're going to be back tomorrow for our Ask Me Anything.

01:12:48.740 Until then, go out there, take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:12:53.360 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

01:12:57.800 to be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:13:08.240 Thank you.

Order of Man - March 21, 2023

DAVID NURSE ｜ The Life-Changing Power of Taking Action

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