Order of Man - Dealing with a Crossroad ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 Don't let God humble you.

00:00:02.900 And what I mean by that is if you wait until God humbles you,

00:00:06.700 it's going to be a lot more painful than if you do it yourself preemptively.

00:00:10.760 Because he has a really good way of teaching you lessons that stick.

00:00:15.880 So you want to talk about getting punched in the face repeatedly?

00:00:19.360 Let God handle your humility.

00:00:22.860 And you'll figure out really quick, I don't want to learn my lesson that way anymore.

00:00:27.060 So you should be preemptive in your humility.

00:00:30.000 You're a man of action.

00:00:33.000 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:34.460 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:37.400 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time.

00:00:40.800 Every time.

00:00:41.840 You are not easily deterred or defeated.

00:00:44.160 Rugged.

00:00:44.940 Resilient.

00:00:45.920 Strong.

00:00:46.880 This is your life.

00:00:48.000 This is who you are.

00:00:49.420 This is who you will become.

00:00:50.860 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:57.380 Kip, it looks like you're still in Hawaii.

00:00:59.500 Are you just going to become a permanent resident?

00:01:01.940 Or what's your plan over there?

00:01:04.460 If it were up for my wife and kids, yeah.

00:01:07.500 It's really great.

00:01:08.360 One of my daughters, for whatever reason, she's been on this kick of, I want to live in Spain. 0.95

00:01:14.840 Oh, really?

00:01:15.440 Have you guys been to Spain together?

00:01:17.260 Yeah.

00:01:17.940 Oh, okay.

00:01:18.380 And she's like, when I get older, I'm moving to Spain.

00:01:20.280 I'm moving to Spain.

00:01:21.120 I think we're here maybe about three days.

00:01:24.100 And then she's like, I'm not going to Spain.

00:01:25.980 I'm moving to Hawaii.

00:01:27.400 Yeah.

00:01:27.880 It didn't take her long to switch.

00:01:29.740 Yeah.

00:01:30.000 I don't blame her.

00:01:30.700 Hawaii is amazing.

00:01:31.700 And you guys, you're not on the big island.

00:01:33.560 You're on Oahu, right?

00:01:35.320 Oahu, North Shore.

00:01:36.540 Yeah.

00:01:36.820 Yeah.

00:01:37.700 Yeah.

00:01:37.980 I've only been to Oahu once.

00:01:39.280 It was probably 25 years ago.

00:01:40.760 And I remember it was with a bunch of buddies and we got drunk all the time and riding mopeds

00:01:46.500 around and basically just doing nothing and everything.

00:01:50.580 But it was a pretty good time.

00:01:52.100 All of my subsequent trips have been a little different, but that was a pretty good time

00:01:55.920 back in my early years.

00:01:57.720 Yeah.

00:01:58.000 Drinking on mopeds versus hunting in Molokai.

00:02:00.760 Yeah.

00:02:01.100 Exactly.

00:02:01.600 Or a big island.

00:02:02.060 Yeah.

00:02:02.540 Much different.

00:02:03.140 But you know, what's interesting is like, we all mature, right?

00:02:08.020 Hopefully the idea is to mature.

00:02:10.560 Maybe not all of us, but it's still fun, you know?

00:02:15.800 And that's what I try to create in my life is something that I can actually enjoy.

00:02:19.900 I'm so tired of hearing people.

00:02:21.500 And look, I get it.

00:02:22.320 There's no judgment here, but I'm tired of hearing people say, oh man, I can't wait till

00:02:26.900 the weekend.

00:02:27.620 Bro, it's Monday morning.

00:02:30.220 Yeah.

00:02:30.660 What about the other five days of your life?

00:02:33.280 And look, I've been there, Kip.

00:02:35.420 I know you've been there where you feel like your life is miserable.

00:02:39.200 The cards are stacked against you.

00:02:41.280 You've got debt up to your eyeballs.

00:02:42.900 You're not making any money.

00:02:44.100 Your wife is pregnant. 0.99

00:02:45.160 Your kids are biting at your ankles.

00:02:47.540 And like, there's just, everything seems to come at once when you're a young man.

00:02:51.460 Just stick with it.

00:02:52.700 And even if you're not a young man and you don't have the life that you want right now,

00:02:56.400 there are opportunities to create that life, it might take you a year, two years, five

00:03:01.400 years.

00:03:02.140 But if you start right now and you do the right things and you surround yourself with good

00:03:06.040 people and you have a good system that works, then before you know it, you can say, hey,

00:03:11.400 I'm on Oahu for the next three weeks with my family, enjoying our time, or I'm going on

00:03:17.320 a hunt that I've always wanted to do, but never been able to.

00:03:20.100 It takes work.

00:03:20.820 It takes effort.

00:03:21.660 Don't discount what it takes to be successful.

00:03:24.120 Figure out what people are doing.

00:03:25.880 Plug into systems that are available and make it happen for yourself.

00:03:30.000 Totally.

00:03:30.360 Man, and God, man, there's just so much, I don't know, that's been really present for

00:03:35.980 me actually a lot, Ryan, what you just said.

00:03:38.580 In fact, yesterday was for us at church, they had someone come in that was a specialist on

00:03:46.820 suicide prevention.

00:03:49.420 And I don't know, like just that conversation and they were talking about really to parents

00:03:55.500 around awareness and how to open up to your kids and have better conversations and know

00:04:02.340 what's happening in the world.

00:04:04.140 And just the state of loneliness that can exist for people, right?

00:04:09.400 And the hardship.

00:04:10.740 And obviously, you want to be there so people don't commit suicide, but there's a level of

00:04:17.840 sadness of just like even to get to that point of not enjoying life and how critical it is

00:04:25.500 that we just, I don't know, man.

00:04:27.660 Like, I don't know.

00:04:28.460 You know me, I know you, like we're probably, our default mentality is get stuff done, right?

00:04:35.880 Drive hard, get things done.

00:04:37.560 It's not about having fun all the time.

00:04:40.360 It's not about, you know, like I have to fight to make sure I look up and go, man, life

00:04:47.840 is good.

00:04:48.940 And, and I don't know, that was just really present for me the last couple of days of just,

00:04:54.440 I need to lighten up a little bit, right?

00:04:56.860 And enjoy things a little bit more than I do.

00:05:00.280 I look, I, yes, I agree.

00:05:03.800 But I'm really trying to round out my perspective in this.

00:05:06.900 It's what I hear people saying and what I think a natural, what you might naturally gravitate

00:05:11.380 towards if you're not in that position is, well, easy for you to say.

00:05:15.060 Yeah.

00:05:15.800 And first, a couple of things with that first.

00:05:18.980 First, yeah, it is easier for you to say because you built that life for yourself.

00:05:24.040 So of course it's easier for you to say.

00:05:25.620 So acknowledge that.

00:05:26.680 Like if you catch yourself thinking, well, oh, must be nice.

00:05:30.400 Easy for you to say.

00:05:32.160 Acknowledge that what the people you're respecting and looking up to have created is something

00:05:36.520 that they've created over literally decades of diligent and hard work.

00:05:41.040 And second to that is that you have to acknowledge what that individual did.

00:05:49.580 Please guys, be very cautious of discounting any level of success that you see.

00:05:54.440 If you see a man out there and he's got a beautiful family, a lovely bride, they've been married

00:06:00.800 for 20 years and he just seems to be the perfect husband and father.

00:06:05.720 Don't say, well, because of his wife is amazing and because his kids are perfect or because

00:06:10.380 he grew up in this household and so he had a good example.

00:06:13.880 Don't use that as a reason because that's discounting the amount of work that man did

00:06:18.120 to get to that point.

00:06:19.060 And trust me, it's work.

00:06:20.920 Or if you see a man who's very successful, you know, he's making seven figures a year.

00:06:25.740 He's got a thriving business.

00:06:27.260 He's got all the cars and the house and the vacations and everything else that you dream of.

00:06:32.940 Don't say, oh, well, he's a trust fund baby or, you know, he caught his break or he got

00:06:38.060 lucky because that one thing happened that one time.

00:06:40.780 Sure, some of that might be true.

00:06:43.240 That does nothing for you.

00:06:45.140 Instead, ask yourself, what did that man do?

00:06:48.480 How long did it take him to get there?

00:06:50.240 What sacrifices did he need to make?

00:06:52.420 What did 20 years look like?

00:06:54.260 How did he behave 20 years ago?

00:06:56.160 When all of his buddies were out drinking and partying and finding the women, was he diligent

00:07:00.260 in his business and focused on creating wealth and abundance or schooling or education?

00:07:06.420 Spend more time focused on what successful people have done than discounting what they've

00:07:11.420 done to be successful.

00:07:13.640 Yeah, totally.

00:07:15.720 Yeah, I don't, I was hesitant to even bring this up because I don't want to take away from,

00:07:20.660 from what you just said.

00:07:21.880 And it's not in disagreement, it's just a deeper way of even looking at this, but like

00:07:27.040 this, this also brings to, brings to the forefront, the importance of like being like your mindset.

00:07:37.200 And it's kind of naive for us to assume that the guy that, that, that drives super hard,

00:07:42.320 he's achieved these things and now he's happy.

00:07:45.000 Maybe you're, you're being, you're being naive to assume that that, that, that way of being

00:07:50.820 all sudden shows up and now he's a happy guy.

00:07:53.280 Right.

00:07:53.900 The guy that's grinding, probably still grinding, even though he has all those things.

00:07:58.820 Why?

00:07:59.160 Because that's how he shows up in the world.

00:08:00.820 Like it's, it's about how they show up day in and day out.

00:08:05.820 And it's not like, oh, now the circumstances are ideal.

00:08:09.060 And then they flip some switch and now they're like Mr. Happy guy.

00:08:12.560 Like it's super tough to turn that shit on and off.

00:08:17.700 Do you understand what I'm saying?

00:08:19.320 Am I explaining that well enough?

00:08:21.120 Well, I mean, an example, I was having a conversation over the weekend about somebody and, um, that

00:08:26.420 somebody, uh, is, is trying to achieve prosperity and abundance in their life.

00:08:31.600 And they made the comment that once I get to this amount of revenue, then I, then I'll

00:08:35.980 be able to sit back and relax or enjoy it a little bit.

00:08:38.360 I'm like, you know, I appreciate that attitude.

00:08:41.840 I appreciate that you think that, but because, and, and I believe that this person probably

00:08:46.520 will achieve based on what I know about them achieve that level of success.

00:08:50.180 But I also know when they hit that level of success, they're not going to flip a switch

00:08:54.440 and say, let me change fundamentally who I am as a human being, because I have this paycheck

00:09:00.060 now.

00:09:00.540 It's going to be the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.

00:09:03.560 And it always will for people, unless they change and spend a lot of time thinking about

00:09:08.060 it, they always will be those hard chargers.

00:09:10.080 That's why it's hard for you to turn off on vacation because that's not who you are.

00:09:15.220 So of course that's going to be a challenge for you.

00:09:17.760 Yeah.

00:09:18.080 Yeah.

00:09:18.480 Yeah.

00:09:18.640 And, and when you said that, I started laughing, you know, when he watched us on YouTube, I'm

00:09:22.660 just laughing because I remember, I remember like no joke, Ryan, like we may have talked

00:09:28.060 about this, but like, I remember my dad at some point, I got a glimpse of what he made.

00:09:33.960 It was like maybe a senior in high school, junior in high school.

00:09:37.580 And, and he always had one multiple jobs, right?

00:09:40.480 It was like work at the coal mine, farm and drive, drive, butchering.

00:09:45.920 Yeah.

00:09:46.360 Like it was always multiple jobs.

00:09:48.280 So I only saw the one paycheck that was like a real job.

00:09:52.040 Right.

00:09:52.620 And it was working at the mines in the coal mines.

00:09:56.740 And I did the math and I thought this guy makes 40 K a year.

00:10:01.260 And I remember thinking, man, if I can go to college and if I could just graduate and make

00:10:09.480 40 K like within a couple of years, you got it.

00:10:14.460 I mean, life is good.

00:10:16.220 Yeah.

00:10:16.900 And I remember thinking, making 40 and going, this shit sucks.

00:10:21.800 Like I'm still poor.

00:10:23.760 I remember 60 came in gone.

00:10:25.880 I still felt the same way.

00:10:27.520 80 came in gone.

00:10:28.680 Six figures came in gone.

00:10:29.980 Like, I'm like, okay.

00:10:31.820 And, and I started realizing, I'm like, okay, this, this light at the end of the tunnel that

00:10:37.480 I think is going to just magically happen once income reaches a certain level, it never showed

00:10:44.340 up because it was never about the money per se.

00:10:48.040 Yeah.

00:10:48.820 Right.

00:10:49.200 And, and I realized, and it took me, you know, five, six years to realize like, oh God, there's

00:10:55.480 other things at play than just the paycheck.

00:10:58.680 Right.

00:10:59.120 But yeah.

00:11:00.340 Well, like, and you know how, you know, that is even if you weren't poor, cause you said

00:11:05.560 40,000, of course we would, if we're making 40 grand, no judgment here, but if we're making

00:11:09.380 40 grand a year, you're going to feel poor.

00:11:12.100 It's just the nature of the times in which we live.

00:11:14.880 So even if you were making 400 a year, which I would consider pretty good income, a guy 0.99

00:11:22.860 making 10 times what he was making before, even though he's no longer in poverty is not

00:11:29.380 thinking, oh man, like I, I'm, I can shut it off now.

00:11:33.820 He's like, could I turn this into 4 million?

00:11:36.280 But you know what?

00:11:36.940 Here's a thought I've had lately, uh, where, where you're a hard, and then I want to get

00:11:40.760 to questions.

00:11:41.240 Cause we've been talking about our own stuff, but, um, here's a thought I've had lately

00:11:46.160 is that a lot of men I know who are hard chargers, where do they charge hard?

00:11:52.120 Would you say Kip, just off the cuff, like in what facet of their life?

00:11:55.420 Like by default work and then probably fitness.

00:11:59.700 Yeah.

00:11:59.900 Those are the, those are the two that come to mind for me.

00:12:01.840 Work first, fitness second.

00:12:03.880 That's where hard chargers show up. 0.59

00:12:06.240 So my thought lately has been, why not be a hard charger as a father?

00:12:13.020 Why not be a hard charging husband?

00:12:16.720 Why not be a hard charger on vacation?

00:12:20.400 And that doesn't mean you're militant about, we're going to be this, at this place at 10

00:12:23.920 o'clock and then at 10 third, that's not what I'm saying.

00:12:26.120 But having a blast.

00:12:27.400 Yeah.

00:12:27.640 Having a blast going all in on it.

00:12:29.640 If you're going to go to the beach, just like you wouldn't walk into a client meeting

00:12:33.800 unprepared and just kind of hope it's going to be a good meeting.

00:12:37.440 You're going to go, you're going to go into that meeting prepared.

00:12:40.100 You're going to think about how your presentation looks.

00:12:42.640 You're probably going to practice it.

00:12:44.020 You're probably going to bring other people in who are relevant to the scenario.

00:12:46.880 You might bring different tools, technology in that will help you sell the client,

00:12:52.100 whatever it is you're trying to sell.

00:12:53.160 Okay, how does that translate to the beach?

00:12:55.940 Think about it.

00:12:56.900 Man, go buy some boogie boards.

00:12:59.060 Do a little research on which is the best beach for families or a place that you've never

00:13:03.140 been to before.

00:13:04.520 You know, maybe buy some snorkeling stuff.

00:13:06.760 Think about you going in the ocean to snorkel with your kids.

00:13:09.420 Or I like to buy a shovel because I love digging holes in the beach.

00:13:14.000 Digging holes.

00:13:15.080 I mean, like, and even for me, I'm pale skin, blue eyed, blonde hair.

00:13:20.540 The sun is my enemy most of the time.

00:13:22.760 So if I go to the beach and I just sit in a lawn chair on the beach, I'll be miserable.

00:13:29.900 So, okay, what do I need?

00:13:31.540 Buy a beach tent.

00:13:33.100 Buy a canopy.

00:13:34.380 Buy some misters with fans.

00:13:35.860 Like, go all in and make it the best so you're not miserable and you're actually enjoying

00:13:41.060 yourself and your kids are having a good time and your wife's having a good time because

00:13:44.080 you planned ahead and got ready for it the same way you'd get ready for a board meeting.

00:13:49.660 Yeah.

00:13:50.060 That's perfect and perfect segue to actually Kevin's question, Nickel, from the IC.

00:13:58.400 He says, what does it really mean to be a man in a culture that, oh, wait, I'm going to

00:14:03.420 read that question later.

00:14:04.260 I'm sorry.

00:14:04.920 This is the question I want to cover.

00:14:06.520 He says, in the last section of the book, The Man, The Moment Demands, he speaks about

00:14:12.180 the devotional characteristics of a comprehensive man.

00:14:15.180 These are husband, father, and son.

00:14:17.340 And he says, Ryan and Kip, where do each of you see the area needing the most improvement

00:14:23.180 in your lives?

00:14:25.540 Well, for me, the most improvement is father, personally, in the devotional characteristics

00:14:31.340 because I'm not a husband, so that one's easy.

00:14:34.860 Yeah.

00:14:35.880 And as far as son goes, it's, you know, when you become a grown man, I mean, yeah, I need

00:14:41.580 to invest in the relationship.

00:14:42.840 The role of son is not as important.

00:14:44.660 Yeah.

00:14:44.760 Yeah, for sure.

00:14:45.340 So, for me, it's father.

00:14:47.820 And in what I would say is in the devotional characteristics, it would probably be attention

00:14:53.400 and patience, primarily for me.

00:14:56.220 More attention, more patience with my kids, more involvement, probably more empathy, because

00:15:02.600 I naturally can be disciplined.

00:15:04.280 I naturally can be structured.

00:15:06.120 And I'm not saying those things are unimportant.

00:15:08.120 They absolutely are.

00:15:09.040 And Kevin, I know enough about, naturally, like, he was on the call on Friday, and he

00:15:14.380 looked like a complete badass.

00:15:16.180 He had, like, his Kevlar vest on, and he had his gear on.

00:15:20.160 And he even said, somebody had made the comment to him, like, oh, man, Kevin looks like he's

00:15:24.160 going to ruin somebody's day.

00:15:26.020 And Kevin piped up.

00:15:27.440 He's like, you're right.

00:15:28.380 He's like, somebody's about to have a bad day when I get off this call.

00:15:31.680 So, I know enough about Kevin's personality where he naturally gravitates towards that.

00:15:40.460 So, what I would say to Kevin, to myself, probably, Kip, to you a little bit based on

00:15:44.380 the conversations we've had, is let's focus on being patient.

00:15:48.460 Let's focus on being empathetic.

00:15:50.520 Now, some people might say, well, I don't want to go too far.

00:15:52.700 Bro, a disciplined, structured, committed father is not going to go too far in being

00:15:59.460 overly patient.

00:16:00.540 Are you kidding?

00:16:01.980 It just won't happen.

00:16:04.220 Like, a man like that cannot push that far.

00:16:06.860 So, that's what I'm focused on.

00:16:09.900 Yeah.

00:16:10.180 And the guy that says push too far, like, go too far in that area with their parents,

00:16:14.180 or as a parent, is probably operating from a perspective of control and fear with their

00:16:19.380 kids, and they think being overly kind somehow ruins their authority.

00:16:25.540 Like, I don't know.

00:16:26.760 There's something probably deeper there, right, for someone that has that fear.

00:16:29.920 I think it's worth considering the difference between being nice and being kind.

00:16:34.600 And some might say it's just semantics.

00:16:36.620 And yeah, sure, it can be semantics, but I'm just, I want you to know there's a difference

00:16:41.140 between two ways of showing up.

00:16:42.900 And I really don't care what you call it, nice or kind or whatever, but you have to differentiate

00:16:47.080 between the way you show up.

00:16:48.200 The way I differentiate it and make sense of it is that niceness is just being passive,

00:16:54.920 being weak, not really exerting yourself, not being assertive, not communicating what

00:17:00.220 you want, not upholding boundaries, letting people take advantage of you, letting people

00:17:04.300 manipulate you, letting people even bully you.

00:17:07.240 And kids are great at this by default.

00:17:08.980 They will push you around.

00:17:10.020 They will bully you.

00:17:11.080 They will manipulate you into getting what they want, and they're relentless.

00:17:14.400 And being a nice guy, you think, oh, I'm making my kids happy.

00:17:19.220 I just released an interview yesterday with Pastor Douglas Wilson, and he calls them injuries.

00:17:24.880 You're actually injuring your children when you show up like that.

00:17:27.980 Maybe not physically, but you are creating injury to your children when you show up like

00:17:31.920 that.

00:17:32.440 A kind person is somebody who takes those things into consideration.

00:17:36.700 How do my kids feel?

00:17:37.820 How do they feel loved?

00:17:39.280 How do they feel supported?

00:17:40.940 And also, they need discipline.

00:17:43.620 They need structure.

00:17:44.920 Boundaries are important.

00:17:46.180 There's rules here.

00:17:47.260 There's a hierarchy of who's in charge and who isn't.

00:17:50.300 And you can be nice and forget all of that stuff, or you can adopt the mantra of kindness

00:17:56.820 and take into consideration how your kids and wife are feeling, but still be the leader

00:18:02.860 of the home, which is what you are as a man.

00:18:06.320 Yeah, totally.

00:18:07.280 Yeah, I think for me, to answer Kevin's question, mine's in the space of husband.

00:18:15.280 I'm not as empathetic and patient as I probably should be.

00:18:22.260 And I do this with leaders, too.

00:18:24.900 I realize that the mantle of leadership is so important.

00:18:32.700 And so I put a lot of weight in regards to how I think we should show up as leaders.

00:18:41.640 And I hold those people more accountable than I probably do other people, right?

00:18:47.780 And so, Ryan, you know, it's like I know what you're capable of.

00:18:51.540 I know you well enough that I kind of have some expectations of the importance of your role

00:18:58.880 in my life and the role of other people.

00:19:00.600 So I have some higher expectations for you than I would someone else in my life.

00:19:07.940 And I naturally have a tendency to do that.

00:19:10.800 Some of it's in because I see what's possible and the importance of who you are as a person,

00:19:18.620 or I see the importance of my wife.

00:19:20.340 And so I hold some judgment to that probably more than I should.

00:19:25.840 And so, yeah, that patience category for me from a husband perspective is probably the biggest area

00:19:32.180 that I need to work on to answer Kevin's question.

00:19:36.180 You know, as you're saying that, Kip, I think most men would probably empathize with that,

00:19:41.220 to acknowledge that.

00:19:43.160 They would be empathetic to that.

00:19:44.520 We would understand that.

00:19:45.400 But I think in order to be patient with the people in your life,

00:19:52.300 you need to try to understand them a little better.

00:19:57.140 Because if you understood them better, you would have more patience with them.

00:20:01.720 Like the things that bother you about the people that you love,

00:20:05.060 on one hand, it might bother you.

00:20:06.600 But on the other hand, you might actually appreciate in some aspect what they do.

00:20:10.200 A great example of that would be your wife.

00:20:12.820 If maybe she takes a really long time getting ready to go out on date night.

00:20:17.900 And it bothers you.

00:20:18.820 It annoys you a little bit.

00:20:21.000 But you know when you're not complaining?

00:20:22.880 When she comes out in that dress and she looks like a 10 and her hair is done perfectly

00:20:27.200 and she looks beautiful.

00:20:29.080 You don't complain about her getting ready then.

00:20:30.860 And the point that I'm making is that you don't get to pick and choose

00:20:37.480 which characteristics you want if you really want the positive.

00:20:43.900 But you can't have that without the negative.

00:20:45.320 So I'll talk about Asia for a minute.

00:20:47.460 She's fiery. 0.62

00:20:49.220 Right?

00:20:49.520 And so I imagine that the passion that she brings to life is amazing for you.

00:20:56.540 And I don't want to put words in your mouth.

00:20:58.060 It's just what I see.

00:20:59.220 It's amazing.

00:21:00.320 She's energetic and she's fun and she infuses this excitement and energy that you probably

00:21:05.460 wouldn't bring on your own.

00:21:07.000 And I imagine, I haven't seen this, and I imagine that when you're on the receiving end of it,

00:21:12.560 it's probably not very fun when that passion is directed at you in a negative and hostile way.

00:21:17.400 But you know what?

00:21:19.220 You can't say, I don't want that, but I want the positive energy when things are going really well.

00:21:24.900 And so those are the kind of things that you should understand about people and just appreciate it for what it is.

00:21:31.060 Asia, I'm not talking.

00:21:32.260 I hope that I don't want any negativity, any of that passion directed at me.

00:21:36.280 I hope you understand what I'm saying.

00:21:37.880 Well, and it's funny how that correlates to what we're talking about earlier, right?

00:21:42.940 The guy that grinds.

00:21:44.140 It's like, you know, some of my wives will look at that and go, well, I'm so annoyed that, you know, he takes work so seriously.

00:21:54.140 Look around.

00:21:54.820 Yeah, but you don't mind the house though, right?

00:21:57.800 You're like, come on, you know, this is kind of the good and the bad.

00:22:01.840 And I love that too, Ryan.

00:22:03.100 Like, yeah, I really didn't, this was not on my radar until probably the last year that my greatest talents and what I bring to the table are also my weaknesses.

00:22:16.880 They really are.

00:22:18.400 It's wild to me, but it's true.

00:22:21.700 And there's some importance of understanding it in ourselves of like, man, what is it that I bring to the table that's probably really unique that I'm highly talented in?

00:22:31.620 Trust me, that same thing can undermine you as well.

00:22:35.300 So be very careful and find that balance.

00:22:38.720 Yeah, for sure.

00:22:40.080 Okay, what else we got?

00:22:41.060 All right.

00:22:41.940 Brandon Mancini, thoughts on Liver King.

00:22:45.300 It was going to come up.

00:22:46.780 Yeah, I haven't followed the story too closely.

00:22:49.400 I know that, I think he called out Joe Rogan, which is a huge mistake.

00:22:53.460 I mean, a huge mistake.

00:22:54.680 Muscles don't translate into beating somebody's ass or getting your ass beat.

00:22:58.580 So, especially when you got somebody who is also strong, but physically capable in the proficiency that you're calling him out in.

00:23:10.040 Yeah.

00:23:10.260 So I haven't followed that real well.

00:23:12.100 I did say to Brandon, I have some thoughts.

00:23:14.540 Part of, it's not my problem.

00:23:16.760 I actually think it is one of, a good characteristic that I have is that I don't really get dragged into bull crap.

00:23:24.260 It's, it's hard to drag me into that stuff.

00:23:27.640 I don't care about what the Liver King is doing about Joe Rogan or not.

00:23:32.280 Like I heard he was going to get arrested for domestic terrorism or something, but that could have been.

00:23:37.620 I think he did.

00:23:38.520 Yeah.

00:23:39.120 He did get arrested.

00:23:40.060 I don't care.

00:23:41.080 I don't, I don't.

00:23:42.140 That has no relevancy in my life.

00:23:44.900 I, you know, I do feel bad for the guy a little bit.

00:23:47.480 I think in a way, I think part, I'm not taking any burden of responsibility away from an individual like that.

00:23:54.800 But I think the burden of fame and social media spoke into him so deeply and it became so toxic and so, yeah, toxic is the perfect word for it, that it infected his mind and his, and his being.

00:24:12.980 And so now all of a sudden, because he wanted to be famous, he started lying about things that he was doing.

00:24:21.420 And I think he kind of came clean a little bit, but did not humble himself and rectify the situation.

00:24:27.720 And a lot of that behavior is attention seeking, which tells me that he's not getting the same level of dopamine that he needed when he was initially getting the recognition for being the quote unquote Liver King.

00:24:40.020 So social media and popularity and fame demand, demand him to pay up.

00:24:48.780 And what that means is doing wilder and crazy, more nonsensical things in order to achieve the same level of, of notoriety and the same level of dopamine.

00:24:59.700 And he's a product of what social media and fame can do to a person if it is left unchecked.

00:25:06.020 Totally all from a massive amount of people that don't really know him and that don't give a shit about him.

00:25:18.000 And yet it's like at the center of his validation, right?

00:25:24.640 Of what they think.

00:25:26.120 It's, it's actually sad that that's the same thought I had about it.

00:25:29.580 It's like, man, he's in it.

00:25:31.500 Like he's in his, he's in a box that he's created and he's losing touch of, of reality.

00:25:38.780 And it's all in this space of, of validation from a bunch of people that he shouldn't give a shit about what we think.

00:25:45.800 Yeah.

00:25:46.300 You know what I mean?

00:25:47.260 And it's, that sucks, man.

00:25:49.040 It's rough.

00:25:50.120 The only thing I can think of as you're saying that is it's kind of like somebody saying, dance for me, clown.

00:25:56.340 Yeah.

00:25:57.200 Like perform for me.

00:25:58.700 And that's what he's doing.

00:25:59.800 He's dancing for people.

00:26:01.260 It's on, it's tragic, man.

00:26:02.280 Now look, he's still making decisions.

00:26:04.400 Okay.

00:26:04.720 I'm not saying he's, he's lost his sovereignty over making his own decisions and claiming his own life, but he's let those things go.

00:26:11.680 He could actually be a really powerful source of good.

00:26:16.020 He's got such a great platform.

00:26:18.540 You know, I went to the Cody Johnson concert this past weekend up in Salt Lake and it's, it was a sold out show.

00:26:25.400 20,000 people at that show.

00:26:27.140 And he put on a great performance, very patriotic.

00:26:29.360 He's an incredible singer, very entertaining, way more entertaining even than I knew or thought he was.

00:26:34.840 And he was talking about being on tour or traveling somewhere.

00:26:38.120 And he ran into some protesters and he was asking them what they were protesting.

00:26:42.280 And he said, I couldn't get a clear answer.

00:26:44.420 Like they were protesting just because they were just protesting things.

00:26:48.420 And they were trying to be obnoxious and shut down roads and traffic and things like that.

00:26:52.540 And he was bothered, but he couldn't get a clear answer for them.

00:26:55.340 And he said something interesting.

00:26:56.840 He was on that microphone.

00:26:57.880 He says, you know what?

00:26:59.780 I'm protesting too.

00:27:01.660 I'm going to protest the protesters.

00:27:03.540 But the only difference is I have this microphone and 20,000 people are listening to me right now.

00:27:10.000 And I thought, you know, that's why we should become influential.

00:27:14.340 The larger our audience is and the bigger our microphones and the more credible our voice, the more positive impact that we can have.

00:27:24.300 So a man like Liver King or Joe Rogan can have such a tremendous impact, more so than 99.99999% of us.

00:27:35.360 And the question is, will they allow the doctrine of popular culture to grab them, to steal away their hearts and souls, to get them to perform for people who know nothing about them and care little about them?

00:27:48.220 Or are they going to stand up for what they believe and have values and principles and use their crowd and their audience and their leverage for good?

00:27:58.380 That's what we're trying to do here.

00:27:59.900 The problem is it's not popular because we're not performing for people the way they want us to perform.

00:28:06.220 And it's sometimes kind of hard to look away from a train wreck, unfortunately.

00:28:13.580 Yeah.

00:28:14.400 Yeah.

00:28:16.040 Raul Gutierrez, martial arts.

00:28:19.520 Both of you guys train jiu-jitsu.

00:28:22.040 Have you experienced any experience with other styles to balance your grappling skills?

00:28:27.140 Yeah, I actually have not been training very much over the past, I would say, two, maybe closer to three months now.

00:28:35.560 So I actually need to get back into it.

00:28:37.280 I have been lifting.

00:28:39.340 You know, I do a lot of strength training.

00:28:41.300 So primarily that.

00:28:42.460 But yeah, I need to get back into jiu-jitsu at a medium.

00:28:45.260 But to answer your question, even when I was heavy into jiu-jitsu, I wasn't doing much to round out my game.

00:28:51.080 So I think that would be really, really valuable.

00:28:53.000 The problem with that, Kip, real quick, if I can, I know you've got some insight on this.

00:28:58.480 The problem with it is that we're men with 24 hours in a day.

00:29:04.520 And sometimes, not sometimes, it's always hard to prioritize what is the thing.

00:29:10.720 So you kind of need to take this in stride, whether it's martial arts or anything else.

00:29:15.760 How am I going to spend my time?

00:29:17.320 And if I'm going to take an hour, I need to be able to utilize that hour as effectively as possible and maximize and leverage that time.

00:29:27.420 I'm not saying one art is better than the other for that time based on your own goals.

00:29:32.420 But you have to determine what is the best use of your time.

00:29:36.180 Well, I mean, just look at our scenario, right?

00:29:39.160 It's like, okay, Ryan, you got kickboxing and jiu-jitsu in front of you.

00:29:42.680 Choose.

00:29:44.860 I'd rather train jiu-jitsu, right?

00:29:47.120 And if I'm not training jiu-jitsu and I'm choosing to do some stand-up, it's like, I'm sacrificing probably jiu-jitsu for that.

00:29:54.900 Do I want to?

00:29:56.280 And a lot of times it's like, no, I don't want to.

00:29:59.140 And look, I mean, some people are like, oh, jiu-jitsu is better for self-defense than this.

00:30:03.260 And this is better than self-defense for this.

00:30:05.520 Sure, there's that argument you can make.

00:30:07.900 But you also have to ask yourself, what do you enjoy?

00:30:10.480 Because the likelihood of you getting into some sort of physical altercation is probably low.

00:30:15.820 And I don't know the data behind this, but I would say anecdotally, or at least intuitively, I would think that somebody who is at least somewhat proficient in some form of martial arts is actually less likely to get into a physical altercation than somebody who's not trained at all.

00:30:33.820 So just the nature of you training probably keeps you out of situations.

00:30:39.100 But if you look at the statistics, what is the amount of fights that go to the ground?

00:30:44.140 Overwhelmingly high.

00:30:45.480 So if you're going to train one art, you better know how to fight on the ground.

00:30:50.000 That's my thought on it.

00:30:51.020 Yep.

00:30:51.740 Totally.

00:30:52.100 Yeah, Raul, I've done Muay Thai in the past, like for a while, like to balance this to your point, Ryan, I had a coach where I trained once a week privates and just Muay Thai for probably about, it was about like an hour and a half, two hour session once a week, just to kind of get some standup.

00:31:12.360 And I love, I love Muay Thai and kickboxing, super fun.

00:31:20.280 It's a blast.

00:31:21.620 In my opinion, if I were going to do standup, that's what my focus would be.

00:31:26.520 But, and that's where my experience lies, but.

00:31:29.480 It should, I mean, again, maximum use of time.

00:31:32.680 You've got two fists and two feet.

00:31:36.300 Okay, if all you're doing is kickboxing, you've got four weapons.

00:31:39.580 Because now all of a sudden you add your elbows, you add knees, you add your head.

00:31:45.460 Like there's other, there's other things that are available to you.

00:31:48.600 So, yeah.

00:31:49.720 Yeah.

00:31:50.220 I, you know, what I want to do, I had, I would love to get, I'm not sure if you're interested in this, just putting you on blast here on, on not blast, but putting you on notice here publicly.

00:32:01.100 You want to fight?

00:32:01.620 Dude, I want to go, I want to do a guy's trip to Thailand for a week.

00:32:09.100 Partying.

00:32:09.680 At AKA, at, at an AKA gym in Thailand.

00:32:13.100 And the whole trip is just Muay Thai, like Muay Thai vacation.

00:32:19.980 Bro, we could do that.

00:32:21.320 We could do that easy.

00:32:22.240 Dude, it would be a blast.

00:32:23.760 Yeah.

00:32:24.060 It would just be a blast and just get the shit beat out of us for a week to some stand up, get some surfing in, enjoy the great weather.

00:32:32.160 That would be amazing.

00:32:33.500 It'd be kind of cool.

00:32:34.920 I like that.

00:32:35.640 Well, all right.

00:32:36.040 You know how many requests I'm going to get for that.

00:32:37.940 So thanks.

00:32:38.480 Thanks for making me plan a trip to Thailand.

00:32:41.440 You do a little bit of combat jiu-jitsu though, don't you, Kip?

00:32:44.760 Yeah.

00:32:45.320 Yeah.

00:32:45.560 When guys are training for MMA fights, we'll, we'll throw four ounce gloves on, right?

00:32:50.980 So we can have grips and we'll train with strikes and that changes everything.

00:32:57.120 It's, I never did that, but I, I, it's a blast.

00:33:00.680 Yeah, I like the concept of it because I think guys who are into jiu-jitsu, especially if they're competitive players, they, they think their art is the best.

00:33:11.700 But when you get hit in the face, like struck in the face and you're trying to, I don't know, secure a, a, a body triangle or a, a, you know, an arm bar and you're getting punched in the face.

00:33:23.820 It's a little trickier, I imagine.

00:33:26.360 Yeah.

00:33:27.300 And it, and they're, they're principles that we sometimes forget, right?

00:33:30.980 Like a principle of jiu-jitsu is managed distance.

00:33:33.940 That's a principle.

00:33:35.760 We forget the criticality of that principle.

00:33:39.340 Yeah.

00:33:39.480 Cause nobody's raining bombs until someone's punching you.

00:33:41.840 Yeah, totally.

00:33:42.760 I do like anyone listening to you appreciate this double unders, right? 1.00

00:33:46.660 In wrestling, they use double unders quite a bit.

00:33:48.820 I remember tough guy, double unders, I love to stack pass and just smash them on their head, you know, and I like to go slow for whatever reason.

00:33:58.360 I'm like, I just make it miserable.

00:34:00.660 And I remember we're training for a fight, double unders, stack passing, and this guy's just teeing off on my face, just rights and less, right?

00:34:10.120 And I'm like, and my hands are wrapped around his leg, so I, I, I can't defend.

00:34:14.680 I'm just taking hits to the face.

00:34:16.080 So I'm thinking, well, this doesn't work, you know what I mean?

00:34:18.880 Like, this is my move and this move, I'm getting the shit beat out of me.

00:34:23.320 I'm like, okay, got it.

00:34:25.020 Like, got to go fast or it can't do this move anymore, right?

00:34:28.060 Like, you know, so it, it, it keeps your jiu-jitsu pure is what I say.

00:34:33.520 I like that.

00:34:34.380 When someone can punch you.

00:34:35.480 Yeah.

00:34:35.700 Yeah.

00:34:37.000 Awesome.

00:34:37.860 Cool.

00:34:38.240 All right.

00:34:38.680 What's next?

00:34:39.020 Say, Dylan Duvall, I feel like every strong man hits a crossroad when life starts shaking everything up.

00:34:48.580 Breakups, jobs that no longer fit, drifting from old friends, and getting tired of who you used to be.

00:34:55.060 How do you lead yourself when God starts stripping away what's no longer meant for you?

00:35:01.440 People, comforts, even parts of your identity, and you're thrown into the fire to rebuild, often alone, as you outgrow old patterns.

00:35:10.900 Um, first, okay, so first of all, I really like this question, but first I would say, don't let God humble you.

00:35:20.480 And, and what I mean by that is if you wait until God humbles you, it's going to be a lot more painful than if you do it yourself preemptively.

00:35:28.660 Because he has a really good way of teaching you lessons that stick.

00:35:32.100 Like, so you want to talk about getting punched in the face repeatedly, let God handle your, uh, humility and you'll figure out really quick, I don't want to learn my lesson that way anymore.

00:35:44.820 Yeah.

00:35:45.060 So you should be preemptive in your humility.

00:35:48.000 And when things are going really well in your relationship or with business or your fitness or your finances, that's a little bit of a little warning bell.

00:35:57.020 Like a little, a little alarm should be going off saying, things are going good.

00:36:02.380 What are my blind spots?

00:36:03.300 What am I missing here?

00:36:05.060 Is, is my wife actually happy and content or is she complacent, frustrated and thinking about leaving me? 0.99

00:36:13.680 You know, it, are, are my clients really doing well and I have a good relationship with my clients or are they talking to my competitors?

00:36:21.580 And that's why I'm not hearing a whole lot from them anymore because they're talking to my competitors and they're being wined and dined by them.

00:36:29.280 Yeah.

00:36:29.400 So when things are going really well, that's a really good time for you to start thinking about what you need to do to humble and grow yourself.

00:36:36.540 That's the first thing I would say.

00:36:38.500 Yeah.

00:36:38.740 The next thing is that I have this image in my head of the Phoenix rising from the ashes.

00:36:43.640 And there's something really charging about that to me, that imagery, the significance behind it.

00:36:52.620 There's just something about it.

00:36:54.360 And there is something about it for, I think, every man.

00:36:57.160 And that's why we like a movie like Braveheart.

00:37:01.180 It's hero's journey.

00:37:02.640 It's what it is.

00:37:03.600 Joseph Campbell's hero's journey.

00:37:05.380 Yeah.

00:37:05.980 Yeah.

00:37:06.180 What's a silly example of this would be, I remember when I moved from California to a small Southern Utah town when I was a freshman in high school.

00:37:17.760 And it was interesting because I was a little fish in a big pond, so to speak, in California.

00:37:25.020 But when I moved to Southern Utah, I became a bigger fish in a small pond.

00:37:30.660 And it was pretty cool, you know, as the new kid from California, the girls liked you, you were new.

00:37:38.520 But what also was cool about it is that nobody knew you from before.

00:37:43.720 So you could remake your identity however you wanted.

00:37:48.060 You could be whoever you wanted.

00:37:49.560 You could show up however you wanted.

00:37:50.960 You could dress however you wanted.

00:37:52.580 You could perform however you wanted.

00:37:54.000 And you got to remake yourself into something that maybe you've always wanted to be but were too afraid to do it because of the opinions of others or the box that you or others had placed you in.

00:38:03.240 And that's why you have a hard time when you go through a divorce or you go through a bankruptcy or you go through a job loss is because there's people around you chirping at you, nipping at your heels like hyenas, laughing at you, poking fun at you, mocking you, talking behind your back, trying to make you fall even further, kicking you while you're down.

00:38:25.400 Yeah, or holding onto the old you.

00:38:26.720 Yeah.

00:38:27.100 Wanting you to not change and evolve and be that phoenix.

00:38:31.340 Yeah.

00:38:31.420 So do you know how you deal with that?

00:38:34.200 Two ways.

00:38:35.440 Ignore it and own it.

00:38:38.480 And those are a little counterintuitive.

00:38:40.540 That's almost an oxymoron.

00:38:42.120 Own it but ignore it.

00:38:43.160 That's kind of an oxymoron.

00:38:44.520 So what I mean by that is when I say ignore it, ignore it from the people who have no relevancy in your life.

00:38:50.920 Okay?

00:38:51.260 If people are talking about you or they're saying things about you and they have no relevancy in your life, you can ignore that.

00:38:57.300 You can just get over that.

00:38:58.860 Own it means it should be directed towards the people.

00:39:03.100 People who are in your life.

00:39:04.240 So if your family is disappointed with you because you went through a divorce, let's say,

00:39:10.980 then you can sit down with your parents or you can sit down with your siblings and you say this.

00:39:16.120 I know, mom and dad, how you must feel about the relationship that I had with my ex.

00:39:24.000 And I know as my mom and dad, you care about me.

00:39:27.300 I know that you want the best for me.

00:39:30.160 I can't help but maybe think that there is some disappointment from you, maybe even some secondhand embarrassment that you're dealing with because people are asking about my relationship.

00:39:39.800 And I just want you to know, I own that.

00:39:44.020 And there's things that I did that I wish I could have done differently.

00:39:46.960 And there's things that I think she maybe did that she could do differently if we were to rewind.

00:39:51.860 But from here on out, I can't consume myself with that.

00:39:56.680 And what I'm going to do now is this.

00:39:59.460 But I just wanted to acknowledge that there's probably some ramifications for you as well.

00:40:04.620 And there's probably some thoughts that you have about me.

00:40:07.640 And I understand.

00:40:09.380 I get that.

00:40:10.300 I think I'd probably feel similar if I was in your shoes.

00:40:13.160 But here's what I'm going to do moving forward.

00:40:15.760 And when you own things, it takes away any power that other people had over you.

00:40:22.620 If people are talking horribly about you and you confront them and you say, hey, you know what?

00:40:27.100 All the things you're saying about me, 85% of those things are true.

00:40:31.300 The other 15 are bullshit.

00:40:32.820 But 85% of the things you're right about.

00:40:35.980 And I wish I would have done these things different.

00:40:38.180 And here's what I'm going to do differently moving forward.

00:40:40.320 They can't use that against you anymore.

00:40:42.220 You just diffused all of the power they had.

00:40:45.280 You took it all away from them because you owned it.

00:40:47.500 It's only powerful when it bothers you, when it gets to you.

00:40:51.600 And that's why people do those things because now they have control over you.

00:40:55.100 Go ahead, Kip.

00:40:55.920 Yeah.

00:40:56.640 And it empowers you, right?

00:40:58.780 There's a level of, I don't know, when you step into that space, you're no longer trying to maintain the persona

00:41:05.340 and overly manage the perceptions of everybody.

00:41:09.020 And you can just go with like, yeah, got it, you know, made those mistakes, right?

00:41:14.560 Not something I'm proud of, but this is what I'm doing moving forward.

00:41:17.060 It's really quite refreshing.

00:41:19.300 It's exhausting trying to maintain and manage everyone's perspective of you and arguing and

00:41:25.840 trying to like manipulate them to see you differently.

00:41:29.000 There's some power in just letting that shit go.

00:41:31.120 The best post I ever made in 10 years on social media was actually a comment to somebody.

00:41:39.940 And somebody had, it was when I, shortly after I went through my divorce, somebody had commented,

00:41:45.100 I don't remember what it was, but somebody had commented and said,

00:41:47.480 you're an asshole because of fill in the blank. 0.94

00:41:50.020 And he wrote all the ways that I was an asshole.

00:41:52.760 And instead of getting defensive and annoyed and frustrated about it, I said,

00:41:58.180 if only you knew everything else about me that was horrible,

00:42:03.580 you'd think 10 times worse of me than you do right now.

00:42:08.340 And it completely diffused the situation.

00:42:11.920 There's no more power because I acknowledged that he's right.

00:42:15.920 I said he was right.

00:42:17.080 There was some validity into the things that he was saying.

00:42:19.180 I acknowledged that and then I exaggerated it and made fun of it and showed that it didn't bother me.

00:42:27.700 What do you say to that?

00:42:29.480 There's nothing, there's no more power in it.

00:42:31.880 And there's some really powerful lessons there.

00:42:38.000 Yeah.

00:42:39.020 I love it.

00:42:39.600 What else we got?

00:42:40.460 All right.

00:42:41.040 Rick Lohr.

00:42:42.620 Love to hear how getting your health and fitness in order

00:42:46.480 over the years has shown up in your life, Ryan.

00:42:51.040 The synopsis of a recent post in the health and fitness channel.

00:42:54.400 Your physical condition reflects your standards.

00:42:57.300 Show up, do hard things, lead by example.

00:43:00.260 When your health and fitness are in check,

00:43:02.160 everything else, your mindset, relationships, and leaderships all level up.

00:43:06.420 I know you've had up and down since I first joined the Iron Council way back when.

00:43:11.220 How has health and fitness played a role in your ups and downs?

00:43:15.220 Well, first, let me say, I really appreciate the physical realm in the concept of self-development.

00:43:25.900 The physical realm, to me, is probably where most men ought to start, is in the physical realm. 0.59

00:43:34.120 A lot of people might say, oh, take care of yourself and your emotions and all these sorts of things.

00:43:40.080 How do you do that if you've never done that before?

00:43:43.380 How do you do that if you have no concept of what is hard and what isn't hard?

00:43:47.740 I watched this interview with Tiger Woods and his father.

00:43:51.840 And his father used to do some distraction training for him.

00:43:56.980 And so Tiger would be in the middle of his backswing,

00:43:59.380 and his dad would slam a bag of golf clubs on the ground right as he was at the top of his backswing.

00:44:04.360 And Tiger Woods would stop and look at him, and his dad would just stare back.

00:44:08.720 Or right as he was going to swing, his dad would throw a bucket of golf balls in front of the ball

00:44:13.500 that was on the tee that Tiger was about to hit.

00:44:16.200 And so he would just do these really obnoxious things to get him distracted.

00:44:21.620 And after doing this for years and years, his father said, he came to him one time and said,

00:44:26.000 your training is done.

00:44:26.920 There's not a single person more mentally tough than you in this sport.

00:44:31.500 And I think that was probably pretty accurate at that point based on his performance.

00:44:36.940 And Tiger said, you know, what was interesting is he said, as my dad was training me that way,

00:44:41.940 the things that he had to do in order to distract me had to get more and more and more

00:44:47.100 because the things that he was using before, I was inoculated against.

00:44:53.380 It no longer was a distraction for me.

00:44:55.240 And eventually, he just stopped because he knew there was nothing that could distract me

00:44:59.900 from hitting the ball the way I wanted to hit it.

00:45:02.940 And I think it's the same thing when it comes to your mental health.

00:45:06.800 If you have no concept of what is actually difficult, then the littlest thing could break you.

00:45:14.580 Your boss could come in and say, hey, you know what, Kip?

00:45:17.380 I want to sit down with you, man.

00:45:19.280 Like, I'm really frustrated about the way you handled yourself in the last meeting.

00:45:23.880 You know, I felt like you were unprepared and I felt like you could have done better.

00:45:27.820 And then all of a sudden, if you're not mentally tough, you go into self-sabotage mode and you're

00:45:32.300 like, well, fine, I quit.

00:45:33.760 And then you get into this big rage match or you let your arrogance get a hold of you.

00:45:38.040 When all he was trying to do is say, hey, man, is there something I can do to help you be

00:45:42.020 better?

00:45:43.220 Because I want you to perform and we as a company need to perform.

00:45:46.040 And so this is me showing you I care about you.

00:45:48.900 But because you're a mental midget, you let it get to your head and you blew it out of proportion 1.00

00:45:52.820 and sabotaged yourself.

00:45:54.700 This is what people will do when they're mentally weak.

00:45:58.160 If you want to get more mentally tough, then you need to do things that are hard.

00:46:02.460 You need to pick up really heavy objects that you couldn't pick up before.

00:46:06.300 You need to run further than you could run before.

00:46:09.560 And when your legs start hurting, you need to shut it down and say, you know what,

00:46:12.800 I got another two miles in me and then you do it.

00:46:16.140 You need to go sit in the sauna, not 10 minutes, which is what your watch said, but 20 minutes

00:46:20.360 because you know that you're capable of two times more than you thought you were.

00:46:25.880 And all of that is handled in the physical realm.

00:46:27.900 And when you do that, go to jujitsu and let somebody punch you in the face a bunch of times

00:46:32.540 while you're trying to, you know, pass their guard or they're trying to pass yours.

00:46:36.180 And then all of a sudden, you know, your kid having a little attitude about something

00:46:41.120 doesn't seem quite as difficult for you to manage.

00:46:44.600 And that's why I think the physical realm is so crucial.

00:46:47.380 And for Rick, I'm not going to get into like strength training or jujitsu or this or that.

00:46:51.960 Just do the thing that's hard.

00:46:54.440 Every single day, show up and let it create a framework for what is actually mentally tough

00:46:59.640 and what just is not.

00:47:02.400 Yeah, I love it.

00:47:04.000 And I've heard you say this for years, Ryan, right?

00:47:06.840 Some guys that might be listening, it's like, man, there's these areas of my life I need

00:47:11.640 to improve on or, you know, back to the previous question, right?

00:47:15.660 You find yourselves rising from the ashes like the phoenix.

00:47:19.720 One of the ways to do that, just start going to the gym.

00:47:23.540 Just start going to the gym.

00:47:25.480 You'll build up some confidence.

00:47:27.140 You'll start feeling better about yourself.

00:47:28.880 You'll be doing hard things that will prepare you mentally.

00:47:33.020 There's just something, I don't know, there's just something to it, right?

00:47:37.660 And you'll never quite do the mental gymnastics necessary to reach that same level of mentality

00:47:46.060 without the physical.

00:47:49.000 It's just, I don't know, it just is.

00:47:51.720 You know, years ago, I had this young man reach out to me, and I'm no expert, you know,

00:47:57.120 but for what it's worth, he reached out to me around dealing with pornography.

00:48:03.020 And he was like, hey, I need some advice.

00:48:05.880 Like, I'm really struggling in this case.

00:48:07.840 And it just kind of dawned on me, so maybe I even see it as, like, intervention on my part

00:48:12.860 from someone else, you know, from God or someone else.

00:48:15.360 But the thought that dawned on me during my conversation was, what are you doing that's difficult?

00:48:21.500 Like, you're wanting to do something really mentally difficult that you've become somewhat addicted to.

00:48:31.660 You expect to do that difficult thing, but you can't push 20 reps off of the bench?

00:48:39.220 Well, no wonder why you're failing, right?

00:48:41.860 Like, where are you getting the reps to build some mental fortitude?

00:48:46.380 Nowhere.

00:48:48.280 Like, start doing things that are hard.

00:48:51.080 Start doing things in the gym.

00:48:52.800 Start doing things to get yourself reps that you're having to deal with hardship.

00:48:58.040 That's part of life.

00:48:59.660 That's the struggle.

00:49:01.020 That's the challenge.

00:49:01.880 That's overcoming.

00:49:02.820 That's building confidence.

00:49:03.980 It's building mental fortitude.

00:49:05.180 Like, there's so much that this is critical to, you know, how we show up in the world, to your point, as a father or as a husband and many other areas.

00:49:17.460 Yeah, I love this.

00:49:18.600 I mean, this is obviously a real part of the reason we do what we do.

00:49:22.620 When you were saying pornography, pick your poison.

00:49:25.840 Pick a vice. 0.98

00:49:26.320 The reason people engage in these things is the exact opposite of doing hard things.

00:49:31.620 Because what do you do?

00:49:32.740 What are you doing when you engage in pornography or alcohol abuse or any other vice that you may have?

00:49:37.780 Escapism.

00:49:39.540 Yeah.

00:49:39.720 You're trying to get some need met in some shortcut by cheating.

00:49:45.980 So you're trying to gain emotional freedom by drinking.

00:49:51.460 Because then you don't have the weight of thinking and the weight of, you know, the challenges of life bearing down on you.

00:49:57.580 You can have that through emotional freedom.

00:49:59.600 But you're taking the shortcut.

00:50:01.020 I only know that because that's what I was doing for years.

00:50:04.100 What are men trying to get when they engage in pornography?

00:50:07.540 Intimate connection with a woman.

00:50:11.680 That's why when they've shown what men look at when they are watching pornography. 0.98

00:50:18.600 And you would think it would be the generals.

00:50:21.300 That's what you would think.

00:50:23.320 That men are, because they have these eye, like the eye trackers on the screen.

00:50:26.820 And it's like, okay, what are you watching?

00:50:27.940 And you'd think, oh, I'm watching the generals.

00:50:29.760 No, you know what they're watching more than anything else?

00:50:32.360 The face and the eyes specifically.

00:50:35.440 Window to the soul.

00:50:37.540 They're looking for connection.

00:50:38.960 They're looking for connection.

00:50:40.840 But instead of going out to date and take risks and courting a woman and doing it the real way, it's like, well, dang, I'll just watch this pixelated version and get myself off.

00:50:50.600 It's obviously an inferior version.

00:50:53.000 So it's exactly antithetical to building strength because you're actually taking the weak way out.

00:51:01.560 But there's a couple of things, too, that I would say.

00:51:04.460 Reps in the gym are important, to Rick's point.

00:51:06.700 So this is how it's impacted my life, made me more mentally tough.

00:51:09.860 There's two other areas that I think more men ought to focus on.

00:51:14.240 Speaking in public is something that so many people are afraid of that you ought to find ways to get in reps to speak in public.

00:51:21.100 And then the third one is difficult conversations.

00:51:25.120 And the best way to get in reps in difficult conversations is just expressing yourself.

00:51:30.920 So, Kip, if, and you didn't, by the way, but if you showed up 10 minutes late to this conversation, that's a rep.

00:51:38.080 Now I have an opportunity to get a rep in.

00:51:40.040 To do something that's hard.

00:51:41.100 Yeah.

00:51:41.560 And the rep is this.

00:51:42.880 Hey, Kip, I know you're on vacation.

00:51:44.900 I know you got a lot going on.

00:51:47.080 I do, too.

00:51:49.020 And so let's make sure that when we say 10 o'clock, we really are on at 10 o'clock.

00:51:54.460 Does that work for you?

00:51:55.640 Yeah.

00:51:56.380 Like, that's so non-threatening and such an easy opportunity to express yourself.

00:52:01.860 Or if your wife says something that you don't like, it's like, hey, hon, I think I understand what you're trying to say.

00:52:09.260 But when you use those words or you say it like this, the way that it feels to me is insulting.

00:52:15.480 It feels like it's an insult or a dig at me for not doing something.

00:52:23.200 And so I don't think you mean it that way, but I just want to express that because it would be more productive if when you needed to share that with me, you tried this instead.

00:52:33.160 Just little ways of expressing yourself.

00:52:37.080 And the more you do that, the more clear you are about that, the more willing you are to connect and express.

00:52:43.680 That's hard for people.

00:52:45.020 You're going to get more mentally tough when you do those three things.

00:52:48.460 Yeah.

00:52:48.620 You know, this is perfect in line with Mike Endorfer's question.

00:52:52.880 He was curious, what are your long-term objectives for physical condition and physical fitness in your 50s, 60s, and 70s?

00:53:02.340 And how might that be different from what you're doing today?

00:53:05.680 So he's asking us to forecast.

00:53:07.560 Yeah.

00:53:07.760 Yeah.

00:53:08.100 Into my 50s, 60s, and 70s?

00:53:09.720 Is that what he said?

00:53:10.240 It cut out a little bit.

00:53:11.240 So.

00:53:11.280 Yeah.

00:53:11.800 Yeah.

00:53:12.340 Yeah.

00:53:12.720 50s, 60s, 70s.

00:53:13.840 I really haven't thought that far into my 60s and 70s, so I will say that.

00:53:17.820 But I think more than anything as I get older, you know, I'm 44 now, is not getting injured is important to me.

00:53:29.140 That's really important.

00:53:30.360 So I know it's kind of a negative goal, but it also means that I need to train properly, that I need to do the right things, that I need to feel correctly.

00:53:40.060 Because the likelihood of me injuring myself at 44 is significantly higher than it is at 24, unless I'm doing something dumb, like jumping off a cliff or something, which I'd be more likely to do when I'm 24 than when I'm 44.

00:53:53.100 So longevity is really important to me.

00:53:56.280 And I was talking with my chiropractor a couple months ago, and he said, you know, Ryan, you know what the biggest factor for people, and I think he was being anecdotal just based on what he had seen, but he said one of the biggest factors for people getting injured and getting hurt and then eventually dying is muscle mass.

00:54:15.320 And I said, muscle mass?

00:54:16.400 What are you talking about?

00:54:17.120 He said, well, there's a lot of research to back that up.

00:54:19.320 And he said one thing that he sees as a chiropractor a lot is that people will fall, and because they fall, they don't have the muscle to balance themselves.

00:54:29.620 So elderly people will fall. 1.00

00:54:31.180 And then when they fall, they break things because they don't have muscle to protect it.

00:54:35.160 And when they break things, and because they don't have any muscle, they can't get themselves up.

00:54:40.920 They can't get back up.

00:54:41.900 And so then it gets worse, and there's people that have been obviously stuck for hours, if not days, because they literally could not get themselves up and out of that position.

00:54:52.240 So for me, I want to build now, build and maintain strength well into my 50s, 60s, and 70s, because I do want to have that longevity.

00:55:01.840 And I don't want to, when I'm 70 years old, be hung up in a wheelchair or be unable to leave my house.

00:55:10.400 I want to be able to play with my grandkids.

00:55:13.060 I want to be able to go on a trip.

00:55:15.260 I want to be able to do something exciting.

00:55:17.300 And frankly, I want people to say, damn, he looks good for a 70-year-old.

00:55:21.700 Yeah.

00:55:22.220 So that's a little bit of loosely, I don't really have specific goals for that, but loosely, that's kind of how I feel.

00:55:29.220 Yeah, I love it.

00:55:30.480 All right, Chris Gifford, AMA podcasts are great.

00:55:36.020 I'm new to the IC, going through the forge, but I've been listening to the Order Man podcast for over nine years.

00:55:42.300 Here's my question.

00:55:43.740 As men, we often struggle with our identity.

00:55:46.900 Do you think part of that comes from the devaluation of ourselves and feeding on toxic internal dialogue?

00:55:53.140 Was there ever a season in your life when that inner battle was especially intense, where things felt extreme, even to the point of wanting to tap out?

00:56:03.320 And yet, on the other side, you experienced the breakthrough you had been longing for.

00:56:08.440 If so, what or who carried you through?

00:56:11.480 Has that moment repeated itself, or is this just the cost of leveling up and killing off the old lies and stories?

00:56:18.620 Yeah, well, there's a lot to unpack.

00:56:22.160 I do have a question for Chris.

00:56:24.300 He said he's been listening for nine years, and I'm not even asking this sarcastically.

00:56:27.900 I'm genuinely asking.

00:56:29.320 I would love to know what took you so long to join the Iron Council.

00:56:33.260 Yeah, that's a long time, actually.

00:56:34.620 And again, I'm not being sarcastic.

00:56:36.760 Like, what took you so long?

00:56:37.440 I know I'm genuinely, like, I would be curious about the answer to that question, because there's probably other men who could really benefit from what we do inside the Iron Council, who have been listening for a significant amount of time.

00:56:48.440 And it could be that you didn't know about it.

00:56:50.080 It could be that the value didn't seem to be there.

00:56:52.340 It could be that your financial situation wasn't where it needed to be to join.

00:56:56.160 It could be a lot of legitimate reasons.

00:56:57.400 But it'd be insightful to know.

00:56:58.360 I would like to know.

00:56:59.340 Yeah.

00:56:59.860 So that's number one.

00:57:00.600 Yeah.

00:57:00.720 Okay, so as far as the internal dialogue, I think it actually is external dialogue first, because, you know, I was over at somebody's house yesterday, and they had a one-year-old.

00:57:14.100 And the one-year-old little boy was learning to walk, but he was doing really well.

00:57:17.760 He was running all over the place.

00:57:19.200 And in order for a human being to walk, he needs to fall a lot.

00:57:23.520 And then I watched him.

00:57:28.040 He got on this little buggy toy that he had, and he put his hands on the handlebar, and he did a front flip inadvertently over the, like, his head, like, dragged him over himself.

00:57:41.420 Yeah, Indy over the handlebars. 0.99

00:57:42.380 Yeah, exactly.

00:57:43.040 Yeah, did the Indy, yeah.

00:57:44.620 And he was fine.

00:57:46.720 Like, it was no big deal.

00:57:48.120 But I thought, you know, a little child doesn't get embarrassed for falling.

00:57:57.320 They don't.

00:57:57.960 They don't get embarrassed when they fall, when they're learning.

00:57:59.980 That kid wasn't embarrassed.

00:58:02.200 He was probably in a little pain, but he got back up, and he got right back on the thing.

00:58:05.740 He set it up, and he got right back on it.

00:58:07.400 He wasn't embarrassed.

00:58:09.100 But somewhere along the way, we learn embarrassment.

00:58:13.200 And why do we learn that?

00:58:14.240 Because somebody else instilled it in us.

00:58:16.740 Somebody else said, that's stupid, or you're dumb, or I can't believe you don't know that.

00:58:23.020 Or be concerned about what people think, yeah.

00:58:25.260 Right.

00:58:26.080 And so, all of a sudden, now we're conditioned to base our existence and our actions and behaviors and thoughts on the approval of other people.

00:58:35.700 And then we start to adopt it as our own.

00:58:38.300 I went through a divorce, and everybody said this is a horrible thing, and so I am a failure.

00:58:42.900 I've embraced that language, and now that's what I am, and that's who I am.

00:58:48.860 So you have to be really aware of where this idea of shame and guilt and embarrassment are coming from, and it's all externally related.

00:58:57.800 And what I would suggest is that when you have these failures, acknowledge them for what they are.

00:59:05.280 They are failures.

00:59:06.480 I don't like when people say things like, oh, failure is not a real thing, and fear is false evidence appearing.

00:59:14.080 I hate that.

00:59:14.700 I hate that stuff.

00:59:15.680 Because it's dismissive of what actually is.

00:59:20.720 Like, you really did fail.

00:59:22.800 And there's a definition for that word, and it means that you did not accomplish what you set out to accomplish.

00:59:29.920 So if you're in a marriage, and it didn't work, that's a failure.

00:59:35.580 Now, that doesn't mean you are a failure.

00:59:39.740 It means you failed.

00:59:41.780 And to go back to what Chris's question was about identity, when we start wrapping up our identity in what we did or didn't do, then that's a problem.

00:59:50.540 And it works on the positive end as well.

00:59:54.160 If you have a really big month at work, and you're like, I am amazing at this.

00:59:59.040 I am is an identity statement.

01:00:00.980 I am.

01:00:01.660 That's saying, okay, no, you are not.

01:00:05.840 You had a really good month.

01:00:07.680 You should be proud of that.

01:00:08.780 But you are not God's gift to whatever job you're in.

01:00:13.960 And so we ought to take a little off the top, put it down on the bottom, and level ourselves out and temper ourselves a little bit.

01:00:22.780 When you have a failure, don't wrap up your identity.

01:00:26.800 You just say, you know what, man, that marriage went poorly, and that is not how I saw life.

01:00:33.720 And so I'm going to do things differently because I don't want that to happen again.

01:00:38.380 What lessons do I need to learn?

01:00:40.100 Or if you go through a bankruptcy, or your boss calls you in and fires you, you're not a loser.

01:00:46.800 You just lost your job.

01:00:48.240 Okay, why?

01:00:50.400 Maybe you weren't showing up.

01:00:51.740 Maybe your job became obsolete, and you didn't pay enough attention to the signs that were there that you could have got out ahead of it.

01:00:58.420 There's so much that could have happened.

01:01:00.200 What were the lessons that needed to be learned?

01:01:02.180 Embrace and acknowledge you dropped the ball or you failed in some way.

01:01:05.460 Don't wrap up your identity in it.

01:01:07.220 And instead, just learn the lessons, apply them, and do better.

01:01:10.540 Not be better.

01:01:11.960 I don't like when people say be better.

01:01:13.720 Do better.

01:01:14.500 The being, the identity stuff, will come as a result of the work that you're doing, the doing.

01:01:21.940 Yeah, I love it.

01:01:23.380 I mean, it's the concept of this too shall pass, right?

01:01:26.560 It's like hardship, yeah, this is going to pass.

01:01:30.240 And to your point, when we're winning, this too shall pass as well.

01:01:34.640 Absolutely.

01:01:35.280 So, you know, this isn't going to stick around forever, right?

01:01:39.580 Enjoy it and embrace it, but move on.

01:01:41.620 So let me ask you this, I mean, and it's kind of at the root of this question, what or who carried you through?

01:01:49.600 So what do you contribute that to?

01:01:53.240 Well, there's a lot.

01:01:55.220 You know, I think for me, having an eternal perspective is important.

01:02:00.740 So, yeah, God will always be there.

01:02:03.700 The lessons are for you, even the hard, even the painful ones.

01:02:07.400 They're for you.

01:02:08.580 And you can decide that they're for you and then embrace that and say, oh, God's placing this before me so I can learn something.

01:02:15.700 Or you can say, no, no, it's not for me.

01:02:17.940 He's doing this to me.

01:02:19.300 And because you don't learn a lesson, you're bound to repeat it.

01:02:22.920 Yeah.

01:02:23.080 So it's for you.

01:02:24.020 So that's first.

01:02:26.200 Second, myself.

01:02:28.000 I know that's not, I know that's probably not a popular thing to say because it sounds arrogant or something.

01:02:37.600 Why?

01:02:37.820 Why does that sound, why does belief in yourself sound arrogant?

01:02:40.440 You have so many reasons to believe in yourself.

01:02:43.860 You know, as a 44-year-old man, I've had ups and downs in businesses.

01:02:47.660 I've had ups and downs in relationships.

01:02:49.960 I've had ups and downs in my health.

01:02:51.580 Why is it that as a human being, I only index the negativity?

01:02:57.980 Like, why do I only prioritize the things that I've done horribly?

01:03:03.360 Don't I get credit for the things I've done amazing?

01:03:06.880 I should.

01:03:07.600 And if we acknowledge that, then I know that in the midst of a divorce or the midst of a bankruptcy or the midst of a job loss or the midst of gaining 50 pounds over the past three years, I have a track record of success.

01:03:22.100 I tend to forget it because I'm only focused on negative things, but I've done this.

01:03:25.660 I've lost weight before.

01:03:27.740 I've overcome bad relationships.

01:03:30.920 I've gotten better jobs right after I lost other jobs that I thought were the best there were.

01:03:37.600 So, why not latch on to that?

01:03:39.780 And that's just a belief in yourself.

01:03:41.820 And then the third component is, well, I would say, yeah, component three is twofold.

01:03:46.700 Networks and frameworks.

01:03:48.340 Frameworks are proven systems.

01:03:50.640 If I want to lose weight, I could just go wing it at the gym and I'd probably see some success.

01:03:54.940 Or I could just tap into a trainer's program that he programs for me based on my results and I could just do that.

01:04:02.000 That's a framework.

01:04:03.800 And then the next is network.

01:04:05.640 So, that's people.

01:04:06.500 The trainer is the network.

01:04:08.320 Your friends are the network.

01:04:10.100 Family members are a network.

01:04:12.080 Other competent people that you might hire, a coach in business, for example, that would be network.

01:04:17.200 Going to a conference, that would be a network.

01:04:20.680 So, if you don't have those networks based on what you're trying to accomplish, and Chris, you tapped into the framework and network inside the Iron Council.

01:04:27.720 The only question now is, are you going to utilize it?

01:04:30.060 Because sometimes people will come in and they'll say, oh, well, you know, nobody's welcoming me.

01:04:34.480 Nobody's showing me.

01:04:36.880 I mean, we're going to show you.

01:04:38.480 We've put the systems in place.

01:04:40.220 But also, where's your responsibility in this?

01:04:42.940 If you want to go out and meet people in the Iron Council, like, meet.

01:04:48.120 They're all right there.

01:04:49.140 You have access to every single 1,100 men inside.

01:04:52.200 Just start reaching out.

01:04:53.580 Or join the topical channels based on, I want to be a better father, or I want to learn how to cook, or I want to train martial arts, or I want to get into hunting, or outdoors, or I want to start a business, or I want to get my finances in order.

01:05:04.480 Join the channels.

01:05:05.360 Those are the networks and the frameworks.

01:05:07.720 So, those are the three things.

01:05:09.280 God, belief in yourself, frameworks, and networks.

01:05:15.040 Love it.

01:05:15.960 Time for one more question.

01:05:17.380 Let's do one more.

01:05:18.080 You good?

01:05:18.920 Okay.

01:05:19.620 Peter Mueller.

01:05:20.340 He says, hey, Ryan, new to everything you offer, but excited to be here and drinking from the fire hose.

01:05:28.160 He says, my question is, where would your first steps be if you're in a situation where you are facing an internal voice or habit that is inhibiting you from taking time to invest in yourself as a man, such as the guilt felt when leaving rowdy kids with your spouse after you've already been away for a significant amount of time?

01:05:49.580 Okay, yeah.

01:05:50.720 I'm glad he clarified, because there could be a lot of different things.

01:05:54.160 So, what Peter is dealing with is the guilt of self-care, knowing that his wife's going to have to maybe take on a little bit more responsibility or the desire to maybe spend time with his kids.

01:06:06.640 That's common.

01:06:07.340 That's really common.

01:06:09.420 Well, there's the mindset of it.

01:06:11.060 The mindset is, and you hear this all the time, so I'm not going to just leave you with this, because this is pretty common.

01:06:18.080 You cannot pour from an empty cup.

01:06:19.860 That's what people say.

01:06:21.380 And the reason it's so popular is because it's valid.

01:06:24.280 That's true.

01:06:25.160 You can't pour from an empty cup.

01:06:26.700 But I think you probably already know that, which is why you joined the Iron Council, because you know that you need to take care of yourself in order to serve your wife and child or children better.

01:06:36.960 So, how do you do this on a tactical level, because that's what you asked, what do you do with or how do you deal with?

01:06:43.400 You need to go talk with her.

01:06:44.700 And I bet if you said, if you sent her a text right now, and you said, hey, hon, can I talk with you about a little bit about my self-development stuff tonight?

01:06:56.420 Like, everything's fine.

01:06:57.680 Like, you don't want, don't say, can I talk with you tonight and that's it, because that's what some guys will do.

01:07:01.800 Then she's going to worry all day, because she's going to think you're cheating on her or you lost your job or something horrific. 0.79

01:07:07.320 So, you just say, hey, hon, can I talk with you about the self-development path that I want to go on over the next 90 days?

01:07:16.360 Everything's fine.

01:07:16.980 I just want to make sure you and I are on the same page, explain a little bit about what I'm trying to do and why, and see how it might impact you positively and negatively.

01:07:27.160 What wife is not going to be open to that conversation? 1.00

01:07:30.240 So, she says yes, and you sit down with her and you say, hey, you know, I've really been thinking about it.

01:07:34.460 Man, I'm filling in a few blanks here, so if it doesn't apply to you, you still get the concept.

01:07:40.140 But you might say, hey, you know, as you know, over the past couple years, you know, I've gained a few pounds, and I'm probably about 40 pounds overweight.

01:07:51.000 And you also know that I haven't been real happy with my job.

01:07:53.880 And you know that because you've been on the receiving end of my frustrations.

01:07:59.680 And I hope you know that they have not entirely been with you.

01:08:03.240 Those are my own frustrations.

01:08:05.240 You just happen to be carrying the burden or catching the blunt of my own frustration.

01:08:11.200 And I want to say I'm sorry about that.

01:08:13.180 But because that's a problem, I've realized I need to fix myself.

01:08:17.720 I need some systems to improve, and I need some good men in my corner who can help me figure some of this stuff out.

01:08:26.480 Like how to lose weight, how to grow the business, how to balance that with being a good husband and father for you guys.

01:08:34.620 And, but that being said, this is where you have to be honest with her.

01:08:39.500 However, I'm really concerned that if I start to do this, it's, I feel guilty that it's going to put more weight on your shoulders.

01:08:47.040 And I want to tell you what I want to do.

01:08:49.160 I want to take one night per week, Wednesday night, and I want to be on a call inside the Iron Council.

01:08:54.500 It's an hour, it's an hour long call.

01:08:56.680 And every Wednesday night, I want to be able to do that.

01:08:59.920 And here's what we talk about and discuss.

01:09:01.740 And then in addition to that, I'm going to work, I'm going to start working out three days a week.

01:09:06.500 And I don't need to do that at night.

01:09:07.860 That's when I should be home with you guys and taking care of you and the kids.

01:09:11.280 I'm just wondering if I got up a little earlier and went before the baby's up.

01:09:19.820 If I went into the gym, would that impact you in any way?

01:09:22.520 Or how would you feel about that?

01:09:24.820 And then just let her share with you.

01:09:26.540 You know what she's going to say?

01:09:28.220 She's going to say, I fully support you being a better father and husband.

01:09:33.280 Of course.

01:09:33.880 I take issue with Wednesday night because that's the night my sisters and I go out.

01:09:39.040 But Tuesday night would work.

01:09:42.660 And as far as your gym time in the morning, we don't really have the money to do that.

01:09:47.840 But for a gym membership, again, I'm filling in blanks here.

01:09:51.480 We don't have the money to do that right now.

01:09:53.000 But is there things that you could do at home in the garage to get your same workout where you wouldn't have to leave?

01:10:00.460 You wouldn't have to spend more money, but you would get what you need.

01:10:04.680 That's what a healthy conversation looks like.

01:10:07.080 And I think she would probably engage in that if you approached it that way.

01:10:10.640 What do you think about that, Kip?

01:10:12.940 No, I think it's spot on.

01:10:14.220 You know, and I always feel, I always use this cheat code.

01:10:17.580 I consider it a cheat code when everyone's like, oh, I really want to do this thing and I'm not sure my wife will disagree with it.

01:10:24.360 You express the importance of it.

01:10:26.700 How will it benefit you?

01:10:28.460 How will it benefit them?

01:10:30.020 And then you say, and what would I need to do to make sure that you feel okay with that?

01:10:37.680 Right?

01:10:38.140 I really want to go to the gym.

01:10:39.400 It makes a difference to me.

01:10:41.180 Right?

01:10:41.760 It's a better environment.

01:10:43.000 I hate working out at home.

01:10:44.400 My fear working out at home, I'll lose momentum.

01:10:48.540 So if I'm going to spend an extra $100 a month, what other cuts could I make for you to feel okay about that investment instead?

01:11:00.160 Oh, if you cut your spending on these things.

01:11:03.500 Okay.

01:11:03.760 Right.

01:11:04.760 Done.

01:11:05.500 I'll do that.

01:11:07.160 All in agreement.

01:11:08.240 Right?

01:11:08.400 So I would really operate, like there's almost nothing that you can't accomplish and or commit to if you address the what would things need to look like for you to feel okay about it.

01:11:22.600 And then, of course, right, you have to honor your commitment and your word and make sure that you're doing those things.

01:11:28.380 Well, that's crucial.

01:11:31.360 I wrote that down right as you were saying it because, again, I don't know this about, I think this is Peter.

01:11:37.480 I don't know this is about Peter's situation.

01:11:39.120 I know enough about a lot of other men's situations, and even my own personally, where a man might say, hey, I'm going to do this thing, and she's like, whatever, another one of your stupid things. 0.99

01:11:51.640 Yeah.

01:11:52.240 Yeah, totally.

01:11:53.260 Or you might say, she might not even express that.

01:11:56.180 She might not say that vocally, but inside, even just with her demeanor, like she slouches her shoulders, rolls her eyes, and like walks off.

01:12:04.080 That's what she's thinking.

01:12:05.260 She's like, again?

01:12:07.120 This guy's just going to spend more time and money.

01:12:09.520 He's not going to help the family.

01:12:11.020 He's going to create more debt for us, and I'm going to be strapped with the kids for more time, all so he can change his mind in two days.

01:12:21.460 Yeah, chasing another shiny object.

01:12:23.380 Right.

01:12:23.880 So I'm just telling you, Peter, if you're not going to do it, don't even tell her you're going to.

01:12:29.640 It's better to not say anything than it is to say something and then fall short.

01:12:36.380 And this is a good principle.

01:12:38.180 In WorkKit, for example, with the work that you do, if a client comes to you and says, hey, I have these needs, and this is what I'm looking for, and you come to them, and you want to impress them.

01:12:46.960 You want to win them over.

01:12:47.740 And you said, hey, you know, I can have that to you in 24 hours, that proposal to you in 24 hours.

01:12:52.200 And you know damn well it's going to take you 72 hours.

01:12:57.980 It would be better for you to say, I don't know when we'll have that.

01:13:02.200 I'll figure that out.

01:13:02.840 I don't know.

01:13:04.420 I'm going to have to figure it out than it is to lie and say, oh, yeah, we can have that to you in 24 hours because you're managing expectations.

01:13:10.680 So, in fact, if you knew it was going to take you 72, what I would say is it's going to take me 96 hours.

01:13:21.280 And when the client says, okay, that's like by Friday.

01:13:23.920 Okay, yeah, by Friday is good.

01:13:26.080 And then you give it to them on Thursday, you exceeded expectations, which obviously is a win for everybody.

01:13:32.600 So, just make sure if you tell her you're going to start going to the gym, bro, you're locked in for life to the gym.

01:13:39.620 If you tell her, and I've been guilty of this.

01:13:42.820 I remember when my ex-wife, she really wanted to help me homeschool the kids on Wednesday. 0.92

01:13:48.300 And I told her until I was blue in the face.

01:13:50.540 Oh, yeah, I'll help on Wednesday.

01:13:51.460 I'll help on Wednesday.

01:13:52.060 I'll help on Wednesday.

01:13:52.660 I'll help on Wednesday.

01:13:53.880 And every Wednesday, I was busy with work or I had an appointment or I had a podcast or I had this or I had that.

01:13:59.520 And she was a trooper to give her credit.

01:14:01.660 And so, she didn't really say anything about it.

01:14:04.040 But inside, because it came out later, you better believe.

01:14:07.780 And inside, she was pissed about it, rightfully so.

01:14:13.140 So, if you say you're going to go to the gym, you better go to the gym.

01:14:15.480 If you say you're going to help the kids on Wednesday night when she goes and plays bunco or has a tea party or pillow fights,

01:14:21.680 whatever it is women do when they get together, then you better be there to take care of the kids so she can go have fun with her girlfriends. 1.00

01:14:31.660 Spot on.

01:14:33.760 Yeah.

01:14:35.480 And I don't know what girls do when they get together. 1.00

01:14:37.700 Clearly, I have way off base on that.

01:14:39.540 Apparently not.

01:14:40.580 They're not doing pillowcase fights.

01:14:42.720 I just keep thinking about that Rob Schneider scene.

01:14:47.980 What movie is that?

01:14:50.100 Do you know which one I'm talking about?

01:14:51.520 Where he just...

01:14:52.100 No, I have no idea.

01:14:53.880 He gets in a woman's body and they're all like playing, pillow fighting. 0.97

01:14:56.940 But, or no, he gets in a...

01:14:57.620 He's a woman, but he's in a man's body, Rob Schneider's body.

01:15:00.220 And they're all like pillow fighting and they're playing.

01:15:02.680 And all of a sudden, he's just like swinging for the fence and just like taking them out and just demolishing them through their pillow fights.

01:15:09.480 What movie is that?

01:15:10.440 Why am I drawing a blank on that?

01:15:12.400 Oh, that's funny.

01:15:13.780 There's a video online, Pereira, I think it's his name, heavyweight UFC fighter.

01:15:21.840 I think he's a heavyweight, light heavyweight.

01:15:24.900 And there's a video of him pillow fighting with his kid.

01:15:29.600 And they're like going back and forth, pillow fighting.

01:15:32.320 His kid swings.

01:15:33.460 He does like a counter pillow swing, knocks him out.

01:15:38.120 The kid goes stiff and he like falls over.

01:15:41.000 I'm like, oh my God.

01:15:42.300 And it was real.

01:15:42.960 Like you actually knocked him out?

01:15:44.580 Yes.

01:15:45.080 Oh, dang.

01:15:45.700 That's cool.

01:15:45.840 Yes.

01:15:46.120 Totally knocked him out.

01:15:47.680 I'm like, that's hilarious.

01:15:49.260 That's funny.

01:15:50.080 Typical dad taking it too far, you know.

01:15:52.060 Yeah.

01:15:52.800 That movie is The Hot Chick. 1.00

01:15:55.000 I couldn't draw a blank.

01:15:56.320 I was drawing a blank, but that's what the movie is, The Hot Chick. 1.00

01:15:59.800 I love it, man.

01:16:01.340 All right, bring us home, Kim.

01:16:03.360 Yeah, good questions from the IC.

01:16:06.060 If you joined us, right?

01:16:07.320 If you're listening and you joined us in this forge or this quarter for open enrollment in IC, we're excited to have you.

01:16:15.520 And for those that didn't join us, you're waiting until next quarter.

01:16:21.120 But be ready.

01:16:22.240 Be ready to band with us.

01:16:23.780 To learn more about the Iron Council, you can go to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

01:16:29.040 And, of course, connect with and stay connected to Ryan on the socials for just, you know, notifications of what we have going on, upcoming events and whatnot.

01:16:39.120 That's at Ryan Mickler, both on X and Instagram.

01:16:42.820 Anything else that you call out?

01:16:45.000 No, that's it.

01:16:45.900 Well, I actually know the Battle Ready program.

01:16:48.460 So if you're waiting to join the Iron Council, Kip, you talked about being ready in order to be ready for that.

01:16:53.820 But even as a standalone, even if you decide I'm never going to join the Iron Council, the Battle Ready program will help you learn the exact system that I use.

01:17:01.440 That's this right here, my 12-week battle planner that I have on my desk.

01:17:06.300 And I actually went through it this morning, just like Kip.

01:17:08.180 I'm sure you did as well.

01:17:09.500 These are the tools that we're using.

01:17:11.040 And we'll teach you the behind the scenes.

01:17:13.120 And not only is it a free program, there's no tools you even need to buy.

01:17:17.100 There's tools that are available if you want.

01:17:18.960 And then there's the Iron Council if you want to put it on hyperdrive.

01:17:21.560 But this is a standalone thing, completely for free.

01:17:24.220 There's Excel spreadsheets and worksheets and all kinds of things that you can use.

01:17:27.960 So if you go to orderofman.com slash battle ready, you'll get that there.

01:17:33.480 Excellent.

01:17:34.360 All right, guys.

01:17:35.120 Appreciate the questions.

01:17:36.400 Great ones today.

01:17:37.540 We will be back on Friday.

01:17:39.040 Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

01:17:46.920 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:17:49.380 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:17:53.960 we invite you to join the Order at orderofman.com.

01:17:57.100 You're with me, see you.

01:18:05.420 Me, you are meant to be, you're meant to be, you're meant to be, you're meant to be.

01:18:05.620 Here I am.

01:18:05.780 Here you are.

01:18:06.220 Here you are.

01:18:06.560 Here you are.

01:18:14.760 Great.

01:18:16.060 You're meant to be, you're meant to be.

01:18:20.160 And I'm excited.

01:18:21.900 There you are.

01:18:22.320 Here you are.

01:18:22.740 I'm gonna dance.

Order of Man - July 02, 2025

Dealing with a Crossroad ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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