Order of Man - June 25, 2025


Dealing with Desperation, Developing an Eternal Perspective, & Fostering Vigilance ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING


Episode Stats

Length

55 minutes

Words per Minute

202.74641

Word Count

11,157

Sentence Count

832

Misogynist Sentences

11

Hate Speech Sentences

10


Summary

On this episode of the hunting podcast, we sit down with Kip and talk about hunting and family life. Kip is a hunter from the Hawaiian Islands and has been hunting for over 20 years. He is a dedicated hunter and has a lot of experience in the bow hunting industry. He also is a great father and husband and has some great advice for the younger generation.


Transcript

00:00:00.000 If I'm tempted to cheat a client or a business partner out of money because the financial
00:00:06.440 gain right now today is something that I want or need, I'm much more likely to do that versus
00:00:13.020 thinking about how this will impact this person's family over the next five years.
00:00:19.000 When you're tempted to do the wrong thing, extend your time frame out.
00:00:22.660 And the longer you make that time frame, I believe the more likely you are to make better
00:00:27.320 decisions.
00:00:30.000 You're a man of action.
00:00:31.600 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
00:00:35.980 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
00:00:40.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
00:00:45.500 This is your life.
00:00:46.600 This is who you are.
00:00:48.000 This is who you will become.
00:00:49.500 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:00:55.780 Kip, what's up, man?
00:00:56.760 Looks like you're in a new location.
00:00:58.640 You are still in the Hawaiian Islands.
00:01:01.440 I mean, we went hunting, and I left, but you just decided to stick around for another month
00:01:05.660 or so, it sounds like.
00:01:06.660 Yeah, yeah.
00:01:07.200 I'm like, it's too beautiful.
00:01:09.000 I have to stay.
00:01:09.880 Although, I don't know.
00:01:11.000 Actually, Molokai is beautiful.
00:01:12.680 Don't you think?
00:01:13.500 Crickets.
00:01:16.860 Parts of it are beautiful.
00:01:18.040 No, Molokai is great.
00:01:19.000 It's different than what you would think, at least where we hunt.
00:01:22.660 It's different than what you would think of the traditional, quintessential Hawaiian pictures
00:01:27.040 that we see.
00:01:27.840 There are parts of the island that are that, but where we hunt, quite honestly, it just
00:01:32.000 looks like Africa to me.
00:01:33.200 Yeah.
00:01:33.600 Yeah.
00:01:33.900 Barren Africa.
00:01:34.880 But there is some beauty to it.
00:01:36.900 But yeah, I wanted some of the green stuff, so I hopped on over to Oahu for a little while
00:01:42.240 to make up for it.
00:01:44.180 Yeah.
00:01:44.880 You know, I went, I did some spot and stock stuff with Eric Chesser, and if you guys don't
00:01:49.680 know who Eric Chesser is, he's a great person, but he runs a company called Hush, and he's
00:01:56.420 an incredible hunter.
00:01:57.420 And so I said, hey, I want to go hunt with you, because I want to learn from you.
00:02:00.320 Yeah, totally.
00:02:00.880 And we went and hiked all up in the mountains and everything else, and he got me into a deer,
00:02:05.040 and I had a really cool stock.
00:02:06.340 I didn't end up shooting the deer I missed.
00:02:08.820 Just, I think it was just under her, but just that experience, and there was a place
00:02:15.140 kind of in a bowl that was all barren and desert and red, but it had these huge boulder lava
00:02:21.420 rocks, and we call it Mars.
00:02:23.480 And walking around there was so strange, but it is, when you get up in the mountains and
00:02:28.280 you see all the landscape and you see the different type of landscape, it's pretty amazing.
00:02:32.000 And I actually think that's one of the best things about hunting and just being outside
00:02:35.760 is what you get to experience and see and new views, and it's pretty incredible.
00:02:40.960 I think more men should do that.
00:02:42.280 Just get outside, whether you're hunting or not.
00:02:44.300 Yeah, it was great.
00:02:45.420 Eric's is a stud.
00:02:46.840 You know, even on that same canyon where those cuts are down the end, I was thinking that
00:02:51.880 when I was cutting down through there.
00:02:53.240 I was like, man, this is another part of Hawaii or Molokai that I haven't seen.
00:02:59.960 It's just so wild, you know, how it's all set up.
00:03:04.020 So you got it done, man.
00:03:06.280 You're three for three on your hunts.
00:03:07.680 Three for three.
00:03:08.840 Which is, as a bow hunter, that's phenomenal.
00:03:11.940 So last year, about this time, you got an axis deer in Hawaii.
00:03:15.080 Then in Minnesota in the fall, you got a whitetail.
00:03:18.040 And then this year, you got another axis deer.
00:03:20.340 I did not have the level of success that you're having.
00:03:22.820 But I will say...
00:03:23.720 Yeah, you did.
00:03:23.860 You got two this year, didn't you?
00:03:26.220 I mean, when I started.
00:03:27.580 Oh, okay.
00:03:28.220 When I started hunting.
00:03:28.700 Yeah, yeah.
00:03:29.740 But yeah, no, I did fairly well.
00:03:32.180 I have done fairly well this year so far.
00:03:34.360 But yeah, it's interesting because I've seen...
00:03:38.060 I think it'd be easy for people to discount success,
00:03:40.600 but I just want to pay you a compliment
00:03:42.200 because I see the work that you put in,
00:03:44.340 not only in hunting, but other aspects of your life.
00:03:47.100 And it's not a surprise to me that the way you're disciplined with work
00:03:50.320 and your family life and jiu-jitsu translates perfectly into hunting.
00:03:54.560 You know, I know you've trained.
00:03:56.400 I know you're taking shots.
00:03:57.740 I see how serious you take it, the nuance of it.
00:04:01.720 I see how open-minded you are to learning or hearing new ideas.
00:04:05.260 And it's not a surprise to me that you have the success that you do
00:04:08.240 in something that is actually really, really difficult to do,
00:04:11.440 which is hunting in general.
00:04:12.600 But then to shoot animals with a string and a stick is pretty incredible.
00:04:17.800 Yeah, that's a great way to put it
00:04:20.220 because it does feel that way sometimes.
00:04:21.960 I'm like, dude, seriously, like arrow, rock to the head.
00:04:27.520 Yeah, probably about the same closeness, you know?
00:04:30.440 Yeah.
00:04:31.520 Have you seen that meme?
00:04:33.000 It's a cartoon.
00:04:34.620 It's these two ancient warriors.
00:04:38.480 And one of them says to the other,
00:04:40.400 I really want to stab that person, but he's way over there.
00:04:42.880 And it says on the bottom how archery was created.
00:04:48.280 That's hilarious.
00:04:49.680 That's hilarious.
00:04:50.300 You know, I loved what is Woody's shirt, man.
00:04:54.600 It was super funny.
00:04:56.640 Oh, a Molokai fast food?
00:04:58.460 Yeah, it's so hilarious.
00:04:59.840 It has a picture of an Axis deer and it's all Molokai fast food.
00:05:04.100 I'm like, yeah, it's straight up, you know, 100% accurate.
00:05:08.440 Yeah, it is really fast food.
00:05:11.460 Well, we had a good time and it leads me into something I wanted to share,
00:05:15.660 which is the importance of having good men in your corner.
00:05:18.200 I was thinking as we were out hunting with each other or even just coming back and sharing stories of what went well,
00:05:25.400 what didn't go well, sharing stories not only about the hunt,
00:05:28.620 but about life and relationships that we have and things that are going well and businesses that we're running and new ideas and insights.
00:05:35.860 And every time I turned around, there was a new conversation between us about things that are relevant to all of us.
00:05:41.860 Of course, yeah, we were Jack and John giving each other a hard time.
00:05:44.620 Sure, that builds camaraderie and connection.
00:05:47.120 But I don't think, I know that not enough men have this type of brotherhood.
00:05:52.460 They don't have men they can rely on.
00:05:54.340 They don't have anybody to bounce ideas off of.
00:05:56.860 There's no accountability for these guys.
00:05:59.300 There's no connection.
00:06:00.800 And it's really isolating and lonely for a lot of men.
00:06:04.920 And the statistics bear that.
00:06:06.080 When you look at depression rates and suicide rates and the amount of men that actually even have one friend they could call in hardship is abysmal.
00:06:14.160 So I bring that up because we have our brotherhood, the Iron Council.
00:06:18.860 And what's interesting is a lot of the connections, well, you and I wouldn't be connected without the Iron Council.
00:06:24.760 Logan Ingram was out there with us.
00:06:26.840 We wouldn't be connected without the Iron Council.
00:06:29.820 Eric Chesser and Ben, those guys wouldn't be connected without Order of Man.
00:06:34.040 So it's really interesting that we've created this band of brothers through the Iron Council.
00:06:41.180 But I take just as much advantage of it as everybody else.
00:06:45.100 Like I get to meet people and hunt with them and learn from them and break bread with them.
00:06:49.940 So if you guys are looking for a connection with other men who care about you, who want you to succeed, who want you to win, then I would highly suggest you look at it.
00:06:58.900 We're open for another week until the end of this month.
00:07:01.400 So go to orderofman.com slash Iron Council.
00:07:04.040 And I'm sure throughout the conversation today, we'll talk a little bit more about it through the answers to the questions that we're receiving today.
00:07:11.680 Yeah, absolutely.
00:07:12.500 So let's hop into this question from Mike Adolpher.
00:07:17.580 He says, it is said that change only occurs through two motives, desperation and inspiration.
00:07:25.400 Where has this occurred in your lives and how do you progress from the former, which seems reactionary to the latter, which is proactive?
00:07:33.440 Yeah, I mean, one question I get quite often is, can a man change without hitting rock bottom?
00:07:40.620 And the answer is, yes, you can.
00:07:42.720 And also, what does rock bottom even mean?
00:07:46.040 I think we've talked about this in the past, Kip.
00:07:47.940 Rock bottom is the minute you stop digging.
00:07:49.720 So if you're dealing with addiction, if you're struggling in your romantic relationship, if you're making bad financial decisions, you're struggling in other relationships that you have in life, the first step is to stop doing dumb things.
00:08:03.560 And sometimes you don't know.
00:08:05.780 Sometimes it's not as blatantly obvious.
00:08:08.060 You know, if you're addicted to pornography or alcohol or drug use or whatever, it might be more obvious to you.
00:08:16.180 But there's also little things that we could be doing that are self-sabotaging that maybe we don't even acknowledge and recognize.
00:08:22.000 And that is part of the reason why you need to have men in your corner who are objective.
00:08:26.320 So you might come to me, Kip, and say, hey, man, I'm dealing with this thing.
00:08:30.320 My wife and I are struggling, for example.
00:08:32.040 Well, I can see that fairly objectively because I'm not necessarily attached the same way that you are to the outcome of your choices.
00:08:38.680 So I can speak into you different than you can even be capable of acknowledging yourself.
00:08:45.460 So you don't have to be desperate to change.
00:08:48.360 You just have to decide that you're going to change.
00:08:51.260 You have to decide to be different, to make different choices and then achieve the different results.
00:08:56.660 The inspiration part, I like that.
00:08:58.520 I would maybe change that with the word hope because if you're just desperate, yeah, you might feel like you want to make a change.
00:09:05.340 But if you don't feel like that change is going to actually make a better life for you, then you're probably not going to be inspired to do it.
00:09:12.800 And you probably won't do it for long, even if you do.
00:09:15.480 So there has to be an element of hope involved in the change-making process, meaning that if I do this, I have hope that the outcome will be different.
00:09:24.520 So I do agree with that.
00:09:26.180 I think desperation or at least pain and hope are the two elements that are required.
00:09:31.980 This showed up for me in the breakdown of my previous marriage.
00:09:35.260 You know, at that time, I was drinking heavily.
00:09:37.960 I was really struggling with all of that.
00:09:40.680 And in part, it led to the breakdown of my marriage.
00:09:45.700 So that was a desperate time.
00:09:47.140 There was a lot of pain, a lot of mental and emotional pain around that.
00:09:50.540 And it was the hope of changing that maybe I could salvage my marriage.
00:09:54.900 Now, I didn't.
00:09:55.520 It was too little too late.
00:09:56.660 But I knew that if I kept going down that path, I would reinvigorate the relationship I had with my children.
00:10:03.240 I'd be more focused with work.
00:10:05.000 There would be other relationships that I would be in and I have been in that because of that change put me in a better position for it.
00:10:13.700 So I agree.
00:10:14.840 I think pain and hope are the two elements.
00:10:16.740 And that's one area that has really impacted me.
00:10:19.480 Yeah.
00:10:20.200 You know, I really love how you opened up that response with this idea of like, what is desperation, right?
00:10:27.500 And you use the analogy of a stop digging.
00:10:30.420 You know, it's really interesting how many areas of our life where you can move yourself to the space of desperation and inspiration by just being really present to your current circumstance, right?
00:10:44.580 Like, you don't have to wait for the third party to say, I'm done with you.
00:10:49.580 You can actually just get present to how you're showing up and that what's at risk is those relationships if you don't make a change.
00:10:58.300 That's the proactive kind of generation of desperation, if you want to use that term, by just being present.
00:11:04.420 All of us are leaving impact in all of our relationships right now, whether positive or negative.
00:11:10.440 And I really feel like if we get present to how we're showing up and how it's impacting those that we care about, you would probably move to action.
00:11:20.020 In fact, if I even saying this, I know that I'm not fully present to that.
00:11:25.820 And if I was, I'd probably move to action way more than I am today.
00:11:30.200 And that tells me that we can be proactive in this.
00:11:33.440 It just requires us to be fully aware how we're showing up and how it affects those around us.
00:11:42.180 The word I use for that, Kip, is vigilance.
00:11:44.880 Like, we need to remain so vigilant towards what's going on in relationships or our business.
00:11:50.020 You need to be aware, you need to review those things frequently and often so that you can see the slightest little deviation in what's happening.
00:11:58.100 Because some of those things are so small and minute that it doesn't feel like a big deal.
00:12:03.780 But when you stack that up over time, it's like eating.
00:12:06.640 You know, you could eat an extra 100 calories per day and be fine for a while.
00:12:11.300 But pretty soon, you're going to be 5, 10, 20, 30, 40, 100 pounds overweight if you keep doing that.
00:12:17.580 The 100 calories is not a big deal, but the 100,000 calories is a big deal.
00:12:23.720 And so that's what is challenging about it.
00:12:26.200 I'm reminded of a story that Rick told us on this hunt.
00:12:30.220 He shot a deer and he ended up finding it, but it was still alive and it bumped and he bumped it and it ran and he found it.
00:12:38.380 I think he said he shot it again and it ran again and it ran off a cliff.
00:12:42.280 And he was going to follow the deer while he was walking towards the cliff and there was some bushes and he parted the bushes and that's where the deer ran.
00:12:50.260 The deer was so desperate, it jumped off this cliff.
00:12:52.620 I don't even know if it saw it in time.
00:12:54.360 And Rick said if he wasn't paying attention, then he would have fell off the cliff too.
00:12:58.660 And that's what's happening in our lives.
00:13:00.360 These little things are happening on a daily basis that we're just not conscious of.
00:13:04.560 We're not spending any time thinking about it.
00:13:06.300 We don't have a process of review and we don't have objective people in our lives who are helping us see where we might be falling short.
00:13:13.560 And we're heading towards the cliff and it's covered by bushes and we don't even know that we're marching towards our impending death.
00:13:21.380 That's why vigilance is so crucial because it will happen.
00:13:25.640 Whether or not you're blinded to it or eyes wide open, it's going to happen if we're making bad decisions in our lives.
00:13:32.620 Totally.
00:13:32.920 And by the way, full disclosure, that's probably the only story of inspiration that we could have gotten from Rick out of the entire weekend.
00:13:40.940 In fact, when you said Rick shared a story, I was like, I was going to interrupt you and say, I don't think you can share any of them online in a recording.
00:13:50.700 All right, what's next, man?
00:13:55.480 Rick's got one good one in him.
00:13:57.240 All right, Christopher Croom.
00:13:58.640 A lot of men have friends, some circles of influence that they spend time around.
00:14:04.200 When it comes to developing business, molding your leadership group is a serious business because it's some blend of friendships and advisors.
00:14:11.580 You need trust, intellect, and integrity.
00:14:14.720 But beyond that, in both realms, there can be an inner circle developed.
00:14:18.420 More than an advisor, closer than acquaintances or friends.
00:14:22.360 It's really an extension of yourself in many ways.
00:14:24.980 What's your criteria for identifying good men that make for a function in a well-equipped inner circle?
00:14:33.320 And how would you define the concept of and go about developing one?
00:14:37.680 Well, I think some of that happens somewhat organically.
00:14:40.660 That's just going to happen over time.
00:14:42.000 But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be deliberate and intentional about it because even a lot of things will grow organically.
00:14:50.040 I mean, you could have, you know, you could put, I remember in high school in science class, we would put some sort of bacteria in a little culture and it grows organically.
00:15:00.220 But it doesn't mean it's healthy, right?
00:15:01.960 Like it could kill you.
00:15:03.100 So it's the same thing with your circle of friends.
00:15:07.600 That's going to grow organically.
00:15:08.920 You're going to meet guys in high school.
00:15:10.440 You're going to go on hunts and other people are going to be invited.
00:15:13.200 You're going to have neighbors.
00:15:14.040 You're going to have people that you work with.
00:15:15.400 All of that is going to be somewhat organic.
00:15:17.320 You need to ask yourself, is this, even though it's organic, is this good?
00:15:21.420 Is this serving me?
00:15:22.660 And be as deliberate as you possibly can about it.
00:15:25.820 And then find a way to put yourself in proximity or spend more time with the people who meet the criteria.
00:15:32.960 So when I go on a hunt, for example, I'm handpicking people that I want to go with.
00:15:37.080 I don't usually, unless it's an actual event, I don't usually just throw it out there and see who wants to go.
00:15:42.860 I make individual and specific phone calls because those are the people I want to spend more time with.
00:15:48.320 So being deliberate is important.
00:15:50.080 But as far as the criteria goes, I think consistency is one.
00:15:54.160 Humility is definitely one.
00:15:57.740 Also competency.
00:15:58.980 I want to make sure that this is a competent person that I can actually learn from.
00:16:02.120 If they don't have any value to add to my life, why would I want them in that circle?
00:16:06.100 So consistency, competency, humility, also a willingness to engage and be honest.
00:16:13.660 Because a lot of people won't do that.
00:16:16.060 I guess I would say that's courage.
00:16:17.660 A lot of people aren't courageous enough.
00:16:19.720 They can acknowledge what's going on.
00:16:21.320 They can see that things need to be addressed and said, but they don't have the balls to say it.
00:16:25.420 And I need people in my life who are unafraid to say what needs to be said or do what needs to be done.
00:16:32.240 And there's ways.
00:16:33.180 Sorry, I'm congested.
00:16:34.060 There's a huge fire in southern Utah, and it's like really smoky.
00:16:37.620 So it's getting to me.
00:16:38.460 But yeah, there's things that you can do.
00:16:42.560 You know, I was thinking about this just the other day.
00:16:44.980 You know what?
00:16:45.500 One of the reasons why jujitsu is so great is because when you go train with somebody, you're going to find out really quickly if that's a person who will bitch out when things get hard.
00:16:54.740 And to me, that is crucial because I need to know that in discomfort, even if you're getting your ass handed to you, is this a man who can stay in the fight?
00:17:04.500 Is this a man who won't bail or won't tug tail?
00:17:06.940 And is this a man who will actually come back tomorrow to do it again?
00:17:10.840 And I think that's what's so important for men to realize when it comes to building up your band of brothers is you have to do hard things together.
00:17:18.120 It's a litmus test.
00:17:19.240 So if it's jujitsu, if it's a Spartan race, if it's training for a marathon together or an Ironman or a campout, you have to do something in the physical realm because that physicality and the tiredness of it reveals who that man really is.
00:17:35.800 And Kip, I know that you've seen people come and go in jujitsu who are emotionally unhinged.
00:17:41.280 That's not a guy you want.
00:17:42.620 If he's emotionally unhinged at jujitsu, you don't want him in your circle.
00:17:46.240 I've seen guys who come and they get their butts handed to them and they have no level of humility.
00:17:50.380 So they don't come back because they can't stand the thought that they're not good enough at something, even though they're brand new.
00:17:56.440 That's not a guy I want in my circle.
00:17:58.420 So I love to create environments of hardship, physical hardship, because it helps me separate the winners from the losers.
00:18:05.440 And I can say that guy, if I knew nothing else about him, I know he's humble.
00:18:09.140 I know he's courageous.
00:18:10.480 I know he's consistent.
00:18:11.660 And I know he keeps coming back for more, even if things aren't great.
00:18:14.880 And that's a guy I would be more interested in having in my circle than the alternative.
00:18:19.980 It's so true.
00:18:21.660 You know, Christopher, in his question asked, you know, part of it was around the business side of things.
00:18:27.020 And I find this interesting because in the business world, let's say you're building your inner circle, but you have the stick, right, as the owner of the company.
00:18:37.800 You own the stick that almost, for some people, might dictate their way of life quite a bit, right?
00:18:45.500 You and I get sideways.
00:18:47.580 You know, if I'm your full-time employer, you and I get sideways.
00:18:50.520 I get fired, right?
00:18:51.600 Like, that's a lot at risk, right?
00:18:54.040 Yeah.
00:18:54.220 And so what are your thoughts for Christopher around this idea of how you need to be showing up as a leader that your people, even though you own the stick, are willing to be courageous with you, right?
00:19:08.260 Because I do feel like that's – I think that's one of the biggest issues with leaders today is they don't realize that their authority almost kind of somewhat hurts them, right, their effectiveness.
00:19:20.080 People may not be honest with you.
00:19:21.820 Even if you can say – even if you tout, oh, don't be honest with me, everyone, you know, I'm an open book.
00:19:28.220 A lot of people won't, not when their job's on the line, right, or if they feel like their job's on the line.
00:19:33.500 So what additional things would you add for Christopher around that dynamic?
00:19:38.080 So as you were saying that I was writing things down, you could probably hear me punching away on the keyboard, but here's some things I wrote down, and we could break a few of these down.
00:19:44.460 So number one, the ability to clearly communicate expectations.
00:19:48.060 People don't want uncertainty in their lives.
00:19:50.480 Your wife doesn't want uncertainty.
00:19:52.020 Your kids don't want uncertainty.
00:19:53.780 Your employees don't want uncertainty.
00:19:55.860 That creates bad loops in the nervous system and underperformance because everybody's always on edge.
00:20:01.540 Like, how's Ryan going to act?
00:20:03.040 How's he going to respond?
00:20:05.020 What does he even want of us?
00:20:06.620 I was talking to my two boys yesterday.
00:20:08.540 They just got a job lined up for the summer, but their employer and their trainer weren't real clear about their instructions on what they needed to do, and so that created frustration in my boys, rightfully so.
00:20:23.640 They were frustrated.
00:20:24.600 I would be too because there was uncertainty and it was unclear.
00:20:27.620 So expectations, number one.
00:20:29.680 But I also think having compassion and empathy for the people on your team is crucial.
00:20:35.480 You don't want to get too close.
00:20:37.040 I think he kind of alluded to this a little bit in the first part of his question.
00:20:39.900 But, yeah, you don't want to get too close to your people in a business setting because that strips away some of your authority.
00:20:47.940 The dichotomy of leadership by Jocko Willink talks a little bit about this so that you can read more on that.
00:20:52.880 Humility is another important thing that if somebody comes to you and says, hey, like, this is feedback I want to give you.
00:21:00.920 Are you humble enough to receive it?
00:21:02.900 Now, there's a proper way to do it, and there's an improper way to do it.
00:21:05.860 So, Kip, if you are my employee and you want to give me feedback, then I need to be willing to give you feedback on how you communicate that with me.
00:21:14.920 And that might be done up front.
00:21:16.420 So, if you're a new hire, I might say to you, hey, as a member of this team, you have the right to give me feedback, but here's how you communicate that feedback with me.
00:21:24.220 And then that way, if you do it correctly, I can say, hey, Kip, thank you.
00:21:27.420 You know, you followed the process.
00:21:28.540 Thank you for the feedback.
00:21:29.500 I also appreciate the way that you gave that to me.
00:21:32.460 Or if you step out of line, I can say, hey, look, two things separate.
00:21:36.740 I appreciate the feedback.
00:21:37.960 And remember when we talked about how you are to give feedback?
00:21:40.820 I want to make sure we keep it that way so we keep a productive environment.
00:21:44.020 But humility is important.
00:21:46.140 Also, results.
00:21:47.140 Are you a leader who can create results?
00:21:49.000 Because if you can't create results, nobody's going to follow you.
00:21:51.840 And it has to be consistent results.
00:21:53.540 If you create consistent results over time, your people are going to question you less.
00:21:58.060 They might have questions, but they're going to question you less because they might even say, you know what?
00:22:02.460 I don't always understand the methods, but Ryan gets it done.
00:22:05.140 Business is growing.
00:22:06.200 Revenues are up.
00:22:07.040 He's sharing profits with us.
00:22:08.400 We're making money.
00:22:09.180 We're fulfilled.
00:22:09.800 We're happy.
00:22:10.320 We're satisfied.
00:22:11.440 And so we're fully on board with this.
00:22:13.420 And the last thing, this is really important.
00:22:15.500 How you respond is crucial.
00:22:18.260 Men need to work on emotional regulation.
00:22:20.840 That doesn't mean that we need to suppress our emotions, that we need to bury them and stuff them and never discuss them.
00:22:26.600 Sometimes, maybe, but not always.
00:22:28.280 It means that you need to be able to regulate your emotions because, again, you want to create certainty in the lives of the people that you care about.
00:22:36.700 So, Kip, if you're going to come to me with feedback or maybe the project worked or didn't work and I blow a gasket, are you less or more likely to come talk to me about something in the future?
00:22:47.620 Of course, you're less likely to talk with me because you don't know what version you're going to get.
00:22:52.140 It's almost better for you to always be an asshole than it is for you to sometimes be an asshole and sometimes be amazing.
00:22:59.140 Because at least always being an asshole, you can arm yourself when you go in.
00:23:03.580 You're like, I know Ryan's going to be a dick about this.
00:23:05.560 He always is.
00:23:06.300 That's certainty.
00:23:07.200 Not great.
00:23:07.920 I'm not saying that.
00:23:09.020 But at least there's certainty in it.
00:23:10.580 It's the devil you know, right?
00:23:11.840 That's why people, women, for example, will stay in abusive relationships because the certainty of being with that man is better than the uncertainty of going out on her own and facing life without financial provision or the scrutiny she might get or the fear that she might be dealing with.
00:23:29.900 So, make sure that you remain consistent in your response and ideally it's emotionally regulated.
00:23:36.760 That you don't allow your emotions to take over and you don't react emotionally.
00:23:40.660 You use your emotion as feedback for what you're experiencing and then you communicate and articulate clearly with your people.
00:23:49.100 Awesome.
00:23:49.600 Thank you.
00:23:50.620 I'll give you an example actually if I can real quick on that.
00:23:53.300 So, yesterday my two oldest boys were frustrated.
00:23:55.800 This is an impersonal setting and I was really getting after my second son a little bit because he wasn't doing what he was asked to do.
00:24:02.880 And I could tell that he was getting very frustrated and I was about to head to the gym yesterday afternoon.
00:24:07.000 And I was driving down the road and I didn't raise my voice.
00:24:11.820 It wasn't overly bad.
00:24:13.480 I was just getting after him.
00:24:14.380 I was on top of him to get it done and he was frustrated about it.
00:24:16.860 And I was good with the way I handled it.
00:24:19.740 I didn't think it was inappropriate the way I handled the situation.
00:24:23.000 But I was driving down the road and I turned around.
00:24:25.400 I'm like, you know what?
00:24:26.620 Everybody's on edge.
00:24:27.500 The two older boys are on edge.
00:24:29.140 They're frustrated.
00:24:30.140 I'm getting after him.
00:24:31.200 He's clearly upset about this.
00:24:32.760 And I stopped.
00:24:33.580 I did not go to the gym.
00:24:34.560 I came back and I said, hey guys.
00:24:36.400 I went inside.
00:24:37.240 Both the boys, the two oldest boys said, man, that was fast.
00:24:39.520 I said, yeah, I changed my mind.
00:24:40.640 I said, get your stuff.
00:24:41.500 Let's go.
00:24:41.860 We're going to go get ice cream.
00:24:42.680 And that's what we did.
00:24:43.700 So, I could have very easily just went to the gym and it would have been fine.
00:24:47.080 But instead, I saw, I think, I hope that I saw what the moment demanded of me, what it required of me.
00:24:53.180 And I pivoted and changed courses as quickly as I could.
00:24:56.340 Now, when we got ice cream, I didn't bring up anything.
00:24:58.960 I didn't talk about anything.
00:25:00.220 I didn't apologize.
00:25:01.240 I didn't even have anything to apologize about.
00:25:03.040 I didn't re-agitate the situation.
00:25:06.560 We just all went and got ice cream, had a good time.
00:25:09.220 By the time we got back, everybody's smiling, laughing, having fun, joking with each other.
00:25:13.200 Emotional regulation.
00:25:14.700 You need to regulate it for yourself, but you also need to acknowledge when your people need to be regulated and figure out ways to address it appropriately.
00:25:22.000 You know, that really brings up another thought for Cole just, or not Cole.
00:25:26.980 Who are we talking to here?
00:25:28.080 Christopher.
00:25:28.740 Christopher.
00:25:29.140 Christopher is the importance of influence.
00:25:33.440 You know, this was years ago when the battle team mentors within the Iron Council kind of reported to me, if you want to use that term.
00:25:44.380 And I remember I was taking a coaching call with one of the mentors, and he calls me up and says, hey, Kip, you know, I'm having this problem with one of our battle team leaders.
00:25:52.320 And I'm like, oh, what's going on?
00:25:54.040 And he's like, well, I asked him to get these surveys and these things in.
00:25:57.640 And his response to me is like, yeah, if I get time.
00:26:00.220 And he's constantly just like combative.
00:26:02.420 Everything I ask him to do, he pushes back.
00:26:05.560 And he's kind of like a dick, like openly, you know, disagreeing constantly, you know, and I don't know how to deal with it.
00:26:13.920 And I said, are you in a position of influence with him?
00:26:16.520 And he goes, yeah, I do my, I do these calls like at least a couple times a month.
00:26:22.040 I give him coaching and, you know, what he needs to improve on.
00:26:25.220 And I ask how his team's doing.
00:26:26.940 And I'm like, how's his wife?
00:26:28.580 Oh, I don't know.
00:26:29.600 How's his kids?
00:26:30.420 I don't know that either.
00:26:31.640 How's his job?
00:26:32.520 I don't know.
00:26:33.040 I'm like, dude, you don't have influence.
00:26:34.780 Right.
00:26:35.540 If we don't know that the person cares about us, then why are you coaching me?
00:26:41.040 Oh, for your benefit.
00:26:42.220 Oh, because you're trying to make money.
00:26:43.660 Oh, because you're trying to prop yourself up.
00:26:45.600 It's all the other intentions other than the intention of what?
00:26:48.680 Helping me, serving me, coaching me.
00:26:50.900 Oh, it's about you.
00:26:52.140 And if we're not in a position of influence, people will assume that your intent is one of those latter things.
00:27:01.460 Right.
00:27:02.020 So be in a position of influence.
00:27:04.820 People need to know where you stand with them, how you see them.
00:27:09.360 And there's a level of relationship.
00:27:11.580 And what I find fascinating about this, Ryan, and maybe this was like an aha or not an aha for you with your military background.
00:27:19.700 But whenever I've heard the chain of command over the years, I always thought it was like control.
00:27:25.060 Right.
00:27:25.240 It's about authority and control.
00:27:26.740 Who's in a position of authority and control?
00:27:29.060 And I thought that's all that it was.
00:27:30.880 And even so much that it kind of had a bad taste in my mouth a little bit.
00:27:34.760 Right.
00:27:34.960 When I hear that term chain of command, I was like, oh, that's just controls, controls.
00:27:38.800 I don't like it.
00:27:40.140 Now I realize it's not.
00:27:42.120 Now it is that.
00:27:43.160 Right.
00:27:43.420 Because you have to identify who's responsible and where does responsibility sit and where does ownership lie.
00:27:50.800 But it's also who's in the position to influence.
00:27:53.680 And that's the chain of command.
00:27:55.140 Those are the individuals that should be coaching certain individuals.
00:27:59.200 Why?
00:27:59.400 Because they're the ones in the position of influence, not four layers up in the work.
00:28:04.920 So just another thought for Christopher as we talk about that, identifying that circle.
00:28:11.160 Yeah.
00:28:11.440 Well, not only influence, but also authority.
00:28:14.300 The chain of command is working through people who can actually get things done.
00:28:17.940 Yeah.
00:28:18.280 You know, if you go outside of the chain of command to somebody you like, but they don't have the ability to get anything done, that's not going to fix anything.
00:28:25.460 So, yeah.
00:28:27.080 And it's also for clarity's sake, too.
00:28:28.960 Just so everybody's clear about where to go, how to go, how to work together.
00:28:31.780 It's powerful.
00:28:32.380 And you should have the same thing in a family dynamic, too.
00:28:34.700 It's like, yeah, you are the ultimate chain of command, but you should be able to say, hey, if you and your siblings are having an issue, you guys work it out.
00:28:42.040 If you can't work it out, then bring it to me.
00:28:43.840 And I'm going to talk with your mom about it.
00:28:46.020 And, like, everybody's clear about the process of how this works.
00:28:48.960 That just creates so much more certainty, like we were talking about earlier.
00:28:52.620 Yeah.
00:28:52.860 There's no guesswork.
00:28:53.580 Yeah, absolutely.
00:28:54.380 All right.
00:28:55.340 Cole Hamelrich, does the thought of eternity ever affect your day-to-day life?
00:29:02.400 And how do you deal with it?
00:29:04.000 Whether or not that's an internal nothing or an internal something?
00:29:09.320 The way he's framing that a little bit doesn't really – it sounds more like he's saying, bringing it from a negative perspective, like, oh, the thought of eternity is that –
00:29:17.780 How do you deal with it?
00:29:19.340 Yeah.
00:29:19.520 Yeah.
00:29:20.060 I don't – I think that's a good thing.
00:29:22.520 I mean, I believe in eternity.
00:29:23.800 I believe that there's life after death.
00:29:25.860 And that, as Marcus – or was it Marcus or Maximus, I think, on Gladiator says, what we do echoes in eternity.
00:29:34.320 And I believe that's true.
00:29:35.780 This, to me, is somewhat of a test, our earthly existence.
00:29:39.220 It's an opportunity to learn and grow and be tested and show that we are capable of doing great things and horrible things.
00:29:50.620 And can we overcome our natural desire and inclination to lie and cheat and steal and be manipulative and take advantage of other people and create violent, unnecessary or unrighteous violence?
00:30:02.120 Like, all of us have that in us.
00:30:03.780 I call it the natural man.
00:30:05.100 He's lazy.
00:30:05.740 He's weak.
00:30:06.220 He's immediate gratification.
00:30:07.420 He wants the results without the effort.
00:30:09.020 He'll do whatever he can to get it at the expense of other people.
00:30:12.060 We need to fight that man daily.
00:30:14.320 And so, because we've been commanded to do that.
00:30:16.740 So, that's the eternal perspective.
00:30:18.500 So, I don't look at it as a bad thing.
00:30:21.940 Two ways that I tend to look at it, that I choose to look at it, is that this is only part of my existence, this life, this physical life.
00:30:31.020 And the concept of memento mori, remember that you will die, is part of that.
00:30:36.180 That we only have so long, so we better make the most of it.
00:30:39.460 You better go hunting with your friends.
00:30:41.060 You better play big and start that business you've always wanted to start.
00:30:44.360 You better ask that woman on a date.
00:30:45.940 You better ask for her hand in marriage.
00:30:47.340 You better pour into your children.
00:30:49.160 You better take care of yourself physically, because we get one shot for all of this.
00:30:53.440 And then it's gone.
00:30:54.340 There's other things that I think are greater than this in eternity, but this is what we have right now.
00:30:59.080 The other thing when it comes to focusing on eternity that it does for me, is that the longer I extend my time horizon, the better choices I make.
00:31:07.500 Like, for everything.
00:31:08.880 If it comes to fitness, if my decision on whether or not to lift is based on how I feel currently in the moment,
00:31:15.940 I'm probably not going to go lift.
00:31:17.580 But if it's based on what I want to look like for the next year or five or ten years,
00:31:23.640 or how I want to be fully present with my kids as they're growing up,
00:31:26.780 or how I want to be able to hold my grandchildren and play with them and still be in good physical shape to be able to deal with that,
00:31:34.180 I'll probably go to the gym today.
00:31:35.820 If I'm tempted to cheat a client or a business partner out of money because the financial gain right now today is something that I want or need,
00:31:46.720 I'm much more likely to do that versus thinking about how this will impact this person's family over the next five years,
00:31:54.060 or how it will affect my own salvation in eternity.
00:31:59.200 And I'm less likely to make those poor decisions.
00:32:02.560 So for me, when you're making, when you're tempted to do the wrong thing, extend your time frame out.
00:32:08.240 And the longer you make that time frame, I believe the more likely you are to make better decisions.
00:32:13.300 I love it, man.
00:32:15.940 How do you deal with it?
00:32:17.340 I mean, obviously that's in the negative sense.
00:32:20.260 Yeah, maybe.
00:32:20.920 I mean, he's saying it that way, but it has some of that negative connotation with it.
00:32:24.760 I mean, so how do you get, you know, obviously we're leaning in the positive direction, right?
00:32:30.840 How do you stay present to it?
00:32:32.320 Like what are you doing that you don't lose sight, right?
00:32:35.960 That the, how you're feeling today trumps, you know, the physical goals that you have to go into the gym.
00:32:44.320 How do you keep the eternal perspective?
00:32:46.980 Well, for me, there's a mantra that I use that I'm a son of God.
00:32:52.380 Like I'm, I'm divine and so are you.
00:32:54.260 And if you are a son of God, like I believe that you are, then you have a moral responsibility to do the right thing.
00:32:59.900 And by the way, we, it seems like we always talk about doing the right thing as some sort of great sacrifice.
00:33:05.980 Have you noticed that?
00:33:07.100 Like every time somebody's, and I've done that, like every time somebody says, oh, just do the right thing, it's going to be hard.
00:33:12.260 It's like, well, hold on a second.
00:33:13.460 Or we're putting a negative.
00:33:15.900 Yeah, it does.
00:33:16.900 It always makes things easier.
00:33:19.300 Maybe not momentarily, you know, if, if I could cheat you out of something and steal $10,000 from you, that's better today currently.
00:33:28.620 Yeah.
00:33:29.200 But what does that do to my own soul and psyche?
00:33:31.700 What does that do to the way that I show up?
00:33:33.800 What does that do to my level of, of confidence?
00:33:36.660 What does that do to foster other business partnerships?
00:33:40.340 If you're out there telling people how I scammed you, it's worse.
00:33:44.720 And I would, I would say there is an immediate effect, right?
00:33:47.880 Like, you know, maybe the, the deposit of the bank account looks positive, but you don't think that weighs us?
00:33:55.340 Oh man, there's so much weight.
00:33:57.300 It's so much energy wasted constantly when we're out of integrity.
00:34:02.200 It's, it's miserable.
00:34:04.000 Yeah.
00:34:04.300 Yeah.
00:34:04.580 So that, that, that is a mantra that I use is I'm a son of God.
00:34:08.100 And so I should act like it.
00:34:09.320 Yeah.
00:34:09.600 What, what, as, as the phrase goes, what would Jesus do?
00:34:12.500 What, what would he do?
00:34:13.380 And then that's a pretty good metric on how you can live your life.
00:34:16.560 Um, the other thing that helps me is I'm very aware of my purpose on this earth.
00:34:21.700 I'm very aware of it.
00:34:22.940 I'm very connected to it.
00:34:24.500 And it's not to make a bunch of money.
00:34:26.100 Um, it's not to have nice things.
00:34:28.560 I want to make lots of money.
00:34:30.220 I want to have nice things, but that's not my purpose.
00:34:33.340 My purpose is to become the best man that I can be and help other people on their mission
00:34:39.000 to do the same.
00:34:39.920 That is my, that is my singular purpose of being on this earth.
00:34:43.300 Now I can do that in a lot of different ways.
00:34:45.420 I choose to do it through this movement, Order of Man, and it serves my purpose.
00:34:49.680 But if Order of Man was ripped away for some reason in some way from me tomorrow, I would
00:34:54.080 still, that would still be my purpose to become the best man I can be and to help other men and
00:34:59.160 women become the best versions of themselves.
00:35:00.880 That would still be my purpose, whether I'm a school teacher or running Order of Man or
00:35:06.520 working at a fast food restaurant or picking up garbage, you know, a garbage truck or driving
00:35:14.020 truck across the country to deliver good, like whatever it is, that is my purpose.
00:35:18.440 And because that's my purpose, I can now use that as a litmus test for the way I show up.
00:35:23.160 Is what I'm doing in this moment serving my purpose?
00:35:26.320 In this moment, I can answer yes, because we're doing this podcast.
00:35:28.920 But if I'm sitting around wasting time or getting drunk or watching pornography or taking
00:35:34.940 advantage of other people, no, that's not serving my purpose.
00:35:38.560 And so I'm reminded daily, what is my purpose?
00:35:40.640 If I'm sitting down with my kids, you know, my son, my youngest son, he just wants to sit
00:35:45.240 by me.
00:35:45.840 He'll draw or watch a show.
00:35:47.340 And I hate the shows he watches.
00:35:48.700 And it's hard at times for me to just sit there when I have, I feel like I have other
00:35:53.020 things to do.
00:35:53.600 But I can answer that question in the affirmative that yes, in that moment, I am serving my
00:35:58.340 purpose because I'm letting him know he's important.
00:36:01.300 I'm letting him know he's loved.
00:36:02.720 We're connecting.
00:36:04.120 He feels like my presence is there.
00:36:07.440 He feels like he matters and he does.
00:36:10.000 And so I can measure everything that I do negatively or positively against my purpose.
00:36:14.520 And if you don't know what your purpose is, that's the first step.
00:36:16.940 Everything else becomes not easier necessarily, but more clear, way more clear.
00:36:21.540 And you can make better choices.
00:36:23.040 I love it.
00:36:23.960 All right.
00:36:24.320 Joey Raneri, as things develop more in the Middle East with our involvement of Israel
00:36:30.680 and Iran, many people may start to have fears that something might happen on the home front,
00:36:35.700 especially men who have families or are creating families in the near future.
00:36:40.160 For those who are experiencing these feelings, what can men do to eliminate such fear in themselves
00:36:45.060 or those around them who they love so they can create a protective and secure environment
00:36:51.100 around them?
00:36:51.760 Yeah.
00:36:51.960 Well, okay.
00:36:52.440 So there's, there's a lot, there's a lot that we could unpackage here.
00:36:56.060 So vigilance is not, these are not in any order, but vigilance is number one, meaning
00:37:00.620 that you need to stay awake.
00:37:02.460 I just heard, I haven't been on, on the socials or following the news very much, but the last
00:37:08.500 week, cause I've been hunting, which has been nice not to have to tap into this stuff.
00:37:12.240 And I don't even really know all the intricacies of what's going on with Israel and Iran.
00:37:15.840 Man, I think I saw something like there maybe were some U.S. strikes that were made against
00:37:20.280 Iran, which I'm not a fan of.
00:37:21.940 Like I, I, I'm much more of not completely, but I'm much more of an isolationist than I
00:37:26.800 am getting involved in all these foreign affairs.
00:37:28.720 Not completely, because I think there are reasons we would need to get involved.
00:37:32.580 But there's some nuance there.
00:37:33.940 Anyways, I haven't been paying attention, but I think that we do need to remain vigilant around
00:37:39.420 us.
00:37:39.640 I heard that there was maybe somebody who drove a truck into a church or something and
00:37:44.320 started shooting up a church.
00:37:45.860 I haven't confirmed that.
00:37:47.800 My oldest son told me about that.
00:37:49.180 I need to look into that.
00:37:50.900 Yeah, but we do.
00:37:51.580 We see protests and riots and school shootings and mass shooters.
00:37:56.440 Guys, you need to remain vigilant against this stuff.
00:37:59.260 When you go out in public and you're with your woman or you're with your children or even by
00:38:03.000 yourself, how do you get out of the car?
00:38:04.880 Are you looking around?
00:38:05.880 Are you aware?
00:38:06.740 Is your head buried in your phone when you're walking down the street?
00:38:09.360 Like, I've seen people run into telephone poles because their head's buried in their
00:38:14.060 phones and they're not even paying attention.
00:38:16.520 They're literally running into things because they're that unaware of what's going on around
00:38:21.200 them.
00:38:21.500 Don't you think you're an easy target?
00:38:23.040 Your job is to protect yourself and protect other people.
00:38:25.780 And so if your wife is with you, she better be walking on the inside of the sidewalk.
00:38:30.500 And your head better be out of your phone.
00:38:32.680 And you better be looking around, scanning, observing, and being aware.
00:38:35.980 You're not paranoid, but you better be prepared.
00:38:37.780 When you go sit down in a restaurant, you better sit in the right place.
00:38:41.320 Your wife can sit with her back to the door because it's your job to make sure that your
00:38:45.100 face is towards the door.
00:38:46.800 Are you scanning?
00:38:47.460 Do you know where the exits are?
00:38:48.580 Do you know where the bad actors potentially are?
00:38:51.520 Can you see weird behavior?
00:38:53.360 And if you do, are you willing to call it out and point it out or at least get yourself out
00:38:57.280 of that situation?
00:38:58.200 Do you have a firearm if it's legal?
00:39:00.620 If it's not legal, you need to work on your elected representatives to make that, to acknowledge
00:39:05.460 the legality of it.
00:39:06.540 Because I think it is legal in the country, regardless of what other state laws are trying
00:39:12.680 to usurp the authority of the U.S. Constitution.
00:39:16.840 But yeah, you better have a firearm.
00:39:18.720 You better know how to train with it.
00:39:19.900 You better know how to throw a punch.
00:39:21.460 You better know how to take somebody to the ground.
00:39:23.200 You better know how to escape if you're on the ground.
00:39:25.340 These are all things that you need to be aware of.
00:39:27.400 And if you're not, I actually think you could probably mitigate about 90 plus percent of
00:39:31.720 the risk you might face just by being aware.
00:39:34.180 There's a great book called Left to Bang that I would read.
00:39:36.940 I can't remember the author right offhand, but read that.
00:39:39.740 Education is important.
00:39:41.040 So being informed on what's going on and trying to get objective analysis of it without all
00:39:45.940 the political infighting and the emotional reaction and response to some of these things.
00:39:51.420 Just try to get the details and the facts by looking at multiple sources.
00:39:55.480 Learning how to communicate effectively, even to your children and your wife.
00:39:59.160 If your wife is walking on the inside of the sidewalk or you're at a restaurant and you
00:40:03.000 asked to sit in the spot where you should be sitting as a man, does she know why you do
00:40:07.040 that?
00:40:07.340 Is she aware of what you're doing?
00:40:09.220 If your head's not buried in your phone, does she know, hey, this is what I'm looking
00:40:12.820 for.
00:40:13.180 This is what I'm aware of.
00:40:14.160 Are you teaching your kids to be aware of what's going on around them?
00:40:17.500 Are they scanning the environment?
00:40:18.800 Are they scanning parking lots?
00:40:20.020 My children will sometimes say to me, that guy's weird.
00:40:24.100 And most of culture, most like politically correct will say, oh, don't say that.
00:40:29.900 Don't, oh, don't say he's weird.
00:40:31.120 No.
00:40:31.860 If that's a weird guy, I want to know that.
00:40:34.140 I want to know my kids can identify that's a weird guy.
00:40:36.820 And then I asked them what, okay, why do you say that?
00:40:39.660 Well, because he's like, he's like fidgety.
00:40:41.560 And he's like, he doesn't really look like he belongs here.
00:40:43.400 They say things.
00:40:44.040 I'm like, yeah, I feel the same way.
00:40:45.540 I'm glad that you recognize it and acknowledge it.
00:40:47.340 I don't make it a thing because that's what I want them to be doing.
00:40:50.200 Um, and then just the skill sets that come with, come with it.
00:40:54.380 And the skill sets are throwing a punch, taking somebody down, getting off the ground, getting
00:40:58.900 yourself a new environment, being assertive.
00:41:01.520 Like how many times have we seen things?
00:41:04.500 And maybe even I I've done this where we see things that are off and we don't want to make
00:41:08.640 it weird.
00:41:09.160 We don't want to make it uncomfortable.
00:41:10.200 We don't want to inconvenience other people.
00:41:12.020 And so we put ourselves in harm's way because we're not assertive enough and don't have the
00:41:16.120 backbone to say and do something about it.
00:41:17.740 That's a skill set, learning how to communicate effectively, learning how to build assertiveness.
00:41:21.420 So vigilance, education, communication, skill sets.
00:41:24.180 I love it.
00:41:24.820 Well, and, and I just want to call this out.
00:41:26.680 Maybe it's a given, but Joey, like he asked this question, right?
00:41:29.900 For those experiencing these feelings, how do you eliminate such fear?
00:41:33.740 You build confidence.
00:41:35.240 That's how, because by the way, why?
00:41:37.420 Because all the other stuff's outside your control anyway.
00:41:39.620 So the, obviously the thing that you can do is prepare oneself, right?
00:41:45.180 And, and build up your own confidence and create the environment by which, uh, you can
00:41:50.080 have increased safety, um, by how you're showing up as a man.
00:41:53.900 Well, you know, I agree with what you said there, but I would also say, why do you want
00:41:59.000 to eliminate the fear?
00:42:00.020 Yeah.
00:42:00.480 I see what you're saying.
00:42:01.720 Yeah.
00:42:02.140 Good point.
00:42:02.500 Isn't the fear, isn't that what drives you to address it?
00:42:06.440 Yeah.
00:42:06.700 You can't, you can't be courageous if there's not some level of fear.
00:42:11.300 So there's a really good book by Gavin DeBecker called The Gift of Fear.
00:42:15.040 We're, we as human beings are designed, whether you think designed or whether you think evolved,
00:42:20.360 I think probably a bit of both.
00:42:21.700 We have that beautiful gift of emotion.
00:42:24.780 And when you're afraid, that's a good thing.
00:42:27.220 It means there's a threat, physical, mental, emotional spirit.
00:42:29.740 There's a threat.
00:42:30.260 There's something going on.
00:42:31.520 And so why would you want to get away?
00:42:33.320 Why would you want to do away with your warning system?
00:42:35.540 Your built-in warning system.
00:42:37.460 You, you do, you want to feel the fear.
00:42:39.560 Now you want to be able to respond to it correctly.
00:42:41.860 And that's what we're talking about with vigilance, education, communication, skill sets.
00:42:45.500 But don't, don't run away from the fear, whether it's public speaking or whether it's that weird
00:42:50.900 guy you see in the parking lot or somebody brandishing a firearm.
00:42:55.360 Yeah.
00:42:55.660 That fear is there to serve you.
00:42:57.120 That's a good thing.
00:42:58.000 Make sure you know how to harness it for productive outcomes.
00:43:00.740 Yeah.
00:43:00.900 Good distinction.
00:43:01.520 All right, Tim Conley, relocating my family from Maine to South Carolina this July, as
00:43:09.180 I lead my family through major, this major move, what practical steps, mindsets would
00:43:14.000 you recommend to stay grounded, lead with strength, and keep my mission clear, especially with
00:43:19.560 the uncertainty starts to weigh in on me?
00:43:22.620 First of all, don't leave Maine.
00:43:24.120 Just don't leave Maine.
00:43:25.540 Maine's amazing.
00:43:26.720 Although South Carolina is pretty awesome.
00:43:28.820 South Carolina is awesome.
00:43:29.900 Well, I think this is from Tim, right?
00:43:33.720 Yeah.
00:43:34.380 I think, Tim, I think one of the things that you need to be aware of, he said his family,
00:43:39.100 correct?
00:43:39.860 Correct.
00:43:40.140 So it's his wife and his kids.
00:43:42.920 So you said something about certainty, especially in the face of uncertainty.
00:43:47.360 That to me is your primary job, is to address the uncertainty and to take the brunt of it.
00:43:54.120 Um, there's a great quote and I don't want to paraphrase.
00:43:57.860 I want to give you the right quote.
00:43:59.280 So I'm going to pull it up here.
00:44:00.560 Uh, hold on, bear with me.
00:44:02.720 Okay.
00:44:03.000 Here it is.
00:44:03.740 It says this, the real man gains renown by standing between his family and destruction,
00:44:09.280 absorbing the blows of fate with equanimity.
00:44:12.140 That is one of my favorite quotes.
00:44:13.960 Your job as a man is to absorb the blows of fate.
00:44:17.260 And that could be the uncertainty of moving and you're to do it with equanimity, meaning
00:44:20.760 clarity, calmness, comfort, control.
00:44:23.740 So your wife is going to be afraid of what's going on.
00:44:27.200 There's uncertainty.
00:44:27.900 Your kids are going to feel uncertain because now they're going to be in a new school.
00:44:31.520 Um, your wife may be moving away from support that she has in Maine, that she's not going
00:44:36.740 to maybe have the same level of support there.
00:44:38.940 And I'm not saying that you need to shelter your wife and kids from this stuff.
00:44:42.440 You should be able to communicate it effectively.
00:44:44.980 There's a lot of things that you can do.
00:44:46.260 But I think the thing that I would have done better when I moved from Utah to Maine is to
00:44:52.060 be aware of the uncertainty that she was feeling and the uncertainty that my kids were feeling.
00:44:57.760 And I would have been more aware and vigilant about calming those fears, understanding what
00:45:03.380 they were concerned with, um, trying to find ways to support them with the things that they
00:45:08.160 would be missing when they moved away.
00:45:10.040 She's going to be missing support.
00:45:11.480 Your kids are going to be missing friends.
00:45:13.400 There's structure that comes with it.
00:45:15.140 That's your job as a man, is to create clarity, to create structure, and to create certainty.
00:45:20.680 So however you can do that by communicating clearly, but not letting them absorb the blows
00:45:25.840 of fate, that's your job.
00:45:27.660 You handle that.
00:45:28.620 Make sure you're in a good financial position.
00:45:30.540 Make sure you're communicating with your wife and your kids.
00:45:33.560 Make sure you understand what they're dealing with, what they're confronting with, what's
00:45:37.060 hard about it, what isn't hard about it, what they like, what they don't like.
00:45:40.160 What, what is the, what does the house need to look like for them to feel comfortable?
00:45:43.880 What structure or routines do you need to build in to ensure that they have something that's
00:45:48.860 certain that they can rely on in the face of new changes in their lives?
00:45:52.840 Again, it's clarity, it's structure, and it's certainty.
00:45:56.280 That is your job.
00:45:57.540 Love it.
00:45:57.900 But earlier, you mentioned Left to Bang, authors Patrick Van Horn and Jason Reilly.
00:46:03.320 Patrick Van Horn, that's right.
00:46:05.020 Who have been, Patrick has been on the podcast, so yeah.
00:46:08.400 Yeah, great book.
00:46:09.560 Last question, Peyton Mathis, when it comes to fathers acting on emotion, do you mean in
00:46:15.220 anger or maybe sorrow and sadness?
00:46:17.960 And to what extent of action and reaction?
00:46:21.000 It seems like everyone says your kids, especially your daughters, should never see you cry or get
00:46:26.280 angry, but to me, I feel like you don't want to teach your kids the wrong thing by bottling
00:46:31.880 up everything up.
00:46:33.200 Yeah, you can be angry.
00:46:34.520 I mean, there's things that your kids are going to do that you're, you can be angry about.
00:46:38.220 Like, or you can be sad.
00:46:40.640 Yeah.
00:46:41.820 Like, you can be, you can be those things.
00:46:45.040 I don't know why we don't think, he's not wrong.
00:46:48.580 Like, that is a common misconception that, oh, we shouldn't be angry.
00:46:51.560 Oh, we shouldn't cry.
00:46:52.300 Oh, we shouldn't show, show, show sorrow.
00:46:54.300 No, you're emotional.
00:46:55.580 No, it's fine.
00:46:57.140 It's the way you exhibit it.
00:46:59.700 So if your kid does something stupid that impacts the family, maybe they, I don't know,
00:47:04.600 maybe they're playing baseball outside and they threw a baseball through the sliding
00:47:08.220 glass door.
00:47:09.160 Yeah, you can be angry about that.
00:47:10.800 That was dumb.
00:47:11.600 They did a dumb thing and you can be angry.
00:47:14.280 Now, do you beat them to a pulp because they do that?
00:47:17.680 No, of course not.
00:47:19.140 That's one way people exhibit their anger.
00:47:21.300 They resort to violence.
00:47:22.300 I'm using that as an extreme example.
00:47:24.200 I hope it goes without saying you wouldn't do that.
00:47:27.160 I don't even know if you would even need to yell at them.
00:47:30.080 I remember when I was a kid and I don't know why, well, I do know why I remember this.
00:47:34.480 I was, my sister was somewhere and my mom and I, it was just my mom and I, and I was really
00:47:39.540 looking forward.
00:47:40.160 I don't know if we were going to watch a movie together or do like snack night or something.
00:47:44.040 I was very excited about it.
00:47:45.180 And she was in the kitchen.
00:47:46.600 She may have been on the phone or cooking dinner and I was laying on the floor in the
00:47:50.400 living room.
00:47:50.860 And behind me, there was a coffee table and it's a, it's a glass top coffee table and
00:47:55.580 I'm laying on the floor and I'm throwing my baseball up in the air and I'm trying to
00:47:59.660 see how close I can get my baseball to the ceiling without touching the ceiling.
00:48:03.960 And I would do that when I was a kid a lot.
00:48:06.060 So I'm throwing my baseball, trying to not touch the ceiling, but see how close I can
00:48:09.720 get it.
00:48:10.400 And sure enough, throwing up, I reached my glove out behind me to catch it and I miss
00:48:15.120 and it breaks the glass counter or a coffee table.
00:48:19.500 And I was so upset about it.
00:48:21.020 So upset.
00:48:22.040 And I thought I just ruined this night.
00:48:24.780 Like my mom and I were going to have a good night.
00:48:26.360 We're going to watch a movie, do snacks.
00:48:27.620 And I ruined it because I let the ball go through the coffee table.
00:48:31.860 And she was so gracious.
00:48:33.000 She came in and she's looked at me and she's like, what did you do?
00:48:35.520 And I told her and she said, oh, and I'm like, I'm so sorry.
00:48:38.080 I didn't mean to ruin the night.
00:48:39.040 And she looked at me.
00:48:39.800 She's like, ruin the night.
00:48:41.040 What are you talking about?
00:48:42.000 You didn't ruin the night.
00:48:42.900 I mean, you're going to have to work this off and pay for glass to put in this coffee
00:48:47.100 table, but you didn't ruin the night.
00:48:48.740 And I remember we had a great night that night.
00:48:51.420 Now she was probably angry.
00:48:52.740 She was probably frustrated about it.
00:48:54.520 I would be, but she handled it so graciously.
00:48:56.880 And that's how we need to do that as parents.
00:48:59.560 Your kids are going to do dumb things.
00:49:00.860 You can be angry about it, but it's the way that you exhibit it.
00:49:03.560 Sorrow, for example.
00:49:04.620 You have a story about this and maybe share that story.
00:49:07.760 But what I would say is it's okay to have sorrow or experience loss or sadness.
00:49:13.040 Now, if you're making everybody miserable and you're running around like a bumbling idiot
00:49:18.460 and you're undermining who you are as a father and you're not leading your family well, then
00:49:23.640 I would say you're not exhibiting sorrow in a productive and healthy way.
00:49:26.920 But if you're telling your kids, hey guys, I'm having a hard time with the loss of, excuse
00:49:32.200 me, I'm having a hard time with the loss of, of grandma or grandpa or my brother or whoever.
00:49:37.580 And so I'm down.
00:49:39.360 And this is why it was so important to me.
00:49:41.620 And here's some great memories I have of this person.
00:49:43.840 And what are your great memories?
00:49:45.480 And you can talk and you can laugh about stories.
00:49:48.060 I remember I went to a funeral for my, for my grandmother when she passed away.
00:49:51.760 And at first I was a little insulted after the funeral because everybody was laughing
00:49:57.740 and having fun.
00:49:59.220 And I remember as a young man, I was, I was insulted.
00:50:01.660 I'm like, our grandma just died.
00:50:03.420 You guys are here smiling and laughing and enjoying yourselves.
00:50:07.640 And I realized, no, this is good.
00:50:10.240 There's, they're honoring her.
00:50:11.460 They're remembering good memories.
00:50:12.960 Grandma, even in her death, brought us back together as a family and we're enjoying each
00:50:16.820 other and reconnecting.
00:50:18.160 It's just the way you frame things.
00:50:19.800 So yeah, you can be sorrowful.
00:50:21.920 You can have anger.
00:50:22.680 You can be frustrated.
00:50:23.540 Just say you're frustrated and then be a man about it and don't fly off the rails.
00:50:28.460 Yeah.
00:50:28.940 Well, and, and some of that can serve them, right?
00:50:31.420 I mean, this is, this is how we've kind of failed.
00:50:34.940 I think sometimes as men is by this motion, this idea that like we have to bottle up our
00:50:40.980 emotions.
00:50:41.740 Well, then what, what are you, what am I teaching my boy, right?
00:50:44.720 When he's faced with those emotions, he has nothing to model.
00:50:47.420 He has no idea, right?
00:50:49.460 And he, and then he's left unto himself to try to figure it out.
00:50:52.320 No, like, yeah, you know, model it and model it well, right?
00:50:56.020 Show, show the, show some emotion.
00:50:58.280 You can be expressive of the emotion.
00:50:59.860 Now don't let it dictate negative action on your part and show them how it's done.
00:51:04.540 And you can't do that without, without the expression of the emotion.
00:51:08.960 You can't model how to deal with it.
00:51:10.640 So, yeah, good stuff.
00:51:13.040 So I think the key thing, man, iron council, open for enrollment.
00:51:16.580 We talked about, you know, one of the questions was, you know, obviously what are the traits
00:51:21.660 of generating an inner circle?
00:51:24.200 Nothing kind of does that a little bit better than banning yourself with like-minded men that
00:51:29.040 are about making a difference, right?
00:51:31.240 That are about something better than themselves that are all committed to being better fathers,
00:51:36.900 better husbands.
00:51:37.700 I mean, that's literally the blueprint of the member of the iron council, which is unfortunately
00:51:44.060 maybe a little bit too rare in society today.
00:51:48.520 So to join us, we're open for enrollment until the end of the month.
00:51:51.620 That's orderofman.com slash iron council to learn more and sign up.
00:51:56.560 That's right.
00:51:57.340 I hope to see you guys in there.
00:51:58.440 Again, you said we're open until the end of the month.
00:52:00.260 So guys, get on it.
00:52:01.280 And, you know, the thing about it too, and I don't really talk about this a whole lot,
00:52:04.700 but it doesn't happen a whole lot.
00:52:06.440 If you decide to join us and you're like, okay, let's get a little peek under the hood
00:52:10.000 and see what this is all about.
00:52:11.080 And you decide, hey, this is not for me.
00:52:13.140 Just message me back and I'll give you your money back.
00:52:16.000 I'm not worried about that.
00:52:17.320 Like really what we want to do is we want to serve you guys.
00:52:20.000 Or if you decide, hey, I'm going through a rough point in my life and I just need some
00:52:23.860 help for the next 30 to 60 days.
00:52:25.660 Cool.
00:52:26.080 Join us for a month or two.
00:52:27.300 Yeah.
00:52:27.400 And then if you feel like you're ready to get out, what I have found is guys will come
00:52:31.580 in, maybe they're dealing with a divorce or separation.
00:52:34.680 Maybe it's a loss of a loved one.
00:52:36.600 Maybe they're just struggling at work or they're dealing with some medical issues or want to
00:52:41.940 lose some weight is these guys will come in and gain a lot of value from it.
00:52:46.240 And then realize that there's so much more value than they initially thought that they
00:52:50.360 stay for different reasons.
00:52:51.700 So they might get back on the path for their fitness, for example, but they stay because
00:52:56.500 now they have a friend who is more of a business advisor or accountability and other facets
00:53:02.720 of their lives.
00:53:03.740 So I find that few people do leave once they join like that, but the option is on the table.
00:53:09.540 So don't feel like there's some great risk and that you're locked in forever.
00:53:13.460 I don't play games with people's resources, money included.
00:53:17.040 So if you decide time as well, if you decide it's not worth your money or time, just tell me
00:53:21.400 and I'll give you your money back and wish you well.
00:53:24.520 And you can keep listening to the podcast for free or the Facebook group.
00:53:27.400 That's just fine.
00:53:28.780 So anyways, guys, check it out.
00:53:29.900 Orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.
00:53:31.800 Do we have any preview calls scheduled?
00:53:34.120 We do have preview calls.
00:53:35.880 I will tell you the dates.
00:53:37.100 Hold on one second.
00:53:37.900 I just sent a text.
00:53:38.800 So let me see here.
00:53:41.560 And as you pull that up, Brian, so also stay connected.
00:53:46.260 You can join us, orderofman.com, sign up for a newsletter and then follow Mr.
00:53:50.360 Mickler on the socials as well, at Ryan Mickler, both X and Instagram.
00:53:56.380 The preview calls are this Thursday, the 26th.
00:54:00.140 So that'll be tomorrow, the 26th at 8 p.m.
00:54:02.620 Eastern and then June 30th, Monday, June 30th at 8 p.m.
00:54:06.720 Eastern.
00:54:06.980 If you go to theironcouncil.com slash preview, theironcouncil.com slash preview, you can get
00:54:13.440 signed up for that.
00:54:14.140 Kip, I appreciate you, brother.
00:54:15.100 Thanks, man.
00:54:15.680 Enjoy your trip in Hawaii.
00:54:17.240 Live it up up there.
00:54:18.400 And guys, great questions today.
00:54:20.120 Hopefully, as we always do, we try to give you good answers and hopefully we did.
00:54:23.140 So we'll catch you all on Friday for our Friday Field Notes.
00:54:27.000 Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.
00:54:34.340 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:54:37.300 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
00:54:41.340 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.
00:54:50.120 You're ready to join the order ofaki and be more of the man you areunt to be.
00:54:53.720 Yeah.
00:54:54.960 Thank you.
00:54:55.180 Thank you.
00:54:55.500 Thank you.
00:54:55.860 Thank you.
00:54:57.020 Thank you.
00:54:57.680 Thank you.
00:54:58.880 I'll be right back.
00:54:59.020 You're right.
00:54:59.200 I'll be right back.
00:54:59.920 Thanks, Maik.
00:55:00.020 I'll be right back.
00:55:00.960 By the way.
00:55:01.460 I'll be right back.