Order of Man - Dealing with Divorce, Boost Testosterone Naturally, and Normalizing Self-Doubt ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 Make sure that your expectations are objectively accurate.

00:00:04.980 Sometimes we have big dreams and goals and visions for ourselves, which is good,

00:00:09.520 but we overestimate our ability to achieve those things in a certain period of time.

00:00:14.680 The saying goes, we overestimate our abilities in the short term

00:00:17.820 and underestimate our abilities in the long term.

00:00:21.220 And the way you're phrasing that question has me wondering

00:00:24.080 if you're thinking that more is going to happen immediately when it just takes time.

00:00:31.000 You're a man of action.

00:00:32.740 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:36.920 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:41.620 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:46.680 This is your life.

00:00:47.760 This is who you are.

00:00:49.180 This is who you will become.

00:00:50.900 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:56.800 Kip, what's up, brother?

00:00:57.620 So great to see you.

00:00:58.380 I hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend.

00:01:01.260 And this is crunch time for both of us as we prepare for our trip next week.

00:01:05.400 So I know both of us are busy.

00:01:06.880 So I'm thinking to myself, let's just get right into it today.

00:01:10.080 Absolutely.

00:01:11.560 I'm excited.

00:01:12.880 Vacations always start once we know what the schedule is.

00:01:15.860 But there's always a little bit of prep time.

00:01:18.640 First world problems, of course, right?

00:01:20.320 Like, who are we complaining about going to Molokai for a week?

00:01:25.240 Yeah, I mean, a lot of guys are probably like, oh, it was so hard for you guys.

00:01:29.540 You have to go to Hawaii and go hunt Axis deer. 1.00

00:01:32.260 It must be really hard how rough your life is.

00:01:35.460 So, yeah, we're not trying to rub that in by any means.

00:01:38.060 I think I'm just excited.

00:01:39.300 I think you are, too.

00:01:40.060 My team this morning, I was talking to them.

00:01:42.540 I'm like, my focus this week is just to not leave anybody high and dry next week since I'm out of the office.

00:01:48.620 And they're like, oh, that's right.

00:01:49.920 You're going to be in Hawaii killing poor, innocent, beautiful animals.

00:01:54.960 I'm like, yes, I am. 0.91

00:01:56.800 Exactly.

00:01:58.300 Exactly.

00:01:59.380 Well, I don't know if I would say killing poor, beautiful, innocent animals. 0.99

00:02:03.580 Shooting at them, definitely. 1.00

00:02:04.940 Killing them, that's to be determined. 1.00

00:02:06.800 Good point. 1.00

00:02:07.460 Good point.

00:02:08.380 Let's just get that right.

00:02:10.760 Yeah, that's exactly what we're going to be doing.

00:02:12.300 And if you don't like it, well, deal with it.

00:02:15.480 All right, man, should we get into some headlines today?

00:02:19.240 I'm actually taking a page from your playbook.

00:02:21.320 I came across this little synopsis of a gentleman by the name of Robert McGee in 1864.

00:02:29.420 He had a very interesting incident, we'll say.

00:02:34.340 And I just thought it was amazing.

00:02:37.100 And we don't build them like we used to.

00:02:40.080 That's what I'm going to say here.

00:02:41.160 So here's the snippet.

00:02:43.560 Robert McGee scalped at the age of 14 in 1864.

00:02:49.580 McGee was working as a teamster with H.C. Barrett to transport a caravan of flour to Fort Union in New Mexico territory.

00:02:57.500 Whilst on the road, somewhere around Kansas, the wagon train was set on by a band of Brule Sioux Native Americans, resulting in the majority of the teamsters being tortured and killed.

00:03:11.060 McGee was shot in the back.

00:03:12.480 Remember, he's 14 years old.

00:03:14.280 Shot in the back, had two arrows put through him, as well as 64 square inches removed from his scalp.

00:03:21.200 All Will's T was still awake.

00:03:23.600 His survival was miraculous.

00:03:25.460 And then there's a photo of him taken in 1890 as an older man.

00:03:29.780 But I'm just thinking to myself, this is a 14-year-old kid, number one, working with the teamsters, transporting, I don't know where exactly he was going, but transporting on a train in the New Mexico territory, which was obviously unconquered at that time.

00:03:49.820 And then just brutally assaulted, left for dead, shot in the back, two arrows in him, scalped 64 inches of his scalp removed.

00:04:00.600 I don't, like, I'm glad that we don't live in those times.

00:04:05.040 And you know, it's really interesting when people say things like, you hear this a lot about the victims and the complainers about how horrible America is and how bad current society and culture is.

00:04:15.940 Point to me another time in which you would like to live where you think it would be better.

00:04:22.360 There isn't one.

00:04:23.540 We live in the most prosperous, free, safest time that we've ever lived as human beings.

00:04:33.020 And I think it's good to look at some of these things to remember who our great, great, great grandfathers were, what they did to be able to provide these opportunities for us, and that we live in a pretty good time, all things considered.

00:04:50.320 That's funny.

00:04:51.560 This reminds me, this past weekend when we go to the lake, we often go to church in that small town.

00:04:58.260 And it's a small town.

00:04:59.560 It's an agricultural farming town.

00:05:01.640 And during, Asia told me about this on Sunday.

00:05:06.900 She goes, in our class, the teacher brought up, like, Simon Sinek's, you know, the why.

00:05:13.140 Like, what's your why?

00:05:14.740 And this 80-something-year-old woman in her class goes, what do you mean, why?

00:05:22.640 Yeah, like, why?

00:05:23.700 And they're like, because you do the right thing, right?

00:05:28.880 Like, and it was kind of, like, and when she...

00:05:32.100 It's hard to even articulate.

00:05:33.840 Yeah, and when she shared it with me, I was like, that's actually kind of funny.

00:05:37.600 Where we have gotten so, like, let's define everything, and let's, like, clarify.

00:05:43.620 And this old woman's like, you do what you're supposed to do. 1.00

00:05:47.140 I don't need a why.

00:05:51.160 I don't need to articulate.

00:05:52.960 That's it.

00:05:53.160 And I'm like, there's something to be said for the simplicity of it.

00:05:57.300 And we almost created so many talking points to explain things.

00:06:01.360 When in reality, we just need to do what we know we should be doing.

00:06:04.420 Yeah, I mean, this is the relative ease of modernity in which we live, where everything

00:06:11.320 is subject to debate.

00:06:14.200 Look, I know I've been bagging on Andrew Huberman on this podcast a little bit.

00:06:18.120 I don't get it.

00:06:18.820 I just don't get it.

00:06:19.660 But that's not what I'm going to say.

00:06:21.440 He had this clip, this, like, four-minute clip of with some other guy, who knows, that

00:06:26.740 over-explains everything.

00:06:27.840 And both of them are just yapping at each other about things that have already been solved.

00:06:31.160 And they're complaining, one guy's like, Huberman's talking about the importance of

00:06:37.420 meat, which is unequivocally true.

00:06:39.740 Like, human beings need protein.

00:06:42.420 It's just not subject to debate at this point.

00:06:45.660 And the other guy, he looks kind of like a weenie.

00:06:47.700 He's kind of, like, wiry and doesn't have any muscle mass and, you know, probably couldn't

00:06:52.420 fight his way out of a wet paper sack.

00:06:54.800 He's talking about how if you're a vegan or a vegetarian, then the body, blah, blah, blah,

00:06:59.220 blah, blah.

00:07:01.160 And I wrote on there, I'm like, guys, look, this is not, and some, and I think Huberman's

00:07:06.300 caption was, this is interesting.

00:07:08.240 No, it's not.

00:07:10.420 It's not interesting.

00:07:12.380 This problem has been solved.

00:07:15.000 This problem has been addressed.

00:07:17.360 Now, if we want to talk about the way to create sustainability with our protein sources, our

00:07:21.800 vegetable sources, I'm all for that discussion.

00:07:24.100 But the debate as to whether or not human beings eat meat is not really subject to debate at

00:07:30.120 this point.

00:07:31.060 If you want to be a vegetarian or a vegan, all the power to you.

00:07:34.320 Go ahead and do it.

00:07:35.360 Just know your diet is inferior.

00:07:37.200 And that's fine.

00:07:37.960 You have to compensate with supplements and other things.

00:07:41.320 And there's obviously a loss of muscle mass and reduction.

00:07:45.000 Sure.

00:07:45.380 You're performing at a lower standard.

00:07:48.260 That's fine if you want to do that.

00:07:50.780 But that's not the question.

00:07:52.340 And it isn't only until the relative ease of modernity, to wrap it back up in what we're

00:07:56.280 talking about, where people have even called this into question.

00:08:00.460 We've created such an incredible society that people can question whether or not they should

00:08:06.160 eat meat.

00:08:06.840 Of course you should eat meat.

00:08:09.960 Oh, well, I had one guy.

00:08:11.940 Why wouldn't we talk about this meat agenda?

00:08:14.960 There's no meat agenda.

00:08:17.000 There's human beings.

00:08:18.400 We eat meat.

00:08:20.300 Well, why wouldn't we talk about it when we can find better ways to do it?

00:08:23.500 There isn't a better way to do it.

00:08:25.180 That's funny.

00:08:26.140 We're evolved species to consume meat.

00:08:29.880 The discussion is over. 0.99

00:08:31.260 It's just, it's so funny to me that we just debate and bicker over bullshit that just isn't 0.98

00:08:39.160 worth discussing. 0.98

00:08:40.720 So anyways, there's my little rant.

00:08:42.840 Yeah.

00:08:43.680 No, I mean, and I, I hate, I even hate my rant, my headline a little bit, to be honest with

00:08:49.140 you, because I'm like, it's just a repeat of the same thing, you know, of people in power

00:08:55.660 practicing, you know, what we talked about last week, you know, unrighteous dominion and

00:09:00.420 manipulating things to, to get votes.

00:09:03.440 Right.

00:09:03.800 And I'm just tired of it.

00:09:05.160 I mean, what I was going to talk about is just, you know, officially as of last week,

00:09:10.520 right.

00:09:10.720 The Biden administration is going to cancel another 7.7 billion in student loans that will

00:09:17.440 roughly benefit 160,000 people.

00:09:21.060 Here's the crazy thing.

00:09:22.860 Guess what?

00:09:23.520 The total, uh, student loan forgiveness has been during his administration total.

00:09:30.980 Oh, I don't, tens of billions, maybe more $167 billion.

00:09:38.340 Oh, geez.

00:09:39.640 And, and it's just unfair, right?

00:09:41.660 They're not, everyone's going to get their debt forgiveness.

00:09:44.020 So where do you draw the line?

00:09:45.760 Right.

00:09:46.100 Where, how about the people that are still paying loan student loan debt and other people

00:09:50.400 don't.

00:09:50.980 It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's unfair.

00:09:54.320 And to say this, this will not cause inflation issues is naive.

00:10:00.240 You know, often what I like, and I don't know, this is a pipe dream, but what I would love

00:10:06.060 for every single spending of government for them to explain where the money is going to

00:10:11.940 come from and what are they going to stop doing that they're doing today to be able to pay

00:10:17.100 for that thing.

00:10:17.760 And, but we're like children with a credit card and we just spend and print money that

00:10:24.060 doesn't exist.

00:10:25.260 And it's like, this is even, doesn't even work this way in the real world, right?

00:10:29.380 If I'm going to spend money on something, then I'm not going to have that money for something

00:10:33.320 else.

00:10:33.700 What are we giving up?

00:10:34.560 And yet we're not having that conversation.

00:10:36.980 And this is just, I think an obvious attempt, um, of buying, you know, younger votes, right.

00:10:44.220 And to get some momentum and it's not ideal for the country nor for the economy.

00:10:52.240 Yeah.

00:10:54.060 I mean, look, I could go off on a tirade with all this stuff too.

00:10:57.140 I mean, it's, you know, when you said, where do you draw the line?

00:10:59.920 I, I have a line.

00:11:01.580 If you incurred the debt, then you pay for it.

00:11:04.960 There's the lot.

00:11:05.700 That's the line.

00:11:06.620 Now, look, we can, we can actually have, and I'm trying to be intelligent about this, rational

00:11:11.980 about it.

00:11:12.460 We can have a discussion as to whether or not college ought to be free, so to speak, or

00:11:19.520 I should say funded by taxpayers.

00:11:22.140 We can have that discussion.

00:11:23.720 I, I don't know that that's the case necessarily.

00:11:26.380 I, I, I, even if I believe that were the case, it's hard for me to wrap my mind around

00:11:32.100 the government being the one to administer it because, you know, they're so successful

00:11:35.860 with every other program they've ever implemented.

00:11:38.720 So I, I, I don't think that's the solution, but we can have that discussion.

00:11:43.140 But in the meantime, these kids are incurring the debt.

00:11:47.220 And part of the problem is that when the government comes in and subsidize and rescues, you have

00:11:55.240 one side of the equation who complains about these bloated corporations who are just greedy

00:12:03.580 and, and just trying to squeeze every dollar they can out of the American citizen, what do you think

00:12:08.800 universities are trying to do? 0.93

00:12:10.140 And the reason they're able to get away with it is because the government is coming in and

00:12:14.000 subsidizing it.

00:12:14.920 So what do you think that does to tuition rates?

00:12:17.140 When people say, well, we should, we should drive our tuition rates down and also we should

00:12:22.840 have the government pay for it.

00:12:24.060 Those two concepts are antithetical to each other.

00:12:27.580 You cannot drive the rate down of something while having this bloated institution, AKA the United

00:12:33.460 States government come in and pay for it all.

00:12:36.360 Cause what ends up happening is it's now backed and collateralized.

00:12:39.960 And so they know these institutions know that they're going to get their payment.

00:12:43.820 So instead of charging $1, they're now going to charge $1.50 or $2 because they know they're

00:12:49.020 going to receive it.

00:12:50.340 So if you're, if you're thinking to yourself, we need tuition rates to be lower.

00:12:55.080 And we also need the government to pay off student loans. 0.99

00:12:58.260 You're ignorant at best, at best. 1.00

00:13:01.820 You're an idiot more likely because you just don't understand basic economics. 1.00

00:13:07.980 And then on the other side of the spectrum, you're evil because you're actually perpetuating 1.00

00:13:12.880 the lie on purpose.

00:13:14.100 So you're, you either fall into one of those three camps and all are horrible and ought to

00:13:20.760 be rejected. 0.92

00:13:21.520 And these people ought to be ridiculed, mocked and kicked out of society because they're just 0.93

00:13:26.480 creating a worse place for us.

00:13:28.620 Here's a, here's a perfect example of this years ago.

00:13:31.000 I had a client in out in Boston and at the time Boston's, um, uh, medical was state funded,

00:13:39.260 if you remember correctly.

00:13:40.840 And I don't know if it still is, but at the time it was, and I flew out to Boston to meet

00:13:45.540 Massachusetts.

00:13:46.680 I flew out to Boston to meet with, uh, this particular client and we're looking, we're

00:13:52.180 reviewing business processes and efficiency gains and possibly do like an upgrade to their

00:13:56.740 systems, right.

00:13:59.120 So I spent an entire week deep diving into their, their business and I came up with a

00:14:06.640 proposal, right.

00:14:07.900 Um, regards to savings and they decided to go against it.

00:14:13.740 And they're like, no, we're not going to move that direction.

00:14:15.880 And, and I had a, I felt like I had a strong relationship with one of the directors and I,

00:14:20.620 and I said, Hey, help me understand.

00:14:22.400 And I don't remember his name, but I'm like, help me understand.

00:14:24.540 Like, this is a no brainer, right?

00:14:25.980 By, by implementing this system and updating these business processes, we're going to be

00:14:30.780 able to save you guys like the equivalent of millions of dollars in process and efficiency.

00:14:36.700 Why wouldn't, why wouldn't we go this direction?

00:14:39.260 And he goes, Oh, you misunderstand.

00:14:41.180 We have no driver to be more efficient.

00:14:46.240 We get government funding for what we do, whether we're efficient or not.

00:14:52.840 So there's no, there's no reason for us to make the investment.

00:14:57.000 And I was just like, so backwards, but that's a prime example of what, thanks for wasting 0.95

00:15:05.360 my time, dumbass, but it's a prime example of what happens. 0.96

00:15:09.340 Why'd they bring you in? 0.99

00:15:10.200 I have no idea.

00:15:10.740 I think they were just looking to move to another system and, and I probably could have

00:15:14.560 came in there and say, it's going to cost you more money.

00:15:16.560 And they're like, Oh, awesome.

00:15:17.760 We'll get more budget for it.

00:15:19.300 And, and I was naive and I went there with the, with the focus of efficiency and they're

00:15:24.200 like, there's no reason for us to be more efficient.

00:15:26.700 We don't get less or more money if we're efficient.

00:15:32.080 Prime example, prime example.

00:15:34.220 All right, man.

00:15:34.860 Should we get to, to our questions?

00:15:37.040 We're done.

00:15:37.640 I don't know if this is redeemable, actually.

00:15:39.860 I'm, I'm feeling very pessimistic today.

00:15:41.640 I don't, I don't know if this is redeemable.

00:15:43.220 We're done.

00:15:44.160 Yeah.

00:15:45.160 Seriously.

00:15:45.640 Our, our country's done.

00:15:47.460 We're done.

00:15:48.000 I, I think there's enough great people out there, you know, that if we all rally together

00:15:53.440 and use some common sense that we could probably change the tide of things, but the way it

00:15:57.220 is right now, we're done.

00:15:59.160 It's, it's just a matter of time. 0.99

00:16:01.120 The walking dead at this crazy.

00:16:02.740 It's craziness.

00:16:03.760 Did you see the t-shirt recommendation from inside the foundry?

00:16:06.880 That was super funny.

00:16:08.900 Did you see this?

00:16:09.840 No, I didn't see it.

00:16:13.480 No.

00:16:13.820 What did it say?

00:16:14.560 It said, someone said, they said, um, yeah, I'll pull it up because I own, I'm going to

00:16:18.880 give credit because it's actually hilarious.

00:16:21.780 Uh, it was Ryan, uh, Ryan Parton.

00:16:24.860 He says, can we get a Mickler Sorensen 2024 campaign shirt in the store with the, with the

00:16:31.400 tagline making masculinity great again?

00:16:34.160 I'm like, that's clever.

00:16:39.020 I'm in, let's do it.

00:16:40.820 I'm going to write that down.

00:16:42.000 That's funny.

00:16:43.340 Let's do it.

00:16:44.260 Making masculinity great again.

00:16:46.060 I'm like, that's great.

00:16:47.740 Okay.

00:16:48.360 Clever.

00:16:48.800 I'm on it.

00:16:49.940 I'm on it.

00:16:51.160 All right.

00:16:52.320 All right, man.

00:16:53.080 Let's get into some questions.

00:16:54.200 So if you want to follow Mickler on the gram or X, that's at Ryan Mickler.

00:16:57.780 Our first question, George Goldstrom ways to deal with self doubt, anxiety, and depression.

00:17:04.560 For an owner operator of a construction company with big dreams and a family to provide for.

00:17:11.200 Uh, first, so doubt, anxiety, and depression, correct?

00:17:14.400 Self doubt, anxiety, and depression.

00:17:16.300 That, that, so a couple of things.

00:17:18.120 Number one, you need to know that's normal.

00:17:20.160 I think that we have made that such a taboo subject that anytime that you feel anxious or

00:17:26.320 depressed or any self doubt, there's something wrong with you.

00:17:30.180 There really isn't.

00:17:31.100 There's nothing at all wrong with you.

00:17:32.860 We all have self doubt.

00:17:34.460 We all are anxious at times.

00:17:36.040 We all get depressed.

00:17:37.480 Clinically, chronically depressed is something different.

00:17:40.500 And if we're talking about chronic depression, I would say, go get some medical help that

00:17:45.220 you need because you need some work through that.

00:17:47.700 But if we're just talking about moments of being down or frustrated because things aren't going

00:17:53.560 our way, that's completely different.

00:17:55.380 And I think the first thing you really need to realize is that this is all normal.

00:18:00.400 It's all part of the human experience.

00:18:02.800 We don't need to make it something that it isn't.

00:18:05.400 We don't need to make it seem as if there's something wrong with you when there isn't.

00:18:08.640 But that's not to say that we shouldn't tackle it.

00:18:11.640 And the first thing I would suggest to you is make sure that your expectations are objectively

00:18:19.220 accurate.

00:18:21.100 Sometimes we have big dreams and goals and visions for ourselves, which is good.

00:18:25.840 But we overestimate our ability to achieve those things in a certain period of time.

00:18:31.640 The saying goes, we overestimate our abilities in the short term and underestimate our abilities

00:18:37.120 in the long term.

00:18:38.320 And the way you're phrasing that question has me wondering if you're thinking that more is

00:18:45.760 going to happen immediately when it just takes time.

00:18:49.300 Now, that's not to discount everything else that you might be experiencing.

00:18:53.100 There might be more efficient ways.

00:18:54.620 There might be a different market segment that you need to capture.

00:18:58.880 You might need to market in a new and unique way that other people aren't doing.

00:19:04.080 But ultimately, I think if you find joy and satisfaction in the process, and then I've said this before

00:19:10.520 and I continue to reiterate this, you bring in the right people.

00:19:14.320 You might need some coaching and consulting.

00:19:16.840 We talked about this the other day, in fact, where the podcast Lighting.

00:19:22.800 Like, Kip, you know, I've spent hours and hours and hours trying to get my studio lighting

00:19:28.320 just right.

00:19:30.180 And it looked pretty good.

00:19:31.800 It was like, oh, this looks good.

00:19:33.060 But it just wasn't quite there.

00:19:35.140 So I reached out.

00:19:36.620 I had a videographer.

00:19:38.460 And I said, hey, man, like, can you come in and consult?

00:19:40.980 And he's like, yeah, I'll come in and consult with you.

00:19:42.360 So he came over to my place.

00:19:44.080 Within five minutes, I think I told this story last week.

00:19:46.920 Within five minutes, he had drastically improved the lighting.

00:19:50.760 He was here for about an hour.

00:19:52.620 I paid him 120 bucks.

00:19:54.860 And instantly, immediate results.

00:19:57.840 I'm talking about, and I'm not exaggerating, within five minutes.

00:20:01.460 And we're using one less light than we were actually using before.

00:20:05.960 This is a perfect illustration of bringing the right people in and setting aside the ego,

00:20:12.580 being humble, understanding that you don't have it all figured out.

00:20:16.100 And by the way, don't try to figure it all out.

00:20:19.680 Because here's the thing.

00:20:20.840 You could.

00:20:21.420 Most of us are smart enough to figure it out.

00:20:24.920 This guy's in the construction business, it sounds like.

00:20:27.140 Over the next 10, 20, 30, 40 years, he's probably going to be a multimillionaire if he sticks with it.

00:20:33.260 He's intelligent enough.

00:20:34.780 He's smart enough.

00:20:35.820 He's going to succeed over 40 years.

00:20:39.140 Why wait that long?

00:20:42.200 You could hire people now and take what would take you 20 years and just cram all of that knowledge

00:20:48.460 and expertise and learning into two to five years.

00:20:52.800 And so people will say, well, but I don't have the money.

00:20:54.820 It's expensive.

00:20:55.460 It costs too much.

00:20:56.300 If you think that costs too much, what do you think is going to happen to your cost over 20, 30, 40 years 0.99

00:21:02.540 if you're trying to figure out things the hard way and banging your damn head against the wall? 0.99

00:21:07.760 So let's get over this thing of I can figure it out. 0.99

00:21:12.720 I can do it my own way.

00:21:14.240 I can do it all myself.

00:21:16.240 That's ego.

00:21:17.200 That's arrogant.

00:21:18.080 It's hardheaded. 0.98

00:21:19.020 It's stubborn.

00:21:19.920 I get it. 1.00

00:21:20.660 I've been there, but it's dumb. 0.93

00:21:22.500 So bring the right people in, put them in the right places, pay and compensate them well to be involved in your organization. 0.76

00:21:30.560 And I think you'll start to notice yourself taking bigger strides than you thought were possible in this micro.

00:21:36.460 I love the analogy you always use of the dashboard indicators in your car, right?

00:21:42.780 And I love self-doubt might be an indicator.

00:21:45.760 Anxiety is an indicator.

00:21:46.920 Depression is, these are things that we're dealing with that we should deal with, and they're difficult.

00:21:52.160 Of course there's anxiety to owning your own business.

00:21:54.700 I'm sure there's numerous times in your career, and I know there have been in mine, where I'm up all night.

00:22:02.080 I can't sleep because I'm stressed out, but it's the stress of it that makes me double down and like I got to resolve this and I have to deal with it, right?

00:22:11.100 And so I love the idea of just normalizing difficulty a little bit here and saying, hey, this is part of the bag, right?

00:22:18.620 This is part of growth.

00:22:19.780 Now, with that said, I found this quote that I love.

00:22:23.640 I don't know who said it, but I think it's a thought or a consideration for George.

00:22:30.440 If you are depressed, you're living in the past.

00:22:33.780 If you are anxious, you're living in the future.

00:22:37.160 If you are at peace, you're living in the present.

00:22:40.600 For me, I love that quote, and I love that quote because it's true for me.

00:22:44.560 Often when I have anxiety, it's because I'm stressing about something that I don't even know what will happen, and I'm jeopardizing the moment.

00:22:55.360 I'm jeopardizing the moment with my children, the time at the lake, the opportunities of a relationship and a great conversation with someone for something that has not even yet happened.

00:23:07.800 And so for me, that resonates, that quote resonates because it's what I need to do often is get present and realize where I'm at, prioritize and execute what's within my realm of control, and take action right now in the moment and stop stressing about something outside of my realm of control.

00:23:25.700 All right, Dave Berg, zero.

00:23:27.840 Can you take too much accountability?

00:23:29.980 If so, how do you know when you're doing it?

00:23:31.940 I don't think you can take too much accountability, and here's what I mean.

00:23:38.140 I know where you're going with the question because you can't take accountability for something that isn't yours to take accountability for.

00:23:47.820 So you can overstep the line, but I wouldn't consider that taking accountability.

00:23:54.740 I would consider it you being a punching bag or you misunderstanding what accountability actually is.

00:24:01.420 Kit, for example, I can't take accountability for your actions.

00:24:06.000 In no world can I.

00:24:07.400 I can try.

00:24:09.180 I can say it's my fault.

00:24:11.140 I can pretend like I have some sort of authority and control over you, but I don't.

00:24:16.040 So I literally cannot take accountability for your life.

00:24:19.720 It would just be misguided at best.

00:24:21.480 But when we're talking about accountability, when I hear that word, what comes to mind for me is taking responsibility for the things within your control.

00:24:31.720 So let's say you're in a marriage, and it takes two to tango, and there's a lot of issues that you brought to the table which caused the breakdown of your marriage.

00:24:42.500 You can and should take accountability for that, but you can't take the accountability from her, which is that she contributed to that.

00:24:50.720 Maybe she didn't share as much as she needed to.

00:24:53.260 Maybe she wasn't as forthright about what she needed to come clean with.

00:24:58.220 I mean, there's all sorts of things that it could be.

00:25:00.540 You can't take ownership of that.

00:25:02.160 It's just not yours to possess.

00:25:04.820 So in the spirit in which you're asking, yes, I think you probably can.

00:25:10.900 But if we're actually using the definition of the words the way I understand them, no, you can't take too much accountability because it's only what you can control.

00:25:18.420 Well, totally.

00:25:19.940 You know when we see this the most, Brian, is in corporate America when companies take on extreme ownership, and you'll get leaders going.

00:25:30.700 They'll have employees make a mistake or whatever, and they're like, I'll take ownership.

00:25:36.200 And it becomes like this talking point of this high level, I'm going to take ownership and accountability.

00:25:41.700 But it lacks the discipline, it lacks the creativeness to determine what are you taking responsibility for, right?

00:25:52.960 You can't just blankedly say, that's on me as the leader, I take ownership.

00:25:57.860 No, no.

00:25:58.340 It's the next step.

00:25:59.660 What are you taking ownership of?

00:26:01.660 What are you choosing to take responsibility for?

00:26:03.780 What specific things could you have adjusted to help address the given issue?

00:26:11.420 If you haven't done that part, you're not really taking accountability.

00:26:14.940 You're really not taking ownership over anything.

00:26:17.740 You're just saying it because that's the right thing to say, and it's this talking point.

00:26:22.360 And so I think we're saying the same thing.

00:26:24.920 I just think sometimes even human nature is to latch on to extreme ownership and say, well, I should take ownership of all things.

00:26:32.200 But it requires some critical thinking on your part of, well, what specifically?

00:26:37.560 Hey, you know what?

00:26:38.340 I could have handled this differently.

00:26:40.540 Literally, I had an employee, as an example, really quick.

00:26:43.800 I had an employee leave on Friday, kind of abruptly.

00:26:47.920 Good employee too.

00:26:49.700 And she gave her notice and left on Friday.

00:26:52.380 And the feedback I got from her, at first glance, had me pointing fingers at a lot of different sources, right?

00:27:01.440 Oh, this is where they went wrong.

00:27:03.040 This is where they went wrong.

00:27:03.900 This is where they went wrong.

00:27:04.920 And those all could be true.

00:27:07.460 The problem, though, is I don't learn.

00:27:11.500 As long as the problem is always somewhere else, you will never consider your role in it.

00:27:16.560 Thus, you will never grow.

00:27:18.500 So in that example, I thought, okay, how do I take ownership of this?

00:27:22.460 How do I take some accountability?

00:27:24.540 Okay, what was our vetting process?

00:27:26.680 Did I confirm that she was clear on the roles and responsibility?

00:27:30.360 Did I do my 30-day check-in with the new hire to make sure that things were aligned?

00:27:35.800 How's this?

00:27:36.340 Are you ready for this?

00:27:37.340 If I had my 30-day check-in, did she tell me that she was unhappy?

00:27:41.860 And if she didn't, how am I showing up in the organization where someone doesn't feel like they can be honest with me?

00:27:50.460 Right now, we start getting to areas where I can take some responsibilities within my realm of control.

00:27:55.420 But it requires some critical thinking.

00:27:58.020 It's usually never surface level.

00:27:59.940 You know, I agree with everything you're saying.

00:28:04.320 I just, I want to take the other side of the coin though.

00:28:07.600 Because, again, this goes back to the spirit in which it was asked.

00:28:11.280 I, again, I agree with everything that you said.

00:28:14.160 But let me paint another scenario.

00:28:16.100 You're a project manager at work.

00:28:18.300 You've got all the right pieces, all the right players in place.

00:28:21.100 It's all, everything's firing correctly and you just miss the deadline or it flops or it doesn't work.

00:28:26.480 And there's one specific employee, team member, that you've identified that is incapable of doing the job you need them to do.

00:28:36.720 So extreme ownership taken to the excess says, oh, well, you know, like I need a trainer better.

00:28:44.000 I need to do, I need this, I need that.

00:28:45.580 And it's all on me.

00:28:46.500 In that scenario, taking ownership might actually be letting go of that employee.

00:28:54.420 Totally.

00:28:55.200 And that's where a little bit of the challenge comes in.

00:28:57.400 Because when you hear extreme ownership, you think, well, it couldn't possibly be the employee.

00:29:02.200 No, it actually could be the employee.

00:29:04.120 You hired her or him.

00:29:07.320 Yeah.

00:29:07.640 So the extreme ownership is hire the right people.

00:29:11.260 The other part of extreme ownership is you didn't hire the right person and you need to let that person go.

00:29:16.600 So you can bring the right player in.

00:29:18.220 And that's not to say that you shouldn't train them and give them adequate tools.

00:29:21.100 There's things that come before firing somebody.

00:29:24.000 But I just want to make sure I illustrate that point as well.

00:29:27.420 But I really like what you said about this showmanship is what I would call it.

00:29:32.200 This theater.

00:29:33.060 I'm reminded as you were talking about that when there's an episode of The Office when Dwight and Andy are doing favors for each other, but they don't want to be the last person to do the favor for the other because they don't want to owe anybody anything else.

00:29:51.660 That looks good.

00:29:51.760 So they're always just one-upping each other.

00:29:54.280 Like one guy opens the door and the other goes and gets donuts and the other one files his papers for them.

00:30:00.180 And they're just one-upping each other just so they don't have to be beholden to anybody else.

00:30:05.540 And I kind of think that's what happens.

00:30:07.120 This is a little bit of marketing that takes place when a word or a concept gets latched onto.

00:30:14.320 We begin to bastardize it and just like whore it out to everything.

00:30:20.860 A great example of that in the psychological world is this term narcissist.

00:30:27.320 Not everybody is a narcissist.

00:30:29.200 Just because you don't get along with a person or they happen to be self-absorbed or their viewpoint conflicts with yours, that's not what a narcissist means.

00:30:40.420 There's actual definitions for words.

00:30:43.380 And so we have to be a little careful because marketers, and I'm a marketer.

00:30:48.720 Jocko's a marketer.

00:30:50.220 Jordan Peterson's a marketer.

00:30:51.920 Andrew Huberman's a marketer.

00:30:53.640 They're marketing different things and different messages, but we're all marketers.

00:30:56.640 They get a hold of concepts and words, especially a guy like Jordan Peterson who's so good with his words.

00:31:03.380 It just becomes a little pop culture-ish and we begin to lose the actual meaning of the word of self or the message.

00:31:13.660 Yeah, and I think we do it in organizations all the time.

00:31:17.000 Of course.

00:31:17.700 We latch on to outward mindset, and now the answer is always outward mindset.

00:31:22.160 Everything's outward mindset.

00:31:23.080 It's like, oh, my gosh, don't lose sight of the actual principle of what we're talking about.

00:31:28.220 It becomes almost like an easy button.

00:31:30.600 Yeah, exactly.

00:31:33.120 I love it.

00:31:33.720 All right, important to me.

00:31:35.860 TRT is a popular item right now.

00:31:38.220 Sales is pitching in in all directions on social media.

00:31:41.400 I feel like it's getting men over that hump, over overwhelming life and lack of sleep.

00:31:46.440 I've never taken anything, but now I'm thinking I want to feel my young self again.

00:31:51.900 What natural habits have you implemented or heard we should implement in our lives that don't have side effects and are proven to work?

00:32:01.920 Well, that's our testosterone booster shirt.

00:32:04.260 Like, if you want to boost your testosterone again to go back to what's subject to debate and what isn't, really, it's this.

00:32:11.440 It's you have to eat meat.

00:32:13.780 That is actually scientifically proven to be true.

00:32:16.180 You have to eat protein, high levels of protein.

00:32:18.000 That will increase testosterone production.

00:32:20.500 You have to get plenty of rest.

00:32:22.040 That isn't popular in the men's circle, but you do have to get plenty of rest.

00:32:26.520 You have to lift heavy objects.

00:32:28.820 Not just go run and do cardio all the time.

00:32:30.780 You actually have to lift heavy weights.

00:32:32.500 You need to spend time around other men and specifically compete and even more specifically win.

00:32:38.940 It's been proven that winning competitions increases testosterone production.

00:32:44.560 Losing competition decreases testosterone production.

00:32:49.780 And, oh, outside of that, engage in manly activities.

00:32:54.380 Fighting, physicality, shooting guns, explosions, enjoying nature, hiking.

00:33:00.780 Being what we would typically associate with manly activities.

00:33:06.280 You have to actually engage in those.

00:33:07.640 And those are all scientifically proven to boost testosterone production.

00:33:12.240 So, I would suggest that you go, oh, reduce alcohol intake is a big one.

00:33:16.340 I would definitely recommend that you do that first before you start looking into testosterone and placement stuff.

00:33:22.520 Once you get into doing that, that is likely going to be a lifelong decision for you.

00:33:32.320 So, there are instances where I think that makes a lot of sense.

00:33:36.740 But also, I don't think it's a magic pill in that if you just do your testosterone replacement stuff,

00:33:43.860 that all of a sudden you can just forsake everything else I just told you and be fine.

00:33:47.940 No, you have to continue to do the other activities, and that's going to magnify and enhance the results that you get from TRT.

00:33:56.600 So, those are the activities.

00:33:58.260 It's pretty straightforward.

00:34:01.000 It's things we all know we should be doing.

00:34:03.600 Yeah.

00:34:04.720 Hey, are you going to get those shirts again?

00:34:07.240 I might just to piss people off.

00:34:10.340 That's hilarious to me.

00:34:12.140 I need another.

00:34:12.800 I gave that shirt away to someone at Ragnar a couple of years ago.

00:34:18.840 Someone's like, dude, I love that shirt.

00:34:20.280 And we traded shirts, and I thought, oh, I'll just buy another one.

00:34:23.380 And then you stopped making them.

00:34:24.780 So, maybe I'll do it just to piss people off, because I don't know what it was about that shirt,

00:34:29.760 but that just fired people up, and I loved it.

00:34:34.320 That's funny. 0.99

00:34:35.480 Oh, and have sex. 0.99

00:34:36.480 That was the other one on there. 1.00

00:34:37.400 Have sex. 1.00

00:34:38.260 Yeah. 0.99

00:34:38.440 That's another one. 1.00

00:34:39.080 Have sex. 0.99

00:34:39.700 Yep. 0.99

00:34:40.180 Yeah.

00:34:40.520 Intimacy is another one.

00:34:41.520 All right.

00:34:43.220 The electrifier.

00:34:45.080 What would you do if your partner of four years told you that you were to leave the home

00:34:52.840 in 24 hours, or she would serve a trespass notice?

00:34:57.680 That's all the details we got.

00:35:00.200 Oh, I would just hire an attorney.

00:35:07.280 Like, that's it.

00:35:08.420 I don't know.

00:35:09.100 I don't know the laws of your state.

00:35:11.680 I don't know what the personal circumstances of your situation are.

00:35:15.080 I don't know if she's bluffing or she's telling the truth.

00:35:17.920 I don't even know if you're obligated to leave just because she threatens you.

00:35:21.460 Like, I don't know.

00:35:23.480 And you don't know, because you're asking us.

00:35:26.480 So, unfortunately, it's time to hire legal counsel.

00:35:29.340 I can't give you any information other than that, because there's just so many variables here.

00:35:33.440 I could tell you don't leave the home, but then maybe she will serve you with that.

00:35:36.660 I could tell you to stay in the house or to leave, but then maybe you're relinquishing

00:35:42.220 some of your rights when it comes to the divorce.

00:35:44.980 I don't know.

00:35:45.980 You need to hire legal counsel, and you need to take this threat very, very seriously,

00:35:50.780 because it sounds like she's wanting to play hardball. 0.94

00:35:53.980 And so, you know, fortunately, when I went through my situation, she didn't want to play

00:35:58.780 hardball, and I didn't either. 0.96

00:36:00.100 And so, we didn't have to, but had she done that, you bet your ass I would have dug in 0.99

00:36:06.500 my heels, and I would have went to freaking war. 0.95

00:36:10.240 But I didn't, and I'm grateful, and I'm not even saying that as a threat.

00:36:13.960 I'm really glad I didn't have to, but you better believe I would have.

00:36:17.960 And it sounds like you better start gearing up for a battle.

00:36:20.880 I hate to hear it, but it sounds like that's where you're at.

00:36:24.260 So, yeah, all right, Go Guidry Go, or David, I have been dealing with a major depressive

00:36:33.640 disorder according to my shrink.

00:36:37.120 I struggle with motivation, and the just do it that used to be enough doesn't seem to

00:36:42.480 cut it anymore.

00:36:43.760 We're working on meds to help, but that's not the long-term solution.

00:36:47.780 Have you ever dealt with something like this?

00:36:49.740 And if so, do you have any advice or insights into breaking the procrastination stronghold?

00:36:55.600 I know that's probably foreign to you, but I thought I'd ask anyway.

00:36:59.240 I admire your drive, consistency, and transparency, so I'm going to keep listening until something

00:37:04.600 clicks.

00:37:06.620 Thoughts?

00:37:07.720 Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

00:37:09.580 It sounds like you're getting the help you need through a therapist, which I would highly

00:37:12.660 suggest.

00:37:13.600 I don't think that's the one-stop solution, though.

00:37:16.140 I think dealing with and confronting problems that maybe even our subconscious is a good

00:37:21.380 idea, but I don't know that that always addresses the root of the problem in every circumstance.

00:37:28.520 So when I hear you talk about this, this is actually to go back to the previous testosterone

00:37:33.300 question.

00:37:34.360 I can't help but wonder if you should go get your blood work drawn up.

00:37:37.700 A therapist may or may not recommend that.

00:37:39.820 I don't know if they have, but you have that therapy, which is good, but then there might

00:37:46.620 be some other medical information that you need to gather.

00:37:49.800 And so I would highly suggest working with a doctor that I wouldn't say exclusively works

00:37:55.360 with men, but has a aptitude or an expertise in working with men in the type of situations

00:38:03.580 that you're finding yourself in.

00:38:05.560 And what they might do is they might, as an initial test, is do a blood panel for you.

00:38:12.440 And that blood panel can be very revealing with regards to testosterone or nutrient deficiencies.

00:38:20.320 So it might just be more than your mind.

00:38:22.520 There actually might be physiological issues going on in your body that you could actually

00:38:27.880 improve through something like testosterone replacement or changing up your diet or changing

00:38:33.440 up your daily practices, like consuming more meat or changing your diet to work a little

00:38:38.320 bit more appropriately with your body.

00:38:41.560 So I would go that route if you haven't done that already.

00:38:44.540 So you're getting the mindset stuff taken care of.

00:38:47.140 Take a look at the physiological stuff through a medical professional who can get a blood panel

00:38:51.580 drawn up for you.

00:38:52.760 And then the other component is I would take a look at the spiritual element as well.

00:38:56.080 I don't want to neglect that.

00:38:57.940 I think that trifecta of mental, physical, and spiritual really will help you find purpose

00:39:06.320 and meaning.

00:39:07.380 I'm talking specifically about the spiritual side.

00:39:09.740 Help you find purpose, meaning, a greater plan to your existence.

00:39:14.500 Maybe even give you a path to run on, inspire you, give you some hope and optimism towards

00:39:19.240 your, uh, the infinite possibilities of, of you and your life and what our lives will look

00:39:27.720 like beyond our current existence, our mortal existence.

00:39:32.260 I would look at those two.

00:39:33.440 It doesn't, you didn't bring those up.

00:39:35.400 So maybe you're not doing them.

00:39:36.860 Maybe you are, but those are two areas I would definitely look into.

00:39:40.440 Yeah.

00:39:40.980 Have you, if you don't want me asking, have you dealt with this?

00:39:44.700 Like, have you had major depression and what got you through?

00:39:49.920 I think I'm, I think I'm an angry enough person.

00:39:53.180 I say that kind of like lighthearted, but an angry enough person that being depressed would

00:39:57.840 just piss me off and I would just fight against it.

00:40:01.960 I'm not going to say I don't get depressed, but I'm not chronically depressed.

00:40:07.200 There's moments of depression, I would say, where it's like, I'm feeling down or feeling

00:40:13.000 sorry for myself.

00:40:14.380 Of course we all have that.

00:40:15.900 But when I get that way, it pisses me off and then I go work and I get over it.

00:40:22.340 And I'm, I'm not telling you to just get over it.

00:40:25.940 So please don't hear what I say and think, well, Ryan said, I just need to get over it.

00:40:30.240 I don't think, I mean, yeah, sure.

00:40:31.800 In some cases you just need to, you know, sack up and drive on, but not all cases.

00:40:37.640 And I, and I, I'm, I see the gray area in that more than maybe I saw before.

00:40:43.540 So yeah, some instances just suck it up and drive on.

00:40:47.220 And in other instances, you do need some additional help. 0.98

00:40:50.300 But personally, and fortunately for me, when I get down, I'm like, okay, shit, what can I 0.98

00:40:55.680 do? 0.98

00:40:56.140 Fix it.

00:40:57.560 Like, I'm not going to sit around and just like wallow in my, so fix it.

00:41:00.660 And I don't think less of anybody who might not be there.

00:41:03.880 That just happens to be my personality.

00:41:05.800 And so that mentality has helped me.

00:41:10.420 Yeah.

00:41:11.300 What about you?

00:41:12.200 Is this something you've dealt with?

00:41:14.200 I think, yeah, I think it's something I've dealt with.

00:41:17.140 I've, I've seen it in, in the lives of, of loved ones.

00:41:22.860 Often I find it interesting and obviously I'm not a shrink, so I can't like, I don't know

00:41:27.560 clinically if this is accurate, but often it's tied to a shift of identity where we put the

00:41:37.780 value, our value of who we are and, and, and our, and the role that we play in the world

00:41:44.020 into something.

00:41:44.860 And that's been disruptive and it's no longer present.

00:41:48.860 And we're confronted with that.

00:41:50.720 And there's a sense of loneliness, uh, and loss of identity in it, um, that comes to mind.

00:41:58.480 Uh, and I, and I think it could be an amazing experience too, right?

00:42:02.680 Because on the flip side of that or on the backside of that is what?

00:42:07.140 So who are you then?

00:42:09.120 Creating, well, identity, creating a new identity.

00:42:11.920 Yeah, exactly.

00:42:12.660 Yeah.

00:42:12.860 Yeah.

00:42:13.340 Yeah.

00:42:13.940 And so, so I get that.

00:42:16.060 Um, one thing, and, and maybe to consider David for yourself, and this is usually where

00:42:23.620 I, if I have an upset and I'm kind of unmotivated and I'm kind of like in a bad place, it's usually

00:42:30.560 one of three things.

00:42:32.460 The first is that, and this is where the identity kind of comes in is unmet expectations.

00:42:38.240 There is something I expected it to be, and it's not ending up that way and I'm left to

00:42:46.000 deal with it, but often in expectations, we've talked about this a lot on the podcast is we

00:42:51.940 usually just sit with, it shouldn't be, or it should be this way.

00:42:55.400 And we don't complete the thought of, well, it's not.

00:42:58.540 So what are you going to do?

00:42:59.860 And actually taking action makes you feel better.

00:43:03.680 In fact, scientifically, one of the best ways to get past like resentment and frustration

00:43:11.160 is to do something about it because we, we, we move from being victim, being acted upon

00:43:18.520 to taking ownership and that empowers people, right?

00:43:23.580 So if there's expectations that are not met, complete the thought.

00:43:27.880 Okay.

00:43:28.860 It's not that way.

00:43:30.000 So what am I going to do and start taking action towards it?

00:43:33.820 Number two, something is incomplete.

00:43:42.700 Something's not said that should be said.

00:43:46.200 And you've been waiting and hoping maybe for someone else to address it, for them to change

00:43:53.520 before you address it, for the circumstance to be ideal for you to address it.

00:43:58.220 You need to get complete with it.

00:44:00.020 And I don't know a better word than get complete, but trust me, I think that resonates for most

00:44:06.740 people, that relationship with mom, that issue with dad, that conversation that I've been

00:44:13.600 avoiding with whoever.

00:44:15.100 However, there's value in addressing those and getting complete with them.

00:44:20.620 And then the third is we're out of integrity.

00:44:23.180 We're showing up in the world.

00:44:26.980 We're doing things that we know we shouldn't be doing and we're blaming and we feel down

00:44:33.440 because our self-confidence is eroded due to that lack of integrity.

00:44:37.340 And often when we're out of integrity, we start blaming and getting frustrated with other people

00:44:44.120 and it perpetuates being disempowered.

00:44:47.220 So unmet expectations, something needs to be communicated or complete something or integrity.

00:44:55.100 So try those three on.

00:44:56.180 That's awesome.

00:44:58.060 I was actually taking notes because this is good for me too.

00:45:00.400 You're, you're, this is why it's so powerful.

00:45:02.260 You're much more eloquent than I am because I was writing these down and you're elaborating

00:45:06.180 on these.

00:45:06.480 I'm like, okay, deal in reality, be honest and live in integrity.

00:45:10.600 You know, it's like, man, if I know when I am acting in accordance with those three virtues,

00:45:17.360 it's powerful.

00:45:19.020 I'm unstoppable.

00:45:20.020 I feel like I'm on fire.

00:45:21.240 That point number two, where you said something is, is incomplete.

00:45:24.660 I think there might be a discrepancy between what you said and what I said about being entirely

00:45:28.740 honest.

00:45:29.920 Honesty is being truthful and transparent with other people who are involved in your decision

00:45:35.420 making process.

00:45:36.720 So for example, if you get into an argument with your wife or your girlfriend and you guys

00:45:41.840 are bickering and fighting over who knows what, but you feel a certain way, I don't think

00:45:47.380 you should withhold that.

00:45:48.440 That, that to me is not being honest.

00:45:52.800 If, if something she did frustrated you and you're just trying to wash it over and fix

00:45:58.660 the relationship without expressing how you feel about it, it's only going to be a matter

00:46:03.280 of time before it blows up again.

00:46:05.040 And I'm not saying you need to rub it in her face or yell at her or be aggressive about

00:46:08.700 it, but it could be something as simple as, Hey hon, you know, when we were arguing the

00:46:12.340 other day, uh, I heard you say something and it made me feel this way.

00:46:17.300 And I, I'm, I'm willing to move on and forgive and, and, and I want to drive on and, and have

00:46:25.060 a good relationship.

00:46:25.740 But I think it's important that I tell you how I feel and how it makes me feel when I

00:46:30.900 hear those types of things.

00:46:32.540 That's honesty.

00:46:33.500 Or let's say you have an employee at work and they don't perform to the degree that

00:46:38.720 you know, they could, it's not right to leave them in the dark because you don't want to

00:46:44.060 ruffle feathers and then just let them continue to struggle with the same thing because you

00:46:48.880 were unable or unwilling to have the conversation.

00:46:51.640 So it's, Hey Kip, you took on this assignment and I asked you to do X, Y, and Z.

00:46:56.580 And I asked you to do X, Y, and Z because you're so capable and you're such an incredible

00:47:00.260 worker and you're in integrity and you're honest and you, you do a great job, but man,

00:47:05.740 I really feel like we didn't get the best from you.

00:47:09.160 And here's why, what do you think about it?

00:47:12.160 Like we owe it to people to be honest, even if it's uncomfortable.

00:47:15.780 And that's, that's why, I mean, I think it aligns nicely with what you were saying about

00:47:21.440 something's incomplete, usually between two different people.

00:47:25.500 Cause the other, the other category, something is incomplete, it falls in line with your third

00:47:29.780 point, which is just out of integrity.

00:47:31.560 You said you do something and you didn't.

00:47:33.840 Yeah, no, that's, that's well said.

00:47:36.060 And it's funny, like we talk about, you know, no more, Mr. Nice guy.

00:47:39.600 One of the terms that we use from that book a lot is covert contracts.

00:47:42.820 Those all just be covert contracts all over the place.

00:47:46.620 Yeah.

00:47:46.880 Oh, I didn't communicate to that employee.

00:47:48.340 They're underperforming.

00:47:49.080 You don't think you show up differently.

00:47:51.460 You don't think you withhold information that you're looking for evidence that they're under,

00:47:56.440 like, dude, you will, you'll go into a psychological battle with that person and almost make them

00:48:03.240 fail because you decided to have a covert contract to not say something.

00:48:07.560 Yeah.

00:48:08.000 It's crazy.

00:48:09.780 Yeah.

00:48:10.660 Yeah, it is, man.

00:48:11.480 So just be honest.

00:48:12.520 Anyways.

00:48:12.920 All right.

00:48:13.120 What's next?

00:48:14.060 Good point.

00:48:14.580 I love it.

00:48:15.600 T woods, 29, 18.

00:48:17.640 What helped you get through your divorce or any other big challenge in life?

00:48:22.300 The most I I'm actually going to just default to what we just talked about.

00:48:28.260 Yeah, that that's it.

00:48:30.060 So, so for me, okay, so let's break this down a little bit.

00:48:33.700 Getting through my divorce.

00:48:35.060 Number one, dealing in reality.

00:48:38.520 You said unmet expectations.

00:48:40.880 When I started to really get over my divorce is when I realized it was over.

00:48:46.200 It's over.

00:48:46.920 Yeah.

00:48:47.060 Because I had this expectation, even if it was a little fragment in my mind that we could reconcile.

00:48:51.660 And because I had that expectation and she didn't, there was a discrepancy and it created a lot of frustration and contention for me.

00:49:00.740 It wasn't until, and there was a specific moment and I never get into the details because I committed that I wouldn't.

00:49:08.440 And it's not bad by any means, but it's an interaction that we had.

00:49:11.480 And she said something to me and it was really hurtful.

00:49:16.200 And she wasn't actually trying to be hurtful.

00:49:18.160 I don't, I don't think she was, but she said something and it hurt.

00:49:21.580 It really stung.

00:49:22.920 But for the first time, it made me realize, oh, this is done.

00:49:31.280 Like this is, yep, this is over.

00:49:34.740 And as difficult as it was, I got very emotional.

00:49:38.080 I started tearing up.

00:49:39.200 I left because I was very emotional about it.

00:49:41.560 As difficult as it was, it was actually really liberating for me.

00:49:46.080 It took a couple of days.

00:49:47.360 Don't get me wrong.

00:49:48.260 But it was very liberating because now I was dealing in reality that this is done and you can chalk it up and you can close the chapter and you can start moving forward.

00:50:00.000 So point number one, dealing in reality, you said unmet expectations.

00:50:03.800 Number two, something's incomplete.

00:50:05.800 So for me, it was a lack of ownership on my part, what I did in the relationship.

00:50:11.840 You know, the way I did show up and the way that I didn't show up and what lessons can be learned.

00:50:19.140 And so I had to be honest, not with her necessarily, that was all evident, but I had to be honest with myself about what I did to cause this breakdown.

00:50:29.520 Now, did she have a part to play?

00:50:30.820 Of course, because again, it takes two to tangle.

00:50:33.220 I can't consume myself with that though.

00:50:35.180 I can only consume myself with what I'm dealing with.

00:50:38.620 So point number two, being entirely honest in this case with myself.

00:50:43.300 And then number three, living in integrity.

00:50:46.940 I had to stop drinking.

00:50:48.720 That was a big issue.

00:50:50.240 So putting alcohol aside, not drinking, getting back to the gym, getting back into this business really helped.

00:50:59.100 Getting right with my kids.

00:51:00.480 In fact, to go back to point number two, being entirely honest, I had to have conversations with my kids about some of these issues.

00:51:06.920 That was not comfortable by any means.

00:51:10.360 But the more I started to live into this, and I didn't even really know, Kip, until you put this framework behind it, that this is what I was doing.

00:51:18.320 Man, this was really, really powerful.

00:51:20.380 And I'm in a really healthy spot right now.

00:51:22.740 I'm in a great relationship.

00:51:24.720 The relationship I have with my kids is growing and getting better.

00:51:28.880 The business is doing well.

00:51:30.140 I feel good about myself.

00:51:31.420 I'm in really good shape.

00:51:32.760 Everything is firing on all cylinders, and I have to remain vigilant in these three points.

00:51:38.760 Otherwise, it could be very easy for me to slip back and default into old patterns and old habits.

00:51:44.740 I was actually thinking about it over the weekend.

00:51:46.780 Because I get so many questions like this one, I think I'm going to put together some sort of mini, I don't know if it's a course or a boot camp or a training.

00:51:56.300 I don't really know what this looks like, but I think I'm going to put something together along the lines of dealing with divorce exclusively for men.

00:52:04.440 And if you're going through a divorce or a separation, what steps can you take over a three to six month period in order to grieve, process it, learn from it, move on, and then develop a better, more healthy relationship at some point in the future when you're in the position to do that?

00:52:24.100 It seems like, I don't want to get totally spiritual, but I really believe that we're presented with opportunities cloaked as challenges.

00:52:37.460 And what I've gone through over the past couple of years has been very challenging personally, but there's also a tremendous opportunity.

00:52:44.320 And I think God says, hey, you know what?

00:52:47.320 Here's what you're going to deal with.

00:52:48.800 And I'm not saying he did this, I did it, but he works in our favor and he can take anything that we may be experiencing and he can turn it into something productive and righteous and good.

00:53:01.260 And so as much as I'm not saying it's God's fault for putting me in this circumstance, it's not, God has presented an opportunity for me to take this information and share it with somebody who might be dealing with the same thing, who maybe doesn't have the same perspective.

00:53:18.080 Or maybe I can introduce two guys who really resonate and they work together and help solve each other's problems.

00:53:25.600 And I think there's a really good opportunity here to help men in what seems to be a very, an increasing, increasing at an exponential rate.

00:53:38.020 And I think there's some opportunities here to really help some men deal with this stuff.

00:53:44.060 Yeah.

00:53:45.360 One thought really quick for T Woods on, on dealing with like a difficult life challenge.

00:53:52.940 Sometimes I feel like we can be dealing in reality.

00:53:57.120 We can be complete in our relationships.

00:53:59.220 We can have integrity and we're just overran, right?

00:54:03.280 We're just, there's too much or whatever.

00:54:06.020 However, that's where I think also the consideration and, or the value of prioritize and execute.

00:54:13.400 Just prioritize, right?

00:54:15.980 What you can't do at all.

00:54:17.980 So what's the top priority?

00:54:20.120 Act on the top priorities.

00:54:21.720 Forget about everything else.

00:54:23.260 And, and that's sometimes when there's a lot of overwhelm, there's value and because we feel like we have to address it all.

00:54:31.200 And sometimes you can't and you just pick the top items, deal with those.

00:54:36.740 And, and start taking action.

00:54:39.320 Yeah.

00:54:39.960 Yeah.

00:54:40.280 Good call.

00:54:41.480 Okay.

00:54:41.900 What's next?

00:54:43.100 That's all our questions.

00:54:44.560 Got them all.

00:54:45.080 Went through them all.

00:54:46.220 Dang.

00:54:46.780 Good.

00:54:47.240 Yeah.

00:54:47.660 Look at us.

00:54:49.060 Well, guys, you had some great questions.

00:54:50.840 I mean, taking on accountability, testosterone, the, the mental side of the equation, dealing in divorce.

00:54:57.380 I mean, these are so common.

00:54:58.640 We hear these things all the time.

00:54:59.920 And I just want to make a quick little pitch to you guys.

00:55:03.740 And, and I, and I think it's really, really important.

00:55:06.560 I started something eight years ago called the iron council.

00:55:10.740 A lot of you guys are familiar with it.

00:55:12.080 And I started it because I needed to band with other really good men who could help me navigate

00:55:19.340 some of these issues that we're talking about, doubt, anxiety, divorce, mental illness, and, and, and all these concerns that we have.

00:55:28.920 And it, it, it was hard to do it alone.

00:55:32.560 And I think a lot of guys are going out alone thinking that somehow something's going to change, like their life's going to change or, or they're just going to pick up something through osmosis.

00:55:42.480 I don't, I don't really quite know what it is guys are expecting, but we have a tool and I want you to join us.

00:55:52.260 And, and if it's something that works for you, great.

00:55:54.620 And if you come in and you stick around for 30 days or 90 days or 120 days, and that's all you need from us, great.

00:56:03.040 But we have a real tremendous opportunity here to serve each other, to help each other, to learn and grow and to push and to be accountable and hold other accountable to their goals and desires and dreams.

00:56:16.260 So we're opening this back up in two weeks.

00:56:18.400 And I want to have the biggest enrollment that we've ever had in the Iron Council, because it seems like after eight years, we need this now more than we did eight, nine years ago.

00:56:29.060 And that might just because I'm immersed in the discussion, but I don't think so.

00:56:33.600 I think objectively more and more men are struggling, even though there's more and more information out there designed for your growth.

00:56:41.360 So if you want to band with us, you want to connect with us, you want to connect with other guys, you want to talk about these issues and not just talk about them, but actually really get into the nitty gritty of what you actually do on a step-by-step basis to deal with divorce, to deal with mental illness, to deal with a coworker or a boss that you're not happy with, to deal with self-doubt.

00:57:03.420 We have all of those tracks to run on, new fathers, learning how to hunt.

00:57:08.720 Some is just fun and other is really serious, but we've got it all.

00:57:12.760 And you can check it out at orderman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:57:17.120 We open it up again in about two weeks.

00:57:20.340 So just drop your name in there.

00:57:22.440 I'll send you an email on June 15th and you'll be able to join us and band with us.

00:57:27.620 That's what we want.

00:57:28.860 You need to be there.

00:57:29.800 If you're asking these questions and you're having these sort of concerns and issues in your life, it goes well beyond me and you, Kip, answering it for five minutes on an AMA.

00:57:40.520 So let's jump in fully.

00:57:43.720 Orderman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:57:46.940 To also join us on Facebook, you can go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man.

00:57:52.780 Call out from earlier.

00:57:54.500 Follow Mr. Mickler on Instagram and X at Ryan Mickler.

00:57:58.340 And of course, you can get your latest Order of Man swag at the Order of Man store.

00:58:03.400 That's store.orderofman.com.

00:58:06.360 Awesome.

00:58:07.180 Guys, again, great questions.

00:58:08.820 We will be back on Friday.

00:58:09.840 Until then, go out there, take action, and become a man you are meant to be.

00:58:16.200 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

00:58:19.160 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you are meant to be.

00:58:22.840 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

00:58:28.340 We'll be right back.

Order of Man - June 05, 2024

Dealing with Divorce, Boost Testosterone Naturally, and Normalizing Self-Doubt ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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