Dealing with Divorce, Boost Testosterone Naturally, and Normalizing Self-Doubt ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
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Summary
In honor of Memorial Day, we take a look at the life of Robert McGee, a 14-year-old boy who was brutally attacked and scalped at the age of 14 by a band of Sioux Indians, but managed to survive.
Transcript
00:00:00.000
Make sure that your expectations are objectively accurate.
00:00:04.980
Sometimes we have big dreams and goals and visions for ourselves, which is good,
00:00:09.520
but we overestimate our ability to achieve those things in a certain period of time.
00:00:14.680
The saying goes, we overestimate our abilities in the short term
00:00:17.820
and underestimate our abilities in the long term.
00:00:21.220
And the way you're phrasing that question has me wondering
00:00:24.080
if you're thinking that more is going to happen immediately when it just takes time.
00:00:32.740
You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
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At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.
00:01:01.260
And this is crunch time for both of us as we prepare for our trip next week.
00:01:06.880
So I'm thinking to myself, let's just get right into it today.
00:01:12.880
Vacations always start once we know what the schedule is.
00:01:20.320
Like, who are we complaining about going to Molokai for a week?
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Yeah, I mean, a lot of guys are probably like, oh, it was so hard for you guys.
00:01:29.540
You have to go to Hawaii and go hunt Axis deer.
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So, yeah, we're not trying to rub that in by any means.
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I'm like, my focus this week is just to not leave anybody high and dry next week since I'm out of the office.
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You're going to be in Hawaii killing poor, innocent, beautiful animals.
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Well, I don't know if I would say killing poor, beautiful, innocent animals.
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Yeah, that's exactly what we're going to be doing.
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All right, man, should we get into some headlines today?
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I came across this little synopsis of a gentleman by the name of Robert McGee in 1864.
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McGee was working as a teamster with H.C. Barrett to transport a caravan of flour to Fort Union in New Mexico territory.
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Whilst on the road, somewhere around Kansas, the wagon train was set on by a band of Brule Sioux Native Americans, resulting in the majority of the teamsters being tortured and killed.
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Shot in the back, had two arrows put through him, as well as 64 square inches removed from his scalp.
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And then there's a photo of him taken in 1890 as an older man.
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But I'm just thinking to myself, this is a 14-year-old kid, number one, working with the teamsters, transporting, I don't know where exactly he was going, but transporting on a train in the New Mexico territory, which was obviously unconquered at that time.
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And then just brutally assaulted, left for dead, shot in the back, two arrows in him, scalped 64 inches of his scalp removed.
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I don't, like, I'm glad that we don't live in those times.
00:04:05.040
And you know, it's really interesting when people say things like, you hear this a lot about the victims and the complainers about how horrible America is and how bad current society and culture is.
00:04:15.940
Point to me another time in which you would like to live where you think it would be better.
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We live in the most prosperous, free, safest time that we've ever lived as human beings.
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And I think it's good to look at some of these things to remember who our great, great, great grandfathers were, what they did to be able to provide these opportunities for us, and that we live in a pretty good time, all things considered.
00:04:51.560
This reminds me, this past weekend when we go to the lake, we often go to church in that small town.
00:05:06.900
She goes, in our class, the teacher brought up, like, Simon Sinek's, you know, the why.
00:05:14.740
And this 80-something-year-old woman in her class goes, what do you mean, why?
00:05:23.700
And they're like, because you do the right thing, right?
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Like, and it was kind of, like, and when she...
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Yeah, and when she shared it with me, I was like, that's actually kind of funny.
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Where we have gotten so, like, let's define everything, and let's, like, clarify.
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And this old woman's like, you do what you're supposed to do.
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And I'm like, there's something to be said for the simplicity of it.
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And we almost created so many talking points to explain things.
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When in reality, we just need to do what we know we should be doing.
00:06:04.420
Yeah, I mean, this is the relative ease of modernity in which we live, where everything
00:06:14.200
Look, I know I've been bagging on Andrew Huberman on this podcast a little bit.
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He had this clip, this, like, four-minute clip of with some other guy, who knows, that
00:06:27.840
And both of them are just yapping at each other about things that have already been solved.
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And they're complaining, one guy's like, Huberman's talking about the importance of
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And the other guy, he looks kind of like a weenie.
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He's kind of, like, wiry and doesn't have any muscle mass and, you know, probably couldn't
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He's talking about how if you're a vegan or a vegetarian, then the body, blah, blah, blah,
00:07:01.160
And I wrote on there, I'm like, guys, look, this is not, and some, and I think Huberman's
00:07:17.360
Now, if we want to talk about the way to create sustainability with our protein sources, our
00:07:21.800
vegetable sources, I'm all for that discussion.
00:07:24.100
But the debate as to whether or not human beings eat meat is not really subject to debate at
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If you want to be a vegetarian or a vegan, all the power to you.
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You have to compensate with supplements and other things.
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And there's obviously a loss of muscle mass and reduction.
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And it isn't only until the relative ease of modernity, to wrap it back up in what we're
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talking about, where people have even called this into question.
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We've created such an incredible society that people can question whether or not they should
00:08:20.300
Well, why wouldn't we talk about it when we can find better ways to do it?
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It's just, it's so funny to me that we just debate and bicker over bullshit that just isn't
00:08:43.680
No, I mean, and I, I hate, I even hate my rant, my headline a little bit, to be honest with
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you, because I'm like, it's just a repeat of the same thing, you know, of people in power
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practicing, you know, what we talked about last week, you know, unrighteous dominion and
00:09:05.160
I mean, what I was going to talk about is just, you know, officially as of last week,
00:09:10.720
The Biden administration is going to cancel another 7.7 billion in student loans that will
00:09:23.520
The total, uh, student loan forgiveness has been during his administration total.
00:09:30.980
Oh, I don't, tens of billions, maybe more $167 billion.
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They're not, everyone's going to get their debt forgiveness.
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Where, how about the people that are still paying loan student loan debt and other people
00:09:50.980
It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's unfair.
00:09:54.320
And to say this, this will not cause inflation issues is naive.
00:10:00.240
You know, often what I like, and I don't know, this is a pipe dream, but what I would love
00:10:06.060
for every single spending of government for them to explain where the money is going to
00:10:11.940
come from and what are they going to stop doing that they're doing today to be able to pay
00:10:17.760
And, but we're like children with a credit card and we just spend and print money that
00:10:25.260
And it's like, this is even, doesn't even work this way in the real world, right?
00:10:29.380
If I'm going to spend money on something, then I'm not going to have that money for something
00:10:36.980
And this is just, I think an obvious attempt, um, of buying, you know, younger votes, right.
00:10:44.220
And to get some momentum and it's not ideal for the country nor for the economy.
00:10:54.060
I mean, look, I could go off on a tirade with all this stuff too.
00:10:57.140
I mean, it's, you know, when you said, where do you draw the line?
00:11:06.620
Now, look, we can, we can actually have, and I'm trying to be intelligent about this, rational
00:11:12.460
We can have a discussion as to whether or not college ought to be free, so to speak, or
00:11:23.720
I, I don't know that that's the case necessarily.
00:11:26.380
I, I, I, even if I believe that were the case, it's hard for me to wrap my mind around
00:11:32.100
the government being the one to administer it because, you know, they're so successful
00:11:35.860
with every other program they've ever implemented.
00:11:38.720
So I, I, I don't think that's the solution, but we can have that discussion.
00:11:43.140
But in the meantime, these kids are incurring the debt.
00:11:47.220
And part of the problem is that when the government comes in and subsidize and rescues, you have
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one side of the equation who complains about these bloated corporations who are just greedy
00:12:03.580
and, and just trying to squeeze every dollar they can out of the American citizen, what do you think
00:12:10.140
And the reason they're able to get away with it is because the government is coming in and
00:12:14.920
So what do you think that does to tuition rates?
00:12:17.140
When people say, well, we should, we should drive our tuition rates down and also we should
00:12:24.060
Those two concepts are antithetical to each other.
00:12:27.580
You cannot drive the rate down of something while having this bloated institution, AKA the United
00:12:36.360
Cause what ends up happening is it's now backed and collateralized.
00:12:39.960
And so they know these institutions know that they're going to get their payment.
00:12:43.820
So instead of charging $1, they're now going to charge $1.50 or $2 because they know they're
00:12:50.340
So if you're, if you're thinking to yourself, we need tuition rates to be lower.
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And we also need the government to pay off student loans.
00:13:01.820
You're an idiot more likely because you just don't understand basic economics.
00:13:07.980
And then on the other side of the spectrum, you're evil because you're actually perpetuating
00:13:14.100
So you're, you either fall into one of those three camps and all are horrible and ought to
00:13:21.520
And these people ought to be ridiculed, mocked and kicked out of society because they're just
00:13:28.620
Here's a, here's a perfect example of this years ago.
00:13:31.000
I had a client in out in Boston and at the time Boston's, um, uh, medical was state funded,
00:13:40.840
And I don't know if it still is, but at the time it was, and I flew out to Boston to meet
00:13:46.680
I flew out to Boston to meet with, uh, this particular client and we're looking, we're
00:13:52.180
reviewing business processes and efficiency gains and possibly do like an upgrade to their
00:13:59.120
So I spent an entire week deep diving into their, their business and I came up with a
00:14:07.900
Um, regards to savings and they decided to go against it.
00:14:13.740
And they're like, no, we're not going to move that direction.
00:14:15.880
And, and I had a, I felt like I had a strong relationship with one of the directors and I,
00:14:22.400
And I don't remember his name, but I'm like, help me understand.
00:14:25.980
By, by implementing this system and updating these business processes, we're going to be
00:14:30.780
able to save you guys like the equivalent of millions of dollars in process and efficiency.
00:14:36.700
Why wouldn't, why wouldn't we go this direction?
00:14:46.240
We get government funding for what we do, whether we're efficient or not.
00:14:52.840
So there's no, there's no reason for us to make the investment.
00:14:57.000
And I was just like, so backwards, but that's a prime example of what, thanks for wasting
00:15:05.360
my time, dumbass, but it's a prime example of what happens.
00:15:10.740
I think they were just looking to move to another system and, and I probably could have
00:15:14.560
came in there and say, it's going to cost you more money.
00:15:19.300
And, and I was naive and I went there with the, with the focus of efficiency and they're
00:15:24.200
like, there's no reason for us to be more efficient.
00:15:26.700
We don't get less or more money if we're efficient.
00:15:48.000
I, I think there's enough great people out there, you know, that if we all rally together
00:15:53.440
and use some common sense that we could probably change the tide of things, but the way it
00:16:03.760
Did you see the t-shirt recommendation from inside the foundry?
00:16:14.560
It said, someone said, they said, um, yeah, I'll pull it up because I own, I'm going to
00:16:24.860
He says, can we get a Mickler Sorensen 2024 campaign shirt in the store with the, with the
00:16:54.200
So if you want to follow Mickler on the gram or X, that's at Ryan Mickler.
00:16:57.780
Our first question, George Goldstrom ways to deal with self doubt, anxiety, and depression.
00:17:04.560
For an owner operator of a construction company with big dreams and a family to provide for.
00:17:11.200
Uh, first, so doubt, anxiety, and depression, correct?
00:17:20.160
I think that we have made that such a taboo subject that anytime that you feel anxious or
00:17:26.320
depressed or any self doubt, there's something wrong with you.
00:17:37.480
Clinically, chronically depressed is something different.
00:17:40.500
And if we're talking about chronic depression, I would say, go get some medical help that
00:17:45.220
you need because you need some work through that.
00:17:47.700
But if we're just talking about moments of being down or frustrated because things aren't going
00:17:55.380
And I think the first thing you really need to realize is that this is all normal.
00:18:02.800
We don't need to make it something that it isn't.
00:18:05.400
We don't need to make it seem as if there's something wrong with you when there isn't.
00:18:08.640
But that's not to say that we shouldn't tackle it.
00:18:11.640
And the first thing I would suggest to you is make sure that your expectations are objectively
00:18:21.100
Sometimes we have big dreams and goals and visions for ourselves, which is good.
00:18:25.840
But we overestimate our ability to achieve those things in a certain period of time.
00:18:31.640
The saying goes, we overestimate our abilities in the short term and underestimate our abilities
00:18:38.320
And the way you're phrasing that question has me wondering if you're thinking that more is
00:18:45.760
going to happen immediately when it just takes time.
00:18:49.300
Now, that's not to discount everything else that you might be experiencing.
00:18:54.620
There might be a different market segment that you need to capture.
00:18:58.880
You might need to market in a new and unique way that other people aren't doing.
00:19:04.080
But ultimately, I think if you find joy and satisfaction in the process, and then I've said this before
00:19:10.520
and I continue to reiterate this, you bring in the right people.
00:19:16.840
We talked about this the other day, in fact, where the podcast Lighting.
00:19:22.800
Like, Kip, you know, I've spent hours and hours and hours trying to get my studio lighting
00:19:38.460
And I said, hey, man, like, can you come in and consult?
00:19:40.980
And he's like, yeah, I'll come in and consult with you.
00:19:44.080
Within five minutes, I think I told this story last week.
00:19:46.920
Within five minutes, he had drastically improved the lighting.
00:19:57.840
I'm talking about, and I'm not exaggerating, within five minutes.
00:20:01.460
And we're using one less light than we were actually using before.
00:20:05.960
This is a perfect illustration of bringing the right people in and setting aside the ego,
00:20:12.580
being humble, understanding that you don't have it all figured out.
00:20:16.100
And by the way, don't try to figure it all out.
00:20:24.920
This guy's in the construction business, it sounds like.
00:20:27.140
Over the next 10, 20, 30, 40 years, he's probably going to be a multimillionaire if he sticks with it.
00:20:42.200
You could hire people now and take what would take you 20 years and just cram all of that knowledge
00:20:48.460
and expertise and learning into two to five years.
00:20:52.800
And so people will say, well, but I don't have the money.
00:20:56.300
If you think that costs too much, what do you think is going to happen to your cost over 20, 30, 40 years
00:21:02.540
if you're trying to figure out things the hard way and banging your damn head against the wall?
00:21:07.760
So let's get over this thing of I can figure it out.
00:21:22.500
So bring the right people in, put them in the right places, pay and compensate them well to be involved in your organization.
00:21:30.560
And I think you'll start to notice yourself taking bigger strides than you thought were possible in this micro.
00:21:36.460
I love the analogy you always use of the dashboard indicators in your car, right?
00:21:46.920
Depression is, these are things that we're dealing with that we should deal with, and they're difficult.
00:21:52.160
Of course there's anxiety to owning your own business.
00:21:54.700
I'm sure there's numerous times in your career, and I know there have been in mine, where I'm up all night.
00:22:02.080
I can't sleep because I'm stressed out, but it's the stress of it that makes me double down and like I got to resolve this and I have to deal with it, right?
00:22:11.100
And so I love the idea of just normalizing difficulty a little bit here and saying, hey, this is part of the bag, right?
00:22:19.780
Now, with that said, I found this quote that I love.
00:22:23.640
I don't know who said it, but I think it's a thought or a consideration for George.
00:22:30.440
If you are depressed, you're living in the past.
00:22:33.780
If you are anxious, you're living in the future.
00:22:37.160
If you are at peace, you're living in the present.
00:22:40.600
For me, I love that quote, and I love that quote because it's true for me.
00:22:44.560
Often when I have anxiety, it's because I'm stressing about something that I don't even know what will happen, and I'm jeopardizing the moment.
00:22:55.360
I'm jeopardizing the moment with my children, the time at the lake, the opportunities of a relationship and a great conversation with someone for something that has not even yet happened.
00:23:07.800
And so for me, that resonates, that quote resonates because it's what I need to do often is get present and realize where I'm at, prioritize and execute what's within my realm of control, and take action right now in the moment and stop stressing about something outside of my realm of control.
00:23:31.940
I don't think you can take too much accountability, and here's what I mean.
00:23:38.140
I know where you're going with the question because you can't take accountability for something that isn't yours to take accountability for.
00:23:47.820
So you can overstep the line, but I wouldn't consider that taking accountability.
00:23:54.740
I would consider it you being a punching bag or you misunderstanding what accountability actually is.
00:24:01.420
Kit, for example, I can't take accountability for your actions.
00:24:11.140
I can pretend like I have some sort of authority and control over you, but I don't.
00:24:16.040
So I literally cannot take accountability for your life.
00:24:21.480
But when we're talking about accountability, when I hear that word, what comes to mind for me is taking responsibility for the things within your control.
00:24:31.720
So let's say you're in a marriage, and it takes two to tango, and there's a lot of issues that you brought to the table which caused the breakdown of your marriage.
00:24:42.500
You can and should take accountability for that, but you can't take the accountability from her, which is that she contributed to that.
00:24:50.720
Maybe she didn't share as much as she needed to.
00:24:53.260
Maybe she wasn't as forthright about what she needed to come clean with.
00:24:58.220
I mean, there's all sorts of things that it could be.
00:25:04.820
So in the spirit in which you're asking, yes, I think you probably can.
00:25:10.900
But if we're actually using the definition of the words the way I understand them, no, you can't take too much accountability because it's only what you can control.
00:25:19.940
You know when we see this the most, Brian, is in corporate America when companies take on extreme ownership, and you'll get leaders going.
00:25:30.700
They'll have employees make a mistake or whatever, and they're like, I'll take ownership.
00:25:36.200
And it becomes like this talking point of this high level, I'm going to take ownership and accountability.
00:25:41.700
But it lacks the discipline, it lacks the creativeness to determine what are you taking responsibility for, right?
00:25:52.960
You can't just blankedly say, that's on me as the leader, I take ownership.
00:26:01.660
What are you choosing to take responsibility for?
00:26:03.780
What specific things could you have adjusted to help address the given issue?
00:26:11.420
If you haven't done that part, you're not really taking accountability.
00:26:14.940
You're really not taking ownership over anything.
00:26:17.740
You're just saying it because that's the right thing to say, and it's this talking point.
00:26:24.920
I just think sometimes even human nature is to latch on to extreme ownership and say, well, I should take ownership of all things.
00:26:32.200
But it requires some critical thinking on your part of, well, what specifically?
00:26:40.540
Literally, I had an employee, as an example, really quick.
00:26:43.800
I had an employee leave on Friday, kind of abruptly.
00:26:52.380
And the feedback I got from her, at first glance, had me pointing fingers at a lot of different sources, right?
00:27:11.500
As long as the problem is always somewhere else, you will never consider your role in it.
00:27:18.500
So in that example, I thought, okay, how do I take ownership of this?
00:27:26.680
Did I confirm that she was clear on the roles and responsibility?
00:27:30.360
Did I do my 30-day check-in with the new hire to make sure that things were aligned?
00:27:37.340
If I had my 30-day check-in, did she tell me that she was unhappy?
00:27:41.860
And if she didn't, how am I showing up in the organization where someone doesn't feel like they can be honest with me?
00:27:50.460
Right now, we start getting to areas where I can take some responsibilities within my realm of control.
00:27:59.940
You know, I agree with everything you're saying.
00:28:04.320
I just, I want to take the other side of the coin though.
00:28:07.600
Because, again, this goes back to the spirit in which it was asked.
00:28:11.280
I, again, I agree with everything that you said.
00:28:18.300
You've got all the right pieces, all the right players in place.
00:28:21.100
It's all, everything's firing correctly and you just miss the deadline or it flops or it doesn't work.
00:28:26.480
And there's one specific employee, team member, that you've identified that is incapable of doing the job you need them to do.
00:28:36.720
So extreme ownership taken to the excess says, oh, well, you know, like I need a trainer better.
00:28:46.500
In that scenario, taking ownership might actually be letting go of that employee.
00:28:55.200
And that's where a little bit of the challenge comes in.
00:28:57.400
Because when you hear extreme ownership, you think, well, it couldn't possibly be the employee.
00:29:07.640
So the extreme ownership is hire the right people.
00:29:11.260
The other part of extreme ownership is you didn't hire the right person and you need to let that person go.
00:29:18.220
And that's not to say that you shouldn't train them and give them adequate tools.
00:29:21.100
There's things that come before firing somebody.
00:29:24.000
But I just want to make sure I illustrate that point as well.
00:29:27.420
But I really like what you said about this showmanship is what I would call it.
00:29:33.060
I'm reminded as you were talking about that when there's an episode of The Office when Dwight and Andy are doing favors for each other, but they don't want to be the last person to do the favor for the other because they don't want to owe anybody anything else.
00:29:54.280
Like one guy opens the door and the other goes and gets donuts and the other one files his papers for them.
00:30:00.180
And they're just one-upping each other just so they don't have to be beholden to anybody else.
00:30:07.120
This is a little bit of marketing that takes place when a word or a concept gets latched onto.
00:30:14.320
We begin to bastardize it and just like whore it out to everything.
00:30:20.860
A great example of that in the psychological world is this term narcissist.
00:30:29.200
Just because you don't get along with a person or they happen to be self-absorbed or their viewpoint conflicts with yours, that's not what a narcissist means.
00:30:43.380
And so we have to be a little careful because marketers, and I'm a marketer.
00:30:53.640
They're marketing different things and different messages, but we're all marketers.
00:30:56.640
They get a hold of concepts and words, especially a guy like Jordan Peterson who's so good with his words.
00:31:03.380
It just becomes a little pop culture-ish and we begin to lose the actual meaning of the word of self or the message.
00:31:13.660
Yeah, and I think we do it in organizations all the time.
00:31:17.700
We latch on to outward mindset, and now the answer is always outward mindset.
00:31:23.080
It's like, oh, my gosh, don't lose sight of the actual principle of what we're talking about.
00:31:38.220
Sales is pitching in in all directions on social media.
00:31:41.400
I feel like it's getting men over that hump, over overwhelming life and lack of sleep.
00:31:46.440
I've never taken anything, but now I'm thinking I want to feel my young self again.
00:31:51.900
What natural habits have you implemented or heard we should implement in our lives that don't have side effects and are proven to work?
00:32:04.260
Like, if you want to boost your testosterone again to go back to what's subject to debate and what isn't, really, it's this.
00:32:13.780
That is actually scientifically proven to be true.
00:32:16.180
You have to eat protein, high levels of protein.
00:32:22.040
That isn't popular in the men's circle, but you do have to get plenty of rest.
00:32:32.500
You need to spend time around other men and specifically compete and even more specifically win.
00:32:38.940
It's been proven that winning competitions increases testosterone production.
00:32:44.560
Losing competition decreases testosterone production.
00:32:49.780
And, oh, outside of that, engage in manly activities.
00:32:54.380
Fighting, physicality, shooting guns, explosions, enjoying nature, hiking.
00:33:00.780
Being what we would typically associate with manly activities.
00:33:07.640
And those are all scientifically proven to boost testosterone production.
00:33:12.240
So, I would suggest that you go, oh, reduce alcohol intake is a big one.
00:33:16.340
I would definitely recommend that you do that first before you start looking into testosterone and placement stuff.
00:33:22.520
Once you get into doing that, that is likely going to be a lifelong decision for you.
00:33:32.320
So, there are instances where I think that makes a lot of sense.
00:33:36.740
But also, I don't think it's a magic pill in that if you just do your testosterone replacement stuff,
00:33:43.860
that all of a sudden you can just forsake everything else I just told you and be fine.
00:33:47.940
No, you have to continue to do the other activities, and that's going to magnify and enhance the results that you get from TRT.
00:34:12.800
I gave that shirt away to someone at Ragnar a couple of years ago.
00:34:20.280
And we traded shirts, and I thought, oh, I'll just buy another one.
00:34:24.780
So, maybe I'll do it just to piss people off, because I don't know what it was about that shirt,
00:34:45.080
What would you do if your partner of four years told you that you were to leave the home
00:34:52.840
in 24 hours, or she would serve a trespass notice?
00:35:11.680
I don't know what the personal circumstances of your situation are.
00:35:15.080
I don't know if she's bluffing or she's telling the truth.
00:35:17.920
I don't even know if you're obligated to leave just because she threatens you.
00:35:26.480
So, unfortunately, it's time to hire legal counsel.
00:35:29.340
I can't give you any information other than that, because there's just so many variables here.
00:35:33.440
I could tell you don't leave the home, but then maybe she will serve you with that.
00:35:36.660
I could tell you to stay in the house or to leave, but then maybe you're relinquishing
00:35:42.220
some of your rights when it comes to the divorce.
00:35:45.980
You need to hire legal counsel, and you need to take this threat very, very seriously,
00:35:50.780
because it sounds like she's wanting to play hardball.
00:35:53.980
And so, you know, fortunately, when I went through my situation, she didn't want to play
00:36:00.100
And so, we didn't have to, but had she done that, you bet your ass I would have dug in
00:36:06.500
my heels, and I would have went to freaking war.
00:36:10.240
But I didn't, and I'm grateful, and I'm not even saying that as a threat.
00:36:13.960
I'm really glad I didn't have to, but you better believe I would have.
00:36:17.960
And it sounds like you better start gearing up for a battle.
00:36:20.880
I hate to hear it, but it sounds like that's where you're at.
00:36:24.260
So, yeah, all right, Go Guidry Go, or David, I have been dealing with a major depressive
00:36:37.120
I struggle with motivation, and the just do it that used to be enough doesn't seem to
00:36:43.760
We're working on meds to help, but that's not the long-term solution.
00:36:49.740
And if so, do you have any advice or insights into breaking the procrastination stronghold?
00:36:55.600
I know that's probably foreign to you, but I thought I'd ask anyway.
00:36:59.240
I admire your drive, consistency, and transparency, so I'm going to keep listening until something
00:37:07.720
Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
00:37:09.580
It sounds like you're getting the help you need through a therapist, which I would highly
00:37:13.600
I don't think that's the one-stop solution, though.
00:37:16.140
I think dealing with and confronting problems that maybe even our subconscious is a good
00:37:21.380
idea, but I don't know that that always addresses the root of the problem in every circumstance.
00:37:28.520
So when I hear you talk about this, this is actually to go back to the previous testosterone
00:37:34.360
I can't help but wonder if you should go get your blood work drawn up.
00:37:39.820
I don't know if they have, but you have that therapy, which is good, but then there might
00:37:46.620
be some other medical information that you need to gather.
00:37:49.800
And so I would highly suggest working with a doctor that I wouldn't say exclusively works
00:37:55.360
with men, but has a aptitude or an expertise in working with men in the type of situations
00:38:05.560
And what they might do is they might, as an initial test, is do a blood panel for you.
00:38:12.440
And that blood panel can be very revealing with regards to testosterone or nutrient deficiencies.
00:38:22.520
There actually might be physiological issues going on in your body that you could actually
00:38:27.880
improve through something like testosterone replacement or changing up your diet or changing
00:38:33.440
up your daily practices, like consuming more meat or changing your diet to work a little
00:38:41.560
So I would go that route if you haven't done that already.
00:38:44.540
So you're getting the mindset stuff taken care of.
00:38:47.140
Take a look at the physiological stuff through a medical professional who can get a blood panel
00:38:52.760
And then the other component is I would take a look at the spiritual element as well.
00:38:57.940
I think that trifecta of mental, physical, and spiritual really will help you find purpose
00:39:07.380
I'm talking specifically about the spiritual side.
00:39:09.740
Help you find purpose, meaning, a greater plan to your existence.
00:39:14.500
Maybe even give you a path to run on, inspire you, give you some hope and optimism towards
00:39:19.240
your, uh, the infinite possibilities of, of you and your life and what our lives will look
00:39:27.720
like beyond our current existence, our mortal existence.
00:39:36.860
Maybe you are, but those are two areas I would definitely look into.
00:39:40.980
Have you, if you don't want me asking, have you dealt with this?
00:39:44.700
Like, have you had major depression and what got you through?
00:39:49.920
I think I'm, I think I'm an angry enough person.
00:39:53.180
I say that kind of like lighthearted, but an angry enough person that being depressed would
00:39:57.840
just piss me off and I would just fight against it.
00:40:01.960
I'm not going to say I don't get depressed, but I'm not chronically depressed.
00:40:07.200
There's moments of depression, I would say, where it's like, I'm feeling down or feeling
00:40:15.900
But when I get that way, it pisses me off and then I go work and I get over it.
00:40:22.340
And I'm, I'm not telling you to just get over it.
00:40:25.940
So please don't hear what I say and think, well, Ryan said, I just need to get over it.
00:40:31.800
In some cases you just need to, you know, sack up and drive on, but not all cases.
00:40:37.640
And I, and I, I'm, I see the gray area in that more than maybe I saw before.
00:40:43.540
So yeah, some instances just suck it up and drive on.
00:40:47.220
And in other instances, you do need some additional help.
00:40:50.300
But personally, and fortunately for me, when I get down, I'm like, okay, shit, what can I
00:40:57.560
Like, I'm not going to sit around and just like wallow in my, so fix it.
00:41:00.660
And I don't think less of anybody who might not be there.
00:41:14.200
I think, yeah, I think it's something I've dealt with.
00:41:17.140
I've, I've seen it in, in the lives of, of loved ones.
00:41:22.860
Often I find it interesting and obviously I'm not a shrink, so I can't like, I don't know
00:41:27.560
clinically if this is accurate, but often it's tied to a shift of identity where we put the
00:41:37.780
value, our value of who we are and, and, and our, and the role that we play in the world
00:41:44.860
And that's been disruptive and it's no longer present.
00:41:50.720
And there's a sense of loneliness, uh, and loss of identity in it, um, that comes to mind.
00:41:58.480
Uh, and I, and I think it could be an amazing experience too, right?
00:42:02.680
Because on the flip side of that or on the backside of that is what?
00:42:09.120
Creating, well, identity, creating a new identity.
00:42:16.060
Um, one thing, and, and maybe to consider David for yourself, and this is usually where
00:42:23.620
I, if I have an upset and I'm kind of unmotivated and I'm kind of like in a bad place, it's usually
00:42:32.460
The first is that, and this is where the identity kind of comes in is unmet expectations.
00:42:38.240
There is something I expected it to be, and it's not ending up that way and I'm left to
00:42:46.000
deal with it, but often in expectations, we've talked about this a lot on the podcast is we
00:42:51.940
usually just sit with, it shouldn't be, or it should be this way.
00:42:55.400
And we don't complete the thought of, well, it's not.
00:42:59.860
And actually taking action makes you feel better.
00:43:03.680
In fact, scientifically, one of the best ways to get past like resentment and frustration
00:43:11.160
is to do something about it because we, we, we move from being victim, being acted upon
00:43:18.520
to taking ownership and that empowers people, right?
00:43:23.580
So if there's expectations that are not met, complete the thought.
00:43:30.000
So what am I going to do and start taking action towards it?
00:43:46.200
And you've been waiting and hoping maybe for someone else to address it, for them to change
00:43:53.520
before you address it, for the circumstance to be ideal for you to address it.
00:44:00.020
And I don't know a better word than get complete, but trust me, I think that resonates for most
00:44:06.740
people, that relationship with mom, that issue with dad, that conversation that I've been
00:44:15.100
However, there's value in addressing those and getting complete with them.
00:44:26.980
We're doing things that we know we shouldn't be doing and we're blaming and we feel down
00:44:33.440
because our self-confidence is eroded due to that lack of integrity.
00:44:37.340
And often when we're out of integrity, we start blaming and getting frustrated with other people
00:44:47.220
So unmet expectations, something needs to be communicated or complete something or integrity.
00:44:58.060
I was actually taking notes because this is good for me too.
00:45:02.260
You're much more eloquent than I am because I was writing these down and you're elaborating
00:45:06.480
I'm like, okay, deal in reality, be honest and live in integrity.
00:45:10.600
You know, it's like, man, if I know when I am acting in accordance with those three virtues,
00:45:21.240
That point number two, where you said something is, is incomplete.
00:45:24.660
I think there might be a discrepancy between what you said and what I said about being entirely
00:45:29.920
Honesty is being truthful and transparent with other people who are involved in your decision
00:45:36.720
So for example, if you get into an argument with your wife or your girlfriend and you guys
00:45:41.840
are bickering and fighting over who knows what, but you feel a certain way, I don't think
00:45:52.800
If, if something she did frustrated you and you're just trying to wash it over and fix
00:45:58.660
the relationship without expressing how you feel about it, it's only going to be a matter
00:46:05.040
And I'm not saying you need to rub it in her face or yell at her or be aggressive about
00:46:08.700
it, but it could be something as simple as, Hey hon, you know, when we were arguing the
00:46:12.340
other day, uh, I heard you say something and it made me feel this way.
00:46:17.300
And I, I'm, I'm willing to move on and forgive and, and, and I want to drive on and, and have
00:46:25.740
But I think it's important that I tell you how I feel and how it makes me feel when I
00:46:33.500
Or let's say you have an employee at work and they don't perform to the degree that
00:46:38.720
you know, they could, it's not right to leave them in the dark because you don't want to
00:46:44.060
ruffle feathers and then just let them continue to struggle with the same thing because you
00:46:48.880
were unable or unwilling to have the conversation.
00:46:51.640
So it's, Hey Kip, you took on this assignment and I asked you to do X, Y, and Z.
00:46:56.580
And I asked you to do X, Y, and Z because you're so capable and you're such an incredible
00:47:00.260
worker and you're in integrity and you're honest and you, you do a great job, but man,
00:47:05.740
I really feel like we didn't get the best from you.
00:47:12.160
Like we owe it to people to be honest, even if it's uncomfortable.
00:47:15.780
And that's, that's why, I mean, I think it aligns nicely with what you were saying about
00:47:21.440
something's incomplete, usually between two different people.
00:47:25.500
Cause the other, the other category, something is incomplete, it falls in line with your third
00:47:36.060
And it's funny, like we talk about, you know, no more, Mr. Nice guy.
00:47:39.600
One of the terms that we use from that book a lot is covert contracts.
00:47:42.820
Those all just be covert contracts all over the place.
00:47:51.460
You don't think you withhold information that you're looking for evidence that they're under,
00:47:56.440
like, dude, you will, you'll go into a psychological battle with that person and almost make them
00:48:03.240
fail because you decided to have a covert contract to not say something.
00:48:17.640
What helped you get through your divorce or any other big challenge in life?
00:48:22.300
The most I I'm actually going to just default to what we just talked about.
00:48:30.060
So, so for me, okay, so let's break this down a little bit.
00:48:40.880
When I started to really get over my divorce is when I realized it was over.
00:48:47.060
Because I had this expectation, even if it was a little fragment in my mind that we could reconcile.
00:48:51.660
And because I had that expectation and she didn't, there was a discrepancy and it created a lot of frustration and contention for me.
00:49:00.740
It wasn't until, and there was a specific moment and I never get into the details because I committed that I wouldn't.
00:49:08.440
And it's not bad by any means, but it's an interaction that we had.
00:49:11.480
And she said something to me and it was really hurtful.
00:49:18.160
I don't, I don't think she was, but she said something and it hurt.
00:49:22.920
But for the first time, it made me realize, oh, this is done.
00:49:34.740
And as difficult as it was, I got very emotional.
00:49:41.560
As difficult as it was, it was actually really liberating for me.
00:49:48.260
But it was very liberating because now I was dealing in reality that this is done and you can chalk it up and you can close the chapter and you can start moving forward.
00:50:00.000
So point number one, dealing in reality, you said unmet expectations.
00:50:05.800
So for me, it was a lack of ownership on my part, what I did in the relationship.
00:50:11.840
You know, the way I did show up and the way that I didn't show up and what lessons can be learned.
00:50:19.140
And so I had to be honest, not with her necessarily, that was all evident, but I had to be honest with myself about what I did to cause this breakdown.
00:50:30.820
Of course, because again, it takes two to tangle.
00:50:35.180
I can only consume myself with what I'm dealing with.
00:50:38.620
So point number two, being entirely honest in this case with myself.
00:50:50.240
So putting alcohol aside, not drinking, getting back to the gym, getting back into this business really helped.
00:51:00.480
In fact, to go back to point number two, being entirely honest, I had to have conversations with my kids about some of these issues.
00:51:10.360
But the more I started to live into this, and I didn't even really know, Kip, until you put this framework behind it, that this is what I was doing.
00:51:24.720
The relationship I have with my kids is growing and getting better.
00:51:32.760
Everything is firing on all cylinders, and I have to remain vigilant in these three points.
00:51:38.760
Otherwise, it could be very easy for me to slip back and default into old patterns and old habits.
00:51:44.740
I was actually thinking about it over the weekend.
00:51:46.780
Because I get so many questions like this one, I think I'm going to put together some sort of mini, I don't know if it's a course or a boot camp or a training.
00:51:56.300
I don't really know what this looks like, but I think I'm going to put something together along the lines of dealing with divorce exclusively for men.
00:52:04.440
And if you're going through a divorce or a separation, what steps can you take over a three to six month period in order to grieve, process it, learn from it, move on, and then develop a better, more healthy relationship at some point in the future when you're in the position to do that?
00:52:24.100
It seems like, I don't want to get totally spiritual, but I really believe that we're presented with opportunities cloaked as challenges.
00:52:37.460
And what I've gone through over the past couple of years has been very challenging personally, but there's also a tremendous opportunity.
00:52:48.800
And I'm not saying he did this, I did it, but he works in our favor and he can take anything that we may be experiencing and he can turn it into something productive and righteous and good.
00:53:01.260
And so as much as I'm not saying it's God's fault for putting me in this circumstance, it's not, God has presented an opportunity for me to take this information and share it with somebody who might be dealing with the same thing, who maybe doesn't have the same perspective.
00:53:18.080
Or maybe I can introduce two guys who really resonate and they work together and help solve each other's problems.
00:53:25.600
And I think there's a really good opportunity here to help men in what seems to be a very, an increasing, increasing at an exponential rate.
00:53:38.020
And I think there's some opportunities here to really help some men deal with this stuff.
00:53:45.360
One thought really quick for T Woods on, on dealing with like a difficult life challenge.
00:53:52.940
Sometimes I feel like we can be dealing in reality.
00:53:59.220
We can have integrity and we're just overran, right?
00:54:06.020
However, that's where I think also the consideration and, or the value of prioritize and execute.
00:54:23.260
And, and that's sometimes when there's a lot of overwhelm, there's value and because we feel like we have to address it all.
00:54:31.200
And sometimes you can't and you just pick the top items, deal with those.
00:54:50.840
I mean, taking on accountability, testosterone, the, the mental side of the equation, dealing in divorce.
00:54:59.920
And I just want to make a quick little pitch to you guys.
00:55:03.740
And, and I, and I think it's really, really important.
00:55:06.560
I started something eight years ago called the iron council.
00:55:12.080
And I started it because I needed to band with other really good men who could help me navigate
00:55:19.340
some of these issues that we're talking about, doubt, anxiety, divorce, mental illness, and, and, and all these concerns that we have.
00:55:32.560
And I think a lot of guys are going out alone thinking that somehow something's going to change, like their life's going to change or, or they're just going to pick up something through osmosis.
00:55:42.480
I don't, I don't really quite know what it is guys are expecting, but we have a tool and I want you to join us.
00:55:52.260
And, and if it's something that works for you, great.
00:55:54.620
And if you come in and you stick around for 30 days or 90 days or 120 days, and that's all you need from us, great.
00:56:03.040
But we have a real tremendous opportunity here to serve each other, to help each other, to learn and grow and to push and to be accountable and hold other accountable to their goals and desires and dreams.
00:56:18.400
And I want to have the biggest enrollment that we've ever had in the Iron Council, because it seems like after eight years, we need this now more than we did eight, nine years ago.
00:56:29.060
And that might just because I'm immersed in the discussion, but I don't think so.
00:56:33.600
I think objectively more and more men are struggling, even though there's more and more information out there designed for your growth.
00:56:41.360
So if you want to band with us, you want to connect with us, you want to connect with other guys, you want to talk about these issues and not just talk about them, but actually really get into the nitty gritty of what you actually do on a step-by-step basis to deal with divorce, to deal with mental illness, to deal with a coworker or a boss that you're not happy with, to deal with self-doubt.
00:57:03.420
We have all of those tracks to run on, new fathers, learning how to hunt.
00:57:08.720
Some is just fun and other is really serious, but we've got it all.
00:57:12.760
And you can check it out at orderman.com slash ironcouncil.
00:57:22.440
I'll send you an email on June 15th and you'll be able to join us and band with us.
00:57:29.800
If you're asking these questions and you're having these sort of concerns and issues in your life, it goes well beyond me and you, Kip, answering it for five minutes on an AMA.
00:57:46.940
To also join us on Facebook, you can go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man.
00:57:54.500
Follow Mr. Mickler on Instagram and X at Ryan Mickler.
00:57:58.340
And of course, you can get your latest Order of Man swag at the Order of Man store.
00:58:09.840
Until then, go out there, take action, and become a man you are meant to be.
00:58:16.200
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
00:58:19.160
You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you are meant to be.
00:58:22.840
We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.