Order of Man - Dealing with Your Demons, Disagreements with Your Ex, and Negative Self-Talk ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Kip Sorenson. Glad to be joining you again for another Ask Me Anything.

00:00:28.800 Yeah, I think the holiday season is upon us, and schedules are going to start getting a little

00:00:35.100 crazy maybe. Yeah. Man, I know this fall and winter now has just proven to be a very, very busy time in

00:00:41.680 my life. You're busy too. Everybody's busy. It's just the way it goes. Yeah, for sure. And it looks

00:00:47.660 as though you officially have a lot of snow. I mean, a lot for us. I wouldn't say if I had a lot

00:00:54.940 to anybody here, they'd laugh me out of the room because I don't think it's a lot at all.

00:00:58.160 Oh, a lot for the Nicklers. A lot for the Nicklers. Yeah, I see. Yeah, being in the high desert of

00:01:05.720 southern Utah for the last, I don't know, 20 years or so, this is a lot of snow for us, but

00:01:10.640 we have a good time. We've been outside playing around and having snowball fights. It's kind of

00:01:14.140 ice now, but it's good. We trek through it. Me and my oldest boy have been hunting quite a bit,

00:01:19.040 so it's been a good time. Love it, man. Yeah. All right. Well, should we jump into the questions

00:01:24.040 for today? Let's not waste any time today. Let's just jump right into it. Yes. So these are coming

00:01:29.580 from Facebook. Yep. Yeah. Okay. Are we just doing Facebook today? Yes, sir. Cool, man. Let's get

00:01:36.100 into them. We'll answer as many questions as we possibly can, and I know we've got a ton,

00:01:39.940 so we'll answer as many as we can, and we'll go from there. Yeah. And I interrupted you. You're

00:01:45.540 about to introduce what is the AMA, I believe, so. Yeah. No, I just did. Just answering questions.

00:01:51.660 Okay. Awesome. No need to sugarcoat it. You guys have questions. We have some answers,

00:01:56.520 not all the answers. Yeah. So we'll just do our best to answer what we can and go from there.

00:02:01.720 I guess you guys could have caught on after we answered like two questions of what's really

00:02:05.800 happening here. Yeah. I mean, we've got a pretty smart group of people that listen in, and if they're

00:02:11.480 not, they end up tuning out. So it kind of weeds itself out. We just know that the guys stick

00:02:16.340 around or the intelligent ones. Yeah. By default. All right. So we mentioned this already. These

00:02:22.200 questions are coming to us from the Facebook group, uh, to join us there. That's facebook.com

00:02:26.820 slash groups slash order of man. All right. Let's get into it. All right. Leonard Galgay,

00:02:34.540 homosexuality and how does it not have to define who you are as a man or impact your masculinity?

00:02:41.480 You still need to protect, provide and preside. So not a specific question and maybe coming out

00:02:47.860 of the gates swinging. I know. Yeah. I was like, Oh man, way to jump right in. I mean,

00:02:53.320 let's not beat around the bush here. I don't agree with that lifestyle, you know, and, and there's a

00:02:57.780 lot of lifestyles that I don't agree with, but I don't need to. Um, I've always defined masculinity

00:03:02.380 as being a protector, a provider and a presider. A straight man can do that just, just as well as a

00:03:08.200 homosexual man can do that. So who a guy decides to love and what he does in his bedroom and 0.85

00:03:12.780 everything else, that's, that's his prerogative and his choice. But as long as he's taking

00:03:17.380 accountability and responsibility of his life and he is stepping into the protector, provider,

00:03:23.520 presider that he's meant to be, that he's called to be, then all the power to him. And that's,

00:03:28.440 it's as simple as that. I think a lot of people tend to want to make this a debate or an argument

00:03:35.400 or some long drawn out conversation, whatever, do your thing. But here's what I believe it means

00:03:42.480 to be a man. And if you're doing those things, then again, all the power to you, get after it,

00:03:46.760 get it done. Be the man that, that your family and your friends and colleagues and coworkers need you

00:03:50.940 to be. All right. Tyler Garski, have you found anything that helps you release anger from your

00:03:58.560 past and also anything that helps you stay cool when things in your present day life triggers anger

00:04:05.160 from your past? I don't have a whole lot of anger from my past. And that may be because I've learned

00:04:10.000 to deal with it. I think what a lot of men will do is they will, they'll hide it or they'll subdue it.

00:04:15.860 They'll, they'll ignore it. They'll, they'll tuck it away and lock it up and never really deal with

00:04:20.920 those demons that they may have had in the past. And at some point, those demons are bound to get out.

00:04:26.360 If you're not willing to deal with them, they never go away. I don't think, and let's be clear here.

00:04:31.240 I've, I've, I didn't come from what I would call a traumatic childhood. All right. There,

00:04:36.720 there aren't a whole lot of issues in my past that were traumatic, that, that drastically,

00:04:42.420 you know, altered who I am or, or were catastrophic in nature. There's no abuse in my history.

00:04:49.080 You know, I always grew up with a roof over my head. I knew that I had, had love from both of my

00:04:53.740 parents, even though my father wasn't as, as much in the picture as my mother was, it was,

00:04:59.160 I had a good childhood. So that may be part of it. So I don't really have to deal with that a whole

00:05:05.140 lot. And I think it'd be presumptuous if I said, well, you just got to do this and this when I

00:05:08.880 really didn't have a hard time as a child. But that being said, what I've recognized in other men is

00:05:14.760 that they have a very difficult time letting go of these things because they never face them.

00:05:19.160 And when you learn to face your demons and the darkness, you make yourself more capable of dealing

00:05:25.480 with those things mentally, physically, emotionally, you give yourself the tools and the skill sets.

00:05:31.640 It's so important that you address adversity and challenges and past mistakes and past trauma,

00:05:37.920 because that's how you make yourself stronger. That's how you inoculate yourself against

00:05:42.160 that continuing to bubble up to the surface. I think therapy is a great way to revisit some of

00:05:48.520 that past trauma. I think that's a very good way to do it. I think there's a lot of stigma around

00:05:52.800 that, especially for men, that it somehow makes them weaker. I mean, by design, the whole point is 0.87

00:05:59.460 that you recognize your threats and then you address them. That actually makes you stronger,

00:06:04.380 not weaker. So just use all the tools at your disposal. I think having good men around you

00:06:08.900 who want you to win, who want you to thrive and succeed. And then I think just having a healthy,

00:06:13.920 healthy perspective of reality and the situation in which you came from. There's a great book that I've

00:06:19.860 recommended quite a bit called The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I hope I didn't mess that up.

00:06:25.520 Again, called The Four Agreements. One of his agreements is never take anything personally.

00:06:30.100 And it's hard when you're a child to consider how other people's actions have influenced you not to

00:06:35.480 take that personally. But if you can learn not to take it personally and just realize that the

00:06:40.380 situations you dealt with in the past are, at this point, objective. It's really just something

00:06:46.280 that's happened. You get to decide and interpret what that event means. You talk about it quite a

00:06:52.880 bit is what meaning you attach to it. So if you've had past trauma and past dealings and challenges and

00:06:59.300 hardships and all of these other things, at this point, what's done is done. Now, how do you address

00:07:03.440 it? How do you, what meaning do you attach to it? What, how are you a better person because of it?

00:07:08.480 How have you dealt with it? What tools have you equipped yourselves with to overcome these types of

00:07:14.120 things as it continues to drive forward? As far as releasing anger and frustration, I mean,

00:07:19.640 physically you can do that just by going on a run or participating in jujitsu or having some sort of

00:07:24.460 physical activity. Uh, but I think one of the most powerful tools and most overlooked, I think

00:07:32.100 specifically with men is talking, like talk this stuff out, you know, work this stuff out. I'm not 0.70

00:07:38.780 saying you need to have a gripe session. I don't think men work best like that, but I do think it's okay

00:07:43.460 that we communicate with each other about these things. That's why having a band of brothers is

00:07:48.340 so critical, whether it's, you know, our digital band of brothers, the iron council. There's a lot

00:07:52.480 of guys who have talked about some deep stuff in that group or a guy, a bunch of guys that you meet

00:07:58.620 with locally. It's all great. And that's all wonderful. And you should be talking about these

00:08:02.340 things and doing activities and, and having meetups and gatherings that edify you and uplift you.

00:08:09.120 These are all powerful ways to overcome what you've dealt with in the past.

00:08:13.140 That's great, man. The only thing I'd add is don't wait for the trigger, right? To what you're

00:08:19.060 saying, we, we push these things off. So do it on your terms and on your terms is addressing the

00:08:24.160 issue now versus just waiting until you're a quote unquote out of control and you have a trigger and

00:08:31.020 now it's, you know, it's bubbled up to the surface and now you can't address it. So don't delay,

00:08:35.860 be intentional, start addressing those issues now, whether it's like you said, through counseling

00:08:41.200 and whatnot. And, and I think what you would find really from counseling is that very thing is

00:08:46.020 what's the interpretation or the meaning that you added to the event that quote unquote caused you

00:08:50.980 anger. Right. And, and it's not surprising that most of the time it's, it, it's not true necessarily,

00:08:59.900 right? Like it's your interpretation of it and, and just understanding really as a child,

00:09:05.360 why you came up to that conclusion, just understanding that and that understanding

00:09:09.520 that a lot of that emotion is a result of what a 10 year old would feel like. And now you're 20 and

00:09:16.040 now you can make that conscious decision if that continues to mean that for you or not. So

00:09:20.180 it's an interesting thing when you talk about truth. I mean, what is, what is that? What is truth?

00:09:25.900 You know, as you interpret it at, as, as a 10 year old boy to mean one thing. In fact,

00:09:30.700 I got a great email, um, in my, in, in my email inbox this morning, obviously, where else would it

00:09:35.860 go? Yeah. I was going to say, you got a letter or, uh, from, uh, a good friend of mine, Sean Whalen,

00:09:44.100 a lot of guys listening, uh, no Sean and no of him anyways. And he had talked about his abusive father

00:09:50.740 and he interpreted it to mean one thing, but he woke up and came to this realization that his father

00:09:57.240 just didn't know any better. Yeah. He just didn't know any better. So it really wasn't personal at

00:10:03.380 that point. Yes. It affected him personally, but it wasn't personal. And that opened his, his mind to a

00:10:09.920 new way of looking at things. And then ultimately how he chose to be a better father because of that

00:10:15.680 past experience that he had. Yeah, totally. Hmm. All right. This is a long question. All right.

00:10:22.380 Richard Russell, here we go. I'm a single father split time with, uh, with his mom. And it was

00:10:28.140 wondering how should I address situations where we both strongly disagree with each other. Anytime I

00:10:33.800 bring it up in a respectable fashion, she lets her emotions get in the way and leads to unproductive 0.84

00:10:39.460 conversations. Overall, we have a great co-parenting relationship and I would like to keep it that way,

00:10:45.080 but I do not want to sacrifice my freedom nor the ability for me or my son to grow. Examples are

00:10:51.360 introducing him to shooting firearms at introducing him to my, uh, my partner in four months. FYI,

00:10:58.520 have never introduced him in six years to any woman that I have had a relationship with. And I feel

00:11:04.180 like this one is worth pursuing a future with. Well, as, as quickly as I can, as succinctly, I should

00:11:14.700 say as I can answer this is that you have to respect the fact that this woman is his mother. And when

00:11:21.280 your son is with her, then she's going to have her way of parenting. And when he's with you, you're

00:11:26.640 going to have your way. And I, I commend you for trying to get on the same page. It sounds like you

00:11:31.520 have a pretty good relationship with, with, uh, his mother, which is good, but you know what? There's

00:11:36.960 going to be times when you don't agree and it is what it is. So what I would do, I'm assuming your son

00:11:42.380 is old enough to understand this to some degree, because you're talking about introducing him to

00:11:46.640 your, to your girlfriend or fiance, you're talking about potentially teaching him to, to use firearms.

00:11:51.480 So I'm assuming he's somewhat old enough to understand these things. I would just be truthful

00:11:56.100 with your son. Don't throw your ex under the bus, but just be very truthful with your son about,

00:12:04.340 Hey, mom sees it this way. And I see it this way. And here's why we're going to do it. When you're

00:12:08.120 here, when you're there, you're not going to be able to participate in these things. And of course,

00:12:11.940 there's going to be disagreements and there's going to be, uh, misunderstandings and there's

00:12:16.600 going to be things that you don't see eye to eye on, but you know what? You're a father.

00:12:20.000 You have just as much right as she does to raise your son the way that you see fit. So do it the

00:12:24.660 way that you know best. Try to include your ex to the best of your ability. And if there's certain

00:12:29.760 things that you disagree on, uh, that aren't negotiable for you, then exercise your rights as a

00:12:35.660 father and raise your son the way you see fit when he's with you. Yeah, totally agree.

00:12:41.120 Not that you needed me to agree, but I do actually. I mean, it just,

00:12:46.020 it just makes me feel so much better about myself. And you're like, that's why we do these podcasts

00:12:50.360 just to see if people agree with me. Right. And if you don't agree with me, it just, gosh,

00:12:55.700 it just ruins my day. And I just, I just have a really difficult time with it. Yeah. I understand.

00:13:01.740 Uh, I got you on a, I've got you on audio, but for some reason your video is just,

00:13:05.980 you're frozen on video. So maybe at some point it'll catch up because you kind of look,

00:13:11.000 you either look tired or high based on the freeze frame. I've got you on your video right now.

00:13:15.160 There would, there would maybe a little bit of both shot, uh, right. Uh, shot up, right. Because

00:13:22.760 everyone wants to see what Kip looks like. Hi. Good. Yep. Now you'll see it. Yeah. Awesome. All right.

00:13:28.580 So, um, no, the only thing I'd, I'd add that just kind of came to mind, Ryan, while you're sharing

00:13:33.100 is, um, you know, he used this example, he said that she gets overly emotional, right. And the

00:13:40.060 conversation becomes unproductive. What relationship doesn't when people disagree. Right. And I'm not

00:13:47.760 saying it's okay, but I'm like, this is, this is normal. Right. And, and it's tough and she has her

00:13:54.780 agency and you can't force her to see things differently or change. You can just have a

00:13:58.960 conversation and the more relaxed you stay in the conversation, the better it's going to be,

00:14:03.620 um, for the relationship. But what an awesome opportunity to teach your son that you don't

00:14:09.480 have to disagree or you don't have to agree with someone and you don't have to quote unquote,

00:14:14.020 make them wrong. Right. Where he can actually see that. Oh, dad sees this differently. And mom sees

00:14:18.720 this differently. And guess what? We don't hate each other. They don't bad mouth each other. There's not

00:14:23.920 an issue. They just see it differently. And what a great opportunity for him to learn that,

00:14:28.260 that everyone's not always not going to, uh, agree with you and that's okay.

00:14:33.460 That's well said. I, you know, I would also add an addition to that is making sure that you don't

00:14:38.560 get sucked down into it because if she becomes emotional, then it's easy for you to become

00:14:42.780 emotional. And then you just have this downward spiral. And then what it ends up doing is it

00:14:47.020 undermines everything that you do agree on. So it just, it just poisons the well.

00:14:52.300 Well, when you want to keep this as separate as possible, there's one issue or two issues that

00:14:57.780 you don't agree on a 98% of what you guys do, uh, you, you agree on. So, you know, don't poison

00:15:04.600 the well by being sucked into the emotional baggage that may come with having a disagreement over some

00:15:10.540 of these things. Just, just keep yourself up and above the, uh, the drama and the emotions.

00:15:16.480 All right, Kip. I know I lost you there for a second, but, uh, looks like we're back. We're

00:15:21.180 up and running. So what is the next question? I think we got through the last one.

00:15:25.240 All right. Next question. Scott Anderson. I know of negative self-talk that hinders your

00:15:30.200 development in, into a better man. My question is what is yours or an example of positive talk?

00:15:37.200 Um, Hmm. It's a good question. I don't really get sucked into the negative self-talk and I'm able,

00:15:43.500 actually able to turn it off pretty quickly. I do fall into the comparison trap quite a bit and

00:15:47.400 wonder why I don't have the success that another individual might have. And I, I've noticed that

00:15:52.780 that starts to drag me down a little bit and, and, and get me down and going down a negative path.

00:15:57.680 So when that happens, I, I, I disengage from the individuals who I'm comparing myself to. I mean,

00:16:04.360 these are, these are people who I'm generally inspired by and influenced by and are very

00:16:08.680 prolific and, and, and popular and, you know, everything good that you'd say, but for whatever

00:16:14.440 reason, there's certain people that I just get, I just get stuck in comparing myself to. So I found

00:16:20.320 for my own sanity and wellbeing is if I can just disengage from these individuals altogether, it's

00:16:24.680 better off. You know, these are people that, you know, you're quote unquote supposed to follow or

00:16:28.700 whatever. And I've, I've just disengaged. That really helps. Uh, as far as positive self-talk,

00:16:34.140 I just look back and draw upon my past experiences. You know, I've had relative

00:16:39.120 success in just about everything I've tried when I, when I pour my, my heart and soul and work and

00:16:44.000 effort into it. And it's, it's easy for me to look back and say, I've had this success in this

00:16:49.340 endeavor and this success success in this endeavor. So that hasn't ever really been an issue. I mean,

00:16:55.540 the great thing about thoughts is you can decide what they are. This is consciousness.

00:16:58.500 You decide, do I want to have positive thoughts or do I want to have negative thoughts,

00:17:03.480 create some systems and put some procedures in place that will allow you to recognize when you're

00:17:07.600 getting negative and, and, and creating some barriers and boundaries that keep that negativity

00:17:13.260 from coming in, like unfollowing people or finding a hobby or an outlet or having powerful conversations

00:17:18.580 with people that, that do edify you and uplift you. Uh, and, and I don't think this will be as big

00:17:24.800 of an issue. That's what's worked for me. I could probably relate to Scott on this probably more

00:17:30.520 than you. How's this? I think the first thing that I'd like to point out, and I'm sure we've all done

00:17:35.740 this is you're at your house and your young child, maybe in my case, like Kika, she's eight and she does 0.99

00:17:43.500 something and she goes, Oh, I'm such an idiot. And immediately as a parent, you're like, Whoa, hold on. 0.99

00:17:51.160 Like that is not healthy. You shouldn't be saying that. But how often do we do that? Or our kid

00:17:56.820 actually got that from us. So, so I do think there's huge power in this, like this minor little

00:18:02.860 self-talk that we do from sometimes that might just, it naturally just happened when you make 0.99

00:18:07.820 a mistake or you do something, you're like, Oh, I'm such an idiot or whatever. I do think that is a 0.99

00:18:12.640 bad habit and probably not healthy in general. Yeah. With that said, I, I probably have more of a

00:18:18.880 self-talk problem than, than you do. And in fact, we talked about this a little bit, a couple of

00:18:23.660 weeks ago. I'm like, I kind of, kind of got in a dark spot over the last few weeks. And a lot of it

00:18:29.420 was just things not aligning and things aren't going as smooth at home. And then I had some stresses at

00:18:36.220 work and I just kind of really got into this funk, which wasn't self-talk is really self-thought

00:18:41.700 negative, uh, self-doubt really. And, and I think for me, the perspective of looking at the current

00:18:51.080 circumstance and saying, okay, yeah, these things may not be going well. Life may not be perfect,

00:18:56.000 but how did I show up today? Like, how am I being right now? Despite of outcomes and results,

00:19:04.060 because that's really what it comes down to. At least for me is I have expectation that,

00:19:08.920 that I want these types of results and maybe those aren't being met. And then I start self-doubting

00:19:14.400 and a stoic way of looking at that, which is, is kind of the, the, the, what the subject of the

00:19:20.920 month and the iron council of stoicism, this, the stoic way of looking at that is how am I showing up?

00:19:26.740 How, how, what kind of man am I being in the moment, regardless of circumstance? And when I do that,

00:19:33.360 then that really helps me kind of let go of, and, and just have faith and trust that the results will

00:19:41.240 come if I stay on the path and focus on how I show up today. And, and so a self or positive talk for me

00:19:48.700 is, is really, I would put around like my daily affirmations that is part of my journaling process.

00:19:54.060 I kind of have like a mantra that I'd read. And when I read that, then I look at my calendar and say,

00:19:59.460 okay, based upon that, how am I going to show up today? And it sounds kind of cheesy, but everything

00:20:04.200 from how, how am I going to walk into that meeting that I have with this particular client? And how

00:20:09.460 am I going to show up when I, when I'm on the mats, even from a jujitsu perspective, am I going to

00:20:14.340 grumpy and not talk to anybody and act depressed, or I'm going to be energetic and interact with the

00:20:20.820 other guys on the team and be excited to be there? How am I going to show up in the house? Am I going

00:20:25.420 to be pissed off because the day didn't go well? And I'm going to be short with all my kids or I'm

00:20:30.380 going to be super excited to see them. Right. And so I think that affirmation helps a lot. And another

00:20:36.540 thing that I think helps tremendously when it sounds really kind of, I don't know, odd. And it sounded

00:20:43.120 odd when I read about this a few years ago, but what is the act of like negative visualization?

00:20:48.160 When I think that I may not have my kids, that anything could happen today and I may lose them,

00:20:57.580 that really changes the way I show up and it really puts things in perspective. So how's that

00:21:03.940 have positive talk by thinking negative? I don't know. Um, realistic. Yeah. Or just realistic of,

00:21:10.160 of what could be lost. So I don't know. That's, I like that. I think that's where you and I differ a

00:21:16.580 little bit in that, you know, you go through those processes. And for me, my knee jerk reaction

00:21:21.020 is, okay, so what are you going to do about it? Yeah. You're just, you're, you're the actor guy.

00:21:25.720 You're like, Oh, let's just keep, keep working. So if I'm like, if I feel down or why isn't the

00:21:30.860 podcast doing well, or I don't, I don't feel like we're having the results. Okay. So what am I going

00:21:35.140 to do to create the results that I want? And then I just do it. So, I mean, I don't think your way,

00:21:40.060 I'm not trying to undermine the way you're saying it or what you're doing. It's just a different

00:21:43.580 approach. And, and that's why doing this podcast together is so important as well is because

00:21:47.760 one guy might really resonate with that and say, yeah, just put your head down and go to work and

00:21:51.860 he feels better. And another guy might need to actually sit down and think about his thoughts

00:21:55.960 and maybe document and write some of these things out and ponder. And, and both have value depending

00:22:02.200 on what's going to get the job done. Just get the job done. I'm sure most people relate to me more

00:22:07.120 than you, but yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. Because most successful people, most people are not

00:22:13.320 like the, it's the 80, 20, the most successful people are the 20%, right? So the 80% relates to me.

00:22:21.760 That's right. That's perfect. I love it. All right. Justin, uh, Kyogen, good luck with the

00:22:31.220 name fellows. Thanks, Justin. Yeah. That's a little late. Can you, I know some of these guys ought to

00:22:37.180 put like phonetic, phonetic spelling of their names or whatever. Trust me. There has been some,

00:22:42.660 uh, so when I do get it right, it's because they went through the effort to actually do that. All

00:22:48.580 right. Sorry, Justin. Well, let me know. Actually, Justin, no, we did. Uh, Kip, can you explain,

00:22:53.480 uh, why your blended family all call your wife mom and call you dad? I remember you spoke about it 0.99

00:23:00.140 vaguely about a year ago. Well, thanks for listening for over a year. That's awesome. Yeah. Um,

00:23:06.600 explain why, uh, how's this, uh, I like to teach my kids like my, not all my kids do it because my

00:23:15.640 wife kind of disagrees with the sternness of this. Um, but my oldest boys do and, uh, they call me,

00:23:23.640 sir. So when I say your boys call you, sir. Oh, like, yeah. They're like, will you do this? Yes,

00:23:29.220 sir. Yeah. That's unreasonable. Yeah. I'm like, Hey boys, will you take out the trash? Yes, sir.

00:23:34.940 Yes, sir. And the reason why I think that's valuable is because it's a form of respect.

00:23:41.860 Definitely. And, and it's not because I'm over domineering and I want my kids to respect me.

00:23:46.080 I want my kid to reference sir to anyone older than him. Sure. In the Hawaiian culture, my wife's

00:23:52.000 Hawaiian. Everyone's like auntie and uncle, right? Why? Cause that has a form of respect,

00:23:58.300 right. Versus just calling someone Justin or whatever. And so that's really what, where it's,

00:24:03.340 where it spawns from is there's titles. And from my perspective, Asia is a mother to them

00:24:11.120 and deserves that title of mother. Um, and if I am fathering, I deserve that title of father,

00:24:19.520 whether I'm biologically a father or not. And I don't think it takes away from their, from the fact

00:24:25.980 that they have a biological parent. Now with that said, and I don't want to rat hole on this,

00:24:31.100 um, this was a major issue for us. Uh, when we first got married, because, uh, I told my boys like,

00:24:39.460 Hey, you know, you should call Asia mom because she's, she's taking care of you. She's not going 1.00

00:24:44.120 to replace your mom. And, you know, I had this whole conversation and, uh, my ex got the, the, uh,

00:24:49.760 she heard that heard about this. And actually we went to court and this was a legal issue

00:24:57.080 in the course of whether my kids could call Asia mom or not. So, so what, what did the court,

00:25:04.700 what did the court say about this? Like legally, what they should say is it doesn't matter. You

00:25:09.040 two work it out yourselves. Yeah. But what did they say? Uh, no, they can't, they, they can't call

00:25:16.480 Asia mom. They cannot. No, they can, if they choose to. Sure. Yeah. But you can't, but you 1.00

00:25:24.100 can't, I can't, uh, require that. Yeah. Yeah. Not like I was spanking them to do it anyway, but yeah.

00:25:30.300 Why? So I'm curious though. This is, this is interesting. Uh, my question is why go to court

00:25:36.560 over that? Why wouldn't you just say, yeah, okay, that's fine. Like what, what was it that you thought

00:25:40.740 was so important to do that over? Oh, for me to fight over. Yeah. So I should clarify. Um,

00:25:46.480 yeah, I, we didn't go to court for that particular reason, but it came up, but it came up. Yeah. So,

00:25:53.640 yeah. So we, um, I mean, without getting into the weeds, there were some other things that we needed

00:25:58.940 to tackle with her living in a different area. And then she brought this up as a concern as,

00:26:05.060 as part of the process. Yeah. Interesting. So, yeah, that's an, I don't, I don't know if I agree with,

00:26:11.280 with you on that one. Uh, that's an interesting one for sure, but I see where you're coming from.

00:26:16.480 I see where you're coming from, but, uh, that's interesting. There you go. There's your answer.

00:26:20.960 I can't remember the guy who asked it, but there's, there's your answer.

00:26:23.900 Yeah. And there's the guy that I slaughtered his name. Who was that? Justin. Justin. Oh yeah. Justin,

00:26:29.640 that's a hard name. I, I see why you have a difficult time with the name. Small town Utah.

00:26:34.820 I have never heard of even, I only knew one uncle that his name was Justin and I, I don't know.

00:26:39.460 All right. What else we got? All right. Adam Smith. Now there you go. There's just give us a

00:26:46.480 name like that. Adam Smith. How do you address the fact that, uh, fact that the wife is happy with

00:26:54.120 settling in life and never, and I never settle and I keep pushing to be better, but she won't match my

00:27:00.880 hustle or aspire to be anything other than a housewife. And she has the potential to be so much 0.92

00:27:08.140 more. Oh man, this is loaded. Especially once he said, Oh, she, once she was just aspired to be a

00:27:15.460 housewife, dude, Adam. All right. All right. Right. Let's do this. Um, first of all, being a housewife

00:27:26.960 and a homemaker is among the most noble endeavors that a woman could ever participate in or to be, um, 0.99

00:27:35.820 uh, uh, uh, I wouldn't say that. Okay. Because I think a man's purpose is to protect, provide and

00:27:44.560 preside and to be out there or bringing in the bacon and doing what he needs to do to provide for his

00:27:50.540 family. But for a woman to decide voluntarily that she wants to stay at home and be the primary 0.99

00:28:01.460 raiser of her children, if that's a word raiser and to make your house a home with love and

00:28:11.420 nurturing and support and counsel and all the things that a woman brings to the home is one of 1.00

00:28:20.760 the most powerful roles that any woman could ever play in society. So I just want to say that first.

00:28:27.440 Now let's just say that he got his verbiage wrong and that he said that the wrong way. I'm going to

00:28:36.740 give, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe she's not even doing a

00:28:42.120 great job at being a homemaker or, or, or, uh, or a housewife. Okay. In that case, I, I get that.

00:28:50.000 I understand. Uh, I think there's a lot to consider here. First of all, having these conversations,

00:28:55.560 talking about these things, addressing these things, um, continuing to lead by example,

00:29:01.400 illustrate to her why it's important right now. She may believe that if she has to do all this

00:29:06.900 extra work, that that's all it is. And she may not see the benefit of doing that extra work and

00:29:12.920 engaging that way and, and, and being that kind of, uh, human being. So I would say just continue it to

00:29:20.860 lead by example, uh, continue to be the kind of man that you're meant to be continue to guide and

00:29:28.320 inspire and lead and direct her and your children and you. And, and hopefully she'll, she'll see that

00:29:37.580 and she'll want to be involved and she'll want to grow and she'll want to expand and you're teaching

00:29:41.380 her. So if you don't mind me adding to this, Ryan, because I, I see the opposite. This is not

00:29:48.000 what Adam's asking, but it's such a dilemma for me. So I, and hopefully my wife, it's not a problem

00:29:55.600 because she doesn't listen to the podcast. So hopefully I'm going to, I'm going to email her

00:29:58.600 and tell her to listen to whatever, whatever. I'm going to give her a timestamp on what she needs to

00:30:03.520 listen to here. Yeah. You need to listen to this. Kip was totally talking about you. All right. So

00:30:07.800 in my opinion, my wife, and I know other, other, other wives and other women struggling with this, 0.99

00:30:17.900 struggling with this idea and this notion that being on homemaker is, is not ideal that it,

00:30:29.440 that is, it is beneath them and that they are not reaching their potential if they are not in the

00:30:36.040 workplace. Now for some women, they may have that desire to, to accomplish that. They may want to do 1.00

00:30:42.440 those things, but for, for women that want to be a full-time mom and they're struggling with this, 1.00

00:30:50.700 this subject gets me all like ironed up, like gets, gets me fired and kind of pissed because who says

00:30:58.580 is that my wife needs to work for her to reach her full potential in life. 1.00

00:31:06.100 Like where is she getting that from? Because in the grand scheme of things, in my honest opinion,

00:31:11.860 in my grand scheme of things, when she's on her deathbed and she's done living life,

00:31:17.240 when she looks back at it, she's not going to say, Oh man, you know what? I should have put kids in

00:31:23.640 daycare more often. I should have spent more time away from home and I should have had a career.

00:31:28.580 And made more money. Like, I really don't believe that. I, I actually think by her choosing to be

00:31:35.560 a full-time mom, that she's going to reach a level of satisfaction and fulfillment that is not

00:31:44.080 possible any other way other than that way. But because we live in this society and there's this

00:31:48.880 kind of this bullshit mentality being expressed that more, if you're not equal to a man, if you're 0.97

00:31:54.740 not having a job, if you don't, you know, if you're not a career person, you're somehow like 0.98

00:31:59.480 not fulfilling your full potential. And, and I, I would like to call complete bullshit on it because 0.96

00:32:04.640 I think it is 100% bullshit. I agree. I think we addressed that. No, I'm, I'm, I, I, but it makes 1.00

00:32:16.780 me mad, right? Like, cause I see the conflict for her cause it is a conflict because of the society

00:32:21.820 she lives in. Right. And she gets this tug and I'm like, babe, what, why are you concerned about

00:32:27.800 this? Like, this is society's opinion of what you quote unquote should and should not do. Like

00:32:32.940 follow your heart, do what you feel is fulfilling. I don't know what you're saying. I agree. I agree.

00:32:38.500 Um, I don't, I don't think that you caught all of what I said cause the internet cut out or

00:32:41.920 whatever, and we've had to slice this together. So I, I echoed those sentiments as well. I agree.

00:32:47.660 And basically what I said is essentially the same thing that you did, which is it's among the most

00:32:54.520 noble thing that, that a woman can do. Uh, but then I also said, I let's give, I think his name 1.00

00:33:01.860 was Cody, the benefit of the doubt in that maybe he just phrased it wrong. Yeah. Right. Maybe, maybe

00:33:07.920 he didn't mean that that was inferior. Maybe what he meant was that she's not even good in those

00:33:14.900 capacities. Yeah. Like she's just loping around and not in any area. Right. And one of the,

00:33:21.760 one of the problems with that, that I've seen in a lot of women whose husbands end up joining 1.00

00:33:28.040 and banding with us, whether it's the iron council or listening to the podcast or just going on their

00:33:32.540 own self-development journey is that this change that she sees in you potentially represents a threat

00:33:38.460 to her. Yeah. The status quo is comfortable and not may not be great, but it's comfortable to some

00:33:44.820 degree because it's familiar. When you start getting into uncharted territory, that's scary.

00:33:50.460 It may not be as scary for you because you know, the way you're going, you know, the path you,

00:33:56.040 you follow all these people and, and you can see where it's taking you. You have these goals and

00:34:00.660 ambitions and desires and dreams. And she doesn't see any of that. She hasn't had the luxury of

00:34:06.720 connecting the dots because you haven't connected them for her. So right now, what she might see in

00:34:11.880 you growing is a threat. Oh, what if he, what if he leaves me? What if he outgrows me? What if he

00:34:17.720 turns into a jerk? What if all he does is work on his career and neglects us as his family? These are 1.00

00:34:23.000 all very real things that could potentially arise. And she sees those. You can look into cognitive

00:34:28.960 distortions because what you're probably saying is, well, I would never do that. I'm doing that for us.

00:34:33.320 I'm doing that for the family. Well, we have these, these abilities as humans to get into

00:34:37.440 these distortions of reality and paint things worse than they really are. It's likely what

00:34:41.820 she's doing. So you need to take her on that path and you need to fill her in on the journey

00:34:47.560 and explain and articulate and show by example, how this is not only serving you, but it's going to

00:34:54.280 serve her too. It's in her best interest that you improve. It's in her best interest that she

00:35:00.360 improves. It's in the kids' best interest, if there are kids in the picture, that both mom and

00:35:05.460 dad improve. That's your responsibility to help articulate. Because right now it sounds like maybe

00:35:10.540 this is just your idea and your show. Make it our show, you and her collective together. You're going

00:35:17.860 to have a lot better success getting her on board with growing and expanding and developing past

00:35:22.120 the way that you interpret her as performing right now. And again, I'm giving the benefit of the

00:35:28.020 doubt. If you're, if you're the one who's saying being a homemaker is inferior, I would, I would

00:35:34.180 definitely challenge that as hard as Kip, you challenge that. And, and I think that's a detriment

00:35:38.720 to not only her and you and your family unit, but society in general. Yeah. Agreed. Um, but,

00:35:47.120 but to Adam's point, like I, this could be tough. Like if you're with someone that doesn't have a

00:35:52.160 growth mindset, like that's, that could be very difficult. So, Oh, it would be a miserable thing.

00:35:59.320 Yeah. But just, just be aware that your growth, she doesn't have to grow the same way you want to

00:36:06.140 grow. Her path to growth might be different than yours. And just because you may not recognize

00:36:11.960 that she's not growing how you want to grow or how you see you should be growing. Like my wife,

00:36:17.740 she's never going to listen to self-development podcasts. Probably she's not going to listen to

00:36:22.440 like how to be a better entrepreneur. She doesn't even listen to this podcast. Like she's not going

00:36:26.500 to live. She's not, that's not what she's going to do, but you know what she is going to do.

00:36:30.960 She's going to go out and buy a book on how to grow a garden. She's going to take a course on how to 0.95

00:36:39.620 preserve food and, and, and cook or, or how to, how to decorate the house because that's valuable

00:36:48.920 to her. And so it'd be very easy for me to say, well, that's lame. That's stupid. That's not,

00:36:54.980 you need to like develop. Well, that, that is self-development. It's just different than the

00:37:00.560 way I would see it. And I, I, I encourage all of that in her because although I don't see it as

00:37:05.860 development, that would be meaningful for me, it's certainly development for her. She's a better

00:37:10.500 human being because of it. And therefore our family, myself included are better served because

00:37:15.240 she's growing in the way that she sees fit. So we got to be very careful about saying that she's not

00:37:19.640 developing the way I want her to. Well, maybe, maybe that's the, the gateway, right? Maybe that's

00:37:25.160 the entry is letting her, you know, maybe she wants to, I don't know, start blogging or, or journaling

00:37:33.060 or, you know, take a, take a course on how to build things. I don't know, but don't, don't judge

00:37:41.340 it. Just let her roll with it and see if she likes that education and that learning. Cause that it'll 1.00

00:37:45.220 expand to something else. And we haven't all been on this path ever since the beginning of time.

00:37:50.220 Like it takes experience and life lessons to, to figure out, you know, and to progress on that path.

00:37:56.600 And, and your spouse might just be in one of those areas where they're, you know what I mean?

00:38:00.240 They need a little bit of time to progress. So Zachary Cooper, his question is about your

00:38:05.500 Kuboto. Oh, my tractor. Yeah. He's like, how did you end up getting it running? It's been bothering

00:38:11.960 me for a while now. It's been bothering me for a while too. We're going to calm, we're going to

00:38:16.680 calm your nerves right here so you can see better at night. I'm not going to calm his nerves because

00:38:20.820 I haven't got it started. Oh really? No, I haven't. I, I've changed out the battery thinking it was a

00:38:26.760 battery issue. It wasn't a battery issue. Uh, I think it's like, uh, I'm not mechanically inclined.

00:38:32.740 So you guys are going to listen to this and like, what the hell is he talking about? I don't know

00:38:36.160 what I'm talking about. This is what he should be doing. I don't know what I'm talking about. I

00:38:40.420 think there's a problem between, I don't know, the, the, the starter and the battery somewhere.

00:38:45.020 Cause it's getting power. It's just electrical of some sort. It's some sort of electrical problem.

00:38:49.640 Yeah. You know, it's not even clicking. It's not even turning over. So there's a, there's a,

00:38:54.220 there's a problem there. I thought, I thought it was a seat sensor. And maybe if you're a Kubota guy, 0.99

00:39:00.280 you can let me know. I I'm like, it's, it seems to me that it's a seat sensor issue. Cause they

00:39:04.360 have all this little safety features built in and I'm like, well, maybe it needs to be a neutral and

00:39:08.820 maybe the PTO needs to be turned off. And maybe this little stop button needs to be pushed in. And

00:39:13.360 maybe the seat sensor is not working. All of that stuff's in the right place. I lifted that seat,

00:39:18.380 man. I looked forever. I cannot find a seat sensor in that. So either I'm blind and oblivious to it,

00:39:24.740 which is very likely, or there is just not a seat sensor in it. So I don't know what it is. So I'm

00:39:29.340 just going to take it into the Kubota dealership and let them work their magic. Yeah. Sorry.

00:39:36.140 Well, there you go. He's, he's not feeling any better by asking that question.

00:39:40.640 Well, at least he knows now we've, it's not started. I haven't got us. My brother-in-law even came and

00:39:46.100 he's pretty mechanically inclined and he came and look at it, looked at it. He's like,

00:39:49.480 I don't know what's wrong with it. So who knows? That's funny. All right. Adam Blake Pagan,

00:39:56.760 Pagan. My son has joined Cub Scouts and due to my work schedule, I would not be able to fulfill

00:40:03.160 the objectives and obligations needed for a den leader role. So the appointment to den leader

00:40:08.380 wanted me, the appointed den leader wanted me to be an assistant den leader. And I accepted.

00:40:13.200 My question is the den leader is a woman, which is no problem. But since I wouldn't be able to 1.00

00:40:18.920 attend majority of outings and camp outs, there'll be a lack of masculine, masculine figure. And I feel

00:40:24.720 I'm only, and I feel I'm the only dad involved that wants to see these boys succeed. And the only

00:40:32.060 parent involved with the den that has any scouting experience, how can I keep the masculine presence

00:40:38.280 alive to be able to do so? Make up for the lost time. I can't be there. My goal is not only to be

00:40:46.180 able to teach them basic survival skills, but also be able to work effectively and efficiently in teams,

00:40:51.060 as well as being capable leaders, install mass discipline, and to utilize the skills in all

00:40:57.120 aspects of life. There you go. Enlist more men. Yeah. Cub Scouts is welcome to Cub Scouts. Cub Scouts is

00:41:05.960 always run by women. Yeah. Because men don't step up and, and it's easy to say, well, they're working 0.63

00:41:12.160 and they're busy. And yeah, yeah, that's true. So you can either deal with it. The fact that they're

00:41:17.660 going to do little arts and crafts and build butterflies and mother's day cards at Cub Scouts

00:41:21.920 because that's what they do. Like you're not going to be doing camp outs as Cub Scouts.

00:41:26.580 I don't even think that's, I don't even think they get into that until they start turning in until

00:41:30.880 they're Boy Scouts. Um, but yeah, the outings are going to be very feminized because most of that's 0.91

00:41:36.280 what they like when I've, I've gone a little Cub Scout courts of honor things. And I mean,

00:41:40.200 the stuff they do is absolutely ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. The way they like cheer 0.99

00:41:44.260 for each other and do little claps and little chants and cheers. Like they're, it's very feminized 0.99

00:41:48.560 because women are leading it. So you need to step in where you can, uh, and you need to enlist other 0.62

00:41:54.800 men, get the other guys involved, you know, and, and guys are like, well, it's stupid. I don't want 0.99

00:42:00.840 to do it. It's stupid because it's stupid. You can make it better by getting involved. So get 1.00

00:42:05.940 yourself involved. Sounds like you are. And I commend you for doing that. Uh, and then enlist other men

00:42:10.760 like the kids, you can find out who the parents are and, and do guy stuff instead. So when the den

00:42:17.940 leader says, Hey, you know, like, what should we do? I'm thinking, don't just default to her by making

00:42:22.780 little arts and crafts and baking cookies. Say, Hey, we're going to do a basketball tournament

00:42:27.660 with the other troops in the area. And that's what we're going to do that this Saturday.

00:42:32.080 We're going to do flag football tonight. And we're going to teach them the rules of football,

00:42:35.140 or we're going to go out and we're going to shoot guns. We're going to break down guns. 0.93

00:42:39.100 And when she says, Oh, I don't know if I should do great. You don't know. So that's why I'm here to

00:42:43.520 help to give you a different perspective. So assert yourself, get other men involved and make your 0.97

00:42:51.080 Cub Scout troop or unit or a pack. I think it is make it something that is going to be conducive

00:42:56.480 for turning these little boys into men, which is ultimately what we're trying to do here.

00:43:01.980 Love it. All right. Luke Watts, restoring your personal vision, how to deal with the difference

00:43:08.500 between reality and vision. And, and, and he mentions this, he says, maybe I have the vision

00:43:15.240 thing wrong and I'm committing too much on the tactic side. So he gives an example where,

00:43:20.720 you know, summertime has changed. Kids are getting up earlier and it's completely jacked up his tactics.

00:43:27.660 And he's now like having to adjust and, and how that relates to vision versus reality. And so maybe,

00:43:36.260 maybe we need to give a little quick course on what is he talking about here? I'm assuming Luke

00:43:41.900 has read sovereignty and, or he might be a member of the iron council. So he's probably working on a

00:43:47.520 battle plan and, and is struggling. So the battle plan is four main components and I'm going to do

00:43:53.500 this as succinctly as possible. First vision. Second is your object, objectives, objectives in four key

00:44:01.180 areas. Next is your tactics. I tried to combine objectives and tactics together. So next is your

00:44:07.120 tactics. And then the, uh, next component of that is your checkpoints. There you go. So what he's

00:44:14.620 talking about is vision and he's talking about the, the, the gap or something. I can't remember the

00:44:19.500 term you use between vision and reality. Yeah. Like when she starts in, yeah, yeah. Vision is not

00:44:26.140 daydreaming. It's not often some fantasy land that doesn't exist, that can never exist, that never will

00:44:33.060 exist. It's about accepting your current reality and then creating and painting and crafting a new

00:44:38.740 reality for yourself. So it's not turning yourself into some superhero or some mythical creature that

00:44:46.680 everything is wonderful and you save all the damsels in distress and you're invincible. That's not what

00:44:52.640 we're talking about here. We're taking where you currently are and asking yourself if things were

00:44:57.580 better. That's it. If things were better, if I was 20 pounds lighter, if my wife and I were more

00:45:05.880 intimate, if I was more connected with my kids, if I was more successful in business, what would that

00:45:12.060 look like? That's all it is. I think we tend to overthink this. I don't want to overlook it, but I also

00:45:20.280 don't want to overthink it. Start documenting and thinking about that in the morning. When you wake up,

00:45:24.800 you talked about this, your visualization and you talked about your affirmations,

00:45:28.960 you should be thinking about the future. What do I want my future to look like?

00:45:34.940 How's it going to feel? What are my relationships going to be like? What kind of income am I going

00:45:39.240 to be making? What experiences I'm having? What kind of conversations am I able to have with myself

00:45:43.980 and who am I communicating with? These are all very, very powerful strategies for realizing a future

00:45:51.540 that hasn't happened yet. Now, once you have that, you work backwards into a 90-day objective

00:45:57.840 in each one of four categories. The reason it's 90 days is because, like this gentleman's talking

00:46:04.860 about, seasons change. Kids are out of school or they're in school and priorities shift and change

00:46:11.340 and you have things at work and sometimes that takes precedence and sometimes things with family

00:46:15.740 take precedence because there's a new baby in the house or your wife just quit her job to stay at home

00:46:21.540 whatever. That doesn't need to change your vision. It just means that you may need to change the

00:46:28.920 objectives or change what the ultimate goal is for yourself. And of course, the tactics are going to

00:46:34.180 change with that as well. That's why it's 90 days. It's not a year. It's not 10 years. It's 90 days.

00:46:41.440 What do you have to do this quarter with regards to, and I'll go through the four key areas here,

00:46:46.940 uh, your calibration, which is your mental, emotional, and spiritual wellbeing. It's connections,

00:46:55.240 which are the relationships with the people around you condition, which is physical health

00:46:59.280 and contribution, which is adding value, becoming a man of value in society, your job, your family,

00:47:05.800 et cetera. Come up with an objective, a 90 day objective in each one of those. And when you get

00:47:11.640 to 90 days, you know what? Something may have changed. The priority may have changed. Maybe the

00:47:15.100 priorities change in 30 days. Okay. Adjust pivot. That's what makes you a human being is that you

00:47:21.460 can think, not just react. So you just think about what you want, envision what you're after,

00:47:29.340 adjust and correct along the way where necessary and make your plan work.

00:47:36.440 I think there might be a little overthinking here.

00:47:38.440 Yeah. Well, and I think on his point, vision is not the specific tactic that you're working on.

00:47:45.600 No. Right. And so in his case, summer comes, schedules change, job changes or whatever,

00:47:51.760 pivot your tactic. Your vision should be the same. And even your objective probably should remain the

00:47:57.540 same. If you're in there in your 90 day period now, adjust the tactics so you can still accomplish

00:48:01.900 that objective. Maybe, I mean, maybe look, I know, or maybe even objectives change. That's a good

00:48:07.200 point. I know people who, you know, their, their wives were diagnosed with cancer. Yeah. And all of

00:48:13.200 a sudden the objective of, you know, going on two successful hunts this quarter, come on, man. Like

00:48:20.380 get your priorities straight here. Yeah. Good. That would certainly change my objective. My vision

00:48:25.880 would still be the same. I'd still want to be connected with my wife. I'd still want to be

00:48:28.920 integrated with who I am, but my objective was certainly changed in that circumstance.

00:48:33.600 Yeah. And that's okay. You have to be able to have some flexibility in the plan.

00:48:38.920 Cool. All right. That's that we wrapped up those questions that I had documented. Are you,

00:48:44.700 are you good for a wrap up? You know, we, um, maybe let's just take a couple more cause we've

00:48:49.340 had a couple of cutouts. So if you guys have heard that in the podcast or our technology is not working

00:48:54.580 as, as intended today. Uh, so maybe let's just take a couple more cause I don't know how long we've

00:49:00.340 been going based on, based on that. So let's take a couple more and then we'll wrap things up.

00:49:03.900 All right. Sounds great. Let me pull up these other questions. Sorry, man. It's a day of,

00:49:10.400 of technology. Just how it goes. Um, you want me to pull them up?

00:49:18.120 All right. Yeah. No, I got them up here. It's just since my, since, uh, my PC crashed,

00:49:23.960 I had to pull it back up. So, all right. Next question for having a PC. I know if there's a Mac,

00:49:30.920 I probably wouldn't have this problem. Uh, exactly. You said it, not me. Yeah. Yeah. The classic,

00:49:39.320 uh, we have like two houses. We have the flat bill curb rail and the max and the PC guys,

00:49:45.140 right? And the guys that just want to think about life and ponder and do affirmations. And the guys

00:49:53.360 who are actually getting out there, just doing it. That the 1% actually, that's the 1%. We'll just

00:49:59.220 call them the 1%. All right. Brad Haridan. Uh, what is the one thing you absolutely refuse to eat

00:50:06.320 in public? For me, it's ice cream. And I'm assuming looking at Brad's picture here,

00:50:11.000 it's bearded brother. Yep. Um, chili dogs would not go over well. I love to go down on a chili dog 1.00

00:50:19.860 right now, but yeah, I won't eat a chili dog. Ice cream definitely is a no, no. Everybody looks

00:50:25.880 at me funny at the restaurant when I, you know, I'll get a glass of water. I'm like,

00:50:29.540 can I have a straw for that? I need a straw for my drinks. Uh, what else? Egg yolks are rough,

00:50:37.560 but yeah. Like a runny egg. Yeah. Like a fried egg. Yeah. It's rough. So I would say chili,

00:50:46.500 chili dogs. Soup is rough. I can't really do soup. And it's just the price, price of beauty,

00:50:54.240 man. You don't think about these things at all. Yeah. I've had to learn to like read everything,

00:51:01.540 especially cause I keep my mustache long. Yeah. I don't even trim my mustache. So it's that much

00:51:07.340 more effort. All right. What habit and routine paved your way to being successful? Can you explain

00:51:14.960 the mindset of this? What habit and routine? That's not a fair question because it's not just

00:51:23.660 a habit. Like if you do this, then you'll be successful. Yeah. There's plenty of people that

00:51:28.820 have done like one really good thing, but then they do a whole bunch of other stupid things and 0.97

00:51:33.680 it undermines the one good thing they happen to be doing. Yeah. I mean, in all fairness to the 0.98

00:51:38.900 question though, what's the top one for you? Yeah. Uh, I would say planning, plan out every single

00:51:47.320 morning. You would be amazed how many guys do not plan their days. You know, maybe they have a calendar

00:51:54.060 with their appointments and things they needed to get done for the week, but they don't plan. Okay.

00:51:57.500 I'm going to do this and I'm going to do this. And this is the thing I'm going to accomplish first.

00:52:01.480 And if, if little problems arise, here's how I'm going to address those problems. And here's the,

00:52:06.620 the second priority. And here's the third priority. They don't do it. And so they're just stuck in this

00:52:12.640 perpetual rat race. It's that old proverbial rat running around the wheel, not being able to jump 0.96

00:52:18.400 off of that wheel because the guy never gives himself any space or margin to do it. So if there's,

00:52:24.860 again, it's not one thing, but if there's one thing that's often overlooked, it's taking 10 to 20

00:52:32.320 minutes every single morning and planning out your day. I know that it sounds trivial. I get it.

00:52:39.740 Cause when I wasn't planning, I thought to myself, what, I mean, I know what appointments I have to do.

00:52:44.660 I know what my projects are. Like what I know, you know, when, when little Timmy's baseball game is

00:52:49.180 like, why would I, why would I need to plan? What a waste of time. That's what I thought.

00:52:53.540 But taking the 10 to 20 minutes makes everything more efficient. It gets me grounded. Uh, I'm able

00:53:00.640 to deal with uncertainty and unexpected events that arise. I'm able to prioritize what's important.

00:53:07.400 I'm able to actually calculate what I get done and what I don't get done all through the process of

00:53:12.260 planning out my day. Yeah. The mindset. I was just going to say it, it surprised me, right? Cause

00:53:19.340 when I think of you, I think immediately Ryan acts, acts first plans as a secondary, but,

00:53:27.520 but once you went down the path of, I plan my day, then I was like, okay, yeah, that makes more sense.

00:53:34.100 Because I do think that your natural tendencies that take, take action more than plan completely. Um,

00:53:40.480 but, but it sounds like, but the planning on a daily basis is super critical to you for daily

00:53:46.580 success. And, and through that iterative process, that's, that has given you a great reward, right?

00:53:52.600 Cause a lot of people believe that action is prudent, right? As long as I'm doing something,

00:53:58.420 I'm, I'm moving the needle. Yeah. No. I mean, maybe you're moving the needle,

00:54:02.060 but you're not really getting anywhere. Yeah. So I was listening to a lot of guys know who JP

00:54:08.260 Danell is. He's with echelon front with Jocko and Leif and those guys. And, uh, he came up to,

00:54:14.220 to Maine to do a presentation for origin and Pete invited me over there. And so I got the chance to

00:54:18.760 listen to JP and he gave a great presentation. And one of the things he said is he said that everybody

00:54:23.640 knows the adage practice makes perfect. And he says, that's not true. He says, practice makes

00:54:30.200 permanence. Like, Oh, that's, that's interesting. I'd never heard that before. So watch what you

00:54:35.980 practice. Right. So if you practice dumb, ineffective, inefficient activities, then that's

00:54:44.320 what it's going to produce. And you're going to get really good at practice, at doing inefficient 0.97

00:54:48.460 activities. That's not what you want. So you need to make sure that you're deliberate and intentional

00:54:55.660 about your actions. So if you're just acting because that's what you think you should do, it's

00:55:01.360 reckless. If you're just thinking without really acting, that's worthless. So there's a medium, there's

00:55:08.560 a, there's a middle ground between planning, strategizing, thinking, executing, taking action,

00:55:14.660 working the plan. I like it. All right. Aaron, uh, Grotch, should we worry about finding work that

00:55:22.100 feels, uh, that feels fulfilling, or should we be satisfied to provide? Well, if you say both,

00:55:29.080 how do you find and, or create a job that does both challenge? Don't use the word passion.

00:55:36.880 Holy cow. Like, just tell me what you want the answer to be. Yeah.

00:55:42.540 You already know the answer. Cause you wouldn't have, you asked those questions and you say,

00:55:47.140 if you say both, well, that means you knew I would say both. Yeah. That's what you should be doing.

00:55:52.480 You should be finding work that's meaningful. That's fulfilling. That's rewarding. That's

00:55:56.920 uplifted to you. How do you do that? First, make your own work, your current work meaningful.

00:56:04.220 That's the very first step. Cause what guys will do is they'll say, this is,

00:56:08.620 this job's miserable. I hate this job. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't be so miserable. Yeah,

00:56:13.520 you would. You'd be the same dude you are now. If you were in any other job in the world,

00:56:18.560 you'd be the same guy that you are right now, complaining about whatever you'd find something

00:56:22.980 at your, your next job to complain about. So stop complaining about your current job.

00:56:27.960 Stop doing menial work at your current job and take pride and honor in the work that you're doing

00:56:35.180 now. Cause who knows? It might actually be right under your nose, but it's not the work. It's the way

00:56:42.040 that you're treating the work. So step number one, find meaning and fulfillment and purpose in the

00:56:47.920 work that you're currently doing. Step number two, explore passions. Maybe not. I'm sorry. I can't

00:56:55.720 say passion. Explore things that sound interesting to you. That's it. If it sounds even remotely

00:57:05.160 interesting, take one step towards that thing. Buy a course, read a book, watch a YouTube video,

00:57:12.060 just take one step, ask a friend questions about it. One step towards that thing that sounds

00:57:19.820 interesting to you. If it's still interesting after your first step, take another step and another step

00:57:26.420 and another step. That's what I did with a podcast. I started Order of Man in March of 2015. But before

00:57:32.220 that, I had another podcast called Wealth Anatomy, where we focused on providing financial advice to

00:57:37.980 medical professionals. And it sounded interesting. I'm not going to get into a long drawn out story

00:57:43.600 because it actually started even before podcasting, but podcasting sounded interesting. So I started a

00:57:49.300 podcast and I took one step and then another, and then I had a guest on, and then I got new mics and

00:57:54.800 then I developed a new skill. You know, I just kept going. And then about 20 episodes into Wealth

00:58:00.600 Anatomy, I decided to pivot into what you're listening to right now. That was five, almost

00:58:06.500 five years ago. I would have never stepped in. I didn't even know this existed. In many ways,

00:58:12.200 I've created this and I didn't even know that it was available or existed. And I never would have

00:58:17.580 known had I not taken the very first step, which was the very first step that got me into it was to

00:58:26.040 buy a, uh, uh, I think it was called a blue Yeti microphone. And I started recording, uh, like 10 to

00:58:34.460 15 minute, uh, initial sales presentations for my financial planning practice on CDs that I would

00:58:40.400 give to prospects. Yeah. Should we explain what a CD is for the younger listeners? We might need to.

00:58:46.460 Yeah. Yeah. Compact disc. Excuse me. Let me say it that way. Just Google it and you'll know. Google

00:58:51.060 it. Um, yeah. So that's it. Make, make where you are meaningful and take one step towards something

00:58:59.900 that sounds interesting to you because you never know where it's going to lead and you never will

00:59:03.340 until you, until you go for it. I like that step one. And I like that step one because I am a huge

00:59:09.680 believer that people will not like people think that if their circumstances change, they're going

00:59:17.560 to show up differently. And I think a lot of the time people don't. So like, for instance, um, I

00:59:24.360 don't know, I'm trying to think of a good example. Like, are you going to take care of your car? Oh,

00:59:28.560 well, if I buy a new car, then I would take care of that one. That doesn't happen. And I think it's the

00:59:33.860 same thing even in this example of jobs. If you don't find meaning in your current mundane job,

00:59:38.940 you're not going to find meaning in a greater job because you're going to approach it with the

00:59:43.560 same type of horrible attitude and mentality and lacking abilities and everything else. And you're

00:59:50.420 just saying, you're not going to find the value in it because you haven't even found the value in

00:59:53.960 what you have today. Right. Yep. That's exactly, excuse me. Exactly right. I had made a post on

00:59:59.860 Instagram. Uh, let me find it here. Hey, should I follow you? What's your, uh, what's your Instagram

01:00:05.340 handle? Um, it's Ryan Mickler. Yeah. So if you guys want to find, follow Mr. Mickler, it's Ryan

01:00:14.980 Mickler, R Y A N M I C H L E R. Yes. All right. All right. So here's, here's what I said. I said, 0.99

01:00:22.780 if you want level 10 success, you have to be capable of dealing with level 10 problems.

01:00:28.280 The only way to become capable of dealing with level 10 problems is proving yourself capable of

01:00:33.840 dealing with level nine problems. Remember that when you feel like running away every time you

01:00:38.660 deal with a challenge, I think this actually ties in well is you're not going to be able to find

01:00:44.980 what it means to be fulfilled unless you understand what it means to be fulfilled. And you can find that

01:00:53.180 where you currently are. It doesn't have to be your dream job. And I'm not telling you to stay there

01:00:58.700 forever because you're supposed to find fulfillment in what you're doing, but there's something that

01:01:02.980 you're doing that's meaningful. Even if it's the fact that you take great pride in putting food on

01:01:10.640 the table by doing this work that maybe you're not totally happy about that. That's something to be

01:01:15.420 proud about. Find fulfillment where you are. And then you prove yourself capable and worthy of finding

01:01:21.920 fulfillment in other areas. I love your car example. It went, Oh, when I get a new car, I'm going to treat

01:01:27.140 that thing so great. Start treating your current car great. And then you'll prove to yourself that

01:01:33.260 you're capable of taking care of another car. Same thing with relationships. Oh, my wife, my wife's 1.00

01:01:38.780 such a bitch. And Jim, if only my, if only she would do this. And if maybe if I had a different wife, 1.00

01:01:44.160 then life would be better. Maybe if you were a different man, life would be better. Maybe you're the

01:01:49.360 problem. Yeah. You know, I look, I I'm guilty of that too. We all are, but you're, you're the solution

01:01:56.920 isn't external. It's internal. And then when you change internally, the external circumstances change

01:02:03.360 around that. Yeah. Well, and that's one of the benefits I think that guys can get out of joining

01:02:10.320 the iron council is to add another level of purpose to get on a team, stand shoulder to shoulder with

01:02:19.160 other men and find purpose in that community, lifting up other men. Now, obviously you're

01:02:26.120 benefiting yourself. That's why most guys join the iron council. And I use this example of,

01:02:31.060 of the progression of the iron council is guys joined for themselves. And then they actually

01:02:36.260 realize that they stay there because their families, because their kids, because their spouses

01:02:43.200 for, and because of the other men on their team, because now they start finding their voice

01:02:48.520 and they can see how they're impacting and bettering other people. And then they might

01:02:54.280 become a battle team leader or an XO on a team. And now they're adding more purpose to their life.

01:02:59.100 They're serving other men. They're helping other guys level up. And it is a perfect ecosystem for guys

01:03:05.920 to find purpose and meaning. Uh, well not purpose and meaning, well to add purpose and meaning, but to

01:03:12.460 have an impact to, to make a difference. And, um, and that's one of the benefits of the iron council

01:03:18.660 to learn more, go to order of man.com slash iron council.

01:03:23.620 I see what you did there. Well done. Well done. Yeah. All right. All right. Let's wrap things up,

01:03:29.080 man. Yeah. So we have June 11th through the 14th, 2020. That is our legacy event. That's the

01:03:35.180 father and young man event. Uh, the young boys need to be between the ages of eight and 15 years old.

01:03:42.340 It's in, um, Maine and it is awesome to learn more order of man.com slash legacy. And of course,

01:03:50.100 to support the podcast, subscribe, uh, check us out on YouTube and represent with swag. You can find

01:03:57.560 swag and other items at store.orderofman.com. And as, like I mentioned earlier, feel free to follow

01:04:04.240 Mr. Mickler on Twitter and or Instagram at, uh, Ryan Mickler. And that's pronounced Mitchler,

01:04:11.480 Ryan Mitchler. No, that's Brian Mitchler. This is Ryan Mickler. Oh, that's right. By the way,

01:04:17.260 after last week's podcast, someone said, uh, I think it was Dennis. He sent me a message. He says,

01:04:22.320 just so you know, uh, Brian Mitchler may or may have not joined the order of man Facebook group.

01:04:30.000 I'm like, awesome. And then, and then, uh, and then he replied shortly thereafter. He's like,

01:04:36.460 I made one post and I already have gotten blocked. Are you serious? Yeah. So, so our moderators are

01:04:44.720 doing a good job. And, uh, I didn't even see it. I wish I would have seen it now. I know me too. I was

01:04:50.920 like, Oh, it's funny. All right. Well guys, we'll call it a, call it a day. Appreciate you being on

01:04:56.680 the path. We'll be back on Friday for the Friday field notes. Uh, but until then go out there,

01:05:01.340 take action, become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:05:06.460 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:05:10.260 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - November 20, 2019

Dealing with Your Demons, Disagreements with Your Ex, and Negative Self-Talk ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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