Order of Man - Define Your Victory ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.420 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.220 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler,

00:00:27.720 and I am the host and the founder of this podcast and the movement that is Order of Man. I want to

00:00:32.620 welcome you here to your Friday Field Notes. I've got a good one lined up for you today.

00:00:36.820 Now, I think all the Friday Field Notes are good, mostly because it's me. And, you know,

00:00:40.700 I tend to think highly of my thoughts, although I do recognize and acknowledge that I get a lot

00:00:45.920 of things wrong from time to time. Anyways, if you're returning, welcome. Glad you're back. If

00:00:52.280 you're new, welcome. Glad you're here. This is a resource designed to give you the tools,

00:00:59.420 the conversations, the equipment, the information, everything that you might need to thrive and

00:01:04.680 succeed as a husband, a father, a business owner, a leader in your community, a man in general.

00:01:09.860 So we do that by having some great podcast guests. I've got some good ones lined up.

00:01:14.380 Steven Pressfield is coming on the podcast. Matt Frazier is coming on the podcast.

00:01:19.600 Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving an F and Everything Is F'd is going to

00:01:25.200 be released next week. So we've got, and we've got dozens more. So make sure you subscribe so

00:01:31.040 you do not miss a single episode. Now, one thing I want to ask before I get into this Friday Field

00:01:36.080 Notes is for you to go to the website, go to orderofman.com. And what I need you to do is

00:01:40.820 subscribe on the bottom, on the footer of the website or the pop-up or a sidebar, wherever it comes

00:01:46.820 up, subscribe to get our emails. And the reason I want you to do this is because what I'm going to

00:01:50.760 talk with you about today, which is victory and how to define victory is part of a series that I'm

00:01:58.700 putting together that will be available in two weeks. It's free, no cost to you. And the goal

00:02:04.100 is to give you the information and a couple of resources that you need to be ready for battle,

00:02:12.320 ready for whatever life has to throw at you inside of your marriage and your career and

00:02:17.720 your finances and your fitness and everything else that you're dealing with. So again, go to

00:02:21.760 orderofman.com, subscribe to get those emails or follow us on Instagram or Twitter, both at Ryan

00:02:27.600 Mickler. And I'll make sure I give you the update when this thing is available, which is going to be

00:02:31.840 about two weeks. So I'm pulling this information today from part of that course and what it is and

00:02:40.240 what I wanted to talk with you about today is the idea of victory. Now, what is victory? We're going

00:02:46.720 to talk about strategies and tactics and everything that you can do to achieve victory. And we've been

00:02:50.200 talking about that for five years, but I want to back up because it's very easy to get into the

00:02:55.520 strategies and tactics that we need to employ in order to be victorious. But I think where a lot of

00:02:59.800 men fall behind is they fail to define victory in the first place. I was in the military and in 2005

00:03:06.620 and 2006, I was in Ramadi, Iraq. And it was a fulfilling time. It was a meaningful time for me.

00:03:14.540 I felt proud of my service and to be able to do what I think generally was a good thing.

00:03:21.940 But there was some sticking points, some points of frustration for me. And part of that was an

00:03:27.420 inability to define what victory looks like. And I think this is part of the reason that we're still

00:03:31.620 in the Middle East is because we never defined what victory looks like. And I realized there's

00:03:35.920 some factors that make it challenging when we're talking about foreign wars and conflicts and all

00:03:43.000 of this in our foreign policy. But if you can't define a victory, I got a question whether or not

00:03:48.600 you should get in the fight to begin with. But it's interesting because a lot of us do the very same

00:03:53.860 thing in other facets and avenues of our life. If you think about it, for example, if I were to ask

00:04:00.080 a hundred men today, what is it that you'd want out of life? I think all 100 of them would likely say,

00:04:06.860 I don't know, I want to make a little bit more money, have a little more sex, have some experiences,

00:04:11.440 have some money in the bank account, have a six pack abs, and just be like happy. And while all of

00:04:17.920 that stuff is fine and great, it isn't quantifiable enough. It isn't specific enough. It isn't articulated

00:04:27.340 to the point where you can actually achieve it. Let's just take the money thing, for example.

00:04:30.920 If you said, well, I want to make more money this year than I made last year. Are you telling me that

00:04:40.540 if you made a dollar more this year in 2020 than you made in 2019, you'd be satisfied? Of course you

00:04:46.320 wouldn't. If you look at it in the context of a relationship, if you said, I just want to have

00:04:50.880 a good relationship. I want to be connected with my wife or have a better relationship. Are you

00:04:54.600 telling me that if you and her yelled at each other one less time than you did last week, that you would

00:04:58.580 qualify that as a successful marriage? Of course you wouldn't. And yet we do this all of the time.

00:05:04.660 We fail to get precise. We fail to articulate clearly what victory looks like. And then as we go

00:05:12.200 about our daily activities and our duties, and then we eventually look back at our life and wonder why

00:05:16.920 didn't I accomplish all that I wanted to accomplish? Well, I would argue that a big part of that is

00:05:22.900 because you failed to identify what victory looked like in the first place. And that is the first

00:05:28.740 mistake that we make when it comes to accomplishing big things in our lives. I mean, I can't even tell

00:05:34.320 you how often I talk with men who say they want a good life and say they want money and want to start a

00:05:39.820 business and want to do this and want to do that. And then when you probe just a little bit, like,

00:05:44.220 like what exactly does that mean? All you hear is crickets. They cannot articulate clearly what

00:05:50.400 they want. So what I'm doing today, guys, is I'm challenging you right now to begin to get very,

00:05:56.340 very specific and use the four or let's see the three, I should say the three factors that I'm going

00:06:03.060 to share with you today to be able to get crystal clear on what you want, which will set you up for

00:06:08.740 other activities down the road that we'll talk about in the course we're putting together and on

00:06:13.540 this podcast as well. All right, so let's get into it. The first factor that you need to consider

00:06:18.420 as you are defining what victory looks like for you is that it needs to be precise. It needs to be

00:06:26.820 precise. If you say, I want to make more money, you should instead say, I want to make this much more

00:06:31.280 money. I want to make $10,000 in the next 90 days. I want to make $50,000 more this year

00:06:38.560 than I did last year. Too many men don't qualify it. And I think part of the reason a lot of guys

00:06:44.140 don't qualify and get specific and precise with what they want is because they want to give

00:06:48.900 themselves a little bit of wiggle room just in case they fail to meet their standard or their

00:06:54.520 expectation, right? If you say, Hey, I just want to make more money and you make a dollar more,

00:06:58.120 like I talked about earlier, I guess technically you can say you hit your goal or you hit your objective,

00:07:02.680 but are you really that much better off than you were a year before? No, of course you're not any

00:07:08.260 better off, but we do it to give ourselves that wiggle room to give ourselves space for a retreat

00:07:13.640 just in case we don't live up to the expectation that we have of ourself. So the first point in

00:07:19.800 clearly defining and articulating what victory looks like is to be very precise with your language.

00:07:25.480 I want to make $10,000 more. If you're talking about happiness in a relationship, what does that

00:07:30.540 mean? Does that mean you want to have more sex? Uh, does that mean you want to have more

00:07:35.440 conversations? Does that mean you want to go on more dates? It's probably all three and that's

00:07:40.400 good. That's good to know, but you've got to articulate it because what we focus on and what

00:07:45.080 we give our attention is what we achieve. So if you're precise, then the world is going to give you

00:07:50.460 that. If you're loose with it and you're using cryptic language and you're trying to give yourself

00:07:54.840 some wiggle room, then there's a lot of play in what the world is willing to give you based on

00:07:59.660 your actions. So as you're going through and listening to this podcast today, if you're in

00:08:05.000 a position where you can write something down, then, then do that. If not, you can come back to

00:08:08.420 this later and check it out. But I want you to start writing down as, as clearly as you possibly

00:08:13.620 can, the things that you want out of your life by using precise, measurable, objective data and

00:08:22.440 information that will actually, that is actually achievable. I should say that you can actually

00:08:27.640 accomplish, not just be happier. Cause what the hell does that even mean? I don't know what that

00:08:32.640 means. And it's likely if you're using that kind of verbiage that you don't know what it means either,

00:08:36.400 which is part of the problem. All right. Number two, it needs to be possible. Have you told me that,

00:08:42.040 Hey, you know, Ryan, I'm 200 pounds overweight and, and I want to lose, I want to lose 200 pounds in 90

00:08:47.420 days. That's wonderful. I can appreciate the, the initiative and the ambition, but it's not possible.

00:08:54.760 And if you're doing that and setting yourself up with a false expectation of the way this is going

00:09:01.700 to go down, then you're going to start feeling like a failure. You're not going to achieve your

00:09:05.780 objective because it's not possible. And you're going to start feeling like a failure. And then

00:09:09.120 you're going to feel guilty about feeling that way about yourself and not accomplishing what you want.

00:09:13.780 And it's just this negative downward cycle that you have put yourself into. So make sure that the

00:09:21.260 thing is actually possible. Now here's the challenge. I can't tell you what the line is between possible

00:09:26.960 and impossible. You have to define that for yourself. But what I would tell you is that line is found

00:09:32.040 somewhere around being nervous and maybe even scared and getting that heart pumping and that heart

00:09:39.360 racing a little bit. When you think about what you actually want to accomplish, there's been things

00:09:43.200 in my life from my physical fitness goals, like completing a Spartan gogi, for example, running a

00:09:49.880 marathon. There's things there that, you know, make me a little bit nervous. And that's a good

00:09:54.400 thing. That means that it's meaningful. It's significant. It's challenging enough where it

00:09:58.140 will compel and drive you to train, to practice, to get yourself ready for that objective you want to

00:10:03.400 accomplish. On the other side of that is it shouldn't be demoralizing. Like when you think about

00:10:10.600 what it is you want to accomplish and you think, oh man, I just can't do this. This is impossible.

00:10:14.560 So I'm not even going to try. Obviously that's a problem. So the line between impossibility and

00:10:20.320 possibility is found between being worried and a little fearful about what you want to accomplish

00:10:25.100 because it's big and it's bold and it's audacious and being demoralizing and not getting you on the

00:10:30.580 track that you want to go. So we've got number one, it's got to be precise. Number two is it's got to

00:10:37.540 be possible. And number three, it's got to be pertinent. It has to be pertinent. What does it need to be

00:10:44.540 pertinent to? Your vision, your vision for yourself. And we're going to talk about this in

00:10:48.900 this course. I'm going to talk about it later, but suffice it to say right now that if you don't

00:10:52.520 have a vision for yourself, that you don't know the kind of person you want to be, the kind of

00:10:56.500 husband that's connected with his wife, the kind of father that's leading his children, the kind of

00:11:01.100 member of the community who's leading and who's looked up to and has influence and authority and

00:11:05.540 credibility in the community and with your neighbors. If you haven't thought about these things,

00:11:09.060 you really need to think about these things because when times get tough and there's uncertainty,

00:11:14.540 and doubt and confusion and frustration and, and a lot of chaos and unknown in the world,

00:11:20.840 you're not going to drive forward unless you know exactly what you want, why you want it,

00:11:27.300 why it's so compelling. It's got to be emotionally charged. Something that excites you, that fires you

00:11:32.140 up, that gets you motivated, that gets you passionate, that gets you out of bed, that keeps you driving on

00:11:36.240 in the face of challenge and adversity. These are the things that you need to think of first,

00:11:40.380 because now when we're talking about specifically the objectives that you want to accomplish,

00:11:44.380 it has to be pertinent to that vision. If you're doing objectives and you're setting things up that

00:11:49.940 you want to accomplish based on what somebody else is doing or what you think you quote unquote should

00:11:56.080 be doing by other people's standards, you're not going to remain engaged in the battle because it

00:12:01.880 isn't important to you. It doesn't matter to you. It's got to matter. It's got to be relevant.

00:12:07.800 It's got to be pertinent to what you want to accomplish specifically. And when you work

00:12:12.820 backwards by creating that vision into something that's pertinent, you'll begin to see that when

00:12:17.500 it gets challenging and demanding and tough and difficult that you won't kowtow, that you won't

00:12:25.220 run away from it and retreat like potentially you have in the past, but that you'll step into the

00:12:30.400 adversity, that you'll step up to the plate and you'll drive on in the face of what normally would

00:12:35.960 keep you back and derail you from accomplishing things that you want to accomplish. Guys,

00:12:40.060 I firmly believe that because we don't have these factors in play, when we think about what we want,

00:12:45.140 this is why we fail. This is why we fall short. One of the reasons anyways. So as you're thinking

00:12:50.560 about your life and the things that you've accomplished, and in this context, the things

00:12:54.980 that you haven't accomplished, I want you to consider, have your objectives been in alignment

00:13:00.160 with these three factors. And if they haven't, now's the perfect time to start shoring them up,

00:13:05.340 to start getting to a place where you can say yes, and you can check off these factors and you

00:13:10.480 can create objectives that are actually going to drive you forward that are going to produce results

00:13:14.860 that you're after. So let me tell you again, what they are. Again, I want you to get a notepad out or

00:13:18.900 an app on your computer or your phone or whatever, and write these things down. If you're not in the

00:13:23.220 position where you can do that right now, you can do that when you get back and come back and listen.

00:13:26.480 Okay. But the three factors are number one, it's got to be precise. Get as specific as specific as

00:13:34.920 you possibly can and be precise with your language and your wording. Don't be cryptic. Don't give

00:13:40.240 yourself wiggle room. Don't use weird words or jargon that doesn't really mean anything. Be very,

00:13:46.540 very precise with what you're saying. Number two, make sure that it's possible that it's found in the

00:13:52.300 space between I'm nervous and worried about this thing and I'm demoralized in thinking about even

00:13:59.040 attempting to accomplish this thing. There's a space in there and you've got to find out what that

00:14:03.680 space is. And the third component is that it's got to be pertinent. It's got to be pertinent to your

00:14:11.800 vision, pertinent to you. When you think about it, it's got to charge you. It's going to drive you. It's

00:14:16.140 going to compel you because when things get challenging, you want to make sure that it's

00:14:20.480 relevant, that it will keep you engaged in the battle. And it does need to be a battle that you

00:14:24.500 stay engaged in. All right. That's all I've got for you. Again, two resources. Number one,

00:14:30.540 go to orderofman.com, sign up for the email newsletter, because when this comes available in

00:14:35.000 two weeks, this course that we're putting together, again, it's free. It's all available to you.

00:14:39.500 You're going to be the first to know about it. And the second is, well, it's just listening to

00:14:45.380 this. I said, there's two resources. It's just that one. So just go to that one and continue to

00:14:50.140 stay subscribed to the podcast because we've got some powerful information, powerful interviews,

00:14:54.600 and I'm going to be doing more of these talking about this exact subject. All right. So make sure

00:15:00.700 you check it out. I appreciate you guys being in this battle with me. I hope that these three factors

00:15:04.400 serve you and that you'll take it to heart and they'll implement what it is we're talking about,

00:15:07.920 because I know as I have, uh, it's drastically, drastically improved, uh, the results that I've

00:15:13.880 experienced in my life. All right, guys, we're going to call it a day. We'll be back next week

00:15:17.800 again with Mark Manson, author of the subtle art of not giving an F and everything is F'd. You guys

00:15:23.040 are really, really going to enjoy that conversation. So make sure you subscribe and we will see you then

00:15:27.660 until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:15:32.020 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life

00:15:36.560 and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - May 08, 2020

Define Your Victory ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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