Order of Man - Delay Your Gratification, How to Involve Yourself in a Public Altercation, and Moving Forward in the Face of Fear ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart

00:00:04.880 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:10.180 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:16.820 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.220 you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, man? Mr. World Traveler is back. You were gone for a

00:00:27.660 couple of weeks, and we had a great replacement for you, but it is good to have you back.

00:00:31.800 Yeah. You leave for two weeks, and then I start wondering, I wonder on Monday, I get a text from

00:00:38.480 Ryan going, hey, you know what? Sean's got us covered this Monday. I didn't know if we'd be back.

00:00:44.820 You got to be careful. You got to stay on your toes around here. We've got some high-level,

00:00:50.520 high-caliber guys that are itching for your spot, Kip.

00:00:55.180 Yeah, totally. Dude, and I know you're kind of joking, but I'm sure, without a doubt,

00:01:00.560 there's a handful of guys in the art council going, hey, dude, I could do way better than Kip.

00:01:05.440 Ryan, like, come on, bro. I don't think they've said I could do way better than Kip,

00:01:10.380 but they are chomping at the bit to be able to be in this seat, in your position.

00:01:16.360 To be in your presence. Yeah.

00:01:18.840 In my almighty presence. Yeah. I don't know why anybody would want that,

00:01:23.860 but it is what it is, I suppose. All right, man. Well, let's just jump right into questions

00:01:30.240 today. It's good to have you back. I know you want to be productive. Obviously, that's what

00:01:34.180 we talked about it a little bit. A lot of guys listening are probably the same way. When you go

00:01:38.560 on vacation, it's cool, but there's an expiration date where the milk starts to sour a little bit.

00:01:46.000 You like drinking milk, but it starts to sour if you don't finish it up by that expiration date.

00:01:51.040 That's how I feel when I'm on vacation. It's like, all right, three days in, I'm like, okay,

00:01:55.920 I got it. I've seen the things I wanted to see and done the things I want to do. Now I got to go

00:02:01.160 back to work. That's always a weird balance for me. I think it says a lot. It means that we're about

00:02:08.380 something and just relaxing and not doing anything and not being productive or mooting the needle in

00:02:16.300 some way. Eventually, it's not satisfying. I find more satisfaction from the grind than I do

00:02:22.540 chilling. I'm with you. One little pivot, two pivots that I've made that have helped me

00:02:28.200 personally is number one, start looking at vacations and trips as productive. We say,

00:02:35.340 I'm not being productive. Well, no, you actually are. You're building a relationship with your wife.

00:02:40.300 You're building a relationship with your kids. You're seeing things. You're exposed to new cultures.

00:02:44.480 You're trying new things. You're experimenting. So shifting from non-productivity to actually

00:02:50.500 believing that it is a productive thing in a different facet of life. The other one, this is

00:02:54.620 a huge little hack. If you guys ever find yourself at the beach on vacation, always bring a shovel.

00:03:02.400 It changes. It just changed because look, I'm not going to sit on the beach and cook in the hot sun

00:03:09.300 and just sit there and do nothing. That is miserable. But if I bring a shovel and I just

00:03:15.760 dig a big hole, we play king of the hole where somebody gets in and everybody else tries to jump

00:03:21.160 in and you got to throw other people out. Not only is it good with my kids, but all the kids that are

00:03:26.420 around us, they start playing. And then I slowly back out and the kids are playing. It's awesome.

00:03:30.940 So always bring a shovel to the beach guys. Always. I love it. I love it. Well, and I,

00:03:36.340 one thing that I've, I think it really increases my vacations is I don't stop working out.

00:03:42.680 And worst case scenario, if I can't find a gym, I go run. And to be honest with you, that is the best

00:03:48.080 because I'm in Barcelona and I'm like, what better way to see Barcelona than wake up early

00:03:55.220 and go for a run. Right. Like nobody's out. I get back to the house. I'm like, dude,

00:04:00.180 I've seen the whole city. I saw this one chapel here. We should go check that out. Like it is

00:04:04.880 such a great way to actually, you know, see wherever you're vacationing. Yeah. You do have to run.

00:04:10.760 I haven't, I haven't. No, don't run. Don't run. Walk briskly, but don't run. Uh, I actually did this.

00:04:18.760 The last trip that we went on was in Costa Rica and I was in a fitness challenge. And I'll be honest,

00:04:24.620 if I'm on vacation, I'm not great about working out, but in Costa Rica, I got up every morning,

00:04:30.320 every single day. I think we were there for 10 days, every single day I went and did a workout.

00:04:35.780 And it was typically, I found a little local gym and it was actually cool because like you said,

00:04:41.580 you see the city, you see these little local gyms, you interact with people there,

00:04:46.480 you get a new experience and then you wake up or when you get back, everybody's just kind of

00:04:51.040 rolling out of bed and you're like fired up. You've got energy, you're ready to go and just

00:04:55.540 way more productive throughout the rest of the day. So I definitely concur with all but the running.

00:04:59.700 I did go on two runs over the past three days. Cause we've got a Ragnar, you and I,

00:05:04.360 and some other guys have a Ragnar relay race coming up. Running is stupid. It is the dumbest. 1.00

00:05:10.060 It is the worst thing ever. And I know guys are like, well, it's only bad. Cause you're saying that. 1.00

00:05:15.900 No, it is objectively horrible. Like this is not my, I'm not interjecting my bias against running.

00:05:21.860 It is objectively. This is a fact. This is a fact by Ryan. Even if you think you like running,

00:05:28.700 you're wrong. You're wrong. You have lulled yourself into, I don't know, some sort of,

00:05:34.080 what is it? Yeah. Where you just like, you just like being hurt and being in pain. And that's a

00:05:41.500 mental disorder. That's not that you like running. You need help. Yeah. Seek help. If 0.98

00:05:47.400 you're enjoying your running. I will say a trail run is different. A trail run is definitely better

00:05:53.120 and definitely better than the road. Yeah. I totally agree. I totally agree. All right.

00:06:00.300 Let's get to some questions. Yeah. So we're going to field questions from the iron council to learn

00:06:04.840 more about the iron council, go to order of man.com slash iron council. It is closed,

00:06:08.780 but stay connected with us to know when that opens back up next quarter. Uh, once again,

00:06:13.900 order of man.com slash iron council. All right. Our first question, Brad Yarbrough. What are some

00:06:19.580 ways to practice delayed gratification? I've been working out consistently for about a year and I've

00:06:25.700 seen benefits from delayed gratification and fitness programs or in fitness progress. I've also

00:06:30.900 been working on budgeting and reducing spending, which involves delayed gratification. Any other ideas

00:06:36.180 to practice? And I, me personally, I just can't express how critical this is. I know Brad's asking

00:06:42.220 this for himself, but like every parent should be saying, how do I help my kids practice delayed

00:06:49.980 gratification? I don't know if you want to go there, Ryan, but maybe even just open it up, even from a,

00:06:54.400 from a parenting perspective too. Cause I think this is so important.

00:06:57.820 Yeah. I actually think there's been some studies that I've seen and I can't remember right offhand,

00:07:02.080 which studies we can, we can find those, or you can go look it up that, that say that your ability

00:07:06.160 to delay gratification, especially in youth is one of the primary indicators of long-term success

00:07:11.280 in their lives. And the notorious, uh, experiment that you hear about is the cookie experiment. 0.94

00:07:18.280 I think it is cookie or candy where they put a cookie in front of, yeah, they put a plate of

00:07:23.980 cookies or whatever, one cookie in front of the kid. And they say, Hey, you can eat this now if you

00:07:28.040 want, or if you wait and an hour or whatever it is, then you can have two cookies. And so they,

00:07:35.340 they actually show that as a determinant for success. So absolutely. Um, the way the question

00:07:43.000 is worded, it almost sounds like he's asking in what ways can we practice delayed gratification?

00:07:49.960 And I think there's an infinite number of ways I'd rather approach it. And maybe this is what he's

00:07:54.020 asking from ways that where you're already, you're already practicing some level of delayed

00:08:00.120 gratification. What can keep you going when you're enticed to quit or change directions or pivot before

00:08:07.020 you see results? Cause I think that's more important because there's all sorts of ways with debt,

00:08:11.940 with finances, with saving for a vacation, with cooking dinner. Right. I mean, if you really think

00:08:20.520 about it, anything difficult, anything that is not stimulating, like in a, in a hackful way,

00:08:27.740 right? Like video games and movies, anything that's slightly difficult that has a delayed benefit

00:08:33.200 is practicing delayed gratification, right? Like you don't want to go to work. That's delayed

00:08:38.360 gratification. You don't want to work out. That's delayed gratification. You don't want to mow the lawn.

00:08:42.200 That's delayed gratification. It's almost everything that you, it's almost anything that you kind of

00:08:47.360 don't want to do immediately in the moment. When you say going to work is delayed gratification,

00:08:53.820 explain that a little bit. Depends on the, well, it depends on the person, right? Like

00:08:57.160 think about it. It's like, Hey, I need to go to work. I know I should go to work. And maybe,

00:09:01.980 I don't know, we're thinking about someone young. That's like, Oh, I just hate going and whatever.

00:09:06.440 It's like, that's part of delayed gratification, right? Like when I think about a kid or actually I

00:09:12.580 look at my past, I was raised on a farm. And when my dad woke me up Saturday mornings and all my

00:09:19.720 friends are going to go play or have fun or hang out, my dad goes, it's Saturday. I know what that

00:09:25.180 means. It means I am busting my brow until the sun goes down today. I'm going to be exhausted. I'm going

00:09:32.080 to, I hate this. I'm frustrated or whatever, but I got up. I just accepted it for what it was.

00:09:39.580 But the irony was at the end of the day, I felt great. I always felt great at the end of that day.

00:09:48.920 And I always had a hard time starting that day. That's it. That's delayed gratification. And,

00:09:54.360 and there's no reap of that reward of that hard day's work until the end of the day or the paycheck.

00:10:00.520 Yeah. Yeah. True. Um, so here, here's what I would say is, as far as like what we can do

00:10:07.140 tactically, uh, to, to keep ourselves in the game. Number one, find joy in the process. I know when

00:10:13.680 we listen to self-development podcasts and books and all these sorts of things, we're led to believe

00:10:19.000 that success means that you have to be miserable for a time. And I think there is an element of that,

00:10:24.920 but the less miserable you can make the journey, the more likely you are to actually be engaged in

00:10:29.960 the process. So I think about this when it comes to working out, we talk a lot about jujitsu. It's one

00:10:35.600 of our favorite things to address and talk about, but look, if you hate jujitsu, like you dread it,

00:10:41.680 you know, you want to be fit, you want to be strong, you want to be capable and you have to drag

00:10:45.520 yourself into jujitsu every day and you hate it there and you hate the people and you're miserable

00:10:53.380 about it. Just don't do jujitsu. Like really? I mean, there's one element that it's supposed to be

00:10:59.520 hard and difficult and challenging, but it should have some meaning to it. But if you're just dreading it,

00:11:04.360 go do something else, right? If you're running, that's another great example. If you just dread

00:11:10.440 running, like just don't run, like go lift weights. Now I'm doing it because I'm preparing for this

00:11:16.220 Ragnar, but so has meaning associated with it, right? Delayed gratification. But if you're miserable

00:11:22.700 and you're just beating your head against the wall, it's probably not going to keep you in the game for 0.56

00:11:28.380 very long time. So think about it. Is it just discomfort, but you still, you still know it's

00:11:34.600 valuable or are you dreading it? Because that's different. So find joy in it. And there's a lot

00:11:39.640 of different ways to get to the end result. Find the one that's going to keep you in the game the

00:11:44.700 longest. The next is when I look at long-term goals, some of those things can be very daunting.

00:11:51.540 It can be overwhelming. And because it's so overwhelming, you know, we might go for a week

00:11:56.680 and we're like, Oh my gosh, you know, here's a hundred percent of my goal. And I, I literally,

00:12:02.100 I'm only at 1% of my goal. I've been doing this for a month or two months and I'm 1% of my goal

00:12:07.080 and it's discouraging. So what I would suggest to you is that you start with this, this goal or this

00:12:13.220 objective that you have, and then break it down into smaller subsets, smaller goals of the larger

00:12:19.200 picture that might help you along the path. So for example, let's say you want to lose 50 pounds.

00:12:27.480 That's your goal. You want to lose 50 pounds. You want to get down to 15% body fat, but you're 30%

00:12:33.240 right now or whatever it is. It might take you a year, but you know what? You can lose a pant size

00:12:38.920 this month. Right. And so that becomes a checkpoint, a little metric on your way to something bigger is

00:12:45.080 like, Hey, yeah, I'm going to lose 50 pounds for sure. But this month, my goal is to go down

00:12:49.880 one pant size or to, or to go from a triple X to a double X t-shirt. Okay. That's manageable.

00:12:56.620 You can do that. And you can actually see the result and you stack up these little wins that

00:13:01.080 are in alignment with your long-term horizon. So those are two strategies I would say.

00:13:06.460 Do you have any others? And then we can talk about for kids as well.

00:13:09.900 Man, not really. Like, I think those are the same things. The other part is, is like sometimes

00:13:14.900 and it's when you, when you, I, I totally agree with you. I don't disagree with you,

00:13:19.760 but I, I wonder like how many guys like, don't go to the gym. And it's not because it's like,

00:13:26.380 oh, well, you know, Ryan said that if I don't really enjoy it, don't do it. And it's like,

00:13:30.980 well, and that same person just dreads everything. And they're like, nothing is good enough. And it's

00:13:36.140 like, well, the answer to you, if you're that guy is change your attitude. Yeah. You know what I

00:13:41.620 mean? And because nothing may be enjoyable for you. Like what we all know that we should have

00:13:46.700 some physical wellbeing and we should have some physical fitness. If you can't find something on

00:13:51.240 the list of activities and they're all miserable, we're not saying we'll just don't do them. We're

00:13:55.940 saying, you know what, maybe you just need to change your attitude and, and, and just approach

00:14:01.900 things in a more positive light as well. That that's the only thing that really crossed my mind.

00:14:05.860 Yeah. There is nuance. You know, sometimes it comes across as we're saying in things in black

00:14:10.520 and white, but everybody's smart enough, even if they pretend like they're not, they're all smart

00:14:14.740 enough to know like, okay, is he saying, don't go to the gym? Is he saying, don't get fit because

00:14:20.580 it's miserable? Of course, of course, I'm not saying that. And I think we know that, you know,

00:14:25.540 but it is funny because people will play dumb and be dense on purpose. I don't know. They can 0.95

00:14:30.220 justify their actions or something. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So strange. So you got to consider too,

00:14:35.460 is what, what, what do you need as a listener? Like, what do you need? Are you the guy who's

00:14:41.800 like, I don't know how to stay disciplined. Okay. Then that's what you should focus on.

00:14:46.720 But you might be the guy who's overly disciplined towards a pursuit at the expense of everything

00:14:51.780 else around you. And that might be your battle that you need to work on. That's something I fall

00:14:56.980 prey to because I get really consumed with work and total vision, target fixation, nothing around me

00:15:03.400 matters, not no people, no other events. Like this is it. And that personally is something that I've,

00:15:09.500 I've really needed to improve on in my life. Yeah. I'm like, you don't need to convince me to be

00:15:13.680 disciplined to work. It's just not a thing for me. I'm such, I'm exactly the same way. And I,

00:15:20.020 and it's kind of funny, right? Like here's, here's a good analogy, right? Like, so we listen to

00:15:23.740 Goggins, right? And it's like, Hey, take souls, right? It's like, well, guess what? Cleaning the house

00:15:28.520 with your kids and your wife, you shouldn't be taking souls during that, right? Like that's a bad

00:15:33.260 time to be like Uber focused and like pissed off, but you got to clean house. It's like, well,

00:15:40.860 that really wasn't an ideal state. Yeah. Maybe being more pleasant would be a good idea.

00:15:46.620 I've look, I found a lot of these, I just uploaded my 430th interview episode.

00:15:54.780 And I found that a lot of these guys, I'm, I'm trying to think about the way that I want to say

00:16:03.000 it. I was going to say they're miserable. That's not it, but they don't care really too much about 0.98

00:16:09.880 anything, but their thing. Yeah. They're so obsessed. They are so focused. And you know what?

00:16:17.360 We need people like that to show us what's possible when you focus and go all in on something,

00:16:21.940 but that's a decision that they've made. The ones who are aware of it, no, Hey,

00:16:27.440 this other stuff is not important to me and they know it and they're okay with it. They've,

00:16:31.520 they've, they've weighed the decisions and they've made those decisions. And those aren't decisions

00:16:36.920 that I'm totally comfortable with. So I got to live my life the way that I want, which means that

00:16:41.000 I might have to throttle back in some aspects of my life because I don't want it to come at the expense

00:16:47.060 of other aspects of my life. And we have to make those conscious decisions.

00:16:52.000 Yeah. And, and the power of knowing what the cost is, is awesome because most people don't

00:16:58.580 never do that. Right. They never evaluate like, what is the cost of this? Right. And that's where

00:17:03.040 we kind of decide. And you decide, okay, do I want it or not? Yeah.

00:17:06.540 Okay. And that's also helps you address the, I was going to say, that also helps you address the fear

00:17:11.000 of missing out. There's a lot of guys will be like, they'll see some event that somebody's putting on

00:17:15.100 and they're like, Oh, I'm not there. I wish I'm blah, blah, blah. That to me is an indicator that

00:17:18.820 you haven't weighed the cost of your decisions. And what I mean by that is that when there's an

00:17:24.340 event this weekend, and instead I choose to stay and coach my son's baseball team, I've weighed the

00:17:30.840 pros and cons and I've made a deliberate choice. I don't even use language that gets it out of my

00:17:36.720 control. Like I can't, I don't use that. I can, I can go to that thing. I'm not going to,

00:17:42.800 I'm choosing not to, I have other obligations I'm committed to. That's the language I use for

00:17:48.620 myself and other people when it comes to events that I, and you know what? And then I see the

00:17:52.840 pictures and I see everybody having a good time. It doesn't bother me. I'm unfazed because I've

00:17:57.260 already weighed the cost and I've made intentionally another decision. Yeah. I like it. How about kids?

00:18:05.700 Yeah. Number one, make it fun. Obviously they have a shorter attention span than we do. 1.00

00:18:11.220 Uh, so if you don't make it fun, it's, it's not going to be enjoyable. Uh, let them, let them have

00:18:17.300 some ownership in the way they achieve objectives and goals. So if they want to get in shape, they

00:18:23.060 don't have to do jujitsu like you do if they want to, that's cool. But if they want to do something

00:18:27.880 else, that's cool too. That was really hard for me to understand with my second son, because my first

00:18:32.820 is a lot like me, my second, pretty different than me. And I thought, Hey, I've got to create these

00:18:37.540 little clones. I've got to create these little mini me's. They got to do the things I do.

00:18:40.880 They got to be involved in the things I'm involved in. It just isn't the, isn't the case. And I found

00:18:46.200 that when they do things they're interested in, they're more committed to it. The other thing I

00:18:50.900 would suggest is that you let them lead. If they're always following your lead, you're robbing them of a

00:18:56.620 critical opportunity for them to take initiative. So I, I really like letting my kids teach me things

00:19:03.100 that I don't know. When I go to the gym with my oldest son, I ask him, I say, Hey, will you watch

00:19:09.640 my form and critique me? And sometimes he's a little unfair in that critique because he's a kid

00:19:15.380 and he's a punk and he thinks he knows it all, but other times like he's pretty accurate and that's

00:19:20.960 good for him to be able to give me critique, to get feedback on how you communicate critique to people.

00:19:27.160 Um, also lets me step out of the position of leadership and allows him to lead, makes him

00:19:32.800 feel good that his dad is asking for advice. There's a lot of reasons why this is really,

00:19:38.760 really advantageous. So step out of the leadership role for a minute, let them lead, let them direct,

00:19:45.280 let them teach. And that's a powerful way for them to be excited, engaged in things. That's what I've

00:19:51.540 got for kids. All right. Stacey Bauer, what keeps you going from, from day to day? We set up this nice

00:19:59.200 routine to be better and healthier, but after so long, you have to remind yourself the why.

00:20:05.060 Well, I think the first thing is if you have to remind yourself to keep going,

00:20:11.540 I've never really had this problem. So it's going to be hard for me to articulate. I think the reason

00:20:17.720 I don't have this problem is because I know what I want. I've always been pretty clear about what I

00:20:23.600 want. I don't really need to be a whole, like, I don't really need to be that motivated to do

00:20:27.660 things. That's kind of an interesting phenomenon for me. People talk about motivation and inspiration

00:20:31.800 and it's good. It serves its purpose. I really just don't need a whole lot of that. In fact, I find

00:20:37.640 value in doing challenging things and I have a system and I have a routine and I just check things off

00:20:46.940 the list as I go because I know it leads to something greater. So maybe it's losing focus of what's

00:20:52.980 important. Maybe, you know, you're, you're walking on this path, but you don't have your eyes on your

00:20:59.060 target. And so you kind of veer off a little bit here and there. Maybe your target's not compelling

00:21:03.580 enough. You know, if you're going that way and it's just not enticing to you, maybe that's an indicator

00:21:09.580 that you're going the wrong way. And that might be something that you evaluate. Maybe you don't even

00:21:14.440 know where you're walking to begin with. And if you don't know where you're going, then you can

00:21:19.020 just kind of casually stroll wherever external forces take you. So I would say this is a, this is

00:21:27.680 probably a problem with a vision. It's either not compelling enough to you. It's not emotionally

00:21:32.700 charged. It's not drawing to you. You may not know what it is, but I think this is a vision problem

00:21:38.280 more than anything else. What do you think? No, I mean, the only thing for me, it's, you know,

00:21:44.220 I kind of use this on my teenage kids in the past and it's more of the stick side of this is like,

00:21:49.660 what's the probable future? I think that's really, what's the natural consequence. So if, I don't know,

00:21:56.060 if we're struggling with, you know, going to the gym or changing my diet and I'm overweight and,

00:22:01.880 you know, to the extent of being really unhealthy, getting really connected to the

00:22:07.820 natural consequences of you not changing, I think is really impactful. And, and it's not,

00:22:14.800 and I've used this analogy, maybe it's a little harsh, but it is what it is. It's like,

00:22:18.500 but it's not like, Oh, well, I won't have a six pack. No, no, no. It's, it's, it's worse than that.

00:22:23.560 Right. Like you will die earlier, right. You will lose years. And then, and then you can go deeper and

00:22:30.840 go, well, my kids, right. My kids are going to pick up on my eating habits. And so they're

00:22:37.760 going to eat the kind of crap I'm eating. They might end up getting overweight. Then they'll 0.99

00:22:41.960 be shameful of their own bodies. And I helped create that. Right. Or what's all the people in

00:22:48.220 my life that if I were on the path, if I was living an impactful life, they could look to me

00:22:55.240 and it would make a difference in their lives. And I avoided that. And in fact, not only have I avoided

00:23:00.800 it, but I've done the opposite. I've helped give them a pass for not showing up powerfully because

00:23:06.160 I'm not showing up powerfully. Like you start, I don't know, for me, I started thinking through

00:23:11.160 that and I go, Whoa, there is so much I need to do and change. And the stakes are way higher

00:23:17.800 than we give ourselves credit for. I think we walk around kind of thinking that there's power of one.

00:23:23.760 And I think that we downplay our impact in the world. And the reality of it is, is if, if Ryan,

00:23:31.580 if you're on the path of being the ideal person that God intended you to be, and I'm doing the

00:23:35.880 same thing, there are people that need that, that need you, that need me, that need those that are

00:23:42.280 listening. And we're, and we're, if we're not showing up powerfully that way, they're not getting

00:23:46.800 it maybe. Yeah. And that's kind of on us. I don't, I think that can be powerful. I don't think

00:23:52.560 that has the same weight for me as it does. It sounds like it does for you. So I think it is

00:23:57.340 important for us to figure out what that is. If it is that, that I would say the negative

00:24:03.040 consequences of your action or inaction is what's driving you then, man, use that as fuel. For me,

00:24:09.460 I don't find as much power in that as much as I do what could be, what is possible. That seems to be,

00:24:15.260 and by the way, I'm not right or wrong and neither are you. It's just whatever is more compelling for us.

00:24:20.740 And I think we all have a bit of both, right? Oh man, if I don't do this thing, you know,

00:24:24.640 something's going to happen and that's, that's powerful, but we all have it both.

00:24:29.900 There's one thing I was thinking about as you were saying this, um, I, there's a word that I've,

00:24:35.160 that I've real, that really motivates me, uh, because of, of what it means to me. And that is

00:24:40.520 excellence. And, and I'm not, I'm not always the greatest at this, obviously,

00:24:45.540 but I want to be excellent. And excellence is to me in a way, the goal in and of itself.

00:24:56.040 So when I go to the, again, I'm not a hundred percent on this. I'm not saying that,

00:25:00.160 but what I am saying is when I remind myself to be excellent and I go to the gym with a different

00:25:06.020 mentality and it's not to get the six pack abs, it's not to get the guns, it's not to be a certain

00:25:11.660 body weight. I mean, all that stuff will happen as an inevitable outcome, but it's for excellence.

00:25:17.220 And so that means that I don't miss reps today. I had, I had to break up my dumbbell bench presses

00:25:24.280 because towards the end, it got heavy and I could really feel it on my left pec after that inch.

00:25:28.920 And so I had to break it up. I could have stopped. Like, no, don't stop. Like finish go back. Yeah.

00:25:34.440 You can do five right now and then set them down and you can pick them back up, pick them back up and do it.

00:25:39.580 Why? Not so you can get stronger, but because you're striving for excellence. You know, when,

00:25:45.520 when I granted my podcast studio is a bit of a mess and kind of empty now, but this is all going to get

00:25:51.020 remodeled. When I build this, it's going to be excellent. It's not going to be thrown together.

00:25:56.360 It's not going to be ugly. It's not going to be cheap equipment. It's going to be excellent.

00:26:02.340 And so I've really found that the word excellence triggers something in me to do it a little bit

00:26:09.420 better and a little bit more right than maybe I otherwise would. And it's the goal in and of

00:26:14.380 itself, the outcome. I don't care. I just want to do it with excellence. Yeah. I like that.

00:26:21.640 Rob Thompson yesterday, I witnessed a woman being unreasonably rude and disrespectful to a Walmart 1.00

00:26:27.700 employee. And I struggled with knowing if it was proper to respectfully call her out or to remain

00:26:35.260 silent. She had three kids with her. And when, and when one of her kids asked why she did what she

00:26:40.820 did, she wrongfully justified her actions, teaching her kids a terrible lesson. Eventually I decided to

00:26:47.600 remain silent, but I struggled with whether I made the right choice and when is it appropriate to get

00:26:53.540 involved? When should I mind my own business? This is really tough because there's a lot of

00:26:59.020 situations. Like we talk about it often. We as men are protectors, right? So that actually will come

00:27:06.560 at the risk of ourselves at times. So I think if people are in, in imminent danger, then I think

00:27:13.140 it's our responsibility as citizens of the community and neighborhood to interject and do what we can to

00:27:18.320 protect. But that places you at a risk. And I know a lot of guys, I've seen threads and things like

00:27:23.380 that online where guys be like, well, you know, you don't know the situation and which is true. And

00:27:29.180 you don't know what's going on or both sides of the equation, or you might get hurt. All of that is

00:27:34.600 true. I'm not saying there isn't a risk of getting involved. There is, that's the cost of being a

00:27:38.980 protector and the cost of being a man. But I think there's also a tactful way to do it because the

00:27:43.240 reality is you don't know what's going on. You actually don't know the situation. And so maybe this

00:27:48.900 woman, maybe you saw all of it. I don't know, but maybe this woman was irate because 1.00

00:27:52.400 the gala in the line, you know, called her a name, maybe made a racist comment. I don't know.

00:27:59.460 I don't know the story. And so that's, she's responding to that. You don't know. So here's

00:28:04.740 how I would suggest that you do it. You need a disruptor because maybe this woman's just having 1.00

00:28:10.440 a bad day too. You know, maybe she got some bad news or, you know, she's dealing with financial

00:28:15.740 burden or hardship or relational issue. And like, she's just having a shitty day and it's just all

00:28:21.120 coming out in a really inappropriate way. So a disruptor is good. And a disruptor might be, 0.60

00:28:27.720 Hey ladies, I can't help but overhear your conversation. Everybody can. I just want to

00:28:32.920 know, is everything okay here? That might, that alone might be just enough of a disruptor

00:28:39.820 that the woman who's yelling is like, Oh yeah, maybe I need to step back or gives the other woman 1.00

00:28:47.440 response time to maybe call security. If that's what needs to happen. Again, I don't know the

00:28:52.660 situation, but little disruptors like that, those are going to be a huge, huge deal. And if you can do

00:28:59.680 that appropriately in those situations, I think you're going to find that problems deescalate.

00:29:08.160 And that's also when, when that lady's yelling and you're like, Hey, I can't help but overhear 1.00

00:29:11.540 your conversation, the way you're yelling or talking and everybody else can hear you too.

00:29:17.300 She might say, Oh my goodness. Like I'm being a total ass right now. Yeah. Yeah. 1.00

00:29:22.360 That's what I can't. And I can't help but think it's just like skillfully, right? Like,

00:29:29.160 you know, somebody look at this as like, Oh, you know, I'm a man. So I, you know, Hey,

00:29:34.360 let's shut the, you know, and it's like, well, you're not even helping. Right. And this is now

00:29:38.400 about your ego and trying to show up a certain way. Yeah. So really it's like, do you look at

00:29:44.300 the circumstance from the perspective of like an enforcer of righteousness or empathy and caring,

00:29:54.040 you know? And I think if you approach it from that perspective, I'm just saying you might want

00:30:00.060 to work through what this is. I think we all should actually. In fact, this is a great question

00:30:04.380 because I'm thinking now in my mind's like, okay, how would I do that in effective way where both

00:30:09.360 ladies are not threatened by my involvement either. And they actually see it from the perspective of 1.00

00:30:14.040 like, I'm trying to help and how powerful is that? And I, and I don't, I'm not going in there trying

00:30:19.100 to protect my ego, trying to look good or anything else. Like to your point, right? This could be a

00:30:23.800 miserable day for this woman and maybe she just needs some help. And maybe that's our job, right? 0.87

00:30:29.560 Is to serve them, right? Not necessarily, you know, come across like some hard ass. 0.99

00:30:35.840 Well, I think about this too, with another scenario I often hear about is maybe in public, 0.98

00:30:43.620 a man is verbally abusive towards a woman, or maybe even being physically abusive or sexually

00:30:49.700 abusive. It's like, do you get involved? Well, yeah. Yeah. You get, you don't know. Again,

00:30:55.500 you don't know the whole side of the story. Maybe she hit him first. I'm not saying go up and stab the

00:30:59.800 guy or even get into a physical altercation with him. I'm saying interject and figure out what in

00:31:05.880 the world is going on. So the way you do that is safely, maybe you're in your vehicle, you're in a

00:31:10.860 safe environment, crack your window because you see something going on in the parking lot, crack the

00:31:15.580 window. Hey, you two, you're making quite a ruckus over here. Is everything okay? Because now you're

00:31:21.680 drawing the attention of everybody. And I don't know what the story is. I don't know what's going

00:31:26.120 on, but I need to come over here and figure out what's going on because this is creating an

00:31:30.100 environment here in the public that that is keeping other people from, from being safe. And if the guy's

00:31:35.040 like, mind your own effing business, they know this is my business. I'm not here to get into it with

00:31:40.320 you. I'm not here to fight with you. I'm not even here to judge what's going on, but I'm here.

00:31:45.340 My family is here. There are other people here and this is absolutely my business. What do we need

00:31:52.400 to do here? Do we need to call the police? Do we need to just leave? Like, what is it? What's the

00:31:57.700 solution here? But you do that from a safe enough space, but you don't get up in his face because now

00:32:03.420 you put yourself in unnecessary harm or risk and you're not, and you're not helping. Right. In that

00:32:09.500 example, in most cases, maybe even in that situation, just you going and let's say,

00:32:14.920 hypothetically, a woman is in danger, just going up and interjecting that way from a safe way gives

00:32:19.460 that woman enough time to flee and go run in the store or do whatever. But yes, you, yes, of course 1.00

00:32:25.800 you interject again in a, in a reasonable way. I saw this one a couple of, a couple of weeks ago,

00:32:32.220 there was this guy on a plane. He was acting irate and he was saying he was going to kill all the men 0.90

00:32:37.140 on the plane and like just being absolutely insane. And the flight attendants were having a 0.85

00:32:41.520 hard time rallying this guy up and all the, all the men on the plane are just sitting there, like

00:32:47.240 trying to ignore it. It's like, what in the world? What are you doing? Like, of course you interject,

00:32:53.480 you get up and you know what, when you get up, there should be 15 other men that get up on the plane

00:32:59.920 or you even turn to the guy and say, Hey, you and I, we're going to, you don't even need to look at,

00:33:03.360 you and I are going to do something about this. Let's go. Yeah. And you

00:33:07.000 lead the way men lead. Again, you're not there to get into a physical altercation because I don't

00:33:11.680 want you to get shot or stabbed, but the minute you pipe up, somebody realizes, Oh, I can't do this

00:33:18.200 without any consequences. Yeah. I, man, this is so crucial accountability, crucial conversations, 0.98

00:33:26.180 two great books, same author around the subject, I think would be a good resource. The other thing is,

00:33:33.160 I don't know, man, like, I almost feel like this should be training. Like we never have training

00:33:39.240 around this, you know, it'd be really valuable to, to work through the proper way, because that's why,

00:33:45.860 that's why we don't do this, right? That's why most people don't bring up something because

00:33:50.940 they've jumped to the conclusion of, well, if I do this, then I'm going to get in a fight and blah,

00:33:55.960 blah, blah. And they, they go to the conclusion and they bypassed whether something should be said or not.

00:34:01.500 Right. And the answer is something should be said. Now, the second question is now, how do I do it?

00:34:08.320 And, and we never, we never really get reps, right? Because of the fear of the confrontation.

00:34:15.560 I don't know, maybe something we do in the future or I don't know something, but I think it'd be

00:34:20.160 valuable because it's part of self-defense. This is part of self-defense. This is part of self-awareness

00:34:25.360 of how do you deal in these difficult situations? How do you maintain distance at the same time?

00:34:30.480 And the conversation that you need to have to be safe at the same time.

00:34:34.760 Right. I think it'd be, I think it'd be invaluable. Yeah. Yeah. We'll have to, we'll have to look into

00:34:40.480 how we might incorporate that or who we would bring in to help with some of that. You know,

00:34:44.440 we'd obviously want somebody or like how we can incorporate this into an event. Actually,

00:34:49.300 actually. Yeah. Yeah. We'll think on that. Totally. Anyways. Okay. That's my thought.

00:34:53.980 All right. Brandon Bonner. Good morning, Ryan and Kip. I'm currently intrigued by the ideas centered

00:34:59.800 around intermittent fasting versus prolonged fasting. I don't know the difference by the way.

00:35:04.720 What experience, if any, do you have with fasting? What benefits have you noted? Any related resources

00:35:10.880 you recommend? Thank you. Look, so the difference intermittent fasting is prolonged would be like

00:35:17.540 you fast for 24 to 72 hours. Oh, okay. Okay. Versus a minute for your window, your like 12 hour window

00:35:24.260 or whatever. Yeah. I think it's an eight hour window. I think it's 16 hours. Eight hour eating,

00:35:32.400 16 hour fasting. I think so. Yeah. I think that's what it is. And that's basically, I just call that

00:35:38.900 don't eat breakfast. So marketers, they love to get ideas and package it. Look, I'm a marketer,

00:35:47.640 so I get it. It's just don't eat breakfast. And cause if you, if you eat, if you eat your last meal

00:35:53.700 at eight and you eat lunch at, what is that noon? Then that's the 16 hours, right? So just don't eat

00:36:01.740 breakfast and you've, you're doing intermittent fasting. There's a lot of health benefits. I'm not

00:36:07.540 an expert on it. So I really won't get into all of that because I'm not an expert on it. Um, I do

00:36:12.480 periodically do like a 24 hour fast too. And I did one, uh, the other, uh, about a month or two ago.

00:36:20.960 And it was a, uh, we did 72 hours and it was water. And I think I ended up, I did cheat a little bit.

00:36:33.200 I ended up having like a couple of different protein shakes, uh, uh, twice, I think, but outside

00:36:39.160 of that, I didn't have anything else for, for that timeframe. Uh, and there was a lot of mental clarity

00:36:45.040 that came with that. There was a lot of, it was for, and I won't get into details, but it was for

00:36:50.960 personal reasons to have some spiritual connection. And, uh, it helped put things in perspective and

00:37:00.200 context of the weight of what I was dealing with at the time. So I felt like there was a spiritual

00:37:05.660 component. I felt like there was obviously a physical clarity component. And then the idea

00:37:10.420 of just sacrificing something and realizing it's not the end of the world and you can do hard things.

00:37:15.720 And now, as far as like the actual physical physiological benefits, you can talk with somebody

00:37:23.140 else on that. I don't, I don't really know. Um, there's some Sean Stevenson, I think with model

00:37:27.580 health show talks about it. I'm sure Andrew Huberman, uh, has done something on intermittent

00:37:33.340 fasting and prolonged fasting. So I would defer the physiological benefits to the experts. I'm just

00:37:39.680 telling you my own anecdotal evidence that it was good. It was a good experience. Yeah. Yeah. I've had

00:37:45.240 the same, same benefit. I think, um, intermittent fasting, my dilemma always is that, um, I train at

00:37:53.160 noon for jujitsu. So, and I, there's no eating lunch and then going hopping on the mats. So I would never

00:38:00.220 end up eating until about two or three and I normally don't eat breakfast. So I intermittent

00:38:05.880 fast all the time. And the other benefit or the hack of it was, it's like come 3 PM. If I was tracking

00:38:13.700 my micronutrients, it's like, I can do whatever I want. Right. Because I haven't eaten my eating

00:38:19.480 windows so small. That's like, it gave me the freedom to not be so stressed out about my intake.

00:38:28.160 But, uh, once again, I'm the same way. I don't know all the quote unquote details and the benefits

00:38:34.180 of it. I just know that sometimes when I'm doing intermittent fasting, I don't mind it. Like I,

00:38:38.080 in fact, I, I train better on an empty stomach than I do with food in me. So I'd prefer that workout

00:38:45.380 or that, or that jujitsu training without, with while fasting. I don't, I don't really get into

00:38:51.740 the biohacking thing too much for me. I'm, I'm, I tend to be fairly intuitive and that's not to say

00:38:58.480 I always eat correctly. I certainly don't. I demolished a little Caesar's pizza the other night

00:39:02.540 and it was delicious. And I didn't feel bad about it in crust pepperoni with bacon on. It was awesome.

00:39:08.360 Don't let Johnny, my, my trainer hear that, but that's what I did. Yeah. Uh, but like the way I

00:39:16.020 look at it is we all know what to do and we don't need listen to your body and we don't need to hack

00:39:22.740 it. Like you just, you, we all know eat meat, like eat a fist size of meat, eat a cup of vegetables

00:39:31.900 and maybe a starch like rice and water. Like there's your diet advice. Now, are you always

00:39:38.760 going to follow that? No, but if you do that 80% of the time, you're going to be lean. You're going

00:39:43.900 to get jacked. You're going to reduce your body fat. You're going to improve your health. I don't

00:39:48.060 know how, I don't know all the metrics and fizzy lot. I just, we know that's what I know. If you want

00:39:53.140 to have breakfast in the morning, cause you're hungry, have a couple of eggs, have a piece of

00:39:57.120 bacon. I'd probably say avoid the orange juice, but what do I know? If you can just drink

00:40:01.840 water, I think that's better. We all know what to do. On the subject delayed gratification earlier.

00:40:09.100 You know, my wife and I, we, we had this conversation just not too long ago about,

00:40:13.880 you know, fasting once a month and we didn't really have our kids doing it. And I thought,

00:40:19.920 you know what? No, they're old enough. This is good for them. This is good for them to practice

00:40:24.140 on that Sunday to go, no, guess what kids? We're not, we're not eating until dinner.

00:40:28.180 Oh, but I'm so hungry. It's like, yeah, yeah, that's good. You know, like you're in control

00:40:33.340 of your body. So, you know, there's some, I guess some delayed gratification benefit there

00:40:37.940 to help your kids kind of see that. All right. Drew, I actually had a chat with Drew not too long

00:40:45.140 ago. So Kip, and maybe I should have read this ahead of time. When reached out to, when reaching

00:40:51.240 out to someone in a workplace setting to share employee engagement and retention solutions,

00:40:56.520 is it better to simply introduce myself and ask thoughtfully worded questions initially,

00:41:02.180 or share some of the solutions in a meaningful way and a way for the individual to engage in timing

00:41:08.340 in the timing is right for them. Thank you both for your mentorship.

00:41:14.780 Let me think through that. Do you, do you get, are you following what he's asking?

00:41:19.360 I think so. I'll, I'll give some input. He wants to hear from you, but I'll just give some generic

00:41:23.580 input. What you're talking about is dancing the line on unsolicited.

00:41:29.340 On the sales side. Yeah. And sales, right?

00:41:32.600 No, I think he's talking about, oh, is he talking? I don't know. I actually don't know

00:41:37.740 if he's talking about somebody within his organization or somebody that he's consulting

00:41:41.880 or coaching outside of his organization. It's a potential client.

00:41:44.620 Got it. Look, here's, here's my take. Be very, very careful of offering anytime unsolicited

00:41:52.320 feedback. I don't care if you're in a sales environment or if you're in a, you want to

00:41:57.980 talk with your supervisor about something, just be cautious in offering unsolicited feedback.

00:42:03.720 And here's why. When's the last time you were offered unsolicited feedback and you were like,

00:42:09.900 gee, thanks for that. Like, that was really awesome. I'm glad you said that. Even if that person

00:42:13.820 was right and being thoughtful, like it just doesn't happen. Nobody wants unsolicited feedback.

00:42:19.200 Not only could you be wrong, you could be wasting the person's time. You could aggravate them.

00:42:25.820 You could present solutions that don't really apply to their situation. It's like, there's,

00:42:30.540 there's nothing beneficial that comes from it. So always to your point, ask thoughtful,

00:42:37.800 engaging questions, and then you get to the end, the root of it. And if the answer is like,

00:42:42.380 this person isn't interested or doesn't want, or doesn't need what I have to offer. Cool. That's

00:42:47.860 it. But if they do, then you'll uncover that through questions and that will give you the

00:42:52.220 permission to get to some of that feedback. And by then it'll be more solicited than unsolicited.

00:42:56.500 Totally. In, in a workplace where someone's intention is not clear and it's not almost

00:43:06.840 even declared. And then there's a switch up mid conversation. So if, if, if Ryan and I are having

00:43:13.100 a conversation and I'm not sure why we're having the conversation, it's not a hundred percent clear

00:43:19.080 than midway. It's like, Oh, you're trying to give me feedback, man, trying to sell me something.

00:43:27.600 Yeah. That is untrustworthy. It is negative town, right? You, you almost like, it's almost to the

00:43:34.480 element of like, I don't trust you as a person anymore. That's how careful we need to be about

00:43:41.400 our intentions. So, and it's okay. Like if, if you need to get feedback, like let's say we're in a,

00:43:47.920 in a management position or whatever. And I'm like, Hey, I need to get feedback. Then declare

00:43:52.180 that if the intent of the call is, Hey, I, I have some ideas. I don't know if they're a good fit for

00:43:58.600 you or not, but if it's okay with you, I would like to present these ideas for your consideration.

00:44:04.080 Then say that. But if you don't say that and you, you know, finagle it in, into the conversation,

00:44:10.300 no, it's not going to go well. Now I don't trust you. Next time you reach out, it's like,

00:44:14.100 who knows what this, what the intent of this call is. So declare, declare the intention.

00:44:20.200 And, and by the way, that's super critical, even from a management and leadership perspective,

00:44:25.500 when you're doing a review with an employee, don't go into the review going, Hey, you know,

00:44:29.900 Ryan, you're doing so great. And what? No, no, no. You go in there saying, Hey, we need to talk

00:44:34.340 about something. Here's the intent of the, of the conversation. Now, if there's some concern that

00:44:39.060 you might take it wrong, address the concern upfront, my concern is that you might see this,

00:44:44.280 you know, as too much of a negative feedback or you might overreact. And I, I want to declare that

00:44:49.860 I actually really do value in the organization, but I need to give you this feedback so you can

00:44:54.440 grow and we can improve or whatever. Transparency, man, transparency on the intent, as well as

00:45:00.440 addressing any of those concerns upfront. I'm really glad you said that because the advice

00:45:06.100 that I gave about asking thoughtful questions could actually go down the path you're talking

00:45:10.620 about too, because if people feel like you're backing them into a corner, they're going to get

00:45:15.400 pissed. So a way that that might happen is if I have an agenda and my agenda is to sell Kip, you,

00:45:23.700 my program that I offer that will increase your sales. A question I might be tempted to ask you,

00:45:29.980 if I'm not very good at this is, Hey Kip, do you want to, do you want to have more sales?

00:45:36.640 It's like, bro, worst question you could have ever asked because obviously the answer is yes.

00:45:42.700 And it's a rhetorical question. And now they know all you're doing is teeing them up to sell your

00:45:47.980 thing. So you can, don't grill people like, Hey, do you want to make sales? What's your,

00:45:53.860 what's your sales now? How would you do it? What, what, what, what, what's been a struggle for you?

00:45:57.480 What's been good for you? What's worked? What hasn't, what have you tried? Holy cow. Ease up,

00:46:02.740 just ease up. If you're looking at this with an agenda of serving you, which is making a sale and

00:46:09.000 not other person, they're going to feel that energy for sure. And also lengthen out the time.

00:46:14.760 Too many people think that this just has to happen in a transaction. That's where you start getting

00:46:20.840 yourself into trouble. Instead of transactionary, it should be relation, relation, relate to a

00:46:27.760 relationship against relationary. Is that a word? It should be a relationship that I'm, that I'm

00:46:32.960 building with you. So it's not me going in there and grilling you so I can sell my thing. It's me

00:46:38.980 going in there and getting to know you like dating, you know, you wouldn't go on a date and

00:46:43.260 say, Hey, what do you want to? So are you going to get married? How many kids do you want? What's

00:46:46.140 your political views? What's your debt income ratio? How many guys have you slept with? Like 0.97

00:46:49.440 you would never ask all those questions. You would hopefully take it slow and let it develop and see

00:46:55.800 where it goes. Push a little when you need to draw back when you need to. It's the same thing when

00:47:00.980 you're working to serve other people. Yeah, totally. All right. Michael Barr dealing with

00:47:06.920 difficult, unruly colleagues over the phone or chat. I've been simply closing the chat as a

00:47:12.220 consequence of their bad behavior, but my employer has established methods of dealing with such

00:47:17.540 situations. I would rather not talk to these people when they're going in with guns blazing.

00:47:22.880 Of course, I don't want to get in trouble at work. Well, if they, if your boss has a system for

00:47:28.940 dealing with these situations, then that's the system you have to use unless you and your boss have

00:47:33.260 a discussion and you can identify a better system. System. Yeah. Like if, if the current system

00:47:39.340 doesn't work to address the problem, then let them know. If you're, if you're my supervisor, Kip,

00:47:43.760 I'd be like, Hey, you know, I know you have the system in place. It's a good idea. Cause man,

00:47:47.880 people tend to get pretty heated over some of these things that we're talking about. One thing I've

00:47:51.080 noticed is that the systems we have in place seem to shut down communication altogether.

00:47:56.380 And, and I think it takes it a little too far because not only can we not talk about the issue,

00:48:03.980 we can't even talk about anything at all because we close everything down. And I'm wondering if

00:48:08.100 there's a better way where we can address the negative behavior, but still keep the conversation

00:48:14.100 on track and going. So it benefits us all. What do you think about that? Not that's how you would

00:48:19.740 approach your supervisor with a better system. Again, like we were talking about in the last question,

00:48:24.740 you're asking questions. You're not telling him his system sucks. You're asking him to come up with 0.99

00:48:31.140 a solution for, um, based on what you've seen, your intent is clear. I want to keep the lines of

00:48:37.020 communication open. So I think this ties in nicely with what we had just talked about. Um, yeah,

00:48:41.540 but just shutting something down, that's not helpful because all it does is it shuts off

00:48:46.960 communication, obviously. And there's things that need to be talked about and it makes people

00:48:51.640 resentful because now they just have to bottle everything up. Maybe they have real issues.

00:48:55.860 They just suck at delivering it. And if you just shut down the conversation altogether, 0.79

00:48:59.940 then they internalize that stuff. And then it blows up in a month.

00:49:04.040 Yeah. You definitely don't want that at work. Right. Yeah. So I think there's a better way to do it,

00:49:08.860 but you need to go through the proper channels. You can't just go against whatever your boss or

00:49:14.280 employer is looking for already has in place. I think there's some opportunity to work with them about

00:49:18.800 how to create a more effective system. Yeah. Patrick Calhoun, what are ways to overcome the

00:49:26.040 fear of failure or the unknown in a project? Once you get past the initial excitement of starting it,

00:49:32.200 I find that I can put so much energy into anything. And then something always holds me back

00:49:38.600 from continuing it or finishing it. Well, I want to know what is holding you back. He says something

00:49:44.000 is just fear or is there something that comes up? What is actually holding you back from completing

00:49:49.140 or finishing it? Yeah. I mean, what could it be? I just, I can't relate with this question.

00:49:56.620 Yeah. Not that I'm not fearful. There's always fear, but to me, I'm like, okay, well, let's go find

00:50:04.740 it. Let's go figure it out. Let's address it. I want to know like what's around that corner. I don't

00:50:08.260 know. I'm scared, but I still want to look. Like I want to take a peek. I want to go. This is just,

00:50:13.740 I don't know. I don't understand. And here's one thing I would say, suggest like play it out,

00:50:22.400 play out the worst possible scenario. Yeah. It's probably not that bad. Like you're probably still

00:50:28.500 alive. You probably have all your limbs. You're probably not financially destitute. You're, you're,

00:50:33.920 you know, your relationship is probably still intact. Like play the thing out. And I think

00:50:39.140 you'll see when you pull the veil back, it's not really as scary as maybe you're making it out in

00:50:44.220 your mind. And, and some of those intangibles are hard to quantify. Like, yeah, people will think I'm

00:50:49.840 a loser. Well, you know what? Plenty of people probably already do, you know, like, like me, 0.94

00:50:54.720 you know, especially with the news that I've shared over the past several months about what's going on in

00:50:58.980 my personal life. Yeah. I've had all sorts of doubts and fears and concerns about people would

00:51:04.440 leave, which some have, and, you know, people would think less of me and some do, and people

00:51:08.860 will call me a hypocrite and some have it's like, and so what, I mean, not so what, like it's, it's,

00:51:16.980 but I'm not saying it's not weighted, but I'm, what I'm saying is so what, like, I still believe in

00:51:22.720 the mission. I still, I'm going to drive forward. I'm still going to improve my life. I'm still going to

00:51:26.360 work to serve guys. All of that risk means nothing in the grand scheme of things, because I know where

00:51:31.940 I'm going and I have to keep pushing forward in spite of what I'm afraid of. Yeah. In spite of

00:51:38.060 the risk that I might deal with. Yeah. You're following your thought to a conclusion, right?

00:51:43.000 And that's what we often don't do. Oh, Ryan, well, people are going to do this. And then they stop

00:51:48.260 thinking versus going, Hey, guess what? People may think less of me. Okay. So what I'm going to do about

00:51:54.580 it. Right. So what does that mean? What, how's this going to hold me back? How do I pivot? How do

00:52:01.080 I just like, you're following it to a conclusion versus just going negative town on a thought and

00:52:05.800 just stopping. Well, and if you follow it, like here's one that I've heard over the past several

00:52:10.600 weeks is like, I've heard this quite often, Ryan, you should step down. You should step down. You

00:52:14.360 should let somebody else come in. You should step down. Okay. Let's, let's follow that thought

00:52:19.280 process for me. If you're so upset about what's going on with my personal life that you feel like

00:52:26.540 I should step down and that you think it's diminished the organization, then is it safe

00:52:32.400 to assume that if I step down and bring somebody up that you'll stick around? Well, no, of course

00:52:37.600 not. If you're that upset about it, even if I step down, you'd leave anyways. Yeah. Like I play

00:52:43.820 the scenario out. And you know, the other thing is I think about in this context is imagine

00:52:48.960 I'm just talking about some of the risks and some of the fears that we have, because I

00:52:52.260 think it's important. We address them. Imagine that you grew up watching Arnold Schwarzenegger

00:52:56.980 and he was, he just meant the world to you, his discipline, his commitment, his physique,

00:53:02.620 his strength. And so you started to get into strength training, powerlifting, bodybuilding

00:53:07.180 because of him. And it drastically improved your life. You got stronger, you got fitter,

00:53:13.180 you develop more confidence that translated into making more money and more relationships.

00:53:18.180 It just got better. And then Arnold Schwarzenegger got fat for a year where you find out he's

00:53:24.940 juicing the whole time and you're a natural builder. So, so then does that mean that his

00:53:31.180 message was horrible? Does that mean that everything that he shared or everything that you did as a

00:53:38.100 result of it is now gone and diminished because he got, he didn't take his advice as well as maybe

00:53:44.700 he would have liked, or maybe he got sidetracked and then stepped back on the path down the road.

00:53:50.180 Of course not. You're like, okay, well that sucks, but that advice is still, it still improves my life

00:53:55.760 and I still see how beneficial it is. The reason I bring this up is because we have all sorts of

00:54:02.200 fears and doubts and worries and concerns about how people will perceive us and how they'll view

00:54:08.880 us and what they'll think of us. And you know what? A lot of it is actually founded. A lot of people

00:54:13.840 will think negatively. A lot of people will judge you, but guess what? They're doing it anyways.

00:54:19.080 Yeah. They're doing it anyways. And the things that we're afraid of really aren't things that should

00:54:27.320 slow us down. I'm not going to say they shouldn't, we shouldn't be afraid of them. Maybe there's a reason

00:54:30.680 we should, but they shouldn't slow you down. They should give you cause for maybe some, some pause

00:54:36.840 to figure out what you need to do and the way you need to tactfully approach this, but then go finish

00:54:41.940 complete. Keep going. Okay. You're scared. I'm scared. We're all scared. Keep going.

00:54:48.340 Yeah. The other, the other idea for Patrick that, that might like kind of get that wind out of

00:54:53.440 ourselves after the initial excitement. Uh, and we do see this in iron council, uh, with new guys coming in

00:55:00.260 and those battle plans are just amazing. Right. Or you get someone that's just on, on the path,

00:55:07.980 right. And they're just going hardcore and super motivated or whatever. And eventually reality

00:55:13.280 hits. Right. And it's like, Whoa, you know, this is harder. Right. Or there's, we had some expectation

00:55:20.600 of how easy it was going to be or how, uh, there wasn't going to be resistance in the process from

00:55:27.420 those that we love in our families or whatever. So, you know, and I'm not saying go into our,

00:55:34.720 our goals and our, on, and our objectives from a place of fear and negativity, but,

00:55:41.320 but we also need to be realists. Right. And there's value, right. We, we, we do this from a work

00:55:46.220 perspective all the time, right? What are the risks to this project? Awesome. We have a plan.

00:55:51.380 We have a strategy you want to report. What are the potential roadblocks that are going to arise?

00:55:56.420 Oh, my wife may not want to switch her entire cooking and diet and her diet to support mine. 1.00

00:56:03.940 Um, I may get unmotivated. I may not want to do this. I have vacation coming up. How am I going to

00:56:08.740 keep working out? Right. Identify what those potential obstacles are and those roadblocks and manage

00:56:15.720 your expectations of the level of difficulty. I've always believed this. And maybe it's just

00:56:20.600 because I always, I'm overly optimistic maybe at the beginning of things, but everything always

00:56:26.160 takes longer. Always. I don't care what it is. It always takes longer. I mean, I went down to the,

00:56:32.220 the lake house today and I had a, we had to build a trench four feet deep, probably about 15, 15 feet,

00:56:39.560 four feet deep, 15 feet long. And I had a backhoe and Asia's expectation was what, why you could get

00:56:48.560 that done like in an hour, get that done this morning. Yeah. Uh, six hours later, right. We

00:56:53.800 finally got it done. It's like, oh man, none of us thought it was going to, it's always going to

00:56:58.080 take longer. It's always going to be a little bit harder. It's better to assume that it's going to be

00:57:02.320 more difficult than not. That way you can mitigate that risk. Yeah. It's just be, like you said,

00:57:07.280 it's just being a realist about the expectations. And then, and also what you do is when you do that

00:57:12.160 is you don't allow yourself to get blindsided. You're like, oh, I anticipated this. Yep. I knew

00:57:17.700 this would happen. And here was my contingency plan. So let's go ahead and implement that now,

00:57:22.620 implement your contingency plan, and then keep driving on. Don't let it deter you. Yeah.

00:57:26.880 Yeah. Jeremy Roach, what tools do you use to maintain your calm and composure when children and

00:57:32.880 spouse say, or do something that irritates you? Jeremy, be a man, dude. It's a joke.

00:57:39.080 I was going to say, I don't know. I don't have any, it's not a big deal. No, I was going to say,

00:57:43.820 I don't know how to do that. I haven't figured it out yet. It's a big deal. I just haven't figured

00:57:46.920 it out. Um, I mean, this is a, this is an issue with me, you know, is I get stressed. I get, um,

00:57:55.460 excited. Uh, I, again, wake of collateral damage stuff. I got shit to do. And if you're over here

00:58:00.940 planning or talking to me about this, I'm like that, that stresses me out. Cause that's not on

00:58:04.880 my radar right now. I'm focused on this. I will say the one thing that has been helpful, uh, for

00:58:11.080 me is margin. Like if I, if I just have some margin, some space to think some time, I don't

00:58:21.240 my week this week is looks awesome right now. I have one meeting today, one tomorrow, one on

00:58:27.100 Wednesday. That's about my speed because I know other meetings will come up. I had somebody

00:58:31.500 that wants to talk this afternoon. So that came up. Now, normally I'd stress me out now

00:58:35.400 today. Cause I didn't have anything on the calendar this afternoon by design. I keep it

00:58:39.480 minimal by design because I know different things are going to come up and it doesn't stress

00:58:44.120 me out when I have that space. It's when I don't have space, when appointments are back

00:58:50.880 to back, or I have, you know, this task and that task, and I'm just juggling all of this

00:58:55.920 stuff that I need to do. And I always lash out at, at my ex-wife and my children, even,

00:59:02.340 you know, my lose my patience. I lose my cool. And that's just, I wish I didn't have that

00:59:09.000 problem. I do, but I I'm telling you, the margin thing has been helpful for me. Just back

00:59:13.360 up or buffers in your schedule. If you can't talk to your wife or your kids about a certain

00:59:20.400 issue, then just tell them that, Hey hon, I know that's important. It's important to

00:59:26.220 me too. Cause it's important to you. I can't talk about that right now because I have these

00:59:30.120 other things, but I can talk about that tonight after dinner. Is that okay? I know it's important.

00:59:36.160 I know it's maybe on a bit of a time schedule, but I can do it after dinner. Does that work?

00:59:40.600 Yeah. If it works good, if it doesn't find some time, you know, negotiate your schedule

00:59:44.480 a little bit, but yeah, don't, don't allow yourself to get mentally and emotionally boiling

00:59:50.720 and then expect that you're just going to be patient and calm and cool with everybody.

00:59:54.780 Like it just doesn't happen. Let me, let me try. Let me see how I do. Let me see how I do. I'm

01:00:00.220 going to go a different path a little bit. So when we're out of integrity, it often gets grouped

01:00:09.580 with blame and victimhood and some form of a finger being pointed at someone else,

01:00:16.600 which causes irritation, frustration, everything else. And I'm not saying this is necessarily the

01:00:23.360 case for you, Jeremy, but for me, when I don't show up today in a way that I should,

01:00:31.400 when I didn't get the things done that I should have gotten done, when I dragged my feet, I didn't

01:00:37.520 get my workout in. I'm out of integrity in all these magical ways. Guess what comes with it?

01:00:44.680 Whoa is me comes with it. Oh man. You know, cause I have to excuse why I didn't get those things done.

01:00:51.440 Well, it's cause I'm so busy. And, and usually if it's, I'm so busy, it's accounted with,

01:00:55.940 and my wife's not so busy. And she doesn't understand.

01:01:00.460 She doesn't understand me. They don't do these things. And so then when I come home,

01:01:04.220 if the world is not perfect, I'm pissed off. Why isn't this done? Why isn't this done?

01:01:10.980 Because why? Because I am showing up in a really weak way all day today. And I've been blaming the

01:01:17.760 world to, so I could justify how shitty I am as a person. And I go home and I continue the path. 0.51

01:01:23.600 So maybe possibility is be careful that you're not lashing out at everyone else to justify

01:01:31.940 your lack of showing up. It's good, man. There's a lot of guilt associated with that as well.

01:01:37.300 And so you, now you have extra emotional baggage because you have guilt and, and it's just too much.

01:01:45.620 It's, it's all too much. You feel bad about yourself. You don't feel good. You're yeah.

01:01:50.860 Yep. And it's just, it, it just all comes like a house of cards. It comes crashing down because

01:01:56.020 I really like what you said there because you're out of integrity with the way, you know,

01:01:59.360 you should have shown up and you didn't show up that way. Very interesting perspective.

01:02:03.720 Cool. Let's take one more as a rapid fire. One more. Okay. David Raffer steps on finding

01:02:09.280 homeschool friendly States with lots of freedom. Good luck.

01:02:13.680 Merck. I don't know. So one thing I would look at is what are the, some States are not homeschool

01:02:22.160 friendly. Well, some States require a lot. I think I'm pretty sure don't quote me on this,

01:02:27.340 but every state allows you to homeschool. Some States will not allow you to participate in

01:02:34.300 extracurricular activities with the school district. Yeah. Utah allows you to main does a lot of states

01:02:42.260 will allow your children to participate in sports, for example, even though they don't actually go to

01:02:47.580 the public school because you're paying the taxes. You don't get to absolve yourself of paying taxes

01:02:51.740 until there's maybe some sort of voucher that you could, that would qualify for homeschooling.

01:02:57.200 But I don't think that's the case. Outside of that, really, it's going to be the requirements of

01:03:02.120 each state that there's reporting requirements that the state has. And, and, and my ex-wife did all of

01:03:08.260 this. So she knows all of the requirements and she knows all of that stuff. But yeah,

01:03:14.360 you have to report how many hours they're doing and what curriculum you're using and what you taught

01:03:19.460 them in some schools or excuse me, States require a lot of reporting and others require minimal

01:03:25.040 reporting. Generally, I think you could probably look at the more conservative States. And again,

01:03:32.020 generally that's probably going to be less stringent as far as homeschooling goes,

01:03:35.620 but I don't know. There's probably homeschooling resources that you could use or look into for

01:03:40.600 which States allow what, which, which States, you know, maybe even some of these curriculums,

01:03:44.880 like we use the good and the beautiful, no, the good, the good and the good. And I don't know.

01:03:49.520 That sounds like a soap opera. Is that what it's called? The good. And doesn't it sound like a soap,

01:03:55.560 but that's a soap opera. It does sound like a soap opera. Yeah. That's what my grandma used to watch. 0.93

01:03:59.640 We'd go over there and we'd have to walk bold in the beautiful. I think is what it was.

01:04:05.620 Anyways, you could look at some of these homeschool curriculums and they might have

01:04:10.000 resources on which States allow what and what the requirements are for that. That's,

01:04:13.900 that seems like a pretty, pretty standard Google question would be better on that than I think me.

01:04:19.560 Yeah. Ask chat GPT. They'll tell you careful of that stuff. Yeah. All right. Cool. Well, we,

01:04:26.880 we mentioned, we filled the questions from the IC or for, from the iron council to learn more,

01:04:31.660 go to order of man.com slash iron council. Of course you can connect with us also on Facebook

01:04:36.740 that's facebook.com slash group slash order of man, and then connect with Mr. Mickler on the

01:04:42.700 Insta and Twitter at Ryan Mickler and stay connected. And so you can get updates on the

01:04:49.320 latest and the greatest and band with us. That's right. Cool. Well, Kip, I appreciate you. Glad to

01:04:55.360 have you back guys. Appreciate you and the questions that you asked. Hopefully we gave you some,

01:04:58.900 some answers to consider at least. And, uh, we will be back on Friday until then go out there,

01:05:04.220 take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man

01:05:08.660 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:05:13.320 We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - April 19, 2023

Delay Your Gratification, How to Involve Yourself in a Public Altercation, and Moving Forward in the Face of Fear ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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