Delay Your Gratification, How to Involve Yourself in a Public Altercation, and Moving Forward in the Face of Fear ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 5 minutes
Words per Minute
191.11812
Summary
On this episode of the podcast, we are joined by our good friend, Kip, who is back from vacation. We talk about how to balance work and play, how to stay productive on vacation, and how to make the most of your time on vacation.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Kip, what's up, man? Mr. World Traveler is back. You were gone for a
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couple of weeks, and we had a great replacement for you, but it is good to have you back.
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Yeah. You leave for two weeks, and then I start wondering, I wonder on Monday, I get a text from
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Ryan going, hey, you know what? Sean's got us covered this Monday. I didn't know if we'd be back.
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You got to be careful. You got to stay on your toes around here. We've got some high-level,
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high-caliber guys that are itching for your spot, Kip.
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Yeah, totally. Dude, and I know you're kind of joking, but I'm sure, without a doubt,
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there's a handful of guys in the art council going, hey, dude, I could do way better than Kip.
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Ryan, like, come on, bro. I don't think they've said I could do way better than Kip,
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but they are chomping at the bit to be able to be in this seat, in your position.
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In my almighty presence. Yeah. I don't know why anybody would want that,
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but it is what it is, I suppose. All right, man. Well, let's just jump right into questions
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today. It's good to have you back. I know you want to be productive. Obviously, that's what
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we talked about it a little bit. A lot of guys listening are probably the same way. When you go
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on vacation, it's cool, but there's an expiration date where the milk starts to sour a little bit.
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You like drinking milk, but it starts to sour if you don't finish it up by that expiration date.
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That's how I feel when I'm on vacation. It's like, all right, three days in, I'm like, okay,
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I got it. I've seen the things I wanted to see and done the things I want to do. Now I got to go
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back to work. That's always a weird balance for me. I think it says a lot. It means that we're about
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something and just relaxing and not doing anything and not being productive or mooting the needle in
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some way. Eventually, it's not satisfying. I find more satisfaction from the grind than I do
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chilling. I'm with you. One little pivot, two pivots that I've made that have helped me
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personally is number one, start looking at vacations and trips as productive. We say,
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I'm not being productive. Well, no, you actually are. You're building a relationship with your wife.
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You're building a relationship with your kids. You're seeing things. You're exposed to new cultures.
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You're trying new things. You're experimenting. So shifting from non-productivity to actually
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believing that it is a productive thing in a different facet of life. The other one, this is
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a huge little hack. If you guys ever find yourself at the beach on vacation, always bring a shovel.
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It changes. It just changed because look, I'm not going to sit on the beach and cook in the hot sun
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and just sit there and do nothing. That is miserable. But if I bring a shovel and I just
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dig a big hole, we play king of the hole where somebody gets in and everybody else tries to jump
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in and you got to throw other people out. Not only is it good with my kids, but all the kids that are
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around us, they start playing. And then I slowly back out and the kids are playing. It's awesome.
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So always bring a shovel to the beach guys. Always. I love it. I love it. Well, and I,
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one thing that I've, I think it really increases my vacations is I don't stop working out.
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And worst case scenario, if I can't find a gym, I go run. And to be honest with you, that is the best
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because I'm in Barcelona and I'm like, what better way to see Barcelona than wake up early
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and go for a run. Right. Like nobody's out. I get back to the house. I'm like, dude,
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I've seen the whole city. I saw this one chapel here. We should go check that out. Like it is
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such a great way to actually, you know, see wherever you're vacationing. Yeah. You do have to run.
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I haven't, I haven't. No, don't run. Don't run. Walk briskly, but don't run. Uh, I actually did this.
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The last trip that we went on was in Costa Rica and I was in a fitness challenge. And I'll be honest,
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if I'm on vacation, I'm not great about working out, but in Costa Rica, I got up every morning,
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every single day. I think we were there for 10 days, every single day I went and did a workout.
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And it was typically, I found a little local gym and it was actually cool because like you said,
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you see the city, you see these little local gyms, you interact with people there,
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you get a new experience and then you wake up or when you get back, everybody's just kind of
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rolling out of bed and you're like fired up. You've got energy, you're ready to go and just
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way more productive throughout the rest of the day. So I definitely concur with all but the running.
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I did go on two runs over the past three days. Cause we've got a Ragnar, you and I,
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and some other guys have a Ragnar relay race coming up. Running is stupid. It is the dumbest.
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It is the worst thing ever. And I know guys are like, well, it's only bad. Cause you're saying that.
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No, it is objectively horrible. Like this is not my, I'm not interjecting my bias against running.
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It is objectively. This is a fact. This is a fact by Ryan. Even if you think you like running,
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you're wrong. You're wrong. You have lulled yourself into, I don't know, some sort of,
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what is it? Yeah. Where you just like, you just like being hurt and being in pain. And that's a
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mental disorder. That's not that you like running. You need help. Yeah. Seek help. If
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you're enjoying your running. I will say a trail run is different. A trail run is definitely better
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and definitely better than the road. Yeah. I totally agree. I totally agree. All right.
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Let's get to some questions. Yeah. So we're going to field questions from the iron council to learn
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more about the iron council, go to order of man.com slash iron council. It is closed,
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but stay connected with us to know when that opens back up next quarter. Uh, once again,
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order of man.com slash iron council. All right. Our first question, Brad Yarbrough. What are some
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ways to practice delayed gratification? I've been working out consistently for about a year and I've
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seen benefits from delayed gratification and fitness programs or in fitness progress. I've also
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been working on budgeting and reducing spending, which involves delayed gratification. Any other ideas
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to practice? And I, me personally, I just can't express how critical this is. I know Brad's asking
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this for himself, but like every parent should be saying, how do I help my kids practice delayed
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gratification? I don't know if you want to go there, Ryan, but maybe even just open it up, even from a,
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from a parenting perspective too. Cause I think this is so important.
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Yeah. I actually think there's been some studies that I've seen and I can't remember right offhand,
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which studies we can, we can find those, or you can go look it up that, that say that your ability
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to delay gratification, especially in youth is one of the primary indicators of long-term success
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in their lives. And the notorious, uh, experiment that you hear about is the cookie experiment.
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I think it is cookie or candy where they put a cookie in front of, yeah, they put a plate of
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cookies or whatever, one cookie in front of the kid. And they say, Hey, you can eat this now if you
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want, or if you wait and an hour or whatever it is, then you can have two cookies. And so they,
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they actually show that as a determinant for success. So absolutely. Um, the way the question
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is worded, it almost sounds like he's asking in what ways can we practice delayed gratification?
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And I think there's an infinite number of ways I'd rather approach it. And maybe this is what he's
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asking from ways that where you're already, you're already practicing some level of delayed
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gratification. What can keep you going when you're enticed to quit or change directions or pivot before
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you see results? Cause I think that's more important because there's all sorts of ways with debt,
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with finances, with saving for a vacation, with cooking dinner. Right. I mean, if you really think
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about it, anything difficult, anything that is not stimulating, like in a, in a hackful way,
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right? Like video games and movies, anything that's slightly difficult that has a delayed benefit
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is practicing delayed gratification, right? Like you don't want to go to work. That's delayed
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gratification. You don't want to work out. That's delayed gratification. You don't want to mow the lawn.
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That's delayed gratification. It's almost everything that you, it's almost anything that you kind of
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don't want to do immediately in the moment. When you say going to work is delayed gratification,
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explain that a little bit. Depends on the, well, it depends on the person, right? Like
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think about it. It's like, Hey, I need to go to work. I know I should go to work. And maybe,
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I don't know, we're thinking about someone young. That's like, Oh, I just hate going and whatever.
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It's like, that's part of delayed gratification, right? Like when I think about a kid or actually I
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look at my past, I was raised on a farm. And when my dad woke me up Saturday mornings and all my
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friends are going to go play or have fun or hang out, my dad goes, it's Saturday. I know what that
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means. It means I am busting my brow until the sun goes down today. I'm going to be exhausted. I'm going
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to, I hate this. I'm frustrated or whatever, but I got up. I just accepted it for what it was.
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But the irony was at the end of the day, I felt great. I always felt great at the end of that day.
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And I always had a hard time starting that day. That's it. That's delayed gratification. And,
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and there's no reap of that reward of that hard day's work until the end of the day or the paycheck.
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Yeah. Yeah. True. Um, so here, here's what I would say is, as far as like what we can do
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tactically, uh, to, to keep ourselves in the game. Number one, find joy in the process. I know when
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we listen to self-development podcasts and books and all these sorts of things, we're led to believe
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that success means that you have to be miserable for a time. And I think there is an element of that,
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but the less miserable you can make the journey, the more likely you are to actually be engaged in
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the process. So I think about this when it comes to working out, we talk a lot about jujitsu. It's one
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of our favorite things to address and talk about, but look, if you hate jujitsu, like you dread it,
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you know, you want to be fit, you want to be strong, you want to be capable and you have to drag
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yourself into jujitsu every day and you hate it there and you hate the people and you're miserable
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about it. Just don't do jujitsu. Like really? I mean, there's one element that it's supposed to be
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hard and difficult and challenging, but it should have some meaning to it. But if you're just dreading it,
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go do something else, right? If you're running, that's another great example. If you just dread
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running, like just don't run, like go lift weights. Now I'm doing it because I'm preparing for this
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Ragnar, but so has meaning associated with it, right? Delayed gratification. But if you're miserable
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and you're just beating your head against the wall, it's probably not going to keep you in the game for
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very long time. So think about it. Is it just discomfort, but you still, you still know it's
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valuable or are you dreading it? Because that's different. So find joy in it. And there's a lot
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of different ways to get to the end result. Find the one that's going to keep you in the game the
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longest. The next is when I look at long-term goals, some of those things can be very daunting.
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It can be overwhelming. And because it's so overwhelming, you know, we might go for a week
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and we're like, Oh my gosh, you know, here's a hundred percent of my goal. And I, I literally,
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I'm only at 1% of my goal. I've been doing this for a month or two months and I'm 1% of my goal
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and it's discouraging. So what I would suggest to you is that you start with this, this goal or this
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objective that you have, and then break it down into smaller subsets, smaller goals of the larger
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picture that might help you along the path. So for example, let's say you want to lose 50 pounds.
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That's your goal. You want to lose 50 pounds. You want to get down to 15% body fat, but you're 30%
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right now or whatever it is. It might take you a year, but you know what? You can lose a pant size
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this month. Right. And so that becomes a checkpoint, a little metric on your way to something bigger is
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like, Hey, yeah, I'm going to lose 50 pounds for sure. But this month, my goal is to go down
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one pant size or to, or to go from a triple X to a double X t-shirt. Okay. That's manageable.
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You can do that. And you can actually see the result and you stack up these little wins that
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are in alignment with your long-term horizon. So those are two strategies I would say.
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Do you have any others? And then we can talk about for kids as well.
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Man, not really. Like, I think those are the same things. The other part is, is like sometimes
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and it's when you, when you, I, I totally agree with you. I don't disagree with you,
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but I, I wonder like how many guys like, don't go to the gym. And it's not because it's like,
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oh, well, you know, Ryan said that if I don't really enjoy it, don't do it. And it's like,
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well, and that same person just dreads everything. And they're like, nothing is good enough. And it's
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like, well, the answer to you, if you're that guy is change your attitude. Yeah. You know what I
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mean? And because nothing may be enjoyable for you. Like what we all know that we should have
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some physical wellbeing and we should have some physical fitness. If you can't find something on
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the list of activities and they're all miserable, we're not saying we'll just don't do them. We're
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saying, you know what, maybe you just need to change your attitude and, and, and just approach
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things in a more positive light as well. That that's the only thing that really crossed my mind.
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Yeah. There is nuance. You know, sometimes it comes across as we're saying in things in black
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and white, but everybody's smart enough, even if they pretend like they're not, they're all smart
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enough to know like, okay, is he saying, don't go to the gym? Is he saying, don't get fit because
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it's miserable? Of course, of course, I'm not saying that. And I think we know that, you know,
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but it is funny because people will play dumb and be dense on purpose. I don't know. They can
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justify their actions or something. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So strange. So you got to consider too,
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is what, what, what do you need as a listener? Like, what do you need? Are you the guy who's
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like, I don't know how to stay disciplined. Okay. Then that's what you should focus on.
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But you might be the guy who's overly disciplined towards a pursuit at the expense of everything
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else around you. And that might be your battle that you need to work on. That's something I fall
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prey to because I get really consumed with work and total vision, target fixation, nothing around me
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matters, not no people, no other events. Like this is it. And that personally is something that I've,
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I've really needed to improve on in my life. Yeah. I'm like, you don't need to convince me to be
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disciplined to work. It's just not a thing for me. I'm such, I'm exactly the same way. And I,
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and it's kind of funny, right? Like here's, here's a good analogy, right? Like, so we listen to
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Goggins, right? And it's like, Hey, take souls, right? It's like, well, guess what? Cleaning the house
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with your kids and your wife, you shouldn't be taking souls during that, right? Like that's a bad
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time to be like Uber focused and like pissed off, but you got to clean house. It's like, well,
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that really wasn't an ideal state. Yeah. Maybe being more pleasant would be a good idea.
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I've look, I found a lot of these, I just uploaded my 430th interview episode.
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And I found that a lot of these guys, I'm, I'm trying to think about the way that I want to say
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it. I was going to say they're miserable. That's not it, but they don't care really too much about
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anything, but their thing. Yeah. They're so obsessed. They are so focused. And you know what?
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We need people like that to show us what's possible when you focus and go all in on something,
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but that's a decision that they've made. The ones who are aware of it, no, Hey,
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this other stuff is not important to me and they know it and they're okay with it. They've,
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they've, they've weighed the decisions and they've made those decisions. And those aren't decisions
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that I'm totally comfortable with. So I got to live my life the way that I want, which means that
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I might have to throttle back in some aspects of my life because I don't want it to come at the expense
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of other aspects of my life. And we have to make those conscious decisions.
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Yeah. And, and the power of knowing what the cost is, is awesome because most people don't
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never do that. Right. They never evaluate like, what is the cost of this? Right. And that's where
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we kind of decide. And you decide, okay, do I want it or not? Yeah.
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Okay. And that's also helps you address the, I was going to say, that also helps you address the fear
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of missing out. There's a lot of guys will be like, they'll see some event that somebody's putting on
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and they're like, Oh, I'm not there. I wish I'm blah, blah, blah. That to me is an indicator that
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you haven't weighed the cost of your decisions. And what I mean by that is that when there's an
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event this weekend, and instead I choose to stay and coach my son's baseball team, I've weighed the
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pros and cons and I've made a deliberate choice. I don't even use language that gets it out of my
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control. Like I can't, I don't use that. I can, I can go to that thing. I'm not going to,
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I'm choosing not to, I have other obligations I'm committed to. That's the language I use for
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myself and other people when it comes to events that I, and you know what? And then I see the
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pictures and I see everybody having a good time. It doesn't bother me. I'm unfazed because I've
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already weighed the cost and I've made intentionally another decision. Yeah. I like it. How about kids?
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Yeah. Number one, make it fun. Obviously they have a shorter attention span than we do.
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Uh, so if you don't make it fun, it's, it's not going to be enjoyable. Uh, let them, let them have
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some ownership in the way they achieve objectives and goals. So if they want to get in shape, they
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don't have to do jujitsu like you do if they want to, that's cool. But if they want to do something
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else, that's cool too. That was really hard for me to understand with my second son, because my first
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is a lot like me, my second, pretty different than me. And I thought, Hey, I've got to create these
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little clones. I've got to create these little mini me's. They got to do the things I do.
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They got to be involved in the things I'm involved in. It just isn't the, isn't the case. And I found
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that when they do things they're interested in, they're more committed to it. The other thing I
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would suggest is that you let them lead. If they're always following your lead, you're robbing them of a
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critical opportunity for them to take initiative. So I, I really like letting my kids teach me things
00:19:03.100
that I don't know. When I go to the gym with my oldest son, I ask him, I say, Hey, will you watch
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my form and critique me? And sometimes he's a little unfair in that critique because he's a kid
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and he's a punk and he thinks he knows it all, but other times like he's pretty accurate and that's
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good for him to be able to give me critique, to get feedback on how you communicate critique to people.
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Um, also lets me step out of the position of leadership and allows him to lead, makes him
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feel good that his dad is asking for advice. There's a lot of reasons why this is really,
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really advantageous. So step out of the leadership role for a minute, let them lead, let them direct,
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let them teach. And that's a powerful way for them to be excited, engaged in things. That's what I've
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got for kids. All right. Stacey Bauer, what keeps you going from, from day to day? We set up this nice
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routine to be better and healthier, but after so long, you have to remind yourself the why.
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Well, I think the first thing is if you have to remind yourself to keep going,
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I've never really had this problem. So it's going to be hard for me to articulate. I think the reason
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I don't have this problem is because I know what I want. I've always been pretty clear about what I
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want. I don't really need to be a whole, like, I don't really need to be that motivated to do
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things. That's kind of an interesting phenomenon for me. People talk about motivation and inspiration
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and it's good. It serves its purpose. I really just don't need a whole lot of that. In fact, I find
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value in doing challenging things and I have a system and I have a routine and I just check things off
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the list as I go because I know it leads to something greater. So maybe it's losing focus of what's
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important. Maybe, you know, you're, you're walking on this path, but you don't have your eyes on your
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target. And so you kind of veer off a little bit here and there. Maybe your target's not compelling
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enough. You know, if you're going that way and it's just not enticing to you, maybe that's an indicator
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that you're going the wrong way. And that might be something that you evaluate. Maybe you don't even
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know where you're walking to begin with. And if you don't know where you're going, then you can
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just kind of casually stroll wherever external forces take you. So I would say this is a, this is
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probably a problem with a vision. It's either not compelling enough to you. It's not emotionally
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charged. It's not drawing to you. You may not know what it is, but I think this is a vision problem
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more than anything else. What do you think? No, I mean, the only thing for me, it's, you know,
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I kind of use this on my teenage kids in the past and it's more of the stick side of this is like,
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what's the probable future? I think that's really, what's the natural consequence. So if, I don't know,
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if we're struggling with, you know, going to the gym or changing my diet and I'm overweight and,
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you know, to the extent of being really unhealthy, getting really connected to the
00:22:07.820
natural consequences of you not changing, I think is really impactful. And, and it's not,
00:22:14.800
and I've used this analogy, maybe it's a little harsh, but it is what it is. It's like,
00:22:18.500
but it's not like, Oh, well, I won't have a six pack. No, no, no. It's, it's, it's worse than that.
00:22:23.560
Right. Like you will die earlier, right. You will lose years. And then, and then you can go deeper and
00:22:30.840
go, well, my kids, right. My kids are going to pick up on my eating habits. And so they're
00:22:37.760
going to eat the kind of crap I'm eating. They might end up getting overweight. Then they'll
00:22:41.960
be shameful of their own bodies. And I helped create that. Right. Or what's all the people in
00:22:48.220
my life that if I were on the path, if I was living an impactful life, they could look to me
00:22:55.240
and it would make a difference in their lives. And I avoided that. And in fact, not only have I avoided
00:23:00.800
it, but I've done the opposite. I've helped give them a pass for not showing up powerfully because
00:23:06.160
I'm not showing up powerfully. Like you start, I don't know, for me, I started thinking through
00:23:11.160
that and I go, Whoa, there is so much I need to do and change. And the stakes are way higher
00:23:17.800
than we give ourselves credit for. I think we walk around kind of thinking that there's power of one.
00:23:23.760
And I think that we downplay our impact in the world. And the reality of it is, is if, if Ryan,
00:23:31.580
if you're on the path of being the ideal person that God intended you to be, and I'm doing the
00:23:35.880
same thing, there are people that need that, that need you, that need me, that need those that are
00:23:42.280
listening. And we're, and we're, if we're not showing up powerfully that way, they're not getting
00:23:46.800
it maybe. Yeah. And that's kind of on us. I don't, I think that can be powerful. I don't think
00:23:52.560
that has the same weight for me as it does. It sounds like it does for you. So I think it is
00:23:57.340
important for us to figure out what that is. If it is that, that I would say the negative
00:24:03.040
consequences of your action or inaction is what's driving you then, man, use that as fuel. For me,
00:24:09.460
I don't find as much power in that as much as I do what could be, what is possible. That seems to be,
00:24:15.260
and by the way, I'm not right or wrong and neither are you. It's just whatever is more compelling for us.
00:24:20.740
And I think we all have a bit of both, right? Oh man, if I don't do this thing, you know,
00:24:24.640
something's going to happen and that's, that's powerful, but we all have it both.
00:24:29.900
There's one thing I was thinking about as you were saying this, um, I, there's a word that I've,
00:24:35.160
that I've real, that really motivates me, uh, because of, of what it means to me. And that is
00:24:40.520
excellence. And, and I'm not, I'm not always the greatest at this, obviously,
00:24:45.540
but I want to be excellent. And excellence is to me in a way, the goal in and of itself.
00:24:56.040
So when I go to the, again, I'm not a hundred percent on this. I'm not saying that,
00:25:00.160
but what I am saying is when I remind myself to be excellent and I go to the gym with a different
00:25:06.020
mentality and it's not to get the six pack abs, it's not to get the guns, it's not to be a certain
00:25:11.660
body weight. I mean, all that stuff will happen as an inevitable outcome, but it's for excellence.
00:25:17.220
And so that means that I don't miss reps today. I had, I had to break up my dumbbell bench presses
00:25:24.280
because towards the end, it got heavy and I could really feel it on my left pec after that inch.
00:25:28.920
And so I had to break it up. I could have stopped. Like, no, don't stop. Like finish go back. Yeah.
00:25:34.440
You can do five right now and then set them down and you can pick them back up, pick them back up and do it.
00:25:39.580
Why? Not so you can get stronger, but because you're striving for excellence. You know, when,
00:25:45.520
when I granted my podcast studio is a bit of a mess and kind of empty now, but this is all going to get
00:25:51.020
remodeled. When I build this, it's going to be excellent. It's not going to be thrown together.
00:25:56.360
It's not going to be ugly. It's not going to be cheap equipment. It's going to be excellent.
00:26:02.340
And so I've really found that the word excellence triggers something in me to do it a little bit
00:26:09.420
better and a little bit more right than maybe I otherwise would. And it's the goal in and of
00:26:14.380
itself, the outcome. I don't care. I just want to do it with excellence. Yeah. I like that.
00:26:21.640
Rob Thompson yesterday, I witnessed a woman being unreasonably rude and disrespectful to a Walmart
00:26:27.700
employee. And I struggled with knowing if it was proper to respectfully call her out or to remain
00:26:35.260
silent. She had three kids with her. And when, and when one of her kids asked why she did what she
00:26:40.820
did, she wrongfully justified her actions, teaching her kids a terrible lesson. Eventually I decided to
00:26:47.600
remain silent, but I struggled with whether I made the right choice and when is it appropriate to get
00:26:53.540
involved? When should I mind my own business? This is really tough because there's a lot of
00:26:59.020
situations. Like we talk about it often. We as men are protectors, right? So that actually will come
00:27:06.560
at the risk of ourselves at times. So I think if people are in, in imminent danger, then I think
00:27:13.140
it's our responsibility as citizens of the community and neighborhood to interject and do what we can to
00:27:18.320
protect. But that places you at a risk. And I know a lot of guys, I've seen threads and things like
00:27:23.380
that online where guys be like, well, you know, you don't know the situation and which is true. And
00:27:29.180
you don't know what's going on or both sides of the equation, or you might get hurt. All of that is
00:27:34.600
true. I'm not saying there isn't a risk of getting involved. There is, that's the cost of being a
00:27:38.980
protector and the cost of being a man. But I think there's also a tactful way to do it because the
00:27:43.240
reality is you don't know what's going on. You actually don't know the situation. And so maybe this
00:27:48.900
woman, maybe you saw all of it. I don't know, but maybe this woman was irate because
00:27:52.400
the gala in the line, you know, called her a name, maybe made a racist comment. I don't know.
00:27:59.460
I don't know the story. And so that's, she's responding to that. You don't know. So here's
00:28:04.740
how I would suggest that you do it. You need a disruptor because maybe this woman's just having
00:28:10.440
a bad day too. You know, maybe she got some bad news or, you know, she's dealing with financial
00:28:15.740
burden or hardship or relational issue. And like, she's just having a shitty day and it's just all
00:28:21.120
coming out in a really inappropriate way. So a disruptor is good. And a disruptor might be,
00:28:27.720
Hey ladies, I can't help but overhear your conversation. Everybody can. I just want to
00:28:32.920
know, is everything okay here? That might, that alone might be just enough of a disruptor
00:28:39.820
that the woman who's yelling is like, Oh yeah, maybe I need to step back or gives the other woman
00:28:47.440
response time to maybe call security. If that's what needs to happen. Again, I don't know the
00:28:52.660
situation, but little disruptors like that, those are going to be a huge, huge deal. And if you can do
00:28:59.680
that appropriately in those situations, I think you're going to find that problems deescalate.
00:29:08.160
And that's also when, when that lady's yelling and you're like, Hey, I can't help but overhear
00:29:11.540
your conversation, the way you're yelling or talking and everybody else can hear you too.
00:29:17.300
She might say, Oh my goodness. Like I'm being a total ass right now. Yeah. Yeah.
00:29:22.360
That's what I can't. And I can't help but think it's just like skillfully, right? Like,
00:29:29.160
you know, somebody look at this as like, Oh, you know, I'm a man. So I, you know, Hey,
00:29:34.360
let's shut the, you know, and it's like, well, you're not even helping. Right. And this is now
00:29:38.400
about your ego and trying to show up a certain way. Yeah. So really it's like, do you look at
00:29:44.300
the circumstance from the perspective of like an enforcer of righteousness or empathy and caring,
00:29:54.040
you know? And I think if you approach it from that perspective, I'm just saying you might want
00:30:00.060
to work through what this is. I think we all should actually. In fact, this is a great question
00:30:04.380
because I'm thinking now in my mind's like, okay, how would I do that in effective way where both
00:30:09.360
ladies are not threatened by my involvement either. And they actually see it from the perspective of
00:30:14.040
like, I'm trying to help and how powerful is that? And I, and I don't, I'm not going in there trying
00:30:19.100
to protect my ego, trying to look good or anything else. Like to your point, right? This could be a
00:30:23.800
miserable day for this woman and maybe she just needs some help. And maybe that's our job, right?
00:30:29.560
Is to serve them, right? Not necessarily, you know, come across like some hard ass.
00:30:35.840
Well, I think about this too, with another scenario I often hear about is maybe in public,
00:30:43.620
a man is verbally abusive towards a woman, or maybe even being physically abusive or sexually
00:30:49.700
abusive. It's like, do you get involved? Well, yeah. Yeah. You get, you don't know. Again,
00:30:55.500
you don't know the whole side of the story. Maybe she hit him first. I'm not saying go up and stab the
00:30:59.800
guy or even get into a physical altercation with him. I'm saying interject and figure out what in
00:31:05.880
the world is going on. So the way you do that is safely, maybe you're in your vehicle, you're in a
00:31:10.860
safe environment, crack your window because you see something going on in the parking lot, crack the
00:31:15.580
window. Hey, you two, you're making quite a ruckus over here. Is everything okay? Because now you're
00:31:21.680
drawing the attention of everybody. And I don't know what the story is. I don't know what's going
00:31:26.120
on, but I need to come over here and figure out what's going on because this is creating an
00:31:30.100
environment here in the public that that is keeping other people from, from being safe. And if the guy's
00:31:35.040
like, mind your own effing business, they know this is my business. I'm not here to get into it with
00:31:40.320
you. I'm not here to fight with you. I'm not even here to judge what's going on, but I'm here.
00:31:45.340
My family is here. There are other people here and this is absolutely my business. What do we need
00:31:52.400
to do here? Do we need to call the police? Do we need to just leave? Like, what is it? What's the
00:31:57.700
solution here? But you do that from a safe enough space, but you don't get up in his face because now
00:32:03.420
you put yourself in unnecessary harm or risk and you're not, and you're not helping. Right. In that
00:32:09.500
example, in most cases, maybe even in that situation, just you going and let's say,
00:32:14.920
hypothetically, a woman is in danger, just going up and interjecting that way from a safe way gives
00:32:19.460
that woman enough time to flee and go run in the store or do whatever. But yes, you, yes, of course
00:32:25.800
you interject again in a, in a reasonable way. I saw this one a couple of, a couple of weeks ago,
00:32:32.220
there was this guy on a plane. He was acting irate and he was saying he was going to kill all the men
00:32:37.140
on the plane and like just being absolutely insane. And the flight attendants were having a
00:32:41.520
hard time rallying this guy up and all the, all the men on the plane are just sitting there, like
00:32:47.240
trying to ignore it. It's like, what in the world? What are you doing? Like, of course you interject,
00:32:53.480
you get up and you know what, when you get up, there should be 15 other men that get up on the plane
00:32:59.920
or you even turn to the guy and say, Hey, you and I, we're going to, you don't even need to look at,
00:33:03.360
you and I are going to do something about this. Let's go. Yeah. And you
00:33:07.000
lead the way men lead. Again, you're not there to get into a physical altercation because I don't
00:33:11.680
want you to get shot or stabbed, but the minute you pipe up, somebody realizes, Oh, I can't do this
00:33:18.200
without any consequences. Yeah. I, man, this is so crucial accountability, crucial conversations,
00:33:26.180
two great books, same author around the subject, I think would be a good resource. The other thing is,
00:33:33.160
I don't know, man, like, I almost feel like this should be training. Like we never have training
00:33:39.240
around this, you know, it'd be really valuable to, to work through the proper way, because that's why,
00:33:45.860
that's why we don't do this, right? That's why most people don't bring up something because
00:33:50.940
they've jumped to the conclusion of, well, if I do this, then I'm going to get in a fight and blah,
00:33:55.960
blah, blah. And they, they go to the conclusion and they bypassed whether something should be said or not.
00:34:01.500
Right. And the answer is something should be said. Now, the second question is now, how do I do it?
00:34:08.320
And, and we never, we never really get reps, right? Because of the fear of the confrontation.
00:34:15.560
I don't know, maybe something we do in the future or I don't know something, but I think it'd be
00:34:20.160
valuable because it's part of self-defense. This is part of self-defense. This is part of self-awareness
00:34:25.360
of how do you deal in these difficult situations? How do you maintain distance at the same time?
00:34:30.480
And the conversation that you need to have to be safe at the same time.
00:34:34.760
Right. I think it'd be, I think it'd be invaluable. Yeah. Yeah. We'll have to, we'll have to look into
00:34:40.480
how we might incorporate that or who we would bring in to help with some of that. You know,
00:34:44.440
we'd obviously want somebody or like how we can incorporate this into an event. Actually,
00:34:49.300
actually. Yeah. Yeah. We'll think on that. Totally. Anyways. Okay. That's my thought.
00:34:53.980
All right. Brandon Bonner. Good morning, Ryan and Kip. I'm currently intrigued by the ideas centered
00:34:59.800
around intermittent fasting versus prolonged fasting. I don't know the difference by the way.
00:35:04.720
What experience, if any, do you have with fasting? What benefits have you noted? Any related resources
00:35:10.880
you recommend? Thank you. Look, so the difference intermittent fasting is prolonged would be like
00:35:17.540
you fast for 24 to 72 hours. Oh, okay. Okay. Versus a minute for your window, your like 12 hour window
00:35:24.260
or whatever. Yeah. I think it's an eight hour window. I think it's 16 hours. Eight hour eating,
00:35:32.400
16 hour fasting. I think so. Yeah. I think that's what it is. And that's basically, I just call that
00:35:38.900
don't eat breakfast. So marketers, they love to get ideas and package it. Look, I'm a marketer,
00:35:47.640
so I get it. It's just don't eat breakfast. And cause if you, if you eat, if you eat your last meal
00:35:53.700
at eight and you eat lunch at, what is that noon? Then that's the 16 hours, right? So just don't eat
00:36:01.740
breakfast and you've, you're doing intermittent fasting. There's a lot of health benefits. I'm not
00:36:07.540
an expert on it. So I really won't get into all of that because I'm not an expert on it. Um, I do
00:36:12.480
periodically do like a 24 hour fast too. And I did one, uh, the other, uh, about a month or two ago.
00:36:20.960
And it was a, uh, we did 72 hours and it was water. And I think I ended up, I did cheat a little bit.
00:36:33.200
I ended up having like a couple of different protein shakes, uh, uh, twice, I think, but outside
00:36:39.160
of that, I didn't have anything else for, for that timeframe. Uh, and there was a lot of mental clarity
00:36:45.040
that came with that. There was a lot of, it was for, and I won't get into details, but it was for
00:36:50.960
personal reasons to have some spiritual connection. And, uh, it helped put things in perspective and
00:37:00.200
context of the weight of what I was dealing with at the time. So I felt like there was a spiritual
00:37:05.660
component. I felt like there was obviously a physical clarity component. And then the idea
00:37:10.420
of just sacrificing something and realizing it's not the end of the world and you can do hard things.
00:37:15.720
And now, as far as like the actual physical physiological benefits, you can talk with somebody
00:37:23.140
else on that. I don't, I don't really know. Um, there's some Sean Stevenson, I think with model
00:37:27.580
health show talks about it. I'm sure Andrew Huberman, uh, has done something on intermittent
00:37:33.340
fasting and prolonged fasting. So I would defer the physiological benefits to the experts. I'm just
00:37:39.680
telling you my own anecdotal evidence that it was good. It was a good experience. Yeah. Yeah. I've had
00:37:45.240
the same, same benefit. I think, um, intermittent fasting, my dilemma always is that, um, I train at
00:37:53.160
noon for jujitsu. So, and I, there's no eating lunch and then going hopping on the mats. So I would never
00:38:00.220
end up eating until about two or three and I normally don't eat breakfast. So I intermittent
00:38:05.880
fast all the time. And the other benefit or the hack of it was, it's like come 3 PM. If I was tracking
00:38:13.700
my micronutrients, it's like, I can do whatever I want. Right. Because I haven't eaten my eating
00:38:19.480
windows so small. That's like, it gave me the freedom to not be so stressed out about my intake.
00:38:28.160
But, uh, once again, I'm the same way. I don't know all the quote unquote details and the benefits
00:38:34.180
of it. I just know that sometimes when I'm doing intermittent fasting, I don't mind it. Like I,
00:38:38.080
in fact, I, I train better on an empty stomach than I do with food in me. So I'd prefer that workout
00:38:45.380
or that, or that jujitsu training without, with while fasting. I don't, I don't really get into
00:38:51.740
the biohacking thing too much for me. I'm, I'm, I tend to be fairly intuitive and that's not to say
00:38:58.480
I always eat correctly. I certainly don't. I demolished a little Caesar's pizza the other night
00:39:02.540
and it was delicious. And I didn't feel bad about it in crust pepperoni with bacon on. It was awesome.
00:39:08.360
Don't let Johnny, my, my trainer hear that, but that's what I did. Yeah. Uh, but like the way I
00:39:16.020
look at it is we all know what to do and we don't need listen to your body and we don't need to hack
00:39:22.740
it. Like you just, you, we all know eat meat, like eat a fist size of meat, eat a cup of vegetables
00:39:31.900
and maybe a starch like rice and water. Like there's your diet advice. Now, are you always
00:39:38.760
going to follow that? No, but if you do that 80% of the time, you're going to be lean. You're going
00:39:43.900
to get jacked. You're going to reduce your body fat. You're going to improve your health. I don't
00:39:48.060
know how, I don't know all the metrics and fizzy lot. I just, we know that's what I know. If you want
00:39:53.140
to have breakfast in the morning, cause you're hungry, have a couple of eggs, have a piece of
00:39:57.120
bacon. I'd probably say avoid the orange juice, but what do I know? If you can just drink
00:40:01.840
water, I think that's better. We all know what to do. On the subject delayed gratification earlier.
00:40:09.100
You know, my wife and I, we, we had this conversation just not too long ago about,
00:40:13.880
you know, fasting once a month and we didn't really have our kids doing it. And I thought,
00:40:19.920
you know what? No, they're old enough. This is good for them. This is good for them to practice
00:40:24.140
on that Sunday to go, no, guess what kids? We're not, we're not eating until dinner.
00:40:28.180
Oh, but I'm so hungry. It's like, yeah, yeah, that's good. You know, like you're in control
00:40:33.340
of your body. So, you know, there's some, I guess some delayed gratification benefit there
00:40:37.940
to help your kids kind of see that. All right. Drew, I actually had a chat with Drew not too long
00:40:45.140
ago. So Kip, and maybe I should have read this ahead of time. When reached out to, when reaching
00:40:51.240
out to someone in a workplace setting to share employee engagement and retention solutions,
00:40:56.520
is it better to simply introduce myself and ask thoughtfully worded questions initially,
00:41:02.180
or share some of the solutions in a meaningful way and a way for the individual to engage in timing
00:41:08.340
in the timing is right for them. Thank you both for your mentorship.
00:41:14.780
Let me think through that. Do you, do you get, are you following what he's asking?
00:41:19.360
I think so. I'll, I'll give some input. He wants to hear from you, but I'll just give some generic
00:41:23.580
input. What you're talking about is dancing the line on unsolicited.
00:41:32.600
No, I think he's talking about, oh, is he talking? I don't know. I actually don't know
00:41:37.740
if he's talking about somebody within his organization or somebody that he's consulting
00:41:41.880
or coaching outside of his organization. It's a potential client.
00:41:44.620
Got it. Look, here's, here's my take. Be very, very careful of offering anytime unsolicited
00:41:52.320
feedback. I don't care if you're in a sales environment or if you're in a, you want to
00:41:57.980
talk with your supervisor about something, just be cautious in offering unsolicited feedback.
00:42:03.720
And here's why. When's the last time you were offered unsolicited feedback and you were like,
00:42:09.900
gee, thanks for that. Like, that was really awesome. I'm glad you said that. Even if that person
00:42:13.820
was right and being thoughtful, like it just doesn't happen. Nobody wants unsolicited feedback.
00:42:19.200
Not only could you be wrong, you could be wasting the person's time. You could aggravate them.
00:42:25.820
You could present solutions that don't really apply to their situation. It's like, there's,
00:42:30.540
there's nothing beneficial that comes from it. So always to your point, ask thoughtful,
00:42:37.800
engaging questions, and then you get to the end, the root of it. And if the answer is like,
00:42:42.380
this person isn't interested or doesn't want, or doesn't need what I have to offer. Cool. That's
00:42:47.860
it. But if they do, then you'll uncover that through questions and that will give you the
00:42:52.220
permission to get to some of that feedback. And by then it'll be more solicited than unsolicited.
00:42:56.500
Totally. In, in a workplace where someone's intention is not clear and it's not almost
00:43:06.840
even declared. And then there's a switch up mid conversation. So if, if, if Ryan and I are having
00:43:13.100
a conversation and I'm not sure why we're having the conversation, it's not a hundred percent clear
00:43:19.080
than midway. It's like, Oh, you're trying to give me feedback, man, trying to sell me something.
00:43:27.600
Yeah. That is untrustworthy. It is negative town, right? You, you almost like, it's almost to the
00:43:34.480
element of like, I don't trust you as a person anymore. That's how careful we need to be about
00:43:41.400
our intentions. So, and it's okay. Like if, if you need to get feedback, like let's say we're in a,
00:43:47.920
in a management position or whatever. And I'm like, Hey, I need to get feedback. Then declare
00:43:52.180
that if the intent of the call is, Hey, I, I have some ideas. I don't know if they're a good fit for
00:43:58.600
you or not, but if it's okay with you, I would like to present these ideas for your consideration.
00:44:04.080
Then say that. But if you don't say that and you, you know, finagle it in, into the conversation,
00:44:10.300
no, it's not going to go well. Now I don't trust you. Next time you reach out, it's like,
00:44:14.100
who knows what this, what the intent of this call is. So declare, declare the intention.
00:44:20.200
And, and by the way, that's super critical, even from a management and leadership perspective,
00:44:25.500
when you're doing a review with an employee, don't go into the review going, Hey, you know,
00:44:29.900
Ryan, you're doing so great. And what? No, no, no. You go in there saying, Hey, we need to talk
00:44:34.340
about something. Here's the intent of the, of the conversation. Now, if there's some concern that
00:44:39.060
you might take it wrong, address the concern upfront, my concern is that you might see this,
00:44:44.280
you know, as too much of a negative feedback or you might overreact. And I, I want to declare that
00:44:49.860
I actually really do value in the organization, but I need to give you this feedback so you can
00:44:54.440
grow and we can improve or whatever. Transparency, man, transparency on the intent, as well as
00:45:00.440
addressing any of those concerns upfront. I'm really glad you said that because the advice
00:45:06.100
that I gave about asking thoughtful questions could actually go down the path you're talking
00:45:10.620
about too, because if people feel like you're backing them into a corner, they're going to get
00:45:15.400
pissed. So a way that that might happen is if I have an agenda and my agenda is to sell Kip, you,
00:45:23.700
my program that I offer that will increase your sales. A question I might be tempted to ask you,
00:45:29.980
if I'm not very good at this is, Hey Kip, do you want to, do you want to have more sales?
00:45:36.640
It's like, bro, worst question you could have ever asked because obviously the answer is yes.
00:45:42.700
And it's a rhetorical question. And now they know all you're doing is teeing them up to sell your
00:45:47.980
thing. So you can, don't grill people like, Hey, do you want to make sales? What's your,
00:45:53.860
what's your sales now? How would you do it? What, what, what, what, what's been a struggle for you?
00:45:57.480
What's been good for you? What's worked? What hasn't, what have you tried? Holy cow. Ease up,
00:46:02.740
just ease up. If you're looking at this with an agenda of serving you, which is making a sale and
00:46:09.000
not other person, they're going to feel that energy for sure. And also lengthen out the time.
00:46:14.760
Too many people think that this just has to happen in a transaction. That's where you start getting
00:46:20.840
yourself into trouble. Instead of transactionary, it should be relation, relation, relate to a
00:46:27.760
relationship against relationary. Is that a word? It should be a relationship that I'm, that I'm
00:46:32.960
building with you. So it's not me going in there and grilling you so I can sell my thing. It's me
00:46:38.980
going in there and getting to know you like dating, you know, you wouldn't go on a date and
00:46:43.260
say, Hey, what do you want to? So are you going to get married? How many kids do you want? What's
00:46:46.140
your political views? What's your debt income ratio? How many guys have you slept with? Like
00:46:49.440
you would never ask all those questions. You would hopefully take it slow and let it develop and see
00:46:55.800
where it goes. Push a little when you need to draw back when you need to. It's the same thing when
00:47:00.980
you're working to serve other people. Yeah, totally. All right. Michael Barr dealing with
00:47:06.920
difficult, unruly colleagues over the phone or chat. I've been simply closing the chat as a
00:47:12.220
consequence of their bad behavior, but my employer has established methods of dealing with such
00:47:17.540
situations. I would rather not talk to these people when they're going in with guns blazing.
00:47:22.880
Of course, I don't want to get in trouble at work. Well, if they, if your boss has a system for
00:47:28.940
dealing with these situations, then that's the system you have to use unless you and your boss have
00:47:33.260
a discussion and you can identify a better system. System. Yeah. Like if, if the current system
00:47:39.340
doesn't work to address the problem, then let them know. If you're, if you're my supervisor, Kip,
00:47:43.760
I'd be like, Hey, you know, I know you have the system in place. It's a good idea. Cause man,
00:47:47.880
people tend to get pretty heated over some of these things that we're talking about. One thing I've
00:47:51.080
noticed is that the systems we have in place seem to shut down communication altogether.
00:47:56.380
And, and I think it takes it a little too far because not only can we not talk about the issue,
00:48:03.980
we can't even talk about anything at all because we close everything down. And I'm wondering if
00:48:08.100
there's a better way where we can address the negative behavior, but still keep the conversation
00:48:14.100
on track and going. So it benefits us all. What do you think about that? Not that's how you would
00:48:19.740
approach your supervisor with a better system. Again, like we were talking about in the last question,
00:48:24.740
you're asking questions. You're not telling him his system sucks. You're asking him to come up with
00:48:31.140
a solution for, um, based on what you've seen, your intent is clear. I want to keep the lines of
00:48:37.020
communication open. So I think this ties in nicely with what we had just talked about. Um, yeah,
00:48:41.540
but just shutting something down, that's not helpful because all it does is it shuts off
00:48:46.960
communication, obviously. And there's things that need to be talked about and it makes people
00:48:51.640
resentful because now they just have to bottle everything up. Maybe they have real issues.
00:48:55.860
They just suck at delivering it. And if you just shut down the conversation altogether,
00:48:59.940
then they internalize that stuff. And then it blows up in a month.
00:49:04.040
Yeah. You definitely don't want that at work. Right. Yeah. So I think there's a better way to do it,
00:49:08.860
but you need to go through the proper channels. You can't just go against whatever your boss or
00:49:14.280
employer is looking for already has in place. I think there's some opportunity to work with them about
00:49:18.800
how to create a more effective system. Yeah. Patrick Calhoun, what are ways to overcome the
00:49:26.040
fear of failure or the unknown in a project? Once you get past the initial excitement of starting it,
00:49:32.200
I find that I can put so much energy into anything. And then something always holds me back
00:49:38.600
from continuing it or finishing it. Well, I want to know what is holding you back. He says something
00:49:44.000
is just fear or is there something that comes up? What is actually holding you back from completing
00:49:49.140
or finishing it? Yeah. I mean, what could it be? I just, I can't relate with this question.
00:49:56.620
Yeah. Not that I'm not fearful. There's always fear, but to me, I'm like, okay, well, let's go find
00:50:04.740
it. Let's go figure it out. Let's address it. I want to know like what's around that corner. I don't
00:50:08.260
know. I'm scared, but I still want to look. Like I want to take a peek. I want to go. This is just,
00:50:13.740
I don't know. I don't understand. And here's one thing I would say, suggest like play it out,
00:50:22.400
play out the worst possible scenario. Yeah. It's probably not that bad. Like you're probably still
00:50:28.500
alive. You probably have all your limbs. You're probably not financially destitute. You're, you're,
00:50:33.920
you know, your relationship is probably still intact. Like play the thing out. And I think
00:50:39.140
you'll see when you pull the veil back, it's not really as scary as maybe you're making it out in
00:50:44.220
your mind. And, and some of those intangibles are hard to quantify. Like, yeah, people will think I'm
00:50:49.840
a loser. Well, you know what? Plenty of people probably already do, you know, like, like me,
00:50:54.720
you know, especially with the news that I've shared over the past several months about what's going on in
00:50:58.980
my personal life. Yeah. I've had all sorts of doubts and fears and concerns about people would
00:51:04.440
leave, which some have, and, you know, people would think less of me and some do, and people
00:51:08.860
will call me a hypocrite and some have it's like, and so what, I mean, not so what, like it's, it's,
00:51:16.980
but I'm not saying it's not weighted, but I'm, what I'm saying is so what, like, I still believe in
00:51:22.720
the mission. I still, I'm going to drive forward. I'm still going to improve my life. I'm still going to
00:51:26.360
work to serve guys. All of that risk means nothing in the grand scheme of things, because I know where
00:51:31.940
I'm going and I have to keep pushing forward in spite of what I'm afraid of. Yeah. In spite of
00:51:38.060
the risk that I might deal with. Yeah. You're following your thought to a conclusion, right?
00:51:43.000
And that's what we often don't do. Oh, Ryan, well, people are going to do this. And then they stop
00:51:48.260
thinking versus going, Hey, guess what? People may think less of me. Okay. So what I'm going to do about
00:51:54.580
it. Right. So what does that mean? What, how's this going to hold me back? How do I pivot? How do
00:52:01.080
I just like, you're following it to a conclusion versus just going negative town on a thought and
00:52:05.800
just stopping. Well, and if you follow it, like here's one that I've heard over the past several
00:52:10.600
weeks is like, I've heard this quite often, Ryan, you should step down. You should step down. You
00:52:14.360
should let somebody else come in. You should step down. Okay. Let's, let's follow that thought
00:52:19.280
process for me. If you're so upset about what's going on with my personal life that you feel like
00:52:26.540
I should step down and that you think it's diminished the organization, then is it safe
00:52:32.400
to assume that if I step down and bring somebody up that you'll stick around? Well, no, of course
00:52:37.600
not. If you're that upset about it, even if I step down, you'd leave anyways. Yeah. Like I play
00:52:43.820
the scenario out. And you know, the other thing is I think about in this context is imagine
00:52:48.960
I'm just talking about some of the risks and some of the fears that we have, because I
00:52:52.260
think it's important. We address them. Imagine that you grew up watching Arnold Schwarzenegger
00:52:56.980
and he was, he just meant the world to you, his discipline, his commitment, his physique,
00:53:02.620
his strength. And so you started to get into strength training, powerlifting, bodybuilding
00:53:07.180
because of him. And it drastically improved your life. You got stronger, you got fitter,
00:53:13.180
you develop more confidence that translated into making more money and more relationships.
00:53:18.180
It just got better. And then Arnold Schwarzenegger got fat for a year where you find out he's
00:53:24.940
juicing the whole time and you're a natural builder. So, so then does that mean that his
00:53:31.180
message was horrible? Does that mean that everything that he shared or everything that you did as a
00:53:38.100
result of it is now gone and diminished because he got, he didn't take his advice as well as maybe
00:53:44.700
he would have liked, or maybe he got sidetracked and then stepped back on the path down the road.
00:53:50.180
Of course not. You're like, okay, well that sucks, but that advice is still, it still improves my life
00:53:55.760
and I still see how beneficial it is. The reason I bring this up is because we have all sorts of
00:54:02.200
fears and doubts and worries and concerns about how people will perceive us and how they'll view
00:54:08.880
us and what they'll think of us. And you know what? A lot of it is actually founded. A lot of people
00:54:13.840
will think negatively. A lot of people will judge you, but guess what? They're doing it anyways.
00:54:19.080
Yeah. They're doing it anyways. And the things that we're afraid of really aren't things that should
00:54:27.320
slow us down. I'm not going to say they shouldn't, we shouldn't be afraid of them. Maybe there's a reason
00:54:30.680
we should, but they shouldn't slow you down. They should give you cause for maybe some, some pause
00:54:36.840
to figure out what you need to do and the way you need to tactfully approach this, but then go finish
00:54:41.940
complete. Keep going. Okay. You're scared. I'm scared. We're all scared. Keep going.
00:54:48.340
Yeah. The other, the other idea for Patrick that, that might like kind of get that wind out of
00:54:53.440
ourselves after the initial excitement. Uh, and we do see this in iron council, uh, with new guys coming in
00:55:00.260
and those battle plans are just amazing. Right. Or you get someone that's just on, on the path,
00:55:07.980
right. And they're just going hardcore and super motivated or whatever. And eventually reality
00:55:13.280
hits. Right. And it's like, Whoa, you know, this is harder. Right. Or there's, we had some expectation
00:55:20.600
of how easy it was going to be or how, uh, there wasn't going to be resistance in the process from
00:55:27.420
those that we love in our families or whatever. So, you know, and I'm not saying go into our,
00:55:34.720
our goals and our, on, and our objectives from a place of fear and negativity, but,
00:55:41.320
but we also need to be realists. Right. And there's value, right. We, we, we do this from a work
00:55:46.220
perspective all the time, right? What are the risks to this project? Awesome. We have a plan.
00:55:51.380
We have a strategy you want to report. What are the potential roadblocks that are going to arise?
00:55:56.420
Oh, my wife may not want to switch her entire cooking and diet and her diet to support mine.
00:56:03.940
Um, I may get unmotivated. I may not want to do this. I have vacation coming up. How am I going to
00:56:08.740
keep working out? Right. Identify what those potential obstacles are and those roadblocks and manage
00:56:15.720
your expectations of the level of difficulty. I've always believed this. And maybe it's just
00:56:20.600
because I always, I'm overly optimistic maybe at the beginning of things, but everything always
00:56:26.160
takes longer. Always. I don't care what it is. It always takes longer. I mean, I went down to the,
00:56:32.220
the lake house today and I had a, we had to build a trench four feet deep, probably about 15, 15 feet,
00:56:39.560
four feet deep, 15 feet long. And I had a backhoe and Asia's expectation was what, why you could get
00:56:48.560
that done like in an hour, get that done this morning. Yeah. Uh, six hours later, right. We
00:56:53.800
finally got it done. It's like, oh man, none of us thought it was going to, it's always going to
00:56:58.080
take longer. It's always going to be a little bit harder. It's better to assume that it's going to be
00:57:02.320
more difficult than not. That way you can mitigate that risk. Yeah. It's just be, like you said,
00:57:07.280
it's just being a realist about the expectations. And then, and also what you do is when you do that
00:57:12.160
is you don't allow yourself to get blindsided. You're like, oh, I anticipated this. Yep. I knew
00:57:17.700
this would happen. And here was my contingency plan. So let's go ahead and implement that now,
00:57:22.620
implement your contingency plan, and then keep driving on. Don't let it deter you. Yeah.
00:57:26.880
Yeah. Jeremy Roach, what tools do you use to maintain your calm and composure when children and
00:57:32.880
spouse say, or do something that irritates you? Jeremy, be a man, dude. It's a joke.
00:57:39.080
I was going to say, I don't know. I don't have any, it's not a big deal. No, I was going to say,
00:57:43.820
I don't know how to do that. I haven't figured it out yet. It's a big deal. I just haven't figured
00:57:46.920
it out. Um, I mean, this is a, this is an issue with me, you know, is I get stressed. I get, um,
00:57:55.460
excited. Uh, I, again, wake of collateral damage stuff. I got shit to do. And if you're over here
00:58:00.940
planning or talking to me about this, I'm like that, that stresses me out. Cause that's not on
00:58:04.880
my radar right now. I'm focused on this. I will say the one thing that has been helpful, uh, for
00:58:11.080
me is margin. Like if I, if I just have some margin, some space to think some time, I don't
00:58:21.240
my week this week is looks awesome right now. I have one meeting today, one tomorrow, one on
00:58:27.100
Wednesday. That's about my speed because I know other meetings will come up. I had somebody
00:58:31.500
that wants to talk this afternoon. So that came up. Now, normally I'd stress me out now
00:58:35.400
today. Cause I didn't have anything on the calendar this afternoon by design. I keep it
00:58:39.480
minimal by design because I know different things are going to come up and it doesn't stress
00:58:44.120
me out when I have that space. It's when I don't have space, when appointments are back
00:58:50.880
to back, or I have, you know, this task and that task, and I'm just juggling all of this
00:58:55.920
stuff that I need to do. And I always lash out at, at my ex-wife and my children, even,
00:59:02.340
you know, my lose my patience. I lose my cool. And that's just, I wish I didn't have that
00:59:09.000
problem. I do, but I I'm telling you, the margin thing has been helpful for me. Just back
00:59:13.360
up or buffers in your schedule. If you can't talk to your wife or your kids about a certain
00:59:20.400
issue, then just tell them that, Hey hon, I know that's important. It's important to
00:59:26.220
me too. Cause it's important to you. I can't talk about that right now because I have these
00:59:30.120
other things, but I can talk about that tonight after dinner. Is that okay? I know it's important.
00:59:36.160
I know it's maybe on a bit of a time schedule, but I can do it after dinner. Does that work?
00:59:40.600
Yeah. If it works good, if it doesn't find some time, you know, negotiate your schedule
00:59:44.480
a little bit, but yeah, don't, don't allow yourself to get mentally and emotionally boiling
00:59:50.720
and then expect that you're just going to be patient and calm and cool with everybody.
00:59:54.780
Like it just doesn't happen. Let me, let me try. Let me see how I do. Let me see how I do. I'm
01:00:00.220
going to go a different path a little bit. So when we're out of integrity, it often gets grouped
01:00:09.580
with blame and victimhood and some form of a finger being pointed at someone else,
01:00:16.600
which causes irritation, frustration, everything else. And I'm not saying this is necessarily the
01:00:23.360
case for you, Jeremy, but for me, when I don't show up today in a way that I should,
01:00:31.400
when I didn't get the things done that I should have gotten done, when I dragged my feet, I didn't
01:00:37.520
get my workout in. I'm out of integrity in all these magical ways. Guess what comes with it?
01:00:44.680
Whoa is me comes with it. Oh man. You know, cause I have to excuse why I didn't get those things done.
01:00:51.440
Well, it's cause I'm so busy. And, and usually if it's, I'm so busy, it's accounted with,
01:00:55.940
and my wife's not so busy. And she doesn't understand.
01:01:00.460
She doesn't understand me. They don't do these things. And so then when I come home,
01:01:04.220
if the world is not perfect, I'm pissed off. Why isn't this done? Why isn't this done?
01:01:10.980
Because why? Because I am showing up in a really weak way all day today. And I've been blaming the
01:01:17.760
world to, so I could justify how shitty I am as a person. And I go home and I continue the path.
01:01:23.600
So maybe possibility is be careful that you're not lashing out at everyone else to justify
01:01:31.940
your lack of showing up. It's good, man. There's a lot of guilt associated with that as well.
01:01:37.300
And so you, now you have extra emotional baggage because you have guilt and, and it's just too much.
01:01:45.620
It's, it's all too much. You feel bad about yourself. You don't feel good. You're yeah.
01:01:50.860
Yep. And it's just, it, it just all comes like a house of cards. It comes crashing down because
01:01:56.020
I really like what you said there because you're out of integrity with the way, you know,
01:01:59.360
you should have shown up and you didn't show up that way. Very interesting perspective.
01:02:03.720
Cool. Let's take one more as a rapid fire. One more. Okay. David Raffer steps on finding
01:02:09.280
homeschool friendly States with lots of freedom. Good luck.
01:02:13.680
Merck. I don't know. So one thing I would look at is what are the, some States are not homeschool
01:02:22.160
friendly. Well, some States require a lot. I think I'm pretty sure don't quote me on this,
01:02:27.340
but every state allows you to homeschool. Some States will not allow you to participate in
01:02:34.300
extracurricular activities with the school district. Yeah. Utah allows you to main does a lot of states
01:02:42.260
will allow your children to participate in sports, for example, even though they don't actually go to
01:02:47.580
the public school because you're paying the taxes. You don't get to absolve yourself of paying taxes
01:02:51.740
until there's maybe some sort of voucher that you could, that would qualify for homeschooling.
01:02:57.200
But I don't think that's the case. Outside of that, really, it's going to be the requirements of
01:03:02.120
each state that there's reporting requirements that the state has. And, and, and my ex-wife did all of
01:03:08.260
this. So she knows all of the requirements and she knows all of that stuff. But yeah,
01:03:14.360
you have to report how many hours they're doing and what curriculum you're using and what you taught
01:03:19.460
them in some schools or excuse me, States require a lot of reporting and others require minimal
01:03:25.040
reporting. Generally, I think you could probably look at the more conservative States. And again,
01:03:32.020
generally that's probably going to be less stringent as far as homeschooling goes,
01:03:35.620
but I don't know. There's probably homeschooling resources that you could use or look into for
01:03:40.600
which States allow what, which, which States, you know, maybe even some of these curriculums,
01:03:44.880
like we use the good and the beautiful, no, the good, the good and the good. And I don't know.
01:03:49.520
That sounds like a soap opera. Is that what it's called? The good. And doesn't it sound like a soap,
01:03:55.560
but that's a soap opera. It does sound like a soap opera. Yeah. That's what my grandma used to watch.
01:03:59.640
We'd go over there and we'd have to walk bold in the beautiful. I think is what it was.
01:04:05.620
Anyways, you could look at some of these homeschool curriculums and they might have
01:04:10.000
resources on which States allow what and what the requirements are for that. That's,
01:04:13.900
that seems like a pretty, pretty standard Google question would be better on that than I think me.
01:04:19.560
Yeah. Ask chat GPT. They'll tell you careful of that stuff. Yeah. All right. Cool. Well, we,
01:04:26.880
we mentioned, we filled the questions from the IC or for, from the iron council to learn more,
01:04:31.660
go to order of man.com slash iron council. Of course you can connect with us also on Facebook
01:04:36.740
that's facebook.com slash group slash order of man, and then connect with Mr. Mickler on the
01:04:42.700
Insta and Twitter at Ryan Mickler and stay connected. And so you can get updates on the
01:04:49.320
latest and the greatest and band with us. That's right. Cool. Well, Kip, I appreciate you. Glad to
01:04:55.360
have you back guys. Appreciate you and the questions that you asked. Hopefully we gave you some,
01:04:58.900
some answers to consider at least. And, uh, we will be back on Friday until then go out there,
01:05:04.220
take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man
01:05:08.660
podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:05:13.320
We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.