Order of Man - Detaching from Emotions, Becoming More Efficient, and Communicating Boundaries to a Boss ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.040 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly charge your own path.

00:00:06.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.440 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.440 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.680 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:23.180 Mr. Kip Sorensen, I gotta admit, man, I'm a little sick of seeing your face.

00:00:26.120 So the fact that we have to do this two days later after I've seen your face for a week.

00:00:31.180 Your kids? Your wife? Yeah, for sure. You? That's so much.

00:00:35.120 Yeah, well, that's what I get. As you've learned over the week, you know, you might just want to reference me as Asia's husband versus Kip because that's usually…

00:00:45.360 That's your new nickname.

00:00:46.420 They end up liking my spouse more than me. Yeah.

00:00:48.760 And it's actually, I mean, you're not wrong. You're not wrong.

00:00:53.600 But it's actually very indicative and telling of the relationship with my wife as well.

00:00:59.100 People will come out to my house, for example.

00:01:01.520 Hey, Ryan, I want to meet with you or I want to do a podcast or want to document you or whatever.

00:01:06.540 And they'll come out here. And, you know, the first time they'll come out for me.

00:01:10.460 The second time is all about my wife. It's all about my kids. It has nothing to do with me.

00:01:14.520 So, we're in very similar boats, man. Yeah, for sure. And, I mean, I don't know why.

00:01:21.100 I feel like teasing people about the secret Cancun gathering. There you go. I just did it.

00:01:28.420 Like just letting them know that we had a secret gathering in Cancun but not telling them at all what it was about.

00:01:34.300 Yeah. And if you guys follow Mr. Mickler on the socials, that's at Ryan Mickler, you'll see a photo of some pretty badass individuals all coming together in Cancun.

00:01:47.120 And it is pretty awesome.

00:01:49.180 We'll let you guys know. I'm not going to keep in the dark too long, but we'll let you guys know.

00:01:52.680 But, yeah, we got some things coming up.

00:01:55.260 Also, look, I got to tell you, I noticed that you conveniently overlooked my text that I sent yesterday.

00:02:03.480 I will be expecting PayPal of somewhere between $10 to $50. I can't remember what we settled on.

00:02:08.960 Yeah, I love how you forgot that it was $10.

00:02:11.860 Yeah, I do owe you some money. So, I betted on Dustin Poirier mostly because I like him.

00:02:18.760 Not only did you bet on him, you said Oliveira doesn't use jiu-jitsu.

00:02:23.900 I know. And he ended up submitting Dustin as well.

00:02:27.700 So, that's at least worth twice the bet that we had settled on, I think.

00:02:31.600 Oh, I see. So, that's how it went from $10 to $50.

00:02:35.180 I saw the text in the morning.

00:02:36.460 You said $50.

00:02:38.340 No, you said $50. You're like, why not make it $50? I'm like, done.

00:02:41.400 And you're like, no, better keep it at $10. That's true.

00:02:44.860 You don't remember saying that?

00:02:46.940 Okay, I may have said that.

00:02:48.220 I may have said that.

00:02:49.420 We did go back to $10.

00:02:50.940 But I didn't watch the entire fight.

00:02:53.260 I just watched the end.

00:02:55.060 And yeah, I mean, once he climbed on his back, it was over.

00:02:59.440 I know. It was a done deal.

00:03:01.840 No, he's amazing.

00:03:03.600 So, I don't want to downplay.

00:03:05.160 I did go for Dustin, though.

00:03:07.360 And did you see the girls fight?

00:03:10.880 No, I didn't.

00:03:12.580 I saw the end of it.

00:03:13.800 And that shocked the world.

00:03:15.000 There was no way in a million years that should have happened.

00:03:17.060 And they just toe and toe just banged.

00:03:20.280 It was awesome.

00:03:21.480 Yeah.

00:03:23.180 Yeah, man.

00:03:23.780 It's pretty.

00:03:24.340 You know, the thing I was going to say that I like about Oliveira, and I don't follow it

00:03:27.660 as closely probably as you do.

00:03:29.580 But I mean, the guy's not a newcomer.

00:03:31.780 Like, he's not some up and coming newcomer.

00:03:33.680 He's been around for probably, what, 10 years or so.

00:03:35.780 And the fact that he gets better and better in a sport that after 10 years, you're probably,

00:03:43.540 you should at that point be like peaking or you're past your peak at that point.

00:03:47.560 And he continues to get better, which is pretty incredible.

00:03:51.000 Well, and Dustin's that way too, man.

00:03:52.500 Dustin's been in this game for a long time.

00:03:55.420 I always find that interesting.

00:03:57.720 You look at most sports, right?

00:03:59.840 And you're talking 30s and all of a sudden it's like, oh, they're up for retirement.

00:04:05.440 MMA?

00:04:06.720 Not the case, actually.

00:04:08.320 That's like your prime years is your mid-30s.

00:04:11.540 It's very interesting.

00:04:13.380 Well, I think there's a lot to the sport that goes beyond just the physical nature of it.

00:04:18.760 You know, like, so I trained with a bunch of guys here in Maine.

00:04:22.640 One of the guys is Joe Parity and he's, I think he's 65 years old and he's a, like, he's a strong man.

00:04:30.980 He's a very active, he's a strong man.

00:04:33.300 He's a jujitsu black belt world champion.

00:04:36.600 He competed again at worlds just what was that three to four weeks ago?

00:04:41.100 Yeah.

00:04:41.620 Yeah.

00:04:41.840 For his bicep.

00:04:42.840 I mean, the guy's, the guy's an incredible, he's an incredible guy.

00:04:46.720 But like, when you, when you think about training as me as a 45 year old man, and I'm not, I'm not the strongest ever.

00:04:54.700 I'm not like, but you know, I'm, I'm fairly physical.

00:04:57.000 I'm active.

00:04:57.720 I'm strong.

00:04:58.740 And then to train with a 65 year old man in jujitsu and a 65 year old man who by all intents and purposes should not be able to beat the shit out of you does.

00:05:06.880 It just goes to show how, I mean, strength plays it.

00:05:10.900 Sure.

00:05:11.460 But the technical factor aspect of it and the intelligence and the cunningness of it is also a huge, huge factor in it.

00:05:21.160 Yeah.

00:05:21.740 Man, I love our sport.

00:05:23.180 Such a great sport.

00:05:25.280 Just for that.

00:05:25.560 So we're just in that example alone.

00:05:27.840 A hundred percent.

00:05:28.580 A hundred percent.

00:05:29.280 And, and I wish, you know, I was thinking about it even in high school.

00:05:32.440 You know, I played football.

00:05:33.220 I played baseball.

00:05:33.800 I wrestled for a couple of years and looking back, I really enjoyed my time playing football.

00:05:40.240 Mostly that was my favorite sport.

00:05:42.000 I just wish there was jujitsu when I was in high school and there could have been, you know, maybe I didn't see it or didn't or overlooked it.

00:05:48.120 I just wish it was more of what it is today back then.

00:05:51.560 Cause I would have, yeah, if I would have known, I would, I think I would have done that.

00:05:55.620 Cause you can do it forever.

00:05:57.620 I know.

00:05:58.700 Yeah.

00:05:59.400 It's like a lifetime sport.

00:06:01.280 It is.

00:06:02.780 All right.

00:06:03.300 So we're guys, we're fielding questions from our Facebook group.

00:06:06.680 Kip just shot me a message.

00:06:08.080 I was on the plane last night coming back from our secretive top secret trip in Cancun.

00:06:14.220 And he sent me a text.

00:06:15.460 He said, Hey, we need questions.

00:06:16.640 So I posed that, that in the Facebook group.

00:06:19.640 So we've got some good ones today, man.

00:06:20.980 Let's let's crank through them.

00:06:22.860 Yeah.

00:06:23.120 We'll, we'll soften up with these, with these early questions.

00:06:25.620 So Elijah Palmer, best reading for a soon to be father, your recommendation, sir.

00:06:30.920 So I saw some of these questions.

00:06:34.000 This is one that I saw.

00:06:34.940 And I think what guys are asking for when they see questions like, or ask questions like

00:06:38.680 this is, you know, the perfect, right.

00:06:41.620 Right.

00:06:41.900 But they're looking for the perfect, they're the perfect book on fatherhood.

00:06:46.640 And, and, and there are like my good friend, Larry Hagner wrote a book, uh, Eric Davis

00:06:51.380 wrote a book called raising men.

00:06:54.260 I believe it's called, uh, there's another one called, uh, raising modern day nights that

00:06:59.440 Bedros who was out there in Cancun with us is a big advocate for.

00:07:03.640 Uh, but I also, I don't think it's really any different than what you would read outside

00:07:08.140 of fatherhood.

00:07:09.060 So over your left shoulder, Kip, you've got sovereignty, the battle for the hearts and minds

00:07:12.920 of men, uh, you've also got the boy crisis by Dr. Warren Farrell.

00:07:16.820 I see, uh, there's other books you would take typically think of when it comes to masculinity,

00:07:21.420 like wilder heart by John Eldridge, who's been on the podcast, uh, Steven Mansfield, who

00:07:26.960 was in Cancun with us, Mansfield book of manly men, uh, Jocko Willink extreme ownership.

00:07:32.700 So you don't need a book on fatherhood necessarily.

00:07:37.360 It can serve its purpose, but if you start to look at the books that are the classics

00:07:42.400 and, and some of the books that are even modern modern day kind of classics like extreme

00:07:48.280 ownership, 12 rules for life, these sorts of things, you can translate that over in

00:07:53.000 the fatherhood.

00:07:53.600 It isn't any different than the way you might lead a team at work than you might lead yourself

00:07:58.060 if you're open and receptive to that.

00:08:00.740 And so that's the point I'm making is that you don't need a book on fatherhood as much

00:08:05.760 as you need a book on how to be the best possible man that you can be.

00:08:09.960 And that's why even sovereignty.

00:08:11.780 And I know I'm biased.

00:08:12.680 I get it.

00:08:13.340 I understand.

00:08:14.160 So it seems self-serving, but if you read sovereignty and you apply what we're telling,

00:08:18.540 especially that fourth or fifth part of the book, where it talks about the battle plan,

00:08:21.720 you're going to be a better father, a hundred percent.

00:08:24.780 You're going to be a better father.

00:08:26.440 So I don't know that we need to get too wrapped up and, Oh, what are all these little details?

00:08:30.360 And especially when they're newborns, what are you going to learn how to wipe their ass 0.98

00:08:34.740 better?

00:08:35.760 Yeah.

00:08:36.060 But you showing up as a husband and you showed up as a strong man in your life, that's going

00:08:42.220 to help you become a better father, even if the baby's, you know, a month old.

00:08:46.960 And so what I would say, and this might be contrary to popular opinion is learn how to

00:08:51.400 focus on yourself, not at the baby's expense, not at your wife's expense, but learn how to

00:08:56.360 focus on you.

00:08:57.500 Because really at this point, you've got about like two to three years of dialing and reining

00:09:03.900 yourself in before that baby becomes very, very impressionable, especially if you, I was going

00:09:12.060 to say, especially if it's a boy, I don't know if that's true, but becomes very, very impressionable

00:09:16.160 with you.

00:09:17.540 And there's a point in times, especially with boys, correct me if you think I'm wrong,

00:09:21.360 Kip, where our little boys switch from mama's boys to daddy's boys.

00:09:28.800 So you got about a four-year window before that happens.

00:09:31.580 I would say.

00:09:31.980 And your daughters do that as well.

00:09:34.400 Your daughters, it's a different window, but your daughters will do that as well.

00:09:38.440 But it'll be, it'll be, it's the, the analogy that I, or not the analogy, the, the telltale

00:09:45.240 sign of it is when your daughter starts asking why she can't marry you when she gets older.

00:09:50.540 Like there's this transition and my eight-year-old can't get it past her mind why she can't

00:09:55.980 marry me, she thinks it's completely wrong for her not to be able to get married to 1.00

00:10:01.920 me when she gets older, which is very, very meaningful.

00:10:05.960 Yeah.

00:10:06.140 Yeah, for sure.

00:10:07.360 So, so look, I gave you a couple of books on fatherhood.

00:10:10.020 I think that's important.

00:10:10.820 I'm not saying it isn't, and I'm not dismissing that, but really I want you to take the next

00:10:14.460 two, three, four years and just sharpen your own saw, right?

00:10:19.160 Sharpen your own blade.

00:10:20.300 So read Extreme Ownership, read 12 Rules for Life, read sovereignty.

00:10:25.980 Uh, read Man's Search for Meaning, read As a Man Thinketh, read Wild at Heart, read Iron

00:10:32.920 John.

00:10:33.960 I mean, these are all books that if you haven't read all of those yet, read those.

00:10:37.480 And by default, you're going to become a better father for sure.

00:10:42.140 I love it.

00:10:42.740 You know, I just crossed my mind.

00:10:44.240 You know what we should do in the next, uh, at least the next meetup that here in Utah,

00:10:48.840 I'm being selfish here.

00:10:49.900 Um, we should have you sign a couple of books of sovereignty and guys that RSVP, we could,

00:10:56.760 we could give those out at a meetup.

00:10:58.320 Yeah.

00:10:58.680 I'm, I'm all on board.

00:10:59.880 I've got 200 sitting in our store right now, ready to be signed and shipped out.

00:11:03.700 So you can go to kind of a cool way.

00:11:05.940 Yeah.

00:11:06.160 Kind of cool way to promote local meetups.

00:11:08.320 So yeah, for sure.

00:11:09.400 I'll do that.

00:11:09.960 All right, Andrew, uh, Chastien, Chastien, sorry, man.

00:11:16.400 What can I do as an individual?

00:11:18.100 If I feel like my church leadership is losing the courage of their convictions, by the way,

00:11:23.220 it's really interesting.

00:11:24.420 We've had flavors of this question quite a bit lately, but anyhow, uh, well, I think the

00:11:31.200 reason that we're experiencing that, and I felt that too, admittedly is because the reaction

00:11:38.420 to COVID is very polarizing and I'm not sure that's that that's where this question comes

00:11:46.280 from, but when church leadership and our congregation, my congregation is at odds with

00:11:53.200 what I believe about freedom and Liberty and personal responsibility, then I think that's

00:11:58.160 weakness and that's cowering when I believe Christians should be, should not be cowering.

00:12:04.940 They should be standing up and rising up and fighting for truth and Liberty and freedom

00:12:10.360 because that's what advances.

00:12:12.260 I think the Christian cause.

00:12:14.920 Yeah.

00:12:15.620 Communism doesn't advance Christianity.

00:12:18.240 Like it's the opposite.

00:12:20.280 Exactly.

00:12:20.920 It hinders it.

00:12:21.620 Yeah.

00:12:21.700 There's no individual responsibility in communism.

00:12:24.880 Exactly.

00:12:25.920 So, and isn't that what Christ believes in, right?

00:12:29.580 Is that we're all going to, we're all going to be held accountable at some point for the

00:12:33.280 work that we've done here in this, this existence.

00:12:36.440 So what should you do?

00:12:38.200 Be the kind of leader that you wish your leaders would be.

00:12:41.780 And I don't, I don't, I'm not going to say that you're to the point where you need to find

00:12:44.760 a different church.

00:12:45.460 Although that's, that's certainly a consideration.

00:12:48.640 I'm not going to say that that's the point you're at, but you should at a minimum be stepping

00:12:53.160 up.

00:12:53.500 You should be rallying together the men in your church congregation.

00:12:58.000 You should be meeting at least, at least once a week outside of your church Sunday meeting

00:13:05.020 or Saturday, whenever you might have it, depending on your, your, your faith.

00:13:09.320 Um, maybe you guys get together on a Tuesday or Wednesday night.

00:13:12.020 And, uh, here's, if I were going to do it, here's how I would structure it.

00:13:16.160 Um, every other Wednesday night, just hypothetically you, or, or morning, it doesn't matter.

00:13:23.400 Let's just get together.

00:13:24.740 That's all I'm saying.

00:13:25.700 But every other Wednesday would be spiritually based.

00:13:29.320 So guys, we're going to read scripture.

00:13:30.920 We're in this, uh, you know, we're in, we're in Mark right now and we're reading these,

00:13:34.720 these passages, and then we're going to get together and we're going to discuss.

00:13:37.340 And there has to be a moderator.

00:13:39.180 Yeah.

00:13:39.640 So what's that?

00:13:42.280 I said, what's Mark?

00:13:43.700 I was just trying to be funny.

00:13:45.720 Sorry, guys, keep going.

00:13:46.980 I'm like, wait, I'm confused.

00:13:50.480 So, so read, so read, so read us.

00:13:54.120 Okay.

00:13:54.600 Read whatever you want to read, whatever book you read out of read that.

00:13:58.020 I don't, I don't care.

00:13:59.000 Okay.

00:13:59.580 But then it's, I, I don't read the Bible.

00:14:02.140 I read sovereignty and you also are going to get struck by lightning birds by building

00:14:09.660 down.

00:14:10.220 Yeah, that's right.

00:14:11.020 So, um, read, read your scripture.

00:14:16.100 And then on a weekly basis, you guys get together, discuss that, have a moderator where you can

00:14:20.620 keep it on track because it can get off track.

00:14:22.320 And then every other week is maybe not spiritually aligned, but just you guys getting together.

00:14:27.660 Hey, we're going to go, uh, to serve somebody in the community.

00:14:31.640 We're going to go move their stuff.

00:14:33.240 You know, they're moving into town or they're moving out of town.

00:14:35.140 So we're going to go serve.

00:14:36.000 Uh, or Hey guys, this weekend, we're actually just going to go bowling.

00:14:40.360 I got five lanes for us.

00:14:42.660 We're all going to go bowling tonight and we're not going to get shit faced.

00:14:46.100 We're going to be here.

00:14:46.800 We're going to enjoy each other's time and company together.

00:14:48.820 And we're going to do our thing together.

00:14:50.120 And you be the kind of leader that you need your church leadership to be.

00:14:56.400 That's, that's the point.

00:14:58.480 And, and when there's an abdication of responsibility, then it's your response.

00:15:04.440 It becomes your responsibility to step into that and do what you need to be done.

00:15:09.960 And now there's an exception to that.

00:15:13.420 When, when your ability to step into that leadership and your ability to do it is hampered, frowned

00:15:19.760 upon, restricted.

00:15:22.620 Okay.

00:15:23.060 At that point that, that becomes an issue for me, but I look, I made a tweet the other day

00:15:29.100 and I said, you know, the, I I've learned to really appreciate the ineptness of others

00:15:33.800 because that's what creates opportunity for me.

00:15:36.440 So if your church leaders are inept, awesome, good.

00:15:42.780 Now you can step into leadership and you can be the kind of leader that you would want yourself

00:15:47.120 that you would want for yourself and the kind of leader.

00:15:49.780 I promise you, if you're thinking that there's other people in your congregation who are thinking

00:15:54.380 that.

00:15:55.020 So step up, not to like war with the current church leadership, but to support, to help,

00:16:01.280 maybe even to show as an example of what real leadership actually looks like in the wake of

00:16:08.160 somebody who might be maybe exercising some cowardice.

00:16:13.460 Yeah.

00:16:14.300 I think responsibility.

00:16:16.300 I think most guys don't do this, Ryan, because they think that they need the authority of a

00:16:24.080 position or a title or whatever to be able to take initiative in an example like that.

00:16:31.920 Like I even see it, like even in the workplace, it's like, oh, well, I would like to help the team

00:16:38.140 or I'd like to do these things, but I, that's not my title.

00:16:41.600 And so I don't have the authority.

00:16:42.740 And, and I usually push back and say, well, then it's perfect because first off, you shouldn't

00:16:50.360 have influence over people because of authority.

00:16:52.720 You should have influence over people because you've convinced them or you've enlisted them

00:16:57.640 in what you're doing.

00:16:58.560 That's the ideal state anyway.

00:17:00.600 And you don't need necessarily a title always to be able to take an initiative in an example.

00:17:06.720 Thoughts?

00:17:08.080 Well, you're, you're, it's, it's interesting that you're bringing this up because I'm in the

00:17:11.300 process of writing a book and you use two words, influence and authority, uh, that I actually

00:17:16.100 hit upon very deeply in the book itself.

00:17:18.780 And so it's because of me.

00:17:20.640 Yeah, it is.

00:17:21.580 I got that from you.

00:17:22.800 And so you're definitely going to be in the credits and you're going to receive a royalty

00:17:26.340 check each month as well.

00:17:28.520 I just want to point this out.

00:17:30.140 He has said this in a recorded session.

00:17:33.300 Well, what's the episode is this?

00:17:35.260 When I get my $10 from you, that's right.

00:17:38.320 Then we'll worry about that.

00:17:39.740 So authority is granted from above, right?

00:17:45.820 So in, in, in the faith aspect, it's granted by God, uh, in a work setting, it's granted

00:17:51.420 by your boss.

00:17:52.500 It could be expressed or it could be implied, but it's granted from above influence is granted

00:17:57.620 from below.

00:17:59.040 And I'm not talking about the worth of people.

00:18:01.780 I'm just saying that those you wish to lead would, would, would give you their authority,

00:18:07.220 excuse me, their influence.

00:18:08.640 Right.

00:18:09.600 Yeah.

00:18:09.860 Um, and, but here's the interesting thing about authority.

00:18:12.360 If I said, for example, that, um, my authority to lead my family is derived from God, but one

00:18:19.560 of my children didn't acknowledge God as the authority, you know, that's, that's a problem.

00:18:24.660 Right.

00:18:25.140 So, and so that now we're, we're talking about, uh, reputation or probably more something

00:18:32.140 closer to credibility, right?

00:18:33.900 Like, is that a credible authority?

00:18:35.820 Um, but I'm also talking a lot about in this book is as to whether or not you need to have

00:18:41.020 the title before you lead.

00:18:42.740 And the answer is most certainly you do not.

00:18:45.840 Leadership comes before the title, the title, which is the authority is derived from influence

00:18:51.460 and credibility.

00:18:53.380 Yeah.

00:18:53.820 So once you're influential enough and you hold enough weight and credibility with not

00:18:57.720 only those above you, a boss or God or whoever it may be, and those below you, your team leader,

00:19:03.240 a son, a daughter, then that, that, that title begins to match what you're doing as leadership.

00:19:10.680 All this to say that this is, I talk a lot about this in the book, all this to say that

00:19:15.860 leadership comes before the title.

00:19:19.020 You lead first.

00:19:22.260 And then the title, it actually may or may not be granted.

00:19:24.540 It doesn't matter, but leadership comes first.

00:19:27.500 And the only exception to that is when what you're doing is antithetical to the organization

00:19:33.680 that you're part of.

00:19:36.640 So if, if, um, if I'm just trying to think of a, like a, a, a extreme example, if I'm part

00:19:48.120 of the Nazi party, for example, and all of a sudden I start to go rogue and don't believe

00:19:56.320 in the Nazi party and instead believe in freedom and truth and liberty and the rights of individuals.

00:20:02.980 Okay.

00:20:03.460 Well, then obviously I can no longer support that organization and I'm going to be, I'm

00:20:10.520 going to rebel.

00:20:11.460 I'm going to be a traitor.

00:20:13.100 And there's righteous.

00:20:14.900 There's, there's times where that's righteous.

00:20:17.600 The example I would just gave you would be one of those times.

00:20:20.160 And there's types where the times where that's not righteous.

00:20:22.620 So that's, that's a different conversation.

00:20:24.980 But the point that I'm making is that if, if you're in alignment with your church leadership,

00:20:31.280 as far as leading, then you can continue to operate within that organization.

00:20:35.600 But if there comes a point in time where what you want to do and how you want to lead is

00:20:39.720 antithetical to what they're suggesting, then that might be a time where you consider leaving

00:20:44.480 that organization.

00:20:45.340 But I don't, and I'm not saying go there.

00:20:48.440 I'm, what I'm saying is that as long as what you're trying to do is in alignment with what

00:20:53.540 your church preaches, then you have not only the opportunity, but the obligation to step

00:20:59.920 up, to lead, to do what you think is right.

00:21:04.920 That's great.

00:21:06.720 Byron Clark, what actions and steps should men take now to have security for their business

00:21:13.040 citizen family with regards to the 6.8% inflation rate and is suspected to only increase?

00:21:21.960 Yeah.

00:21:22.000 I mean, 6.8 is high.

00:21:23.340 I've seen it anywhere up to 10%.

00:21:24.920 And we don't really know what the cap is at this point with everything that's being

00:21:28.360 proposed.

00:21:29.740 I mean, there's a problem when I think I read a report and I don't want to, I don't want

00:21:35.020 to use the numbers because I can't remember right off hand, but I was looking at a report

00:21:37.540 yesterday and we spent a hundred percent, excuse me, we spent 200% of what, let me back

00:21:47.740 up.

00:21:48.160 I'm trying to say this correctly.

00:21:49.760 The government spent, we didn't spend, the government spent 200% in the first quarter

00:21:55.660 of this year relative to what it took in income tax revenue.

00:21:59.880 And I don't know the exact number.

00:22:04.460 You guys can go look it up.

00:22:05.200 We're like kids with a credit card.

00:22:06.640 Right.

00:22:07.700 And so if you did that as the patriarch of your home, don't you think the credit card

00:22:15.600 companies would be coming after you?

00:22:16.860 Don't you think somebody would show up and take your car and repo your car?

00:22:19.920 Like, don't you think the bank would be calling to secure the house?

00:22:23.660 Like that's what would happen.

00:22:24.820 There's con there's real world consequences for that as you and as an individual, when

00:22:30.540 the government does it, what do they do?

00:22:32.760 They print more money and that's where inflation, some of it, not all of it, but that's part

00:22:39.280 of why we have such high inflation.

00:22:41.360 Okay.

00:22:41.540 So to your question, what can you do as a business?

00:22:44.120 Is that what he said?

00:22:45.200 Or just what can you do?

00:22:46.440 Like what actions and steps can we do to secure our businesses and our families?

00:22:51.180 Yeah.

00:22:51.300 I mean, very simple, simply with a business, just come up with a, be innovative, come up

00:22:56.500 with new products and features, be valuable, consider raising your prices.

00:23:01.520 You know, our prices went up, for example, with the iron council.

00:23:03.980 That is not only because we're adding additional value, but because the cost of living does go

00:23:08.580 up over six years.

00:23:09.800 That's the last time we had a price increase on this thing.

00:23:12.640 So that's part of it, but continue to be innovative, continue to add value, continue to

00:23:18.000 look for what the market is requesting and then meet that need.

00:23:21.860 And that won't be as an issue.

00:23:23.760 Personally, I would suggest that you stop spending so much money.

00:23:29.000 Yeah.

00:23:29.500 You know, this is probably not the time to be reckless with your spending.

00:23:34.220 Instead, and also it's not the time to be putting it and having it solely in your bank

00:23:39.680 account, because if your bank account's getting 0.2% and inflation is 10%, you're inevitably,

00:23:45.380 you're losing money to inflation, the devaluation of the dollar.

00:23:49.720 But if you can invest intelligently, and I'm not going to tell you where to invest, that's

00:23:53.540 for another conversation.

00:23:55.140 But if you can invest in building and you can invest in your business and you can invest

00:23:59.080 in mutual funds, other people's businesses, and you can invest in crypto and all these

00:24:03.080 other things, then you are going to keep pace with, if not outpace, which is the goal,

00:24:07.940 what inflation is.

00:24:09.380 Uh, I don't know that I would say that you need to be super hyper-concerned with paying

00:24:15.580 off debt right now.

00:24:17.560 Uh, I, I don't know that I would do that as far as, unless you're, you know, overextended,

00:24:23.040 I would say make the minimum payments and retain that money, invest that money.

00:24:27.940 Um, it's probably the better play.

00:24:30.140 There's a whole slew of reasons you wouldn't do what I just said.

00:24:34.620 And that has more, less to do with the math and more to do with you as a person and your

00:24:38.520 personality and your spending habits and how good you are with money.

00:24:41.020 But that's a consideration.

00:24:43.280 Um, and just be smart.

00:24:46.480 Like don't just keep your money.

00:24:49.280 Don't spend exorbitant amounts of money on things and just be intelligent.

00:24:54.540 That's it.

00:24:55.280 Be innovative, be intelligent.

00:24:57.080 And you should have been doing that.

00:24:58.320 We've been talking about it for six years.

00:25:00.240 You should have been doing it for decades now at this point.

00:25:03.640 If you're behind the curve, don't say, well, I can't do it now.

00:25:06.560 Just start now.

00:25:07.920 So that when this happens again in 10 years and it will, uh, you're ready for it.

00:25:12.500 And you don't have to ask questions like these.

00:25:16.820 Keith, uh, Chisinski, Ryan Mickler.

00:25:20.260 I'm debating a career change.

00:25:21.500 Would like to know your thoughts.

00:25:23.100 I've maxed out my growth in my current company and probably my industry.

00:25:27.040 So I'd like to know more about how to make a career pivot.

00:25:32.920 Okay.

00:25:33.360 So you've maxed out your potential growth and income in your current line of work.

00:25:39.300 And you're wondering about making a pivot.

00:25:41.460 I don't know that I would make that pivot right now, but what I personally would do and what I

00:25:45.280 actually did is I found something that I was at least somewhat interested in and started to

00:25:50.220 pursue that on the side.

00:25:51.180 So for me, it was the order of man podcast.

00:25:53.360 You know, I launched that in 2015, not really, frankly, with the goal of starting what we've

00:26:00.200 created at this point, six years later, almost, almost seven years later now.

00:26:04.040 Uh, but really just with, with the goal of having this outlet that would help me be more

00:26:09.120 efficient as a father and a husband and a leader in my community and a business owner.

00:26:14.020 Gradually over time, it turned into what we're trading here.

00:26:16.420 So if you're capped out where you are, then there's other avenues that you need to explore.

00:26:21.500 And what's beautiful about this is that you have a particular set of skills, whatever that

00:26:26.480 looks like for you.

00:26:27.080 I don't know what industry you're in.

00:26:28.320 That is, that has primed you for exploration in different areas.

00:26:33.740 So for me, my ability to talk with other people, uh, my ability to, to handle and manage money.

00:26:41.560 Also what I was doing when I did my financial planning practice towards the end of my, my

00:26:46.560 financial planning career is I was making CDs and handing them out to people.

00:26:50.820 It was an audio CD, handing them out to people.

00:26:53.220 And it was basically our first conversation recorded and I would give them to people.

00:26:59.100 And so that way it improved my closing ratio because the people that I started meeting

00:27:03.820 with, they were already qualified.

00:27:05.880 Better prepared.

00:27:06.960 Exactly.

00:27:07.640 So my closing ratios went up, but that's really where I got introduced to this whole audio

00:27:12.460 phenomenon.

00:27:13.320 Then it turned into a podcast and then for the financial planning practice, and then it

00:27:17.780 became what you're listening to today.

00:27:20.000 So there might be some avenues that, that you can explore.

00:27:24.260 One easy avenue is let's just hypothetically say you're in the financial planning space.

00:27:32.220 You've been relatively successful.

00:27:34.240 Sounds like you've been in the business for however long you're capped out, which means

00:27:38.340 that you've advanced to that point.

00:27:40.060 And you're probably pretty decent at whatever that thing is.

00:27:45.160 One great way to build some additional revenue is instead of looking forward, turn around.

00:27:52.440 Because there are dozens, if not hundreds or thousands of people behind you that want to

00:28:02.640 know how to get to where you got.

00:28:05.580 And there might be some opportunity for some coaching and consulting work in your current

00:28:11.740 space for the individuals who want to get to where you currently are.

00:28:17.520 That's a very easy way to do it.

00:28:20.240 So I'll give you an example.

00:28:21.220 So in the financial planning field, I had a couple of guys I've really admired and respected

00:28:25.740 in the business, perpetually creating income, creating wealth, growing their businesses,

00:28:31.240 helping their clients.

00:28:32.560 These guys were getting referrals and they were getting called and doing very, very well.

00:28:36.500 I was really struggling.

00:28:37.660 So I reached out to these guys and I said, hey, will you teach me what you know?

00:28:41.120 And they said, yeah, we'll teach you and we'll go on calls with you and we'll partner

00:28:44.960 with you and we'll split our revenue 50-50.

00:28:46.980 I was a little intimidated by that at first because it was hard to acknowledge that when

00:28:52.200 I wasn't making very much money that now I'm going to have to split 50% of it.

00:28:55.940 But we all know that 50% of zero is still zero.

00:29:00.640 So I wanted more.

00:29:02.920 I realized, okay, this is a great opportunity for me to partner with these guys.

00:29:06.500 And they had their own financial planning practice over here that they were doing.

00:29:09.700 And they were partnering with me on my own calls.

00:29:12.960 So I would make calls and get referrals in my business and they would come in and I would

00:29:17.020 split revenue with them.

00:29:18.440 It was great for me because I learned from them and it was great for them because they

00:29:21.600 had ancillary revenue that they didn't have access to before.

00:29:25.420 So that's a very easy way that a lot of people overlook.

00:29:28.020 If you have an expertise or an experience or a passion or a set of skills like we're talking

00:29:32.940 about here, there's like thousands of people behind you that would pay to learn what those

00:29:37.140 things are.

00:29:38.040 Very easy way to do it.

00:29:39.700 The only thing that comes to mind is like, why are you, you're obviously an expert at

00:29:44.840 what you do.

00:29:45.480 If you've kind of matched your growth in your company, in your industry, I would ask why,

00:29:52.520 like, what is it that made you so great?

00:29:54.980 And what is that skill?

00:29:56.380 And then how do those skills transcend to other areas that you might be interested in?

00:30:02.400 Right.

00:30:02.600 Like, and it's, I think I'm a good example of that.

00:30:06.440 I'm in the IT industry.

00:30:07.820 One might argue and think, oh, well, I'm good at technology.

00:30:12.500 Well, actually, that's not really what I'm really good at.

00:30:16.200 It's these soft skills aspects of technology that are, that I'm really good at, which ironically

00:30:22.180 transcends to a whole lot of other things.

00:30:25.040 So I would get present on what do you bring to the table that's superior, that's, that

00:30:30.080 has allowed you to succeed.

00:30:31.780 And then how can that translate to other industries and or jobs or responsibilities?

00:30:37.020 Yeah.

00:30:37.580 That's a good point.

00:30:38.380 So let me, let me riff on what you just said.

00:30:40.720 So one of the things that I'm really good at is networking.

00:30:44.180 Very, very good at that.

00:30:45.320 And so, yeah, and that probably helped you in the financial planning area.

00:30:49.340 And then you were like, oh, well, how is this applicable to everything else you do?

00:30:53.760 Right.

00:30:54.060 And it's really, it's helped there.

00:30:55.720 And it's really helped here.

00:30:56.720 You know, guys ask, how do you get these incredible people on the podcast?

00:30:59.760 Because I'm a really good networker.

00:31:01.540 I know how that works for whatever reason.

00:31:03.700 I know how that works.

00:31:04.600 And I, and I like it and I don't need to explore why that is right now.

00:31:08.280 Although I do know, but it is what it is.

00:31:10.540 So, okay.

00:31:12.020 Well, there's some people who are not good at networking and the people who are asking

00:31:15.340 you questions, by the way, this is a great indicator.

00:31:17.420 If somebody's like, Hey man, like I'm trying to build this thing in my world to be like,

00:31:21.100 Hey, I'm trying to build this podcast.

00:31:22.400 And you've had some incredible people on, like, how did you do that?

00:31:25.820 That's a flag.

00:31:27.540 That right there is an indicator that people are looking to you for some guidance and expertise.

00:31:32.400 It's hard sometimes to acknowledge what you're good at precisely because you're good at it.

00:31:38.620 So you don't get it.

00:31:39.940 You're like, well, I don't, everybody's like this, aren't they?

00:31:43.100 Right.

00:31:43.700 No, not everybody's like that.

00:31:45.540 Not everybody has the soft skills you have, Kip.

00:31:47.700 Not everybody has the networking skills that I do, but they want to learn and they're eager

00:31:52.620 to learn and they're willing to invest.

00:31:54.900 And so if people are asking you questions about expertise or knowledge or insight or information,

00:32:00.120 and you see some reoccurring trends, then there might be something that you can do about that.

00:32:05.440 So for me, it'd be very simple to say, to build, and I'm not doing this right now, by the way,

00:32:09.900 guys, so don't ask, but it would be very easy for me to build a course and say, Hey, I've got

00:32:15.400 a thousand spots and I'm going to teach you how to build an incredible network of high caliber men 0.99

00:32:21.920 who you want to help and who will help you.

00:32:25.540 And people would sign up for that and people would pay for it.

00:32:28.540 And that's an ancillary product to what I'm creating with the podcast itself.

00:32:32.860 I'm just using that as an example.

00:32:34.380 I'm not doing that.

00:32:35.160 So don't email me about when the course is coming out, but that's what I could potentially

00:32:40.040 do if I felt so inclined.

00:32:42.820 Mike Collins, words of advice for moving across the country for work with your spouse.

00:32:47.820 So get, look, I'm just going to challenge you here.

00:32:51.900 Like get more specific with your questions.

00:32:55.000 Yeah.

00:32:56.240 You've got like, guys, like what is it about moving across the country?

00:33:00.060 That is like the concern, right?

00:33:02.080 I could talk to you for two weeks about this subject on what works and what doesn't and

00:33:06.380 what school and what church and what this and what that and, and, and 90% of it wouldn't

00:33:11.720 apply to you, but maybe at some point I would hit the 10% that does, but why not just

00:33:17.260 get straight to the 10% like what, like specifically what I don't, I don't know.

00:33:22.820 Like if you ask a general question about moving across the country, is it because your spouse

00:33:28.900 is upset with the idea?

00:33:30.800 She has concerns.

00:33:31.920 How do you build confidence with your spouse that this is a great move?

00:33:35.380 Right.

00:33:35.780 How do I fill up my car with gasoline?

00:33:40.140 So I'm not look as Mike, I think I'm not Mike.

00:33:43.460 I'm not trying to pick on you at all.

00:33:45.140 I'm not sorry.

00:33:45.860 Like I'm trying to help you.

00:33:47.900 Like, I want you to ask better questions so you can get better answers.

00:33:51.420 So I'm not sorry about it.

00:33:53.740 Just ask, just ask.

00:33:55.480 And this goes for everybody.

00:33:57.120 Just ask more specific questions and you're going to get a better answer.

00:34:00.320 So generally the best I can do to answer that question is.

00:34:05.760 I don't know, be, be supportive of your wife.

00:34:09.020 Cause it's going to be probably, I think more challenging for a woman generally than it's

00:34:12.600 going to be for a man because we, as men like, I think generally adventure, we're more willing

00:34:18.600 to take and accept risk relative to our female counterparts.

00:34:23.100 So that's important also with your kids, understanding their needs and their desires and how it's

00:34:27.580 going to, excuse me, be hard on them.

00:34:30.640 And then also work on building a network, get involved in organizations and tight knit

00:34:35.540 communities that are going to help you build your network out.

00:34:37.740 So church is one, find a gym near you that trains, whether that's lifting or racquetball or,

00:34:46.140 or jujitsu.

00:34:47.860 I laugh at racquetball, I'm like, whatever, whatever it is, like find something that can

00:34:54.680 get you some friends.

00:34:56.040 That's really important.

00:34:57.040 And then go out of your way to make sure that you are welcoming yourself into the community,

00:35:02.620 not expecting other people to welcome you into the community.

00:35:05.780 Oh, there will be some of that.

00:35:06.920 Go out of your way.

00:35:07.940 You, right.

00:35:09.120 When we moved here to Maine, I didn't expect people to welcome me.

00:35:13.400 I expect like to welcome myself.

00:35:15.980 When I walk into a room, I have to introduce myself, right?

00:35:18.860 Like it'd be weird if you didn't do that.

00:35:21.200 And yet when it comes to moving, people don't do that.

00:35:23.300 They just kind of turn into little hermits and like, well, how come people don't welcome 0.92

00:35:26.600 me?

00:35:26.880 Well, did you even introduce yourself?

00:35:28.660 No.

00:35:29.240 Okay.

00:35:29.440 Well, they're as awkward as you are, you know?

00:35:32.600 So why not just go out of your way and look at it as an opportunity to invite yourself

00:35:37.340 to things and outings and getting to know the neighbors.

00:35:41.180 And instead of waiting for them to bring the cookies over, you make cookies and you bring it

00:35:44.780 to them and you're going to have a much better time.

00:35:47.180 So look, I'm happy to answer that question further.

00:35:49.820 I just don't know where to go with it.

00:35:51.100 So guys, learn that lesson.

00:35:53.500 More specific questions will warrant and garner more specific answers.

00:36:00.220 Jacob Butler, how do you communicate work-life balance with an employer?

00:36:05.540 What are some tips for helping establish what you need in your life while also showing that

00:36:10.360 you want to better the business as you're working for?

00:36:16.180 That's an interesting question.

00:36:18.200 I like it.

00:36:19.000 I do too.

00:36:19.720 How do you establish or communicate your work-life balance?

00:36:23.120 I think you need to do it up ahead of time.

00:36:25.180 That's important because if an employer comes to you, for example, and says, hey, Ryan, can

00:36:29.920 you do this extra task?

00:36:31.880 And you have this boundary in place and you say no, because that boundary is in place,

00:36:35.960 you might be looked at as not being a team player.

00:36:39.300 A very small example.

00:36:42.600 I had one kid.

00:36:44.600 So my background is retail management.

00:36:46.720 I worked at Journey Shoe Store when I was younger.

00:36:49.000 I eventually went on to manage different buckle clothing stores.

00:36:52.700 And I had one kid-

00:36:53.420 And now manages store.orderman.com, which you could order all of your Order of Man swag.

00:36:59.600 Or you don't manage it, but you oversee.

00:37:01.540 I like the segue, you're wrong, but I like the segue because Breckin actually manages

00:37:07.620 the store, but I do appreciate the segue.

00:37:09.740 I was very good.

00:37:11.120 You were very good at that.

00:37:14.940 There was one kid in particular, I can't remember his name.

00:37:19.160 And when I started leading the, managing the store, he came to me and he said, Ryan, hey,

00:37:24.960 I just, I want to let you know.

00:37:26.160 And I let the former manager know, cause I took the store over.

00:37:28.800 Uh, I want to, I let the former manager know that I just, I don't work on Sundays.

00:37:35.780 And I said, oh, okay.

00:37:36.900 Well, why is that?

00:37:37.660 And he said, it's just, it's a personal preference.

00:37:39.640 My, I take my family to church and we look at that as a day of, of rest.

00:37:44.960 And it was a, it was a spiritual reason.

00:37:47.200 And I said, okay, it was important.

00:37:49.020 That's what he said.

00:37:49.640 He said it up front.

00:37:50.220 And I said, oh, thank you.

00:37:51.400 Yeah.

00:37:52.140 Okay.

00:37:52.460 So several months later, we had some staffing changes and we were short.

00:37:57.480 So I went to him and I said, Hey, um, I, I, I would like you to work this Sunday.

00:38:02.180 And he said, oh, you know, he's like, do you remember that conversation we had?

00:38:05.120 I don't, I just don't work Sundays.

00:38:06.720 He says, I would love to help.

00:38:08.520 And I respect that the position, the store is in.

00:38:11.460 Uh, and if it was any other day, I would certainly do that to help, but I've made a

00:38:16.880 commitment that I don't work Sundays.

00:38:18.060 And we talked about that and he was right.

00:38:22.180 You know?

00:38:23.000 And at first I was like, well, like, are you a team?

00:38:25.300 Like, that's what, like, we're really like, but then I respected him actually for it because

00:38:30.940 he communicated, it wasn't a surprise.

00:38:32.760 It wasn't a shock.

00:38:33.480 He communicated that boundary to me and I respected him for that.

00:38:36.960 And I think as a boss, if I didn't respect that and I was in his shoes, I would probably

00:38:41.720 leave actually because my boss didn't appreciate or respect.

00:38:45.500 And I did, I did honor that.

00:38:46.860 I said, you know what?

00:38:47.420 You're right.

00:38:47.760 You did.

00:38:48.080 And I appreciate you telling me, we'll figure out what we need to do to have a workaround.

00:38:52.120 So it is important that you communicate these boundaries upfront and say what you will do

00:38:56.260 and what you won't do.

00:38:57.200 And then you have to stick by him because you have to be a man of your word, even if it isn't

00:39:00.420 convenient or comfortable for you or your boss.

00:39:02.980 And there are going to be times where your boss is likely to ask you to do something

00:39:06.780 that is going to infringe upon the balance you're trying to create in your life.

00:39:10.020 And in that moment, that's really what you test, whether or not it's a boundary.

00:39:14.300 That's really where the test comes in.

00:39:16.760 And I'll tell you, if you waffle, he's going to walk on you.

00:39:21.060 Take advantage of it.

00:39:22.540 100%.

00:39:22.900 Because you know, as you're not a man of your word and conviction.

00:39:26.400 So go ahead.

00:39:28.240 No, go ahead.

00:39:28.820 Go ahead.

00:39:29.080 Sorry.

00:39:29.700 I'm going to say, so if there's some things that you've identified, Hey, I don't work

00:39:32.580 evenings or I don't work weekends or whatever.

00:39:34.660 I don't know what it looks like for you.

00:39:37.040 Then you need to communicate those things now ahead of time and get out in front of it.

00:39:42.280 So the conversation might go something like this.

00:39:44.960 Hey, Kip, you know, I've been working here for a couple of years and man, I just love

00:39:48.380 working here.

00:39:49.060 But one of the things that I've really made a goal to do in 2022 is really to honor my

00:39:53.840 other obligations that I have as well and try to find that right balance between working

00:39:57.560 and being at home and present.

00:39:58.880 Um, my daughter has dance recitals Wednesday evenings.

00:40:02.420 And so, um, I, I committed to being to each one of her recitals.

00:40:06.400 And so I just want to let you know out ahead of time that if anything comes up on Wednesday

00:40:11.180 evenings, I just won't be able to attend because I've made that commitment.

00:40:15.460 Um, you know, but other than that, just, I'm, I'm excited to be here.

00:40:19.000 I'm, I'm excited about what we're going to do this upcoming year.

00:40:21.440 I just want to communicate that ahead of time.

00:40:23.520 So there's not going to be any issues if something like that happens.

00:40:26.780 Totally.

00:40:27.760 Like that's, I think that's just a completely appropriate response or not even a response,

00:40:33.400 just a completely appropriate way to address things that are coming up.

00:40:38.500 And this is the perfect time to do it.

00:40:39.680 We're moving into 2022.

00:40:40.940 So things change and you have goals and just communicate it with your people.

00:40:44.660 That's it.

00:40:45.000 Um, I do think that there's an element here of how you show up, um, at the company and

00:40:52.220 you getting your work done is critical as part of this, right?

00:40:55.300 If you're the employee, that's constantly dropping the ball, not honoring your commitments.

00:40:59.860 And then you're like, oh, and I got this boundary.

00:41:02.940 Then it's, then it's just, right.

00:41:04.980 Then you're just like, you know what?

00:41:06.700 Screw you.

00:41:07.580 Right.

00:41:08.060 So you need to be the employee.

00:41:09.820 That's like, you're busting your ass.

00:41:11.680 You're getting the job done and, and you communicate a boundary.

00:41:16.100 Every manager is going to be like, no problem.

00:41:18.200 Right.

00:41:18.720 Right.

00:41:18.960 And, and I get that some jobs are different, like where you have hardened shifts or whatever,

00:41:23.420 but in, in a, in a, in a professional environment, like a career position, you know, if an employee

00:41:30.800 came to me and it's like, Hey, I got this thing in the middle of the day.

00:41:34.320 I don't care if he's the guy that honors his commitments and get things done.

00:41:39.860 I don't care when he gets it done.

00:41:41.280 He might get it done tonight.

00:41:42.660 He might get it done before he leaves or whatever.

00:41:44.820 Right.

00:41:44.980 Like if he's honoring his commitment, he's honoring his commitment.

00:41:47.860 That makes it super simple.

00:41:49.220 Now I know that's not applicable to all types of positions, you know, that require like shift

00:41:53.320 work or, or whatever, but you, you have to have some integrity.

00:41:57.340 You got to be on top of your game.

00:41:59.140 You got to be contributing to the team.

00:42:01.000 And it becomes really easy to honor any boundaries that you bring to the table.

00:42:05.960 There's a really good book on this subject called linchpin.

00:42:09.040 And I think the subtitle is making yourself indispensable.

00:42:14.040 So maybe that goes in line with what you're saying, Kip is make yourself indispensable

00:42:20.380 by doing your work.

00:42:21.720 And that way you get to set your own rules, right?

00:42:25.540 If, if, if the, if the best player on the team says, Hey, I'm not going to do that Wednesday

00:42:31.660 night and he's the best player on the team, the boss is going to make an exception for

00:42:37.160 the best player in the team.

00:42:38.320 I promise you, but that goes to your point.

00:42:40.040 You got to be kicking ass in other fields before that happens.

00:42:43.320 Yeah, for sure.

00:42:44.720 That's two books already today that I, I have, I've written down.

00:42:48.780 I don't, I don't know how I, what was the other one?

00:42:51.440 The one, um, what was the other one in my notes here?

00:42:55.700 Raising modern day nights.

00:42:56.980 Oh yeah.

00:42:57.700 Down to.

00:42:58.280 Yeah.

00:42:59.220 Yeah.

00:42:59.620 Both really solid books.

00:43:00.540 Freaking more reading to do.

00:43:01.900 Jeez.

00:43:02.200 Come on now.

00:43:04.080 All right.

00:43:05.100 Linden, uh, van over beak.

00:43:07.260 What are some useful tips for staying efficient in life?

00:43:11.560 How do you plan out your day, uh, your day to day expenses, monthly events for you and

00:43:16.740 your family to plan accordingly in the IC, we use a battle plan.

00:43:20.700 Is there any resources you've utilized for finances, uh, plans, events, and et cetera,

00:43:27.840 high speed, low drag battle team velocity?

00:43:31.700 A little shout out.

00:43:33.040 Yeah.

00:43:33.080 Um, no, I, I really don't use anything other than the battle planner.

00:43:36.320 I mean, that's, that's, that's my go-to, uh, I, you know, I do use Google calendar,

00:43:40.620 obviously that doesn't do your scheduling, right?

00:43:43.260 No.

00:43:43.520 So I use Google calendar.

00:43:45.180 Um, actually we've got a new product coming out in the next month or so.

00:43:50.040 Uh, my wife and I were talking about it this week in Cancun actually is, is a plan.

00:43:54.860 I don't want to disclose all of it because I just don't yet.

00:43:58.840 So, but it is going to help with this so you can plan out your entire week in the four

00:44:03.940 quadrants.

00:44:04.840 So it's not just your battle planner because your battle planners, your quarterly plan

00:44:08.440 and four things you're going to need to do on a daily basis and tracking that, um, this

00:44:12.100 one's going to be more of a weekly planner and it's a weekly planner that I personally

00:44:17.000 have developed in my own life.

00:44:19.660 That's going to help you make sure that you have all the right pieces and all the right

00:44:23.340 places and you schedule one week ahead of time.

00:44:25.520 So we, like me personally, I will go in Sunday night, map out my entire week where it's what

00:44:31.720 I'm going to be doing, what meetings I'm going to be having, when I'm going to do my workouts,

00:44:35.120 when I'm going to jujitsu, I'll write it all down.

00:44:37.860 And then what I personally do is I transcribe it over to Google, which is the calendar that

00:44:42.900 my wife has access to.

00:44:44.880 And, um, our, I'll just say office manager, cause we haven't yet like fully locked down

00:44:50.340 a title, but our office manager handles.

00:44:52.780 So they both have access to my calendar, they can go in there and put events and they can

00:44:56.540 see what I have going on.

00:44:58.460 Uh, and it's a very efficient way of doing things, you know, like specifics, like managing

00:45:03.920 money, you know, there's budgeting software and tools.

00:45:07.000 I don't need to get into that.

00:45:08.040 I think you could just find one, you know, uh, we use QuickBooks and I don't even do that

00:45:13.220 at this point anymore.

00:45:14.000 We have a bookkeeper who manages that occasionally she'll reach out and, you know, ask about certain

00:45:21.000 items or whatever that she needs clarification on.

00:45:25.140 Um, but we also hire professionals, you know, like I have a financial advisor.

00:45:28.520 It's not me.

00:45:29.400 I hire somebody to do that.

00:45:30.440 I have a CPA.

00:45:31.200 I hire somebody to do that.

00:45:32.960 I have a fitness coach.

00:45:34.680 I don't spend time thinking about and programming my own workouts.

00:45:38.080 Not only do I not have time for that, I'm completely unqualified to do that.

00:45:43.180 So I have somebody who, when we were working out down there in Mexico, you know, you saw

00:45:48.560 like I'm pulling up my app.

00:45:49.920 I bet you had a regimen, right?

00:45:51.940 Like, I don't think about that.

00:45:53.360 Like, I don't have time to think about that.

00:45:55.200 So I bring the right people in.

00:45:57.560 And if I want to work out program, find a workout program.

00:46:01.360 I use my friend, Josiah Novak.

00:46:03.160 You can reach out to Josiah, uh, or you can find something online.

00:46:07.700 It's 20 bucks.

00:46:08.500 I'm like, it's all there.

00:46:09.520 It's, you just got to find plug those holes, but the, the better you can get at thinking

00:46:14.200 less about the stuff and just executing the better off you're going to be.

00:46:18.400 That's efficient.

00:46:20.040 I don't want to spend a bunch of time thinking about things.

00:46:22.880 I just want to do things.

00:46:24.300 And that's why when I've got Brandy is our office manager, podcast schedule, uh, logistics 0.99

00:46:31.220 and shit done. 0.91

00:46:32.880 Yeah.

00:46:33.360 Right.

00:46:33.700 She's, she's behind the scenes.

00:46:36.220 Like, okay, you're going to be in Texas.

00:46:38.480 You're going to be in California.

00:46:40.120 Here's your agenda.

00:46:41.000 I booked your flights.

00:46:42.180 Here's where you're staying.

00:46:43.640 Uh, you're going to do a meetup on this night and here's where it is.

00:46:47.320 And I just send the guys to my email address and then she handles that.

00:46:50.920 And then I just get to show up.

00:46:53.000 So her work to me is invaluable and it's hyper efficient because, and this is not meant

00:46:59.220 as a slight at all, but like, she's not going to be the one that shows up.

00:47:02.200 She's not going to be the one doing the podcast.

00:47:05.360 That's me.

00:47:06.040 I'm going to be doing that, but she's doing the behind the scenes work and we work very

00:47:09.980 well in that capacity.

00:47:12.020 And that's maximum efficiency for both of us.

00:47:14.160 She's efficient.

00:47:14.760 I'm efficient.

00:47:15.520 So for we work together.

00:47:18.240 Copy.

00:47:18.360 There you go.

00:47:18.740 Landon Byron Pierce.

00:47:20.640 I often hear some influencers talking about cutting ties with people who don't help us

00:47:25.000 grow.

00:47:25.960 Should we put ourselves around others that don't benefit us so we can benefit them and

00:47:30.780 help them grow?

00:47:32.000 What's a healthy balance of helping others grow while we grow?

00:47:36.120 Yeah.

00:47:36.280 I mean, this takes a bit of a nuanced thought, you know, cause you will hear a lot of, I've

00:47:40.320 said it too.

00:47:40.820 It's like, cut those people out of your life.

00:47:43.060 I don't think any person actually means, well, like Bedros is a great example. 0.58

00:47:48.820 Bedros Koulian is somebody who's hyper, hyper successful.

00:47:52.920 He's got a ton of different businesses.

00:47:55.120 He's doing a lot of different things.

00:47:57.400 He doesn't mean don't, when he says, cut those people out of your life.

00:48:00.760 And I don't even know if he said that.

00:48:02.000 So I don't want to put words in his mouth, but it's clear that he spends time with high

00:48:05.880 performers.

00:48:06.280 Like he deliberately and intentionally spends time with high performers.

00:48:10.040 I don't think he would ever say like, like don't offer a hand or extend help.

00:48:14.740 Like I know he's huge into Shriners.

00:48:16.980 He does a lot of, uh, yeah, his mission is to help people.

00:48:20.520 Right.

00:48:21.060 So, yeah, but, but also, and I'm not going to speak for him because I don't know, but

00:48:25.920 I'm going to speak for myself.

00:48:27.320 Like the people that I strive to help, they're not necessarily in my inner circle.

00:48:34.040 Okay.

00:48:34.440 Like they're not coming to Mexico with me.

00:48:37.040 They're not coming to my house.

00:48:39.400 Right.

00:48:40.020 And that's fine.

00:48:40.740 That's good.

00:48:41.280 So I have this over here.

00:48:42.500 There, there's even guys that I love, you know, like guys that I trained jujitsu with.

00:48:46.340 Some guys are closer and they're my friends and they come to dinner and they spend time

00:48:49.420 with me and my family and other guys, you know, I see him two to three nights a week

00:48:53.660 when we train and that's it.

00:48:55.460 So nobody's saying ever like cut everybody out of your life who isn't serving you in

00:49:00.760 some way.

00:49:01.300 No, just be more deliberate and intentional about how you spend your focused one-to-one

00:49:07.640 time.

00:49:08.080 I think that's what people are saying, but yeah, I still go to jujitsu.

00:49:11.240 I still hang out with people that aren't necessarily my quote unquote inner circle, or I wouldn't

00:49:16.160 necessarily go on vacation on with.

00:49:19.520 So, yeah, it's again, nobody's saying cut everybody out of your life.

00:49:23.440 That's a, that's more of a nuanced thought.

00:49:25.220 And, and I think we need to really, really be careful with taking these broad, even the

00:49:31.960 broad, I know I make broad sweeping comments, like, like homeschool your kids is another

00:49:36.220 one.

00:49:37.320 Like that's a broad sweeping comment.

00:49:39.540 Well, what if I can't?

00:49:41.020 Okay.

00:49:41.560 Well, that's yes.

00:49:43.140 I'm not saying that immediately you should quit your job or your wife should quit her job 0.88

00:49:47.220 and you guys should be destitute.

00:49:48.800 So you can homeschool your kids.

00:49:49.960 Like, I don't, I don't think I need to explain that.

00:49:53.180 When I say homeschool your kids, I'm saying, if you have a desire to do that, if you have

00:49:58.060 the capacity to do that, if you want to work towards that, because you're not in the position

00:50:02.000 now, then work towards it.

00:50:03.220 I'm not saying everybody pretty much instantaneously value.

00:50:07.620 Yes.

00:50:07.720 That's all.

00:50:08.400 You're pretty much saying there's major value.

00:50:09.860 You should be considering it.

00:50:11.580 Right.

00:50:12.380 Social media is very interesting.

00:50:14.860 I love it, but it's made for a less nuanced approach to things.

00:50:19.440 And so I'll say that.

00:50:20.340 So like, let's take the homeschooling example.

00:50:22.220 I'll say that.

00:50:23.160 And then people will say, well, then you should just explain.

00:50:25.440 There's nuances.

00:50:27.020 I got 140 comments to make or characters to make a point.

00:50:31.480 I'm not going to explain every little circumstance or exception or situation where what I said

00:50:36.880 isn't accurate.

00:50:37.800 I'm going to trust that you're an intelligent person who can discern, who can exercise some

00:50:44.580 level of critical thinking and know that, yeah, there's exceptions and it doesn't apply

00:50:48.880 to everybody and nobody, no quote unquote influencer.

00:50:52.320 Like you're talking about is saying, if they aren't a high performer, then they're losers

00:50:56.300 and they don't belong anywhere in your life.

00:50:59.100 Nobody's saying that nobody.

00:51:01.940 So to your question, there's some compartments of life.

00:51:07.520 Certain people get access to certain compartments of my life and certain people get other access

00:51:13.880 to other parts of my life and that's just what it is and it's okay.

00:51:19.040 So I've been, I've been fighting to look for the opportunity for the reference to jujitsu.

00:51:23.580 I have the perfect scenario.

00:51:24.820 So, and I, this crosses my mind sometimes because people always think, you know, we've talked about

00:51:30.800 what makes a good jujitsu black belt.

00:51:33.560 And sometimes we not joke around, but we use the analogy, but by the time you get your black, 0.69

00:51:39.080 you've been beat up and humbled.

00:51:41.600 So many, so many times that like you're now prepared, right.

00:51:45.660 To be one.

00:51:46.320 And, but there are times where you get a black belt that probably shouldn't be a black belt or

00:51:54.480 doesn't have the right, the ideal personality type or haven't been humbled and full with pride.

00:52:00.300 The difference is they didn't maintain good training partners that were better than them.

00:52:07.300 And, and so that's a good example.

00:52:09.580 Like if, if someone's going to start a jujitsu school and all I'm training is with my students,

00:52:15.760 that's a potential problem, right?

00:52:18.780 I need to go to another school to find other black belts, or I need to have black belts in

00:52:23.980 my school to beat me up and to constantly push me.

00:52:27.980 If I don't, you can see where I might get a sense of like skill, or I might get over arrogant,

00:52:35.740 or I might get some ego because who's, who's testing me, my students.

00:52:40.880 So this is a good example where, Hey, I'm there to serve my team and to serve my,

00:52:45.760 my, my, my students.

00:52:47.300 But for me to do that really well, I need to have that inner circle of people that are better than

00:52:53.240 me to constantly push me and make sure I'm improving.

00:52:55.940 So those circles serve each other is ultimately what I'm, I'm saying.

00:53:00.720 Yeah.

00:53:01.220 So you're, well, I think that's a great example.

00:53:03.940 And then there's another question that, you know, begs to be answered here is if you're,

00:53:10.360 if you're the one who's not as good as everybody else.

00:53:13.780 So let's just in the world of jujitsu say, you know, you've been training for eight years

00:53:18.200 and you're a high level purple or a brown belt, for example, and you want to spend time

00:53:24.240 with all the black belts.

00:53:25.180 And this is just an analogy guys.

00:53:26.820 So stick with me on that.

00:53:28.180 You might think to yourself, well, what value do I add to the black belts or how do I get 0.92

00:53:33.220 invited to the black belt table or the black belt training?

00:53:36.100 I'm just a purple belt.

00:53:37.100 I'm just a brown belt.

00:53:38.500 Okay.

00:53:38.900 There's still value that you can add.

00:53:40.900 Here's a couple of things.

00:53:42.040 Number one, you better be a kick-ass purple belt or brown belt because you better challenge 1.00

00:53:46.820 them.

00:53:47.320 There's ways that you can challenge them.

00:53:48.940 Even though you're not a black belt, you better be able to challenge them in unique 1.00

00:53:52.140 and interesting ways.

00:53:52.960 That's number one.

00:53:53.860 Number two, I think that a lot of black belts, and again, we're just using this as an

00:53:58.920 analogy, are interested in helping the browns and purples because they know what it 0.95

00:54:04.880 was like to be there and another black belt helped them up the path, but don't expect 1.00

00:54:09.000 them to take it easy on you either.

00:54:10.640 They shouldn't.

00:54:12.060 Yeah.

00:54:12.260 So I think about, again, I'm coming back to this trip we just had last week.

00:54:17.000 Bedros is a black belt compared to me in the world of marketing and business.

00:54:23.280 So like, why would he spend time with me?

00:54:25.560 Like I've asked myself that question.

00:54:27.020 Why would he spend time with me?

00:54:28.820 Two reasons.

00:54:29.360 I try to add as much value to his life as possible.

00:54:33.740 I try to introduce him to people.

00:54:36.220 He's going to be doing one of his squire programs out here in Maine.

00:54:39.060 So I made this place available to him and his team, and I'm going to accommodate them

00:54:43.700 and try to put together a kick-ass event so that they feel the value and they see how

00:54:49.020 much I care about what they want to do and how much they want to win.

00:54:51.960 Um, and also I think he probably sees, again, I'm not trying to put words in his mouth, but

00:54:57.760 he probably sees some level of potential in me and it makes him feel good to help a budding

00:55:07.040 entrepreneur who has potential to grow into something.

00:55:11.240 Maybe he sees something in me that I might not even see in myself and both are elements

00:55:15.880 of value for him.

00:55:16.840 That's why he would spend time with me.

00:55:18.440 That's why he would come down last week and spend time with us when he doesn't need to

00:55:24.340 do that, but there's not like almost nothing that I could give to him.

00:55:28.800 And yet there's still value to be had and still value that I can share in his life.

00:55:33.940 So if you want to seat at the black belt table, you better be working on becoming a black belt 1.00

00:55:41.100 caliber type individual, whatever that black belt looks like, whether it's fitness or actual

00:55:45.460 black belt or business, you work on becoming that person.

00:55:49.120 You'll get to seat at the table.

00:55:51.440 Keith Dyer, uh, best ways to communicate with the ex-wife who cares nothing about you, 1.00

00:55:58.520 but you share three kids together and makes a jab at you.

00:56:02.240 Any chance she gets?

00:56:05.240 Um, I look, I've never been in this position, but what I would say is that, and what I've

00:56:13.260 experienced is that people who like to, uh, poke and jab and make comments like you're

00:56:20.900 talking about right now, I don't know the dynamic between you and her, uh, usually seems

00:56:25.580 like in my experience, do it because they like to get a rise out of you.

00:56:29.000 Yeah.

00:56:29.880 And so if they don't get a rise out of you, then it no longer becomes compelling.

00:56:35.580 And in fact, I would argue that the more of a rise that she gets out of you, the less

00:56:41.680 mature you are, and she probably gets off to some degree on that.

00:56:46.360 If you learn to become a more mature man, I think not only is she going to see that it

00:56:52.820 doesn't get a rise at it.

00:56:54.880 And I'm not even saying be defensive.

00:56:56.060 I'm saying like, let it slip off your back.

00:56:58.260 Like you didn't even acknowledge what she said.

00:57:00.820 Not only is it not going to be as compelling for her, but you actually probably would garner

00:57:06.440 some respect even to a slightest degree, maybe even to begin with.

00:57:10.780 And then 10 years down the road, you do this and you guys might have, believe it or not,

00:57:14.200 an amicable relationship, but every time she pokes at you, because what she's doing,

00:57:20.340 I can't, I don't know her.

00:57:21.440 I don't know your situation, but if I'm guessing based off the 20 words you just shared with

00:57:25.900 me, I think probably what she's doing is she's testing for weak spots.

00:57:30.000 You know, it's like in a Jurassic park where the, you have the wire, the electric fence

00:57:34.620 up in the dinosaurs, the Raptors are like, like testing on different parts of the fence

00:57:40.360 to see what's electric and not.

00:57:41.860 That's what she's doing.

00:57:43.500 And she's testing the fence.

00:57:45.180 And every time she does, she finds a weakness, a flaw chink in the armor because you're the 1.00

00:57:50.460 one exposing it.

00:57:51.500 This is why I don't like the word vulnerability, by the way, is because this is what's happening.

00:57:56.200 You're exposing vulnerabilities.

00:57:57.880 So stop it.

00:58:00.000 Don't, I'm not saying be defensive because that is viewed as a vulnerability.

00:58:04.940 Just don't even acknowledge it.

00:58:07.300 You know, like when I have a fly land on my arm, that's bothering me.

00:58:10.060 I just kind of like brush it.

00:58:11.180 I don't even know I'm doing it.

00:58:12.080 I just kind of like, oh, there's a fly on me.

00:58:13.380 I brush it off, but you don't even acknowledge it anymore.

00:58:16.260 If a scorpion on the other and stung me, I'd give it some attention, right?

00:58:20.840 Cause it actually hurt.

00:58:21.820 Might be poisonous.

00:58:23.220 She's a fly. 1.00

00:58:25.080 Just brush it off.

00:58:27.220 Okay.

00:58:27.540 And also you have three kids together.

00:58:29.480 So you should probably figure out a way to do that so that you can actually spend time

00:58:35.140 with your kids and be with your kids and not let that get in the way.

00:58:38.380 And maybe again, garner some trust and, and, and credibility with her so that you can actually

00:58:43.960 see your kids.

00:58:44.760 And she's not working behind the scenes to do it. 0.73

00:58:47.260 She might be, I'm going to say it frankly, a manipulative bitch. 1.00

00:58:51.100 I don't know.

00:58:52.220 She might be that. 0.91

00:58:54.040 So don't play the game.

00:58:56.080 She knows the game better than you.

00:58:57.840 She knows the rules because she created the game. 0.94

00:59:00.720 So do you get on the board with her and start playing her game?

00:59:04.460 Or do you say, I'm not interested in playing that game.

00:59:06.360 And I'm going to play my own game over here with my own rules.

00:59:08.420 And I'm not going to get sucked into hers.

00:59:10.600 And that's what you're doing right now.

00:59:12.640 98% sure.

00:59:13.900 That's what you're doing right now.

00:59:16.020 For sure.

00:59:17.160 Yeah.

00:59:17.540 The only other things I would, I would add to it is one, you know, keep the mission

00:59:23.560 in mind.

00:59:24.740 No one ever, no one ever like convinced anything what's best for their kids by insulting and

00:59:31.700 overreacting to an insult, right?

00:59:33.860 Like your game is your kids.

00:59:37.000 So keep that mission in mind.

00:59:38.680 How do you take the higher road?

00:59:39.900 How do you figure out, how do you work the, the situation?

00:59:43.720 Let me say something on that one before you do the others.

00:59:46.820 Cause I really liked that.

00:59:48.320 So if she's got a game where she's trying to poke at you and find little vulnerabilities

00:59:52.600 and chinks in the armor, your game should be, I'm not going to let her show. 1.00

00:59:57.440 I'm not going to expose any of my vulnerabilities and you can make it a game too.

01:00:01.000 I've noticed this with social media.

01:00:02.660 Cause I know when people send me comments like off the wall, comments, random things,

01:00:08.360 nasty things, they want to rise out of me.

01:00:10.700 And I know that when I don't give them a rise, they keep poking and I can see it.

01:00:15.020 And I'm like, cool.

01:00:15.460 Every time I ignore them, it pisses them off even more.

01:00:18.220 And that's the game I'm playing.

01:00:19.800 I like it.

01:00:20.400 I like to see it because they're like, shit, he's not responding.

01:00:23.560 Oh, they try something else.

01:00:24.900 Oh, he's still not responding.

01:00:25.840 And then eventually they leave you alone and they go away.

01:00:28.960 Yeah.

01:00:29.000 They learn that it's not going to work.

01:00:30.500 Yeah.

01:00:30.700 Exactly.

01:00:31.100 So, so keep that mission in mind.

01:00:33.080 Here's the other thing, two, two other things.

01:00:35.320 First off, you, you, you think that retaliation of some sort might make you look good and it

01:00:46.620 doesn't, it doesn't.

01:00:48.580 So if, if, if you're stuck into caring what other people think, so for instance, let's

01:00:53.940 say she's doing stuff on social media and you're like, ah, I'm going to retaliate and

01:00:57.260 I'm going to make a post and copy my friends.

01:00:59.960 You look like a dipshit.

01:01:01.880 So stop it.

01:01:03.120 You look like a higher road.

01:01:04.540 And yeah, don't, don't do the reaction thing.

01:01:07.940 Trust me.

01:01:08.320 I know some guys that are a lot throwing their, their garbage all over the internet because

01:01:12.320 they think it makes them look good.

01:01:13.640 It doesn't, it makes them look like children.

01:01:17.140 And she knows that she still has your balls in her purse. 1.00

01:01:20.720 Totally.

01:01:21.300 Yeah.

01:01:21.840 Like, so, so stop that right now.

01:01:24.540 Here's, here's the, here's the superpower.

01:01:27.220 And it's, and I wanted to say empathy.

01:01:29.960 So maybe Ryan, you have a better word for this.

01:01:31.980 It's, it's not empathy, but get clear on human behavior.

01:01:36.960 Like that's like the superpower here to go.

01:01:40.720 Why is she always acting like this? 0.99

01:01:42.420 But actually like think like follow that thought through a conclusion.

01:01:46.100 Oh, why does she do this? 1.00

01:01:47.220 Oh, because when she does this and she gets a reaction and makes her feel validated in

01:01:53.380 the fact that our marriage has failed and she's looking for reassurance that she's

01:01:57.320 correct and that this was the best thing for her.

01:02:00.420 Whoa.

01:02:00.860 You, you get to that mindset where you understand why she's playing her game a little bit and

01:02:06.080 come maybe psychoanalyzer.

01:02:07.660 It really gives you some power to deal and not to overreact and go, oh, I see.

01:02:13.340 And, and, and for me, at least in my past, that has given me empathy almost to the point

01:02:19.480 where I like, I get it.

01:02:21.140 I don't agree with it and I don't think it's good and all these other things, but I understand

01:02:26.740 the human behavior of what's happening and it allows me to deal with things way better

01:02:31.820 because now I realized that it's probably not a direct attack, right?

01:02:35.540 That it's, that it's something deeper and these other things.

01:02:38.240 And, and that, that will really, really help.

01:02:42.460 I think that's awesome.

01:02:43.780 I don't know that I would use empathy.

01:02:45.520 I mean, maybe empathy does derive from it.

01:02:47.240 So I was thinking about that.

01:02:48.140 Cause you're asking.

01:02:48.600 Do you know what I'm saying?

01:02:49.420 A hundred percent.

01:02:50.220 I don't know if the right word, but.

01:02:51.640 Well, I wrote a couple of things down here.

01:02:53.260 Number one is just a mature thought.

01:02:54.960 You know, like for example, um, my, I can't remember exactly what happened, uh, when we

01:03:01.320 were flying home, uh, my son was really upset cause he wanted a snack in the store.

01:03:08.140 And I said, no, you're not getting a snack.

01:03:09.740 We just had lunch.

01:03:10.460 Like you're going to get some peanuts or whatever on the plane.

01:03:12.500 Like, I'm not going to buy you the snack at the, at the thing in the airport.

01:03:16.960 And like a mature person would have said, okay.

01:03:22.440 And that's it.

01:03:23.340 Well, he's five, so he's not mature.

01:03:27.680 So instead he started crying, like literal tears, like rolling down his face, crying.

01:03:34.920 And he was upset and he was being mean to everybody because he didn't get like gummy

01:03:39.340 bears at the thing.

01:03:40.740 Okay.

01:03:41.320 That's immaturity.

01:03:44.020 And then there's also a level of just being a reasonable human being and immature people

01:03:48.780 can't.

01:03:49.480 My five-year-old can't be a reasonable human being.

01:03:52.080 He's quite literally, his brain has not developed to the point where he can't be.

01:03:56.740 Yeah.

01:03:56.980 Right.

01:03:57.740 So that's you.

01:03:59.620 That's you.

01:04:01.060 The only difference is that you can change that, you know, like you're not bound by your,

01:04:08.480 your biological constraints of your, of your, of your brain.

01:04:13.440 So there here, here, here's the answer here.

01:04:16.200 Here's what I think the word is detachment.

01:04:20.920 Yeah.

01:04:21.400 Just catch.

01:04:23.340 It's may, it may not be even personal, but you can't think that unless you're detached

01:04:28.280 from the environment and conscious thought is pretty amazing.

01:04:31.220 Like we can, we can, if I wanted to think about this conversation, not from the conversation

01:04:36.740 I'm having from you, but the way somebody else might perceive it, which by the way, is

01:04:40.260 part of my job because we're doing a podcast for other people.

01:04:43.140 I have to be conscious about that, which means I have to detach myself.

01:04:46.920 I might say, Oh, we're amazing.

01:04:48.760 This conversation where, Oh, look how good we are at this Kip. 0.92

01:04:51.640 But, but that might not be true because other people get to decide what's amazing and what

01:04:57.120 isn't for themselves.

01:04:57.800 And so I have to detach to be able to acknowledge, which means that maybe we aren't as amazing

01:05:02.320 as I initially thought we were.

01:05:04.800 Totally.

01:05:05.480 Yeah.

01:05:05.720 And, and we're, we're meaning making machines, right?

01:05:08.560 Like I, I'm not like, this has happened so many times in my past where I've gotten a

01:05:16.520 text message or an email or whatever from the ex-wife and I, what the crap, I'm, I'm

01:05:24.800 fired up and I'm pissed off.

01:05:26.440 And I, I go to Asia and I'm like, Oh, can you believe this?

01:05:29.900 And she's like, let me look at it.

01:05:31.680 And she reads it and she's like, uh, problem.

01:05:34.340 I think she's just asking when the boys are playing for Christmas.

01:05:39.360 Like, like, I, I don't see what you saw in that at all.

01:05:43.720 Right.

01:05:44.080 And, and something tricked me.

01:05:45.960 And then literally, if I'm like logical and I read it again, I'm like, Oh yeah.

01:05:49.680 Yeah.

01:05:49.920 Actually I shouldn't be mad.

01:05:51.760 So be mindful of that too.

01:05:54.040 Like you have your own story that you're running, you know, and to your point, you need to detach

01:05:59.380 and realize what's what.

01:06:00.860 So, or even look, let's take your example.

01:06:04.360 Even if she was being that way to you, like she's trying to get at you. 0.88

01:06:08.420 Yeah.

01:06:08.960 Still detaching is the right answer.

01:06:10.760 It's like, Oh, here she is.

01:06:13.200 Yeah.

01:06:13.480 I get her this way again.

01:06:15.220 I got it.

01:06:15.980 Like, she's probably having a bad day or she's probably, you know, in an argument with her

01:06:19.840 husband or whatever.

01:06:20.700 And so like, she's taking that on me.

01:06:23.020 And so like, I could either, sometimes you just kill him with kindness and I've killed,

01:06:28.800 I've tried to kill people with kindness, even out of like to get P and it still works.

01:06:33.760 Like, I'm like, I'm going to get them back.

01:06:35.860 And so I'm going to be really nice to them.

01:06:37.480 And, and actually one thing I've had happen is like a troll will say something.

01:06:41.500 I had this happen not too long ago.

01:06:42.960 Some troll said something.

01:06:44.060 I don't even remember what they said.

01:06:45.200 And I was, I was very respectful back.

01:06:47.300 And I said, Hey, look, you know, I, I see where you're coming from.

01:06:50.200 Like, I don't, I don't agree.

01:06:52.180 I can see how you would come to that conclusion.

01:06:54.180 And so like, I wish you all the best, man.

01:06:56.120 No worries.

01:06:56.600 No hard feelings.

01:06:57.400 All good.

01:06:58.640 Three months later, I get a message from this guy and he's like, Hey Ryan, I just, I wanted

01:07:03.060 to explain something to you.

01:07:04.180 And I'm, I'm, I'm just paraphrasing here.

01:07:06.660 He said, I, I said something pretty, like pretty mean on one of your posts.

01:07:11.200 This is not going to happen all the time, by the way.

01:07:12.760 But he said, I said something kind of mean or, or something on, on one of your posts.

01:07:16.600 And you responded very graciously.

01:07:18.680 And he said, I, I remembered that.

01:07:21.660 And I wanted to just apologize.

01:07:24.160 I was going through a really dark time and I was taking it out on not just you, but other

01:07:29.540 people.

01:07:29.940 And you responded really graciously.

01:07:31.800 And so thank you.

01:07:33.620 The end.

01:07:34.400 That was it.

01:07:35.200 Humanity.

01:07:35.960 I love that.

01:07:37.220 And so I just messaged him back and I, I didn't say, well, F off or we'll screw you

01:07:43.100 or what you should have thought about that more.

01:07:45.280 Maybe next time.

01:07:46.520 No, I said, Hey man.

01:07:48.680 No hard feelings.

01:07:49.660 I really appreciate you reaching out to me and, um, and I'm sorry you're going through

01:07:54.220 what you're going through.

01:07:55.040 I hope, I hope you're able to work it out.

01:07:57.080 If there's anything I can do to give you some guidance or counsel or help, you know,

01:08:01.140 just let me know.

01:08:01.740 And I don't know, nothing ever came of it, but like, yeah, it's okay.

01:08:05.660 It's okay.

01:08:06.680 Yeah.

01:08:07.040 All right, brother.

01:08:08.420 We better wrap it up today.

01:08:09.440 You've got a busy day.

01:08:10.160 I've got a busy day.

01:08:11.100 So does everybody else listening to this.

01:08:13.980 Yeah, for sure.

01:08:15.360 Yeah.

01:08:15.520 So we talked about a couple of things, but I think the key things are the iron council

01:08:19.780 is still officially open.

01:08:22.100 No, it's close for a nod from you.

01:08:24.680 It is close.

01:08:25.640 It's close.

01:08:26.360 This ship has sailed.

01:08:28.740 So it is closed.

01:08:30.760 However, if you didn't get in, you didn't, you weren't able to join us.

01:08:36.440 This go around, go to order of man.com, sign up for the newsletter, follow Mr. Mickler

01:08:42.480 on the socials, Twitter, and Instagram, stay connected with us.

01:08:46.820 So then that way, when we open that back up, you can then act accordingly and join us

01:08:52.640 within the iron council to learn more about the iron council.

01:08:55.420 You can do so by going to order of man.com slash iron council and to follow Mr. Mickler

01:09:00.080 on those socials.

01:09:01.160 It's Ryan Mickler on both Twitter and Instagram.

01:09:04.860 And check us out on YouTube too.

01:09:07.780 Right on.

01:09:08.520 Anything else?

01:09:09.060 All right, guys.

01:09:09.280 How about the store?

01:09:10.280 Are we don't order anything for Christmas?

01:09:13.220 It's too late.

01:09:14.640 Maybe.

01:09:14.940 No, it's not too late.

01:09:16.660 Okay.

01:09:17.400 Anything after the 20th is not guaranteed to get there before Christmas.

01:09:22.200 But if you get it, I think if you get it this week, we're going to get them all shipped

01:09:25.560 out.

01:09:25.840 We're working hard.

01:09:26.480 Brecken and I, my son and I are working hard to get that to you.

01:09:29.560 He's got a new podcast that's going to be launched on January 1st.

01:09:33.180 So stay tuned for that.

01:09:34.060 We'll let you know.

01:09:35.120 But yeah, that's about it.

01:09:36.080 Check out the iron council.

01:09:37.180 Check out the store.

01:09:38.740 Yep.

01:09:38.920 Seven days.

01:09:39.700 Store.orderofman.com.

01:09:41.880 Yep.

01:09:43.160 That's it.

01:09:43.980 All right, brother.

01:09:44.680 Appreciate you guys.

01:09:45.580 Appreciate you as well.

01:09:46.840 We will be back on Friday.

01:09:48.760 Until then, go out there, take action and become a man you are meant to be.

01:09:52.960 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:09:55.780 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:09:59.440 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:10:02.900 Bye.

01:10:07.840 We'll be right back.

01:10:10.120 We'll be right back.

01:10:10.240 Bye.

01:10:10.560 Bye.

01:10:11.580 Bye.

01:10:12.160 Bye.

01:10:12.220 Bye.

01:10:12.480 Bye.

01:10:12.700 Bye.

01:10:13.160 Bye.

01:10:13.220 Bye.

01:10:13.620 Bye.

01:10:14.080 Bye.

01:10:14.280 Bye.

01:10:15.200 Bye.

01:10:16.280 Bye.

01:10:17.220 Bye.

01:10:21.840 Bye.

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01:10:23.140 Bye.

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01:10:24.060 Bye.

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01:10:25.240 Bye.

01:10:26.140 Bye.

01:10:26.980 Bye.

Order of Man - December 15, 2021

Detaching from Emotions, Becoming More Efficient, and Communicating Boundaries to a Boss ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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