Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.940 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.340 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is

00:00:16.880 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.540 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is

00:00:27.040 Ryan Mickler. I'm your host and founder of the Order of Man podcast movement. My mission and my

00:00:33.060 goal and the movement here is to reclaim and restore masculinity. That's to establish men as capable and

00:00:41.580 confident and able to go out and get the job done. Whether that's being a father, a husband,

00:00:48.040 a business owner, a leader in your community, whatever capacity of life you're showing up as,

00:00:52.220 I want to help you develop and build confidence in a way that lets you go out into the world,

00:00:56.640 into the environment, into your circle and be influential and be credible and be convicted

00:01:05.940 and have some sort of capability in leading people well and serving people well and living the kind

00:01:12.360 of life that you want to live and helping other people do the same. To that end, we've got this

00:01:15.600 podcast and today I'm answering and fielding some questions from our exclusive brotherhood,

00:01:19.840 The Iron Council. If you're looking for something more than just this conversation or what you can find

00:01:24.020 in what seems to be the growing sewer of social media, then please make sure you check out our

00:01:30.820 exclusive brotherhood. It's called The Iron Council. We use some pretty incredible tools

00:01:36.000 and resources that are going above and beyond what you'd find in random Facebook posts and videos and

00:01:43.380 even conferences. And we're diving deep into what it means to be a man, helping you achieve your goals,

00:01:48.120 helping you identify what those goals actually are, and then holding your feet to the fire like men

00:01:52.940 do. We are notorious for holding each other accountable in a very powerful way. And a lot

00:01:59.880 of guys are missing that in life. So check out The Iron Council. We're open for enrollment for the next

00:02:04.260 week or so, give or take. You can do that at orderofman.com slash Iron Council. Now, speaking of

00:02:10.020 Iron Council, we are going to be fielding questions today primarily from The Iron Council. These are our

00:02:15.560 brothers inside of that group. And we'll get right to it here. And then if we have time, we'll go over

00:02:20.700 to Facebook and answer some questions over there. So let's go number one. And I really haven't planned

00:02:26.060 for these. Normally, I have a co-host on this and we have a great conversation about all these things.

00:02:29.840 I haven't planned for these ahead of time. I've glanced and perused these questions, but not really

00:02:36.640 given much consideration because I want it to be like two guys talking over a beer or the game or

00:02:42.060 at the barbecue or wherever it may be, just getting together as men do. So let's talk about it. This one

00:02:48.240 comes from Josh Savage. He's on Battle Team Epsilon. He says, do you have a bug out bag and what's in it?

00:02:54.700 I used to have a bug out bag. And in fact, this is a deficiency in my life. I need to have a bug out bag.

00:03:00.580 That way, if I need to get up and go, I've got the opportunity to do that without having to spend a bunch

00:03:06.040 of time figuring out what I need or what needs to be included in that bag. So I definitely need to

00:03:12.320 have that available. Now I do keep a bag in my truck at all times. And in that bag is some basic

00:03:19.540 food stuff. I've got some freeze dried food. I've got a lighter. I've got some fire starting kit.

00:03:25.780 In addition to the lighter, I've got a couple of different blankets. I've got medical supplies.

00:03:31.340 I've got a knife. I've got a little bit of small bills, cash. What else do I have? I've got a

00:03:36.340 firearm in there. I've got the tourniquet in there. And I guess that falls in line with medical supplies.

00:03:44.320 Yeah. And that one's just kind of an over the shoulder bag. That way, if I need to grab it and

00:03:47.660 go, the thing I like about that over the shoulder, it's not bulky, like a big backpack, but it'll still

00:03:51.920 stay tight and close to you. That way, if I need to move fairly quickly, I can do that.

00:03:56.980 In a bug out bag? Yeah, I'd have very much the same firearm, knife, fire starting kit,

00:04:06.100 medical supplies, basic food, water filtration, I think is important. That would be an important

00:04:11.660 element of that. Versatile tools, like these little cards that have different hooks and tools

00:04:17.100 available that you can just pop out of these metal cards. Some of you guys have seen that.

00:04:20.500 Uh, yeah. So that, that's what I have. That's what I have available. Um, so that's, that's my

00:04:26.420 bug out bag. All right. Next, uh, George Sykes, by the way, if you guys have any comments or

00:04:31.260 suggestions, please leave them on YouTube or Instagram or Facebook or wherever you are on

00:04:35.800 social media, TikTok. I'm on TikTok now, right? I've been convinced to go over to TikTok. So you can

00:04:41.060 find that at Ryan.Mickler. My last name is spelled M-I-C-H-L-E-R. So Ryan.Mickler

00:04:47.540 on TikTok. All right. George Sykes says, what does real romantic love be like? I honestly think both

00:04:58.920 romantic relationships I've had weren't loving ones because of how much drama and how many issues

00:05:04.260 there were. So I'd love to know what real love looks like. Well, let me tell you this first and

00:05:08.580 foremost. I don't think just because there was drama or just because there were issues in your

00:05:13.740 relationship that it isn't real romantic love. That's the romanticized version of it. That's

00:05:19.560 the fairytale version of it. The fairytale version, the Disney version of it is that once you find each

00:05:25.660 other, you go through a little hardship, you overcome a common enemy, and then you live happily

00:05:32.160 ever after and you have sex and all you want. And you don't argue about economics or politics or

00:05:39.960 cultural events or how you want to parent. And you guys are just 100% in alignment on everything.

00:05:46.360 Wouldn't that be nice? But instead of answering the question the way that you're asking, let me

00:05:51.580 tell you the way that I look at a relationship. I actually think challenge in a relationship,

00:05:57.540 interpersonal challenge between you and your partner is a good thing. Now, there's a way in which

00:06:04.000 it's healthy in a way that it's not healthy. But if your partner is challenging you about the way

00:06:10.580 that you think, about the way that you view life, about your own personal performance, and she does

00:06:16.760 that in a healthy, constructive way, that's a good partner. Because isn't that what you want?

00:06:23.780 If I didn't want to be challenged on anything, if I didn't want to be questioned about any of the way

00:06:29.440 that I see the environment in the world around me, I don't need anybody to do that. Because I've got

00:06:34.100 all that shit here in my head. The reason that we partner with women is because they're going to help 0.99

00:06:39.220 you see things in a different light. Generally speaking, if we're just talking about the differences

00:06:44.020 between masculinity and femininity, femininity, it's a hard word for me to say. She's going to be,

00:06:50.560 again, generally speaking, kind, empathetic, nurturing, compassionate, supportive.

00:06:56.860 Where on the other hand, you might be more confrontational, more dominant, more competitive,

00:07:03.840 more stoic. Women tend to generally lead with their emotional intelligence, and men generally tend to

00:07:11.180 lead with a more logical approach to circumstances and situations we may find ourselves in. Neither are

00:07:18.580 wrong. Both have their pros and cons. But the value of having a beautiful, lovely, kind, empathetic,

00:07:26.260 feminine woman in your life is that she's going to help you see things that you just can't see 1.00

00:07:30.900 yourself. And what that inherently means is that there's going to be strife. There's going to be

00:07:38.280 conflict. She's going to see it differently than you. And because of that, we tend to believe, because

00:07:43.900 Disney brainwashed us into believing this, especially, I think, for women, is that if there's any sort of 0.98

00:07:50.160 contention, if there's any sort of disagreement, then, whoa, this must not be right. Well, that isn't

00:07:55.360 true at all. Love is a verb, meaning it's an action. It's something I choose to do. Yes, it's also an

00:08:02.080 emotion. I love this person. I think sometimes we conflate that emotion with a feeling of attachment to

00:08:07.760 a person. But love is definitely an emotion. But I tend to look at it more as a verb. I choose to love

00:08:14.040 this person. And in love, there's service. There's gratitude. There's appreciation. There's

00:08:21.960 sacrifice. There's understanding. There's grace. There's forgiveness. And these are all things that

00:08:29.440 we can choose deliberately and intentionally to do every single day with every single person that

00:08:35.580 we come across. So what makes it romantic then? Well, I think physical intimacy is an important part

00:08:40.780 of that. Emotional, mental intimacy. Somebody that you truly believe that you can be connected with

00:08:46.260 every single day for the rest of your life. That's what I'm looking for. That's what I want. That's

00:08:51.240 what I thought that I originally had. And you guys have known a little bit about my story because I've

00:08:56.080 been public with it about my divorce. I mean, that was a hard situation, but I don't think it's one and

00:09:00.940 done. I think there's plenty of opportunities for me to go out and actively love somebody else and for

00:09:05.260 that woman to actively love me. And that's what I'm looking for. So yeah, drama is part of it,

00:09:09.840 actually. Issues, as George says, are part of it. That doesn't mean you're not in love. It just

00:09:15.840 means you have things to work through. Now, that being said, you may not be attracted to the sort

00:09:20.440 of drama this woman brings into your life. That's a different story. And by the way, you can actually

00:09:24.520 love a woman. In fact, many of us do. We love women. And also there's things about it that we can't

00:09:32.440 stand. And yet we find ourselves still in love. That's the emotional side of things. That's not the

00:09:36.780 verb. That's the emotional side of things. We find ourselves in love with a woman. And yet there's

00:09:41.940 elements of that relationship that either won't work, differences of opinion, differences in values.

00:09:50.020 So yeah, you can still fall in love, even if there is drama. And even if there are issues.

00:09:55.520 So we need to learn to compartmentalize. Love is in serve because I value and cherish this woman.

00:10:00.860 And also, what do I appreciate? Is she a good communicator? Does she keep drama out of her

00:10:07.740 life? Does she handle disagreement? Well, that's important. How do you guys disagree? It's going

00:10:14.980 to happen, but how do you do it? Is it healthy and constructive? Or is it unhealthy, toxic and

00:10:20.540 destructive? Because that's something important to know about as well. So I think as men, we need to

00:10:25.720 determine the emotional love versus the verb of love. And they make our decisions from there. All

00:10:31.780 right. I think I answered that. I hope I did. Brian Lee says, how can I be a good present father

00:10:38.340 when I am deployed or on long-term assignment? This is tough. Brian, first and foremost,

00:10:46.260 thank you for joining the Iron Council. You're part of 4008, which is our newest iteration of the Iron

00:10:52.260 Council meeting. You just joined here in the last probably week or so now. And we're really glad

00:10:56.460 that you're with us. If you go back and listen to last week's Friday Field Notes, there's one point

00:11:04.140 that I make out of 10, I believe, on how to be a present and engaged single father. Now, that might

00:11:10.580 not apply to you. You may not be a single father, but the point is still the same. And that is learning

00:11:16.020 to be present or learning to be there when their kids are not with you. And we do this very simply by

00:11:22.140 being interested in the things that they're interested in. My daughter, for example,

00:11:27.240 last week, so it's been about eight, nine days, just had her tonsils removed. 1.00

00:11:34.540 So last week, one of the things I did when she wasn't technically with me, it wasn't my time with

00:11:39.440 her is I went over to her mother's house. I dropped off a hoodie that I know my daughter loves to wear. 0.72

00:11:45.460 I brought a smoothie. I just went down and got a smoothie for her, brought it over to her and dropped 0.93

00:11:49.640 that off. And every time she takes a little sip of that smoothie or every time she throws that hoodie 1.00

00:11:55.100 on at night because it makes her feel good or it's warm or it's comfortable, guess who she's going to

00:11:59.420 think about? She's going to think about me. Every single day, there are some exceptions. Every single

00:12:05.840 day, I try to send a text to my kids individually, not just a group text. Hey guys, how's it going? But

00:12:10.860 individually. My oldest son is in the middle of football right now. It's like, hey man, tell me about

00:12:15.280 that game. How'd you feel? Another thing I did last week is there's a, a young woman. She goes to the

00:12:23.600 high school. She's a photographer and she's trying to develop her photography business. And she's

00:12:28.060 actually the team photographer. So I messaged her on Instagram and I said, Hey, if I pay you 15, 20 bucks,

00:12:34.380 can you take a picture of my kid as he's playing football? Cause she takes a beautiful picture.

00:12:39.060 She's right on the sideline. She has angles and shots that I don't have. And she said, yeah,

00:12:43.240 I'd love to do that. So paid her 20 bucks. She took some images. I couldn't go to the game

00:12:47.700 because I had another son who was sick that I had to take care of. So I couldn't make it to the game.

00:12:51.680 That's something that's important to me is trying to make all of my kids games.

00:12:55.020 And so I couldn't make it. Instead, this young woman took some pictures for me.

00:13:00.020 She had about 50 pictures. She sent them over to me, professionally done, professionally edited.

00:13:04.140 They were beautiful. And I sent them over to my son and I said, Hey, but I'm really sorry.

00:13:07.740 I couldn't make your game. I love watching you play. I'm really proud of you. I had to be here

00:13:12.900 with, with your brother, but I had, I had this girl take some pictures of you. Here you go. I

00:13:19.580 hope you like these. Okay. I wasn't there. I wish I would have been there, but I can't be there

00:13:23.900 because of extenuating circumstances, but I can still be there, right? I can still be available

00:13:29.320 and present. My second son is into some sneakers. He loves sneakers, athletic sneakers. He's all about

00:13:36.240 it. And so I text him about it. If I find a cool pair of shoes or find a project that we can work on,

00:13:40.560 my youngest son is into Lego. And so we talk about that. I built him a table,

00:13:44.620 like whatever you can do to be engaged with your kids. When you're not there sending them notes,

00:13:49.760 snail mail, email, text, phone calls, sending something that's important. It doesn't have

00:13:55.240 to be expensive. Maybe it's more sentimental, man. Whatever you can do to be present when you're

00:14:01.060 not physically present, that's going to go such a long way. I hope that helps Brian.

00:14:05.020 Eduardo Guevara, I think is how you'd pronounce that. I'm sorry, Eduardo, if I got that wrong.

00:14:11.120 Also part of 4008. Again, go to orderman.com slash iron council to learn more. He says,

00:14:17.200 how do you tell when you're gaining traction in your life? I feel like I'm doing as much as possible

00:14:22.440 and not going or gaining, excuse me, anything. I'm new to order man, but I'm looking to help build

00:14:29.780 myself along with my brothers. All right. So with this question, the answer is the battle plan.

00:14:36.600 If you've been around our organization for any amount of time, you know that we have created

00:14:41.960 this tool and I've got my battle planner right here. It's called the 12 week battle plan.

00:14:47.160 And every single day, we back up every single quarter. I go in and I recalculate my vision,

00:14:54.500 what I want to achieve long-term and what that actually looks like.

00:14:57.360 Then I break that down into quarterly goals in four major pillars or pinnacles of life.

00:15:05.520 So that's a connection. Well, first it's calibration, making sure you're getting right

00:15:10.800 with yourself, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. Then it's connection. So it's

00:15:15.500 all of the relationship that we have with our friends, romantic interest, George's conversation

00:15:19.760 earlier, family members, you name it. Then we have condition, which is our physical health. So

00:15:26.220 strength, stamina, endurance, sleep, nutrition, et cetera. And then we have contribution,

00:15:31.340 which is becoming men of value, giving back, learning and developing new skills that we can

00:15:35.520 go out and serve other people, either in our careers or on a voluntary basis. So we have our

00:15:41.400 vision. Then we have our objectives. Those are the 90 day goals. And by the way, this is proven.

00:15:49.960 The systems that we create are proven, not only anecdotally proven, because we have had thousands of

00:15:53.960 men go through at this point, they're scientifically proven. Andrew Huberman, Huberman Labs podcast did

00:15:59.480 a great episode on his planning method. Well, guess what? His planning method is basically our

00:16:05.800 planning method. We were just ahead of the curve, eight years. And now you can go back and see that

00:16:12.360 there's data and science that is evidence that supports what we've been doing for the past eight

00:16:20.580 years. So we have our vision, we have our objectives. And then what we do to answer your question

00:16:25.660 is we have tactics, things that we do on a daily basis that will inevitably move us towards our

00:16:30.780 objective. So if my objective, for example, to strip this down to a bare minimum is to deadlift 500 pounds,

00:16:36.700 then I'm going to have a workout routine every single day. That's going to get me to that point

00:16:43.220 inevitably. Then from there, we work into checkpoints. So these are just little touch

00:16:47.900 points. We do 30 and 60 day checkpoints. So if I can deadlift 350 pounds right now, or let's say

00:16:53.780 450 pounds right now, and I want to get to 500 pounds, if then in 30 days, if we're just doing math

00:17:03.740 here, I should be at about 470 pounds. In 60 days, I should be about 485 pounds. And in 90 days,

00:17:14.840 I should be at that 500 pound club. And that's how you know. Now, some people say, well, you know,

00:17:20.340 that's that's easy when it comes to deadlifts, because it's quantifiable. But how do you do it

00:17:24.180 with regards to being a good father? It's not any different. Let's quantify what it means to be a

00:17:30.080 good father. So Eduardo, I don't know what your goals are. We're going to talk more about this

00:17:34.400 because you're in the iron council. But if you're saying, hey, I just want to be a good dad. Well,

00:17:38.540 welcome to the club, bro. We all want to be good dads. I hope you wouldn't be listening to this

00:17:43.220 podcast and a father if you didn't think that was the case. We all want to be good dads. What do you

00:17:48.680 mean? And also, what do good fathers do? If we were to quantify what a good father is,

00:17:55.180 I would suggest that a good father spends a certain amount of time with his kids. Well,

00:17:58.980 that's quantifiable. If you're only spending a half an hour with your kids every single day,

00:18:03.760 could you increase that? I also think a good father is engaged and present and involved with

00:18:08.700 his kids' lives. Well, that's easy to quantify. If your son's playing football and you coach his

00:18:13.500 football team, all of a sudden, now you've got five to 10 hours a week or more where you're actually

00:18:19.060 around your son. That's easy to quantify. If your daughter is into drawing, how much time are you

00:18:24.940 spending with her drawing? How much money have you spent in programs and extracurricular activities

00:18:30.620 that would help her develop her skills as an artist? Quantify it. What does it mean to be good?

00:18:38.480 Oh, I'm present. That doesn't mean anything to me. I don't know what present means. What exactly do you

00:18:43.620 mean? Does that mean that you eat dinner five days together a week? That's quantifiable. Does that mean

00:18:50.380 that you guys get up early and you do a family meeting and maybe you read some scripture and you

00:18:54.540 do some daily planning and you laugh and you play and you pray every single morning? Well, that's

00:19:00.460 quantifiable. So sometimes we have these goals that are hard at first to quantify, but if you actually

00:19:05.600 start thinking about them, they're not really that difficult to quantify. You might say, well, I want to be

00:19:10.780 a better husband. Great. What does that mean? What does a good husband do in your eyes? If you're asking me,

00:19:16.440 I would say a good husband spends a significant amount of time on a daily basis with his wife having 0.99

00:19:21.500 conversations. That's quantifiable. I also think a good husband probably takes his wife out on dates, even if 0.70

00:19:28.320 they've been married for 20 years. And we'll do that at least weekly. That's quantifiable. You might even

00:19:33.880 measure it by your level of intimacy. Hey, we're having sex one night a week. And I'd really like to bump that up to 0.94

00:19:38.280 two to three times a week. That's quantifiable. And then if it's having sex three nights a week, okay, what do you

00:19:44.000 need to do to get there? Well, I need to get in better shape. So I'm attractive. Good. Let's do 0.78

00:19:48.880 that. Or I need to be able to converse with her in a healthy, respectful way. So we have an emotional

00:19:54.500 attachment. Therefore we can have a physical attachment. Good. That's quantifiable daily

00:20:00.500 conversations. Maybe it's just letting her know that she's beautiful and that you care about her and

00:20:05.640 that you're attracted to her mentally, emotionally, and physically. And so you decide I'm going to leave

00:20:10.640 her a note every single day. I'm going to send her some roses or I'm going to send her a text or

00:20:15.040 I'm going to be playful in some way. Good. That's quantifiable. There's nothing that isn't

00:20:21.060 quantifiable if you go deeper. So to your point, Eduardo, what I would say is make the intangible

00:20:28.460 more tangible by quantifying it and then plugging that into your battle plan. Okay. That was a long

00:20:34.440 answer, but I hope, I hope it drove home the point. This next one, I don't know that I'm going to

00:20:41.520 answer this because I don't have enough context on this, but Carnell Tate says, how do you manage

00:20:45.160 multiple brands and build affiliate partnerships successfully? I want clarity and alignment with all

00:20:51.060 my ventures without confusing my audience or potential customers. I see opportunities to work

00:20:55.800 with other business owners as well. And much like the music industry has music groups and then solo

00:21:02.360 careers for each members. I want to successfully manage and develop my brand with other brands.

00:21:08.920 I mean, there's so much context here. I don't really even know how to answer that question because

00:21:13.280 there's just a lot here to unpack. What I would suggest, one thing that's really helped me is that

00:21:20.020 less is more. And if you can create congruency between all of your brands, meaning you're not doing

00:21:26.140 a thousand different things and some things aren't congruent and therefore they shouldn't be lumped

00:21:30.300 into the same brand. But I've got a lot of different things going. Okay. If you look at our

00:21:34.700 business, we've got order of man and order of man is the umbrella, right? That's the umbrella

00:21:39.200 organization. That's to help develop and build capable, strong, righteous men. If you go deeper,

00:21:45.560 we fulfill that mission in a lot of different ways. We have the iron council, which is our exclusive

00:21:49.500 brotherhood and talking about that pretty extensively. This podcast, we've got merchandise.

00:21:54.960 Dice. We've got this podcast. We've got affiliate partnerships, uh, with, with companies like

00:22:01.460 Montana knife company and origin and sore next and warrior poet society. So those are our affiliates.

00:22:08.300 Those are our, our not only friends, but our business partners. So please support them. If you feel so

00:22:12.900 inclined, we also do events. We do two to four events every single year, but they're all in alignment

00:22:19.520 and they all fall under the order of man umbrella. And they all support the mission of reclaiming and

00:22:26.180 restoring masculinity and helping create capable and righteous men. I don't deviate. Our event is,

00:22:31.580 even though it's called something different, that's still the mission. Our shirts, even though they might

00:22:35.940 have different graphics and designs and sayings and things like that, they still support the mission.

00:22:40.720 So everything supports the umbrella and that's what keeps that umbrella up. And then it shields us from

00:22:47.280 getting distracted and conflating our message and everything else. That's we can talk more about

00:22:53.260 that in the iron council specifically in the entrepreneurship channel. Ask that question,

00:22:57.240 the entrepreneurship channel. And I bet you get some really good answers. Chuck Knoll says,

00:23:01.500 how do you, how to say no to your loved ones when you need to take time for self-care? Okay. So again,

00:23:09.340 this is another four zero zero eight member. So Chuck, glad you're with us. You're at the tail end of the

00:23:15.240 equation. If you're having to say no all the time to loved ones, that's because you didn't do the first

00:23:21.320 part of the equation. And the first part of the equation is that you're going to let your family

00:23:26.160 members know what it is you'll be doing. So an example might be, Hey guys, I think I want to get

00:23:33.680 in shape and I'm going to run a marathon later this year in December. And I want you to know that I'm

00:23:40.100 going to be getting up every morning at 6am and I'm going to be doing one of two things. I'm either going

00:23:44.980 to be on a run or a walk, depending on what my training schedule is, or I'm going to be at the gym

00:23:49.920 working out and I'm going to be there from six to seven o'clock. Now that time is mine. I need to be able

00:23:56.360 to do that because this is important to me. And I want to show you how a man can actually get better

00:24:00.680 and improve and do something meaningful and significant. So on kids, if you ask me to do something

00:24:08.520 at from six to seven o'clock during this training schedule, I will not be doing that. If you ask me

00:24:14.540 to do something at seven Oh one, I will do that. Now, if you say no, because they ask you at six

00:24:20.960 30, they already know what the expectations, they already know that you're going to say no.

00:24:25.740 And you have to say no, because if you say yes, then you're not upholding your boundaries.

00:24:30.520 And they're going to ask again. And when you say no, the next time they're going to think to

00:24:33.860 themselves, well, you said yes last week. Why is it no now? And they're going to feel slighted.

00:24:38.520 So this is a conversation about establishing boundaries, communicating boundaries. This

00:24:44.660 is the three-part formula. Establish, communicate, uphold. Establish, communicate, uphold. If you

00:24:51.920 miss any one of those components, you're not doing boundaries right. If you don't establish them,

00:24:57.380 what are you measuring against? If you don't communicate them, you don't have a right to be

00:25:01.500 angry when somebody crosses something they didn't know was there. If you don't uphold them, then they're

00:25:06.260 not really a boundary because you don't care about it. And therefore nobody else should.

00:25:09.740 These are the pinnacle components of boundaries. And if you're saying no to your loved ones,

00:25:16.680 and you're feeling guilty about it, it might be because you haven't identified what it is,

00:25:21.500 established it, and or you haven't communicated it effectively. And maybe you've been lax on your

00:25:26.620 boundaries in the past. And therefore now you need to get hard and tough. And it's not comfortable

00:25:30.420 the first time. It's still not comfortable the second time. The third time, it's a little less

00:25:35.400 uncomfortable. The fourth time, fifth time, sixth time, seventh time, 10th time, a dozen time,

00:25:39.500 hopefully it doesn't get that far. It doesn't even matter because you know this is important to you.

00:25:43.580 The only caveat I would add to that is make sure that you're not dictating and commanding the way

00:25:48.020 that your boundaries are going to be established. If you say to your wife, hey, hon, running a marathon

00:25:53.720 is really important. I'm going to do that on December, the end of December. And she's like, well,

00:25:57.360 you know, babe, we've got a, uh, we made plans to go to the cabin with my entire family during that

00:26:03.860 week. Okay. Well, you already made plans. So you've got to communicate that with her and get on the

00:26:08.040 same schedule. Or you might say, Hey, hon, I'm going to run every single morning or work out from

00:26:13.460 six to seven. Does that work? Okay. And she's like, yeah, that's fine. But on Thursday mornings,

00:26:16.760 remember I have to take the kids early to school. So like, I don't know, is that going to work? And you

00:26:21.700 say, okay, well, I'll run every single day, but on Thursday I'll run in the afternoon during

00:26:27.240 my lunch break. Okay. So you're not just being a dictator or a tyrant. You're actually working

00:26:31.860 together with the people who will be impacted by the decisions that you're making. This is how

00:26:36.740 boundaries work. And also allows you to fulfill your other duties and responsibilities. Chuck,

00:26:42.500 one thing you might be running across too, is you might be feeling guilty. A lot of guys do like,

00:26:47.560 I'm going to take care of myself. I'm going to go exercise an hour out of day. Yeah, you are.

00:26:51.240 Yeah. But then I can't see my family. Right. Because we only have a finite time in a day or,

00:26:56.260 hey, I'm going to read or, or my buddies call me and they want to go on a hunting trip. And now I'm

00:27:00.800 going to be away from my family. Yeah. That's the answer. Yes, you are. You know, it's better for

00:27:06.460 you now. Yes, it can be taken to the extreme. That's not what I'm talking about here. Talking

00:27:10.960 about healthy outlets. I'm talking about healthy relationships with men outside of your family.

00:27:15.120 I'm talking about going to get physically fit and strong. You want to serve your wife and kids better,

00:27:19.720 go lose 30 pounds. I guarantee you start serving them better, even though you're going to be gone an

00:27:24.100 hour every single day that you aren't normally gone. What would you be doing anyways? Jacking

00:27:27.900 off, sleeping in, thinking around, watching, I don't know, whatever your TV show is. I mean,

00:27:34.200 what do you do with that hour anyways? You're wasting it. So just take it, apply it to something

00:27:39.340 effective and your life and their life is going to be better. Connor Daly, also part of 4008. So we

00:27:45.200 got a lot of new members of the iron council. Again, order of man.com slash iron council. Connor says,

00:27:49.380 how do I find my purpose? Oftentimes the question is asked, what would you do if money was an option?

00:27:55.680 I have too many ideas as to what could be fulfilling. I'll be answering that in a second.

00:28:00.400 How do I narrow it down to a handful of one or two options? I don't want to pursue the quote unquote

00:28:05.800 wrong thing. All right. I like this question a lot. You don't know what the wrong thing is

00:28:11.380 because you haven't done anything. And the wrong thing will only reveal itself. Once you take a step

00:28:17.240 or two or three or 10 or 20 down the path, that's how you get to decide. This is why so many men

00:28:24.060 are wishy-washy on their goals and their dreams and their desires and their ambitions. And therefore

00:28:28.460 their income and their fulfillment in life is because they're like, I don't know if it's right

00:28:32.220 or wrong. I don't know. What should I do? Damn. Just pick one. All right. Just pick one. What's the

00:28:37.840 worst thing that can happen? Let's just throw a bunch of things out there. Let's say you're a photographer.

00:28:42.060 You like hiking. You like firearms. You like jujitsu. You like painting. You like building

00:28:47.340 furniture. You like business consulting. So you've got like eight different things here, right?

00:28:52.080 Which one should I do? I don't know. Any, many, many, mo for all I care. I don't know. You like

00:28:56.480 them all. How am I going to know what you should pick? How are you going to know? Let's say you land

00:29:01.100 on photography. All right. Got it. Go buy yourself a camera. What's it going to cost you? A basic

00:29:06.760 camera, three to $500, maybe ish. Okay. So now you spend three to $500. You got this really nice

00:29:12.500 camera and you start taking pictures when you're on a walk with your family or you tell your wife to

00:29:19.000 get dolled up because you want to take some pictures of her tonight in something nice, or maybe even

00:29:23.100 something a little bit more skimpy. You tell your kids, Hey, I'm going to start taking pictures of

00:29:26.700 you at your game. And so what's, what's the problem? You're at the game. You're taking pictures of

00:29:31.640 your kids. Like there's no downside to this. And let's say you're like, you know, I'm just not

00:29:36.380 as fun. I did it for, you know, two, three, four months, six months, eight months, 12 months. It's

00:29:40.620 just not fun. I don't actually don't enjoy it. Okay. So sell the damn camera. You bought it for

00:29:45.140 300, go sell it for 200. You're at a hundred dollars and you got a nice group of pictures of

00:29:49.240 your wife. You got some pictures of your kids playing sports and you got some nice pictures from when

00:29:53.060 you guys were walking. I mean, nobody's dead. You're not out tens of thousands of dollars.

00:29:58.360 Let's say you like to build furniture. You're like, yeah, I think I'll try that. Good.

00:30:01.880 Try it. Go to the local thrift store, buy a banged up piece of furniture, spend 70, 80,

00:30:07.460 a hundred dollars and fix the damn thing up. And maybe your wife's like, I actually really like 1.00

00:30:12.640 that. That'd make a nice TV stand. And then it's this beautiful piece in your house or you jump on

00:30:16.820 Facebook marketplace and you're like, Hey, you know, I'm selling this thing for $500 and maybe it

00:30:21.700 costs you a hundred dollars to buy. And it costs you a hundred dollars in material. And so you're $200

00:30:24.820 into the thing and you go on there and you sell it for four or 500 bucks and make $200 in the deal.

00:30:29.480 And you realize, you know, I don't really like that. I'm going to try something else.

00:30:33.340 Guys like shit, like just go do something, anything. Let's go do it. Best case scenario is 1.00

00:30:40.880 like, you know what, man, I really liked building that piece. I think I would have done X, Y,

00:30:46.860 and Z a little bit differently next time. So you run back over to their store or you do the garage

00:30:51.180 sale thing on the weekend with your wife, with your family. So they're all engaged and active in the

00:30:55.720 process and you're spending time with them. You go buy a, maybe an old school, like wooden bed

00:31:01.540 frame. I'm like, I think I'm going to restore this. And so you, you strip it all and you paint it and

00:31:05.940 you go on a marketplace and you sell it and you make a profit of two, three, four, $500. I really

00:31:10.540 like that. I think I'll do that again. Cause you rolled all that profit into the business for

00:31:14.580 supplies and tools and everything you need. And you do it again and again, and again, and again,

00:31:19.240 and then enough time has passed. You think to yourself, you know, I really enjoy this.

00:31:22.520 I think maybe I'll start an Instagram page on this or a Facebook page on this because now I've

00:31:27.020 got 10 pieces in my garage that I'd like to sell and I'm looking for more pieces. So the wife's

00:31:32.120 asking me to clear this stuff out. So I'm going to bring some new things in here. And all of a sudden

00:31:36.320 now you have a business. Like now you have a viable business and you go set up an LLC or a sole

00:31:41.600 proprietorship. You start paying your taxes. That's another story. Now you have a business. Why? Because

00:31:47.820 you dared to take the first step. So what I would suggest to you, Connor is enough with like,

00:31:53.340 I have too many options. Good. First world problems, pick one and do it for a month, two months,

00:31:58.640 three months. Now, granted, you want to give it enough time to see if it's something you really

00:32:02.100 enjoy, but just pick one. Well, Ryan, what about the others? They'll still be there, Connor.

00:32:08.320 If you've got 10 things you want to do and you pick one and you think you're, you're like sliding the

00:32:13.380 other nine is that they have feelings. Then it'll still be there. I promise. If you do something for

00:32:19.520 two or three months, make a list. You can go back to those other things. They'll still wait there for

00:32:23.380 you. I promise you they will. If you figure out it's the quote unquote wrong thing to do,

00:32:28.180 just go do it. Okay. That's, that's what I did with order of man. I started order of man by starting

00:32:33.500 another podcast called wealth anatomy. Cause I was in the financial planning practice. And I thought,

00:32:38.080 what if, what if I start a podcast? Could I get new clients? Could I introduce people to these

00:32:42.700 financial concepts? The answer was yes. I found that out, but I didn't really enjoy having that

00:32:47.500 kind of conversation anymore. So what I did is I said, I would, I still like podcasting.

00:32:52.660 I think this is a pretty cool media, but what I'd like to do is talk about things that are more

00:32:57.900 relevant and important to me, which was masculinity, manhood, fatherhood, being a husband, being a

00:33:03.000 father, being a business owner, being a leader in my community. And so I started the podcast and we're

00:33:07.700 here. You're listening to this Connor and you're in the iron council as a result of me

00:33:12.540 saying, yes, give it a shot. Let's figure out what's going on. Like let's just see where it

00:33:17.340 goes. Here's where it leads. You can do the same thing. All right, guys, I think we'll call it quits

00:33:22.820 there. I've got some other questions on Facebook, but we went through a lot today. So Josh, George,

00:33:28.280 Brian, Eduardo, Carnell, who else? Chuck and Connor. I appreciate your questions today. Keep them coming.

00:33:35.540 I appreciate you guys being in the iron council. And if you're interested in learning more about what

00:33:40.320 we're doing and how we're doing it, go to orderofman.com slash iron council. Watch a very,

00:33:46.280 very short video. I think it's two and a half minutes or so. It's entertaining. It's got me in

00:33:51.560 it. How could it not be entertaining? Right. Uh, and it will let you know a little bit more about

00:33:56.060 what we're doing. We've got frequently asked questions there and all the features and highlights

00:34:00.120 and testimonials, video and written and everything else. Go check it out at orderofman.com slash iron

00:34:05.500 council. Guys, we've got a lot of work to do. I appreciate you being here. Continue to share the

00:34:09.360 message. Check out the iron council and go out there. Take action. Connor, take action. Please

00:34:16.440 take action. Let me know how it goes and become a man we are meant to be. Thank you for listening

00:34:21.480 to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you

00:34:26.420 were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Discovering a Man's Purpose, How He Gains Traction, and How He Shows Love ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

Episode Stats

People

Summary