In this episode, I discuss how to deal with frustration, anger, and bitterness in life and how to overcome them. I discuss the 4 keys that I have implemented in my life that have helped me deal with frustrations and anger.
00:00:36.180With a myriad of conflicts and struggles and challenges that we as men are faced with on a daily basis,
00:00:42.840it would be very easy for us to become contentious and frustrated and bitter towards life and people and circumstances, maybe even God.
00:00:53.640And I've seen this throughout my time doing this movement and participating in growth for men,
00:01:02.480even in myself, where it's very easy to put responsibility, burden, and blame on external circumstances and sources of our frustrations and contentions.
00:01:14.980But what I found is the more that we do this, where we begin to put our blame on other people and outside circumstances,
00:01:21.540the less likely we are to address and deal with the struggles of life and the things that we're confronted with.
00:01:30.480So today I wanted to talk with you about four things in particular that I've implemented in my life
00:01:35.180to ensure that I do not grow bitter towards people, towards things, towards experiences, and towards outside factors,
00:01:43.860because frankly, it just doesn't serve me.
00:01:46.820And at the end of the day, men, I think we need to decide what it is that serves us,
00:01:50.940whether it's the mindsets and the behaviors and the actions, and of course, the results
00:01:54.820relative to the things that hinder us and hurt us and keep us from our ultimate objectives.
00:02:01.240Before I get into the meat of the discussion, I just want to share with you my good friends and partners over at Montana Knife Company.
00:02:08.900These guys are not a source of frustration for me, and they shouldn't be a source of frustration for you.
00:02:14.880I've used knives in the past and I've had tools out in the field when I'm hunting or in the kitchen cooking for my family that have not performed.
00:02:23.420And in the spirit of what we're talking about today, I want things that I'm not going to be frustrated with.
00:02:29.320I want tools that I can use to complete the mission at hand.
00:02:33.840And if you're looking for a great knife, 100% made in America, then look no further than Montana Knife Company.
00:02:41.040And if you do, please use the code ORDEROFMAN at checkout.
00:02:53.400All right, guys, let me give you four keys that you can use, especially if you're feeling frustrated, contentious, bitter, angry, you have animosity towards people or things.
00:03:06.720Number one is you have to make a decision.
00:03:09.480I think I've said this, and maybe even at this point, beating a dead horse.
00:03:16.940I think too many men in life are allowing circumstances, people, things to dictate and to act upon them.
00:03:29.940But I also think if there's one thing that makes you a man, it's your ability to take outside circumstances and not allow yourself to be dictated by it, but decide how it's going to impact you.
00:03:45.020We too often, and I see this all the time in men's spaces, men's movements, other organizations that attempt to do what it is we're doing, where they think, oh, you know, this person's the enemy.
00:04:03.020And I'm not saying that we need to be blind or oblivious to the threats that exist, but once we start lumping all people, certain people, or all experiences as toxic or the enemy, that we begin to play a little bit of the victim card.
00:04:23.460And I don't want you to play the victim card because if you are the victim, by definition, that means that you are either unwilling or incapable of dealing with whatever you might be confronting.
00:04:38.860So if you're in an abusive relationship, for example, let's say emotionally abusive, and you decide, hey, I'm going to paint all women as the enemy, then you are the victim.
00:04:53.520Women are women, and that's just the way it is, and there's nothing I can do about it, and therefore you're just going to play the perpetual victim.
00:04:58.720If you decide that the government is out to get you, and there's nothing you can do about it, and you're just playing a zero-sum game, and it is what it is, or the economy is what it is, or your boss is the way he is, there's nothing you can do about it.
00:05:16.940What I found is that we all make up narratives.
00:05:20.200We all make up stories that we tell ourselves.
00:05:23.600Some of those stories are based in reality, and some of those stories are completely wrong, completely off-base.
00:05:32.580But what I have noticed is that all of the stories that we make up in life are a combination of some truth, plus our perception of it, plus the story that we create around it.
00:05:47.560And I've seen way too many men take elements of truth and distort it through their perception in order to conjure up and create a narrative that just is not accurate.
00:06:00.740And if you're going to make up a story about your life, and you're going to make up a story about the circumstances, or the relationship, or the business partnership, or the company that you used to work with, or how the economy is running, why wouldn't you make a decision to make up a story that serves you?
00:06:19.240And I'm going to talk more about what that might look like, but the reality is, is that if we're all lying to ourselves about these experiences that we have, we might as well make up one that serves us.
00:06:32.680And for me, what that looks like is deciding that I am not going to be bitter.
00:06:38.220I'm not going to be hostile towards other people.
00:06:41.460I'm going to look at these as opportunities, and I'm going to delve deeper to that here in a minute.
00:06:45.060Number two is when you are confronted with challenging or maybe even tragic circumstances, you really have to decide how you're going to frame this.
00:10:05.020And that's point number one, is to make that decision.
00:10:07.760And point number two, is to reframe the circumstances.
00:10:11.380And instead of just deciding why life is out to get you, and why everybody hates you,
00:10:16.360and why it doesn't work out for you, and why if it weren't for bad luck, you'd have no luck at all.
00:10:23.340These are the things that we constantly tell ourselves.
00:10:25.880And I would suggest to you that maybe that's not it at all.
00:10:28.760Maybe things are happening and conspiring for you, you just can't see it yet.
00:10:36.220And if you want to expedite the process, then I think gratitude is in order.
00:10:41.600Not gratitude for the circumstances that you might be going through, but gratitude for the circumstances that you've been through and how they've made you a better person.
00:10:54.000One of the questions I get asked quite often is when dealing with difficult circumstances, again, a breakdown in a relationship, loss of a job,
00:11:08.080past decisions that you've made that you don't feel good about, and you don't feel good about who you are, maybe even, is how do you get over that?
00:11:19.240And the way that I found to get over those things is to learn, to learn from what you've done, to learn from the feedback of potentially hurting other people,
00:11:34.960to learn from the feedback of potentially other people hurting you.
00:11:38.860You know, if you have a breakdown in a relationship, how can you be better for the next relationship?
00:11:45.260I mean, I can't tell you how often, for example, I see so many men who are in one relationship and they got hurt or they hurt somebody else and they get into another relationship and it's the same.
00:11:54.800And that one breaks down and then they get into another relationship and that one breaks down.
00:11:59.220You are the only common denominator in this equation.
00:12:02.060So do you think that it's all women are horrible or do you think maybe you ought to learn something and apply something that you have not yet learned?
00:12:10.700How many times do we hear, well, you know, capitalism is evil and they're out to get everybody.
00:12:15.700And those are people who are bitter and contentious.
00:12:18.840And yet you take a record, a look at the record of employment and you see that they are not stepping up in powerful ways.
00:12:25.760And they think, oh, well, it's my boss.
00:12:48.380You are the only common denominator in those equations.
00:12:51.620So what is it about you that needs to change?
00:12:57.040I'm not saying to appease other people, but to live a life that you're proud of, that you're excited about, that you care about, that you're passionate for.
00:13:07.620Ask yourself, if all of your relationships end the same way, what are you doing or not doing that you ought to be doing or not doing?
00:13:17.100If you haven't kept a job, you know, in the last 10 to 15 to 20 years, what are you doing or not doing that you ought to be doing in order to build a career on something that's meaningful and significant to you?
00:13:34.880Now, I'm not going to dive too much into this, but we've been talking about this for 10 years.
00:13:39.260If it's communication, if it's a skill set, if it's a conversation, if it's being assertive, if it's being the man that you have gone and meant to be, then all right, let's talk about it and figure it out.
00:13:50.620But stop pawning it off on other people.
00:13:53.580Now, other people are going to have an impact in your life.
00:14:04.940The fact that your boss lets you go because you weren't performing doesn't mean that you were the only person responsible for your underperformance, but you can't control what she does.
00:14:14.720You can't control what your boss does.
00:14:16.960You can't control what the economy does.
00:14:19.020You can't control what the president is doing.
00:14:22.100You can influence those things to a degree, varying degrees.
00:14:25.200But at the end of the day, the only thing you can control is yourself.
00:14:50.060And of course, the last piece of this puzzle, number four, is to apply the lessons that you're learning.
00:14:56.480So if you're in a relationship and you realize that all of your relationships break down after a certain period of time, and I'm talking about your romantic relationships, and you learn that I'm not a great communicator.
00:15:21.920What information do you need to apply?
00:15:24.480And it's going to feel really, really awkward.
00:15:26.820It's like a child who's learning to take their first steps.
00:15:30.300And they won't vocalize this because they're not old enough to be able to vocalize it.
00:15:35.120But we know when our children are frustrated, even when they're taking their first steps.
00:15:40.340They get up, maybe they hold onto that coffee table or they're holding onto the couch and they're trying to take their first unassisted steps.
00:15:47.580And they take a step or half a step and they fall down and maybe they cry or they show some sign of frustration.
00:18:43.940I'm optimistic about my level of improvement.
00:18:46.820So, if you want to check that out, you can go to store.orderofman.com and check out the battle planner.
00:18:52.720You can also go to orderofman.com slash battle ready.
00:18:57.880And I'm going to teach you these tools over a course of 30 days where you're not going to be bitter anymore about the things that happen in your life.
00:19:14.220The only question remains, what are you going to do about it?
00:19:19.240Are you going to get tired and lazy and sloppy and bitter?
00:19:25.820Or are you going to become stronger and have resolve and get better and improve and serve and use the wounds that we have for the betterment of our lives and the people we care about?
00:19:42.120So, that's a question that I cannot answer for you.
00:19:45.220It's a question to point number one that you have to decide for yourself.
00:19:49.040So, that's what I've got for you today.