Order of Man - September 16, 2022


Do You Have Men in Your Corner？ ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES


Episode Stats


Length

24 minutes

Words per minute

193.19664

Word count

4,642

Sentence count

289

Harmful content

Misogyny

2

sentences flagged

Hate speech

1

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

Do you have men in your corner? How important is it to have other men around you when things don't go your way? Do you feel like you don't have a safe place to turn to when things aren't going well?

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly charge
00:00:04.960 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.380 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.060 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.580 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Brian Michler.
00:00:27.420 I'm the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. Welcome here and welcome
00:00:32.260 back. Today is your Friday Field Notes. I'm going to share some thoughts with you that have been
00:00:36.860 bouncing around in my brain over the past little while. That's what I do on these Friday Field
00:00:40.620 Notes. But if you're not yet subscribed, make sure you are because we also have interviews with
00:00:45.400 very, very successful individuals. Guys like Ed Milet and Tim Tebow and Dan Crenshaw and Ben Shapiro
00:00:53.200 and Dave Ramsey, Jocko Willink, David Goggins. The men that we've had on this podcast are some
00:00:59.840 phenomenally successful individuals in all walks of life. And I want to give that information to you
00:01:06.160 as I learn from them, as I extract some of their wisdom and try to become a better man myself.
00:01:10.980 We also have our Wednesday show, which is our Ask Me Anything, where we field questions from our
00:01:16.220 exclusive Brotherhood, The Iron Council, or from our Facebook group over at facebook.com
00:01:20.840 slash groups slash order of man. All right, guys, as you can see, I got to say this first,
00:01:27.640 I've got, uh, it's starting to get a little cold here. I'm cold right now. It's a little cold here
00:01:31.420 in Maine today and I'm feeling fall in the air. So I've got my, uh, well, it's, it's almost like a
00:01:37.200 Mr. Rogers sweater with a little, with a little style. It's got the camo on there, but, uh, yeah,
00:01:43.140 I'm getting cold. I'm starting to cool off. So that's why I got the sweater on today. I'm not ready
00:01:47.860 to turn that heat on because once I do, it doesn't go off. So I'm not, I'm not messing with
00:01:51.520 that yet. Um, but I wanted to talk with you about, uh, having men in your corner and the
00:01:57.220 importance of that. Now, let me throw this disclaimer out here. This is, could be perceived
00:02:02.080 as a little self-serving because our exclusive Brotherhood, The Iron Council just opened up.
00:02:08.500 And if you don't know what that is, uh, it's a group of men who are all working together
00:02:13.820 on improving ourselves, uh, trying to hold ourselves to the highest standard possible,
00:02:19.580 learning what those standards are, having, having metrics and systems and accountabilities
00:02:24.600 and processes for improving ourselves and helping other men improve in their lives.
00:02:30.460 So that has opened up, which is the reason that I wanted to talk with you about this today,
00:02:35.220 but whether or not you want to join the Iron Council, I've got about five points here,
00:02:39.360 uh, maybe six, five or six points here, uh, that makes sense, whether it's in the Iron
00:02:46.060 Council or whether you're wanting to band with men, uh, outside of the Iron Council in
00:02:51.900 your area, wherever that may be. So if you're not interested in joining, no worries, there's
00:02:55.580 still a lot of value for you here. If you are interested in joining, this is going to give
00:02:59.640 you some insight into what we do. And of course you can check it out at order of man.com
00:03:04.160 slash iron council. So let's talk about this. Do you have men in your corner? The first
00:03:08.580 thing we need to understand is that this is actually important and it really isn't, or it
00:03:14.620 doesn't seem important until it hits the fan and things go South. Uh, you have a problem
00:03:22.840 with business. You have a health scare, you have a challenge in your relationship. Uh, you
00:03:28.860 have financial troubles. There's so many different things that could come up and having other men
00:03:34.940 in your corner doesn't seem like a priority when other things, when everything's going
00:03:39.020 well, but when there's something that's off, something that messes with us in our lives,
00:03:44.320 we realize very, very quickly that for most of us, we haven't done a great job of bringing
00:03:51.040 men around us. And I know that I've done that. I know that there's hundreds, thousands, probably
00:03:56.440 millions of men, uh, who haven't done that. And they face some real world consequences of
00:04:03.080 not having these guys in their corner. And that could be depression, even leading to suicidal
00:04:07.980 thoughts or actions. Uh, it could be that there's just a whole lot of anxiety or even confusion
00:04:15.440 about what they might be able to do and their situation and what they're dealing with. But man,
00:04:20.280 there's just a lot of support that comes from having men in your corner. And it's just something
00:04:25.480 that society doesn't really address all that often. I think if we were to look at women,
00:04:30.980 uh, they generally do a better job at this. They're more relational, I think by nature,
00:04:36.940 and men can be relational too, but we don't focus on our, each other. We usually focus outward.
00:04:42.680 That's why teams, for example, relational, we're all working together, but we're trying to beat
00:04:47.680 that other team or in the military. Yes, we're all working together and cooperating and communicating,
00:04:52.520 but it's so we can defeat the enemy. Whereas women turn inwards, it's like the relationship 1.00
00:04:58.060 for the sake of the relationship. And what I found for me is especially over the past several months,
00:05:06.200 as I've had things that I've been working through personally, where I do have men who I can
00:05:12.860 communicate with and men that I can talk with and men that I can bend their ear and get their advice
00:05:18.500 and get their input. And it's been extremely valuable. In fact, it's been invaluable for me
00:05:25.300 as I've struggled with some of these challenges. So really take an inventory. Do you have men in
00:05:32.140 your life that you communicate with frequently that you can hold their feet to the fire? They can hold
00:05:38.680 their, your feet to the fire, um, that you can lean on each other if needed, that you can support each
00:05:44.480 other and uplift and edify that you can be honest with. They can be honest with you. And if you don't
00:05:49.880 have that, then I would encourage you to get that. Even if you don't think you need it. It's like that
00:05:55.800 old adage of when is the best time to plant a tree? It's before you need the shade. So I don't want you
00:06:02.480 to get into a shady situation and not have planted the tree of masculine relationships. So do that now,
00:06:10.080 regardless of where you are, but let's talk about some qualifying factors that you should look into when
00:06:15.060 it comes to building your band of brothers or at a minimum identifying people, men who you would like
00:06:20.760 to have in your corner and you would like to be in their corner. Number one is they should be
00:06:25.440 successful. Now, when I say successful, I'm talking about success in the areas of life in which you want
00:06:32.020 to be successful. They don't need to all make a million dollars a year. They don't need to drive a
00:06:37.860 certain car or live in a certain neighborhood or, or, or wear a certain watch. And that's not what I'm
00:06:43.140 talking about. I'm talking about that they should be successful in the area that you want to be
00:06:49.200 successful in. So if you want to be a great husband and a great father, then you really need to be
00:06:54.740 looking for men who identify or not identify, who exhibit those characteristics, you know, who are
00:07:01.880 great fathers, who are engaged husbands, who are married, who have worked through problems in their
00:07:07.800 marriage. If you want to be successful in business, then you need to find guys who 0.89
00:07:12.380 own businesses, guys who have started businesses. And look, even guys who have lost businesses
00:07:17.960 because they, they can teach you what didn't work guys that have lost and rebuilt. And there's,
00:07:24.440 you just need to be selective, you know, discriminates a bad word and culture today,
00:07:29.320 but you do need to discriminate to a degree without the negative connotation, of course,
00:07:34.680 but you do need to discriminate based on who you want to have in your corner.
00:07:38.160 Like, this is just not an open invite. This is not anybody comes. No, it's, I'm going to be,
00:07:43.740 I'm going to be clear. I'm going to be concise. I'm going to write down what kind of men I want to
00:07:48.180 attract in my corner, what their level of success is in their family, in their business, in their
00:07:54.540 community, in their wealth, in their health, every facet of their lives. And then, and only then
00:08:00.180 can you begin to identify who it is that you want to have in your corner.
00:08:02.980 So make sure that you're not just inviting your neighbor, Bob, uh, over to, to, you know,
00:08:10.620 dump all your problems on Bob because he's convenient. He happens to live next door to
00:08:15.880 you. If Bob's not on the same page and Bob isn't successful and Bob might not even be interested in
00:08:20.600 what you're interested in, then that's probably not, not going to be a good fit. So many of us men
00:08:26.000 live our lives by default, where if we want to have a friend or a buddy or a band of brothers,
00:08:32.420 uh, it's just, it's Bob, right? He lives right next door. It's easy. It's convenient. I don't
00:08:37.740 have to work any harder or Steve at the office. Okay. That could work, but not by default. We need
00:08:45.000 to be more deliberate and intentional about it. So make sure you're evaluating them again. It's not
00:08:49.800 that everything in their life is perfect. It's that they have a measure of success or they have a level
00:08:55.420 of experience where they're credible to talk with you about the things that you want to talk about,
00:09:00.320 the things that are important to you. Number two, uh, I'm actually going to change this a little
00:09:05.860 bit. I'm going to change the order. So number one, and these aren't in any order, but I want to save
00:09:09.680 this one for last. Cause it's something that I'm learning is very, very important. Uh, but number
00:09:13.880 two, in addition to being successful is that they need to have some sort of shared, uh, value or belief
00:09:22.280 system. Now they don't need to believe everything that you do. Okay. They don't need to be, uh,
00:09:27.300 believe even in the same God as you, uh, or, or be the same denomination of Christian or whatever it
00:09:33.540 might be as you, uh, they don't need to work in the same field as you, but there has to be some
00:09:38.600 shared values, some shared belief system. Imagine trying to, uh, work with a, with a company that's
00:09:47.280 going to send a man to Mars. Okay. There's going to be different systems we need to focus on.
00:09:54.460 There's propulsion, there's guidance, there's, I don't know, entering the, the, the atmosphere of
00:10:00.380 Mars, there's landing, there's, uh, how do we take care of oxygen? And there's so many different
00:10:06.380 systems when it comes to putting a man on Mars, right? So everybody's going to come at it with
00:10:13.500 their own unique perspective. Propulsion is going to look at it different than how are we going to drive
00:10:18.760 on the surface of Mars? They're going to look at different things, but I'll tell you what,
00:10:22.160 one thing they all have in common is they all know math and they all agree on the math.
00:10:28.340 That's the belief system, right? They all know that two plus two equals four,
00:10:32.460 because if they didn't believe that, that two plus two equals four,
00:10:36.960 then nothing else would matter. And that's what I'm saying when it comes to having these,
00:10:42.680 these men in your corner, this band of brothers, if you will, is that, yeah, you can see things
00:10:48.460 differently. You can come from different walks of life. You can have even some different goals,
00:10:53.160 but at the fundamental root level of who you guys are, you should all agree that two plus two equals
00:10:59.420 four. So what could that possibly be? Well, there's a higher power that might be a shared belief system
00:11:06.140 or at a minimum that there's some sort of moral compass that we all agree on, which is,
00:11:12.680 which is right and moral in the way that we are ethical in the way that we should be behaving
00:11:17.000 or the way that we want to show up as righteous protectors, providers, presiders. And if somebody
00:11:24.820 sees that completely different, I mean, nothing else really matters. So if you start to get a hint
00:11:30.940 from these guys that they have not a different perspective or not they're from a different
00:11:35.320 socioeconomic status or a different geographical area, or their skin pigmentation is darker or lighter,
00:11:41.740 no. Okay. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about their shared belief system.
00:11:47.880 This is like that whole concept of diversity. Diversity is strength. No, diversity is diversity.
00:11:53.700 It's neither strength nor weakness. Okay. If we're talking about people coming from different walks of
00:11:58.620 life and diversity could be utilized to shore up weaknesses, to look for threats, to improve ourselves,
00:12:05.780 to increase our odds of identifying what could potentially go wrong or looking for
00:12:11.540 opportunities that we can capitalize on. Okay. But again, if we don't believe that two plus two
00:12:17.760 equals four, okay, well, there's not much more to talk about. So make sure that the guys in your
00:12:22.960 corner and the guys that you're looking at have some sort of shared values and or belief systems.
00:12:28.680 Number three is they're open to discussing these ideas, to discussing improvement in your
00:12:36.460 relationship, in your business. We're all in different places in our lives. And some guys are
00:12:42.460 very guarded. Some guys are very close. Some guys don't want to be open to your influence or your
00:12:50.960 thoughts, or maybe you don't want to be open to somebody else's influence or thoughts. And if the
00:12:55.200 guys that you're looking at are not open, I mean, maybe they'll make a great golf buddy or a lake buddy,
00:12:59.960 but they're probably not going to be this band of brothers kind of guy.
00:13:02.960 They're just not because they're not open in a way that you need them to be open with.
00:13:07.880 And I'm going to talk a little bit more about what they should be open with. But again, if they're
00:13:11.840 not open and receptive to learning, to growing, to be more than just your weekend beer and barbecue
00:13:17.660 buddy or the golf group, that's fine. But those are just friends. These are not band of brothers.
00:13:25.300 Look for somebody who's open. And how do you do this? Well, you talk about it.
00:13:28.860 Hey man, like here's, here's what I'm looking for. Even this, here's what I'm struggling with
00:13:33.840 right now. Have you ever struggled with that? If they're like, Oh no, I don't struggle with that.
00:13:38.160 Okay. That's an indicator that maybe they're not open to having these types of discussions.
00:13:42.400 If on the other hand, you say, Hey man, I'm really struggling with addiction right now,
00:13:46.980 or I'm struggling in my relationship, or I'm struggling in my business, or I'm struggling
00:13:52.200 with self-confidence or being accepted or whatever. And, and you ask, have you ever dealt
00:13:59.760 with that? And I'm like, Oh yeah, you know, I've, I really deal with, in fact, I'm dealing
00:14:02.740 with this right now. And this is what I've been doing. And this is how I've been trying
00:14:05.540 to work on it. What are you doing? Okay. Now you have somebody who's like, cool, this is
00:14:10.660 good. Like this is moving in the right direction. This is somebody who's open and receptive to
00:14:14.160 the idea of talking through these issues, being a sounding board, helping us unpack and
00:14:20.140 discover the things that we need, but they gotta be open. Okay. So again, number one,
00:14:25.160 they've gotta be successful in an area that you want to be successful in. Not that they've
00:14:29.260 never had failures, but that they've risen from the ashes and they are a success to some
00:14:33.660 degree. Okay. Number two is that they have to have some shared values and, or belief system.
00:14:40.280 Number three is they have to be open to this, this relationship. If they're not to the type
00:14:48.280 of relationship you want, then that's just not going to work. Uh, number four is there
00:14:53.000 has to be some sort of process or system in place. Cause what I'm not talking about is
00:14:59.000 having casual friends. There's nothing wrong with casual friends. Okay. But I'm not talking
00:15:03.900 about your fantasy football league. Now, some of the guys might be more in your inner circle
00:15:10.240 and I'm not talking about your beer and barbecue buddy on the weekend. And I'm not talking about
00:15:14.240 the golf guy. I'm talking about somebody who's it's deeper. It's, it's committed. There's
00:15:21.360 accountability. And like I said, a second ago, there's a process or a system in place to ensure
00:15:28.260 that you guys are doing what needs to be done. Um, I've got a friend who I meet with just about for
00:15:35.240 the past, I would say four to five weeks. I meet with just about every week. Uh, we go to breakfast
00:15:41.440 together and we talk about what we're struggling with and we talk about, uh, the gospel and we talk
00:15:47.340 about spirituality and faith and relationships and the things that we're dealing with, with our
00:15:51.960 spouses and the things that we're dealing with, with our kids. Okay. That's a process. Now it's
00:15:55.900 not a formalized structured, but it's just a process that we're using. It's very informal
00:16:02.420 to make sure that we're actually talking about things that are meaningful rather than just, you know,
00:16:06.960 how's the weather or how's, how's your day? Like that stuff's important, I guess. Sure.
00:16:14.060 But again, this is something deeper and more meaningful. And so when you're looking for guys
00:16:19.940 to be in this band of brothers with you, like I would, I would suggest to them, Hey,
00:16:25.580 what if we got on a call every Wednesday and just kind of hashed out some things that we were dealing
00:16:29.520 with throughout the week? Or, or what if we, uh, what if we went to the gym every Thursday morning,
00:16:36.060 Tuesday and Thursday morning and on the drive over, um, we could hold each other accountable.
00:16:40.400 Like I could ask about your goals. You could ask about mine. You see what I'm saying? Like there's
00:16:45.020 actually, there's, there's thought in intent behind it rather than just, Hey bud, what's up?
00:16:50.340 I'm not into that. I'm not looking for that. I need somebody who I can really do this, this life
00:16:55.420 thing with. It'd be like a, like a soldier, like a warrior, you know, a hundred, 200, 500, a thousand
00:17:01.180 years ago. And it's like, Hey, you want to hang out? It's like, no, I don't want to hang out.
00:17:05.200 I want to train so that we can make sure we can defend our village and defend our families.
00:17:10.260 And, and, and in order to do that, we're going to, we're going to work offense. We're going to work
00:17:14.640 military tactics. We're going to work whatever it is, but there's a system in place. That's what
00:17:19.940 I'm saying. There's intent behind it. So we've got success. Uh, we've got shared values and or
00:17:26.220 belief system. We've got, they've got to be open to the idea. We've got to have a process or a system
00:17:29.900 in place. And this is the one that I shifted around. This is one of the things that's very,
00:17:34.880 very important that myself and so many other people overlook. You need to have somebody who's
00:17:42.020 willing to be honest and bold with you. And that's one that a lot of us struggle with.
00:17:50.220 And it's not only something that we struggle with finding and other guys, it's something that we
00:17:55.280 struggle in doing for other people. And when you're honest and bold with other people you care
00:18:00.940 about, you actually are doing them a service. So many of us don't want to do it because we're
00:18:06.120 uncomfortable with it. So if you notice a guy who's in your corner or you're in his corner and
00:18:11.640 something's off or something's wrong, or you notice behavior in him that isn't really like him
00:18:18.120 or he's doing something that, you know, he shouldn't be engaged in. Then you need to be the
00:18:24.460 guy that says, Hey buddy, you're doing this thing. I've known you for three years and you're going on
00:18:29.340 this path and you should not be on this path. What can we do to get you off this path?
00:18:34.600 That's what's missing. That right there is missing in so many men's lives, myself included.
00:18:42.640 And if I'm looking at it fairly and accurately, I've done a pretty good job building up friends,
00:18:49.320 battle brothers, band of brothers, whatever you want to look at it as. And of course, we've got the
00:18:54.660 iron council and men who listen to the podcast, but I don't have a lot of guys and I'm not putting
00:19:00.960 this on them. I'm actually putting it on me. I don't have a lot of guys who are willing to be
00:19:06.920 honest and bold and really get in my face in a caring way in my corner. And that's what I need.
00:19:16.760 And I'm imagining because that's what I need, that that's what other men need too is somebody
00:19:22.740 who can check you. I had that in sports. You know, if you were, if you were slacking off or you weren't
00:19:28.400 doing what you needed to be doing, I had buddies were like, bro, what's up? Like your head's not
00:19:32.760 here today. You're better than that. What's going on with you? Had it in the military for sure. There
00:19:37.880 was this level of accountability. And then you get out of those things and you just don't have that
00:19:42.140 and you need it. And you need to be that for somebody else, honest, bold, and a level of care,
00:19:49.940 more care for the individual than your own feelings. Because isn't that why we don't share
00:19:54.120 things that are uncomfortable? It's not because we want to salvage or spare that person from the pain.
00:19:58.820 It's we don't want to be in an uncomfortable and awkward position. Oh man, I can really talk to him
00:20:03.440 about the way that he's treating his kids, but I don't want to talk to talk about that. I don't want
00:20:09.920 to bring that up. Yeah. Because it's uncomfortable for you. So in that situation,
00:20:14.380 what are we more concerned with that person or our own feelings? And I would submit to you that
00:20:20.840 more often than not, at least in my case, that I've been more interested in my feelings
00:20:25.420 and the way I feel that I do my level of care for that individual I could otherwise serve.
00:20:32.800 So if you have somebody in your corner, who's, I won't say a liar necessarily, but isn't willing to be
00:20:38.920 honest or bold or courageous when it comes to confronting you, maybe they're not strong enough
00:20:44.760 or confident enough, then that's probably not going to be your band of brothers guy.
00:20:50.680 Could be a friend, could be a family member, could have some good interactions with them,
00:20:54.460 could play some great golf with them or go bowl or whatever it is you do,
00:20:57.480 but that's probably not a band of brothers guy. You need somebody. And that's, but that's the hard part
00:21:03.080 is when you find that you're uncomfortable with it too, because they're going to tell you things
00:21:07.820 that are true that you don't want to hear. I've had some guys in my life over the past couple of
00:21:11.960 months, tell me some things. And I'm like, you're an a-hole. I didn't say that to him, but in my mind,
00:21:16.860 I'm thinking this guy is a real jerk for saying that. And then I sit on it for a minute. I'm like,
00:21:22.920 Oh no, he's actually right. He's not a jerk. He actually cares about me. And so he's saying
00:21:28.360 something that's truthful so that I can improve and get better in my life and be in a better
00:21:33.340 position. And it's been really uncomfortable, but it's also been really helpful. So I hope that gives
00:21:41.780 you some ideas. Again, I don't care. It's not that I don't care. I do care. I would love for you to
00:21:47.720 join the iron council. Again, that's our exclusive brotherhood where we've got guys from quite
00:21:53.820 literally all over the world working together and trying to improve in each of these areas,
00:21:58.420 becoming successful. We have shared values and belief systems. They wouldn't join if that weren't
00:22:03.220 the case. Many of them have been listening to the Order of Man podcast for years and years and years
00:22:07.040 that they're open to the idea of growth and progress. Of course, they wouldn't be in it.
00:22:12.800 Number four, there's a process and a system in place. Of course, we've built that over the past seven
00:22:17.000 years. And then the last, again, being honest and bold, being willing to confront,
00:22:22.060 willing to get into your face, proverbial face, not literally, I guess, maybe literally as well,
00:22:28.040 but definitely metaphorically and say and do what needs to be said and done to get your butt back on
00:22:34.400 track. If you can find that on your own, do that on your own. And there are guys that do that.
00:22:40.020 If you can find that in your office or maybe through some sort of civic organization or business
00:22:44.100 meeting or other organization, by all means, if you feel like you want some help with it, then join us
00:22:48.960 in the Iron Council. We're open right now and we'll be open for another 14 days and that's it.
00:22:53.740 And then we're closing down until the end of the year. So your next time to get in won't be until
00:22:57.920 January, 2023. I'd love to see you inside. I'd love to have you be part of it to be with us.
00:23:04.840 But you can make those decisions for yourself. Regardless, I hope that these key factors
00:23:09.980 serve you in some way and that you'll be diligent in finding these kinds of men and also becoming this
00:23:17.020 kind of men for yourself and for other people. I hope that helps gentlemen, go to the Iron Council
00:23:22.360 signup page and learn more about what we're doing at order of man.com slash iron council,
00:23:26.920 or hit me up on Instagram. Very active there. I've been less active on the posting, but if you hit me
00:23:32.660 in the DMS, I'm still pretty active there. We'd love to connect with you guys. That's it guys.
00:23:37.900 That's all I've got. We'll be back next week. Ed Milet is on the podcast. So next week,
00:23:42.780 make sure you subscribe, leave that rating review, check out the Iron Council, and we'll see you
00:23:47.480 next week. Go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening
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