Doing Deep Work, Why Men Should Never Chase, and the Meaning of Emotions ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 8 minutes
Words per Minute
187.27061
Summary
In this episode, the brother and sister duo of the discuss the importance of being a man of action and how to deal with criticism and feedback from others. They also discuss how to handle negative comments on social media and what to do about it.
Transcript
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You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart
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your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is who
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you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. What's up, brother? Good, sir. Good. Decided to get through
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some more questions this week. I think we may have rambled a little too much last week,
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but I don't know. It's hard to say. I don't know. I think the guys,
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I'm not going to say they like the rambling. Actually, no, I did. Now that you say that,
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I saw a comment on YouTube, because we're doing a lot more over there, and somebody said too much
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rambling or something, and you said copy. Too much fluff. Yeah, and you said copy. I was going to say
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back to you. I was going to say, screw this guy, dude. For every one guy that has some negative
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negative comment, there's a hundred guys who enjoy it, so just shut up and just listen or
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move along. I can't believe how many people feel the need to make negative comments, not just on
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YouTube, but just life in general. I can't think of a time where I've disagreed with somebody on
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social media, and I've felt the need to tell them they're wrong, or they're an a-hole, or I disagree
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with them. I have too much other things to worry about than to get wrapped up in telling somebody.
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I just move along. That's the beauty of social media, is if you don't like what somebody has to
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say, you just stop following them. It's not difficult. So I'm telling you, don't take that
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stuff. Don't engage. Exactly. Well, what I should have done is replied back, well, you know what? I was
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thinking the other day, and just add this huge, long paragraph of understanding, which was a lot
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of fluff. You get it? I get it. I wouldn't have done that, though, no. I'm actually borderline won't
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look at comments anymore, except for I enjoy looking at the comments because we do get so
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much positive feedback, and it is social media, social being the key word, and I try to be as social
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as possible because there's a lot of guys who are listening to this podcast who support what we do
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and want to engage in a meaningful way. It's just too bad you have the negative. The very few, it's
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usually like one to two percent, if that, that just, I don't know, they've got it rough or something. I
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don't know, they've had a bad life or whatever, and they're down in the dumps, and they're worried
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about what other people are doing rather than worrying about their self. I do think it's important to
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clarify, though, and please correct me if I'm wrong, Ryan. If you're watching a video, let's say
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that Ryan Day, or not Ryan Day, that Ryan Holiday did, and you had feedback, you would, in that case,
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provide feedback. Why? Because Ryan knows you, because there is an established relationship where
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it makes sense for you to provide feedback. It's really from this perspective of we don't even know
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that individual. We don't know these individuals, and thus, why would we be taking advice from
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someone that we have no established relationship with or may even respect or even know that they
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have expertise in that area? Yeah, I mean, we talk about that a lot is the idea of qualifying your
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sources of, we'll call it criticism or feedback. I would never take advice from a fat person on how to
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lose weight. I would never take advice from a broke individual on how to build wealth. I would never take
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advice from somebody who's been divorced three times on how to create a sustainable marriage.
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That's ridiculous. Now, somebody who's been fat but overcome it and figured it out, sure. Somebody
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who's been broke, absolutely. Somebody who's gone through a divorce but now has a thriving marriage,
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absolutely. But they've qualified themselves to give that advice. The other side, too, is in a lot of
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ways, most people haven't earned the right to give you or me or even the guys listening any feedback.
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It's like, what gives you the right to feel like you've earned that right to give feedback,
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if that makes sense? And that's part of the problem with social media is that
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everybody has a voice, right? And we're supposed to believe, this is not true, but we're supposed to
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believe that everybody's voice is important or that everybody's opinion has equal weight.
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And that's the furthest thing from the truth. Some people's opinions don't matter. And I'm not
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saying that they don't have a right to say it. That's not what I'm suggesting. They have that right,
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but it doesn't mean I have to agree with it. That's actually one of the interesting things,
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too, I get a lot is when I disagree with somebody or I had made a post on Instagram the other day.
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I don't know if you saw this video. It was an elk that had attacked some people. They were at a
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state park. A couple of things here. First, they're wild animals. These are not zoo animals. These are
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not domesticated pets. Stay away from the dang animals, number one. Number two, there was probably
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half a dozen to maybe 10 dudes who just walked off. This woman was getting mauled. By the way,
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she turned into that open guard. I don't know if you saw that. With her feet up. Yeah, man. She
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potentially saved her life. But all these guys just walked away. And I criticized that. And somebody
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came back and said, well, you know, you shouldn't criticize this individual. You shouldn't judge them
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or anything else. And why are you chastising them? And, you know, they have a right to do that.
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I'm like, yeah, just because they have a right to do that doesn't mean that I'm obligated to agree
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with their position or their stance or their behavior. And it seems weird to me that so many
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people cannot separate the idea that Americans have the right to say and do things and that I am not
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obligated to agree with it. Those are two separate distinct notions, ideals. So I can disagree with
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somebody's actions and still maintain or preserve their right to say it or do it. The national anthem
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is a great example. Whenever I say, you know, somebody who isn't standing up for the national
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anthem is ignorant and disrespectful, I'm always met with, well, they have the right to do it.
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Yeah. Yeah. I'm not arguing that. I'm not arguing that they don't have the right to do it. I'm
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arguing that what they're doing is wrong. Two distinct things, but people have a hard time
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separating the two. Yeah. And both of those rights are critical. The right for you to call that out
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and the right for them to take an action against something or to, well, not to have the freedom
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to do what they want. Yeah. It's interesting because we're just, I agree. I agree. We just live in this,
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this silence culture. You know, if somebody disagrees with me, what's the, what's the quote?
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Never let me fall into the vulgar mistake of every, of believing that every time somebody disagrees
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with me, I'm being persecuted. I slaughtered that. But yeah, but that's the point. Don't fall into the
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trap that believing that just because somebody disagrees with you, that they're persecuting you.
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They just disagree. That's it. We've lost the, the ability to have a respectful conversation. I mean,
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Kip and you, you and I, we agree on what 95 or more percent of the things. And even the things that
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we disagree on, I think we, we have, we at least have some level of mutual respect and we're trying
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to come to the same conclusion and get to the same place. So we have this civil discourse, even on
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things we disagree with. I've never once thought, well, Kip disagreed with me on that. So I guess,
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I guess we can't do this podcast together anymore. I guess I can't, you know, be friends with him.
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And yet that is very, very common. Yeah. And it's interesting because we think that that's
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effective, that if you go around and you bulldoze people and you silence them with your disagreement
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and they just never rebuttal, that that's actually healthy. That's actually good for them.
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Yeah. I won. I won. Yeah, exactly. Wait. And I was having this conversation. I mean,
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even just with my kids is like, you know, uh, just the other day, Kiave was upset with something.
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His mom asked me to do something. He was kind of upset about it. And he kind of had attitude about
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it. I'm like, okay, let's address this. Number one, you need to control your emotions and not have
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an attitude. Second, I want to be really clear. I don't want you just to walk away and do what we asked.
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If you're upset, you need to pause and go, Hey, in a calm way, I disagree with this, or I don't
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understand why this is important. And it's making me upset about this. Can I get clarity? And then
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you can get on the same page with us, understand why are the requests is coming from and address
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whatever internal dialogue you're having about the request that made you upset. Because it's equally
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not good for me as a parent for my kids just to yes, sir, do it. And then meanwhile, they're walking
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off completely pissed off because what am I teaching them? Right. Be silent. Don't have open
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communication for something. Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, no, I don't want that because how they deal
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with me and how they deal with their mom is how they're going to deal with their spouses. And we've
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talked about this so many times. That's not beneficial in a marriage, right? If your wife is bulldozing you
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or your husband is bulldozing you and you're just silencing going on your merry way. But
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meanwhile, you're sabotaging the relationship and you're upset and you're having covert contracts
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because you disagree with something that you're unwilling to communicate about.
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We'll just keep riffing, man. We don't even need questions.
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Screw questions, man. We can come up with better topics on our own.
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All right. Let's we, we've, uh, we've officially burned up 10 minutes now. So
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guys, let's get in. Well, usually we don't go for 10 minutes. We usually go for five,
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but, uh, guys, let's get to your questions. You're, you're important too. So let's get to
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what you have to say. We'll do our best to answering these questions. They're coming from,
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are they coming from Facebook or the iron council today?
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Yep. Facebook.com slash group slash order of man. If you want to join us there.
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Yeah. And based on the, the caliber of question, we'll let you know if you're ready for the iron
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council. Each guy, we're like, copy check. You're in. You may, you may request access.
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Yeah. Which is something we've talked about, you know, limiting the membership in the IC and kind
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of making that a little bit more exclusive. So yeah, that in mind guys. All right. Greg Emerson,
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we spent a lot of time working on the father son relationship. How would you recommend dealing
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with a difficult mother son relationship? My mother and I have a tough time with the simplest
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things, communication, understanding, and not being frustrated. Talking directly to her about
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our issues has not been fruitful either. My dad and I are in agreement about the issues,
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but he isn't exactly helpful either. Do you have any recommendations? I mean, I don't,
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I don't know how old this guy is, but yeah, I mean, you, you're probably at a point where,
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you know, you do the best you can and make the best of the situation and be cordial.
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Maybe there's some topics and some conversations that are off limits. Look, man, it's not your job
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to save her. It's not your job to rescue her. It's not your job to even point out where she's wrong
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or how she could do life better. Now, if she's asking you for that information, then I would say,
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go ahead and share it. But outside of that, you're a grown man. She's a grown woman, I assume. So
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let her live her life. You live your life. Your dad is a grown man. He can figure it out. The
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dynamic and the relationship with his wife, your mother is not your place. So have, have the best
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conversations that you can love your mother, be engaged with her to the degree that you want and
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can. There's certain topics that can't be broached because it turns into an argument or a knockout
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drag down fight and just leave it alone. Like, what's the point? There's no point to getting
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into that argument and it's not even your place to do it. So I would say disengage from the things
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that aren't worth getting into. I mean, not everything is your battle and not every, you
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don't have to die on every hill. Choose your battles wisely. And this is a battle that frankly
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may not be worth fighting. Yeah. John Gary Bishop in his last book, and he talked about it on the
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podcast. I can't remember the episode, but, um, just the power and the detriment of expectation.
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You obviously have some strong expectation on your mom. Oh, she should do X. She should be
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this way. Why? Why should she? Yeah. She doesn't owe you anything and you don't owe her anything.
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Exactly. Exactly. Like let go of the expectation and maybe just love her the way she is. Now you
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don't have to agree with it. We've talked about this all the time. You don't have to agree. You
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don't have to choose to engage, but you can also just realize that that's just kind of the way she
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is. Right. You know, and stop making her wrong so much, but I, all right, Dallin Edwards, if I have
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already had, Oh, if I already have a group of people that keep me accountable and I push myself pretty
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hard goal-wise, is there a reason to join the iron council? You're asking cause you're missing
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something. Yeah. If you weren't missing something, you wouldn't be asking this question. So what are
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you missing? Yeah. I can't answer that question because I don't know what he's missing. I could
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look, this is a, this is a lesson for all of our sales guys and our marketers here. Okay.
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There's a great book called the selling chronicles and it's directed more towards the financial
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planning, uh, financial services industry. But the whole premise of the book is don't sell,
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don't sell, don't chase, don't sell. That's not your job. You let people tell you why they
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should work with you. So this is a lesson for our marketers, for our sales guys. What's,
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what's this gentleman's name? Uh, Dallin, Dallin, I'm not going to convince you to join the iron
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council because I don't care if you join the iron council. And I know that sounds maybe a little
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rough, maybe a little harsh. Uh, I would love for you to be part of the iron council, but whether you
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join us or not doesn't affect me. So you need to answer the question of what you're missing.
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What are you missing? If you have guys in your community and you have the accountability and the
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brotherhood and you're being pushed and you're pushing as hard as you can, then the answer is
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most certainly no, you don't need the iron council, but it's a pretty good indicator that
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something is off, that there's something lacking in your own life. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking
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the question. So answer that question. What do you want? And then if I know what you want, I can tell
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you whether or not we may be able to provide solutions to that, but I'm not going to jump to
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conclusions and I'm not going to sell you on all the benefits of joining the iron council. I'm not
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going to do that for anybody. So you let me know what it is that's missing and I'll tell you if we
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can fill it or not. Yeah. I love that. I love that because I run into that all the time from a work
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perspective. That's all I do is present opportunity and possibility. And then it's up to the client to
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decide is like, yeah, that's applicable or that would benefit us. But that, that's not my call.
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That is their call. Not mine. All I do is present the art of the possible.
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And we have to assume that Dallin and your potential clients and my other potential clients
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are adults that are rational and capable of making decisions that are going to be in their best
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interest. Yeah, totally. So if somebody says, no, I'm not going to join the iron council,
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then I have to assume that that individual is making a rational conscious decision that is in
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his best interest. If he is joining the iron council, then I'm going to assume that he's
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making a rational decision because he feels like joining the iron council will be in his best
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decision. I'll present what we have available. I'll present what good I think it's going to do,
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but I'm not going to convince anybody to, to be part of anything that I'm doing, whether it's buying
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a shirt or a wallet or joining the iron council or coming to one of our events,
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or even listening to this podcast. I would love you to. I'm honored when people do,
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but it doesn't affect me one way or the other. Yeah. I mean, it's not our, it's not our problem.
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If you're not manning up and wearing iron, uh, order of man gear. I mean, that's your,
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that's your problem. That's on you. And you're going to get less promotions, less women,
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less sexual encounters. Um, you're probably not going to be as strong or happy or happy or fulfilled
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if you're not wearing order of man merchandise, but then you make your decision, whatever you want
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to do. Your call. I, uh, what, uh, the point that I'm making here is, you know, you, you let me know
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what you feel like you're missing and I'll be clear with you whether we can feel it or not. I mean,
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I've told guys like, Hey, based on what you're asking or looking for, the iron council is not a
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fit. Uh, I, I had a, I had a call with a gentleman. I must've been about two weeks ago who wanted to do
00:17:34.820
some individual coaching. And I said, no, I'm, I'm not your guy. Like what you're looking for.
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I don't think you need personal coaching from me. You don't, you don't need that from me.
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I mean, he would have paid me. I could have told him that I could have solved all his problems, but
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I don't, I don't need to sell. I don't want to sell. I don't want to convince people. And I
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certainly don't want to offer things that aren't going to be in people's best interest.
00:17:56.280
Yeah. Because it's not in your best interest in that same exact case, right? It's best for both
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parties. Not be, not because, I mean, yes, you're correct. That it's not in my best interest to
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have people who's, it's not in their best interest. That's not why I do it. That just happens to be
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the case. Yeah, totally. All right. John La Russa, my triangle choke sucks. Quick tips. I've,
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my triangle choke is non-existent. So I can't answer that question. I mean, I, I know when,
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I know when people get me in it and, and I just kind of flail around and try not to try not to
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get strangled, but I can't give any pointers here. You're not working it. Well, yeah, but I, of course,
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you know, I'm always constantly trying to work on it, constantly trying to improve when people get
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me in a move or a hold or a submission attempt. Um, I'm evaluating, okay, what, what is it that
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they're doing to me? If I move this way, what's that going to do? The other day, uh, I had, he's
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a Brown belt and he was on my back and he had one arm around my neck, but I had my hand in there
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between, between his arm and my neck. So I was, I was well defended and I felt fairly comfortable just
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because I've been in that position quite a bit now that like, he's not going to, he's not going to
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choke me out this way. Yeah. So I just maintained and try to move and work a little bit. And he put his
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other hand in front and he put it really close. And I was like, so tempted to grab it. So tempted,
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so tempted. I'm like, man, I'm not going to grab that arm. And the time expired and we, we stopped
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and he just laughed. He's like, man, you didn't go for that bait. And I'm like, yeah, because if I
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did, I would have let go of your arm. He's like, I was, that's what I was hoping you would do.
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So I didn't, I felt good about that. So I'm consciously trying to decide, okay, what is this
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individual doing? Like that's, if I see something that's too easy, I'm like, no, red flag. What's,
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what's going on here? So you have, you have some pointers, I'm sure. Yeah. So on the triangle choke,
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just to, for the non jujitsu guys, the triangle choke is using your legs and they call it a triangle
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choke. Cause it kind of creates a triangle with your legs. And what you're doing is your,
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your, your thigh is actually cutting off blood flow to one side of the neck and the person's arm
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is engaged with the head, right? So imagine if someone's older, right? Like, yeah. Imagine like
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your head and your arm is, is being by script by someone's legs. And I'm trying, I'm leaving out
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tons of detail here, but, but regardless, what's happening is your, your legs choking one artery
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and then their shoulder is being smashed into their neck. And that's, what's getting the other
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choke. So depending on your body type, some guys with really long legs sometimes struggle with a
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triangle choke cause there's a lot of space in there. And so what I would try to do is focus on
00:20:57.200
trying to finish the choke without using your hands and without using your head. And, and the key thing
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is your head or their head, their head. Don't use your hands to pull their head down. You should be
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able to get that choke without doing that. And I can't do that actually. Not at all. No, no,
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because I have such short legs. It's difficult for me to wrap my leg around their head and arm
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without either grabbing my own leg or foot or their head to pull them in closer.
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Yeah. Yeah. And which is still very normal. Guys will do that a lot and control the one,
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uh, ankle, right. To tighten it up and get things tight. But what I would focus on is collapsing the
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triangle. So if you actually just do the movement and then collapse and try to bring your knees
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together and make sure that you're looking down the guy's ear. So you're not facing them. You're
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actually off to the side of them and you're looking into the ear and you're collapsing your knees
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together. That's where you're looking at the, and you're looking at their ear with, with the side
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that does not have the shoulder on it. Correct. Correct. And just focus on squeezing your knees
00:22:06.800
together. Also, another thing to keep in mind is, is you might want to bridge, make sure to bring that
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arm all the way across, make sure it's deep. But the key thing is about bringing those knees
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together. You can actually finish that choke even without the triangle, the legs being locked together
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just by bringing those knees together. So I really focus on that more than anything else.
00:22:28.740
One thing, uh, those are good tips. One thing I would say for what it's worth,
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take it with a grain of salt and you can correct it here, Kip, if I'm wrong too,
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is when I was training last week, uh, I was in close guard and then I went to open guard
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and I wanted to try this, this triangle. So I went to a spider guard and I slipped my right foot behind
00:22:51.940
the guy's head and slipped my left foot from the spider guard under his right arm. And I went for that
00:22:59.340
triangle and the thing that I missed, and this might be a pointer because I recognized it is I
00:23:03.940
didn't have a good grip of his right arm that I was trapping and I didn't pull it up towards me.
00:23:11.640
So he was able to back out of it really, really quickly. Yeah. So, so when you slip your, your legs,
00:23:18.680
you've got to, and you were talking about that, pull them in deep, right? With, with their sleeve
00:23:23.360
or however you have their arm, pull them in deep while you're slipping your legs into that triangle.
00:23:28.160
Yeah. And maybe said another way is just control their posture. If you break their posture, often
00:23:34.620
we'll throw that triangle together, but we don't control their posture and they'll just posture
00:23:39.140
up and break out of it really quick. Right. So the more you can control their posture and break their
00:23:43.940
posture down, you can take your time and keep it locked in user arms and everything else without,
00:23:49.620
without being concerned about losing that triangle choke. How do you avoid getting stacked up on a
00:23:55.440
triangle? Like if you're going for a triangle, how do you avoid getting stacked up? Is that going off
00:23:59.080
to the side and looking into their ear? Okay. Exactly. Exactly. If you stay off to that side,
00:24:03.660
you're, you're going to, you're going to prevent the stack. The other thing to keep in mind too,
00:24:07.040
from an MMA perspective, guys will look to elevate and slam. That's why when you go off to the side,
00:24:13.320
that usually makes one of those legs available. So you can underhook one of the legs with your arm
00:24:18.780
and that prevents them from lifting you and you can eventually possibly get a sweep out of it and
00:24:24.680
then finish the triangle choke from on top. Yeah. Which I have been choked out from in a triangle
00:24:31.080
from mount as in I'm mounted and the guy slid up and put me in a triangle when he was in my mount or
00:24:38.720
he was mounted on me, I guess I should say. Yeah. So yeah. Extra humiliating to totally try and
00:24:44.460
completely, completely. Cause you're like, you're like flailing around and there's nothing you can
00:24:49.420
do. And his balls are in your face and it's like teabag in your face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What, uh,
00:24:56.860
so in jujitsu, can I lift somebody up and slam them on the ground? Depends on the tournament,
00:25:02.240
right? So this past weekend was ADCC. If you guys want to see like some of the most amazing
00:25:08.180
no-gi jujitsu on the world, get the replays of ADCC. It just amazing. Just amazing. I saw some
00:25:16.140
on Instagram this morning. Yeah. Uh, elevated slams are completely allowed right in that tournament.
00:25:21.900
If you look at IBJGF rule set, you can't do elevated slams. You can do judo throws. You can't
00:25:27.740
like ask a throw, but in this case I couldn't pick somebody up out of a triangle position,
00:25:33.220
just body slamming with the ground. Yeah. I've even gotten in trouble in tournaments where
00:25:38.120
the guy was in my guard and I kind of postured up and they came up off the ground and I
00:25:42.880
pushed them down just from off my knees and I got more knees for that. Yeah. So
00:25:47.760
they're really careful about kind of slamming people cause they don't want people getting
00:25:51.920
knocked out and whatever. Yeah. Sensitive. I know I'm just joking. I I'm grateful for that stuff,
00:25:57.700
man. If you think about going like absolute no weight limit against a big guy, that's possible
00:26:04.820
wrestler. I'm like, Oh, please don't high elevated slams, you know, like, cause you get hurt real
00:26:10.200
easily. So for sure. All right. Josh Hatcher. I just had a good friend commit suicide in front of
00:26:17.320
his wife and his daughter. I'm making a point to reach out to all my friends that might be struggling
00:26:21.960
with thoughts like that. What would you say if a friend was thinking about offing himself
00:26:26.560
for clarification? I'm not thinking about it myself. I typically can't even fathom the idea,
00:26:32.600
which is why I asked so that maybe I can get in some better ideas on how to help others.
00:26:39.060
I don't know, man. I'm, I'm not real qualified to talk about this. It is hard for me to,
00:26:43.840
to think that somebody would be in that position. I imagine there's a time where you probably ought to
00:26:50.000
bring it up very directly. And I also imagine there's probably a time where you shouldn't
00:26:55.940
bring it up directly that you should just be a friend. You know, if it's you Kip, and I noticed
00:27:00.500
you going down a dark path or I'm, you know, I've had, I'm having this feeling about you and where
00:27:04.740
you're at, man, I just might call you up and say, Hey, do you want to go train? You want to go lift?
00:27:09.980
Hey, I'm, you know, I'm going to go shoot. I'm going to do maybe shooting is not the right thing,
00:27:13.460
but you know what I'm saying? Like I'm going to go out and, and, and Hey, we're, I'm going out with
00:27:18.420
the guys. We're going golfing. We're going hunting, whatever, whatever the thing is,
00:27:23.220
Hey, we're having a, maybe you have to put together a guy's night and, and it's, you know,
00:27:28.160
UFC fight night. And we've done this, you and I have done this before. And you know,
00:27:33.020
we get a group of us together and we don't talk about suicide and depression. And we just
00:27:37.260
watch the fights and we jack jaw and we give each other a hard time and we have fun and we eat some
00:27:42.480
good food and we just watch the fights, you know? So look, this is a problem. It really is. And it's,
00:27:49.120
it's hard for me to be empathetic towards this problem of suicide because I've never been there.
00:27:54.120
I've been in some dark times, but never once have I seriously given any thought to, to leaving this
00:28:02.440
world. So it's hard for me to understand, but I know it's real. I know it's legitimate. I know
00:28:08.620
there's mental health issues. I know it's easy for men to fall into depression at times and feel
00:28:14.400
alone and in a dark place. And the best thing I think you can do is to make sure these individuals
00:28:19.920
are not alone, make sure they feel welcomed and part of the group and make sure that they know that
00:28:28.680
they have your support and your friendship. And sometimes that means you just going out and
00:28:33.900
grabbing a burger or a beer. And other times it means you need to have a real serious conversation
00:28:40.220
about what's going on and what's happening. Yeah. This actually goes back Kip to one of the
00:28:45.980
things that we talked about earlier too, is, uh, we, we talked about earning the right to give
00:28:51.120
feedback and criticism. Yeah. If, if you're reaching out to a stranger, the likelihood that you will have
00:28:58.900
an impact is going to be significantly diminished. But Kip, if I reach out to you or you reach out to me
00:29:05.540
because one of us are going through a dark time, we've done a lot of work. I mean, we've known each
00:29:10.440
other for years. And so if you reached out with something that was concerning you, or I reached out
00:29:15.840
about something that was concerning me, there's so much more weight behind you reaching out to me
00:29:21.360
as opposed to a stranger. So the point that I'm making here for Josh is if you've got guys in your
00:29:27.800
circle, include them always in your circle and the things that you're doing so that if something ever
00:29:34.500
goes down or if, Hey, if you ever need some help that there's people who have your back, they're in
00:29:40.120
your corner, they know you, they're familiar with you. They've built up a lot of, uh, emotional and
00:29:44.920
human and connection capital, if you will. And I just think it'll have more weight when you do it that
00:29:50.360
way. Yeah. You, we talk about the idea of the power of a lighthouse and sharing yourself with people
00:29:58.480
and me personally, there's, there's been a couple of times and this is tough by the way, like I, and
00:30:04.100
I, this isn't even advice. This is just my take on this a little bit, but sometimes you want to be a
00:30:12.140
hard ass with them, you know, Hey, get out of your funk and you know, maybe be tough love because you
00:30:19.000
think that might, that might be what they need, but you can totally look at that scenario and say, well,
00:30:23.760
that could completely backfire. Right. And maybe that's not what they need. And maybe they need
00:30:28.420
someone to be sensitive or whatever. But one thing I am for sure about that, if I know someone that's
00:30:33.980
kind of down and out a little bit and I actually go out and we rub shoulders with each other, we spend
00:30:39.320
some time together. And if I do, if I want to have that kind of conversation that I actually share
00:30:44.520
something that I'm struggling with with them, that's powerful because they can't argue with it.
00:30:50.420
It's not an attack on them, but you're opening up, you're making that conversation possible
00:30:55.480
and you're presenting something that they can consider for themselves. Yeah. So I just think
00:31:01.780
that's really, really powerful, especially for some of the guys that, that I've had communications
00:31:06.840
with that are on the depression side here and other guys talk about what they did to help with
00:31:12.600
their depression was really powerful. And so maybe just you sharing might be exactly what is needed as
00:31:18.320
well. Yeah. That's a, that's a great perspective for sure. All right. John Wesley Terry, besides Jesus,
00:31:25.760
who was one man that you think really encompasses your view on being a man? He's making a huge
00:31:32.240
assumption there, but I'm just, yeah, not my home, your home. You're the one that said it. That's why I'm
00:31:40.680
not home. Um, yeah, I mean, he's right in that assumption for sure. Uh, I, I would say two men
00:31:49.720
that, that I really, uh, admire based on what I've read. It's hard because all men have flaws. And so
00:31:56.360
it's easy to say, well, did you know this about this guy? If you say something. Yeah. Like if they're
00:32:00.400
historical figures, right. Yeah. You know, but I look at, at men like Theodore Roosevelt, uh,
00:32:07.620
George Washington, even, even, even modern times, I look at an individual like Jocko Willink as
00:32:15.140
somebody I really admire and respect for, for who he is and what he stands for, how he shows up.
00:32:21.560
Uh, so yeah, I mean, these are, these are men, you know, they have flaws and they have areas where
00:32:27.160
they fall short, but on the whole and what I know about these individuals, they espouse the virtues
00:32:35.420
that I in my own life want to espouse and want to strive for and be like, so there's, there's three
00:32:43.440
examples for you. Yeah. And look, here's the other thing too. This is, this is a weird, a weird
00:32:52.040
scenario, but it'll make sense when I wrap this all up. When I was in, it must've been fifth or sixth
00:32:59.560
grade. I remember seeing this girl and it's going to sound really bad seeing this girl and she was,
00:33:08.700
I don't know, in some sort of assembly or something at school. And I saw her and I'm like, man, she is
00:33:15.220
really ugly. Like I remember thinking that you're right. This does sound bad. It sounds bad. I know,
00:33:21.000
but bear with me on this. Cause I, that's what my thought was, is like, man, she is really ugly.
00:33:27.580
And I didn't say anything about it. I didn't do anything. That was my thought. And I remember
00:33:33.140
vividly. So sixth grade, I must've been what? 11 years old. So that's 27 years ago. I remember
00:33:42.600
vividly in the next breath thinking, right? How dare you say that? You know, how, how dare you say
00:33:50.840
that? And, and instead I listened to her and I can't remember if she was giving a talk or maybe
00:33:55.900
some sort of a talent show or something. And I just remember whatever it was she did. I was so
00:34:02.700
impressed with what she did and I was in sixth grade. Yeah. And it was a lesson for me that you
00:34:10.800
just really ought to be careful about speaking negatively and ill of people. And the reason I bring
00:34:17.760
this up is because I, I adopted at that age in my life that there's, there's good in all people.
00:34:25.040
There's bad in all people. There's, and there's things that you can look at and everybody that,
00:34:32.200
that will help you. You know, I look at the situation with my dad, it would be easy for me to
00:34:39.340
be bitter and have resentment and animosity. I don't at all. I think my dad was, was a good human
00:34:48.140
being. I think he made some, some mistakes. I think if I were to ask him that, that he would agree to
00:34:55.280
that. I've made mistakes certainly in our relationship. Um, but there was a lot of good in
00:35:02.000
him too. He was a hard worker. Uh, people loved him, man. They loved him. He worked at paint stores and
00:35:09.140
he was so meticulous about his job. He could take, somebody could bring in, uh, like a, like a piece
00:35:15.840
of wallpaper, for example, and he would look at the color and he could match it just identically match
00:35:21.880
it just by looking at it. Yeah. He was so meticulous about that and his customers absolutely
00:35:27.740
loved him. And he's so good at that. And there's a lot of good in him. Very, very talented, very
00:35:32.400
creative, uh, could draw so well. And the point I'm making here, I'm going to try to wrap this up,
00:35:38.820
but the point I'm making here is that we don't need to look for the superhero, right? Superheroes
00:35:44.480
don't exist. All men have flaws. All men have problems. We all have a negative attributes. We
00:35:52.720
all have a tendency and a, and a propensity for violence and less virtuous activity, but we also
00:36:00.280
all have a lot of good. So I'm not saying you need to be blind to the bad, but if you just spend a
00:36:06.660
little time thinking about what you can extract from people, you can find positive role models
00:36:12.480
and positive examples in every single human being that you meet every, I don't care who it is,
00:36:16.900
every single human being that you meet. And I choose to look at it like that because I learned
00:36:22.300
that lesson in sixth grade that you don't need to rush to the negative so quickly. And, and you
00:36:28.060
probably ought to look for what's good and you might just find it. Yeah. You've answered similar
00:36:33.340
questions in the past and I've always been impressed with this response. I've heard this
00:36:37.500
response before. It's like, I, I look to guys in the iron council. I look to my friendships. I look to
00:36:44.560
my wife's dad. I, you, you find the good and the great example and you, and you look for evidence of
00:36:52.500
how to become a better man through multiple facets, right? Not just George Washington or,
00:36:58.300
you know, particular individuals. And man, I, I totally agree. And it's funny because I never
00:37:02.800
thought, thought of it that way. And I've used to have that complaint when people, when I think
00:37:08.860
about this question, even when I was a little kid and people would say, Oh, who's your hero or
00:37:12.460
whatever. I was constantly like, uh, no one, like, I don't know the person. And I always struggled with
00:37:18.720
the whole Jesus thing. Cause I was like, well, yeah, but like, I'm not going to quit my job and go
00:37:23.220
around and start preaching gospel. So that's hard for me to relate to him, you know? And so,
00:37:27.180
yeah, but, but we can relate to a lot of different people in different ways. And I've always appreciated
00:37:31.480
that, that viewpoint that you've always had. So. Yeah. I mean, I've got two, two great neighbors
00:37:37.400
and most people wouldn't know them, wouldn't think anything of them. They're very unassuming,
00:37:43.860
but they're men, you know, the one, one down the road, he, he raises his family. Uh, he,
00:37:51.560
it's obvious that he loves his family, that his kids love him. He's engaged with them. He's one
00:37:58.040
of the hardest working men that I've ever seen. I mean, he's got energy for days. I don't know how
00:38:03.780
he does it, but it's absolutely incredible. He volunteers on the, uh, the, the, the fire force
00:38:09.740
here, the fire department here. I mean, he's just, he's amazing, you know? And, but, but he's also
00:38:16.040
average in a lot of ways too. And I don't say that negatively. I say that he's like you and me,
00:38:20.040
but he's amazing. And then I've got another neighbor right across the street here. He's
00:38:24.920
become more like grandpa than he has a neighbor. And I went in there, I went over there a couple
00:38:30.860
of months ago. Cause I had to put a post office box in there or excuse me, a mailbox in there.
00:38:36.200
And, and I, and I brought my mailbox over and I had a shovel and he's like, Hey man, you know,
00:38:41.200
what are you doing with that shovel? And I said, well, I'm going to dig a hole so I can put this
00:38:44.440
mailbox in here. He's like, I remember he's like, no neighbor of mine is going to dig a hole with a
00:38:50.520
shovel when I have a perfectly good backhoe right here. And he brought it out and he dug a hole and
00:38:56.060
he helped me level it and get it straight. And while I was, you know, filling the hole, he had,
00:39:00.960
he brought this toy out that was his, his, his sons or his grandsons. And he fixed it. So my three
00:39:06.860
year old could write around on it while we were working on this. There's examples, endless,
00:39:12.180
endless examples of what we would consider a quote unquote ordinary everyday average guys
00:39:17.060
who are man's men. And, and that's what we ought to strive to be like. It's a shame because we look
00:39:25.440
at, we look at athletes and we look at movie stars and we look at Instagram celebrities. And we think
00:39:31.040
we put these men on pedestals that frankly, they don't belong. Some people do it to me and they think
00:39:36.080
that I am the epitome of everything manly and virtuous. And I, you know, I'm not like I've,
00:39:42.180
fail all the time. I fall short all the time of the things that I want to accomplish.
00:39:46.420
So be careful of placing anybody on a pedestal and just look for the examples where they are
00:39:52.000
and just strive to be a better man than you were yesterday.
00:39:55.400
Yeah. I love that, man. I have a neighbor that's like my daughter's grandpa,
00:40:01.380
two houses down and they write him letter. Like the other day he came over and he had this whole bag
00:40:08.120
of love notes that my daughters have written him with the neighborhood girls.
00:40:14.740
Yeah. And they call him cookie, they call him cookie grandpa and he just comes over and he's,
00:40:19.260
he's like tearful, you know? And he's just like, I love those girls so much and they're so kind to me.
00:40:25.680
And so he wrote his own letter back to them. You know what I mean? He drops it off and it's just,
00:40:30.620
it's those things that are, God man, are so much more impactful, right? They don't have the glamour.
00:40:36.900
Um, but that's the shame. Yeah. And it's unfortunate. Yeah. It is because it's the guy who
00:40:44.040
works a few more hours because he needs to put food on his table or, you know, the man that stays up late
00:40:50.520
and helps his son with the math problems that he can't get or the guy who spends, you know,
00:40:56.860
all weekend at his dance, his daughter's dancer cheerleader recital and is miserable, but there
00:41:02.180
to support, you know, it's like, that's man, that's what it means. That's what it, that's all.
00:41:09.860
That's what it means. That's what it means to be a man. And it just doesn't get recognized and
00:41:15.940
rewarded enough. Yeah. All right. Brian Grogan, what, what one thing are you working on this
00:41:23.600
year to make your family more prepared for uncertain times? Uh, so this, so Brian's an iron
00:41:29.500
council. This, this comes off the back, I imagine of our, uh, topic in the iron council on being
00:41:37.140
prepared. Yeah. So, uh, what one thing food storage is really the biggest for us right now. We're
00:41:44.900
really, really working on getting our food storage where it needs to be and getting everything in
00:41:48.880
place and making sure that we have adequate food storage set aside. Cause we left and lost,
00:41:54.000
uh, I was going to say lost. We didn't lose it. We left a lot of it in Utah when we came out. We,
00:41:58.420
in fact, we gave it to a bunch of our friends cause we didn't want to bring it across the country.
00:42:02.260
So we gave it to our friends and hopefully they enjoy it. Um, and so we have to rebuild that up,
00:42:07.880
really spending a lot of time in the woods with my two oldest boys, um, on the property specifically,
00:42:13.160
and we're hunting turkeys right now. Uh, I think I'll see archery season for deer opens in
00:42:18.480
I think a day or two as of the release of this podcast. So we'll be doing that. Um,
00:42:24.680
but that's a big thing too, is learning how to hunt. We found, uh, in exploring, we found a game
00:42:29.260
trail that is, is evident. That's where they're spending most of their time and, and, and coming
00:42:33.380
through. So those are a couple of things that we're working on right now. That's cool.
00:42:37.820
Yeah, man. It's fun. I got a tip from my mom actually. So props to her for this. And it was
00:42:44.100
really because we're having some tremors, uh, here up in Northern Utah. It was earlier this year and
00:42:49.960
it's kind of causing everyone to think a little bit in regards to, you know, Oh, I, I misunderstood.
00:42:55.980
You said tremors. Is that right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, I just misunderstood. And, and so it,
00:43:01.240
it just got us thinking about, I have a brick home. And so if my home goes collapsing and the food
00:43:07.040
storage is downstairs in the basement, like this may be a difficult thing to get to, what if we need
00:43:11.620
to leave or exit? And so, um, I'll share my mom's advice to me is, uh, getting a large trash can on
00:43:19.880
the side of the house with the other trash cans. And it actually has a lock on it. And inside that
00:43:25.060
trash can is kind of our family's bug out, extra clothes, sleeping bags, food, water. It's on two
00:43:32.400
wheels. So worst case scenario, I can drag that sucker around. Of course, it's going to be in the heat,
00:43:36.840
all summer long. So I can't put anything in there. That's going to be perishable.
00:43:41.100
Sure. But, but it's a great idea and it just sits on the side of the house and we keep it locked. And
00:43:45.560
so I actually got that trash can. We haven't filled it up yet. And so we're going to get the kids to
00:43:49.820
grab a pair of clothes that, that fits currently and that, um, they don't want, and we're going to
00:43:55.980
start kind of packing that up and prepping that. So perfect. I love it. Great idea. All right.
00:44:01.540
Teddy Stubblefield. After following your page and listening to the podcast, I've wondered,
00:44:06.800
do you ever intend to try traditional archery? I've shot bows on and off all my life and bow
00:44:12.020
hunting on and on, uh, on and off for 10 to 12 years. I've always found satisfaction in shooting
00:44:17.640
long bows and recurves, but felt more confident in hunting with a compound. And he actually has
00:44:23.220
another question about, have you ever, uh, considered venturing outside of the world of,
00:44:31.320
So somebody asked me this on Instagram yesterday and my, my simple answer right now is no. I say
00:44:37.560
right now because that may change. I'm, I'm open to checking these things out. The reason I say no
00:44:41.720
right now is because I'm learning to get better at saying no. So comp compound bow is significantly
00:44:48.800
easier. It's more precise. It's easier to learn. I think, um, there's a lot more to it. It's,
00:44:53.900
it's more complex in a lot of ways, but it's more accurate. You can dial it in,
00:44:57.440
you make longer shots, like just, just the way it is. Uh, so people have asked me about a
00:45:04.100
traditional bow. I mean, maybe, but right now I don't have, no, I'm going to say it this way.
00:45:08.920
Not that I don't have, I am not going to take the time and invest the resources into learning
00:45:14.920
another thing. Same thing with jujitsu. You know, I could, I could take up boxing or
00:45:18.400
Muay Thai or MMA or whatever, something else, but I'm just not going to right now because I'm not
00:45:25.240
going to spend the resource and the capital in learning a new skill at this stage in my life.
00:45:30.900
Are the interests there for you though? Oh, totally. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I, I love
00:45:36.140
trying new things. I love exploring and expanding and pushing beyond my current capabilities. Uh, but
00:45:41.200
right now I, I feel like I really want to get better at jujitsu and I want to get better at archery
00:45:46.360
with a compound bow. And so those are my emphasis and those are my focuses. And I'm just not willing
00:45:51.820
to invest time in other places at this stage of my life. All right. Mike Anderson, as a paramedic,
00:45:58.780
I utilize Jocko Willings, prioritize and execute, detach yourself, stop, look around and make a decision.
00:46:04.940
How can I most effectively utilize these practices in my personal life?
00:46:11.300
Um, well, I just, just do it. Like I don't, I don't. Yeah. Maybe he's looking for an example
00:46:18.600
of where those are applicable in personal in people's personal lives. Maybe the thing that
00:46:22.580
works best for me, I'll tell you is I tend to get, well, we've talked quite a bit about impatience. Um,
00:46:28.840
I tend to find myself when I'm impatient, getting emotional and letting like anger, frustration vent
00:46:36.440
out with particularly my family. I don't want to do that. So I've learned to detach. I've learned
00:46:44.800
to disengage from the situation by being aware of what's happening. This is why the after action review
00:46:50.800
is so critical because if you're going throughout your day and you realize, man, I really exploded
00:46:55.420
with my son today and I didn't want to do that. And I handled that incorrectly in evaluating your
00:46:59.660
day. Then you can start asking yourself, why did that happen? What led to those events? How are you
00:47:04.140
going to make sure you fix this and not do this moving forward? And, and then you start to realize
00:47:09.020
that in, in my particular case that, oh, well, the reason I got upset with him is because I didn't
00:47:14.920
give myself enough time or space or margin for this next activity. And I was down with something at
00:47:21.520
work and that spilled over here. And, and the best way for me to overcome that now is to disengage,
00:47:27.760
disengage for a minute. If I feel myself welling up and getting frustrated or allowing my emotions to
00:47:33.880
boil over when they shouldn't, uh, then I disengage as politely and respectfully as I can. I can't talk
00:47:40.540
about this right now. I can't do this right now. I am going to come back to it. Give me some time and
00:47:44.680
some space. I detach, physically detached from the environment because I can feel myself heating up.
00:47:50.680
I can probably look in the mirror and see myself getting red. Um, but I, but I disengage and then
00:47:56.980
I get back into the thing. Same thing probably happens at work. Same thing happens with, you know,
00:48:02.540
my, my wife at times and kids. And this after action review is a critical, critical component of
00:48:07.720
my day because I realized where I'm falling short and what I can do to, to get better. The other thing I
00:48:13.440
would say, and this actually ties into what we were talking about earlier with trying a longbow and
00:48:18.180
different forms of martial arts. Somebody had posted on, uh, on Instagram again, about, about me trying
00:48:26.900
new things. And then he said, how do you, how do you juggle everything that you have going on? Like,
00:48:32.460
I feel like I have so many plates in the air and how do I juggle all of it? I said, stop juggling so
00:48:37.800
many plates. Yeah. Who told you, you have to juggle everything. Put, put a few plates down that
00:48:44.600
aren't important or aren't relevant and just juggle the ones that are important and relevant to you
00:48:49.860
based on your goals and objectives. And that's, that leads into what we're talking about here is
00:48:55.660
detach yourself from, from the obligation that you feel like you have to do everything. And so much,
00:49:03.740
this is part of the great conversation I had with Ryan holiday earlier in the week or yesterday,
00:49:07.860
I guess as, as of the release of this podcast, uh, he wrote a book called stillness is the key
00:49:12.440
and great episode, by the way. Yeah. I mean, it was a powerful, powerful conversation with him and
00:49:17.780
he talked about why we need to learn to be more still. And we live in a society that prides itself
00:49:24.260
on being busy and consumed and entertained and never quiet, never alone, never without anything
00:49:31.860
to do. And so is it really any wonder why we're so upset and why we're so on edge and why we're always
00:49:38.200
so stressed out because we haven't learned to detach ourselves. So I would say that's,
00:49:44.960
that's the path that I've taken as far as how do you learn to detach you, you do it,
00:49:50.380
you exercise those principles, you put the cell phone down, you remove yourself from the environment
00:49:55.420
that's making you frustrated. You evaluate constantly about what's working and what isn't,
00:49:59.540
and then come up with courses of action to improve yourself.
00:50:01.900
Yeah. I think, I think the opportunities to utilize those for Mike are, are everywhere.
00:50:08.240
Everything from, uh, projects at the house, uh, prioritizing what you need to work on to, uh,
00:50:15.420
tough conversations where your egos may be in the, get in the way of, like for me, when I think of
00:50:19.780
detached, that's usually what the detachment is doing is if I'm upset at my kid, it's because I've
00:50:25.760
added meaning to it, right? Negative meaning. I'm mad because of how it reflects to me,
00:50:31.780
or something else. And we talked about this, I think Ryan last week about the value of no
00:50:36.780
circumstances to be able to sit back and say, what does that child need for me? Not what I need or
00:50:44.300
addressing my concerns or anything else. And to do that, you have to detach yourself from the
00:50:48.920
situation and say, okay, this isn't about me. What does Ian need in this conversation? What do I need
00:50:55.120
to implement to help him and, and remove yourself from the equation? Yeah. And to stop and look
00:51:01.720
around, man, that's, that's my number one problem at work, to be honest with you. It's the, I have
00:51:07.640
a tendency to get into the projects and be getting in the weeds. And, and lately I've been actually
00:51:12.720
considering like, man, I need to stop more, look around, prioritize, look at what's going on with
00:51:18.360
my team, make sure I'm supporting them and that they have the guidance and direction that they need.
00:51:22.580
I can't do that for my family. I can't do that for my team. If my head is in the trenches
00:51:27.440
and I'm just busy, busy getting work, I can't lead and guide from that position. And so that
00:51:34.240
opportunity shows up all the time. And the analogy we use last week was hiking, right? Is if you don't
00:51:38.920
look up and look at the horizon and realize that you're not going West and you're just have your
00:51:43.940
head down looking at the trail, you're going to get off target and you need to stop, look up and,
00:51:49.840
and, and determine and orient yourself of where you're at currently from a bigger picture of things.
00:51:54.780
So, yep. Yep. I like it. The other thing, uh, I would suggest here is Cal Newport. I've done a
00:52:01.300
couple of podcasts with him. He has some great work on what he calls deep work. Cal doesn't even
00:52:06.260
have social media accounts because he knows how much, how much time that takes and how consuming
00:52:12.420
it is. So he, so read deep work by Cal Newport, listen to the podcast. The other thing that I wrote
00:52:18.260
down here is notes. Uh, when you were talking about, uh, attaching meaning to it, here's a great
00:52:23.240
example. Have you ever woken up after a long night's rest and you had a dream about your wife
00:52:30.960
doing something that you didn't like? Uh, for example, maybe, maybe in your dream, your wife
00:52:36.700
cheated on you and you woke up and you were pissed at her for the entire day or longer. She didn't even
00:52:44.500
do anything. It's you projecting what you think maybe she did without ever, ever having any real
00:52:51.420
context to it. And then it ruins your day and it has nothing to do with her at all.
00:52:57.220
Yeah. This is, this is a great example of the meaning that we give to things and then how it
00:53:01.760
affects us. There's a, a, uh, there's a misconception about emotions in men. And I think there's on the
00:53:08.740
spectrum, there's two schools of thought. One school of thought is this, I think it's more of a new
00:53:14.380
aged feel good kind of notion that we are to be in, in tune with our emotions and be vulnerable at all
00:53:21.540
times and express who we are and all of our faults and all of that stuff. Right? Yeah. No, I don't,
00:53:26.860
I don't entirely believe that. I'll talk about that in a minute. The other side of it is that we're
00:53:32.040
supposed to show no emotions, never be emotional, completely detached from everything and everybody
00:53:37.400
and, and just be this robot. Okay. Well, it's probably somewhere in the middle, right? Look guys,
00:53:46.480
emotions aren't bad. If they were bad, then you wouldn't have evolved to have emotional responses
00:53:57.260
to outside circumstances. You wouldn't have nature would have done away with that millions and millions
00:54:03.720
of years ago if it didn't serve you in some way. So the idea is not to suppress your emotion.
00:54:09.980
The idea is to understand your emotion. If you're angry about something, figure out why you're angry
00:54:17.700
and if it's justified and start coming up with reasons or ways to solve the problem. So we'll go
00:54:24.960
to the dream thing. If you're angry because your wife cheated on you in a dream, why don't you go talk
00:54:30.140
with your wife and work through it and everything will be fine? You won't be angry anymore, right?
00:54:34.560
If you're upset with your child because your child did or did not do X, Y, and Z, maybe being angry is
00:54:41.580
actually warranted. Yeah. Maybe you should be angry. Now, the way you express the anger or the frustration
00:54:50.280
or the, uh, the disappointment is something that you need to reconsider, but there are no negative
00:54:58.600
emotions. There are no negative emotions. All of them are simply there to serve you, to teach you,
00:55:05.520
to guide you and instruct you on the correct path, uh, moving forward away from that negative response
00:55:12.660
that you're having. Yeah. So that's the idea of stoicism. A lot of people think, Oh, stoicism is
00:55:18.600
about suppressing emotions. No, it isn't. It's about understanding your emotions and then doing
00:55:26.780
what is within your control, your response to the emotion so that you can make your life better.
00:55:33.000
Yeah. All right. Let's take a couple more. All right. When's the followup to sovereignty dropping?
00:55:40.980
Oh, Chad, Chad Hulsley. Sorry. I don't know, Chad. Um, I'm writing the manuscript for the next book. I'm
00:55:48.120
not going to disclose too much right now because I've got some multiple different directions and
00:55:52.980
I'm kind of at a crossroads here on which way I want to go. I don't particularly enjoy the writing
00:55:58.500
process. So that makes it more difficult. Uh, so I don't know. I don't know, but thank you for the
00:56:06.940
question and the vote of confidence. I do appreciate that. Yeah. Kyle Shields. Have you ever experienced
00:56:11.940
tension or jealousy between you and another less secure man? How can you diffuse that tension?
00:56:18.220
Thanks guys. Tension or Oh, I don't care. Like if let's just Kip, if you're, if you're jealous of
00:56:27.960
me or whatever, I am, well, I don't care. Let's address this. Cool. That's your problem. Not mine.
00:56:34.860
Like, well, what do you want me to do about it? Like, do you want me to, do you want me to perform
00:56:40.780
less so that you feel more comfortable or you're not as jealous of me? Like, or, or blow smoke up?
00:56:47.940
You know what I mean? To get, make me feel better. It's not my job to make you feel good about who you
00:56:52.060
are and yourself and all that you have and everything else. I don't, I don't care. I can't,
00:56:58.120
I can't imagine, I can't envision a point or a relationship where I would be my obligation
00:57:04.140
for you not to feel more secure with yourself. How's this though? I would say, let me back up.
00:57:10.460
I would say with my kids, like my son, my oldest son, for example, he's got, he's got some confidence
00:57:16.960
issues. He's more timid. Um, he's, he's more insecure in a lot of ways. He's, he's worried about
00:57:24.760
his weight at times. And it's my job to help coach him through that so that he can be strong
00:57:30.340
and independent and, and place his own thoughts about himself as a priority over what other people
00:57:36.460
think of him. Yeah. But outside of that sort of relationship, it's not my job to make you feel good
00:57:43.320
about yourself. Yeah. Here's a little detail, right? In the question he says, the last portion
00:57:50.160
of his question is how can you diffuse that tension? Maybe perhaps Kyle, that you have tension,
00:57:56.660
right? With the fact that this quote unquote, less secure man is jealous of you and that bothers you
00:58:03.480
that you can address. Now you can't change him and you can't make him more secure, but you can still
00:58:09.840
take ownership with the, with the quote unquote tension that you might have towards him and how you're
00:58:14.960
making him wrong about, I don't know, being jealous and whatever. And so you can, you can address that
00:58:20.980
internal dialogue that you have and make sure that you're clear from your perspective. But when it,
00:58:26.100
when it comes to addressing his issue, the other guy's issue, obviously, um, I don't think there's
00:58:31.080
much you can do there. And not, it's not even your obligation or place to do it. Let's flip this one
00:58:37.100
on its head a little bit. Maybe he's not jealous. Maybe he just disagrees with you. Yeah. Right. So
00:58:43.960
this, this is actually pretty common at work. Guys will say, well, I have this subordinate and he's
00:58:50.720
not doing what he should. And he disagrees with me and he thinks I should do this and that, or I have
00:58:55.060
this, uh, level leader, somebody on the same path as I am, or even a boss who, who doesn't agree with
00:59:00.300
me and thinks I'm doing it wrong. And he just saying that cause he's jealous of where I am.
00:59:04.740
Yeah. Maybe he's saying that because you are wrong and maybe it has nothing to do with jealousy at
00:59:12.120
all. Maybe you're just saying that. So you feel okay with you being wrong or don't have to face
00:59:19.740
the fact that maybe you're not looking at this correctly. Be careful of telling, of assuming
00:59:25.440
that other people feel a certain way. I mean, how many times have we done this with our, with our
00:59:29.640
wife, for example, right? Or has she done it with us? My wife will say, what's wrong? I'm like,
00:59:34.640
why are you angry at me? Yeah. She's like, well, why, why are you being so quiet? Nothing to say.
00:59:40.960
Well, I mean, surely there's something wrong. No, there really isn't. Well, how was your day?
00:59:47.020
Fine. Well, can you elaborate? No, it was just fine. Like there wasn't anything more to talk about.
00:59:53.960
And so human beings have this tendency of trying to explain everything. Oh, oh, well,
00:59:59.600
Kip didn't talk to me this one way. Maybe he doesn't like me anymore. And maybe
01:00:02.780
we call them cognitive distortions. Humans have the great ability to jump to the worst possible
01:00:09.540
scenario. It's a defense mechanism. So we have situations that come up and we think the absolute
01:00:15.060
worst, it's catastrophic. The apocalypse, the world is ending. And really when we break it down,
01:00:21.720
it just happens to be that, you know, Kip, you had a, you had a bad day. So you weren't interested in
01:00:26.780
talking or, you know, you had something else you were dealing with, or it could have been
01:00:30.540
any number of things that has less to do with ourselves than it does with the other individual.
01:00:35.340
So be careful about assuming that you know how another person is feeling or thinking,
01:00:41.380
because you probably don't. And it probably has very little to do with you actually.
01:00:47.280
Yeah. And if there's tension, if you feel the tension, then you might have tension on your side
01:00:51.040
that you need to address in some way. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Last question,
01:00:55.140
if that's okay. Yeah, let's do it. All right. Justin Fleshman, what do you think is the root
01:00:59.480
cause of suicide in the air force alone? We've had 83 this year. I know it's an issue on the outside
01:01:05.520
as well, but we as society can't seem to get a grip on this. It's a lack of meaning and responsibility
01:01:11.620
outside of mental illness. I think that's the issue. And I, and I think it has less to do with
01:01:19.840
PTSD in military members and more to do with the fact that these individuals have lost their sense
01:01:26.920
of purpose and direction because you're in the military. You have, you have purpose, you have
01:01:31.280
direction. You're, you're fighting for what you believe. And we're not going to get into the
01:01:36.000
discussion whether it is or isn't, but you're fighting for what you believe is the greatest
01:01:39.680
cause that mankind has ever known. Freedom, liberty, democracy for all people.
01:01:46.100
That's what you believe. Yeah. And all of a sudden you're not there anymore because you retired,
01:01:55.580
you were medically discharged. Uh, you left the services for whatever reason. There's a million
01:02:01.320
reasons, but now you don't have that anymore. And you wrap yourself up in this identity of being a
01:02:06.680
soldier or, uh, a sailor or, uh, whatever, right? A Marine, whatever. And, and now that's stripped
01:02:15.360
away from you. So you have no more sense of meaning, purpose, and responsibility. So you wake
01:02:21.800
up each day without any clue of what you're going to do, no purpose or meaning to attach yourself to
01:02:27.580
no identity because all that's been stripped away from you. I mean, is it really a surprise that you're
01:02:34.040
depressed and anxious and potentially even suicidal? I don't think it is. So what is the solution then
01:02:39.860
find meaning and responsibility and purpose in your life? Find your next mission. If there are military
01:02:48.100
members who are listening to this first responders fall into this trap, I believe as well, who are
01:02:52.440
listening to this right now, if you have any intention, whether it's right now or in the next 20
01:02:58.140
years, retiring or getting out of military or your first responder services and obligations and duties,
01:03:03.460
then it's your responsibility right now to begin to identify and look for what your next mission is.
01:03:11.040
Those military members who get out and have purpose and direction and a mission outside of the military
01:03:16.100
from my experience, and this is just anecdotal, I'm sure there are studies that can back this up as
01:03:21.660
well, but anecdotally seem to be doing better, are more fulfilled, more positive, and less likely to
01:03:28.760
kill themselves. So the leading cause from my perspective is a lack of meaning, purpose,
01:03:35.700
and ultimately significance. It's gone, stripped away from them.
01:03:39.620
And real quick, I think it's really easy for us to identify those other areas outside of the military
01:03:44.800
that this same thing applies to. It's the high school athlete that built an identity about being
01:03:50.420
the star athlete, and then high school is over and they're stuck in college, and he's not that anymore.
01:03:55.220
He's just a mediocre college student. It's the guy that loses his job and wrapped his identity around
01:04:03.060
his job, and now he's not the executive anymore. In fact, he doesn't even have a job. So now his
01:04:09.700
identity is lost, and he's lost, quote unquote, his purpose. There are so many examples of this where
01:04:15.680
we wrap who we are tied into our jobs, tied into our hobbies, tied into something, and when that
01:04:22.520
gets taken from us in some unique way, we've lost our sense of purpose, and a little bit of like,
01:04:29.020
I think, perceived value. That people love me because I was this, or I was this star, and that's
01:04:37.220
why people enjoyed. And if you take that away from me, now I'm just mediocre, and they may not
01:04:42.180
appreciate me, may not care, or respect me the same way that they once did.
01:04:46.620
Yep. Yep. Absolutely. All right, man. Well, let's wrap this up.
01:04:52.960
Yeah. Sounds good. So guys, once again, we fill these questions from the Facebook group
01:04:57.820
to join us there to submit your questions to the AMA podcast, as well as just being part of
01:05:03.740
that online community and having discussions. In fact, there was a few discussions just this past
01:05:08.980
week that were kind of really solid. Although sometimes I'm a little hesitant, like maybe I was a
01:05:15.140
little too harsh on that guy, like some guy lost his job and he was like, you know, upset that his
01:05:19.880
wife wasn't supportive and whatnot. And so, but it's a great conversation. And there's an opportunity
01:05:26.320
for you to have communication with other like-minded men, but there's also an opportunity for you to
01:05:32.240
serve other men and have those discussions and rub shoulders with them. To learn more about that
01:05:38.240
Facebook group, go to facebook.com slash group slash order of man. And of course, to join us in our
01:05:43.460
exclusive brotherhood, the iron council, you can do so by going to order of man.com slash iron
01:05:49.260
council. We have a few events, uh, to kind of keep you guys aware of for the first event is May 29th
01:05:55.460
through the 31st. That is the order of man main event to learn more about it. Go to order of man.com
01:06:00.860
slash main events. Originally we sold out and we didn't have any more spots. Mr. Mickler was kind
01:06:06.900
enough, uh, to work with Gatch go and, and figure out how my infinite mercy. Yeah. He's opened up more
01:06:13.620
spots. Yeah. So we opened up like literally as of like just a couple of days ago, 20 spots. And now
01:06:19.460
there's only probably 10 to 15 left. So, uh, those are just going to go as just as quick as the other
01:06:25.180
ones. And that's once again, that's May 29th through the 31st for iron council members. There's a dinner on
01:06:30.920
the night of the 28th order of man.com slash main event. And then the second event was our legacy
01:06:37.420
event. Uh, this is, uh, geez, I don't even know what you call this. The ultimate experience for
01:06:43.880
father and son, uh, for boys between the ages of eight to 15. And, uh, that's June 11th through the
01:06:52.120
14th. That's also in Maine to learn more about the legacy. And there's, we've had two different
01:06:57.380
legacy events in the past. You can even jump onto our YouTube channel and probably search and find
01:07:02.040
those event videos and kind of get an insight of, of what those events consist of. But, um,
01:07:08.660
those are life changing events. Uh, even from our perspective, just being a spectator, uh, and a
01:07:14.360
participant was, um, profound and it's a, it's an amazing event. So if you're interested to go,
01:07:21.680
even if it's not your son, don't let that hold you back. We had a couple of guys in the last legacy
01:07:26.540
event that I think one guy brought two is a, two of his nephews, uh, to the event with him. And so
01:07:32.300
you do have some options. It doesn't have to necessarily be your biological son, but that's
01:07:36.620
ages eight through 15 though. Yep. All right. To support the podcast guys, you can do a handful
01:07:41.960
of ways. Let's jump through these. Now let's, let's skip that stuff. We gave them enough
01:07:45.440
announcements. We gave them all to do. All right. Order a man, main event, order a man legacy
01:07:50.340
and our YouTube channel. We appreciate all the support guys. You know where to find us on social
01:07:55.380
media. They can track us down. Okay. Kip, I appreciate you brother. Um, guys, I appreciate
01:07:59.540
you as well. Thanks for the great questions. Hopefully this was a great discussion and gave
01:08:02.980
you some things to think about and consider. Uh, we will be back of course, next week for
01:08:07.980
another ask me thing, but until then go out there, take action and become the man you are
01:08:12.640
meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take charge
01:08:17.140
of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order