Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:04.900 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.280 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:16.880 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.320 you can call yourself a man. Kiff, what's up brother? Great to be back with you for our

00:00:27.520 asking me anything today. Yeah, it's good to be here, man. What's your weakness on your eye here?

00:00:33.680 Is that a shiner? A little bit of a shiner? Yeah, it's birthday rolls.

00:00:38.780 Birthday rolls. When was your birthday? Yesterday. Oh, bro. I'm horrible. I'm a horrible human being.

00:00:44.980 I know. I stayed up all night waiting for a message, a private message from Mickler. Tell me.

00:00:51.300 You know, the crazy thing is, is remembering birthdays and these sorts of things is like what

00:00:57.460 I'm really, really good at. So how could I, how could I forget? Man, I'm sorry. It's fine.

00:01:03.540 So how old are you now? 44.

00:01:06.600 44. Nice.

00:01:08.340 Yeah. And it's funny because I, I joked around with my wife, like, Hey, on my birthday, I don't

00:01:14.340 want to just leave me alone. And it's the anniversary of my dad's death. Right. And so I,

00:01:18.500 I felt like I might wake up and just drive down to Sevier County and you know what I mean? Just

00:01:24.140 remove myself kind of for the day. Um, ironically enough, I didn't, to be honest with you for my

00:01:30.440 family, cause they want to celebrate my day, you know? So there's that dichotomy of like,

00:01:35.300 it's what I want to do versus what is what's best for my family. And what was best is probably for

00:01:40.860 me not to fully check out. But, but it was funny because she knows a good day for me is a good day

00:01:47.280 is going to the gym, you know, getting some jujitsu in what she doesn't know is going to jujitsu on

00:01:54.180 your birthday is just ask, asking for a beating, right? Because I don't know about you, but like

00:02:00.860 whenever it's someone's birthday, everyone goes, Oh, we get to beat you up. Like we're going to all

00:02:06.100 roll extra hard. Right. Because it's your birthday. Right. And it's like, it's the one day you kind of

00:02:11.520 don't want to go to the gym is on your birthday. It's the culture of men. A lot of people won't

00:02:15.500 ever understand that, but it's the culture of men. Yeah, that's cool. No, that's good that you got

00:02:20.260 at least some training. And it's, it's, it's always interesting when people ask about holidays,

00:02:24.200 especially fake holidays, like Valentine's, which is coming up and president's day and like these

00:02:30.720 fake holidays. I even say like veterans day, Memorial day. I know I'm going to get reamed for

00:02:35.980 that. I'm a veteran, you know, and it's like, it's good to honor our veterans. It's good to honor our,

00:02:40.880 our, our fallen. I'm not dismissing or mocking that side of things. It's like, but do we need a

00:02:47.000 day dedicated to that where it's just about, uh, you know, the biggest sale, your favorite company has

00:02:53.280 like, it's crazy. It's like, if you were going to really celebrate those days, it would be a day

00:03:00.540 of reflection and focus on whatever that holiday was for, but no one does that. That's right. So

00:03:06.080 it's now it's just, yeah, a day to go shopping. But I, I always, I always get a kick out of it.

00:03:11.940 You know, labor day is another one. What are you going to do today? I'm going to do the same thing

00:03:15.080 I did yesterday. It's what are you going to do for your birthday? The same thing I did every day for

00:03:21.260 the last, you know, two years before. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Which is exactly how it should be.

00:03:26.060 So we're good. Well, happy belated birthday. Proud to know you. Honored to call you a friend.

00:03:30.780 And of course, you know, I remember having a conversation with you when your father passed

00:03:35.440 away and, um, my condolences on that. I, I, uh, I too know what that's like and that's a hard thing.

00:03:42.020 Yeah. Yeah, it is. Um, but so it was life, right? And, and, and ironically enough,

00:03:48.180 even on the mats before we even started training yesterday, we ended up talking for probably about

00:03:53.680 30 minutes, just about death. You know, one of the guys that was training with, you know, he,

00:03:58.560 he lost his daughter when she was 13 and, and we're just talking through the grieving process and,

00:04:03.280 and how unfortunate that we've removed ourselves so much from the uncomfortable aspects of death

00:04:09.620 that, that it, we've lost its importance of it being on our minds, right? It's the one thing that

00:04:16.480 we all share in common, but yet it's the very thing that we all avoid talking about and, and

00:04:22.100 preparing for, and to be frank, we should be preparing for it. You know? So it was a good day.

00:04:28.340 It's a good day of reflection for me. Yeah. At least having it on our minds so that we know what

00:04:33.160 we do right now matters. You know, is this conversation, the one I want to be having,

00:04:36.960 if I know that I'm going to die in five minutes might be, might be worth evaluating. And it is

00:04:42.300 because I think the work we're doing here is crucial and it's valuable. It's important,

00:04:45.960 not only death, but also suffering. A friend of mine who, who, you know, asked me the other day,

00:04:53.140 he says, what's, what's brought you joy in your life lately? And I just, I posted this on Instagram.

00:04:57.780 Sometimes it's weird to post these things on Instagram because it feels like I'm trying to get,

00:05:01.460 I don't know, uh, empathy. You don't want people thinking that you're looking for pity. Yeah.

00:05:07.960 Yeah. And it's, it's not that it will actually my, my Facebook and Instagram and Twitter accounts,

00:05:13.580 they're, they're more of, um, more of like a, a journal for me. It helps me work through concepts

00:05:21.860 and ideas. So that's part of it. I can go through and I can flesh out ideas or if I'm feeling a

00:05:27.220 particular way, I can share something about it. And that's actually therapeutic for me. Uh, but

00:05:32.240 also I feel like as men, it's our job to serve, right? We're, we're supposed to, as men to be

00:05:37.420 serving other people. And it really doesn't do me any good or other men, any good to be feeling a

00:05:45.980 certain way or have access to information or have a tool or a resource, or maybe just a snippet of,

00:05:52.400 of advice or input to have something and then to hoard it and keep it to ourselves.

00:06:00.100 If you have access to something that could serve somebody else, then I feel like we have a moral

00:06:04.700 responsibility to share that in a way that will impact other people. And that's why I do share

00:06:10.040 on social media. So when I'm on Instagram posting about this particular question, my friend asked me,

00:06:16.500 it's again, for me to work through it and get it out of my head, but also to serve others.

00:06:20.940 But he asked me what brings joy to your life lately. And I really thought about lying,

00:06:27.700 you know, coming up with all the textbook answers about, you know, my family and my health and

00:06:32.580 our, our wealth and, you know, my relationship with God and like the textbook answers. And they're

00:06:37.600 not necessarily wrong. My family of course brings me joy. You know, that my relationship with God is,

00:06:42.480 is one of joy. Uh, so it's not wrong, but it's not the entirety of the truth.

00:06:48.560 The truth is that the last several months have not been what I would call joyous.

00:06:55.320 It would be the opposite of that. And I got thinking a lot about suffering, how it is just

00:07:01.840 part of life. And in modern times, we spend an inordinate amount of time and attention and energy

00:07:09.780 and resources into tools and technology and mind numbing substances and activities to detach us

00:07:20.260 from the suffering that we will inevitably experience. And what a shame because we don't ever

00:07:28.960 really address the root of the issue, which is that there might be some areas of our life where we're

00:07:34.060 weak or we're deficient and we need to work on and we need to improve. And the suffering that we

00:07:41.020 experienced, although very painful and has some real world consequences is crucial to our own

00:07:50.320 development. And so I wrote down here a couple of things that, and I just wanted to share this

00:07:55.000 before we get into too many questions. Cause again, I think it'll help people.

00:07:58.180 And I don't want to just cover these and, and not really get into like the meat of it. But here's

00:08:07.080 what I said. Um, number one, I've talked honestly with my male friends about my struggles.

00:08:14.560 That is so crucial. And that is lacking from men today. They just don't have male friends.

00:08:19.280 Uh, number two is I work out six days per week and I've locked in my nutrition.

00:08:23.240 Number three, I journal every day about what I'm feeling and experiencing right now in the moment.

00:08:29.380 Uh, number four, I've gone back to church and I'm working to build my relationship with God.

00:08:33.060 Number five, I have focused on serving the people I love most in meaningful and caring ways.

00:08:39.380 So I know those sound like the textbook answers for fixing yourself and overcoming, overcoming

00:08:46.280 suffering, but there's a reason everybody shares those things is because they work.

00:08:50.940 So as we were talking about death and suffering, if you guys are feeling that, if you're going

00:08:55.660 through that yourself, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual suffering, struggle, work

00:09:01.100 on building your male friendships, train your body, get familiar with your stories by journaling,

00:09:07.040 develop a relationship with God and work to serve others. I'm telling you, I'm not sure where

00:09:12.420 I would be over the past five or six months. If I didn't have these tools and these frameworks

00:09:16.800 in place that fortunately we've developed over eight years, I think life would look drastically

00:09:22.320 different and significantly worse. So if you're struggling, I feel you. I think those things

00:09:28.720 will help you work on those five things every day.

00:09:32.380 Cool. Yeah. And if you're doing that, I was just going to say, maybe another call to action

00:09:37.880 is like, you know, make sure that you're staying connected to your, your group of guys as well.

00:09:42.660 You know, that first one's a tough one. It's probably one of the things that most of us don't

00:09:47.860 do. Um, and us reaching out, you know, and checking in on people is exactly what's needed,

00:09:55.640 you know, and they might just need someone to reach out to them, you know, to get the conversation

00:10:01.320 going. And so, you know, if you guys know guys, or you get that prompting or that gut feeling,

00:10:06.740 like, Hey, you know what? I should probably give Clint a call, act on it. Right. Don't,

00:10:12.540 don't avoid that prompting, you know, to reach out to someone. So, yeah, for sure. Well, there was

00:10:18.100 one other question that came in, uh, and I got this as an email. So I thought I'd read it. I'm

00:10:22.920 just going to say his first name because I'm not sure that he was submitting it for an ask me anything

00:10:27.060 as much as for me personally. So I don't want to blast that out there without his permission.

00:10:31.020 Disclosure. Yeah. But this, in fact, I'll change his name just for the sake of it is,

00:10:35.020 we'll just go by Jim. He says, like you, I refuse to identify as an alcoholic forever.

00:10:40.980 When I tried AA once, I felt pressured thinking I needed to openly identify as that if I wanted to

00:10:47.000 go, how do you handle this? For example, when you introduce yourself or when talking with others

00:10:52.040 in AA about this topic, not knowing how to resolve this issue has kept me from not going back.

00:10:57.860 Well, I think that's a problem. You're not going back because there's an expectation

00:11:02.140 or at least a perceived expectation about the way that you should show up and behave.

00:11:07.100 And you know what? Get over it. You're a man. You don't owe anybody anything. And so if you want

00:11:12.840 to go to AA and not introduce yourself in the standard, I am so-and-so I'm an alcoholic,

00:11:17.060 then you should not do that. Period. End of story. That's it. You don't need to explain it to anybody.

00:11:22.460 You don't need to feel bad for not saying that. You don't need to acquiesce and do that.

00:11:29.760 When I go, I don't say that because I'm not going to wrap up my identity around

00:11:36.960 being susceptible to alcohol. So if somebody else has an issue with it, so what? That's their own

00:11:43.940 personal journey. My own personal journey is something different. And maybe I've developed that

00:11:49.260 over years and years of doing this podcast and sharing my opinion and getting all sorts of

00:11:53.860 positive and negative feedback where I just don't care what you say anymore. I really don't.

00:11:59.860 I'll take what you say, positive and negative into consideration, but it's not going to impact me

00:12:04.920 in any meaningful and significant way because I know who I am. I know what I believe and I don't

00:12:11.360 make any apologies about it. That's where we need to get to. We need to get to that point. But I think

00:12:16.400 what a lot of men are missing, this goes well beyond the alcohol conversation, what a lot of

00:12:22.060 men are missing is who are you truly? How much time have you spent in thinking about these issues?

00:12:28.900 So for example, if Jim is saying, I don't identify as that. I don't feel like I am an alcoholic. I

00:12:36.100 don't want to use that verbiage. Then you should really explore why that's the case. And once you

00:12:41.200 really figure out why you feel that way, it becomes a whole lot easier. Exactly. You have

00:12:46.800 conviction, but you know, we're conditioned to do things, to behave a certain way, to say certain

00:12:52.880 things, to not say other things. And we've never really spent any time thinking about why we should

00:12:57.980 or should not do or say the things that society at large tells us to do and say. I'll tell you,

00:13:03.420 a convicted man is a man who knows who he is. He knows what he believes. He's poured over,

00:13:09.100 he's examined it, and he's put it to the test through action and realized that the way he sees

00:13:14.820 that world or the way he performs in this particular way is good for him. The fruit is

00:13:20.380 good. So he knows that the thought is good behind it. That's a man who's powerful. That's a man who

00:13:26.880 has confidence. That's a man who has conviction. I can't tell you how often I hear from guys who are

00:13:31.140 like, Hey, Ryan, man, I really appreciate your message. What you put out there, what you share

00:13:35.540 has helped strengthen me. Good. That's what we're trying to do. I want you to have a backbone. I

00:13:40.460 don't want you to be a flaccid little jellyfish floating in the ocean based on what the currents

00:13:46.440 and the tides are doing in the water. I want you to have a spine. I want you to have a backbone.

00:13:51.660 I want you to be able to navigate difficult conditions. I want you to go out and be a

00:13:55.400 predator and chase what you're after. I want that for you, but that requires thought and it requires

00:14:00.920 putting those thoughts to the test to really figure out, is this what I truly believe? And is

00:14:05.140 this the kind of man I'm going to be? So that's it. If you want to go to AA, go to AA and don't

00:14:12.980 introduce yourself like that. And that's okay. And if somebody asks you about it first, you don't owe

00:14:17.540 them an explanation. So if you're not interested in giving them an explanation, say this works better

00:14:21.820 for me on my journey. But if you are interested in sharing, then share exactly that. Hey, I don't share

00:14:27.520 that because I don't feel like I'm going to wrap up my identity in that. I consider myself susceptible

00:14:32.760 to alcohol abuse and that's what works for me. No apologies. I like it. All right. So we're going

00:14:43.520 to fill the questions from our iron council, from the foundry to learn more about the iron council,

00:14:49.140 go to orderofman.com slash iron council. Before we get into that and before we hit record, I asked Ryan

00:14:54.460 if we could cover a question that we actually covered last week with Sean from Matt Jenkins

00:14:59.940 around maintaining a masculine frame. I'll be fully authentic here. I didn't felt like I gave this

00:15:08.100 answer justice for Matt. And I thought it was such an important conversation. And Ryan, I think you

00:15:14.740 actually did a Friday field notes on this roughly about a year ago around maintaining masculine frame.

00:15:19.920 And so if you guys want kind of more detail, probably above and beyond what we're talking

00:15:24.240 about here, I can look up that episode, Ryan, if you want, as you, as you answer this question,

00:15:29.140 but you know, use that as a resource as well. But, but Matt's specific question was how to maintain

00:15:34.240 frame with a masculine frame with our spouse, but at the same time being humble, patient, and kind.

00:15:39.680 And so how do we, and I, I read a lot into this from like kind of a no more Mr. Nice guy mentality,

00:15:46.200 that struggle of being nice, but it going against our, our, our masculine ways. Right. And how do we

00:15:56.860 maintain that frame in a way that we're not undermining ourselves perhaps? Well, let's take

00:16:02.640 the terms you used humility, patience, and kindness. I don't really think those are odds with maintaining

00:16:08.860 your frame. I think those are probably something that will help you maintain your frame. Let's

00:16:13.440 talk about humility. Humility is realizing that you're not as good as you think you are. You don't

00:16:19.220 have everything figured out that there's other people around you who might have information or

00:16:23.680 ideas that can serve you or help others that people have something to contribute above and beyond what

00:16:29.400 you are contributing and that you're weak and flawed in some ways that actually is required for

00:16:34.980 maintaining frame. So for the reason I, I did that podcast whenever I did it was a while back was

00:16:41.500 because of the concept of maintaining your frame in jujitsu. You know, you don't, there's, there's

00:16:46.980 space in jujitsu. It's a game of space, right? You can probably speak more to this on it, on it than I

00:16:51.940 can, but it's a game of space. It's managing distance and managing the gaps in that distance.

00:16:57.540 So for example, if I want to get you off of me, you're mounted on top of me and I want to get you

00:17:04.440 off of me, a hip bump, you know, thrusting your hips up in the air might be enough to get you to

00:17:11.580 move up, but that's not where the space is created. The space is created when you go back down and in

00:17:17.700 that split second of you going up and me going down, there's a little bit of space. And what do we do

00:17:25.340 with that space? We have to fill it. And what do we fill it with? Well, we fill it with an elbow

00:17:30.320 or you fill it with your, if you can slide your knee out or your foot, you know, something you're

00:17:35.040 trying to block that space so you can maintain frame and keep that guy from advancing his position.

00:17:40.760 And it's the same thing in life. You want to maintain that frame. You don't want anything

00:17:45.640 to come in and derail you from your goals and your objectives. But in order to maintain frame,

00:17:52.300 you need to realize where the threat is. And one of the threats might be that you are deficient

00:17:58.140 in a particular thing. Maybe you're impatient. Matt used patience. Maybe you're impatient. So

00:18:05.000 humility is realizing that you're an impatient person. And now you start to uncover where that

00:18:10.700 impatience is coming from. For me, I can tell you exactly what it is. Mismanagement of my time and

00:18:16.320 schedule. That's when I get impatient. And I'm impatient. But I've noticed that when I schedule

00:18:22.880 my time and my day appropriately, patience isn't an issue. Because even as things come up, it's like,

00:18:31.040 yeah, I figured that would come up. And I created a little bit of gap here in my schedule. So I have

00:18:35.840 time to deal with that and address that. It's when I'm stacked up to my eyeballs and tasks and

00:18:40.640 projects and everything's coming at me a million miles an hour. And I didn't plan out my day

00:18:45.040 effectively. And the first thing I did is I hit snooze on my alarm instead of getting up and going

00:18:49.780 to the gym. And now I'm 30 minutes late from the gym because I got out of bed 30 minutes late.

00:18:55.480 You see how this happens? Mismanagement of time. So humility and maintaining a frame now is, okay,

00:19:02.860 I realized that if I don't get out of bed, I lose a half an hour a day. And that translates to

00:19:07.480 everything else. And then guess who I take it out on? My wife and my kids. That's what every man does.

00:19:12.360 So instead, I'm going to be humble enough to realize that I need to actually get out of bed

00:19:17.720 on time and stick to my schedule and stick to my commitments so that I can serve people without

00:19:25.700 being impatient. It might also mean that you need to say no to some things. Or when you have a deadline

00:19:32.880 and somebody calls you, here's a simple one. Let's say you have an appointment at noon and you know

00:19:40.360 you're about to get on this call and somebody calls you on the phone and you're like, oh,

00:19:44.340 I'll just take this really quick. You know better. You know better. You know that conversation is going

00:19:50.900 to take 15 minutes or longer. And so what's that going to do to your other appointment? It's going

00:19:55.740 to jack up your schedule. And it's not fair to that person who actually set the schedule with you.

00:20:00.480 So what you do is you hit decline. That's it. You know, if you want to send a custom message that

00:20:08.520 says, hey, I got to call it at noon, I'll call you back at one o'clock. Fine, whatever. But don't

00:20:14.260 take the call. You know, set those boundaries. That's maintaining your frame. Set those boundaries

00:20:19.640 up. Now people will say, oh man, I just feel bad about doing that. Right. Because you're being weak.

00:20:25.140 This goes back to what we were saying before. You haven't thought about what you value. Which to me

00:20:31.340 is being a man who's respectable, who honors his commitments. And if I'm late and it happens,

00:20:36.880 I was late to this call, Kip. If I'm late, it does happen. But you don't make it a regular thing.

00:20:44.080 It should be an anomaly. So I don't really think that being humble and patient and kind. Well,

00:20:52.320 here's an interesting on kindness. So let's take that scenario. Well, I'll feel bad if I don't take

00:20:57.800 this call. I've, you know, I've got this other call and I'll feel bad about this. So I'm not being

00:21:01.700 very kind. Well, no, by taking it, you're actually not being kind to the person who was intelligent

00:21:06.540 enough to schedule a meeting with you three, four days earlier. What about that person? You're

00:21:11.280 disrespecting that person. So why does the guy who needs, needs you right now, take precedent over the

00:21:16.220 guy who said, hey, let's set something up. He was, at least he respected you enough to set something up.

00:21:21.040 Yeah. So there's trade-offs here. And when you're, you're saying, well, you know,

00:21:27.020 we're, we talk about this in the iron council, you know, is, is it kind to see one of our brothers

00:21:32.560 struggling and then, you know, rub his balls and make him feel bad about, or excuse me, better about

00:21:38.540 his deficiencies. Like, is that kind? No, it's the antithesis of that. You know, what's kind

00:21:45.300 getting in his face, you know, depending on the situation saying you can do better.

00:21:50.280 And I know you can, because I've seen you do better. How can I support you?

00:21:55.260 People say, oh, that's harsh. That's mean. I can't believe, oh, it's contentious. Yeah. Well,

00:22:00.300 maybe that's exactly what that person needs. Maybe that guy needs some accountability.

00:22:04.780 Maybe no one's ever gotten his face. You know, when I started talking to go back to alcoholism,

00:22:08.820 when I started talking about this with some friends, you know what? I had a couple of friends

00:22:12.140 were like, oh yeah, I knew. I knew. What? And you didn't say anything? Well, I didn't,

00:22:20.620 I didn't know how to bring it up and I didn't want to encroach. You know what all of that is?

00:22:24.420 And, you know, bless my friends. I don't want to throw them under the bus too much,

00:22:27.760 but you know what that is? That's, that's selfishness. That's what that is.

00:22:35.240 They're avoiding the conflict with the uncomfortableness of having the conversation

00:22:38.880 is what they're avoiding. It has nothing to do with me. If you cared more about me than you

00:22:45.060 cared about you in that situation, you would have said what needed to be said. Now I'm not blaming

00:22:50.700 them for my choices. So let's not misconstrue that. My choices are my choices, but those friends have

00:22:56.900 their choices too. And if you care about somebody, you better do what needs to be done. So at least

00:23:03.360 at a minimum, you can look yourself in the eye and you can say, hey, you know what? He didn't take my

00:23:07.720 advice, but I gave it to him because he needed it. But it's selfish to look at another man struggling

00:23:13.760 and say, ah, I don't want to bring it up. Ah, it's awkward. What if this, what if that? What if

00:23:18.440 you don't say anything? And the next time that guy goes and gets drunk, he decides to drive down

00:23:23.620 the road and he kills himself or somebody else. What then? And are you culpable in that? I mean,

00:23:29.600 it's not your fault, but I would say that would be something that would tear me up if I was in that

00:23:36.400 situation. Yeah. And would you say at the root of taking action in the, in that example is being

00:23:44.660 clear on what you stand for? That and love. Like you're, you're talking about somebody talking to

00:23:56.840 another friend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Overcoming that natural tendency, that and love being clear on

00:24:03.280 what's valuable to you and, and really loving someone. Yeah. Because if you don't know what

00:24:07.220 you stand for, then any behavior is acceptable. Yeah. Right. So Kip, and I'm not saying this is you

00:24:13.040 by any means, but if I know that you're having some fidelity issues in your marriage, I don't stand for

00:24:19.280 that. That's personally, that's not okay with me. And I know it's not okay with you either. Okay. So that,

00:24:25.640 that has been maintained. Now I love you. I care about you. I want you to win. So it's my

00:24:32.020 responsibility to bring it up. Now, if you blow up and you explode, look, your reaction is your reaction.

00:24:37.660 It doesn't matter on me. That's on you. Right. And if, you know what, if, if I lose my friendship with

00:24:43.920 you, because I bring that up to you, that to me is worth the trade-off. It really is. Your friendship

00:24:53.800 is, I'll say it this way. My care for you is more important than our so-called friendship.

00:25:02.860 Yeah. Yeah. It's deeper than that. Yeah. I like this, Ryan. One thing that, yeah,

00:25:08.860 in some leadership training I do for our employees is around accountability conversations. And one

00:25:14.540 thing that I've stole from that training that I think is profound is we often don't have the

00:25:21.480 uncomfortable conversations because we've jumped to the conclusion of what will probably happen

00:25:27.780 versus pausing and saying, should something be said? Yes or no. Period. If the answer is yes,

00:25:36.440 then tactically determine, all right, I know I have to say something period end of sentence. Now,

00:25:43.500 how do I do it in a manner that's effective? But we don't do that. We immediately go, well,

00:25:48.260 I don't want to say something to Ryan. Why? Because he'll blah, blah, blah. Like, oh, stop.

00:25:52.100 Should you say something? Yes or no? Yep. And if the answer is yes, then your job is to figure it out.

00:25:58.960 Right. Right. And how do you do it effectively?

00:26:01.360 I actually had this scenario, this exact scenario happen when I wanted to tell guys in the iron council

00:26:08.580 about me overcoming this alcohol issue. And I thought long and hard about it. You know,

00:26:15.440 if I tell these guys, you know, I'm going to have a mass exodus, I'm going to lose trust,

00:26:19.900 just like you're saying. But I came to the conclusion that in order for me to get back

00:26:24.880 in integrity with myself and other people, that it had to be said. And the result didn't actually

00:26:32.040 matter. I mean, it matters. I'm not saying, but it's not a factor as to whether or not I should

00:26:39.240 have said it, which is why I made the decision to say it. Yeah. I like it. What are your thoughts

00:26:45.540 around that people will fight against this? Right. Like when I think, when I think about the typical

00:26:54.540 conversation around maintaining like your frame, like you're going to get pushback even from your

00:27:01.840 spouse and your kids and friends around standing behind the things that you know are important and

00:27:09.860 that you value, um, any thoughts around that? Like how do we, how do we navigate those waters or

00:27:16.220 any strategies there? Yeah. You just prepare people for it. Uh, so let's go back to our jujitsu

00:27:21.980 analogy. If, um, so I'm trying to maintain frame, establish a frame, keep you away from getting a better

00:27:27.880 position on me. Uh, if I do that with you, Kip, it's because there's an understanding of this is

00:27:33.820 how the game is played. I'm going to try to advance. Ryan's going to try to keep me from

00:27:37.000 advancing. He's going to try to advance. I'm going to try to keep him from advancing. The rules are

00:27:41.680 well-established. Yeah. But if a new guy comes into the gym and he's never trained before, and I throw

00:27:51.220 him around like a rag doll because I'm trying to maintain frame and, and win and submit, I'm strangling

00:27:56.140 him and choking him and doing all these things, but he doesn't know the rules. That's not fair.

00:28:01.680 That's not right. And so how does that translate over into a relationship? For example, well, if

00:28:06.260 you've established rules, but you haven't communicated the rules to your wife, and then you

00:28:10.580 just start abiding by them and hoping that she will abide by them. That's not fair to her. That's

00:28:16.040 not proper. That's not what a good husband would do. Same thing with your children. If on the other

00:28:19.820 hand, you have some things that you want in place, like here's how I expect to be treated.

00:28:24.760 Here's how we will communicate. Here's how we will talk to each other. Here are the consequences.

00:28:29.640 If we don't do that and you articulate the rules, now the decision is theirs.

00:28:35.920 If you want to engage with me, you have to abide by these rules. If you do not abide by these rules,

00:28:41.320 you do not engage with me. It's very simple. I'm no longer making the choice. The other party's

00:28:47.560 deciding, but you actually have to stick with it too. And that's the most challenging thing

00:28:51.360 is that once the people know the expectation, they've agreed to it,

00:28:55.640 then once they break or even get up to that line, fire a warning shot if you need to.

00:29:02.460 But if they cross that line, you have to abide by that rule and that consequence of that rule.

00:29:08.400 Yeah.

00:29:08.460 So be careful of consequences you're making too. If you say, for example, yeah, Ryan, I'm going to set

00:29:13.720 up boundaries. My wife has really been talking to me poorly and I won't have it anymore. If she does,

00:29:17.800 then I'm going to get a divorce. It's like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. Like if you say that the odds

00:29:24.100 of her mistreating you are pretty high, because that's what we do to each other in marriages at

00:29:28.140 times. So the first time she calls you a name or says something or does something you don't like

00:29:34.680 towards you, you're going to get a divorce. Like, so what does that do? Number one, that's a bad,

00:29:39.220 that's a bad rule. It's not appropriate. And number two, it sets you up for failure because now

00:29:45.040 you have to, you have to retreat on your boundary. And then she knows it's not a boundary.

00:29:51.480 Totally. Well, and, and I was reading a, I was reading a book around parenting and how critical

00:29:57.160 it is that trustworthiness is super critical, right? For kids literally from a stability and,

00:30:03.260 and safety perspective that you're consistent as parents. And it's ironic is because I've always

00:30:08.440 felt that like, Oh, we will, you need to be consistent with like good things. No, we need to be

00:30:13.860 consistent even with the negative consequences to, to maintain your integrity. You have to keep those

00:30:21.760 boundaries and you have to see them through, even if they're negative, because what, what,

00:30:26.380 what are you then establishing the really quick, quick, quick, quick story. You remember Hunter

00:30:30.980 Locke? I see old school, I see guy, captain Locke. I remember we had a hard rule on echo.

00:30:37.540 You're on, you're on every call Tuesday. And I, and when I took over, it's like everyone committed,

00:30:44.660 you will be on these calls every Tuesday. And the commitment was yes. Right. And we had some

00:30:48.840 conversations for guys that struggle with that commitment. I remember I get a text on Tuesday

00:30:53.520 earlier in the day from Hunter saying, Hey, can't get on kit. Uh, me and the wife been fighting,

00:30:59.700 uh, we're resolving it. We're going to go on date night tonight. And I replied back to him. I said,

00:31:05.600 Hey, you made your commitment that you'd be on the call at seven. I hope you'll honor your

00:31:11.320 commitments. And I just love it as that he was on the call. And, and, and, and if you asked him why

00:31:18.540 he's on the call, he was like, this is part of the problem. Yeah. This is part of the problem with

00:31:24.460 his wife is that he's not honoring his commitments. And what is he teaching his wife? When, when he

00:31:31.540 goes, eh, you know what? Let me, let me undermine this commitment for you right now. Let me not be

00:31:37.140 a man of integrity. Let me, which was the very thing that they're arguing over. Yeah. I can already

00:31:43.640 hear people. Oh, well, he's trying to date us. We should let him go on a date. I can already hear

00:31:48.260 people making excuses. And this is why we're so pathetic and weak, especially among men. I think that

00:31:53.840 doesn't happen. And what area of society does a man say that? Like, Hey, we, you made a commitment

00:31:59.020 to seven. I'll help you be there. Just doesn't happen, man. And that's why we're so pathetic.

00:32:04.440 You know, the one thing I like that story, another story that I'm guilty of is we'll be driving on a

00:32:10.160 vacation. For example, you know, we're, we're heading down to Costa Rica, like we did a couple of

00:32:13.820 months ago or a month ago. And, uh, and, you know, the kids will get out of line and be like, Hey,

00:32:19.220 you don't shape up. We're not even going on vacation. Come on now. Yeah. That's one of those

00:32:27.120 bad rules. Cause you don't, those little kids have call you out on that shit. You're not going to

00:32:32.660 cancel. So, uh, mind your tongue. I would say, be very aware of what you're saying. Even if it's a

00:32:42.260 threat like that, let's find out, let's find out if that's real. And then they're going to test it.

00:32:46.580 And of course it's not real. And they're going to call your bluff. And then you just undermined

00:32:51.380 yourself. Yep. All right. Let's drive on that one. All right. Murray Dixon. I've been working

00:32:58.700 in the same field of a bicycle mechanic and retail for almost 10 years with my family,

00:33:03.980 growing two kids and a third due soon. Congratulations, Murray. I need to earn more

00:33:08.460 while I still find joy in work. I, I like how he said that I've looked to entrepreneurship in this

00:33:13.920 area to move forward in my career, but the opportunities have not been too great. My next

00:33:18.780 option is to make a pivot and change career. I'm meeting with a company this weekend to potentially

00:33:22.940 start an apprenticeship in farm equipment and diesel mechanics, which one qualified would open up

00:33:28.760 opportunities, but means me moving to rural, to a rural town. Do you have advice on starting over

00:33:35.000 and being the best employee I can be in a completely different field and on moving a young family to a

00:33:40.580 rural spot where you have only a few contacts? My family and I have been taking great confidence

00:33:45.320 from yours and others example about moving to rural areas and taking the let's find out mentality over

00:33:51.620 the what if I'm sick of saying what if. Yeah. So, I mean, Hey, first take some balls to start

00:34:00.960 considering that option. And I don't want to congratulate you right now because you haven't

00:34:04.940 done anything, but you're moving the needle towards doing some things. And that's pretty cool. And I'm

00:34:10.800 excited to see how that turns out because most people are like, ah, I can't do that. And then they just

00:34:15.100 barely scrape by with their finances, living where they're living because things are comfortable and

00:34:18.800 easy, at least somewhat. So, I commend you on, on at least moving the needle in that direction.

00:34:25.600 As far as the work and starting over. Yeah. I think, you know, what we've said before is be humble,

00:34:31.200 be receptive, be curious. That's a concept I love. Just, just a level of curiosity about the

00:34:38.980 business and what's going on. I would also say pursue excellence. This is something I've been

00:34:44.560 thinking a lot about as well. You know, when you're at the gym in the morning, do you hurry

00:34:48.220 and do your deadlifts or you do, you do them with excellence. We all know what that means.

00:34:53.200 You wear the proper attire. You've got your, your hydration or your pre-workout, like whatever your

00:35:00.020 routine is. You're in there. You're, you've stretched, you're ready to go. You step up to the

00:35:05.180 bar. You look for all of your cues on the proper lift. You do it correctly. If your form breaks down,

00:35:11.900 you'd maybe take a little bit of weight off. I know that's hard to do, but you do that because

00:35:15.860 you're pursuing excellence. And I think if you're pursuing excellence in your job or in your marriage

00:35:23.240 or in your fitness or in your spiritual journey, it's going to be hard for you to not succeed.

00:35:30.020 I mean, it truly is. So look for excellence. I think about that when I get into people's cars,

00:35:36.960 sometimes, you know, they're thrashed and they got garbage and trash everywhere. And it's just chaotic.

00:35:43.520 And I can't help, but wonder is this person reaching their full potential and other avenues

00:35:48.800 of their life. I can probably, I don't know, we should do a scientific experiment, but I could

00:35:53.360 probably tell you by spending 30 seconds in your car about how you're performing in the rest of your

00:35:58.660 life. If your car is kind of dirty, you know, but not a whole lot, just kind of dirty, but you know,

00:36:03.880 you can tell you kind of maybe take care of it, do maintenance on it, you know, but it's probably

00:36:07.400 30 or 60 days after your life's probably mediocre. If your car is impeccable and it's vacuumed and

00:36:15.740 it's clean and the tank is full and you open the glove box and it's got, you know, just it's all

00:36:21.420 ordered and there's no trash in the center console, it's either new or your life. The rest of your life

00:36:27.400 is excellent. Yeah. If you got, if you got Burger King, Big Mac Whopper trash lying all over everything

00:36:37.140 and, you know, gum on the carpet and gunk and stuff like soda sprayed up and on the ceiling. And

00:36:44.760 I mean, I'm pretty certain that's translating to other avenues of your life. So I'd be really curious

00:36:50.920 on that. But I think if we pursue excellence,

00:36:55.820 you can't help, but when I'm looking at it right now, like see this light right here,

00:37:01.140 this light, it doesn't usually look like that because it's dangling down. That's not excellent.

00:37:09.000 I need to fix that because if we're talking about pursuing excellence,

00:37:13.360 that's what that means. Excellent. And the more you can do that, the better off you are.

00:37:18.060 Now, as far as the second part of the question, which was advice for moving into a new town.

00:37:23.900 Yeah. Support system is going to be huge. I mean, immerse yourself into the culture.

00:37:29.980 That means finding a church. That means going to the gym or maybe training jujitsu.

00:37:36.320 Maybe there's a woman's group and that usually can be found through church, through exercise.

00:37:41.860 That's the easiest way. That's how we've met your neighbors. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good

00:37:46.660 one. Like go out and actually, you know how you hope people would welcome you to the neighborhood.

00:37:51.320 You go do that. Like maybe bake a plate of cookies and say, Hey, like I'm, I just moved in. I'm your

00:37:57.620 next door neighbor. Thought we'd bring this over and then invite, if they're a family, you know,

00:38:01.940 invite husband, wife, and kids over to the house, like take the initiative to immerse yourself,

00:38:07.520 to assimilate as they would call it into the environment and not expect and hope that people

00:38:12.860 would do that. I mean, you can, but why have that fault, faulty expectation? You go out and take the

00:38:18.840 initiative to immerse yourself and create the network, create the community that will really help.

00:38:23.180 Hmm. Greg Cleaver, as a man, I'm a firm believer in being vulnerable and completely transparent with

00:38:31.040 myself for the purpose of self-discovery and growth. When it comes to what I choose to share

00:38:36.200 with my girlfriend, I'm finding it doesn't always seem to be beneficial to share my deepest fears,

00:38:42.480 insecurities, and struggles. I find when I do this, it often results in a lack of confidence on the part

00:38:48.360 of my partner in my masculinity and strength. Are there things you would advocate not sharing with

00:38:54.640 your intimate partner? Uh, not what I would share, but how I would share it. Yeah. Uh, timing is

00:39:07.260 important. The way that you communicate it is important, but I do think it is important that

00:39:13.120 you open up to your spouse. And I used to believe that, you know, you should burden her with your

00:39:20.240 feelings and what you're struggling with. And I don't, I don't actually don't think that's true.

00:39:25.180 That's something that's changed for me. I don't think it's a burden for you to explain how you feel

00:39:30.700 about things. I think she probably wants to hear about that. I think she wants to be connected that way,

00:39:35.820 but she also doesn't want to bumbling buffoon as a husband who can't get over himself and work

00:39:41.700 towards solving his problems. So I think sharing is a crucial part of any relationship, but I would

00:39:50.820 ask myself a couple of questions. Number one, why am I sharing this? If it's so that she'll, you know,

00:40:01.180 make you feel better about yourself, that's probably not a great motive for being quote

00:40:05.880 unquote vulnerable with your spouse. Cause it's really not her job to make you feel good about

00:40:09.800 yourself. And what you are doing when you do that is you're putting a lot of responsibility or the

00:40:14.860 burden, like you said, on her to do work. Yeah. So a good reason would be so that she understands

00:40:22.460 why you might be off the last several weeks, because if you don't share these things with her,

00:40:29.200 she's going to see that you're off assumptions. Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, is, does he love me?

00:40:33.900 Is he cheating on me? Like, what's he doing? What's the problem? And she's going to start

00:40:38.520 filling in those blanks with things that are probably not accurate. So I think a healthy

00:40:43.760 exercise would be to, Hey hon, I've know I've been off the last couple of months or last couple of

00:40:48.820 weeks. And I want to share with you why that's the case and what I'm experiencing so that, you know,

00:40:54.380 where I'm coming from. Um, so that's the why there's the how to, which is you don't just complain.

00:41:03.280 Like we don't, men don't vent at least they shouldn't. I don't think entirely just vent

00:41:10.640 on their spouses. I think we can do that with other men a little bit more than we can with our

00:41:15.900 spouses, which is why it's important. You build up a male relationship, um, relationships with males.

00:41:21.180 Uh, but I think when you're talking with your wife about the issues is it would be more something

00:41:28.940 like this. Hey, on, I know I've been off for the last couple of weeks. And the reason is,

00:41:33.780 is because work has been very stressful. Uh, we're about to hit this deadline. Um, our boss is not

00:41:40.260 very happy with things right now and how it's going. And to be honest, I'm a little scared and

00:41:44.540 worried that we're going to make the deadline or that even if we do, this is going to be an effective

00:41:48.480 project. So I just want to let you know, that's where I'm at, but let me tell you, uh, I'm going

00:41:55.600 to put in, uh, two nights a week, a little bit of extra work just so we make sure we hit the deadline.

00:42:01.380 Um, I've communicated with my boss about my expectations as this project has developed.

00:42:07.080 And, uh, we're, we've brought in a couple of other advisors or their team members to shore this up.

00:42:12.300 So we're working on it, but I just want to let you know where I'm coming from. Like how much more

00:42:17.120 powerful is that for a woman to hear than I've been scared and I don't know what's going to happen

00:42:22.380 in the world's going to be over as opposed to I'm scared. I'm a little nervous and here's what we're

00:42:27.140 doing to resolve it. Right. Yeah. So I would say be more inclined to do that than just dump it all over

00:42:34.460 her. Yeah. I like it. Rick Donovan described the difference between today's Ryan versus six months

00:42:42.760 ago, Ryan. So you're a personal growth in the last six months. Yeah. I'm leaner. I'm sober. Focus is

00:42:50.780 there. Uh, clarity is there. I've been doing a lot of work about, you know, where do my, where do my

00:42:56.680 stories and the narrative of my life and the way that I think about life and the way that I show up for

00:43:02.400 people, like, where does that stem from? That's those have been powerful exercises because they

00:43:07.860 happen whether you're aware of it or not. The way that I respond to you is happening. I just may or

00:43:16.300 may not be aware of why it's happening the way that it is. So these types of exercises have been very

00:43:20.900 powerful. Um, I'm trying to get more in, in line with how I feel about things. Uh, and again, where does

00:43:28.640 that stem from? Cause my, my feelings is, these are things that I have not really explored all that

00:43:34.540 much in my life. And I've been thinking, you know, sadness or sorrow or anger or frustration. Are these,

00:43:40.900 are these things okay to feel and experience? Yeah, they are, but we should know why we're experiencing

00:43:46.100 them and where they're coming from so that we have some feedback on the way that we can improve

00:43:52.200 ourselves and our lives moving forward. That's been helpful. Um, a little bit more clear on my

00:43:58.640 priorities, you know, on making sure that my schedule aligns with my priorities and also a lot more

00:44:04.840 forward thinking about what kind of person I need to be, uh, when I'm presented with, uh, an option of

00:44:12.020 how I behave or how I show up or what I do, which is literally hundreds of times a day. I try to ask

00:44:17.220 myself, what would the man that I want to be do in this situation? So a lot more conscious and aware

00:44:23.900 of that. And yeah, all of those things have given me a level of, of clarity and focus. And in the

00:44:29.180 midst of really challenging times in my life over the past several months, I just can't help but think,

00:44:34.780 where would I be if I didn't do this? Where would I be if I didn't have these tools? It would be

00:44:39.820 really, really dire situation. And fortunately I'm not there because I have the tools and because

00:44:47.780 I'm exercising the tools that I've failed to exercise in the past. Yeah. You know, one thing

00:44:53.960 I've noticed that I think is a by-product of you kind of doing that more deeper work in regards to

00:45:01.040 understanding, you know, your stories is, and maybe I'm just picking this up. I don't know, but

00:45:06.380 your level of empathy and understanding has changed as well. And I think it's because the

00:45:14.940 more we understand ourselves, the more we're capable of understanding others and their actions.

00:45:20.700 And I, and I think that is, I don't know for whatever, I don't have evidence of why I feel

00:45:26.060 that way, but I, I, I see that in, in your language or in our conversations more as well.

00:45:31.440 Well, I know, I know I'm not as angry. I was very angry and it was slipping out. Like it was,

00:45:40.000 it was slipping out in weird ways, you know, even on social media and the way that I would respond

00:45:45.300 to people on social media and just how I felt there was like frustration and contention and

00:45:50.100 anger. And a lot of that might've been the alcoholism or the results of the alcohol. Like

00:45:54.940 it was just angry. And I'm not, I'm not, I'm not angry. Um, but I also see,

00:46:00.560 you know, over these past six months or so with what I've, what I've experienced.

00:46:09.960 Sometimes I don't want to talk about it. Like I just want to, I just want to deal with it on my own,

00:46:14.800 which I think we should be capable of dealing with things to some degree on our own.

00:46:19.240 But then I got thinking, man, this is of course how everybody else feels. And there are so many

00:46:27.000 men out there who are struggling with substance abuse, pornography, drug addiction, guilt-ridden

00:46:37.700 past that they can't get over, fidelity issues, medical challenges, financial struggles,

00:46:46.380 being cut off spiritually from, from having that, that spiritual component of their life.

00:46:52.820 And all of us are doing it alone. And so when I look at, when I look at you or somebody else who

00:46:59.500 maybe says something to me that I don't like, or does something that, you know, rubs me the wrong way.

00:47:05.280 I really am trying to say, you know what, I don't know what's going on in that guy's life.

00:47:10.440 Like, I don't, I don't know what he's dealing with right now. And maybe the way that he's

00:47:14.560 communicating with me is a by-product of what he might be suffering from. And there are a lot of

00:47:20.580 guys suffering. So I don't know. I feel like giving guys the benefit of the doubt, at least trying to

00:47:26.580 do that. There's, it's two, twofold. Number one, I think it's better for them that we're not so harsh

00:47:33.700 and critical, the judgmental. Uh, and number two, it's just made me more pleasant person.

00:47:41.960 You know, like, so here's a, here's an example. I took my boys, uh, to South Carolina for Sorenx

00:47:48.180 outdoors winter strong with this last weekend. And we got on the plane yesterday and the ticketing

00:47:55.100 agent, as I was getting on board, she says, here's your ticket. We moved it around. So you can have an

00:47:58.700 aisle seat. You can sit next to your boys, but nobody's going to be sitting next to you. They're going to be

00:48:02.420 sitting across the aisle and you'll be sitting on the other side of the aisle. I said, Oh, great.

00:48:05.880 Thanks for doing that. And she said, nobody's going to be sitting next to you. And I'm sitting

00:48:10.920 there and they were getting close to boarding the, finishing boarding the plane. And this woman comes

00:48:14.880 in and she's, she's heavy, she's obese. And she comes in, she's like, Hey, I'm sitting in that seat,

00:48:19.880 which was the window seat. I'm like, you know, and she, she was, she was significantly obese so much so

00:48:26.820 that the aisle, the armrest thing, could it lower all the way? Cause it was like resting on

00:48:33.620 the fat on her hips or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. So it wouldn't even lower all the way. So it was like,

00:48:38.900 it was snug. And six months ago I would have been put out. I would have been so judgmental about it.

00:48:48.680 I would have been, you know, mocking her not to her face, of course, but you know,

00:48:52.840 in your mind, Jim, in my mind, or even in my boys, you know, or I, and then I would just be

00:48:58.460 kind of miserable on the plane. And you know, what's like, now, do I think that's a healthy

00:49:05.220 lifestyle? No, but I don't know what she's dealing with. I don't, I don't know. I maybe,

00:49:10.420 maybe her mom just died. And, and so she's, you know, she's let herself go or maybe she just lost

00:49:17.760 her husband. I really, I have no idea. And it's not really my place to judge that. I have to say

00:49:25.760 that I personally don't want to live my life like that. And I don't think other people should live

00:49:29.920 their life like that. I think we should be healthy. I don't know what's going on with her

00:49:33.560 and she's a human being. And you know what? She was sitting there and she was crocheting

00:49:38.320 and she, like, I talked to her for a little bit. The blanket she was making was beautiful.

00:49:43.580 She was a really pleasant lady. And like, that's it. And so I had to suffer a little bit

00:49:49.760 because the armrest wasn't all the way down between us. Like what a silly thing that we

00:49:55.120 would get worked up about in the past. So I appreciate you saying that. And I certainly

00:49:58.780 feel more patient, more empathetic. Um, and I'm just not miserable. I don't want to be miserable

00:50:04.200 and I'm not. So I feel good about that. Cool. I like it, man. Good job. Good work. All right.

00:50:11.600 Joe Mercado. I've been working for a replacement window company for five years. I put in long hours

00:50:17.280 and dedicated myself to learning to be better leader and manager for myself, employees in the

00:50:22.520 company. What do you do when your two managers don't communicate with you unless there is a

00:50:28.460 problem and that every idea that you pitch to them is always answered with a no. Um, our company

00:50:35.560 culture is built by growing others and taking, uh, and take your place someday. But these two

00:50:40.200 managers aren't helping me grow. I'm starting to see that no matter how great my side of the

00:50:45.380 operation is, the only feedback I'm getting is when I do, uh, when I didn't do as well as I did on the

00:50:51.000 previous month. I love the company and the people I lead and I want to stay, but this relationship with

00:50:55.620 my managers isn't motivating. And if it wasn't doing well, I would already be replaced, but I

00:51:00.960 continue to do my best. So they know, so they know have no reason to note last year. I, I, I won the

00:51:09.420 leadership award, which was voted by the people of the operations. Thanks. Yeah. So I'll go back to

00:51:16.260 the empathy thing. Uh, and I'll just speak from personal experience as a leader. It's easy not to

00:51:26.360 focus on the people who are doing really good. Probably super easy. Like Kip, you're doing a

00:51:32.820 great job. Default behavior. You're doing a great job. Like I don't need to worry about this. Like

00:51:38.040 everything's fine. And then as a leader, we focus our energy and attention on the people who are

00:51:42.960 struggling or the areas or departments in your case that might be struggling. And that's unfortunate.

00:51:48.920 And that's the fallout of, of being good at things. You're not going to get praise. You're

00:51:58.180 not going to get accolades. You're not going to get attention and energy. You're not going to get

00:52:03.200 people's time and resources. You're just not because you're good at your job and you have to come to that

00:52:11.180 realization and then ask yourself, am I doing this because I want the praise and the accolades and the

00:52:17.680 admiration and the attention and the rewards and the whatever, or am I doing this because it's who

00:52:23.600 I am? It's intrinsically internally the way that I work and you can do it regardless of if you're

00:52:30.760 getting attention or not. And I don't know what that is for you. I'm just telling you that maybe

00:52:38.740 you're running up against that. Now, how can we, how can we assert ourselves in the situation a little

00:52:43.980 bit more? Try to see it from your boss's perspective. You know, what other departments

00:52:51.420 are they struggling with? And is that getting a lot of their time and attention and energy? If it is,

00:52:57.240 then maybe you have a reason as to why that's the case. I'm not saying it makes it okay. I'm just

00:53:01.140 saying now, you know, at least what's going on and you have some context around why you're not getting

00:53:05.960 the attention you'd like to have. Um, also it might create some opportunities for you to see

00:53:12.360 things that will actually help them. So instead of saying, Oh man, like I just want them to

00:53:18.780 acknowledge and see what I'm doing. Maybe in their, in their briefings or their discussions

00:53:25.120 or their communications with you, you can actually see problems and challenges that you can begin to

00:53:30.380 shore up that they're not even really communicating with you. That now is an opportunity for you to serve

00:53:37.120 and help in a way that would actually be beneficial for them. That might be something you can do.

00:53:43.480 And the third thing I'll say on this is doing the right thing. Just like we were saying earlier,

00:53:49.040 being excellent is always the right thing to do. And you know, what's going to happen by you being

00:53:55.860 excellent. Either you're going to continue to advance and get promoted, or you're going to find

00:54:01.700 other work. Like it's just, it's inevitable. But if you start slacking and you start speaking ill of

00:54:09.940 your managers and you start not taking your job seriously, cause maybe they don't, then you will

00:54:15.420 not get the same level of opportunity and growth that you would if you did it with excellence. So keep

00:54:21.360 doing it with excellence. Keep networking. That's huge. Too many men under network. It's just an

00:54:28.120 underutilized skill that, that we could develop all a little bit more. Keep networking, build your

00:54:34.840 connection, work with your clients, get introductions, make introductions. And that's actually what's going

00:54:39.740 to create opportunities for you inside and outside of the business. Yeah. The only thought I had is

00:54:47.860 we try to promote a culture where people are self-directed, not motivated, self-directed.

00:54:56.200 They, they, they know what winning looks like and they execute and they win. If I'm a manager

00:55:03.120 and I have an employee, it's like, oh man, I, I'm not motivated. I need more motivation from you.

00:55:10.720 That's a, that's a problem. So be careful that, cause that was in your language. I think you said

00:55:15.280 something like, I'm not motivated by them or whatever. Did you back to kind of what Ryan said

00:55:20.100 earlier, you got to be self-directed. Why are you doing this? Because you care because you care

00:55:25.440 about the quality of work. Cause it's an outward representation of who you are as a man. That's

00:55:30.200 why you care. Right. And you're going to get after it and you're going to do amazing work because

00:55:33.700 that's how you show up in the world. Not because you're motivated to do so. And that's, and, and,

00:55:40.740 and that's less stress, right? Let's be frank. And I agree. I don't do this very well either. I'm

00:55:46.700 really bad at telling my employees that they're doing good, right? Like I, it's only usually when

00:55:51.900 there's a problem that I give feedback and I need to work on that. And that's not an excuse,

00:55:56.180 but most managers and leaders, there's, there's time issues, right? There's time management problems

00:56:03.480 and they don't have a lot of time. Right. And so the more time you require to be a good employee

00:56:10.640 from me, the less effective employee you are in my mind. Cause now I got to constantly motivate you.

00:56:17.260 I got to baby you. I got to, man, you got it. You got to jump in. Like you're the owner of the

00:56:21.980 company, be self-directed and execute, keep them informed. And then there's some opportunity here to

00:56:27.760 maybe have some open communication and ask, have some asks, you know, can I get, I get a follow-up

00:56:35.760 with you once a month or in our one-on-ones, you know, I'd like to understand what am I doing well?

00:56:41.660 What areas am I doing good at? So I can make sure I continue to do those things. Like

00:56:45.540 ask, you know, and have that conversation with them. If you're not getting the proper feedback,

00:56:51.400 ask for the proper feedback and make that part of the process, but make it clear. Hey, by getting

00:56:55.680 the proper feedback from you, Ryan, if I'm, if, if you let me know where I'm killing it and what

00:56:59.800 I'm doing well, I need, I need to know that personally. So I can keep doing those things

00:57:04.320 because sometimes I'll question like, Oh, was that a good approach? Was that not good? Most people

00:57:09.800 be like, Oh yeah, definitely. I I'll do that. That's fair. Right. It makes sense to them. So

00:57:14.720 you know, bring that to the table as well. 100%. Um, I wrote down something here that I think is

00:57:21.560 really important is that, that all of us, I think as men can do better on, and that's validating

00:57:26.020 ourselves. You know, if you can validate yourself, that's significantly more potent than needing

00:57:32.540 validation from somebody else. So for example, if you're trying to get into shape, uh, and you know,

00:57:39.060 you notice you've lost five, 10, 20 pounds, you know, the muscles are getting bigger. The abs are

00:57:43.800 starting to show you've got more energy. You really shouldn't have to go to somebody else and

00:57:48.920 say, Hey, how do I look like that? I mean, it's nice. You know, it's nice. If somebody notices or

00:57:55.700 your wife says, Hey, you feel good. Like those are nice things, but you shouldn't have to go out and

00:58:01.300 seek that from other people. You should look in the mirror and say, you know what? I look good.

00:58:06.400 I feel good. You know, if we're, if we're striving for this validation from other people,

00:58:13.820 then I think that's a deficiency in our confidence and our own ability to be, to validate ourselves.

00:58:19.300 And you should be able to do that. You should be, you should be able to look at the guy in the mirror

00:58:22.880 and say, you know, I'm proud of myself today. Like I accomplished everything on my to-do list and

00:58:28.180 that's enough. You know, that's not, that's all that I need to feel good about myself. Or, you know,

00:58:33.640 I went to the gym and I didn't want to, and I worked out and I trained and it was hard,

00:58:37.860 but I did every rep. I didn't even slack on a rep. Nobody was there and I could have,

00:58:41.540 but I didn't. You should feel proud about that and you should feel accomplished. And then you

00:58:46.140 should look the guy in the mirror or in journaling or whatever and say, you know, I'm proud because I

00:58:50.920 did this thing and that should be enough because you will always have yourself, but you won't always

00:58:55.560 have other people. Yeah. I like it. Um, let's do a rapid, a couple of rapid fire ones. I think

00:59:02.120 we can get, we can get these good answers in here. So Dex Reese, uh, how to brainstorm and come up with

00:59:09.160 a business name and should one name, uh, should one name it before trademarking it?

00:59:15.360 Well, you have to have a name in order to trademark something to do a trademark. Yeah. So,

00:59:19.740 okay. You have to have some brainstorming coming up with a company name. Uh, so number one is make

00:59:27.220 the thesaurus your best friend and just start writing down words. So when I, when it was order

00:59:34.840 of man for me, I think I looked at things like group, which turned into brotherhood, which turned

00:59:42.760 into fraternity. And eventually I came across order. I'm like order. Okay. Well, there's a double

00:59:48.680 meaning of that, right? Order as in a collection of us, a group of us, but order as in setting

00:59:53.960 things straight, it's a double meaning. It sounds really cool. And it has that meaning and purpose

00:59:57.740 behind it. So make the thesaurus your best friend, um, write down the values, right? Just write down

01:00:03.280 a bunch of words that explain what you're doing and why you're doing it and how it will serve other

01:00:08.060 people. Um, I like, I like names that I don't like being so cryptic in names that people don't know

01:00:17.280 what in the world it is. People say, well, what does? Yeah. People say, well, what about Google?

01:00:21.260 Well, you're not Google. All right. Like you don't have billions of dollars. It took a lot of

01:00:25.400 marketing to make that work. Yeah, exactly. So let's not do that. A better thing would be

01:00:30.940 the best search engine.com. I mean, right. Like, so you, but you also don't need to be so blatantly

01:00:38.860 obvious to on the nose that it's not even interesting. So there, there's some of that that you need to

01:00:43.800 take into consideration. Um, I think another important consideration is that if you do come

01:00:49.200 up with some names that you start looking at the social media handles, if they're available

01:00:53.460 because of our, and website, because none of it is available, I probably would, I would probably

01:00:59.320 pick a different name. Um, but yeah, make the thesaurus your best friend, know what's going to

01:01:02.960 take time and just jot down words. When you think of words, just write them down and then go through

01:01:08.360 this thesaurus and you'll come up with some stuff pretty quickly. I think.

01:01:11.020 Yeah. And you might want to test it out a little bit. You know, I, super funny story. I'll share

01:01:17.500 it super fast. So I was doing some military work. Um, I started my company after Asian, I got,

01:01:23.280 got married and Kiyabe's middle name. Uh, he's Hawaii, obviously Asia's Hawaiian and Kiyabe's a

01:01:29.320 Hawaiian name. And his full name is Kiyabe Okipono. And Pono means great in Hawaiian. I really liked

01:01:38.040 that. Like I was just like Pono. I like, I don't know. I, I, I, I latched onto it. And, uh, so I

01:01:45.080 use that company name. Right. And it was like Pono innovations or something like that. I, if I

01:01:50.380 remember correctly. And I was, I was in, in the office with a bunch of military guys, we're working

01:01:55.820 and a guy's like, Hey, you know, what's your email? I'll shoot you over that email or whatever.

01:02:00.720 And I'm like, you know, Kip at Pono innovations.com. He goes, but what'd he just say? I'm

01:02:06.580 like Pono. And he's like, Oh shit. I thought you said porno. And I was like, Oh yeah. Okay. Yep.

01:02:13.380 Changing the company name, right? Like it wasn't going to work. Right. And to your point who no one

01:02:18.720 knows what that is. It doesn't mean anything unless my, my primary audience is Hawaiians. Right. It's

01:02:24.100 going to get lost on everybody. Right. So it, but it was really funny because I was like, ah,

01:02:28.700 didn't even consider that. These guys. And then there's guys like, man, I heard you say that a

01:02:35.140 couple of times. I thought what a horrible company name. I was like, Oh man, that's funny.

01:02:40.460 I even get it with at times because people, I, one of the first people I introduced it to said,

01:02:46.420 what order a man? Like, no, no, no, no, not order a man order of man. So yeah, you have to take that

01:02:52.940 into consideration for sure. Future business venture, by the way, I've had so many women,

01:02:57.620 like, I'm not joking, by the way, I've had single women talk to me about, Hey, how do I get

01:03:04.280 introductions to the guys inside of the order of man? That's funny. Because they had this idea,

01:03:11.060 right? Like, Hey, these are stellar guys. Do you have a bunch of single guys? And I was like,

01:03:16.060 I actually have some ideas for that. And I'm not joking. I actually have some ideas for that

01:03:22.000 because if we can connect single people who are motivated, then that's awesome.

01:03:29.160 Yeah. So Ryan's thinking of a business idea of, of borderline being a pimp and pimping out the

01:03:34.920 members of the iron council, but you know, not even borderline just blatantly. Obviously that's

01:03:40.100 exactly what I'm going to be doing. Right. The pimp Mickler. That's right. Yeah. That's right. I like

01:03:44.720 it. All right. Stacy Bauer. I've had two employees leave the company last week. One, I just read the

01:03:51.840 email tonight. How do you not take things personal and how do you make sure more don't follow mainly

01:03:58.600 as you're trying to grow your business every day and every year? So the way that I, so here's a

01:04:05.380 little exercise that I do not to take things personally is I imagine that it happened to, to

01:04:12.100 something or somebody else. So, so for example, if somebody leaves the iron council, which I usually

01:04:17.860 told you that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, not like, no, no. What I'm saying is I just try to take myself out

01:04:26.740 of the equation and objectify the situation. So if somebody leaves the iron council, it's, it's like,

01:04:33.140 did they leave me? No, they left the iron council. Why? I don't know if I was giving advice to somebody

01:04:38.420 else. Maybe it's because they had their own issues. You know, maybe they didn't like the

01:04:42.760 organization. Is that a reflection on me? I mean, kind of, but also if it's this separate entity,

01:04:47.340 not really. And then you just look for feedback, you know, okay, well, what, why did they leave?

01:04:54.280 And you just decide not to take it personal. You have no idea what we talked about this a minute ago.

01:05:01.180 You have no idea what's going on in that person's life. You don't, you have what they've told you,

01:05:07.220 which very rarely is a hundred percent accurate. So you are filling in the blanks with all sorts of

01:05:14.220 stuff that may or may not be relevant or may or may not be true. And it's just best not,

01:05:20.940 not to try to go down that rabbit hole. And how do you do it? You just decide not to do it.

01:05:25.800 And you tell yourself, Hey, you know what? That person left frustrating, but I'm going to do better.

01:05:30.100 I've had guys, I've had guy, I had one guy in the iron council. This was years ago,

01:05:34.960 become, it was almost like a mutiny. He was one of our team leaders and got very toxic towards me

01:05:43.020 and what we were doing in the iron council. Started calling me a Nazi.

01:05:47.500 Even after he left, I think.

01:05:49.460 Yeah. And he ended up taking his entire team down with him. And I took that one very personally.

01:05:56.180 And it was personal. It absolutely was personal because he was making personal

01:06:01.800 claims about me. And then I just made a decision that, you know what? Like,

01:06:08.240 I don't know what's going on with him. I don't know what he's dealing with. I don't know.

01:06:13.180 Not only do I know, not know what entirely what's going on in his life. I don't know what

01:06:18.000 lens he's viewing life. I know none of that. So instead of worrying about it being so personal,

01:06:24.540 I need to ensure it doesn't happen again. So I asked myself, what can be learned from this?

01:06:31.000 What can be learned from this little mutiny that happened? And how can I avoid this happening again?

01:06:36.100 And so it was a matter of better communication, staying in touch with our, our team leaders and

01:06:42.720 our team members looking for standards. So we're all operating very similarly with on teams. And I

01:06:48.820 learned a lot and it actually served me really well over time. It's very hard not to take things like

01:06:53.160 that personal. Yeah. So his second question, you know, making sure that employees, more employees

01:07:02.640 don't leave. That's it. Well, I, I think, I think one thing just learning. Well, learning. Yeah. But

01:07:11.060 also communication. Cause again, we're talking about a lot of assumptions here. So what ends up

01:07:15.060 happening is people will leave and then everybody's going to know Bob's not there anymore. And if you

01:07:22.160 don't address it, people are going to start jumping to conclusions. Oh, you know what? I heard you want

01:07:30.120 to communicate and Bob were having a bad time and, and there was some animosity and, you know,

01:07:36.460 there's all this rumors and hearsay. And then, Oh, this is a toxic environment. Now all of a sudden

01:07:41.940 another person leaves. So I think the best thing you could do is bring it up. Now I'm not suggesting

01:07:48.380 that you make it a bigger deal than it is. You don't want to do that because there might be things

01:07:52.820 that just aren't a big deal, but it might just be simply, maybe it's in one of your morning briefings,

01:07:57.500 or maybe it's an email and you're going to speak kindly about Bob regardless of the way that it

01:08:04.680 went down. Yeah. And just from an HR perspective, don't go down that path, right? That's going to

01:08:09.780 set you up for trouble. Yeah. Good point. But it might be, it might be a company-wide email and it

01:08:14.800 says, Hey guys, just want to give you the heads up. Unfortunately, Bob's decided to move on. We really

01:08:19.080 wish him the best. Uh, we had, we had some good times here and I just wanted to let you know that Bob's

01:08:25.740 presence will be, will be noted or absence will be noted. And if you have any questions,

01:08:31.180 you know, feel free to let me know. But in the meantime, again, this goes back to how to talk

01:08:35.480 with women. That was the problem. Now the solution in the meantime, we're interviewing for a brand new

01:08:41.840 CEO. Uh, if you're interested in the position and you're qualified, please let us know through the

01:08:47.140 appropriate channels. Or if you know of anybody who might be interested, then please let us know.

01:08:52.440 And we can talk about that. Man, you get out ahead of it. You let people know what's

01:08:55.720 going on. You don't make a big deal of it. And then you talk about how you're moving forward.

01:09:00.160 Yeah. I like it. I like it. One thing that, um, that I, that part of my, uh, one-on-ones and quarterly

01:09:07.460 plans is a conversation around commitment level. And, and I, this is something that we bring up to

01:09:13.360 every employee all the time. Are you all in? And, and maybe another way of saying it, where's your job

01:09:20.680 love? Are you loving it? Are you still excited? Are you loving what you're doing? Like how you

01:09:26.040 feeling? Or do you have any barriers? And you want to have the dialogue where the employee is willing

01:09:30.780 to go and tell you like, Hey, you know what? I feel undervalued. Why? Oh man, I'm not getting

01:09:36.880 enough feedback from my boss that I'm actually succeeding. Or, you know, I think I'm underpaid

01:09:42.040 or whatever. Like we, for, for us, for us to have fully committed embodied employees, you need to be

01:09:49.000 having the conversation of like, where are they? And then your job is to eliminate barriers and help

01:09:55.460 them get back on the path of being excited about where they're working at. And when they're, when

01:09:59.740 they show up in that kind of way, employees are, they, they're bringing their best foot to the table.

01:10:05.500 They're excited. They bring some passion to the work. You don't want an employee that's checked out.

01:10:10.060 So they're there nine to five, bare minimum doing just enough not to get fired. No, no, no.

01:10:15.140 We're going for like, you love your job, right? No, there's some things I don't. Okay. Let's address

01:10:20.560 those. And let's talk about it. And how do we pivot? Oh, I don't know what the future looks like

01:10:25.680 here. Awesome. Let's talk about it. What do you think the future could be? And, and address those

01:10:31.280 things because eventually an employee will not, an employee will leave due to a lack of commitment and

01:10:39.900 buy-in to what you're doing as an organization. And those intrinsic motivators that keep them around

01:10:44.740 are everything from sense of team belonging and future with the company, not feeling appreciated,

01:10:52.120 not being heard. Like, and guess what? Those are different for Ryan and they're different for me

01:10:58.260 and they're different from the, for the guy across the hall. So you got to know your people

01:11:02.420 to understand what makes them tick and what gives them high level of job love. If you want to use

01:11:08.460 that term, otherwise you're going to lose them. So address that. Yep. Absolutely. Cool. Should we take

01:11:14.920 one more? Uh, yeah. Uh, let's see. Okay. Scott, uh, uh, Jared. Sorry, Scott. I've noticed that often guys

01:11:24.980 are looking for a girlfriend. That's like a bro. Is this a sign of immaturity? And are these guys missing

01:11:31.220 out on what a woman really is by looking for another bro in her? I don't know what you mean by

01:11:37.300 like guys are looking for a girl, like a bro. Um, yeah. Is it just like somebody like a, yeah. And

01:11:44.740 that's not what I guess that's, I don't feel that way. So it's hard for me to fathom why you'd want

01:11:51.520 a bro as a, as a partner. But I think what you should be looking for in a woman is somebody who

01:11:58.460 challenges you who in, in, in the right ways, not just to be confrontational, but challenges you to

01:12:04.740 improve and to get better and to be excellent. Uh, somebody who couldn't be the mother of your

01:12:10.600 children, who is empathetic and kind and nurturing and caring, uh, somebody whose vision is aligned

01:12:19.740 with yours from their spiritual path and journey to the way they feel about money and politics. I think

01:12:27.320 these are all little things that could splinter a relationship very, very easily. So you should

01:12:31.780 be aligned in some of those key fundamental issues. Uh, and then ultimately somebody that you can

01:12:38.320 serve really that you are there to challenge them in the right ways and then to support and guide and

01:12:45.740 edify and uplift. And that doesn't sound like a bro necessarily. Uh, so what's the, what,

01:12:52.860 what was the question about why do you guys do this? Um, yeah. Is it a sign? Is it a sign of

01:13:00.780 immaturity? Well, I think it's a sign of, yeah, I think immaturity is probably a good one for it.

01:13:07.680 Yeah. And what are they missing out? I guess, what are they missing out when they,

01:13:11.300 when they approach a relationship with a woman that way? I just think the people that I'm around

01:13:16.860 don't, don't think that that's why I'm struggling with this question. And so maybe I'll change the

01:13:21.080 people that you're around. Like the guys that I'm around, they don't think that way of their wives.

01:13:25.880 They think so highly of their wives. Um, they honor them. Uh, they cherish them. They, they support

01:13:33.400 them. Like I said earlier, they edify and uplift those individuals. Yeah. And what you're missing

01:13:38.540 out on is a life of fulfillment. Truly. I mean, that's what it is when you're that to a woman and

01:13:44.960 she is that to you, you're both fulfilled and there's joy in your life. And you know,

01:13:50.140 there's still challenges and struggles, but you're able to get through it together.

01:13:53.980 That's a beautiful, beautiful thing. So, I mean, look, if guys are looking for a buddy or they

01:14:00.100 just think the sex is good, you know, that's, that's going to be fleeting. And in many ways,

01:14:05.100 I think that's probably going to diminish the way that you feel about the opposite sex. You know,

01:14:10.340 if women are just looking for a sex partner or a man's just looking for somebody to get laid with,

01:14:14.340 I think that's going to diminish and undermine the way you look at women or the way that women look at men

01:14:18.920 and ultimately do yourself some damage. So it's unfortunate, I guess some people do, but that's

01:14:25.340 an inferior way of looking at the opposite sex. Yeah. Okay. All right. So a couple of call to

01:14:32.140 actions here, guys, if you haven't connected with us, please do so via social media. You can connect

01:14:37.580 with Mr. Mickler on Instagram and Twitter at Ryan Mickler. And if you're not, if you haven't joined us

01:14:43.240 on our Facebook group, you can join us there by going to facebook.com slash group slash order of

01:14:47.900 man. And of course we're going to be opening up the iron council, uh, pretty soon. Um, so be prepared

01:14:54.560 for that. And to learn more about the iron council, you can go to order of man.com slash iron council.

01:15:00.440 Are you still doing the, the discount on the 50% off in the store right now? Just trying to clear out

01:15:07.640 some inventory. So if you use the code five zero at checkout, you'll get 50% off. Hey, I got to say

01:15:12.600 one more thing about this. I was just thinking about, as you were saying that with this relationship

01:15:16.580 with women. Um, and, and I started to think about why a man would, would not commit to a woman fully

01:15:25.180 or talk about it in the way that we just did. And I think there's two primary reasons for that.

01:15:29.760 Number one, it's, it's hard. It's really difficult to do that. It takes time and attention and energy

01:15:36.800 and focus and stamina and care and kindness. It's really hard. Like, uh, the other thing

01:15:44.280 is that there is a, a really dangerous precedent in society being set that. And I think it started

01:15:53.200 with, with feminism, especially as we moved into this third wave of feminism, where they began to

01:15:58.440 look at men as, uh, as, as this tyrannical patriarchy, if you will. And they were the victims

01:16:06.320 of manliness and masculinity when clearly that's not the case. But then in the aftermath of that,

01:16:13.540 you have this overreaction from these feminists to men and the way that they show up and the way

01:16:20.220 they serve. And men, uh, women have, these women have felt like they've been at the, at the mercy of

01:16:25.560 these, these dominant controlling power hungry men. And the response was bitterness and hostility

01:16:31.760 and anger towards men. And now we're seeing a pendulum switch switch shift. And now we're seeing

01:16:39.240 little factions of, of men who are now doing the same thing, but to women, well, women are victimizing

01:16:48.160 us. Women are evil. Women are bitches. They're out to get our money. They're out. And there's some

01:16:52.500 things that, you know, you should be aware of for sure. The family court system, for example,

01:16:56.760 is one that's a dangerous, dangerous thing. But both of those things, the fact that it's hard

01:17:01.980 and the fact that there's a growing group of men who believe themselves to be victims to women

01:17:09.260 or in cells, if you will, uh, it's laziness. It's just laziness. You know, it's lazy to say,

01:17:17.980 well, I'm not going to do that. Cause that takes so much work. That's lazy. It's lazy to say, well,

01:17:22.320 all women are bitches and, and they, you know, they're just out to get us and they're going to

01:17:26.320 screw us over. That's not generally true. And it's a lazy, it's a lazy argument. And that's what I

01:17:34.420 think anyways. That's why it's easier to be lazy for sure than it is to work hard and be diligent and

01:17:39.460 put your head down towards something meaningful. All right, guys. Well, cool. Well, Kip, appreciate you

01:17:44.080 guys. Thanks for the great questions today. We'll keep recording as long as you keep having questions and

01:17:48.440 we'll try to give you the best answers we can, but until then go out there, take action and become

01:17:52.940 the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're

01:17:57.660 ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join

01:18:02.360 the order at order of man.com.

Don't Be a Flaccid Jellyfish, Learning to Validate Yourself, and Minding Your Tongue ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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