Order of Man

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.240 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.800 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler.

00:00:27.680 I'm your host. I'm also the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement, and I want to welcome

00:00:32.280 you here. My mission is to reclaim and restore masculinity. It's painfully obvious at this

00:00:40.340 point that much of society, this is the government, this is government schooling, this is even academia

00:00:47.580 and the medical community are undermining masculinity at every turn. And I am attempting to reclaim and

00:00:57.640 restore masculinity by bringing you conversations, resources, tools, guidance, direction, everything

00:01:04.620 that you might need as a man to be able to thrive in a society that doesn't want you to thrive.

00:01:10.280 So to that end, we've got this podcast interviews. We've got the ask me anything that takes place

00:01:16.300 every Wednesday. And we've got this, your Friday field notes, which is some thoughts that I've been

00:01:20.800 having from throughout the week. And what I wanted to talk with you about specifically today

00:01:25.040 is this notion of feeling guilty for taking care of yourself. If you've been in the self-help space

00:01:32.280 and you've been reading books and doing all the things that you probably have been doing over the

00:01:36.720 past several years, then you know that taking care of yourself is a crucial component of your journey to

00:01:44.580 become a more effective, stronger, more capable man. But a lot of guys feel very guilty,

00:01:51.560 including myself at times for carving out time out of their day to take care of themselves.

00:01:57.460 So I'm going to give you three very simple tips that are going to help you feel better about taking

00:02:04.300 care of yourself and then making sure that you're enlisting others, specifically your wife,

00:02:09.100 your children, the people who are going to be impacted by the decisions that you're making,

00:02:13.580 enlisting them in your journey to improve yourself as well. But before we get started,

00:02:20.040 just want to make a quick mention of my friends and of course our show sponsors, Origin USA.

00:02:26.560 These guys are making geese, rash guards. I say that every week, but that's how they started,

00:02:33.600 but they've really branched out from there. In addition to that, they've got their supplemental

00:02:38.220 lineup with Jocko. They've got their Malk, which is their protein, joint warfare, which I take every

00:02:43.720 single day, Super Krill, which I also take every single day. I got to lubricate and get these

00:02:48.460 joints, elbows, fingers, wrists, knees, et cetera, recovered. And then they also have their

00:02:55.120 denim, their boots, a hundred percent made and sourced in America. And then later this year,

00:03:00.820 they're coming up with their new hunt line, which I'm very, very excited about. So if you want some

00:03:05.980 boots, you want some jeans, you want some supplements, whatever, go to originusa.com,

00:03:11.640 originusa.com and use the code ORDER, O-R-D-E-R at checkout, because you're going to save some

00:03:17.960 money. Again, originusa.com, use the code ORDER at checkout. All right, guys. So let's talk about

00:03:23.660 guilt. It's hard because we know, everybody listening to this knows they should be taking

00:03:29.300 care of themselves. And yet it's hard because we have so many other obligations. We have so many

00:03:35.880 other responsibilities, you know, our wife and our kids and our businesses and neighbors and community

00:03:42.840 service and all the things that we should be doing, by the way. These are called noble obstacles,

00:03:48.200 obstacles in that they are an obstacle to taking care of ourselves, noble in that it is what we

00:03:53.920 should be doing, right? Isn't what defines us as a man, our ability to serve our people most

00:04:00.580 effectively. And when I say our people, I'm talking about your family, your neighbors,

00:04:04.960 your community members, the kids that you're coaching, your colleagues, your employees,

00:04:10.440 your clients, those are your people. And so you want to take care of them. But if you do it at

00:04:15.120 your own expense, you're not going to be able to take care of those people for very long.

00:04:18.640 And we know that, right? We know that. And yet we still feel a tremendous sense of guilt or maybe

00:04:25.400 even remorse for carving out time out of our day to be able to focus on the one, us, who's actually

00:04:33.340 going to provide the resources and tools and solutions that other people are looking to us

00:04:38.620 for. So I've started thinking about this over the past week. How do you, how do you mitigate the

00:04:45.580 guilt? I don't think you can ever get rid of it. At least I haven't figured out how to do that. If

00:04:49.320 you guys know how to do that, let me know, but how do we mitigate the guilt and give ourselves

00:04:53.740 permission for lack of a better term to take care of ourselves? Well, number one, I would say

00:04:59.500 do it in moderation. All right. I've seen a lot of guys become obsessed with hunting, for example,

00:05:05.660 or training, working out, training jujitsu, going to the gym. And these guys become obsessed.

00:05:13.020 You know, they're in there for three, four, five hours every single day. And yeah, if that's what's

00:05:20.160 happening and you're neglecting your other obligations, then I would suggest to you, that's

00:05:24.300 a problem. So you got to do what you're going to do in moderation. Now, when it comes to what I

00:05:30.940 personally do, I train a lot of jujitsu. I train five days a week and I train two nights a week and

00:05:37.580 three mornings per week. So the nights, it is what it is. Monday and Wednesday night, that's when I

00:05:44.020 train, but I train later so that my kids are kind of winding down. Maybe they're watching a movie or

00:05:48.520 watching a show with mom or having dinner, something like that. So that's, that's what takes place in the

00:05:54.280 evening. And in the morning I go before anybody wakes up because I don't want those three hours.

00:06:00.180 It's probably more like four and a half hours, I guess, because I go about an hour and a half or

00:06:05.980 two hours every single morning or those three mornings a week. But I don't, I don't want that

00:06:11.200 to cut into my day or my time with my children. And so I wake up early, I wake up at five, I get ready,

00:06:18.400 I go in and I train at six o'clock from six to about seven, seven 30. I come back, kids are just

00:06:24.000 getting up, kids are getting out of bed. Maybe they're grabbing some breakfast, but I'm not

00:06:27.180 missing a whole lot because I'm doing it early in the morning. So I try to go to bed on time.

00:06:31.780 I try to get the sleep I need. And then I do that training where it's not going to actually impact

00:06:36.600 other people. Guys, you got to do this in moderation. And I can't tell you what the line

00:06:41.000 is. I can't tell you when you cross the line or how much you should or shouldn't do, but really

00:06:45.340 evaluate what, what exactly you're doing, how often you're doing it and make sure that it's

00:06:51.260 in moderation. Okay. Number two is make sure that you open your mouth and you express the words and

00:06:58.540 express the thoughts that you want to express about what you're doing. Because if you're not doing that

00:07:04.600 people in your life could possibly misinterpret what you're trying to do.

00:07:09.440 So if you're out training or you're out hunting or you're doing any number of things, five days a

00:07:18.080 week, your wife or your children or your employees or your coworkers and colleagues and community

00:07:22.800 members might interpret that to mean that you don't care about them. And that isn't the case.

00:07:30.080 You do, you care about them deeply, but you got to take care of yourself first, because here's the

00:07:35.060 deal. If you don't take care of yourself. And I think I said this a minute ago, there's no way

00:07:40.240 that you're going to ever be able to sustain taking care of other people. You might be able to do it in

00:07:44.840 short bursts for a temporary period of time, but guys, you're not going to be able to do it for very

00:07:49.920 long because you're going to burn yourself out and you're going to burn up and you're going to,

00:07:53.460 you're going to fizzle. I don't want that to happen. I want you to be able to maintain and sustain

00:07:57.900 the growth and the leadership abilities that you have with the people that you care about.

00:08:01.360 So part of this is just making sure that you open your mouth, which I know can be hard for

00:08:06.600 some men and communicate what you're doing. Talk to people about why you're doing this,

00:08:13.660 what exactly you're doing, share with them how, when you come back, you're a more well-rounded,

00:08:19.160 whole, capable, strong man to be able to serve them more effectively. Because isn't that what your

00:08:27.940 wife is after? She wants to know that you can lead. She's looking to you to lead. In fact, 0.94

00:08:35.040 and isn't that what your kids are after? They're looking to dad and thinking, man, I love dad.

00:08:39.080 I admire this guy. I don't even know why all the time, but I just want to make sure that

00:08:43.820 he's somebody that I can really admire and respect. Well, the way that you do that is by coming back

00:08:49.960 into the relationships that are important to you and being the kind of man that you have a desire to be.

00:08:55.000 If you come back and you're an a-hole and you're not engaged and you're not committed and you're 1.00

00:09:01.420 not dedicated to your people, then they're going to see you going out and doing your other things

00:09:06.680 as a negative. If on the other hand, you go out and train jujitsu and lift weights and you're going

00:09:12.000 out hunting and you're visiting with your friends, good friends, by the way, and you're uplifted and

00:09:17.600 you're edified and you're improving and you're getting better, or you're going to conferences that have

00:09:21.620 to do with your work or your business. And then you come back and you're better than when you left.

00:09:26.840 People are going to see that, but don't rely on them only seeing it. Make sure you communicate with

00:09:31.540 them. Tell them about your experience. They want to know. How did jujitsu go tonight? Talk to them

00:09:36.720 about that conference, share with them what you learned, and then also make sure that's ongoing.

00:09:42.580 Hey, you remember two weeks ago when I went to that conference and I said, I learned X, Y,

00:09:45.920 and Z. Well, hon, I just implemented X, Y, and Z, and we just landed a $20,000 contract.

00:09:52.660 Okay. When you connect those dots, she's going to see that and think, this is awesome. This serves

00:09:57.640 the family. And yet so many of you think, oh, well, they'll understand. Like they'll get it.

00:10:04.680 They'll put two and two together. No, they won't. So open your mouth like a big boy and express

00:10:12.740 yourself, which is something that men, I think generally have a hard time doing and, and tell

00:10:19.120 people what you're doing and why you're doing it and how you're getting better. And I promise you,

00:10:23.540 the more that you communicate with the people who are going to be impacted by those decisions,

00:10:27.860 the better off you're going to feel about what you're doing and the better they're going to feel

00:10:33.440 about what you're doing because it sees how they can see how it serves them.

00:10:37.300 And we're all a bit selfish and it's not always bad. So I'm not saying this in a negative or bad

00:10:44.840 connotation, but your wife is a bit selfish. She wants to ensure that the time that you're 1.00

00:10:50.220 spending doing your things is going to help her lead the family or help her with her own

00:10:56.480 personal goals. That's not bad. You're selfish too, just like I am. So we can actually communicate

00:11:02.300 the way that we go out into the world or the way that we take care of ourselves in a way that shows

00:11:08.620 them how it's going to benefit and serve them. And if you can frame it in that context, you're

00:11:13.280 going to have an easier time with it. And by the way, you're going to have people who support you

00:11:16.720 in doing it. My wife is a great example of this. If I don't want to go to jujitsu, she'll kick me out 0.95

00:11:23.040 of the house and tell me to go do jujitsu because she knows I come back better. And she knows what I'm

00:11:28.180 like when I don't go train. And also, and this is a bonus, this isn't something that I wrote down

00:11:32.320 here, but if you're feeling guilty for going out and taking care of yourself, then what I would

00:11:37.940 encourage you to do is help and support the people in your life, taking care of themselves.

00:11:45.560 So when your wife comes to you and says, Hey hon, I've got this, uh, this community course that I want

00:11:51.400 to attend on gardening, uh, or, or painting or learning how to play the guitar, or my girlfriends

00:11:59.760 are all getting together and we're going to have a spa day. Then you need to be supportive of that.

00:12:07.660 Like you can't expect somebody to be supportive of what you're doing, but you not be supportive of

00:12:12.500 what they're doing. And so you need to be supportive of that so that she can go out and she can edify

00:12:17.960 herself and she can get some, some energy and recuperation and then come back into the relationship

00:12:23.840 better than when she left. I used to be the kind of guy that would make my wife feel very, very guilty 0.60

00:12:28.700 for taking care of herself. And I would do it deceptively. I would manipulate. I'd, I'd be a

00:12:36.760 little bit shady and about it. And, and yet then I wanted her to appreciate and respect when I wanted

00:12:43.500 to go out and take care of myself. You see how that can be a problem. So support her.

00:12:49.960 If she look, if she's going to hang out with, you know, women who she shouldn't be hanging out with, 1.00

00:12:55.420 that's something different. But if she's going to hang out with, with women and she can have a good 0.98

00:12:59.740 time or she's doing something, you know, that, that that's wholesome, that's engaging, that's good

00:13:04.180 for the family, man, support that stuff. Even if that means you're going to have to take care of the

00:13:08.840 kids or do some extra chores around the house. Cause she's not there or whatever, like support

00:13:13.560 that it'll pay dividends for you. All right, guys. And, and here's what I would say is the last

00:13:17.820 thing. So this is number three of my, my three point framework here, balance your activities out

00:13:25.040 with the activities that, that you care about with others. So if it comes to your kids, for example,

00:13:31.880 my daughter just last night, she's been talking about it for a day or two. Dad, I just want to sit

00:13:37.720 down on the couch and cuddle with you. Okay. Like, I'm not a huge fan of just like sitting there

00:13:43.660 watching a show personally, but you know what, if she wants to cuddle, then we're going to cuddle 0.99

00:13:48.460 for my kids. My, my second son, he's, he's all, he's so, he's so into Legos dad. I just want to

00:13:55.220 build Legos and I like Legos, but sometimes I don't want to build Legos, but you know what? It doesn't

00:13:59.540 matter. Cause if he wants to build Legos, I'm going to go build Legos. And so I balance out my desire to

00:14:06.880 take care of myself and my desire to work on the things that are important to me with the things

00:14:12.960 that are important to other people. If it's a tea party, if it's cuddling on the couch, uh, if it's

00:14:17.620 Legos, if it's just, if it's having a conversation with my wife or doing something together, or just

00:14:22.880 sitting in the kitchen with her talking about her day and telling her about my day as she prepares

00:14:27.200 dinner for the family, then that's what I'm going to do. And as I do that, I balance my desire to

00:14:33.800 take care of myself with other people's desires. I feel less guilty about going out and training

00:14:40.060 jujitsu or going to a conference or going on a business trip because I know I have things locked

00:14:46.360 down. I know that I'm not so selfish that it comes at the expense of other people. I know that I'm giving

00:14:56.500 them the attention that they desire that they require and that they deserve.

00:15:04.840 So consider the scale, right? It's like, it's a scale, you know, here's your activities on one

00:15:11.720 side and here's what other people need from you on the other side. It should be balanced. It's not

00:15:17.300 always going to be because we have seasons in life. You know, I just got done writing this next book that

00:15:21.040 comes out in the fall. You know, I was heavily weighted towards the business and writing that

00:15:26.240 book. My wife and I talked about it. I've been very stressed about it. Okay. So the, the, the scales

00:15:33.280 were tipped. Okay. Now I got to get them back in alignment. And that means that I've got to focus

00:15:38.840 more time and attention and energy on, on my children. Okay. I'm going to give you one other bonus

00:15:45.140 here. So the first one again is moderation. Second one is communication. Third one is balance. And then

00:15:50.460 the fourth point that I wanted to make is what I call task stacking, writing that down. So I don't

00:16:00.260 forget what I'm talking about task stacking. So I'll give you an example of what this would look like.

00:16:07.800 This last weekend, I went to Soren X's winter strong event. They put on two big events per year.

00:16:14.580 Summer, summer strong is more focused around their, their lifting side of things, lifting

00:16:20.380 division, strength, conditioning. They bring a lot of coaches in collegiate level athletes, Olympians,

00:16:24.960 professional athletes, the sort of thing. And they talk primarily about how to build strength and

00:16:30.260 conditioning and all that stuff. And then they have their winter strong event. Their winter strong

00:16:33.940 event is all built around the outdoor side of their business. So it's shooting bows. It's learning how

00:16:41.280 to survival strategies and techniques. We have a competition that we do each and every year. So this is

00:16:47.160 something that I really enjoy. I want to go to, well, you know, my son, my oldest son is now that

00:16:52.460 he's getting older, you know, it's quite possible for him to participate in these things. And this is

00:16:58.120 where the task stacking comes in. So I want to go and I want to take care of myself. And so I committed

00:17:04.440 to going this year. Well, my son's old enough where he could go and guess what? Now he can go

00:17:08.800 and I go out and I take care of myself and he can go and we can have a connection. So now I'm doing

00:17:16.740 the things that are good for me, but I'm also building a relationship with him. There's other

00:17:21.520 things like training, lifting weights, uh, jujitsu, where I can do with other members of my family,

00:17:28.480 where I can take care of myself, but I can also make sure that my family's engaged in the process.

00:17:33.980 So it's kind of like killing two birds with one stone. That's what I would call task stacking or

00:17:39.520 activity stacking. If you want to call it that it's a very valuable exercise. One word of caution

00:17:44.020 though, don't always do that. Like sometimes you just need to go to jujitsu with you and the other

00:17:49.140 guys. Like you don't always need to take care of your take, take your family with you, but that is

00:17:53.880 one little key strategy that might help you kill two birds with one stone. And that's why I say it's a

00:17:58.140 bonus. Okay. So there it is guys. That's how you overcome the guilt for, for taking care of

00:18:04.600 yourself. It's the goal is not to, to not take care of yourself. The goal is to take care of yourself,

00:18:10.440 but do it in a way that's going to add value to your life, which inevitably will add value to other

00:18:15.980 people's lives. So again, it's number one, do it in moderation. Number two, make this is, I think this

00:18:21.720 might be the most important one. Make sure that you're communicating effectively with the people who are

00:18:27.140 going to be impacted by the decisions you're making. Number three is balancing it out with

00:18:32.320 activities with those you love. And then the bonus was past stacking or activity stacking. Don't do it

00:18:39.480 all the time, but it's a great way to kill two birds with one stone. So that's what I've got for you

00:18:43.840 guys. Make sure you're following me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, all at Ryan Mickler. Also we've got,

00:18:51.800 yes, we've got a giveaway that I'm going to be announcing this evening at seven o'clock Eastern

00:18:57.820 time, Friday, the 11th at seven o'clock Eastern time. We're doing a giveaway with Montana knife

00:19:03.120 company. They're giving away a couple of shirts and one of their brand new Magna cut stainless steel

00:19:08.140 speed goat knives. So you're also going to get some order a man swag if you win that. So you're going to

00:19:14.300 go check that out on Instagram at Ryan Mickler. Outside of that guys screenshot, leave the ratings and

00:19:21.380 reviews. We've got 7,200 ratings and reviews right now. I'm looking for 10,000 five-star ratings and

00:19:29.200 reviews. So 3,000 of you, which is not a lot relative to the size of our audience. Go in,

00:19:34.200 leave a rating review, let people know that you're listening to this, let people know how it's serving

00:19:38.840 you and your life. That goes a long way in promoting what we're doing. All right, guys, we'll be back

00:19:44.260 next week. Justin Renz on the podcast until then go out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be.

00:19:51.380 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be

00:19:56.320 more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Don't Ever Feel Guilty for Taking Care of Yourself. Here's How… ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

Episode Stats

People

Summary