Order of Man


Don't Rescue People, What is "Wokeism," and Imperfection is Relateable.


Episode Stats


Harmful content

Misogyny

7

sentences flagged

Toxicity

19

sentences flagged

Hate speech

8

sentences flagged


Summary

Summaries generated with gmurro/bart-large-finetuned-filtered-spotify-podcast-summ .

In this episode, we discuss the growing problem of squatters in our housing crisis and how we need to do more to stop them. We also talk about the government trying to keep us out of our homes.

Transcript

Transcript generated with Whisper (turbo).
Misogyny classifications generated with MilaNLProc/bert-base-uncased-ear-misogyny .
Toxicity classifications generated with s-nlp/roberta_toxicity_classifier .
Hate speech classifications generated with facebook/roberta-hate-speech-dynabench-r4-target .
00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart
00:00:04.980 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.
00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who
00:00:17.200 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,
00:00:22.780 you can call yourself a man.
00:00:24.700 Kip, what's up, brother? I'm a little flustered, so I'm glad to be doing this. It's going to take
00:00:31.240 me a minute or two to settle into this thing, but it's been one of those mornings. Every once in a
00:00:35.640 while, you get a Monday morning, and it's just... Feels like a Monday morning. Fire after fire.
00:00:40.160 Yeah, it's like Monday morning. Typical Monday morning. We're getting it done, though. We're
00:00:44.180 getting it taken care of. How are you doing? Good. Complete opposite. I had an hour of
00:00:49.280 downtime leading up to this call. I was able to go through my document, look at questions,
00:00:57.360 take my time. It's kind of been a nice morning. Are you being serious? That just doesn't sound
00:01:02.780 right. I know. It never happens. I was like, slept in a little bit, came into the office at 8.30.
00:01:12.220 It's been pretty chill. Chill Monday. Nice. You got to love those. Well, good, man. Well,
00:01:18.160 I'm excited to get into it. Like I said, a little bit of craziness here today. Nothing big,
00:01:22.540 just little minor things here and there, and thinking about what needs to get done throughout
00:01:25.740 the week, just like a lot of guys listening deal with. But this is a good, not only reprieve,
00:01:30.780 but it helps me get some clarity and focus on getting back into alignment with what I'm trying
00:01:36.480 to accomplish. So always look forward to these conversations. Should we do headlines first?
00:01:40.960 Yeah, let's do it. I think you started last week, if I remember correctly.
00:01:45.020 Yes, sir. I did. I'll start this week. I saw a headline over the weekend that there is a woman 0.99
00:01:51.220 in New York who was arrested for confronting squatters in the house that her, if I remember
00:02:00.780 correctly, her mother or her grandmother had left her when she died. And there's this big ordeal,
00:02:07.420 not only in New York, but across the country, there's this squatting epidemic that I've actually
00:02:13.200 looked into since I saw this article where people will just move into abandoned houses or not even
00:02:19.300 abandoned, just vacant. I personally, I own a vacant home. It's not abandoned, but it's vacant.
00:02:28.200 And, and these people will move in and there's such a thing as squatters rights. If you didn't know
00:02:34.900 that squatters rights and these, these cities, counties, states, municipalities make it damn near
00:02:42.240 impossible for a person who owns a home to evict or not even evict, evict would evict would
00:02:51.540 make it sound as if that person had some sort of an arrangement for making payment. I'm not talking
00:02:57.480 about it evict. I'm talking about flat out removed trespassers, which is because we use these terms and
00:03:03.760 this is what frustrates me like squatting or, you know, like tenant. No, that's a euphemism for
00:03:09.500 trespasser, for criminal, for crook, for theft. Yeah. I, it just infuriates me and I'm so sick and tired
00:03:18.660 of the government, right? And I'm talking about city, county, state, federal governments giving
00:03:26.640 quote unquote rights to individuals who don't deserve them. People who break the law,
00:03:33.520 they're relinquishing rights. And by the way, there's no right to say that you get to live in
00:03:37.800 somebody's house. That's not a right that we have identified as, as being part of this country. And 0.85
00:03:43.020 that goes back to what we were talking about. I think a couple of weeks ago, illegal immigrants, 0.98
00:03:47.580 they don't have rights because they're not American citizens. So they don't have the same rights that
00:03:55.400 American citizens do. And I'm so frustrated with it. I'm so sick and tired of it. And you know, look, 1.00
00:04:01.300 what I'm tired of is I'm tired of people having the same opinion and then continuing to vote Democrat.
00:04:07.560 I'm tired of letting bleeding hearts who feel everything with their heart and nothing with their
00:04:13.120 brain dictate the tone of the conversation. Like sure, we can be empathetic. We can try to figure
00:04:20.940 out how these individuals without housing situations can actually get housing. We can, we can talk about
00:04:27.180 that, but we're not going to let them steal from people who have houses or houses have been passed
00:04:32.680 down. We cannot let that happen. And it is infuriating to me that we have become a lawless country
00:04:39.960 full of crooks, criminals, thugs who hate the police, who hate law and order, who hate this way
00:04:47.640 of life and who jeopardize everything else that this country and these citizens of our country stand 0.92
00:04:52.740 for. Hmm. There's my rant. Crazy. It's a good rant. So the question is, what do you do about that?
00:05:00.740 That's the question. What do you do about it? Stop electing democratic officials. You idiots.
00:05:06.360 Like do I had a, I saw on a post, there's a St. George, um, I live in St. George, near St. George, 1.00
00:05:15.580 Utah. There's a Facebook group that I belong to. And it's funny. It's mostly comical for me because
00:05:20.320 there's so many people who cry and complain and bitch about dumb things. And it's funny to me, 0.98
00:05:26.460 actually. Yeah. And somebody was like, Oh, I hate prices in St. George. I'm like, well, first,
00:05:31.780 it's not exclusive to St. George. And second, you're misattributing because there's a lot of
00:05:37.300 people were like, Oh yeah, greedy landlords. You retard. It's not greedy landlords. It's the 1.00
00:05:43.480 economic policies that our governments enact. So it's, for example, part of the reason the home
00:05:52.100 values in St. George are so high is because people leave bad economic policies in California and they
00:05:57.840 come here and they sell their homes in California for millions of dollars. And then they come here
00:06:01.760 and infuse a bunch of cash into the, into the County. I don't have any problem with people
00:06:06.680 spending their money, how they want to spend it. In fact, as a homeowner, I appreciate them coming
00:06:11.760 and paying over the market value for home prices. I don't mind that, but I don't like that. They're
00:06:17.600 fleeing bad economic policy and bringing that nonsense here. The other problem is that you have federal
00:06:24.460 policy in the way of infusing billions and billions, if not trillions of dollars, the federal
00:06:30.340 government just passed a $1.2 trillion could be off a billion dollars or so, give or take,
00:06:36.880 because it doesn't seem to matter. $1.2 trillion spending package to avoid a government shutdown.
00:06:42.920 I would love if the government shut down, I would love it. Yeah. There's elements of the government
00:06:48.580 that do need to be shut down. And when you infuse billions of dollars, if not trillions of dollars
00:06:53.360 into a market that we're dealing with a very volatile marketplace, like we are now, you're
00:06:59.600 going to inflate prices. It's, it's, it's inevitable. These people are so moronic. They're
00:07:06.060 either idiots, ignorant or, or evil, frankly, because they're doing it on purpose. So guys, 1.00
00:07:13.900 let's enough with Democrats, enough with liberals, enough with leftists. We cannot do this anymore.
00:07:20.000 It is not sustainable. All right. Love it. That's what I had to share this morning.
00:07:26.100 My headline is, is more of a, like a public announcement benefit. So Instagram,
00:07:32.420 here's the headline. Instagram use, uh, users were blindsided by the platform, sneaky rollout of a new
00:07:39.500 content filtering tool limit of political content, a setting that the social media giant may default
00:07:46.440 for many accounts without ever directly informing users. Saw this checked. And my account was limited
00:07:54.300 for political, political content from users. Oh, there's like a feature, something that you,
00:08:00.540 okay. Official setting in Instagram that everyone's default setting is to limit political content.
00:08:07.040 And that's the default setting. So, and I bet it's not just political content. I bet it's certain
00:08:12.620 political content. Yeah. I mean, the setting is political content, right? But why would you do that
00:08:18.360 now? That's what it says. Right. And, and, and, and, and it looks suspicious, of course. Right. And so
00:08:26.260 anyone that wants to see the setting, just literally on the gram, go to your settings, content preferences.
00:08:33.580 And now there's a section called political content underneath content preferences,
00:08:38.240 and you can change it. So don't limit political content, uh, from people that, that you don't
00:08:45.060 follow. So it's, it's a really a setting of, I don't want to see political content unless I follow
00:08:50.240 them or vice versa. So settings, content preferences, political content. I don't even know how to,
00:08:57.860 okay, let's see. I'm going to look in real time. Go to your profile. Yeah. So it's from your profile,
00:09:02.580 go to that hamburger menu. Yep. And then content preferences, content prep. Okay. Content
00:09:13.260 preferences. Yeah. And then political content. Yep. Limit political content from people you don't
00:09:20.740 follow. Yeah. I mean, on the surface, it doesn't sound horrible. Yeah. Cause it's people you don't
00:09:28.200 follow. Right. Yeah. And I don't, I don't want to hear a bunch of political content. Like, why would
00:09:33.840 I be getting any content from people I don't follow? How about that? Totally. Like I, I realized
00:09:42.520 Instagram, I was looking at it this morning. It's just become a filter of nonsense and ads. I'm like, 0.62
00:09:49.220 I don't want ads on here. I mean, I know you got to make bit, make money. This is becoming,
00:09:53.700 funny. Facebook has done it too. Yeah. We need alternative email systems. Yeah. You get that
00:10:00.820 a fake email, you know, that it's like, you're like, Oh, I didn't subscribe to that. And you're
00:10:05.280 like, Oh, it's an ad showing up as an email in my inbox. I can't stand that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm with
00:10:12.420 you. So anyhow. All right. Well, there you go. There's your headlines guys. Be aware, be awake,
00:10:18.800 know what's going on. And you know, the other thing I would say too, on this is I'm, I was
00:10:23.440 trying really hard to avoid political conversation on this week's headlines and I just can't avoid
00:10:27.700 it. Um, I I'm trying to think about how to tie this back into manliness and masculinity guys, get
00:10:34.700 involved in pop politics. Don't be passive. I mean, so I know so many of us are like, well, I don't,
00:10:40.920 I don't want to deal with politics. I don't like Paul. I don't deal with it deals with you.
00:10:44.120 Yeah. It's, it's literally transforming your life before your eyes in some very obvious and
00:10:53.400 not so obvious ways. So yeah, I mean, if you don't want to get involved, I get that. I understand
00:10:59.700 that. But the reality of it is that the politics are impacting your life and they will impact your
00:11:06.780 children's lives. And so you better get involved in one degree or the not or another. All right,
00:11:12.000 let's get to some questions. All right. So we're going to field questions from the Instagram
00:11:16.280 to follow Mr. Mickler there. It's at Ryan Mickler. First question, cop van tarney. This
00:11:24.280 is the great part about Instagram usernames. Who knows? Totally. All right. A leadership trait
00:11:29.040 you admire in someone, you know, a leadership trait you admire in someone, you know, um,
00:11:35.160 man, that's a leadership trait. And maybe just a leadership trait you admire. Maybe.
00:11:43.500 Yeah. There's a lot of, well, I mean, even with you, Kip, there's, there's things I admire about
00:11:48.780 the way that you lead. You, you leave from a very, I don't know if I would say empathetic as much as I
00:11:54.940 would use the word understanding. It seems to me like you strive to understand where people are coming
00:11:59.820 from before you start rushing into solving problems or coming to conclusions or even drawing conclusions
00:12:05.520 about why a person does a thing. To me, that's admirable. I don't, I don't, I don't naturally have
00:12:12.700 that trait and it's not something I've cultivated personally, but when I see you interact with those
00:12:17.920 people, it helps me take a pause because I tend to be more reactive and black and white. Uh, so,
00:12:24.180 so I really value that in you, but then you have, you have other people like, um, Jocko, I mean,
00:12:30.840 with discipline, right? Just a very nonsensical approach to the way that, that he looks at life.
00:12:37.700 And I, and I appreciate that. Uh, guys like Jordan Peterson with their, their vocabulary,
00:12:44.340 their abstract, interesting vocabulary. And, and I'm not even sure with Jordan Peterson,
00:12:49.960 it's the ability to explain. Cause sometimes I feel like I'm just kind of bouncing
00:12:54.040 around in his brain and it's a little confusing for me cause I'm a dumb guy, but I also appreciate 0.66
00:12:59.640 just his vocabulary and his, his constant quest to like seek and understand and curiosity. Uh, 0.93
00:13:08.260 and I, and I'm deliberately picking him cause I know I've been somewhat critical and, and another
00:13:13.100 person I've been a little bit critical of in the past is Andrew Huberman. You know, I don't,
00:13:17.780 I'm not going to listen to his podcast. I'm really not like, I can't, I don't have 17 hours
00:13:22.360 to listen about why the retina does what it does. I don't care. And why I need more sunlight. I already
00:13:29.040 know that, but I also appreciate his ability to go deep and to really like, really fit. We need
00:13:38.200 people like that. It ain't me, but we need people like that. Um, man, I think there's, there's other
00:13:46.540 guys who are animated, you know, one person that comes to mind is Tim Tebow. I love his passion.
00:13:53.040 You know, he's just so passionate. Um, Terry Cruz has got so much energy, just full of life and
00:14:02.140 energetic and excited about life. Matthew McConaughey, uh, is somebody who's just fascinating
00:14:08.940 and interesting and entertaining. Ben Shapiro's mind is, is interesting to me and how he's a great
00:14:16.580 debater. Like he can take a subject and just debate it so logically that even like no emotion stands a
00:14:24.480 chance against Ben Shapiro. Yeah. Like, I don't know. I try to learn from everybody. I see what
00:14:31.700 everybody is doing. I was up in Zion national park. I live basically the base of Zion national park.
00:14:37.260 It takes me about 25, 30 minutes to get up there. And I was sitting at breakfast and, uh, we were
00:14:45.480 watching this family and I really admired just the family, the parents, like all, like it was,
00:14:52.740 it was a man and his, his wife, I assume, and two kids, two young kids, probably, I don't know,
00:14:59.180 one, one and a half and maybe three or four. And they were all dressed really well. They were all
00:15:04.480 interacting. The mom was playing with the kids. The dad was engaged. Like I watched them and I
00:15:11.620 that's leadership, you know, and I saw what they were doing and how it impacted their family and
00:15:16.540 just the way that I perceive that to be on the, now you don't know the full story, but it looked
00:15:21.280 pretty amazing. So I really try to learn something from everybody. And so there's a few examples for me.
00:15:27.320 Yeah. I love that. Have you seen that meme video with the, the girl with purple hair? She's like, 0.92
00:15:33.740 I'm going to read Jordan Peterson's 12 rules book. I want him to exploit this guy. Have you seen that?
00:15:40.360 Oh no, maybe, I don't know. So she's holding this book. She's like, I'm going to read Jordan
00:15:43.800 Peterson's book. I'm going to destroy this book. I'm going to expose him for the person that he is.
00:15:47.980 And then it cuts to the next scene and their hair's normal. And she's no longer like a highly
00:15:53.900 Oh really? That's awesome.
00:15:57.340 It's super funny. I was like, and then she talks about how good the book is. I'm like, that's,
00:16:00.760 that's so funny. That is funny. People are hilarious.
00:16:03.300 Wokeism, wokeism is a problem for sure. And, and I think if we're going to say wokeism,
00:16:09.000 we need to explain what that is. To me, wokeism is synonymous with, uh, victimhood.
00:16:15.860 Yeah. It's a victim that, that every, everybody out there is a victim. It's power higher hierarchies
00:16:22.320 that the only reason that somebody gets ahead is because they took advantage of somebody else.
00:16:26.080 And the only thing people are interested in is power. And it comes at the expense of other people.
00:16:31.320 And there are certain people that are the oppressors and some, some people who are the
00:16:36.120 oppressed. That's what wokeism is. And there is that, that is, there is an element of that in society,
00:16:42.940 but broadly speaking, it isn't like that. It really, and even capitalism, you, I, there's men
00:16:49.720 who would consider themselves conservative, who say they hate capitalism. Like you don't hate capitalism.
00:16:55.180 You hate crony capitalism. You hate government subsidized capitalism. You hate exploitation,
00:17:02.160 uh, greed, theft. I hate those things too, but that's not synonymous with capitalism.
00:17:07.720 So it's people have miscategorized certain things and it's, it's, uh, it's a danger because it's not
00:17:15.820 an accurate representation. Then when we make decisions based on misrepresentations of the
00:17:19.660 reality. Totally. When you brought up something that, that I get pretty excited about talking about
00:17:26.580 when we talk about victimhood and you, you, you pointed out, you have the oppressor and the oppressed,
00:17:32.500 right? But then you also have the rescuer and, and that does the same thing. And that's the part
00:17:41.140 where government and sometimes parents, where we fail as leaders, because we might stay away from the
00:17:48.180 persecution, right? Well, I'm not going to persecute my people and oppress them, but I'll save them.
00:17:53.940 I'll save them from their woes and that in itself will perpetuate victim mindset as well. And those
00:18:03.660 are the parts that you have to be really careful about. And also if you want to be a hero, then
00:18:11.220 everybody looks like a victim. Yeah. Yeah. So you're actually looking for problems that don't exist.
00:18:17.640 Yeah. Yeah. If it's like the old adage, if you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
00:18:25.160 If you're a hero, everything, everybody looks like a victim. Maybe they're not. And I think we also need
00:18:33.060 to evaluate why we want to rescue people. Yeah. If I see somebody who's oppressed. Yes, exactly.
00:18:40.880 That's like, we hear this a lot, white knighting, right? You come in as the white knight to rescue
00:18:47.180 the person or the damsel in distress. Well, maybe that person didn't need rescuing. Maybe the best
00:18:52.560 thing you could have done for them is just kind of let them struggle for a minute and make sure
00:18:55.900 they're not going to die, of course, but let them struggle for a minute and, you know, work through
00:19:00.760 their issues. Yeah. There's a, there's an interesting line in what movie is it? Oh, it's catch me if you
00:19:09.440 can. Have you seen that movie? Yeah. Yeah. That's a great movie. I love that movie. Tom Hanks, Leo
00:19:15.800 DiCaprio, Christopher Walker. And Christopher Walker has this line that he uses in his speeches where
00:19:22.420 the, the mouse falls into a vat of milk and he struggles and struggles so hard and struggles
00:19:30.420 and struggles. And eventually he turns that milk into butter. And as it solidifies, he rescues himself.
00:19:37.280 He saves himself because he struggled so hard that he turned the milk into butter and was able to walk
00:19:43.480 out of that bucket that he found that he fell in. Like I, that's always stuck with me. Struggle breeds
00:19:49.960 strength and innovation and creativity and resilience and fortitude, all the things that we need to be
00:19:57.300 successful in life. Yeah. And as rescuing, we rob people from that growth opportunity, from the
00:20:02.980 confidence building, all those other things. Yeah, absolutely. Super tough. You know, one leadership
00:20:09.220 trait I just want to call out since, since you're being so kind to me, I'm just joking, but, but I do
00:20:14.200 full honesty. You, you are really great at relinquishing and letting people operate with
00:20:22.100 autonomy. It's always shocked me how often in the iron council I see you, like someone has an idea
00:20:29.300 and you're like, yeah, sure. And you don't try to control it all. And you see the value in people
00:20:37.060 having an autonomy with, with what they're doing. And that's always been very impressive. And I think
00:20:43.220 even a lot of times you're abundance as well. I think that's a trait that is pretty profound for
00:20:48.340 you. Often you will support men in similar movements that, that at first glance, a lot of
00:20:57.300 people would be like, oh my gosh, right? Like don't help them. That's a competition. And you don't,
00:21:02.740 I've never seen you act like that whatsoever, ever, ever. And, and it's impressive. So I think having
00:21:11.160 that abundant mentality and your ability to check your ego when, when it comes to control and
00:21:17.340 understanding that people want autonomy and some, and some flex, right? In what they're doing and
00:21:23.360 you being okay with it. Those are great. I appreciate that, man. Yeah. I mean, maybe, I don't know,
00:21:28.580 maybe I'm just lazy and I'm like, yeah, sure. If you want to do it, do it. Cause I'm not going to.
00:21:32.000 Either way, it's working.
00:21:33.160 One thing I did think about with the abundance thing, and this is a mentality I've had, and I've
00:21:41.140 actually had this thought and I've worked through that because there are times in my life where I
00:21:46.020 feel intimidated or have the scarcity mindset like we all do. Of course we, we realize things as a
00:21:53.320 threat. And I think biologically we're hardwired to hoard resources. And we don't, we can't really,
00:22:02.880 I don't believe differentiate between, you know, the berries that are going to produce, which are
00:22:06.840 finite and the, the economic abundance that we've created in modern times. Like my success
00:22:15.660 no longer has to come at your expense, which is a pretty cool, pretty cool development in human
00:22:22.020 history. Cause typically it would, right? Like if I want more lands, I have to take yours. If I want
00:22:28.360 to kill more bison, then there's going to be less bison for you to kill. Traditionally throughout 0.99
00:22:33.940 human history, it's finite, but we've created a different type of society. But here's what I
00:22:38.640 thought. I'm 40. I'll be turning. How old am I? I'll be turning 43. That's now I'm getting
00:22:46.820 I'll be turning 43 in, in a couple of weeks. And if I'm to live to life expectancy, I have less
00:22:56.560 than 40 years left on this planet, which means that I'm not playing for five years. I'm playing
00:23:02.180 for 40. And if I die sooner, then it doesn't really matter anyways. Right? That's what people,
00:23:08.580 people think that all the time. Like I have to get mine now, bro. If you die sooner, it doesn't
00:23:13.020 matter what you got. You're dead. I'm going to be here for 40 years, maybe. And I want to make sure 1.00
00:23:19.920 that order of man is going for 40 years. I want to make sure my kids and their, their kids,
00:23:23.720 my grandkids, maybe even great grandkids have learned what they need to learn. I want to,
00:23:29.000 I just want to add value. I read a, I read a thing today on Insta on Facebook and I, and I think it
00:23:36.000 was a Scandinavian country in the 1800s. They planted over 300,000 oak trees and they planted
00:23:45.360 these oak trees in a certain way in a certain forest, because they knew if they did it this way,
00:23:50.400 these oak trees would grow to be big and strong and straight and true. And they built it to develop
00:23:56.500 and build boats for their Navy. And they weren't able to harvest these oak trees until 150 years
00:24:05.600 later. Now, 150 years later, we were using steel, so it didn't really matter, but that's beside the
00:24:11.100 point. The point is they were thinking 150 years into the future. We're going to plant these 300,000
00:24:20.820 oak trees right now. And our great, great grandchildren will reap the benefit of what 0.76
00:24:26.500 we've created or what we've done. That was a really cool lesson I picked up this morning.
00:24:31.640 That is cool. That is cool. All right. Like-minded servants, what do each of your children say about
00:24:39.920 you when you're not in the room? That'll show us. Go ahead. That'll show us the men we, how we really
00:24:49.240 line up. What would your kids say? I don't know. I don't know what they say. All I can tell you is
00:24:53.880 what I hope they say. Yeah. Yeah. I thought about this. Well, go ahead. No, let's hear what you have
00:25:00.480 to say. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. How's this? And I think it varies. I think it
00:25:07.360 varies every day. I think what they may not, what they'll say today is a little bit different than
00:25:12.760 they'll probably say tomorrow and next week. But I wanted to take advantage of the question and say
00:25:20.980 the importance of us evaluating this, though, is critical. Right? It's really critical. And
00:25:30.260 I had this note my daughter wrote me. My birthday was about a month ago. And she wrote this birthday.
00:25:39.180 And my dad passed away on my birthday. But I thought this was profound in regards to getting
00:25:44.620 her insight into how she sees me. She says, Dear Dad, I'm sorry that your dad died. And I know you
00:25:51.940 are really mad and sad. And you feel like you don't want to celebrate your birthday. But I don't want
00:25:58.120 this to happen every birthday. So at least try to let go. And I love you so much. I hope you have an
00:26:05.660 amazing day. Hmm. So cool. Her realizing how I show up or how she sees me. She's literally saying
00:26:15.660 translation, get over it. Because I don't want you being grumpy and mad. And you know what I mean? All
00:26:23.880 these other things. And thus, your kids care. And not just care, but how you show up affects them.
00:26:32.060 And I would probably argue she wrote that. Why? Because she's like, you're miserable
00:26:36.360 on this great day. Come on, Dad. Let it go. Right? And show up a little bit more powerfully.
00:26:43.200 And be happy and be fun. And not be this way. And thus, dad's always mad. Or dad's grumpy. Or dad's
00:26:53.920 mean. Man, I think it highly matters. And so, great question, like-minded servants. Even though
00:27:03.560 we haven't answered your question.
00:27:05.420 I think it is. It's a thoughtful question. It's something that really makes you ponder and think.
00:27:09.500 I don't know what they say. I know what they've said in the past. It hasn't always been great.
00:27:17.960 I mean, I hope from an interpersonal relationship level, I hope they would say that, hey, Dad really
00:27:28.320 cared about us. He was active with us. It wasn't always easy. And he couldn't make everything. But
00:27:33.620 he always tried to be there. And I do. I try to coach my kids' teams. And I try to go to their
00:27:38.700 things. I can't make it to all of them. I've got four kids. I've got my own stuff. And
00:27:42.120 of course, with the custody schedule, that changes the dynamic. I've got one of my son's
00:27:49.100 birthday's coming up. Well, he won't be with me this birthday. So, I called him up and I said,
00:27:53.860 hey, man, can I take you to breakfast or lunch? Because you won't be with me Tuesday night.
00:27:58.760 And he's like, in typical teenager fashion, he's like, no, I can't because I'm going to lunch
00:28:02.500 with my girlfriend. I'm like, okay, that's fair. But I put those reps in. And whether it works out
00:28:11.360 or not, for whatever reason or not, it's okay. I want them to know that they're important to me.
00:28:16.220 And I try to reach out to them every day. From another perspective, I just want them to see me
00:28:21.160 chasing things that are important to me and significant to me. Goals and dreams and desires
00:28:26.400 and ambitions and having fun and trying new things and experimenting and enjoying life.
00:28:30.480 And that isn't something that I've always done, but it is something that I focused on over the past
00:28:34.360 year and a half or so. I actually made this post on the Iron Council. I'm not sure if you saw it or
00:28:38.600 not. But I said, when is the last time you did something fun, something different, something
00:28:44.080 you've never done before? The thing that I'm doing right now, a couple of things, actually, I've got
00:28:48.500 some meat actually smoking on the Traeger right now. It's not something I really have ever done in
00:28:53.560 the past. And another thing is my oldest son that's talking about his birthday. He asked me about a
00:28:59.780 month and a half, two months ago, if I would be his lacrosse team photographer. I don't know.
00:29:04.660 I don't know anything about photography. I had a little Canon camera, did a little research,
00:29:10.160 spent about a grand in lenses and a bag and tripod and things like that. And I'm learning. It's fun.
00:29:16.200 It's enjoyable. And not only is it enjoyable for me, I would like them to see that I'm pursuing
00:29:22.120 things that I don't have any business pursuing. And I think that's what I would want them to learn
00:29:28.720 from me is, hey, you know what? Dad didn't know what he was doing all the time, but man,
00:29:32.320 he was willing to try. He was willing to put it out there and experiment and play and screw up and
00:29:38.280 admit his faults and then do new things. I would love for them to say that about me.
00:29:42.400 Yeah. That being fun is resonating with me. I downloaded the Alexa app on my phone.
00:29:51.040 So it allows me to broadcast messages on every Alexa device in the house for the last two days.
00:29:56.600 Every single time we take a dump, I have an Alexa message and I tell everybody.
00:30:04.480 I don't know why I think it's so funny. And it's like Alexa's voice and everyone's like,
00:30:09.080 oh my gosh. And I'm like, what does it say? Like Kip is going to the, your dad is taking a dump right
00:30:14.340 now. No, I'll say having a really good poop, you know, or I don't know, just to be funny. 0.85
00:30:23.780 And Asia's just like, oh my gosh. Yeah. And I'll, I'll even do it more often if someone else is in 0.88
00:30:29.940 the house, just to be extra enjoyable. It's okay. Like it really, I think we need to let loose
00:30:36.660 the thing that I've been doing, uh, and I've done this with my kids, but specifically for
00:30:41.780 whatever reason, my girlfriend's daughter loves diarrhea jokes. Like, you know, like 0.86
00:30:47.420 when your stomach starts to hurt and you feel a little squirt diarrhea, you know, those types of
00:30:51.680 things. Yeah. Totally. Sliding your first. Yeah. Oh yeah. And you feel something burst. Yeah,
00:30:56.600 exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So she's probably listening to this and she doesn't, I don't think that she
00:31:03.400 appreciates it as much as I do, but her and I love doing that. It's just fun. Like we're
00:31:07.680 just having fun and it's okay to have fun. And that's something I'm learning as well.
00:31:12.560 Absolutely. All right. Colin Cottrell and Jimbo, they had two questions. They're similar. So
00:31:18.020 I'm, I'm packaging these two up. Colin asks, best piece of advice for someone going through
00:31:23.440 a divorce. And then Jimbo's question is really the hardest part of a divorce.
00:31:27.860 Um, I saw these questions. I think the answer is the same. The best thing that you can do
00:31:39.400 when you're going through a divorce is if you know, this is happening and it's like done
00:31:42.880 or it's, it is happening is knowing when to let go. That's hard. What's the song? No
00:31:50.240 one to hold them. No one to fold them. Yeah. I think hold them as long as you can, because
00:31:55.860 you made a vow, you made a commitment, you know, hold them as long as you can, but there's
00:31:59.660 another party at play here. And so you got to know when to fold them. And I, I think I
00:32:04.200 did it right personally through my own divorce. I held them as long as I could. And then I
00:32:07.900 realized then there was a very cathartic moment for me and I won't get into the details of
00:32:11.720 it, but there was something that she had said that I realized this is done. Yeah. And it
00:32:18.160 was hard, man. I, and I'm, it was emotionally filled and there was tears on my part and it was
00:32:23.360 hard. Uh, and I'm sure it was hard for her to say too, if I'm, if I'm being honest about it.
00:32:30.240 Uh, but it was also super liberating, super liberating. It's like, okay, finally I can let
00:32:37.140 go and I can move on with my life and I can continue to work on myself and figure out what
00:32:42.080 we're going to do with the financial arrangements and custody arrangements and all these other things.
00:32:46.100 Um, so what would I say to somebody going through a divorce? No one to let go. What was the hardest
00:32:54.420 part? Letting go. Yeah. It's hard, man. Like you've been in a marriage, you've been committed to
00:32:59.860 somebody, you, you gave yourself to somebody, you've been with them for, uh, you know, in my situation,
00:33:04.780 I was with my ex for 20 years. We were married, married for 18. That's a long time. So letting go
00:33:11.120 of that, I really grappled and wrestled with that. But when I did let go, it allowed me to move on
00:33:16.420 and drive on with my life. And also letting go, I think it is a little bit of forgiveness for
00:33:22.100 yourself, a little, maybe not even forgiveness. I don't, I don't, I don't really know how to look
00:33:26.180 at this, but a little bit of grace. Yeah. You know, I, I could have done better,
00:33:32.780 but I didn't. And so now I'm learning the lessons and now I'm learning what I should have done and could
00:33:40.720 have done and what I will do in future of my, my future relationship and, and just being not okay
00:33:48.060 with it, but just coming to terms with it. Yeah. I really, when I hear letting go, I think it's
00:33:54.360 letting go of the expectations of, of what you thought it should have been, or it shouldn't be.
00:34:00.860 And just dealing with what is so reality. Yeah. Reality. And, and I think where that allows grace
00:34:10.320 to come in is being okay with wherever they are. And I think that's kind of the hardest part of it,
00:34:17.880 right? Of letting go. If we really let go, then you're not, you don't have a heart at war towards
00:34:23.760 her when you see her, when she's with another guy, like you, you start being okay with her moving on.
00:34:30.480 Um, and, and, and seeing her for who she is and being, you know, with, with no expectation of way,
00:34:39.760 way it should or should not be, if, if that makes sense. And I, I struggle with, I struggle with the
00:34:44.840 same thing. I mean, I did be honest with you. I, I dated, I dated on and off after my divorce and
00:34:52.220 multiple times, you know, if she came knocking on the door and said, I want to put our family back
00:34:57.820 together again, I was like, absolutely. Let's go. So divorce is over, over, but I didn't let go for,
00:35:05.980 like I, in my heart, I really didn't let go until about four years. But, but I remember it like it
00:35:13.420 was yesterday and it was kind of a surreal moment where I was like, Oh yeah, this isn't like this will
00:35:21.220 not ever work. And, and, and coming to terms with it and letting go was, was profound, but it took me a long
00:35:28.420 time. Uh, and, and I kind of hurt myself a lot mentally, right. In that time of not letting go. Um, but it
00:35:38.100 was what I needed, right. For me to have that confidence in, in, in moving on.
00:35:43.380 Yeah. Well, I guess Kip, since both of us say learning to let go, then the follow-up question
00:35:51.040 is how do you let go? Yeah. What do you think? For me, I think learning to let go is, is dealing
00:35:58.060 with reality. I, I think this is our biggest issue in a lot of cases in life. We have these
00:36:04.020 expectations of the way that things should be or not, you know, upset at work is like, Oh, well,
00:36:10.520 it shouldn't be this way. Well, guess what? But it's, but it's not that way. So deal in reality,
00:36:15.760 deal in, in what is so, as well as giving grace to other people and realizing there's agency and we
00:36:23.440 can't control people. And so that was my biggest thing is I felt I held on because it shouldn't be
00:36:30.360 this way. My, I shouldn't have my family separated. I shouldn't have to be a part, part-time parent,
00:36:37.360 which might be true. Which might be true. All of that. Yeah. Yeah. But it doesn't matter whether
00:36:42.560 I think that or not. The reality is it is what it is. Yeah. And I can't control her and I need to
00:36:50.480 be okay with wherever she chooses in life. And, and that was it. So it was really just coming to terms
00:36:57.160 with, it was something outside of my realm of control. Um, and, and letting go of the past and
00:37:03.000 dragging that into my present and future and dealing in the present and the present was,
00:37:08.340 she's moved on and you're not going to get her back and you're not going to have your family
00:37:14.420 together full time. And, and this is your new lot. So now what are you going to do with it?
00:37:20.400 Yeah, I agree with that. I mean, those two, I didn't think about those two things. So I wrote,
00:37:24.360 as you were talking, dealing with reality is something you said. And then another thing you
00:37:28.440 said is having grace for others. I think those were two good things. The only other thing that
00:37:32.720 I wrote down here that, that I think would add to that is just allowing yourself to explore a new
00:37:37.560 reality. Like what an exciting time. It's possible. Possibilities now. It's exciting. Yeah. And I know
00:37:44.280 that sounds weird, especially if you're in the throes of it right now, it sounds weird to think that
00:37:49.060 you have an exciting life ahead of you, but you actually do. Yeah. You have adventures and things that
00:37:55.440 you can go on and other, other, another woman that you can find and cultivate a new, maybe even better 0.98
00:38:02.200 relationship with. You can try new things. You can take risks. Like it's actually pretty exciting when
00:38:08.840 you choose to look at it like this. And I know there's going to be naysayers who listen to this
00:38:12.460 podcast and they'll say things like to me personally, like, well, you filled your family.
00:38:17.260 Like, why don't you focus on that again? What's done is done. And I'm, I'm, of course I'm,
00:38:22.680 I'm intimately aware of that and familiar with that, but that doesn't mean that I can't go out
00:38:28.800 and create something new. And in fact, if I want to be the best father that I could be for my
00:38:32.360 children, then I'm actually obligated to go do that because I need to make myself into something
00:38:37.020 that I wasn't previously. And I need new experiences. I need new information. I need new
00:38:43.540 relationships that I can grow from in order to become somebody new. So man, if you're going through
00:38:49.380 a divorce right now and you're at the pit of despair and trust me, I know what it is. Kip,
00:38:52.920 I'll speak for you on this one. I know, you know what it is. Absolutely. Have a little bit of hope
00:38:57.540 and optimism if you can find it and know that life gets better. I was talking with my girlfriend the
00:39:02.220 other day and I, and I, I can't remember exactly what we were talking about, but we, we were talking
00:39:06.500 about, and she's of course gone through hardships as well. How, you know, in those moments,
00:39:11.580 it feels like it's catastrophic. It feels like you're just in the pit of despair and life is
00:39:18.820 literally over and maybe even consider taking your own life. I have those thoughts. I never acted on
00:39:24.280 that. I never seriously gave that any consideration, but I, I would be lying if I said I didn't have
00:39:30.700 some of those thoughts. I did, of course. And it was horrible. And I remember how horrible it was,
00:39:35.220 but it's weird not to feel that way today. Cause I don't, I'm happy. I'm probably the happiest I've
00:39:41.540 been in a really long time. I'm, I'm excited about the relationship I have with her. I'm excited about
00:39:47.140 the relationship I have with my kids. I'm excited about this business. I'm recommitted to, to this
00:39:53.020 movement. Like it's exciting. It's one of the best times of my life. And also I have this thing over
00:39:59.820 here that isn't really that exciting or great about my history. Yeah. But it's okay. Like it's okay.
00:40:08.800 It's so weird that we as human beings can just almost, I, I remember being a lot of pain. It's,
00:40:16.360 I can't even explain it. I remember being a lot in a lot of pain, but I don't, I can't feel it the way
00:40:23.560 that I did then. And it seems like a past life almost. And it hasn't even been that long. Human beings
00:40:29.100 are amazing that way.
00:40:31.020 It's a transformation, a paradigm shift of how you saw the world. So it's unrelatable to some extent.
00:40:39.120 Yeah, for sure.
00:40:39.900 There's one thing I want to call out and it came up in another question. So I'll take advantage of it.
00:40:46.980 And Ryan, I don't want to speak for you here. So maybe you clarify. For me, I was able to let go,
00:40:53.440 not through anger and hate. I think some guys, they get sideways. There's a lot of anger and hate that
00:41:02.000 is present. My ability to let go allowed me to love her genuinely without judgment.
00:41:11.280 So for me to do that, it was empathy increased. And I see her with less judgment than I did before.
00:41:20.320 Not more hate. And you know what I mean? I've moved on because I don't give a shit. You know what I mean?
00:41:24.660 It's like, no, that's not what I'm talking about when I say letting go. And I want to call that out
00:41:30.880 because I think guys might get that wrong. That letting go is actually like, I'm letting go of them
00:41:36.800 because I have all this heart at war towards them. You're not letting go of the shit if you 1.00
00:41:41.540 still have a heart at war towards something. Well, and a lot of guys will say, well, but it is. 1.00
00:41:46.220 It's like, she is. She is this way. She did do this thing. It's like, that's true. That might be true.
00:41:51.000 Like she might be the most conniving bitch of all time. Oh, and how does that serve you now? 1.00
00:41:57.860 It doesn't. So in my personal situation, I made a commitment. I don't talk about her ill. I don't
00:42:03.300 actually have anything ill to say about her, but I'm not mad. I will. There was, I'm not mad. I
00:42:08.880 think there was an injustice done, but I'm not mad. But you know, what's interesting is she would
00:42:14.340 probably also say there was an injustice done. Totally. And so I'm not mad. I've made the best
00:42:21.980 decisions I could. I think she made the best decisions she could. She thinks I'm wrong.
00:42:27.400 Probably. I think she's wrong. And, but again, it's reality. And so I'm not going to, I'm just going to
00:42:32.860 choose not to be mad. It's kind of like love. You know, we, we, when we're young, I think we
00:42:38.280 believe that love is just a feeling like, Oh, I love this person. And as you get older, you realize
00:42:43.600 that love's a decision. You know, yes, it's a feeling too. Don't get me wrong. But also like,
00:42:49.380 there's a lot of things that come up where you decide, no, I am going to love this person
00:42:52.580 because I committed to this person. And, and being mad is the same way you, you choose, you're
00:42:59.360 choosing to be mad and you might have things to be mad about. But the great thing about being a
00:43:04.980 human being is you can wake up today and you can decide, you know what? I don't think I'm going
00:43:07.740 to be mad today. It's a choice. And then you're not like that is an incredible superpower that we
00:43:15.660 as human beings have that other animals just don't have. So we ought to utilize it. Michael Merrill,
00:43:22.960 Ryan, most impactful, memorable discussion or topic with the guests so far and why?
00:43:28.700 Oh, I hate these. I mean, I appreciate the question, but I hate these questions.
00:43:32.640 It's Michael. Get help me now.
00:43:34.720 I know. Man, there's so many. One that stands out was my interview with John Eldridge
00:43:41.620 because his book Wild at Heart changed my life.
00:43:44.540 Yeah.
00:43:45.220 One of the most frustrating things about when I was reading that book is I remember I was reading
00:43:50.160 it on a plane somewhere. I don't know where I was going. And I got off the plane and I got to
00:43:54.140 wherever I was going and I looked at my bag and I didn't have the book. I left it in the backseat
00:43:59.960 of the person in front of me. It's like, dang it. But I remember just being so enthralled with that
00:44:07.060 book and like scooping up every word and trying to internalize all of it. So that was really good
00:44:12.260 when I was able to have a conversation with him. My first interview with Jocko was totally weird and
00:44:19.520 awkward and uncomfortable for me. It was kind of when he was getting started and he wasn't as
00:44:24.260 polished as he is now. And I wasn't as good as I am now. And so it was a really weird, I'd ask him
00:44:30.640 like, how do you, how do you become more disciplined? He's like, I'll do it. You just do it.
00:44:35.660 Yeah. I was going to say one word responses. Good. Do it. Good. I'm like, do you care to elaborate?
00:44:42.400 No, there's nothing to elaborate on. You're weak. Next question. I was like, okay, thanks for the 0.97
00:44:51.500 assist on that one. But it was still pretty exciting for me. I remember how excited I was
00:44:58.700 doing that interview. Tim Tebow was a great interview. I talked about him earlier. The
00:45:04.320 guy's passion and enthusiasm for his work is incredible to me. I don't think I've ever met
00:45:09.220 a person like that. Goggins was an interesting one. You know, I, I, I don't want to be like
00:45:16.320 David Goggins. I don't want to live my life like he does. I'm not interested in that. But
00:45:20.820 also, again, we have to have those kinds of people. Yeah. Who just are so vested in their
00:45:26.460 thing. Yeah. And they show you what's possible in certain realms of life. When I walked into
00:45:31.940 the room, I, I, I got a hotel room, a nice, like, you know, suite in, in a, I can't even
00:45:37.620 remember where we were, maybe like Belasio or something in Vegas. And I got this nice suite
00:45:42.840 for us. And I said, Hey, I'm going to be here. Or maybe he was there and I got a room there,
00:45:46.340 something. I can't remember exactly. And, um, had a, had a film crew come down. And, uh, when
00:45:51.400 he walked in the room, he was, I mean, it was palpable. It was palpable. Like you could,
00:45:56.920 I'm like, this is the David Goggins. This is Goggins. Yeah. And he was in his workout
00:46:03.040 gear. He's like, Oh man, sorry. I'm running a little bit late. I just got done with a
00:46:05.640 workout. And I said, no problem. Like I got everything set up. We're ready to go. So we
00:46:09.120 sat down, we had a really good, a really good interview. You guys should go listen to that
00:46:13.240 one. That was one of my favorite. It was so wild, so wild. And then at the end of the
00:46:17.860 interview, we kind of got wrapped up and I was like, Hey, we're all done. And we're kind of
00:46:20.980 closing things down. I thought we were going to shoot the shit a little bit. And he's like, Hey, 0.99
00:46:23.620 I gotta go. I gotta go work out. And I was like, didn't you just go work out? He's like,
00:46:28.280 yeah. Like I looked at him, like he was the weird one. And he looked at me like I was the
00:46:32.920 weird one. I'm like, and he could tell I didn't connect. He's like, this is my second workout.
00:46:37.560 I'm like, Oh, okay. Got it. Which was an hour later, you know? So hour and a half. Yeah. But,
00:46:42.740 uh, yeah, I got a lot of good memories, man. It's been a, it's been a hell of a ride. It's been a lot
00:46:47.460 of fun. Okay. John, uh, geez, these names, John Gal Chabar hair. Good morning. My dad passed away
00:46:59.920 after a long battle with cancer a month ago. Any suggestions on how to deal with the loss?
00:47:05.540 I'm struggling a bit as I was at work when he passed and I didn't get to the hospital in time.
00:47:11.360 Hmm. There's things I wanted to say and ask. Thank you. Yeah. I didn't get to the hospital
00:47:17.740 on time when my dad died either. He died a half an hour before I got there and you flew. Like,
00:47:22.620 I think you flew, huh? You're trying to get your plane. You drove. I should have flown. I drove.
00:47:28.420 Hmm. Hmm. How do you deal with it? I think, I think we have a really unhealthy relationship with
00:47:35.960 death. You know, like we don't, we, we postpone it. We don't want it to happen. There's people
00:47:40.800 talking about talking seriously about living forever. And, um, you know, we, we don't really
00:47:47.880 have any sort of connection with the afterlife or, or believe even necessarily that there is one.
00:47:52.660 And my thought is this is like, I believe in an afterlife. I don't know exactly what it looks
00:47:56.080 like, but even if it doesn't, well, it doesn't really matter. That doesn't, you know, if, if,
00:48:01.340 if I die and it goes black, I'm not going to be there to experience that. So I'm going to choose 0.99
00:48:05.880 to have some hope and optimism of what's going on in the future and what's going on in that
00:48:09.960 afterlife for me. You know, that's faith. Right. Yeah. Um, I think a lot of this is,
00:48:18.100 well, one thing he said, or our guy said, is he said he had things he wanted to ask him
00:48:23.680 and questions and unsaid things. Go ahead and write those things down and, and write that
00:48:29.340 letter to your dad. Yeah. Just go ahead and write those things down. Hey dad. Like for me,
00:48:34.020 it was like, why weren't you there all the time? Like, did you love me? Cause there was moments
00:48:38.880 where I'm like, he doesn't love me. He doesn't care about me. Yeah. And so I really, I didn't
00:48:42.600 write them down. Like I'm encouraging you to do, but I, I, I should probably do that. But I did
00:48:47.020 spend a lot of time thinking about that. And I think you can still ask the question because when
00:48:52.300 you do everything that you can do, you're able to let go of the rest. You haven't done everything
00:48:56.580 that you can do yet because you think there's no time to do it. Well, just because you ask a
00:49:01.120 question doesn't mean you're going to get the answer from the person who's responding or you would
00:49:04.960 like to respond. Yeah. And in this case, he's not even available to do that. So ask the question,
00:49:12.260 go to his grave, sit at his grave, just ask him questions. I think he'd be pretty amazed as I've
00:49:19.140 done that. I've, I've, I've developed a lot of grace and forgiveness for my dad after he passed away
00:49:26.700 because I'm willing to ask those questions. When I say, Hey dad, why don't you love me?
00:49:31.520 He, he did love me. Of course he did. Yeah. In my mind, I didn't as a kid, but now when I asked
00:49:39.120 that question, what comes to mind for me is he didn't know how to love me the way that I wanted
00:49:44.100 to be loved. Maybe there was some, uh, barriers to being able to do that. Cause we weren't together.
00:49:52.340 We lived in different States for a lot of my childhood as well, but he, it's not that he didn't
00:49:57.820 love me. It's other things that I couldn't see when I was a child. You know, if I said,
00:50:04.420 why weren't you there on these things? He might say, no, I was there. Like, maybe I didn't call you,
00:50:11.000 but I was thinking about you. You know, for example, I can't be at all my kids games. My son,
00:50:17.420 my oldest son had games in Vegas this weekend. I couldn't be there cause I was coaching my youngest
00:50:21.900 son's soccer team. And he could say, well, why weren't you there? I'm like, bro, I was there.
00:50:28.660 Like I thought about you. I texted you before I said, Hey, good luck today after the game,
00:50:35.040 how'd the game go? Like I'm vested in it. I can't physically be at everything, but I'm vested in it.
00:50:40.720 And you're, and with your father, it might be the same thing, but I say, go ahead and ask those
00:50:45.600 questions and just let yourself sit in them a little while and see. And you might, you might give
00:50:51.840 him a little grace that he maybe deserves, and you might afford yourself some grace that you deserve.
00:50:57.420 Totally. When my, when my dad passed away, it was funny because I had a lot of people like,
00:51:04.820 you know, reach out. Hey, Kip, I'm sure he was a great guy. You know, it's evident of how you show
00:51:12.520 up in the world. You know what I mean? And it was kind of funny because he wasn't that great.
00:51:21.840 Not at all. In fact, I, I would probably even argue that, uh, most of my siblings had major
00:51:31.340 relationship issues with this guy. And, and so a lot of people assume that I just had this amazing
00:51:38.800 relationship with my father. Um, but like you, I was actually afforded a lot of grace because I chose
00:51:49.160 to see him who he was and forgive him for, for who he wasn't. That's it.
00:52:00.360 And, and you, you want to get complete with your dad. You know what getting complete with someone is
00:52:05.440 it's, it's forgiving them and having some empathy and understanding that they are who they were.
00:52:12.940 And guess what? They did the best they could do because that's what they did. And who are we to
00:52:20.040 say that we understood someone's upbringing and their shortcomings? What things did he shield me
00:52:26.580 from that? I have no idea, right? What, what things did he do? What heart, um, hurt and frustration
00:52:34.400 and sorrow and sadness did he have in his heart as my father that I never knew about?
00:52:39.860 Now, the more I think about those kinds of things, the more I realized that we are arrogant
00:52:44.700 to ever assume that we should, we know how someone should or should not show up in the world.
00:52:51.280 We don't know. We really don't. And we should be a lot more empathetic and forgiving for, for,
00:52:58.180 for the interactions that people have in their lives, especially our parents. And you know,
00:53:02.180 this, we're both fathers. Do your dad love you? Absolutely. He did. Why? Cause you're a father.
00:53:08.040 Now, did he screw up in regards to showing it? Did he not do the things that we thought they
00:53:15.080 should have or should not have done? Absolutely. But to, to say that they didn't care, I think would
00:53:21.760 be folly. Yeah, I agree. No, that's well said. And, and look, if you're, if you had a great,
00:53:29.100 we don't know, maybe you had a great relationship with your father. Yeah. Even this year.
00:53:33.540 And here's, here's what I would say. Go watch Lion King. I know that sounds like a silly answer,
00:53:40.200 but go watch when Simba is confronted by the, by the baboon. I can't remember his, his name,
00:53:48.900 the baboon's name. Yeah. And he introduces him to his father who's already died. And his father
00:53:55.420 comes in the form of clouds and says, remember me, like you've forgotten who you are. Therefore,
00:54:02.140 you've forgotten me. And I think a lot of people, a lot of men fall into that trap when their fathers
00:54:09.760 die, especially if they have close relationships. I think in a lot of ways, it could be harder for
00:54:14.160 somebody who has a close relationship, right? Than somebody who doesn't, obviously. And then they,
00:54:21.540 they self-destruct. They're like, I love my father. He meant everything to me. He meant the world to me.
00:54:27.120 I love, we had a great relationship. Then why are you acting like you are? Because you're dishonoring
00:54:32.660 your father. You loved your father. You admired him. You respected him. You appreciated him. He poured
00:54:39.760 everything into you. You had this great relationship. He sacrificed for you and you're acting like an
00:54:44.740 asshole. Wrong answer. Remember who you are, a son of him and honor his life by acting the way that he 1.00
00:54:57.640 taught you to act. And I promise you, he wouldn't have you wallow in your own self-pity. He wouldn't
00:55:05.640 have you crying over his grave. He would have you go out there and lead your own family, start your own
00:55:12.740 business, get in shape, fix your mind, fix your heart, fix your soul, but go out there and pursue
00:55:19.000 interesting things to you. That's what he would have you do. So as maybe not as delicately as I can
00:55:27.220 say it, but as plainly as I can say it, shame on you a little bit. If you've used this death
00:55:34.840 to become less than what he would have you be and what he taught you to be, go be that guy.
00:55:43.300 Yeah. He would appreciate that. Yeah. And then you'll reunite. Yeah. You want to honor and make your
00:55:51.020 parents happy, live a great life. That's all that we want for our kids. Yeah. No, no different.
00:55:59.220 David Osburnson. He had a similar question and I think we could just tag onto it just really quickly.
00:56:05.440 He said that his dad passed away in August and he keeps having dreams about him being alive and he
00:56:10.320 wakes up and realizes that he's not. And his question is, is why do I still have these dreams
00:56:15.260 and why shouldn't I just feel I should move on emotionally? I don't think you have to move on.
00:56:22.580 Yeah. I agree. Like you, I mean, I hear what you're saying. Like you don't want to feel this
00:56:29.900 way. I get it. Like, but you don't need to move on from who he was or his legacy. Like when I look
00:56:36.540 at myself, I look like my dad. Now I didn't know him real well. I didn't have a lot of interactions.
00:56:42.520 I loved him. He loved me. I know that. But when I see pictures of myself or look in the mirror,
00:56:47.020 I'm like, holy shit. Like, and especially as I get a little gray, I look more and more like my dad. 0.98
00:56:53.340 Like you don't have to move on from that. And it's okay. Also, you need to know this. It's okay
00:57:00.880 to be sad. Like it's okay to cry. Yeah. It's okay to be heartbroken or to feel sorrow or to miss
00:57:09.460 somebody. I almost feel like in your question, like you shouldn't feel that way. Why shouldn't
00:57:15.300 you? He was so important in your life. You loved him. You honored him. Like he loved you. You guys had
00:57:20.440 a great relationship. Of course you should feel it. Maybe allow yourself to experience
00:57:24.660 and feel it more than you are right now, but then also take action. Also do. And so when
00:57:32.280 he visits you in your dreams, like be grateful. Yeah. Totally. He's visiting you in his dreams
00:57:39.980 and you guys are having conversations and he's alive. That's awesome. What is he telling
00:57:47.280 you? Do that. What lessons is he teaching you beyond the grave? Do that. I think that's
00:57:53.700 a blessing. Me too. Yeah. When I read that question, I was like, no, don't, don't move
00:58:01.220 on from that. Embrace it. No way. Enjoy it. Yeah. Yeah. Use it to use it to help to show
00:58:08.580 up powerfully in the world. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Take a couple more. Yes, sir. Jersey, Tony,
00:58:16.380 what was the most important lesson learned during the order of man journey? The order
00:58:22.240 of man journey. This question is for both Ryan and Kip. Thanks Jersey for giving me that
00:58:27.680 option to respond. I was going to respond anyway. Thank you so much for when he started talking.
00:58:33.420 I know. Thank you so much for all that you guys do. Most important lesson. Well, I think
00:58:38.300 for me, it's been the lesson I learned over the past year and a half now, almost two years.
00:58:42.120 Well, closer to two years is like, you don't have to be perfect to do this. I thought I had
00:58:47.380 to be perfect. There was a time when I was going through the throes of my alcohol abuse and, and
00:58:52.600 the demise of my marriage where I thought, Oh, I'm going to have to throw in the towel. Like
00:58:56.700 I seriously considered that. Yeah. Never looked any further than just considering it in my own
00:59:01.240 mind, but there was a time where I really thought that. And then what I realized through my own
00:59:05.520 actions and then starting to share some of what was going on, I realized that I don't have to be
00:59:10.540 perfect to do this. In fact, I'm maybe more qualified now than I was before because I have
00:59:16.200 a greater level of understanding and empathy for somebody who's going through what might drive them
00:59:20.720 to belong to this movement, which is substance abuse or a divorce or any number of things that
00:59:26.460 people deal with. And I'm more empathetic and understanding to what they're dealing with
00:59:29.780 because I've dealt with some of it myself now. So a lot of our inability or, or unwillingness to
00:59:37.820 take action stems from our desire to be perfect in order to do it. And you just don't, you just need
00:59:43.140 to be honest. And I wasn't always honest, but now that I am being honest, even about my shortcomings
00:59:50.240 and indiscretions and screw-ups and failures and setbacks, not only does it empower me, but it
00:59:57.200 connects me at a deeper level to the people who want to be connected to this movement. Unlike I ever
01:00:02.180 was connected with those people before. Yeah. You know, I think one of my biggest lessons
01:00:07.600 while being with you over the last, geez, what, eight years or seven years or so,
01:00:13.160 has been the natural order of men coming into the Iron Council. And the IC is open right now. You guys
01:00:21.420 have pretty much this week to sign up to join us in that brotherhood. But most men join the Iron
01:00:29.800 Council to focus on themselves and they think they are the focus, right? It's like, okay, I'm going to
01:00:36.220 join here and I'm going to get my fitness dialed in. I'm going to, I'm going to get these things and
01:00:41.080 I'm bettering myself. And that's not bad. I'm not saying that's bad, but guys that get it move past
01:00:49.660 that. And then they realize that they're in the Iron Council for the other men on their team.
01:00:58.740 They're in the Iron Council so they can show up more powerfully with their family, with their kids,
01:01:06.340 with their spouse. And it no longer becomes about them as much as fine tuning the tool to serve other
01:01:14.620 individuals. And man, that is so powerful. And don't get me wrong. Sometimes that's hard to
01:01:23.620 imagine putting others first when we're broken and we need to work on ourselves. But there's the
01:01:30.260 natural order of progression I've seen over and over again in the Iron Council. And the guys that
01:01:36.500 continue to move on to the next stage, they step into the stage of service. And it's the service of
01:01:44.420 their teams and the service of their communities. And they start playing a bigger game. Not the game
01:01:49.700 of, I just want some financial stability and I want to be in shape. They've taken on something bigger
01:01:55.500 than that. And that is really what the movement's about more than anything else.
01:02:02.640 Imagine, I agree with everything you said, imagine if they came into it with that mentality,
01:02:07.120 how much further ahead they'd be.
01:02:08.160 Yeah. I had this buddy who I got in the financial planning business over a decade ago. Yeah. Like
01:02:15.000 closer to 20 years ago now. That's wild.
01:02:18.380 Oh man.
01:02:19.140 Uh, yeah. And we got into the business together and then we, we ended up being business partners.
01:02:24.900 I eventually sold my business to him when I stepped away from the financial planning practice
01:02:28.720 and he would, whenever I had to complain about something, he'd say, therefore what?
01:02:32.820 And it was so annoying. I'd complain or drive about something. He's like, therefore what?
01:02:39.340 And I'd get so bothered. And I look back at it now. I'm like, that's actually pretty good.
01:02:43.980 Like, therefore what? Okay. And, and I think about that a lot with our goals. You know,
01:02:52.080 a guy will say, I'd like to make a lot of money. Therefore what? Well, why? Well, so I can serve
01:02:57.520 my family. There you go. That's a better motive where I want to, I want to, I want to be fit.
01:03:03.680 Why? So I don't know. So I can be more connected with my wife or we can be more intimate together,
01:03:09.980 or I can have energy to go play with my kids or I can coach their teams. Yep. Exactly. Yeah.
01:03:16.460 Having a better body is means to an end. Having more money is means to an end. Having more knowledge
01:03:21.520 or expertise or a daily plan or whatever all these guys talk about online is a means to use,
01:03:27.240 serving other people more effectively. And the, the better we can keep that at the forefront of
01:03:32.720 our mind, our job is to serve as men. Like you're built to serve physically, mentally, emotionally,
01:03:39.580 you're built to serve. And if you're not serving, you know, even, even subconsciously and you feel
01:03:47.460 inadequate because you are, you're not doing what you're meant to do. Make a bunch of money,
01:03:54.100 get in shape, develop your mind, develop your heart, develop your soul. Therefore you can serve
01:04:01.860 other people. That's the ultimate objective. Yeah. Yeah. Amen. Ryan Clark, 1980. Last question.
01:04:09.580 Last one today. Your kids turn against you because their mother told them lies about you.
01:04:15.300 You haven't seen them for about a year. Do you let them come to you or do you chalk it up as a loss?
01:04:25.060 No, no, dude. Don't even, don't even the number one, that's a false dichotomy. Okay. But those are
01:04:33.640 your fucking kids, man. Don't you ever for a second, chalk that up to a loss. Like I, I will get 1.00
01:04:41.960 passionate about that. And I don't even think you want to, I think you're frustrated right now and
01:04:45.900 rightfully so, but you don't want to do that. You know, you don't want to do that. Don't you dare
01:04:50.760 do that. Okay. Now I don't know what it looks like. I don't know if it ever is repaired. I don't know if
01:05:00.440 you are ever satisfied with the resolution. I don't know. I don't know the future, but don't you dare
01:05:05.480 chalk any of that up to a loss because those are your kids. There's a lot of things I'll chalk up to a
01:05:10.900 loss, but my kids are not one of them. So, and also don't just let them come to you. That's too
01:05:18.980 passive. That's weak. That's pathetic. That's cowardly. So then that's the false dichotomy
01:05:25.020 you're playing with here. Here's what I suggest. Number one, know all of your rights as a father
01:05:31.100 and obtain great legal counsel. Cause there might be some fatherhood rights being infringed upon right
01:05:37.800 here. I don't know, but that's an Avenue we need to explore and you need to protect your rights as a
01:05:43.620 father because those kids need you in their life. And so fight like a man would fight, figure out all
01:05:52.200 the legal ramifications and all the legal ways to make sure that you get access to your children.
01:05:57.620 That's one of the things I would do. The other thing that I would do is I would go to work on myself
01:06:03.260 becoming the best possible person that I could be. That means daily reading, soul searching,
01:06:10.520 journaling, scriptures, prayer, meditation, physical fitness, developing new skills to make a bunch of
01:06:18.180 money. And I'm going to get myself into the best possible position that I possibly can, regardless
01:06:23.720 of whether or not I have my kids in contact with me or not, because that's going to make you more
01:06:28.780 attractive and that's going to get your mind right for what's to come. Cause it's going to be a battle. 0.98
01:06:33.720 There's no doubt about it. And it's also going to help you be more attractive when and if your kids
01:06:39.040 do come around. Okay. This is the hardest thing I'm going to tell you to do. Learn to be, let me say it
01:06:46.040 this way. Start playing the game with her. You've got to play the game. I know you don't like it. I know
01:06:52.760 you have hostility potentially towards her. I know you, you, maybe she didn't take your kids away from you.
01:06:58.220 I know all of that. I get it. I know it. You got to play the game. And the game is how can I be
01:07:05.540 amicable? How can I be respectful? How can I communicate with my kids without going around 0.77
01:07:12.640 her necessarily and undermining what she's trying to do? And I know it's not right. I know it. It's
01:07:18.400 not right that you should have to do that. It's not. That's why I say get legal counsel, but the better
01:07:23.000 you get at the game, the more likely it is you get to see your kids. And isn't that the end
01:07:27.960 result? So there might be some things that you need to do that you have to swallow your pride
01:07:33.060 that you're not totally comfortable with that don't feel right to you, but you know what is
01:07:37.940 right? Figuring out a way to get access to your kids again. Absolutely. And here's the other thing,
01:07:45.140 Ryan, that you might have to deal with. They may not like you. Yeah, true. And guess what?
01:07:52.180 It's not about you. Welcome to parenthood. Good parents, it's not about you. It's not about you
01:07:58.140 being liked. It's not about whether they want to be around you. Absolutely. It has nothing to do with
01:08:04.000 you. And you need to get present is what you need to do as a father for them. And that has to take a
01:08:10.660 higher priority than your ego around whether your kids want to be around you or not. That's not your
01:08:17.420 job. Your job is not to have them like you. Your job is to do your part as a father and let them know
01:08:24.360 that they're loved whether they love you or not. And so you might have to chalk that up and you might
01:08:29.200 have to, it's going to be hard. And you're going to want to have to force your hand and show up in
01:08:35.900 a really powerful way. And you may be thinking they don't want to be here. They don't want to hang
01:08:40.120 out with you. All these horrible thoughts are going to cross your mind, but you got to show up
01:08:43.800 powerfully anyway. Why? Because it's your job. You're a parent, you're a father, show up as a
01:08:48.400 powerful father, regardless of all other parties. And what will more likely happen is eventually over
01:08:55.240 a long period of time. And trust me, it'll, it'll probably be a long time before you get this
01:09:00.480 benefit. Then your son will, son or daughter someday will say, dad, man, thank you. Thank you for not
01:09:07.160 quitting on us. Thank you for being an amazing father, despite all those hardships from years and years
01:09:12.540 ago. And you might get that benefit, but the reality of it is you got to stay strong and you're
01:09:17.620 not going to see the results of this for a really long time, but it's not about you.
01:09:22.000 Yeah. It's tough. That's a tough one. Good one to end on. Cause I know a lot of guys are in that
01:09:26.840 similar situation. A lot of questions about divorce, childhood or fathers, children, being a son. A lot
01:09:34.020 of good questions. Powerful stuff today. Yeah, absolutely. Call to action earlier. Iron Council's
01:09:39.460 open. This is our exclusive brotherhood where you would come in, get assigned to a battle team
01:09:45.020 and pretty much get on the court of life. I love that analogy. I think most people are victims
01:09:50.460 of the game. They're sitting up in the stands, watching things happen, being passive, their
01:09:56.060 emotions being driven, whether their team wins or loses. Iron Council is putting the jersey on,
01:10:02.040 getting on the court and taking control of, of how you show up in the world, in this world.
01:10:07.400 And we have systems and teams in place to, to assist in that process, but you got to be fully
01:10:14.440 committed and engaged to get the value of it. If you're ready to be fully committed and engaged
01:10:20.720 with us, go to order of man.com slash iron council and sign up that open enrollment is going to close
01:10:26.080 within the next week. So you need to act before the 1st of April to, to join us there. Once again,
01:10:32.740 order of man.com slash iron council new or not new, but a inventory stocked, resupplied some hats and
01:10:42.160 whatnot over at the order of man store. Flags are back in there. So we got some stuff coming back,
01:10:48.640 which is good. It's exciting to see. Yeah. So that's store.orderofman.com. And of course,
01:10:54.340 as always, you can connect with Mr. Mickler on the socials X and the gram at Ryan Mickler.
01:11:01.960 Awesome guys. Great questions today. Hopefully as always, we gave you something to consider and
01:11:06.260 think about. Uh, we'll be back on Friday for our Friday field notes until then go out there,
01:11:10.740 take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man
01:11:15.560 podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.
01:11:20.320 We invite you to join the order at quarter of man.com.