DR. BRIAN RAY | A Primer on Homeschooling
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 19 minutes
Words per Minute
180.6535
Summary
Dr. Brian Ray is one of the world's foremost authorities on home-based education and the founder of the National Home Education Research Institute. In this episode, Dr. Ray discusses the pros and cons of homeschooling and why all families should at least consider it.
Transcript
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And as many of you know, we've been homeschooling our children for the last several years. And I
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can say with 100% certainty that taking upon our children's education has been one of the
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best decisions that we've made in parenting. Now that's not to say it's without challenges,
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but it has been an extremely rewarding experience. And today I'm joined by Dr. Brian Ray, one of the
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world's foremost authorities on home-based education and the founder of the National
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Home Education Research Institute. Now we cover a lot from the stigmas around homeschooling,
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common misconceptions like lack of socialization and parents being unqualified to educate their
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kids, where and why the world started to move away from schooling at home, the threats to
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homeschooling, and ultimately why all families at a minimum should at least consider home-based
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education. You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly
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chart your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time. You
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are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong. This is your life. This is
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who you are. This is who you will become at the end of the day. And after all is said and done,
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you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Michler. I am the
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host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement. If you've been around for any amount of
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time, you know what we're doing here, reclaiming and restoring masculinity. If you're new and you're
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joining us for the first time, which is probably many of you, because I continue to see the amount
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of people and men banded with us continue to grow and increase and improve. And that's a testament to
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the work that we're doing here to again, reclaim and restore masculinity. So if you are new, we're having
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very powerful conversations with incredibly successful men taking their experience, their perspective,
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their worldview and delivering it to you so that you could improve your own life as a father,
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husband, business owner, a community leader. And, uh, it's been an interesting ride. It's been a very
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fulfilling and rewarding ride. And I want to thank you for being on this path with us. Hey, before we
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use the code order at checkout. All right, guys, let me introduce you to Brian Ray.
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Uh, he is the founder of the national home education research Institute, and he is one
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of the world's most foremost authorities on home-based education. Now he's been a former
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middle school teacher and a high school teacher, and he founded the Institute with a goal of
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researching a home-based education and publishing his findings for the benefit of children. And of
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course, obviously their education. So for the past 30 years, he's been a researcher. He's been a
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teacher. He's been a public speaker. He's an author. He's also an expert court witness. We
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talk a little bit about that in the podcast. So needless to say, this man is extremely qualified
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to talk about the data and the science, not just how he feels, but the data and science behind
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homeschooling, uh, the pros and cons and how, if interested you can make it work with every and
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any family dynamic. Brian, so great for you to join me today. I'm really looking forward to
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this conversation. I'm glad to be here, Ryan. I did this, uh, this social media experiment
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probably two or three months ago. And I wrote the word homeschool and I posted it in a picture
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on Instagram. And it was without a doubt, one of my most controversial posts. And it was interesting
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because I had people from, from both ends of the spectrum and anywhere in between that were huge
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advocates for homeschool and, uh, those who were adamantly against it. And it was very interesting,
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but I think the concept of homeschooling, which I'm not sure if you're familiar, we've been doing
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two years now, my wife and I and our family, uh, this concept is very polarizing for a lot of people.
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Do you find that to be true? I do. And, and I think one of the best ways to deal with it, Ryan
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is skip the word homeschooling, like, like, like, like toss the H word out of the conversation
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and go to some core ideas. Like I'll just throw a couple out and you can go where you want to go
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with this customization, individualization, flexibility, uh, competence, role of parents,
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like this throughout the word homeschooling. And let's talk about education. And I think
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that's one of the best ways to go about this, this discussion. I think that's a great point
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because homeschool has maybe a bit of a, I don't know if stigma is the right word associated with
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it or some sort of connotation or preconceived notion of what it means. When I grew up and went
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to school, I mean, I'll be really frank. It seemed to me from my perspective as a young man that the
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homeschooled kids were kind of the weird kids. And now we're doing homeschooling and I see, and I see a
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lot of other people doing it. I find out how many people were actually, I'm using the label again,
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homeschooling. Uh, but there is so much benefit that comes with it. If we don't have that negative
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connotation immediately, when we go straight to this idea of educating your own children.
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Yeah, I think that's true. And I think it's also very important for men and women to, to look at
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things historically. And, and the reality is for thousands of years, parent directed home and
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family based education was the norm all over the world, thousands of years. And it's really
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relatively new that the institutionalization of children became the norm. So, you know, you go back
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just like the early days of the United States of America, nobody would say things like, well, we're
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worried about the socialization of Abraham Lincoln. Oh, we're concerned about Pearl S. Buck and her
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ability to get along with other people. Uh, we're, we're worried about the founders and how they didn't
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sit with the same age peers, 28 of them for six hours per day. Nobody thought that. So, so because,
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because you and me and about four generations before that we were institutionalized, that's the only,
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the real reason why we're concerned because that was normal. And, you know, I, I think that's a big
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question for, for men and women. What is so great about normal? Hmm. Are you, are you trying to be
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normal? Does, does normal define life? Uh, you know, does the middle of the bell shaped curve,
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is that, does that equal good because it's statistically average, you know? And I think most of us,
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if we're honest to say, no, that's, that's not what I'm looking for. For my children is normal.
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You know, what, what's normal, like, uh, a bad literacy rate, a low voting rate, uh, uh, too high
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on the addiction to drug rate. I mean, is that what we want for our children? Normal. You know,
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do we want them to be peer dependent rather than adult oriented? Do we want them to be afraid to say
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their opinion because they're afraid of what the click will say? There's so much involved in this. It's,
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it's really, yeah. And you mentioned a, when you thought of homeschool kids, they seem kind of
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weird. Well, now we have to define weird, don't we? We do. Absolutely. Well, you said something
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interesting when you talked about being, uh, connected with their peers versus being connected
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with their adults. My children over the past two years, because of the situation in which we live
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and the fact that we, we educate our children here at home, have some tremendous opportunities to
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interact with adults. And I'm trying to be as objective as I possibly can because they are my
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children, but my children are able to communicate with adults so much more effectively than I think
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generally young children are because they're so comfortable and conditioned to only communicate
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with their little 12 and 13 year old friends who also don't know anything about life.
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Yeah, it's right. Exactly. So, so we're going to have fun here, I think with both experience
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and research. Okay. So perfect. So let's do, let's do experience for a minute. I remember long ago,
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this is probably 25 years ago, uh, the veterinarian, we, we raise a few sheep and we have a few animals,
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you know, so the veterinarian called my office, calling me back and, and, and whoever was helping at the
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time said a national home education research Institute. And then they transferred the vet
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to me. And, and he said, what, what do you do there anyway? I said, Hey, we do research on
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homeschooling and we, we keep track of homeschoolers and we study homeschoolers and we talk about
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homeschooling. And he said, without any, any elicitation from me. So, you know what I noticed
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about homeschool kids? I thought, Oh, what he said, when they're in my office, they talk with me and
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they look me in the eye. I said, what are the other ones do? He said, they kind of look away.
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They don't interact with me. They're, they're playing with their little, you know, their little
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gizmos. That was at the beginning of gizmos. You know, he said, he said, I've noticed overall that
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home educated kids are more comfortable. It's easy. It's not even a big deal because, and I think
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you know this because home educated children, they interact with their parents. Then there might be 10
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years old, but they interact with babies. They go out and they talk with people in the stores and
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the museums on the streets all day long. And they're not allowed to have a same age click.
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It's not that you forbid it. It's just that it's not there. You know, it's not there. It's not
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available. It's not good. So they, they have friends who might be same age. They have friends who are
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different ages. They're, they're in scouts, they're in soccer, they're in football, they're in the local
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corporate, whatever. And, and I think Ryan, what, what really is different here. And I think people
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have to really look at this. And that's why I said, let's, let's throw out the word homeschooling.
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I was, I was sitting on a plane on the way to a research conference. I attend this research
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conference every year. I've been going to it since 1988 on the airplane, on the way to the conference.
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And there's a lady sitting next to me in the middle. And just because we have fun telling
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stories, right? She's a black woman. We're going to the same conference and she's, you know,
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well, what do you do? What do you do? You know how that goes? What do you do? What do you do?
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I taught her research on homeschooling. And she said, this was about 10 years ago. Well,
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what about socialization? And you know, how many thousands of times.
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Common one. That's the common one. I said, I said, well, what do you do for socialization?
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She's probably about 35. Well, I'm in a book club and I play, play tennis with friends. I said,
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that's just like home educated kids. Sure. They do things. They get to pick and choose with their
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parents' permission, what they do, you know, like, like adults, instead of like kids behind a cyclone
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fence with same age peers for six hours a day, they don't get to choose their friends or to do
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things, but adults that's real life. You know, so it's really parent led home-based education is much
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more like real life than school is. I mean, almost all of us know that. Yeah, I think that's true.
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And it's interesting as you talk about this with kids that do things, of course, our four children
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do things. We have dance class, we have football, we have a jujitsu. We have some neighbors that,
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that also educate their children at home who come over and play. And we do it in a controlled
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environment, which is very important. It's funny to me, I think in society, what, what we're moving
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towards, and I'd be really curious to hear your thoughts on this is that we give children
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too much authority and autonomy. And we almost in a way allow them to dictate every element and aspect
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of their lives, but their children, they're not even capable of making these decisions of who their
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friends should be and what choices should they make and what activities should they belong to.
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That's my job as a parent. Absolutely. I think you're right. I mean, in the United States and
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actually most of the Western world, we've gotten all confused about raising children. Okay. So now we
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could get really philosophical here. And so it really depends on your worldview. Okay. And you
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might be a, I don't really know much about you, but a person listening might be a secular humanist,
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evolutionist, metaphysical naturalist. Okay. I'm a Christian. I have a, I have a worldview. We all
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have a worldview. We all have presuppositions to, you know, how we come to issues like raising children
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and, and people can be very conflicted. Like, oh no, we don't think a child's old enough to decide
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whether to use a gun. We don't, you know, own a gun. We don't think a child's old enough to,
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you know, be able to decide whether to get drunk or not. But on the other hand, we say, oh yeah,
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let's just do a, you know, let the child decide whatever he wants all day long, who to, who to
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associate with, you know, what to learn. You know, we're totally conflicted. I'm of the worldview that
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says, Hey, wait a minute. You're an adult. You have more wisdom. You're the father. You're the leader of
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a family. You're the leader of the pack. You have experience. You've read the classics. Maybe
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you've read things like the Bible, you know, you, you have wisdom and you need to use that to lead
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and nurture and admonish and instruct and help your children. So yeah, absolutely. You know,
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we've lost that. And, and I've met people, even in my worldview group of friends, they're totally
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confused because they've been listening to what culture has been telling them. I say, no, wait a minute,
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wait a minute. You're the dad, you know, you have more wisdom. You have more experience,
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lead your children with gentleness and love, but lead your children. Then you get to do that when
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you home educate. Yeah. And you get to do it. Well, I mean, think here's the interesting thing.
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Let's say you send your child off to school for whatever reason, whether you feel like it's some
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sort of obligation or just that's what we do. And so it's easier and more convenient for whatever
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reason. And that kid is at school for eight hours a day and they're being taught by their friends
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primarily. They're being taught by teachers who you don't personally know what their worldviews are,
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what you just said. And then you don't see them except for when you ship them off on the bus,
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or maybe you take them to school. So you see them for 15 minutes in the morning, they get home,
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parents aren't eating dinner with their kids like they used to. So, and then after dinner,
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they are on their gizmos, like you said earlier, watching TV. And maybe, maybe the average family
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has an hour with their children. Who do you think is teaching your children and where do you think
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their worldview is going to come from, from your hour or from the eight or nine hours of other
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training and indoctrination that they're picking up? Absolutely. It's, it's taken a while. Okay. You
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know, this is to me very interesting. I didn't, I had to learn this on my own. I did that, not learn
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this during my doctoral studies. Home-based education directed by the parents was the norm
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in United States until about 1900. People don't realize that. And then some people say, well,
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that's because they're all farmers. No, they were not all farmers. A lot of them lived in towns and
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villages and small cities. It was because they knew that it was their job. It was their duty. It was
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their responsibility. It was not a quote, right given to them by the government. You know, it was their
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duty. They taught them reading, writing, basic math. They taught them how to run businesses. They
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taught them how to invent. They taught them how to do carpentry. That was basically how it worked.
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And it was not until 1900 that a majority of children were institutionalized because a certain
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group of people, this is history, who like to control what an American is. So we got to get them all
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in a place where we can mold their thoughts and mold their attitudes. That is not being a man and a leader
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of a family, letting somebody else mold your child, letting the government say, well, you know what,
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this year, this decade, we need more engineers. So we're going to try to push more people to be
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engineers. Oh, no, this, this decade, we need more, uh, you know, low, low end workers. That is just
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ridiculous. We, again, we're conflicted. We say, we believe in the individual. We believe in
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a child learning to be what he or she wants to do or be, uh, but, and yet we send them away to a place
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called public school to let them teach, train and indoctrinate them. Yeah. When you home educate,
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it's much more customized to the child and you're much more in charge, which is, which is really fun
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for a family. It becomes a whole way of living. And like you said, we even have research. It shows
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children who are more peer dependent, which is almost all kids in public schools, don't do worse.
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They do worse on a lot of measures than those who are adult oriented.
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I like this concept of customization. I'll tell you when it clicked for me,
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because my wife and I spent a lot of time deliberating as to whether or not we were going
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to educate our children here, or we were going to have them enroll in the school district into
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the place that we moved. And we had decided to make the decision to have them schooled here at home
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by, by primarily my wife with, of course, my contribution as often as I can with my work.
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And I remember one thing in particular, uh, I got done for the day and I went downstairs and I talked
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to my kids about how their day was. And they said, come check this out, dad. And there was,
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there was a frog in a bowl. And I said, well, that's a cool frog. Where did you find it? And they
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said, actually, dad, it's not a frog. It's a toad. And I said, well, it looks like a frog. I don't know
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the difference between a toad and a frog. And then they said, well, let me tell you. And what was cool is
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they walked around the field. We have some, some land here and they had found this toad and brought
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it back. And then they spent time researching what is the difference between a toad and a frog?
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Cause there was some conflicting, conflicting thoughts between them and they researched it
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and planned it and figured it out. And then they were able to articulate that to me. It is a very
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small little experience, seemingly insignificant, but it made a huge shift in the way that I thought
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about educating our children and being able to give them this customization.
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Yeah. And just one story, you have encapsulated a huge portion of what, you know, parent directed
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family-based education is. I mean, right there, you just did it. I mean, and I know I've, I've done like
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many interviews. I wish I'd recorded all of these of men and women all over the world on the airplanes,
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at gas stations, in stores, in Poland, in the United States, in South Africa. And, and it's
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fascinating to me. I'm just, I'm just going to give you a rough number. Okay. I did, I did not record
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all this. The majority of men basically hated school. I'll just, I'll just be blunt. Okay. I would say
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a little less women hated school women, especially when they got to junior high and it's like, I've got
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pimples. Am I pretty enough? Uh, the, the, the nasty attacks, the bullying men, it was kind of like,
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I'm checked out. I'm, I'm on average men are more, you know, boys are more physically active. I'm sure
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you've talked about these things, you know, in your, in your initiative, on average, they're more
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physically active and they're supposed to sit down, shut up and act more like, uh, you know, a girl
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listening to a lady teacher. This, this is all, there's so much wrapped up in institutional
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schooling, but you, you turn kids loose. You know, you make sure they learn their, their basic math.
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They learn how to read. They can write a one page essay and then you let them do all kinds of things
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like what you talked about. It's incredible how much more on average, they love learning and how
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much more they learn. And we, we have, we had so much fun. We, we did home educate our children and,
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uh, it's just incredible. I mean, we would, my wife would look outside and say, where in the world,
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I'm not going to use our names. Where's our son. Okay. We have a son and seven daughters. Where's
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our son. Well, I guess I already said his name. We only have one of them, but anyway, where is he?
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He'd be out there. He'd come back in and say, Hey mom, I was watching earthworms. You were watching
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earthworms. She would, she was leading a homeschool co-op teaching biology. And the topic came up of
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earthworm reproduction. My wife studied. She said, man, I just don't quite understand this,
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how earthworms reproduce. So she's sitting there with our son and some other home educated kids.
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And Daniel says, well, I know, you know, I've watched them. He's watched earthworms mate and
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knew exactly how it worked. It's just incredible. And so you think, well, what's the big deal?
00:21:33.540
Well, he's using observation skills. He's being patient. He's not stressed out by you got to go to
00:21:41.180
the next lesson, which might be a really stupid lesson that, you know, all 20,000 kids in our
00:21:45.900
city have to learn on this day. You know, it's just a totally different world. It's a totally
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different world, Ryan. It is. We've been, we've been the beneficiary of that. You know, I think the
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biggest, well, there's probably four or five common objections. There's probably a lot, but there's
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probably four or five common ones. And I, and I think that one of the biggest objections or concerns
00:22:06.080
that, that people have is that they're not qualified to do it. And I've heard people say
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that, well, you know, school teachers are more qualified to do that. Now I know you are a, or were
00:22:18.960
a public school teacher. And I'm really curious to hear your thoughts on the qualifications and what
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you were learning. And are you more or less qualified as a parent who didn't go through that
00:22:30.980
formal education? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Yeah, this is, this is a great, that's a
00:22:37.020
great question. Um, and as an expert witness in court cases, I've had to carefully scrutinize this
00:22:42.620
question, you know, for over 30 years. And yes, I w I was a certified government certified teacher.
00:22:49.840
And then I became a professor of education, teaching teachers and teaching science. And I really had to
00:22:56.780
think this all through Ryan. And, and let me, let me explain it in one of the simplest ways I can.
00:23:04.380
You can go buy, you don't even have to buy a curriculum, but you could go buy a $19 curriculum
00:23:10.400
that would help a child. You could, you could be the parent teaching a child phonics to learn the
00:23:16.960
sounds of letters, a $19 curriculum. You put a little poster on the wall, has these phonograms,
00:23:23.040
this little booklet, and it says, okay, do this with your child. And you can teach them how to read.
00:23:30.820
Of course, anybody can do that. No college degree. No, no courses on child psychology.
00:23:37.580
No government license. No, you know, no $100,000 of college tuition. And, and we know from experience,
00:23:46.360
the parents are absolutely capable and competent to do this. We know from thousands of years of history
00:23:53.600
that people learned how to read Ryan. Can you imagine that they learned how to read without
00:24:00.720
government licensed teachers? We don't even have to get into all that. How, how could you,
00:24:07.740
how could I not convince somebody already? Thousands of years, people learn how to read
00:24:12.200
without government licensed teachers, without people going to university for four years
00:24:17.280
to be a trained teacher. Right. A lot of that, a lot of that about is about managing groups of
00:24:23.820
children. A lot of teacher education program is about, uh, making the state happy that you're
00:24:30.440
teaching what the state wants taught, which, you know, any given decade could be this bandwagon or
00:24:36.480
that bandwagon or this bandwagon or that bandwagon. We don't have to get into that. I mean,
00:24:41.280
we could spend an hour on, you know, what is critical race theory and what does that have to
00:24:45.580
do with teaching my child to be an honest, respectable and respectful human being? You
00:24:52.460
don't, you don't, it's just, okay. So teacher education programs and government licenses to teach
00:24:57.840
has a whole lot to not do with cheating, teaching children to read, write, do basic math and some
00:25:04.460
science. It has nothing to do with, you know, so, and we, we also, yeah, I was going to say,
00:25:10.520
I've got some personal friends who are school teachers and I am very critical. People know
00:25:15.860
this. I'm very critical of the public school system, but I don't ever want that to be conflated with
00:25:20.480
the individuals who I know, school teachers, who I know, who are trying to do their best,
00:25:25.000
who have a good heart, who want to serve their children. But when I talk to these individuals,
00:25:30.160
what they're so frustrated with is not actually being with their children. It's the red tape and all
00:25:38.220
the hoops and all the documentation that they need to jump through in order to make sure, like
00:25:42.040
you said, that we're teaching what is quote unquote supposed to be taught and what quote unquote they
00:25:46.340
supposed to, they're supposed to learn. And it, it seems to me that, that a bulk majority of what
00:25:53.300
these school teachers are doing or are inundated with has nothing to do with face-to-face one-on-one
00:25:59.120
interaction with a child and more to do with, let me fill out the paperwork. Let me go to this
00:26:05.300
certification or this training and they're hamstringed by all the stuff they need to do.
00:26:10.480
Yeah. That's a great distinction. And most people don't know this. Yeah. I've taught graduate level
00:26:15.780
courses on testing and measurement. You know, we hear about standardized tests, right?
00:26:20.800
So, so on the one hand, we have this, this myth in our minds that public institutional schooling is all
00:26:26.540
about helping Johnny and Lucinda learn how to read, write, do math and love learning, right? We have
00:26:33.420
this myth in our heads, but when you get into standardized testing and state accountability,
00:26:39.680
these tests have a lot to do with treating groups of children like cattle to see whether they gained
00:26:46.460
enough weight and whether you should add a little bit of more selenium to the feed or not. It's about
00:26:52.240
group processes. It's about accountability between the state and the taxpayer. It's about looking good
00:26:58.940
or not looking good. It's about doing what the teachers unions want or don't want. There's so
00:27:03.860
much involved in government run institutional schooling has nothing to do with the benefit
00:27:08.820
of each child. And I think it's really fun. I enjoy doing this with teachers. Like I said,
00:27:13.160
I've been a teacher. Let's skip the H word, right? Skip homeschooling and ask any public or even private
00:27:21.320
school teacher. Would it be good to customize the curriculum for each child's strengths, weaknesses,
00:27:29.060
desires, and dreams? Absolutely. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say, and would it be good to
00:27:36.300
individualize based on each child's, you know, kind of strengths, weaknesses, talents, limitations? Oh,
00:27:43.960
yeah, yeah. We talked about that in our education courses. And would it be good to have a flexible
00:27:49.720
schedule so that, so like here in Western Oregon, if all of a sudden it's a sunny day, we can just say,
00:27:54.880
hey, bag school, we're going to the coast and study the tide pools. Oh, yeah, that'd be a dream,
00:27:59.340
dream world, dream world. You know, just go down the list. Would it be good? Is it good? I see people
00:28:05.500
are conflicted about this, even on the topic run. We also, we have campaigns to stop bullying, right?
00:28:11.580
Picking on kids and beating them up and, and treating them in whatever racist ways or, or whatever.
00:28:17.680
You say, that's bad for kids. And then somebody goes, oh, but, but if they're home educated,
00:28:22.360
they won't be around bullying. Wait, wait, wait a minute. You're conflicted. You know,
00:28:25.780
we all know it's not good for bullying and people to be mean to each other.
00:28:30.480
Of course. Yeah. Is it better to have a safe and, and, you know, comfortable environment? Or is it one
00:28:35.480
that, you know, where you're bullied all the time? Just go down the list with teachers, skip the H word
00:28:40.820
and go through these traits and you're going to have to say, wow, is that systemically what you're
00:28:47.620
talking about when you're talking about home-based education? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and you
00:28:54.600
know, what's, what's interesting is you say this too, you talk about bullying. There are things that
00:28:59.440
your children need to learn, but you can introduce conflict and conflict management and conflict
00:29:04.780
resolution in an environment that is healthy as opposed to them getting bullied at school. So an
00:29:10.480
example of that would be, uh, my children, uh, participate in jujitsu and my oldest son who's 13
00:29:17.780
years old, he trains with me and other men. He doesn't train with kids. He trains with men. And these
00:29:23.820
are grown men. These are men who have been training jujitsu for a very long time. And he rolls with those
00:29:30.120
men. These we've introduced this deliberately and intentionally so that he knows how to defend
00:29:36.900
himself, not against a schoolyard bully against a 220 pound man. That's who he's training against.
00:29:43.980
Yes. It does take some, go ahead. Yeah. And you're doing it with somebody again, who is
00:29:48.800
supposed to be adults are supposed to be wiser, more experienced and they have the good of the child
00:29:56.220
at heart. Hey, two 12 year olds with the nature that's in humans. One's a big bully and one's a
00:30:04.480
mild man or kid. They do not have the good of the other at heart. And you don't have teachers around
00:30:10.640
to help out. We all know this. I mean, we all know what happens in institutional schools. It's often
00:30:15.760
like the Lord of the flies. It's, it's really bad and it, and it damages boys. It damages girls
00:30:22.520
and they become withdrawn. Research shows that those who are home educated, you know, there's all
00:30:28.760
this, all this politically correct terminology, right? Like you want to have a voice. You want
00:30:32.780
to be empowered. Well, guess what? Children who are peer dependent, they lose their voice and they're
00:30:40.300
not empowered and they're controlled by the mob. Usually we have research that shows home educated
00:30:46.700
kids more likely going to keep their voice than they're going to be themselves. And they're not going
00:30:52.160
to be controlled by the mob. It's just fascinating what we're learning from 40 years of research
00:30:57.440
on home education. Yeah. Was there any sort, you said this happened in the early 1900s where we started
00:31:03.980
to institutionalize so many kids. Was there, and what you had said is that it was for government
00:31:10.380
control, which I can definitely see, but it's not usually as blatant as that because it would be so
00:31:17.700
obvious and parents would resist that. So was there any sort of external circumstances
00:31:22.680
that caused people to be more open to this idea of shipping their kids off for eight to 10 hours a
00:31:30.160
day into these, these schools? Yeah. Yeah. Let's, let's go back a little bit and want to make sure
00:31:34.640
it's clear what I said. So, so here, here we are going along, you know, you've got the Europeans coming
00:31:40.460
to North America and I'm not an expert on native America, so I'm not going to get into that. Okay.
00:31:45.500
So we got the settlers and things happening and, and, you know, America's growing. And then we've
00:31:51.260
got the United States forms and, and we have, we have home-based parent directed education. That's
00:31:56.240
what we have. You know, we have inventions, we have creativity, we have discoveries, we have
00:32:00.720
literacy. You go back and read what people reading the average person who had high literacy,
00:32:06.040
high literacy. Now what, what we had was we had people like Horace Mann and others who,
00:32:11.720
for whatever reasons, they start to think they want to decide what a good American is. And some
00:32:17.140
of them, this is, this is really fascinating stuff. You go read John Taylor Gatto's, the
00:32:22.040
underground history of American education. You go read about Prussian education. The, I would call
00:32:27.600
these people, I'll just call them controllers. How that they're controllers and they're elitists.
00:32:33.120
They believe I have the way that all Americans should be raised. And my worldview is best. Okay.
00:32:39.720
Some of them, for example, did not like dirty Irish Catholic immigrants. So they wanted to turn
00:32:46.020
them into good, clean, hardworking, whatever Americans. That's very elitist. That's very
00:32:51.440
controlling. That's very bigoted. In fact, they, the, the Roman Catholics fought this, the common
00:32:58.180
school idea. And a lot of Christians fought this common school idea. And a lot of liberty-minded
00:33:03.300
people fought this common school idea, but the ones who like to control people, they won. Okay.
00:33:08.600
That's it. They won. So they started spreading compulsory schooling laws. And then they started
00:33:14.660
spreading the idea that the government must provide tax-funded education. So here, now we
00:33:21.220
have Ryan, even today, this, I'm going a lot of places here. You can get me back in order.
00:33:26.400
But now we have, we have people who are self-professed libertarians, self-professed liberty
00:33:31.700
lovers, self-professed biblical thinkers, self-professed free marketers. But at the same time,
00:33:38.120
they're supporting statist schooling. They're supporting the forced redistribution of wealth,
00:33:44.960
socialistic, government-run education. A lot of my friends are conflicted, you know? On the one
00:33:50.360
hand, they think they're freedom lovers. But on the other hand, they're supporting government-controlled,
00:33:55.320
government-forced redistribution of tax-funded education. So it happens slowly, Ryan. I mean,
00:34:02.860
so by 1900, we get the majority of children in government-run institutional schools. But by the
00:34:08.720
way, it was only for a few months, and it was only a few hours per day. Think about that. So then time
00:34:14.680
passes, 10 years, another 10 years, 50 years, to all of a sudden, we've got 87% of the children
00:34:20.440
in government-run institutions for six hours per day. It was a slow, gradual change. And so now you have,
00:34:28.560
essentially, you have government agents controlling the teaching, training, and indoctrination of
00:34:33.880
children every day. 87% of Americans are in that. Now, and I want to be real clear, whether you
00:34:39.840
homeschool, private school, or public school, children are taught, trained, and indoctrinated,
00:34:46.560
okay? I want to be clear. Right, right. And all of those, and all those. But if you're a freedom
00:34:51.480
lover, if you're a person who says, I believe in free market, I believe in, you know, children not being
00:34:57.500
controlled by the state, like in, like in Sparta, you know, like Plato's Republic, then why do you
00:35:04.320
have them taught, trained, and indoctrinated by the government for six hours per day? You know,
00:35:08.760
these are really important questions philosophically. And we also know from the research so far,
00:35:14.860
there are some real benefits to home-based education. I mean, academically, social development,
00:35:20.680
and success in adulthood. So I think people need to look at this both philosophically and empirically.
00:35:25.420
Men, let me hit the pause button very, very quickly. I hope this conversation is interesting
00:35:31.420
to you. And if it is, and on the subject of home-based education and the power of parents
00:35:36.040
being involved with their children's education, I want to bring up the Order of Man legacy experience
00:35:40.840
one last time before we shut this down and we cap it out with 20 attendees. This is an experience
00:35:46.600
designed to forge a tighter bond between father and, or father figure, I should say, could be
00:35:51.520
a brother, an uncle, a father figure, and his boy between the ages of eight to 15. So over the course
00:36:00.100
of three and a half days, September 23rd through the 26th, September 23rd through the 26th, we're going
00:36:05.840
to challenge you and your son or your, your boy mentally, physically, emotionally, and give you and
00:36:11.780
your son, the tools and frameworks that you need to thrive in this very strange and misguided society
00:36:18.580
that frankly dismisses the relationship between father and son and, and would like to step in and
00:36:25.140
assert themselves in between that relationship between father and son. So you're going to come
00:36:30.880
to my property here in Maine. You're going to surround yourself with 19 other fathers and sons.
00:36:35.060
So you can learn from work with hold each other accountable to building a base
00:36:39.560
that you can usher your young man into manhood with. So guys get signed up quickly because we only
00:36:46.160
at this point have two spots remaining. There's only two spots remaining. I want to have you out
00:36:50.720
here on my property in Maine. I want to introduce you to my family. I want you to experience this
00:36:55.080
with 19 other men and their boys. It's going to be life-changing for you and for your, your son as
00:37:00.360
well. Now the experience again is held September 23rd through the 26th, 2021. And you can learn more
00:37:06.340
and lock in one of the last two spots at order of man.com slash legacy. Again, that's order of man.com
00:37:13.140
slash legacy. Do that right after the show. In fact, maybe you want to hit pause and do it right
00:37:17.780
now. Either way, get it done quickly. Order of man.com slash legacy for now. I'll get back to it
00:37:22.940
with Dr. Ray. Yes. I think that's a good point. It is interesting because every once in a while,
00:37:28.320
I'll use the term, uh, that, that, that our children are being indoctrinated in. And occasionally
00:37:33.680
somebody will come back and say, well, aren't you doing the same thing? And the answer is, of course,
00:37:37.500
yeah, exactly. Of course I am. But that's my responsibility as their father. That is my
00:37:44.340
moral obligation to indoctrinate them in, into a set of values, beliefs, principles, actions,
00:37:52.520
behaviors, disciplines that I, as their father believe will serve them best.
00:37:58.980
You got it. I mean, here's your alternative. So, so I've been going to this, I mentioned this big,
00:38:03.320
giant research conference I attend every year, you know, a picture of this 12,000 to 15,000
00:38:09.140
professors of education, doctoral students, social scientists. And, and it's, it's so the worldview of
00:38:17.160
most of them, let's just say it's very different from mine, just very, very different from mine.
00:38:21.300
But I remember maybe 20 years ago, I started using the word indoctrination. They scowled at me. They
00:38:27.180
did not like that term. We don't indoctrinate children. I said, whoa, whoa, listen to what I said,
00:38:31.660
whether the children are in government controlled schools all day, private institutional schools all
00:38:37.360
day, or home-based education, they are taught, trained, and indoctrinated because all indoctrination
00:38:43.200
means is you are trying to put into your child certain things you believe and value. You know,
00:38:50.300
everybody does that. Public government schools do that. Homeschoolers do that. The question is
00:38:55.600
who should be doing it and which values do you want going into them? I mean, we, we can see,
00:39:01.660
based on history, and we can look, you can just look around in your lifetime. We can see what the
00:39:07.440
general overall result is of government-run education. 87% of people go through that. And
00:39:15.200
I know they have a very different worldview when they get out of that than my children do. Very
00:39:20.660
different. When you say 87%, so that, that leaves 13%. Yeah. Are those other 13% in,
00:39:28.820
what is that comprised of? Is that home-based education? Is that private schooling? What is,
00:39:33.920
what is that other element comprised of? Both. It's, uh, it's private institutional schools
00:39:39.180
and home-based education. So it's just, since we're on that, you know, let's, it's, it's really
00:39:45.020
interesting because people who are of the worldview of free market, uh, classical liberal libertarianism,
00:39:51.900
uh, say biblical Christianity, you know, they've been, they've been watching that 13% for the last
00:39:57.340
20 years thinking, why doesn't that change? You know, why doesn't it go up to, you know, 18 or 20%
00:40:03.860
and, you know, maybe kind of break the monopoly of the, of the government school system. It's tough.
00:40:09.280
I mean, let's face it. The government takes your money for your property taxes by force,
00:40:17.280
the power of the sword and pumps it into government controlled schooling. And if you want to put your
00:40:23.760
child in a, you know, let's say a new age private school or a Catholic private school or a Muslim
00:40:29.880
private school or Jewish private school, want to homeschool your child, you pay twice. So that,
00:40:34.820
you know, that is literally a monopoly that they have now the numbers have shifted a little bit,
00:40:40.460
but the biggest change has been the increase in home education. So whereas, uh, you know,
00:40:47.000
back in the seventies, home education was about 0% of school-aged children by March of 2020,
00:40:54.040
it was around getting up to be around my best estimate is 2.6 million children K through 12 in
00:41:00.580
homeschooling. And then the U S census Bureau has done some surveys in the last year,
00:41:05.700
kind of like experimental studies. And they think home education basically doubled from March of 20 to
00:41:13.680
March of 21. So that was COVID related. I imagine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I call it government control
00:41:20.480
related. So, so when you, the government starts to control schools, a lot of families said, Hey,
00:41:26.880
I don't like that. Or the controls are so bizarre. Our children are not learning and it's too shit much
00:41:34.280
to anyway. Homeschooling now is about 5 million children, four and a half to 5 million children,
00:41:40.760
but, but we don't know, you know, when the government controls back off and institutional schools open up
00:41:47.620
more, will all of those, you know, a hundred percent increase stay? Probably not, but I think it's
00:41:54.740
still going to be a significant number who have now tried homeschooling and say, wow,
00:41:59.900
this is good for a lot of reasons we never thought of. You know, we have, our child is not anxious every
00:42:06.680
morning, getting on the school bus. We have better relationships between parent and child.
00:42:12.300
The children are, the siblings know each other better. They're kind of enjoying each other.
00:42:17.280
They start to have a kind of like a freedom that they didn't have before. They're happier about
00:42:22.780
learning. They have more time to read. This one, or that one's not being bullied so much.
00:42:29.120
Parents over the last year have learned a lot of things about home education. On the other hand,
00:42:33.680
you've got parents to say, I hate that. I don't want to spend that much time with my children.
00:42:38.160
Which is a shame. I mean, that really is. So, you know, one of the things that I've noticed with my
00:42:44.680
own children is even before I came in and did this podcast, I walked down the hall and I walked past
00:42:49.780
my daughter's room into my office and I said, hey, what are you doing, bud? She's like, I'm just
00:42:55.300
sitting here playing with my Barbies. And it struck me and I've observed this over the past,
00:43:01.360
even just several weeks. My kids are so much better equipped to entertain themselves.
00:43:09.280
They can sit in silence. They can be creative. They can learn different things. They can sit there
00:43:15.020
and they're not lonely. She isn't lonely. She's there playing and she's being creative and she's
00:43:20.340
thinking, but she's by herself. And that is a new phenomenon for us over the past couple of years
00:43:25.460
where they've been able to entertain themselves. Ryan, I've seen that for the last 35 years
00:43:31.700
interacting with homeschool families that, and I want to make sure we say something here.
00:43:36.700
There, there's a, there's an overlap and there's a synthesis of different things that become easier
00:43:44.880
to do more natural to do when you home educate. Okay. When, when the child, we talked about this
00:43:50.900
before, when the child is with peers, six hours per day, for some kids, it's more than that. When you
00:43:55.820
add the bus time and you add the public school sports, you know, that really becomes our whole life
00:44:02.640
and it, and it controls how they do things very much. So, but when you home educate, they're freed
00:44:09.120
of that. And I've seen, this is one of my working hypotheses. I cannot prove this with research,
00:44:14.980
but it's one of my working hypotheses. I've had so many parents tell me, but Brian, Dr. Ray,
00:44:21.400
we don't even really study science, but when our children are tested, they score above average in
00:44:26.740
science. And I said, well, what do you do? Well, we let them explore. They get to read a lot. We
00:44:36.020
talk a lot. We discuss things. I mean, I just described Ryan, what it's about. That's, that's
00:44:42.880
learning. When you have the opportunity and the time to read books, you have the opportunity and
00:44:48.800
time to go out in the yard, whether you live in the city or whether you live in the country,
00:44:53.080
just to go out in the yard and play with flowers or butterflies or insects. I mean, you, you learn
00:44:59.840
so much. And when you have interaction back and forth between an adult who has more knowledge,
00:45:05.500
more wisdom, more love than a peer and a child, you get a lot of learning and a lot of deeper learning
00:45:13.020
than you would in a same age peer group on a government controlled schedule. Then, right. It's just
00:45:21.540
incredible what happens. There's a lot of practical application as well. A lot of guys have heard,
00:45:26.780
you know, my oldest son and I are building a canoe and him, rather than looking at a textbook
00:45:31.940
about how to do fractions and decimals, he's reading it off a tape measure. He's learning about
00:45:35.960
fractions off a tape measure as we build this thing. Practical application, same lessons being
00:45:42.220
learned, but, but in a different context that I, I believe, and, and, and you're the one who's done
00:45:48.560
all the research on this. So I defer to you on this, but I believe will serve him infinitely better
00:45:54.220
because he knows how to apply the information that's being learned. And there's an element of
00:45:59.780
wisdom, which is applied knowledge, not just the knowledge itself. So it's, it's, it just seems to me
00:46:05.060
that it's infinitely better over time, but, but I, but I will say this because I want to try to be as
00:46:09.220
level-headed and fair in this discussion as we can. Uh, are there some hindrances and some
00:46:14.900
challenges that those who want to have their children's education based at home that they
00:46:20.280
should be aware of, they should be cautious of maybe some pitfalls to avoid? Yeah, let's, yeah,
00:46:25.360
that's good. Um, let's, let's just say this up front, just because you do parent led home-based
00:46:33.600
education does not mean everybody's gonna be happy all the time. It, it does, it does not necessarily
00:46:39.760
mean all your children when they turn 18 will be beautiful, handsome, rocket scientists, and they'll
00:46:46.760
all get, you know, whatever job or whatever college scholarship they want. Nobody's saying that. Okay.
00:46:52.100
That's, it's not like that. But when I talk about the research, I'm saying on average,
00:46:56.960
they do better than average. Okay. Also keep in mind that if you have a child who's
00:47:04.360
in, in, in an institutional school and he or she is average in math,
00:47:11.000
if you home educate, chances are he or she will do better. So because you have all of that one-on-one
00:47:20.840
and you have that time and you have the flexibility and you can stop and help them master whatever they're
00:47:26.420
learning, whether it's using a tape measure, whether it's a times tables or whatever. Okay.
00:47:31.320
So another thing to keep in mind is dad or mom, if you kind of like delegating, raising your children
00:47:39.720
to somebody else, if you don't want to take life seriously with them, if you kind of want to be
00:47:45.960
lazy, if you have convinced yourself you need two incomes when you don't need two incomes, well,
00:47:52.120
then probably don't want to home educate, but you see how I put that. I mean, I am, I am sort of
00:47:58.900
trying to lay a guilt trip on people. You know, when you say, I don't know how fair it sounds, but
00:48:03.960
you know, I am really interested in the way that you take this. Yeah. I want to take it a certain
00:48:08.980
way because culture says, oh, but, but you just don't understand, Brian, how many people need two
00:48:14.640
incomes. Right. Well, actually, actually I do understand. Okay. Um, my wife and I raised eight
00:48:21.720
children. I've never been a high income person. I've been a generally a median income to a lower
00:48:29.460
median income person. There are choices we make in our lives. Okay. Do you need, need two vehicles
00:48:39.040
or do you want two vehicles? Do you need a nicer vehicle or do you want a nicer vehicle?
00:48:45.940
Do you need two vacations or do you want two vacations? All right. I'm serious about this,
00:48:54.640
Ryan. This is a very serious topic. Now somebody is going to right away say, oh, but what about the
00:48:58.760
single parent? Okay. I'm not talking about that right now. I'm talking about, you know, a mom and
00:49:04.580
a dad with children, what they need versus what they want. Okay. Now let's talk about the single
00:49:08.600
parent. All right. That is rough. That's tough. I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to do that. That's
00:49:14.400
hard. I'm not going to deny that. That's hard. Now, what do people do if they're a single parent
00:49:19.460
and they would like to do parent direct at home-based education? They look for relationships,
00:49:25.600
right? They look for friends. They look for homeschool co-ops. Maybe they're a part of a church
00:49:31.360
and there's some support there. Maybe there's a grandma nearby or an auntie nearby. You start becoming
00:49:36.960
creative, right? And you don't think you're a, I can do everything myself, independent, individual
00:49:42.680
American. You know, you, you start to humble yourself a little bit and you, you have relationships.
00:49:48.220
So there are, there are thousands and thousands and thousands in America of single parents who
00:49:54.180
home educate their children of low income, high income, black, brown, white skin, whatever.
00:50:00.040
There are so many people who know and have found ways to home educate their children, but it is,
00:50:05.100
it's not, it's not necessarily easy. Uh, you've got to put work into it, but I want to say one more
00:50:10.560
thing. Not only, not only is it not easy, it's, it is harder. I've done both. It's harder to have
00:50:17.280
our children educated here. It's much more rewarding and fulfilling, but it's harder. No doubt about it.
00:50:23.100
Yes. That's, and I think that's very important to say, um, with, with that, it is harder work.
00:50:30.600
However, when your children are in an institution, there are some very strange problems that come with
00:50:36.960
that too. And some very, some, there are some, there might be some positive influences, but there
00:50:42.900
are a lot of negative influences too. And I'll just pop in one statistic for, for the sake of the
00:50:48.280
discussion here, the U S department of justice, 2019 tells us that today of our roughly 50 million
00:50:58.120
public school children in America, about 10 million of those, excuse me, about 5 million of them will be
00:51:04.780
sexually maltreated by public school employees by the time they graduate. That is by teachers,
00:51:13.100
coaches, coaches, custodians, administers. That's what our U S department just, so I'm not even going
00:51:19.560
to get into all the negatives right now, but, but there are a lot of things that come with government run
00:51:24.420
institutional schooling. So got to keep that in mind too. Yeah. It's hard work and it's rewarding,
00:51:29.940
you know, a home, home-based education. It's not, it's not all a bed of roses, but with that, I want to tell
00:51:35.560
people relax, don't think you have to do institutional school at home. You got to relax, relax and enjoy
00:51:44.040
your children. Great point. You know, when, when we started doing this two years ago, I remember the
00:51:49.280
first official day of school for my kids. What was it like? Oh, it was, it was, it was crazy because,
00:51:57.000
so my wife led the instruction and went through everything. And, and I came down from, from my office
00:52:02.900
probably around noon or whatever it was. And I said, well, you know, how is it going? And she's
00:52:07.440
like, we're done. I'm like, well, you've only been going at it for like two hours. What do you mean
00:52:12.220
you're done? And she's like, we're done. Like we went through the lessons and I'm like, well,
00:52:15.840
maybe we don't have the right curriculum or maybe we don't have enough, like, like something's off.
00:52:22.540
Like why, why are they at school for six, seven hours? And you're telling me in two hours,
00:52:26.900
you got all of the lessons done. I don't believe it. And I didn't believe it. And Trish and I,
00:52:31.560
my wife and I went through it together and we, we decided to stick with it, even though I felt
00:52:37.680
like it's not enough. It can't be enough. And, but like you said, we lightened up, they go on walks,
00:52:44.320
they explore nature. We, we went down to Boston, which is about three hours from here. And they go
00:52:48.900
to the museum and we go to the park and then we build a canoe together. And then we go to jujitsu.
00:52:53.740
And it's like, all of this stuff is included in our curriculum. It's not just, you know,
00:53:02.180
Ryan, that what your story was a classic homeschool man, dad story. Like what in the back of your head,
00:53:12.160
you don't even know it. You're, you're, you're thinking that institutional schooling is the
00:53:18.420
gold standard, right? And that's, that's education. No, it's not education. That's institutional
00:53:24.220
schooling. And so that's the only reason anybody would think, well, gee willikers, you can't be
00:53:30.600
done with academics in two hours, but, but you can. And, and research actually shows that, that
00:53:35.880
even in institutional schooling, researchers know that only one third of time is what they call
00:53:45.220
Right. Of course it's assemblies and recess and transferring between classes. And I get it.
00:53:53.840
Management and paperwork and trying to get the students to be quiet and stopping bullying and
00:53:59.000
all of that stuff. So this is a classic, wonderful story that you just told. It's just absolutely
00:54:06.960
I do like also that you're talking about the choices because that, that, excuse me, that is another
00:54:11.960
one of the things I hear quite often is, you know, well, Ryan, not everybody has the luxury.
00:54:16.620
That's what they say. Not everybody has the luxury or they say, it must be nice that your wife gets to
00:54:22.000
stay at home. And, you know, you make choices. Those are the choices we've made choices. We've
00:54:27.320
sacrificed financially in order to make this work. And I've had to bust my tail to make sure that I make
00:54:33.100
more income to provide for our way of life. Those are choices that we've made. And those are choices
00:54:38.380
that you can make. But I really get frustrated when I hear people who wash their hands of the
00:54:44.180
choices and they say, I don't have a choice, right? I don't have a choice. We have to have
00:54:48.700
two incomes. We have to do it this way. And I agree with you. That is incorrect, but it's going
00:54:53.680
to take some sacrifice and some different ways of doing life.
00:54:57.100
Yeah. It's going to take maybe doing some self-examination. Maybe it's going to take a friend
00:55:02.740
like Ryan talking with you. And, okay, tell me what you mean by you don't have a choice. That is
00:55:11.340
I, men are supposed to be proactive. They're supposed to make decisions. They're not supposed
00:55:18.340
to be reactors. They're supposed to be actors. That's what it means. That's part of what it means
00:55:23.560
to be a man. And to say that, hey, I just was born into, you know, I was born 35 years ago and the
00:55:31.580
norm is institutional public school and the norm, which is not true. The norm is two parents working
00:55:37.680
for money. And the norm is spending more of my money eating out and less of my money cooking for
00:55:42.280
forget all that. This is a season in your life for maybe only 20 years or so that you have these
00:55:51.240
creations called children and it's going to pass quickly, very quickly. And how much happier are you
00:55:59.320
with a car that's only five years old than with a car that's 10 years old?
00:56:05.920
I can give you a lot of stories, but there have been,
00:56:10.220
Brian and his wife have had older vehicles, all of their marriage, all of their marriage,
00:56:16.100
but the vehicle gets us there and gets us back. And we don't pay it on time. And if it breaks,
00:56:22.120
we save our money till we have enough money for another vehicle. That's how we do it.
00:56:25.460
And I get right in the face of friends who say, well, but we can't live on that much for food.
00:56:30.600
I say, how much does a 50 pound bag of beans cost? The 50 pound bag of rice and some good quality
00:56:37.920
vegetables, because with rice and beans, by the way, I'm not a vegetarian, but with rice and beans,
00:56:42.220
you can get pretty close to a complimentary protein and all the amino acids you need.
00:56:46.340
Well, I don't like that. I want more variety. I didn't ask you what you like. I said, what can you
00:56:50.520
live on? Really basic conversations, Ryan. And then people start realizing, wow, you lived on
00:56:57.520
that. Yeah, we lived on that. A choice. They made a choice to do it. We made choices to have time
00:57:05.220
with our children. We made choices to have Betsy have time with our children. So they were not latchkey
00:57:13.860
children. And so they were not children who were raised with my mom and dad at eight 30 in the
00:57:19.680
morning. Oh, and by the way, we'll see at about five 30. We'll sit down to a 20 minute meal with
00:57:24.160
the TV on. And then we'll go to our gizmos and we'll all go to bed. We made choices. That's not how
00:57:29.780
we live. Our meal was every night together with our children. Remember this minimum 45 minutes together
00:57:37.180
of discussion, laughter, arguments, crying, fun, questions, academics, everything. You make
00:57:44.820
choices. I know you don't have a social media. I'm really curious about that because I think it's
00:57:51.280
very easy to get caught up with social media and popular culture about keeping up with the Joneses
00:57:56.820
and everything else. Is that one of the reasons that you've decided not to utilize social media or
00:58:01.520
is there something else? It's a very deliberate thing, Ryan. I have a busy life. I do research.
00:58:09.180
I'm a husband still. All our children are grown. We have 16 grandchildren. I'm a part of a Christian
00:58:16.380
church. I love to hunt. I like to take time on my bicycle, riding to and from work and talk with
00:58:23.260
people. I don't want time for television or social media. I don't need it. I have
00:58:31.480
good friends. I have arguments with people and discussions. I'm not going to condemn social
00:58:40.740
media. I'm just going to say from my experience with people and talking with many, many, many people
00:58:46.060
and reading about social media and studying research on social media, man, oh man, I do not
00:58:54.100
see the value to my life. I don't see it. At this point in history, and I hope this comes across the
00:59:01.240
right way, my wife and I have made a deliberate choice. At this point in our life, we still do not
00:59:06.940
have cell phones. Now, people might think that's kind of odd, but you know what? In what I do, I'm on
00:59:13.700
the computer and the internet all day long. I'm on email all day long.
00:59:22.560
I do not need a cell phone. Now, some people might say, I need a cell phone. All right, if you need a
00:59:30.240
cell phone, have a cell phone. But it's just another thing that can send me feeds that I don't want to
00:59:36.220
see. News people who tell me what to believe. More distractions. I make it a point to be in touch
00:59:43.380
with relationships with a phone and email and in person. In person is best. It's a choice. It is a
00:59:50.480
choice. A thoughtful choice. The one thing I'm gathering from what you're saying here too, and I've
00:59:56.480
never really considered it this way until you had just said that, is you're talking about seeing things
01:00:01.460
in your feed? Well, we know that technology can learn what we want to hear, is going to implant
01:00:09.560
what it wants you to hear, what other people want you to hear. I don't think anyone would ever accuse
01:00:16.440
you of being an uninformed individual, but it seems like you're a little bit more deliberate about how
01:00:23.460
you go about getting informed versus just the default of it being planted in your pocket, in your device,
01:00:29.220
in your head, and everywhere else from all these external sources. Totally deliberate. And since
01:00:34.060
Ryan, we're talking about men, and I said earlier, men need to be proactive. Men need to stop and think
01:00:42.500
about what is my philosophy? What is my worldview? Why do I believe what I believe? What is my metaphysics,
01:00:49.900
my epistemology, my axiology? How do I know what's true? How do I gain knowledge? How do I decide
01:00:56.200
what's a value? You need to drive, you need to be in charge of your life and not be a passive recipient
01:01:03.340
of other people who would love to control your life. There are people who want to control your
01:01:07.460
thoughts. We talked about common schools and government schools. There are people who want
01:01:11.520
to sell you stuff, and they want to be in charge of how you spend your money, which is how you spend
01:01:17.500
your time, right? Because money comes with time, right? And you want your time to be controlled by
01:01:23.200
somebody else, or do you want to be driven what's best for your friends, your wife, your children,
01:01:31.220
your church family, whatever it is? You want to be in charge of that, or do you want somebody else to
01:01:35.240
be in charge of that? And it needs to be deliberate, and it is. I'm not saying I'm perfect at it, but
01:01:40.100
no, I'm extremely well-informed. I choose my news sources. I look at a variety, and I choose. I do not
01:01:46.400
let any feeds come into me. No feeds. I don't want any of that intravenous stuff, you know, pushing me
01:01:52.840
around. I mean, you know, it's funny you're using that figuratively, but I don't think we're too off
01:01:57.140
from that being taken to literally either with things that are implanted into us and access. I
01:02:04.720
mean, we're almost, you know, that way right now. This device is always just connected to me. It's
01:02:10.960
almost a part of me at this point. So, yeah. I mentioned how I like to do little surveys on the
01:02:16.400
street, you know, wherever I am, grocery store, parking lot at the beach, the gas station on the
01:02:20.760
airplane, and we won't get into my opinion on this, but I asked people over the whole last year,
01:02:25.460
why do you think most people believe what they believe about a virus, about masks, about whatever,
01:02:34.120
and the vast majority, Ryan, told me they held up their hands like this, and they said social media.
01:02:40.960
And the feeds that we get from wherever. In other words, it was like a passive recipient
01:02:46.920
letting that mold their thinking rather than being critical thinkers, deciding the values against
01:02:54.580
what they want to, you know, judge information. And most of them said that. That's what they told me.
01:03:01.480
Yeah. That they're basically like willing victims of somebody else's understanding of data and science
01:03:09.340
and philosophy. Interesting. Yeah. You know, if somebody's listening to this, and I know there's
01:03:14.840
a lot of men who tune into what we do, they followed my journey. They know we've been educating our
01:03:19.740
children at home for the past couple of years. What are some ways that somebody could get into this?
01:03:25.640
There's curriculums that we use. I don't know if it's looking into a certain curriculum,
01:03:29.280
or if there's other advice or tips that you have for getting men and their spouses on board with
01:03:35.360
this idea of, of educating their children. Yeah. I think there are a few things. One,
01:03:40.600
I've actually written an article on how to get going on home education, but I mean,
01:03:44.420
I'm not a specialist on the, all the how to's, but here, here's the big picture.
01:03:51.000
One of the best things is if you could go to a home education conference and before a year ago,
01:03:58.540
they were, they were in person, they're all over the place and they're coming back now, but go to a
01:04:03.760
homeschool conference. Every, every, almost every state has a statewide homeschool organization. And
01:04:09.340
you could actually go, you could go to this place, HSLDA.org, HSLDA.org and look up your state and it'll
01:04:17.800
put you in contact with homeschool organizations. Okay. So you go to a conference and it can be
01:04:22.740
overwhelming. They, you know, there's all these speakers and curriculum vendor exhibits, all this
01:04:27.940
stuff, but just go and listen and learn and relax and do not think you have to go pick a curriculum
01:04:34.620
or something. That's, that's one thing. Number two, meet a few homeschool families and just talk with
01:04:42.780
them. Just say, Hey, how'd you get started? How did you do? How did you decide your style of education?
01:04:48.320
How did you choose curriculum? And, and try to pick a few different families with different age
01:04:53.200
children. And if any one of them tells you, there's only one way to homeschool, run away from them.
01:04:59.000
Right. Because one of the, one of the beauties of home education, and this is really important, Ryan,
01:05:03.560
your home-based education family needs to reflect the single parent or the mom and the dad and your
01:05:12.260
children. It's a unique constellation. So, so Ryan and his wife might do it one way. And I might say,
01:05:19.960
that's a stupid way. I don't like that way, but Hey, Brian and Betsy to do a different way. And you
01:05:24.800
look at that, I wouldn't work for my family. I'm not your family. You're not my family. You know,
01:05:30.100
these are not your children. And so just remember that there are a lot of ways. There's a highly
01:05:34.600
structured way. There's a kind of a relaxed lifestyle of learning way. Um, there's by a whole package of
01:05:40.580
curriculum for all the subject. There's the way of saying, Hey, we'll pick that curriculum for math
01:05:45.140
and that one for reading and all the rest of, or just kind of do on our own. So go to a conference,
01:05:50.020
meet two or three families, just pick their brains and don't get overwhelmed and nervous. Okay.
01:05:56.780
That's I'll add one more thing to that. And some people might say that that's your responsible,
01:06:01.120
Brian. If all you did with your children for the first couple of months of your quote,
01:06:06.920
now formal homeschooling was read to them, read with them, encourage them to read and,
01:06:15.080
and take this like 99 cent math book from Walmart and have them work through wherever they were to
01:06:21.200
a little higher level, you'd be doing great. Yeah. I could see how people would say that's
01:06:27.540
irresponsible, but I can also see with the level of involvement of a parent, how actually beneficial
01:06:33.780
that would really be. You got it. That's the parents involved. You're talking, you're discussing,
01:06:39.680
you're doing real life things. Like you said, using a tape measure to build a boat or to build a bird
01:06:44.380
house. You're cooking in the kitchen. You're having fun with your children. I mean, I it's,
01:06:52.180
it's incredible. And there are, we know from research, there are families who take a very relaxed
01:06:59.420
lifestyle of learning approach with very little structured curriculum. And there are families
01:07:04.480
who take a very structured approach and we're going to be the best in everything. And both of
01:07:09.900
those groups on average, their children are doing very well. Hmm. You know, there's another benefit
01:07:15.740
too, which is adaptability. We've, we've used curriculums in the past. Uh, and we noticed that
01:07:21.920
our two oldest really did well on these curriculums. And then our daughter came to our daughter
01:07:27.380
specifically with reading and she was really struggling. We couldn't figure out why, well,
01:07:30.960
we, we come to find out she's, she's dyslexic and, and she, but she's intelligent. So in the public
01:07:37.720
school system, she would have been able to fake her way through, you know, a school teacher has 30
01:07:41.760
kids. Like she, she's gonna, she can memorize a book. You'll give her a book and she'll memorize it.
01:07:46.620
And you'll look, you'll look at her. You'll want, like, look at her eyes and watch her read the book.
01:07:51.780
And she's not reading the words. This is what struck me. She's not reading the words.
01:07:55.220
She's looking at the pictures, which means that she memorized the words and the triggers of the
01:08:00.420
pictures. She would have slipped right through that in public school, but we were able to catch
01:08:05.500
it because of that personalized attention. And then we realized, okay, this reading curriculum
01:08:10.940
does not work for her. So what do we need to do in order to help her wrap her mind the way it works
01:08:17.760
around the concept of reading? And we've made some, and it's been amazing.
01:08:22.020
And parents, parents have to stay humble. Like we don't know everything.
01:08:26.660
I'm not saying, I'm not saying that homeschool parents know everything. They know they don't
01:08:29.880
know everything, but, but you figured out something, you noticed something and you can
01:08:34.700
either be cocky and arrogant and say, oh, I can solve it all myself. Or you can go online and look
01:08:39.060
for some ideas and help, or you can go to a homeschool conference and, oh, oh, there's a workshop on
01:08:44.160
helping dyslexic, dyslexic children. And you, you learn and, and, and maybe you, you help her,
01:08:51.180
or maybe you get a helper to help you. It's just, it's so cool. It's like, it's just, it's just great.
01:08:57.740
It's just, uh, there's so much flexibility if you're willing to be humble and learn and help your
01:09:02.320
children spend time with them. It's, it's really a wonderful way of living. It's the way people used
01:09:07.340
to live. And then we, we sort of like got rid of it for 120 years and now it's making a comeback.
01:09:13.680
Yeah. Maybe we're thinking a little bit rethinking our, what, what we did that those years ago,
01:09:19.400
you know, there's one other objection that I often receive it and it has nothing to do with
01:09:23.560
the individual. It's funny that people would even bring this up as an objection. They'll say
01:09:27.140
something like, well, what about those kids, you know, who don't have parents? And, and I'm curious
01:09:33.880
about your answer to that. Yeah. Yeah. But I realized that is, that is a something that is
01:09:40.420
likely that could happen. It's just funny to me. Somebody would use that as an objection. Cause
01:09:45.320
I'll ask, well, is that your situation? Do your kids not have involved parents? Well, no,
01:09:49.520
just some don't. I'm like, well, you're responsible for yours. Why are you using this as an objection
01:09:53.640
to homeschooling? I'm not saying do away with the public school system. I'm saying you should
01:09:58.800
question whether or not you should be involved in that or something else.
01:10:02.340
I, I, I would say you're right. It's, it's a, it's a red herring might not be meant to be a red
01:10:09.940
herring, but it's a red herring and it's moot. Um, and you say, well, like you said, you're responsible
01:10:16.720
for your children to make really good decisions and be involved in their lives. If you know of
01:10:21.880
somebody, some children who don't have parents, by the way, that doesn't exist. I mean, all, all
01:10:28.140
children, at least in the United States, either have parents or guardians, you know? And so they
01:10:32.600
live with somebody. We don't, we don't let 12 year olds live alone. Okay. So you say, well,
01:10:36.780
if you're really concerned about children who only have one parent or they have guardians,
01:10:41.800
legal guardians and not parents, you can get involved in a nonprofit to help them or tutor them,
01:10:46.640
or you can get involved when you, while you're home educating your children, you can invite them
01:10:50.900
over so that they have a role model in their lives. You know, it's, yeah, it's, it's a whole
01:10:54.920
thing. But, but what that reminds me of Ryan is, and I thought you were going to ask this, but you
01:10:59.100
didn't, but it's related. I have some people say, well, actually some academics have said homeschooling
01:11:06.480
is selfish because it does not care about the common good of, again, it's a red herring.
01:11:13.740
And that argues that somehow when you home educate your child and do not put them in a government
01:11:20.840
or a peer dependent institution, you don't care about your neighbors, which is absolutely false.
01:11:28.520
It's, there's no empirical evidence to support that. Another thing that's really fascinating
01:11:33.060
about that for a while, many academics were saying, well, homeschooling, that's rich white
01:11:39.800
people, highly educated. It was never true. It was disproportionately white for a while,
01:11:45.940
now, but guess where homeschooling is booming now with people of darker skin color. And they're
01:11:52.380
saying, Hey, you critical race theory, neo-Marxist, whatever, who are saying who, by the way, some of
01:12:00.380
them said 10 years ago, homeschooling is bad for black families, black moms and dads are saying,
01:12:06.180
you're crazy. We care about our children. We love our children. We're good for our children,
01:12:13.160
not try to build up something you think is a government school system that somehow makes
01:12:18.020
society better for your worldview. So it's a great topic. It's so fun. Yeah. It's yeah.
01:12:26.080
Now, but your responsibility is your children first. And then if you care about other children who have
01:12:31.240
not enough of this or that, go help them. Right. Right. That's the simple answer.
01:12:38.360
I agree. I mean, that's the route I usually go. It's just funny to hear people talk about that.
01:12:42.380
You know, the other one I'll hear every so often is, you know, I put my kids there so they'll get
01:12:48.500
tough and be exposed to these things and they'll learn how to be more resilient. And I'm thinking to
01:12:52.600
myself, your children are incapable of resisting bad ideology. They're in, they're physically
01:13:02.080
incapable of it. They cannot by their very nature distinguish between healthy and destructive
01:13:10.160
ideology. Their brains aren't developed enough to do it. They're so impressionable. You're not
01:13:15.560
hardening your kids by doing that. You're exposing them to something they can't defend against.
01:13:21.880
Yeah. There's an old, old, old book that says the companion of fools suffers harm.
01:13:30.940
And it also says that the blind leading the blind, they'll both fall into a pit. So it's a bad
01:13:37.820
argument. It's a bad argument. And you know, I would also say to that, that dad, okay, so you think
01:13:43.980
you should let them be taught training and indoctrinated six hours a day in a government
01:13:48.020
institution because you think they need to be exposed to other things. Well, you know what you
01:13:52.540
could do? You could be the main influence of their life and you could invite over people with different
01:13:58.360
viewpoints, people who want to beat up on your kid and you could have them over to your house once a
01:14:03.540
week after dinner. And you could watch them bully your kid. And then you could have a debate with the
01:14:08.720
other guy's dad about your totally different worldviews. What a tremendous opportunity.
01:14:13.760
But that's too much work. When a dad tells me that he really doesn't want to do that work.
01:14:19.540
I think most of the time, Ryan, it's an excuse for, Hey, it's just easier. It's just easier. I don't
01:14:25.220
want to take responsibility. And that's, that's an amazing thing about home education. When you take
01:14:29.920
on and you actually execute the duty and the responsibility to be in charge of your child's
01:14:35.880
education, you have to grow up as an adult. You can no longer blame anybody else. You cannot blame
01:14:43.340
the public school system. You cannot blame the private school. You cannot blame the peers. It
01:14:49.400
all falls right in your lap now. And it's, it's rather sobering. And I think it's a good sobering of
01:14:55.820
men to realize, Hey, wait a minute. I am an actor. I'm not supposed to be just a reactor. And I need to
01:15:02.780
take seriously what I do with my children and I need to be in charge and not let other people be
01:15:07.280
in charge and then blame them when things go poorly. Powerful, very powerful stuff. And in line
01:15:13.300
with everything we've been talking about for six years. Well, Brian, where do people go to learn
01:15:17.540
more about what you're doing, the research that you have to back up and support the things we talked
01:15:21.560
about today and everything else? Very simple. Uh, N H E R I.org. That's national home education
01:15:30.340
research institute, N H E R I.org. And go to, go to connect and you can just sign up in 12 seconds.
01:15:36.800
You can get free homeschool research news. We do not send out a bunch of junk mail. I don't have time
01:15:42.480
for that. So free homeschool research news. And you can poke around our website. There's a fact sheet.
01:15:48.080
There's a gob of research. Uh, just, just go there. It's all over there. Great. We'll sync it all up.
01:15:54.860
Well, Brian, I really appreciate you joining us and sharing some of this stuff. It's been a tremendous
01:15:58.480
part of our journey over the past couple of years. We made the decision to do this when we moved from
01:16:03.280
Utah to Maine two years ago. And, uh, I never saw ourselves doing this, but I'm so grateful that we
01:16:12.160
did. And I'm grateful for men like you and women as well, who have the research, have the information,
01:16:17.620
are sharing this information, trying to let people know that it isn't, it doesn't need to be
01:16:23.000
overwhelming, that it isn't impossible, that we can make choices. They may be difficult, but we can do it.
01:16:27.540
And I appreciate you and your work. You're welcome. And I love doing it. I enjoy doing it.
01:16:33.000
Thanks for having me on Ryan. Thanks again. All right, guys, there you go. My conversation
01:16:37.860
with Dr. Ray. I hope you enjoyed it. Uh, I know a lot of you are homeschooling your children already
01:16:42.580
and see the immense value in it. Not to say that, uh, you don't have your challenges and struggles
01:16:47.220
with it because they're sacrifices. Obviously we talked about that to be made. If you decide to
01:16:52.180
school your children at home. Uh, and maybe there's a bunch of you on the fence,
01:16:56.260
thinking about doing this. Um, I would say hopefully that this conversation gives you at
01:17:01.520
least some information to consider as you're making your decision. And then also again, check
01:17:05.940
out the, uh, national home education research Institute because, uh, documents, findings, data,
01:17:12.880
science, research, ideas, concepts, you'll find it all there. And you can connect with, uh, Dr. Ray
01:17:18.720
there again at the national home education research Institute. So guys, again, I hope this serves
01:17:24.540
you. I hope all of our conversations serve you please. As we leave today, uh, just make sure you
01:17:28.640
hit punch subscribe, uh, wherever you're listening to the podcast. Cause that goes a long way in the
01:17:33.380
algorithm to promote what we're doing here. Take a screenshot, share, send somebody a text. If you
01:17:39.320
know, and have guys that you've been talking with about homeschooling, shoot them a link to this
01:17:43.380
podcast, like whatever you can do to promote what we're doing here, guys, just know it goes a very
01:17:47.440
long way. And if we have hundreds and hundreds of thousands of men, which we do who are listening to
01:17:52.480
this podcast and they're all sharing and they're all putting that information out there, this order
01:17:56.660
of man movement is going to become a force to be reckoned with. And we're going to gain attention
01:18:00.820
and credibility and influence. And that's what we need. Actually, we need the influence to influence
01:18:06.240
society and culture because I don't think it's going the right way. And you and I have the power to do
01:18:11.160
something about it, maybe to the nth degree, but if a bunch of us do it, then we're going to start
01:18:15.840
moving the needle in meaningful and significant ways. So share it, leave a rating review, check out
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01:18:27.100
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01:18:31.620
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01:18:37.160
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01:18:42.340
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