Order of Man - Early Days of Sobriety, Building a Community with Dissenting Voices, and Managing Grief ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly charge

00:00:05.000 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is who

00:00:17.200 you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.760 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Brian Michler.

00:00:27.580 I'm your host and the founder of the Order A Man podcast and movement. Welcome here today.

00:00:32.380 Glad you're tuning in. It really doesn't matter to me how long you've been here. Some of you guys

00:00:36.460 have been around for almost eight years now, which is unbelievable to think about how long we've been

00:00:41.760 going. Some of you guys have been with us for eight minutes or 30 seconds because this is your first

00:00:48.360 time listening to this podcast. But if you are, this is a podcast and a movement dedicated to

00:00:53.300 helping you become a better man. So we give you information and tools and guidance and resources

00:00:58.020 and tools and also conversations via this podcast with incredible men like Terry Crews and Tim Tebow

00:01:04.420 and Jocko Willink and Tim Kennedy and David Goggins and the other 460 or so men who have been on the

00:01:12.360 podcast, all of which have valuable information to share. So if you've been around for any amount of

00:01:17.640 time, listen to a couple of podcasts, do me a real quick favor if you would and the movement as well

00:01:22.120 and drop a rating and review wherever you're listening to this podcast. I know it doesn't seem

00:01:27.760 like much. And sometimes when it doesn't seem like much, we think maybe we won't do it. But if all of

00:01:34.060 you just went in and left a rating and review, it'd mean a big deal. I kind of look at it as lifting a

00:01:40.300 little bit. Sometimes we think, well, you know, if I miss one workout, it's not going to be a big deal.

00:01:45.600 Or if I get one workout in and that's all I have time for this week, it's not that big a deal.

00:01:51.620 Maybe. But when you string them all together and you are consistent in going to the gym or consistent

00:01:59.780 in not missing your days, that adds up. And those little seemingly insignificant moments in time

00:02:06.620 compound and equal something great. So yeah, maybe your one review is not that big a deal.

00:02:12.300 But if 10,000 of you left a review, that would be a big deal. So that's what I asked today.

00:02:18.340 Outside of that, we're going to be opening up our exclusive brotherhood, the Iron Council 0.92

00:02:21.460 in June. So it's May 29th as of this recording. I think this comes out on

00:02:26.540 June 1st or 2nd. So the Iron Council will open up here in the next couple of weeks.

00:02:31.200 Head to orderman.com slash Iron Council. You can be the first to be notified when we open up

00:02:37.500 in mid-June. All right, guys, let's get to it. Today is our Ask Me Anything. Normally,

00:02:41.880 I have Kip Sorensen, my good friend and co-host here on the podcast on Wednesdays.

00:02:45.860 He is building his home in Utah. And we are going to excuse him. We'll allow him a pass because I

00:02:54.300 think he's getting close to building and he's building a lot of the home on his own, him and

00:02:57.840 his family. So we'll let him go ahead and take care of that. Okay. I'm going to field some questions

00:03:02.640 from Instagram. I posed this the other day. And by the way, you can follow me on Instagram at

00:03:07.180 Ryan Mickler. And let's just get into it. I took some notes. So if you're watching the video,

00:03:11.340 you're going to see me bouncing back and forth between my notes that I have right here,

00:03:16.040 my Instagram account, and back here with you guys. So bear with me. The first one comes from

00:03:22.740 my good friend Endurance Lifted. He said, struggling right now with building a business too,

00:03:28.040 actually, and being consumed with worry, finances at home, and in the business,

00:03:32.640 my youngest going off to college and trying to be present in my marriage. Sounds like he's got a

00:03:36.920 tongue going on, like we all do. No time, no close friends, and no idea how I'm going to make

00:03:41.480 all of this work without losing it all. Some days are good. Most days are hard. One of the loneliest

00:03:47.660 and hardest times of my life. And that's saying something, questioning my sanity. And so is everyone

00:03:54.240 else. So other people are questioning his sanity as well. How do you keep your sanity and your family

00:04:01.300 intact? Well, here's what I would say. Number one, we need to evaluate what we're doing and ensure

00:04:08.500 that what we are doing and what we are consuming with our time is moving us in the right direction.

00:04:13.800 And the right direction has nothing to do with what I think, has nothing to do with what culture

00:04:18.560 or society tells you. It has everything to do with what you think and also what your family thinks.

00:04:23.440 Your family is important because you made commitments to them, but everything else doesn't really matter.

00:04:28.160 So you have to ask yourself, is this the right thing to be doing? Not by cultural or societal

00:04:33.820 standards, but by your own and by your family standards. And if it is, now we need to figure

00:04:38.340 out a way to go from there. I only preface it with that because sometimes I see a lot of men

00:04:42.800 following different advice, following a bunch of Instagram accounts, doing things that other people

00:04:48.640 are doing because they think they should or are supposed to be doing those things. And that leads to a

00:04:52.820 leads to a lot of disaster, a lot of heartache and frustration. So make sure you're chasing your

00:04:58.480 dreams, not mine, not anybody else's that you may follow. Now, assuming you are, here's what I would

00:05:03.840 say. You might need to evaluate what you can cut out in your life. And there's things you can't,

00:05:09.040 right? You probably are not going to cut out your family. And I would advise that you not do that.

00:05:15.180 You're probably not going to cut out if you're spiritually inclined, you're not going to cut out

00:05:19.800 that sort of thing. There might be some hobbies though, in this period of time, they need to go.

00:05:25.300 Maybe you really like to go to the gym two hours per day. I don't know if that's the case. I know

00:05:29.260 you're strong. I know you're fit. And so maybe that suffers a little bit right now. You know,

00:05:35.500 so you put two hours in, maybe you don't put two hours in, maybe you get an hour or you get 45

00:05:40.780 minutes a day. And what that does is that frees up another hour or 45 minutes or whatever it may be

00:05:45.140 to be able to focus on your two businesses that you're trying to grow. I would also make sure that

00:05:49.660 you're communicating effectively with what's going on with regards to your business and your stress

00:05:54.840 levels with your wife. There is a lot of thought and a lot of information out there for guys. And

00:06:01.020 I don't really agree with this. Actually, I don't agree with it at all. That says that you shouldn't

00:06:06.100 share some of your struggles and what you're dealing with. Some of the emotional and mental

00:06:12.080 turmoil or hardship that you're dealing with, with your spouse, because some, in some ways or in some

00:06:17.840 circles, they believe it makes you appear weaker. I don't think that's the case at all. I may have

00:06:22.360 said that two years ago. I really don't think that's the case. I think she partnered with you.

00:06:27.760 She wants to hear about you and what's going on and what you're afraid of and what you're scared of

00:06:32.000 and what you're glad about and what's going on and what's keeping you up at night. She wants to know

00:06:35.920 all that stuff, guys, which she truly does. Now, if you're just going to whine and bitch and moan and 1.00

00:06:40.660 complain, yeah, that's going to get old pretty quick, but that's not what I'm telling you to do. 0.87

00:06:44.100 So, I'm suggesting that you open up and that's really hard to do. I've had to open up in a lot

00:06:49.420 of ways over the past several weeks, several months, several years, and it's not comfortable

00:06:54.920 and it's not fun. It's vulnerable and it makes you feel weak in a lot of ways, but I'm telling you,

00:07:01.780 she wants to hear how things are going. So, talk with her about it. Hey, here's what I'm afraid of.

00:07:05.880 Here's my concerns. Here's my fears, but here's what I'm doing about it. The other thing I would

00:07:11.040 suggest in these conversations is you talk about boundaries and what you will and won't do.

00:07:16.460 You talk about timeframes. Hey, this is going to be going on for three to four months

00:07:20.660 and you have a plan to make sure it is three to four months because four months rolls around and

00:07:25.360 all of a sudden it's like, hey, hon, it's going to be another three months and another three months

00:07:28.300 and another three months. And then it's been two years and you're acting like the same guy that you

00:07:31.880 were two years prior. So, make sure that you have a timetable in place. You're communicating with her

00:07:37.260 frequently. You're letting her know what's going on. And if you open up to her in that kind of way,

00:07:43.360 I was going to say, she's going to be more forgiving. That's not actually what I want to say.

00:07:46.720 She's going to be more understanding and she's going to be an ally. She cares about you, bro.

00:07:52.340 She wants you to win. Partly because if you win, she wins, but also because she loves you.

00:07:57.920 And if you shut her out, you don't tell her what's going on. You don't communicate with her.

00:08:02.540 You don't give her a timetable and you keep her in the dark. She's going to draw a lot of

00:08:06.080 assumptions and generally when we draw assumptions, they aren't positive ones. So, make sure you

00:08:10.860 communicate with her effectively. I hope that helps. All right, brother. Good luck. Let me know

00:08:14.040 if you need anything else. The next one is from Justin, my good friend Justin out in Maine. He

00:08:20.140 moved to Maine about maybe two, I could be off two years ago or so. JJ Taylor Studio. He moved to Maine

00:08:27.080 from Utah. He's a good friend of mine. He says, will I ever see you again on the mats in Maine? Many of you

00:08:31.720 know I'm no longer in Maine. I'm in Southern Utah, which is where I live now. And yes, the answer is

00:08:37.260 yes. You will see me again on the mats in Maine. Trying to get out to Origins Immersion Camp. And if

00:08:42.860 you aren't following Origin, make sure you do. They make durable goods, 100% made and sourced in America.

00:08:49.500 Get the segues on these sponsorships, by the way. It's not just a sponsorship. These guys are friends.

00:08:57.620 But yeah, 100% made and sourced in America. They make geese, rash guards, denim, jeans, boots,

00:09:06.140 you name it. They make it. Check them out. Okay? So, you will see me back, Justin. Without a doubt.

00:09:11.740 Next one comes from Run With Brad. He says, is there a book you would recommend along with the

00:09:17.340 Bible to help you walk, excuse me, to help with your walk as a Christian? My good friend,

00:09:23.500 Scott Davis chimed in on this one. He said, hey, I can't speak for Ryan, but Wild at Heart was the

00:09:28.660 most transformative book of my life. And Scott nails that one. If you guys have not read Wild

00:09:35.460 at Heart by John Eldridge, and I don't care if you are religious or Christian or spiritual or not,

00:09:41.000 better read that book. You're listening to this podcast, want to be a better man. That book,

00:09:46.780 as it has with Scott, he says here, literally transformed my life. It crystallized and made

00:09:55.180 more tangible, more recognizable. A lot of the thoughts or at least feelings that I had as a man,

00:10:00.780 but I couldn't quite put my finger on what in the world was going on. So, I've had John on the

00:10:05.840 podcast a couple of times. John Eldridge, Wild at Heart. I don't need to say anything else. Just read

00:10:11.920 the book. Just read the book and then we can talk more about it. All right, let's go to,

00:10:18.040 scroll down here. This one comes from Sarah Jo Soul Purpose. She says, how is sobriety and how can I

00:10:24.780 support your journey? So, Sarah, number one, I appreciate the concern. I appreciate the

00:10:29.360 consideration. For those of you who have been listening for the last year or longer, you know

00:10:35.740 I've been on a walk with sobriety over the past nine months and I can tell you that it's going really

00:10:39.120 well. I've been sober for nine months, roughly. I don't know the exact time frame. I can calculate

00:10:45.700 it. I believe July, excuse me, August. Yes. August 1st of 2022 is my sobriety date and I can tell you

00:10:57.340 it's going really well. Man, I have more energy than I've ever had. I have more focus, more determination,

00:11:03.080 more drive, more ambition. I've got the, I just said the energy to back it up and support it. I've had

00:11:08.420 people message me that listen to the podcast. I have guys in the Iron Council, our exclusive

00:11:12.200 brotherhood tell me that it's good to see me back. I feel really good, all things considered.

00:11:18.920 So, yeah, sobriety is well. I know a lot of you guys are drinking and I know that because

00:11:24.920 message me. And I'm not opposed to drinking. I really am not. You know, if you want to have a

00:11:29.700 drink and you want to loosen up a little bit or it's a nice way to unwind at the end of the week,

00:11:34.560 I can't drink because if I do, then I'll say it this way. If I have one drink, I want all the

00:11:41.000 drinks. And I know that about myself and it's important to recognize that about ourselves.

00:11:45.080 I've had a lot of people, not a lot. I've had some people say, well, you know, that's not being very

00:11:48.720 disciplined. I don't care. Okay. I don't care if people say, well, you know, you should be able

00:11:53.340 to have a drink and without getting drunk. I don't care what you think. I don't care that you think

00:11:57.140 maybe it's not disciplined. You know what I care about? Results. And I know myself well enough that I

00:12:02.340 put systems and processes in place to ensure that I don't do dumb shit and to ensure that I do things 0.98

00:12:09.600 that are going to improve my life. So if you come at me and you say to me, well, you know, that's 0.98

00:12:14.840 not disciplined. A disciplined man should be able to have a drink and not get drunk. I don't care.

00:12:19.440 You haven't read Atomic Habits if you're saying that. And that's a great book, by the way. If you

00:12:23.320 haven't read that one, read Atomic Habits. I believe James says in the book, something to the effect

00:12:29.440 of. We don't rise to the level of our expectations. We fall to the level of our system. So he's not

00:12:35.080 talking about discipline. He's talking about systems. And one of my systems is I don't have

00:12:41.080 alcohol in the house. I don't go to places where I could potentially have alcohol. You might say,

00:12:45.780 well, that's not disciplined. Again, I don't care. I have those systems in place. And that's what works

00:12:51.480 for me. Something else might work for you. But to your question, Sarah, sobriety is well.

00:12:56.920 How can you support me on my journey? You're doing it just by asking the question,

00:13:01.380 being engaged. That's powerful. If there's an episode you listen to that you like or think

00:13:06.580 would resonate with somebody, shoot them a text. Just hit that share button, shoot them a text,

00:13:10.320 say, hey, listen to this podcast. And that goes a long way in what we're doing here. And of course,

00:13:13.920 the help that people need. Let's go down here to Operations Strong Dad. He says,

00:13:21.760 how do you think people build community when everyone seems to let any opposing view keep

00:13:28.300 people as far away as possible? Do you think it's necessary to have friends, especially close

00:13:34.100 friends that think differently than we do? Do you think you lose perspective if you only keep

00:13:40.040 like-minded individuals in your circle? Operations Dad, Strong Dad, these are a lot of leading questions.

00:13:46.280 I think you know the answer to these questions because the way that you formulated them,

00:13:49.840 they're leading. I think you know the answer. For example, do you lose perspective if you only

00:13:54.920 keep like-minded individuals in your inner circle? You already know the answer to that.

00:13:59.340 Another one here is, do you think it's necessary to have friends? I mean, come on. Of course,

00:14:04.360 especially close friends that think differently than you. Yeah, of course. We know we need to have

00:14:08.860 friends. We know that we can lose perspective if we work in an echo chamber. And I'm not beating you up

00:14:15.100 a little bit here, but I think you know the answer to these questions. And maybe these are rhetorical.

00:14:19.400 Maybe you're just giving some advice in the form of a question. And I think you're right.

00:14:23.040 I will say that. I think you're right. It is important to consider opposing views.

00:14:29.680 I think when building a community, and this is one thing you mentioned, Operation Strong Dad,

00:14:33.440 he says, how do you think people build community when everyone seems to let any opposing views keep

00:14:37.460 people as far away as possible? Community is always built around a common interest or a shared objective.

00:14:42.580 objective. So if there's no shared objective, and actually this is the problem I see in our country

00:14:47.860 today, is that we can have opposing views with people. I have no problem with that. But you know

00:14:52.260 what I do have a problem with is that there's no shared objective with a lot of these people.

00:14:57.820 You know, you take far right wing people and you take far left people and like they're not even on

00:15:03.000 the same playing field. Like let's dig into that analogy a little bit. Let's say you're going to play a

00:15:08.040 football game. And a football game, a lot of people think is competition. It is competition

00:15:12.280 for sure. But I think deeper than that, it's cooperation. It's cooperation. And let me explain

00:15:18.240 what I mean. Two football teams decide that we're going to meet at a certain time on this field.

00:15:23.160 And this field is a certain dimension. I believe it's, well, it's a hundred yards long. I believe

00:15:28.460 it's 50 yards wide. And you know, you have the hash marks and the yardage markers in the end zone,

00:15:34.860 and you have rules, right? Here, you have four downs to complete 10 yards. That's a rule. You

00:15:41.580 can pass. You can throw. You need to have this many people in line. Some people aren't eligible

00:15:45.940 to catch. Some people aren't eligible to run. Some are blockers. Some are catchers. Some are

00:15:49.700 throws, right? You have rules. And two teams come together and they say, you know what? In the spirit

00:15:54.460 of competitiveness, but also in the spirit of cooperation, we're going to abide by these rules.

00:16:00.780 And we believe in the rules so much that if we break the rules, we want to bring a third party

00:16:07.000 arbitrator to come in, a referee, and impose penalties if either one of us breaks the rules.

00:16:14.120 That's cooperation. But there's a shared objective. And the shared objective is obviously to score more

00:16:21.580 than the other team, to improve each other, to see who's the best. And so we cooperate in a

00:16:25.800 meaningful and significant way. But just because we cooperate doesn't mean we have to do it the same way.

00:16:30.780 So you might have one team that's a heavy running team. You might have another team that's a heavy

00:16:35.040 passing team. Still cooperating. Still rallied around the same objective to be better, to be

00:16:40.180 the best athletes that we can be. But we see it differently. So there's no problem with seeing

00:16:44.000 things differently. It's are we going towards the same goal? And if we're not, then it's going to be

00:16:48.980 pretty difficult to cooperate in any meaningful and significant way. And therefore, it's going to be

00:16:52.920 more difficult to build a community. So I think what's more important than worrying about how

00:16:58.220 people think about things is to figure out what is their objective? What is their goal?

00:17:03.020 What are they after? What are they trying to accomplish? Are they going the same direction

00:17:06.960 as me? Because if they're going the same direction as me, then I do want differing perspectives.

00:17:11.480 One thing we hear a lot is diversity is strength. No, not inherently, not necessarily. If I bring

00:17:21.180 somebody, for example, into this organization who hates men, who hates masculinity, and wants to

00:17:25.500 undermine it at every turn, does the diversity of the thought process strengthen the movement?

00:17:30.320 Of course it doesn't. Of course it doesn't. Now, on the other hand, if I have somebody who believes

00:17:35.940 in masculinity, who believes in advancing this mission, who believes in calling men up, and they

00:17:40.540 see things a little differently than me. Maybe they see the political climate a little different than

00:17:45.580 me. Maybe they come from a different spiritual background, or a different cultural background,

00:17:50.860 or maybe they come from a different country, and they have different experiences, but they see it

00:17:54.540 the same end result as me. Now we're talking about diversity that's going to bolster and strengthen

00:18:00.980 and foster our mission. This is where people get diversity wrong. I don't give a rip about diversity

00:18:08.160 if we're going in different directions. I'm not interested in that because that hinders my growth

00:18:13.180 and progress. I'm only interested in diversity to the degree that we're moving towards the same outcome.

00:18:20.860 So we should find friends that think differently than us. We should have people in our circle who

00:18:26.140 have different experiences, different beliefs, different cultural backgrounds,

00:18:30.840 but we need to caveat that with the fact that they're moving in the same direction. Their outcome

00:18:36.140 and objective is the same. The way they get there might be a little different. Hope that helps.

00:18:40.960 All right, let's go to, this is jms.adventure says, how to start a t-shirt printing business

00:18:47.200 without Amazon and not needing a bulk order. I'm going to do something real quick while I've got

00:18:52.420 you guys on the podcast. So this is jms.adventures. All right. So the first thing I did is I went over

00:19:00.020 to his Instagram account, and this is Joshua again at jms.adventures. So you guys can check

00:19:04.900 it out. And I see here that he has 258 followers. So I'm not going to beat you up too bad on that,

00:19:10.480 but I'm going to tell you, if you want to grow a t-shirt business without Amazon and what else do

00:19:15.120 you say? And not needing a bulk order, you need to figure out a way to build up your social media

00:19:20.100 account more than 258 followers. And maybe you're just getting started. So I'm not going to rip on

00:19:24.520 you too bad here, but if you have 258 followers and I don't know what your other platforms are,

00:19:30.060 you're going to have a hard time building a t-shirt business because there's nobody sell it to.

00:19:34.420 And that's the problem. People think like the field of dreams quote, if you build it,

00:19:37.920 they will come. Bullshit. Hey, we are in an environment in our economics, in our culture 1.00

00:19:45.300 where you can go completely unnoticed and under the radar, even if you have the most beautiful,

00:19:51.340 incredible, life-saving, groundbreaking, earth-shattering technology. If nobody knows

00:19:57.500 who you are or what you do, then it doesn't really matter what the product is.

00:20:02.220 So we need to get out of the like, oh, I just, I have a great product. People should just know.

00:20:05.940 They're not going to know. There's too much competition. You got Instagram, you got billboards,

00:20:10.180 you got direct ads, you got email, you got Facebook, you got Twitter, you've got YouTube,

00:20:13.900 you've got so many platforms and people are so inundated and bombarded with information from

00:20:20.620 other people that if you're like, well, I have a great product. I don't care. It's not enough.

00:20:25.920 It's arrogant. It's arrogant to believe that just because you have a good product,

00:20:29.820 that that's enough for you to grow a business. You won't grow up.

00:20:31.980 So when you're asking, how do you grow a t-shirt business or any business for that matter?

00:20:37.120 The first thing you need to do is build a compelling social media profile, Facebook,

00:20:41.720 Instagram, Twitter. I would say are the primary three. You can move to YouTube from there. You

00:20:46.020 can consider podcasts. You can consider some of these more fringe social media accounts, but

00:20:50.200 Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter. Get it?

00:20:56.480 That's the trifecta. Okay. So if you don't have people following you, then something's happening

00:21:03.000 and you need to figure out what that is. So you need to go through and I'm seeing your thing right

00:21:07.140 now. I'm looking at it. And again, I'm just critiquing because you asked the question. I'm

00:21:10.800 doing it from a place of wanting to see you win. I don't know what's going on with your Instagram

00:21:14.260 account. Like you've got this, looks like a Corvette Stingray. Then you've got this

00:21:19.940 picture of building somewhere downtown and it looks like maybe a fire or smoke is going

00:21:26.740 on. And I voted picture and then there's a cat and then there's a cool picture of a Jeep.

00:21:32.020 And like, I don't know what's going on here. What do you do? Like what's the theme? What's

00:21:38.900 the commonality? I see some like food with like tortillas and bananas and peanuts. Like

00:21:44.700 I don't know what's going on. And again, this is not to rip on you. It's not to beat you

00:21:48.140 up, but you've got to come up with a theme. If you were to go to my account and I can just pull

00:21:52.600 it up here real quick, like you're going to see pretty quickly what I'm about. And that might turn

00:21:56.980 a lot of people off. I don't care about that. If it turns people off good, because it's going

00:22:01.200 to turn the wrong people off, but you can scroll through and figure out pretty quickly what we got

00:22:05.740 going on. I've got a picture of me and my family. I've got a snippet of, you know, navigating

00:22:09.760 the midlife crisis, how to lead your business and family and other ones. You're not dead yet

00:22:13.140 dating advice for men in the modern era, making the most of second chances. I've got a video here

00:22:17.340 with George Foreman that I did practicing the four virtues of stoicism. I mean, somebody

00:22:20.880 could scroll through this in 10 seconds and they're like, yeah, I feel like I got a pretty

00:22:24.340 good handle on what this guy's about and they're going to love it, which is great. Or they're

00:22:28.220 going to hate it, which is also okay because I don't want to attract the wrong people. So

00:22:32.580 let's get to your social media accounts and let's dig into those. And then once you have

00:22:37.900 a following built around a singular theme, then we can figure out about t-shirts because

00:22:46.720 then you're going to actually have something to sell and somebody to sell it to. But there's

00:22:51.180 all sorts of ways. I mean, you could talk with your local merchandise company and they can

00:22:55.620 sell you 20 shirts. And then here's the beauty. You don't have to plop it up on Amazon. You

00:23:02.900 can just put it on your Instagram account. And that's what I do. Every time I come up with

00:23:06.200 new products, I just throw it on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter and YouTube and the places

00:23:09.800 I am. And we sell it that way. So I don't do any business through Amazon, but I have an audience

00:23:14.400 and that's where you should start. All right, let's scroll down. This one comes from

00:23:18.840 loan underscore Papa. He says, and this is a tough one, but how are you managing the grief

00:23:23.640 of losing your marriage at this early stage? So if you've been following us for any amount

00:23:27.600 of time, you know that over the past nine months or so, I've been going through a divorce with

00:23:32.000 my ex-wife and she is my ex-wife now. People have asked and we have finalized the divorce

00:23:36.860 two or three months ago. And so how am I managing the grief of losing my marriage at this early

00:23:43.020 stage? This is the advice I would give everybody else. And I've had people say to me, Ryan, it

00:23:47.620 seems like you got over this quickly. It seems like you're back on your feet. And I want to

00:23:50.620 tell you, I'm not over anything. I'm not a person who takes anything in life flippantly.

00:23:56.940 Everything is serious in my life. I'm trying to have fun, but everything has weight. From this

00:24:02.140 podcast to me cleaning my house, to my family marriage, to the way I raise my children, everything

00:24:08.740 is significant to me. So getting over it is not something I plan on doing, but there is a way to

00:24:17.260 manage the grief and the loss. And there is grief and there is sadness and there is sorrow and there's

00:24:21.860 frustration and there's resentment to some degree, not a lot, but there's remorse and regret. There's

00:24:28.600 all of those things. So here's what I give advice or here's the advice that I give to men who are dealing

00:24:34.840 with. Number one is you've got to make yourself the project. You've got to go to work and figure

00:24:40.700 out where your deficiencies are and what you need to do. So I've gone into the gym. One of my deficiencies

00:24:45.840 was succumbing to the temptations of alcohol abuse. So I've worked on that. Maybe pornography is an issue.

00:24:53.020 Maybe gambling is an issue. Maybe poor money management is an issue. Maybe relationship with your food is an

00:24:59.580 issue. Maybe you're undisciplined enough to go to the gym, but whatever it is, you probably know what it is,

00:25:04.600 but you ought to start making that your project. Because the more you can take that energy and that

00:25:10.160 sadness or sorrow or grief or remorse or regret and channel it towards productive outlets, the better

00:25:16.780 off you're going to be. So get in shape, get your finances in order, pick up the Bible, read the Bible,

00:25:22.540 go to church, like all these things you already know you should be doing. Do those, focus all of your

00:25:26.460 attention on that. Number two, pick up new hobbies, interests, activities, things that you normally would

00:25:32.820 have said no to. I have my kids on a schedule and I've told you guys, and I think this is an

00:25:37.420 interesting way to look at it. It used to be that I had my kids that I, that I would do 50% of the

00:25:43.480 duties, 100% of the time. And now I do 100% of the duties, 50% of the time. So that changes the

00:25:49.820 dynamic in my life. That means I have anywhere from two to five days every single week where I don't have

00:25:54.620 the kids. So what do I do in those moments? Do I mope around and do I cry and do I, do I act like

00:26:02.320 a, you know, just, just a complete, you know, lost soul or do I take that time and pour that into a

00:26:08.920 hobby, pour that into a development of a new skill, pour that into friends and other, maybe even

00:26:14.680 romantic interests that I have. Like the more that you have that time, you have some freedom and

00:26:19.860 flexibility to pour that time into something else. I've seen too many guys self-destruct and use,

00:26:25.480 use that time to implode. You can't do that. You don't have that luxury and you don't have that

00:26:31.480 luxury because people are relying upon you. You're kids. And I don't know if, well, Papa, if you're

00:26:37.340 going through this right now, or if you're just asking me personally, but if you have kids, guys,

00:26:41.740 and you're going through a divorce, you can be sad. You should be sad. You should have regrets.

00:26:46.920 You should really replay what happened in your marriage as of I. It's, it's hard. It's painful,

00:26:54.700 but I have kids. I've got four kids and I can't self-destruct because they are relying upon me as

00:27:02.000 their father to step up and to show them an example of how a man steps out of a hole that he

00:27:06.740 dug for himself. And that's exactly what they're going to get from me. It's exactly what they're 0.66

00:27:11.820 going to see. The other thing I would say, and I think this is the last point I'll make on this one

00:27:15.860 is you better have some friends. And I'm not talking about female friends. I'm talking about 0.59

00:27:19.800 male friends that you can work through some of this stuff with. I just sent a text out to some

00:27:24.000 of my boys earlier. And I said, Hey guys, like, let's go to lunch. How about Tuesday? I think I

00:27:30.020 said Tuesday at noon, Wednesday at 1130 works for me, 1130 work for the guys. So that's what we're

00:27:34.180 going to do. We're out to lunch. Last week I went golfing with some friends. I also had a little

00:27:39.140 barbecue with some buddies. So like, these are things that you should be doing and they're going to

00:27:43.460 distract you a little bit, which is nice, but they're also going to build you up into a place

00:27:46.920 that you want to be and help you improve. I hope that helps. Let's go to next one. This one comes

00:27:53.060 from Tyson Tomberlin. He says here, not a question, but just wanted to say my respect for you was high

00:27:59.460 before, but sharing your struggles like you have recently has elevated that to a new level.

00:28:04.600 Really excited to see where you go from here. Hang in there. Now I included this question and I skipped

00:28:09.400 around on some, and I skipped over some questions completely, but I landed on this question, not

00:28:14.160 because I wanted to brag, but because I wanted you guys to know that having difficult things happen

00:28:20.500 in your life, whether they're out of your control or whether you're there, your own doing doesn't

00:28:25.720 mean that you're disqualified from whatever it is you want to do. So many guys believe that they

00:28:32.140 believe for a great example with the situation with me. I've been an outspoken advocate for marriage.

00:28:38.340 I've been an outspoken advocate for treating your wife right and leading your family well.

00:28:44.540 That's a core tenant of what we do. And in spite of that, I have a failed marriage. I'm a divorced

00:28:54.580 man. I never thought I would say those words, but that's the reality of the situation. And so how can

00:29:02.120 you be an advocate and even give advice with regards to how to build a thriving marriage? And at the

00:29:08.180 same time, be going through a divorce? Well, the answer is that you have to be honest.

00:29:14.380 We have to be humble. I'm not going to ever tell you, nor have I ever said that I have everything

00:29:21.200 figured out. I don't. I have deficiencies. I have shortcomings. I have things that I need to work

00:29:26.820 through just like you guys do. We all do. And I've been very open and honest about that. But the more

00:29:31.760 honest we are about our struggles and our inefficiencies and our shortcomings, that can

00:29:39.360 be a real inspiration for somebody who else is going through the problem. So you have a lot of

00:29:43.160 guys will reach out and say, Ryan, I can't believe you're hypocritical. You've lost faith and credibility. 0.99

00:29:47.640 And I understand that. I do. I really understand that. And so when guys say that, I try to be

00:29:52.340 understanding of where they're coming from and empathetic to what they might be saying or

00:29:55.680 experiencing. And I get it. I really do. But I have other guys who say, well, you know,

00:30:00.280 you should step down. You can't. No, I'm not going to step down. And you know why? Because now I have

00:30:05.860 a unique perspective of what other men might be experiencing. And I've never lied about being

00:30:12.600 perfect. But I have a unique experience that now I can take what I've experienced in my life as

00:30:18.660 painful. And trust me, guys, there's been nights where I've literally cried myself to sleep because

00:30:23.780 of the pain, the emotional and mental turmoil of failing in one of the most important aspects of my

00:30:30.260 life. But I've had for every one guy that says you should step down, I have a hundred guys that

00:30:35.280 reach out and say, man, I'm so glad you shared that. I'm struggling with alcohol abuse. I'm

00:30:40.940 struggling in my marriage. My wife just said she wants to separate. My wife just said she wants to

00:30:44.840 divorce. How the hell do I do this? You just saw it. You just heard it in the last question.

00:30:48.840 How do I do this? How do I navigate this? I'm scared. I'm confused. I'm frustrated. I'm angry. I'm mad.

00:30:53.160 What do I do? And every bit of advice that I gave before was trivial because I didn't know.

00:31:02.100 The advice that I gave hadn't been, I hadn't put that to the test because I hadn't been in that

00:31:05.780 situation. But you know what? Everything that I shared with you guys three years ago, I now know

00:31:11.320 applies and works in a situation where a man is going through a divorce. How do I know? Because it's

00:31:16.560 working for me. So now I have an experience and it's my moral obligation and responsibility to share

00:31:24.560 it with men who are going through the same problems. So he says, my respect for you was high

00:31:30.740 before sharing your struggles like you have recently, but that has elevated that to a new level,

00:31:36.180 right? Because now you can see the humanity in it and everybody loves an underdog story.

00:31:40.840 I had one guy say to me, this was months ago, excuse me, as I shared this stuff, he said,

00:31:45.440 Ryan, this is a, this is a success story. You don't know it yet. You haven't seen it yet,

00:31:50.880 but this is a success story. And I'm seeing that a little bit now. It just hasn't fully played out,

00:31:55.760 but it is a success story and it is going to be motivating and it is going to be inspiring

00:31:59.500 to another man who's going through the same issues. All right. I'm going to take a few more

00:32:04.340 because I'm going to end at the top of the hour and we got about 10 minutes. So that one is from

00:32:07.480 Tyson Tomberlin. Let's go to BC. Okay, here we go. BC Hornbuckle. Here's what he says.

00:32:15.440 Uh, it's a little bit of a longer one, but we'll go through it. Hey Ryan, I just made an Insta,

00:32:20.920 let's see, an Insta follow to you and a few other positive role models. I'm in my mid twenties and

00:32:26.940 married for almost a year. We own a house and both work decent jobs to pay all the bills and put a

00:32:32.060 little money away. I don't love my job. So I've been looking for something different to do alongside

00:32:36.220 the idea of starting up a side business. Your recent podcast and the success of a couple of family

00:32:40.960 members in their businesses have made me wonder what I could accomplish moving forward. How do I

00:32:46.820 allow myself grace? I've gotten tired of hearing you have time and just be patient. I know those

00:32:53.960 things, but I don't know how to do it in practice. Additionally, how do you recommend starting to work

00:32:59.560 out? I've been in a couple of fights, gotten married, worked a hundred plus feet in the air with

00:33:03.940 a harness on and cared for a couple thousand pound livestock on the family farm. But stepping into a

00:33:09.220 gym scares me, it shouldn't scare you. But if it does, we'll talk about that. It's embarrassing. 1.00

00:33:15.060 It's also not embarrassing. And I'll explain that. And I wouldn't know what to do with anything once

00:33:19.500 I even got on the door. Thanks for the podcast has been helping me along since 2019. Let's make

00:33:24.540 some real changes happen this year and not just listen. Look, I actually understand the embarrassment

00:33:29.560 of walking into the gym the first time in maybe ever or a decade. I remember when I started doing

00:33:34.580 CrossFit and this was probably 2015, 2016, I'd gotten really fat and I was at a parade and they

00:33:46.000 were opening a new CrossFit gym in the area here in Southern Utah. And I took a flyer and I decided,

00:33:50.880 okay, I'm going to go do this. And I remember walking in, I even have a picture walking in of

00:33:54.860 me being 200 and probably 35 pounds and health and healthy weight. I sit around 185. So 50 pounds

00:34:02.000 overweight. And man, I've seen that picture. I just look like a dope. I look lost. I look confused.

00:34:09.720 I look fat. I look just unhealthy. And so that was embarrassing. So I understand that, but that's

00:34:17.780 where it starts. I go to the gym now and I'm fit and I'm strong and athletic and I'm getting stronger

00:34:22.040 every single day. I could still lose probably at this point another eight, seven, eight pounds right

00:34:27.760 in there would get me into about where I want to be. And I feel good, but I see these people come in

00:34:34.260 who some of them are severely obese. I don't think less of them at all. I mean, I'll notice, I'm not

00:34:41.000 going to say I don't notice it, but I don't think less of that person. I'm like, damn, that person's 0.99

00:34:44.460 here. That person's actually working harder than I am, right? Somebody who's 50 or 60 or 80 or a hundred 0.98

00:34:49.720 pounds overweight and still to the gym every morning when I go in, they're working way harder

00:34:53.980 than me because I've already built the systems and the framework and the accountability. And

00:34:58.260 I've already built that into place. And now it's just going through the motions.

00:35:01.900 But the guy who doesn't have that, that guy's stronger even mentally than I am.

00:35:06.560 So I don't think you need to be embarrassed. Now, there might be a jerk or two that you're going 0.99

00:35:11.560 to run into who's going to treat you like shit because of that. But the overwhelming majority of 1.00

00:35:15.320 people in a gym environment, and you have to realize this about a gym, like these are high

00:35:19.820 quality individuals. Yeah, of course, there's some bad apples, but these are high quality individuals.

00:35:25.100 I know that because they get up early and they go to the gym before their day starts. Like that's a

00:35:31.020 pretty good indicator that this is somebody who wants to improve themselves. So I get it. I know where

00:35:36.200 you're coming from. So what? So what? This is a big problem in culture and I hate it. I despise it.

00:35:45.320 This idea that if you're a little uncomfortable, you shouldn't do it. Or if you don't feel like it,

00:35:51.220 well, you know, just embrace who you are. Bullshit. If you're uncomfortable with where you are with 1.00

00:35:59.560 your physical fitness, then maybe you ought to fix your physical fitness. If you're a little

00:36:05.200 uncomfortable about your performance, maybe your performance is shit and you should be uncomfortable 1.00

00:36:10.900 about it. Why in the world would you embrace that? Because the loser next door tells you you should. 1.00

00:36:17.400 I don't hate the loser next door. He's just a loser. That's objective information. So we got to stop 1.00

00:36:24.420 listening to people like, oh, you have time. Oh, take it easy. Oh, just be patient. Love yourself the way

00:36:30.100 you are. Oh, you should just be happy. Oh, but no, no. Start surrounding yourself with people say,

00:36:37.300 you know what? This is BC Hornbuckle. You're better than you are right now. I know you are.

00:36:44.100 I've seen you be better. And I know you can be that again. And I'm going to call you up until you

00:36:49.280 get to that point. You may not like me. You may not be happy about it. You may think I'm an asshole,

00:36:54.120 but you know what? I care about you and I believe in you and I care and believe in you so much that I'm 0.99

00:36:57.840 willing to tell you the truth, which is you're not living to the level that you could. So what are we

00:37:02.920 going to do about it? How are we going to fix this? So what I would say to you is surround yourself

00:37:07.740 with people who inspire, motivate, uplift, guide, direct, instruct, and who are honest with you,

00:37:13.240 even if it's painful. And then also with regards to going to the gym, go to the, pull up Instagram

00:37:18.780 or YouTube and say, what, like first time gym exercise and do that. Don't tell me you don't know

00:37:26.980 what to do. You know what to do. There's information out there. It's free. It's available.

00:37:30.240 You're like, look, I care about you. I really want you to win, but I fear that you're asking

00:37:35.040 me what you should do at the gym because you're looking for some complex solution that you can

00:37:39.440 use an excuse not to do. Just jump on YouTube today and just type in there 20 minute basic

00:37:46.780 gym workout. You're going to find 10,000 videos on the subject and then do the same thing tomorrow

00:37:52.280 and the same thing the next day. And then find the biggest, baddest mother effer in the gym 1.00

00:37:57.740 and go up to him. This takes balls, by the way, and go up to him and say, hey, you look strong. 0.98

00:38:02.560 You look fit. You look like you know what you're doing. I'm just getting started. I'm trying to 0.98

00:38:06.440 build my arms, trying to show my abs, trying to build my legs. I'm trying to build my chest,

00:38:10.120 whatever it is, and say, you have any pointers for me? You know what that guy's going to do?

00:38:14.440 He's going to say, hell yeah. I got some pointers for you. Let me show you. And he's going to take

00:38:18.400 maybe 10, 15, 20 minutes. Maybe he spends all hour with you and he's going to show you a regiment,

00:38:23.380 but that takes balls. That takes courage. But if you do that, the idea of like, I don't know what 0.90

00:38:29.520 to do. It's going to melt and fade away. All right. Enough on that. I hope that doesn't come

00:38:33.820 across as me like beating you up. It's not. I just, I don't know you. I don't think maybe I do,

00:38:39.300 but I don't know you. I just, I believe in you. I know you have what it takes because you're still

00:38:46.360 here. And so now we got to do it. Let's go to Steve Likens 9. Do you ever find it difficult to

00:38:53.980 find motivation? Do you ever want to quit doing your podcast? No and no. If you do, then I would

00:39:00.360 say that perhaps you don't have a compelling vision for what you want to accomplish. And I think that's

00:39:05.080 a big deficiency in a lot of men's lives. They don't have a compelling vision. You have to have

00:39:09.600 vision because if you don't have vision, then everything else that you do throughout the day just

00:39:14.120 seems kind of trivial and nonsensical. But if you have vision, then everything that you do,

00:39:19.080 even the things you don't like doing are tied to the result of the mission you're trying to

00:39:24.780 accomplish. So for example, I have a mission with regards to spreading the order man and iron

00:39:30.220 council and what I want to accomplish. And when I send emails, although I don't like sending emails

00:39:34.780 or spending an hour pouring through all the emails I get on a daily basis, I know that it's attached to

00:39:39.920 the mission and I know it's a critical and integral part to what we're doing. So I do it.

00:39:44.780 Not because I need to be motivated to do it, but because I know it's required in order to achieve

00:39:49.340 the objective. So if we don't have the objective, then everything else seems stupid. But if you have 0.99

00:39:54.840 the objective and you can sync the activity to the objective, then everything else seems meaningful, 0.95

00:39:59.100 even if it is stupid, like emails or certain calls I need to make. I do it. No motivation necessary. 0.95

00:40:07.360 Okay. So find out what your vision and your purpose is and link your activity towards that.

00:40:13.180 Do I ever want to quit doing my podcast? No, never. Because I know this is what's required

00:40:18.720 to accomplish the goal. Now, I also will say I like doing it and we should like the things that we do.

00:40:24.020 If I hated podcasting, like actually hated the physical act of podcasting, then I would probably

00:40:30.580 need to find a different way to get the message out. But I like podcasting and I like talking and

00:40:36.800 I never had a loss for words. A few times I have been, not very often. So this is a good medium for

00:40:41.580 me. All right. Let's take two more. I'll try to do a rapid fire on this. So this one comes from

00:40:47.060 Josh HD, Josh, let's see, where is it? Josh HD 5350. How did you get your son into lifting? Did he

00:40:55.040 see it on TV or what? And how old was he? I didn't get him into lifting. In fact, if anything, I think

00:41:00.860 he probably got me more into lifting than I got him into lifting. But he came to me one day and his

00:41:05.040 mother, my ex-wife, and he said, hey, you know, I'm not happy with my body because he was a chubby

00:41:11.280 little roly poly. And he said, I'm not happy with my body. And I was glad to hear him say that because

00:41:16.480 I knew he wasn't, but he owned it. And instead of saying, oh, well, you know, just beat this goes

00:41:20.960 to our point earlier. Just be happy. It's okay. Like this, everybody's at this stage. Like they're

00:41:25.900 all kind of chubby. Like you should just be happy. No, we didn't do that. I don't do that because

00:41:31.240 that's not true. So I asked him some questions. I said, why are you not happy? He's like, I don't

00:41:35.260 know. I just feel fat. I said, okay, I understand that. I've been where you are. I didn't say it's okay.

00:41:40.180 I said, no, I've been where you are. I understand. I understand that. So what do you want to do? He's

00:41:42.920 like, I want to get strong and fit. Cool. What are you going to do? And at the time he had a,

00:41:48.640 a football coach, coach Sean Moore, who was coaching a couple of his friends in some power

00:41:53.920 lifting. And he said, well, I want to do power lifting. And this is an important lesson for

00:41:57.660 fathers. I believe that if your kid comes to you and says, I want to do power lifting,

00:42:01.300 or I want to start painting, or I want to learn to play the guitar, or I want to learn how to do

00:42:07.300 photography, or I want to learn how to race cars, or I want to learn how to build things,

00:42:12.480 or I want to learn how to cook. If a kid, one of your kids comes to you and says that

00:42:17.360 you better find every single way possible and every tool at your disposal to facilitate that growth.

00:42:23.980 If you say, well, you know, that's expensive or, well, you know, we don't have time or,

00:42:28.100 you know, cooking, you really want to cook. What if we learned how to do this instead?

00:42:32.060 Shame, shame on you. Shame on me for doing that at times in my life.

00:42:37.440 Our job as fathers is to facilitate growth in our children. And if you have one of your kids who

00:42:43.760 wants to grow, even if it's in a way that you don't really necessarily resonate with,

00:42:48.940 you better find a way to do it. I remember when my oldest son, who you're talking about now,

00:42:53.580 was young. He's like, dad, I really love animals. I had a veterinarian friend in town,

00:42:58.240 called him up. I said, hey, my son loves animals. He's really interested in how they move and work and

00:43:02.140 the anatomy and everything else of animals, which isn't a big thing for me, but he was interested in it.

00:43:06.920 And I told my veterinarian friend, I said, hey, do you mind if we just come in one morning and just

00:43:10.560 shadow you? Just like look over your shoulder while you're doing things? He's like, yeah,

00:43:14.440 for sure. Come on in. So I took my son in a couple hours. I think my son fed a chameleon.

00:43:20.220 They were doing teeth extraction on cats or dogs, if I remember correctly. You know,

00:43:25.520 just basic exams for dogs. And so we would come in and the doc would tell the people who brought

00:43:31.760 their animals in, hey, these guys are just here shadowing. His son's really interested in this.

00:43:35.000 Do you mind? They said, no. It was a great experience because my son got to see a new

00:43:39.840 side of it that he hasn't seen before. So if our sons and our daughters come up to us and say,

00:43:44.120 I'm interested in this thing, facilitate it, spend money, invest, research, pour into them.

00:43:50.940 That's your job. If there's one job that you have, that's it. So to answer your question,

00:43:56.860 he said, I really want to start lifting. So we got him a lifting man. He's not going to learn much

00:44:01.160 for me, but I invested in him by hiring a coach that could help him. And that coach has been

00:44:06.280 just a tremendous man. His name is Sean Moore. He's in Maine. So, you know, we're back here in

00:44:11.800 Utah. He's getting married in the fall. I think in the fall or later in the summer, fall, my son and

00:44:17.280 my other children and my ex, they're going to Maine to see him because of that relationship they

00:44:23.520 have. So I facilitated it, but I got out of the way because I didn't want to be the bottleneck in his

00:44:27.860 growth. So I hope that answers that question. Uh, let's go to, I'll take this one as the last

00:44:32.480 one. Oh, I like this one. I don't like the question, but I, I, I like the answer to the

00:44:36.940 question, of course, cause I'm giving it to you. But this one comes from, uh, I don't even know how

00:44:42.120 to say it. Physicoi mental. Physicoi mental. How do you cope with the quote? I'm too old to start over

00:44:49.240 lots. Guys, please get this out of your mind. Let me give you an alternative perspective. What if you

00:44:55.400 said, well, what if you played that out? I'm too old to do this. I'm too old to go to the gym.

00:45:00.480 I'm too old to start a business. I'm told to ask that woman on a date. I'm too old to improve in 0.81

00:45:05.120 this aspect. I'm too old for that hobby. Okay. So don't do it. And then what's going to happen

00:45:10.980 in 10 years is you're going to say to yourself, man, I really wish I would have started that 10

00:45:14.320 years ago. Like play it out. Do you like where that thought process leads you? I'm too old to start

00:45:20.200 things. So I'm not going to do it. Do you like where that thought leads you in life?

00:45:23.760 Or does that feel bad? Because it feels bad probably. And so, yeah, it sucks. Maybe you're

00:45:31.200 60 years old and you're like, shit, I wish I would have done that 30 years ago. Well, 1.00

00:45:34.220 you didn't do it 30 years ago. You didn't. So get over it and do it now. I'm just too old.

00:45:42.020 Why are you too old? What do you mean? You're too old to follow your dreams? You're too old to learn

00:45:48.200 something new? You're told to experiment or to try or to exert yourself or to have fun,

00:45:54.220 have joy and what are you too old for? Yeah. I mean, maybe you're too old to join the NBA.

00:46:00.400 That's not what we're talking about here. Maybe you want to start a new business and you're 65 years

00:46:04.740 old. Okay. And, well, but I only have, you know, 20 years left to live. Okay. And I don't care if you

00:46:12.540 have six months to live. If it's meaningful and significant, then pursue it because it's going to

00:46:17.260 bring happiness to your life for the next six months of your life. It's going to make you better.

00:46:21.860 So the way I think you get over the, I'm too old to do it is to play it out and say, okay,

00:46:26.960 what if I believed this and I didn't chase my dreams? Would my life be better or worse? Well,

00:46:32.420 it'd be worse. Of course it would be worse. And get over the, oh, I should have done it 30 years ago.

00:46:38.560 You're not, you're being delusional. You didn't do it 30 years ago. So drop it, right? How do I get

00:46:45.680 over past mistakes? You chalk them up as past mistakes. Oh man, I just, Ryan, I just wish I

00:46:51.200 would have done something different. So do all of us. I think about that in my marriage. You know,

00:46:56.460 it's like, man, if I could start over, here's what I would do. Okay. Well, I can't start over,

00:47:02.300 but you know what I can start? The next woman that comes into my life and there will be a next woman 1.00

00:47:06.940 and I can do it then. And I can learn. I can't do what happened two months ago or two years ago or

00:47:13.500 20 years ago, but I can do something different today. And that's a worthwhile pursuit, regardless

00:47:19.440 of how old you are. Your life will be measurably better if you get over the, I'm too old to start

00:47:25.520 type mentality. Okay. All right, you guys fired up today. I'm excited about these questions. Great

00:47:31.460 questions today, by the way. So again, to recap, if you guys would, please leave a rating review

00:47:36.380 and also check out the iron council opens up in a couple of weeks or man.com slash iron council.

00:47:41.840 Next week, I'll be back with Kip. Those are a little more dynamic because Kip brings a perspective

00:47:46.260 that I don't always bring. And that's, what's good about us is that, as I said earlier, same vision,

00:47:51.800 same goal, same objective. Sometimes we see it differently. A lot of times we see it the same,

00:47:55.800 but sometimes we see it differently and you'll hear that next week. All right, guys, that's all I've

00:48:00.040 got for you. We'll be back on Friday until then go out there, take action and become a man.

00:48:04.920 You are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast. You're ready to take

00:48:09.800 charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be. We invite you to join the order

00:48:14.460 at order of man.com.

Order of Man - May 31, 2023

Early Days of Sobriety, Building a Community with Dissenting Voices, and Managing Grief ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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