Order of Man - ED MYLETT ｜ The Power of One More

00:00:00.260 All of us want to be happy and successful, and yet for many of us, it seems so far away

00:00:05.460 or so hard, if not impossible, to obtain.

00:00:08.160 But my guest today, the one and only Ed Milet, makes the case in his newest book, The Power

00:00:13.000 of One More, that what we ultimately desire is not all that far away at all, but perhaps

00:00:19.320 just one more decision, step, conversation, or action away.

00:00:23.800 Today, Ed and I talk about how to develop that mindset, why being rich does not necessarily

00:00:28.940 equal having money, the difference between confidence and arrogance, why it's crucial

00:00:33.680 we identify our value systems, the power of equanimity, pursuing progress, and taking

00:00:39.280 inventory of our lives.

00:00:40.940 You're a man of action.

00:00:42.260 You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:46.580 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:50.940 You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:55.940 This is your life.

00:00:57.000 This is who you are.

00:00:58.120 This is who you will become at the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you

00:01:03.300 can call yourself a man.

00:01:05.260 Gentlemen, what is going on today?

00:01:06.600 My name is Brian Michler.

00:01:07.820 I'm the host and founder of the Order of Man podcasting movement.

00:01:10.800 Welcome here and welcome back.

00:01:13.360 It's my job to get incredible men on this podcast and have powerful conversations with

00:01:18.700 them.

00:01:19.360 As I often say, I feel like I'm the biggest beneficiary or recipient of the work that we

00:01:24.680 do, and not only the biggest beneficiary and recipient of the work, but the one that needs

00:01:29.700 the most work, it seems like, more often than not.

00:01:33.020 I'm honored that I get to have these conversations, and I hope it goes a long way in helping you

00:01:37.640 on your own personal journey of becoming a better man, whatever that looks like for you,

00:01:42.400 and regardless of where you're at, some of us are in a pit that we probably dug for ourselves

00:01:47.900 for the most part.

00:01:49.160 Others are on the mountain or at a peak and want to ascend even higher, but regardless of

00:01:55.140 where you are, I want to give you and me and everybody else the tools that we need to step

00:01:59.300 up as men, which we all know society needs more of.

00:02:02.680 So, I've got a powerful one lined up with Mr. Ed Milet.

00:02:06.200 I'm going to get to that in just a minute.

00:02:07.440 Before I do, I want to let you know that the Iron Council, our exclusive brotherhood, opened

00:02:12.200 up last week.

00:02:14.120 So, if you want to know more about what that is, I would go, or I would encourage you to

00:02:18.740 go watch a two to three minute video at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil, orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:02:26.620 I'm going to talk about it more a little bit later in the podcast, but for now, know that

00:02:31.000 it's a brotherhood and we all need men in our corner.

00:02:34.020 Whether times are good or times are bad, we need men in our lives to go throughout life

00:02:40.000 shoulder to shoulder with these guys.

00:02:41.880 So, head to orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:02:44.800 Now, if you don't know, let me introduce you to Ed Milet.

00:02:47.360 He's obviously a very talented and successful entrepreneur, business owner, coach, author,

00:02:55.440 just an incredible person.

00:02:56.420 Now, I got to know Ed when I started working in the financial services industry nearly 15 years

00:03:00.900 ago, and I would regularly listen to his training CDs as I drove to and from appointments.

00:03:06.140 But Ed is a serial entrepreneur.

00:03:07.640 He's an author, a motivational coach.

00:03:10.100 He's also the host of the Ed Milet show.

00:03:12.660 And his latest book, The Power of One More, was an instant bestseller.

00:03:16.800 And Ed has been combining his enthusiasm and passion for life to help millions of people

00:03:22.020 across the planet succeed.

00:03:23.840 You're going to hear that passion today in this discussion and learn why he is one of

00:03:28.440 the most sought out public speakers and trainers in the world.

00:03:32.000 Enjoy.

00:03:33.800 Ed, what's up, brother?

00:03:34.740 Great to see you again, man.

00:03:35.660 It's been a while.

00:03:36.840 Too long.

00:03:37.320 Good to be with you finally again.

00:03:39.380 Yeah, you've been on a wild ride.

00:03:41.480 Well, ever since I remember you, since I first heard about you, I think I told you this last

00:03:46.740 time, I used to listen to your CDs when I'd be driving between appointments because I actually

00:03:53.180 worked with World Financial Group for a little bit.

00:03:56.060 And I would listen to your CDs.

00:03:59.000 And I vividly remember the day that my wife said, you sound like Ed Milet because I listened

00:04:04.500 to you so much.

00:04:06.080 And like my mannerisms, my tempo, everything just started to sound like you, I suppose,

00:04:10.300 which is not, there's way worse people to sound and act like than you.

00:04:13.840 My apologies to your wife, but I'll take it as a compliment.

00:04:16.740 Oh, man, you've got this new book out and I really wanted to talk with you about it.

00:04:24.640 And I love the concept, you know, the power of one more, because I think a lot of the

00:04:30.300 times, I know for myself, I feel like if I can't make the biggest dent in the shortest

00:04:36.960 amount of time possible, it's very easy for me and other men to get discouraged.

00:04:41.460 Yeah.

00:04:42.020 Well, we're wired that way.

00:04:43.820 And I think the other thing is when you get discouraged, even if it's a little bit

00:04:48.000 discouraged, you start buying into this thing, which, by the way, there's some credibility

00:04:51.960 to, but that I'm really far away from my vision.

00:04:55.240 You know, like what I want to really have happen in my life is 10, 20, 30 years away.

00:04:59.980 And if you really buy into that, you perpetually keep it there because you behave in accordance.

00:05:05.040 You run a pattern in your life that keeps everything at that distance.

00:05:07.660 But I've experienced in my life that that's like a complete lie.

00:05:11.720 The Bible tells us where there's no vision, the people will perish, right?

00:05:14.860 Well, I think if you dig deeper, no vision is a depth perception issue.

00:05:20.180 You think it's further away.

00:05:21.560 I mean, if you ask the average person, you have a vision, you want to be happy or sad,

00:05:24.160 rich or poor, contribute or don't contribute.

00:05:26.420 Great memories.

00:05:27.220 You don't remember anything great in your life.

00:05:28.680 People have a vision.

00:05:29.680 They just think it's way out there, way far away.

00:05:31.840 So they behave like it.

00:05:33.000 But what if that's a lie?

00:05:33.740 What if the truth is, and I know this to be true, you're one decision away from changing

00:05:37.480 your life.

00:05:38.120 You said your wife, that decision to get married or that woman changed your life.

00:05:42.780 If you've married a good woman, it changed it to the good. 1.00

00:05:46.300 A couple of dudes were like, look, man, I called the wrong decision right there.

00:05:49.500 Then that changed your life, right?

00:05:50.700 The birth of our children, that moment.

00:05:52.400 So you're one decision, one relationship, one meeting, one podcast that you're listening

00:05:56.340 to, one new thought, right?

00:05:58.380 Away from changing your life.

00:05:59.660 I mean, you know, I'm a series of one mores.

00:06:02.140 I've got a pretty darn good life, right?

00:06:03.760 And a lot of that, if I look back, I say, man, if I don't meet that person, if I don't

00:06:06.640 go to that meeting, if I don't hear that sales call, if I didn't read that book, you know,

00:06:11.460 if I didn't have that emotion, if I didn't think that one thought, where would my life

00:06:15.440 be?

00:06:16.020 And so we are closer than we think.

00:06:18.300 The question is, how do you find the thoughts?

00:06:20.760 How do you find the relationships?

00:06:22.120 How do you get the meetings?

00:06:23.480 What are the strategies to do it?

00:06:24.940 I'm like, if I'm going to write another book, man, it's going to be beefy.

00:06:27.680 So I will say this, and my book may even be too beefy because every single page, there

00:06:32.980 is detailed information on how to change your standards, how to really, you know, reform

00:06:38.560 your identity.

00:06:39.540 How do you change your confidence level?

00:06:41.080 How do you manage your time?

00:06:42.660 It's a very diverse book.

00:06:44.140 And so it's to help you with the one mores.

00:06:46.260 Do you, do you ever feel like, I know I've fallen, I don't even know if it's a trap.

00:06:51.520 I'll just, I'll just talk about it from my perspective that I've seen in my life times

00:06:56.260 where my ambition becomes, and that's one of my greatest strengths, quite frankly, is

00:07:03.820 my ambition to do and be more, not just in the professional realm, but personal realm

00:07:08.940 as well, but that sometimes my ambition tends to put people off or alienate people or in

00:07:17.620 a lot of ways, create a wake of collateral damage in my path.

00:07:21.340 Have you come across that?

00:07:22.720 Is that something that you see in men who are high achieving type men?

00:07:27.580 Yes, is the answer.

00:07:28.900 And in my own life, sometimes I conflate.

00:07:33.040 Well, two things I'll say about that.

00:07:34.080 Number one is a lot of the things that I pursued in my life.

00:07:36.320 I don't even know that I really wanted them.

00:07:38.340 I wanted how I thought I'd feel when I got there.

00:07:41.180 So I thought, if I can get this much money, man, I'm going to feel this way.

00:07:43.900 It's going to change the way I feel about me.

00:07:45.680 Or if I can get this recognition, or if I can make this contribution.

00:07:49.240 That's why I have a whole chapter.

00:07:50.380 It sounds hokey for men, but on emotions, like it's not really the stuff you want.

00:07:54.460 It's the emotions.

00:07:55.100 What if you can find a way to get the emotions?

00:07:57.420 Would you actually get the stuff quicker?

00:07:58.840 So that's number one.

00:07:59.940 And then number two, yeah, I've had a lack of sensitivity to some extent.

00:08:06.320 To how my ambition drive, let's just be honest, a little bit crazy, right?

00:08:12.420 Impacts the people around me.

00:08:13.980 Sure.

00:08:14.420 And for me to have some, you know, one thing, like even with my wife, like I had not asked

00:08:19.680 my wife, like, babe, like, what do you want? 1.00

00:08:22.160 Like, what do you want?

00:08:23.340 And so just that alone, just like, hey, tell me what you want.

00:08:25.640 I was surprised.

00:08:26.980 I met my wife in elementary school.

00:08:29.160 We got started dating in high school.

00:08:31.180 Little breakup there when I was in college, but basically I've been with her all my life.

00:08:34.740 You ask your wife, what do you want, babe? 0.98

00:08:36.120 You'd be surprised.

00:08:37.000 Like, all of a sudden, my wife, who I thought, like, her whole life was about our children

00:08:40.180 and raising our kids and me.

00:08:42.000 That was my wife. 1.00

00:08:42.820 She goes, you know, I think I'd like to go to, like, a cooking school.

00:08:46.000 I'd like to go to Italy and go to cooking school, you know?

00:08:48.040 And I'd like to, you know, I'd like to start kind of really training.

00:08:51.300 I wouldn't mind doing a triathlon.

00:08:52.420 I'm like, what?

00:08:53.320 Are you really?

00:08:54.540 And what actually started happening, I'm like, well, some of the stuff I want to do kind

00:08:57.420 of actually gets you where you want to get.

00:08:59.460 And so I have been sensitive to it, but certainly, man, my ambition, people don't understand crazy

00:09:03.380 people.

00:09:04.380 And I tell my kids this all the time, weird, rich, normal, poor.

00:09:08.180 And when I say rich, I don't necessarily mean just money, rich emotions, rich life, rich

00:09:12.720 contribution.

00:09:13.760 I don't want to be average and ordinary.

00:09:15.240 I don't want to be like everybody else.

00:09:16.560 I don't want to conform.

00:09:17.820 I think conformity is the ultimate measure of cowardice.

00:09:22.700 One of the things, frankly, man, that I respect about you is you don't conform and you're 0.96

00:09:27.060 bold about your beliefs and you take crap for it and you keep saying what you really 0.85

00:09:31.080 believe. 0.81

00:09:32.140 And I've watched it and I admire it.

00:09:34.640 And I don't think you should stop doing it.

00:09:36.720 You're going to put people off in your life if you want to be somebody.

00:09:39.880 Small minds will constantly project onto you their limited thinking, their limited beliefs,

00:09:45.740 their small way of wanting to get through this life.

00:09:48.940 And for you, you've got to acknowledge what it is and recognize it.

00:09:51.380 And then just ask yourself, is there anything I'm doing to cause this?

00:09:54.140 With my wife, I was.

00:09:55.140 But with everyday stuff, usually I'm not.

00:09:56.800 It's just they don't get what I want to do with my being in my life when I'm here as

00:10:00.540 a man.

00:10:02.140 So one of the traps I've fallen into is arrogance, you know, and I have no problem sharing and

00:10:08.960 expressing what I believe, what I think, what I feel.

00:10:11.400 And yes, it does rub some people the wrong way.

00:10:13.740 And I'm totally fine with that.

00:10:15.600 But at some point, it has in my life crossed over to arrogance.

00:10:20.140 And I'm wondering how you can identify when you're being arrogant versus a healthy level 0.98

00:10:28.000 of confidence so that you make decisions from a confident position, not an ignorant, arrogant 0.98

00:10:34.320 position. 0.98

00:10:35.680 Yeah.

00:10:36.060 Wow.

00:10:36.560 Well, I relate to that.

00:10:37.520 I think more when I was younger.

00:10:40.400 One, confidence doesn't minimize another person or their belief.

00:10:45.160 Arrogance oftentimes shrinks the other person.

00:10:47.860 And so I've watched that.

00:10:48.840 I've done that, by the way.

00:10:49.820 Both of us have the ability to communicate.

00:10:51.560 Those of the men listening to this today, that's a double-edged sword.

00:10:55.700 You can elevate with it and you can hurt them.

00:10:58.560 And when I was younger, man, I was good at hurting people real quick, too.

00:11:01.780 It doesn't take me real long.

00:11:02.720 I can get you, right?

00:11:04.300 So arrogance is, for me, when I think, and I've had this.

00:11:09.600 This is embarrassing to say out loud.

00:11:11.840 Gosh, I hate saying this about myself, but it's true. 1.00

00:11:15.160 I'm better than you at this.

00:11:17.580 I'm smarter than you at this.

00:11:20.340 And as I've gotten older, when I was younger, here's my biggest form of arrogance for me.

00:11:25.560 I'm going to say it to you straight up, man.

00:11:27.460 I like people like me.

00:11:28.860 So if you believe what I believe, I liked you.

00:11:33.260 If you think like I think, I dug you.

00:11:36.060 If you are a driven, masculine man who doesn't show a lot of weakness, you're just a player.

00:11:43.520 You're a dude, right?

00:11:44.920 Like, man, I get it.

00:11:46.620 I like you.

00:11:47.280 You were one of these other type of dudes, I would immediately minimize you.

00:11:51.600 You're just less than, weaker than, smaller than, whatever it was.

00:11:55.960 Because as I've gotten older, ironically, a lot of those guys are my closest friends now.

00:12:01.640 I almost feel like, look, man, I got enough of this masculine, whatever it is I'm carrying around for the whole room.

00:12:06.040 You bring the intellect.

00:12:07.560 You bring the humor.

00:12:09.060 You bring the other perspective.

00:12:10.760 You bring the light in the room.

00:12:12.820 And so I have more of that now.

00:12:14.660 I have an appreciation for humans, man.

00:12:16.640 You know what I found out?

00:12:18.460 Most people are just trying to get through this life happier.

00:12:21.460 Most people are just trying to figure it out.

00:12:22.720 Most people are talking about, where do I go when I die, and how do I be happier when I'm here?

00:12:27.740 And, like, I have an appreciation for that now.

00:12:30.300 I have my view.

00:12:31.440 I have my way of how I think we should go around this life.

00:12:33.780 I have my view of where we're going.

00:12:35.260 I feel real strong about that part of it.

00:12:37.540 But it's okay with me if you disagree.

00:12:39.620 I'll tell you the last thing.

00:12:41.060 My dad, politically, and I didn't line up.

00:12:44.280 My dad was very, very, very left-leaning.

00:12:47.400 I mean, way left.

00:12:49.060 Like, Bernie Sanders is too right-wing for my old man, right?

00:12:52.480 We didn't line up even on faith.

00:12:55.140 He was my best friend.

00:12:56.980 My best friend.

00:12:58.140 He was interesting to me.

00:13:00.080 You know, we communicated respectfully to one another, not in an arrogant way.

00:13:03.860 Every once in a while, I would get here and, hey, Dad.

00:13:05.600 I remember we're telling my dad.

00:13:06.360 I go, yeah, well, Dad, if you had all this figured out, I probably wouldn't be richer than you.

00:13:11.620 I said that to my dad once.

00:13:13.960 My dad's like, what does your amount of money have to do with what you know about X, Y, and Z?

00:13:18.200 And I'm like, and he said it.

00:13:19.180 I'm like, God, that was about his.

00:13:20.740 What I did is elevated me by trying to shrink him.

00:13:24.360 That's when it's arrogance for me.

00:13:26.220 And so I watched that real close.

00:13:27.980 All men have to watch that real close, especially success.

00:13:31.660 Guys who are pursuing success, right?

00:13:34.120 Because we're vibrating at a higher frequency.

00:13:35.860 We're growing.

00:13:36.660 We're reading.

00:13:37.800 You know, we're working out.

00:13:39.100 You know, you look at a guy, why don't you get in the gym, man?

00:13:41.020 Get in the gym.

00:13:41.800 You don't have an hour to get in the gym?

00:13:43.940 You don't know.

00:13:44.580 That guy works two jobs for his family, and he's got to commute three hours a day, or he drives a truck. 0.92

00:13:49.140 He can't get in the freaking gym, right? 0.81

00:13:50.880 Like, stop judging someone else. 0.96

00:13:53.440 And that, for me, has been the shift maybe in my 40s and 50s.

00:13:58.160 It seems, well, I'll say it this way.

00:14:00.980 It's unfortunate that we have to realize something in a difficult way.

00:14:06.040 We have to learn that lesson the hard way before we start judging other, or excuse me, we stop judging other people.

00:14:11.480 Because we think, like, oh, look at me.

00:14:13.740 I was reading, or our pastor was talking about something in the Bible about King Nebuchadnezzar.

00:14:20.380 And he was like, I can't remember the scripture, the passage in David, and he was talking about how wonderful things were.

00:14:27.220 And he was sitting, honoring himself.

00:14:29.620 And he was out on his balcony, and he's looking at this kingdom of Babylon that he had created and built up.

00:14:35.940 And he just, look at how great I am.

00:14:37.900 And there was bricks that had his name on it that were looking to him, like, calling to him about how great he was.

00:14:44.200 And it wasn't until God said, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:14:49.260 And stripped it from him for seven seasons, I think is what it said, that he realized, oh, I'm not as in charge as I once thought I was.

00:14:58.020 Brother, let me tell you something. 0.98

00:14:59.060 The Lord has knocked me back into place every dadgum time I've been that fool. 0.97

00:15:05.000 And it's happened multiple times, like, oh, you think this is you now? 1.00

00:15:08.540 Let me just show you, dumbass, right? 0.99

00:15:10.280 Like, it's happened multiple times. 1.00

00:15:11.580 I'll give you a great example.

00:15:12.380 I love interviews, man, where, like, you ask real stuff because it's cool.

00:15:17.200 And so I'll share one with you.

00:15:19.640 I have this new show out, by the way, called Change.

00:15:22.320 It's like a modern-day Dr. Phil.

00:15:23.940 It's on the Nosey app, N-O-S-E-Y, if you all want to go check it out.

00:15:26.680 It's a really good show.

00:15:27.720 You can get it on YouTube as well, Change with Ed Milet.

00:15:29.960 It's not my podcast.

00:15:30.820 It's something different.

00:15:32.040 And so NBCUniversal shot it with me.

00:15:33.960 Anyway, one of the guests was a young woman who's on all these government assistance programs. 0.66

00:15:38.800 And I told the producer, this is a hard one for me. 0.94

00:15:42.840 Like, I want to tell her, get your butt up and let's go, right? 0.73

00:15:44.860 But I had this great show. 0.73

00:15:45.840 We had a good show.

00:15:46.900 But I've always sort of looked at, I've looked at, like, can't you get this together?

00:15:51.400 You know, like when someone is so reliant on the government.

00:15:53.820 I think probably your audience and you line up with me on that belief system.

00:15:56.940 Sure.

00:15:57.420 Yeah, for the most part.

00:15:58.680 Yeah, and I've just always felt strongly about that.

00:16:01.760 Anyway, long story short, two weeks ago, brother, I went and looked at the childhood

00:16:05.700 home that I grew up with in Massachusetts.

00:16:08.420 And believe it or not, when I went there, the woman who bought the home from my dad 45

00:16:13.600 years ago was in the driveway and is still the owner.

00:16:18.240 Wow.

00:16:18.840 It was this amazing moment.

00:16:19.920 I said, hi, I'm sorry to bother you.

00:16:21.200 My name is Ed Milet.

00:16:21.880 She goes, Ed Milet?

00:16:23.760 You don't look like Ed Milet.

00:16:25.160 And I go, well, she goes, oh, your dad.

00:16:26.960 Oh, my God.

00:16:27.760 And she tells me all these stories about my dad, right?

00:16:29.740 So I'm like, my mom won't believe this.

00:16:31.520 The Crosby still live across the street.

00:16:33.420 The so-and-sos live over there.

00:16:34.500 They didn't move, right?

00:16:35.760 So I called my mom.

00:16:36.480 I said, mom, you need to talk to this lady, this lady that bought the house from you in 1.00

00:16:39.320 1976.

00:16:41.700 All right?

00:16:42.660 That's wild.

00:16:44.020 So I talked to my mom.

00:16:45.100 We have this beautiful kind of reunion.

00:16:46.480 And I get in the car.

00:16:48.040 And I go, mom, you sold that house for $39,000. 0.99

00:16:51.380 You know, and it's not the best neighborhood in the world.

00:16:53.260 And she goes, you know, Eddie, your dad was working three jobs then, and we were getting

00:16:58.980 on this government program.

00:17:00.940 I said, what did you just say?

00:17:04.780 What did you just say?

00:17:06.640 She goes, yeah, I was like a welfare.

00:17:08.300 I go, you're what?

00:17:10.060 Us?

00:17:11.020 We had a government?

00:17:12.500 What in the?

00:17:13.180 I mean, I'm 51, bro. 0.92

00:17:14.600 I went, no freaking way.

00:17:17.880 Has my family ever been on some government program?

00:17:20.060 She's like, no, it was like 12, 18 months of it.

00:17:23.280 Wow.

00:17:23.440 I just was, Lord.

00:17:25.020 And so that's why you can't judge or assess.

00:17:27.820 My dad wasn't lazy.

00:17:29.500 My dad was working his butt off and still couldn't get it done and took some help.

00:17:33.600 Now, listen, my dad ended up probably paying way more than that in tax.

00:17:36.880 I certainly have paid more in taxes in my life to fund millions of people on government

00:17:42.160 programs.

00:17:42.740 But my point is, like, I've always looked a little bit of scantily, if I'm being really

00:17:47.600 honest at that, not knowing.

00:17:50.520 I come from that.

00:17:51.660 I had no idea.

00:17:53.580 And so that's that arrogant thing.

00:17:55.180 Like, you don't even know your own story sometimes, man.

00:17:57.760 That just blew my eyes two weeks ago.

00:18:00.280 Well, the other thing that I've noticed is I think most people set out on whatever path

00:18:06.000 they're on with good intentions, right?

00:18:07.680 Like, we want to serve.

00:18:08.900 We want to help.

00:18:09.700 We want to offer a service to the world.

00:18:13.040 We want to make a difference.

00:18:14.280 We want to do good, like you're saying.

00:18:15.320 And then along the way, you men start to have success doing that thing.

00:18:23.000 And then the motive changes like, well, let me prop myself up.

00:18:28.440 Let me pat myself on the back.

00:18:29.940 Let me feel how good I've done.

00:18:32.040 And then you lose sight of that mission that you once had.

00:18:35.240 But I don't.

00:18:35.700 But like I said, everybody starts out with the right intentions.

00:18:39.260 It's just so hard to stay on that path at times.

00:18:41.800 Well, here's why.

00:18:42.480 Your original intention is tied to your identity of you wanting to serve and wanting to contribute

00:18:46.560 and wanting to grow.

00:18:47.960 That's your identity.

00:18:49.100 And what happens when you start to have success is all of a sudden your identity moves away

00:18:52.000 from who you are as a man to what you do and what you achieve.

00:18:54.940 And once you move your identity to something external of you, my career, my body, my money,

00:19:00.960 my this, my that, now you're in the danger zone.

00:19:04.340 That's why so many professional athletes I work with, man, they lost their identity.

00:19:07.540 All of a sudden, it's not who they are.

00:19:08.980 I'm an NFL football player.

00:19:10.580 I'm a UFC fighter.

00:19:11.820 I'm a this.

00:19:12.560 I'm a that.

00:19:12.840 No, you're a man.

00:19:14.220 I have Ryan Lochte, as a matter of fact, the Olympic swimmer on that show change.

00:19:18.500 And he's won a bunch of medals and beat Michael Phelps.

00:19:21.740 But what happened was his identity was he was a swimmer.

00:19:24.520 Now swimming's gone.

00:19:25.780 He has no eye.

00:19:26.480 He didn't until he got on my show.

00:19:28.100 Did not know.

00:19:28.800 Hey, no, man, you're a father.

00:19:30.860 You're a husband.

00:19:32.020 You're a man.

00:19:33.080 You have ethics and morals and a character and things you stand for and that you believe

00:19:37.460 in.

00:19:38.200 That's your identity, not what you produce all the time.

00:19:41.940 So oftentimes as men, we have to nuance that line.

00:19:44.800 I produce these things and achieve these things because this is who I am as a man, not all

00:19:50.780 of a sudden we lose.

00:19:51.840 This is who has a man.

00:19:52.720 And I am my possessions.

00:19:54.240 I am my achievements.

00:19:55.620 I am what I'm conquering.

00:19:57.580 And once it moves to the external, it's a dangerous place because eventually that can

00:20:01.300 get stripped.

00:20:02.340 Eventually that's going to wear out too.

00:20:04.200 Trust me.

00:20:04.980 I've had jets and stuff.

00:20:06.360 It's awesome.

00:20:07.440 And then it ain't.

00:20:09.600 And then it's like, and then you're like, now what?

00:20:12.240 And then as men, we get in a danger zone.

00:20:14.760 We get in a danger zone.

00:20:15.740 I got to go get more.

00:20:16.560 I got to get better.

00:20:17.740 Well, eventually better what?

00:20:20.240 Right.

00:20:20.600 And you need to do a dangerous place.

00:20:22.340 Better what?

00:20:23.220 So your identity can't be attached to the external.

00:20:25.560 I talk a lot about identity and the power of one more.

00:20:27.900 The identity has always got to remain as who you are, your value systems, your character.

00:20:32.380 By the way, as I'm saying this and getting all fired up about it, it's because this message

00:20:36.160 is for me.

00:20:37.200 It's important for me too.

00:20:38.320 Oh, I got a book.

00:20:39.300 Oh, I got a show.

00:20:40.900 I'm Ed Milet, man.

00:20:43.040 All right.

00:20:43.540 I'm Ed Milet.

00:20:44.340 I'm a guy.

00:20:44.940 Average IQ, right?

00:20:47.180 Alcoholic dad growing up, right?

00:20:49.580 Insecure, quiet.

00:20:50.520 I'm a shy guy in real life.

00:20:51.780 To get off this camera, I'm the quiet dude in the room, right?

00:20:54.740 I still have insecurities.

00:20:56.560 That's who I am.

00:20:57.480 I'm a good man though.

00:20:58.440 I want to help people.

00:20:59.240 I want to make a difference.

00:21:00.320 I want my life to matter.

00:21:01.700 I love the Lord, right?

00:21:03.640 But I'm not a guy with a show.

00:21:06.700 I'm not an author.

00:21:07.740 I'm not that.

00:21:08.800 I'm a man who also has written a book, also has a show, also has a beautiful family.

00:21:14.900 But the minute your identity is tied up in these external things, man, you're in a dangerous

00:21:18.820 spot.

00:21:20.280 Well, that's the trick, isn't it?

00:21:21.540 Is that it's your values and your belief system and who you are as an individual, like

00:21:25.780 you're saying, that actually produces the results.

00:21:29.140 Yes.

00:21:30.060 And do you know how attractive that is, brother?

00:21:31.640 You know, this is what I admire about you.

00:21:32.940 I've said it twice, but I've watched you more lately too.

00:21:35.880 And, you know, my surprise to people, I said, I have some friends that I really disagree

00:21:41.180 with on other things like faith or politics.

00:21:43.900 Why?

00:21:45.160 Because the most attractive thing to me is actually just somebody who authentically stands for

00:21:49.260 something.

00:21:50.540 And they'll express it to me.

00:21:52.080 I can admire that.

00:21:53.380 I can admire.

00:21:53.960 I don't have your history or story or background.

00:21:57.360 And we can debate it.

00:21:58.580 Maybe I'll persuade you.

00:21:59.640 What I don't like is those people who will, whichever way the wind blows, whoever they're

00:22:04.800 with.

00:22:05.260 Right.

00:22:05.540 So I actually do have really good friends that I disagree with.

00:22:08.020 And they're interesting to me.

00:22:09.280 But man, do I admire them?

00:22:10.700 Like one of my really, really good friends I was talking, texting with yesterday.

00:22:16.040 And he's one of the most ethical men I know.

00:22:17.920 In fact, when people ask me about him, I always go, this dude is the most straight guy with

00:22:21.600 his wife.

00:22:22.280 Doesn't lie.

00:22:22.880 But he's an atheist.

00:22:26.100 Interesting.

00:22:26.460 And it's to be controversial for your show.

00:22:28.540 Right.

00:22:29.200 And now, am I constantly working on him?

00:22:34.300 Yes.

00:22:34.960 Is that one of the reasons in my life?

00:22:36.600 Yes.

00:22:37.640 Do I think I've made some headway?

00:22:39.360 Probably.

00:22:40.460 But they're like, wow, you're this devout Christian guy.

00:22:42.440 I'm one of your closest friends as an atheist.

00:22:44.080 Yeah, man.

00:22:44.940 First off, Jesus is for sinners, right?

00:22:49.080 And also, churches know what they're getting a minute miles away.

00:22:52.500 With me, you don't know.

00:22:53.740 But in this case, he also happens to be one of the most ethical, moral men that I know.

00:22:58.760 And I admire that about him.

00:23:00.140 I totally disagree.

00:23:01.540 And I'm worried that I can't get to him or the Lord doesn't get to him before he takes

00:23:05.000 his last breath.

00:23:05.740 Of course I am.

00:23:06.580 That's why he's close to me.

00:23:07.800 But at the same time, what I admire is that he knows who he is.

00:23:13.440 He stands for certain things.

00:23:14.840 I just want him to find the Lord also.

00:23:16.940 But not everyone around me has got to be an echo chamber in my life.

00:23:20.680 That's so boring, right?

00:23:22.180 Yeah, of course.

00:23:23.120 Everyone's got to be an echo chamber.

00:23:26.080 How do you find the line of wanting to serve?

00:23:29.100 Like, we can take this individual or any of the number of people that I know you help.

00:23:32.700 How do you find the line of wanting to help for the right reasons versus wanting to help

00:23:41.880 maybe more than they want to help?

00:23:44.380 And it becomes more about your ego.

00:23:46.300 Go like, I can change this person.

00:23:47.860 I can win this person over to my cots.

00:23:50.640 Like, well, hold up.

00:23:52.260 Now, are you doing it for them or are you doing it for you?

00:23:56.140 You do.

00:23:56.760 I've done it.

00:23:57.400 On Monday, I dropped one of my UFC fighters who no one even knows that I work with yet.

00:24:01.840 But he's late to calls.

00:24:04.200 He's short.

00:24:05.000 He doesn't do the homework that I give him.

00:24:06.520 And I realized one of the reasons I was working with him is that I'm going to be the dude

00:24:10.580 that gets him the belt.

00:24:12.500 And I went, that's not about me, right?

00:24:16.580 And so I actually had a conversation with him.

00:24:18.380 I said, hey, man, we're going to go through this one more time.

00:24:20.640 And if you don't show me that you want this more than I want it for you, I'm out.

00:24:24.200 And he didn't.

00:24:24.840 And he's out.

00:24:25.840 And so I've made those changes.

00:24:27.660 Some of it just comes with age, you know, I think to some extent.

00:24:30.200 But there's a lot of things in life, even when I share good news with my family, you

00:24:36.100 know, like, hey, I'm on Good Morning America last week.

00:24:38.100 I did this.

00:24:38.620 I did that.

00:24:39.140 Am I sharing that with them because I think they should watch it'll make a difference?

00:24:42.820 Or am I sharing that with them because they're going to go, ooh, wow, you're a big deal.

00:24:46.760 And you always got to nuance that.

00:24:48.160 Also, don't think, let me say one thing.

00:24:50.640 Significance and recognition is one of the dominant human needs.

00:24:53.740 And it's OK to have it.

00:24:55.120 It's OK to if someone wants to walk out of their house and look good and so that people

00:25:00.340 think you're attractive.

00:25:01.440 There's nothing wrong with that.

00:25:02.660 Everything in life is about the dosage level.

00:25:04.880 People say, well, some emotions are just really bad.

00:25:07.160 Anger is always bad.

00:25:08.100 Really?

00:25:09.280 Anger causes a lot of athletes to focus.

00:25:12.500 They get in a zone.

00:25:13.540 Fear is terrible.

00:25:14.500 Really?

00:25:15.120 Fear helps you prepare for this interview and me want to do well.

00:25:18.960 Right?

00:25:19.360 So it's the dosage of emotions in our life.

00:25:22.100 Not that they're necessarily good or bad.

00:25:23.620 I talk a lot about that in the book.

00:25:24.860 Like, I leverage anger.

00:25:26.700 I used to have too much anger to where it hurt me.

00:25:29.780 But the complete elimination of anger in my life to where there's not.

00:25:33.480 My gosh, Jesus rebuked the apostles.

00:25:36.140 Right.

00:25:36.580 So give me a break.

00:25:37.860 Like, there's got to be some element of that in our lives, the extent of which is the question.

00:25:42.800 And does it serve me?

00:25:44.340 I've had too much anger in my past in my 20s and 30s where it didn't serve me or the people

00:25:48.480 around me.

00:25:49.280 But then you meet these guys that have got these trends.

00:25:51.760 You've seen it, too.

00:25:52.280 Like, all of a sudden, the guy's, like, neutered to the extent that he's no longer even a viable

00:25:56.680 masculine man anymore.

00:25:58.500 Right.

00:25:58.740 Because he thinks it's eliminated altogether. 0.95

00:26:00.420 That's ridiculous.

00:26:01.620 It's a matter of you managing your emotions and your emotions not managing you. 0.95

00:26:06.400 And now I think I have it to an extent under, you know, the perspective and amount of it

00:26:11.680 that I want.

00:26:12.280 Fear, anger, frustration, even getting down.

00:26:16.060 I kind of like getting down sometimes because the contrast when I come back up feels good.

00:26:21.480 I just don't want to go all the way to depression where I'm laying in bed sucking my thumb all

00:26:25.500 day long.

00:26:26.200 But I let myself experience rejection, fear, anger, angst, anxiety.

00:26:32.720 I get anxiety before every time I speak in front of 20,000 people.

00:26:36.560 I used to get it to the point where it was debilitating.

00:26:39.360 Now I get it to the point where it kind of gives me those butterflies like a Friday night

00:26:42.780 feeling before a football game.

00:26:44.460 So all the emotion stuff's important.

00:26:47.580 How do you start to make that transition?

00:26:49.960 Because, I mean, I've had anger.

00:26:51.460 I've had impatience issues.

00:26:52.940 Like, there's things that I deal with personally.

00:26:55.580 And I know there's a lot of guys listening who they have the same things.

00:26:58.960 We're all going through the same thing.

00:27:00.120 But how do you begin to make that pivot if you're an angry man, for example, or an impatient

00:27:05.440 person, or you're frustrated or anxious about like what you're saying?

00:27:10.340 What is the step?

00:27:11.780 Is it just, I mean, it's not just believing.

00:27:13.520 I mean, yeah, I guess like believe it, think it kind of thing.

00:27:16.600 But what do you actually do to start channeling anger or these other emotions you have?

00:27:22.340 You ask the best questions, bro.

00:27:23.680 So one, I have a chapter on a book called Equanimity.

00:27:25.600 It's chapter 17.

00:27:26.560 I recommend every man reads it.

00:27:28.140 It's about learning how to have peace under duress.

00:27:30.600 It's easy to have peace when your kids are playing in the park and you're sitting there

00:27:33.560 holding your wife's hand.

00:27:34.660 Yeah, that's peaceful.

00:27:35.720 What about when the world's going crazy around you?

00:27:37.460 Can you find that?

00:27:38.520 Second thing is, how do you know if the emotion is too much of it?

00:27:41.400 Is this doing, is this serving me or not?

00:27:44.060 That's the first question.

00:27:44.960 Is it serving me or not? 0.84

00:27:46.460 And then for me, believe it or not, I do these visualizations that sound really silly 0.93

00:27:50.160 or stupid, but I actually, an awareness of a challenge helps it lose its power over you. 0.86

00:27:57.500 So when I start going into my pattern and I did, you know what? 0.98

00:28:01.200 I'm loving telling you stuff.

00:28:02.580 I did it with my wife last night.

00:28:05.240 I had a, I'm on a TV show this morning before we did this.

00:28:08.200 And she's like, I'm getting my nails done in a foot massage.

00:28:11.940 Can I watch it on an app?

00:28:13.800 And I said, what did you just say?

00:28:15.520 Are you kidding me?

00:28:16.660 I'm going to be on KTLA morning.

00:28:18.340 All my egos coming out now, right?

00:28:22.080 Sure.

00:28:22.320 And then I could have stopped, but I kind of felt good getting angry.

00:28:25.260 And I'm like, and by the way, and this, and here's what I did.

00:28:28.640 I was aware of it.

00:28:29.140 I go, I'm actually doing that thing right now. 1.00

00:28:31.540 I'm doing the stupid ass thing I do. 1.00

00:28:33.520 So the awareness lost its power over me. 1.00

00:28:35.500 How's that happen?

00:28:36.760 I actually visualize this for all men.

00:28:39.480 It takes you three seconds, by the way. 1.00

00:28:41.120 I'll visualize me doing the anger idiot thing. 0.99

00:28:44.780 And then when I'm watching the video, this may sound too deep, bro. 0.98

00:28:48.160 But when I'm watching the video, I literally play funny music over the audio in my head. 0.99

00:28:54.500 I actually play the, this is just stupid. 0.97

00:28:57.680 Remember that I'm too old for all you guys. 0.97

00:28:59.600 There used to be a show called Sanford and Son with Fred Sanford.

00:29:02.580 This old show of the 70s.

00:29:04.420 And the music was. 1.00

00:29:05.000 So I literally visualize my dumb ass getting angry. 1.00

00:29:11.320 And then I watch it in slow motion. 1.00

00:29:15.240 And I do that over and over again.

00:29:16.920 You're thinking this dude's lost his mind.

00:29:18.320 I'm actually scratching the CD in my brain.

00:29:20.560 I'm interrupting the pattern in my brain.

00:29:22.440 So that when I begin to do it, once I catch awareness, I actually go, I'm doing the Fred Sanford thing. 1.00

00:29:30.440 What an idiot. 1.00

00:29:31.300 And all it does, bro, is it breaks the pattern for one second. 1.00

00:29:34.500 And it interrupts the pattern.

00:29:36.140 Because here's what you do when you get angry, man.

00:29:38.160 It starts stacking.

00:29:40.060 And all of a sudden, the adrenaline's pumping in your body.

00:29:42.980 Or fear.

00:29:44.220 And you start, I'm afraid of this.

00:29:45.920 And what if this bill doesn't get paid?

00:29:47.580 And if I don't pay, maybe she'll leave. 1.00

00:29:49.160 And then people are going to know.

00:29:50.620 And then I'm not going to live in a house anymore.

00:29:51.840 I don't want to have any food anymore.

00:29:53.020 You start stacking.

00:29:55.180 And so all it does is it eliminates the stack.

00:29:57.640 And I prepare it.

00:29:58.620 I know.

00:29:59.140 Here's Ed Milet.

00:29:59.920 Let me tell you, Ed Milet.

00:30:00.940 Ed Milet's got to watch a couple things.

00:30:02.340 He's got to watch anger.

00:30:03.600 And he's got to watch worry.

00:30:05.500 Which the scriptures say is a sin.

00:30:07.420 I was raised with a worrying dad.

00:30:09.860 And often as men, actually as humans, we don't end up with all the behaviors of our dads, although we do a little bit.

00:30:15.600 But we do end up oftentimes sometimes with their emotions.

00:30:19.180 Most things as kids are caught, not taught.

00:30:22.900 I caught my dad's anger.

00:30:25.320 I caught my dad.

00:30:26.460 But right before he died, brother, he would literally hang up with me.

00:30:28.940 I'm 45 years old.

00:30:30.160 Hey, have a great day.

00:30:31.340 Be careful.

00:30:32.660 That was his closing mind.

00:30:33.560 Be careful.

00:30:34.240 Be careful.

00:30:34.640 What the hell do I need to be careful of?

00:30:36.600 My dad was a worrier.

00:30:38.460 You know, always worried.

00:30:39.920 Always concerned.

00:30:40.820 And by the way, no matter what I produce in my life, I'm worried I'm going to lose it.

00:30:44.400 I'm worried it's a fluke.

00:30:45.560 I'm worried they're going to figure out I'm not that smart.

00:30:47.240 I'm worried it's all going to end.

00:30:49.740 And so I just literally started to go, I know I got to watch my anger.

00:30:52.940 I got to watch my worry.

00:30:54.020 How do I work on it?

00:30:55.000 Well, when I actually visualize me worrying, I do what I just told you. 0.85

00:30:57.920 I start playing goofy ass music over it. 0.62

00:30:59.480 I slow it down. 0.98

00:31:00.280 I make fun of it.

00:31:01.260 It's like scratching a CD.

00:31:02.580 Remember those old CDs?

00:31:03.640 Oh, yeah.

00:31:04.300 Eventually, if you scratch them, they couldn't play.

00:31:05.880 I almost can't play worry now too much.

00:31:08.460 I can do it for a little bit.

00:31:09.680 And then the pattern gets in.

00:31:10.700 I can do anger.

00:31:11.720 I started to do it last night with my wife.

00:31:13.440 And then about the old Ed Milet, that would have deteriorated into a major fight and probably still carry over to the morning.

00:31:20.500 And then I wouldn't have got breakfast and I wouldn't have got what else I got last night.

00:31:23.360 All kinds of other stuff.

00:31:24.340 Right.

00:31:24.980 And I caught it and it still wasn't good, but I caught it.

00:31:28.220 And I go, babe, just go get your foot massage in the deal. 1.00

00:31:32.600 It's all good.

00:31:33.580 Right.

00:31:33.920 This is she loves me.

00:31:35.540 Right.

00:31:35.900 It's OK.

00:31:36.780 And so I interrupted the pattern.

00:31:37.900 That's how I do it.

00:31:40.100 All right, man.

00:31:40.660 Let me hit the pause button on the conversation.

00:31:42.700 I told you I would tell you about the Iron Council.

00:31:44.880 Now, as many of you know, I've personally been struggling with my own personal issues, as we all do from time to time over the last several months.

00:31:53.020 And I can tell you with 100% certainty that I would not be able to get through all that I am dealing with and all that we will deal with in the future if it weren't for the help and support of my friends and band of brothers, other men.

00:32:05.600 High caliber men, quality men who care about me, love me, and want to see me win.

00:32:10.780 Now, unfortunately, too many men have gone throughout life with the lone wolf mentality, and it's really ended up hurting us, me, them in the long run.

00:32:20.480 But equally unfortunate is that most men don't really know where to turn to build a powerful band of brothers.

00:32:26.820 And that's where the Iron Council comes into play.

00:32:29.260 And it's going to be open for another week, actually a week and a half, I believe, somewhere in there, a week, week and a half.

00:32:34.520 But when you decide to band with us, you're going to be joining 1,500 other men from all over the world who are struggling in a lot of similar ways or have come out the other side of what you're currently dealing with and have the desire to show you that path, to show you the way.

00:32:50.020 So if you want to learn more and you want to band with us, head to orderaman.com slash Iron Council.

00:32:55.740 Again, that's orderaman.com slash Iron Council.

00:32:58.900 Do that right after the show.

00:33:00.000 You have a very short window to do that.

00:33:01.700 For now, I'll get back to it with Ed.

00:33:04.820 I'm taking notes here.

00:33:06.180 One thing I wrote down or I'm writing down now is just when you say that, I'm hearing you say, don't take it too seriously.

00:33:12.780 Don't.

00:33:13.200 Your life either.

00:33:14.020 I'd also say this.

00:33:14.880 Take an inventory, guys.

00:33:16.520 What are your two or three?

00:33:17.480 You got them.

00:33:18.120 What are they?

00:33:19.100 Right?

00:33:19.460 Maybe you get mean.

00:33:20.820 Maybe you get frozen.

00:33:22.720 Right?

00:33:23.000 Maybe you get fearful.

00:33:24.700 But I know Ed Milet now.

00:33:26.540 I'm self-aware.

00:33:27.880 Ed Milet's got to watch his anger.

00:33:29.180 Ed Milet's got to watch his worry.

00:33:30.900 You know, I got other ones.

00:33:31.860 But those are the big two.

00:33:33.200 Man, if I could go through a life by managing my anger and it not managing me, managing my worry.

00:33:39.460 Because some worry, by the way, causes me to create.

00:33:42.820 How am I going to prevent certain things from happening?

00:33:45.980 Right.

00:33:46.420 Right.

00:33:46.640 Too much of it, I actually start seeing things in my life and attracting them that cause those very things I worry about to happen or become more probable.

00:33:56.960 And so, I know mine.

00:33:57.940 What is it?

00:33:58.240 And you should just ask yourself as you're listening to this.

00:33:59.720 What are my couple?

00:34:00.440 Because you got them.

00:34:01.520 And don't say you don't know. 0.79

00:34:02.580 You damn well know. 0.69

00:34:03.540 They've cost you all your life. 0.95

00:34:05.380 They cost you constantly.

00:34:06.700 Maybe you're lazy.

00:34:08.380 Right?

00:34:09.080 I don't know what it is.

00:34:10.160 Maybe you complicate things too much to where you can't make a decision.

00:34:14.540 Maybe you can't make a decision.

00:34:17.000 Right?

00:34:17.180 Maybe you're too judgmental.

00:34:18.860 Whatever it might be.

00:34:19.820 My two biggies at this stage of my life are worry and anger.

00:34:23.860 And they're pretty much, I got strategies for them.

00:34:28.260 Yeah.

00:34:28.440 I'm writing down as you're saying that.

00:34:30.120 So, anger is definitely one of mine.

00:34:32.340 I wrote anxiety, which I think ties into worry.

00:34:35.560 Concern about something that isn't or that may never be.

00:34:40.660 Right.

00:34:40.960 Let me ask you a question.

00:34:41.760 You ever have, let me interrupt you.

00:34:43.260 Are you ever worrying about something or have anxiety and you don't even know what it is?

00:34:47.740 You're just feeling it.

00:34:50.740 I can't say that I, I'd have to think on that, but right off hand, I can't say that I experienced that.

00:34:56.040 Like I, there's some, mine is so pronounced.

00:34:58.060 I will have a bothersome feeling and I have to actually work hard to remember what it is that I'm so bothered and worried about.

00:35:05.380 It's that pronounced with me.

00:35:06.780 I didn't mean to interrupt you.

00:35:07.760 Interesting.

00:35:08.240 Yeah.

00:35:08.500 No, that's interesting.

00:35:09.140 Do you think that's just riffing on that a little bit, like this constant need?

00:35:15.160 I see you and I see how busy you are and how active you are.

00:35:20.040 That's probably a better word, active than busy.

00:35:23.640 And I wonder if you feel like you have to always be active.

00:35:26.960 You have to always feel like you're doing something or moving the needle in some way.

00:35:32.020 And if you're not, then do you get anxious and worried because you feel unproductive?

00:35:37.280 Yes.

00:35:37.660 And I also feel like I'm going to lose momentum.

00:35:41.020 Neither of which is true.

00:35:42.680 That's why we have friends and mentors, right?

00:35:46.060 That latter version, you know, fortunately for me, I'm surrounded by some men who have had huge success in their life.

00:35:52.160 You know, really successful men.

00:35:53.760 By the way, when I measure success means they also kept their family together when they achieved financial success.

00:35:58.540 They also contributed to people and kept their bodies in shape, right?

00:36:02.780 It's not just one thing.

00:36:04.440 So when I say success, and I've said that to them, hey, man, I feel like I'm going to lose momentum if I slow down.

00:36:11.780 And I had, well, I'll just tell you who, Jerry West say to me, he goes, that's the symptom of a disease, Ed.

00:36:18.460 And I said, what's the disease?

00:36:19.680 He goes, the disease is you don't think that you're that good.

00:36:23.140 So you think this is all artificial through momentum.

00:36:25.720 And I'm here to tell you, you are that good.

00:36:27.780 You know, you are that smart.

00:36:28.880 There's not a driving range that he said that to me.

00:36:31.340 And so I do evaluate those things really regularly.

00:36:34.820 Yeah.

00:36:35.200 But I also love helping people.

00:36:36.740 Like if you said to me, you could lay on the beach all day for nine hours or you can do this show with you and someone's life is improved from it.

00:36:43.060 I'd say I'd really rather go in my house and do that show.

00:36:45.580 I don't know why I'm that way, but I am.

00:36:47.140 I enjoy this.

00:36:47.940 This isn't work.

00:36:50.280 So you're hitting on another one.

00:36:51.860 So another one of mine that I wrote down, I wrote four down and I have to think on these a little bit more.

00:36:56.120 And patience was one.

00:36:57.000 And the last one, and you just hit on it where you said, you know, that's a disease.

00:37:00.400 You don't think you're that good.

00:37:02.160 I also wrote that or that you don't deserve it.

00:37:05.580 And so one of my things is a constant need for validation from external sources instead of learning how to validate myself.

00:37:17.260 I don't really feel worthy of the blessings that I have in my life at times.

00:37:22.340 Yeah.

00:37:22.380 So I got to go out and earn them, right? 0.99

00:37:23.980 Like I got to bust my balls to have them. 0.96

00:37:26.260 Want a little help with it? 0.99

00:37:27.300 Want to know one thing I did?

00:37:28.360 Absolutely.

00:37:29.260 Because I know you're a person of faith.

00:37:30.700 So this is, I've never literally talked about any of this.

00:37:35.100 So it's amazing we're talking about this.

00:37:36.700 I'm like a copy of this interview, but I have that too.

00:37:40.680 And I had a great earthly father.

00:37:43.020 My dad got sober and became an amazing father, believed in me so much.

00:37:46.700 But when I was my first 15 years, didn't.

00:37:49.300 And just for whatever reason, man, I've always struggled with believing in myself.

00:37:52.880 So I teach all these strategies like you've heard.

00:37:55.140 Keep the promises you make to yourself, you know, raise your standards, work on your identity.

00:38:00.480 All of those things work.

00:38:02.580 But I've actually started this thing that when I pray, I've never said this out loud.

00:38:06.080 But when I, it makes me emotional a little bit, but when I pray, not every night, but

00:38:12.700 a lot of nights, I actually turn it and I allow myself to feel what the Lord would say

00:38:17.720 about me if he could talk about me as his son, as his son, and what he wishes for me

00:38:24.580 and how much he believes in me and how he made me as his son.

00:38:28.720 And it's so powerful for me, bro, because I know he wants me to be happy.

00:38:33.640 I know he made me powerful.

00:38:34.820 I know he gave me a mind and a voice.

00:38:37.280 And when I'm most connected to him is when I'm doing my best creating and communicating.

00:38:41.520 It's when I read people the best.

00:38:44.180 And so I allow myself sometimes for two minutes, five minutes, three, 30 seconds just to allow

00:38:50.140 him.

00:38:50.840 And by the way, I started doing it throughout my day, even when I'm not in like a focused

00:38:53.540 product, I pray on my knees every night.

00:38:56.180 So that's when I do it.

00:38:57.560 But like, I'll do it throughout the day, like just how he feels about me, how he feels about

00:39:02.720 me.

00:39:03.100 That's not external to me.

00:39:04.580 That's internal.

00:39:06.160 See, I got one internal person I allow, which is my savior.

00:39:09.520 So me and Jesus, that's internal.

00:39:11.480 Now, what even my wife thinks is external.

00:39:13.660 My kids think, you think, the audience thinks, other people think.

00:39:17.260 That's external.

00:39:18.500 And that validation to me, I'll be candid with you.

00:39:21.800 Once you get a lot of it, and you've had some, but once you get a lot of it, like it

00:39:25.640 doesn't fill you up.

00:39:27.600 It doesn't.

00:39:28.460 I've got it.

00:39:29.020 I know what it's like to walk in rooms and have 30.

00:39:31.260 I know what it's like.

00:39:32.080 I can't go.

00:39:32.620 I can't work out in a gym anymore.

00:39:34.380 It's wonderful that people think great things about you.

00:39:37.600 But there becomes a point where if you don't, you don't even really feel it for more than

00:39:41.700 like five seconds.

00:39:43.420 And once they walk away, you're back to feeling about yourself the way you used to.

00:39:46.720 The one dude who never walks away from me is my father in heaven.

00:39:50.900 And he's with me constantly.

00:39:52.440 And he loves me.

00:39:53.200 And he made me in his image and likeness.

00:39:54.760 And he wants me to help people.

00:39:56.080 He wants to use me to serve others.

00:39:58.420 He thinks I'm great.

00:40:00.080 And by the way, he thinks you're great if you're listening to this. 0.99

00:40:03.920 And he already knows all the bad crap you've done and you're going to do. 0.98

00:40:08.000 And he still loves you. 0.98

00:40:09.360 If you have children, this may sound crazy.

00:40:12.200 But as much as you love that little daughter of yours or that little son of yours, he loves

00:40:16.560 you even more than that.

00:40:18.200 And I allow myself to feel that.

00:40:20.180 It's the only thing that works for me is that.

00:40:24.180 And so I almost pretend sometimes like I'm listening in on him talking about me.

00:40:29.000 I like that.

00:40:30.020 Some of you.

00:40:31.000 I'm going to have to try that.

00:40:32.200 Yeah, you're right about the validation thing.

00:40:34.360 You know, every once in a while, I'll get a message from somebody who's like, hey, man,

00:40:37.500 you changed my life because of X, Y, and Z.

00:40:39.520 Or I had, you had Ed Milad on the podcast and the thing he said about the thing like

00:40:43.800 completely transformed my life.

00:40:46.020 And I almost feel a little guilty because I'm like, that's cool.

00:40:50.720 I'm really excited, but I don't feel as excited as I think I should about that.

00:40:56.420 Right.

00:40:57.320 Yeah.

00:40:57.500 And so I'm like, did I lose this?

00:41:00.480 Like, is it not important to me anymore?

00:41:02.660 Or like, what's happening?

00:41:04.160 Is it, am I stagnant?

00:41:05.800 Am I, is I just have so much of it that it doesn't matter, but it should, it's, that's

00:41:11.540 somebody's life that's changed because you might've said something or had a particular

00:41:16.320 guest on, or I don't know.

00:41:19.180 I don't know quite know how to explain that.

00:41:20.180 I know, I feel so honest because I know exactly what you mean.

00:41:22.340 It does feel good.

00:41:23.720 It probably felt better before when it was the first time.

00:41:26.180 And then I also think to myself, you better stay grateful because there was a time nobody's

00:41:30.300 life was changed by you and nobody wanted to hear you and no one downloaded anything.

00:41:34.780 And you walked in a room and no one had any clue, nor did they care you were in a room.

00:41:39.180 It's not that it's that it's, we're not wired for that to make the impact it would if it's

00:41:46.340 our creator.

00:41:47.520 It's just more.

00:41:48.680 And the truth is, I, all these things we think we want to feel, by the way, you're supposed

00:41:54.160 to go win if you're a man, listen, you're supposed to achieve, you're supposed to grow,

00:41:58.240 you're supposed to kick some tail. 0.61

00:41:59.760 It's why you were put here.

00:42:00.920 You're supposed to love people.

00:42:02.080 You're supposed to get better.

00:42:03.400 You're supposed to pick yourself up.

00:42:04.760 All that stuff matters.

00:42:06.260 But the end of the day, I want well done, good and faithful servant.

00:42:10.760 I've told you this before, but I also have this hallucination that when I go to heaven,

00:42:14.460 I get introduced to the man I was capable of becoming.

00:42:17.700 I believe the Lord goes, Hey, well done.

00:42:19.960 You're in.

00:42:20.420 But by the way, let me introduce you to the Ed Milad I made you to be.

00:42:24.940 And when I meet that man, this is the man with the experiences, the contributions, the

00:42:28.240 emotions, the successes, the memories of a life.

00:42:31.520 I'm chasing that guy.

00:42:33.280 I'm chasing him, right?

00:42:35.200 That's who I want.

00:42:36.140 Why?

00:42:36.480 Because the Lord made me to be that guy.

00:42:38.100 So yeah, if you say my podcast helped you or a speech, man, that means the world to me,

00:42:42.860 but not like catching that guy means to me.

00:42:45.520 Because to me, ultimately meeting the man I was born to be, destined to be, and chasing

00:42:50.080 and catching him, that's heaven.

00:42:53.180 Hell is I get there and I meet that man and we're total strangers.

00:42:57.460 And I didn't have the memories.

00:42:58.600 I didn't have the life.

00:42:59.460 I didn't make the difference.

00:43:00.520 Like, so ultimately that does feel good.

00:43:02.800 It feels good every time you hear it, but it doesn't feel as good as you thought it

00:43:06.640 was going to feel because that's not the ultimate confirmation.

00:43:09.600 The ultimate confirmation is not another human being, although it feels good.

00:43:13.260 And you were born to do it and it should continue to feel good.

00:43:16.580 And it does.

00:43:17.560 But when you go, man, I thought I would just be different when I heard this.

00:43:21.560 No, you'll be different when you hear that.

00:43:23.460 You'll be different when you hear that.

00:43:24.940 And that to me is the separate for me.

00:43:26.900 I've just accepted that like the ultimate acknowledgement that I want, the ultimate me,

00:43:33.240 it's just me and my father in heaven.

00:43:35.620 By the way, I know connected to that purpose is me serving other people and connecting with

00:43:41.720 my brothers and sisters that are here.

00:43:43.520 The other thing, you want that arrogance thing to go away, stay connected to what I'm

00:43:46.700 telling you, because now I know I'm talking to my brother.

00:43:49.500 That guy who comes up to say, man, I've been divorced three times.

00:43:52.020 I drink, I use drug, man, your pocket.

00:43:54.000 That's your brother. 0.93

00:43:55.380 You're not better than him.

00:43:56.580 That's your brother.

00:43:57.740 That's your sister. 1.00

00:43:59.160 And so all of this stuff over here that we're describing is what sort of eliminates most

00:44:03.800 of these other things we've been talking about.

00:44:05.820 And I'm glad we got to it because there's not a lot of places that, you know, would accept

00:44:10.420 that to be true on a podcast.

00:44:12.180 And the fact is, I know I'm right about, there's a lot of things, man, that are in my books

00:44:15.980 and stuff.

00:44:16.340 I'll tell you, I think I'm right about, I think I'm right.

00:44:19.080 There's a few things I know I'm right about, you know, and I know, like I even telling you

00:44:23.120 this, like the Holy Spirit confirms it for me.

00:44:25.000 And I don't mean to be too religious with everybody today, but it's like, I just feel

00:44:28.300 it.

00:44:28.480 And by the way, I'm a sinner. 1.00

00:44:29.460 I'm an idiot. 1.00

00:44:30.720 I make mistakes every single day, but I'm pursuing that man that my father made me to 1.00

00:44:35.740 be.

00:44:36.180 And I know he loves me and I know he expects me to get there.

00:44:38.260 And I know he expects you to get there.

00:44:41.020 So how do you, so obviously we don't get that experience right now, right?

00:44:44.980 Right.

00:44:45.120 So how, how do you know you're doing enough or you're doing what it takes and is, there's

00:44:58.060 a cost associated with it for sure.

00:45:00.180 Like you don't get something without a cost to sacrifice, but how do you determine which

00:45:05.460 sacrifice is right to make and which one isn't in pursuit of that guy?

00:45:09.420 If you don't even know what that guy is or what his potential is.

00:45:12.080 Yeah.

00:45:12.640 Well, first progress is what I'm pursuing, not perfection.

00:45:16.100 So I'm pursuing progress.

00:45:17.520 Am I making progress towards him?

00:45:19.580 And I think, you know, whether this makes progress.

00:45:22.560 Listen, I know if when this shows over and my laptop sitting here and I flipped to some

00:45:28.860 stuff I shouldn't be looking at, that's not progress towards that guy.

00:45:33.380 And every man listening to this knows that, you know, when you're making progress and you

00:45:37.180 know, when you're moving away right now, in terms of having the discernment to know

00:45:41.940 which sacrifices are worthy, welcome to life.

00:45:45.140 Yeah.

00:45:45.600 And for me, that's what it is.

00:45:47.480 It is discernment.

00:45:48.640 And I don't want to keep going too far down this road to alienate anybody listening, but

00:45:51.980 I must tell you, that's where prayer matters for me.

00:45:55.180 Prayer does matter.

00:45:56.280 Meditation.

00:45:56.840 I actually meditate and go, man, you're a Christian.

00:45:58.620 You meditate.

00:45:59.140 Yeah.

00:45:59.660 Meditation is like getting quiet, controlling my breathing, not thinking for 30 seconds or

00:46:07.060 a minute and allowing my mind to rest.

00:46:10.280 And so for me, it's that those are the distinctions.

00:46:12.940 And if you if I'm being completely transparent with you, you've hit on the thing in my life

00:46:17.500 that I wrestle the most with is not my confidence anymore.

00:46:20.520 Although it'll creep up.

00:46:22.540 I was doing Good Morning America last week.

00:46:24.280 I'm like, and then I was fine.

00:46:26.320 Right.

00:46:26.640 So, you know, walk in and I met with a former president about three weeks ago and I was fine.

00:46:33.160 Right.

00:46:33.460 Because the Lord's with me when I walk in and, you know, I'm prayerful about it.

00:46:37.480 For me, it's delineating between the sacrifices that are worth making and not.

00:46:43.020 And that's really hard.

00:46:45.080 You know, do I miss my son's golf tournament to go do this or do I not?

00:46:49.900 Right.

00:46:50.180 Do I those are really difficult decisions for me.

00:46:53.440 And so I pray for discernment on it.

00:46:55.940 And those are the ones that I if you're asking where I don't know every answer, it's that it's

00:47:02.340 that I say yes too often and I say yes because of ego to what you said earlier.

00:47:07.900 I'm going to lose momentum.

00:47:08.760 Well, I could always I'll do it later.

00:47:10.980 Right.

00:47:11.600 And now I've just can I give one everyone a tip on this is a life changing planning strategy

00:47:15.920 that I do.

00:47:16.340 I used to have my life planned out.

00:47:19.080 Then I go, OK, let me stick my date night with my wife in there. 1.00

00:47:22.000 Let me do this little thing with my daughter there.

00:47:24.360 And what ended up happening was show me your calendar and your planning and I'll show you

00:47:27.660 your priorities.

00:47:29.380 And so now I do it differently.

00:47:30.940 And by the way, it's not because I have money.

00:47:32.460 I could have done this the whole time.

00:47:34.620 I'll put my family stuff first.

00:47:37.500 That's my date night with my wife.

00:47:39.380 That's my time with my daughter.

00:47:41.060 That's my time with my son.

00:47:42.560 Now I'll plan the rest of my life around it.

00:47:44.540 They're not the last thing added to my calendar.

00:47:46.660 They're the first thing.

00:47:48.240 And that's changed things for me.

00:47:49.520 And then that sort of helps with the sacrifice thing.

00:47:52.980 Yeah, I had a I had an experience.

00:47:54.840 Well, in fact, I'm in the middle of dealing with it.

00:47:56.840 We've got some events coming up and I just got my second son's football schedule and his

00:48:02.680 football schedule.

00:48:03.400 He plays every Saturday for the next five or six weeks.

00:48:05.940 And I have two big events coming up within that time frame.

00:48:10.300 And I'm like, man, that's two hours on a Saturday.

00:48:13.880 I've got one event.

00:48:15.260 I've got 40 guys here.

00:48:16.220 Another one.

00:48:16.560 I've got 100 here.

00:48:17.740 Yeah.

00:48:18.420 Like, what do I do?

00:48:19.440 And immediately, and I think this was prayerful.

00:48:22.480 So I'm appreciative of God's influence in my life in that way.

00:48:28.380 And he's like, you go to the games.

00:48:30.180 Like, what are you talking about?

00:48:32.080 You go to the games.

00:48:32.740 And then in my mind, I'm like, well, I know, but like all these guys are investing in to

00:48:35.960 be here.

00:48:36.380 I'm like, yeah, but you, you've built this organization where you have help.

00:48:39.980 Like if you're gone for two hours at one of these events that lasts for two and a half,

00:48:43.820 three days, nobody's going to miss you.

00:48:46.040 Like it's going to be fine.

00:48:47.440 Like your other guys are capable.

00:48:49.300 They can handle it.

00:48:50.480 The guys aren't going to miss you.

00:48:52.180 In fact, it might be better while you're gone because they can talk about things that

00:48:55.340 maybe they wouldn't talk about in the context of me being there.

00:48:57.960 I don't know.

00:48:58.960 No, you're right.

00:48:59.680 And so, amen.

00:49:01.280 And let me tell you one other thing.

00:49:02.120 I just, I had a, you know, I've done 350 podcasts myself on my show and I just had

00:49:07.060 my kids on for the first time, like four weeks ago.

00:49:09.920 And their lead, my daughter's a freshman at Clemson.

00:49:11.840 My son's a junior playing golf at Arizona Christian.

00:49:14.580 And so I had them on.

00:49:15.840 And by the way, I have had to miss things over the years from time to time.

00:49:18.740 There are some things like inevitable, tremendous guilt about it.

00:49:22.440 And my daughter spoke about it and so did my son.

00:49:25.340 And here's what's interesting.

00:49:26.300 My wife helped frame what it meant.

00:49:29.100 But it's not the events of our lives, even as children.

00:49:33.040 It's what meaning we attach to the event.

00:49:35.700 My wife was incredible. 0.99

00:49:37.120 If I had to miss something about, now, listen, daddy's not going to be at the game tomorrow,

00:49:40.720 but he's coming back and you guys are doing this, this, and this on Sunday.

00:49:43.820 And you know what he's doing?

00:49:44.600 He's out there helping people.

00:49:45.840 He's out there making a difference.

00:49:47.060 He's out there changing lives.

00:49:48.160 And my daughter literally said in the show, she goes, to be honest with you, daddy, when

00:49:51.480 you would miss things, I would actually think I want daddy where he is.

00:49:55.040 I want him helping all these people because I know he's coming home tomorrow night.

00:49:57.940 And I know I get something special as well.

00:49:59.660 So I have the benefit now of the after, right?

00:50:02.640 Like wondering how it impacted them and having the right frame for what this means.

00:50:07.500 Having a spouse that supports you and says, no, no, no, no.

00:50:10.020 Your daddy's going to be here tomorrow night.

00:50:11.880 He's out changing.

00:50:12.760 There's going to be 3,000 people there.

00:50:14.020 He's changing their lives.

00:50:14.940 Or daddy's working a job right now.

00:50:17.660 Some of you guys working out there that it's not 3,000 or some big deal.

00:50:21.060 Daddy's going to do what he can do so that I can be at the game and that you can have

00:50:25.440 the uniform and you can have the good glove and you can have all of this.

00:50:29.300 Daddy's out doing that.

00:50:30.180 Daddy would rather be watching you play, but daddy wants you to have that good glove.

00:50:33.700 Daddy wants you to have the right hitting coach.

00:50:35.300 Daddy wants you.

00:50:36.000 So daddy's doing that and he's going to be back tomorrow night and you guys are going

00:50:38.880 to do X, Y, and Z.

00:50:40.380 And so I actually used to do this funny when I would, if I missed a game, I would get home

00:50:45.100 that night and I would take my son in the backyard.

00:50:47.400 And if he got two hits, I'd say, hey, man, I want to recreate this.

00:50:50.040 You've got to take me through it because I missed it, man.

00:50:51.860 Of course, I have a video.

00:50:53.140 And I'd say, all right, dad.

00:50:54.140 And I'd throw the slow mind.

00:50:55.400 I go, he goes, dad, it was low and in.

00:50:57.020 And then I turned my hands over.

00:50:59.000 I fired my hips.

00:51:00.200 I'm like, shut it.

00:51:00.960 Then where did it go, man?

00:51:01.720 He's like, oh, over the shortstop's head.

00:51:03.400 I'm like, what were you doing?

00:51:04.140 He's like, dad, I'm booking it down.

00:51:05.780 And I would take him back through it, which was better than the actual experience.

00:51:09.520 I'm like, you're kidding me.

00:51:10.620 Because he didn't, in the stands, he's running and not seeing my reaction as I'm cheering.

00:51:15.140 Now I'm like, oh, my God, you made the putt?

00:51:18.240 Did it lip in or go around?

00:51:19.680 No, dad, dead center.

00:51:20.920 I'm like, no way.

00:51:22.600 And I actually found between the framing and then reliving the experience with them.

00:51:27.500 I don't want to do this too much.

00:51:28.860 But if I missed, how do I make it mean the right thing to them?

00:51:33.120 Right.

00:51:33.440 So work on the meaning, control the meaning with them.

00:51:38.000 I like that.

00:51:39.040 That's cool.

00:51:39.840 Well, that's the difference, right?

00:51:41.800 Because too many of us, we will miss things.

00:51:45.300 And I've heard it called, I can't remember who told me.

00:51:48.140 I'd love to give them credit, but I can't remember who it was.

00:51:49.960 They called it noble obstacles.

00:51:52.020 And a noble obstacle would be like you attending a conference that you're speaking at in front

00:51:57.600 of 10,000 people.

00:51:58.540 It's like, okay, that's noble.

00:51:59.860 That's a good thing.

00:52:01.520 But those are the hardest things because they feel like they're the right thing to do.

00:52:06.700 Now, if you were going to go hang out with your buddies and get drunk at a bachelor party

00:52:11.480 for the weekend, that's not a noble obstacle.

00:52:13.640 It's not even a choice.

00:52:14.740 It's easy to make that decision.

00:52:17.500 It's the things that feel right that are hard.

00:52:20.040 Yeah, I'm going to steal that from you.

00:52:21.100 I like that, actually.

00:52:22.680 You can steal it from me.

00:52:23.780 I stole it from somebody else.

00:52:25.000 I don't know who it came from.

00:52:26.660 Very good.

00:52:27.380 I love that.

00:52:27.840 I've got this.

00:52:28.540 I had a little guilt from earlier in the year, a lot of guilt, actually, because I

00:52:33.340 missed my daughter's dance recital.

00:52:35.220 I didn't know when it was.

00:52:36.860 And I had scheduled a hunt.

00:52:37.960 I was in Hawaii hunting.

00:52:39.600 And man, I felt so guilty about it still eats at me.

00:52:43.240 I feel so guilty.

00:52:44.180 I mean, I'm hunting.

00:52:45.440 It's not like I'm hunting to put food on the table.

00:52:48.320 Like if I didn't bring home access deer, we'd go without.

00:52:51.920 No, it wasn't that.

00:52:53.320 It was that I was enjoying time.

00:52:54.580 And, you know, I sent her flowers the day of the dance recital and I did, you know,

00:52:58.940 everything I could.

00:53:00.500 And we're waiting for the the the video from from the from the dance studio for the for

00:53:05.720 the replay.

00:53:06.380 And I like what you're saying, because I'm going to I'm going to try to recreate that.

00:53:09.660 And maybe it's just like me and her.

00:53:11.220 And we watch it on TV or on the TV and like have popcorn.

00:53:15.760 She loves popcorn.

00:53:16.420 And we try to recreate a moment that I that I missed.

00:53:19.280 I really like that.

00:53:20.060 I'm not there's nothing there's nothing like being present for our children, period.

00:53:24.380 But as men, we need to get really creative about what it means.

00:53:29.060 And listen, especially if you go to most things, I've been to like, I don't know, 60, no, 600

00:53:35.460 golf tournaments of my son.

00:53:37.020 He knows what that feels like.

00:53:38.480 Right.

00:53:38.940 But only twice is he got to walk me through every shot.

00:53:42.740 We sit there literally with the lemonade and go, OK, what you hit on the second shot on the

00:53:45.980 third hole.

00:53:46.380 He goes down eight iron, 120 yards in blah, blah, blah.

00:53:49.560 I hit it 15 feet left.

00:53:51.320 And he's going back there.

00:53:52.400 I'm like, you got to be kidding me.

00:53:53.400 Was the wind blowing?

00:53:54.360 And I'm actually now in the round.

00:53:56.140 And whereas when he's playing, I'm just behind the ropes watching.

00:53:58.220 He doesn't see me the whole round.

00:53:59.760 It was actually some I'm not selling guys on missing things.

00:54:02.800 I'm saying I got really good at reframing what it meant when I wasn't and what it felt

00:54:08.440 like when I got back. 0.99

00:54:09.700 And there were often times I can tell you a few times where I could tell my son was damn

00:54:14.260 excited he was going to get to take me through the whole round from his perspective.

00:54:17.680 Right.

00:54:17.880 When I yes, man, yes.

00:54:19.800 And now that he's in college, I can't get to every single term.

00:54:22.700 It's impossible.

00:54:23.620 But we have this sort of routine where he knows it's not 10 minutes.

00:54:26.700 We get on Zoom or we get on FaceTime and he'll literally, you know, walk me.

00:54:31.100 He goes, Dad, this bout this thing, you don't believe I'm like, so what'd you do?

00:54:33.660 He goes, you know what I did?

00:54:34.840 I stiffed it six feet left.

00:54:36.080 I'm like, and it's just it's actually very special the way we do it now.

00:54:39.860 It's better that I'm there.

00:54:41.240 But what I used to do is my dad would miss things and never even bring it up.

00:54:47.060 He just missed my game, you know, and then how'd you play?

00:54:49.620 Good.

00:54:49.920 All right.

00:54:50.240 Great.

00:54:50.620 Hey, I'm going to get there next week.

00:54:51.800 That wasn't that's nothing. 0.92

00:54:52.720 That sucked. 0.71

00:54:53.880 Right. 0.96

00:54:54.360 Could have a little bit more effort.

00:54:55.700 It could have been really special to hear about my game.

00:54:57.320 Well, and that actually what makes it even worse on what I'm hearing because my dad used to

00:55:02.660 do this, too, is he said, I'll make it to the next one.

00:55:05.720 That's worse than missing it because, you know, he's not going to make it to the next

00:55:09.560 one either.

00:55:10.020 Now he's lying to you.

00:55:11.360 Now he's lying.

00:55:13.520 Yeah.

00:55:13.640 My dad would show up lit like just I there became a point with my dad where I'm like,

00:55:18.220 I kind of hope he doesn't come because he's yelling at umpires and, you know, like, yeah.

00:55:22.080 And don't lie to me.

00:55:23.260 Like it was exactly the same thing with my dad.

00:55:25.660 Like I'll be at the next one.

00:55:26.480 No, you probably won't.

00:55:29.160 Yeah, right.

00:55:29.880 That's yeah, that's that's even hard, harder to deal with.

00:55:33.560 I think you you said creativity in your presence.

00:55:37.140 That's the most important thing.

00:55:38.720 And I agree with that.

00:55:40.380 I hadn't heard it put that way.

00:55:41.340 I agree.

00:55:41.740 Creativity in your presence.

00:55:43.260 How do you learn to be more creative with your wife or your kids or even like clients

00:55:49.100 or even on this podcast?

00:55:50.220 Like, how do you be creatively present so it just doesn't become a monotonous routine thing,

00:55:55.840 whether it's date night or hanging out with the kiddos or whatever it might be?

00:55:59.980 I'm focused on the experience.

00:56:01.740 What's the experience?

00:56:02.500 Let's just take the client thing.

00:56:04.180 I think most companies completely miss this.

00:56:06.220 What's the experience of doing business with you?

00:56:08.340 How good does it feel to do business with you?

00:56:10.640 Because that's where you get referrals from, not by going, hey, would you mind sending us?

00:56:14.760 No.

00:56:15.160 If someone had an amazing experience where they feel something they don't feel when they're

00:56:20.260 with other restaurants or other protein companies or other banks or other dry cleaners, like

00:56:25.440 my dry cleaner, I went to her this morning.

00:56:27.640 Right.

00:56:28.380 And I just love the fact that she's got seven, eight hundred people in there with every single 0.92

00:56:32.240 person.

00:56:33.020 She knows our phone number by heart.

00:56:34.640 Everybody that goes in there.

00:56:35.480 She's like a savant. 0.81

00:56:36.640 So she'll come in and go sick. 1.00

00:56:37.540 I won't say my number, but she knows your phone number.

00:56:40.660 And I'm like, it's an experience.

00:56:41.820 And she's funny.

00:56:42.580 And so when you give her the clothes, she goes, all right, you want a dad joke or a

00:56:45.300 dirty joke?

00:56:45.820 I go, give me the dirty one.

00:56:47.180 This is my dry cleaners.

00:56:48.600 That's awesome.

00:56:49.600 I'll never go.

00:56:50.280 I don't even know if she does a good job on my shirts.

00:56:51.900 Right.

00:56:52.240 Who knows?

00:56:52.640 Who cares?

00:56:53.940 You know, my buddy for solid as the protein company, when you get your deliveries,

00:56:57.040 there's a handwritten note from somebody in there, man.

00:56:59.580 Like that's an experience.

00:57:00.980 Right.

00:57:01.600 So what's the experience?

00:57:02.880 So my date night, I just what do I want her to experience tonight?

00:57:05.500 And you may think this sounds contrived, but it's not.

00:57:09.060 I want my wife to laugh her ass off tonight. 1.00

00:57:11.360 No, tonight I want her to experience feeling sexy as you can't believe. 0.97

00:57:14.940 No, tonight I want the experience to be that we talk about our faith.

00:57:18.500 You know, what is the experience I want them to have or I want me to have?

00:57:22.440 And then I kind of do my, that's how I tweak it a little bit.

00:57:25.180 Right.

00:57:25.540 Like my daughter and I just took a trip to Boston before she went away to cost.

00:57:29.420 What do I want her experience?

00:57:30.120 I said, she's about to be around a bunch of dirt bags at fraternity parties or drinking. 1.00

00:57:34.720 And I don't know whether she will or not.

00:57:36.620 What do I want her to experience?

00:57:37.600 I'm going to be out of my mind treating her like the lady she deserves to be on this trip.

00:57:43.760 I was extra conscious about opening her door, extra conscious about getting her chair,

00:57:48.060 extra conscious about looking in her eyes, extra conscious about getting the door.

00:57:51.740 I want her to have an experience of what it feels like to have a chivalrous man with her.

00:57:57.700 Or sometimes I'm like, you know, right.

00:58:00.440 So she's 19 years old.

00:58:03.100 So I ask myself, what do I want the experience to be?

00:58:06.280 And then I work my way back.

00:58:07.360 And it's really not that complicated most of the time.

00:58:09.280 But what do we do with our wives? 1.00

00:58:10.180 Date night, babe.

00:58:10.780 All right.

00:58:11.040 Hey, can I wear this t-shirt and jeans?

00:58:12.460 And you just go to dinner and talk about the kids and you come back.

00:58:15.500 It's the same experience every time.

00:58:17.620 So I'm going to get a little bit different. 0.92

00:58:20.040 And it might be just silly.

00:58:21.060 I'm like, I wanted my wife to feel hot. 0.97

00:58:23.080 By the way, she is hot. 1.00

00:58:23.880 So this sounds super stupid, but like she got, she walked out to get ready. 0.99

00:58:29.180 Sometimes I don't do this. 1.00

00:58:29.860 I'm like, shit, babe. 1.00

00:58:32.040 Right. 1.00

00:58:32.620 And then driving over, I'm like, I'm joking, but I'm not.

00:58:35.940 I'm like, you want me to just pull this car over right now?

00:58:39.120 Right, right.

00:58:39.900 This is my wife, right?

00:58:40.680 He's like, honey, come on.

00:58:42.440 And then we sat down at the table.

00:58:43.540 I go, look, I'll stop. 1.00

00:58:45.060 But damn woman, you look so good, babe. 1.00

00:58:48.480 You look so good. 1.00

00:58:50.020 Right.

00:58:50.320 And I can just see her blushing a little bit, just a little bit different experience that

00:58:54.800 night for my wife.

00:58:55.500 So I wanted to feel sexy that night.

00:58:57.860 Right.

00:58:58.500 And I just made sure that was the other times.

00:59:00.120 Like, let's just laugh our asses off. 0.66

00:59:01.880 Right.

00:59:02.500 I want to know how much I love her.

00:59:03.760 Sometimes like I want her to feel appreciated, whatever it is.

00:59:07.400 But I actually think about the experience and then I work my way backwards.

00:59:10.700 Yeah, that's that's pretty cool.

00:59:11.720 I was thinking about that.

00:59:13.100 My wife and I went out last week.

00:59:15.520 Uh, and even as simple as something as, as like vacuuming out the car.

00:59:21.560 Yeah, that's big, dude.

00:59:23.480 Like clean out, clean out the wrappers, like vacuum out the car.

00:59:27.620 Great point.

00:59:28.740 I had a little note that I had put in there for, you know, and it wasn't, it was, you

00:59:32.800 know, like, Hey, you know, I'm really looking forward to being with you tonight or whatever.

00:59:36.580 Um, and not only does that make it special for her or, or your client or whoever you're,

00:59:42.640 you're working with, it actually makes it special for you too, because you elevate your

00:59:48.000 experience as well.

00:59:49.360 Yep, bro.

00:59:50.440 So I keep, we were talking about this.

00:59:52.500 I just came back from a trip yesterday and I said, I want her to feel, this is just maybe

00:59:56.960 too personal, but I want her to feel like really sexy.

01:00:00.540 So like on the trip, when I was gone, I'm like, Hey, I'll be home around four 30.

01:00:04.700 Hey, will you do me a favor and wear this outfit?

01:00:07.520 Like, and this sounds like, dude, I am not this guy.

01:00:10.080 Just so you know what I'm saying.

01:00:11.260 I am.

01:00:11.740 We don't talk like that, right?

01:00:12.960 Like I know my wife, I know my wife 45 years.

01:00:15.800 Dude, we do not talk like this.

01:00:17.420 I'm like, will you wear that thing?

01:00:19.300 She goes, yeah, I'll wear it for you.

01:00:20.960 And then I'm like, and I go, Hey, you know what?

01:00:23.200 I want to have wine with dinner and I don't want to sit watching TV.

01:00:26.140 Let's eat at the table when I get back. 1.00

01:00:28.260 It sounds so stupid, dude. 1.00

01:00:30.160 We're on at all. 1.00

01:00:31.200 And she's like, you do?

01:00:32.300 I go, yeah.

01:00:32.760 And I want to, you wear that.

01:00:34.840 I'm going to be funky because I'm flying, but I want you to wear that.

01:00:37.820 And then the next day she takes you.

01:00:38.900 So let me just make sure you want me to wear this thing and this thing.

01:00:40.940 And you want that bottle of wine.

01:00:42.340 It's not expensive.

01:00:42.960 I go, yeah.

01:00:43.860 And she goes, I'm excited.

01:00:45.540 Right.

01:00:46.260 Mission accomplished, dude.

01:00:47.740 Took me 30 seconds.

01:00:48.940 Mission accomplished.

01:00:49.640 Otherwise be coming home.

01:00:50.600 She'd make dinner.

01:00:51.680 How was your trip?

01:00:52.560 What did you do?

01:00:53.340 Let's watch the Clemson football game.

01:00:54.960 Cause my daughter goes there. 0.98

01:00:55.880 It was like another night, just a little different.

01:00:58.500 She's like, you are not watching this game.

01:01:00.320 I'm like, well, we'll be done through the first quarter.

01:01:01.900 Yeah, we're going to watch some of it now.

01:01:04.420 Come on.

01:01:04.660 Let's not get too carried away here.

01:01:06.220 We're going to watch in the beginning and I am recording it, but we can have dinner during

01:01:09.560 the first quarter.

01:01:11.440 That's that, uh, that power of intentionality that you talk about too, right?

01:01:15.500 It's just being a little bit more intentional about the way that you show up goes such a long

01:01:21.440 way, but it's hard.

01:01:22.440 We get so distracted with life and with making the bills and trying to boost up our own ego.

01:01:29.760 And it's like, gosh, we just put that stuff on the side, the side burner.

01:01:34.500 Yeah.

01:01:34.640 And I sound like a cheese.

01:01:35.940 You know what?

01:01:36.480 Right now I'm not that dude.

01:01:38.120 I'm not.

01:01:38.460 I don't think you do.

01:01:39.180 I think it sounds amazing.

01:01:40.580 I'm really not that dude.

01:01:41.820 It's just like one more.

01:01:44.000 It's one more thought.

01:01:45.200 I mean, that sounds corny, but it's the power of one more.

01:01:47.300 It's one more little thing I did.

01:01:48.700 I could have just come home.

01:01:49.700 We could have just had dinner.

01:01:50.760 One more little thing.

01:01:51.800 I said, they're totally different experience.

01:01:54.120 Totally different.

01:01:54.720 By the way, I do it with my clients.

01:01:55.980 I do it with friends of mine.

01:01:57.740 I told, uh, I text messaged one of my buddies this morning.

01:02:01.100 We haven't talked in a few weeks.

01:02:01.960 He'll go, Hey man, just checking in here.

01:02:03.560 I literally said to him, I go, brother, I miss you so damn much.

01:02:06.900 When am I going to see you?

01:02:07.640 Let's get together.

01:02:08.620 Right? 0.98

01:02:09.220 See, I know he woke up on this goofball.

01:02:11.220 Like I don't talk like that to my dudes, but just, okay, man, I know it felt good when he read

01:02:14.780 it.

01:02:15.040 Just, Hey man, I miss you.

01:02:16.000 You don't say that to each other.

01:02:18.060 Yeah.

01:02:18.700 I've had a couple of guys reach out over the past several weeks and unsolicited.

01:02:23.680 And it was just a message.

01:02:24.920 And it was like, Hey man, you've been on my heart lately.

01:02:26.780 Or Hey, God, God, God put you on my heart lately.

01:02:30.140 I wanted to check in and see how things were going.

01:02:32.120 I'm like, this is crazy.

01:02:34.220 Like, but I didn't think he was a weirdo.

01:02:36.120 I was like, that's amazing.

01:02:38.780 Yep.

01:02:39.020 The really well-known pastor guy, I won't pressure and say who I texted that to yesterday

01:02:42.460 because it happened yesterday.

01:02:44.060 I was in Boston.

01:02:44.940 I was flying back here.

01:02:45.700 I said a prayer and this dude came up.

01:02:47.380 I said, Hey man, you're on my heart.

01:02:48.520 And I just got a feeling I was supposed to mess you up.

01:02:50.820 Your feelings would go, Hey man, I just landed in Cabo with my kids and my grandkids and

01:02:54.820 got your message right when I got off the plane.

01:02:56.820 And it's been a stressful flight.

01:02:58.100 And this was the light.

01:02:59.340 And we're, you know, I'm like, cool, man.

01:03:01.040 It's like, just took one more second.

01:03:03.280 It took to send the text.

01:03:04.240 Yeah.

01:03:05.860 Well, that's awesome, man.

01:03:07.200 I really appreciate this.

01:03:08.320 I tell guys a lot when they come on, I just, I take so many notes.

01:03:12.800 I feel like I'm the biggest beneficiary recipient of, of, of these conversations.

01:03:17.000 Cause I need them more than anybody else does.

01:03:19.060 I think.

01:03:19.660 So I just want to let you know, I appreciate you.

01:03:22.240 I've appreciated our friendship and us getting to know each other.

01:03:24.480 Hopefully we can connect over here on the East coast a little bit more.

01:03:27.860 I don't make it over to the West coast very often.

01:03:29.960 So I'm going to have to wait for you to come out to me before we make that happen.

01:03:34.300 We're, we're almost neighbors now out there.

01:03:36.340 So I hope we do see each other.

01:03:37.500 And I just want to tell you again, man, I really, I not only do I really, really like

01:03:40.820 you, but I really admire and respect you.

01:03:43.140 And that's why when I was asked to come back on, it was an immediate.

01:03:46.420 Yes.

01:03:46.560 I'm not doing a lot of podcasts anymore.

01:03:48.600 And I thoroughly enjoyed it.

01:03:50.740 Like I knew I would.

01:03:51.520 So I really respect you also.

01:03:54.040 Awesome.

01:03:54.060 Thank you.

01:03:54.660 Tell the guys where to connect.

01:03:56.160 Obviously they can pick up a copy of the power of one more, wherever, wherever they want

01:03:59.580 to get books, but tell, tell the guys where to go.

01:04:02.000 Well, you go add my let E D M Y L E T T.

01:04:04.800 You'll get everything, but you probably should check out my new show.

01:04:06.880 Seriously.

01:04:07.220 Go to YouTube at my let change or nosy N O S E Y. 1.00

01:04:11.280 If you have like a Roku or Apple TV, just download nosy or on your Mac.

01:04:15.480 You can get the show there and all my stuff helps you.

01:04:17.900 My podcast will help you just whatever I can do to help you out in your life.

01:04:21.700 Uh, I'm here to do cause I don't want to lose momentum.

01:04:25.380 I'm just kidding.

01:04:26.180 It's that beer and that worry, man.

01:04:27.540 Got to get over that.

01:04:28.980 I also got to say, I love your pot.

01:04:31.380 I mean, your podcast is top notch.

01:04:32.980 Your, your, uh, your preparation, the way you lead into conversations.

01:04:37.440 Um, I can't remember the gentleman's name, uh, who was sentenced to prison.

01:04:43.780 Um, Damon West.

01:04:46.380 Yes.

01:04:46.780 Somebody sent me that, uh, just the other day they sent me that and they're like, bro,

01:04:50.160 listen to this.

01:04:50.780 And I don't think I've gotten through all of it, but Holy cow.

01:04:53.800 That story blew me away.

01:04:55.800 Unbelievable.

01:04:56.240 The irony of he, this guy appears on my show, got sentenced to life in prison, right?

01:05:00.540 He's out, but he's on my show on the seven year literal anniversary of his sentencing.

01:05:06.000 Like the irony, this dude tried to get on my show, man, for like a year and have a cancellation.

01:05:10.840 I go, if you can be in LA next week, he shows up and it happens to be that day.

01:05:15.680 That's just crazy, man.

01:05:16.860 Just crazy.

01:05:18.140 All right, brother.

01:05:18.740 I'll let you get going.

01:05:19.560 I appreciate you.

01:05:20.340 I know the guys are going to get a ton of value from this.

01:05:22.060 Thank you.

01:05:22.440 I appreciate it, man.

01:05:23.520 God bless everybody.

01:05:24.420 Thanks, bro.

01:05:26.240 All right, you guys, there you go.

01:05:27.760 My conversation with the one and only Ed Milet really enjoyed that one.

01:05:31.220 As I always do listening to learning from absorbing all of the enthusiasm and passion,

01:05:36.680 excitement, and information that Ed has to share.

01:05:39.240 So make sure you connect with Ed on the socials, pick up a copy of his book,

01:05:44.500 the power of one more.

01:05:45.720 You can do that wherever books are sold.

01:05:48.020 Also make sure you take a screenshot right now and tag Ed, tag myself, post it up on Instagram,

01:05:55.040 do a story, do a post, let people know what you're listening to, especially if you got

01:05:58.580 value from this.

01:06:00.740 Those are your marching orders.

01:06:01.880 And then one other thing is we've got the Iron Council, which is open right now for a

01:06:07.100 very short time.

01:06:08.020 So make sure you check that out at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

01:06:12.140 All right, guys, you know what to do.

01:06:13.580 We'll be back tomorrow.

01:06:14.640 Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.

01:06:19.080 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.

01:06:22.180 If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,

01:06:26.140 we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:06:29.220 to be honest, to be honest, you know what to do.

01:06:34.820 Thank you.

01:06:35.820 Bye.

01:06:38.280 Bye.

01:06:38.800 Bye.

01:06:39.140 Bye.

01:06:39.720 Bye.

01:06:42.180 Bye.

01:06:43.320 Bye.

01:06:43.600 Bye.

01:06:52.980 Bye.

01:06:53.620 Bye.

01:06:54.180 Bye.

01:06:54.880 Bye.

01:06:56.720 Bye.

01:06:56.800 Bye.

Order of Man - September 20, 2022

ED MYLETT ｜ The Power of One More

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