ED MYLETT ｜ The Power of One More
Episode Stats
Length
1 hour and 6 minutes
Words per Minute
214.95435
Summary
Ed Milet is one of the most sought after public speakers and trainers in the world. His latest book, The Power of One More, was an instant bestseller, and he has been combining his enthusiasm and passion for life to help millions of people across the planet succeed. In this episode, Ed and I talk about how to develop a mindset, why being rich does not necessarily equal having money, the difference between confidence and arrogance, and why it s crucial we identify our value systems.
Transcript
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All of us want to be happy and successful, and yet for many of us, it seems so far away
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But my guest today, the one and only Ed Milet, makes the case in his newest book, The Power
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of One More, that what we ultimately desire is not all that far away at all, but perhaps
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just one more decision, step, conversation, or action away.
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Today, Ed and I talk about how to develop that mindset, why being rich does not necessarily
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equal having money, the difference between confidence and arrogance, why it's crucial
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we identify our value systems, the power of equanimity, pursuing progress, and taking
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You live life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path.
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When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time, every time.
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You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient, strong.
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This is who you will become at the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you
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I'm the host and founder of the Order of Man podcasting movement.
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It's my job to get incredible men on this podcast and have powerful conversations with
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As I often say, I feel like I'm the biggest beneficiary or recipient of the work that we
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do, and not only the biggest beneficiary and recipient of the work, but the one that needs
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the most work, it seems like, more often than not.
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I'm honored that I get to have these conversations, and I hope it goes a long way in helping you
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on your own personal journey of becoming a better man, whatever that looks like for you,
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and regardless of where you're at, some of us are in a pit that we probably dug for ourselves
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Others are on the mountain or at a peak and want to ascend even higher, but regardless of
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where you are, I want to give you and me and everybody else the tools that we need to step
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up as men, which we all know society needs more of.
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So, I've got a powerful one lined up with Mr. Ed Milet.
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Before I do, I want to let you know that the Iron Council, our exclusive brotherhood, opened
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So, if you want to know more about what that is, I would go, or I would encourage you to
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go watch a two to three minute video at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil, orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.
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I'm going to talk about it more a little bit later in the podcast, but for now, know that
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it's a brotherhood and we all need men in our corner.
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Whether times are good or times are bad, we need men in our lives to go throughout life
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Now, if you don't know, let me introduce you to Ed Milet.
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He's obviously a very talented and successful entrepreneur, business owner, coach, author,
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Now, I got to know Ed when I started working in the financial services industry nearly 15 years
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ago, and I would regularly listen to his training CDs as I drove to and from appointments.
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And his latest book, The Power of One More, was an instant bestseller.
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And Ed has been combining his enthusiasm and passion for life to help millions of people
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You're going to hear that passion today in this discussion and learn why he is one of
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the most sought out public speakers and trainers in the world.
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Well, ever since I remember you, since I first heard about you, I think I told you this last
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time, I used to listen to your CDs when I'd be driving between appointments because I actually
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worked with World Financial Group for a little bit.
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And I vividly remember the day that my wife said, you sound like Ed Milet because I listened
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And like my mannerisms, my tempo, everything just started to sound like you, I suppose,
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which is not, there's way worse people to sound and act like than you.
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My apologies to your wife, but I'll take it as a compliment.
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Oh, man, you've got this new book out and I really wanted to talk with you about it.
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And I love the concept, you know, the power of one more, because I think a lot of the
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times, I know for myself, I feel like if I can't make the biggest dent in the shortest
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amount of time possible, it's very easy for me and other men to get discouraged.
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And I think the other thing is when you get discouraged, even if it's a little bit
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discouraged, you start buying into this thing, which, by the way, there's some credibility
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to, but that I'm really far away from my vision.
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You know, like what I want to really have happen in my life is 10, 20, 30 years away.
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And if you really buy into that, you perpetually keep it there because you behave in accordance.
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You run a pattern in your life that keeps everything at that distance.
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But I've experienced in my life that that's like a complete lie.
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The Bible tells us where there's no vision, the people will perish, right?
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Well, I think if you dig deeper, no vision is a depth perception issue.
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I mean, if you ask the average person, you have a vision, you want to be happy or sad,
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You don't remember anything great in your life.
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They just think it's way out there, way far away.
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What if the truth is, and I know this to be true, you're one decision away from changing
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You said your wife, that decision to get married or that woman changed your life.
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If you've married a good woman, it changed it to the good.
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A couple of dudes were like, look, man, I called the wrong decision right there.
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So you're one decision, one relationship, one meeting, one podcast that you're listening
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And a lot of that, if I look back, I say, man, if I don't meet that person, if I don't
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go to that meeting, if I don't hear that sales call, if I didn't read that book, you know,
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if I didn't have that emotion, if I didn't think that one thought, where would my life
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I'm like, if I'm going to write another book, man, it's going to be beefy.
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So I will say this, and my book may even be too beefy because every single page, there
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is detailed information on how to change your standards, how to really, you know, reform
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Do you, do you ever feel like, I know I've fallen, I don't even know if it's a trap.
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I'll just, I'll just talk about it from my perspective that I've seen in my life times
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where my ambition becomes, and that's one of my greatest strengths, quite frankly, is
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my ambition to do and be more, not just in the professional realm, but personal realm
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as well, but that sometimes my ambition tends to put people off or alienate people or in
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a lot of ways, create a wake of collateral damage in my path.
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Is that something that you see in men who are high achieving type men?
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Number one is a lot of the things that I pursued in my life.
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I wanted how I thought I'd feel when I got there.
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So I thought, if I can get this much money, man, I'm going to feel this way.
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Or if I can get this recognition, or if I can make this contribution.
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It sounds hokey for men, but on emotions, like it's not really the stuff you want.
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What if you can find a way to get the emotions?
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And then number two, yeah, I've had a lack of sensitivity to some extent.
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To how my ambition drive, let's just be honest, a little bit crazy, right?
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And for me to have some, you know, one thing, like even with my wife, like I had not asked
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And so just that alone, just like, hey, tell me what you want.
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Little breakup there when I was in college, but basically I've been with her all my life.
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Like, all of a sudden, my wife, who I thought, like, her whole life was about our children
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She goes, you know, I think I'd like to go to, like, a cooking school.
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I'd like to go to Italy and go to cooking school, you know?
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And I'd like to, you know, I'd like to start kind of really training.
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And what actually started happening, I'm like, well, some of the stuff I want to do kind
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And so I have been sensitive to it, but certainly, man, my ambition, people don't understand crazy
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And I tell my kids this all the time, weird, rich, normal, poor.
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And when I say rich, I don't necessarily mean just money, rich emotions, rich life, rich
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I think conformity is the ultimate measure of cowardice.
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One of the things, frankly, man, that I respect about you is you don't conform and you're
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bold about your beliefs and you take crap for it and you keep saying what you really
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You're going to put people off in your life if you want to be somebody.
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Small minds will constantly project onto you their limited thinking, their limited beliefs,
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their small way of wanting to get through this life.
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And for you, you've got to acknowledge what it is and recognize it.
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And then just ask yourself, is there anything I'm doing to cause this?
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It's just they don't get what I want to do with my being in my life when I'm here as
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So one of the traps I've fallen into is arrogance, you know, and I have no problem sharing and
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expressing what I believe, what I think, what I feel.
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And yes, it does rub some people the wrong way.
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But at some point, it has in my life crossed over to arrogance.
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And I'm wondering how you can identify when you're being arrogant versus a healthy level
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of confidence so that you make decisions from a confident position, not an ignorant, arrogant
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One, confidence doesn't minimize another person or their belief.
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Those of the men listening to this today, that's a double-edged sword.
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And when I was younger, man, I was good at hurting people real quick, too.
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So arrogance is, for me, when I think, and I've had this.
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Gosh, I hate saying this about myself, but it's true.
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And as I've gotten older, when I was younger, here's my biggest form of arrogance for me.
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If you are a driven, masculine man who doesn't show a lot of weakness, you're just a player.
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You were one of these other type of dudes, I would immediately minimize you.
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You're just less than, weaker than, smaller than, whatever it was.
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Because as I've gotten older, ironically, a lot of those guys are my closest friends now.
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I almost feel like, look, man, I got enough of this masculine, whatever it is I'm carrying around for the whole room.
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Most people are just trying to get through this life happier.
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Most people are talking about, where do I go when I die, and how do I be happier when I'm here?
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And, like, I have an appreciation for that now.
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I have my way of how I think we should go around this life.
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Like, Bernie Sanders is too right-wing for my old man, right?
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You know, we communicated respectfully to one another, not in an arrogant way.
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Every once in a while, I would get here and, hey, Dad.
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I go, yeah, well, Dad, if you had all this figured out, I probably wouldn't be richer than you.
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My dad's like, what does your amount of money have to do with what you know about X, Y, and Z?
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What I did is elevated me by trying to shrink him.
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All men have to watch that real close, especially success.
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You know, you look at a guy, why don't you get in the gym, man?
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That guy works two jobs for his family, and he's got to commute three hours a day, or he drives a truck.
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And that, for me, has been the shift maybe in my 40s and 50s.
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It's unfortunate that we have to realize something in a difficult way.
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We have to learn that lesson the hard way before we start judging other, or excuse me, we stop judging other people.
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I was reading, or our pastor was talking about something in the Bible about King Nebuchadnezzar.
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And he was like, I can't remember the scripture, the passage in David, and he was talking about how wonderful things were.
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And he was out on his balcony, and he's looking at this kingdom of Babylon that he had created and built up.
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And there was bricks that had his name on it that were looking to him, like, calling to him about how great he was.
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And it wasn't until God said, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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And stripped it from him for seven seasons, I think is what it said, that he realized, oh, I'm not as in charge as I once thought I was.
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The Lord has knocked me back into place every dadgum time I've been that fool.
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And it's happened multiple times, like, oh, you think this is you now?
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I love interviews, man, where, like, you ask real stuff because it's cool.
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I have this new show out, by the way, called Change.
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It's on the Nosey app, N-O-S-E-Y, if you all want to go check it out.
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You can get it on YouTube as well, Change with Ed Milet.
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Anyway, one of the guests was a young woman who's on all these government assistance programs.
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And I told the producer, this is a hard one for me.
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Like, I want to tell her, get your butt up and let's go, right?
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But I've always sort of looked at, I've looked at, like, can't you get this together?
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You know, like when someone is so reliant on the government.
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I think probably your audience and you line up with me on that belief system.
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Yeah, and I've just always felt strongly about that.
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Anyway, long story short, two weeks ago, brother, I went and looked at the childhood
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And believe it or not, when I went there, the woman who bought the home from my dad 45
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years ago was in the driveway and is still the owner.
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And she tells me all these stories about my dad, right?
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I said, mom, you need to talk to this lady, this lady that bought the house from you in
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And I go, mom, you sold that house for $39,000.
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You know, and it's not the best neighborhood in the world.
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And she goes, you know, Eddie, your dad was working three jobs then, and we were getting
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Has my family ever been on some government program?
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She's like, no, it was like 12, 18 months of it.
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My dad was working his butt off and still couldn't get it done and took some help.
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Now, listen, my dad ended up probably paying way more than that in tax.
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I certainly have paid more in taxes in my life to fund millions of people on government
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But my point is, like, I've always looked a little bit of scantily, if I'm being really
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Like, you don't even know your own story sometimes, man.
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Well, the other thing that I've noticed is I think most people set out on whatever path
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And then along the way, you men start to have success doing that thing.
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And then the motive changes like, well, let me prop myself up.
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And then you lose sight of that mission that you once had.
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But like I said, everybody starts out with the right intentions.
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It's just so hard to stay on that path at times.
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Your original intention is tied to your identity of you wanting to serve and wanting to contribute
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And what happens when you start to have success is all of a sudden your identity moves away
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from who you are as a man to what you do and what you achieve.
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And once you move your identity to something external of you, my career, my body, my money,
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my this, my that, now you're in the danger zone.
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That's why so many professional athletes I work with, man, they lost their identity.
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I have Ryan Lochte, as a matter of fact, the Olympic swimmer on that show change.
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And he's won a bunch of medals and beat Michael Phelps.
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But what happened was his identity was he was a swimmer.
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You have ethics and morals and a character and things you stand for and that you believe
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That's your identity, not what you produce all the time.
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So oftentimes as men, we have to nuance that line.
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I produce these things and achieve these things because this is who I am as a man, not all
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And once it moves to the external, it's a dangerous place because eventually that can
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And then it's like, and then you're like, now what?
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So your identity can't be attached to the external.
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I talk a lot about identity and the power of one more.
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The identity has always got to remain as who you are, your value systems, your character.
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By the way, as I'm saying this and getting all fired up about it, it's because this message
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To get off this camera, I'm the quiet dude in the room, right?
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I'm a man who also has written a book, also has a show, also has a beautiful family.
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But the minute your identity is tied up in these external things, man, you're in a dangerous
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Is that it's your values and your belief system and who you are as an individual, like
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you're saying, that actually produces the results.
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And do you know how attractive that is, brother?
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I've said it twice, but I've watched you more lately too.
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And, you know, my surprise to people, I said, I have some friends that I really disagree
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Because the most attractive thing to me is actually just somebody who authentically stands for
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I don't have your history or story or background.
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What I don't like is those people who will, whichever way the wind blows, whoever they're
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So I actually do have really good friends that I disagree with.
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Like one of my really, really good friends I was talking, texting with yesterday.
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In fact, when people ask me about him, I always go, this dude is the most straight guy with
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But they're like, wow, you're this devout Christian guy.
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And also, churches know what they're getting a minute miles away.
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But in this case, he also happens to be one of the most ethical, moral men that I know.
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And I'm worried that I can't get to him or the Lord doesn't get to him before he takes
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But at the same time, what I admire is that he knows who he is.
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But not everyone around me has got to be an echo chamber in my life.
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Like, we can take this individual or any of the number of people that I know you help.
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How do you find the line of wanting to help for the right reasons versus wanting to help
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Now, are you doing it for them or are you doing it for you?
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On Monday, I dropped one of my UFC fighters who no one even knows that I work with yet.
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And I realized one of the reasons I was working with him is that I'm going to be the dude
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I said, hey, man, we're going to go through this one more time.
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And if you don't show me that you want this more than I want it for you, I'm out.
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Some of it just comes with age, you know, I think to some extent.
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But there's a lot of things in life, even when I share good news with my family, you
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know, like, hey, I'm on Good Morning America last week.
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Am I sharing that with them because I think they should watch it'll make a difference?
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Or am I sharing that with them because they're going to go, ooh, wow, you're a big deal.
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Significance and recognition is one of the dominant human needs.
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It's OK to if someone wants to walk out of their house and look good and so that people
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People say, well, some emotions are just really bad.
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Fear helps you prepare for this interview and me want to do well.
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I used to have too much anger to where it hurt me.
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But the complete elimination of anger in my life to where there's not.
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Like, there's got to be some element of that in our lives, the extent of which is the question.
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I've had too much anger in my past in my 20s and 30s where it didn't serve me or the people
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But then you meet these guys that have got these trends.
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Like, all of a sudden, the guy's, like, neutered to the extent that he's no longer even a viable
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It's a matter of you managing your emotions and your emotions not managing you.
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And now I think I have it to an extent under, you know, the perspective and amount of it
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I kind of like getting down sometimes because the contrast when I come back up feels good.
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I just don't want to go all the way to depression where I'm laying in bed sucking my thumb all
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But I let myself experience rejection, fear, anger, angst, anxiety.
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I get anxiety before every time I speak in front of 20,000 people.
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I used to get it to the point where it was debilitating.
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Now I get it to the point where it kind of gives me those butterflies like a Friday night
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Like, there's things that I deal with personally.
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And I know there's a lot of guys listening who they have the same things.
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But how do you begin to make that pivot if you're an angry man, for example, or an impatient
00:27:05.440
person, or you're frustrated or anxious about like what you're saying?
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I mean, yeah, I guess like believe it, think it kind of thing.
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But what do you actually do to start channeling anger or these other emotions you have?
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So one, I have a chapter on a book called Equanimity.
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It's about learning how to have peace under duress.
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It's easy to have peace when your kids are playing in the park and you're sitting there
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What about when the world's going crazy around you?
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Second thing is, how do you know if the emotion is too much of it?
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And then for me, believe it or not, I do these visualizations that sound really silly
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or stupid, but I actually, an awareness of a challenge helps it lose its power over you.
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So when I start going into my pattern and I did, you know what?
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I had a, I'm on a TV show this morning before we did this.
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And she's like, I'm getting my nails done in a foot massage.
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And then I could have stopped, but I kind of felt good getting angry.
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And I'm like, and by the way, and this, and here's what I did.
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And then when I'm watching the video, this may sound too deep, bro.
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But when I'm watching the video, I literally play funny music over the audio in my head.
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There used to be a show called Sanford and Son with Fred Sanford.
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So I literally visualize my dumb ass getting angry.
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So that when I begin to do it, once I catch awareness, I actually go, I'm doing the Fred Sanford thing.
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And all it does, bro, is it breaks the pattern for one second.
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Because here's what you do when you get angry, man.
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And all of a sudden, the adrenaline's pumping in your body.
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And then I'm not going to live in a house anymore.
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And often as men, actually as humans, we don't end up with all the behaviors of our dads, although we do a little bit.
00:30:15.600
But we do end up oftentimes sometimes with their emotions.
00:30:26.460
But right before he died, brother, he would literally hang up with me.
00:30:40.820
And by the way, no matter what I produce in my life, I'm worried I'm going to lose it.
00:30:45.560
I'm worried they're going to figure out I'm not that smart.
00:30:49.740
And so I just literally started to go, I know I got to watch my anger.
00:30:55.000
Well, when I actually visualize me worrying, I do what I just told you.
00:31:04.300
Eventually, if you scratch them, they couldn't play.
00:31:13.440
And then about the old Ed Milet, that would have deteriorated into a major fight and probably still carry over to the morning.
00:31:20.500
And then I wouldn't have got breakfast and I wouldn't have got what else I got last night.
00:31:24.980
And I caught it and it still wasn't good, but I caught it.
00:31:28.220
And I go, babe, just go get your foot massage in the deal.
00:31:40.660
Let me hit the pause button on the conversation.
00:31:42.700
I told you I would tell you about the Iron Council.
00:31:44.880
Now, as many of you know, I've personally been struggling with my own personal issues, as we all do from time to time over the last several months.
00:31:53.020
And I can tell you with 100% certainty that I would not be able to get through all that I am dealing with and all that we will deal with in the future if it weren't for the help and support of my friends and band of brothers, other men.
00:32:05.600
High caliber men, quality men who care about me, love me, and want to see me win.
00:32:10.780
Now, unfortunately, too many men have gone throughout life with the lone wolf mentality, and it's really ended up hurting us, me, them in the long run.
00:32:20.480
But equally unfortunate is that most men don't really know where to turn to build a powerful band of brothers.
00:32:26.820
And that's where the Iron Council comes into play.
00:32:29.260
And it's going to be open for another week, actually a week and a half, I believe, somewhere in there, a week, week and a half.
00:32:34.520
But when you decide to band with us, you're going to be joining 1,500 other men from all over the world who are struggling in a lot of similar ways or have come out the other side of what you're currently dealing with and have the desire to show you that path, to show you the way.
00:32:50.020
So if you want to learn more and you want to band with us, head to orderaman.com slash Iron Council.
00:32:55.740
Again, that's orderaman.com slash Iron Council.
00:33:06.180
One thing I wrote down or I'm writing down now is just when you say that, I'm hearing you say, don't take it too seriously.
00:33:33.200
Man, if I could go through a life by managing my anger and it not managing me, managing my worry.
00:33:39.460
Because some worry, by the way, causes me to create.
00:33:42.820
How am I going to prevent certain things from happening?
00:33:46.640
Too much of it, I actually start seeing things in my life and attracting them that cause those very things I worry about to happen or become more probable.
00:33:58.240
And you should just ask yourself as you're listening to this.
00:34:10.160
Maybe you complicate things too much to where you can't make a decision.
00:34:19.820
My two biggies at this stage of my life are worry and anger.
00:34:23.860
And they're pretty much, I got strategies for them.
00:34:32.340
I wrote anxiety, which I think ties into worry.
00:34:35.560
Concern about something that isn't or that may never be.
00:34:43.260
Are you ever worrying about something or have anxiety and you don't even know what it is?
00:34:50.740
I can't say that I, I'd have to think on that, but right off hand, I can't say that I experienced that.
00:34:58.060
I will have a bothersome feeling and I have to actually work hard to remember what it is that I'm so bothered and worried about.
00:35:09.140
Do you think that's just riffing on that a little bit, like this constant need?
00:35:15.160
I see you and I see how busy you are and how active you are.
00:35:20.040
That's probably a better word, active than busy.
00:35:23.640
And I wonder if you feel like you have to always be active.
00:35:26.960
You have to always feel like you're doing something or moving the needle in some way.
00:35:32.020
And if you're not, then do you get anxious and worried because you feel unproductive?
00:35:37.660
And I also feel like I'm going to lose momentum.
00:35:46.060
That latter version, you know, fortunately for me, I'm surrounded by some men who have had huge success in their life.
00:35:53.760
By the way, when I measure success means they also kept their family together when they achieved financial success.
00:35:58.540
They also contributed to people and kept their bodies in shape, right?
00:36:04.440
So when I say success, and I've said that to them, hey, man, I feel like I'm going to lose momentum if I slow down.
00:36:11.780
And I had, well, I'll just tell you who, Jerry West say to me, he goes, that's the symptom of a disease, Ed.
00:36:19.680
He goes, the disease is you don't think that you're that good.
00:36:23.140
So you think this is all artificial through momentum.
00:36:28.880
There's not a driving range that he said that to me.
00:36:31.340
And so I do evaluate those things really regularly.
00:36:36.740
Like if you said to me, you could lay on the beach all day for nine hours or you can do this show with you and someone's life is improved from it.
00:36:43.060
I'd say I'd really rather go in my house and do that show.
00:36:51.860
So another one of mine that I wrote down, I wrote four down and I have to think on these a little bit more.
00:36:57.000
And the last one, and you just hit on it where you said, you know, that's a disease.
00:37:02.160
I also wrote that or that you don't deserve it.
00:37:05.580
And so one of my things is a constant need for validation from external sources instead of learning how to validate myself.
00:37:17.260
I don't really feel worthy of the blessings that I have in my life at times.
00:37:30.700
So this is, I've never literally talked about any of this.
00:37:36.700
I'm like a copy of this interview, but I have that too.
00:37:43.020
My dad got sober and became an amazing father, believed in me so much.
00:37:49.300
And just for whatever reason, man, I've always struggled with believing in myself.
00:37:52.880
So I teach all these strategies like you've heard.
00:37:55.140
Keep the promises you make to yourself, you know, raise your standards, work on your identity.
00:38:02.580
But I've actually started this thing that when I pray, I've never said this out loud.
00:38:06.080
But when I, it makes me emotional a little bit, but when I pray, not every night, but
00:38:12.700
a lot of nights, I actually turn it and I allow myself to feel what the Lord would say
00:38:17.720
about me if he could talk about me as his son, as his son, and what he wishes for me
00:38:24.580
and how much he believes in me and how he made me as his son.
00:38:28.720
And it's so powerful for me, bro, because I know he wants me to be happy.
00:38:37.280
And when I'm most connected to him is when I'm doing my best creating and communicating.
00:38:44.180
And so I allow myself sometimes for two minutes, five minutes, three, 30 seconds just to allow
00:38:50.840
And by the way, I started doing it throughout my day, even when I'm not in like a focused
00:38:57.560
But like, I'll do it throughout the day, like just how he feels about me, how he feels about
00:39:06.160
See, I got one internal person I allow, which is my savior.
00:39:13.660
My kids think, you think, the audience thinks, other people think.
00:39:18.500
And that validation to me, I'll be candid with you.
00:39:21.800
Once you get a lot of it, and you've had some, but once you get a lot of it, like it
00:39:29.020
I know what it's like to walk in rooms and have 30.
00:39:34.380
It's wonderful that people think great things about you.
00:39:37.600
But there becomes a point where if you don't, you don't even really feel it for more than
00:39:43.420
And once they walk away, you're back to feeling about yourself the way you used to.
00:39:46.720
The one dude who never walks away from me is my father in heaven.
00:40:00.080
And by the way, he thinks you're great if you're listening to this.
00:40:03.920
And he already knows all the bad crap you've done and you're going to do.
00:40:12.200
But as much as you love that little daughter of yours or that little son of yours, he loves
00:40:24.180
And so I almost pretend sometimes like I'm listening in on him talking about me.
00:40:34.360
You know, every once in a while, I'll get a message from somebody who's like, hey, man,
00:40:39.520
Or I had, you had Ed Milad on the podcast and the thing he said about the thing like
00:40:46.020
And I almost feel a little guilty because I'm like, that's cool.
00:40:50.720
I'm really excited, but I don't feel as excited as I think I should about that.
00:41:05.800
Am I, is I just have so much of it that it doesn't matter, but it should, it's, that's
00:41:11.540
somebody's life that's changed because you might've said something or had a particular
00:41:20.180
I know, I feel so honest because I know exactly what you mean.
00:41:23.720
It probably felt better before when it was the first time.
00:41:26.180
And then I also think to myself, you better stay grateful because there was a time nobody's
00:41:30.300
life was changed by you and nobody wanted to hear you and no one downloaded anything.
00:41:34.780
And you walked in a room and no one had any clue, nor did they care you were in a room.
00:41:39.180
It's not that it's that it's, we're not wired for that to make the impact it would if it's
00:41:48.680
And the truth is, I, all these things we think we want to feel, by the way, you're supposed
00:41:54.160
to go win if you're a man, listen, you're supposed to achieve, you're supposed to grow,
00:42:06.260
But the end of the day, I want well done, good and faithful servant.
00:42:10.760
I've told you this before, but I also have this hallucination that when I go to heaven,
00:42:14.460
I get introduced to the man I was capable of becoming.
00:42:20.420
But by the way, let me introduce you to the Ed Milad I made you to be.
00:42:24.940
And when I meet that man, this is the man with the experiences, the contributions, the
00:42:28.240
emotions, the successes, the memories of a life.
00:42:38.100
So yeah, if you say my podcast helped you or a speech, man, that means the world to me,
00:42:45.520
Because to me, ultimately meeting the man I was born to be, destined to be, and chasing
00:42:53.180
Hell is I get there and I meet that man and we're total strangers.
00:43:02.800
It feels good every time you hear it, but it doesn't feel as good as you thought it
00:43:06.640
was going to feel because that's not the ultimate confirmation.
00:43:09.600
The ultimate confirmation is not another human being, although it feels good.
00:43:13.260
And you were born to do it and it should continue to feel good.
00:43:17.560
But when you go, man, I thought I would just be different when I heard this.
00:43:26.900
I've just accepted that like the ultimate acknowledgement that I want, the ultimate me,
00:43:35.620
By the way, I know connected to that purpose is me serving other people and connecting with
00:43:43.520
The other thing, you want that arrogance thing to go away, stay connected to what I'm
00:43:46.700
telling you, because now I know I'm talking to my brother.
00:43:49.500
That guy who comes up to say, man, I've been divorced three times.
00:43:59.160
And so all of this stuff over here that we're describing is what sort of eliminates most
00:44:03.800
of these other things we've been talking about.
00:44:05.820
And I'm glad we got to it because there's not a lot of places that, you know, would accept
00:44:12.180
And the fact is, I know I'm right about, there's a lot of things, man, that are in my books
00:44:16.340
I'll tell you, I think I'm right about, I think I'm right.
00:44:19.080
There's a few things I know I'm right about, you know, and I know, like I even telling you
00:44:25.000
And I don't mean to be too religious with everybody today, but it's like, I just feel
00:44:30.720
I make mistakes every single day, but I'm pursuing that man that my father made me to
00:44:36.180
And I know he loves me and I know he expects me to get there.
00:44:41.020
So how do you, so obviously we don't get that experience right now, right?
00:44:45.120
So how, how do you know you're doing enough or you're doing what it takes and is, there's
00:45:00.180
Like you don't get something without a cost to sacrifice, but how do you determine which
00:45:05.460
sacrifice is right to make and which one isn't in pursuit of that guy?
00:45:09.420
If you don't even know what that guy is or what his potential is.
00:45:12.640
Well, first progress is what I'm pursuing, not perfection.
00:45:19.580
And I think, you know, whether this makes progress.
00:45:22.560
Listen, I know if when this shows over and my laptop sitting here and I flipped to some
00:45:28.860
stuff I shouldn't be looking at, that's not progress towards that guy.
00:45:33.380
And every man listening to this knows that, you know, when you're making progress and you
00:45:37.180
know, when you're moving away right now, in terms of having the discernment to know
00:45:48.640
And I don't want to keep going too far down this road to alienate anybody listening, but
00:45:51.980
I must tell you, that's where prayer matters for me.
00:45:56.840
I actually meditate and go, man, you're a Christian.
00:45:59.660
Meditation is like getting quiet, controlling my breathing, not thinking for 30 seconds or
00:46:10.280
And so for me, it's that those are the distinctions.
00:46:12.940
And if you if I'm being completely transparent with you, you've hit on the thing in my life
00:46:17.500
that I wrestle the most with is not my confidence anymore.
00:46:26.640
So, you know, walk in and I met with a former president about three weeks ago and I was fine.
00:46:33.460
Because the Lord's with me when I walk in and, you know, I'm prayerful about it.
00:46:37.480
For me, it's delineating between the sacrifices that are worth making and not.
00:46:45.080
You know, do I miss my son's golf tournament to go do this or do I not?
00:46:50.180
Do I those are really difficult decisions for me.
00:46:55.940
And those are the ones that I if you're asking where I don't know every answer, it's that it's
00:47:02.340
that I say yes too often and I say yes because of ego to what you said earlier.
00:47:11.600
And now I've just can I give one everyone a tip on this is a life changing planning strategy
00:47:19.080
Then I go, OK, let me stick my date night with my wife in there.
00:47:22.000
Let me do this little thing with my daughter there.
00:47:24.360
And what ended up happening was show me your calendar and your planning and I'll show you
00:47:44.540
They're not the last thing added to my calendar.
00:47:49.520
And then that sort of helps with the sacrifice thing.
00:47:54.840
Well, in fact, I'm in the middle of dealing with it.
00:47:56.840
We've got some events coming up and I just got my second son's football schedule and his
00:48:03.400
He plays every Saturday for the next five or six weeks.
00:48:05.940
And I have two big events coming up within that time frame.
00:48:10.300
And I'm like, man, that's two hours on a Saturday.
00:48:19.440
And immediately, and I think this was prayerful.
00:48:22.480
So I'm appreciative of God's influence in my life in that way.
00:48:32.740
And then in my mind, I'm like, well, I know, but like all these guys are investing in to
00:48:36.380
I'm like, yeah, but you, you've built this organization where you have help.
00:48:39.980
Like if you're gone for two hours at one of these events that lasts for two and a half,
00:48:52.180
In fact, it might be better while you're gone because they can talk about things that
00:48:55.340
maybe they wouldn't talk about in the context of me being there.
00:49:02.120
I just, I had a, you know, I've done 350 podcasts myself on my show and I just had
00:49:07.060
my kids on for the first time, like four weeks ago.
00:49:09.920
And their lead, my daughter's a freshman at Clemson.
00:49:11.840
My son's a junior playing golf at Arizona Christian.
00:49:15.840
And by the way, I have had to miss things over the years from time to time.
00:49:18.740
There are some things like inevitable, tremendous guilt about it.
00:49:22.440
And my daughter spoke about it and so did my son.
00:49:29.100
But it's not the events of our lives, even as children.
00:49:37.120
If I had to miss something about, now, listen, daddy's not going to be at the game tomorrow,
00:49:40.720
but he's coming back and you guys are doing this, this, and this on Sunday.
00:49:48.160
And my daughter literally said in the show, she goes, to be honest with you, daddy, when
00:49:51.480
you would miss things, I would actually think I want daddy where he is.
00:49:55.040
I want him helping all these people because I know he's coming home tomorrow night.
00:50:02.640
Like wondering how it impacted them and having the right frame for what this means.
00:50:07.500
Having a spouse that supports you and says, no, no, no, no.
00:50:17.660
Some of you guys working out there that it's not 3,000 or some big deal.
00:50:21.060
Daddy's going to do what he can do so that I can be at the game and that you can have
00:50:25.440
the uniform and you can have the good glove and you can have all of this.
00:50:30.180
Daddy would rather be watching you play, but daddy wants you to have that good glove.
00:50:33.700
Daddy wants you to have the right hitting coach.
00:50:36.000
So daddy's doing that and he's going to be back tomorrow night and you guys are going
00:50:40.380
And so I actually used to do this funny when I would, if I missed a game, I would get home
00:50:45.100
that night and I would take my son in the backyard.
00:50:47.400
And if he got two hits, I'd say, hey, man, I want to recreate this.
00:50:50.040
You've got to take me through it because I missed it, man.
00:51:05.780
And I would take him back through it, which was better than the actual experience.
00:51:10.620
Because he didn't, in the stands, he's running and not seeing my reaction as I'm cheering.
00:51:22.600
And I actually found between the framing and then reliving the experience with them.
00:51:28.860
But if I missed, how do I make it mean the right thing to them?
00:51:33.440
So work on the meaning, control the meaning with them.
00:51:45.300
And I've heard it called, I can't remember who told me.
00:51:48.140
I'd love to give them credit, but I can't remember who it was.
00:51:52.020
And a noble obstacle would be like you attending a conference that you're speaking at in front
00:52:01.520
But those are the hardest things because they feel like they're the right thing to do.
00:52:06.700
Now, if you were going to go hang out with your buddies and get drunk at a bachelor party
00:52:28.540
I had a little guilt from earlier in the year, a lot of guilt, actually, because I
00:52:39.600
And man, I felt so guilty about it still eats at me.
00:52:45.440
It's not like I'm hunting to put food on the table.
00:52:48.320
Like if I didn't bring home access deer, we'd go without.
00:52:54.580
And, you know, I sent her flowers the day of the dance recital and I did, you know,
00:53:00.500
And we're waiting for the the the video from from the from the dance studio for the for
00:53:06.380
And I like what you're saying, because I'm going to I'm going to try to recreate that.
00:53:11.220
And we watch it on TV or on the TV and like have popcorn.
00:53:16.420
And we try to recreate a moment that I that I missed.
00:53:20.060
I'm not there's nothing there's nothing like being present for our children, period.
00:53:24.380
But as men, we need to get really creative about what it means.
00:53:29.060
And listen, especially if you go to most things, I've been to like, I don't know, 60, no, 600
00:53:38.940
But only twice is he got to walk me through every shot.
00:53:42.740
We sit there literally with the lemonade and go, OK, what you hit on the second shot on the
00:53:46.380
He goes down eight iron, 120 yards in blah, blah, blah.
00:53:56.140
And whereas when he's playing, I'm just behind the ropes watching.
00:53:59.760
It was actually some I'm not selling guys on missing things.
00:54:02.800
I'm saying I got really good at reframing what it meant when I wasn't and what it felt
00:54:09.700
And there were often times I can tell you a few times where I could tell my son was damn
00:54:14.260
excited he was going to get to take me through the whole round from his perspective.
00:54:19.800
And now that he's in college, I can't get to every single term.
00:54:23.620
But we have this sort of routine where he knows it's not 10 minutes.
00:54:26.700
We get on Zoom or we get on FaceTime and he'll literally, you know, walk me.
00:54:31.100
He goes, Dad, this bout this thing, you don't believe I'm like, so what'd you do?
00:54:36.080
I'm like, and it's just it's actually very special the way we do it now.
00:54:41.240
But what I used to do is my dad would miss things and never even bring it up.
00:54:47.060
He just missed my game, you know, and then how'd you play?
00:54:55.700
It could have been really special to hear about my game.
00:54:57.320
Well, and that actually what makes it even worse on what I'm hearing because my dad used to
00:55:02.660
do this, too, is he said, I'll make it to the next one.
00:55:05.720
That's worse than missing it because, you know, he's not going to make it to the next
00:55:13.640
My dad would show up lit like just I there became a point with my dad where I'm like,
00:55:18.220
I kind of hope he doesn't come because he's yelling at umpires and, you know, like, yeah.
00:55:23.260
Like it was exactly the same thing with my dad.
00:55:29.880
That's yeah, that's that's even hard, harder to deal with.
00:55:33.560
I think you you said creativity in your presence.
00:55:43.260
How do you learn to be more creative with your wife or your kids or even like clients
00:55:50.220
Like, how do you be creatively present so it just doesn't become a monotonous routine thing,
00:55:55.840
whether it's date night or hanging out with the kiddos or whatever it might be?
00:56:06.220
What's the experience of doing business with you?
00:56:10.640
Because that's where you get referrals from, not by going, hey, would you mind sending us?
00:56:15.160
If someone had an amazing experience where they feel something they don't feel when they're
00:56:20.260
with other restaurants or other protein companies or other banks or other dry cleaners, like
00:56:28.380
And I just love the fact that she's got seven, eight hundred people in there with every single
00:56:37.540
I won't say my number, but she knows your phone number.
00:56:42.580
And so when you give her the clothes, she goes, all right, you want a dad joke or a
00:56:50.280
I don't even know if she does a good job on my shirts.
00:56:53.940
You know, my buddy for solid as the protein company, when you get your deliveries,
00:56:57.040
there's a handwritten note from somebody in there, man.
00:57:02.880
So my date night, I just what do I want her to experience tonight?
00:57:05.500
And you may think this sounds contrived, but it's not.
00:57:11.360
No, tonight I want her to experience feeling sexy as you can't believe.
00:57:14.940
No, tonight I want the experience to be that we talk about our faith.
00:57:18.500
You know, what is the experience I want them to have or I want me to have?
00:57:22.440
And then I kind of do my, that's how I tweak it a little bit.
00:57:25.540
Like my daughter and I just took a trip to Boston before she went away to cost.
00:57:30.120
I said, she's about to be around a bunch of dirt bags at fraternity parties or drinking.
00:57:37.600
I'm going to be out of my mind treating her like the lady she deserves to be on this trip.
00:57:43.760
I was extra conscious about opening her door, extra conscious about getting her chair,
00:57:48.060
extra conscious about looking in her eyes, extra conscious about getting the door.
00:57:51.740
I want her to have an experience of what it feels like to have a chivalrous man with her.
00:58:03.100
So I ask myself, what do I want the experience to be?
00:58:07.360
And it's really not that complicated most of the time.
00:58:12.460
And you just go to dinner and talk about the kids and you come back.
00:58:23.880
So this sounds super stupid, but like she got, she walked out to get ready.
00:58:32.620
And then driving over, I'm like, I'm joking, but I'm not.
00:58:35.940
I'm like, you want me to just pull this car over right now?
00:58:50.320
And I can just see her blushing a little bit, just a little bit different experience that
00:59:03.760
Sometimes like I want her to feel appreciated, whatever it is.
00:59:07.400
But I actually think about the experience and then I work my way backwards.
00:59:15.520
Uh, and even as simple as something as, as like vacuuming out the car.
00:59:23.480
Like clean out, clean out the wrappers, like vacuum out the car.
00:59:28.740
I had a little note that I had put in there for, you know, and it wasn't, it was, you
00:59:32.800
know, like, Hey, you know, I'm really looking forward to being with you tonight or whatever.
00:59:36.580
Um, and not only does that make it special for her or, or your client or whoever you're,
00:59:42.640
you're working with, it actually makes it special for you too, because you elevate your
00:59:52.500
I just came back from a trip yesterday and I said, I want her to feel, this is just maybe
00:59:56.960
too personal, but I want her to feel like really sexy.
01:00:00.540
So like on the trip, when I was gone, I'm like, Hey, I'll be home around four 30.
01:00:04.700
Hey, will you do me a favor and wear this outfit?
01:00:07.520
Like, and this sounds like, dude, I am not this guy.
01:00:20.960
And then I'm like, and I go, Hey, you know what?
01:00:23.200
I want to have wine with dinner and I don't want to sit watching TV.
01:00:34.840
I'm going to be funky because I'm flying, but I want you to wear that.
01:00:38.900
So let me just make sure you want me to wear this thing and this thing.
01:00:55.880
It was like another night, just a little different.
01:01:00.320
I'm like, well, we'll be done through the first quarter.
01:01:06.220
We're going to watch in the beginning and I am recording it, but we can have dinner during
01:01:11.440
That's that, uh, that power of intentionality that you talk about too, right?
01:01:15.500
It's just being a little bit more intentional about the way that you show up goes such a long
01:01:22.440
We get so distracted with life and with making the bills and trying to boost up our own ego.
01:01:29.760
And it's like, gosh, we just put that stuff on the side, the side burner.
01:01:45.200
I mean, that sounds corny, but it's the power of one more.
01:01:57.740
I told, uh, I text messaged one of my buddies this morning.
01:02:03.560
I literally said to him, I go, brother, I miss you so damn much.
01:02:11.220
Like I don't talk like that to my dudes, but just, okay, man, I know it felt good when he read
01:02:18.700
I've had a couple of guys reach out over the past several weeks and unsolicited.
01:02:24.920
And it was like, Hey man, you've been on my heart lately.
01:02:26.780
Or Hey, God, God, God put you on my heart lately.
01:02:30.140
I wanted to check in and see how things were going.
01:02:39.020
The really well-known pastor guy, I won't pressure and say who I texted that to yesterday
01:02:48.520
And I just got a feeling I was supposed to mess you up.
01:02:50.820
Your feelings would go, Hey man, I just landed in Cabo with my kids and my grandkids and
01:02:54.820
got your message right when I got off the plane.
01:03:08.320
I tell guys a lot when they come on, I just, I take so many notes.
01:03:12.800
I feel like I'm the biggest beneficiary recipient of, of, of these conversations.
01:03:19.660
So I just want to let you know, I appreciate you.
01:03:22.240
I've appreciated our friendship and us getting to know each other.
01:03:24.480
Hopefully we can connect over here on the East coast a little bit more.
01:03:27.860
I don't make it over to the West coast very often.
01:03:29.960
So I'm going to have to wait for you to come out to me before we make that happen.
01:03:37.500
And I just want to tell you again, man, I really, I not only do I really, really like
01:03:43.140
And that's why when I was asked to come back on, it was an immediate.
01:03:56.160
Obviously they can pick up a copy of the power of one more, wherever, wherever they want
01:03:59.580
to get books, but tell, tell the guys where to go.
01:04:04.800
You'll get everything, but you probably should check out my new show.
01:04:07.220
Go to YouTube at my let change or nosy N O S E Y.
01:04:11.280
If you have like a Roku or Apple TV, just download nosy or on your Mac.
01:04:15.480
You can get the show there and all my stuff helps you.
01:04:17.900
My podcast will help you just whatever I can do to help you out in your life.
01:04:21.700
Uh, I'm here to do cause I don't want to lose momentum.
01:04:32.980
Your, your, uh, your preparation, the way you lead into conversations.
01:04:37.440
Um, I can't remember the gentleman's name, uh, who was sentenced to prison.
01:04:46.780
Somebody sent me that, uh, just the other day they sent me that and they're like, bro,
01:04:50.780
And I don't think I've gotten through all of it, but Holy cow.
01:04:56.240
The irony of he, this guy appears on my show, got sentenced to life in prison, right?
01:05:00.540
He's out, but he's on my show on the seven year literal anniversary of his sentencing.
01:05:06.000
Like the irony, this dude tried to get on my show, man, for like a year and have a cancellation.
01:05:10.840
I go, if you can be in LA next week, he shows up and it happens to be that day.
01:05:20.340
I know the guys are going to get a ton of value from this.
01:05:27.760
My conversation with the one and only Ed Milet really enjoyed that one.
01:05:31.220
As I always do listening to learning from absorbing all of the enthusiasm and passion,
01:05:36.680
excitement, and information that Ed has to share.
01:05:39.240
So make sure you connect with Ed on the socials, pick up a copy of his book,
01:05:48.020
Also make sure you take a screenshot right now and tag Ed, tag myself, post it up on Instagram,
01:05:55.040
do a story, do a post, let people know what you're listening to, especially if you got
01:06:01.880
And then one other thing is we've got the Iron Council, which is open right now for a
01:06:08.020
So make sure you check that out at orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.
01:06:14.640
Until then, go out there, take action, and become the man you are meant to be.
01:06:19.080
Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast.
01:06:22.180
If you're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be,
01:06:26.140
we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.
01:06:29.220
to be honest, to be honest, you know what to do.