Order of Man - Embracing Violence ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart

00:00:05.020 your own path. When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.500 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong. This is your life. This is

00:00:17.100 who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day, and after all is said and done,

00:00:22.820 you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today? My name is Ryan Nickler.

00:00:27.860 I am the host and the founder of the Order of Man podcast, the movement. Welcome here and welcome

00:00:32.600 back. If you are new today, it's my job to give you the tools, conversations, and resources that

00:00:38.580 you need to step up in a society that is not only increasingly dismissive of what it means to be a

00:00:44.680 man and masculinity, but downright despises, frankly, what it means to be a man and has a completely

00:00:51.960 misconstrued and a lot of misperception and lies, frankly, about what it means to be a man.

00:00:59.340 So I want to give you the tools, the conversations, the resources, everything that you need to step up

00:01:03.620 as a father, a husband, a business owner, a community leader, however you want to show up

00:01:08.480 as a man. And by the way, as you do, as you step more fully into what it means to be a man, you're

00:01:13.560 going to see huge, huge positive benefits in your life. You're going to be able to serve more

00:01:18.780 effectively. You're going to feel better about you, who you are. You're going to make more money.

00:01:22.940 You're going to live a better life. And so much of society would have you turn away from that and

00:01:28.000 tell you that if you reject your masculinity or you turn away from it, you become more feminine,

00:01:35.160 that somehow your life is going to be better. It isn't, guys. You know that. If you've been around

00:01:39.080 for any amount of time, you know that. What's going to make your life better is stepping more into who

00:01:44.700 you're capable of becoming, equipping yourself with the knowledge and the information and the

00:01:48.760 skill sets to do that. So that's what we do here. Now, today I want to talk with you about violence.

00:01:53.760 This isn't a comfortable conversation. This isn't a conversation that much of society and the doctrine

00:01:58.060 of popular culture wants you to have because we're supposed to be this utopian society where everybody's

00:02:05.420 happy and everything is wonderful and nobody faces any hardship or challenges or ever has to deal

00:02:13.840 with anything that might be slightly disturbing or offensive to them. And, you know, we can see

00:02:19.580 what this creates. It creates a society of weaklings who are easily manipulated and controlled. And 0.93

00:02:25.640 ultimately, that's the design, guys, the powers that would be. This is the government. This is the

00:02:32.220 legacy media and all those institutions, those two outlets and resources control would have.

00:02:39.480 They want to easily manipulate you. They want to easily control you. They want to dominate you.

00:02:49.180 They want you to toe the line and do what you're told like good little boys do.

00:02:55.760 That's why they don't like this podcast. And that's why, frankly, I need you to share this podcast

00:02:59.560 because the more men that hear what we're talking about here, the more that their families will be

00:03:04.440 served, their communities will be served. They'll live better lives. People will be more free.

00:03:08.600 They'll be free to pursue the things that are interested in. They'll be safer.

00:03:13.760 And yet the powers that be don't want that to be the case. So share this podcast. Now,

00:03:18.120 what I'm going to talk with you about today specifically is embracing the idea of violence.

00:03:23.840 And I'm not talking about being violent for the sake of being violent because that isn't

00:03:29.440 controlled masculinity. Being violent, taking advantage of people who are less capable than you,

00:03:38.280 isn't a manly activity. But being able to be capable of violence, to protect yourself and

00:03:45.640 your loved ones and those who are incapable of protecting themselves, that's manly.

00:03:50.400 Now, I know a lot of us have heard the quote by Jordan Peterson that says, and I may have butchered

00:03:56.080 this a little bit, but he says, a harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a dangerous man

00:04:01.760 who has that under voluntary control. And that's what I want you guys. And that's what I want for

00:04:09.960 myself. I want to be able to be familiar with violence so that when that situation arises,

00:04:17.960 it isn't the first time I've ever dealt with it. Because the last time you want to have to deal

00:04:22.260 with violence is the first time you've ever dealt with it. Which means that you need to put yourself

00:04:29.740 in difficult, violent situations so that you can have a realistic expectation of what that's actually

00:04:39.180 going to be like. Because here's what most men will do. Most men, including myself at times,

00:04:46.860 will overestimate our abilities and underestimate the enemy. Whether that's somebody who wants to

00:04:57.220 do violence to us or a natural disaster or an emergency situation or any number of things that

00:05:02.460 you could be confronted with as a man where you'll be called upon, tapped on the shoulder to deal with,

00:05:07.600 most of us will underestimate what that actually looks like.

00:05:10.820 And simultaneously, we'll overestimate our own abilities.

00:05:17.940 I've heard a bunch of guys say, you know, if I, well, if I got in a fight or if I got in this

00:05:21.480 situation or if I got in a gunfight, even I would do this and I would kick this guy's ass. And I look,

00:05:27.100 that all sounds really good until you actually deal with it. It was Mike Tyson who said, everybody

00:05:33.660 has a plan until he gets punched in the face. And have you ever been punched in the face,

00:05:38.440 literally or figuratively? Figuratively, sure. You know, we've all got our asses kicked from time to

00:05:43.940 time. We've dealt with a medical condition. We've dealt with a layoff or a bankruptcy or a divorce or

00:05:53.120 any number of things that, you know, that happen to us that is less than favorable. We've all dealt with

00:06:01.620 that. And what we need to do as men is we need to make ourselves more capable of dealing with those

00:06:09.100 blows. There's a quote by the guy, the name escapes me right now, but he says, the real man gains

00:06:18.400 renown by standing between himself and destruction, excuse me, by standing between his family and

00:06:23.720 destruction, absorbing the blows of fate with equanimity. Now I had to look up what equanimity

00:06:31.820 meant initially. I think admittedly, and I think a lot of you guys maybe have to as well, but I'll

00:06:37.900 tell you, I'll give you the definition of it. Equanimity means calmness, clarity, focus.

00:06:47.740 Are we able to do that? Well, we're not able to do that until we've actually confronted violence.

00:06:53.220 And this is why jujitsu has been such a huge and important part of my life over the past two years,

00:06:59.180 because I'll tell you what, as much as we, as men underestimate what we'll deal with and

00:07:04.780 overestimate our own abilities, I've realized that when I go to jujitsu and I overestimate my

00:07:13.360 abilities as somebody who prides himself on being strong and athletic and capable that when another

00:07:19.620 grown man literally wraps his arms around my neck and attempts to squeeze the life out of me that at

00:07:27.240 times I felt myself wanting, that I have been incapable of defending myself. I had an experience

00:07:35.000 last night where I was rolling with one of my training partners and I quite literally could not

00:07:42.820 get out from underneath him. There was nothing I could do. I felt like I was drowning on him being

00:07:53.480 on top of me, trying to strangle me, break my arm, et cetera, et cetera, when it comes to jujitsu.

00:07:58.780 It's all in a controlled environment, of course, but it was very telling for me. Again, I pride myself

00:08:04.800 on being strong and capable and yet there was this guy on top of me who was stronger, more capable,

00:08:11.340 and he was willing and able to assert his will upon me. I don't want to be in that situation.

00:08:20.240 And so what I have to do is put myself deliberately and intentionally in those situations

00:08:27.440 so that if the time ever arises where I'm required to punch somebody or shoot somebody or even just

00:08:35.440 defend myself, that I'll have the capability of doing so. And yet so many of us run away from

00:08:42.380 confrontation. I've had people in my life, friends, family members who are so afraid of confrontation.

00:08:49.960 They're so weak and pathetic and cowardly that they will say and do anything to get out of

00:08:57.760 confrontation, to stay away from some sort of not only violent encounter, but verbal altercation.

00:09:04.520 And I don't want to be that guy. And I don't think you either, you do either.

00:09:10.740 I think you want to be the guy who's willing to stand up, not only willing, but able to stand up

00:09:15.000 for himself verbally. If you have to get into a discussion or a disagreement with somebody,

00:09:19.560 but also physically, you know, what if you face a violent encounter or natural disaster

00:09:24.880 or an emergency situation? Are you willing to harness? Are you able to harness violence

00:09:31.740 to produce the effective outcomes for you and your family and the people that you care about?

00:09:40.680 Because the last thing I want is the first time that you've ever had to deal with a violent encounter

00:09:46.340 to, to, to, to, to, to be, to be that first time, right? Like, I don't want you in that situation

00:09:53.500 where you're dealing with a situation, a violent situation that that's the first time you've ever

00:09:58.500 dealt with it. Because I'm telling you, you're not going to stack up the way that you have a desire

00:10:03.440 to stack up. And all of us do. You wouldn't be listening to this podcast. If you didn't have a

00:10:07.840 desire to become better, to be more capable, to be more proficient, you wouldn't listen to this

00:10:14.720 podcast. You'd listen to something else. You'd listen to the, the, the Disneyland podcast about

00:10:20.240 how to make the most of your Disneyland trip or where you should go on, on your vacation.

00:10:28.840 But instead you chose to listen to this podcast. How do I become a better man?

00:10:32.880 I'll tell you what you do. Here it is. Here's the answer. You ready?

00:10:36.060 Go put yourself in difficult, demanding, violent situations and encounters.

00:10:41.460 Okay.

00:10:44.720 Go take a boxing class, go to Muay Thai, go to jujitsu, learn how to take a punch,

00:10:51.060 learn how to throw a punch, learn how to defend yourself effectively.

00:10:56.180 I mean, I look, I look, Jordan Peterson, somebody I admire and respect for all he does. And he says

00:11:01.200 this quote, again, a harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a dangerous man who has it under

00:11:05.980 voluntary control. I'd actually be really curious if Jordan Peterson has ever taken a martial arts

00:11:10.420 class or a firearms class. Maybe he has, I don't know. So I'm not accusing or anything, but I'd be

00:11:16.980 really curious. Like, is this something that you're living by? Cause we all say these words,

00:11:20.880 right? We all recite these words. We turn them into memes and we make them cool and we make them

00:11:28.080 look good. And then we post them on social media and hopefully we get the likes and the retweets and

00:11:32.020 the follows and everything else. But like, is this really us? Are these just simply words or are these

00:11:38.360 things that we're actually doing? Guys, I want you to be a man of substance. I'm trying to be a man

00:11:45.820 of substance. I talk for a living. That's what I do, but I don't want it to end at talk. And I don't

00:11:53.680 want to have to have to have it end at talk. I want to be able to back up my words with my actions

00:12:00.700 and hopefully they aren't violent. But if that, if that situation ever arises or come upon me,

00:12:06.180 I want to be able to know that I can defend myself and emerge victorious.

00:12:12.620 Words alone aren't enough. You know, one of my pet peeves is one guy say, well, right now that's

00:12:19.140 easier said than done. No shit. No shit that talking is easier than doing. Don't say that.

00:12:31.000 We all know that talking is easier than doing. Are you a man or are you talking about being a man?

00:12:40.780 Being able to communicate effectively is a critical and integral part of communicating and

00:12:49.660 getting your way and influencing others. And that's part of being a man, but so is being able to back

00:12:54.740 it up. When's the last time you got punched in the face? Literally got punched in the face.

00:13:01.780 When's the last time you got bloody? When's the last time you bloodied somebody else?

00:13:05.800 And if it's been a while or never, then here's my challenge to you. Go do it. Go get bloody,

00:13:16.900 literally bloody. Go bloody somebody else. Embrace violence in controlled environments with rules,

00:13:28.500 goals, with goals, with outcomes, with objectives. So that when the guy pulls a gun on you, you know

00:13:37.660 how to deal with it. When somebody threatens your family by trying to break into your home in the

00:13:43.680 middle of the night, you know how to deal with it. When the town drunk comes at you, you can put them

00:13:50.360 down as quickly as possible. Now I know a lot of you guys listening might say, well, Ryan, you know,

00:13:58.720 this is never going to happen. And the likelihood, the odds of it happening are very low. Isn't that a

00:14:02.780 beautiful blessing? The odds and likelihood of you having to defend yourself or your loved ones in a

00:14:09.560 violent encounter are relatively low compared to what they've been over the past hundred thousand,

00:14:14.100 10,000 years of being part of this existence. That's a beautiful blessing.

00:14:23.360 But I don't want to be the one asshole who, when that situation arises, if, and when that I find myself

00:14:32.780 unprepared for that scenario. I know a lot of you guys listening and probably heard the story, but

00:14:39.980 last year sometime we had a guy try to come into our home was in the middle of the night. It was 2am.

00:14:48.040 Was I prepared for that? Fortunately, I was. And we dealt with the situation as effectively as we,

00:14:53.140 as we could. And everything was fine, but I don't want to test myself in a real world circumstance and

00:15:03.920 scenario. So guys go get violent, go get physical, go get strong, get lean, lose weight. You know,

00:15:12.020 if you're carrying an extra 50 pounds, look, can you be a good man? Sure. I think you can be a good

00:15:16.320 man, but you're leaving it on the table. You're not as effective as you could be. And you know that

00:15:23.500 and society will say, Oh, it's okay. It's okay. You know, but body shaming is bad and body positive

00:15:29.620 movement is good. And some of you guys have embraced that as reality. Well, look, that all

00:15:34.140 feels fine and wonderful until something difficult is placed before you. And then you realize,

00:15:39.340 shit, I can't do this. You know, something minor for me was when my, uh, this was six,

00:15:48.780 seven years ago, maybe longer. My two oldest boys came to me and said, dad, let's go jump on the

00:15:53.600 trampoline after work came home from work and they wanted to jump on the trampoline. And I look them in

00:15:59.120 the eye and say, sorry, guys, I can't, I literally couldn't. I was exhausted because I had an extra

00:16:03.820 50 pounds that I was carrying around every single day, 24, seven, all day, every day.

00:16:09.060 I had this layer of fat around my neck, trying to choke me out every single night. So I was wrestling

00:16:14.660 with this layer of fat for eight, nine, 10 hours a night. Some of you guys have sleep apnea. I did

00:16:21.740 restless leg syndrome. I did. Couldn't sleep. Woke up exhausted. Yeah. Because you were battling a

00:16:30.120 layer of fat for eight hours. No shit. You're exhausted. Well, I need to use the CPAP machine

00:16:36.260 and I need to use this. And then I need this pill and this medication, go lose some weight.

00:16:41.820 Go learn how to strike. Go learn how to, how to wrestle. Go learn how to hurt somebody,

00:16:47.860 not for the sake of hurting them, but for the sake of defending yourself and the people that you care

00:16:51.980 about. And I hope, and I pray, actually, I pray every day that I don't have to ever have to use

00:16:57.420 these skills that I never have to pull out my firearm against somebody else. I pray for that,

00:17:02.420 that I never have to punch somebody in the face, that I never have to choke them out or kill them.

00:17:06.480 Like I pray, I literally every night I pray for that. And simultaneously, I pray for the ability to do

00:17:14.660 it. Not that I'll just miraculously rise up in this difficult and demanding search situation, but that

00:17:21.800 I will have the ability and desire and discipline to make myself ready should that situation arise.

00:17:31.780 And some of you can't do that. So what I'm asking you today is to take a look at your own life,

00:17:41.400 give yourself an honest assessment. You got to be honest with yourself. It's not going to be

00:17:46.020 comfortable because a lot of you guys are going to find yourself wanting. And you know what?

00:17:51.880 Good. Good. That's the foundation for growth. You know, so many of you say, well, I could do it.

00:18:00.780 And yet you've never been in a fight. You've never pulled a gun. You're 50 pounds or more

00:18:06.120 overweight. You've never had to assert yourself. You've never risen to a challenge. You've never

00:18:13.200 placed yourself in a physical or mental demanding situation. And you think that somehow when that

00:18:19.000 situation comes up, you'll be able to handle it. You won't. You won't guys.

00:18:23.700 And I want to tell you the truth about that.

00:18:31.700 So many podcasts and so many people and so many social media, look, I could pull up social media

00:18:35.980 right now and I could pull up all these feel good quotes about you're special and you're loved and

00:18:40.340 people like you and you're amazing and you're not, and you know it. And so you look at this post and

00:18:48.860 you feel good for five seconds. And then you put the phone down and you look in the mirror and you're

00:18:52.860 like, that's not me actually. That's not me. Like I'm not special. I'm not amazing. I'm not

00:19:00.760 qualified. I'm not fit. I feel like shit. And you feel like that. Right. And so people would say,

00:19:06.100 well, you know, don't, don't, don't dwell on that. Feel good about yourself. Don't compare yourself to

00:19:10.580 other people. Bullshit. What I'd tell you to do is look yourself in the mirror and say, where am I

00:19:14.300 falling short? Never been in a fight, 50 pounds overweight. Can't bench press my own weight.

00:19:22.860 Can't deadlift two times my weight. Can't run for a mile. Can't put 10 rounds on center mass.

00:19:31.680 Can't stand up for myself. Can't ask for a promotion. Can't ask for a woman on a date. 1.00

00:19:36.680 Can't have a real conversation with my wife. Can't discipline my kids.

00:19:43.560 Then you wrestle with all these thoughts every single day and you go to sleep thinking about

00:19:47.660 how inadequate you are. The answer is not to delude yourself. Not what popular culture would

00:19:53.500 tell you, which is just to feel good about your inadequacies and your shortcomings.

00:19:58.040 This is the path.

00:20:02.460 Face reality, deal with reality, and then confront violence. Go get in a fight in a controlled

00:20:08.560 environment. I'm not telling you to pick a fight with a guy on the street corner or the guy at the

00:20:12.820 gas station. Cause if you're never prepared for that, he's probably going to kick your ass or kill

00:20:17.100 you, but go to Muay Thai, go to boxing, go to jujitsu, run, fight, compete, be physical,

00:20:25.780 lift stuff. You know, like if you see a log out in your, your, your, your, your land, like go lift it.

00:20:31.380 If you see a tire, I've got a friend, Kip Fulks. He, he literally, literally carries a tire around.

00:20:37.380 I mean, I think I saw a post the other day. He carries a tire for six to 10,000 feet every

00:20:42.120 single day. He just carries it around. Why? Because he wants to be prepared. He wants to

00:20:45.400 be physical. I get that kind of weird, right? Some of us hear that. And a lot of us hear that

00:20:49.460 and think, well, that's weird. Is it, is it weird or is it necessary? Guys, I want you to get

00:20:57.360 comfortable with violence. Cause the last thing I want to have happen is, and I said this before,

00:21:01.020 is that the first time you ever deal with violence is in a, in a life or death struggle or

00:21:06.560 situation for you or somebody else. I want you to be so intimately familiar with it that when it

00:21:12.620 happens, you are more prepared than the other guy who wants to come at you. I had an altercation

00:21:18.460 at the gas pump the other day where a guy wanted to fight me at the gas pump over nothing, nothing.

00:21:27.920 I was ready. I was prepared. I wasn't going to be stupid, but I was ready and prepared. And

00:21:33.500 fortunately it didn't turn into a situation. And a guy tried to break into our home.

00:21:36.560 Last year, I was ready to defend my family because I had prepared for that scenario. Unfortunately,

00:21:42.820 nothing came of it. And that's the beautiful thing. It's like that old adage. It's better be a,

00:21:47.580 uh, uh, a warrior in the garden than a gardener in, in the war. I want to be a warrior. I want to be

00:21:54.460 intimately familiar with violence. I want to feel what it's like to get some, a grown man who wraps

00:21:59.300 his arms around my neck or punches me in the face. I want to know what that feels like in a

00:22:05.320 controlled environment so that when it actually happens in the real world, it isn't the first

00:22:10.140 time I've ever dealt with it. And I want to be better prepared than that guy I'm going against.

00:22:15.420 I'm going to close by saying this again. Jordan Peterson says a harmless man is not a good man.

00:22:21.000 A good man is a dangerous man who has it under voluntary control. I don't want you to live

00:22:26.440 by like the words and the memes and the phrases. I, sometimes I question whether, you know,

00:22:32.060 Jordan Peterson actually implements this in his life. I don't know if he's taken martial arts.

00:22:35.780 Maybe he has, maybe he's capable of doing violence. I don't know, but I don't want to live by memes.

00:22:42.080 I don't want to live on social media. I want to live in the real world. And I want to make myself

00:22:46.100 capable of being this kind of man, not, not a quote unquote, quote unquote, good man, but a, a,

00:22:51.820 a man who is good at being a man as Jack Donovan would talk about David Gilmour and his book,

00:22:58.100 manhood in the making, which means that I need to put this stuff into practice.

00:23:05.840 Are you putting it into practice?

00:23:10.200 Or are you just living vicariously through cute little memes, cleverly worded

00:23:17.320 posts on social media, guys get comfortable with violence. It's a great equalizer

00:23:23.440 when everything else goes. And there probably will be a time when everything else goes.

00:23:30.680 Are you going to be capable of defending yourself and protecting yourself and emerging victorious? And

00:23:35.340 of course, for your family and your loved ones as well, or are you going to find yourself under

00:23:39.280 the rule of somebody else or dead? Get prepared. So my challenge to you is take a real look and

00:23:49.600 inventory in your life and decide, am I weak or am I capable of doing violence in controlled

00:23:56.560 environments? And if you feel like I'm capable of doing violence, prove it, go to class, join,

00:24:03.520 get involved with the tournament, pitch yourself up against another man who wants it just as bad as

00:24:10.000 you. And I think you'll find yourself that maybe you're not as prepared as you'd like to be or think

00:24:14.460 you are. That's what's required. Not comfortable, not easy, right? It's those guys who say, well,

00:24:22.080 you know, it's easier said than done. Of course it is. Talking, opening your mouth, flapping your gums.

00:24:29.760 That's easy. I do that for a living, but can you back it up? That's the real question.

00:24:37.040 And can you back it up when it matters? That's the even greater question. All right, guys,

00:24:42.300 go out there and get comfortable with violence. If you're not violent, figure out a way to be so.

00:24:47.460 Figure out a way to get familiar with it, comfortable with it, embracing it so that when and if the

00:24:52.480 situation arises, you'll be able to deal with it and not for the first time. You're very, very familiar

00:24:56.800 with it and you can find yourself in a better situation. You can find yourself emerging victorious.

00:25:04.020 You can find yourself a man. All right, guys, that's all I've got for you. We'll be back next

00:25:12.220 week for some more interviews, more Ask Me Anythings, more Friday field notes. Make sure you

00:25:17.560 share this podcast, share this episode. Also share with me what you're doing to get familiar with

00:25:21.580 violence. Are you boxing? Are you striking? Are you wrestling? Are you grappling? Are you rolling?

00:25:26.440 What are you doing? Let me know. Post this on Instagram. It's probably best at Ryan Mickler.

00:25:32.200 Let me know what you guys are doing. Re-share the show. Put the stuff out there. More men need to 1.00

00:25:35.960 get comfortable with this because look, here's the deal. If you get comfortable with violence,

00:25:39.480 then you're going to be less likely to need it. But if you do need it, you'll be fully capable of

00:25:43.660 utilizing it for the productive and better outcome for you and the people you care about.

00:25:47.780 All right, guys, we'll catch you next week. Until then, go out there, take action,

00:25:51.380 and become the man you are meant to be.

00:25:53.200 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life

00:25:57.780 and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - April 23, 2021

Embracing Violence ｜ FRIDAY FIELD NOTES

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