Order of Man - Establishing Boundaries, Boosting Testosterone, and Every Day Carries

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.680 Kim, what's up, brother? Thanks for joining me on the show again today.

00:00:28.980 Awesome to be here, man. I'm really excited about going over some of these questions from the Order of Man group.

00:00:33.860 I am too. This is round two. As of the recording, you and me talking right now,

00:00:38.380 I think the first Q&A show that we're going to be doing is actually going to be released tomorrow.

00:00:43.920 So I'm really curious about how the feedback goes. I'm sure guys will like it.

00:00:48.400 Yeah. Well, we know that they'll at least like you. We'll see what kind of criticism I get.

00:00:53.000 I don't know, though. I don't do any of these Q&As typically outside of our Facebook group.

00:00:57.060 And so maybe guys are going to be turned away because they're like, oh, this is really what

00:01:00.640 Ryan thinks? Like, we didn't know this. Because all they're doing is listening to the podcast and

00:01:06.060 me interviewing somebody else. And now they get to hear from me. They're like,

00:01:08.800 hmm, maybe we're not going to follow anymore.

00:01:11.800 Yeah. Yeah. Keep interviewing other people.

00:01:13.920 That's right. But speaking of the Facebook group, you had given me an interesting statistic,

00:01:19.140 which is that we had, what, over 650 or so new members of the Facebook group in the last week.

00:01:26.100 Is that right?

00:01:27.040 Yeah. Last two weeks.

00:01:28.360 Oh, last two weeks. Okay, cool.

00:01:30.260 Yeah. So it's good. I think we've got just under 50,000, I want to say, guys in the Facebook group.

00:01:36.580 It seems like the ebbs and flows. Like sometimes it's high and sometimes it's a little bit lower.

00:01:40.220 And of course, we're adding new people every day and booting other people as well because we're

00:01:45.600 trying to keep that thing pure and clean, which is a struggle at times, to say the least.

00:01:51.180 Totally. Well, and it's symbolic and there's like a relationship too between that order of

00:01:57.680 man group and the Iron Council, it seems like. There's almost like a set percentage of men.

00:02:02.240 1%, man.

00:02:03.120 Yeah.

00:02:03.320 It's 1%. It's always been 1% since I started, what, three years ago. But that's life, right?

00:02:09.400 The Pareto principle, like the 80-20 rule. It's a little bit more pronounced here,

00:02:12.660 but it seems like there's always 1% of people who will take the next step, who will get to the next

00:02:18.760 level, who will get the promotion, who will secure most of the wealth. That's just kind of how it goes.

00:02:26.720 Yeah. It's interesting. It's really interesting, that percentage anyway.

00:02:30.020 Yeah. Yeah. The question is, who of you are the 1%, right? That's really what it comes down to.

00:02:36.820 Yeah, totally. Are you the one willing to step up, right? Make a difference.

00:02:40.740 And that's the difference. I mean, are you willing to put forth the effort? Because I think the 99%

00:02:45.440 want help and guidance and direction and insight and other people to show them what to do and how

00:02:50.200 to do it and where to do it and everything else. And while there's benefits of that, you certainly

00:02:54.760 should be coachable and find mentors and find people who are doing what you want to do.

00:02:58.940 So the final question is, are you going to take the initiative? Are you going to take the

00:03:03.700 initiative to do it on your own, to go out and secure what it is that you want? And 1% of the

00:03:08.520 people will do that, maybe slightly higher sometimes, maybe slightly lower, and the rest

00:03:12.500 won't. And they'll continue to be mediocre and the 1% will rise to the top in every facet of life.

00:03:18.800 Well, and we see that related inside of the Iron Council too, right? Like it's funny is,

00:03:23.860 I think some guys think, oh, I'll join the Iron Council and then I'm going to make this

00:03:27.040 difference without taking a lot of action. Yeah. It's the 1% of the 1%, right?

00:03:31.220 Exactly. And those are the guys that last in the IEC. And then there's guys that drop out,

00:03:35.800 right? And the guys that drop out are the guys unwilling, right? To take action and step up.

00:03:40.660 Yeah. That's how it goes, man. Well, cool. Well, let's get into these questions because I know we

00:03:44.040 got a lot today and I want to get to as many of them as possible. So let's get right into the

00:03:49.700 questions. All right. Sounds good. So our first question is from Brian Garvin. His question is,

00:03:55.300 when you are feeling self-absorbed, self-seeking, whether it be your career or sport and not being

00:04:01.300 of service to your family, what is your go-to refocus back on your family?

00:04:07.000 This is interesting because there's actually times where you should be self-seeking and self-absorbed.

00:04:12.060 I think we too often look at that as a negative connotation, right? Oh, you're selfish. Well,

00:04:16.540 you should be selfish. There should be times in your life where you should really dedicate and focus a lot

00:04:22.360 of time, energy, and attention on yourself. We had a guy in the Facebook group the other day said

00:04:25.520 that he wants to get back to the gym and someone suggested have his kids come with him. I'm like,

00:04:29.460 no, no, no, no, no. Don't have your, like, there might be a time and a place for that,

00:04:33.260 but if you're going to go work out, you don't need your kids there because you're not going to be as

00:04:37.960 effective working out and get what you need to fill your cup if your kids are there. So maybe you do

00:04:43.820 that once or twice a week, but the rest of it, it's got to be just you. So there's times where,

00:04:49.120 yeah, you need to be selfish. You need to be self-absorbed. You need to be self-seeking,

00:04:53.460 but you also need to create boundaries, right? Like so, and communicate those boundaries.

00:04:58.840 So if I, if, if I, if I've made a commitment to myself, for example, that I'm going to go work

00:05:03.100 out in the morning from six to seven o'clock, which is my time to go work out, then I need to

00:05:08.600 articulate that boundary that I've created to the people who are going to be impacted by the

00:05:13.080 boundary. So my wife, certainly potentially my kids are usually in bed still at that point, but

00:05:17.860 I communicate those boundaries to them. They're in agreement. They understand. They see the value

00:05:22.680 of it. We've talked about it. It's not a surprise as to what I'm going to be doing. And I go work out

00:05:29.980 and then I come back fully engaged. Now, the second part of that question is, what was it? How do you

00:05:34.880 refocus back on your family? You refocus on your family. That's how you do it. You decide to make

00:05:40.060 them a priority and you carve out the time, just like you carve out time to work out or participate in

00:05:44.760 your hobby and you make it work. It's, it's a boundary for work. It's a boundary for family.

00:05:50.320 Like I know a lot of guys who will say, you know, that they can be successful at work because they

00:05:54.880 know what they need to do. Well, why can't you do the same thing with your family? Why can't you carve

00:05:59.260 out the time to take your wife on a date once a week or have a meaningful conversation every single

00:06:05.280 night from seven to eight, once the kids are in bed, or why can't you on Tuesday nights is like

00:06:10.100 your night with, with your oldest and Wednesday night is your night with your, your youngest.

00:06:14.560 You can do those things. So just create boundaries and focus, just put your attention on them and

00:06:20.540 carve out the time to do it. Yeah. So you, so you don't have to refocus, right? You should have never

00:06:24.980 lost focus in the first place, right? And it happens. And there's seasons too, right? Like

00:06:29.080 sometimes you've got to put a lot more emphasis at work because there's a big project or a deadline

00:06:33.480 you have to deal with. And other times there might be issues at home where maybe one of your

00:06:37.220 children is dealing with, with a bully or some issues with schoolwork or they're leaving,

00:06:43.140 you know, going off to college. And so you got to put some more emphasis there, but I think those

00:06:47.100 boundaries are going to be huge when it comes to where you're going to focus your time and attention

00:06:50.420 and just be deliberate and intentional about it. Just like you would in any other endeavor.

00:06:54.820 Yeah. Dig it. What's next? All right. Jeff, uh, Putman, he actually has two questions. I don't know

00:07:00.580 if this is allowed. Do we allow guys to ask two different questions? It depends on how good the

00:07:04.280 question is. All right. If it wasn't very good, then, then no. Well, I think Jeff's questions are

00:07:10.120 good. So let's, let's give him a two for one deal here. So his first question is around your thoughts

00:07:15.980 and benefits of intermittent fasting. That that's what I do. I quite honestly,

00:07:21.240 I've been doing it for three weeks. So not a lot of time. Um, I do the, what is it? The 18,

00:07:27.040 18 and six ratio. So 18 hours of, of not eating. Oh, excuse me. I think I got that backwards. 16 hours.

00:07:33.000 Yes. 16 hours of not eating. And then, uh, eight hours of, of eating time. So I go from

00:07:39.300 7 PM to 11 AM, sometimes noon the next day without eating. And I'm not a scientist on this stuff. I'm

00:07:48.900 not a nutritionist. I don't get into the specifics. That's something I'm not real strong with, but I can

00:07:53.540 tell you, I feel better. I've definitely leaned out. I don't feel as bloated. I'm not really all that

00:07:58.680 hungry in that timeframe. Anyways. Uh, my, my, uh, lifts and strength is actually increasing and

00:08:05.240 improving, uh, noticeably and visibly as well. So I can't talk about the science of it, but I can tell

00:08:12.520 you that I feel better. And there's a lot of research out there that suggests that intermittent

00:08:16.780 fasting is actually very, very advantageous for, uh, human physiology and biology. But I don't know

00:08:24.680 the specific, I'm not the guy to ask on the specifics. I just know I do it and I feel better

00:08:28.240 doing it and performance is increasing. Yeah. I, I've done some intermittent fasting and,

00:08:33.600 um, I usually train jujitsu from noon to two right during the day, which means that I'm not eating

00:08:40.000 during that training session. I don't eat until after training and I'll be, I'll be frank, man.

00:08:45.540 I feel better training on an empty stomach than I do if I had food in me.

00:08:50.080 Oh, I do too. And it's not just jujitsu, but I mean, it's when I go running or going to the gym,

00:08:55.640 if I, if I've eaten beforehand, I want to throw up and I'm sluggish and I'm bloated and my stomach's

00:09:03.900 hurting. I'm like, I don't even eat before I go work out or run or do anything else. I drink some

00:09:07.580 water for sure, but nothing other than that. Yeah. Copy. All right. Jeff's second question is,

00:09:13.060 is kind of referenced back to the book wild at heart, but he's asking, um, what you feel is a good

00:09:19.320 start for adding adventure to your life? Uh, do it. Add some adventure to your life. Like find

00:09:25.320 something that just seems a little bit outside of your comfort zone and go do it. You know,

00:09:29.180 everybody who asked this question, I think at the end of the day probably has something that's

00:09:32.100 calling to them. And for whatever reason they've decided not to engage in that thing that's calling

00:09:38.360 to them. You know, maybe it's a camp out, maybe it's a hunt, maybe it's a new hobby, uh, whatever.

00:09:43.960 Just, just go do it. Just try it. Find somebody who's adventurous. Find somebody who,

00:09:47.580 who you admires, find somebody who, who takes some risks, calculated risks, uh, and, and engage

00:09:53.500 with them. Um, I think just, just find something to do a hobby, uh, something that, that calls to

00:09:58.820 you something that might include a little bit of an element of danger. I wouldn't say dangerous

00:10:02.980 necessarily, but has an element of, of controlled risk involved and just get out there and try new

00:10:09.980 things. That's the biggest thing. Say yes to the things that you normally wouldn't say yes to.

00:10:15.020 And I think you'll find pretty quickly that you'll be able to experience life in a, in a completely

00:10:19.060 different way. I mean, we live these sedentary, mundane, monotonous lifestyles. Is it any wonder

00:10:25.280 why we just feel completely deflated as men? I mean, in the book, wild at heart, John Eldridge

00:10:29.940 has one of my favorite quotes. He says, deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight

00:10:34.360 and adventure to live and a beauty to rescue. And yet, if you look at the common man, the average

00:10:39.840 ordinary man and you look at his life, uh, they're missing all three of those components. So get out

00:10:44.800 there, find some adventure and mix it up. Yeah. I got my kid. I don't know if you can hear one of

00:10:49.720 my, one of my kids is crying upstairs. We, both of us deal with that, man. You're, you're downstairs

00:10:54.920 in your house. I'm downstairs in my house and it's just the nature of the beast, right?

00:11:01.040 Yeah. Mute really quick. Hey, shut it.

00:11:03.660 That's right. Yeah. Yeah. You know, what's funny about that? The other day, um, I can't remember

00:11:10.100 exactly what had happened, but I came home. Oh, you know what it was? I came home and we have one

00:11:15.240 of those redneck kind of white trash above the pool, above the ground pools in our house. And so it's,

00:11:22.640 it's like four and a half, five feet deep by 16 feet wide or so. And, uh, I tell my boys,

00:11:28.620 my two oldest boys, I'm like, Hey, when you're done swimming, you've got to take the ladder out because

00:11:32.320 we got little ones that don't know quite how to swim. So part of your responsibility of having

00:11:36.580 this pool is taking the ladder out when you're done. So I come home from running an errand and

00:11:40.480 the ladder is still in there. And, and I'm, I'm a little fired up, you know, I'm a little peeved

00:11:45.180 about that. So I run inside. I'm like, Hey boys come here. So they come over. And, and it was my

00:11:50.200 second son. And I said, Hey, Hey dude, you got to take the ladder out. You know why? And I've

00:11:54.000 really, really started to lay into him. And after I kind of coached him through why and everything

00:12:00.940 else, I looked down at my phone when he goes in and I had actually started an Instagram live.

00:12:06.700 And so, and so people who caught it, like jumped right on, caught me on my Instagram live,

00:12:12.300 getting after my kid. And I got a message from, from our, uh, our buddy, Joshua Laycock. He's like,

00:12:17.400 Hey dude, you're on Instagram live right now. And I wasn't being a jerk or anything. It was fine,

00:12:22.480 but it was kind of funny. You got to be careful, man. People are always watching you.

00:12:26.820 So yeah, dude, it's a, it's, it's the curse of the modern age, right? Like the prop,

00:12:33.040 the probability of you getting caught being a complete ass.

00:12:37.120 So just don't be an ass, right? Just, just be, just be a good, a good human being in every

00:12:42.420 interaction. You won't have to worry about where you're going to behave and how you're

00:12:46.320 going to behave based on who you're talking with. You should be the same guy.

00:12:49.660 Totally.

00:12:50.180 That's easier said than done. And of course I, uh, I, that that's advice to me as much as it

00:12:55.140 is to anybody else. Yeah. Which is perfect because James Lott's next question is when

00:13:01.060 you say scripture study in your morning routine, what are you doing? Study guide, simple reading,

00:13:07.380 et cetera. Yeah. So scripture study, that's one of the things that I do every single morning with

00:13:12.340 my family. I say every single morning, I will say it's a little bit more regular during the school

00:13:17.120 year. Summers are hard because it just gets busy, right? Life is busy and we have activities and

00:13:21.480 kids are doing this and parents are doing that. And so during the school year, we're a lot more

00:13:26.440 regular, but we, we just, we read from the scriptures. I mean, that's it. We read one

00:13:31.220 chapter from the scriptures each morning. Uh, when I get home from my workout, we sit down,

00:13:35.500 we do some scripture study. And again, when I say that we're just reading because our kids are,

00:13:39.400 are 10, let me see, 10, eight, five, and two. So there's not like a whole lot of in-depth

00:13:47.180 analysis of what we're reading. Although we will recap and ask the older boys, uh, what they learned,

00:13:53.020 but that's, that's it. We're just reading a chapter every single morning. We talk about it.

00:13:57.520 We have a family prayer and then we get into a family breakfast from there.

00:14:02.420 Awesome. All right. From religion to politics, right? So Ben Smith and Blaine Wells,

00:14:09.820 they kind of had similar questions. So I'm going to, I'm going to merge these two guys's questions

00:14:13.620 together. So, uh, Ben's was how should a man deal with strong disagreements between friends

00:14:18.980 regarding religion and politics? And then Blaine's equivalent of that same question is how do you

00:14:24.900 disarm the issue we're having today with people tend to burn friendships over politics or religious

00:14:30.080 disagreements? How do we rebuild the understanding that it's okay to disagree and still be friends?

00:14:36.460 Well, certain, certain people are going to believe that too, right? That we can disagree and still be

00:14:41.220 friends. Those are the kinds of people you want to hang out with. If they don't agree with that,

00:14:45.580 if they can't agree to the fact that it's, it's okay to disagree and still be cordial and still

00:14:51.260 be friends and have a friendship is probably not somebody that you're either going to want to

00:14:56.300 maintain a friendship with or that you're going to want to discuss this stuff with. So I think the,

00:15:00.740 I think the main objective here, excuse me, sorry. I think the main, uh, the main point here is

00:15:08.080 you've got to ask yourself why, like, why, why do you want to have these conversations?

00:15:12.480 If you find somebody who wants to have these conversations because they enjoy having in-depth

00:15:16.800 analysis about certain topics that you may or may not disagree with, and they can do, do so

00:15:21.120 cordially and respectfully and, and you both walk away uplifted by it. Then I say, why not engage in

00:15:26.980 that stuff? You know, there's certain people in my life who I don't agree with. They don't agree with

00:15:31.920 me. And yet we can have some really cool conversations and walk away and shake hands and hug it out and be good

00:15:37.220 at the end of that conversation. There's other people in my life who completely flip their lid

00:15:42.980 when we talk about this. And I've chosen to keep them in my life for one reason or the other. I just

00:15:47.740 don't have these conversations with them. So I think it just, it's a matter of discernment. Who can you

00:15:52.480 have conversations with? Who can you not? What topics do they want to discuss? If you're not okay with

00:15:57.320 somebody, the fact that they can't have a certain conversation, if you're not okay with that, then don't

00:16:02.380 spend time with that individual or just come to terms with this person's limits are right here.

00:16:08.080 And here's the box that I'll stay in. And, and this other person over here has, has a different

00:16:12.380 set of parameters in which they operate. And this is what I can do over here.

00:16:17.300 Yeah. Well, and I love how, I love how we, like the human nature is that I'm going to argue my point

00:16:26.220 use, like, let my temper get high. I'm going to make something and I'm going to change someone's

00:16:31.260 opinion. Like, like that's ever worked. Right. Right. Exactly. People address those scenarios

00:16:36.800 all the time thinking, Oh, I made great arguments and I'm all fired up and angry. I'm like, dude,

00:16:41.060 you've never convinced. No one is ever going to go, Oh man, you know what? You're totally right.

00:16:44.580 I'm going to change my stance. Oh, hell no. Right. They're going to argue more. Right. And, and,

00:16:49.180 and because mostly everyone's listening from a position of not learning or not evolving or considering

00:16:55.620 anything, they're, they're entering the conversation from a position of being threatened by

00:17:01.180 you're, you're, you've seen the scenario different. Right. And so it's, it's ironic that we,

00:17:06.080 we engage thinking that we're going to convince someone. Yeah. I mean, I, the, the best approach

00:17:11.180 is just to share your opinion because you like sharing it. But if you're going in to change

00:17:14.840 somebody's mind, uh, I would question that motive a little bit because why, why, why does that matter?

00:17:20.520 You know, unless they're, unless they're open and receptive and want to hear this, a lot of people do

00:17:24.420 this all the time. You know, I'll post something on Instagram or Facebook and they'll,

00:17:27.400 they'll give me unsolicited feedback. And I think it all comes from a great place for the most part,

00:17:32.760 you know, again, that, that 99, 1% rule, right? 99% of the feedback I get and people giving unsolicited

00:17:39.640 advice comes from a great place. But at the same time, like my knee jerk reaction is dude,

00:17:44.060 I didn't ask for your advice. And, and yet I have to check that at times. Like I really do. I have to

00:17:50.360 check. So number one, be careful of giving unsolicited advice because people aren't asking for it. And

00:17:55.140 number two, if you're getting unsolicited advice, check the ego, man. You know, I did that the other

00:17:59.800 day. Somebody had, had called me out frankly on Facebook and said, you know, you shouldn't,

00:18:04.040 you shouldn't be driving and doing Facebook lives. And at first I was like, well, if we had a video

00:18:09.460 camera on you during your driving experience, you know, what, what, what could we poke holes at and

00:18:15.940 find fault in what you're doing? That was my knee jerk reaction. And I started thinking about it. I'm like,

00:18:20.220 no, you know what? That dude's right. I shouldn't be doing Facebook lives while I'm driving. And so

00:18:26.560 I made a commitment because I'm open and receptive to learning, even though it's hard to drop my ego

00:18:31.200 at times. Yeah. Good job, dude. You just disrupted Ryan's productivity by getting shit done while

00:18:39.440 driving. I'm going to have to carve that time out somewhere else. Now I don't know what I'm going to

00:18:44.420 do with myself. You guys are just going to get less videos. That's all it is. Yeah. Yeah. Hurt the

00:18:49.700 rest of us. That's right. Yeah. That's funny. Cool. It's interesting. We got a trend going on

00:18:55.340 these questions. So Moose from, uh, from the iron council, his question was between work interactions,

00:19:02.080 family squabbles, online presence, how does a man pick and choose which battles to fight? So

00:19:06.280 maybe a little different aspect to the same question. A little different, but, but, but the

00:19:10.480 same, you know, I think it's the same outcome. You got to ask yourself why, what is the ultimate

00:19:14.640 objective? You know, there's people again, in my life who I'm not going to have certain conversations

00:19:18.640 with. I enjoy other conversations. I enjoy other elements of our relationship, but what's your

00:19:24.240 motive and what's the potential outcome? I've got a good friend of mine in the financial planning

00:19:27.700 field. And he used to say to me all the time, therefore, what I would tell him something.

00:19:32.360 He'd say, therefore, what I'm like, shut up, stop, stop saying that it's annoying. And then I realized

00:19:37.960 what he was saying. He's like, why, why are you telling me this? What are, what are we going to do

00:19:41.780 about this? And that's true. You know, what, what's the, what's the ultimate objective? What

00:19:47.320 is the ultimate outcome? What is the reason I would have this discussion? And if it's significant

00:19:52.240 and meaningful to you, then have that discussion. If at the end of the day, none of it's going to be

00:19:57.440 relevant. Sometimes my sister and I get in arguments and I'm thinking to myself, what,

00:20:01.080 what are we even arguing about? I'm just going to disengage because I've got, I've got other things

00:20:06.640 that I can worry about. So really understand what the motive is, what the potential outcome is.

00:20:11.620 And if you're okay with, uh, with those potential outcomes. Yeah. You know, it's funny. It makes me

00:20:17.360 think about my wife's family. I, I might be the only like individual in all of her relatives that

00:20:24.180 see politics different from the rest of them. Ooh, that'd be so hard, dude. Oh, it is. It's super

00:20:29.060 tough, but you know what? It's been, it's been awesome because I, I don't argue. They still argue

00:20:34.780 amongst themselves. Yeah. Amongst themselves. But you know, what's super fun is when they come

00:20:39.940 over and we have a barbecue or whatever family gathering, I'll just ask questions. So, so how do

00:20:45.940 you see this scenario? And then what would you do? Like not from a position of arguing, but just to

00:20:51.120 ask questions and understand their perspective. I don't have to change my mind. I don't have to,

00:20:56.440 it's not changing who I am or, you know what I mean? And I don't even have to say anything if I

00:21:01.200 disagree with them. I just ask questions and it's actually quite informative, right? To understand

00:21:06.060 that point of view. And I walk away, I'm like, huh, that's really interesting. You know? And,

00:21:09.960 and I put it on my lap and I try it out a little bit and I, I leave it, leave it alone. Right. And

00:21:15.040 it's, I don't know, I, I, it's been really insightful, right? To understand other people's

00:21:19.420 point of view without necessarily having an objective in the conversation and trying to argue

00:21:24.580 my point. Right. Yeah. That's a really good point is, is without your own personal objective

00:21:30.200 or outcome. Uh, cause I know there's a lot of people who will ask questions to try to trick

00:21:34.780 and trip people up. Right. But that's a, that's a selfish place as opposed to, no, I'm genuinely

00:21:40.440 curious. And one thing about the podcast that's really helped me is becoming more curious. I used

00:21:46.520 to script out all of my questions and what I was going to say and how I was going to say it.

00:21:50.900 And through the process of repetition in interviewing people, I don't even have, I have some,

00:21:56.640 some bullet points, some topics maybe I want to broach or cover, but I don't have any predetermined

00:22:01.640 questions. It's just about becoming curious. Like I genuinely want to know why successful men think

00:22:08.140 and behave and do the things they do because that helps me. I have no desired outcome other than

00:22:14.140 understanding how their mind works and the actions that they take because of their thoughts.

00:22:19.600 Yeah. Curiosity is huge. And then, and that genuine approach to that, I'm assuming allows the people

00:22:26.480 that you're interviewing to sense that, right? Like they, they know it's coming from a genuine

00:22:31.820 place and that Ryan's actually truly interested in me and my conversation.

00:22:37.280 Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's absolutely right. And it makes me a better

00:22:41.600 interviewer. It makes the conversation more relevant and credible. And I think everybody wins when

00:22:47.660 you approach it with genuine curiosity. Yeah. Cool. What's next, man? All right. Jesse Ballyu,

00:22:54.420 do you have any plans for making the order of man locally available like meetups in major cities?

00:22:59.740 I've thought a lot about this, man. I, you know what? I think this is probably the next evolution

00:23:04.480 of order of man because there's something to be said for digital technology and being available here.

00:23:09.880 And we wouldn't be having this conversation and the millions and millions of podcast downloads

00:23:13.720 and everything else if we didn't have technology, but I don't think it'll ever replace personal

00:23:18.120 interaction. You know, we do meetups and we've got our uprising events and legacy events, but I really

00:23:23.800 think that a local or at least regional chapters would be huge. And I envision this working like a,

00:23:31.560 an MC club, like a motorcycle club. You know, you'd have a chapter president and you'd have the,

00:23:38.200 the rank and file. I really envisioned something like this taking place. Uh, but there's a lot of

00:23:44.360 logistics and legalities that go on behind the scenes that I've spent some time pouring over

00:23:48.740 and contemplating and meeting with attorneys. So yeah, that's coming. It is coming. I just don't

00:23:54.180 know how soon and what exactly that's going to look like, but it's a great idea. And I recognize it

00:23:58.520 as something that's needed. Yeah. And in the meantime, Jesse, right, there are meetups,

00:24:03.720 right? We've done some meetups in the past, uh, typically a little bit more on the East coast,

00:24:08.040 hopefully some made meetups in the future, uh, here on the West side. You think?

00:24:12.240 Yeah, definitely. I mean, we were going to do one here and in the LA area, uh, this fall,

00:24:17.020 but we got consumed with our legacy event. I saw a need to do an event that was for fathers and sons.

00:24:23.040 And so that took a lot of my time, energy and attention. So we're doing that this fall instead.

00:24:27.060 Um, but yeah, look for, uh, a West coast meetup probably in the spring sometime of 2019.

00:24:33.340 Copy. You know, it's, I'm assuming the next question for, uh, next week's going to be something

00:24:38.920 about, you know, will the local meetups include patches, leather jackets and, uh,

00:24:43.380 Yeah. The cuts, man, you got to have your cut for sure. It's going to be dude. It's going to be,

00:24:47.980 look, if I'm going to do that, if I'm going to invest time and energy into it, it's going to be

00:24:52.160 rad. So be on the lookout. And when it comes to your area, you're going to want to be part of it.

00:24:57.420 We're going to make sure that you want to be part of it and that uplifts you and the other men in

00:25:01.020 your area. It's going to be rad. Cool. Love it. Ben Adams has the following question. If you've

00:25:06.420 ever had to, how do you motivate people that aren't motivated? Uh, well, he, he, my knee jerk

00:25:14.520 reaction is you don't, what are you going to do? What are you going to do to, to, to poke or prod or

00:25:19.300 motivate somebody who isn't interested in being poked and prodded? Uh, that, but he, but he qualified

00:25:24.980 it right. By saying, if you've ever had to, how have you done it? Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to.

00:25:30.820 I mean, you, you don't, you know, I, well, let me take that back. I think there's probably

00:25:35.240 some truth to that when it comes to, uh, maybe employees and subordinates, right? Especially

00:25:43.420 if you're not the boss, but maybe you're over a project. I think there's also probably some truth

00:25:47.380 to that with, with children. You know, how do you, how do you motivate a child to get excited about

00:25:52.280 something? I think the answer is in the question. You find something or they're excited about,

00:25:56.100 you know, something they are motivated. Cause I think people are motivated. Everybody's

00:26:00.200 motivated by something. And if you can find out what that motivation is, then you're much more

00:26:05.400 likely to be able to tap into that, harness that motivation, and then ultimately be influential,

00:26:12.820 get them to do what it is you want them to do, whether that's to work harder or to take more

00:26:16.860 initiative or to, uh, stop being so lazy or whatever that actually looks like. So number

00:26:23.340 one, you got to ask yourself, is this somebody I truly am responsible for motivating? And,

00:26:28.760 and there's certain people where I've just said, you know what, there's nothing I can do. And I'm

00:26:33.000 not going to take my time, energy, and attention. That happens a lot within the Facebook group and

00:26:37.500 here in order, a man and everything else. And guys are like blaming everybody and everything else

00:26:41.920 about their, their life's woes. And they'll ask me, Hey Ryan, what do you think? I'm like, dude,

00:26:46.960 it's not my job to think for you. I want you to be able to think for yourself. I want to give you

00:26:51.220 the tools and the resources and the guidance to be able to, to come up with the answers to your own

00:26:55.360 problems. Well, I don't know how to do that. And this happened to me in the past. And if that

00:26:59.380 continues, this is an individual who isn't interested in self-motivation and there's nothing I can do in

00:27:04.640 that situation. So I think if you have to, you find what they're motivated about, you speak to them in a

00:27:10.280 way that's meaningful and significant to them and, and you engage, you engage with them and in them

00:27:15.800 and invest time and energy and attention into them and, and evaluate it and see if it works. And if

00:27:20.400 it works, keep doing it. If it doesn't find something else. Yeah. I mean, I'd ask Ben too,

00:27:26.220 what's the objective of motivating them, right? Like, are you giving a task to an employee and they're

00:27:32.340 not doing it? Is, is that why you want to motivate them or you just want them excited about a task?

00:27:37.980 Like, because there's, there's other conversations to be had, right? Like they,

00:27:42.060 you could have employees that are not doing a task, but maybe you just need to ask the question

00:27:47.540 of, do they understand the purpose, right? Do they understand the bigger picture of why they need to

00:27:51.920 do it? Like, maybe you haven't communicated why that's important and that's why they're not

00:27:55.980 motivated to actually do what you've asked them to do. Right. So I think we need to also ask like,

00:28:01.320 why, why do you want to motivate them? Like, what's the primary objective other than just,

00:28:05.000 you know, I want motivated people around me. Yeah. I think it's a, it's natural tendency to

00:28:09.020 say, because I said so, right. Especially in a position of leadership, your kids are asking you

00:28:12.980 a bunch of questions about why they have to do their chores. Because I said, so your employees

00:28:16.780 are asking you why you're moving a certain route. Oh, because this is the way we're doing it.

00:28:20.940 And you can either get on board or not. And I think that's a, that's, that's a problem.

00:28:25.780 If you're a leader in any capacity, your job is to a, have some sort of vision for the future.

00:28:32.300 And you've got to, you've got to have some sort of destination that you're traveling.

00:28:36.520 And second to that, and of course, there's a lot more to it. You've got to be able to

00:28:40.980 articulate and cast that vision and embed it in the hearts and the minds of the people you're

00:28:46.040 serving. If you can't get them on board with that vision, part of that may have to do with them,

00:28:51.560 but I'd have you consider that you, to your point, turn inwards first and ask yourself if you've

00:28:57.800 really done a good enough job articulating the vision in a way that's meaningful and

00:29:02.200 significant to other people. Man, I feel like I need to grab a pen and write that down.

00:29:08.220 Hey man, we're recording this. You can get it later. Oh, sweet, sweet. Okay.

00:29:13.160 The unfortunate part, I'll have to listen myself to get to that question. So maybe we could,

00:29:17.020 like we could document time stamp it. Yeah. 2855 is what I got here on my,

00:29:21.640 perfect. So I can skip all the other gibberish. That's right. That was the only good answer I

00:29:27.640 gave today. Oh no, no, no, no, no. There's, there's tons of good answers. Well, the irony

00:29:32.080 was, is as you're saying, like motivating, right? I'm thinking, I wonder what he said to his kid on

00:29:36.540 that Facebook live or that Instagram live, like, because I said so now get the ladder out.

00:29:41.460 No, I mean, I told him that if we leave the ladder in that auto is going to climb in there

00:29:46.420 and he could potentially drown and die. Now some people are, Oh, that's morbid. Well,

00:29:51.380 that's the truth. And in that case, guess what? Have they left the ladder in since?

00:29:55.600 No, because that motivates them to take the ladder out because they don't want to see their

00:29:59.600 little brother die. Well, you articulated, right? Exactly. The motivation and the reason why it was

00:30:06.680 so critical. Exactly. That's exactly what I'm talking about. See, and I, and as a leader,

00:30:11.040 you've got to do that. You've got to say things in a way they need to be said. We live in an

00:30:15.520 environment where everybody is so sensitive and overdramatic and, and have this just insane desire

00:30:25.440 to be outraged. And so everybody, all these leaders, what they're doing is they're walking

00:30:29.860 around on eggshells. Oh, I don't want to offend this person. I don't want to say the wrong thing.

00:30:33.580 No, you need to do that stuff. That's exactly what your job is as a leader is to say the things

00:30:38.940 that nobody else is going to say in a way that needs to be said in order for that person to move

00:30:44.040 towards a desired objective and outcome. If you can't do that, you're not an effective leader.

00:30:49.080 You're, you're just, you're a wimp and you're passive and you're doing less for yourself and

00:30:54.240 other people than you guys are capable of. Make note battle team leaders. What's our

00:31:01.280 timestamp now for that one? Yeah. 30, 39. There you go. Maybe 30, 10. When I started that.

00:31:07.880 Okay. All right. What do we got next, man? Scott Torville got any tips for prioritizing and

00:31:13.680 balancing all the different roles in life, husband, father, worker, boss, employee, et

00:31:19.200 cetera. Yeah. We, I think we touched on this, so I'm not going to go too deep into this one,

00:31:22.880 but number one, inventory, what those priorities and those responsibilities and roles are. A lot

00:31:27.920 of times we just don't know. Okay. So your, your father, your husband, uh, your employee or potential

00:31:32.980 employer, you've got another side business. Maybe you're coaching. Maybe you've got some

00:31:36.580 ecclesiastical services, document all of that stuff, inventory it. And then what you do is you

00:31:42.620 plug it into your calendar. All right. So from six to 7am is my workout time. That's on my calendar

00:31:49.260 from seven to about eight 30 family time between scripture study and, and family breakfast. Uh,

00:31:56.700 eight to nine is me getting ready and just planning out the day. Nine from this is that

00:32:01.980 Tuesday nights. I'm going and helping some young men in the community. Uh, Wednesday and Friday is me

00:32:07.740 coaching my son's team, like start documenting all of this stuff. So you know exactly what it is you

00:32:13.880 need to do. Don't just go at this thing haphazardly know exactly what you need to do. Now you start

00:32:19.840 plugging it into your calendar and having the times and having the slots and, and creating those

00:32:24.860 boundaries and then articulating that with, with your people, whether the, your people or your family

00:32:30.540 or your business or your friends or the people you're serving, you've got to be able to articulate

00:32:34.880 this stuff. One of the things that I do every morning with my family is, uh, is we do a family

00:32:41.300 meeting. So we do our scripture study and then the family meeting right after. And that family meeting

00:32:45.180 usually takes five minutes, 10 minutes tops maybe. And we're just explaining, okay, here's what,

00:32:50.680 here's where dad's going to be today. And my wife this morning says, Hey, I need your car because I

00:32:55.400 need to take mine into the shop. Good. Now we're on the same page. No guesswork about what needs to be

00:33:00.060 done. This afternoon. I'm taking some boys in the community over to the gym and we're going to do

00:33:04.980 some jujitsu. I'm going to take my two oldest boys. My wife has the two younger kids. We'll leave at

00:33:10.540 this time. Here's the vehicle we're taking. Here's what time we're coming back. Communication is the

00:33:15.620 point. You've got to be able to communicate these boundaries and then don't let them be crossed. Not by

00:33:20.980 you, not by your wife, your kids, your boss, your colleague, your coworker, grow a spine, which is one of the

00:33:26.120 we did last week and stick to these boundaries so that you can balance in a way that all the

00:33:33.220 different roles that you, that you feel like you have to play. Cool. Next question. Roach coat.

00:33:40.100 If you had one piece of advice for a 20 something year old trying to embody powerful masculinity in

00:33:45.800 his life, what would it be? Powerful masculinity is like do, do manly things like, like do,

00:33:53.640 do manly things. And some people, people don't like that answer. When I say that, like manly

00:33:59.040 things, what does that mean? What's manly? What's manly? Right. Well, I'll tell you what manly,

00:34:02.440 everybody knows it's, it's masculinity. It's, it's, it's physicality. It's competition. It's,

00:34:10.020 it's a mental fortitude and toughness and resilience. It's placing yourself in uncomfortable

00:34:17.420 situations so that you can improve and fortify yourself again, physically, mentally, emotionally,

00:34:23.080 these are all the things that make us men go spend time around other men, take some risks,

00:34:28.420 compete. Those are masculine virtues and traits. And when you tap into those things,

00:34:34.040 you're going to, you're going to be better off. Go, go shoot guns. I don't like guns. Okay. Shoot

00:34:40.080 something else. Then shoot, shoot a bow, right? Go hang out with the boys, compete, keep score,

00:34:45.080 take a risk, go on a little adventure to somebody's point earlier. Like these are all masculine

00:34:50.240 virtues that not only will help you be a better man, just from like the surface level that we're

00:34:55.320 talking about, but they actually boost, uh, testosterone within yourself, which helps you

00:35:00.700 be more masculine. You have to be able to, uh, do the things that are going to build up that

00:35:07.820 testosterone, uh, exercising and lifting really, really heavy is one way to do it. Eating meat has

00:35:14.620 shown to boost testosterone. Like all of these things are manly things because they boost testosterone

00:35:20.880 and, uh, vasopressin is the other, uh, hormone inside of us that, that helps us be more masculine.

00:35:27.200 And you're going to feel more, more powerful because you're doing those things.

00:35:31.060 And Roche, if you had a hard time writing all that down, just jump into the order of man's store,

00:35:36.300 buy that testosterone t-shirt and just complete all the items on the shirt on a weekly basis.

00:35:41.220 Just check it out. I don't know on a daily basis, daily basis. Okay. Forget weekly, man. You should

00:35:46.280 be doing that stuff every single day. And it's true. People, people we've that shirt is our number

00:35:53.940 one selling shirt, but, uh, well, people either love it or they despise it, but regardless, every

00:36:01.040 single one of it is truth. And people get mad. They're like, you're not a medical doctor. I'm like,

00:36:05.660 I don't need a medical, I don't need some medical degree to tell me what boost testosterone. Like I have

00:36:10.320 access to that information through my own personal study and experience. And then seeing what the

00:36:17.440 journals say, like, it's pretty straightforward. We know what boost testosterone do that. You'll

00:36:22.960 feel manlier. All right. The next subject we don't need to agree on either. And it's about aliens,

00:36:30.060 aliens. Yeah. He says, seriously, why aren't not people talking more seriously about life? There's

00:36:35.880 some really massive amounts of evidence that supports the existence of aliens and the discovery

00:36:41.420 of thousands of new plat planets recently. Am I alone in the fascination here? I don't think he's

00:36:47.200 alone. I mean, I think there's, there's millions of people that are fast. I'm fascinated by it. I

00:36:51.960 listened to a podcast called a star talk radio, Neil deGrasse Tyson. He talks about this occasionally,

00:36:57.580 man, that the cosmos are, are really intriguing to me. Uh, so are we alone? No, we're not alone.

00:37:04.600 There there's gotta be other life. There there's got to be other life forms out there. I don't know

00:37:09.340 if they're humanoid type figures necessarily. Uh, but, but there's, there's other forms of life

00:37:14.000 out there. So yeah, I think we should be talking about it. I think we should, we're talking about

00:37:18.180 becoming a, um, a multi-planet species, right? Going to Mars and going to the moon and, and colonizing

00:37:23.940 those areas. Yeah. I think we're probably getting closer to having some more serious and legitimate

00:37:29.820 conversations about this. I think a lot of the reason people don't talk about it is because

00:37:33.580 up until I think relatively recently, only the wackos talked about it, right? Like you see all

00:37:40.720 those pictures and you see the conspiracy theories about area 51 and everything else. And so it's

00:37:45.440 like kind of been taboo, but there's some great scientific minds that are talking about this

00:37:49.860 stuff. And I think it's a legitimate discussion that probably ought to be had and will be had

00:37:55.220 through time. Yeah. Do you think people don't talk about it because it's just overwhelming? I mean,

00:38:00.920 I feel that way sometimes, right? When I think about our little planet in our galaxy and the grand

00:38:06.340 scheme of things, I, I start going like, Whoa, like this, it's just so crazy to think about, right?

00:38:12.040 I don't think they're overwhelmed.

00:38:12.880 I don't think it's that. I think they're just worried about how to make the mortgage payment

00:38:17.200 next month. Yeah.

00:38:19.060 Right. Like, like, Oh, my car's going to break down and, or I got to get to, to, to the office on time.

00:38:24.720 And I've got all these projects and all these things I'm supposed to do. And so we never give

00:38:28.820 ourselves time to reflect on some different stuff, like some higher level spiritual, the cosmos,

00:38:35.340 the eternities, because we're just worried about how am I going to make the bills this month?

00:38:40.700 It's too bad.

00:38:41.880 It's super sad.

00:38:42.980 It is, but it's true, man. Like go have a conversation with a hundred people and, and,

00:38:47.280 and just that, what do they want to talk about? The ball game, the weather, you know, what they did

00:38:52.980 last weekend or had for dinner yesterday. I was like, I don't care about that stuff.

00:38:56.020 Superficial. I want to talk about aliens and other cool stuff.

00:39:02.560 Next week, all aliens.

00:39:04.280 That's right. We're going to do an alien episode. We should do that. We should do like,

00:39:07.580 like themed Q and A's. One of my, uh, yeah, no, one of my favorite, my favorite holiday. This is

00:39:14.620 something a lot of people don't know about me. Would you guess what my favorite holiday is?

00:39:18.560 Your favorite holiday?

00:39:19.580 Yeah.

00:39:19.860 Well, see, now I'm assuming it's going to have to be something weird, right? So I'm going with

00:39:24.020 Halloween. It is man. Halloween. We need to do a Halloween episode that like, I don't know why,

00:39:29.620 but I am fascinated with Halloween. It's, it's awesome. Anyway. So are you totally into horror

00:39:36.520 movies as well then? Uh, I don't, I don't, I don't get into them too much. I don't mind them.

00:39:41.660 My wife doesn't like them at all. So I very rarely watch a horror movie, but my son was asking me

00:39:47.080 cause he was asking about it, the new it. Have you seen that? It's pretty good.

00:39:50.180 No, that's good. And he was asking me about, he's like, is it scary? I'm like, yeah, it's scary.

00:39:55.720 And he's like, well, why do you watch it? I'm like, I don't know. I just, I like feeling

00:39:59.020 scared, like uneasy and not knowing what's going on. I love Halloween, man. It is just the best

00:40:05.320 holiday out there.

00:40:08.300 So yeah, it's one of my favorite too, but it's just cause I want to eat all that junk food.

00:40:12.060 That's, that's literally the only reason why I love it so much.

00:40:14.440 No, that's good too. I'm a little sick though. Like one of the things I love best about Halloween

00:40:18.280 is scaring little kids. Like my wife's always getting after him. Like, why do you do that?

00:40:23.060 I'm like, it's Halloween. Like, this is the only time of the year I get to scare little kids. And

00:40:27.420 yeah, I'm a little sick that way, I guess.

00:40:30.460 Yeah. I love it. A little insight into Ryan Mickler. Yeah.

00:40:35.360 Aliens and Halloween. I'm just joking.

00:40:37.300 We got to do, we'll do some themes here in the future.

00:40:40.320 I love it. All right. Jerry, uh, reefling, by the way, I should stop for a second.

00:40:45.300 And I apologize if I'm slaughtering people's names.

00:40:48.400 I think you've been doing pretty good, man.

00:40:49.780 Okay. Don't take it personal. Sorry. Uh, his question is, is it better to read one book at

00:40:55.780 a time or read multiple books at a time? I don't know what's better. I read multiple. I mean,

00:41:01.380 most of what I read isn't a storyline anyways. So it's not the, the fictional work that I read.

00:41:07.420 Usually when I'm reading fiction, I'll read it all the way through because I don't want to lose my

00:41:10.760 place or the flow of the book itself. But a lot of mine is nonfiction. So it's self-help and it's

00:41:16.060 chapter by chapter and you can pick up and read this chapter or this verse or this paragraph or

00:41:21.160 whatever it may be. And, and it's not going to mess with you if you don't keep it in chronological

00:41:26.060 order necessarily. So for me, my wife and I counted, uh, just two nights ago, cause she had a huge stack

00:41:34.240 of books on her nightstand. And I'm like, you have a ton of books. She's like, well, look at your

00:41:38.060 nightstand. So we actually had to count how many books she had 33 books on her nightstand.

00:41:44.420 And I was a close second with 29. So we've always, we've always books all over, spread all over the

00:41:52.220 house. And we're reading dozens at a time, not just one or two. Really? That many? Yeah. That's

00:41:58.340 crazy. See, I feel overwhelmed if I'm reading like two or three. Again, I just like consuming

00:42:03.900 information. And sometimes I don't want to read what I've been reading yesterday and I want to

00:42:09.360 read something else. Like somebody just sent me a book by, uh, John Wooden, a coach, uh, coach John

00:42:13.780 Wooden. Uh, and it's, it's a cool little book. I'll have to make a post, but it's a cool little book.

00:42:18.060 And it's like these little short two paragraph segments and I'm cranking through that one. And

00:42:23.180 maybe I'll read that tonight and maybe I won't just depends on how I feel.

00:42:26.180 Yeah. John Wooden's a stud. Oh, amazing. Such an amazing, amazing individual. Absolutely.

00:42:32.220 Yeah. Very cool. Well, and here's a little bit more insight into Ryan Mickler before we started

00:42:37.580 our call today. We typically go through the FAQs and I thought, Oh, you know, I'll go through these

00:42:42.700 as well at the same time. And as I'm like on the second item, he's like, okay, page two. And I'm

00:42:47.520 like, what? So you might have some special powers because dude, you're reading way faster than me.

00:42:54.460 And I mean, not that I'm a fast reader, but I, I'm certainly not slow. So yeah, well, I, I don't,

00:43:00.860 I, I don't prepare a whole lot for this. I mean, I'd rather just have the conversation,

00:43:04.840 right. And then we can just off the cuff, but also I have done a lot of speed reading as well

00:43:09.440 because I want to get through a lot of books. So there's a, there's actually a pretty cool article

00:43:12.780 on our website about speed reading. Just, just do Google search, order a man speed reading.

00:43:17.880 You'll find it. Those are some of my tips for reading a little quicker.

00:43:21.860 Sweet. Yeah. Cool. Where are we at?

00:43:23.640 All right. John LaRosa, best thing for a daily carry satchel or not to satchel?

00:43:31.840 Oh man, the daily carry. Like, where do we start with this? We were talking about it earlier when

00:43:37.560 guys post their picture of their daily carry and it's like, what do you drive around a semi truck

00:43:41.920 for all of that stuff? Like, come on, man, you don't carry all that stuff around. Uh, for me,

00:43:47.480 here's, here's my daily carry. I've got my wallet. I've got my phone. I've got my keys with a little

00:43:54.420 knife on it. I've got my concealed carry, which is a Glock 43. And I've got my beard comb.

00:44:01.960 Your beard comb? That's awesome.

00:44:04.020 Like that's it. You know, but I see guys empty out their pockets. They're like,

00:44:08.180 I got this tactical pen and I got this flashlight and I've got this, like the mag light flashlight.

00:44:14.080 You're like, where do you carry that? Come on, man. You're not carrying that around every day.

00:44:18.220 Yeah. And there's a different rope. Yeah. Yeah. A rope. Is that what you said?

00:44:22.400 Yeah. The rope and their medical kit. And then they got, it's like, come on now. Granted,

00:44:27.760 you might have that stuff in your vehicle. And I do, I've got a little bag in there with some

00:44:31.480 medical supplies, supplies, some basic survival stuff, but I don't, I don't consider that my EDC.

00:44:36.800 So satchel or not satchel. No, I don't, I don't carry a bag around, whatever you want to call it.

00:44:42.860 I put it in my pockets and then I go do my thing and I'm good to go.

00:44:48.180 Yeah. Ryan's not sporting the fanny pack yet.

00:44:51.240 No fanny pack. I think they're coming back. Maybe.

00:44:53.820 I'm not opposed to the fanny pack. They're ugly, but practicality wise, man, you can't beat it for

00:45:00.360 sure. Yeah. Well, you just need to make a fanny pack that has the tactical webbing on it so you

00:45:07.140 could attach stuff to it. It'll be like a manly version.

00:45:09.940 But you know, dude, that would get so bad. Like, cause I, I see the, the tactical thing,

00:45:16.180 right? And I'm like, Oh, come on, dude. You're, you're overdoing it here. There, there's a,

00:45:21.860 there's a point where all of that stuff just becomes less effective. You're actually reducing

00:45:28.560 your effectiveness by having everything that you'll never need. Just cover the basics,

00:45:32.900 your five or six things, put it in your pocket. Anything else, if you want to put in a bag or a

00:45:38.000 satchel, like John's asking or a backpack or whatever, I use a little five 11 bag. That's

00:45:42.600 pretty cool. Um, just throw it in my truck and it's there. If I have to switch vehicles,

00:45:46.700 I can just pull it out of my truck and put it in a different vehicle. Uh, it's, it works out pretty

00:45:51.580 well. Cool. Now it's the Glock 43. Is that a nine? Yeah, it's a nine millimeter. It's a little

00:45:57.600 single stack. So it sits on your hip really well, really small. My hands are a little bit smaller.

00:46:01.880 Anyways, a lot of guys, like they say it's too small for them, which I understand my hands are

00:46:06.100 just a little smaller anyways. Uh, so if you wanted to go something bigger, you certainly could, but

00:46:11.140 uh, it works out pretty well for me. Yeah. And that was my second question is you doing hip or you do

00:46:16.600 an ankle holster? Yeah, no, it's on my back hip inside the, inside the waistband on my back hip.

00:46:22.920 Cool. Cool. Just curious for my own personal. I'll show you. I mean, I'm coming up in a couple of

00:46:29.320 weeks. I'll show you what I've gotten. You can check it out. Yeah. See, I, I, I like the ankle

00:46:34.000 holsters, but I'm sporting these skinny jeans too much. I don't even know if my pants would cover the,

00:46:39.340 uh, cover the gun. Well, and you know, not only, yeah, you definitely might run into that, but also

00:46:44.360 like how accessible is that firearm if it's on your ankle? Yeah. Right. Like if you're going to carry a

00:46:49.020 firearm, it's because you want to have it when you need it and you want to have it as quickly as

00:46:53.560 possible. So I like the hip because I can grab it and I practice at the range with taking it out and

00:46:58.280 drawing my firearm. Uh, and the other cool thing about, about the Glock 43 is that because it is

00:47:04.340 so small, I'm not flagging my firearm. I'm not showing it off or profiling it or anything. I mean,

00:47:09.300 it's, it's buried in my hip unless you were really, really looking, it would be even hard to see

00:47:13.980 because I don't want to paint myself as a target, but I want to be available and ready, uh, when and

00:47:18.380 if I need it. Yeah. Protect. That's right. All right. Garrett's sweat, Garrett's sweat. Sorry,

00:47:26.860 Garrett. How do you combat the feeling of being left out in social arrangements or friend groups?

00:47:32.460 Dude, this is so hard. I dealt with this forever. This is an insecurity issue, Garrett. You know,

00:47:38.440 like it's, it's really interesting because I hear a lot of guys are like, I don't want to be left out

00:47:42.280 and you can see and feel and hear the insecurity in their voice. And what ends up happening is when

00:47:46.480 you're insecure about it, you actually alienate yourself from the group because nobody wants to,

00:47:52.040 to have the guy who's desperate around, you know? So how do you combat the feeling of being left out?

00:47:59.440 Uh, know what it is you want to do, have some true friends that you're really engaged with.

00:48:04.420 If there's certain things that you see on social media that you're jealous of, or you run into

00:48:10.200 that little bit of fear of missing out, I would say disengage from that stuff altogether. Uh, there's

00:48:14.720 certain people where I've just, I've had to unfollow on social media altogether because I get into that

00:48:20.200 weird funk where I'm like, well, how come this guy's doing this? And I'm not doing that.

00:48:24.720 Find a group that works for you. Find guys that are engaged with you. Go out and do the things that

00:48:29.000 are important to you. Uh, become more valuable in a group setting by adding value to those

00:48:35.120 relationships. Uh, be more confident by going and doing the things that you've been scared to do.

00:48:40.460 And through all of those little things, more confidence, the ability to communicate,

00:48:44.140 you'll find yourself being left out less. And the things that you are left out of,

00:48:49.520 you probably just really won't care all that much. I mean, there's been circles where I'm like,

00:48:54.280 well, I want to be at this conference and I want to be hanging out with that guy.

00:48:57.120 But then when I really take a step back, I'm like, no, actually what I want to be doing is

00:49:00.620 spending time with my kids. What I want to be doing is out shooting my bow. And so I just engage in

00:49:07.080 those things and you lose some of the need to be included in these outside circles. That's a tough one,

00:49:13.380 man. I've, I've been there for sure. I know what that's like. And it's not a comfortable feeling.

00:49:17.900 Totally. I can relate to that as well. I think everybody can, you know, we all want to be

00:49:22.280 included. We all want to be part of the group. And when we're not, it's not a fun feeling. So

00:49:26.380 be, be included in another group and get rid of the other stuff that makes you feel negative and down.

00:49:32.240 Just, just eliminate that stuff from your life. Yeah. Related to that question, uh, Christian

00:49:37.240 Alexander asked, you know, what's some advice for socially awkward men? So maybe it's a little bit

00:49:43.200 different, right? But maybe you're just socially awkward. Maybe you are invited to those social

00:49:47.260 events and you just feel awkward. Uh, any advice for him? Well, you just got to go more. I mean,

00:49:53.880 like the thing I hear all the time is like, well, I'm an introvert. I'm an extrovert. And yeah, maybe,

00:49:58.200 I mean, maybe there's some, some science on that, but at the end of the day, like you can choose to be

00:50:02.040 whatever you want to be. So you can either be awkward or you can decide I'm not going to be awkward

00:50:06.480 through repetition and putting myself out there. It's like when you go into the gym, I remember when I first

00:50:12.200 started going to the gym after probably a decade of being out of the gym, I felt so uncomfortable and

00:50:17.740 so awkward and the movements were weird. And I was 50 pounds overweight and I just was not

00:50:22.920 comfortable being there, but I kept going and I kept going and I kept going. And you know what?

00:50:27.600 I see new people coming to the gym and I can see it written all over their face. They're like,

00:50:31.560 this sucks. I'm awkward. I'm uncomfortable. And I try, I try to make it a practice to go out and

00:50:37.060 introduce myself and, you know, just kind of show them, take them under my wing a little bit.

00:50:41.280 Cause I know what it's like. Uh, but the more you put yourself in those awkward situations,

00:50:45.620 the better you get at it because it becomes commonplace. It becomes comfortable. And there's

00:50:51.140 things that you can do. Uh, the assertiveness workbook is a really cool tool. It's a powerful

00:50:55.660 little book, um, that you can go through. That'll help you be more assertive in your relationships.

00:51:01.020 Um, uh, my friend, Jordan Harbinger, the Jordan Harbinger show, uh, he's got a lot of stuff on social

00:51:07.240 capital and how to improve your ability to network. That's a good resource. There's a lot of good

00:51:11.160 stuff out there, but at the end of the day, just learn what you can learn and then go out and apply

00:51:14.620 it. Yeah. And I think Christian, I mean, go to a social event, you feel awkward, just talk,

00:51:20.880 ask people questions and they'll just talk their, their, your ears off, tell you all about them.

00:51:26.980 And then at the end of the day, they'll feel great about who you are because why? Because people love

00:51:31.140 hearing themselves talk, right? And you were listening and ask some questions. So maybe that's

00:51:36.840 the acronym that I heard one time. Yeah, no, that's good. And the acronym I heard one time

00:51:40.660 that's been helpful for me, not so much anymore, just because I feel like I'm a better conversationalist,

00:51:45.100 but the acronym is, is, uh, frog frog. So French, so you can talk about these things. F is for friends

00:51:53.940 and family. The R is for recreation. So what do you do for fun? The O is for occupation,

00:52:02.300 which is work. And the G is for goals. So what ambitions and goals and targets do you have?

00:52:08.200 That just gives you some cues to think about and consider, uh, if you don't know what to talk about,

00:52:13.680 or you want to strike up a conversation. Cool. Love it. All right. Next question. Dave Olson,

00:52:20.520 what is the strongest undermining force be it external or internal that you face each day

00:52:27.080 and push back against, or as in Brazilian jujitsu, are you learning to pull and shift to get on top of

00:52:33.820 it? Well, that's a really good point. And look, I'm not going to pretend like I'm an expert on

00:52:37.880 in jujitsu. You, you are, you, that's you, not me. I'm not, no way. Well, I, I, the point I'm

00:52:45.400 making though, is that you, well, you know, more than I do, obviously you've been doing it longer than I

00:52:49.860 have, but yeah, different situations that are going to call for different things. Sometimes

00:52:53.760 you're going to push. Sometimes you're going to pull. Sometimes you're going to be on the bottom.

00:52:56.180 Sometimes you're going to be on the top. Sometimes you're going to go for this and

00:52:58.540 this, the head or the leg or the arm. And sometimes you're going to go for something else.

00:53:02.660 So just do what works for you. Now, with regards to your first question,

00:53:06.980 the strongest undermining force for me, excuse me, is internal. For me, it's complacency. Like

00:53:13.680 that's really easy for me to fall back into this complacency mode, because if you look at

00:53:18.420 just about any metric, I feel like I'm doing fairly well, you know, like I'm on top of my

00:53:23.820 fitness income is higher than it's ever been. The relationship with my wife and kids is good.

00:53:29.100 Like most of the metrics that I can measure are, are pretty good, relatively speaking. So it's very

00:53:35.240 easy for me to just like sit back and like, I've made it and Hey, just relax and be comfortable.

00:53:41.680 So that's one thing that I'm constantly trying to overcome. Uh, and, and I just have big ambitions

00:53:48.980 and I know that I got to keep going when I do feel like being complacent, I've identified it

00:53:53.200 and I've come up with some strategies to overcome it. That's great. That's great, man. Whenever people

00:54:00.480 start asking questions about life and jujitsu, I could talk for hours about the life lessons learned

00:54:07.180 that, that, uh, jujitsu teaches you, man, there's, there's so much there, so much there. Yeah. If

00:54:12.780 you don't mind me throwing in a little tidbit for Dave, you know, you mentioned, uh, pushing back,

00:54:18.060 right. And, um, over the years I've learned constantly, especially in the early days, like

00:54:24.340 someone's on you, you all push or you, you think move them. And in most cases, that's never the way

00:54:30.760 it's move yourself, right? You build a frame and you move yourself because you can't, and it's just

00:54:37.380 like life. We can't force people, right? We can't force people to do things sometimes, but what we

00:54:43.080 can always have control over is what, what we do with ourselves. And it's the same thing in jujitsu.

00:54:48.220 Whenever there's a bad circumstance, don't focus on moving them, focus on moving you.

00:54:53.020 That's awesome, man. I love that. I love that. I mean, it's, and it's so true just over the past

00:54:57.160 couple of months, I can definitely see how, not how I've been able to do it, but how other people

00:55:01.920 have been able to do it to me and kick my trash on the mat for the last two months.

00:55:06.680 Yeah. There's so many life lessons. There's so many life lessons. All right. Flores has a question

00:55:11.480 probably for his older son, but he, he asks, have you considered a special episode with your older

00:55:17.100 son? That's a good idea. Yeah. I've actually done that in the past. I'd have to look at the episode

00:55:21.480 number, but I do have one. Um, but it was probably a couple of years ago. So the answer to that

00:55:25.260 question is we're probably due for another one. Yeah. Cool. What else? All right. Um, we have

00:55:31.040 some other questions about, you know, life balance and self-improvement. We had some other questions

00:55:35.980 all kind of around that balance act, which I think you've, you've kind of talked about already,

00:55:40.740 right? The, the, the importance of priority, prioritizing, right? The different roles in life

00:55:46.240 and being intentional in all those areas. Boundaries. Yeah. Boundaries. Exactly. So we can,

00:55:51.200 we can really skip, um, some of these questions, but, uh, here's a, here's a kind of a lengthy

00:55:55.740 question, but it's a good one by Tyler Pruitt. He says, how do you take ownership without becoming

00:56:00.960 an escape goat? So he's obviously referencing Jocko's, uh, kind of extreme ownership. He says,

00:56:06.520 if you become known as someone that takes ownership over your actions, how can you avoid becoming the

00:56:11.740 escape goat? For example, this is something that may be seen in a work situation where the group project

00:56:17.180 fails and your partners are less than desirable in their ideas of ownership. Interested to hear

00:56:22.140 your thoughts on this. There's a difference between taking responsibility and taking the blame.

00:56:30.100 That's the difference. If you're taking the blame, if you're accepting all of the fault,

00:56:35.960 even for things that are outside of your control, then you may just becoming the scapegoat and people

00:56:41.400 rely upon you to take the blame. Now, responsibility is different because responsibility is forward

00:56:46.980 thinking. It's progress. It's growth. It's what we, what can we do? Blame is backwards thinking,

00:56:54.420 right? What have I done? What, what happened to me or to this project? And it actually hinders and

00:57:01.380 stunts growth. Responsibility on the other hand says, here's where we fell short. Here's what I could

00:57:07.860 have done better. Here's what I will do better. Here's where I need to delegate. Here's where we need

00:57:12.860 to step up. This is our responsibility. This is our job. And so scapegoat is, is it hinders progress

00:57:20.340 versus accepting responsibility actually progresses it. It actually moves things forward in the right

00:57:27.400 direction. So know what that line is. Try to find that line. Are you accepting blame and fault for

00:57:34.120 everything? Or are you accepting responsibility for sure? Ensuring that the project or the conversation

00:57:40.200 or the endeavor actually gets accomplished moving forward. Yeah. I mean, one of those has

00:57:46.940 action tied to it, right? It's, Hey, this failed. I realized what I could have done in this circumstance

00:57:52.880 to better the situation. Now, what are we going to do moving forward, right? What adjustments are we

00:57:57.360 going to make versus kind of that escape goat mentality is, Oh, it's my fault. Throw your hands up,

00:58:02.380 move on. Well, and that person loves, maybe doesn't love, but just is more than willing to

00:58:09.080 beat themselves up. Like last night, my son got done with football and I was talking with him

00:58:14.440 about an after action review. And so we were, we were walking back to the truck and then we got in

00:58:18.580 the truck and he had never done one before. And I said, we should do this every day. Like after every

00:58:22.540 practice, we ought to do this. And I think scapegoats, what they end up doing is accepting all of

00:58:29.160 what's gone wrong without the forward thinking of what could potentially go right. So it's like,

00:58:33.600 Oh yeah, I didn't do this right. And I didn't do that right. And here's where I fell short. And

00:58:37.640 here's why I suck. And here's why life is hard. And here, and so they become the victim

00:58:41.740 versus somebody who's empowered to say, you know what? And this is what I talked with my son. He said,

00:58:47.680 you know, dad, one thing I felt like I could have done better is I needed to work on my stance a

00:58:51.360 little bit. He's, he's on the line. He's a big kid. And I feel like I could explode off the ball a

00:58:55.720 little bit more. And I said, great. That's, that's the first step identifying objectively

00:59:00.220 where you fell short, not for an opportunity to beat yourself up, but for an opportunity to grow.

00:59:04.780 And so I asked him the next question, which is what will you do better next practice? And he said,

00:59:09.900 well, I'm going to be working on my stance between now and then, and then I'm really going to work on

00:59:14.760 my first step because that'll help me explode off the ball. I said, great. Now you've put your

00:59:19.460 position, not in, in being a victim, not the outlet for your frustration, but for growth and

00:59:25.900 progress and expansion and becoming better. And you know, what's cool about that? When you become

00:59:31.280 better, more capable, more equipped with being successful, people, people aren't going to,

00:59:38.820 you're not this passive, timid person that people are going to walk all over,

00:59:42.520 right? You're, you're the strong, assertive individual that people look to. That's the difference.

00:59:48.000 Yeah. It's interesting. I mean, one of those has a negative self-talk to it, right? Escape goat,

00:59:54.900 my fault. I must be blah, right? I must be a certain way. It's almost like a negative label

01:00:01.080 where the other one is, okay, what am I going to do without the negative connotation about who I am?

01:00:06.360 Well, and that's what you've got to do. You've got to separate yourself from the outcome.

01:00:11.480 And I think this works both positively and negatively. If there's a negative outcome of the situation,

01:00:15.660 you may have some responsibility and some burden on that, but you've got to separate yourself.

01:00:20.540 The reason that I didn't achieve X, Y, and Z is because I didn't do A, B, and C, or I did

01:00:28.160 A, B, and C, but they were the wrong thing. I should have been doing D, E, and F, right? And, and,

01:00:34.260 and so that's the way that you overcome just like complacency and just not being good as detaching

01:00:42.400 yourself from the outcome. Even when things go well, it's still good to detach yourself

01:00:48.640 from that outcome because it's just a formula, right? Like how, how do successful people have

01:00:54.580 success? Well, they do the things that successful people do. It has less to do with them individually,

01:01:01.080 as much as it does their ability to just go through the steps and be relentless in completing

01:01:07.020 those variables that inevitably produce certain outcomes. It's, it's an equation. You just got

01:01:12.080 to find the right equation. We get through them all, man. Solid stuff. Yeah, we did get through it

01:01:17.120 all. Right on. We're about an hour conversation. All right. Well, let's, let's consider wrapping this

01:01:22.060 up. Where do, where do people go to support, to ask questions? What do they need to do from here?

01:01:26.660 So the first thing is, you know, if you like this conversation, if you, uh, agree with manning up

01:01:35.480 and, and becoming a better man and, and looking to improve, I really think the first step in that

01:01:40.320 process is subscribe to the podcast. Second, join the order of man, Facebook group, which is

01:01:46.800 substantial. Uh, you can access that through facebook.com forward slash groups forward slash

01:01:51.820 order of man. And if you're that 1%, like we're talking about earlier today, uh, join the iron

01:01:56.880 council. Um, this is a, as a group of 400, maybe three to 400 men. I think there's 425, 30 or so

01:02:07.200 of us in there right now. We're getting so big guys. We don't even know what the number is anymore,

01:02:11.420 but, but the reality of it is these are guys that are holding each other accountable. These

01:02:15.560 conversations that we're having on this podcast, that's what we have, right? This month we're covering

01:02:19.480 the subject of finding a purposeful life, right? And finding your vision and, and, and finding that

01:02:25.700 impact to, to become a better man. And not even, not even finding it Kip. I just got to interject

01:02:30.600 here, discovering it, articulating it, uncovering it, unpackaging it, that developing it. Sorry. I

01:02:37.260 just, I just want to make sure we're clear about what that is. No, that's, I mean, language is super

01:02:42.060 powerful and you're right. Right. Cause I hate that mentality too. It's like, Oh, just it's this thing.

01:02:46.460 I just got to stumble across it. Exactly. You create it. Right. And, but, but that's the point,

01:02:52.040 right? Those are the conversations we're having this month and guys are leveling up, right? We're

01:02:56.780 having the tough conversations and we're, we're discovering those things and we're holding each

01:03:00.520 other accountable. It's, it's just an awesome thing. And to learn more about the iron council,

01:03:05.100 you can go to the iron council.com. Of course, Ryan Mickler is on social media. You can connect with

01:03:11.540 him on Instagram at Ryan Mickler, Twitter at order of man. And of course, uh, check out the Facebook

01:03:18.780 group. Once again, uh, order of man, uh, for groups forward slash order of man. Yeah. I mean,

01:03:23.980 there's, we've got the page, which is just facebook.com slash order of man. And then we've

01:03:28.940 got the groups. You got to do groups slash order of man. Yeah. And then of course the website,

01:03:33.480 order of man.com to toss drone shirt, which we talked about earlier, the to-do list for every man,

01:03:39.400 daily to-do list. Maybe you should add a, like a little label at the top of it. Do daily and then

01:03:44.700 bullet points. Yeah. It's just, it's just a given dude, do it as often as you can, like as often as

01:03:50.960 you can, as much as you can, you'll be more manly for doing it for sure. And then also we got to tell

01:03:56.140 them about the rash guards. Cause I'm going to take those down here pretty quickly, but those things

01:03:59.840 are rad. We've partnered with origin. A lot of you guys are using origin products for jujitsu rash

01:04:05.820 guards, geese, nutritional supplements with Jocko, that kind of stuff. But they did a partnership

01:04:11.200 with us on these rash guards and they turned out so good. So good. I haven't even seen them yet,

01:04:19.180 but Pete sent me a picture of them and they're rad. So we'll get those in, in Maine, the end of this

01:04:25.980 month, but there's a short run on them right now. It's a presale. So if you want one, you got to head

01:04:31.500 to the store, store.orderman.com, pick one up. I'll probably take that down in the next week or

01:04:36.320 two. So yeah. And not just one, right? Like I'm getting one because of the immersion camp and I'm

01:04:41.820 ready to buy another one just so I have a backup. You need one for every day of the week. That's

01:04:46.440 another thing you should do daily is where your order of man origin rash guard daily with your

01:04:52.380 tactical fanny pack. That's right. That's right, man. Your satchel. Yeah. No one will look at you

01:04:59.340 odd at all. Yeah. You know what's sad about, no, I don't know if it's sad. There's somebody wearing

01:05:04.700 that right now. There's somebody in the universe who is wearing a rash guard and a fanny pack. No

01:05:12.220 doubt in my mind that somebody's out there right now doing that. Totally. It's a crazy world in which

01:05:16.140 we live. And if you're socially awkward and you don't feel good in social situations, just wear that

01:05:20.980 and people would just come talk to you because you're so interesting. So there's some strategy or they

01:05:25.460 may run away from you. Right on, dude. Appreciate you, Kip. Guys, let us know what you think of this.

01:05:32.180 Obviously, this is the second one. We're going to continue to get better. Kip and I are going to

01:05:35.520 work our tempos out and our flow a little better, but appreciate you. Make sure you keep asking those

01:05:41.560 questions because these are some good questions. We had some good questions. We didn't have any

01:05:44.620 duck questions, no European or African swallow questions. And it was a pretty good show. So

01:05:49.820 appreciate you, Kip. All right, sir. Appreciate you. And yeah, we'll talk to you guys next week.

01:05:55.460 Thank you for listening to the Order of Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life

01:05:59.920 and be more of the man you were meant to be, we invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - August 22, 2018

Establishing Boundaries, Boosting Testosterone, and Every Day Carries ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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Word Count

Sentence Count

Misogynist Sentences

Hate Speech Sentences

Summary

Transcript