Order of Man - Establishing Boundaries, Father Legacy, and Networking Properly

00:00:00.000 I can't take on your problems as my own,

00:00:03.360 meaning I cannot emotionally be vested to the point

00:00:07.860 where I'm sacrificing my own wellbeing

00:00:10.000 or my other responsibilities.

00:00:12.320 Those are not my problems to carry.

00:00:14.960 I have my own problems to carry

00:00:16.460 and you are not responsible for carrying mine.

00:00:19.140 But if I can teach you or support you

00:00:21.880 or encourage you along the way

00:00:24.320 to learn how to pick up your own problems

00:00:26.160 and make your back strong enough to carry them,

00:00:28.240 that's my responsibility.

00:00:29.920 But I'm not gonna own your problems.

00:00:33.520 You're a man of action.

00:00:34.880 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:36.300 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:39.260 When life knocks you down,

00:00:40.680 you get back up one more time, every time.

00:00:43.780 You are not easily deterred or defeated,

00:00:46.060 rugged, resilient, strong.

00:00:48.820 This is your life.

00:00:49.900 This is who you are.

00:00:51.400 This is who you will become at the end of the day.

00:00:54.220 And after all is said and done,

00:00:56.140 you can call yourself a man.

00:00:59.920 Kip, good to see you, man.

00:01:01.340 Looks like you have a little bit more gray hair

00:01:03.200 in that beard after, what, a week in Disneyland?

00:01:06.300 Yeah, probably, actually.

00:01:10.180 Your beard looks longer.

00:01:11.680 I don't know if it's more gray,

00:01:12.940 but it certainly looks longer than it's been a while.

00:01:15.540 Well, whenever it gets longer,

00:01:17.080 the more gray shows up for sure.

00:01:19.140 It was great.

00:01:22.260 Asia's mom had her 70th birthday,

00:01:24.660 and so we surprised her.

00:01:28.220 All her kids and most of her grandkids

00:01:31.300 all showed up at Disneyland, right?

00:01:33.900 And so, as you can imagine,

00:01:35.560 it's not as simple as just your family at Disneyland.

00:01:39.480 You're trying to coordinate.

00:01:41.200 Let's all hit this ride, and it's just chaos.

00:01:44.040 So maybe there's some more gray because of it.

00:01:47.660 That sounds amazing.

00:01:48.800 Well, I don't know if you listened to last week's

00:01:50.560 Ask Me Anything,

00:01:51.300 but I was busting your tail about being at Disneyland,

00:01:54.640 like why any father would take his kids to Disneyland.

00:01:57.420 And now I can see, okay, he's trying to do a good thing.

00:02:00.740 I'll give it to you.

00:02:01.640 I still don't approve of it, but I'll give it to you.

00:02:04.940 All right, well, I'll adjust my life

00:02:07.040 so it's in line with the approval

00:02:09.380 of what Ryan Mickler thinks.

00:02:11.060 So I'm working on it.

00:02:11.700 It's not so much what I think, it's order of man.

00:02:14.320 You know, it's bigger than me, Kip.

00:02:16.200 It's order of man, all right?

00:02:17.800 The whole movement is shaming me, yeah.

00:02:20.700 That's right.

00:02:21.300 It's not just me, it's everybody at this point.

00:02:24.220 Yeah, that's funny.

00:02:26.220 All right, man.

00:02:26.800 Well, let's get into some headlines today,

00:02:28.160 and then I think we've got some really good questions

00:02:29.800 that we can attempt to tackle as well.

00:02:32.640 Absolutely.

00:02:33.520 Do you want to kick us off?

00:02:36.040 Yeah, I'll start.

00:02:37.180 So it's not a headline in particular,

00:02:40.160 but it's just a couple of things

00:02:41.500 that I saw over the weekend,

00:02:43.500 specifically as it relates to commercials

00:02:46.640 and the way that some of these major corporations

00:02:49.040 and companies market themselves.

00:02:51.380 And I don't know why they haven't quite caught on yet,

00:02:55.780 but the cultural landscape is changing.

00:02:58.540 And for whatever reason,

00:03:00.200 there is a handful of large organizations and companies

00:03:04.480 that continue to pander to dying ideology

00:03:09.440 and agendas that don't align

00:03:12.060 with the majority of American principles.

00:03:16.260 And we have voted that way.

00:03:18.560 So two come in particular,

00:03:21.680 and I guess the first at Jaguar,

00:03:23.640 they're not an American company, but Jaguar.

00:03:25.660 Have you seen the new Jaguar commercial?

00:03:29.000 I've heard about it,

00:03:30.000 and all I remember is thinking like,

00:03:31.920 oh, another Bud Light decision

00:03:33.940 is what crossed my mind.

00:03:35.920 But I don't think I've actually seen the commercial.

00:03:38.080 It looks like something directly out of

00:03:42.360 a nightmarish version of Zoolander.

00:03:46.880 I can't describe it any other way.

00:03:49.620 There's no car in it even.

00:03:51.540 There's no car.

00:03:52.580 Oh, really?

00:03:52.800 It's just a bunch of people dressed up.

00:03:55.540 Yeah, it looks like,

00:03:56.400 well, like Zoolander,

00:03:58.200 but what's the other one?

00:03:59.800 The Hunger Games.

00:04:02.300 It looks like something from Zoolander

00:04:05.320 and Hunger Games had a child together.

00:04:07.880 Yeah.

00:04:08.400 And just vomited a rainbow all over the screen.

00:04:13.580 I don't understand what the play is.

00:04:16.400 And at some point, maybe they will.

00:04:17.920 But when you start putting all of that transgender ideology

00:04:21.220 and just this nonsense

00:04:22.940 and make it look like this spectacle,

00:04:26.020 people don't align with that.

00:04:27.460 And I don't understand why companies

00:04:28.940 are so willingly interested

00:04:32.420 in demolishing their brand

00:04:34.620 when they could just go sell cars or sell beer.

00:04:37.780 So the other one that came to mind,

00:04:39.060 and you already said it, was Bud Light.

00:04:40.340 We know the whole thing about Dylan Mulvaney

00:04:42.140 and the boycott of Bud Light.

00:04:45.260 But I watched a commercial over the weekend

00:04:48.240 and Bud Light is doing things a little better.

00:04:51.600 I'll say it that way.

00:04:53.000 Yeah.

00:04:53.200 And I actually thought

00:04:53.960 it was a pretty clever commercial.

00:04:55.280 Have you seen it?

00:04:56.360 I haven't.

00:04:58.080 Yeah.

00:04:58.560 It's a pretty clever commercial.

00:05:00.360 It's with, gosh,

00:05:01.780 I can't even think of the guy's name right now.

00:05:03.500 I'll think of it in a minute.

00:05:04.880 He's a well-known comedian.

00:05:07.620 He's not somebody that I would consider woke

00:05:09.620 or anything like that.

00:05:10.540 And it's not really any sort of play

00:05:12.760 on wokeism or anything like that.

00:05:14.320 But it's a pretty interesting commercial.

00:05:15.980 They did a good job on it.

00:05:17.700 But where I got hung up was,

00:05:19.820 I thought the boycott of Bud Light was still on.

00:05:23.160 And it should be.

00:05:24.860 And then you see guys like Dana White

00:05:26.740 and Donald Trump and Kid Rock

00:05:28.960 throwing all of their weight

00:05:30.840 and their social clout behind companies like Bud Light.

00:05:33.280 And I cannot help but think,

00:05:35.540 why?

00:05:37.680 They screwed up.

00:05:39.360 And unless we want to continue

00:05:41.320 to change the culture,

00:05:42.740 then we need to continue to hurt these companies

00:05:45.580 in their pocketbooks

00:05:47.100 so we can actually hurt them where it counts

00:05:49.900 so they can change.

00:05:50.680 Now, some people say,

00:05:51.400 well, yeah, see, Bud Light's changing.

00:05:53.000 I don't care.

00:05:53.640 You burn that bridge.

00:05:55.160 It's not that I drink anyways.

00:05:56.820 But you know what I mean?

00:05:57.660 Like you've burned that bridge.

00:06:00.080 And I think that we need to do a better job

00:06:03.020 maintaining the course

00:06:04.160 when companies like this screw up,

00:06:06.240 especially when you're alienating,

00:06:07.860 not just Americans,

00:06:09.300 but your customer base

00:06:11.000 in the case of Bud Light.

00:06:12.700 Yeah.

00:06:13.080 So I love to see,

00:06:14.800 and people say,

00:06:15.480 oh, this is canceling people.

00:06:18.860 No, boycotting is different than canceling.

00:06:21.180 You know, canceling is actively going after,

00:06:26.080 attempting to change legislation,

00:06:29.120 doxing, being violent.

00:06:32.540 Choosing not to buy a product through a boycott

00:06:35.020 is not a cancellation by any means.

00:06:38.580 But I say that we continue to hold these companies

00:06:41.480 accountable for the way they market

00:06:44.260 their products and services.

00:06:45.480 And we tell them through our pocketbooks

00:06:47.340 that enough is enough.

00:06:48.720 Sell me your product.

00:06:49.900 Make it really good.

00:06:51.440 And let's leave the social ideologies

00:06:55.040 and the transgender derangement at home

00:06:59.740 so I can just buy your product

00:07:01.580 at a good cost

00:07:02.840 for a high quality product that I need.

00:07:04.980 There's my soapbox today.

00:07:07.120 And by the way,

00:07:07.880 if you don't believe in a company

00:07:09.500 and what they sell

00:07:10.980 or the way they sell it,

00:07:13.200 don't spend money.

00:07:15.140 I mean, we've done the same thing

00:07:16.220 with Disney Plus

00:07:17.180 and some of these other streaming services

00:07:19.240 that I just don't have access to

00:07:21.200 because of their ideology.

00:07:24.000 It's a shame.

00:07:24.800 Just don't put it out there.

00:07:27.300 Let people make their decisions.

00:07:28.860 In the meantime,

00:07:29.660 companies just go back to selling good stuff.

00:07:32.220 Yeah.

00:07:32.540 Well, and this is the drawback of,

00:07:34.820 you know, from a business perspective

00:07:36.280 where you got to be careful

00:07:39.580 once you start playing the moral card

00:07:41.820 as an organization.

00:07:42.940 Because for most companies,

00:07:44.920 it's a complete lie.

00:07:47.200 It's a lie, right?

00:07:48.880 Like the reality of it is

00:07:50.780 most of those organizations

00:07:51.940 are in existence

00:07:53.580 and are focused on the transactional space

00:07:57.620 of providing value, period.

00:07:59.880 Well, they should be.

00:08:01.100 Yeah.

00:08:01.580 And I'm just saying,

00:08:03.760 it's like it's even a bad idea

00:08:05.500 even if like regardless of my stance

00:08:08.480 on my opinions of things,

00:08:09.680 stay away from it

00:08:11.400 because when things get difficult

00:08:13.940 and you get boycotted or whatever,

00:08:16.260 all of a sudden you're going to do what?

00:08:18.980 Oh, now those morals

00:08:20.680 aren't all that important anymore.

00:08:22.320 It's a lie.

00:08:24.160 So don't even play in that space.

00:08:26.700 And too many companies have done this

00:08:28.340 where they latch on the void

00:08:31.340 of morals within society.

00:08:34.060 They raise their little flag saying,

00:08:36.280 we'll join us

00:08:36.980 and we'll give you purpose

00:08:37.860 and meaning in life.

00:08:38.940 And because we're taking

00:08:41.040 a moral stance on things,

00:08:42.260 but they're not

00:08:43.280 in the grand scheme of things.

00:08:45.300 They're not.

00:08:46.320 Once the bottom line is affected,

00:08:48.200 they're going to lay off

00:08:49.160 just everybody else,

00:08:50.780 just equally, just the same.

00:08:52.400 And the moral stance on something

00:08:53.960 was never a moral stance to begin with.

00:08:56.120 It was just a hook, right?

00:08:58.080 So it is better for organizations

00:09:00.020 not even to play in that space anyway.

00:09:02.380 But I think this actually,

00:09:04.640 so as you said that

00:09:05.560 I had a little bit more nuance

00:09:06.940 in the way I think about this,

00:09:08.200 because what you said is

00:09:09.760 that these companies

00:09:10.880 are not principled and moral,

00:09:12.420 in which I would agree.

00:09:14.240 But now that I say that,

00:09:15.940 there are some ideologies,

00:09:18.220 for example,

00:09:18.760 that I would agree with

00:09:20.020 within an organization.

00:09:21.080 So for example,

00:09:22.060 Origin and Montana Knife Company,

00:09:24.240 both happen to be great sponsors

00:09:25.620 of this show and friends of mine.

00:09:27.360 They have built their brand

00:09:28.960 around American exceptionalism,

00:09:31.580 building products made in America,

00:09:33.640 putting employers to work,

00:09:34.760 or employees in America to work.

00:09:37.440 And so you might very easily

00:09:38.880 make the case,

00:09:39.580 well, Ryan,

00:09:39.940 if you say that these companies

00:09:41.240 can't engage in that ideology,

00:09:43.020 then why can't,

00:09:44.080 why do these companies do

00:09:45.160 and you agree with that?

00:09:46.020 And here's the distinction.

00:09:47.120 Well, you just made it.

00:09:48.680 Those are principles

00:09:49.720 that Origin and Montana Knife Company

00:09:51.840 believe in and stand by.

00:09:53.320 If they were unpopular,

00:09:55.120 they would still run

00:09:56.380 their businesses like that.

00:09:58.120 So if a company comes

00:09:59.280 and they build a whole entire,

00:10:01.320 let's say they build a,

00:10:02.300 build a line of products

00:10:05.540 based on the transgender community,

00:10:08.520 by all means,

00:10:10.760 every right to do that.

00:10:12.080 Sure.

00:10:12.420 I'm not going to do business with you,

00:10:14.000 but you can,

00:10:14.600 and you know who your audience is

00:10:15.880 and you appeal to them

00:10:16.700 and you build it off of principle.

00:10:19.380 Those are your principles.

00:10:20.340 We don't agree on them,

00:10:21.260 but they are.

00:10:22.480 That's the distinction.

00:10:23.620 I don't like to see these companies

00:10:25.040 trying to weave their way

00:10:27.160 and weasel their way

00:10:28.160 is probably a better word to say

00:10:29.500 through the social landscape

00:10:31.400 and what is culturally acceptable

00:10:32.920 in order to sell their stuff.

00:10:34.740 Make a stance,

00:10:35.920 know who your audience is

00:10:37.120 and sell to them.

00:10:38.860 Totally.

00:10:40.100 Totally.

00:10:41.040 So the headline I had this week,

00:10:43.520 and it's just something

00:10:44.360 I'm excited about, man.

00:10:45.900 So Elon Musk and Vivek,

00:10:49.840 they're launching a podcast.

00:10:51.260 I'm not sure if you heard about this

00:10:52.480 called the Dogecast.

00:10:54.520 And they plan to outline

00:10:56.260 all their government cost settings

00:10:57.900 that they plan to do

00:10:59.200 as part of the Trump administration.

00:11:01.280 And I think it's brilliant.

00:11:03.820 And it's brilliant

00:11:05.140 for a number of ways.

00:11:06.320 And well, actually,

00:11:06.900 it's brilliant in a number of ways,

00:11:07.800 but the one I want to call out

00:11:08.860 is the power of transparency.

00:11:11.220 That's what it is.

00:11:12.440 And I love it.

00:11:14.260 This is a prime example

00:11:15.880 of they don't have to do this,

00:11:18.980 but by being uber transparent,

00:11:22.680 they will end up building trust.

00:11:24.520 They will foster natural accountability

00:11:27.740 within those organizations,

00:11:30.060 within society.

00:11:32.940 And then they'll be like value alignment

00:11:36.640 around what they're doing

00:11:37.960 strictly by over-communicating

00:11:40.360 what it is that they're doing.

00:11:41.900 It is brilliant.

00:11:43.500 When I think about

00:11:44.220 what they might want to do,

00:11:46.160 right,

00:11:46.700 in that department,

00:11:47.500 I think,

00:11:47.920 oh my gosh,

00:11:48.480 right,

00:11:48.620 like how many jobs

00:11:49.800 are on the line,

00:11:50.940 how many people

00:11:51.540 might be totally upset

00:11:53.000 at them cost-cutting

00:11:54.560 and them reducing,

00:11:56.420 you know,

00:11:56.760 certain departments

00:11:57.620 or whatever.

00:11:58.720 It would be very easy

00:11:59.920 to demonize

00:12:00.560 what they might do.

00:12:01.740 And by them doubling down

00:12:03.400 and being transparent,

00:12:05.600 man,

00:12:06.160 I think it will just ensure

00:12:08.200 more success

00:12:09.180 and more alignment

00:12:10.440 around what they're doing.

00:12:12.260 It's putting trust in people

00:12:14.180 that were smart enough

00:12:15.480 to understand

00:12:16.260 what they're doing,

00:12:17.160 that are communicating it

00:12:18.800 and it will just

00:12:19.520 drive accountability

00:12:20.380 and it will create

00:12:21.240 massive momentum.

00:12:22.700 So I'm just so excited about it

00:12:25.260 and it just reiterates

00:12:27.100 the importance of transparency

00:12:28.340 in our relationships,

00:12:30.840 in organizations,

00:12:32.180 in what we do.

00:12:32.860 If we can't,

00:12:33.780 I've,

00:12:34.600 lately I've been on this kick

00:12:35.660 from an organizational perspective.

00:12:37.720 If you can't communicate it

00:12:39.520 in a very transparent manner,

00:12:41.980 then you probably

00:12:42.760 shouldn't be doing it.

00:12:43.600 if it can't pass

00:12:48.220 the bullshit test

00:12:49.000 and you can't tell people

00:12:50.040 what you're doing,

00:12:51.040 then you probably

00:12:52.020 shouldn't be doing it at all.

00:12:53.600 And I love that idea.

00:12:55.540 And it's like,

00:12:56.260 well,

00:12:56.500 what if they,

00:12:57.200 okay,

00:12:57.400 well,

00:12:57.700 they might.

00:12:58.520 So you better communicate

00:12:59.600 it better then

00:13:00.280 and make sure

00:13:01.600 it's really clear

00:13:02.320 because what's even worse

00:13:03.500 is when people find out

00:13:04.860 about something

00:13:05.400 that you weren't

00:13:06.000 transparent about

00:13:06.740 and then they're

00:13:07.680 even more upset

00:13:08.440 and then more trust

00:13:09.300 is actually eroded.

00:13:10.320 So I double down

00:13:11.300 on the transparency.

00:13:12.060 I agree.

00:13:13.920 I love this.

00:13:14.600 I'm in agreement with you.

00:13:15.720 The quote that comes to mind

00:13:16.820 is simplicity

00:13:17.740 is the ultimate sophistication.

00:13:19.520 When you're communicating

00:13:20.460 a message,

00:13:20.900 if you do it simply,

00:13:22.100 then you are sophisticated.

00:13:24.160 If it takes you

00:13:24.960 some sort of weird dissertation

00:13:26.980 and,

00:13:27.680 you know,

00:13:28.260 four hour

00:13:29.000 or 10 hour lecture

00:13:29.940 to promote something,

00:13:31.400 maybe you haven't thought

00:13:32.420 about it enough

00:13:33.420 as you ought to.

00:13:34.720 And it isn't other people's fault

00:13:36.020 that they don't understand it.

00:13:37.520 I did see something on this

00:13:38.840 that I thought was interesting

00:13:39.760 in addition to what you said.

00:13:40.880 I saw some numbers out there.

00:13:43.600 They're looking at cutting

00:13:44.320 trillions of dollars

00:13:45.400 from the budget

00:13:46.880 on an annual basis.

00:13:48.220 That was interesting.

00:13:49.560 The other thing

00:13:50.320 that I thought was interesting

00:13:51.200 is that there's

00:13:52.580 talks and recommendations

00:13:54.480 that when these departments

00:13:55.760 and these are closed

00:13:56.980 and these jobs are cut,

00:13:58.680 they cannot reassign

00:14:00.280 those people

00:14:01.280 in those jobs

00:14:02.240 to other aspects

00:14:03.380 of the government.

00:14:04.600 I thought that was huge

00:14:06.580 because if you do

00:14:07.820 allow them to be reassigned,

00:14:09.420 then exactly,

00:14:10.900 then you're not actually

00:14:11.640 really doing anything.

00:14:13.300 Now,

00:14:13.540 I imagine that those individuals

00:14:14.900 can then go through

00:14:15.860 the hiring process

00:14:16.740 to work in other departments

00:14:18.180 of the government,

00:14:19.040 but I love the fact

00:14:20.680 that we're not just going

00:14:21.520 to automatically reassign.

00:14:23.440 And you're right,

00:14:23.980 there's going to be

00:14:24.760 hundreds of thousands

00:14:26.140 of people potentially

00:14:27.480 who are going to be laid off.

00:14:30.060 I could have some empathy

00:14:31.440 for that,

00:14:32.200 but also,

00:14:33.160 I could lose my business

00:14:34.860 at any given moment.

00:14:35.940 You could be fired

00:14:37.540 at any given moment

00:14:38.740 as us private citizens,

00:14:40.280 so I think it should

00:14:41.860 only be fair

00:14:42.580 that you are on the same

00:14:43.600 chopping block

00:14:44.280 as everybody else.

00:14:45.720 I love it.

00:14:47.000 Yeah,

00:14:47.800 yeah,

00:14:48.120 super cool.

00:14:50.040 Hey,

00:14:50.240 one other thing

00:14:50.700 I want to talk about,

00:14:51.660 I thought this could be,

00:14:52.620 so we've been doing

00:14:53.200 our headlines

00:14:53.780 and I like doing

00:14:54.380 our headlines

00:14:54.880 and we've gotten

00:14:55.440 some good feedback

00:14:56.480 and response.

00:14:57.340 I was thinking about this

00:14:58.200 over the weekend

00:14:58.660 and I don't know why.

00:14:59.840 I think it'd be funny

00:15:00.820 or interesting

00:15:01.740 if we introduced

00:15:02.960 a little segment,

00:15:04.700 maybe we do this

00:15:05.280 once every month

00:15:06.000 called Controversation

00:15:08.240 where we just bring up

00:15:10.020 something extremely controversial

00:15:11.900 that maybe is an unpopular opinion

00:15:14.240 that we believe

00:15:15.560 that maybe even guys listening

00:15:17.380 don't necessarily believe

00:15:18.740 or it isn't the cultural standard

00:15:20.720 and I thought that would be

00:15:22.440 kind of a fun segment

00:15:23.460 to mix things up

00:15:24.660 but also foster

00:15:26.380 and facilitate

00:15:27.020 some interesting dialogue

00:15:28.300 and discussion.

00:15:29.800 Yeah,

00:15:30.080 that does sound fun.

00:15:31.760 Before we move to questions,

00:15:32.880 I actually,

00:15:33.620 it just dawned on me

00:15:34.660 and I thought,

00:15:35.180 man,

00:15:35.400 you know what?

00:15:35.740 That wasn't a great headline.

00:15:37.120 Maybe it was okay

00:15:37.940 but we're on the eve

00:15:39.880 of Thanksgiving,

00:15:40.780 right?

00:15:41.020 So when guys hear this,

00:15:42.240 Thanksgiving is tomorrow

00:15:43.600 and I wanted to share something.

00:15:46.080 We've talked about this

00:15:46.920 on the podcast.

00:15:48.960 I don't know.

00:15:49.520 Josh reached out to me.

00:15:50.720 He's like,

00:15:50.940 what episode did you talk about this?

00:15:53.840 And so it became

00:15:54.680 more present on my mind.

00:15:56.040 Yeah,

00:15:56.540 but the origins of Thanksgiving

00:15:59.560 and it's funny,

00:16:03.740 I even did some testing last night

00:16:06.460 that like I was asking like echo

00:16:09.720 around the origins of Thanksgiving

00:16:11.440 and how it got started

00:16:12.640 and the typical answer is always,

00:16:14.780 here's like pilgrims, right?

00:16:16.120 They used to celebrate

00:16:16.820 and we just kind of inherited it.

00:16:20.180 That's not necessarily true.

00:16:21.940 This is from George Washington.

00:16:23.780 Now, therefore,

00:16:25.260 I do recommend

00:16:26.280 and assign Thursday,

00:16:27.480 the 26th day of November,

00:16:29.120 next to be devoted

00:16:30.260 by the people of these states

00:16:32.100 to the service

00:16:33.500 of that great and glorious being

00:16:35.740 who is the beneficent author

00:16:39.420 of all good

00:16:40.500 that was,

00:16:41.640 that is,

00:16:42.340 or that will be.

00:16:47.580 And talk about us losing sight

00:16:50.880 of kind of how Thanksgiving

00:16:52.740 got started.

00:16:53.780 And so,

00:16:54.860 you know,

00:16:56.060 as we go into Thanksgiving,

00:16:58.360 you know,

00:16:59.700 maybe do a little bit of research

00:17:01.680 and look up

00:17:02.380 George Washington's

00:17:04.060 proclamation

00:17:05.040 of asking us

00:17:07.740 to give thanks

00:17:09.060 to our creator

00:17:10.140 for our blessings.

00:17:12.880 And he has some other thoughts

00:17:14.820 in there

00:17:15.080 where he talks about

00:17:15.740 the unity of a nation.

00:17:17.200 So I just thought

00:17:18.180 that was a good thought

00:17:18.900 for this Thanksgiving season.

00:17:21.360 Awesome.

00:17:21.880 Yeah.

00:17:22.480 Well,

00:17:22.700 but I mean,

00:17:23.220 I didn't think

00:17:24.160 that the country

00:17:25.440 was founded

00:17:25.920 in faith-based roots

00:17:27.920 and beliefs.

00:17:28.620 I mean,

00:17:28.760 how could he have ever said that?

00:17:30.060 I can't imagine him saying that.

00:17:32.200 Yeah.

00:17:33.260 I actually,

00:17:34.120 on that note,

00:17:34.780 I was on one of our battle teams

00:17:37.220 over the weekend

00:17:38.380 and they are reading

00:17:40.900 and they are reading

00:17:40.940 what is it called?

00:17:45.360 I'm drawing a blank.

00:17:46.020 Oh,

00:17:46.200 Citizenship and Republic,

00:17:47.740 Theodore Roosevelt's speech

00:17:48.840 and specifically

00:17:49.660 the man in the arena

00:17:50.500 portion of it.

00:17:51.860 If you guys haven't read

00:17:52.880 that speech,

00:17:53.440 not just the man

00:17:55.080 in the arena segment,

00:17:55.940 but the entire speech,

00:17:57.220 I just printed it out.

00:17:58.580 That is powerful.

00:18:00.340 Go in and read that.

00:18:02.120 That's a cool exercise,

00:18:03.520 I think,

00:18:03.760 that you can do on your own

00:18:04.620 and maybe just take

00:18:05.640 a paragraph or two

00:18:06.460 and then maybe even at dinner

00:18:07.760 talk about it with your kids.

00:18:09.800 When you talked about unity,

00:18:11.220 but also not the rights,

00:18:13.020 not only the rights

00:18:13.840 that we enjoy,

00:18:14.500 but the responsibilities

00:18:15.180 that we have as men

00:18:16.380 to uphold those rights,

00:18:18.500 honor our traditions,

00:18:19.540 speaking of Thanksgiving,

00:18:20.860 and leave the world

00:18:21.920 a better place

00:18:22.680 or this country

00:18:23.280 a better place

00:18:23.940 than what we founded us.

00:18:25.680 That was interesting.

00:18:27.240 I love it.

00:18:28.760 All right.

00:18:29.120 All right.

00:18:29.380 Let's get to some questions.

00:18:30.660 Yeah.

00:18:31.000 Questions from the Iron Council.

00:18:32.480 Isaac Niebert.

00:18:34.740 Networking is paramount

00:18:36.060 and I would say

00:18:36.820 it's one of the most important

00:18:37.860 parts of being successful.

00:18:39.760 I suck at this

00:18:40.920 and a shockingly vast amounts

00:18:42.900 of suck.

00:18:43.760 What would you say

00:18:44.560 is one of the best ways

00:18:45.560 to network

00:18:46.200 and get to know

00:18:46.880 other successful men better?

00:18:48.840 I tend to keep connections

00:18:49.960 on a surface level

00:18:50.900 as I've never had

00:18:52.160 true loyalty in my life

00:18:53.360 and for me,

00:18:54.020 it's hard to fully trust anyone.

00:18:56.060 I try

00:18:56.780 and I have hope about it

00:18:58.520 and I want to be able

00:18:59.480 to develop truly networking

00:19:00.720 successfully

00:19:01.420 with successful men.

00:19:04.320 So the first thing is

00:19:05.560 don't say you suck at it.

00:19:08.620 Why are you going to get better

00:19:09.640 if you suck at it?

00:19:11.000 You just assigned yourself

00:19:13.120 to saying

00:19:13.800 you're not good at this

00:19:14.760 and so regardless

00:19:16.020 of how hard you try,

00:19:17.520 you cannot improve.

00:19:19.340 So you may not be proficient at it,

00:19:22.120 I'll give you that,

00:19:23.720 but that doesn't mean

00:19:24.520 you can't learn it.

00:19:25.280 Imagine going to jiu-jitsu

00:19:26.520 and saying,

00:19:26.860 I suck at this

00:19:27.600 after the first class.

00:19:28.740 Like that doesn't sound

00:19:29.580 like somebody

00:19:30.120 who's going to go back

00:19:31.880 and keep trying to get better.

00:19:33.240 They've just resigned

00:19:34.300 to being horrible at it.

00:19:36.280 Yeah.

00:19:36.600 So stop saying that.

00:19:38.200 We got to stop saying that

00:19:39.180 first and foremost.

00:19:40.440 The other,

00:19:41.000 and it's going to feel

00:19:42.000 like a little bit

00:19:42.660 like I'm slamming

00:19:43.920 a little bit on him,

00:19:44.660 but I'm just saying this

00:19:45.640 because this is really important.

00:19:47.180 From a networking perspective,

00:19:48.520 you said,

00:19:49.020 I don't trust people.

00:19:50.160 I've never been able

00:19:50.820 to find high levels

00:19:52.140 of trust in people.

00:19:53.700 I would suggest to you,

00:19:55.220 and specifically,

00:19:56.180 this is important

00:19:56.700 for marketing or networking,

00:19:58.140 and I'll tell you why

00:19:58.720 here in a minute.

00:19:59.860 If that's your hangup,

00:20:01.900 then you're doing it

00:20:02.800 too selfishly.

00:20:04.720 Yeah.

00:20:05.840 You're like,

00:20:06.500 well,

00:20:07.360 I can't trust anybody

00:20:08.640 to do what they say

00:20:09.360 they're going to do

00:20:09.820 or to follow up

00:20:10.480 or to give me this

00:20:11.260 or give me that

00:20:11.880 or whatever.

00:20:12.300 It's all about you,

00:20:13.620 and that is one

00:20:14.580 of the biggest hangups

00:20:15.540 I've ever seen

00:20:16.480 with people networking.

00:20:18.220 The best way to network

00:20:19.800 is to meet people

00:20:21.640 for the sole reason

00:20:23.900 of formulating connections

00:20:25.720 for others

00:20:26.420 or solving problems.

00:20:29.400 So,

00:20:30.280 for example,

00:20:32.040 if I go to

00:20:32.940 a networking function,

00:20:35.100 and by the way,

00:20:35.760 everything is a networking function.

00:20:37.520 Even going on

00:20:38.320 a golf outing

00:20:39.320 with buddies

00:20:39.780 is a networking function

00:20:41.480 if you have this mentality.

00:20:43.340 And I don't suck

00:20:44.220 at networking.

00:20:45.100 I'm actually pretty good

00:20:46.340 at networking,

00:20:47.220 but here's why.

00:20:48.640 I understand

00:20:49.500 that the whole goal

00:20:50.680 of networking

00:20:51.220 is to find solutions

00:20:52.700 for the people

00:20:53.400 that I can network with.

00:20:55.080 So, Kip,

00:20:55.800 if you and I are,

00:20:57.040 let's say we're golfing,

00:20:57.900 we've never met before,

00:20:59.460 I got a buddy,

00:21:00.580 he brought a buddy,

00:21:01.540 that buddy brought you over,

00:21:02.740 and somehow

00:21:03.140 we made this connection

00:21:04.200 at an afternoon of golf,

00:21:06.740 and I start talking to you

00:21:08.100 about what you're doing,

00:21:09.820 you might say,

00:21:11.760 you know,

00:21:12.200 yeah,

00:21:12.360 we're right in the process

00:21:13.160 right now

00:21:13.700 of landscaping our yard,

00:21:15.580 and,

00:21:15.700 God,

00:21:16.000 we've just had

00:21:16.560 such a hard time

00:21:17.920 landscaping it,

00:21:19.040 and it's been miserable,

00:21:20.440 and fill in the blank.

00:21:22.020 Well,

00:21:22.400 if I go through

00:21:23.000 my mental Rolodex

00:21:24.160 of other people

00:21:24.860 I've networked with,

00:21:25.760 and I happen to know

00:21:26.800 a guy who's a landscaper,

00:21:28.960 bingo.

00:21:30.040 I just created

00:21:30.700 an opportunity for you

00:21:32.120 because you need help.

00:21:33.560 I created an opportunity

00:21:34.580 for my buddy

00:21:35.240 who's a landscaper

00:21:36.040 because he's trying

00:21:36.580 to sell business.

00:21:37.860 I also did,

00:21:38.800 a third thing,

00:21:39.440 I created opportunity

00:21:40.540 for myself,

00:21:41.400 and I made myself

00:21:42.160 a little bit more

00:21:43.080 indispensable

00:21:43.680 than I was before

00:21:44.580 because I'm the one

00:21:46.440 that formulated

00:21:47.060 the connection.

00:21:48.580 So,

00:21:49.140 when you start

00:21:49.660 making connections

00:21:50.520 to other people,

00:21:51.620 it is the lowest cost,

00:21:55.140 highest return

00:21:56.560 source of networking

00:21:58.260 because the alternative

00:21:59.320 is me coming over

00:22:00.460 to do your landscaping,

00:22:01.520 and I don't know

00:22:02.040 how to do it,

00:22:02.760 so I'd have to put time

00:22:03.960 and energy

00:22:04.400 and resources

00:22:04.980 and buy equipment

00:22:05.900 and everything else.

00:22:07.020 Yeah.

00:22:07.340 That's all I did.

00:22:08.300 And then I backed

00:22:09.020 out graciously.

00:22:10.080 And by the way,

00:22:10.760 there's a very appropriate

00:22:11.740 way to connect

00:22:12.960 and to not connect people.

00:22:15.860 Should I go through that

00:22:16.800 or should I reserve that?

00:22:18.520 No, I think it's valuable.

00:22:20.280 Yeah, I think it's valuable.

00:22:22.860 This is a huge mistake

00:22:24.200 people make.

00:22:24.840 So let's go to our analogy.

00:22:26.000 You need a landscaper.

00:22:26.900 I know a landscaper.

00:22:28.260 Yeah.

00:22:29.460 This is what most people

00:22:30.820 will do

00:22:31.240 without even asking.

00:22:34.360 I have your number now, Kip,

00:22:36.020 and I have my buddy.

00:22:37.180 Let's call him Joe.

00:22:38.000 He's a landscaper.

00:22:38.980 And I just send you

00:22:39.980 both a message

00:22:41.000 without ever asking.

00:22:42.060 I just say,

00:22:42.480 hey, Kip, here's Joe.

00:22:43.640 He does landscaping.

00:22:44.380 He said he needed it.

00:22:45.060 Here you go.

00:22:46.880 That's lazy

00:22:48.080 and it doesn't work.

00:22:50.580 Yeah.

00:22:51.120 You need to formulate.

00:22:52.540 I call it a triangle.

00:22:53.480 It's a networking triangle

00:22:54.440 and you need to connect

00:22:55.360 all three dots.

00:22:56.320 And here's how you do this.

00:22:57.840 Please listen to me.

00:22:58.700 This is very, very important.

00:23:00.140 You do not ever, ever

00:23:01.460 send an unsolicited

00:23:03.200 email

00:23:03.720 with contact information

00:23:05.840 to somebody

00:23:06.400 who didn't ask

00:23:07.180 or give you permission

00:23:07.980 to do it.

00:23:09.240 And I get that all the time.

00:23:10.320 People send me emails

00:23:11.180 and they'll include me

00:23:12.340 in the email

00:23:12.680 and be like,

00:23:13.000 hey, I think this guy

00:23:13.580 would be a good podcast guest

00:23:14.700 for you.

00:23:15.060 And that guy's on the email.

00:23:16.900 Yeah, now that guy's

00:23:18.020 going to spam you.

00:23:19.580 Yeah, you don't want that guy

00:23:20.540 knowing your contact info.

00:23:22.280 Well, or that,

00:23:23.400 or maybe I'm not interested

00:23:24.900 in having that guy

00:23:25.640 on my podcast

00:23:26.440 for whatever reason.

00:23:28.540 And now I have more work

00:23:29.980 to do to say no.

00:23:31.100 Yeah.

00:23:31.280 Yeah.

00:23:31.480 So here's how you do this.

00:23:34.400 Hey, Kip,

00:23:34.960 I have a buddy.

00:23:35.500 His name is Joe.

00:23:36.400 If you want,

00:23:37.220 I can connect you with Joe.

00:23:38.860 He might be able to come out

00:23:39.720 and look at what you got going on

00:23:40.900 and maybe give you a quote

00:23:42.280 or a proposal.

00:23:43.160 Is that something

00:23:43.780 you're interested in?

00:23:45.580 And if you say no,

00:23:46.540 say, hey, that's cool.

00:23:47.280 If you ever want to,

00:23:48.100 let me know.

00:23:48.640 I got somebody.

00:23:50.000 If you say yes,

00:23:51.060 then I go to Joe.

00:23:52.160 Hey, Joe,

00:23:52.740 I was golfing

00:23:53.560 with a friend of a friend

00:23:54.540 and we kind of

00:23:55.300 made some connections

00:23:56.220 and he was talking about

00:23:57.240 getting some landscaping

00:23:58.560 done in his yard.

00:23:59.740 I know you've got

00:24:00.740 a great business.

00:24:01.580 Are you looking

00:24:02.220 for new business right now?

00:24:04.320 If he says,

00:24:05.440 no, we're busy,

00:24:06.800 then I have a responsibility

00:24:08.420 to call you back, Kip,

00:24:09.660 and say, hey,

00:24:10.200 you know,

00:24:10.380 I talked to Joe.

00:24:11.200 They're busy right now.

00:24:12.080 They can't take you in.

00:24:12.860 He said he'd reach out

00:24:13.820 in a couple of months

00:24:14.840 or you can reach out to him.

00:24:16.400 That's where you start

00:24:17.120 formulating the connections, right?

00:24:19.060 But let's say Joe,

00:24:19.960 for the sake of argument,

00:24:20.760 says, actually, yeah,

00:24:21.580 we just had a bid finish

00:24:22.900 or a job finish up

00:24:24.240 and we're looking for a new job.

00:24:25.760 So can you make an introduction?

00:24:27.100 Sure.

00:24:28.240 So that's how you make,

00:24:29.500 you talk to both parties individually

00:24:30.960 and once you get permission,

00:24:32.380 then and only then,

00:24:33.640 do you make the connection?

00:24:35.220 So in the text

00:24:36.040 or the email

00:24:36.580 that I would send out,

00:24:38.260 this is almost verbatim.

00:24:40.580 Hey, Kip,

00:24:41.180 we went golfing,

00:24:42.520 had a great time.

00:24:43.380 You said you needed

00:24:43.820 some landscape services.

00:24:45.240 Let me introduce you to Joe.

00:24:46.640 Joe, you've got

00:24:47.560 a great business, Kip.

00:24:48.880 He's done my landscaping.

00:24:50.200 He's done a couple

00:24:50.660 of my friends.

00:24:51.680 He does a phenomenal job.

00:24:53.160 Joe, Kip,

00:24:53.800 and I don't know

00:24:54.320 each other well,

00:24:54.880 but we had a really good connection

00:24:56.060 on the golf course

00:24:56.920 and I know this is

00:24:58.160 in your ballpark.

00:24:59.820 I think this would be something

00:25:00.620 you could really do.

00:25:01.900 Here's the key right here.

00:25:03.060 This is really important.

00:25:05.180 And I say it almost verbatim.

00:25:07.500 I'm going to bow out from here,

00:25:09.840 but I'm glad

00:25:11.440 that I could make connections

00:25:14.080 to two people

00:25:15.040 that I really respect

00:25:16.040 and I hope that you two

00:25:17.940 can do some business together.

00:25:21.180 And then you graciously

00:25:22.420 bow out of it.

00:25:23.360 Now, in a week,

00:25:24.500 I'll probably follow up

00:25:25.380 with you.

00:25:25.940 Kip, did you talk with Joe?

00:25:27.680 Yeah, I did.

00:25:28.140 He's coming over tomorrow.

00:25:29.240 Cool.

00:25:29.760 Joe, did you talk with Kip?

00:25:31.000 No, I've been so busy.

00:25:32.500 Man, Joe, like,

00:25:33.980 hey, we're buddies,

00:25:34.720 but like Kip thinks

00:25:35.640 you're going to be calling him

00:25:36.460 and I put in a good word for you.

00:25:38.060 Can you please call him?

00:25:39.920 These are just the little things.

00:25:41.100 And if you do that

00:25:41.840 every single week

00:25:42.940 and you start formulating

00:25:44.560 and making these connections

00:25:45.700 and building that Rolodex,

00:25:47.100 you will never be hurting

00:25:48.260 for being able

00:25:48.780 to network again.

00:25:49.440 But you've got to get over

00:25:50.940 the selfish mentality

00:25:52.060 of what can I get?

00:25:53.600 This guy doesn't ever

00:25:54.280 do anything in return.

00:25:55.500 How can I sell my wares

00:25:56.640 and my stuff?

00:25:57.900 Instead,

00:25:58.880 how can I serve other people

00:26:00.480 and how can I begin

00:26:01.600 to make connections

00:26:02.480 that will serve everybody?

00:26:05.040 And eventually,

00:26:06.260 without fail,

00:26:07.300 people are,

00:26:08.020 Kip, if I do that

00:26:08.860 and it helps you,

00:26:09.740 you're going to ask

00:26:10.680 what you can do

00:26:12.360 to help me.

00:26:13.660 And in that space,

00:26:16.140 I would actually

00:26:16.700 have an answer for you.

00:26:18.520 Too many people

00:26:19.140 don't have an answer

00:26:19.760 to that question.

00:26:20.360 How can I help?

00:26:21.060 I don't know.

00:26:22.700 Don't do that.

00:26:23.920 If somebody says,

00:26:24.940 how can I help?

00:26:25.640 Tell them exactly

00:26:26.340 how you can help.

00:26:27.960 You know,

00:26:28.180 I've had people

00:26:28.760 that I don't really know

00:26:30.340 all that well,

00:26:31.100 but they've enjoyed

00:26:32.060 the podcast or whatever.

00:26:33.160 They're like,

00:26:33.340 how can I help?

00:26:34.260 And I used to say,

00:26:35.020 I don't know, whatever.

00:26:35.920 And now I say,

00:26:36.440 you know what?

00:26:36.920 Have you left a review yet?

00:26:39.080 No.

00:26:40.480 That alone.

00:26:41.500 Have you texted

00:26:42.300 that one episode

00:26:43.120 you told me about

00:26:43.800 to your dad or your brother?

00:26:45.040 No, I haven't.

00:26:45.620 Would you do that?

00:26:46.640 That'd actually be helpful.

00:26:48.140 I always answer

00:26:49.480 a request for help

00:26:50.780 with something they can do.

00:26:52.920 That's a powerful thing as well.

00:26:54.800 I love that, man.

00:26:56.040 You know,

00:26:56.300 the only thing

00:26:56.920 that I would add

00:26:57.580 for Isaac here is,

00:26:59.060 you know,

00:26:59.520 I tend to keep connections

00:27:00.700 at the surface level

00:27:01.560 as I never had

00:27:02.580 true loyalty in my life.

00:27:04.200 And you already touched

00:27:05.120 based on the idea.

00:27:06.140 It's like,

00:27:06.360 it's not about you,

00:27:07.200 but one way to get past

00:27:08.860 the whole loyalty thing

00:27:09.820 or like trust,

00:27:11.740 you're not trying

00:27:13.500 to get them to like you

00:27:14.440 or them to get to know you.

00:27:18.120 Just be curious in people.

00:27:20.580 Just be curious.

00:27:22.660 You know,

00:27:22.860 so at networking events,

00:27:23.880 just learn.

00:27:25.400 Go around,

00:27:26.240 ask people,

00:27:27.300 you know,

00:27:27.660 understand what they do,

00:27:28.680 what makes them tick,

00:27:29.540 and that's it.

00:27:32.220 No trust is required

00:27:33.520 for you to know someone.

00:27:34.880 So don't get wrapped up

00:27:38.300 onto that too much

00:27:39.060 and just be genuine

00:27:40.180 in getting to know people.

00:27:41.960 Lately,

00:27:42.420 I've been really

00:27:43.200 stepping up my game.

00:27:45.020 I usually have like a lunch

00:27:46.160 once a week

00:27:46.840 or every other week.

00:27:48.620 And those lunches

00:27:49.640 have zero intention.

00:27:51.560 They're just to have lunch

00:27:53.760 and talk shop

00:27:55.400 or whatever we want

00:27:56.580 to talk about

00:27:57.140 and that's it.

00:27:59.000 And I'm trying

00:28:00.320 to be very intentional

00:28:01.700 about how I show up.

00:28:03.700 Am I the kind of,

00:28:05.320 am I showing up in a way

00:28:06.420 where I'm the kind

00:28:06.960 of individual

00:28:07.380 that someone says,

00:28:08.300 oh man,

00:28:08.660 you know,

00:28:08.960 I really like Kip.

00:28:11.980 That's it.

00:28:13.100 Not them,

00:28:13.920 like I'm not going

00:28:15.080 out of the way

00:28:15.660 to make them

00:28:16.300 try to like me.

00:28:17.080 I'm just focused

00:28:18.020 on trying to be

00:28:19.220 a good connection

00:28:20.020 for them

00:28:20.500 and understand them.

00:28:22.120 And ironically enough,

00:28:23.460 when we do that,

00:28:24.540 those are the kind

00:28:25.220 of people that we like

00:28:26.080 and appreciate,

00:28:26.940 right?

00:28:27.440 You'll be more likable,

00:28:28.580 of course.

00:28:28.880 Yeah,

00:28:29.180 totally,

00:28:29.540 because no one wants

00:28:30.240 to hear the guy

00:28:30.840 that just talks about himself

00:28:32.180 and is trying to impress

00:28:33.120 you the whole time.

00:28:33.840 It's superficial

00:28:34.500 and you're like,

00:28:35.500 that guy's annoying,

00:28:36.860 you know?

00:28:37.260 So just go out

00:28:38.380 and try to get

00:28:38.800 to know people

00:28:39.420 and understand them

00:28:41.480 and you'll feel

00:28:42.380 100% better.

00:28:44.880 I also think

00:28:46.060 on the being trusting part,

00:28:47.300 and this was spurred

00:28:48.640 on a little bit

00:28:49.220 by one of our

00:28:49.920 Iron Council members,

00:28:50.800 his name is Alan Placer.

00:28:51.880 He's been in the Iron Council

00:28:52.700 for a long time,

00:28:53.460 veteran member,

00:28:54.060 big help in our

00:28:54.660 leadership development.

00:28:55.440 he had talked

00:28:57.460 about this

00:28:57.860 on our Friday call

00:28:58.780 about the importance

00:28:59.980 of just trusting.

00:29:03.220 Just decide

00:29:04.260 that you're going

00:29:04.640 to trust that person.

00:29:06.100 Now,

00:29:06.300 are you going

00:29:06.780 to give over

00:29:07.480 your life savings

00:29:08.240 and hope they

00:29:08.880 are going to be prudent

00:29:09.720 with it immediately?

00:29:11.060 No.

00:29:12.020 Are you going

00:29:12.560 to bear

00:29:13.420 all of your problems

00:29:14.560 and talk about

00:29:15.620 all your woes

00:29:16.940 and short,

00:29:17.520 no.

00:29:18.520 But you can make

00:29:19.240 a decision

00:29:19.700 to trust somebody

00:29:20.600 just because you

00:29:21.560 want to trust them.

00:29:22.940 And I think

00:29:23.240 that requires

00:29:23.900 just being a level

00:29:25.240 of honesty.

00:29:27.360 Just going to be

00:29:27.900 honest with people.

00:29:29.600 And it requires

00:29:30.640 a little bit of courage

00:29:32.260 because that person

00:29:34.240 might burn you.

00:29:34.980 But we're not talking

00:29:35.680 about brain surgery.

00:29:36.800 We're not talking

00:29:37.420 about your life savings.

00:29:38.880 We're not talking

00:29:39.560 about at this point

00:29:40.300 having your heart broken.

00:29:42.380 We're talking about

00:29:43.360 being disappointed

00:29:44.020 or being let down.

00:29:45.400 Welcome to life.

00:29:46.580 And if that's the worst

00:29:47.580 that comes from

00:29:48.380 trusting somebody

00:29:49.440 as a default,

00:29:50.800 the benefits

00:29:52.340 of being trusting

00:29:53.360 as a default

00:29:54.200 vastly, vastly outweigh

00:29:57.000 the potential shortcomings

00:29:58.460 if we're talking

00:29:59.040 about these minor

00:30:01.000 trust exercises

00:30:02.560 with new people.

00:30:04.220 Yeah.

00:30:04.900 Yeah, totally.

00:30:06.640 Elijah Elliott,

00:30:07.740 how does one contend

00:30:09.100 with the suffering

00:30:09.940 of others,

00:30:10.860 especially those

00:30:11.700 close to him?

00:30:15.460 Well,

00:30:16.280 I want to steal

00:30:18.460 a little bit,

00:30:18.900 I think,

00:30:19.140 from your playbook

00:30:20.180 to contend.

00:30:22.860 What are you contending with?

00:30:25.440 Yeah.

00:30:26.680 Like,

00:30:27.000 what's the wrestle here?

00:30:28.340 I mean,

00:30:28.660 the reality is

00:30:30.220 just a level of empathy.

00:30:31.700 There's no contention

00:30:32.540 in that.

00:30:34.080 No.

00:30:34.360 So,

00:30:34.900 Kip,

00:30:35.080 if you're going

00:30:35.560 through a hard time,

00:30:36.360 I don't need

00:30:36.700 to contend with it.

00:30:37.840 First,

00:30:38.080 it's not my life.

00:30:39.500 And second,

00:30:40.560 I don't,

00:30:41.120 I'm not fighting

00:30:41.760 with you on it.

00:30:42.320 I want to be

00:30:43.580 on your side.

00:30:45.560 Totally.

00:30:45.920 So that requires

00:30:46.780 empathy.

00:30:47.620 And empathy

00:30:49.540 is a lot,

00:30:51.300 I use that word

00:30:52.140 deliberately

00:30:52.560 because

00:30:53.260 it is

00:30:54.560 sacrificial,

00:30:56.000 it is

00:30:56.800 kind,

00:30:58.080 it is considerate,

00:30:59.720 it is based

00:31:00.720 in truth.

00:31:02.180 So I,

00:31:05.740 I would say

00:31:06.240 that's,

00:31:06.760 that generally

00:31:07.320 that's how

00:31:07.840 you would handle

00:31:08.280 that.

00:31:08.620 So Kip,

00:31:09.100 if you're going

00:31:09.560 through a very

00:31:10.100 difficult time

00:31:10.960 with,

00:31:11.800 I don't know,

00:31:13.500 a breakdown

00:31:14.240 of a relationship,

00:31:15.020 then my job

00:31:17.840 is not to contend

00:31:18.880 with that.

00:31:19.540 My job

00:31:20.040 is to realize

00:31:20.860 as I've gone

00:31:22.160 through relationship

00:31:22.920 breakups,

00:31:23.480 as we all have,

00:31:24.280 that I can be here,

00:31:25.800 I can give you a call,

00:31:26.840 I can invite you

00:31:27.800 out with the boys.

00:31:28.780 Even if I'm not

00:31:29.540 going to hang out

00:31:30.200 with the guys,

00:31:30.720 I can create something

00:31:32.060 and say,

00:31:32.600 hey Kip,

00:31:33.140 we're going golfing

00:31:34.040 this weekend,

00:31:35.040 you're coming,

00:31:35.960 you don't have a choice.

00:31:38.120 So I,

00:31:38.520 I just think

00:31:38.960 it requires sacrifice,

00:31:40.380 kindness,

00:31:41.500 consideration,

00:31:42.880 love,

00:31:43.680 truth,

00:31:44.200 because sometimes

00:31:44.880 being empathetic

00:31:46.420 requires a person

00:31:48.100 to be honest,

00:31:48.980 brutally honest

00:31:49.620 with a person

00:31:50.140 about their own performance

00:31:51.080 or about things

00:31:52.060 they're believing

00:31:52.720 or acting on

00:31:53.600 that aren't serving them.

00:31:55.620 That's why interventions

00:31:56.720 are so powerful

00:31:57.560 if they're done properly.

00:31:59.120 If you recognize

00:31:59.900 that something's wrong

00:32:00.820 with a person

00:32:01.400 and you're a friend

00:32:02.380 of that individual,

00:32:03.340 then you have

00:32:03.740 a moral responsibility

00:32:04.960 to speak to them

00:32:07.120 truthfully and plainly

00:32:08.580 about what they're

00:32:09.540 dealing with.

00:32:10.920 So let's get over

00:32:11.920 the whole contend with,

00:32:13.520 I can't take on

00:32:15.040 your problems

00:32:15.820 as my own,

00:32:17.240 meaning I cannot,

00:32:18.340 I cannot emotionally

00:32:21.600 be vested

00:32:22.900 to the point

00:32:23.580 where I'm sacrificing

00:32:24.840 my own well-being

00:32:25.720 or my other responsibilities.

00:32:26.840 they're not,

00:32:29.320 those are not

00:32:30.000 my problems

00:32:30.820 to carry.

00:32:32.900 I have my own

00:32:33.900 problems to carry

00:32:34.620 and you are not

00:32:35.480 responsible for carrying mine

00:32:36.860 but if I can teach you

00:32:38.600 or support you

00:32:39.700 or encourage you

00:32:41.180 along the way

00:32:42.520 to learn how to

00:32:43.260 pick up your own problems

00:32:44.280 and make your back

00:32:45.100 strong enough

00:32:45.540 to carry them,

00:32:46.640 that's my responsibility

00:32:48.260 but I'm not going

00:32:49.380 to own your problems.

00:32:51.480 Yeah.

00:32:51.660 Well, and it's

00:32:53.860 kind of built

00:32:54.680 upon this premise

00:32:55.660 I think that a lot

00:32:56.820 of us feel

00:32:57.460 that the suffering

00:32:58.400 that the individual

00:33:00.760 suffering needs

00:33:01.660 to contend with it

00:33:02.720 and we've talked

00:33:05.300 about this

00:33:05.860 on the podcast

00:33:06.720 is sometimes

00:33:07.440 like,

00:33:08.240 sometimes that's

00:33:08.860 not the purpose.

00:33:10.620 Sometimes what we

00:33:11.520 should be doing

00:33:12.120 is sitting with it

00:33:13.140 and gaining perspective

00:33:15.600 and growing from it.

00:33:16.860 It's not to

00:33:17.480 brush it off,

00:33:19.180 to ignore it,

00:33:20.240 to fight it.

00:33:22.660 Maybe part of it

00:33:23.900 is to sit with it

00:33:25.920 and let us grow.

00:33:28.880 Perfect timing

00:33:29.760 by the way,

00:33:30.800 Adam Grant,

00:33:31.640 he had a post this morning

00:33:32.920 and I want to read this

00:33:33.780 because I think

00:33:34.220 it's profound.

00:33:35.100 Oh, I saw this one.

00:33:36.520 He says,

00:33:36.560 the purpose of grief

00:33:37.700 is not to cause pain,

00:33:39.520 it's to keep memories

00:33:40.860 of loved ones alive

00:33:42.120 and remind us

00:33:43.080 to make the most

00:33:43.900 of our time.

00:33:45.440 Moving forward

00:33:46.180 after loss

00:33:46.980 is not about

00:33:47.680 erasing sorrow,

00:33:48.800 it's about

00:33:50.020 gaining perspective.

00:33:52.820 That doesn't sound

00:33:53.800 like content.

00:33:53.940 Did you see the second,

00:33:55.380 no,

00:33:55.940 did you see the second slide?

00:33:57.200 The second slide's cool

00:33:58.180 because if I remember

00:33:59.320 the jars

00:34:00.280 where you have this jar

00:34:01.760 that's you

00:34:02.380 and your grief

00:34:04.120 is filling up

00:34:04.900 the entire jar

00:34:05.760 but as the image

00:34:07.240 progresses,

00:34:08.260 the grief isn't

00:34:08.960 going away,

00:34:09.820 the jar is becoming

00:34:10.900 bigger.

00:34:11.440 bigger.

00:34:12.660 Yeah.

00:34:12.820 So it becomes

00:34:13.320 less relevant

00:34:14.200 in your life

00:34:15.060 the way it was before

00:34:15.940 because you're growing

00:34:17.020 and expanding

00:34:17.800 and being better

00:34:18.980 than you were before.

00:34:20.000 And it's just like

00:34:21.180 every other form

00:34:22.200 of suffering in life.

00:34:24.940 We've had

00:34:25.640 multiple scenarios

00:34:27.020 by which

00:34:27.620 we've had suffering

00:34:29.340 where you could have

00:34:30.360 chose to let it break you

00:34:31.600 or strengthen you.

00:34:36.160 And,

00:34:36.680 and strengthening it

00:34:37.480 wasn't ignoring it

00:34:38.620 and pretending

00:34:39.080 it wasn't there.

00:34:39.860 it was being with it

00:34:42.840 sitting with it

00:34:44.180 right.

00:34:44.820 Right.

00:34:45.320 And growing from it

00:34:46.440 and,

00:34:47.660 and we need to normalize

00:34:48.780 that a little bit more often

00:34:49.960 I think in society

00:34:51.020 where it's like,

00:34:51.660 man,

00:34:51.900 we're,

00:34:52.500 they're in it,

00:34:53.020 they're suffering

00:34:53.560 and,

00:34:54.800 and what are we going

00:34:55.440 to learn and grow

00:34:56.360 from this experience?

00:34:58.360 Right.

00:34:58.940 And,

00:34:59.460 and that's how we

00:35:00.280 end up better men.

00:35:02.580 Right.

00:35:03.080 And,

00:35:03.300 and ironically enough

00:35:04.540 that's the formula

00:35:05.720 so anyone listening

00:35:06.900 that,

00:35:07.840 that has a past

00:35:08.920 that you regret

00:35:09.840 that's the formula

00:35:11.420 of,

00:35:11.980 of a bad past

00:35:12.840 by way,

00:35:13.600 by the way,

00:35:14.160 that's,

00:35:14.800 that's the formula

00:35:15.920 of moving beyond

00:35:17.840 regret in your life.

00:35:19.660 It is become

00:35:21.200 a better version

00:35:22.400 of yourself

00:35:23.260 so much

00:35:24.860 that you can't help

00:35:26.360 but look at that experience

00:35:27.600 and say,

00:35:28.280 I'm kind of grateful

00:35:30.300 that it happened

00:35:31.020 because if it didn't,

00:35:32.080 I wouldn't be

00:35:32.900 who I am today.

00:35:34.220 That's how you deal

00:35:35.440 with hardship,

00:35:36.800 suffering,

00:35:37.180 and regret

00:35:37.880 is by leveling up

00:35:40.020 and it's when

00:35:41.620 we don't level up

00:35:42.640 that we just drag

00:35:44.000 the suffering

00:35:44.980 along with us

00:35:45.960 because the suffering

00:35:47.280 defines us,

00:35:48.120 not us rising above it.

00:35:50.640 Yeah.

00:35:52.200 There's only one other thing

00:35:53.600 I would add

00:35:54.160 is two questions

00:35:56.020 that you might ask yourself.

00:35:57.620 What does he need

00:35:59.300 and what can I do?

00:36:01.740 Does he need you

00:36:04.720 to just listen to him?

00:36:05.860 Does he need you

00:36:06.420 to put his arm around him

00:36:07.360 and give him a hug?

00:36:08.160 Does he need you

00:36:08.880 to invite him out

00:36:10.000 to hang out with the guys?

00:36:11.240 Does he need you

00:36:11.800 to say,

00:36:12.420 what the hell is wrong with you?

00:36:14.280 What does he need?

00:36:15.880 Listen to your intuition.

00:36:17.100 I think your intuition

00:36:17.860 will guide you,

00:36:18.700 especially if you know this person

00:36:19.720 and you know yourself.

00:36:20.900 You guys are friends

00:36:21.660 for reasons.

00:36:22.300 You're in relationships

00:36:23.420 like these for a reason.

00:36:24.620 You know each other.

00:36:25.480 You resonate with each other

00:36:26.540 and then what can you do?

00:36:28.820 And don't,

00:36:29.200 by the way,

00:36:29.440 don't say,

00:36:30.000 what can I do?

00:36:30.660 I mean,

00:36:30.840 you might say that,

00:36:31.700 but that,

00:36:32.520 to me,

00:36:32.840 that's a lazy,

00:36:33.700 that's a lazy thing.

00:36:35.580 If,

00:36:35.820 if in the right context,

00:36:37.580 yes,

00:36:37.860 sure.

00:36:38.600 But generally,

00:36:39.300 I think if you just say,

00:36:40.480 hey,

00:36:40.640 how can I help?

00:36:42.000 It's because you don't

00:36:43.000 want to help.

00:36:44.480 Yeah.

00:36:44.920 If you really wanted to help,

00:36:46.300 you would identify

00:36:47.200 and you can ask,

00:36:48.180 hey,

00:36:48.400 would it help

00:36:49.060 if you came

00:36:49.840 and spent time with me

00:36:50.760 this weekend

00:36:51.240 with the guys?

00:36:52.920 But have a plan.

00:36:54.760 Have something

00:36:55.500 you're going to do.

00:36:56.460 Recognize a gap

00:36:57.280 and fill it.

00:36:58.300 Give them an opportunity

00:36:59.140 to say yes or no.

00:37:00.800 But you don't need

00:37:01.260 to ask them what,

00:37:02.240 because,

00:37:02.980 man,

00:37:03.260 if somebody's in that position,

00:37:04.880 they may not know

00:37:05.880 what you can do.

00:37:07.980 Yeah.

00:37:08.260 They may not know

00:37:08.980 what they need,

00:37:09.720 but you're seeing it

00:37:10.520 from a different perspective.

00:37:12.800 Yeah.

00:37:13.260 And you might be,

00:37:14.200 you might need to be

00:37:14.860 a little default aggressive.

00:37:16.380 You know,

00:37:16.680 I had a good friend

00:37:17.400 that had his spouse die

00:37:19.880 a few years back

00:37:21.700 and it was just like,

00:37:22.680 hey,

00:37:23.260 next weekend,

00:37:24.500 we're doing a trip.

00:37:26.280 Like,

00:37:26.580 it wasn't a,

00:37:27.800 well,

00:37:28.020 what do you think?

00:37:28.500 Not an option.

00:37:29.000 What could we do?

00:37:29.560 I'm like,

00:37:29.780 no,

00:37:29.900 no,

00:37:29.960 no,

00:37:30.040 we're going to go.

00:37:31.040 It'll be great.

00:37:32.220 Are you sure?

00:37:32.920 Yeah,

00:37:33.260 absolutely.

00:37:34.300 Let's just go.

00:37:36.100 Let's get away

00:37:36.720 for a little bit,

00:37:37.780 you know,

00:37:38.140 or even in things like that.

00:37:40.840 Oh,

00:37:41.000 sorry.

00:37:41.240 Go ahead,

00:37:41.480 Kip.

00:37:41.780 I thought you were finished.

00:37:42.380 that's all I was going to say.

00:37:44.160 Even in things like that,

00:37:45.340 you know,

00:37:45.600 there might be a cost

00:37:46.480 associated with those things.

00:37:48.540 Just pay for the guy.

00:37:50.300 Yeah.

00:37:50.780 Because he's going to come up

00:37:51.800 with excuses not to do it.

00:37:53.020 So it's like,

00:37:54.560 he might say,

00:37:55.160 oh,

00:37:55.300 how much is it?

00:37:55.860 Say,

00:37:55.960 don't worry about it.

00:37:56.460 We got a cut.

00:37:56.900 We got you covered.

00:37:58.300 Yeah.

00:37:59.060 Like,

00:37:59.260 that might be the barrier

00:38:00.980 that keeps him from doing it.

00:38:02.500 And if he's like,

00:38:03.360 no,

00:38:03.540 no,

00:38:03.740 no,

00:38:04.160 say,

00:38:04.400 great,

00:38:04.620 then you can pay me.

00:38:05.600 Well,

00:38:05.780 no,

00:38:05.900 I don't have any money.

00:38:06.620 Great.

00:38:06.900 Then you can come on me.

00:38:08.360 Like,

00:38:09.160 those are,

00:38:09.660 those are the only two options.

00:38:11.680 You're not getting out of this.

00:38:13.540 So,

00:38:13.760 yeah.

00:38:14.600 Love it.

00:38:15.960 Tony Behel,

00:38:17.740 how do you decide

00:38:18.680 or balance involvement

00:38:20.000 with your kids

00:38:20.900 without sourcing

00:38:22.020 their interest development?

00:38:24.460 Example,

00:38:25.020 Ryan with your older son

00:38:26.160 and powerlifting.

00:38:27.280 We can certainly dig in

00:38:28.600 and learn and guide them

00:38:29.480 on a topic,

00:38:30.080 but we can't be everything

00:38:31.580 at all times.

00:38:33.180 Thank you,

00:38:33.820 gents.

00:38:34.100 So,

00:38:35.980 I've done a lot of coaching

00:38:36.920 for my kids

00:38:37.820 as they've grown up

00:38:39.080 and my 16-year-old,

00:38:40.560 I don't,

00:38:40.920 I don't coach him anymore

00:38:41.900 because everything

00:38:42.900 that he's doing

00:38:43.680 has outpaced my coaching ability.

00:38:46.940 My 13-year-old,

00:38:48.340 you know,

00:38:48.540 there might be some things.

00:38:49.820 My daughter,

00:38:50.800 she's 11.

00:38:51.960 She asked if I'd coach soccer

00:38:53.240 in the spring.

00:38:53.880 I can coach 11-year-old soccer.

00:38:56.480 My,

00:38:56.840 my youngest,

00:38:58.060 he,

00:38:58.760 he wants me to coach,

00:38:59.660 he wanted me to coach basketball,

00:39:00.860 but they,

00:39:02.380 to,

00:39:02.600 to their credit

00:39:03.220 and to another father

00:39:04.300 who's doing it,

00:39:04.860 he was,

00:39:05.240 like,

00:39:05.500 it was,

00:39:06.220 it was,

00:39:06.640 it's not usually like that,

00:39:07.880 but there was plenty of coaches

00:39:09.280 to go around,

00:39:09.880 so I didn't need to,

00:39:10.560 but I'll continue to coach him.

00:39:12.440 But I think where you need

00:39:13.720 to start bringing in other people

00:39:15.240 is when your capacity

00:39:17.200 to help them grow

00:39:18.400 has outpaced yours.

00:39:22.280 If I cannot help

00:39:24.040 push my children

00:39:25.340 past their current capabilities,

00:39:28.200 then I need outside help

00:39:30.360 because there's nothing

00:39:31.500 I can do about it.

00:39:32.440 I can't teach them

00:39:33.540 things I don't know.

00:39:35.760 Imagine,

00:39:36.340 to go back to jiu-jitsu,

00:39:37.360 imagine training with your kids

00:39:38.640 from the time that they're,

00:39:40.040 I don't know,

00:39:40.580 five,

00:39:41.060 six,

00:39:41.400 seven years old,

00:39:42.000 and now they're 13,

00:39:43.060 14 years old,

00:39:43.880 but you stopped going to jiu-jitsu

00:39:45.580 and they kept going.

00:39:47.800 Now you're five years deep.

00:39:49.780 You might be physically

00:39:51.060 stronger than them,

00:39:52.180 but they know way more than you.

00:39:54.260 It would be egotistical

00:39:56.240 and idiotic

00:39:57.480 for you to say,

00:39:58.700 hey,

00:39:58.800 no more classes.

00:39:59.580 I'll teach you from here.

00:40:01.760 Yeah.

00:40:02.060 No,

00:40:02.660 keep them going

00:40:03.720 and then to round it out

00:40:06.460 and the other part

00:40:07.440 of this question is

00:40:08.580 then you support them.

00:40:10.780 So you don't bad mouth their coach.

00:40:12.960 I've seen a lot of people do that.

00:40:14.180 Like,

00:40:14.340 oh yeah,

00:40:14.640 because your coach is an idiot.

00:40:16.280 Well,

00:40:16.500 yeah,

00:40:16.860 he's better than you.

00:40:18.900 Yep.

00:40:19.360 He's the one out there

00:40:20.500 with your son or daughter

00:40:21.260 on the field.

00:40:21.860 He's the one pouring into it.

00:40:23.460 You don't like the way

00:40:24.140 he's doing it.

00:40:24.680 Then you figure out

00:40:25.380 a way to do better

00:40:26.040 or here's another one

00:40:27.940 that people will do.

00:40:28.760 My mom taught me this lesson

00:40:30.060 years and years ago.

00:40:32.520 Don't undermine the people

00:40:34.080 that you're asking

00:40:34.960 to help your children

00:40:35.880 by saving them

00:40:39.380 from important discussions

00:40:40.980 with those coaches

00:40:41.700 and I'll give you the example.

00:40:43.320 So my junior year,

00:40:45.060 no,

00:40:45.300 excuse me,

00:40:45.640 my senior year,

00:40:47.180 I got pulled out

00:40:48.460 of a baseball game

00:40:49.340 and the coach pulled me

00:40:52.360 and I didn't really know why

00:40:54.320 and I told my mom,

00:40:56.140 I said,

00:40:56.400 hey,

00:40:56.600 he pulled me like,

00:40:57.580 what the heck?

00:40:58.340 She's like,

00:40:58.760 I don't know.

00:40:59.620 Go ask him

00:41:00.480 because that was the conversation

00:41:03.660 that needed to take place.

00:41:05.220 It wasn't my mom's conversation

00:41:06.980 to have

00:41:07.600 and she was wise enough

00:41:09.700 in that moment

00:41:10.320 to say,

00:41:11.100 you figure that out.

00:41:12.880 Wise enough to say,

00:41:13.940 I don't know

00:41:14.720 and so I went

00:41:16.320 and talked to the coach

00:41:17.120 and we had a discussion

00:41:18.300 about it

00:41:18.800 and ultimately,

00:41:19.700 I could decide

00:41:20.420 to stay on the team

00:41:21.220 and be a contributing member

00:41:22.240 and help

00:41:22.740 or I could quit

00:41:23.660 if I wanted to

00:41:24.360 but I decided to stick around

00:41:25.540 and in the grand scheme of things,

00:41:27.200 it was frustrating in the moment

00:41:28.700 but in the grand scheme of things,

00:41:29.800 I'm glad I did.

00:41:31.860 So if you have somebody else

00:41:33.560 who's coming in,

00:41:34.640 don't undermine the person

00:41:35.780 that you enlisted

00:41:36.680 to help your child

00:41:37.660 but you can be excited about it

00:41:39.800 and the best way to do that

00:41:41.940 is to go to their meets,

00:41:43.460 to go to their practices,

00:41:44.660 to go to their plays,

00:41:45.600 to go to their recitals,

00:41:46.560 to take them on things,

00:41:49.000 activities and events

00:41:50.680 and weekends

00:41:51.300 on things that they're interested in

00:41:53.040 and then you get interested in it.

00:41:55.280 So with my son,

00:41:55.980 if it's powerlifting,

00:41:56.960 I'm not really interested

00:41:58.360 in powerlifting

00:41:59.080 but I can learn about powerlifting

00:42:01.180 so that I can have

00:42:03.880 an intelligent discussion

00:42:05.000 and then when he shares things with me,

00:42:07.180 I can actually be curious

00:42:08.900 because I have some baseline knowledge

00:42:10.400 of what is good

00:42:11.100 and what's good form

00:42:12.580 and what's accurate

00:42:13.380 and what isn't.

00:42:14.080 I can follow the same people

00:42:15.960 that he follows.

00:42:17.020 In my case,

00:42:18.000 I can even have those people

00:42:19.000 on the podcast

00:42:19.800 because I know he would be excited

00:42:21.380 about that.

00:42:22.800 So look for ways

00:42:23.920 to edify,

00:42:24.940 to support,

00:42:25.540 to uplift

00:42:25.940 the instructors

00:42:26.560 and coaches

00:42:27.120 and mentors

00:42:27.680 that you're bringing in

00:42:28.420 and then in the meantime,

00:42:30.100 do your back-end work

00:42:31.040 to be interested

00:42:31.900 in the thing

00:42:32.360 that they're interested in.

00:42:33.700 Yeah,

00:42:34.280 that's spot on, man.

00:42:35.340 I can't help but see

00:42:36.300 the correlation, right,

00:42:37.360 of course,

00:42:38.400 between this parenting

00:42:40.800 and leadership

00:42:41.500 and it's the same concept.

00:42:43.040 We have this

00:42:44.260 as part of our

00:42:45.000 leadership development program

00:42:46.380 where we talk about

00:42:47.780 one of the ways

00:42:48.500 to ensure

00:42:49.060 that you're trustworthy

00:42:49.980 as a leader

00:42:50.860 is to be capable

00:42:52.680 and it's funny

00:42:54.380 because I always have to talk

00:42:55.560 about this part of it, right?

00:42:56.680 It's like,

00:42:57.000 well, fully capable.

00:42:58.360 Well, yeah,

00:42:58.980 and then people get sideways

00:43:00.060 and think,

00:43:00.540 oh, well,

00:43:00.820 then I have to know everything

00:43:02.060 to be able to be a leader,

00:43:03.660 to be trustworthy

00:43:04.300 and it's like,

00:43:04.900 no, no, no,

00:43:05.380 there becomes a point

00:43:06.520 where you won't have

00:43:07.500 the skill set

00:43:08.120 and by the way,

00:43:08.980 if you try to pretend

00:43:09.920 you do

00:43:10.480 and you bullshit it,

00:43:12.740 oh, no, no, no,

00:43:13.340 that even erodes trust more.

00:43:15.880 So the example

00:43:16.440 that you gave

00:43:17.100 of like the parent

00:43:18.780 that's coaching

00:43:20.180 their jujitsu kid

00:43:21.140 but they've never trained

00:43:22.260 a day in their life,

00:43:23.900 trust me,

00:43:24.460 your kid is not thinking higher,

00:43:26.580 thinking more highly of you.

00:43:28.180 They're thinking less of you,

00:43:29.820 right,

00:43:30.100 because you're bullshitting

00:43:31.260 your capability.

00:43:33.620 So what is this capability

00:43:35.040 that we need to have?

00:43:36.860 Once we don't have

00:43:39.060 the capacity,

00:43:40.080 like the same exact capacity

00:43:41.400 that they need

00:43:42.640 or like the technical skill

00:43:44.160 or the skill set itself,

00:43:45.820 it's then you need to move

00:43:46.940 to being resourceful

00:43:48.100 and sound reasoning.

00:43:51.120 So now you as a father,

00:43:52.800 you're being resourceful.

00:43:54.180 You know where to go,

00:43:55.880 how to bring in different coaches,

00:43:57.380 how to promote that coach

00:43:58.780 and you have sound reasoning

00:44:00.500 and advice to him

00:44:01.640 when he's struggling with that.

00:44:03.600 But you get out

00:44:04.960 of the technical coaching

00:44:06.120 because you don't have

00:44:07.540 the skill set for it.

00:44:09.020 So you need to move

00:44:10.060 to being resourceful

00:44:11.080 and have sound reasoning instead.

00:44:14.000 Well, I like this

00:44:14.980 that you're talking about

00:44:15.840 being resourceful.

00:44:17.280 I mean that

00:44:18.040 and also the trust building

00:44:20.880 aspect of it

00:44:22.200 because I mean this is going back

00:44:24.440 to all of the things

00:44:25.520 that we're talking about

00:44:26.160 when it comes to being resourceful,

00:44:27.500 that's networking.

00:44:29.020 Yeah, totally.

00:44:30.040 When it comes back to

00:44:32.240 we were talking about

00:44:33.120 I can't remember,

00:44:33.720 I'm looking through my notes here

00:44:34.640 but we were talking about

00:44:35.740 it might have been

00:44:36.460 on that same topic

00:44:37.320 of being trusting

00:44:39.520 and having trust

00:44:40.720 for other people.

00:44:41.860 So all of these questions

00:44:43.160 and these answers

00:44:43.760 tie in together

00:44:44.620 but yeah,

00:44:45.540 networking isn't just professional

00:44:46.900 but if I have a robust

00:44:48.260 large network

00:44:49.060 of connections

00:44:49.760 then if my kids

00:44:50.860 need help

00:44:51.400 with math tutoring

00:44:52.860 or they need help

00:44:54.640 with power lifting

00:44:55.440 I can just go

00:44:56.240 into that Rolodex

00:44:57.000 and pull somebody right up

00:44:57.960 and say hey man

00:44:58.620 here's what we need help with

00:45:00.660 and I can get those answers

00:45:02.040 and get those solutions.

00:45:03.760 Here's one other consideration.

00:45:06.040 Imagine being the bottleneck

00:45:08.000 to your children's growth

00:45:10.160 because you're too arrogant

00:45:13.780 to uncork yourself

00:45:16.300 and get out of the way.

00:45:20.780 Isn't that what you want

00:45:22.580 as a parent?

00:45:23.040 Like my oldest son and I

00:45:24.740 because he's 16 years old

00:45:25.940 sometimes we butt heads

00:45:27.100 and sometimes he wants

00:45:28.860 to compete with me

00:45:29.740 which is fine.

00:45:30.720 That's good

00:45:31.080 and that's healthy.

00:45:31.800 He's trying to figure it out.

00:45:33.380 When he beats me at something

00:45:34.960 he gloats

00:45:35.820 and he rubs it in

00:45:37.340 and he doesn't let it live

00:45:39.520 or die.

00:45:41.220 What he doesn't realize yet

00:45:43.040 and he will

00:45:43.660 is that doesn't upset me.

00:45:47.900 The fact that he's stronger than me

00:45:50.080 does not upset me.

00:45:52.140 No, it's not an excuse

00:45:54.260 not to get stronger

00:45:55.500 and so I do work out

00:45:57.160 and I do train.

00:45:58.100 I am trying to be stronger than him

00:45:59.560 because I know

00:46:00.180 like I can lead the way

00:46:01.480 but I don't get mad

00:46:03.140 when one of my kids

00:46:04.260 does better at something than me.

00:46:06.440 That's exactly what I want

00:46:07.940 and in order for them

00:46:09.760 to have things

00:46:10.520 that maybe I didn't have

00:46:12.220 or opportunities

00:46:12.780 that weren't available to me

00:46:14.140 or a skill set

00:46:15.300 that I don't currently possess

00:46:16.220 I have to bring in other resources.

00:46:19.360 So don't bottleneck

00:46:20.320 because you want to be

00:46:21.440 the savior to your kids.

00:46:22.920 It's a horrible, horrible

00:46:24.420 selfish thing to do.

00:46:26.480 And they don't

00:46:27.380 they don't believe it anyway, right?

00:46:29.340 So it's like

00:46:29.960 you just look like

00:46:30.740 more of a fool

00:46:31.640 you know

00:46:32.200 pretending that you have

00:46:33.240 your shit here.

00:46:34.680 For sure.

00:46:35.820 All right, what's next?

00:46:36.980 All right, Joshua Collins

00:46:38.400 what are some Thanksgiving traditions

00:46:40.180 that you and Kip do

00:46:41.580 and why are they important to you?

00:46:43.520 I don't

00:46:46.840 I mean

00:46:47.200 my Thanksgivings are different

00:46:48.660 than

00:46:50.140 like last year

00:46:51.220 the kids weren't with me

00:46:52.400 for the first time

00:46:53.180 in a very long time

00:46:54.200 so that was weird.

00:46:55.760 That's kind of weird

00:46:56.380 yeah

00:46:56.660 that first

00:46:57.300 first holiday

00:46:58.120 or whatever

00:46:58.660 solo

00:46:59.660 kind of sucks

00:47:00.700 actually.

00:47:01.660 Yeah

00:47:01.940 this year

00:47:03.260 they're with me

00:47:03.960 for Thanksgiving

00:47:04.760 but they're with their mom

00:47:05.880 for Thanksgiving weekend

00:47:06.860 you know

00:47:07.500 but

00:47:07.700 I don't really have anything

00:47:09.040 out of the

00:47:09.460 like abnormal

00:47:10.580 you know

00:47:12.240 whether it's like

00:47:12.940 breaking the wishbone

00:47:14.080 or having turkey

00:47:15.280 or whatever

00:47:15.660 which we might actually

00:47:16.780 be changing up this year

00:47:18.340 we might not be doing

00:47:19.100 turkey this year

00:47:19.840 so we'll see

00:47:20.700 but

00:47:21.720 yeah

00:47:22.740 it's the same

00:47:23.400 I don't know

00:47:25.120 I

00:47:25.280 I don't really ever

00:47:26.760 get into like

00:47:27.720 that stuff too much

00:47:28.880 maybe it's my personality

00:47:30.020 maybe I should

00:47:30.620 I don't know

00:47:31.000 maybe you have some ideas

00:47:31.900 Kip

00:47:32.100 because I don't really know

00:47:33.240 we just do what

00:47:33.780 everybody else does.

00:47:35.340 Yeah

00:47:35.400 we have a couple things

00:47:36.380 that I think are unique

00:47:37.360 that we do

00:47:38.120 so

00:47:38.660 first we go around

00:47:41.060 and we

00:47:41.460 we express

00:47:42.120 what we're thankful for

00:47:43.160 and

00:47:43.600 and usually

00:47:44.120 Thanksgiving

00:47:44.480 is not

00:47:45.140 just our family

00:47:46.320 usually we have like

00:47:47.580 30 to 50 people

00:47:50.060 at our Thanksgiving dinner

00:47:52.080 that's crazy

00:47:52.940 it's gnarly

00:47:54.100 the whole downstairs basement

00:47:55.880 you've been at the house

00:47:57.160 Ryan

00:47:57.420 like

00:47:57.720 yeah

00:47:57.980 that whole down

00:47:58.460 is just tables

00:48:00.020 just

00:48:00.420 stack full of tables

00:48:01.900 rows and rows of tables

00:48:03.420 rows and rows of people

00:48:04.620 and so we go around

00:48:05.760 and we

00:48:06.160 we

00:48:06.660 we give thanks

00:48:08.280 of what we're grateful for

00:48:10.040 and then

00:48:11.300 and then at the end of the night

00:48:13.940 we actually

00:48:14.760 we'll actually

00:48:17.500 well

00:48:18.720 in fact I'm getting two holidays

00:48:20.240 mixed up

00:48:20.660 I was going to say

00:48:21.100 we have a talent show

00:48:21.800 but that's Christmas Eve

00:48:23.060 that we do that

00:48:23.700 that's Christmas

00:48:24.220 yeah

00:48:25.260 so the

00:48:26.020 the expression of

00:48:26.920 of gratitude

00:48:27.600 like what we're grateful for

00:48:29.180 I mean

00:48:29.520 to be frank

00:48:30.220 because it matters

00:48:31.580 right

00:48:32.420 and we're trying to model

00:48:33.480 this behavior

00:48:34.100 to all these kids

00:48:34.920 that like

00:48:35.480 hey

00:48:36.500 life's good

00:48:37.520 and

00:48:38.580 and

00:48:38.900 and you need to express

00:48:39.920 what you're grateful for

00:48:41.120 and so

00:48:42.160 I think that's why

00:48:43.400 it's important to us

00:48:44.260 and

00:48:44.500 and to be frank

00:48:45.100 like this year

00:48:45.680 I think I'm going to

00:48:46.360 change things up

00:48:47.420 I'm going to add

00:48:48.320 a tradition

00:48:49.220 literally

00:48:50.020 I'm going to find

00:48:51.140 that speech

00:48:51.880 that George Washington

00:48:54.440 gave

00:48:54.960 around

00:48:55.640 the point of Thanksgiving

00:48:57.000 and I plan to read that

00:48:58.900 every Thanksgiving

00:48:59.460 from now on

00:49:00.460 just to level set

00:49:02.180 of like

00:49:02.700 why

00:49:03.180 why

00:49:03.940 do we celebrate

00:49:05.260 this holiday

00:49:05.820 and make sure

00:49:06.320 that it's present

00:49:06.980 for everybody

00:49:07.540 I also think

00:49:10.500 it's important

00:49:10.960 to explain

00:49:11.580 why gratitude

00:49:12.160 is important

00:49:12.720 because sometimes

00:49:13.400 it just gets pushed off

00:49:14.480 and for me

00:49:15.140 the most important

00:49:15.960 thing with gratitude

00:49:16.760 is it changes

00:49:17.620 my mindset

00:49:18.200 because

00:49:19.220 it's so easy

00:49:20.220 to wallow around

00:49:20.940 our own pity

00:49:21.500 and to throw pity parties

00:49:22.760 and talk about

00:49:23.560 how bad it is

00:49:24.420 or you miss that

00:49:25.280 or miss that

00:49:25.940 or that guy's better

00:49:26.600 than you

00:49:26.980 and this person's

00:49:27.620 better at this

00:49:28.180 than that

00:49:28.720 and it's so easy

00:49:30.020 to get down

00:49:30.580 that cycle

00:49:31.580 but I'm a pragmatic

00:49:32.940 person

00:49:33.500 if I'm doing something

00:49:35.420 it has to have

00:49:36.240 a real practical

00:49:37.540 element to it

00:49:40.200 and so for me

00:49:41.080 with gratitude

00:49:41.860 what it does

00:49:43.020 is it opens up

00:49:44.240 more opportunities

00:49:45.120 that I don't see before

00:49:46.580 because if I go

00:49:47.780 stomping my feet around

00:49:49.120 and marching around

00:49:50.080 and I'm all pissed off

00:49:51.260 about why I don't get breaks

00:49:52.700 and why people

00:49:54.100 don't like me

00:49:55.060 or why that person's

00:49:56.340 business is better

00:49:57.040 than mine

00:49:57.580 I will quite literally

00:49:59.740 close myself off

00:50:01.860 to potential opportunities

00:50:03.780 that exist

00:50:04.900 but I'm incapable

00:50:06.340 of seeing them

00:50:07.180 but I've noticed

00:50:08.660 that when I'm a more

00:50:09.640 grateful person

00:50:11.020 and I

00:50:12.440 am optimistic

00:50:14.240 about life

00:50:15.040 I recognize

00:50:16.660 the abundance

00:50:17.440 and prosperity

00:50:18.120 that I have

00:50:19.040 it is amazing

00:50:20.820 to me

00:50:21.180 how many

00:50:21.800 more people

00:50:23.180 present opportunities

00:50:24.920 or how much

00:50:26.440 more open

00:50:27.080 I am

00:50:27.400 to new ideas

00:50:28.640 to new investments

00:50:30.140 to different types

00:50:32.400 of conversations

00:50:33.200 with people

00:50:34.000 and it creates

00:50:35.380 as I said

00:50:35.980 a very practical

00:50:37.120 reason

00:50:37.720 for being grateful

00:50:39.280 in your life

00:50:39.880 outside of the

00:50:40.760 it's good for you

00:50:41.560 and it makes you

00:50:42.100 feel better

00:50:42.720 I get it

00:50:44.000 it does

00:50:44.520 personality wise

00:50:46.320 got it

00:50:47.080 yeah

00:50:47.320 but what is it

00:50:48.320 actually gonna do

00:50:49.120 that's what it does

00:50:50.040 I love that

00:50:52.200 all right

00:50:53.540 Damien

00:50:54.220 Yado

00:50:54.580 also I was gonna

00:50:55.080 ask you

00:50:55.520 favorite Thanksgiving

00:50:56.580 food

00:50:57.920 honey baked tam

00:51:01.000 honey baked tam

00:51:03.000 without a doubt

00:51:03.440 I can get behind that

00:51:04.280 I gotta have the

00:51:05.320 honey baked tam

00:51:05.960 oh and my devil

00:51:07.360 worst

00:51:07.780 worst

00:51:09.220 that's okay

00:51:09.680 yams

00:51:10.360 yeah worst

00:51:10.900 yams in cranberries

00:51:12.180 dude I'm with you

00:51:12.800 dude

00:51:13.320 and cranberries

00:51:14.140 cranberries

00:51:14.580 where they slice it

00:51:16.660 it's like jelly

00:51:17.320 I don't want

00:51:17.840 cranberry things

00:51:18.700 and I do not want

00:51:19.880 yams

00:51:20.380 they put marshmallows

00:51:21.500 and stuff

00:51:22.060 I'm like get that

00:51:22.780 away from me

00:51:23.400 send more stuffing

00:51:25.260 I don't want those

00:51:26.360 yams

00:51:26.700 I don't want those

00:51:27.220 cranberries

00:51:27.840 yeah those are the

00:51:29.420 worst two things

00:51:30.320 I'm like that shit's

00:51:31.280 nasty

00:51:31.840 I don't even know

00:51:32.720 I don't get it

00:51:35.060 yeah

00:51:35.640 Kip just be grateful

00:51:36.800 that you guys can

00:51:37.520 even have yams

00:51:38.280 okay

00:51:38.580 yeah yeah yeah

00:51:39.720 stop complaining

00:51:40.640 all right

00:51:41.560 Damien Yado

00:51:43.320 I'd be curious to

00:51:44.740 get your thoughts

00:51:45.320 on setting

00:51:45.880 ground rules

00:51:47.320 with parents

00:51:48.060 over the holidays

00:51:48.940 when they're

00:51:49.980 visiting from

00:51:50.600 out of town

00:51:51.320 my mother

00:51:52.580 is a diehard

00:51:53.380 liberal

00:51:53.760 very vocal

00:51:55.220 about politics

00:51:56.080 she's surrounded

00:51:56.880 herself with

00:51:57.540 other people

00:51:58.160 that all have

00:51:59.020 the same views

00:51:59.620 as her

00:51:59.980 and she makes

00:52:00.660 comments

00:52:01.240 offhandedly

00:52:02.300 as if it's

00:52:03.120 a sentiment

00:52:03.620 that everyone

00:52:04.220 in the room

00:52:05.160 shares

00:52:05.540 which is far

00:52:06.300 from the case

00:52:06.960 while I'm fine

00:52:08.300 with folks

00:52:08.720 having opposing

00:52:09.540 beliefs

00:52:10.080 I can handle

00:52:10.720 civil discourse

00:52:12.020 it doesn't seem

00:52:13.000 like the best

00:52:13.960 use of our time

00:52:14.700 and energy

00:52:15.300 when she's

00:52:16.160 visiting over

00:52:16.840 the holidays

00:52:17.580 any advice

00:52:18.760 on setting

00:52:19.180 boundaries

00:52:19.620 around topics

00:52:20.560 would be much

00:52:21.580 appreciated

00:52:22.440 I think the

00:52:24.400 easiest thing

00:52:25.060 that you can do

00:52:25.600 in this situation

00:52:26.340 is to look up

00:52:28.180 voter registrations

00:52:29.200 for everybody

00:52:29.900 who's coming

00:52:30.420 to your house

00:52:31.120 prior to Thanksgiving

00:52:32.400 and just don't

00:52:33.820 invite diehard

00:52:35.460 liberals

00:52:35.780 it's pretty easy

00:52:36.800 if they've ever

00:52:37.520 contributed to

00:52:38.440 the Democratic Party

00:52:39.500 or you know

00:52:41.160 that you can see

00:52:41.640 their political

00:52:42.060 affiliation

00:52:42.760 that's an easy

00:52:43.340 way to do that

00:52:43.920 and while you're

00:52:44.820 at it

00:52:45.080 just like

00:52:45.560 get the legal

00:52:46.560 paperwork in place

00:52:47.420 to like

00:52:47.920 disown them

00:52:48.580 as a family

00:52:49.600 exactly

00:52:50.160 exactly

00:52:51.440 no look

00:52:53.520 I mean

00:52:53.980 I don't

00:52:54.700 I don't know

00:52:55.340 the extent

00:52:56.000 to which she

00:52:56.540 does this

00:52:57.000 you know

00:52:57.220 you did say

00:52:57.700 a comment

00:52:58.060 like she presents

00:52:58.940 these ideas

00:52:59.540 as if they're

00:53:00.180 universally true

00:53:01.020 or whatever

00:53:01.400 well you do

00:53:02.300 that too

00:53:02.880 yeah yeah

00:53:04.020 right

00:53:04.400 we everybody

00:53:05.520 does it

00:53:05.940 regardless of

00:53:06.660 what spiritual

00:53:08.520 beliefs you have

00:53:09.400 regardless of

00:53:09.960 what political

00:53:10.420 beliefs you have

00:53:11.300 you wouldn't

00:53:11.660 have that belief

00:53:12.320 if you didn't

00:53:12.720 believe in it

00:53:13.360 so every time

00:53:14.420 that I open

00:53:14.840 my mouth

00:53:15.360 I'm always

00:53:15.880 saying things

00:53:16.600 and people

00:53:16.880 say that's

00:53:17.200 an opinion

00:53:17.600 of course

00:53:18.380 it's an opinion

00:53:18.980 I never said

00:53:20.380 it wasn't

00:53:20.840 but I don't

00:53:21.200 need to preface

00:53:21.880 my discussion

00:53:22.740 or talking

00:53:23.240 points with

00:53:23.760 this is my

00:53:24.740 opinion

00:53:25.120 we're all

00:53:25.500 smart enough

00:53:25.960 to figure

00:53:26.300 that out

00:53:26.760 yeah

00:53:27.400 again depending

00:53:29.720 on the level

00:53:30.620 to which she

00:53:31.160 does this

00:53:31.600 if it's just

00:53:32.160 obnoxious

00:53:32.880 and annoying

00:53:33.340 in the moment

00:53:35.160 a quick correction

00:53:36.000 hey mom

00:53:36.480 let's cut it out

00:53:37.440 let's let's

00:53:38.080 keep it on a

00:53:38.680 different topic

00:53:39.240 today can't we

00:53:39.960 yeah

00:53:41.040 it might be

00:53:41.640 something as

00:53:42.180 simple as that

00:53:42.780 if it's

00:53:44.540 something that

00:53:45.140 is more

00:53:46.020 severe

00:53:46.540 or it

00:53:47.200 continues to

00:53:47.900 happen

00:53:48.240 then I would

00:53:49.300 probably have a

00:53:49.740 phone call

00:53:50.100 and so I'd

00:53:52.140 get on the phone

00:53:52.720 hey mom

00:53:53.280 like I know

00:53:53.880 you're coming

00:53:54.220 for the weekend

00:53:54.740 and we're

00:53:55.620 excited

00:53:56.020 the kids

00:53:56.480 are excited

00:53:57.020 we love

00:53:57.460 having you

00:53:57.860 so exciting

00:53:58.480 can I please

00:53:59.720 make a request

00:54:00.440 do you see the

00:54:01.080 humility in that

00:54:01.780 the way I framed

00:54:02.460 that first of all

00:54:03.220 yeah

00:54:03.900 can I please

00:54:04.480 make a request

00:54:05.420 it's not hey

00:54:06.760 I need you to

00:54:07.300 do some things

00:54:08.080 or not do some

00:54:08.700 things

00:54:08.900 it's hey

00:54:09.560 can I just

00:54:10.080 make one

00:54:10.540 yeah

00:54:11.700 yeah

00:54:12.120 you need to

00:54:13.460 shut it

00:54:13.780 not I need you

00:54:14.480 to you need

00:54:15.060 to shut it

00:54:15.580 hey mom

00:54:17.100 can I can I

00:54:18.000 just make a

00:54:18.440 simple request

00:54:19.200 sure yeah

00:54:20.300 I mean she's

00:54:20.860 reasonable I'm

00:54:21.420 sure

00:54:21.620 say hey look

00:54:22.960 I really

00:54:24.460 we've had

00:54:25.260 blow-ups

00:54:25.860 family blow-ups

00:54:26.620 we've done

00:54:26.960 family gatherings

00:54:27.820 and like the

00:54:28.500 whole politics

00:54:29.120 it just it

00:54:29.840 makes a mess

00:54:30.560 out of things

00:54:31.200 and you know

00:54:32.020 you make jabs

00:54:32.720 and so do I

00:54:33.300 and it's fun

00:54:33.760 to a point

00:54:34.280 but I think

00:54:34.740 the last couple

00:54:35.340 years it just

00:54:36.040 seems to have

00:54:36.640 gotten out of

00:54:37.180 hand and my

00:54:38.720 request this

00:54:39.340 year would be

00:54:39.960 can we just

00:54:40.600 not do that

00:54:41.480 this year

00:54:41.940 can we keep

00:54:44.180 the emphasis

00:54:44.660 on family

00:54:45.900 and God

00:54:47.160 and gratefulness

00:54:49.740 and enjoying

00:54:50.900 each other's

00:54:51.380 company and

00:54:52.100 being kind

00:54:52.760 and tolerant

00:54:53.260 and fun

00:54:54.400 with each

00:54:54.720 other

00:54:54.960 if she's

00:54:56.840 like no I'm

00:54:57.340 not gonna do

00:54:57.820 that well I

00:54:58.480 mean you have

00:54:58.820 some choices

00:54:59.360 to make in

00:54:59.940 that case right

00:55:00.720 but I think

00:55:01.480 she's probably

00:55:01.940 gonna say yeah

00:55:02.420 we can do

00:55:02.740 that and you

00:55:03.420 know what'll

00:55:03.720 happen she'll

00:55:04.240 say yes but

00:55:05.500 then she'll

00:55:05.900 cross the line

00:55:06.760 but in that

00:55:08.040 case you need

00:55:09.500 to say this

00:55:10.220 privately by the

00:55:11.120 way you don't

00:55:11.380 do this publicly

00:55:11.980 hey mom you

00:55:13.980 remember last

00:55:14.800 week I asked

00:55:16.200 you about not

00:55:17.480 making this

00:55:18.700 difficult with

00:55:19.360 some of those

00:55:19.740 political discuss

00:55:20.400 like we just

00:55:20.860 want to be here

00:55:21.280 and be present

00:55:21.880 this is the

00:55:23.020 line I'm

00:55:23.380 talking about

00:55:24.000 yeah can we

00:55:26.120 please refrain

00:55:26.860 from this and

00:55:27.420 just move on

00:55:28.040 like if you

00:55:28.640 want to hash

00:55:29.080 it out over

00:55:29.520 politics I'll

00:55:30.220 do that with

00:55:30.640 you we can do

00:55:30.960 that next week

00:55:31.540 or whatever but

00:55:32.200 here I don't

00:55:32.960 want to do

00:55:33.280 that so I'm

00:55:34.260 just asking that

00:55:34.840 we don't do

00:55:35.220 that that's the

00:55:35.700 line that I

00:55:36.300 was talking

00:55:36.680 about totally

00:55:38.420 I think I

00:55:39.480 think those

00:55:40.180 little adjustments

00:55:40.980 are enough but

00:55:43.160 there is an

00:55:43.960 interesting phrase

00:55:44.880 and quote that

00:55:45.580 I've latched on

00:55:46.580 to is especially

00:55:47.860 when it comes to

00:55:48.360 boundaries we

00:55:49.860 encourage what we

00:55:50.620 tolerate so if

00:55:53.260 you've never said

00:55:54.280 anything before or

00:55:56.120 you never call it

00:55:57.260 out in the moment

00:55:58.060 not only does she

00:55:59.520 think it's okay

00:56:00.360 she actually thinks

00:56:01.960 it's welcomed

00:56:02.500 so you have a

00:56:05.520 responsibility especially

00:56:07.060 for your family

00:56:07.800 your kids your

00:56:08.460 wife your other

00:56:08.980 family members who

00:56:09.680 want to enjoy the

00:56:10.740 holidays together to

00:56:12.680 actually bring

00:56:13.780 something up ahead

00:56:14.480 of time if it's

00:56:15.460 needed and then to

00:56:17.120 make corrections in

00:56:18.560 the moment privately

00:56:19.460 and with respect if

00:56:21.200 they happen

00:56:21.680 totally and this

00:56:23.700 just reiterates the

00:56:24.820 importance of us to

00:56:26.840 be able to manage our

00:56:28.420 emotional responses to

00:56:30.120 things right because

00:56:31.100 everything that you

00:56:32.260 just said is super

00:56:33.060 easy to do when

00:56:34.060 you're not fired up

00:56:34.920 right but but if

00:56:37.260 someone says

00:56:38.100 something off the

00:56:38.760 table and I take it

00:56:39.720 as a personal attack

00:56:40.840 and my blood starts

00:56:41.760 boiling you know

00:56:43.020 what I mean then

00:56:43.660 good luck doing that

00:56:45.860 really well right

00:56:47.200 you it's going to be

00:56:48.440 obvious that you're

00:56:49.740 in an in an emotional

00:56:51.120 state and you're

00:56:52.320 probably going to say

00:56:52.940 something you

00:56:53.360 shouldn't be saying

00:56:54.040 so you know just as

00:56:56.320 a you know I know

00:56:57.260 this is not part of

00:56:57.860 the question but just

00:56:58.620 like man guys if if

00:57:00.360 you get riled up and

00:57:01.360 mad because someone

00:57:03.000 disagrees with you

00:57:03.900 politically you need

00:57:05.200 to figure that out

00:57:06.480 you need to figure out

00:57:08.240 why you can't

00:57:09.400 emotionally have

00:57:10.980 someone else disagree

00:57:12.000 with you and you not

00:57:13.140 get pissed off that's

00:57:14.820 a problem it's a good

00:57:17.420 point and you're not

00:57:18.020 going to be able to

00:57:18.660 deal with boundaries or

00:57:19.780 anything else if you

00:57:21.020 can't control your

00:57:21.700 emotions well and and

00:57:25.320 as the man of the

00:57:26.280 house I would also say

00:57:28.420 it's your responsibility

00:57:29.540 to nip it even

00:57:31.540 publicly in a way if

00:57:32.520 if you have to so

00:57:33.400 for example let's say

00:57:34.340 your brother says

00:57:35.720 something stupid because

00:57:37.580 he's an instigator and

00:57:39.700 he's starting he's

00:57:40.640 trying to rile mom up

00:57:41.700 and then mom's getting

00:57:42.400 riled up and now

00:57:43.140 they're going back and

00:57:43.840 forth you're the man

00:57:45.080 of the house so it's

00:57:46.540 your job to say hey

00:57:47.320 guys stop stop time

00:57:49.480 out time out hey can

00:57:51.560 I just say something

00:57:52.280 like let's table that

00:57:54.340 conversation why don't

00:57:55.720 we go around the table

00:57:56.680 and everybody can

00:57:58.100 share what they're

00:57:58.560 grateful for because I

00:58:00.480 want to change the tone

00:58:01.340 of what's happening

00:58:01.900 here and they will do

00:58:03.500 that because people

00:58:05.980 need other people to be

00:58:07.960 assertive and they need

00:58:09.340 direction and they need

00:58:10.480 leadership and they will

00:58:12.400 follow it and if they

00:58:14.700 don't follow it then

00:58:16.080 then you move it from

00:58:17.060 there I had a

00:58:18.020 conversation with a

00:58:19.600 friend just just about a

00:58:21.700 week or so ago and we

00:58:24.740 were getting a little

00:58:26.180 bit heated with each

00:58:27.100 other about some in

00:58:29.620 some differences in in

00:58:31.460 the way that we run

00:58:32.480 business and things like

00:58:33.360 that and I could like

00:58:35.900 both of us were agitated

00:58:37.120 yeah but I noticed that

00:58:39.120 he was getting really

00:58:40.300 fired up and his the

00:58:41.880 volume of his voice was

00:58:43.780 speeding up or getting

00:58:44.840 louder and his tone was

00:58:46.660 more agitated like it was

00:58:48.280 getting worse and I said

00:58:50.060 whoa whoa hey and I

00:58:51.800 stopped the mid-sentence I

00:58:52.760 said let let's just stop

00:58:53.980 for a second we're not

00:58:56.580 going to do it this way

00:58:57.560 we can have a

00:58:59.500 conversation about it we

00:59:00.760 can disagree we can

00:59:02.060 come to some sort of

00:59:03.520 consensus but we're

00:59:06.060 going to bring down the

00:59:07.200 tone of the conversation

00:59:08.260 yeah and I said it just

00:59:10.740 like that he's like yeah

00:59:11.580 okay yeah you don't

00:59:13.080 you're right I will and

00:59:14.800 he brought it down to his

00:59:15.580 credit and I brought mine

00:59:16.580 down and we actually had a

00:59:18.080 really productive

00:59:18.560 conversation we walked

00:59:19.540 away with some

00:59:20.320 understandings and it was

00:59:21.320 actually productive but

00:59:23.260 had I not said anything

00:59:24.640 he would have got more

00:59:26.720 and more angry then he

00:59:28.300 would have said something

00:59:29.260 that would have got me

00:59:30.620 angry and then all of a

00:59:32.060 sudden it becomes a

00:59:32.680 shouting match and we

00:59:33.500 blow up business and we

00:59:34.420 blow up friendship just

00:59:35.820 because none of us neither

00:59:37.000 one of us were willing to

00:59:37.880 say hey well let's bring

00:59:39.580 the temperature down that's

00:59:41.000 your job it's your house

00:59:42.240 your place your rules

00:59:43.420 you're the man you're the

00:59:44.500 leader it's not your wife

00:59:45.640 not your kids not your

00:59:46.480 grandpa not whoever it's

00:59:47.740 you so you dictate the

00:59:50.440 tone of the environment

00:59:52.180 over the holidays yeah

00:59:54.100 yeah good call so a

00:59:56.940 question from Jay you

00:59:59.180 know publicly just

01:00:00.060 congratulate Jay in his

01:00:01.660 retirement from New

01:00:03.300 Jersey right from the New

01:00:04.780 Jersey Police Department

01:00:05.700 so appreciate 25 years

01:00:08.200 of service yeah appreciate

01:00:09.860 you Jay appreciate all

01:00:10.840 that you do and he has a

01:00:13.080 great question and it's

01:00:14.320 funny because Jay had

01:00:15.120 like a preface like I

01:00:16.340 want to preface this I'm

01:00:17.280 like there's the preface

01:00:18.460 is not needed I didn't

01:00:20.100 he I didn't think so

01:00:21.080 either yeah what do you

01:00:22.340 said or did you want to

01:00:23.180 read the preface no I

01:00:24.820 don't want to read the

01:00:25.340 preface it's not I'm just

01:00:27.280 saying because people

01:00:27.920 might be interested where

01:00:29.300 basically he said hey

01:00:31.100 it's just my thought on

01:00:32.100 it or whatever it's like

01:00:32.880 yeah but if you have this

01:00:33.900 thought other people have

01:00:35.000 this thought and the

01:00:36.240 question is completely

01:00:37.240 relevant so I love the

01:00:38.420 question yeah me too he

01:00:40.320 says when do we stop

01:00:41.820 debating what it means to

01:00:43.200 be good at being a man and

01:00:45.380 just be one I often feel

01:00:47.120 my father and

01:00:47.800 grandfathers didn't

01:00:48.800 debate what it meant to

01:00:50.020 be good at being a man

01:00:51.340 they just were I think

01:00:55.340 this is a product of the

01:00:56.880 times and our progressive

01:00:58.260 nature of culture we we

01:01:01.180 live in the information

01:01:02.880 age that's what we're in

01:01:04.600 so everybody is dealing

01:01:06.800 in information including

01:01:08.040 order of men but when

01:01:09.860 our grandfathers were

01:01:10.800 around they weren't

01:01:12.400 dealing with information

01:01:13.620 they were dealing with

01:01:15.040 application they were in

01:01:16.720 the fields laboring in

01:01:18.360 the fields they were in

01:01:19.420 the factories building

01:01:21.240 products they were

01:01:22.420 building bridges and

01:01:23.620 building roads and new

01:01:25.520 construction and erecting

01:01:27.220 buildings and being

01:01:31.080 cowboys and you know like

01:01:32.520 all the things that we

01:01:33.660 used to do as men that we

01:01:34.780 just don't do today because

01:01:36.400 we're operation operating in

01:01:37.840 this information age that

01:01:38.920 we have access to more

01:01:40.280 information than we've ever

01:01:41.320 had and part of the

01:01:42.480 problem although I do

01:01:43.500 love this problem to some

01:01:44.560 degree is that we live in

01:01:47.200 a social media era so

01:01:49.820 everybody has a platform

01:01:51.540 everybody has an equal

01:01:54.040 opportunity to pontificate on

01:01:56.340 anything and everything

01:01:57.640 regardless how ignorant or

01:01:59.180 intelligent they are about

01:02:00.360 a subject and it has led to

01:02:04.420 continual debate and

01:02:06.520 discussion about things that

01:02:07.920 just don't need to be

01:02:08.960 discussed matter yeah

01:02:10.360 now I will say this is not

01:02:13.300 an entirely new phenomenon

01:02:15.040 that we have men like

01:02:17.780 Marcus Aurelius who actually

01:02:19.100 said that quote I believe

01:02:20.460 but he was a philosopher so

01:02:23.440 he spent plenty of time

01:02:24.960 thinking about writing about

01:02:28.060 discussing you know you have

01:02:30.340 Seneca and you have Epictetus

01:02:32.100 and all of the ancient stoic

01:02:34.260 philosophers who just continue

01:02:36.500 to pontificate and then you

01:02:37.620 have people today you know

01:02:40.140 Jordan Peterson comes to

01:02:41.800 mind Andrew Huberman like

01:02:43.260 these guys who are very

01:02:45.460 intelligent and information

01:02:49.040 driven and that's not to

01:02:51.660 take away anything from guys

01:02:53.080 like that but it's a lot

01:02:54.660 easier to discuss ideas than

01:02:57.880 it is to apply them and I'm

01:03:00.060 not by the way I'm not saying

01:03:01.380 that towards Andrew Huberman or

01:03:02.720 Jordan Peterson I'm just saying

01:03:04.560 in general Kip it's a whole lot

01:03:06.940 easier for you and me to say

01:03:08.400 hey here's how you handle your

01:03:09.420 kids than to handle them

01:03:10.940 tonight when you get home from

01:03:11.920 work yeah and we have so many

01:03:16.320 different ideas you know we

01:03:18.240 used to operate this is a

01:03:19.820 multifaceted problem but when

01:03:22.320 our grandpa grand grandfathers

01:03:24.620 were kids and our great

01:03:25.540 grandfathers they were operating

01:03:27.560 in local small communities and

01:03:30.520 villages and and tribes so for

01:03:34.880 me for me to question what the

01:03:38.340 tribe did meant ostracization

01:03:40.880 from the tribe and personal

01:03:42.640 alienation and potential risk

01:03:44.800 because we operate and our

01:03:48.100 access to information outside of

01:03:51.180 the tribe was greatly diminished

01:03:53.740 if not non-existent in fact the

01:03:55.780 only thing I knew about the other

01:03:57.080 tribe or the other village is

01:03:58.760 those people are evil and they

01:04:00.760 try to take our land and steal

01:04:03.480 from us and so my job is

01:04:05.640 antithetical to what theirs is

01:04:07.380 they were the enemy and now we

01:04:10.100 live in this global very deeply

01:04:14.300 connected society where I could

01:04:16.300 very easily hear an idea from a

01:04:18.420 man in China just as easily as I

01:04:20.860 could hear an idea from my next

01:04:22.960 door neighbor and so all of these

01:04:25.760 ideas are coming at us in

01:04:27.280 different ways and we're bombarded

01:04:28.960 all the time and so we

01:04:30.120 constantly have to contend with

01:04:32.140 opposing viewpoints that we just

01:04:35.340 didn't have to contend with 200

01:04:38.100 500 a thousand years ago there was

01:04:40.160 no contending viewpoint and if there

01:04:41.860 was you went to war with that

01:04:42.980 tribe and they killed you and took

01:04:45.400 your women or you killed them and

01:04:46.540 took theirs yeah well it's a little

01:04:48.560 different now so I think that's part

01:04:49.840 of it well and specific to Jay's

01:04:52.560 example of his father and his

01:04:54.560 grandfather is you know we're not

01:04:57.160 doing probably as good as we used

01:04:59.000 to in regards to modeling how often

01:05:01.940 have we heard that question what does

01:05:04.120 it mean to be a man I don't have

01:05:06.680 someone in my life that has taught me

01:05:09.900 right so it's causing a conversation

01:05:13.680 because the modeling is absent people

01:05:17.180 don't know what it looks like

01:05:18.500 unfortunately and so there is

01:05:21.800 discussions around something so

01:05:23.280 simplistic that generations that'll

01:05:25.600 go it would be a silly question

01:05:27.400 could you imagine asking your dad

01:05:28.660 that I can't even imagine asking my

01:05:31.160 dad that hey dad what's a man he'd be

01:05:32.880 like what what's wrong with you right

01:05:35.220 like don't be an idiot smack in the

01:05:37.500 back of the head keep shoveling right

01:05:39.820 stop trying to like get out of work

01:05:41.480 right like he would think it's stupid

01:05:43.640 that I'd ask that question and now

01:05:45.940 that question's normal which is super

01:05:48.760 sad right and so I think it's a lack of

01:05:51.240 modeling you know to your point Jay when

01:05:54.720 you have the modeling of a great

01:05:56.480 father and a great grandfather in your

01:05:58.220 life it is silly to ask the question

01:06:00.560 what does it mean to be a good man you

01:06:03.200 know unfortunate part there might be

01:06:07.140 people in society today that don't know

01:06:09.420 they have no idea because men have

01:06:12.980 neglected that responsibility

01:06:14.320 unfortunately well and so here's what I

01:06:18.160 would say and I think you're spot on

01:06:19.260 with that Kip is when we started order

01:06:21.240 of man almost 10 years ago now so next

01:06:23.400 year will be 10 years and I used to say

01:06:26.480 this maybe I should say it more but I

01:06:29.120 don't know if you remember I used to say

01:06:30.420 a lot our job is to bridge the gap

01:06:32.080 between what we know and what we do and

01:06:34.900 when I looked around 10 years ago what

01:06:36.700 was available in this now what we call

01:06:39.360 men's space it wasn't then but what we

01:06:41.780 call the men's space now is a lot of

01:06:45.860 fluff a lot of talk and a big gap between

01:06:48.900 applying the information yeah and that's

01:06:51.840 what order of man was and is and that's

01:06:54.320 what iron council was established for so

01:06:56.560 maybe we need to illustrate that a little

01:06:58.300 bit more but what I would suggest to you

01:07:00.720 and I don't know the ratio so let me just

01:07:02.540 throw these out as arbitrary numbers is

01:07:04.580 that you spend a one-to-one ratio on

01:07:06.760 consumption of information and application

01:07:09.000 of it or maybe it's two-to-one one part

01:07:13.040 information two parts application again I

01:07:15.580 don't know what the ratio is but if we

01:07:17.680 start thinking about it like that maybe

01:07:20.220 we put more books down and then we

01:07:24.540 actually go out and go golfing with our

01:07:27.220 buddy do yeah right maybe we don't jump

01:07:30.280 on YouTube we rebuild the carburetor in

01:07:33.580 the truck that we've always wanted to

01:07:36.260 build or we go take a martial arts class

01:07:40.020 or we go to a firearms course or instruction

01:07:42.560 so whatever information that that is one

01:07:45.840 of the problems with information age is

01:07:48.380 you'll hear hear guys and they take so

01:07:51.160 much pride in reading a hundred books how

01:07:53.060 many books did you read this year I read

01:07:54.160 a hundred books in 2024 why why what about

01:08:00.100 just two or three maybe four I'll give you

01:08:03.140 four one per quarter and then the rest of

01:08:05.900 the time was start was was uh application

01:08:08.900 of the information you had go ask 20

01:08:12.280 people today whether it's at the gym or at

01:08:14.820 your work or wherever just ask them this

01:08:16.040 question how you doing what would they

01:08:18.400 say Kip the majority of them you think

01:08:20.100 if well how how or how was your day like

01:08:24.660 or what no just saying like done today or

01:08:26.540 or how was your day or how are you doing

01:08:29.540 one of those two questions what do you

01:08:31.120 think the answer would be doing good

01:08:32.320 really busy we wear it as a badge of

01:08:37.260 honor yeah busy busy with what now if

01:08:41.680 you answered that question truthfully

01:08:44.200 you'd start to document that you're

01:08:47.260 busy with a lot of bullcrap that you

01:08:48.820 should not have been busy with yeah so

01:08:52.720 yeah I think there's a ratio there that

01:08:55.160 maybe is tilted and maybe it's time we

01:08:58.020 consider how to bring that back yeah yeah

01:09:01.480 I like that all right last question all

01:09:04.720 right Joe Gunter recently I've been

01:09:07.440 thinking about a story where a father

01:09:09.720 had a vision of a family going through

01:09:11.520 trials and tribulations and the majority

01:09:14.160 of the family made it to the end of the

01:09:15.920 path and celebrated together as a family

01:09:18.480 but some of the family did not make the

01:09:20.300 journey one son wanted to know deeper

01:09:22.500 meaning of this vision so he asked me

01:09:24.720 was given the same and a basic tutorial

01:09:27.300 about his father's vision my question is

01:09:29.500 this what are some of the things your

01:09:31.860 father saw and experienced that the

01:09:34.440 lessons he passed on to you still

01:09:36.100 resonates with you today

01:09:37.280 you know I didn't really have a very

01:09:40.960 close relationship with my father I

01:09:43.740 loved my father in fact I just pulled

01:09:45.680 up last night his Facebook page he's

01:09:49.060 he's passed away now but I pulled up

01:09:51.440 his Facebook page and I saw pictures of

01:09:53.820 him when he was younger and I saw one

01:09:56.400 where he was sitting there smiling with

01:09:58.460 my sister on his back when she was

01:10:00.220 probably I don't know five six years

01:10:02.440 old like it was a it was it was kind of

01:10:04.960 hard to go through even now I feel like

01:10:06.500 a little bit emotional as I as I think

01:10:08.200 about that yeah so we didn't have this

01:10:10.140 close relationship and in a lot of ways

01:10:12.200 I had a lot of resentment towards my dad

01:10:13.880 for not being around or for perceived

01:10:16.300 abandonment I don't feel that way now

01:10:18.320 but that's how I perceived it when I was

01:10:19.840 growing up I think he made bad choices

01:10:22.880 and I think given the chance he would

01:10:24.220 have made I I have to hope that he

01:10:26.560 would have made different choices and I

01:10:28.060 probably would have to when it came to

01:10:29.880 our relationship but one thing that I've

01:10:32.200 always admired about my dad is that he

01:10:37.260 always had a lot of heart in anything

01:10:39.500 that he did and he was so talented he was

01:10:44.500 so incredibly talented and he was able to

01:10:48.540 connect with people in a way that I have

01:10:51.020 never seen before people loved him he he

01:10:55.380 did paint for most of his life and why

01:10:57.860 he never started his own store I'll

01:10:59.300 never know but he didn't and so he always

01:11:01.220 worked with other places other companies

01:11:03.340 and other organizations and he moved up

01:11:05.040 in those companies very quickly but he

01:11:07.140 always was on the sales floor he did a

01:11:08.920 little mixing and things like that but he

01:11:10.200 was always on the floor in these paint

01:11:11.360 stores and during the summers I would go

01:11:13.700 spend time with him and there the bosses

01:11:16.640 would let me come in I was young probably

01:11:18.260 12 13 years old and I would go stock paint

01:11:21.220 in the back and I would inventory it and

01:11:23.860 stock it and the boss you know sometimes

01:11:25.480 they'd give me a hundred dollar bill or

01:11:26.760 whatever for doing work over the weekend

01:11:28.960 it was a lot of fun but I observed my dad

01:11:31.160 in those moments and I was always

01:11:34.360 just a little emotional

01:11:38.980 always blown away with his ability to

01:11:43.440 connect and relate with people and bring

01:11:47.260 down walls and it was just it was amazing

01:11:51.360 and I can't really think of a better

01:11:55.400 skill set than that because everything

01:11:58.940 that we do in life is to connect with

01:12:01.320 other people we have to be connected with

01:12:03.200 other people there's no decision that

01:12:05.440 we've ever made in life personally

01:12:06.880 professionally romantically etc that did

01:12:09.400 not involve another person and I learned

01:12:12.300 a lot just by seeing him do that and I

01:12:14.840 never felt like it was a game or a charade

01:12:17.660 or a like a a thing that maybe he didn't

01:12:20.160 even have to learn I just felt like he was

01:12:22.540 always curious always pretty optimistic and

01:12:27.040 joyful about life and just loved people

01:12:31.120 I'm not always the same loving Pete the loving

01:12:36.360 people part but but that is a lesson that has

01:12:40.840 stuck with me is like how do you relate and

01:12:42.980 connect with people and he taught me it's

01:12:44.680 curiosity and just having a genuine desire

01:12:47.120 to see other people do well and be good

01:12:48.640 yeah you know I probably for me it would

01:12:55.540 be my dad's relentless work ethic

01:12:58.740 part of it is is due to the nature of his

01:13:04.280 work right that he chose to take on you

01:13:06.580 know like when I was younger it was a dairy

01:13:10.580 farm and anyone that's been raised on a

01:13:12.640 dairy farm you can't skip there's no the

01:13:15.680 cows have to be off you can't take a day

01:13:19.620 off you know and and eventually he sold

01:13:22.600 that dairy farm he could have sold the

01:13:24.420 farm he didn't have to continue working

01:13:27.780 that farm he eventually ended up being a

01:13:31.140 coal miner because farming never makes

01:13:33.520 enough money and so he farmed he was a coal

01:13:38.220 miner and then he was a butcher and I have

01:13:43.540 never I've never heard him complain once

01:13:47.800 about work he just did it because it needed

01:13:54.460 to get done that's it never I just and it's

01:13:59.700 fascinating to me and and and to be frank

01:14:02.220 it's probably the the greatest gift he ever

01:14:04.240 gave me was the gift of work and and I and I

01:14:09.260 say that with the idea of the experience when I

01:14:14.100 think about it is you know I don't know waking

01:14:17.260 up Saturday morning having to wake up early on a

01:14:20.160 Saturday morning when you're a teenager and

01:14:22.100 you're thinking like you know I should be able to

01:14:24.420 sleep in and going out and working all day long

01:14:30.480 until it's dark and and those moments of walking

01:14:35.720 back to the house feeling great of all the stuff

01:14:42.480 that I did that day and that that was the

01:14:46.400 ultimate gift that he gave me he's just

01:14:49.540 relentless and and then ironically enough and

01:14:52.360 these are things I don't I can't give him credit

01:14:55.420 for when I was younger I these are things I

01:14:58.060 realized later in life but I never heard him

01:15:01.260 ever talk bad about anybody and I never heard

01:15:04.780 him talk bad about my mom not once and he has

01:15:09.240 plenty of reasons to to do both but I've never

01:15:13.800 heard him talk ill of her not once and not only

01:15:17.560 that I later learned how smart he was he's highly

01:15:23.180 smart but he never never acted like smarter than

01:15:29.080 anybody and he really is like so in just

01:15:32.440 insanely humble a very humble individual and was

01:15:36.700 just focused on getting the job done and those

01:15:39.400 were the main things that that I got from him for

01:15:42.740 sure you know what's interesting is you were

01:15:46.280 sharing that cap I don't I I never met your dad

01:15:48.480 but and both of our fathers have passed away now I

01:15:51.540 know both of us in in our own way had strained

01:15:53.660 relationships with our fathers yeah and what's

01:15:57.000 interesting to me is you were sharing that is

01:15:58.900 that in spite of the strain that you and I each

01:16:01.020 had with our individual fathers there's still so

01:16:04.180 many redeeming qualities because we choose to see

01:16:07.160 them yeah like it's easy and in fact I think there

01:16:12.080 are situations in both of our lives and I won't get

01:16:14.200 too personal it's easy to see why other people may

01:16:17.360 choose not to yeah and to actually empathize a

01:16:20.620 little bit with that but we've decided that we

01:16:22.860 will you know sometimes people say like oh what's

01:16:27.280 what's like what kind of questions do you like or

01:16:29.260 what's your favorite question that question right

01:16:31.200 there the who what's his name sorry you closed the

01:16:36.100 wrap I closed the window I'll say it while you're

01:16:39.800 pulling it up okay the way that question was framed and

01:16:42.900 just the question that might actually be and doing

01:16:45.180 this for almost 10 years now that might actually be my

01:16:47.920 favorite question ever because it got me thinking about

01:16:52.360 some things like some memories that I had not thought

01:16:55.380 about for a very long time Joe I really appreciate that

01:16:58.360 question Joe Gunter yeah I really appreciate that

01:17:00.700 question that's a good one yeah well and it's and it's

01:17:03.860 funny how the lessons by the way the lessons keep coming

01:17:06.380 they keep coming like I I was just talking with my wife

01:17:12.580 about this just a couple weeks ago when I was in third

01:17:16.760 grade I moved away from my dad and lived and in for all

01:17:24.300 intents and purposes you would assume my parents got

01:17:26.220 separated or divorced right I didn't move back until high

01:17:31.000 school they never got divorced and our moving was on my mom's

01:17:38.080 terms and I can't help but look back at that and go if if my

01:17:43.820 wife came to me and say hey you know I'm gonna take the kids

01:17:46.060 and move around you know you stay here keep working fund our

01:17:50.920 moving around we'll pick up a never extra rent wherever we go and

01:17:55.780 you just keep plugging away and you'll be here for when we come

01:17:58.780 back there's no way I'd put up with that right uh selfishly and and

01:18:10.460 he did right but but that's something that I never even like never

01:18:14.460 even crossed my mind I'm like that's really weird little did I

01:18:17.840 realize what that probably meant to for him what hardship that

01:18:22.480 brought how difficult that was for him how unloving that probably

01:18:27.920 felt and and but in my 40s it finally dawns on me you know I

01:18:35.580 mean that dawns on you interesting yeah yeah fascinating crazy well

01:18:40.640 guys those are some great questions today I took a lot of

01:18:42.680 notes my head was down a lot because I'm taking notes and I

01:18:44.820 have I have hundreds and hundreds of ask me anything notes in

01:18:49.100 my folders and everything else I very rarely go back through

01:18:52.300 them but man I should spend some time going back through them

01:18:54.660 and just like see if anything stands out to me but that was a

01:18:57.380 powerful one I'm great I'm grateful for those uh questions

01:18:59.440 today yeah thank you guys so a couple things um store.orderofman.com

01:19:05.160 that's where you can go to get your order of man swag we have uh a

01:19:10.160 resurplused of Forrester windbreakers in order of man hoodies yep so the

01:19:15.600 windbreakers the one I so I have this one there's a black one and then

01:19:18.320 there's the um it's uh I call it clandestine but it's like the

01:19:21.860 stealth camo so it's black and gray it's very subtle but it's the same

01:19:25.600 windbreaker and this black and gray subtle camo and then of course our

01:19:28.940 high quality hoodies it's green tan and black with the order of man crest and

01:19:34.020 logo on the front those are that's an everyday type where you wear for me do

01:19:38.340 you remember when we went out to uh uh Minnesota I don't know if he didn't

01:19:42.140 have it on this time or maybe he did but Matt's dad Tom had uh did he wear his

01:19:47.180 green order of man hoodie while we were out there at all did you see it or

01:19:49.840 notice it I saw I I think he did because I saw him with order of man gear on I

01:19:55.440 don't know if that was the same one or not but so he has one that's like kind

01:19:59.540 of you know put together fairly new and I'm like where's your other one he's

01:20:03.120 like oh that one's at home that's my good one and that's the one that's like

01:20:07.420 bleached out and stained no the one that's like gross in the pocket I know is

01:20:11.640 ripped off and I think right here's ripped he loves that hoodie man he's had

01:20:15.800 it for like six years or something at this point it's crazy that's funny so

01:20:21.300 every year it's funny because every year I usually will send him a hat or a

01:20:24.920 hoodie or something every year for like five years and every time I see him he

01:20:29.380 has that one that I gave him five years ago and that's all he wears it's

01:20:32.580 hilarious to me but hey that's good hoodie is hard to find yeah that's store.orderofman.com

01:20:38.220 for the hoodies and then the other call out is we have the the men's forge event

01:20:42.920 that's coming up uh next year May 1st through the 4th uh to sign up and to learn

01:20:49.000 more it go to the go to themensforge.com that's right that's it all right guys

01:20:56.200 well Kip alluded to this and said this that tomorrow is Thanksgiving I hope you

01:21:00.060 guys are able to enjoy family and friends and remember the beautiful

01:21:02.960 blessings that we have we do um it may not always feel like it you know I know

01:21:06.900 guys are going through hard times um I've gone through hard times as we all

01:21:10.780 have and sometimes it's some years it's harder than others to be grateful for the

01:21:16.480 things that you do have I understand that um do it anyways because even in

01:21:22.800 hardship there's a lot to be grateful for and I really truly believe as a

01:21:26.900 pragmatic approach to life that if you can even force yourself if you have to to

01:21:32.480 be grateful you'll come out of those challenges quicker and better off so yeah

01:21:40.280 that's it Kip I uh I guess I would say maybe to be a little bit cheesy is is also

01:21:45.420 say I'm really grateful for you like our friendship and this professional um

01:21:49.880 opportunities that we have to work together the things I've learned from

01:21:52.440 you man cannot be overstated it's um it's been it's been great to get you to know

01:21:57.980 you and also go on hunts with you now and like this is this is cool man and uh you're

01:22:03.120 a big part of this movement and what we do and I love you like a brother and I'm

01:22:06.780 grateful for you thank you sir all right you guys that's it we'll be back on

01:22:12.020 Friday until then go out there take action and become the man you are meant

01:22:15.480 to be

01:22:15.840 thank you for listening to the order of man podcast you're ready to take charge of

01:22:23.760 your life and be more of the man you were meant to be we invite you to join the

01:22:27.700 order at order of man.com

01:22:29.780 you

Order of Man - November 27, 2024

Establishing Boundaries, Father Legacy, and Networking Properly ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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