Order of Man - ETHAN SUPLEE ｜ Unpacking and Uncovering Truth

00:00:00.000 Gentlemen, back to visit again is repeat guest and friend, Ethan Suplee. Now guys, this is an

00:00:06.280 extraordinary actor. You've seen him in Remember the Titans, American History X without a paddle.

00:00:13.060 And of course, my name is Earl, but he's also an extraordinary man and has a ton of valuable

00:00:19.780 wisdom to share as it relates to life and success, overcoming adversity, losing weight, getting in

00:00:25.320 shape, and basically disciplining your life. Today, we talk about all sorts of topics like

00:00:30.660 masks and COVID to public school, how to make it in Hollywood and film, the value of hard work and

00:00:37.360 value-driven decisions. We also talk about mental and emotional health, the ease of modernity,

00:00:43.100 and ultimately uncovering and unpacking the truth with a capital T. You're a man of action. You live

00:00:50.800 life to the fullest, embrace your fears, and boldly chart your own path. When life knocks you down,

00:00:56.280 you get back up one more time, every time. You are not easily deterred or defeated, rugged, resilient,

00:01:03.300 strong. This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become. At the end of the day,

00:01:09.820 and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man. Gentlemen, what is going on today?

00:01:15.440 My name is Ryan Mickler. I'm the host. I'm the founder of the Order of Man podcast and movement.

00:01:20.460 Welcome here. Welcome back. Glad you're tuning in. This is very important, not only for me,

00:01:26.180 but for the hundreds of thousands, if not millions of men across the planet who tune in, who listen,

00:01:32.380 who are inspired by, and most importantly, who are acting upon the information and resources that

00:01:38.280 we're sharing to improve their own lives, the lives of their family members, the lives of their

00:01:43.920 community members, and just making the world a better place. The world is unequivocally a better

00:01:50.040 place when men do what they need to do to step up for themselves and the people they love, the

00:01:55.700 people they care about, and those who cannot take care of themselves. So that's my mission is to give

00:02:00.440 you resources, tools, and specifically in this podcast conversations to win and thrive and to succeed

00:02:07.300 in life. Now I've got a great podcast with a repeat guest, Mr. Ethan Suplee. We're going to talk

00:02:13.840 about that in just a minute. Before I do, I want to make a mention that we've got an event coming up

00:02:19.820 on May 28th. So that's a little less than a month away. If you've ever thought about coming to Maine,

00:02:26.300 you've wanted to check out maybe my property here in Maine. We're about an hour and a half north of

00:02:30.860 Portland. And you've got a son between the ages of 12 to 16. Then I would encourage you to get

00:02:37.240 registered as soon as you possibly can. Cause we have, I think three spots left for our right of

00:02:43.820 passage event called Squire program. I've partnered up with Bedros Koulian and his team, specifically

00:02:48.640 Ray care. Uh, and this is going to be an incredible one day event that is going to help you usher your

00:02:57.220 son into manhood. I'm going to talk more about it during the break, but for now you can check it out

00:03:02.880 at squire program.com slash Ryan squire program.com slash Ryan. All right. Let me introduce you to

00:03:11.480 Ethan. If you do need an introduction, uh, he's again, an extremely, extremely talented actor with

00:03:17.320 dozens and dozens of roles on both TV and the silver screen. Uh, you might remember him as the

00:03:24.600 quote unquote fat actor. Uh, but over the past several years, Ethan has radically transformed not

00:03:31.140 only his physical image, but really every facet of his life. In fact, he's lost over 250 pounds and

00:03:36.960 it goes well beyond just what he looks like, but who he is as a man. Now I had the opportunity and

00:03:42.380 privilege to sit down with him. We've become friends over the past year or so, uh, for this podcast and

00:03:48.700 just to really observe him and how he performs. We had our conversation. I got to observe one of his

00:03:54.140 workouts and I can say that this is a man who knows exactly who he is. Uh, he knows exactly what he

00:04:00.180 wants and also what needs to be done to achieve it. He's also the host of the American glutton

00:04:06.760 podcast. A lot of you guys probably listen to that. Uh, and I think he's somebody that we can all

00:04:12.060 resonate with and learn from enjoy. Yeah. I bet things have changed. Cause you started acting

00:04:18.340 what probably like was it the mid nineties or so early nineties, early nineties. It's so weird. I've had

00:04:23.660 kids ask me recently, like, how do I get into acting? What are the steps to get into acting?

00:04:30.240 And I truly don't know today because when I, when I started, I had a, a hard copy of a photograph

00:04:38.020 and I would actually put it in the mail and send it to people. And like, I don't think that, I mean,

00:04:45.880 I know the post office still exists, but like, I haven't sent a letter to somebody in 15 years or

00:04:52.360 something like that. And I don't have a single hard, I don't have a tangible picture of myself

00:04:57.100 anywhere. Right. It's all everything's digital. Yeah. So did you, how did you know to even to do

00:05:02.000 that? There was a, uh, there were a couple of, um, like trade entertainment, trade magazines or

00:05:10.140 publications. One was called a backstage. I guess there's still variety in the Hollywood reporter,

00:05:15.800 but you would go to the back of it and you'd see like advertisements for like agent seeking

00:05:21.040 talent, like that kind of thing. And then you literally just mail them a picture of yourself

00:05:26.080 and hope somebody called you. So these were, you were mailing that stuff into agents. Yeah. You're

00:05:32.720 trying to find an agent. Yeah. So that was the direction. It's like, you don't reach directly out

00:05:36.020 to the studios. No. You reach out to an agent. That person decides we're going to represent you.

00:05:40.660 And then they are the ones that in turn go work in the studios. Yeah. But I mean like the studios is a

00:05:45.980 big jump. Eventually people are talking to studios on your behalf, but at first it's the agents are

00:05:51.560 then just talking to casting directors. Oh God. So like looking for just somebody journeyman work.

00:05:58.080 Yeah, exactly. And then when you are, you know, going to be, uh, part of the lead of a television

00:06:05.040 show, then you're talking to studios. I don't know that they ever got to the point where they were

00:06:09.040 talking to studios on my behalf for film. Right. Cause that's like even another level up,

00:06:15.220 which I don't know, it's all shifting now, you know, it's blurring. Those lines are blurring.

00:06:20.160 Yeah. I mean, I think about that with, uh, like Netflix and just streaming services, Apple,

00:06:25.580 like all these streaming services, I bet it's changed so much. It's wild, dude. I mean,

00:06:31.440 when I started acting, the first job I had was TV and then that was like the minor leagues and the

00:06:37.840 major leagues were film. And so then I kind of went and started doing movies. And so there was like

00:06:42.840 almost a 10 year period where it was like, I would never do TV. I'm a, I'm a film actor.

00:06:47.360 Oh really? And it felt like it was a step down. It was for sure. A step down. Is that like

00:06:51.840 collectively that's the agreement? Everybody pretty much thinks that it changes. So that was the mid

00:06:56.680 to mid nineties to the mid aughts. And then it was, um, you know, working in movies at my level

00:07:05.040 where I made a, I made a good living, but you're kind of like a part of a carnival. You're, you're,

00:07:10.120 you know, six months in Romania and four months in Montreal and you're kind of all over the place.

00:07:15.440 And so at that point I'm having kids, I've got a wife and it was, what's a job that keeps me in LA

00:07:22.320 for a long period of time. And then it, so there was real reevaluation of priorities. And then it

00:07:28.720 was like, Oh, TV does that. I'm going to do TV now. Got it. Did TV. And there was a shift at that

00:07:36.100 point where it was like, TV is really good, but it was hard to go back to movies after that.

00:07:41.220 What made that hard for you, the actor or people are, are the, the perception of you changes.

00:07:48.120 The perception of you changes today at the top level, you'll see people going and doing both

00:07:54.540 like, you know, superstars, super film, movie stars are going and doing HBO limited series

00:08:01.500 and still doing movies. And now Netflix, you know, Amazon prime won best picture at the Academy

00:08:07.660 Awards with a movie that I don't even think was in the theaters. Yeah. It's Coda, right? Yeah. I

00:08:13.660 didn't see it. Todd was actually talking about yesterday and I briefly heard about it, but I

00:08:18.280 didn't, I didn't see it. I didn't see it either. Yeah. Or maybe it was an Apple plus thing. I don't

00:08:22.880 know. Who knows? Right. But it was not, it wasn't a movie. And I think a lot less people are going to

00:08:29.360 movies that post pandemic movie theaters are probably just opening. Um, that's one of the

00:08:34.980 things I miss the most about today. The present is I really enjoy the experience of going to see

00:08:42.780 a movie in a theater. Yeah. And, and we have a very large TV, a very comfortable couch. You know,

00:08:49.140 you can pause it to go to the bathroom if it's long. I still, it's still different. Yeah. I would

00:08:53.460 prefer to go have an experience of putting my phone down. Right. Or risking the ridicule of

00:09:00.580 somebody, you know, throwing popcorn at me, you know, something like that. I like that. Uh, but I

00:09:06.520 also kind of cannot relate really to the modern generation. There's a lot where I go like this

00:09:14.240 does not comport to the way I think. And I struggle with it, but I just go like, I want people to exist

00:09:21.540 in the way that they want to exist. I would also like to be allowed to exist in the way that I

00:09:26.080 want to. You know what I mean? Like I do believe in this idea of narratives and, and, and truth being

00:09:33.820 a rather personal thing. Um, and so there's this struggle over like enforced truth. And, and I go

00:09:41.440 like, I just want to go to the movies, man. I just want to go to the movies. And, and I think there is

00:09:47.160 some objective truth. You know, there is a hundred percent. There is like biological truth, for

00:09:52.200 example. And then I think you're right. I think the, the overwhelming majority is our perception

00:09:57.040 of it. Yeah. Right. How our values shape the way we interpret scientific data. Right. But even that,

00:10:04.940 like there is no absolute in science. Like that's one of the foundational principles of science.

00:10:10.520 That's the point, right? To discover different things. I mean, we used to think that, that this was

00:10:14.820 the center, the earth was center of the universe. Right. We realize, or, you know, scientists,

00:10:19.820 the whole, the job of scientists is to constantly question and to constantly think up new tests to

00:10:25.440 question data that they believe is, is, is, uh, solid or, or, you know, even if you look at like

00:10:33.300 the absolutes in science, the laws of science, gravity, the speed of light, these things fail.

00:10:38.780 We can see them failing. And the foundation for all of that is like, um, some huge percentage of

00:10:45.940 the universe is made up of dark energy and dark matter, which we don't, we can't. So all of our

00:10:50.580 math is predicated upon this idea that a thing that we don't understand at all, we cannot touch it or see

00:10:58.160 it or prove it. It's just, we know it exists. And I go like, okay. So for me, the,

00:11:04.520 the way I interpret truth is like, there's my truth. What, and this is based on my value system,

00:11:13.840 which you're saying, when you say my truth, I want to clarify because I think words are important.

00:11:20.140 I do too. But so you're saying your, your opinion or your perception of something or your

00:11:25.440 relationship to the way you see it, how I value stuff. So like, um, you and I can agree that this

00:11:32.120 is a table, right? I would say that there could be some, you know, version of a tribe in New Guinea

00:11:40.920 that perceives this as something totally not a table, you know, right. And it's a shelter or

00:11:46.100 whatever. Right. But we agree. It's a table. My truth is I really like this table. That's my truth.

00:11:53.760 It doesn't have to affect or have anything to do with your truth. You could hate it,

00:11:58.300 but we, so this is the three truths, my truth, your truth, and then truths that we come to terms

00:12:06.200 on and agree upon. And usually I would think that science would have this through line of things

00:12:13.420 that we can agree are true regardless of how we value them. But I think that's the, that's the point

00:12:19.980 I think you're making right there is that our value systems to me seem so polar opposite in a lot of

00:12:28.140 cases, you know, and I, we had dinner with some friends the other night and I can't remember who

00:12:32.700 brought it up, but they had said that there used to be a time in politics where, you know, one side

00:12:39.840 of the aisle might see it this way and the other side of the aisle might see it this way, but the

00:12:44.220 value system was very much the same. It was just how that got completed. Right. Yeah. And now it seems

00:12:52.640 like to me, the value systems are not even like, we're not even speaking the same language.

00:12:57.520 Yeah. For, for, for me in politics, I don't trust any of them. I think it's all a giant show. And I think

00:13:05.460 what happens, uh, outside of like CNN and Fox is like, uh, if we look inside the sausage factory, I, I, I

00:13:13.420 believe it's pretty gross. And I think that they then come out and have this way of behaving in front of their

00:13:19.400 constituents that I perceive as being really dishonest. So I agree with what you're saying.

00:13:27.580 I do think there is a, a, a wedge being driven into these value systems of like this team values X,

00:13:36.920 but, but, but I, but I don't think that's true either because I don't think it's any of it's being

00:13:40.800 presented as a value system. I think it's being presented as, uh, it's become religious, like these,

00:13:48.740 these political ideologies in, uh, I love religion. I think all, you know, I think there's like

00:13:56.920 really valuable things in religion. Um, that doesn't mean that you're an eyes, uh, interpretation

00:14:07.280 of what God is has to be exactly the same. And I think that's fine too. But what, what breaks down

00:14:14.540 is when you say you must believe in my God, right? Because my God is the one God. And that's

00:14:21.700 what I see in, in politics is this point of my values are the only values that are true

00:14:29.540 and real. And therefore anything you want to accomplish based on your values, but it's not

00:14:35.420 presented as that it's presented as this is what is right based on science. And I go again,

00:14:41.040 science has no value system at all. Right. It shouldn't be politically driven. It shouldn't

00:14:46.340 have a value attached to it. It's just, it's just taking the preponderance of evidence and

00:14:51.220 saying, this is what happens if this, if these, under these circumstances, this is what will

00:14:57.440 occur based on that. I want to determine my life. And if you can't, and here's what people

00:15:04.680 need to understand too. If you can't prove it, then it's not science. It's not scientific.

00:15:10.520 You might take it through that process. You're like, well, I don't know, but it sounds right.

00:15:14.220 No, that's not scientific. That might be your perception. That might be the lens you view life

00:15:19.380 through, which is, there is some value in that, but it's not scientific. So let's not conflate

00:15:23.920 the two. And, and even if it is, let's talk first and foremost about what the objective is,

00:15:30.660 because the objective behind it is really important. Just throwing this is science as a tag onto

00:15:39.980 anything. I go like, well, I don't care. Equals MC square has no bearing on my life unless I want to

00:15:48.180 figure out how long it takes for light to appear to my eyes. When I flipped the switch, like there's

00:15:53.960 no, there's no, uh, worth to that. So whatever it is, um, well, I would challenge that a little bit

00:16:03.360 though. And I would say, so let's take that equals MC squared, getting light to my eyes. I don't know

00:16:08.580 if that's the calculate. Cause I'm like you, I have no idea, but there's somebody out there and let's

00:16:12.960 just hypothetically say that's accurate. There's somebody out there who does care about it and they

00:16:18.560 can find a way to make that light bulb more effective, more efficient, better. Right. But

00:16:23.980 so it's important. We just don't care, but somebody out there cares. Right. But that's his objective.

00:16:31.360 His objective is I want to make more efficient light bulbs. And I go like, great. Go. If that's

00:16:36.580 what you want to do, go do that. I don't want to get in your way. Right. I don't want to throw a bunch

00:16:40.760 of data at you. That's contradictory because it's going to bog you down. You do you. I'm saying more

00:16:47.640 of like, I'm a guy who takes many risks in my life and I'm aware of them. And some, I might find out

00:16:58.560 that they're more risky afterwards. Like let's take, for instance, speeding in a, on a freeway.

00:17:04.940 Every time I drive, the speed limits are generally set as an idea of this is the safest speed to drive.

00:17:15.580 Right. Actually, it's not even that it's the most amount of risk we're willing to accept for getting

00:17:21.880 from point A to point B. Right. Because the safest would be don't drive at all. Exactly. So this is,

00:17:27.180 this is an area where it's like science says don't get in a car because if you value life,

00:17:32.840 you would never get in a car. Right. And I go like, I can weigh the value of my life and put it up

00:17:39.580 against the science that says don't get an, ever get in a car, you know, which is total BS because

00:17:45.820 again, there's no value to science. It's only going to tell you that your risk goes up, right?

00:17:51.960 It's not saying you're absolutely going to die if you get in a car. So you can apply that to anything.

00:17:57.580 So at the, at the beginning, I just go like, let's get out of the way with all this value and stop

00:18:04.520 speaking about it in a religious way. Yeah. I think that's well. And the challenge too,

00:18:10.160 is that, well, speeding is a good example. So, so you might say, well, I should be able to go as

00:18:16.100 fast as I want. It's my life. Well, yes, true. And you're hurling down the road at a hundred miles

00:18:23.820 an hour. And there's a thousand other people right around you that you're going to impact.

00:18:27.980 So then, then that brings into question like COVID for example. So it's my life. I can take

00:18:34.940 a vaccine or not. I can do this or that. Like it's my life. I can wear a mask or not. Right. And so the,

00:18:40.180 the argument is, well, you know, you're, you're impacting other people. It's like, okay, well maybe

00:18:46.140 like there, there's, there's a tolerance there. Like, sure. What, what are we quote unquote allow?

00:18:52.800 Should we be allowed to do? And what should we not? Yeah. You know?

00:18:55.780 I, yeah, this becomes very, like, I'm a fan of the non-aggression principle. And, and so this,

00:19:01.840 this, it becomes very theoretical because if I'm breathing oxygen at some point, am I taking oxygen

00:19:09.060 away from you? You know what I mean? Like, is there a finite amount of oxygen and do I have to plant a

00:19:14.560 tree every year to justify my existence? Right. There's that, which I just go like, this is too

00:19:20.840 ethereal for me. Right. I'm going to get into what are you doing physically to affect me right

00:19:31.200 here, right now? Deliberately, intentionally. Exactly. Sure. And, and like, if I can't look at

00:19:38.160 it and go, that is deliberate, that is intentional, right? Your existence right now is not perceptibly to

00:19:46.140 me deliberately, intentionally aggressive towards me, but I'm sure there could be somebody sitting

00:19:51.520 here going like, he's not wearing a mask. He is trying to give me COVID. And then their interpretation

00:19:56.840 is completely different to mine. And so for that scenario, I just go like, if that's my perception,

00:20:03.940 I remove myself from your presence. Yes. That's correct. That's, this is my value system.

00:20:10.120 Right. Right. And otherwise I say to you like, Hey, do you mind just, you know, we're, we both

00:20:18.100 have to stand in line here. I have some COVID issues. Like I'm, this is a big thing. Would you

00:20:23.640 mind just staying six feet away from it? Whatever science says it's safe. Right. And, and then like

00:20:30.320 this is, I think it's up and down. Cause if the restaurant, you know, like it, it doesn't, it's not

00:20:35.160 distance, it's height. So if we're sitting, we're fine. We're sitting. Yeah. We're good. We're

00:20:38.360 standing up. We're in trouble. Deadly, deadly. Um, but this is the way I'm trying to process

00:20:44.700 everything. Like, uh, it's just such a strange time where there are so many voices saying so much

00:20:52.460 that at the end of the day, I just hear is I want, I want, I want, you know, um, I want you to

00:20:59.400 believe this. I want you to behave this way. And I'm just like, God, this is overwhelming. I just

00:21:03.840 want to go to the movies. Well, there is a level of personal responsibility that I think has

00:21:08.340 shifted to. Uh, I'll give you a little small example. So we're at the airport yesterday,

00:21:13.000 waiting for a flight to, to come over here. Um, and I didn't have my mask on and I sat down and

00:21:18.480 I'm like, I'm sitting down and I'm like, I don't have my mask on. And this, uh, elderly couple came

00:21:24.280 and they had their masks on and they sat literally right by me. And then I heard them sneering at each

00:21:30.300 other. Like this guy has a mask. I can't believe it doesn't. And I didn't say anything. Cause I don't

00:21:35.100 need to get in fights with elderly people at the airport. That's not something I want to do.

00:21:38.540 Yeah. Um, and, uh, you know, I didn't say anything and I didn't put my mask on, but in my head I was

00:21:43.560 like, you know, they came and sat by me. Like it was that big of an issue. Yeah. Go sit somewhere

00:21:49.220 else. I also think it, it, this whole thing falls apart because had you had a bottle of water in your

00:21:54.760 hand, does that mitigate the whole thing? Does their risk disappear? Because in the airport,

00:22:01.100 I travel a lot too in the airport. If you're eating or drinking, your mask is off. You know what

00:22:07.260 I mean? Nobody, nobody's asking you to chew or swallow with your mask on. You're having a beverage

00:22:12.920 or taking it, you know, I have four kids, one of them. Uh, and it's wild to travel with her. I tend to

00:22:21.280 be a guy who's like that the airline I'm in the airport, the airport has asked me to wear a mask.

00:22:27.420 I'm going to wear a mask, right? If I'm allowed to take, I don't like wearing masks. If I'm allowed

00:22:33.020 to take a mask off to have a bedroom beverage, I'm probably going to have a beverage with me

00:22:36.760 the whole time and not have a mask on. It's going to take you three hours to get through a bottle

00:22:40.980 of water. I just like, if this is the, I'm in your spot. If this is what you want, fine. Here I am.

00:22:47.320 There's no masks in my house and I always have to get a new mask now when I go to the airport

00:22:51.860 because I don't like them. Um, but I have a kid who has gone through this. She's 22 and it's not

00:23:01.320 antagonistic at all. It just doesn't exist for her. She has no, this, this whole, like, it's almost

00:23:11.080 like the pandemic didn't happen for her where I'm like, we experienced the same thing together, but

00:23:17.540 you are never doing this as a point to get across to people. You're never fighting with anybody about

00:23:25.820 it, but you also never have a mask on. Like what, how, how are you doing this? Because I envy her a

00:23:31.780 little bit. I mean, she's also, you said she's 22. She's probably relatively healthy. So we're,

00:23:38.020 we're not even looking at it through that lens. No, but I mean, like she's not even looking through

00:23:42.540 that lens. Like I have 22, I have a 17 year old who wants to fight with people. My 17 year old,

00:23:48.940 like is like, watch this. I'm going to show you my face and you say something. I'm going to say

00:23:55.000 something back. And I'm like, please, we're in an airport. Like, just like, why do we have to do

00:24:01.140 this? Like it's, it's more of a hassle to do what you're doing. And then she, we're with this other

00:24:07.420 kid. Who's just like, what? Oh, mask. Oh yeah. Okay. And then she'll put the mask on and then

00:24:14.220 I'll blink and the mask will be off, but not it's, there's no fight in her at all. It's really wild.

00:24:20.440 Isn't that weird to see how different all of your kids are? Cause I have four kids too. Mine are

00:24:24.980 younger. So they're all in the house still. Um, and it's, it's so weird to see their personalities.

00:24:30.520 I remember this is probably a year and a half ago. We were at church and everybody had their mask on

00:24:36.120 and I'm like, well, I'm not wearing a mask. Like I'm not doing it. I'll sit away from people.

00:24:40.340 Like I can respect that. You know, you sit away from me. I'll stay away from you. We won't shake

00:24:44.340 hands. We won't pretend like we like each other. Like it's cool. Um, and so we sat down, we're the

00:24:49.380 only members of the congregation that didn't have a mask on. And my daughter was like, people are

00:24:54.660 looking at us. I said, yep. And that's going to happen. She's like, should I put my mask on? I said,

00:24:59.000 you can, if you want. And she was, I think seven or eight at the time. I said, you can, if you want,

00:25:03.980 she's like, well, I don't want to. I said, then don't, but there's a risk associated with that.

00:25:07.380 And that's, people are going to judge you. Right. You're going to risk, you know, maybe

00:25:10.880 ostracize, maybe they'll ask us to leave. Yeah. Like you don't have to do that, but there is a risk

00:25:16.080 to doing that as well. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I, that my, my youngest sounds like this kid you mentioned,

00:25:22.180 and she is, um, she is the mask police in our house. Really? And, and it really isn't that she likes

00:25:30.540 wearing a mask. It's that she doesn't want to experience the hassle. And so she's just like,

00:25:37.220 listen, dad, you got to get this one in check because she's going to fight with people at the

00:25:42.780 airport. And then the other one, she's just out of it and doesn't know there was a pandemic. And so

00:25:47.700 you got to get her in check too. And I'm like, how about you do that? I'm going to let you have

00:25:51.460 that. And she's like, I'm the kid. They don't listen to me. You know? So she's trying to win you.

00:25:55.900 She's the negotiator. Yeah. She knows how to work it. Yeah. That's awesome. Do you have

00:26:00.080 four girls? Four girls. Yeah. Four girls. Four girls and a granddaughter any day. Oh really? Yeah.

00:26:06.900 How's that? I mean, you don't know any different, but about, I don't know boys. Yeah. That's what

00:26:12.500 I'm saying. And, and like my experience, there were certainly boys around when the kids were younger.

00:26:17.900 And now there's a whole new set of boys where I get to experience like, uh, sons-in-law, which are,

00:26:23.560 which is really, really cool because I have probably a very different relationship with

00:26:29.200 them than I would have had with a son. I did, I did very much want a son with the last two.

00:26:36.340 And the, um, you know, the, the, the two youngest girls are named after my father. My father's

00:26:43.400 name is William Frank. Okay. Supply. And they are named, uh, Francis and Billy. Oh, that's cool.

00:26:50.280 And so like, I got to do that, which I wanted to do. And, um, but you know, there's no like

00:26:57.420 trying to force like masculinity upon them. It's still, they're still very feminine

00:27:02.480 gals. Um, but I did always want a son. And so now I hope to, I've got four girls, my odds

00:27:09.980 of getting a grandson are pretty high and I get a stepson, uh, not stepson, sons-in-law and

00:27:15.780 that's wonderful. Yeah, no, that's cool. I've got, I've got three, three boys and a girl

00:27:20.860 and it's just, it's amazing. Not only are their personalities different between them all, but

00:27:25.120 there's a distinct difference that is not societally constructed. Right. Between my boys

00:27:31.680 and my daughter, a hundred percent. Yeah. And it is so, it's, it's actually fun to participate

00:27:36.820 in all of it. Yeah. I, I, I struggled with, um, nature versus nurture. Cause I assumed

00:27:44.420 before I had kids that, uh, the way we raised our kids would be the predominant factor on

00:27:51.860 who our kids became. And, and, uh, and, and I, I don't know that, you know, I, I sometimes

00:27:58.960 think about kids, like for me, having kids was the most profound thing that's ever happened

00:28:04.340 to me. And, and so I, I, and I don't know what's true for myself. I, I haven't like gone

00:28:09.980 like this makes the most sense. I'm going with this, but there's like, is it spiritual? Is

00:28:15.640 there a spiritual connection? I want it to be that I want to have a spiritual connection

00:28:20.140 to these people. And then I go, maybe it's just biological. And it's just like my genetic

00:28:25.260 instinct is this is the most valuable thing on earth and I must protect it and make sure

00:28:31.140 nurture it. So I've thought about that. Like, and there's other, there's other animals out

00:28:37.840 there. Let's just say it's biological. Yeah. And there's other animals out there that aren't

00:28:42.660 like that. Right. Especially for the male. I mean, yeah, sure. Right. Like males that will

00:28:49.160 eat their kids. So I'm not convinced that it's just, Oh, well, it's just nature because

00:28:55.960 to me, I'm thinking, well, if it was just nature, I'd eat my children so I can have sex

00:29:00.560 with my wife again or the other a hundred other ladies around that I see. Yeah. So there's,

00:29:05.260 there, there's more to it than that. I agree. I then get into like, we're very complicated

00:29:11.080 compared to most other mammals. Like, so, yeah, I mean, you know, I read, um, Sapolsky and,

00:29:20.700 and I think like, Oh, there's no free will. And we're just meat puppets that are controlled

00:29:26.240 by hormones. And then I read Maimonides and I go like, or Maimonides as I've been corrected.

00:29:32.380 Um, and I go like, Oh no, that's not true at all. God is this wonderful abstract thing

00:29:37.640 that's painted such a beautiful picture. And, and, and our meaning is free will, you know what

00:29:44.600 I mean? And, and, and so I battle between those two points. Either way, I have a profound connection

00:29:52.740 with my children. Right. So it doesn't matter. Right. Like the explanation, it's so strange.

00:29:59.200 I, um, I've been writing a lot and I'm writing a memoir and I like the most important thing

00:30:08.800 that I feel I could talk about is my relationship with my wife and the really massive shift that

00:30:15.660 occurred in my life due to that. And it's the hardest thing to write. And part of it is I don't

00:30:22.660 really want to figure it out. You know, you like the mystery of it or, or the exploration of it.

00:30:28.600 It's like, if, if I knew for sure that I was a meat puppet and everything was, uh, you know, um,

00:30:38.020 chemicals that were going to do what they were going to do regardless. Right. If I knew that for

00:30:43.560 sure. And I figured that out, would it make me feel apathetic about life? You know? And so in the same

00:30:50.640 way, if I knew for sure what this dynamic was, uh, that the, the effect of my wife having on me,

00:31:00.320 um, if I spotted it, if I could then reproduce it, like what would that change my course? I don't

00:31:08.280 know. It becomes a very tricky thing. I find myself writing about it and going like, I don't

00:31:12.940 want to go down. Yeah. I, it's interesting. My life is so, I went from having these like

00:31:21.220 split second fantasies as a kid of like what life could be. And then immediately it all seemed

00:31:28.460 like a Marvel movie. Like stop. That's not for you. You're never going to have that. That's

00:31:33.780 fantasy. Right. And so to wake up today and go like, Oh my God, the fantasy is like,

00:31:42.360 yeah, all that, all that stuff I dreamt of has happened. And, and like, and it's real

00:31:48.440 and, and it's better than I could have ever imagined it. Um, I don't know. It's like a

00:31:55.240 scary thing to analyze for me. Do you ever, do you ever have concerns that let's just say

00:32:01.300 you have this dream in your mind and you wake up and you think, man, it's actually real.

00:32:05.080 It's all happening. And then you have this fear of, well, what if it's gone? Yeah. Like

00:32:10.080 what if it changes? What if I get injured? What if, uh, what, uh, it could be a thousand

00:32:16.140 different things. And then all of a sudden it's just gone. Well, I do. I, I, but I happen

00:32:21.600 to know for sure. And this is where I feel safe. And this is where like, um, agency is

00:32:29.460 plays a big role in my life. I know for sure that I could wreck it all. And so I, I existed

00:32:39.360 in a way for the first half of my life, wrecking my life, constantly wrecking my life. And I

00:32:45.140 was succumbing and I was just going in a downward spiral basically. And so the shift towards up

00:32:54.780 and, and this wonderful life, um, could be very easily derailed if I just took on any of

00:33:02.820 the behaviors that I had, uh, in my other life, you know? And so that, that's scary, you

00:33:09.460 know, but it's almost like you're driving really fast in a car and there's the concrete medium

00:33:14.700 and you're like, what happens if I just drive into that? You know what I mean? Like the car

00:33:21.360 flips and you die and like, that sucks. I'm not going to do that. You know what I mean? It's

00:33:26.300 kind of one of those things. Like looking at the subway in New York, you know, that third

00:33:31.820 line is like, you touch that you're dead. Like that's a game over, but like, but what

00:33:39.180 you can't, I can't help, but like visualizing, like, yeah, you jump down there and you bend

00:33:45.440 down and you grasp this thing and you are fried, right? I get that picture and I go like staying

00:33:52.380 away from that. You know what I mean? So that I do have that fear only because I existed

00:33:58.640 for so long in a way that would destroy my life today. And I'm so much happier now than

00:34:06.820 it's something that's so valuable to me that I would not, I, you know, it's not worth it.

00:34:13.060 The trade-off is not worth it.

00:34:15.140 Do you, do you tend, when you think about that fear, do you tend to be somebody who, well,

00:34:20.160 here's the two camps I see. And I, and I know there's a variation of all this, but here's

00:34:23.820 the two camps I see. One camp is like, get while the getting's good. Like things are awesome

00:34:28.540 right now. So I'm just going to live life a thousand miles an hour, do everything I can

00:34:32.040 right now. Cause one day it might all be gone. That's one side. The other side is, well, it

00:34:36.740 could all be gone. So I'm going to hedge all my bets. I'm going to play it safe. I'm not

00:34:40.600 going to push myself too far a little bit, but not too far to risk any of this. And so it's

00:34:45.180 more of that conservative crowd. For, for me, the, the goodness is through constantly

00:34:52.360 working towards making it good. Right. So there could be just like, I could wake up one

00:34:58.440 day and I do often wake up and go like, I don't want to get out of bed. I just want to

00:35:03.900 lay here and, and pull the blanket over my head and do nothing. Right. That's the risk

00:35:11.340 because the, the goodness is actually tough work, right? It's getting up and participating

00:35:18.140 and being accountable to people. And that's what is tough work, but also makes, gives me

00:35:26.960 meaning and, and makes me feel better than I've ever felt in my entire life. And so I don't

00:35:33.000 know. I don't think about it in quite either of those ways, just that, you know, there's a

00:35:39.200 weird thing, uh, that I experienced hiring people or, or being in the vicinity of people

00:35:46.260 hiring people nowadays, which is very different than when I first started working, which, you

00:35:52.140 know, is this idea of hard work. Right. And, and I've always taken work very seriously and

00:36:00.080 I've never thought about life as work until 20 years ago. And I went like, if I applied all

00:36:06.240 my morals and ethics of work to life, my life changes and it did. Right. Um, and so I hear

00:36:13.040 about like this idea of hard work being oppressive, um, or oppressive, oppressive. Like I never thought

00:36:21.080 that I didn't either. It's totally foreign to me, but, but like you, there's, there's become

00:36:27.880 a big place in the workspace for, um, how people feel. Right. Right. And so this to me

00:36:35.560 is like, well, I knew guys like that when I started working too, we just called them lazy

00:36:42.300 and they would never, ever openly say, um, I need a, you know, a mental health day or something

00:36:50.020 like, right. Right. The idea that people would get together and go, uh, you know, and look, I,

00:36:57.700 I'm taking my specific area of work. Right. I can't say what it's like to work in a factory

00:37:04.660 because I've never worked in a factory. So I have no idea. I would think, yeah, I'm sure of it. Um,

00:37:09.940 I think for the most part in America, we have very, very easy lives, right? We actually have to

00:37:16.260 work hard to create actual challenges. And so because there is no physical challenge to life

00:37:24.480 of like finding food, finding shelter, or so little of that in America that we now are finding ways to

00:37:31.980 survive as identities, which to me is completely, completely foreign. It's just not the way I was

00:37:38.300 raised. And it's always like, interesting, like your identity is at risk. Like, what does this mean?

00:37:45.400 I can't affect who you are. Just be you. Right. You know what I mean? Like what I think should

00:37:51.040 have no bearing on it. By the way, I'm sure there's tons of people that think very little of me

00:37:55.300 and I don't care. Doesn't impact you. Right. Right. Unless you allow it to. Sure.

00:38:01.780 All right, guys, I'm going to step away from the conversation with Ethan very quickly. Uh, I

00:38:06.620 mentioned it earlier, but if you have a son between the ages of 12 to 16 and you're worried about the ease

00:38:12.860 and convenience of, of modern times with regards to how he'll grow up, I would like to invite you to

00:38:20.020 our first ever Squire program in Maine. Now this is a one day event. It's not even an event. It's more

00:38:26.880 like a rite of passage. And this is designed to help you usher your young men into manhood.

00:38:33.740 I've invited Bedros Koulian and his team to my property here in Maine. You've been hearing me

00:38:39.040 talk about it for the past three years to put on this father son event. Unlike anybody has ever,

00:38:45.080 ever experienced. So if you're ready to take your relationship with your son to the next level,

00:38:49.740 uh, and you want to equip him with the mentality to excel in life, then get registered for the Squire

00:38:57.260 program on May 28th. So a little less than a month, May 28th at squire program.com. We only have a few

00:39:03.440 spots left. So make sure you do it quickly. Squire program.com slash Ryan. Do that right

00:39:09.600 after the conversation. I mean, right after the conversation and, uh, we'll, for now we'll get

00:39:15.440 back to it with Ethan. The thing that's always funny to me, every time I go to the gym, I think

00:39:20.840 this is ridiculous that we have, that we've, we've become so comfortable that we have to go to a

00:39:27.580 climate controlled building outside of the sun and the elements, and then pick up these perfectly

00:39:32.880 symmetrical, balanced weights so that we don't turn into just this complete, you know, useless body.

00:39:41.160 Yeah. Right. It is wild. It's wild. It's hilarious. This is what we need to do. Yeah. It's, it's,

00:39:47.180 it's a blessing and a curse. It really is, man. It, it, you know, it's, it's, it's wild. The way,

00:39:54.500 the way we exist is truly bizarre, you know, put in the right perspective. Yeah. You know,

00:39:59.760 you look at it and you just go like, they're, they're so rich. They're all fat. Right. And,

00:40:04.860 and, uh, and the way we deal with health and all of it is really wild. You said, uh, you said that

00:40:11.820 there's this heavy emphasis on the way that we feel about things. And I started thinking about where

00:40:15.940 you're talking about hard work and I know I actually feel good when I'm working hard too.

00:40:21.340 And I, I believe a lot of that was instilled into me from my mom. Right. You know, she,

00:40:26.780 she'd make us clean the house or do chores or we'd have to, you know, serve other people or run

00:40:32.160 air. And I'm, you know, I'm like, I have to be outside. This is hard. I don't want to do this.

00:40:35.580 And she's like, yes, but look at what we get to create. Yeah. You know, or, or, or the other one

00:40:40.480 is there's a sense of pride that comes with it. Cause, uh, you would clean the house and she'd say,

00:40:45.300 look how good it looks. Yeah. Look how great our space looks. And, and you could just see a deep

00:40:50.620 sense of pride and satisfaction. And so I think what's in it, what's, what's happening is those,

00:40:55.800 the, the, that, that value system, like we were talking about earlier, isn't being passed down

00:41:00.840 through the hard work. It's not being, that connection is not being formulated. A hundred percent.

00:41:06.140 And I think what is being now, uh, passed down at least, and I've had, uh, two kids now go through

00:41:13.060 the university system, um, is identities. Identity is now a paramount. And, uh, and, and so I, I think a

00:41:24.560 little bit with everything, um, it all comes with like your intention and your purpose, right? So if

00:41:31.400 you have, if you set a purpose, it's true for you of any task that requires like effort and there's some

00:41:41.560 thing you have to overcome in achieving it, right? And you push through that, that I think that

00:41:48.160 is kind of what I get out of hard work, right? I set this goal. I'm going to have this as my

00:41:54.600 objective. I'm going to go into it. Now, if it's just totally easy, I don't feel as good as if I

00:42:00.880 run into some opposition, right? And then you get to this opposition, whether it's like you're digging

00:42:06.340 a ditch and you hit a root and then it's like, what do I have to do now? Like now my work became

00:42:11.340 harder and you get, and you get that root out of there and then you got your hole and suddenly

00:42:16.960 I get elated. I feel this sense of accomplishment, right? Well, if we're taught that the most important

00:42:24.080 thing is our identity, I don't know how I, you know, then it, then it all falls apart and it's all

00:42:32.500 just like subjective. Everything is subjective and it's not subjective in a way where I go like

00:42:38.660 your perceptions of reality, right? We can agree this is a table, but I need you in order for my

00:42:46.220 identity to be safe. I need you to think it's the best table. I need you to think that there could be

00:42:52.740 no better table than this, right? And so if you don't, my identity is at risk. And that I just go

00:43:00.420 like, we can't win. How do we win? That's really interesting. I hadn't thought about it. Like,

00:43:03.920 but I think about that with, uh, well, the big one now is transgender issues. You know, like when I say

00:43:10.720 I don't agree with that and I push on that, like, well, you bigot, you transphobe, you, whatever,

00:43:17.320 you know, they come up with all these words. I'm like, no, it's actually none of that. I just don't

00:43:20.580 agree with it. Like that that's it. But it's, it's viewed as a, as like a direct threat to some of

00:43:27.640 these individuals. Yeah. It's, it's, it's such a strange thing for me to wrap my head. I have,

00:43:33.920 I have trans friends and I, and they're wonderful people and, and I want them to exist in the way

00:43:41.860 they want to exist and have wonderfully rich lives. Um, I, I get into a weird place where I go like,

00:43:49.840 if we're, if we're designing sports around biology, then this doesn't work. If we're designing sports

00:43:58.720 around gender, cause there's, there's a definition for gender, which does not have biology as a part

00:44:03.040 of it. And so if it's just how you dress, then like, okay, but I don't believe that's what it's

00:44:09.940 designed around. Right. And so not, not competitive sports. I wouldn't think so. And so that becomes

00:44:16.380 tricky for me. And, and the idea of, you know, for me, I just go like the, that gal, Rachel Dolezal,

00:44:24.740 who was worked for the ACLU, who took a bunch of flack because she identified as black. Um,

00:44:30.720 Oh, that's right. I, I don't, I, I, I go like, where does it end? Um, if, if, if, if my perception

00:44:39.300 of myself is an absolute truth, which my perception of myself is an absolute truth for me,

00:44:46.600 what you think of me can have no effect. Now that doesn't mean that I can walk into your house and

00:44:53.260 be the King because I perceive myself to be the King of your house. That's your house. You can say,

00:44:58.660 stop, right. This area is my kingdom, right? That's your right. Um, and then we can have whatever

00:45:06.300 beef we have because you did not perceive me to be the King in your house. And in these public

00:45:12.140 spaces, I just go like, I think, I think that we are by nature kind of tribal. And I don't believe

00:45:22.080 that we can have a tribe of 350 million people that are all on the same page about everything.

00:45:27.960 Of course not. And so if, uh, some group wants something in a way that's different than another

00:45:36.740 group for me, I just go like, you don't want to participate with that person. Don't participate

00:45:44.120 with that person. And there's another group over here that wants to participate. Fine. Like,

00:45:48.740 I don't have a sense that, that everybody has to be allowed to do everything. Like, this is just not

00:45:54.920 my feeling on life. I'm perfectly okay with going like, I agree with you on stuff and we're going

00:46:02.380 to get along on stuff. And then I agree with these people and stuff. And I don't believe that your

00:46:07.580 belief system is a direct threat to that person's life. And if that person finds some area with which

00:46:15.740 to succeed in their life, I'm happy for them. You know, stuff like bathrooms, I think there are going

00:46:22.060 to be creeps no matter what. And so if I don't think it would be, make sense to have somebody

00:46:28.400 checking underwear at a bathroom, you know, checking generals, that to me makes no sense.

00:46:34.240 And if, uh, a bathroom is designed for people to sit down and people are sitting down,

00:46:40.600 if there's a creep, we deal with the creep. You know what I mean?

00:46:44.340 But I think one of the problems is, and I'm, I want to talk about it more broadly maybe, but

00:46:49.140 is that you can excuse yourself from things that you don't like, right? So public school is a great

00:46:55.740 example. So I don't, I don't agree with the direction of the public school system. I don't,

00:47:00.220 I don't think it's designed for the best interests of our children. I don't think it's the best form

00:47:05.620 of education for our kids. I don't. And so we as a family have made the decision. When I say we have

00:47:11.640 made my wife and I, not our kids, my wife and I make those decisions, have made the decision to

00:47:16.280 homeschool our kids. And so we've taken ourselves out of that environment. That's our right to be

00:47:20.520 able to do that as, as their parents. Um, and so you could do that. You could say, well, you know,

00:47:26.460 we're just not going to go to the bathroom. We're just not going to go here. We're not going to go

00:47:28.900 there. We're not going to go to this place. We're not going to go to Disney. Like we're not going to

00:47:32.540 do all these things. And then what ends up happening is all of that, that you absolve yourself from

00:47:38.500 ends up drifting towards a way that you don't agree with. And, and you have to participate

00:47:47.400 in that to, to some degree. It's like, where's the line between saying, no, I'm not going to

00:47:52.320 participate. So I'm going to extract myself from that, but also be involved enough that you can

00:47:57.820 maintain a direction of the culture that's going to serve you and yours best.

00:48:02.520 Yeah. I, I, I have no, um, desire for the culture to go one way or the other because

00:48:10.160 I already don't, I already don't think my ideals for myself line up very well with the culture at

00:48:19.640 large. But aren't you, I mean, that, that to me seems a little foreign because aren't like,

00:48:23.740 I haven't just, I would like to see culture go in a certain direction because I have to play in

00:48:28.060 culture. Like I have to live in this. My children have to live in this. You see what I'm

00:48:32.500 I do. I just don't think that we're going to ever, I have no desire for people to behave the way

00:48:41.800 that I think is correct in behaving. I just don't, because I don't think, I don't think they ever

00:48:47.640 will. I don't think in mass they ever will. I don't, I'm not, you know, when we think about,

00:48:53.520 I like these two questions. Do you believe that we have a democracy? And do you believe that we

00:48:58.080 should? I answered no to both of those questions. We do not believe that we have a democracy.

00:49:02.500 And I have no, um, faith that the mob is going to determine what is best for me. So I, I, you

00:49:10.380 know, if 51% of the people today vote for slavery, I don't think slavery is right. Sure. You know,

00:49:18.460 I think the culture ebbs and flows, you know, we could think about rape. Um, a couple hundred

00:49:24.740 years ago, rape was thought of as a transgression against a man and his property. Um, really what

00:49:33.400 occurred to the woman was inconsequential. It was, and we as a culture have shifted and gone like,

00:49:42.300 uh, rape is really not cool. You have now harmed that person. And what occurred to the man is

00:49:50.460 complete, you know, the husband is completely irrelevant. You have transgressed against that

00:49:55.180 person. That person has rights to their body as property or whatever. Right. That's a cultural

00:50:02.700 shift that did not exist a couple hundred years ago. And for me, that's a good one. That's,

00:50:07.700 that's for sure a benefit. I think we all benefit slavery would fall into that category. I mean,

00:50:12.240 there's plenty of them. Yeah, absolutely. Um, I can't sit here and go that every shift has been

00:50:20.080 good, but that one I go, hurrah. We have, I agree with this one. We have succeeded. So when I look

00:50:26.960 around and I go like, I don't drink alcohol, I have no business going to a bar. I don't want bars not to

00:50:33.560 exist. That's a place where people are doing something that I largely cannot relate to,

00:50:38.720 but I do not think that everybody should be abstinent. My wife drinks. Um, we have alcohol

00:50:44.900 in my house. And so this is a thing that I have to recognize that for me, uh, this thing is,

00:50:52.040 is a harmful thing, but it's only for me. It's not necessarily a harmful thing for everybody to

00:50:58.380 partake in. Right. And so that's kind of where I go to with all these things. I'm really concerned

00:51:04.100 with figuring out what is right for me and very much less concerned with figuring out what is right

00:51:10.760 for anybody else. My, my biggest concern is that I think about my kids, you know, so let's take, um,

00:51:18.420 let's take sex before marriage. Sure. Like that's something that I think people should avoid.

00:51:22.820 Right. Now I didn't, I made a mistake. Right. So like easy for me to say, cause I'm

00:51:28.180 past that state. Yeah. And I learned my lesson. Like I shouldn't have done that. Yeah. You know,

00:51:32.080 it would have been better for me to wait to be with my wife. Uh, and, and, but I don't want that

00:51:38.000 being common and commonplace and normal and just something that collectively think is no big deal

00:51:45.140 because my kids are going to be impacted by that. Yeah. So this is where I think about, uh,

00:51:49.940 stuff tribally. And I think like, um, within the group of people that I can go, like, we are on the

00:51:59.760 same page, right? Within that group. If somebody starts doing something that is a transgression to

00:52:08.020 these agreements that I think hold this group together. Right. And the group is not delineated by

00:52:14.020 county lines or, uh, names or anything like that. It's just, uh, I have people that I can utterly

00:52:22.520 relate to. And I know like, that's a solid guy. If I have a problem, I'm calling that guy to help me.

00:52:27.740 Uh, our, our ideals are in alignment outside of that tribe. People are going to do crazy things.

00:52:36.140 Right. And you're not going to control it. I, I will never control it. Right. I, I, you know,

00:52:40.980 um, I love traveling. I love, I'm very interested in other cultures. I go to other cultures and I'm

00:52:47.000 fascinated by the way they work. I don't go there and go like, they need to be like America. This is

00:52:54.140 this, what they're doing is completely wrong. You know what I mean? And then there are some where

00:52:59.260 I go and I see stuff and I get bent out of shape and I go like, I can't reconcile the, the feelings I

00:53:07.020 have towards how people are supposed to be treated with how people are treated in this area. It really

00:53:13.160 is hard for me. And even then I'm like, what's the best I can do is have a conversation with somebody

00:53:19.640 and go like, why are you doing that? Like what leads you to, to thinking that's the right thing

00:53:24.980 to do. And I'm just going to try to understand because I can't relate to it so much. Um, and I

00:53:31.420 don't want to, but I want to have empathy with like, how'd you arrive here? You know what I mean?

00:53:36.240 Right. Um, well, there's also a level of arrogance that we have that is wild to me. Well, a great

00:53:43.160 example I think is even what's happening in Ukraine and Russia. You know, I think most of us would agree

00:53:48.240 that it's horrific. Yeah. Innocent people are dying. It appears that a, a sovereign nation is being

00:53:56.540 attacked. Like, but we don't actually know the entirety of the story. Right. Like we don't

00:54:02.200 actually, I thought that way when I went to Iraq, you know, it's like, I mean, Iraq is a great

00:54:07.240 analogy. I look around at all the Ukrainian flags and I go like, where are the Yemeni flags? Right.

00:54:15.600 Yemen's being crushed right now. And I know people say, what about is them? And I go like, well,

00:54:20.160 America is directly participating in what's happening in Yemen today. 85,000 children have

00:54:28.340 starved to death because of the American backed blockade in Yemen. Iraq is a perfect analogy where

00:54:35.620 under false pretense is a war was sold to us. And so when I hear people going like Putin's talking

00:54:42.120 about biological and it's Russian disinformation, and I'm like, dude, this is what governments and

00:54:47.220 countries do. Right. Exactly. We were sold on weapons of mass destruction. We invaded a country.

00:54:52.360 We destroyed it. It still hasn't recovered. Now Iran is coming in and taking over. Like Iraq is a

00:54:58.580 total mess. Hundreds of thousands were killed. We bombed the shit out of their biggest cities.

00:55:03.900 We, and even for 20 years, there were like drone strikes on schools and all, you know, and that's

00:55:10.120 Afghanistan also, but like. Well, we thought we wanted to, or at least what we were saying,

00:55:14.660 instill democracy. It's like, I don't know if they're interested in that.

00:55:18.620 Right. And that's where I go. I don't need, again, democracy. Number one, I don't need democracy

00:55:26.600 because this is just a mob to me. Right. I, I, you know, if you get 10 of my friends together

00:55:34.120 and, uh, and, and they all decide on shellfish for dinner, but I'm allergic. Do I have to eat

00:55:39.720 shellfish for dinner? You know what I mean? Like, this is where I go to fuck democracy. I'm not

00:55:43.740 eating, sorry for swearing. I'm not eating shellfish. Right. Um, you know, or like everybody

00:55:49.080 wants peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. And I'm like, my throat will close up. It won't,

00:55:52.960 I have no allergies, but as for a hyperbolic example, my throat will close up. But because

00:55:58.240 you six guys said we all had to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I have to do that.

00:56:04.400 Sorry. I'm out. Um, see, but that's okay. So that's the right answer is like, you guys want

00:56:10.960 that? I can't eat that. Please have it. Yeah. Right. You guys have it. But what everybody

00:56:16.000 else, not everybody, what a lot of people do is like, sorry guys, I can't have it. So

00:56:20.000 you are forced to eat salad. Right. And everybody else is like, well, we don't want salad. Right.

00:56:25.320 So now the one controls the many. Right. Is that any better? No, right. No, definitely not.

00:56:30.320 This is why I am utterly unconcerned with the way other people behave unless it is in telling

00:56:39.500 me. I have to behave differently. Got it. Yeah. And, and there's, and, and I could totally

00:56:44.360 see the argument where people are like, but people are going to rob and steal and do all

00:56:50.140 this stuff. And I'm like, they do anyway, you are going to have to be prepared for that

00:56:53.940 anyway, cause that's going to happen. You could have all the law, you know, cutting people's

00:56:58.880 hands off, chopping people's heads off, whatever you want. They're going to be criminals, right?

00:57:03.280 There are going to be people out there stealing and raping and murdering, get good at not letting

00:57:09.460 people steal and rape and murder from you. This is my position, right? I'm not, this is not

00:57:15.820 prescriptive. I'm not saying everybody has to do this. Cause again, I'm disinterested in other people

00:57:20.520 in what they have to do. I'm very interested in people who have a goal, people who have had failures,

00:57:28.520 people who feel that they cannot succeed at their goal. And I'm very interested in going like,

00:57:33.940 how do we make you a winner? Hmm. What, what has to change in your perspective for you to succeed?

00:57:39.740 Right. And that's my biggest interest. Um, but like the idea that everybody, I just can't get

00:57:46.520 there. I can't get there. Cause I don't think you're ever, I will never win and everybody should

00:57:51.040 behave like me. I think the biggest thing too, and this is one thing you do a lot of things well,

00:57:55.500 but this is something that I've noticed that you do really well is, is you're very influential.

00:57:59.760 And that comes from taking care of your own business first and then just sharing your story.

00:58:04.980 Yeah. Right. And then the people that are interested in it, that can be served by it or

00:58:09.340 inspired by it can take it in. They can listen to the podcast, they can connect with you,

00:58:12.940 they can do all those things. And the ones that aren't, it's like, cool, go find your thing.

00:58:16.700 Yeah. I'm not for you. I don't have to be for everyone. Like, listen, the thing I'm talking

00:58:22.300 about more than anything is weight loss. Right. And, and even that has become a hot button topic.

00:58:27.320 Like, yes. With the body positive movement and all this kind of stuff. Sure. And, and it's like,

00:58:32.760 you know, I today am 13% body fat, but overweight, like by America's standards. Yeah. Um, and so like,

00:58:46.240 I have no desire for everybody to be real thin. Like this is not what it's about, but I know that

00:58:52.760 I had decades of failures and that I was finally successful and I've maintained success. And like,

00:58:59.960 anybody can do it. You know, the thing that irks me the most about this, like there is a little bit

00:59:04.880 of like, stop telling people to lose weight. I'm like, I never, I never told people to lose weight.

00:59:09.260 I don't care if you lose weight. It has nothing to do with me. Um, and then there's another thing that

00:59:14.340 gets thrown at me a lot, which is you're an actor, you have a private chef and a trainer,

00:59:19.860 a private gym. And I'm like, I have never had a private chef. I have never, uh, gone to a gym

00:59:26.920 that's empty. But for me and a trainer, I had a trainer for a little while in 2004, because my wife

00:59:33.980 said, you have to go to the gym now. Like you've been losing weight for a couple of years, go to the

00:59:38.520 gym. Yeah. She had to hold my hand and drag me in there. It was mortifying. And then when I got

00:59:44.020 out of him, like this, uh, idea that exercise is fun, I didn't need a private trainer anymore.

00:59:50.160 Sure. And so like, I'm, I will walk anybody through that process, like show up at a gym,

00:59:57.260 exercise, like feel better. Fuck what everybody thinks. Again, I swear, I'm sorry. I don't like

01:00:02.940 to swear. It's really okay. Um, but like, you know, I, I just want to convey that, like, I realized

01:00:11.080 that I've made a good living and that, that, uh, gives me maybe a, uh, a more comfortable life than

01:00:18.360 some percentage of the population. I, I'm not, I'm not, don't consider myself wealthy. I'm not

01:00:24.100 wealthy, but I'm comfortable. Um, it's all still been very hard. Yeah. And it has only come about

01:00:32.580 like any change I've experienced has only come about through my hard work, through beating myself

01:00:37.660 and beating my compulsions and my bad habits and all of that. And like that anybody can do, you know,

01:00:43.860 you can lose weight eating McDonald's. You can. Sure. Well, it's, um, it's just an excuse. Yeah.

01:00:50.120 Right. It's like, well, you have a, you have a private chef. Cool. So go get a private chef. If

01:00:54.800 you think that's the answer. Right. Like no, nobody's saying you can't have that. Right. Uh, but also I

01:00:59.920 know that for me, if I had a private chef, I don't, uh, that I'd still eat all the junk food and I'd

01:01:07.960 have that food for sure. And then in between I'd run over to McDonald's and get a, you know,

01:01:12.460 a big Mac or whatever. That's right. So it's not the private chef. It's not the train. You can go

01:01:16.400 to the trainer and you got a trainer and then you can eat like garbage and undo all that work you're

01:01:20.260 doing. Yeah. It's, it's all at the end of the day, I do believe that people are only going to

01:01:26.260 benefit from the work they put into stuff, you know? And again, I say that, and I think like,

01:01:31.080 maybe that's not absolutely true, but just like science isn't absolutely true. Like there are

01:01:35.480 going to be outliers. Right. Um, okay. I don't know. Island seems pretty absolutely true.

01:01:40.880 Their results will vary. Sure. You know, maybe at Jeff Bezos level, he like goes to sleep every

01:01:46.360 night and they put injections into him and he just like sleeps through a workout. Like maybe,

01:01:51.220 I don't know. I don't know. He's looking pretty jacked from where he started 25 years ago.

01:01:56.040 He's in the gym a lot. Yeah. I would assume, I would assume he's got some, some great doctors

01:02:01.040 around him as well. But like, this is one thing you hear about even, uh, testosterone,

01:02:05.860 right? As guys will say, Oh, you're just, you're, you know, you're juiced up. You're

01:02:08.720 just taking testosterone, whatever. Okay. Well, even if you are, you, you still have to go

01:02:13.940 to the gym to make it beneficial and useful. So that's, and, and just going to the gym,

01:02:19.600 by the way, like the, the most profound health effects for anybody who has, is confronting

01:02:25.360 massive weight loss, the most profound health effects happen just in the first 10%. You still

01:02:32.140 get health effects the whole way down. But like, if you just want like a huge dose of health,

01:02:38.460 if, if your, if your goal is health, my goal was not health in the beginning, but if, if your goal

01:02:43.760 is health, then 10% and exercise alone will give you profound health effects. So you lose 10% of

01:02:53.000 your body weight, if you're, uh, you know, have 50 plus pounds to lose and start exercising

01:03:01.100 regularly, you don't have to be real thin. You will get a lot of health effects. And so it's at

01:03:07.400 that point that I go like, not everybody has to be, you know, 12% body fat. This is impossible for

01:03:14.120 some people. Right. But it is work. Work is a part of that, you know, especially in this day and age

01:03:21.060 where food is a text away and we have so many incentives to sit on our couches and stare at our

01:03:28.840 TV. And now we're being inundated with fear to compliment that. You know what I mean? It's a wild

01:03:34.880 time to be alive. Well, it's the, it's the best time to be alive, but also because it's the best,

01:03:40.500 it can be the most challenging. Yeah. You know, when you can turn on the TV or it's like, Oh,

01:03:44.660 I'm cold, you know, I'm hot. Go mess with the thermostat. Right. So it's awesome. Yeah. You know,

01:03:49.580 and we could do this. Yeah. We do things like this. Um, and yet those tend to be some of our biggest

01:03:53.840 temptations is so wild. I mean, uh, we're in Florida right now. Are we allowed to say that? Yeah,

01:04:00.020 for sure. We're in Florida right now. It would be a nightmare to be here without air conditioning.

01:04:06.160 I know. I walked out. Oh, yeah. Why does anybody live here? Why did you move to Florida? I, you know,

01:04:13.280 uh, my wife has a business which moved here. Um, and you know, it's, it's kind of that thing of like,

01:04:21.980 I, there are going to be certain aspects of, uh, the shifting culture and norms, which I just don't

01:04:29.580 want to participate in. I, uh, out of California, I'm assuming. Put it to you this way. Yes. Okay.

01:04:34.020 I did a TV show with, uh, Hugh Laurie, 2016 through 2018. And the first year we shot in, um,

01:04:43.180 San Francisco and, uh, our, our base camp, which is where they put the trailers and you get ready

01:04:51.100 and stuff. And then they store equipment. There was all a lot of the time in the civic center,

01:04:56.380 right near the Tenderloin, which is like their skid row. Okay. Which is the center of San Francisco.

01:05:01.920 Okay. And we had like over the course of seven months, something like 11 dead bodies at our base

01:05:09.900 camp. And I had never, I had never had, I think strangely enough, I'd had a dead body at base camp

01:05:16.540 in Las Vegas once 10 years ago, something like that, which was shocking. I'm sure there is a car

01:05:24.200 parked here and there's a dead body. And then they come and they tell you, well, that guy OD'd and

01:05:28.320 it's messing up production. And you're like, holy shit, there's a dead body right there. And that's

01:05:32.160 a bummer. Um, 11, did I say, what did I say? 11, it was 11. Three years in, in, in seven months,

01:05:41.320 seven months, 11 dead bodies where they were like, we're going to rope this off and you can't go to

01:05:46.220 your trailer. And then there were, um, you know, and you, you think about like unintended consequences.

01:05:52.060 Um, I was a fan of needle exchange when, when it first started in LA, because, you know, there's a

01:06:00.460 lot of diseases that were being caused from people sharing needles and then reusing needles and you go

01:06:06.020 like, okay, they're going to get needles. If you, um, if you give them the opportunity to get clean

01:06:13.260 needles, will this be a net benefit for everyone? And I think it was, this became too capitalistic

01:06:19.820 at some point. And they just said, you no longer have to bring us your dirty needles. You can just

01:06:25.480 get free clean needles. And what happened was people just started throwing needles on the ground.

01:06:31.680 Right. And so in San Francisco, this whole area is covered in needles, used syringes.

01:06:37.960 So I'd bring my kids there and couldn't bring them to work because they were small at the time,

01:06:45.540 the little kids. And I didn't want them potentially having to walk over a corpse and dodge

01:06:51.020 needles and maybe pick one up and go like, what's this? You know, like, so at the end of the first

01:06:56.700 year, me and Hugh Laurie were kind of so grossed out by San Francisco. We said, we're not coming back

01:07:03.160 here. You have to move the show. And basically you can pick any city you want in the world,

01:07:07.940 not San Francisco. Holy cow. We moved the next year to LA. I was like 2017. And we were like,

01:07:14.740 God, this is so much better. Thank God we're back in LA. And they spent a fortune painting the San

01:07:20.080 Francisco skyline into the background of every exterior shot of this television show. Television

01:07:25.720 shows called Chance. It's on Hulu. I really liked it. LA now is as bad as San Francisco was in just a few

01:07:34.880 years. And I don't know what's happening there, but it's just mind boggling. We spent $666 million

01:07:45.620 a few years ago. There was a proposition HHH to house people in Los Angeles. They spent every penny of

01:07:53.900 that money and nobody was housed. Not one person. They are now saying it's going to cost them $800,000

01:07:59.920 per person to house every homeless person and raising billions of dollars per person. Now,

01:08:05.760 school teachers do not make anywhere near that much money. And they've all, as far as I know,

01:08:12.880 there aren't any homeless school teachers. Like, you know, you think about people who I've always

01:08:17.440 thought of as underpaid, right? Right. Cops. There aren't homeless cops. There aren't that I know of

01:08:24.420 homeless McDonald's employees. None of them are making $800,000 a year. $800,000 a year is a lot

01:08:31.780 of money. That's a ton of money. Yeah. So, the fact that it's going to cost the government of Los

01:08:38.060 Angeles, the city council, $800,000. Like, the whole thing to me, I was just like, I can't do

01:08:43.840 this. Not doing it anymore. This is not. This is a group that I want to take myself away from.

01:08:49.700 Right. Yeah. Can't blame you there. Yeah. We felt the same way. You know, we've made a big move in

01:08:55.000 the past three years and felt very much the same way about some of those. A little different reasons,

01:08:59.140 but glad we did make the move. Yeah. We're brothers. It's been a great conversation. Yes, sir.

01:09:03.280 We could keep going, but Todd's over here like, hey, I can see him. I can see him. He's like

01:09:08.760 getting, I can see him. He's got to download cards. He's like fidgeting and he's like,

01:09:12.960 Todd wants to step in. Yeah. But no, I really appreciate you coming out here and I appreciate

01:09:17.520 our friendship too. Yeah, absolutely. I can't remember when we did the first podcast. A couple

01:09:20.680 years ago. It was, I think. Yeah. And so, a lot has changed for you and anything else that you have

01:09:24.880 going on you want to tell people about or where to connect with you? I was, just had a movie out

01:09:28.980 called Dog, which is now on. Yeah. Todd was telling me. I haven't seen it yet. Yeah. It's cool. My kids

01:09:33.160 went and saw it. It's fun. This was one of the strange things where you, you mentioned like,

01:09:38.380 we have to change the way we exist and how I started off saying, I love movies. I got

01:09:44.520 some real flack when Dog came out because it was in theaters only at first. Okay. From people who

01:09:52.840 were like, well, I'm, if this is not streaming at the same, I can't go to a movie theater. And if

01:09:57.560 this is not streaming at the same time, I'm boycotting it. And how dare you? And I was just like,

01:10:02.600 how dare you? Wait, no, I really want movies in theaters only. Like this is what I want. And

01:10:09.800 it's not to exclude you. Right. It's because if it's on in my home, then I will sit and watch it

01:10:16.240 in my home. But if, but, and then I miss that experience and this is how I grew up. And I don't

01:10:23.020 think there's anything wrong with that. I liked the movie experience. I wish there was more of it.

01:10:28.180 We always liked the stadium seating with the kickback recliner and they bring loaded nachos

01:10:33.180 to you and all that kind of stuff. So, well, that's good. I'll have to go see it. Um, I know

01:10:37.520 my kids were excited because, uh, my two oldest watched, uh, just the other night they watched

01:10:42.340 without a paddle. Oh yeah. Which is hilarious. Yeah. That's such an underrated movie. It's a

01:10:46.920 funny movie. It's hilarious. Yeah. Um, strangely shot in New Zealand, like as far as the carnival

01:10:51.960 life goes. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Well, brother, I appreciate it. Thanks again,

01:10:55.900 man. Great to have you in the podcast. Thank you. Gentlemen, there you go. My conversation

01:11:01.320 with my friend and the one and only Ethan Suplee. Uh, I hope you enjoyed that one. I say it every

01:11:06.740 week. I know I did. I have to pinch myself at times to realize that I literally talk to

01:11:12.820 interesting and amazing and fascinating and successful men every single week. And of course,

01:11:19.560 Ethan is no exception to that. So make sure you connect with him, connect with me on the

01:11:26.120 gram, on Twitter, on Facebook, on wherever he's at Ethan Suplee. I'm at Ryan Mickler right

01:11:32.080 now, before you close this thing out, as you always do, just take a screenshot, tag him, tag

01:11:37.840 me, share it, text it, tweet it, Instagram it, Facebook it, truth, social it, gab it, YouTube

01:11:44.440 it, whatever you need to do to put this information out into the world, because more and more men

01:11:49.820 need to know this. They need to hear this information. Of course, obviously they need

01:11:53.760 to apply this information and you can be an integral catalyst in the growth of another

01:11:59.640 man that you care about. It might be your father or your, your brother or a cousin or somebody

01:12:05.540 you have a relationship with and responsibility for. So remember, as we part today, connect with

01:12:11.600 him, Ethan, shoot him a message too, and let him know that you heard him on the order of man podcast

01:12:15.800 that lets him know that he was on the right podcast. It also lets him know that this was,

01:12:21.080 this was valuable. This was important for him to be on because of how many people he gets to connect

01:12:24.740 with and, and resonate with because of his message and who he is. And then outside of that,

01:12:30.440 just check out that Squire program. If you have a son between the ages of 12 to 16

01:12:34.760 at squire program.com slash Ryan squire program.com slash Ryan. And I hope I see you

01:12:42.060 there on May 28th. All right, guys, we'll be back tomorrow for ask me anything until then go

01:12:48.980 out there, take action and become the man you are meant to be. Thank you for listening to the order

01:12:54.240 of man podcast. You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to

01:12:59.220 be. We invite you to join the order at order of man.com.

Order of Man - May 03, 2022

ETHAN SUPLEE ｜ Unpacking and Uncovering Truth

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