Order of Man - Exceeding the Call of Duty, Liberation from Social Media, and Difficult Conversations with Children

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.480 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.520 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:25.320 Kip, what's going on, man?

00:00:26.280 Good, good. Glad to be on another AMA.

00:00:29.900 That was one of those awkward, like, good, how are you? I'm good, how are you?

00:00:34.920 Should we try that again?

00:00:36.240 Yeah, let's try it again.

00:00:37.500 Kip, what's going on, man?

00:00:39.380 Good.

00:00:40.080 You did it again!

00:00:41.320 No! Okay, let's try it one more time, last time.

00:00:43.900 Kip, what's going on, man?

00:00:45.320 Not much. Life is great.

00:00:46.840 There we go. Third time's a charm.

00:00:50.700 It's good to hear from you, man. I'm glad to be back on the AMA.

00:00:54.020 And life is great.

00:00:54.840 Why? What's so great about it?

00:00:57.340 My 17-year-old son that lives with his mom in Phoenix, Arizona, is moving to Utah.

00:01:04.420 Really? Moving in with you, I assume?

00:01:06.680 With us.

00:01:06.980 Okay.

00:01:07.260 Yep, I'm going to go pick him up in two weeks.

00:01:08.980 Woo! What was the cause for the change there? That's a big change.

00:01:13.680 Has he been with his mom for however long you guys have been divorced?

00:01:17.340 Divorced, yeah, ever since he was two.

00:01:19.620 Okay, wow.

00:01:20.280 Yeah, so I've waited 15 years for a chance to have him underneath my house full-time.

00:01:29.020 Well, congrats. That's exciting news.

00:01:31.100 Yeah.

00:01:31.380 Are you open to sharing why the change, or would you rather not share that?

00:01:35.660 Because it sounded like you deflected a little bit, which is fine.

00:01:37.660 I did a little bit.

00:01:39.040 Okay, that's fine.

00:01:39.980 They're struggling a little bit with him in Arizona, and so we're thinking a fresh start,

00:01:45.900 and coming up, Utah might be the perfect recipe in which he needs.

00:01:51.640 A little bit of a reset for him, huh?

00:01:52.880 Yeah, so it's a little bit of a challenge, you know what I mean?

00:01:55.860 Yeah.

00:01:56.060 And I'm just happy about it as well, so it's pretty cool.

00:02:00.280 Yeah, I don't believe it.

00:02:00.960 The only reason I press a little bit on that is because I know there's a lot of guys that

00:02:04.760 are probably in very similar situations, and knowing a little bit more about that would

00:02:09.400 probably serve them well.

00:02:10.260 That's why I pushed a little on that one.

00:02:12.480 No, no, and that's the truth, right?

00:02:14.400 I just don't want to, I don't know.

00:02:16.440 It's funny.

00:02:17.260 I was thinking about this even this morning in the sense of, well, let me give a perfect

00:02:23.060 example of this.

00:02:23.840 Our little, one of our little girls is, she used to be just mean when she was little,

00:02:28.740 just ornery little mean baby, and we would say that about her all the time.

00:02:33.600 She's like, oh, she's so mean, she's so mean, and we're all thinking, you know what?

00:02:37.340 This is not healthy.

00:02:38.540 Like, even if she's young and she doesn't really get it, and it's all a joke, like,

00:02:42.220 we're also still setting this precedence of her personality.

00:02:46.000 And so we totally stopped changing it, and we focused on, you know, being so sweet.

00:02:52.320 She's so sweet, you know, and I don't know if that changed due to our language, but language

00:02:58.660 is super powerful.

00:03:00.100 And so I want to be really careful not to paint him in a corner of like, oh, I have a

00:03:03.560 troubled team.

00:03:03.860 He's a bad kid.

00:03:04.680 He's a troubled kid.

00:03:05.860 No, no, we're looking for a reset, and I'm just excited to have him around the house.

00:03:11.440 So it's going to be great.

00:03:13.140 I bet.

00:03:13.360 How's your wife feeling about the whole thing?

00:03:16.680 I think she's probably nervous about it because this is a big change.

00:03:20.500 I mean, during the summer, we're used to this, you know, our family grows in size during the

00:03:25.560 summer, and then it goes back to normal, and it's kind of not as stressful.

00:03:28.800 Yeah.

00:03:28.940 This is going to definitely add stress.

00:03:30.920 No doubt.

00:03:31.420 Of course.

00:03:31.980 But she knows, I mean, she's excited about it as well, you know, and we love him, and

00:03:37.320 he's such a good kid.

00:03:38.660 And so we're just excited to have him around as much as we can get him.

00:03:42.120 Nice, man.

00:03:42.640 When does this take place?

00:03:45.040 His spring break is in two weeks, so I'm going to drive down to Phoenix and load up

00:03:48.900 the car and bring him home.

00:03:50.380 Right on.

00:03:51.140 I'm stoked for you, man.

00:03:51.860 It's exciting.

00:03:52.960 It's crazy.

00:03:53.840 Well, good.

00:03:54.780 Good, good.

00:03:55.780 Well, guys, now that we have that, we can tell you a little bit about what the show's

00:03:58.660 all about here.

00:03:59.720 Yeah, totally.

00:04:00.340 This is our Ask Me Anything.

00:04:02.560 So every Wednesday, Kip and I are fielding questions from the Facebook group, from our

00:04:05.920 Patreon page, from the Iron Council, from everywhere we are.

00:04:10.420 Actually, before we get into that, Kip, I do want to make a very, very quick mention

00:04:13.920 too, actually.

00:04:16.060 The first one is that I am giving away a brand new Hoyt Helix.

00:04:20.700 So if you're into bow hunting and you want a new Hoyt, or you're not into bow hunting and

00:04:24.900 you would like to be, this is an opportunity for you to win a very, very nice bow.

00:04:29.420 It's Hoyt's brand new bow.

00:04:31.200 Again, it's called the Helix, valued at 1200 bucks.

00:04:33.440 If you go to orderofman.com slash Hoyt, orderofman.com slash Hoyt, you can follow the instructions

00:04:41.600 there and get submitted and registered and entered.

00:04:44.180 And we'll be, we'll be giving that away April 1st.

00:04:46.260 So again, that's orderofman.com slash Hoyt.

00:04:48.280 And then the other one I wanted to mention is, and we botched this a week or two ago is

00:04:53.500 Origins Immersion Camp.

00:04:55.580 Yeah.

00:04:56.160 It's not open.

00:04:57.100 No, no, it is.

00:04:57.920 But we just didn't have a link for the guys.

00:04:59.540 Like we were stumbling all over how to find a page and everything else.

00:05:02.380 Guys, if you go to origin, Maine, as in the state, Maine, so originmain.com slash order

00:05:08.480 camp, order camp, originmain.com slash order camp.

00:05:12.340 You can get registered there for session A or B or both.

00:05:15.620 Kip and I will be there.

00:05:16.540 I'll be there for both.

00:05:17.300 I don't know what you will be there for.

00:05:19.820 Um, what else?

00:05:20.900 I'm not sure quite yet either.

00:05:21.900 Yeah.

00:05:22.140 I'll be there for sure.

00:05:23.140 Yeah.

00:05:23.300 End of August.

00:05:23.880 I think it's August 25th through September 1st.

00:05:26.680 I want to say, but again, originmain.com slash order camp and get there.

00:05:32.140 And we're going to do some rash guards again.

00:05:33.920 Like we did last year, we did some custom origin rash guards and they were awesome.

00:05:40.840 They will make you more technical.

00:05:42.380 They will make you stronger.

00:05:44.620 They will make you faster and they will make you better.

00:05:49.140 Anything else you'd added that?

00:05:51.220 No, just arm bars guaranteed.

00:05:53.420 If you have a rash guard on.

00:05:54.680 Guaranteed.

00:05:56.160 All right.

00:05:56.720 That's it.

00:05:57.120 That's my announcements.

00:05:57.900 Let's get into the questions.

00:05:59.500 Uh, legacy is full.

00:06:01.040 Legacy is full.

00:06:01.740 So I wasn't going to announce it, but we've got a father son event.

00:06:04.660 Um, sorry.

00:06:05.600 In fact, I think I oversold it, which is okay.

00:06:08.980 Um, because we'll adapt and overcome and I'd rather have more guys there than less guys.

00:06:13.920 So we're excited to have.

00:06:16.200 Yeah.

00:06:16.320 It's a great problem.

00:06:17.300 We're good.

00:06:17.500 It's a great problem.

00:06:18.140 We'll, we'll work out the logistics along the way.

00:06:20.840 Cool.

00:06:21.340 If anything, I'll just kick myself out of the camp or whatever.

00:06:24.460 And let those guys have a place and I will work it out.

00:06:27.480 It works out.

00:06:30.100 Shall we do it?

00:06:31.360 Ready when you are.

00:06:32.720 All right.

00:06:33.260 First question from Alan Kimis on the Facebook group.

00:06:36.720 He actually referenced an image.

00:06:38.400 I believe that you posted Ryan and he's kind of looking for some insight, but this image

00:06:42.500 has some text on it.

00:06:43.440 So we'll read the text first to kind of set the tone here.

00:06:46.580 The image said social media is an incredible tool, but it can be incredibly damaging too.

00:06:52.220 Last week I unfollowed a bunch of people because I am getting wrapped up seeking their validation

00:06:57.080 and approval.

00:06:58.320 It's insane.

00:06:59.500 These are complete strangers to me.

00:07:01.600 Do you know how crazy that is?

00:07:03.300 And we all get wrapped up in it.

00:07:05.020 If you catch yourself slipping into seeking the approval of others on social media, liberate

00:07:09.960 yourself.

00:07:10.740 So I think that was a post that you shared.

00:07:12.240 Do you remember that?

00:07:13.020 Yeah, I do.

00:07:13.700 Yeah.

00:07:13.900 I think I made that post three weeks, two, three weeks ago or something.

00:07:16.020 Yeah.

00:07:16.880 So Alan's and guys, you can see great posts like that for Mr. Mickler at Ryan Mickler

00:07:22.640 on Instagram and Twitter.

00:07:24.440 Dude, nice.

00:07:25.340 Nice transition there.

00:07:26.660 You're getting good at this.

00:07:28.000 I'm reading books about how to, uh, what natural advertisements.

00:07:33.040 Yeah.

00:07:33.280 Built in.

00:07:33.800 It was well, it was well done until you said it was an advertisement and then you botched

00:07:37.360 it.

00:07:38.300 All right.

00:07:38.980 So Alan's question about that post though.

00:07:40.920 Can you touch on this subject more liberate yourself?

00:07:45.260 How I had a huge awakening on this last week at the hunt expo.

00:07:49.080 You follow these people on social media and Facebook.

00:07:51.680 You go to meet them and you want them to like you.

00:07:55.180 You want them to validate you.

00:07:56.820 But for the most part, I am just another face they shook hands with.

00:08:00.220 So why do people like me chase after something that doesn't exist?

00:08:04.300 And what steps should we take to eliminate that way of thinking and focus on what really

00:08:09.440 matters?

00:08:09.880 I even fell into this trap a little bit, even with Ryan Mickler.

00:08:13.860 I did meet Ryan, but I did not get what I was hoping for.

00:08:17.360 Absolutely not.

00:08:18.460 But I'm sure my expectations were unrealistic.

00:08:21.260 No offense to Ryan because he was nice enough to shake my hand and talk for a few minutes.

00:08:27.340 Yeah.

00:08:27.840 This is an interesting one because I think all of us fall into this trap because we have

00:08:31.260 these people that we admire and we respect and we place them on false mantles, false pedestals.

00:08:37.920 Yeah.

00:08:38.040 And I say false because these are human beings, whether it's me as – what was his name?

00:08:43.700 I didn't catch his name.

00:08:44.920 Alan Kimmiss.

00:08:45.620 Okay.

00:08:45.860 So as Alan said, he met me.

00:08:47.520 I'm sorry I didn't meet those expectations.

00:08:49.040 I feel bad that maybe I fell short of that a little bit.

00:08:52.180 But the reality is that we're all human, whether it's me or whoever.

00:08:58.360 You know, you're talking about the Hunt Expo, whether it's Cam Haynes or Joe Rogan or John

00:09:04.420 Dudley, all of these guys that we see on social media and that we follow and we respect and

00:09:08.360 we admire and we aspire to be like in a lot of ways.

00:09:11.580 And what we do is we look at these guys' highlight reels on Facebook and Instagram and social media

00:09:16.820 and think that this is who they are.

00:09:18.420 Like they're the epitome of masculinity or the epitome of the hunting community or fill in the

00:09:23.460 blank, right?

00:09:24.880 So it's destructive because you're not dealing in reality, right?

00:09:29.040 You're setting yourself up and you're setting these other individuals up for failure because

00:09:33.940 they're always going to fall short of your expectation if you believe they're perfect

00:09:37.580 and they're not.

00:09:38.260 None of us are.

00:09:39.440 So even when I make posts on social media, guys will say things like, well, you know, how

00:09:43.740 do you – how are you so qualified?

00:09:45.480 How are you so perfect?

00:09:46.520 I'm not, man.

00:09:47.140 The things I post on social media are just as much a reminder for me as they are for anybody

00:09:51.020 else.

00:09:51.540 It's a living journal for me.

00:09:53.180 You know, I can look back and say, oh, I talked about discipline.

00:09:56.500 I actually need to take that message to heart, right?

00:09:58.980 So I'm not coming from the position that I have discipline figured out or I have communication

00:10:03.600 figured out or I know exactly in all times I behave in the most manly matter possible.

00:10:09.000 No, not at all.

00:10:10.380 I fall short of that.

00:10:11.880 What I also fall prey to and I think what Alan's alluding to here is that it's just not

00:10:18.340 good.

00:10:18.780 It's not good to look at these individuals and compare ourselves to who they are.

00:10:23.660 I think Jordan Peterson talks about this as one of his rules in his book is compare yourself

00:10:28.180 to who you were yesterday, not to anybody else.

00:10:31.600 And I butchered that a little bit, but that's what I do.

00:10:34.160 Like I look at guys in the fields that I'm interested in and I compare myself to them.

00:10:38.460 Well, how come I don't have that many followers?

00:10:39.880 And how come I don't have that many likes?

00:10:41.780 And how come I didn't kill a deer this year and how come this and how come that and how

00:10:45.860 come he's a black belt and I'm not?

00:10:47.360 And we just fall prey to that all the time.

00:10:50.660 Yeah.

00:10:50.820 I think a healthy approach is to realize that these guys are human beings, that they're

00:10:54.540 individuals, that they have flaws, that they happen to be good in one area, not perfect,

00:10:58.300 but good in one area.

00:10:59.320 But that by no means translates into other areas of life.

00:11:03.020 And, and at times, if it gets taken too far, I actually go and I do a purge on my social

00:11:08.060 media, which means I go in and I, and I look like I'm following these individuals.

00:11:12.560 If they're not adding any value to my life and I actually walk away feeling worse about

00:11:17.500 following that individual, I just unfollow that person.

00:11:20.980 They could be great human beings.

00:11:22.540 They could be very successful in one area, but the relationship I have, and granted, it's

00:11:27.500 just a surface level relationship because I just follow that individual, but the relationship,

00:11:31.440 the interaction is limited is with that individual that I have might be destructive and keep me

00:11:37.100 from accomplishing what I want to accomplish.

00:11:39.340 So even just this past weekend, my wife and I were talking, I just went through and I unfollowed

00:11:43.740 a bunch of actors.

00:11:44.500 I'm like, why am I following these individuals?

00:11:46.940 Like they add absolutely nothing to my life.

00:11:50.200 I'm inspired in some ways by them, but then I start falling into the comparison trap.

00:11:53.880 So I just unfollow and it's amazing.

00:11:56.700 It's just, it's just, you just feel better when you're not so plugged into this.

00:12:01.160 In fact, if you listen, if you're listening to this today, as it's being released, go listen

00:12:06.520 to yesterday's podcast with Cal Newport, because we talk about digital minimalism and we go through

00:12:11.380 a lot of what we're talking about here at length.

00:12:13.400 And the book digital minimalism by Cal Newport is a great resource.

00:12:18.420 So if you're getting unfollowed by Ryan, it's really a compliment.

00:12:22.920 Yeah.

00:12:23.360 Kind of.

00:12:24.180 Well, in some cases, in some cases you might just be an a-hole.

00:12:28.040 I had a guy the other day, I posted something.

00:12:30.240 My son, he, uh, my, my second son did an art project and he made a model of the white house

00:12:36.240 out of sugar cubes.

00:12:37.040 And then he got Lego.

00:12:38.280 Yeah, it was cool.

00:12:38.860 He got Legos and he put like a Trump and, and, um, Melania, uh, Trump both there on the,

00:12:44.640 on the white house.

00:12:46.140 Like the little Lego people?

00:12:47.220 Yeah.

00:12:47.380 Yeah.

00:12:47.520 Lego people with a sniper off to the side on the corner.

00:12:51.020 Like it was really cool.

00:12:51.780 Anyways, he sent this picture in to the white house and addressed it to the president.

00:12:55.100 And he got a letter back, a signed letter from Donald Trump that said, Hey, you know,

00:12:59.700 we, your art's great.

00:13:01.040 Like stay in school.

00:13:02.100 We appreciate your creativity and your mind.

00:13:04.040 It was really cool.

00:13:04.800 It was just a cool gesture.

00:13:06.180 Right.

00:13:06.700 And, uh, I had some guy on Facebook.

00:13:08.980 He's like, Hey, now I have to unfollow you.

00:13:12.080 I'm like, dude, if, if, if the reason you want to unfollow me is because my son did

00:13:16.840 an art project, sent it into the white house and got a letter back from the president.

00:13:20.500 And, and that's upsetting.

00:13:22.220 Absolutely.

00:13:22.680 You should unfollow me if that's the case.

00:13:24.980 And he, then he started talking about, I don't know, something about cults or something.

00:13:29.000 I don't know what he said exactly.

00:13:29.920 And I just said, you know what?

00:13:30.880 Like I'll do, I'll do the honors.

00:13:32.540 I just blocked him.

00:13:33.260 I don't have time for that nonsense.

00:13:34.860 Like people think that they're the only one in the world that I have to respond to or other

00:13:39.280 people have to respond to.

00:13:40.460 So it's like, I'm not going to take a bandwidth to deal with that kind of negativity or garbage.

00:13:44.940 If you want to have a conversation, cool.

00:13:46.480 I'm open for that, but I'm not going to play the game.

00:13:48.500 I'm just not interested anymore.

00:13:50.480 What's impressive is that your son found a yellow Lego.

00:13:54.960 Or orange one.

00:13:56.080 I'm like, what do you mean?

00:13:57.460 An orange.

00:13:58.160 They are.

00:13:58.620 They're all yellow, but it's an orange Lego.

00:14:00.400 Yes.

00:14:01.360 Yes.

00:14:02.040 I don't know if it was actually a Trump Lego.

00:14:04.200 That's funny.

00:14:06.680 All right.

00:14:07.140 What do we got next?

00:14:08.200 Oh, I actually have a question on this.

00:14:09.780 Oh, okay.

00:14:10.060 So would you say at the very center of, of the issue is the comparison?

00:14:14.420 It's not so much like if you look at your, let's use Goggins as an example, right?

00:14:19.700 Cause I know without a doubt, if, if I were interviewing Goggins, there's a little bit

00:14:23.920 of fan boy in me that would be kind of nervous.

00:14:26.500 And someone I would look up to is the issue is the issue is not so much that I respect them, but it's, but it's in the comparison of how do I level up or how do I compare it in against that given individual?

00:14:40.640 Would you say that's the case?

00:14:41.860 Yeah, I think so.

00:14:42.580 The comparison is the issue, not necessarily you looking up to them.

00:14:46.080 Yeah.

00:14:46.320 I think that's right.

00:14:47.340 And it's, it's, it's not even how do I measure up necessarily, or am I inspired to be like that individual?

00:14:52.840 For example, with David Goggins, like he doesn't, I don't have negative feelings about myself when I listened to his videos or I watch what he's doing.

00:15:01.700 In fact, if anything, I'm inspired, I'm motivated to get up and run, to get up and work a little harder.

00:15:06.540 Same thing with a guy like Jocko Willink.

00:15:08.720 I, there's no, I don't look at myself and say, well, why can't I be like Jocko?

00:15:12.860 No, I say this guy is inspiring.

00:15:15.420 He's doing a lot of things that I want to do.

00:15:17.140 In fact, it helps motivate me and inspire me to become better and more.

00:15:20.620 And that's a healthy relationship, but there's other individuals for whatever reason.

00:15:24.060 And I don't know what it is that are inspiring to a lot of people that I just fall into the trap of comparing myself to.

00:15:30.560 And those individuals, as inspiring and motivating as they are to some people, it's for whatever reason, it's not doing it for me.

00:15:38.220 It makes me feel bad about myself.

00:15:40.480 I don't feel like I measure up.

00:15:42.600 And so I just distance myself altogether.

00:15:45.120 Okay.

00:15:45.400 And so to answer Alan's question, liberating yourself would be everything from focusing on your mindset to possibly unfollowing someone.

00:15:54.220 If it's a social media scenario, anything else that you'd add?

00:15:58.520 Yeah, doing your battle plan, doing your battle plan.

00:16:02.020 Like I noticed that the more that I plan out my life and my four weeks or my 12 weeks, excuse me.

00:16:07.580 And then the more that I execute towards that thing, the less concerned I am with other people's opinions.

00:16:13.700 Yeah.

00:16:14.260 And you're building confidence of, you know, getting after it and feeling good about who you are and what you're doing and what you're about.

00:16:20.540 Correct.

00:16:21.200 That's true.

00:16:21.720 And then I also feel more comfortable around, how do you say it?

00:16:26.080 Like a higher caliber individual, you know, somebody who's achieving a certain measure of success because I look at, in fact, I think I made a post on Instagram about this.

00:16:34.500 Brandon Lilly and Bert Soren with Soren X.

00:16:37.320 I spent some time with them a couple of weeks ago and four or five years ago, I would have been so intimidated by those two men that I wouldn't have even put myself in their proximity.

00:16:48.080 Yeah.

00:16:48.600 But because, and look, I don't have anything dialed down.

00:16:51.300 There's a lot of things that they're doing that I want to aspire to be more like.

00:16:55.300 And I'm okay with that because I'm actively on the path and working towards that.

00:16:59.920 Now, if I wasn't even on the path, I wasn't working towards it.

00:17:02.800 Yeah.

00:17:03.180 I'm not going to, I'm going to be, I'm going to be intimidated by those guys.

00:17:06.800 I'm not going to put myself in their, in their, in their sphere of influence, if you will.

00:17:10.840 But I can now because I feel better that I'm moving in the right direction.

00:17:14.160 Although I'm not at that final destination.

00:17:15.900 Well, there is no final destination, but I think you understand what I mean.

00:17:19.480 Yeah.

00:17:19.780 Copy.

00:17:20.760 What else?

00:17:22.040 Next question is from Cody Madden.

00:17:24.780 Can you discuss being happy for other people's wins?

00:17:27.400 How this has affected your personal life, your attitude towards other and overall positive effects?

00:17:33.160 I don't think this kind of actually ties in nicely with what we were talking about.

00:17:36.760 I don't think it has to do with any external factor.

00:17:39.060 I think it has to do with an internal factor yourself.

00:17:41.380 If, if you're not doing what, you know, you're capable of doing, or at least working towards

00:17:46.800 that, it's going to be very, very difficult for you to celebrate other people's successes.

00:17:51.460 So when I was fat and my marriage was in shambles and I was broke and the business wasn't going

00:17:57.760 well, my relationships were crumbling around me.

00:18:00.020 I couldn't be happy for other people.

00:18:03.160 I could, but it was very difficult to be happy for other people because I saw it as their

00:18:09.520 happiness wasn't in alignment with, with my current situation.

00:18:14.040 Right.

00:18:14.440 Yeah.

00:18:14.680 But again, going back to what I just said, when you do a battle plan and you have a clear

00:18:19.700 course of action, you have a vision for who you want to be.

00:18:22.020 You have specific measurable objectives.

00:18:24.340 You're doing things, the tactics on a daily basis that will help you achieve those objectives

00:18:28.320 that will help you step into that vision.

00:18:30.640 You have checkpoints along the way to make sure that you're on the right track when you're

00:18:34.680 doing that.

00:18:35.240 And you're becoming a better man by any metric, relationally, financially, uh, fitness and

00:18:42.600 health related.

00:18:43.580 When you're doing that, it is significantly easier to be happy for other people because

00:18:49.220 now you don't look at their success as something that came at your expense.

00:18:53.720 You look at it as their success is paving the way for yours.

00:18:58.240 That's how I look at it.

00:18:59.320 Now, when somebody achieves some, something that I want to achieve to me, I look at that

00:19:04.640 and I'm inspired because I'm like, Oh, it's possible.

00:19:07.960 This person just paid the path.

00:19:09.500 They actually just made it easier for me to achieve what it is that I'm after.

00:19:13.960 So I actually thank those individuals for going first and doing the hard work and being

00:19:17.800 the first person and paving that path and getting rid of the roadblocks and the obstacles

00:19:21.620 so that I could do what it is that I want to do.

00:19:24.080 It's very, very difficult to have that kind of thought.

00:19:27.560 If you're not doing what you know, you should be doing.

00:19:31.160 I talked about it now months ago in a podcast.

00:19:34.100 I don't know if it's a Friday field notes or what, but I called it the integrity gap.

00:19:37.760 You have a vision.

00:19:38.840 Every man has a vision for what he wants in his life.

00:19:42.360 Some are more defined than others and some are more grandiose than others, but everybody

00:19:46.640 has some sort of idea what they want for the future.

00:19:48.840 The biggest destruction, I think, to our own mental wellbeing is when we have this sort of

00:19:55.420 vision and we're not in alignment with who we're actually being.

00:19:58.980 So the vision and the action.

00:20:00.560 If all you have is vision and no action, you're going to feel like crap.

00:20:04.880 If all you have is action with no vision, I think that's a little better, but it's reckless.

00:20:08.800 You're probably not achieving to the level you should be.

00:20:11.060 So you have to have some sort of vision.

00:20:13.600 You have to have some sort of strategy in place that will allow you to achieve that vision.

00:20:17.340 And then you have to be actually executing and working towards that thing.

00:20:21.520 When you do being happy for others, isn't an issue because you're excited about what

00:20:26.400 they're doing because you see, you see their success.

00:20:29.420 You see you and their success, I should say.

00:20:31.820 Yeah.

00:20:32.020 And I like this because, you know, correct me if I'm wrong, Ryan, but what you're saying

00:20:35.680 is if you're bothered by other people's successes and wins, well, there you go.

00:20:40.060 There's the sign.

00:20:40.880 That's on you.

00:20:41.420 You're out of integrity.

00:20:42.180 That's right.

00:20:42.620 You need to level up.

00:20:44.060 That's right.

00:20:44.700 It's exactly right.

00:20:46.120 Cool.

00:20:46.360 So Cameron Booth, how do you talk to your kids about death?

00:20:50.420 My mother-in-law has been given only a short time to live.

00:20:53.480 And I was wondering what your, what ways you would talk to your kids about it.

00:20:57.900 I don't want to use the whole, she's asleep.

00:20:59.920 We are Christians and we believe in heaven.

00:21:01.900 Just looking for some guidance.

00:21:03.660 Thanks for all you both do.

00:21:05.780 This is a really hard question for me because I never understood why it was so difficult for

00:21:10.200 people to have real conversations with their children.

00:21:12.400 In fact, I just made a post about it on Instagram this morning because my son earned his very

00:21:16.020 first paycheck from order of men here, 98 bucks.

00:21:19.080 He was so excited about it.

00:21:21.280 And, you know, I mentioned in the post that I talk to him about money the other day.

00:21:25.820 He said, dad, are you a millionaire?

00:21:27.040 And I said, no, not yet, but I didn't leave it there.

00:21:29.580 I said, come downstairs and I'll show you my exact strategy for getting there.

00:21:32.480 Uh, in the past, he's asked me, how much did you pay for this truck?

00:21:36.280 And I tell him exactly how much I paid for the truck.

00:21:38.980 Uh, he sometimes says, do I, do you owe money to other individuals?

00:21:42.180 And I tell him if we do, or how much or what we owe.

00:21:45.360 Um, he asked how much I make.

00:21:46.720 I tell him exactly how much I make.

00:21:48.140 The same thing holds true with sex or religion and spirituality with the fact that there's

00:21:54.180 evil and violent people in the world and even death in this situation.

00:21:58.280 So it's hard for me to understand, maybe not understand.

00:22:01.280 It's the right word.

00:22:01.780 I get it, but it's hard for me to really feel what it's like not to be able to have these

00:22:06.740 conversations because I've always had them.

00:22:08.440 The best thing you can do is practice having difficult and uncomfortable conversations and

00:22:12.500 be truthful.

00:22:13.060 And it's going to vary depending on a child's age, right?

00:22:16.020 My oldest is 11.

00:22:17.460 Uh, my youngest is three.

00:22:19.580 My, my third child is five.

00:22:21.780 I can't talk to my three-year-old about death, but maybe my five-year-old in a way.

00:22:25.760 But I really appreciate that this guy's saying, Hey, I don't want to talk about going to sleep

00:22:30.340 because you're lying.

00:22:31.340 Like, why would you lie?

00:22:33.300 So with, with children, you have to figure out what age they are, what maturity level they

00:22:37.720 are.

00:22:37.900 And then just tell them, I mean, you have the framework.

00:22:40.040 You're, you said it yourself, you're a Christian.

00:22:42.100 So you have this framework.

00:22:43.520 What a powerful opportunity to talk about the cycle of life and, and what happens when

00:22:48.760 we die and how this all plays out and how this is completely natural and how, you know,

00:22:53.000 we're, we're, we're sad that I think he said, grandma, grandma or his mother.

00:22:56.940 I can't remember.

00:22:57.620 Mother-in-law.

00:22:58.120 Mother-in-law.

00:22:58.720 You know, we're sad that, that she's gone, but, but her, her soul lives on and she's going

00:23:04.540 to go to a better place and she's going to be able to see, you know, grandpa.

00:23:08.400 And these are all very, very powerful opportunities to connect with your child and, and be truthful

00:23:15.900 with them so that you can build and foster a deeper, more significant relationship with

00:23:21.240 them.

00:23:21.420 So just come out and say it.

00:23:23.400 I mean, he knows, right?

00:23:24.700 He knows.

00:23:25.300 And what's the worst, you know, here's, here's what could potentially happen.

00:23:28.060 If you don't do this, he could learn about this stuff from somebody else.

00:23:32.400 And, and you don't want him to learn from somebody else.

00:23:34.860 Like you want him to learn from you.

00:23:37.040 You want him to learn your ideas and your thoughts and of course be independent, but the ability

00:23:42.000 to think critically, but you got to lay the foundation, the framework.

00:23:45.240 So it's not comfortable a lot of the times, but it's your moral obligation to be truthful

00:23:50.180 with your children and use these opportunities as difficult and as uncomfortable as they are

00:23:54.360 for learning experiences and powerful connections between you both.

00:23:58.500 Yeah.

00:23:58.600 And I can't help, but think from a stoic perspective on this subject, this, the thought that we

00:24:05.200 ignore the fact that we will all die and we live our lives as though like it's something

00:24:11.900 that's not going to happen to us.

00:24:13.420 Right.

00:24:13.840 I think it's at the root of so many problems.

00:24:16.780 Like, yeah, let's, let's be, let's be Frank.

00:24:20.800 Your kids will die.

00:24:22.380 Your mother-in-law will die.

00:24:23.420 You will die.

00:24:24.140 And, and part of life is preparing for that and preparing to die in a way that's honorable.

00:24:30.520 Right.

00:24:31.040 Like, I don't, I don't know.

00:24:32.180 I don't think it's morbid.

00:24:33.600 My kids, I, we talk with our little girls five and seven, they know about death that,

00:24:40.540 you know, sometimes they'll say, Oh, I hope that when I die, I want, you know, to, to die

00:24:47.040 in this way, or I want these certain relationships to be a certain way.

00:24:50.380 And this is what I hope for.

00:24:51.660 So, I mean, I, I think we need to be more connected to our mortality than really disconnected

00:24:56.960 from it.

00:24:57.900 Yeah, I agree wholeheartedly.

00:24:59.400 And also the more that you have these conversations, the easier they become and the more normalized

00:25:04.220 they become.

00:25:04.780 We talked about this, I think a couple of weeks ago, Kip with firearms is that there's

00:25:08.400 so many people afraid to talk with children about firearms.

00:25:10.960 It's the same thing as like the swimming pool analogy that I used.

00:25:13.740 Like you don't teach your child to stay away from pools.

00:25:16.840 You just, you teach them how to swim, right?

00:25:18.620 You, you equip them with the tools and the skills and the knowledge to be able to thrive

00:25:23.320 in reality.

00:25:24.280 And the reality is that they may be exposed to a swimming pool or they may be exposed to

00:25:27.620 a firearm, or at some point they will be exposed to death.

00:25:30.880 So it kind of reminds me, what's that movie with Adam Sandler?

00:25:34.680 Um, where he's a, he's a, like a college football player, water boy, water boy.

00:25:40.760 And he's in the course and the guy and the professor, Colonel Sanders, he's like talking about

00:25:45.660 the mandula oblongata or whatever.

00:25:47.820 And he's telling, he's telling him what it is.

00:25:50.260 And he's like, well, mama says, blah, blah, blah.

00:25:52.520 And he's like, well, mama's wrong again.

00:25:54.280 Like, it just, it reminds me of that.

00:25:56.620 Like, why would you cripple your child by not talking about real stuff and allowing them

00:26:00.660 to go out into the world with unicorn fairy tales about how this world actually operates?

00:26:05.420 Like be real with your, your children.

00:26:07.140 So they have a leg up, not hindered by your lack of ability to communicate clearly and

00:26:12.100 truthfully with your children, Bobby Boucher, Bobby Boucher.

00:26:15.380 That's right.

00:26:15.720 And then he spears them, which is awesome.

00:26:18.540 All right.

00:26:19.420 Mitchell Jarvie.

00:26:20.800 How do you deal with the stress of starting a new business?

00:26:23.820 I find fear and stress in both failure and success success because I don't want money to

00:26:29.440 change who I am and corrupt what I want to become as a man and absolute failure in the business

00:26:34.960 because I will have let down my financial investors and I have delayed yet again, starting

00:26:40.800 a family and building what I want for my family.

00:26:43.440 There's, I know when, sorry, I thought you were done.

00:26:45.100 Yeah.

00:26:45.340 I know when this business is, is success, it will be the test, the best thing for my family,

00:26:50.920 but any advice on how to deal with the stress and the self doubt now.

00:26:55.520 There's so much, there's so many money scripts in here and baggage that you're bringing to the

00:27:01.140 equation.

00:27:01.820 And look, I'm not saying that negatively because I used to be there as well,

00:27:04.780 but like the one thing that really stood out to me was when in, in that question, he said,

00:27:09.120 I don't want money to change me.

00:27:10.360 Well, why, why do you think money will change you?

00:27:12.800 I mean, it will, but why do you think it'll change you for the bad, for the negative?

00:27:16.560 That's a money script somewhere along the way you learned, or I should not learn.

00:27:21.560 I should say you adopted the idea that money makes people bad.

00:27:26.920 And now, because you believe that even if it's to the slightest degree, you think that money

00:27:31.160 will change you.

00:27:31.740 Well, guess what you're going to do, what you're doing right now, sabotaging yourself.

00:27:36.080 You are engaged in a full on sabotage on your success right now, because you're afraid of

00:27:43.440 the scripts that you've subscribed to playing out in reality.

00:27:49.880 Money is bad.

00:27:50.960 It makes people evil.

00:27:53.420 What if I fail?

00:27:54.920 What if I lose?

00:27:55.840 What if people ridicule me?

00:27:56.960 What like all of these are scripts.

00:27:58.620 And what you need to do is identify the baggage that you've created and the baggage that you're

00:28:03.580 carrying around, write it down.

00:28:05.240 If you have to, and understand that these are an attack on your ability to produce big time

00:28:12.200 in your life, write all of these things down.

00:28:14.660 Like you can't face the enemy.

00:28:16.000 If you don't know what the enemy is in the enemy right now is your own mind.

00:28:20.500 You've, you've played out these scripts so long and lived by these scripts for so long

00:28:25.640 that it's keeping you from doing something that could be incredibly wonderful.

00:28:30.920 Creating a business, generating revenue, hiring people, adding to your community, helping your

00:28:36.900 investors get a rate of return on their money.

00:28:39.440 Like so many wonderful things and you're focused on the negative because these are the scripts

00:28:44.060 that you've aspired or, or, or chosen to live by.

00:28:47.660 Look, look at, look at where you learned them.

00:28:50.020 Write that down too.

00:28:50.840 Where did I learn this?

00:28:51.900 Well, my parents always told me, okay, good.

00:28:54.680 Hey, mama's wrong again.

00:28:58.020 Like, but, but you don't think she is like, you think that that's the way it is because that's

00:29:05.160 what somebody else experienced or somebody else told you.

00:29:07.640 That's not my life, man.

00:29:09.200 That's your life.

00:29:10.180 And I don't have to adopt your scripts simply because you believe them.

00:29:14.800 So figure out what the enemy is, right?

00:29:17.100 Write this stuff down, make it tangible.

00:29:20.080 Now you can start working a strategy to overcome it.

00:29:22.540 Okay.

00:29:22.760 Is money that bad?

00:29:23.880 Look, I make great money.

00:29:25.580 I don't consider myself a bad person or somebody who makes money at the expense of other people.

00:29:31.540 Write down other people who, you know, that are wealthy, who are doing wonderful things

00:29:34.320 that are charitable and give back to the community and are engaged in their families the way you

00:29:38.660 want to be engaged.

00:29:39.420 Like rewrite the script, but you have to write it down and know what it is first.

00:29:43.280 Yeah.

00:29:43.860 But look, you're not, you're always going to be afraid.

00:29:45.480 I mean, that's, that's the reality.

00:29:47.040 Cause that fear is, is it's an attempt to keep you safe, but not really safe to keep you alive.

00:29:53.840 Yeah.

00:29:54.300 And it's not logical.

00:29:55.280 I mean, even the, the failure of the business.

00:29:58.480 I mean, we have this tendency to think that there's more stability in working for corporate

00:30:03.600 America and being a cog in a wheel and a process.

00:30:06.740 And you have like some, how more stability.

00:30:09.460 Are you kidding?

00:30:10.640 You running your own business.

00:30:11.980 You are, there's a, there's more of an exact correlation between your hard work and your

00:30:16.640 success when you're trying to do something for yourself versus when you work for, for a

00:30:21.300 large corporation.

00:30:21.920 You can look for a large corporation, bust your ass, do an amazing job and still get laid

00:30:26.360 off.

00:30:27.640 Yeah.

00:30:28.240 Right.

00:30:28.820 I mean, yeah, that, that's what, that's what I'm saying.

00:30:30.340 Like just lay it all out.

00:30:31.840 Well, here's the other thought too, Kip on that.

00:30:33.520 And this goes along the line with what you're saying.

00:30:35.100 It's like, play it out.

00:30:36.420 Okay.

00:30:36.660 So let's say you don't do anything because you're too afraid to do it.

00:30:40.060 Call it like it is.

00:30:40.700 Hey, I'm afraid.

00:30:41.840 Call it like it is.

00:30:43.100 Cause if you come up with excuses that aren't real, you're going to trick yourself, but just say,

00:30:46.840 I'm afraid.

00:30:47.240 Cause no man wants to be afraid.

00:30:48.960 Right?

00:30:49.180 So if you say that you should throw up in your mouth a little bit, like, Oh my gosh,

00:30:53.180 I'm being weak.

00:30:53.900 That's right.

00:30:54.860 You potentially are.

00:30:56.700 So here's what I would suggest.

00:30:58.320 Play it out.

00:30:59.480 Okay.

00:30:59.760 If I let fear keep me from doing this thing, what is the result?

00:31:02.640 Well, the result is I stay in this mediocre job.

00:31:05.280 I live a life less than I'm capable of.

00:31:07.400 I don't make the kind of money that I desire in my life.

00:31:09.800 I don't chase this dream or this ambition.

00:31:12.120 I have to start my own business or bring this product or service into the world.

00:31:15.040 Play it out because the, the, the fear of, or I should say the pain of where you are,

00:31:21.720 where it could potentially be has to be greater than the fear that you're facing by venturing

00:31:28.140 out onto this new chart or this new path.

00:31:30.080 Because if, if the fear is greater than the pain, you won't do it.

00:31:33.680 But if the pain is greater than the fear, you will press forward because you want to

00:31:38.800 get away from that pain, which is I'm not living life how I want to live.

00:31:42.900 I'm not fulfilled.

00:31:43.900 I'm not satisfied.

00:31:44.680 I'm not happy.

00:31:45.780 And if I do this, I'll live the same life for the next 30, 40, 50, 60 years.

00:31:50.340 Am I willing to live with that?

00:31:51.400 The answer, when I asked myself that question was hell no.

00:31:54.900 And so, as I started order, man, I was afraid.

00:31:57.060 What are the fails?

00:31:58.240 What if people don't like what I have to say?

00:32:00.380 What if I sound like a fool?

00:32:01.520 What if people mock me or ridicule me?

00:32:03.380 What if I have to go back to a job?

00:32:04.920 Dude, I'll go back to flipping burgers if I have to, but that's not going to happen because

00:32:09.580 I'm vested in this thing and I'm going to make it work.

00:32:13.320 Yeah.

00:32:13.700 You got to do some, you got to do some reflection here.

00:32:17.300 There you go, Mitchell marching orders, Corey Britton in your recent podcast with your wife,

00:32:22.700 you talked about how you would work whatever and however long it takes for your wife to stay

00:32:27.940 at home and provide for the family.

00:32:30.600 My question is, where do you draw the line on how much is too much work in a situation

00:32:36.360 where dad works multiple jobs and never sees his kids or just never home to, um, seems to

00:32:42.760 be missing the protect preside part of being a man.

00:32:45.560 I understand it's all about balance and I know where I stand on this issue, but I would

00:32:49.280 like to hear more on your thoughts about this.

00:32:51.240 To clarify, my wife and I both work full time.

00:32:53.920 So we each spend time with our boys.

00:32:55.580 I could easily work a second job so she could stay at home, but my time with my kids is

00:33:00.400 more important than more money to me.

00:33:02.800 Thankfully, my wife agrees with this and supports me in this.

00:33:06.420 By the way, the podcast with Mrs.

00:33:08.580 Mickler was awesome.

00:33:09.960 Keep up the great work.

00:33:11.000 Good luck on your move to Maine.

00:33:12.840 Sweet.

00:33:13.020 Well, I appreciate that, Corey.

00:33:14.080 Um, look, it sounds like you already have a dynamic that works for yourself and that's

00:33:18.020 fine.

00:33:25.580 That works for us.

00:33:26.480 She sees the kids sometimes and I see the kid.

00:33:28.360 That's fine.

00:33:28.860 That's great.

00:33:29.420 Anything I say doesn't really matter if that's working for you.

00:33:31.900 Now that said, I mean, I'll give you my answer is I want my wife at home.

00:33:36.500 I will flat out.

00:33:37.440 I want my wife at home.

00:33:38.340 I want her at home making the home and the house into a home.

00:33:42.160 I want her raising the kids.

00:33:43.860 I want her to be here whenever they need to be here.

00:33:46.560 Like I want all of that.

00:33:47.640 And she wants that too.

00:33:48.580 So, so I don't want anybody to confuse that and think that I'm just, I'm being like a dictator

00:33:53.940 or she'll do what I say and I'm going to keep her barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

00:33:56.760 No, that's not what I'm saying.

00:33:57.920 I'm saying this is the dynamic that works for us.

00:34:00.420 And so I will work 24 seven if I have to, in order for that to happen.

00:34:06.280 So, because I believe that's how it works best.

00:34:10.420 If you believe that great, if not, that's okay too.

00:34:13.020 You have to worry about your life and your family dynamic.

00:34:15.020 I have to worry about mine.

00:34:16.240 I also know that if I had to work 24 seven so that my wife could stay at home, that would

00:34:22.120 be a temporary situation.

00:34:23.940 Like I'm not going to work 24 seven indefinitely because if I do, then I mean like really what

00:34:28.480 am I doing, right?

00:34:29.420 The goal of any career is to get more efficient, to become more valuable.

00:34:34.000 So you don't have to work as many hours, but look, if order of man doesn't work out and

00:34:38.140 I have to put in 16, 18, 20 hours a day at some menial work or three menial jobs in

00:34:44.140 order for my wife to stay at home, then I'll do that until I get back onto my feet into

00:34:48.380 a position where I'm only working six or seven or eight hours a day.

00:34:52.600 And I can be more fully present.

00:34:54.200 But my philosophy is I want my wife at home.

00:34:57.420 She wants to be at home.

00:34:58.760 So I'm going to do everything I can to ensure that's the case.

00:35:02.060 At the root of that, Ryan, is that primarily just to be more present for kids?

00:35:07.540 Like what's the motivating driver for her?

00:35:11.140 For her being home, you mean?

00:35:12.340 Yeah.

00:35:12.560 Well, it's for her well-being too, you know, like that's my gift to her because she's always

00:35:18.640 wanted to be a homemaker.

00:35:20.180 So my job as a husband and a father is to be able to provide what my children and wife

00:35:26.580 desire and also what they need.

00:35:28.460 Sometimes those are, they correlate and sometimes they don't, right?

00:35:31.960 They're at odds with each other.

00:35:32.920 So I have to find that balance.

00:35:34.300 But my wife has always wanted to be a homemaker.

00:35:36.740 And so when I signed on the dotted line that says, I will marry you.

00:35:39.420 I was saying that I will provide in a way that's meaningful and relevant and significant

00:35:44.020 to you.

00:35:45.020 And that was always what she's wanted.

00:35:46.880 And we've taught, we talked about that even before we got married.

00:35:49.040 That's what she wanted to do.

00:35:50.160 So it wasn't any surprise for us.

00:35:52.360 The other side is I, yeah, I want, I want my kids to have, but actually both of us around,

00:35:57.200 which is nice because we're both at home all day long.

00:36:00.240 And I want, I want her to be here when the kids get home from school.

00:36:04.340 And I want her to be able to have the conversations they need to have and ask how their day was

00:36:08.480 and do all the, go on walks after school and do all of the things they're doing.

00:36:12.340 Cause that is important to me.

00:36:14.180 You know, our, our, our kids, once they get into school, like we become a less relevant

00:36:19.920 factor in their lives.

00:36:21.120 And if we, especially if you're doing like public or private school, if your homeschooling

00:36:25.200 is different, but, and we're actually considering that, but yeah, I mean, ultimately I just,

00:36:31.220 I want her to be present.

00:36:32.480 I want the kids to be raised by her and me, not by school teachers and buddies.

00:36:37.940 And I'll do everything I can to make that the reality.

00:36:41.740 Cool.

00:36:42.340 And if look, and if I'm not doing that, and this is not, this is not a dig to Corey,

00:36:46.840 by the way, cause they have a dynamic that works for them.

00:36:49.400 If I'm not doing that, like if I believe that my job as a husband and father is to work in

00:36:55.120 a way that provides enough capital to the household, that that dynamic can happen.

00:36:59.240 And I'm not doing that, then I'm not being the man that I'm capable of being.

00:37:03.360 Yeah.

00:37:03.820 Now, please don't misunderstand me.

00:37:05.600 I'm not saying Corey, that you're less of a man or any, or, or another man who decides

00:37:09.280 to stay at home is less of a man.

00:37:10.780 I'm not saying that I'm saying that if you have a vision for your life and you are not

00:37:15.840 realizing that vision, whatever it looks like, then you are being less of a man than

00:37:19.720 you're capable of being.

00:37:21.600 And so if I'm not providing financially enough where my wife can stay at home, then I'm not

00:37:25.500 being the man that I have a desire to be like flat out.

00:37:28.100 Yeah.

00:37:28.920 And this dynamic could be so different depending on your spouse, right?

00:37:32.420 Like I feel like my sacrifice, one of my biggest sacrifices for Asia in our relationship is

00:37:38.220 me helping with kids more in the mornings and whatnot.

00:37:43.100 So she can have that job that she wants, right?

00:37:46.600 So, and it's not, and she wants that job, not because of, I mean, obviously there's some

00:37:50.840 payoff from a financial perspective, but to be honest with you, I think she does it really

00:37:54.380 because it's something she enjoys.

00:37:56.200 And so my sacrifices, I'm getting kids ready for school, uh, and, uh, for the day, you

00:38:02.600 know, three days a week.

00:38:03.760 So she can do that.

00:38:05.080 Right.

00:38:05.460 And that's my sacrifice in our dynamic.

00:38:07.500 Right.

00:38:07.600 And I, and I think again, the dynamic, if it works for you and you're making it work,

00:38:11.600 then you're doing your job.

00:38:12.900 Ultimately you're doing your job.

00:38:13.960 I think at the end of the day too, the other side of this is that if things go South, I

00:38:19.160 believe that it's always the man's response.

00:38:20.880 I'm not, I'm talking about financially now.

00:38:22.520 It's always the man's responsibility.

00:38:24.320 Like it's never going to take care of exactly.

00:38:26.840 It's never going to fall back on the woman because that's not really her ultimate role.

00:38:31.900 Like it's never going to fall back on a woman.

00:38:34.840 Nobody's ever going to look at a financial situation where a husband and a wife are working

00:38:39.420 and, and it fall apart.

00:38:41.340 And the, and somebody outside says, oh man, she should have really made more money or she

00:38:45.340 should have worked harder at the job, or she's not doing her job as a woman.

00:38:48.180 No, nobody's ever going to say that.

00:38:50.900 What they're going to say is what the hell's wrong with this guy?

00:38:53.820 Why is he lazy?

00:38:54.620 Why isn't he, why isn't he providing for his family?

00:38:57.120 Why isn't he out working hard and doing what he should be doing?

00:38:59.600 Why is that the case?

00:39:01.000 Because biologically we've been programmed to operate that way.

00:39:04.400 I mean, you could even take childbearing, for example, like nobody's ever going to ask the

00:39:08.640 woman to ultimately be the one to go out and provide.

00:39:11.400 Why?

00:39:11.760 Because they bear the children, right?

00:39:13.620 That's one of their responsibilities is to bear and care for the children.

00:39:18.300 And because of that, they're uniquely designed to accomplish that task.

00:39:25.100 While the man goes out and brings home the food, he goes out and kills and he goes out

00:39:29.520 and hunts and he goes out and provides the capital.

00:39:31.600 So he can bring that home and then take care of his family the way they deserve to be taken

00:39:35.560 care of.

00:39:36.000 That doesn't undermine anybody's role or responsibility.

00:39:38.680 It just means that's the way we were hardwired.

00:39:40.580 So I know there's a, I know there's this thing in society that will, and it will get worse

00:39:46.800 that we'll continue to push for these, these really misguided, weird roles that men and

00:39:53.940 women play and, and, and go against completely against what we've been evolutionarily programmed

00:39:59.940 and hardwired to behave and act like, but ultimately we all know, like we all know, and

00:40:05.520 you have, you're going to be held accountable for that.

00:40:07.960 All right.

00:40:10.920 Andrew Bexton senior, we are supposed to go beyond our call of duty, but when do you let

00:40:18.140 others play their part?

00:40:21.280 When it's your, your obligation to let them step up.

00:40:26.280 Yeah.

00:40:26.900 Like for example, like sometimes your call of duty.

00:40:29.900 Yes, exactly.

00:40:30.600 That's what I'm saying.

00:40:31.240 Like as a father, for example, like my, my call of duty is not to perpetually take care of

00:40:36.920 my children until they die.

00:40:38.800 It's to raise them until they're old enough to go out onto their own, which means that

00:40:42.820 my call of duty sometimes is to let them stumble and trip and fail and struggle and figure things

00:40:49.000 out on their own so that when they're 18, they can go out into the world and do what

00:40:54.560 they should be doing.

00:40:55.240 That's my job.

00:40:56.140 My job isn't to provide and take care of them forever.

00:40:59.020 It's the same thing with your teammates.

00:41:00.520 People do this all the time.

00:41:02.180 Like if you, let's say you have a, an employee or a subordinate for lack of a better term,

00:41:08.480 maybe on your team and you're, you're, you're managing that individual and they'll do everything

00:41:14.060 and they'll completely cripple their employees or their subordinates because they want the

00:41:18.260 glory or they want to do it all, or they think they can do it better than anybody else.

00:41:21.820 And what they're doing is they're actually shirking their responsibility as a leader.

00:41:25.360 A leader's job is to raise additional leaders.

00:41:27.480 Leaders don't raise followers.

00:41:28.420 Leaders raise additional leaders who can go out into their own lives and their own

00:41:32.960 responsibilities and their own tasks, and then go on ultimate, excuse me, ultimate.

00:41:38.040 I can't say that ultimately to lead other individuals.

00:41:42.560 So your call of duty might be to step back and allow people to step up and direct them

00:41:47.960 and coach them and help them along the way.

00:41:50.540 But if you're trying to do everything, you actually might be the problem.

00:41:54.400 You might be the one getting in the way and you're actually shirking your responsibilities,

00:41:57.560 not magnifying them.

00:41:59.180 Yeah.

00:41:59.380 And I think a lot of that, a lot of those scenarios, Ryan, is a temporary fix with long-term

00:42:06.220 consequences.

00:42:07.340 Like we sometimes step in to address something like an immediate, but we're hurting them a

00:42:12.200 long game of someone learning and progressing and, and handling proper delegation and whatnot.

00:42:17.220 And Jocko talks a lot about this as well as sometimes temporarily you are going to have

00:42:21.180 to step up because the stakes are too high, right?

00:42:23.660 Like if you, for example, as a father, if you're not, if you notice your kid who you're

00:42:28.180 saying be independent and go explore is crossing the road without looking in, in, in the road

00:42:33.960 before he goes, like, and a car's coming, you may have to go pull them out of this, like

00:42:37.580 literally pull him or her out of the street.

00:42:39.720 So you had to step in because there was risk of permanent damage and or death in a business.

00:42:46.460 If you have somebody who wants to go out on a, on a sales call and you want to take this

00:42:50.800 individual on a sales call with your best client and you allow them to lead.

00:42:54.180 And you can see they're really struggling and floundering.

00:42:56.000 You may need to temporarily step in to save that account because it's a critical account.

00:43:02.700 So the stakes matter too.

00:43:04.500 And what stakes are you playing at?

00:43:05.940 You may have to step in temporarily just to step back out.

00:43:08.940 Like here's a life here.

00:43:10.300 Let me throw you a life, uh, inner tube or a life vest.

00:43:13.060 And then it's your job to put it on and then swim safely to shore.

00:43:16.160 Right?

00:43:16.540 So we don't do everything.

00:43:17.520 We just might throw the, the, the life, the lifesaver out to him occasionally.

00:43:22.540 Yeah.

00:43:23.540 All right.

00:43:24.080 Next question.

00:43:24.940 John, his middle name is awesome.

00:43:27.760 Um, I'm sure it's not pronounced this way, but I'm, I'm going for it.

00:43:31.080 John war boss Hewitt.

00:43:33.640 That is sweet.

00:43:34.680 How do you, is it W A R B O S S?

00:43:38.020 Yeah, but it's one word, but I added the space there.

00:43:40.700 War boss.

00:43:41.420 War boss.

00:43:42.320 That's awesome.

00:43:43.180 All right.

00:43:43.420 What else?

00:43:43.820 I know.

00:43:44.340 All right.

00:43:44.580 Should Christians participate or watch MMA?

00:43:48.880 Why?

00:43:49.400 I don't, why wouldn't they?

00:43:50.360 Uh, you know, I, I see, I've had houses.

00:43:55.780 I did a self-defense class for the young men in our neighborhood and I had some boys that

00:44:01.580 said they couldn't participate because their parents did not want them doing, um, any form

00:44:08.420 of fighting.

00:44:09.420 That's stupid.

00:44:10.720 I know.

00:44:11.680 It's stupid because boys are violent.

00:44:14.840 Boys are aggressive.

00:44:16.240 Now, look, do we want them exposed to uncontrolled rage and anger and violence and unbridled

00:44:21.540 aggression?

00:44:23.000 No, of course not.

00:44:24.160 But those are that, that thought usually comes from people who don't understand what MMA

00:44:29.360 is.

00:44:30.300 Yeah.

00:44:30.980 Well, and they see MMA as cock fighting in a cage.

00:44:34.020 It's not, it's discipline.

00:44:35.560 It's cooperation between another competitor.

00:44:38.300 It's mastery.

00:44:39.540 It's excellence.

00:44:40.540 It's physical fitness.

00:44:41.900 It's using, uh, uh, aggression and violence in a controlled environment in a structured way

00:44:48.440 with rules.

00:44:49.840 Do people get injured?

00:44:51.120 Yeah.

00:44:51.320 That's the nature of the beast and boys are more prone to take risks than women are.

00:44:56.380 So like, if you're not, that's the same thing as the gun and the water thing I was talking

00:45:00.020 about earlier.

00:45:00.480 It's like, it's not going away because you're not exposing your children to it.

00:45:04.660 It's, it's, it's just penting up and it will release itself in a, in a potentially damaging

00:45:10.480 and destructive and dangerous situation in the future.

00:45:13.200 So no, there's nothing wrong with watching MMA.

00:45:16.620 Yeah.

00:45:17.060 Now with that said, John, I have to admit, man, like sometimes, uh, I love mixed martial

00:45:23.640 arts.

00:45:23.980 Obviously I watch a lot of fights.

00:45:26.440 Um, I train with guys that fight.

00:45:28.440 Um, you know, actually Matt Harrington, right.

00:45:31.240 Common friend of ours.

00:45:32.180 He, he, he competes in MMA.

00:45:34.740 Um, sometimes though, MMA fans are idiots.

00:45:37.920 You know, I've been to fights and I hear people on the side, bash his face in like, really?

00:45:43.840 And I'm like, really?

00:45:45.240 Like, right.

00:45:45.940 But that's not the competitors.

00:45:47.080 That's why you're here.

00:45:48.220 You're here to see violence.

00:45:49.400 I'm here to watch a competition, to see technique and strategy being used.

00:45:53.780 It's a whole different mindset.

00:45:55.420 So are there people that are participating or watching MMA that probably are not ideal for

00:46:01.060 sure.

00:46:01.400 But generally speaking, from my perspective, I, I find it highly entertaining and I think

00:46:06.160 it's more fascinating about the technique and kind of what you were saying earlier, the

00:46:10.200 discipline and everything else that kind of goes into it.

00:46:12.340 It's not about people trying to hurt other people, right?

00:46:15.200 That's the last thing that's crossing my mind.

00:46:17.760 Well, I mean, it kind of is though, like that is the point, right?

00:46:20.120 Cause you eventually subdue that individual, but I think that's kind of the outcome of everything

00:46:25.100 else.

00:46:25.420 The underlying discipline and dedication and commitment to your craft.

00:46:29.580 Yeah.

00:46:30.020 Yeah, exactly.

00:46:30.620 But yeah, I don't, I don't see any problem with, with Christians watching MMA.

00:46:35.480 I mean, read the Bible.

00:46:37.220 Like it's, it's full of violence and even justified violence, wars and battles and justice.

00:46:44.020 And yeah, it's part of life.

00:46:46.900 And that's who we are as men.

00:46:48.060 Like we have to be familiar with.

00:46:49.660 And when I say familiar with, I mean, intimately familiar with violence.

00:46:53.280 Like you need to go get in a boxing ring or somebody's trying to punch you in the face.

00:46:56.700 You need to roll around on the ground with another man who's trying to break your arm.

00:47:02.760 You have to be exposed to that.

00:47:05.320 You have to, like in my mind, there's no reason or even excuse for not exposing yourself to

00:47:13.320 some sort of controlled environment, a violence.

00:47:16.480 Cool.

00:47:17.220 All right.

00:47:17.580 Next question.

00:47:18.920 Hassan, Hamel, Jafri.

00:47:21.140 How do you love someone?

00:47:23.320 What are the different aspects of love?

00:47:25.440 There is a very distorted illusion of love today.

00:47:28.020 And I want to improve myself in this part of my life.

00:47:30.660 Do you have any tips?

00:47:32.220 It's very simply service.

00:47:35.360 That's it.

00:47:36.220 How do you love someone?

00:47:36.940 You serve them.

00:47:38.300 You know, I love my kids.

00:47:39.640 So I serve them.

00:47:40.280 That doesn't mean I wait on them hand and foot.

00:47:42.520 All right.

00:47:42.820 Please don't misunderstand me.

00:47:43.980 It means I serve their best interests, which is to grow into self-reliant, fully capable

00:47:48.480 men and women.

00:47:50.840 I love my wife.

00:47:51.800 So I serve her, which means that I go out into the workforce and I do my job so that she can

00:47:56.580 be here doing what she ultimately wants to do.

00:47:59.700 If I love to a degree and care about the people who listen to this podcast, then it's my obligation

00:48:05.180 to be the best podcaster that I can be, to have the most relevant information, to bring

00:48:09.120 the best guests on so that I can serve you listening in a way that's going to help you

00:48:13.660 improve in your life.

00:48:15.180 If I care about my employees, I will allow them to lead.

00:48:19.100 I will instruct them.

00:48:19.980 I will coach them.

00:48:20.700 I will guide them and I will help them win.

00:48:23.260 Love is service.

00:48:24.320 There's varying degrees based on the relationship, but love ultimately is a man who can serve that

00:48:29.400 individual in a way that's in their best interest.

00:48:33.240 See, because a lot of people, I think a lot of guys believe this, that they're almost

00:48:38.200 doing it selfishly, right?

00:48:39.700 Like if I love this individual, then I will get what I need, right?

00:48:42.920 Like if I love my wife, then she'll give me what I need.

00:48:45.680 That's not love, man.

00:48:46.640 That's selfish.

00:48:48.180 If I love my wife the way she needs to be loved, then she will live a more fulfilled,

00:48:53.100 satisfied life.

00:48:53.980 If I love my children by serving them in a way that they need to be served, not a way

00:48:58.260 to uplift me, then they will live a more fulfilled, satisfied, successful life.

00:49:02.860 Service is love.

00:49:03.880 Do you feel what, do you think there's some distortion around what love looks like?

00:49:11.360 I don't know how well I think, I think there, there's definitely lust, right?

00:49:17.100 I think there's definitely lust excitement.

00:49:19.900 Yes, that's not, that's not love.

00:49:22.580 And look, I'm not saying that you shouldn't, well, lust maybe isn't the right word, but

00:49:26.760 be physically attracted, for example, to a naked woman.

00:49:30.340 Like, of course you're going to be attracted to that, but that, that's, that's dangerous,

00:49:34.920 right?

00:49:35.400 There's a line that you need to be aware of.

00:49:37.560 And again, just because you're physically attracted to a woman doesn't mean you love

00:49:42.700 her because again, love is, is service.

00:49:46.660 So you, you may be doing the exact opposite of that.

00:49:50.840 You might not be serving her the way she needs to be served when you're sleeping with her.

00:49:55.020 For example, like, do you really love this woman?

00:49:57.260 Not, if you're not serving her, there's no love there.

00:49:59.760 You're just using her potentially.

00:50:01.140 So yeah, I think love gets distorted romantically in a lot of ways through lust.

00:50:07.960 Um, I, I'm, I don't, I don't suggest that any man engage in premarital sex for a myriad

00:50:13.860 of reasons.

00:50:15.480 I think these are all dangers that we as men ought to be aware of.

00:50:20.220 Yeah.

00:50:20.880 I love that.

00:50:21.880 If that's what he's asking, then yes, I think.

00:50:24.200 Yeah.

00:50:24.700 But that's not again, but that's not love.

00:50:26.920 I think people might confuse it as love, but it's not love.

00:50:30.140 Love is service.

00:50:31.860 Yeah.

00:50:32.400 All right.

00:50:32.840 Cool.

00:50:33.680 Travis Van S.

00:50:35.040 What is the best way to get out of an eating and workout rut?

00:50:38.760 My eating habits haven't been the greatest since Thanksgiving.

00:50:41.360 Any suggestions would be helpful.

00:50:42.840 So maybe some tactical tips for Travis.

00:50:46.820 Um, your battle plan and being a man of your word.

00:50:54.780 That's it.

00:50:55.500 Like, look, Travis, look, man, I feel you.

00:50:59.360 I've, I've been there.

00:51:00.820 I've been there.

00:51:02.120 But if you're not doing what you know, you should be doing, then you're lying to yourself

00:51:06.560 at best.

00:51:07.360 You're being a liar.

00:51:08.280 You're out of integrity.

00:51:09.700 And I don't say that to judge you because I've been in that situation.

00:51:12.500 And at times I still am like, I'm not perfect.

00:51:14.300 I don't have this stuff all locked down.

00:51:16.160 You know, I might have a little too much food or dessert or whatever.

00:51:19.200 Maybe I'm not perfect in this situation, but at least I'm conscious enough to say the truth,

00:51:24.880 which is that you're not, you're being weak.

00:51:26.900 You're not doing what you're capable of doing.

00:51:29.960 So have a plan, man.

00:51:31.760 Like what's your vision?

00:51:34.060 What's your objective?

00:51:34.920 Do I want to lose 10 pounds or 20 pounds?

00:51:36.940 Do I want to lift this much weight?

00:51:39.360 Do I want to lose this percentage of body fat?

00:51:41.580 Okay.

00:51:41.760 Now work backwards.

00:51:42.660 What do I have to do on a daily basis?

00:51:43.940 Well, I have to drink this much water and I have to exercise daily.

00:51:46.440 Then just be a man of your word.

00:51:49.280 And when you fall short and you will, just like I fall short just about every day, be

00:51:54.340 truthful.

00:51:55.300 Don't make an excuse like, oh, it was hard because I was traveling.

00:51:58.700 Bullshit, man.

00:52:00.480 There's, there's millions of men who are traveling who still eat well.

00:52:03.900 Oh, well, I don't have a gym near me.

00:52:06.680 Okay.

00:52:07.340 Who said you need a gym to go on a run or to do some pushups or do some sit-ups?

00:52:11.680 Oh, I don't have any money to invest in a coach or that.

00:52:14.800 You don't need any of that.

00:52:16.400 The truth is that you're being weak and you're not doing what you're capable of doing.

00:52:21.180 I fall into that trap as well, but be a, just be a man of your word.

00:52:24.720 Have a plan, eliminate the temptations.

00:52:28.000 If that's your issue, like food, late night eating for me, guys, like I will have the

00:52:33.040 entire thing of ice cream, the entire crate or whatever container of ice cream.

00:52:38.740 You think, Kip, you're laughing like, like I'm being like, yes, like you're laughing.

00:52:44.140 Like I'm exaggerating.

00:52:45.520 No, I will eat the whole thing.

00:52:47.520 I will also eat simultaneously the entire bag of chips and salsa and I will do it at nine

00:52:53.160 or 10 o'clock at night.

00:52:54.180 I would love last night.

00:52:56.460 My wife and I were sitting there, we were watching a show and I wanted nothing more than

00:53:01.460 to have huge, big bag of chips and salsa.

00:53:06.460 But I didn't because I committed to not doing that.

00:53:10.240 So eliminate the temptations where you can get an accountability partner, have somebody

00:53:15.220 who's going to go to the gym with you.

00:53:16.820 If somebody's there, if somebody says, Hey, I'll meet you at the gym at six, you're not

00:53:20.600 going to be the asshole who doesn't show up at six because he's there waiting.

00:53:23.940 And when he doesn't want to go, he's not going to be, be the asshole who doesn't show up at

00:53:28.440 six because he knows you're there waiting.

00:53:30.260 So all kinds of little tactics that you can do here.

00:53:32.760 You just have to figure out what your pain points are, where your temptations lie, and

00:53:37.520 then create strategies that keep those things from happening.

00:53:40.220 Cool.

00:53:42.280 There you go, Travis, Jared Shaw, Ryan Mickler.

00:53:45.420 When do you think it's time to talk about bad people and the things like sexual molestation

00:53:50.580 with your children and how I have a five-year-old daughter and I have just started talking with

00:53:55.640 her about stuff, but I feel like I'm making her scared more than informed of what to look

00:54:01.520 for and to stay away from.

00:54:03.500 I mean, if you're, if you feel like you're making her scared a little bit, like may, I think

00:54:07.660 there's, that's okay, like a healthy dose of being a little fearful or at least skeptical

00:54:11.320 or aware is, is not a bad thing, but maybe you're just being too graphic or talking about

00:54:17.480 too much or too in depth.

00:54:19.360 I mean, I've got a five-year-old little girl and I'm not talking about like, like human

00:54:25.100 anatomy, for example, but I will tell her things like, Hey, no adult should ever have a secret

00:54:30.460 with you.

00:54:31.100 Right.

00:54:31.500 And talking with her about how she, she can tell us whatever it may be.

00:54:35.700 And then backing up that thought with being receptive when she does talk with us about

00:54:39.960 that stuff, talking about, you know, you don't need to let people see you without your clothes

00:54:45.800 on, you know, these are little things that you can talk about to a five-year-old, for

00:54:49.280 example, that aren't going to freak her out, but just give her a very healthy set of parameters

00:54:54.440 in which to operate.

00:54:55.580 And then as she gets six and seven, Hey, you shouldn't be alone with a man.

00:55:00.100 Hey, if he ever touches you in any of your private spots, then you need to say no very

00:55:05.400 loudly and get yourself out of that situation.

00:55:07.540 So you just build upon these things is like, I'm not perfect.

00:55:11.500 Okay.

00:55:11.700 I'm not the, like the, the, the, the expert on this stuff, but these are the things that

00:55:16.100 I've been implementing in, in our relationship and conversations with our children.

00:55:21.520 Yeah.

00:55:21.920 I mean, and they're going to present themselves.

00:55:24.380 I mean, we had a, we had a family over for dinner about a week ago and after they left

00:55:31.180 my daughter, Kika, she's seven and this little boy's like five and she's like, Hey, that boy

00:55:36.580 kissed me.

00:55:37.680 Right.

00:55:38.420 And I'm like, did you want to have him kiss you?

00:55:42.840 You know what I mean?

00:55:43.460 I'm kind of like asking.

00:55:44.940 And she's like, no.

00:55:46.120 And I'm like, and then we, and we use that.

00:55:47.740 We're like, okay, Kika, here's the deal, but he wanted to is what she said.

00:55:51.580 And we're like, Hey, you never do anything that you don't want to do.

00:55:55.680 Right.

00:55:56.140 And so we started talking through these scenarios of if any boy ever wants to kiss you or even

00:56:00.900 hug you and you don't want to hug them, that's your body.

00:56:04.260 You protect it, right?

00:56:05.760 You decide what you're going to do.

00:56:07.420 And we'll just use it as an opportunity to talk a little bit deeper about it, but that's

00:56:10.460 going to be applicable to many aspects, not just a five-year-old boy.

00:56:14.900 Right.

00:56:15.380 Sure.

00:56:15.620 And so we kind of took advantage of that scenario, but I think you're going to see scenarios

00:56:19.780 come up through your child's life of, I mean, we want to be proactive, but there's also

00:56:24.160 going to be natural scenarios that are going to come up that you can teach him.

00:56:27.720 And I would actually add to that because I think what we fall prey to a lot of the times,

00:56:32.260 especially as fathers is being pissed, right?

00:56:35.080 And like being, being upset about that situation and rightfully so.

00:56:38.720 And what I have a tendency of doing is talking to and over people when I'm upset.

00:56:46.960 So, so I might be actually disincentivizing her to talk with me in the future.

00:56:53.580 Yeah.

00:56:54.320 Right.

00:56:54.620 Like if I'm like, well, what, why did you do this?

00:56:56.880 And I, and I go off the rail.

00:56:58.760 How would you let that happen?

00:56:59.240 Right.

00:56:59.540 Exactly.

00:57:00.280 And then I go off the rails and she's like, oh, lesson learned.

00:57:04.640 Don't tell dad about this stuff.

00:57:06.900 Yeah, totally.

00:57:07.680 So I think we, as men, especially if you happen to be maybe a more assertive man, that your

00:57:13.460 natural tendency will probably be to railroad people and to blow up whatever obstacles in

00:57:19.460 your way.

00:57:19.800 And as I get older and hopefully a little more mature and a little more wise, I'm realizing,

00:57:25.960 okay, there's some collateral damage that I may not want to expose myself here to by

00:57:31.020 blowing this situation out of proportion.

00:57:33.420 That's just balance.

00:57:34.460 That's a struggle that I have.

00:57:36.300 And I will probably always have to wrestle with that a little bit, but I'm trying to be

00:57:40.120 aware of that.

00:57:41.160 Yeah.

00:57:41.420 I struggle with that as well.

00:57:43.000 To be honest, to be frank, Asia has really coached me well in this area.

00:57:47.300 She's perfect at this stuff.

00:57:48.700 My kids always talk to her about things that they're curious about or, you know, even things

00:57:53.540 that they've done wrong.

00:57:54.460 And my immediate reaction is like, well, what the hell were you thinking?

00:57:58.820 You know, of course, I'm a complete jerk.

00:58:00.540 And they're like, you know, exactly what you're saying.

00:58:02.620 Yeah.

00:58:02.740 Right.

00:58:03.080 So she's great at that.

00:58:04.640 I think this is why it's so powerful that we have mothers and fathers in the home because

00:58:09.140 generally speaking, men solve problems, even if they have to destroy whatever's in their

00:58:14.100 way.

00:58:14.360 And generally speaking, women are going to be more empathetic and nurturing and caring.

00:58:18.700 It's just the way we are.

00:58:19.920 And we can learn from that.

00:58:21.380 And women can learn from us, right?

00:58:23.360 Like there's a time where you have to be a little more assertive.

00:58:25.620 And then there's a time where we as men have to be a little bit more potentially empathetic.

00:58:30.080 And that balance is very, very powerful for a young boy and young girl.

00:58:34.140 Cool.

00:58:34.620 Joe Lewis, I'm a firm believer of roles and the idea that everyone has an innate pre-programmed

00:58:41.440 job or role in life, whether it be a gender or otherwise.

00:58:45.300 Every person plays their part in this world.

00:58:47.180 Some of the cultural and societal beliefs of the Spartans were spot on with those in regards.

00:58:55.420 My question to you, Ryan and Kip, is do you believe that the Order of Man movement will

00:59:00.160 be able to combat this ever-increasing delusion that any job or role can be filled by anyone?

00:59:05.700 I liken the just because you can wear spandex doesn't mean you should concept.

00:59:12.580 Truer words have never been spoken.

00:59:14.680 Um, when it comes to gender, uh, I believe that we are as men more predisposed to behave

00:59:25.500 and act a certain way and then accomplish certain tasks and fulfill a certain role.

00:59:28.960 And I believe that also holds true of women, right?

00:59:32.000 Just because of the way they are biologically, uh, that they hold those roles.

00:59:36.820 And now I don't know if you're talking about roles as in jobs necessarily that that is independent

00:59:43.500 of genders, because I think that we all have an opportunity to create who it is we want

00:59:49.180 to be.

00:59:49.500 But I also think we ought to play to our strengths.

00:59:51.200 So this idea that men can be women and women can be men is ludicrous to me.

00:59:56.700 And I think that women would be better off stepping more fully into their femininity and

01:00:02.320 men would be better off stepping more into their masculinity.

01:00:06.280 Uh, can Order of Man combat the alternative to that idea?

01:00:12.320 I don't, I don't know.

01:00:15.520 I mean, that's what we're trying to do, right?

01:00:17.180 Like we're reaching millions and millions of men through this movement, through this organization,

01:00:21.620 people are resonating, uh, they're becoming better fathers and better husbands and more

01:00:26.740 effective business owners and employees.

01:00:29.040 And they're asking for promotions and they're losing weight and they're salvaging marriages

01:00:32.540 and they're connecting with their kids and they're making more money.

01:00:35.240 And they're generally adding more value into their families and their communities.

01:00:39.080 Can, so can we, yeah, that's exactly what we're doing.

01:00:42.780 Um, I don't know if we'll change the world necessarily.

01:00:45.420 I would like to think that we will, but we'll change as much as we can for as long as we

01:00:50.160 can.

01:00:51.380 What would you add?

01:00:52.800 I'm struggling with that one a little bit.

01:00:54.280 Yeah, I love the concept that you create, you can ultimately become whatever you choose to

01:01:00.860 become within reason, right?

01:01:03.340 Yeah.

01:01:03.600 Within reason.

01:01:04.360 But here's the funny part about the delusion that he's talking about.

01:01:07.660 A lot of people that quote unquote have these delusions, I'm using that term loosely.

01:01:13.400 They're also victims of it.

01:01:15.380 They're not coming to the table and saying, why I'm choosing to be this way.

01:01:19.240 But they're, they're coming to the table saying, well, no, I'm this way.

01:01:23.580 I am this way.

01:01:24.300 There's nothing I can do about it.

01:01:25.680 Yeah.

01:01:26.060 So, so it's kind of ironic, right?

01:01:28.060 Because it's not about being able to create whatever you ultimately want to become.

01:01:32.600 It's about being a victim of what you're creating and not taking ownership of the fact that you're

01:01:37.140 creating it.

01:01:38.000 So that's the part that bothers me more than anything about that concept.

01:01:42.480 But yeah, it's a valid point.

01:01:43.860 I also think about feminine men, for example, like we all know feminine men, right?

01:01:47.980 Whether they're homosexual or not, like we, we know men who are more feminine than

01:01:52.400 ourselves or other men.

01:01:54.460 Does that make them less manly?

01:01:56.500 Only if they decide not to harness their masculinity and be the type of men that they're

01:02:00.340 capable of and have an obligation to be.

01:02:02.540 I believe a feminine man can be manly.

01:02:06.000 I believe even a homosexual man can be manly.

01:02:09.100 If he's stepping into protecting, providing, and presiding, that's his obligation and his

01:02:14.580 responsibility.

01:02:15.180 So even if he's maybe more feminine, I still think he has an obligation to fill that masculine

01:02:20.880 role.

01:02:22.060 Yeah.

01:02:22.280 And what drives me mad is any social condition.

01:02:25.080 People do this all the time.

01:02:26.920 And to assume that how you dress and how you act is not based upon some social circle or

01:02:32.340 social influence in regards to, well, let me stereotype you this way.

01:02:35.980 And because of that, you have to dress and act a certain way.

01:02:40.060 Let's be real.

01:02:41.380 That exists.

01:02:42.400 We do that.

01:02:43.180 That's like, it's, it's part of our social conditions, but be aware of it.

01:02:47.880 And actually just don't assume that like, that's some way of you being raw and authentic

01:02:53.260 in your own unique way.

01:02:54.400 Like, no, you're, you're choosing to be an act a certain way based upon social condition.

01:03:00.020 So I don't know.

01:03:01.300 I just don't like the victim side of this conversation.

01:03:04.140 I hate that side of it.

01:03:05.440 I also think the judgment argument falls into this and I get this occasionally.

01:03:09.240 Like if I call something out or something I see, which I don't agree with, people say,

01:03:12.580 oh, you're being judgmental.

01:03:14.400 Okay.

01:03:15.680 And you're, you're judging me for being judgmental.

01:03:19.080 So like, you just rendered that whole argument obsolete.

01:03:22.820 Like you just undermine your own argument.

01:03:24.780 Like all of us judge.

01:03:27.380 We, that's, that's what we do.

01:03:29.880 And it's actually helpful in a lot of cases because it keeps us safe and helps us discern

01:03:35.180 right from wrong.

01:03:36.240 And the way we want to behave and what we see and what we value in other people, their

01:03:41.280 behavior or their thoughts and other people and what we don't value and what we want to

01:03:44.420 reject.

01:03:44.860 Like all of us do that.

01:03:46.400 It's, it's funny to me when people bring that argument up.

01:03:48.940 Totally.

01:03:49.820 All right.

01:03:50.480 Billy Ains, what books or websites would you recommend studying in order to create your

01:03:54.700 first business plan?

01:03:56.120 If you have already referenced it in another podcast, which episode should I listen to?

01:04:01.340 This is one I should have been prepared for.

01:04:03.380 Cause right off hand, I mean, I don't, I don't know.

01:04:06.120 Like there's a lot of good stuff.

01:04:07.520 Like John Lee Dumas has some good stuff with starting a business.

01:04:10.160 You know, who's actually really good with starting businesses.

01:04:12.200 Dave Ramsey.

01:04:12.920 Dave Ramsey's got some great stuff.

01:04:15.460 In fact, there's a book, uh, Entree Leadership that I would highly, highly recommend that

01:04:19.920 you read.

01:04:20.280 That's a really good book.

01:04:21.400 I like that book.

01:04:22.740 Um, and he talks about business and he talks about being a leader in a business and an organization.

01:04:27.220 Um, that's a good one.

01:04:28.920 E-myth.

01:04:29.720 E-myth.

01:04:30.220 Yes.

01:04:30.700 E-myth is another good one.

01:04:32.480 Um, anything else that you can think of?

01:04:35.780 I'm trying to, but I should have been, these are the types of questions I think we should

01:04:39.200 be maybe a little bit more prepared for, but yeah, I would start with, um, like if you're

01:04:43.520 looking at online business, um, John Lee Dumas, Pat Flynn, Lewis Howes has some stuff, uh,

01:04:50.080 but E-myth, I think like you said, it's really good.

01:04:52.940 Um, Dave Ramsey, Entree Leadership is really good.

01:04:55.380 I'm just looking at my library right now.

01:04:57.080 Let's move on to the next question.

01:04:58.380 If I see anything else, of course, like dichotomy of leadership, that's not really

01:05:01.500 business plan necessarily, but that talks about being a leader.

01:05:04.180 Um, let's go on to the next question.

01:05:06.720 And then if I see some others in here, I'll, I'll, uh, bring those up.

01:05:10.300 Sounds good.

01:05:10.980 Dustin Cochran, at what point is progress towards a goal, not worth the effort as in the return

01:05:16.840 on investment, not being worth it.

01:05:18.520 Say you had a financial goal and your current income is insufficient to meet that goal.

01:05:23.400 Yet current employment constraints prevent seeking additional employment.

01:05:27.240 You found a way around said constraints, but the income from doing so, uh, amounts to

01:05:33.260 $10 for six hours of work, that $10, that's $10 progress, but at the expense of a lot more

01:05:40.440 time, time, which would otherwise be wasted.

01:05:43.520 I mean, look, the answer, the answer is you already answered it.

01:05:46.360 Yeah.

01:05:46.960 When is it not worth it?

01:05:48.180 When it's not worth it, you already answered it.

01:05:50.880 If you're going to make $10 or whatever for six, whatever the thing was, then you already

01:05:55.240 answered the fact that it's not worth doing that.

01:05:56.860 Okay.

01:05:57.200 Well, that's, that's the answer.

01:05:58.360 The only thing I'd add to that though, is if, if the rate of return increases over a

01:06:05.220 period of time and you're willing to take that hit right for that greater return, then

01:06:10.080 obviously you have to determine if it's worth it for that time.

01:06:13.520 That's the point of an investment, right?

01:06:15.380 Whether it's financial or time is like, like let's take a financial investment.

01:06:19.060 For example, let's say you take $20,000, you're going to invest it in a business.

01:06:22.760 The idea is that you just took $20,000 out of your pocket that you can't use or harness

01:06:27.260 anymore because you put it into this business.

01:06:29.180 And the idea is that at some point in the future, this 20,000 will turn into 200,000.

01:06:35.280 So you have to evaluate.

01:06:36.840 The answer is when is it not worth it when it's not worth it, but you also have to take

01:06:40.720 into consideration what, like you said, Kip, what is it going to do in the future?

01:06:44.620 What is the potential and how long is it going to take?

01:06:46.700 Are you willing to pay that price?

01:06:47.840 Am I willing, for example, to tie up $20,000 for 10 years for $200,000?

01:06:52.760 Do the math.

01:06:53.580 If it's, yes, I'm willing to do that, then cool.

01:06:55.820 You're on the right course.

01:06:56.480 If not, not the right investment for you.

01:06:58.440 And that's okay.

01:06:58.940 Find something else.

01:07:00.060 So yeah, definitely take that into consideration.

01:07:02.040 I think that's a great point.

01:07:03.640 Okay.

01:07:04.440 Will Kaufman, definition of a fake friend.

01:07:08.280 Well, there is no fake friends.

01:07:10.120 They're either a friend or they're not, right?

01:07:11.740 They're like, like you can't, you can't be kind of a friend or a fake friend.

01:07:15.720 No, you're a friend or you're not.

01:07:17.400 And I think if we create that hardline stance, we'll understand pretty quickly.

01:07:20.260 Uh, I believe that friends give more than they take.

01:07:24.120 I like that.

01:07:25.000 I mean, a friend gives more than he takes.

01:07:26.580 Look, I'm not going to say that a friend doesn't take at times.

01:07:28.400 That's the point of a relationship.

01:07:29.780 You give, I give, I get, you get.

01:07:32.640 It has to be a symbiotic relationship here.

01:07:35.000 But if you're not giving more than you're taking, then you're not a friend.

01:07:39.240 You're just a consumption of resources.

01:07:41.340 In this, in this case, somebody's time, energy, and commitment.

01:07:44.020 So I also believe in friendship, there's a lot of sacrifice that goes there too, uh, that

01:07:49.460 I will put something down of my own, whether it's my time or a resource in order for you

01:07:54.880 to, to thrive and me to be charitable and give that to you.

01:07:58.040 So yeah, friends, somebody who gives more than they take and somebody who's willing to

01:08:02.120 sacrifice, not, not in all ways, but sacrifice at times their own wellbeing.

01:08:07.300 I mean, maybe not wellbeing, but sacrifice their own resources for the, the friend.

01:08:11.860 And yeah, I like that.

01:08:14.320 Sean Peschel, clever, Sean.

01:08:17.400 Sean's given us three questions.

01:08:19.000 You get to choose if you want to answer all three or just choose one or two.

01:08:22.640 I might just answer none just because he's trying to paint me into this box right here.

01:08:26.460 You can't control us, Sean.

01:08:27.860 That's right.

01:08:28.700 We're in charge.

01:08:29.380 You can't tell me what to do.

01:08:31.020 All right.

01:08:31.440 So his first question, was there a point in your journey where you nearly failed or quit?

01:08:36.380 Question number two, was there a point in your journey where you identified that you

01:08:40.380 were going to be successful?

01:08:42.120 And number three, if you were to do one thing specifically different, what would it be and

01:08:46.660 why?

01:08:47.360 Now, when you, when he's talking about journey, do you think he's talking about order of man?

01:08:51.120 Yeah, I think so.

01:08:52.560 Was there ever a point that I, I'll answer all three.

01:08:55.580 When there's ever a point that, that I thought I would fail in the journey.

01:08:59.040 No.

01:08:59.520 Yeah.

01:09:00.600 No.

01:09:01.160 Done.

01:09:02.420 Like, I mean, there's been hard times, but there's never a point where I've felt like,

01:09:08.180 oh, I'm going to fail in this or I'm going to quit.

01:09:11.840 No, no, no.

01:09:12.820 Never.

01:09:13.460 That's number one.

01:09:14.260 Number two, when, when did I think I was going to be successful before I started?

01:09:18.420 Before you started.

01:09:19.400 I love it.

01:09:20.040 Like what, why would you start anything?

01:09:22.760 You didn't think you had an opportunity to be successful at.

01:09:25.460 Yeah.

01:09:26.380 And, and look, I draw upon enough experience that I know that if I put my mind to something

01:09:30.840 that I'll, I'll, that I'll achieve it, that I'll be successful.

01:09:33.680 So I drew upon that past experience and I said, I'm going to try this.

01:09:36.280 And I didn't have a lot of expectations either.

01:09:38.540 Let's be fair.

01:09:39.360 I mean, I, I didn't have a whole lot of expectations for what order a man was going to grow to.

01:09:43.060 So there was nothing really to like judge it against.

01:09:46.080 Like I'm going to make a hundred thousand dollars this first year.

01:09:48.720 Your, your definition of success in the early days was just at least to get your mom to listen

01:09:52.840 to the podcast at least.

01:09:54.120 So.

01:09:54.260 Right.

01:09:54.520 And I, and I achieved that.

01:09:56.100 I mean, I checked that off like the first, you know, hour or whatever.

01:09:58.860 So set the bar really low, Sean, and you will succeed.

01:10:02.240 That's right.

01:10:02.820 What was the third question?

01:10:03.860 Uh, if you were to do one thing specifically different, what would it be and why?

01:10:09.520 I wouldn't do anything different.

01:10:10.560 I mean, the only thing I would do is maybe start earlier, but I think we're doing it right.

01:10:16.040 You know, I'm learning along the way.

01:10:17.540 Um, these are, these questions are a little hard too, because I try to go back in time and

01:10:20.920 I think, well, if I went back in time, I wouldn't know what I know now.

01:10:23.560 And sometimes the way that we become successful is by paying the price, the tuition and the tuition

01:10:28.860 is time, it's resources, energy, it's, it's the, the, the amount of effort and work that

01:10:34.460 goes into it.

01:10:35.400 And if you go, if you rewind and start all over, then you haven't paid the tuition and

01:10:39.900 there's no way around that tuition.

01:10:41.500 You have to pay it.

01:10:43.380 Yeah.

01:10:44.240 Cool.

01:10:45.500 I'm up on time, sir.

01:10:47.660 How are we?

01:10:48.260 Oh, you're, oh, you got to go.

01:10:50.060 Yeah.

01:10:50.460 I got to go in three.

01:10:51.520 All right.

01:10:51.940 Let's, uh, let's wrap this up guys.

01:10:53.740 What calls me?

01:10:54.280 I get it.

01:10:54.820 I get it.

01:10:55.220 We all have things we got to do.

01:10:56.420 So we'll let you guys get going.

01:10:57.800 We've been going for like an hour and 15.

01:10:59.960 Um, you know what?

01:11:00.780 I'll just wrap this up real quick then Kip.

01:11:02.260 So we can get you out of here very quickly.

01:11:04.220 Guys, again, order of man.com slash Hoyt is the bow giveaway on April 1st.

01:11:09.520 So get registered for that origin, main.com slash order camp is how you get registered for

01:11:15.980 jujitsu immersion camp with origin, August 25th through September 1st.

01:11:20.740 Uh, and then hit me up on Instagram, Twitter at Ryan Mickler.

01:11:24.360 My last name is spelled M I C H L E R.

01:11:27.040 Uh, check out the store, excuse me, the store at store.orderofman.com.

01:11:31.660 We have a sale going on until Friday, I believe with the discount code Brecken, B R E C K E N.

01:11:38.720 That's all I got Kip.

01:11:39.640 Anything else that you need to add real quick?

01:11:41.960 No, I love it, man.

01:11:43.160 Love being on the podcast.

01:11:44.400 It's great.

01:11:45.120 All right, guys.

01:11:45.580 Appreciate you.

01:11:46.380 Hope you enjoyed this one.

01:11:47.600 Um, great questions.

01:11:48.340 Like you said, really, really good questions this week and, uh, excited to continue to ask,

01:11:52.220 answer these things and please keep asking.

01:11:54.460 All right, guys, get out of here.

01:11:55.820 We'll, uh, we'll catch you on Friday for our Friday field notes.

01:11:57.780 Until then take action, become the man you are meant to be.

01:12:00.920 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:12:03.740 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:12:07.540 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

01:12:15.580 All right.

01:12:16.480 We'll be right back.

01:12:16.980 We'll be right back.

01:12:21.700 Thank you.

Order of Man - March 06, 2019

Exceeding the Call of Duty, Liberation from Social Media, and Difficult Conversations with Children｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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