Order of Man - Extreme Emotions, Running From Your Problems, and Fighting For Your Life

00:00:00.000 You can't move forward if you're wrapped up in guilt and shame of the past.

00:00:04.280 You can reflect on the past.

00:00:05.580 I will forever.

00:00:07.160 We should.

00:00:08.300 It's like looking in the rearview mirror.

00:00:09.780 You have to look and see because that gives you a little bit of context about where you're at and what's around you.

00:00:14.740 And maybe how far you've come.

00:00:15.820 And by the way, guilt and shame actually lead to a lot of other things that you should cut out of your life.

00:00:21.560 Addiction, alcohol abuse, pornography.

00:00:25.360 You name the vice.

00:00:26.280 And a lot of it is actually wrapped up in guilt and shame.

00:00:30.900 You're a man of action.

00:00:32.600 You live life to the fullest.

00:00:34.060 Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:37.000 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time.

00:00:40.360 Every time.

00:00:41.160 You are not easily deterred or defeated.

00:00:43.780 Rugged.

00:00:44.560 Resilient.

00:00:45.580 Strong.

00:00:46.520 This is your life.

00:00:47.620 This is who you are.

00:00:49.020 This is who you will become.

00:00:50.740 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:57.480 Kip, what's up, man?

00:00:58.440 Great to see you.

00:00:59.060 I hope you had a great weekend.

00:01:00.540 You seem a little on edge this morning, if I can say so.

00:01:06.420 Yeah.

00:01:07.280 Last week, we have Hawaii.

00:01:09.280 We have our Hawaii hunt.

00:01:12.040 You know, I think I fly out on Saturday.

00:01:13.780 I think you'd probably do as well.

00:01:15.400 And after our hunt in Hawaii, I'm meeting with my family in Oahu for a few more weeks.

00:01:23.220 So, this is like-

00:01:24.360 Oh, you are?

00:01:25.100 So, you're flying straight to Oahu.

00:01:26.340 For a while.

00:01:27.160 For a while.

00:01:28.760 Whoa.

00:01:30.220 Yeah.

00:01:30.760 Yeah.

00:01:31.160 Yeah.

00:01:31.280 So, I have all this stress of like, I got to get all these things done.

00:01:34.940 So, I'm-

00:01:35.560 Yes.

00:01:35.840 So, you're picking up what is exactly happening.

00:01:41.260 Yeah.

00:01:42.260 Yeah.

00:01:42.500 I mean, I'm only there for the week for our hunt with my oldest son and even me this week.

00:01:47.740 I'm like, oh, this is crunch time.

00:01:48.860 I think I've got eight podcasts this week I've got to do because I've got to get this week's

00:01:52.960 done, next week's done, and half of the following week's done.

00:01:56.240 So, it gets a little wild.

00:01:57.980 But, whatever I can do to help, man, let me know.

00:02:00.660 I get it.

00:02:01.200 Let's jump right into maybe some questions today and distract ourselves for an hour if

00:02:05.100 we can.

00:02:07.460 Excellent.

00:02:07.960 Sounds good.

00:02:08.440 And you had a question that you wanted to cover on Facebook first, I believe.

00:02:12.060 Yeah.

00:02:12.520 Yeah.

00:02:12.860 So, this is a gentleman who reached out to me, and I thought it was an interesting question.

00:02:17.880 I'm not going to give his name because he said that he was a little concerned about

00:02:22.020 posting in the group, let alone blasting this out on the podcast.

00:02:28.240 But he says this.

00:02:29.340 He said, relationship question.

00:02:31.120 I'm in the early stages of dating.

00:02:33.120 The girl and I are and were super into each other, but she has backed away due to personal

00:02:38.320 reasons that have nothing to do with me as she is struggling with several things related

00:02:42.020 to work, life, et cetera.

00:02:43.960 How do I respect the space that she has asked for while still showing that I'm interested

00:02:47.680 and want to lead towards a relationship when she's more ready?

00:02:51.520 My guess is the best answer is to walk away and continue to focus on myself and grow.

00:02:57.980 And it's irrelevant if this girl comes back or not.

00:03:02.020 So, I think he answered his question, honestly.

00:03:06.380 It's pretty cold.

00:03:08.040 It's harsh and it's hard to hear.

00:03:09.740 I want to give some context to it because it is a good question.

00:03:13.060 But yeah, he answered it.

00:03:15.140 And I think he came up with the right answer.

00:03:17.540 He said here, this is a new relationship.

00:03:20.200 He's in the early stages of dating.

00:03:22.200 Here's what I found is that, and I think most people who have been in relationships and

00:03:28.200 even coaches who help with dating, if you're early in a relationship and she's backing off

00:03:35.540 and saying that it's something else, it's probably not something else.

00:03:40.720 Because women who are interested make time to be with the men they're interested in.

00:03:48.140 Bottom line.

00:03:49.520 So, if she's stressed at work, but she's into you, she's going to be into you and maybe stressed,

00:03:54.500 but she's still going to be doing things with you.

00:03:56.140 And I feel like, based on what I'm hearing in this limited context that we have, that

00:04:03.100 maybe she's just making some excuses and she's not as into you as you thought.

00:04:09.360 This is really hard to hear.

00:04:11.100 So, you're absolutely right.

00:04:12.740 The best thing that you can do, whether or not she's interested or not, the best thing

00:04:17.000 you can do is to always improve yourself in four realms.

00:04:22.160 Number one, your mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

00:04:25.860 Number two, the connections and relationships that you have.

00:04:29.000 Not her necessarily, but your parents, your friends, your coworkers, your clients, whoever

00:04:33.660 it might be.

00:04:34.760 Number three, your physical health.

00:04:36.920 And then number four, becoming a man of value and contributing value to the world.

00:04:41.220 And I feel like if you do those things, there's a lot of tactics, I think, that go along with

00:04:46.560 this.

00:04:46.780 But if you do these things, she's either going to see that you're a valuable man.

00:04:51.440 And that you don't, quote unquote, need her in your life, that you'd like to have

00:04:55.860 her, but you don't need her.

00:04:56.940 And that's very attractive to women.

00:04:59.080 Or she's not going to respond, but you're going to make yourself very, very attractive

00:05:03.360 to another woman who would love to find time to spend time with you.

00:05:08.840 Yeah.

00:05:09.780 It's sad.

00:05:11.000 Like, you know what I mean?

00:05:12.260 I feel for him, right?

00:05:13.740 Because he probably wants to fight for this girl and keep trying to make it happen because

00:05:20.440 he probably thinks she's amazing.

00:05:22.560 And but yeah, she probably just.

00:05:26.360 And she might be amazing, but there's a lot of other amazing women too.

00:05:30.220 And that's, I know that's hard to hear.

00:05:32.860 And it doesn't even feel like that might be the case, but it's reality.

00:05:37.920 Like every single man out there has been with multiple women and they think when they break

00:05:43.340 up with one, it's the end of the world.

00:05:44.620 And they find another one who ends up being miraculously better than they had before.

00:05:50.580 So I don't want to frame it as sad because then it's a little bit like, oh, well, it's

00:05:59.000 sad.

00:05:59.340 Let's mope around.

00:06:00.300 Let's be sad.

00:06:01.160 No, it's not sad.

00:06:02.280 It's just, it's reality.

00:06:04.920 Chalk it up.

00:06:05.780 You were in the early stages.

00:06:07.460 You probably weren't in love with her.

00:06:09.120 You were probably infatuated with her, which there's nothing wrong with that, but something

00:06:14.160 else will happen.

00:06:15.020 Just make sure you're in the best position when that opportunity presents itself.

00:06:19.720 Yeah, that's good.

00:06:21.120 That's solid sound.

00:06:22.540 Sound advice from Mr. Mickler.

00:06:25.060 We're going to jump to some questions from the Iron Council.

00:06:29.300 I think a call out just really quick.

00:06:31.240 We're going to open up enrollment to the Iron Council here within a week or so.

00:06:38.120 So if you're interested in banding with us, that's orderofman.com slash ironcouncil to

00:06:42.760 learn more and join us in this next cohort coming up mid-June.

00:06:48.800 Well, I would also say, even if you're not completely quote unquote interested, get interested

00:06:54.980 because you want your life to be better.

00:06:57.560 You want to improve your life.

00:06:58.940 And so you need two things.

00:07:00.120 Every man needs two things in his life.

00:07:02.020 He needs a framework and he needs a network.

00:07:05.440 A framework is the systems he doesn't currently have in order to propel him to new results.

00:07:10.860 And a network is a group of, in this case, men who will challenge you.

00:07:16.140 They'll call you out.

00:07:17.960 They'll push you outside of your comfort zone.

00:07:20.340 They'll hold you accountable.

00:07:21.600 They'll give you new ideas and insights and they actually care about you.

00:07:27.100 So you need both.

00:07:29.000 And too many men are missing one or both of those things in their lives.

00:07:32.400 And they're struggling unnecessarily because of it.

00:07:35.860 Men are isolated.

00:07:36.900 They're lonely.

00:07:37.500 They're depressed.

00:07:38.240 They're sad.

00:07:38.780 They're anxious, even suicidal.

00:07:41.380 And then on top of that, all of the things in their life are, they're not necessarily mediocre,

00:07:48.780 but they're not as good as they could be because they don't have effective systems in place.

00:07:52.340 They're just kind of winging it.

00:07:54.360 And a lot of men are good at winging it.

00:07:56.380 I'm pretty good at winging it.

00:07:58.020 But when I don't wing it and I actually implement the systems that we've developed,

00:08:03.100 it's predictable.

00:08:05.020 It's replicatable.

00:08:06.280 We produce results.

00:08:07.400 It's like when I go over to the faucet to turn the water on,

00:08:12.660 I flip, I pull the handle up and the water comes on.

00:08:17.220 When I wake up in the morning, the sun rises in the east.

00:08:20.560 Every morning for the last 44 years, it's done that.

00:08:24.780 And it's predictable and it's replicatable.

00:08:26.980 And I can set my watch to it.

00:08:28.640 And it's the same thing when you have effective systems in your life for improvement and self-development.

00:08:33.120 Yeah, that's solid.

00:08:34.860 Well, and we'll end up doing some preview calls as well.

00:08:37.800 So if you have some questions, come to those preview calls with those questions.

00:08:42.440 We'll address those as part of our process leading up to this open enrollment.

00:08:47.420 Just really quick, orderofman.com slash ironcouncil.

00:08:51.540 All right, Ty Sherwood, I've learned a new word today, unabashedly.

00:08:57.340 What are some ways we can live this life unabashedly?

00:09:04.320 That's a good word.

00:09:05.560 I mean, I've heard that word.

00:09:06.660 I don't really know the exact definition.

00:09:09.100 But when I hear that word, I think of bashful.

00:09:11.260 So the antithesis to unabashedly would be, yeah.

00:09:15.820 Yeah, so bashful, you know, I think about the dopey little dwarf on Snow White.

00:09:24.300 You know, bashful is one of the dwarfs.

00:09:26.160 And he's shy and he's intimidated and he doesn't assert himself.

00:09:29.920 And he lets people run all over him because he's too scared or fearful.

00:09:33.920 So I think that that is exactly right when it comes to being bashful.

00:09:39.760 But unabashedly means you're bold, you're convicted, you have clarity, you have focus, you have drive, you have determination, you have capability, you have courage, you have confidence.

00:09:49.940 And so you might say things that aren't always easy for other people to hear.

00:09:55.880 Maybe you're doing things that people don't approve of or acknowledge you for and you don't care.

00:10:02.240 You're just so focused on what your purpose and mission are.

00:10:06.560 So, but when it comes to living unabashedly, there's a formula to this.

00:10:11.480 We talked about systems a second ago.

00:10:13.140 There's a formula to living unabashedly.

00:10:16.400 Number one, vision.

00:10:18.640 You have to know where you're going.

00:10:20.120 If you don't know where you're going, then of course you're going to be bashful about anything that you might talk about.

00:10:28.760 Maybe you'll be tossed to and fro as the doctrine of popular culture gets a hold of you or somebody in your life says you should do this.

00:10:35.660 And the next person in your life says you should do that.

00:10:37.420 You don't know because you have no vision for yourself.

00:10:40.560 So step number one is vision.

00:10:42.620 Step number two is to have objectives.

00:10:45.760 We already talked about that today.

00:10:48.100 Physical, mental, emotional health is number one.

00:10:50.120 Number two is connections.

00:10:51.080 Number three is your physical health.

00:10:52.200 Number four is your contribution, becoming a man of value.

00:10:54.720 You have to have objectives.

00:10:56.740 So you know generally where you want to go and how you show up as a vision.

00:11:00.500 Now you have objectives that you're going, campaigns, if you want to look at it from a military perspective.

00:11:06.260 We want to win the war, but in order to do that, we need to win these little battles.

00:11:11.220 This is the first town we need to take.

00:11:12.900 And this is strategically what we need to do to deplete these people of resources or neutralize certain threats.

00:11:20.540 So you have campaigns.

00:11:22.380 I call them objectives.

00:11:23.680 And then number three is you have tactics.

00:11:25.820 So if we need to take that town as a campaign, how exactly are we going to do that?

00:11:30.580 We're going to surround the town.

00:11:32.020 We're going to starve them of resources.

00:11:34.300 We're going to bombard them with artillery, and we're going to take the town.

00:11:39.320 And it's the same thing when it comes to your objectives.

00:11:42.520 What are you going to do on a daily basis?

00:11:44.280 So if you want to lose 50 pounds, and that's your objective because that makes you a healthy, thriving, good, capable man,

00:11:52.880 and your objective or your campaign is to lose 50 pounds, then every single day you're going to cut out processed sugars,

00:11:58.940 and you're going to work out.

00:12:00.300 You're going to exercise for 45 minutes every day without question.

00:12:03.180 You're going to do those two things, and that's it.

00:12:06.120 And you will inevitably achieve your result.

00:12:07.980 Now, when you're that focused on it, so that's the three-part formula.

00:12:11.780 When you're that focused on it, very little is going to deter you because you're convicted,

00:12:17.320 and you're also experiencing results.

00:12:19.780 So when somebody comes to you and says, oh, you know what, Ryan, you're just, I can't believe, like,

00:12:23.960 you're not even eating right, and you're working out so much.

00:12:27.060 You must be tired.

00:12:27.720 You're going to hurt yourself.

00:12:29.440 These are things people say.

00:12:31.540 It's like, you know, I don't care what you say because I'm experiencing results,

00:12:34.740 and I feel good about myself.

00:12:36.160 I'm getting strong.

00:12:37.520 I'm getting healthy.

00:12:38.160 I'm getting capable.

00:12:39.120 My energy levels are up.

00:12:40.620 My production and other aspects of my life are up.

00:12:43.200 So the way that you live an unabashed life is that three-part formula,

00:12:49.100 and that's called the battle plan.

00:12:50.920 That's what we've crafted over the past 10 years.

00:12:54.080 Yeah.

00:12:54.720 And I just, you called this out when you talked about the vision,

00:12:57.660 but the opposite of this is what?

00:12:58.980 Who's in control of your life?

00:13:03.220 Everybody else.

00:13:04.920 So you're constantly being acted upon.

00:13:07.040 I mean, we had a great conversation on the Iron Council last month,

00:13:11.460 and we were reviewing, it wasn't last month.

00:13:15.200 It was the month before.

00:13:16.140 We were reviewing the book Essentialism.

00:13:19.420 And it's funny, Ryan.

00:13:20.660 We've read that book so many times.

00:13:22.120 I swear we've read that book so many times.

00:13:24.700 And out of that book, I've always gotten away with throw all my crap away.

00:13:30.840 Keep throwing my crap away, right?

00:13:32.240 Like that's kind of what, like eliminate noise from my life.

00:13:36.380 This time around, early on in the chapters, he says something substantial.

00:13:40.800 And it was something around the idea of you choosing what you're doing

00:13:48.760 and how often we are acting out of requirement or out of appeasing someone else.

00:13:55.720 Well, I got to do this because if I don't, Ryan will overreact.

00:13:59.740 Well, I better do this or my wife will give me grief.

00:14:02.620 Like start, like if you're listening,

00:14:05.800 evaluate how much of the choices you are making in life are not your choices.

00:14:10.800 And you're acting out of appeasing someone else.

00:14:15.800 Okay, got it.

00:14:16.500 So your life is about who?

00:14:18.920 And who's in control?

00:14:21.040 Everybody else.

00:14:23.200 And what's funny about this, or unfortunate about this,

00:14:27.380 this is a space of disempowerment.

00:14:31.040 You will feel disempowered.

00:14:33.840 You will feel feelings of hopelessness and frustration in your life

00:14:39.100 when you're not actively choosing it.

00:14:42.380 And Ryan just gave you the framework on how to actively choose it.

00:14:47.020 It is, man.

00:14:47.960 It's just about being, not just about,

00:14:51.020 but the foundation is being deliberate and intentional with your life.

00:14:55.640 And part of the way that you do that too, Kip,

00:14:57.980 is you have to inventory your life.

00:15:00.500 Most men won't do this.

00:15:02.760 They'll look at the results that they're experiencing in life

00:15:05.300 and they'll be satisfied or dissatisfied,

00:15:07.340 but they can never formulate a connection between

00:15:09.780 what is it that's making them satisfied

00:15:12.480 and what is it that's making them dissatisfied

00:15:14.440 because they have no margin in their lives.

00:15:17.100 So they might be frustrated, for example,

00:15:19.420 with the way that their relationship is going.

00:15:22.920 And yet they're up to their eyeballs in debt.

00:15:25.940 They're up to their eyeballs in tasks.

00:15:27.640 Everybody else is dictating how they spend their time.

00:15:30.180 They have no space.

00:15:31.000 They have no margin to actually just sit down and think,

00:15:33.160 you know what?

00:15:33.660 What kind of relationship do I actually want?

00:15:36.380 How do I want it to look with my wife?

00:15:39.640 And if that's the way, that's vision, right?

00:15:41.820 If that's the way that I want it to look,

00:15:44.340 then what do I want to accomplish in the next 90 days?

00:15:48.220 And you might say in that example

00:15:49.600 that I would love to be more physically

00:15:53.220 and emotionally connected to her.

00:15:55.100 Good, that's good.

00:15:56.780 Okay, how do you do that?

00:15:58.800 Well, you got to court her

00:15:59.720 because you were physically and emotionally connected earlier

00:16:02.040 and what were you doing?

00:16:03.160 Courting her, wooing her, winning her over,

00:16:07.380 impressing her, caring about her,

00:16:11.340 inviting her into your world.

00:16:13.080 So how do you do that now?

00:16:14.300 Take her on a date every week.

00:16:16.580 Send her a note or a text throughout the day

00:16:18.700 and say, hey, I know you're busy.

00:16:19.960 I'm busy too, but I'm thinking about you.

00:16:22.500 Or carving out time after the kids go to bed

00:16:26.140 for 30 minutes to say, hey, you know what?

00:16:27.940 We're going to have structured conversation

00:16:29.720 where we're just going to talk about each other's days

00:16:32.380 and our hopes and dreams and desires and fears.

00:16:35.080 And I'm going to do that every day for the next 90 days.

00:16:38.080 Are you telling me that if you didn't do date night

00:16:40.200 and that structured conversation,

00:16:42.120 that your physical and emotional connection

00:16:45.000 would not improve with your wife?

00:16:46.840 But most guys just don't take the time to do it.

00:16:48.960 They're like, this sucks.

00:16:50.300 I wish she was better in bed.

00:16:51.960 It's like, okay.

00:16:53.580 Create it, man.

00:16:54.440 You're a man.

00:16:56.080 Create it.

00:16:57.920 And then when you create it,

00:16:59.420 allow her to make it beautiful for you

00:17:01.060 because that's what women do.

00:17:03.340 Yeah.

00:17:04.500 That's cool.

00:17:05.640 That's great.

00:17:06.220 All right, Jeremy Kofi or Kofi,

00:17:10.040 depending on what origins his family came from.

00:17:13.440 What's a family summer tradition

00:17:15.100 you've established and plan to maintain?

00:17:19.180 We talked about this a little earlier

00:17:21.080 before we hit record on this.

00:17:23.080 There's this really cool new family tradition

00:17:24.900 that we had that we started last year.

00:17:26.960 And we went to this really cool lake

00:17:28.800 with some fairly decent people.

00:17:31.700 And we spent a long weekend up there

00:17:34.080 and we had a really good time.

00:17:35.400 And now we're just kind of,

00:17:36.860 I don't know,

00:17:37.380 trying to wait for an invite or something

00:17:39.300 that we can get another invite up there.

00:17:41.620 Yeah, hoping it becomes a tradition.

00:17:43.540 That's funny.

00:17:44.120 Yes, that's right.

00:17:45.500 But you did say you're pinning down dates

00:17:47.580 and we're excited as a family

00:17:48.820 to go up and visit you

00:17:49.800 and spend time and hang out.

00:17:51.260 I was talking about Kip, if you don't know.

00:17:53.160 So yeah, that's one.

00:17:56.300 You know, things are a little different

00:17:57.860 in the dynamic for me

00:17:59.060 where three years ago,

00:18:00.660 going through the divorce,

00:18:02.020 we would take a beach trip every year.

00:18:04.860 I haven't done that since the divorce.

00:18:07.280 But this year I really spent some time

00:18:08.980 thinking about, you know,

00:18:10.200 I need to get the kids away.

00:18:11.500 So in the end of July, beginning of August,

00:18:14.000 we're actually going to be doing a trip.

00:18:15.920 And I'm going to let the kids

00:18:17.240 come to a consensus on it

00:18:18.680 with some instruction and direction

00:18:20.620 and some parameters.

00:18:23.340 But yeah, I think that's going to be a big deal.

00:18:27.840 You know, outside of that,

00:18:28.920 just trying to connect on a daily basis with my kids,

00:18:31.000 which I don't think is a tradition necessarily,

00:18:33.160 but it's something we're trying to infuse

00:18:35.060 in the culture of what we're creating.

00:18:37.780 Yeah.

00:18:38.540 Yeah, I mean, for us,

00:18:40.060 it's going to the lake

00:18:41.600 is a really common summer thing.

00:18:44.000 And then going up to over by Driggs

00:18:49.120 or, yeah, Driggs, Idaho.

00:18:54.300 Asia's family has a cabin up there,

00:18:56.560 up in the mountains.

00:18:57.140 Oh, okay.

00:18:57.780 And so, but it's funny

00:19:00.180 because it's pretty much like motorcycle haven

00:19:03.640 is all it is,

00:19:04.780 is we go up to this cabin,

00:19:06.760 motorcycles come out

00:19:07.920 and people are just riding motorcycles.

00:19:09.960 Or road bikes or what?

00:19:11.040 Dirt bikes.

00:19:11.780 Dirt bikes.

00:19:12.400 Got it.

00:19:12.980 Yeah.

00:19:13.220 So it's just up in the mountains

00:19:15.460 and riding motorcycles.

00:19:18.000 So those are the two

00:19:18.960 I would put in the category of tradition.

00:19:20.820 Everything else,

00:19:21.640 it's, we don't,

00:19:23.820 as much as I'd love to say we camp,

00:19:26.180 we go camping a lot during the summer,

00:19:27.820 we don't.

00:19:28.580 I want to.

00:19:29.440 Yeah.

00:19:29.900 So, but it's not a tradition quite yet,

00:19:31.940 but we're working on it.

00:19:32.820 Yeah.

00:19:34.040 Well, another tradition,

00:19:35.180 as you were saying that,

00:19:35.960 is we talked about the Hawaii hunt

00:19:37.420 that's coming up next week.

00:19:38.600 It's starting to feel like a tradition.

00:19:40.300 Yeah.

00:19:41.020 I mean, that's something I've done for,

00:19:43.660 I think this will be my fifth

00:19:44.800 or sixth year out there now.

00:19:47.100 And we always have roughly the same crew.

00:19:49.940 There might be one or two new people

00:19:51.160 depending on who can make it

00:19:52.240 and who can't.

00:19:53.100 But we've got Ben Shed Crazy coming out.

00:19:57.140 Eric with Hush coming out.

00:19:58.580 You'll be out there.

00:19:59.560 Rick, like my son's coming out.

00:20:01.780 And unfortunately,

00:20:02.740 in the last couple of days,

00:20:03.680 you don't know this,

00:20:04.420 but in the last couple of days,

00:20:06.260 we had somebody who couldn't make it

00:20:08.320 for some personal reasons.

00:20:09.940 And I made a couple of,

00:20:10.840 I made actually one call

00:20:12.260 and Logan Ingram

00:20:14.160 inside the Iron Council

00:20:15.320 is actually going to be

00:20:16.900 joining us in Hawaii.

00:20:18.260 Yeah.

00:20:18.440 And this is just as of the last 48 hours.

00:20:21.000 So he'll be out there.

00:20:22.560 And I wanted to hunt with him.

00:20:24.140 He was at the Forge event last month

00:20:25.900 and I've wanted to hunt with him for years.

00:20:28.100 So it'll be fun to hunt with him.

00:20:29.780 But that's a tradition that we do.

00:20:31.540 And to have my son out there is,

00:20:33.380 you know,

00:20:33.580 I love you guys.

00:20:34.380 I do.

00:20:35.080 But having my son out there

00:20:36.260 is way better than just

00:20:37.260 being with the boys.

00:20:38.640 So it should be fun.

00:20:39.240 Yeah, I can see that.

00:20:41.800 All right.

00:20:42.100 Chris Henningsen,

00:20:44.400 what are some ways

00:20:45.880 that you've found

00:20:46.740 to healthily process

00:20:48.120 extreme strong emotions

00:20:50.320 like anger and sadness

00:20:52.580 without being harmful

00:20:53.780 or hurtful

00:20:54.660 to those around us?

00:20:56.340 I've tried to suppress method,

00:20:58.400 which is not healthy.

00:20:59.940 And I have recently started

00:21:01.160 trying to do

00:21:01.980 a solitude release

00:21:03.280 where I go from

00:21:04.340 get away from everyone

00:21:06.160 into the forest or mountains

00:21:07.520 and just let whatever comes out

00:21:09.640 run its course.

00:21:11.360 Curious of your thoughts

00:21:12.560 and methods.

00:21:14.960 Well, I do want to say that

00:21:16.880 what did he say?

00:21:19.280 The stuffing method?

00:21:21.680 What did he say?

00:21:22.320 Suppression.

00:21:23.540 Suppression method, yeah.

00:21:25.000 That's not a method.

00:21:26.480 So get that out of your idea.

00:21:28.560 Like,

00:21:28.900 because what you're making

00:21:29.700 that sound like

00:21:30.520 is you're making it sound like

00:21:31.760 you're deliberately,

00:21:33.400 like it's a process

00:21:34.180 that might actually work.

00:21:35.460 So it's not a method.

00:21:36.520 It's just what you do

00:21:38.620 because of fear

00:21:40.420 and ego

00:21:41.200 and pride.

00:21:42.560 It's not a method, okay?

00:21:43.900 So I just want to address

00:21:44.780 that right now.

00:21:46.320 If you suppress it,

00:21:47.780 you can't suppress it.

00:21:49.720 I know that there's

00:21:50.760 the common idea

00:21:52.060 that men

00:21:53.200 aren't supposed

00:21:53.820 to be emotional

00:21:54.580 and we're supposed to be

00:21:55.620 the more logical

00:21:56.460 of the sexes.

00:21:58.140 How is that even possible?

00:22:00.060 It's really just the way

00:22:01.280 that we respond.

00:22:02.260 I think generally

00:22:03.320 it's more acceptable

00:22:04.220 that women

00:22:04.920 are not only emotional,

00:22:06.520 but they speak emotionally.

00:22:09.120 I think that's acceptable

00:22:10.020 because it's relatable

00:22:12.060 to women.

00:22:13.580 That's what we need

00:22:14.360 to understand.

00:22:15.400 Women share emotionally.

00:22:18.560 And I'm not saying

00:22:19.200 they can't be logical

00:22:20.040 and rational.

00:22:20.620 Of course they can.

00:22:21.720 But when it comes

00:22:22.420 to relatability

00:22:23.160 and women are very relational,

00:22:25.100 whereas men

00:22:25.620 are very directional.

00:22:27.040 So women will relate

00:22:28.380 through shared story

00:22:30.020 of suffering

00:22:30.680 or happiness

00:22:31.320 or joy

00:22:32.020 or sorrow

00:22:32.720 because it connects them

00:22:34.800 to the women

00:22:35.860 in the tribe.

00:22:37.500 Men are directional.

00:22:39.060 So it's not enough

00:22:40.780 to say,

00:22:41.220 I just feel really bad.

00:22:42.700 You have to say,

00:22:43.740 I feel really bad,

00:22:44.780 therefore I'm going

00:22:45.800 to do this.

00:22:47.720 And that's what men

00:22:48.600 respect about each other.

00:22:50.140 Kip,

00:22:50.280 I know when you're

00:22:50.900 having a bad day,

00:22:52.600 like we've been

00:22:53.300 friends long enough,

00:22:55.160 I can see it.

00:22:56.120 I know when you're stressed,

00:22:57.340 for example,

00:22:57.840 or having a bad day

00:22:58.840 or something's

00:22:59.380 impacting you,

00:23:00.060 and you know that

00:23:00.560 about me,

00:23:01.420 but I don't know

00:23:02.600 that we've ever

00:23:03.220 had a conversation

00:23:04.080 where it's like,

00:23:05.120 you know,

00:23:05.380 I just feel bad.

00:23:06.160 And you said,

00:23:06.740 oh, it's okay to feel bad.

00:23:07.760 You should just embrace it.

00:23:08.920 No, it's like,

00:23:09.980 yeah, you feel bad.

00:23:10.780 You know what?

00:23:11.120 Have you tried this?

00:23:12.940 What about this?

00:23:13.820 Here's something

00:23:14.280 that's worked for me.

00:23:16.300 Because we're directional.

00:23:18.560 We're not as relational.

00:23:20.220 We form relationships

00:23:21.040 different,

00:23:21.700 but at the end of the day,

00:23:22.620 we want to get shit done.

00:23:25.120 So the suppression method,

00:23:27.500 the idea that men

00:23:28.300 aren't emotional,

00:23:29.200 that's silly to me.

00:23:31.380 I'm not,

00:23:32.120 I'm not,

00:23:32.800 I don't think

00:23:33.480 getting out into the mountains

00:23:34.800 and just letting

00:23:35.880 what happens happen

00:23:37.020 is a bad thing necessarily,

00:23:38.960 but I also don't think

00:23:39.800 it's enough.

00:23:41.740 I think for men,

00:23:43.060 based on what I just said,

00:23:44.520 you always have to have

00:23:45.920 the transitional phrase,

00:23:47.400 therefore.

00:23:48.820 Yeah.

00:23:49.380 So feel your feelings.

00:23:50.580 Like you're sad,

00:23:51.660 you're upset,

00:23:52.360 you're sorrowful,

00:23:53.180 you're happy,

00:23:53.740 you're glad,

00:23:54.260 you're mad,

00:23:54.760 whatever,

00:23:55.140 feel it,

00:23:55.640 angry,

00:23:56.360 feel it all,

00:23:57.300 sure.

00:23:57.520 Sit in it for a while,

00:23:59.160 go to the mountains

00:23:59.700 and just sit there

00:24:00.580 because it's,

00:24:02.000 it's a bit like inoculation.

00:24:05.420 You know,

00:24:05.720 I,

00:24:06.040 I got the,

00:24:07.060 the smallpox vaccine

00:24:09.660 years and years ago

00:24:11.140 when I was in the military

00:24:12.320 and it's a,

00:24:13.740 it's a,

00:24:14.280 it's a live vaccine.

00:24:15.340 So they're actually infusing

00:24:16.900 micro doses

00:24:18.900 of the smallpox virus

00:24:20.840 into your body

00:24:22.220 in order for you

00:24:24.080 to build up

00:24:25.280 the antibodies

00:24:25.880 and help your body

00:24:27.920 figure out

00:24:28.380 how to effectively

00:24:29.880 combat this,

00:24:30.840 this disease

00:24:31.940 or this,

00:24:32.740 this,

00:24:32.960 this bug.

00:24:34.840 And it hurts,

00:24:36.180 man.

00:24:37.080 Like,

00:24:37.780 I got it right in the arm

00:24:38.860 and they take a needle

00:24:39.580 and they jab the needle.

00:24:40.900 It's not even like a syringe,

00:24:42.240 it's just a needle.

00:24:43.480 And they jab a needle

00:24:44.600 into your arm

00:24:45.120 and they swirl it around

00:24:46.280 while it's in your arm.

00:24:47.260 And then they do it

00:24:48.100 three times.

00:24:48.780 That's how I got it.

00:24:50.520 And this,

00:24:51.520 it's right on my left shoulder.

00:24:53.220 The scar is still there

00:24:54.220 if you look close.

00:24:55.700 But it's,

00:24:56.620 it's,

00:24:57.660 it was infected

00:24:58.760 and it hurt

00:24:59.500 and then all of your lymph nodes

00:25:00.840 are swollen

00:25:01.340 because your body's trying

00:25:02.200 to figure out

00:25:02.640 how to fight this thing

00:25:03.560 and it's really,

00:25:04.360 really painful.

00:25:05.400 It's really uncomfortable.

00:25:07.080 And then what happens

00:25:07.940 over time

00:25:08.500 is your body figures out

00:25:09.580 how to fight it

00:25:10.320 and becomes inoculated

00:25:12.140 against it.

00:25:12.760 And now I'm inoculated

00:25:13.980 against the smallpox virus.

00:25:16.020 I think it's a,

00:25:17.060 I think it's a virus

00:25:17.860 or bacteria.

00:25:18.940 I don't actually know

00:25:19.500 right offhand.

00:25:20.400 So I'm inoculated against it.

00:25:22.380 But it's the same point

00:25:23.440 with your emotions.

00:25:24.900 If every time

00:25:25.940 you feel angry,

00:25:26.900 you suppress it

00:25:27.680 and drive it down

00:25:28.400 and don't deal with it,

00:25:29.300 you're not inoculating yourself

00:25:30.560 against anger.

00:25:31.380 You're just pushing it aside

00:25:33.560 and you're avoiding it

00:25:34.500 rather than sitting with it

00:25:36.060 and saying,

00:25:36.420 no, I'm angry.

00:25:36.940 I'm pissed

00:25:37.760 because of X, Y, and Z.

00:25:39.820 And you need to have

00:25:40.860 some of that

00:25:41.360 and it's going to hurt

00:25:42.180 and it's going to sting

00:25:43.480 and it's going to be uncomfortable

00:25:44.500 and it's going to be painful.

00:25:46.020 So for me,

00:25:48.020 not only is it sitting with it,

00:25:49.360 I think that's part

00:25:50.060 of the equation.

00:25:51.000 Another part of the equation

00:25:51.920 for me is journaling it.

00:25:53.120 I like to get it out of my head

00:25:54.460 and write it down.

00:25:55.680 Hey, I'm angry because of this.

00:25:57.120 I feel slighted because of this.

00:25:58.940 Here's what happened

00:25:59.620 and it made me sad.

00:26:01.440 Here's what happened

00:26:02.160 and it made me frustrated.

00:26:03.140 And here's why I feel that way.

00:26:04.280 And here's where that comes from.

00:26:05.800 So you have to sit in it.

00:26:06.940 Then you have to process it.

00:26:08.260 That's the journaling.

00:26:08.880 And then you have the action.

00:26:11.380 So what are you going to do?

00:26:13.100 You're mad because you got passed over

00:26:14.600 for a promotion, for example.

00:26:16.260 That's a legitimate reason to be mad.

00:26:18.440 Sit in it.

00:26:19.180 Process it.

00:26:20.100 Processing it is,

00:26:21.220 oh, you know what?

00:26:21.960 Yeah, I got passed over

00:26:23.020 because that guy

00:26:23.540 was actually better than me.

00:26:25.380 Or I wasn't willing

00:26:26.160 to play the office politics

00:26:27.400 like maybe I should have been.

00:26:28.900 And then the next step is action.

00:26:30.340 So what do I do about it?

00:26:31.580 Okay, now maybe I figure out,

00:26:32.960 hey, politics is part of the job gig.

00:26:34.900 Or I need a new credential

00:26:38.200 that I didn't have.

00:26:39.920 Or I need to be more helpful

00:26:41.620 with the rest of the team

00:26:42.900 when I'm at work.

00:26:44.220 So it's the three-part formula.

00:26:46.360 It's the sit in it,

00:26:48.160 the process it,

00:26:49.100 and then take the next steps.

00:26:50.280 And that's where the therefore

00:26:51.180 I am going to do fill in the blank.

00:26:53.980 Yeah, I love this.

00:26:56.680 Let me ask you this, Ryan.

00:26:58.060 Do you feel like

00:26:59.700 there are ways that process it

00:27:02.960 that are more effective than others?

00:27:05.360 You know, when I'm thinking about

00:27:06.600 what you're sharing,

00:27:08.100 for whatever reason,

00:27:10.300 at first glance,

00:27:11.540 I imagine myself sitting at a table,

00:27:13.680 right, thinking about it,

00:27:15.480 journaling, right,

00:27:16.580 and then writing action items.

00:27:18.220 And I'm not saying

00:27:19.440 that wouldn't work.

00:27:21.700 However, if me processing it

00:27:23.760 was a run with Matt Jenkins

00:27:25.580 on a trail late at night

00:27:28.360 on a Tuesday,

00:27:30.160 it just works out better.

00:27:32.960 You know what I mean?

00:27:34.900 Because I'm running

00:27:36.120 for whatever reason.

00:27:38.260 Like, it just somehow works, right?

00:27:43.040 Or I, you know,

00:27:44.860 and I'm not saying avoid it, right?

00:27:47.520 Like, I'm not like,

00:27:48.320 oh, I'm frustrated with this thing,

00:27:49.620 so I'm just going to go run.

00:27:51.140 But it's like,

00:27:52.360 dealing with it when I run

00:27:53.920 or going to go train jujitsu

00:27:55.860 and then, you know,

00:27:56.780 that moment after you're done training,

00:27:58.460 you're laying on the mat exhausted.

00:28:00.000 It's like,

00:28:01.060 at that moment,

00:28:01.720 it's like,

00:28:02.400 I get some clarity

00:28:03.460 around how to process things better

00:28:06.120 than if I were just sitting at a table.

00:28:09.100 Have you seen that?

00:28:10.420 Yeah.

00:28:11.020 Well, I'll tell you

00:28:12.180 based on what I've researched

00:28:13.600 and seen

00:28:14.200 as to why that's the case.

00:28:16.260 Because when we as men

00:28:17.740 are physical towards things,

00:28:20.580 not only are we having

00:28:21.720 to confront the challenge of it,

00:28:23.620 we get exhausted.

00:28:24.740 And when you're exhausted,

00:28:27.620 the barriers come down.

00:28:29.700 Got it.

00:28:30.140 You don't have,

00:28:31.340 you do not have the stamina

00:28:32.700 to be physically exhausted

00:28:34.320 and maintain the emotional

00:28:36.360 and mental barriers

00:28:37.440 that you've put around yourself

00:28:39.000 in order to keep yourself

00:28:40.660 quote unquote safe.

00:28:42.320 So when you're,

00:28:43.400 have you noticed that?

00:28:44.140 Like when you're exhausted,

00:28:45.220 you have a propensity

00:28:45.980 to be more emotional.

00:28:47.500 Totally.

00:28:48.840 Yeah,

00:28:49.080 because you can't maintain

00:28:51.080 the facade anymore.

00:28:51.960 You do not have the energy

00:28:53.480 because to maintain it.

00:28:55.580 And that's actually

00:28:56.700 a really good thing

00:28:58.140 because now the walls are down.

00:29:00.720 There's no barriers

00:29:01.640 or fewer barriers

00:29:02.540 and you can actually address

00:29:03.860 the root causes

00:29:04.640 without the ego

00:29:05.860 and the bravado

00:29:06.580 and the arrogance

00:29:07.280 and the whatever it is,

00:29:08.580 the posturing

00:29:09.180 that you're trying to do.

00:29:10.480 So I think physical activity

00:29:11.860 is huge.

00:29:12.940 You know,

00:29:13.420 journaling is a great avenue

00:29:15.380 of that.

00:29:15.980 Physical exercise,

00:29:17.280 but deliberate,

00:29:18.220 like the point you just made

00:29:19.440 is a good thing.

00:29:20.280 And then talking

00:29:21.380 with the right people

00:29:22.720 because you can talk

00:29:24.840 with the wrong people

00:29:25.700 and you could become

00:29:27.300 very pessimistic.

00:29:29.120 You know,

00:29:29.220 how many times

00:29:29.620 have you seen that

00:29:30.320 where maybe,

00:29:32.420 maybe you're having

00:29:33.440 a struggle in your relationship

00:29:34.580 and you go talk

00:29:35.260 with your friend

00:29:35.760 and your friend's like,

00:29:36.820 yeah, bro,

00:29:37.260 she's a bitch.

00:29:37.900 Like,

00:29:38.080 I can't believe

00:29:38.680 she would do that

00:29:39.460 and you're being mistreated

00:29:40.800 and like she needs

00:29:41.700 to shape up.

00:29:43.260 I guess you're processing it,

00:29:44.840 but how's that going to help?

00:29:46.380 How's that going to help

00:29:47.260 your relationship?

00:29:48.600 Yeah.

00:29:48.960 Versus going to somebody

00:29:50.280 who has a great relationship,

00:29:51.780 a healthy level of respect

00:29:52.820 for his wife

00:29:53.660 and you go to him

00:29:54.520 and you say,

00:29:54.880 hey,

00:29:54.940 I'm having struggles

00:29:55.540 and he's like,

00:29:55.960 you know what,

00:29:56.580 man,

00:29:57.480 yeah,

00:29:57.880 I have those struggles too.

00:29:59.260 But what I found is

00:30:00.380 I know I love her.

00:30:02.580 I know we're working

00:30:04.040 towards something powerful.

00:30:05.840 I've had to figure out

00:30:06.880 how to build some grace

00:30:08.460 into our relationship

00:30:09.480 when things go sideways.

00:30:11.540 That's a positive way

00:30:12.740 to process that.

00:30:13.980 So make sure

00:30:14.640 when you are talking

00:30:16.180 with other people,

00:30:17.740 they're the kind of people

00:30:18.780 that have the results

00:30:20.000 you want to enjoy.

00:30:21.460 Because if you want

00:30:22.160 to be angry

00:30:22.680 and bitter and contentious,

00:30:23.780 you can find all sorts

00:30:24.880 of people who will foster

00:30:26.380 and encourage that in you.

00:30:27.940 But that's not going

00:30:28.560 to serve you well.

00:30:29.840 Yeah,

00:30:30.180 absolutely.

00:30:32.280 All right,

00:30:32.940 John Preston,

00:30:33.860 he kind of has a long question.

00:30:35.320 John,

00:30:35.520 I'm going to kind of jump

00:30:36.640 to the question itself

00:30:37.820 and not so much

00:30:38.480 of the backstory here.

00:30:39.780 His question is,

00:30:40.760 how does one make

00:30:42.040 the determination

00:30:43.560 on whether you're running

00:30:44.880 away from your challenges

00:30:46.300 or pivoting

00:30:47.680 and running

00:30:48.600 towards an opportunity?

00:30:50.180 This is unique

00:30:51.300 to a job, right?

00:30:52.680 Tough job,

00:30:53.960 has potential,

00:30:54.900 but it's somewhat toxic.

00:30:57.120 He's not sure

00:30:57.740 if jumping ship

00:30:59.140 and moving on

00:31:00.000 is giving up

00:31:01.720 or is it a pivot

00:31:03.520 to a better opportunity

00:31:04.840 or not?

00:31:05.340 What's the framework

00:31:06.520 that you'd have for that?

00:31:08.500 There's one question.

00:31:10.440 Are you jumping ship

00:31:11.920 because it's hard

00:31:14.420 or because you're uninterested?

00:31:18.300 If you're uninterested

00:31:19.840 in something,

00:31:20.540 and we do,

00:31:21.000 we lose enthusiasm

00:31:22.880 for things

00:31:23.720 and things aren't always

00:31:27.280 as big of a priority

00:31:28.360 as maybe they used to be.

00:31:30.080 Let me give you an example.

00:31:31.860 So many people know

00:31:33.280 I started a podcast

00:31:34.820 before Order of Man

00:31:35.980 called Wealth Anatomy.

00:31:38.380 That was my first

00:31:39.320 jump into podcasting.

00:31:43.540 And I loved it,

00:31:45.680 the podcasting.

00:31:46.780 I did not love

00:31:47.660 the discussion.

00:31:48.940 And I realized

00:31:49.780 that very quickly.

00:31:50.580 I did about 20 episodes

00:31:51.780 with Wealth Anatomy

00:31:52.600 and realized

00:31:53.200 I really enjoy this medium.

00:31:55.180 I get to think,

00:31:55.940 I get to talk,

00:31:56.740 I get to hear from people

00:31:58.200 I'm interested in.

00:31:59.440 I'm just not interested

00:32:00.680 in this conversation anymore.

00:32:03.200 And so 20 episodes in,

00:32:05.180 I decided to nix

00:32:06.260 the Wealth Anatomy podcast

00:32:07.440 and pivot over

00:32:09.940 into Order of Man.

00:32:10.620 In fact,

00:32:11.040 I just got an email

00:32:11.860 from our host provider

00:32:14.400 or service provider

00:32:15.340 for our website.

00:32:16.900 Everything is housed

00:32:17.980 for Order of Man

00:32:18.860 under Wealth Anatomy still

00:32:20.220 because I just pivoted

00:32:21.440 10 years ago.

00:32:22.600 I didn't even like cancel

00:32:24.180 and then start something new.

00:32:25.480 I just pivoted it.

00:32:26.780 So it's kind of interesting.

00:32:28.600 And it underscores the point.

00:32:30.540 That was a really good move

00:32:32.000 for me.

00:32:32.460 We wouldn't be having

00:32:33.200 this discussion

00:32:33.860 if that weren't the case.

00:32:35.120 But I don't think I quit.

00:32:36.440 I don't think

00:32:38.220 I threw in the towel.

00:32:39.900 And even with Order of Man,

00:32:41.760 there's days that are hard.

00:32:42.940 There's seasons

00:32:43.420 that we've gone through

00:32:44.300 that maybe we lose people

00:32:46.080 or we're not as productive

00:32:48.680 as we otherwise have been.

00:32:50.940 I'm not uninterested.

00:32:52.500 It's just a challenge

00:32:53.580 that I'm actually interested in.

00:32:55.220 So that's really the question

00:32:56.320 you have to answer.

00:32:57.780 Is it that you're uninterested

00:32:59.420 or is it that it's just hard?

00:33:01.620 But you're still interested.

00:33:04.180 And if you're still interested

00:33:05.480 and it still speaks to you

00:33:06.780 and you still feel

00:33:07.860 a calling

00:33:09.580 and compelled to do it,

00:33:10.940 then you're not ready

00:33:12.140 to throw in the towel yet

00:33:13.220 because you're just

00:33:14.160 dealing with hardship.

00:33:15.400 And that's okay.

00:33:16.400 But that's all it is.

00:33:19.080 Indifference is really

00:33:20.200 the point where

00:33:21.140 you need to consider

00:33:22.880 that probably it's time

00:33:24.140 to move on to something else.

00:33:25.280 How do you ensure

00:33:27.660 that indifference isn't?

00:33:30.280 I mean, like in his example

00:33:31.720 and probably for a lot of people,

00:33:33.400 especially when we talk about jobs,

00:33:35.320 they're not changing careers, right?

00:33:38.220 The probability is difficult boss

00:33:41.520 that they're having to deal with.

00:33:43.600 Maybe, you know,

00:33:44.880 maybe not the ideal work environment.

00:33:47.620 And there's a new company

00:33:49.460 on the horizon.

00:33:51.560 It's like, okay, is that a,

00:33:54.040 I'm not,

00:33:54.460 I'm still in the same industry, right?

00:33:56.940 So I'm doing the same type of work.

00:33:58.920 So it's not necessarily a pivot

00:34:00.600 of what I focus on.

00:34:03.340 How do I know though

00:34:04.820 that if I'm,

00:34:06.320 am I leaving difficulty

00:34:07.640 or am I going towards opportunity?

00:34:10.820 And I think, you know,

00:34:12.600 just to add to it really quick,

00:34:14.100 I think a lot of guys,

00:34:15.120 I mean, we talk about this a lot,

00:34:16.200 Ryan, on the podcast

00:34:17.120 where so often

00:34:19.420 we're not probably winning

00:34:22.180 where we should, right?

00:34:24.020 And the natural human tendency

00:34:26.160 is to think

00:34:27.120 that the next job will be better,

00:34:28.800 the next wife will be easier,

00:34:30.980 that the other thing

00:34:32.220 is always going to be better

00:34:33.320 and what we're not doing

00:34:34.300 is addressing.

00:34:35.240 But that could,

00:34:36.460 for some of us,

00:34:37.080 that could be a drawback

00:34:37.940 where we're doubling down

00:34:39.660 in an environment

00:34:40.420 that is not going to get any better,

00:34:42.480 right?

00:34:43.520 And you need to pivot, right?

00:34:44.960 So what are your thoughts?

00:34:47.460 Yeah, well,

00:34:48.280 first give yourself some time.

00:34:50.120 You don't need to be hasty

00:34:51.160 in these decisions

00:34:51.880 because you don't entirely know.

00:34:53.800 And in the process

00:34:54.840 of giving yourself time,

00:34:55.840 you can do a couple things.

00:34:56.720 Number one, mix it up.

00:34:59.380 Kip, one of the stories

00:35:00.460 that we've talked about

00:35:01.400 is when we were doing

00:35:03.460 our uprising event

00:35:05.520 and I told you,

00:35:06.680 hey, we're not doing that anymore.

00:35:07.660 We're going to do the legacy event.

00:35:08.900 And you're like,

00:35:09.560 wait, I want to do uprising.

00:35:11.380 And we've done more since.

00:35:12.620 But you're like,

00:35:12.840 I like that.

00:35:13.840 Yeah.

00:35:14.460 What's that?

00:35:15.300 They're the best.

00:35:16.460 They're still my favorite

00:35:17.480 events of all time.

00:35:18.740 Yeah.

00:35:19.120 I don't think they're the best.

00:35:20.440 I think they're great.

00:35:21.280 I think the legacy event

00:35:22.300 is the best.

00:35:23.360 But you know

00:35:23.700 whose organization it is?

00:35:25.200 Yours.

00:35:25.800 Mine.

00:35:28.020 So I get to decide.

00:35:29.700 And part of the reason is,

00:35:31.120 and I know this about myself,

00:35:32.420 this is my personality.

00:35:33.880 If I continue to do

00:35:34.820 the same thing

00:35:35.420 over and over again,

00:35:36.460 I get stagnant.

00:35:37.580 I get bored.

00:35:38.880 It feels boring and lame.

00:35:40.940 And I just,

00:35:42.600 I don't like it.

00:35:43.800 Yeah.

00:35:44.020 And then I get frustrated

00:35:45.160 or I get discouraged

00:35:46.120 or I get complacent.

00:35:48.100 And so with my personality,

00:35:50.200 I realize I do need

00:35:51.700 to mix it up.

00:35:52.520 But,

00:35:53.480 but this is important.

00:35:55.720 I don't completely

00:35:58.000 abandon what we're doing.

00:35:59.280 I just mix it up enough

00:36:01.800 in the same vein

00:36:02.920 as what we're doing.

00:36:05.100 And that is what

00:36:06.340 makes the difference.

00:36:07.240 So maybe you just need

00:36:08.740 to spice some things up

00:36:09.940 in your life,

00:36:10.800 whether it's your,

00:36:11.540 with your relationship.

00:36:12.720 Sure.

00:36:13.160 You're going to get bored

00:36:14.180 at times in your relationship.

00:36:15.700 Spice some things up.

00:36:17.420 You know,

00:36:17.640 go on vacation,

00:36:18.660 go on a trip,

00:36:19.500 do something different.

00:36:20.900 Try a different position in bed.

00:36:22.340 I don't know.

00:36:23.040 Like spice it up.

00:36:24.160 Be different.

00:36:26.480 Still focused on your goal

00:36:27.860 and what's important to you,

00:36:28.980 but spice it up.

00:36:29.900 The second thing

00:36:30.660 is to get outside feedback.

00:36:33.580 So I might reach out to you,

00:36:35.300 Kip,

00:36:35.480 and say,

00:36:35.820 hey man,

00:36:36.080 I'm really struggling

00:36:36.660 with this work thing right now

00:36:37.660 because of X, Y, and Z.

00:36:38.860 But man,

00:36:39.340 I value you.

00:36:40.020 You're a good business owner

00:36:40.940 and I respect and trust

00:36:42.580 what you've been able to create.

00:36:43.780 What do you have for me?

00:36:45.560 And getting outside perspective

00:36:47.120 is going to give you

00:36:47.820 a new way of looking at it.

00:36:49.840 And the last thing

00:36:50.540 I would say is

00:36:51.180 I'm huge into

00:36:53.060 hypothetical,

00:36:55.080 thoughtful questions.

00:36:56.980 Maybe not hypothetical,

00:36:58.360 but just thoughtful,

00:37:00.980 insightful questions

00:37:02.700 that tap into your consciousness.

00:37:04.980 And I do this for a living

00:37:06.380 is ask questions.

00:37:07.280 So I'm getting better

00:37:08.020 and better at it.

00:37:08.640 But here's a question

00:37:09.500 you can ask yourself.

00:37:11.200 If this situation

00:37:12.560 did not exist,

00:37:15.080 okay,

00:37:15.340 so let's say you're at work

00:37:16.460 and you're frustrated

00:37:17.860 about your boss

00:37:18.820 because he

00:37:20.440 didn't give you

00:37:22.000 all of the things

00:37:22.620 that you needed

00:37:23.060 for the project

00:37:23.800 that you were working on

00:37:24.680 and you're pissed

00:37:25.280 and you're bothered about it.

00:37:26.800 Here's the question.

00:37:28.320 If that did not exist,

00:37:30.340 meaning your boss

00:37:31.060 got you all the things

00:37:32.020 you needed

00:37:32.360 and took care of everything,

00:37:34.500 would you still

00:37:36.380 want to do the work?

00:37:38.640 Hmm.

00:37:40.400 Because now

00:37:41.240 you're differentiating

00:37:42.200 between is it a problem

00:37:43.700 that I don't have

00:37:44.240 the resources

00:37:44.820 or is it a problem

00:37:45.880 that I'm just not interested

00:37:46.920 even if I had the resources?

00:37:49.560 And using those

00:37:50.720 hypothetical,

00:37:51.700 conscious questions,

00:37:53.380 even in a relationship,

00:37:54.580 if my wife

00:37:56.240 showed up more powerfully

00:37:57.840 in these ways,

00:37:59.520 would we have

00:38:01.120 a better relationship

00:38:01.840 and would I still

00:38:02.760 be committed

00:38:03.240 to this relationship?

00:38:04.820 If the answer is yes,

00:38:06.180 great,

00:38:06.620 now you can go to work

00:38:07.600 on figuring out

00:38:08.240 how to make

00:38:09.280 those needs met

00:38:10.620 for you and for her.

00:38:12.440 If the answer is no,

00:38:14.580 we don't need

00:38:15.220 to get into that necessarily,

00:38:16.340 but that's a deeper conversation

00:38:17.480 that might lead you

00:38:18.540 to a different conclusion.

00:38:20.600 Yeah.

00:38:21.560 Yeah,

00:38:22.000 I like that.

00:38:23.060 Well,

00:38:23.240 and I like the idea

00:38:24.300 of,

00:38:25.180 you know,

00:38:25.460 sometimes a lot

00:38:26.220 of our upsets,

00:38:27.640 they're all over the place,

00:38:29.280 right?

00:38:30.400 And there's some value

00:38:31.800 in just dealing

00:38:32.640 in reality,

00:38:33.380 right?

00:38:33.620 Like,

00:38:33.880 what is,

00:38:34.680 what am I dealing with?

00:38:36.280 What is a brass tacks?

00:38:37.640 And then,

00:38:38.280 also,

00:38:38.800 what's in my realm

00:38:39.640 of control

00:38:40.200 and what's outside

00:38:41.860 my realm of control?

00:38:44.340 And the things

00:38:45.220 that I can take

00:38:45.800 responsibility about,

00:38:47.520 what,

00:38:47.820 you know,

00:38:48.400 what should I be doing

00:38:49.440 and would it make

00:38:50.120 a difference?

00:38:51.820 But if,

00:38:52.680 if you're exiting

00:38:53.360 that space

00:38:54.000 of waiting and hoping

00:38:54.920 on behalf

00:38:55.860 of other people,

00:38:56.600 it's probably

00:38:58.660 not going to happen,

00:38:59.680 right?

00:39:00.100 And you can ask

00:39:00.880 people those things

00:39:01.660 and that's part

00:39:02.200 of what's within

00:39:02.820 your realm

00:39:03.180 of responsibility.

00:39:04.160 But yeah,

00:39:04.820 dealing in reality.

00:39:07.060 Well,

00:39:07.300 there's another

00:39:07.800 component of this,

00:39:08.820 Kip,

00:39:09.060 is another question

00:39:10.300 is,

00:39:12.200 what should you do

00:39:13.940 regardless

00:39:14.720 of external

00:39:15.960 results

00:39:17.100 or validation?

00:39:18.460 Yeah.

00:39:18.840 So,

00:39:19.760 like what's the right thing?

00:39:20.840 Are you going to the,

00:39:21.920 well,

00:39:22.400 yeah,

00:39:23.040 sure.

00:39:24.620 Yeah,

00:39:24.820 I would say that.

00:39:25.540 But like an example,

00:39:26.600 would be,

00:39:27.160 would I go to the gym

00:39:28.120 still if my wife,

00:39:29.960 if I knew my wife

00:39:30.840 was still leaving me?

00:39:32.920 If the answer is no,

00:39:35.020 then you're not doing

00:39:35.740 it for yourself,

00:39:36.320 you're doing it for her

00:39:37.060 and that's a problem.

00:39:38.500 Yeah.

00:39:39.420 If the answer is,

00:39:40.400 yeah,

00:39:40.540 I would actually still

00:39:41.220 go to the gym.

00:39:42.780 Okay,

00:39:43.340 then that's a good,

00:39:44.660 then you know

00:39:45.200 you're doing it

00:39:45.760 for yourself

00:39:46.500 and you need to do

00:39:47.660 things for yourself

00:39:48.720 because you're never

00:39:50.180 going to get the validation.

00:39:51.420 Never.

00:39:52.260 Even if you have

00:39:52.940 the most supportive wife,

00:39:54.440 the most thoughtful boss,

00:39:56.100 the most loving children,

00:39:59.040 you're never going to get

00:40:00.980 enough validation

00:40:02.340 from people

00:40:03.240 if you can't learn

00:40:04.520 to validate yourself.

00:40:05.680 You just won't.

00:40:07.140 Yeah.

00:40:07.340 So doing the right thing

00:40:10.080 because it's the right thing

00:40:11.480 to do,

00:40:11.940 not because anybody

00:40:12.840 will see it,

00:40:14.040 praise you,

00:40:15.060 or you'll receive

00:40:16.560 some notoriety

00:40:17.260 or accolades from it.

00:40:18.240 No,

00:40:18.500 just because

00:40:19.120 this is inherently

00:40:19.960 who I am as a man.

00:40:21.720 Joe Gunter,

00:40:23.140 best advice

00:40:24.540 I ever received

00:40:25.540 one day,

00:40:26.420 one of my training

00:40:27.420 for now,

00:40:28.180 25 year career

00:40:29.380 in corrections.

00:40:30.800 If you knew

00:40:31.800 that in the next 15 minutes

00:40:33.660 you'll be fighting

00:40:34.420 for your life,

00:40:35.180 would you have trained

00:40:36.460 better today?

00:40:38.220 Two days later

00:40:39.040 I was involved

00:40:39.700 in a 200 man fight

00:40:41.320 in a yard

00:40:42.080 of a USP Gunnison.

00:40:44.320 If you had

00:40:44.920 this knowledge

00:40:45.820 in 15 minutes

00:40:46.800 would you be fighting

00:40:47.820 for you

00:40:48.560 or your family's life?

00:40:50.160 What would you prioritize?

00:40:52.560 Learning to defend yourself.

00:40:54.060 I mean,

00:40:54.400 yeah.

00:40:54.940 Learning to defend yourself,

00:40:56.420 financial freedom,

00:40:57.480 spiritual peace,

00:40:59.400 hasty retreat.

00:41:00.180 Yeah,

00:41:02.240 I mean,

00:41:02.680 you have to defend it.

00:41:03.660 I mean,

00:41:03.960 in that situation

00:41:04.980 you have to fight

00:41:05.580 for yourself first.

00:41:06.600 That's the priority.

00:41:07.500 I mean,

00:41:07.640 it's just a level

00:41:08.560 of prioritization

00:41:09.240 because guess what?

00:41:10.120 If you're dead,

00:41:11.960 then your family's

00:41:12.980 not taken care of.

00:41:13.640 Yeah.

00:41:14.260 Who cares about

00:41:14.860 the financial well-being,

00:41:16.020 right?

00:41:16.600 Exactly.

00:41:18.140 So,

00:41:18.940 look,

00:41:19.400 I mean,

00:41:19.560 he brings up a good point.

00:41:20.700 The financial realm

00:41:21.460 is important.

00:41:22.120 The spiritual realm

00:41:22.860 is important,

00:41:23.580 but you should be doing,

00:41:24.400 and that's why

00:41:24.740 the battle planning system

00:41:25.780 is so crucial

00:41:26.440 because you should be

00:41:27.580 doing those things

00:41:28.540 regardless of your career

00:41:30.960 or the danger

00:41:31.960 that you might be facing

00:41:33.040 or anything like that.

00:41:34.100 So,

00:41:34.500 we're talking about

00:41:35.500 two different things.

00:41:37.080 We're talking about

00:41:37.980 getting yourself

00:41:38.900 out of a threatful situation,

00:41:41.620 number one,

00:41:42.560 and separately,

00:41:43.380 we're talking about

00:41:44.320 just your overall well-being

00:41:46.260 and the value

00:41:46.980 that you bring

00:41:47.740 into the people

00:41:48.440 and into your lives.

00:41:49.780 And so,

00:41:50.400 you should be doing

00:41:51.320 all of that

00:41:52.080 all of the time.

00:41:53.720 And then,

00:41:54.200 that way,

00:41:54.840 when you're faced

00:41:55.580 with difficult circumstances

00:41:57.260 whether it's

00:41:59.280 a 200-man fight

00:42:00.700 in a prison,

00:42:02.320 then what you're going to do

00:42:04.400 is deploy

00:42:05.060 situational awareness,

00:42:08.280 the tactical training,

00:42:09.700 firearms training,

00:42:11.480 leadership,

00:42:12.440 communication

00:42:12.980 with your guys,

00:42:14.560 maybe even

00:42:15.520 being able to,

00:42:17.020 for example,

00:42:18.040 if I'm in a 200-man fight

00:42:19.320 in a prison

00:42:19.840 and I find myself there,

00:42:20.860 I'm probably not going

00:42:21.680 to get on the ground

00:42:22.280 and throw arm bars

00:42:23.140 because I'll die.

00:42:26.180 Yep.

00:42:26.360 So what do I do

00:42:27.660 in that situation?

00:42:28.960 Strike,

00:42:29.860 create distance,

00:42:31.140 and get myself

00:42:32.160 behind some security

00:42:33.800 until we can get

00:42:35.040 into an elevated position

00:42:36.000 and neutralize the threat.

00:42:37.360 Yeah.

00:42:38.880 So,

00:42:39.640 there's a lot of training

00:42:40.880 that goes on in that,

00:42:42.580 but that's case-specific.

00:42:45.120 But yeah,

00:42:45.780 you should be doing it all

00:42:47.140 and then realizing,

00:42:48.180 okay,

00:42:48.320 what is the threat right now?

00:42:49.660 If it's 200 men fighting,

00:42:51.340 okay,

00:42:51.480 that's one threat.

00:42:52.620 If it's an active shooter situation,

00:42:54.520 that's another threat.

00:42:55.340 If it's that your wife

00:42:56.580 is upset with you

00:42:57.400 and you guys are having

00:42:58.040 a hard time

00:42:58.740 because of the way

00:43:00.180 that you maybe disciplined

00:43:02.780 one of your children,

00:43:03.780 that's a different

00:43:04.440 kind of conversation.

00:43:05.640 If you're up to your eyeballs

00:43:06.740 in debt

00:43:07.140 and the creditors

00:43:07.700 are knocking down your doors,

00:43:09.000 that's a different conversation.

00:43:11.120 So it just depends

00:43:12.240 and you have to prioritize

00:43:13.280 what is prudent right now.

00:43:15.620 Well,

00:43:15.960 you know,

00:43:16.180 I like this question.

00:43:18.340 Obviously,

00:43:18.820 it's geared towards

00:43:19.760 quote-unquote

00:43:20.460 fighting against someone

00:43:22.200 for your life,

00:43:23.280 right?

00:43:23.940 Yeah.

00:43:24.380 But like,

00:43:25.260 maybe we twist this,

00:43:26.920 you know,

00:43:27.240 if you knew that

00:43:28.120 in the next 15 minutes

00:43:29.780 you will be fighting

00:43:31.620 for your life

00:43:32.500 on a hospital bed,

00:43:35.740 would you have trained

00:43:36.900 better today?

00:43:39.520 If I'm like

00:43:40.860 confronted with an illness

00:43:42.220 or a disease

00:43:42.820 or something like that?

00:43:43.960 That changes us,

00:43:45.060 right?

00:43:45.380 Like,

00:43:45.600 hey,

00:43:45.860 you're dying.

00:43:48.000 You're dying.

00:43:50.160 What would you have

00:43:51.260 trained better today,

00:43:52.160 right?

00:43:52.420 And I think the answer

00:43:53.220 for a lot of us

00:43:53.900 is probably the same things.

00:43:55.400 It's our connections.

00:43:58.080 Well,

00:43:58.680 yeah,

00:43:58.980 I mean,

00:43:59.480 sure.

00:44:00.320 And also,

00:44:01.220 is it a disease

00:44:02.220 or an illness

00:44:02.800 that could have been

00:44:03.500 combated with a better lifestyle?

00:44:05.360 Yeah,

00:44:05.540 good point.

00:44:06.020 Good point.

00:44:06.480 Yeah.

00:44:06.980 So that's an issue.

00:44:08.360 But you're right.

00:44:08.900 If I'm on my deathbed,

00:44:10.120 I'm not thinking about,

00:44:11.360 what I'm thinking about

00:44:12.320 is,

00:44:13.000 is my family taken care of?

00:44:14.500 So if I have time,

00:44:15.500 I'm getting financial resources

00:44:16.980 and documents together.

00:44:18.500 I'm getting passwords

00:44:19.940 and account numbers together.

00:44:21.820 They're already together,

00:44:22.660 but I'm making sure

00:44:23.400 everything's consolidated

00:44:24.220 and people who need to know,

00:44:25.400 know.

00:44:26.460 Maybe,

00:44:27.060 maybe it's like will time,

00:44:28.600 get an estate planning in place.

00:44:29.960 And then I'm having,

00:44:31.160 I'm writing letters

00:44:32.080 to my children.

00:44:34.280 I'm having conversations

00:44:35.760 about lessons I've learned.

00:44:39.660 I'm spending more

00:44:40.920 and more time with them.

00:44:43.640 That's what I would be doing

00:44:44.680 if I was on my deathbed.

00:44:46.040 Yeah.

00:44:46.440 And you know what?

00:44:47.220 This is crazy to think about.

00:44:48.960 We actually might be

00:44:50.100 on our deathbed right now.

00:44:51.740 Yeah.

00:44:52.560 Don't even know.

00:44:53.320 Like I might die today.

00:44:54.960 Yeah.

00:44:56.100 So am I doing those things?

00:44:59.740 To varying degrees

00:45:00.700 if I'm being honest.

00:45:02.060 Yeah.

00:45:02.780 Same.

00:45:03.620 Good reflection.

00:45:05.660 All right,

00:45:06.320 Justin.

00:45:06.740 Justin helped me out

00:45:07.560 with pronunciation of his name.

00:45:09.400 So you gave me a solid.

00:45:11.040 Well,

00:45:11.300 but that's funny

00:45:12.360 because you said

00:45:12.900 pronunciation of his name.

00:45:14.200 So you mispronounced pronunciation

00:45:16.260 as you were.

00:45:18.640 We got me all flustered.

00:45:22.860 Let me,

00:45:23.540 let me see what version.

00:45:25.460 A cuff,

00:45:25.980 a cuff.

00:45:26.380 There you go.

00:45:27.360 All right,

00:45:27.760 Justin,

00:45:28.240 a cuff.

00:45:28.700 A cuff.

00:45:29.000 I made a post

00:45:31.220 about cutting off things of old.

00:45:33.940 What is something

00:45:34.680 that you need

00:45:35.280 to immediately cut

00:45:36.180 out of your life

00:45:37.160 in order to move forward?

00:45:39.820 Oh,

00:45:40.140 for me,

00:45:40.560 I know.

00:45:40.900 Like if he's asking me specifically,

00:45:42.660 it's guilt and shame

00:45:43.820 for past mistakes.

00:45:44.860 Like you can't.

00:45:48.680 And there's other,

00:45:49.360 there's vices that people get into,

00:45:51.120 but I would think.

00:45:52.640 Yeah,

00:45:53.020 I think it is.

00:45:53.840 You can't move forward

00:45:55.020 if you're wrapped up

00:45:56.180 in guilt and shame

00:45:57.140 of the past.

00:45:57.860 You can reflect on the past.

00:45:59.180 I will forever.

00:46:00.580 We should.

00:46:01.920 It's like looking

00:46:02.560 in the rear view mirror.

00:46:03.400 You have to look and see

00:46:04.360 because that gives you

00:46:05.280 a little bit of context

00:46:06.120 about where you're at

00:46:07.000 and what's around you

00:46:07.820 and maybe how far you've come.

00:46:10.580 But yeah,

00:46:11.240 I think that's,

00:46:12.900 and by the way,

00:46:13.940 guilt and shame,

00:46:14.860 actually lead

00:46:15.780 to a lot of other things

00:46:16.880 that you should cut out

00:46:17.780 of your life.

00:46:18.560 Addiction,

00:46:20.160 alcohol abuse,

00:46:22.200 pornography,

00:46:24.420 you know,

00:46:24.700 you name it.

00:46:25.840 You name the vice

00:46:26.620 and a lot of it

00:46:27.360 is actually wrapped up

00:46:28.920 in guilt and shame.

00:46:30.420 Which most of us

00:46:31.280 would read this question

00:46:32.300 and say,

00:46:33.240 oh,

00:46:33.500 I need to cut out

00:46:34.100 the alcohol,

00:46:35.080 the other things

00:46:35.820 when those are just

00:46:37.140 surface level items.

00:46:39.060 Sure.

00:46:39.660 And you should.

00:46:40.760 We all should,

00:46:41.780 of course.

00:46:43.280 But if you get

00:46:44.300 to the root of it,

00:46:45.080 the guilt and the shame

00:46:46.080 and the remorse,

00:46:46.900 there's no way

00:46:47.580 you can move forward

00:46:48.400 when you're thinking

00:46:49.040 about how horrible

00:46:49.920 of a person you are

00:46:50.820 because of the thing

00:46:51.500 that you did 10 years ago.

00:46:53.240 Yeah.

00:46:54.660 You just can't.

00:46:56.080 So,

00:46:58.160 yeah,

00:46:58.400 you gotta let go

00:46:59.040 of that stuff.

00:47:00.100 And I wish I could tell you

00:47:01.460 the exact formula

00:47:02.380 for doing it.

00:47:03.120 I think it takes

00:47:03.680 a lot of reflection.

00:47:05.780 It takes time.

00:47:07.180 And degrees.

00:47:08.440 You're right.

00:47:08.660 There's probably degrees

00:47:09.520 of it.

00:47:10.320 Yeah.

00:47:10.940 It takes a willingness

00:47:12.560 to be humble

00:47:13.800 and learn from your mistakes.

00:47:16.500 It takes a level of grace

00:47:17.980 to say,

00:47:18.540 that's who I was.

00:47:19.280 That's not who I need

00:47:20.140 to be right now.

00:47:21.100 That's offering yourself

00:47:22.440 some grace.

00:47:23.140 I was human.

00:47:23.800 I am human.

00:47:24.940 Even acknowledging

00:47:25.800 that in the future

00:47:26.620 you're gonna mess up

00:47:27.440 and recognizing it now

00:47:30.060 so that when you do

00:47:30.940 two things,

00:47:31.720 you can fix it faster

00:47:33.140 and you can let go

00:47:35.160 of it sooner.

00:47:35.640 I think mine's

00:47:38.860 the same as yours.

00:47:39.880 I would say

00:47:40.620 that's probably number one.

00:47:41.900 I think closely related

00:47:43.000 to that is

00:47:44.020 expectations.

00:47:47.640 I hold on to

00:47:49.120 way too many expectations

00:47:50.720 of the way

00:47:52.300 I think things should be.

00:47:54.700 And I think

00:47:55.680 I allow them

00:47:56.820 to undermine

00:47:57.440 how I show up

00:47:58.400 and how I treat people.

00:48:00.020 Probably my biggest issue.

00:48:02.400 I would say,

00:48:03.440 I would add for myself,

00:48:04.540 not just the way

00:48:05.820 things should be

00:48:06.520 but also the way

00:48:07.800 people ought to behave

00:48:09.120 or respond to me.

00:48:10.820 That's another thing

00:48:11.420 that I fall prey to.

00:48:13.320 Yeah.

00:48:14.200 Absolutely.

00:48:14.660 Just let people be

00:48:15.400 who they're gonna be.

00:48:16.780 Yeah.

00:48:17.760 Cool.

00:48:18.440 All right.

00:48:19.000 Zach Halsinger,

00:48:21.580 what do we do

00:48:24.100 to put all the information

00:48:25.720 we absorb into action?

00:48:27.940 What things should we be

00:48:29.300 focusing on

00:48:30.080 in the moment

00:48:31.060 and not get lost

00:48:32.380 to old patterns

00:48:33.580 and old behaviors?

00:48:35.840 The battle plan.

00:48:38.000 Yeah.

00:48:38.660 We cannot focus.

00:48:39.760 Clarifying the objectives, right?

00:48:41.200 That's it.

00:48:41.740 Taking action.

00:48:42.940 Vision,

00:48:44.400 objectives,

00:48:45.840 tactics.

00:48:46.800 Yeah.

00:48:47.760 That's it.

00:48:49.660 And then

00:48:50.180 with things

00:48:51.420 that we shouldn't be doing,

00:48:52.400 I think he alluded

00:48:53.140 to that a little bit

00:48:54.100 or getting back

00:48:54.920 into old patterns.

00:48:56.160 Yeah.

00:48:56.440 I don't think

00:48:57.980 that you can get rid

00:48:59.820 of an old pattern,

00:49:00.820 whether it's a mindset

00:49:01.600 or a behavior

00:49:02.580 or an action

00:49:03.620 or a thought

00:49:04.620 without replacing it

00:49:05.980 with something more effective.

00:49:07.820 Hmm.

00:49:09.020 You know,

00:49:09.340 so for example,

00:49:10.380 you might want to quit smoking.

00:49:12.640 I don't,

00:49:13.280 I think you probably could

00:49:14.980 if,

00:49:16.060 if the situation

00:49:17.120 was catastrophic enough.

00:49:18.320 So for example,

00:49:19.600 if you go to your doctor

00:49:21.260 and he's like,

00:49:21.780 hey,

00:49:22.120 you,

00:49:22.660 you look like you're

00:49:23.860 either developing lung cancer,

00:49:25.240 have lung cancer

00:49:26.160 or will have lung cancer.

00:49:27.620 I think you could probably,

00:49:29.120 a lot of people

00:49:29.720 could probably put an end to it

00:49:31.160 if it was a catastrophic

00:49:32.820 consequence

00:49:34.280 to their behavior.

00:49:35.840 Yeah.

00:49:36.080 But I,

00:49:36.300 but I don't think

00:49:36.960 it's usually like that.

00:49:38.140 Our behaviors

00:49:38.620 are pretty insidious.

00:49:40.520 They take time to manifest.

00:49:42.380 They don't really feel

00:49:43.480 all that dangerous now,

00:49:45.020 but compounded over time,

00:49:46.720 they will be.

00:49:47.860 Totally.

00:49:48.380 But

00:49:48.680 the,

00:49:50.280 the key is

00:49:50.980 that you have to replace it

00:49:52.380 with something.

00:49:53.440 Charles Duhigg

00:49:54.060 has some great research

00:49:55.140 on this

00:49:55.560 in The Power of Habit.

00:49:57.180 James Clear

00:49:57.840 has some great research

00:49:58.760 on this

00:49:59.160 in his book,

00:49:59.720 Atomic Habits,

00:50:01.020 that if you're trying

00:50:01.840 to let go

00:50:02.380 of old patterns

00:50:03.080 and habits,

00:50:03.640 those would be

00:50:04.000 good resources for you.

00:50:05.500 But at the end of the day,

00:50:07.020 you have to come up with,

00:50:09.340 he calls them,

00:50:10.080 I think

00:50:10.400 Charles calls them

00:50:12.600 triggers

00:50:14.840 or cues,

00:50:16.520 triggers,

00:50:17.140 action

00:50:17.540 or something

00:50:18.380 along that line.

00:50:19.820 So for example,

00:50:20.580 if you smoke

00:50:21.300 and you don't want to smoke,

00:50:22.900 if it comes up

00:50:23.720 to break time,

00:50:24.640 that might be

00:50:25.880 a bit of a trigger

00:50:27.020 for you

00:50:27.580 and then you have

00:50:28.760 the reward

00:50:29.440 of smoking

00:50:30.440 and that does something

00:50:31.540 for you.

00:50:32.000 What does it do for you?

00:50:33.180 Well,

00:50:33.380 maybe it relaxes you

00:50:34.480 or maybe it's time

00:50:35.920 that you use

00:50:36.440 to be social

00:50:37.120 with your coworkers.

00:50:38.680 So there's things

00:50:39.620 that you're gaining

00:50:40.340 from it,

00:50:40.780 trying to figure out

00:50:41.380 what those are.

00:50:42.640 But ultimately,

00:50:44.440 to go back

00:50:44.980 to the question,

00:50:45.760 it's the battle plan

00:50:46.720 and we do that

00:50:47.660 because there's

00:50:48.240 four key areas,

00:50:49.480 there's not

00:50:49.920 40 areas.

00:50:52.000 You can't focus

00:50:52.860 on all of those things

00:50:54.000 and we do it

00:50:54.660 over a 90-day window

00:50:55.760 because anything less

00:50:57.420 is not enough

00:50:58.120 to make good improvement

00:50:59.120 and anything more

00:51:00.160 might be too long

00:51:01.560 for you to sustain

00:51:02.920 your behavior

00:51:05.720 without seeing

00:51:07.120 a measured result.

00:51:10.020 So that's why

00:51:10.840 we use that.

00:51:11.560 So the answer is,

00:51:12.700 I don't like

00:51:13.760 always saying

00:51:14.680 the battle plan

00:51:15.360 but the answer

00:51:16.220 is the answer

00:51:16.760 and that's what it is.

00:51:18.460 Totally.

00:51:19.340 Totally.

00:51:19.620 And we've seen

00:51:20.580 evidence of that

00:51:21.400 over and over.

00:51:22.840 Right?

00:51:23.100 It's like,

00:51:23.740 it's not like

00:51:24.820 guys doing

00:51:25.840 the Iron Council

00:51:26.460 going,

00:51:26.900 I never thought

00:51:28.180 that I should

00:51:29.040 actually prioritize

00:51:29.840 my physical well-being

00:51:31.540 and get in better shape.

00:51:33.700 Of course,

00:51:34.260 they've thought about it.

00:51:35.580 Of course,

00:51:36.520 they've done

00:51:38.560 the mental gymnastics

00:51:39.640 about all the things

00:51:40.760 they should be doing.

00:51:42.080 We haven't provided

00:51:43.220 some amazing insight

00:51:44.420 in regards

00:51:45.860 to ways

00:51:46.460 to lose weight.

00:51:48.040 What's the difference?

00:51:49.740 System,

00:51:50.380 framework,

00:51:51.340 and then

00:51:51.800 them taking action

00:51:52.600 against it.

00:51:53.060 What do you know?

00:51:53.780 Oh,

00:51:54.500 I lost 20 pounds.

00:51:56.920 Who would have ever thought?

00:51:57.740 It's not rocket science.

00:51:59.480 But that's what happens,

00:52:01.260 right?

00:52:01.660 And that's what happens

00:52:02.760 once you start taking

00:52:03.540 intentional action,

00:52:04.980 right?

00:52:06.640 You know,

00:52:07.020 it's funny,

00:52:07.980 Kip,

00:52:08.160 as I was thinking

00:52:08.740 about this,

00:52:09.460 is every once in a while

00:52:10.500 we'll get questions.

00:52:11.500 A question we might get

00:52:12.500 that's related to this one

00:52:13.420 is something like,

00:52:16.540 how do I get

00:52:17.200 my life on track

00:52:18.560 and you can't say

00:52:19.380 the battle plan?

00:52:20.840 Yeah.

00:52:21.680 So they start

00:52:22.700 like qualifying

00:52:23.360 our answers.

00:52:24.120 I'm like,

00:52:24.380 well,

00:52:24.560 you just cut off

00:52:26.120 the answer.

00:52:26.640 Wait,

00:52:27.600 so you're asking me

00:52:28.360 a question,

00:52:29.360 but I can't say,

00:52:31.220 but I can't actually

00:52:32.000 give you the answer?

00:52:33.660 Yeah.

00:52:33.920 Or people will say,

00:52:35.340 how do I lose weight

00:52:36.380 and I don't want

00:52:37.500 to hear the same advice

00:52:38.320 of exercising

00:52:39.580 and eating cleaner?

00:52:41.300 Huh?

00:52:41.460 That's the answer.

00:52:43.880 Ozempic.

00:52:44.740 Yeah.

00:52:45.560 Yeah,

00:52:46.000 well,

00:52:46.180 I guess there's another,

00:52:46.860 there you go.

00:52:49.040 Yeah,

00:52:49.560 it's like,

00:52:50.220 people qualify

00:52:51.800 these things sometimes

00:52:52.720 and it's kind of,

00:52:53.380 it's funny to me,

00:52:54.440 it's,

00:52:54.620 it's,

00:52:56.300 because maybe it's not sexy,

00:52:57.660 it's not the Ozempic answer

00:52:58.900 and maybe that's what we call it.

00:53:00.380 You're looking for

00:53:00.920 the Ozempic answer.

00:53:02.500 Yeah,

00:53:02.920 and there's not one.

00:53:03.660 You're looking for the answer

00:53:04.700 where you get the result

00:53:06.000 without the work

00:53:06.780 and you can,

00:53:08.160 I think you can

00:53:08.800 achieve some measured success

00:53:11.080 in that result,

00:53:12.500 but you know what?

00:53:13.040 You didn't earn it.

00:53:14.080 I mean,

00:53:14.300 if you wanted to build

00:53:14.960 financial abundance,

00:53:15.780 I could tell you to invest

00:53:16.880 $1,000 every week

00:53:17.940 into lottery tickets

00:53:18.760 and that will increase

00:53:19.920 your odds of winning the lottery.

00:53:21.220 And let's say,

00:53:22.320 hypothetically,

00:53:23.100 you do win the lottery.

00:53:24.940 You didn't earn that.

00:53:26.320 How long are you going

00:53:26.940 to keep that?

00:53:28.000 Four years or less on average?

00:53:30.380 Because you didn't earn

00:53:31.900 the result

00:53:33.200 by developing the skill set

00:53:35.300 required to build

00:53:36.860 financial abundance

00:53:37.760 in your life.

00:53:38.960 And if you're taking

00:53:39.660 a shot or a pill

00:53:40.600 to lose weight

00:53:41.400 and you lose weight,

00:53:43.320 you didn't earn

00:53:44.560 the skill set

00:53:46.380 that is required

00:53:48.720 or the lifestyle change

00:53:50.000 is required

00:53:50.520 to maintain that

00:53:51.380 and be healthy.

00:53:51.880 You're not healthy.

00:53:52.480 You just lost weight.

00:53:53.920 Yeah.

00:53:54.400 Now,

00:53:54.800 maybe it's a kickstart.

00:53:56.100 You know,

00:53:56.320 maybe you start

00:53:57.320 to see those results

00:53:58.220 and you feel good

00:53:58.920 and that kickstart

00:54:00.120 gets you into thinking

00:54:01.220 about the food

00:54:01.800 that you're eating

00:54:02.340 and should I exercise more

00:54:03.860 and what kind of exercise

00:54:04.660 should I do?

00:54:05.660 If it's a kickstart,

00:54:06.800 fine,

00:54:07.440 I get that.

00:54:08.720 It's the same reason

00:54:09.480 why I look at

00:54:10.040 New Year's resolutions

00:54:10.820 and I think

00:54:11.320 New Year's resolutions

00:54:12.180 kind of suck

00:54:12.920 most of the time

00:54:13.620 but if it's New Year's,

00:54:15.120 if it's January 1st,

00:54:16.500 that is the fuel

00:54:17.460 or the kickstart

00:54:18.100 you need to make

00:54:18.900 some changes,

00:54:19.580 I'm good with that.

00:54:20.400 I don't care what

00:54:21.120 gets you motivated.

00:54:23.160 If it triggers

00:54:24.240 additional changes

00:54:25.340 and improvement

00:54:25.760 in your life,

00:54:26.300 then by all means,

00:54:27.220 as long as it's legal

00:54:27.980 and moral and ethical,

00:54:28.900 by all means,

00:54:29.520 get after it.

00:54:30.360 So we have a dual purpose

00:54:31.660 question to kind of wrap

00:54:32.700 us up.

00:54:33.440 You know,

00:54:33.840 Peyton Mathis,

00:54:34.680 I get the intent

00:54:36.640 of the question.

00:54:37.300 It's a good question,

00:54:38.120 Peyton.

00:54:39.380 But can you talk

00:54:40.880 a little about

00:54:41.420 the Forge event

00:54:42.400 coming up next year?

00:54:43.480 I'm going to the next Forge

00:54:45.220 and I'm wondering

00:54:45.740 what should I do

00:54:47.080 to train for it

00:54:48.380 and what challenges

00:54:49.660 there will be.

00:54:50.580 I know there is still

00:54:51.660 a lot going on

00:54:52.560 behind the scenes

00:54:53.280 and y'all don't

00:54:54.260 want to say too much.

00:54:57.440 Yeah,

00:54:58.120 well,

00:54:58.860 I'm glad you're coming.

00:55:00.920 It's going to be

00:55:01.480 an incredible event.

00:55:02.280 I'm trying to build

00:55:03.180 that out with Larry Hagner

00:55:04.200 to be four times

00:55:05.240 what it was this year

00:55:06.880 and it's going to be

00:55:07.840 an absolutely incredible event.

00:55:09.160 We've got a lot

00:55:09.580 of other good things planned.

00:55:11.780 What I would say

00:55:12.580 to you for training,

00:55:14.060 so to speak,

00:55:14.740 is figure out

00:55:16.300 what you want

00:55:16.940 out of life now.

00:55:19.700 Get your mental

00:55:20.700 and emotional

00:55:21.320 and spiritual health

00:55:22.200 in check.

00:55:23.400 If it's spiritual,

00:55:24.820 go to church,

00:55:25.900 read the Bible,

00:55:26.740 pray,

00:55:27.320 be around other

00:55:27.920 spiritual people.

00:55:29.400 If it's emotional health,

00:55:31.300 learn how to emotionally

00:55:32.080 regulate

00:55:32.740 what's happening

00:55:34.320 with you

00:55:34.740 and we talked

00:55:35.260 a little bit

00:55:35.600 about that today.

00:55:37.140 Connections,

00:55:37.740 I would say

00:55:38.360 join the Forge Facebook group

00:55:40.520 because you're going

00:55:41.100 to connect

00:55:41.480 with other attendees,

00:55:42.660 past attendees

00:55:43.320 and current attendees

00:55:44.380 who you can talk

00:55:45.360 with about

00:55:45.880 what they've experienced

00:55:47.520 and what was good

00:55:48.760 for them

00:55:49.140 and what they enjoyed

00:55:49.940 and what they didn't.

00:55:51.520 From a physical perspective,

00:55:53.560 yeah,

00:55:54.040 lose some weight.

00:55:55.460 Feel your body correctly.

00:55:56.980 Build some muscle.

00:55:58.780 Maybe there's

00:55:59.180 some other things

00:55:59.880 like,

00:56:00.540 I don't know,

00:56:00.980 jujitsu,

00:56:01.660 hint,

00:56:01.920 hint,

00:56:02.480 that maybe you could

00:56:03.300 plan for

00:56:04.320 and train a little bit

00:56:05.140 leading up to the event.

00:56:07.340 There'll be running,

00:56:08.360 there'll be physical exercises,

00:56:10.020 there'll be ropes courses

00:56:11.580 and obstacle courses.

00:56:13.340 We're going to put you

00:56:14.620 to work physically

00:56:15.260 because of what we talked

00:56:16.300 about earlier

00:56:16.860 where it breaks down barriers.

00:56:19.000 It breaks down walls

00:56:20.280 because you no longer

00:56:21.120 have the energy

00:56:21.740 to keep those walls up.

00:56:23.500 And then the last component

00:56:24.480 is being valuable.

00:56:25.780 So what are you going

00:56:26.760 to bring to the event?

00:56:27.800 Don't worry about

00:56:28.280 what I'm going to bring

00:56:28.940 because I know

00:56:30.160 we're going to put together

00:56:31.360 an incredible event

00:56:32.100 and everybody who came

00:56:32.980 knows that as well.

00:56:33.920 What are you going to bring?

00:56:35.400 How are you going to contribute?

00:56:36.600 How are you going to be

00:56:37.220 an incredible attendee

00:56:38.520 of this event?

00:56:39.420 What kind of conversations

00:56:40.300 do you want to have?

00:56:40.980 What kind of questions

00:56:41.600 do you want to ask?

00:56:42.360 What do you want to learn

00:56:43.100 out of the event?

00:56:43.940 And start thinking

00:56:44.680 about that now

00:56:45.440 so that when it comes

00:56:46.480 May time next year,

00:56:48.600 you'll be poised

00:56:50.000 and primed

00:56:50.900 to really make

00:56:51.900 the most of this event.

00:56:53.540 And that's

00:56:54.020 themensforge.com.

00:56:56.340 For you guys

00:56:57.300 that want to sign up

00:56:58.120 for next year's event.

00:56:59.680 And then the other

00:57:00.140 call to action

00:57:00.760 just really quick

00:57:01.680 is Iron Council enrollment.

00:57:03.660 It's opening up, right?

00:57:05.540 The answer to a lot

00:57:06.600 of questions today, right?

00:57:07.840 Is systems

00:57:08.720 and surrounding yourself

00:57:10.540 around people

00:57:11.780 that will hold you accountable,

00:57:13.080 that will speak into you.

00:57:14.640 And that's what we're about

00:57:15.900 in the Iron Council.

00:57:17.080 So to learn more,

00:57:17.880 orderofman.com

00:57:18.880 slash Iron Council.

00:57:20.420 And of course,

00:57:21.400 connect with Mr. Mickler

00:57:22.420 on X and Instagram

00:57:23.540 at Ryan Mickler.

00:57:25.500 Awesome.

00:57:26.260 Kip, I know you've got

00:57:26.840 a hard stop.

00:57:27.700 Good questions, guys.

00:57:28.780 Appreciate the questions.

00:57:30.140 And hopefully we gave you

00:57:31.500 some good answers

00:57:32.560 or some things to consider.

00:57:34.180 We will be back

00:57:35.100 on Friday.

00:57:35.700 Until then,

00:57:36.280 go out there,

00:57:36.720 take action

00:57:37.220 and become the man

00:57:38.260 you are meant to be.

00:57:43.900 Thank you for listening

00:57:44.840 to the Order of Man podcast.

00:57:46.920 If you're ready

00:57:47.280 to take charge of your life

00:57:48.540 and be more of the man

00:57:49.700 you were meant to be,

00:57:50.940 we invite you to join

00:57:51.880 the order

00:57:52.280 at orderofman.com.

00:57:55.940 Thank you.

00:58:08.020 Thank you.

Order of Man - June 11, 2025

Extreme Emotions, Running From Your Problems, and Fighting For Your Life ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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