Order of Man - Family as the Fundamental Unit of Society, Affording Others Grace, and Dealing With Difficulties in Marriage

00:00:00.000 You're a man of action. You live life to the fullest. Embrace your fears and boldly chart your own path.

00:00:06.020 When life knocks you down, you get back up one more time. Every time.

00:00:10.460 You are not easily deterred or defeated. Rugged. Resilient. Strong.

00:00:15.500 This is your life. This is who you are. This is who you will become.

00:00:19.760 At the end of the day, and after all is said and done, you can call yourself a man.

00:00:24.980 Kip, what's up, man? Good to see you.

00:00:26.880 Good to see you. I'm digging the shirt.

00:00:30.000 I'm representing Sorenex today. I just got back from their Sorenex Winter Strong event, which they do every year.

00:00:37.020 It was awesome. It was awesome. We did all kinds of stuff, from shooting our bows to I forged my first knife,

00:00:44.300 which I was going to show you, but it's somewhere else, to the connections that we made.

00:00:49.160 Had some competitions, had some great food, ate some venison, had some bear. It was amazing.

00:00:55.920 Such a good event.

00:00:56.980 That's cool.

00:00:57.560 Where was the event at?

00:00:58.520 It's in South Carolina. That's where Sorenex is, outside of Lexington, South Carolina.

00:01:05.140 It was awesome, man. It was good to feel normal, too. It was a fairly large event, but to go to an event.

00:01:11.960 I did have to get a COVID test just to attend, but yeah, it was good. We had a good time.

00:01:18.680 That's cool. Yeah, I saw on your Instagram the forging of your knife. It's pretty awesome.

00:01:24.880 I know a guy that does that, and I thought, man, you know what? We should just schedule time, me and my son, and have him make a knife.

00:01:33.800 It was awesome. I'd never done it before, so it was my very first attempt.

00:01:37.920 It looks okay. It looks fine. Not awesome. It could use a lot more grinding than it should take, but I don't know if I'll even grind it down.

00:01:46.340 I might just, because I didn't harden it or anything. We just didn't have time, so I might just keep it as a little bit of a memory of what we did while we were down there.

00:01:54.980 But yeah, it was good to see Bert and all the guys and the rivets, and they cooked us food. Amazing. Just an amazing thing that he and Soren X put together. It's awesome.

00:02:06.420 So I'm back playing catch-up. Just had a good interview with Eddie Penny, so that one's going to come out in a couple of weeks, and just playing catch-up today.

00:02:15.860 But I wanted to do this AMA, because I saw the questions that we got on Instagram, and they're good, man. We had some really good questions.

00:02:21.820 Yeah, really good questions, actually, and a lot, as always.

00:02:26.720 Yeah, so let's crank through as many as we can today. We've got about an hour to hammer through them all.

00:02:31.260 Yeah, and with that said, guys, that's at Ryan Mickler is the Instagram handle to get connected there to see the knife as well as to submit future questions when Mr. Mickler asks for them.

00:02:43.060 That's right.

00:02:43.500 You can't submit questions until then, so you have to wait until you're called.

00:02:47.300 Every once in a while, people do, and I'm like, look, I'm never going to remember this question.

00:02:51.980 I'm never going to write it down anywhere, so don't DM me with your question.

00:02:57.060 If you have a question that you'd like me to give you some feedback, that's one thing.

00:03:00.440 But if it's for the AMA, I just won't remember. There's so many other things to do.

00:03:04.560 Yeah, copy that.

00:03:05.560 All right, let's jump into it.

00:03:06.640 So, Coach Brett B, what is the area of your business you had to upskill yourself on the most,

00:03:13.400 or what blind spots did you have two to three years ago that you've since become more aware of and addressed?

00:03:21.040 So, Brett's a friend of mine, Brett Bartholomew.

00:03:23.220 He's actually been on the podcast before. He's a stud.

00:03:25.700 He's doing great work.

00:03:26.680 So, within the coaching community, the one skill I think about that I needed to improve was my ability to speak to others.

00:03:37.860 Believe it or not, I tend to be naturally, I don't want to say introvert,

00:03:42.640 because I don't like putting introvert, extrovert labels on it,

00:03:45.820 because then it makes it feel like you have to fit into that box.

00:03:48.620 But it's not, I don't get overly energized by talking with other people,

00:03:56.420 and by being around a bunch of other people.

00:03:58.800 That's not something that I would naturally gravitate towards.

00:04:02.280 I enjoy it. I can do it.

00:04:04.800 But being able to host an hour-long conversation with somebody is a skill set that I just was lacking with.

00:04:13.820 When I started podcasting, I would literally, I was actually, so Pat McNamara,

00:04:18.620 was at this Sorenax Winter Strong event, and him and I were talking,

00:04:23.360 and he's like, man, I just really enjoy doing your podcast.

00:04:25.420 And he gave me a couple very nice compliments about the way that I host the meeting.

00:04:29.540 And he was like, you know, how did you, how has that evolved, or how did you do that?

00:04:34.000 And I told him that I used to write down literally like 10 questions that I would ask my guest.

00:04:40.360 And he was like, yeah, people do that when I go on other podcasts.

00:04:44.000 And he's like, it's not good because I might share something,

00:04:47.200 and then they just go, good, got it.

00:04:49.040 And they go to the next question as opposed to diving into that.

00:04:51.820 So I've really had to learn how to be a conversationalist,

00:04:55.360 which for me and a lot of guys listening, it's not easy.

00:04:59.360 For a lot of guys that are listening, you probably think it's very easy.

00:05:02.620 But for me and other people, it's not easy to be a conversationalist.

00:05:06.020 So learning how to ask good questions, how to explore different topics,

00:05:10.480 how to keep a conversation on point.

00:05:12.580 Because I do have some guests who, you know, they're so excited about what they're talking about.

00:05:16.860 And one minute here, next minute they're there, and they're all over the place.

00:05:20.380 So being able to direct that conversation to a coherent, semi-organized conversation can be a challenge at times.

00:05:28.720 But that's something that I've really, really worked hard to do.

00:05:32.140 And then I think he said blind spots.

00:05:34.200 Believe it or not, as a former financial advisor, taxes were rough on me the first year.

00:05:39.300 We really started to make money here with Order of Man.

00:05:42.600 And I got hammered because I didn't set it up correctly, and I wasn't doing my quarterlies.

00:05:47.980 And I eventually brought an accountant, a good accountant in to be able to help us and take care of all this stuff.

00:05:53.940 That was a big deal.

00:05:55.200 And then one of the things I'm really working on, I would say over the last 8 to 12 months,

00:05:59.980 is having the right people in the right place.

00:06:04.640 And that's an old Stephen Covey concept, I think.

00:06:07.520 The right people in the right place on the bus.

00:06:10.500 And hiring people to do certain elements of the business,

00:06:15.380 from podcast editing and design, to booking and securing podcast guests,

00:06:20.140 to helping me with logistics and travel and things like this.

00:06:23.040 And that's something that I don't easily relinquish control of those things.

00:06:30.000 So, but it's proven to be a very worthwhile investment.

00:06:35.620 Yeah.

00:06:35.820 It's always tough to let go of the reins a little bit, huh?

00:06:38.180 Yeah.

00:06:38.500 Because it's your baby, right?

00:06:39.600 It's your thing.

00:06:40.220 It's like, ah, this is mine.

00:06:41.380 And what I was telling myself, and this isn't true by any means,

00:06:46.000 but what I was telling myself is, I can do this better than anybody else can.

00:06:49.560 And that's just a lie.

00:06:51.940 It's an ego-driven response.

00:06:54.040 Yeah.

00:06:54.360 But even if that was true, the need to delegate so you free yourself up to the things that

00:07:00.040 you need to focus on, whether you could do that really good or not is still necessary,

00:07:04.020 don't you think?

00:07:05.140 Well, and let's be real.

00:07:06.260 Like there are some things that I can do better than anybody else in my business.

00:07:09.700 One of which is having the conversations.

00:07:12.420 Yeah.

00:07:12.900 So I need to free up myself and my mental capacity to be able to excel at the thing that I'm good

00:07:18.280 at and the thing that I enjoy and the things that I don't enjoy, even if I am good at them,

00:07:24.700 should be delegated to other people because A, they're good at it.

00:07:29.120 B, they're energized by it.

00:07:30.960 And C, it frees up my time to be able to focus on the things that are actually going to move the

00:07:34.980 needle in the business and the organization in the right direction.

00:07:39.380 Yeah.

00:07:39.700 Yeah, totally.

00:07:40.680 In fact, Corey Spillman, he had a question later on.

00:07:45.060 He was asking actually if you're hiring.

00:07:46.740 So on that subject of you delegating, do you want to mention any open recs?

00:07:51.800 We're not hiring right now, but I envision that we will need some media people in the

00:07:58.520 very near future.

00:08:00.520 We're going to need some design work.

00:08:02.820 Yeah, there's going to be a lot of opportunity, although there isn't a specific opening right

00:08:06.680 now.

00:08:07.420 Okay.

00:08:07.880 Do you recommend guys reach out if they're, I don't know, or just wait?

00:08:13.960 Don't bombard his Instagram.

00:08:16.220 No, no.

00:08:17.700 But if something comes available, we'll make sure to let people know.

00:08:22.960 Got it.

00:08:23.600 All right.

00:08:23.860 Jay Matthew King, when it comes to time, how will you advise, when it comes time, how

00:08:30.500 will you advise your kids on higher education?

00:08:32.560 I'm thinking in terms of college versus trade school versus starting their own businesses.

00:08:38.460 We're going to have a lot of questions and conversations leading up to that point.

00:08:42.720 So it isn't one day, Hey, you know, you're going to graduate in the next 60 days.

00:08:45.980 What have you thought about doing with your life?

00:08:47.560 Yeah, no, we're having conversations.

00:08:49.980 I'm getting them involved in my business and we're exploring their interests and hobbies

00:08:54.680 and activities so that we can start to explore paths now.

00:08:58.300 So my oldest is almost 13.

00:09:01.180 So, you know, we got five years, but we're exploring paths right now.

00:09:04.840 And then we talk about what is interesting.

00:09:07.640 What is compelling?

00:09:08.440 What do you need to do in order to pursue that route?

00:09:11.140 Now with higher education, I know I give higher education and the public school system a bad

00:09:18.040 rap.

00:09:18.400 I do, you know, I, you guys know that you've been listening to me for long enough where

00:09:22.180 you know that let me be very clear.

00:09:24.520 What I mean when I talk about higher education, if you need formal higher education in order

00:09:30.480 to pursue your career, I think it can be very advantageous.

00:09:35.100 If you're going to be a doctor and you needed to go to school to be a doctor, then I think

00:09:39.220 you probably ought to consider that very strongly or a lawyer or an engineer, anything in the

00:09:45.740 STEM type industries, right?

00:09:48.920 If you're going for a liberal arts degree, no, I don't think you should do that.

00:09:53.800 I don't think you should incur 50, 60, 80, a hundred plus thousand dollars of debt so

00:09:58.940 that you can have four years of fun, be indoctrinated into things that actually aren't going to serve

00:10:04.680 you well in your life and then be straddled with this debt as you get into real life.

00:10:10.480 I don't think you should do that, which is why it's going to be free.

00:10:13.560 That's true too.

00:10:14.540 Yeah, that's true too.

00:10:16.740 That's another conversation.

00:10:19.140 Which is why I'm an advocate for trade schools.

00:10:21.840 In fact, I think we could actually begin to implement some of this stuff, journeyman type

00:10:28.300 apprenticeship programs, even earlier than higher education.

00:10:33.220 You know, if you have a child who's very interested in mechanics and engineering, why wouldn't

00:10:38.900 there be an engineering path of high school?

00:10:42.700 Why are we teaching them all like everything generally?

00:10:45.240 It's like, no, he's in the engineering program in high school.

00:10:48.980 Why?

00:10:49.280 I don't understand why you wouldn't be that.

00:10:50.980 Or if you're very musically inclined and you want to go that route or you want to build

00:10:56.720 or you want to work on cars and you want to do one of these trades, I really think there

00:11:02.520 ought to be paths, even in that high school level where children could start funneling

00:11:06.580 into this because why would you wait?

00:11:10.160 Like there's things I learned in high school that some I will use.

00:11:14.060 Absolutely.

00:11:15.340 And some things I will never use.

00:11:17.900 Never.

00:11:18.340 So yeah, that's why I'm an advocate and proponent of trades and craft, what am I trying to say

00:11:27.140 here, trade routes so that these kids can actually learn applicable skills, knowledge,

00:11:32.300 and information to apply.

00:11:33.780 So long, long story short, we're going to have a lot of these conversations with my kids.

00:11:39.020 We're going to be facilitating education and learning on the path they choose.

00:11:45.600 I'm going to be introducing them to the things that they are interested in.

00:11:48.900 And then ultimately it won't be this like one day you graduate high school and then you're

00:11:53.200 in college.

00:11:53.920 It's like, no, we're going to transition to that over the next five, 10, 15 years.

00:11:58.780 Yeah.

00:11:59.400 All right.

00:12:00.000 Greatest dad mindset.

00:12:01.440 Any, uh, have you had any beliefs or perspectives shifts since you wrote your book?

00:12:06.940 What, if any amendments would you make?

00:12:11.800 You know, I don't think I'd make any amendments necessarily, but I may explain things deeper

00:12:16.420 and I, certain elements deeper and I will.

00:12:19.460 So sovereignty, in fact, I have a new book that is in the works right now.

00:12:22.940 So sovereignty was a book about leading yourself.

00:12:27.100 If I had to take everything else away and I just had to distill it down to what it was

00:12:30.860 about, it was about leading yourself.

00:12:33.480 Yeah.

00:12:33.620 How do you, what values, what virtues, what problems exist?

00:12:37.300 Why is it important you take ownership and responsibility?

00:12:39.820 So it was all about leading yourself.

00:12:41.780 So I wouldn't make an amendment to it necessarily, but I would explain further.

00:12:47.480 And the next book is going to be about taking the idea of a sovereign individual, a sovereign

00:12:51.760 man, and now taking that leadership principles that he's leading himself and turning that outwards

00:12:57.440 to his family, his business, and his community specifically.

00:13:02.480 So that answers the question.

00:13:04.960 What would I do differently?

00:13:06.020 Nothing different.

00:13:06.940 I would just expound.

00:13:08.320 And that's what we're going to be doing in the next book.

00:13:10.660 Cool.

00:13:11.600 Awesome.

00:13:13.220 All right.

00:13:14.880 Soda, what do you think about functional bodybuilding?

00:13:20.980 When he says that, when you say bodybuilding, sometimes I think of competing in bodybuilding.

00:13:26.540 That's naturally what I'm drawn to.

00:13:29.500 So I'm not, look, but you said functional.

00:13:35.040 So I'm not.

00:13:36.060 Which is the opposite of bodybuilding typically.

00:13:37.600 Bodybuilding to me is more of the aesthetic.

00:13:40.660 Yeah.

00:13:41.380 And I actually don't think it's a good thing.

00:13:45.140 Like, I mean, it's, I get it.

00:13:46.720 I understand.

00:13:47.440 I'm not diminishing anybody who does that.

00:13:49.760 I just don't understand why you just want to look big, but it isn't actually going to apply

00:13:55.480 in your life, but that's me, a very pragmatic individual.

00:13:59.160 If I'm going to do something, it's for a purpose.

00:14:02.060 It's for a reason that I'm doing that thing.

00:14:05.640 So when you say functional bodybuilding, maybe what you mean is just getting strong and building

00:14:11.860 muscle.

00:14:12.640 And I think, yes, you should do that.

00:14:15.220 Absolutely.

00:14:16.400 Yeah.

00:14:17.160 Well, it's functional, right?

00:14:18.480 By design.

00:14:19.240 Right.

00:14:19.380 So if we're off on what you're asking, maybe you could let us know if there's something

00:14:24.740 specific or different.

00:14:26.360 But when I hear bodybuilding, I think of bodybuilding competitions.

00:14:32.600 I tend to view what I do in the gym as strength training.

00:14:37.500 And because I want to be strong so that if I get an accident, I can lift the car hood

00:14:42.640 off my wife.

00:14:43.800 Or if I have to run for 200 yards to get out of an active shooter situation or to carry somebody

00:14:50.860 somewhere, then I want to be able to do that.

00:14:53.520 Or if I get into a physical altercation, I want to be able to have the muscle mass and

00:14:58.320 the skillset.

00:14:58.900 Of course, that's another conversation, the skillset, but the muscle mass to be able to

00:15:03.200 deliver a powerful blow and to receive if so, if needs be a powerful blow, that's all functional

00:15:09.980 stuff.

00:15:10.420 But I look at it as strength training, not necessarily bodybuilding.

00:15:15.240 Yeah.

00:15:15.620 Yeah, for sure.

00:15:17.000 All right.

00:15:19.500 Tyler M. Miller, ways to build better relationships with the men in your life.

00:15:26.360 Go do something together.

00:15:28.980 Like really, like just go do something, anything.

00:15:33.200 Don't have conversations.

00:15:35.920 No, let me say it this way.

00:15:37.340 It's not about just having a conversation.

00:15:39.880 Like, I don't think if I invited you over, Kip, I'm like, Hey, Kip, you want to come over

00:15:43.960 and have a coffee and we'll talk.

00:15:46.700 That's not like a great way to develop relationships with men.

00:15:49.920 But if I said, Hey, Kip, I'm going to the shooting range or I'm going to the golf course

00:15:55.800 or I'm going to go train jujitsu.

00:15:58.580 Would you like to come?

00:16:00.260 And then conversations and lessons and experiences and perspectives were shared in the midst of

00:16:06.060 the activity.

00:16:06.780 That's a better way.

00:16:07.840 I think for men to develop and have relationships because you're pushing against something.

00:16:13.320 You're working towards something.

00:16:15.020 You're pushing against something.

00:16:16.480 There's challenge.

00:16:17.420 There's contention.

00:16:18.400 There's competition.

00:16:19.200 All of these things are in healthy doses are very good for men.

00:16:23.220 And so we weave conversations around a meaningful and significant activity.

00:16:29.540 So find out what an activity is, or if you don't have any men in your life.

00:16:33.920 And a lot of guys are in this boat.

00:16:35.060 Cause I hear from guys, then go where they are and get in, put yourself in their environment

00:16:40.340 around an activity.

00:16:41.760 I've been to a lot of pickup basketball games.

00:16:44.360 I've gone on hikes.

00:16:45.560 I've gone to conferences.

00:16:46.500 I've gone to courses.

00:16:47.360 I went to this winter strong thing.

00:16:48.960 I knew a lot of people there, but a lot of people I've met who had never had conversations

00:16:52.600 with, uh, I met a guy, his name's Josh Hawley builds surfboards out of San Diego.

00:16:57.340 We spent a lot of time together this weekend, but it wasn't like we were just talking, we

00:17:01.420 were shooting our bows and we were doing stuff.

00:17:04.220 And then we were having those conversations mixed in with the actual activities.

00:17:09.340 Yeah, for sure.

00:17:10.620 Well, and, and I was just talking to someone just last week.

00:17:13.680 They're like, what is the iron council is someone that a training they're talking

00:17:17.260 about the podcast.

00:17:18.140 And, and that's one of the things I mentioned.

00:17:20.440 It's like, the reality is, is like most, most guys or even people in general have friends

00:17:25.960 based upon like accidents.

00:17:27.740 You know, it's like, well, we played sports together or it's my spouse's, my spouse's

00:17:33.980 friend's husband or whatever.

00:17:35.620 Like we're not like joining tribes because like those are good, valuable people that

00:17:42.160 are on the same path.

00:17:43.060 It's usually because of some completely bad filtering process, you know, that we end up

00:17:48.640 with certain people.

00:17:49.260 And so that's what I was kind of telling him is like, that's one of the benefits of the,

00:17:52.500 of the iron council is, is like-minded men, you know, men that are focused on leveling up

00:17:57.360 and becoming better.

00:17:58.120 And that's what makes that community so powerful.

00:18:00.380 So I think, I think the word that I've used in the past is your friendships are usually

00:18:05.360 to your point, going to be found in proximity.

00:18:09.600 So if you work with somebody, that guy's probably going to be your friend at some point to some

00:18:13.900 capacity.

00:18:14.740 If you live next door to somebody, that's probably the person you're going to hang out

00:18:18.220 with, right?

00:18:18.840 That's what you're saying.

00:18:19.700 And I love that you're also saying those are bad filtration systems because the fact that

00:18:25.140 a dude lives next door to you says nothing about his performance, says nothing about

00:18:30.000 who he is as an individual or what he values or what his morals or principles are or how

00:18:34.580 he's performing.

00:18:35.360 It's just none of that.

00:18:36.980 So we, as men need to do a better job at not being so wrapped up in proximity.

00:18:42.640 We do that because it's easy and convenient, right?

00:18:45.040 The guy lives next door to me.

00:18:46.220 Easy.

00:18:47.440 You've got to not go the easy route and you have to go the intentional route.

00:18:51.240 But I know if I go to jujitsu now, I don't maybe know about their morals and principles

00:18:55.940 or religious beliefs, but I know that the guy likes to work hard.

00:18:59.120 But I know that he wants to be strong and capable and that's a pretty good qualifier.

00:19:04.640 Not the only, because look, there's guys that I train with who I don't hang out with

00:19:08.340 outside of the gym.

00:19:09.920 And there's guys that I do because that happens to be little, one little piece of the pie.

00:19:15.240 And then you look at these individuals well-rounded, but it's a lot more intentional just saying,

00:19:19.480 I don't know.

00:19:20.440 I just went to high school with that guy.

00:19:22.200 He was a loser.

00:19:23.120 And so was I, and we were getting drunk every Friday night.

00:19:25.700 And then we just never grew out of the relationship because it was so easy.

00:19:29.300 Well, okay.

00:19:30.240 But yeah, it's not probably serving you as a 40 year old man.

00:19:33.580 Like it was, it wasn't even serving you as an 18 year old kid, but it's certainly not

00:19:37.360 serving you as a 40 year old man.

00:19:39.100 Yeah, totally.

00:19:40.460 All right.

00:19:40.800 The Designed Man.

00:19:42.140 What's the book you've read in the last year that's had the most influence on you?

00:19:46.180 Dude, I just read an incredible book.

00:19:48.600 Uh, I think it's on my nightstand.

00:19:50.220 I bought it in the airport yesterday as I was flying home and it was a random book,

00:19:54.560 just a random book.

00:19:56.360 Okay.

00:19:56.920 Yeah.

00:19:57.200 And it's, it's awesome.

00:19:58.800 And the, the best thing, it's not the best thing, but one of the best things about it

00:20:02.960 is I'd read it on an hour long flight from, uh, Washington to Portland, Maine.

00:20:10.000 That's an hour, hour and 15 minute flight.

00:20:12.040 And I read the entire thing in that timeframe.

00:20:14.180 So it's a quick read.

00:20:15.680 It's called the Archer by Paulo Coelho.

00:20:18.600 He also wrote the Alchemist who a lot of you guys are familiar with.

00:20:22.100 Um, but essentially the premise of the book is this young man is looking for this world

00:20:30.800 famous Archer who he heard about, but his since retired and nobody knows where he is.

00:20:36.360 And this young man who is an Archer as well, finds him in this village in the middle of nowhere.

00:20:42.140 And he says, I can, I can compete with you.

00:20:44.560 I'm better than you at this.

00:20:46.180 And so he competes with this grand Archer who hasn't picked up a bow and, you know,

00:20:51.060 20 or 40 years or whatever.

00:20:52.940 And then there's a young child who happens to observe this competition.

00:20:57.240 And the Archer teaches the young child different lessons about the way of the Archer.

00:21:02.620 And it's very, very applicable to life.

00:21:04.920 In fact, I just went online before we jumped on and I bought 10 copies because it's a great

00:21:09.880 giveaway book too, which is something I do.

00:21:11.840 If I find a book I really like, I'll usually jump online, I'll buy five, 10 copies and I'll

00:21:16.780 send them to different people for different reasons, which is you guys asking a lot about

00:21:21.280 how do you add value to people's lives?

00:21:23.140 It's a very simple, effective way.

00:21:25.100 A way to do it.

00:21:25.740 It's a gift.

00:21:26.700 It's gratitude.

00:21:27.620 It lets people know I'm thinking about you.

00:21:29.640 It's thoughtful.

00:21:30.300 Um, and then it's also mutually beneficial because it ties you closer with people that

00:21:35.580 you want to be tied to.

00:21:36.840 So that's a great way to give value, but the Archer is a very good book.

00:21:41.320 That's funny.

00:21:42.020 How has all those giveaway books kind of always been the smaller versions?

00:21:46.880 Cause I think like as a man thinketh is one that I've gifted a lot.

00:21:50.860 Um, you know, uh, Oh, what's the other one?

00:21:56.820 Viktor Frankl's war and peace man's first man's man's search for meaning.

00:22:01.120 Yeah.

00:22:03.000 Yeah.

00:22:03.600 You don't want to, the, the big giveaway, the big books like are probably not great

00:22:07.660 giveaways unless it's certain somebody, you know, right?

00:22:12.400 Right.

00:22:13.320 Yeah.

00:22:13.800 Because sometimes look, I get a lot of books.

00:22:16.320 I got a lot there.

00:22:17.420 And if I were to scroll over to here, I don't know if you can see him that well, but there's,

00:22:21.720 you know, 10 to 15 books right there on my desk.

00:22:24.680 Yeah.

00:22:25.540 Those are books that like people just randomly send me and some I'm like, okay, this looks

00:22:30.320 interesting.

00:22:30.720 And a lot of them just look like extra work to me.

00:22:33.940 Yeah.

00:22:34.960 So you gotta be, again, this is where the thoughtfulness comes in, you know?

00:22:41.000 So that, well, I'll give you another example.

00:22:43.660 Hold on one second.

00:22:45.960 Matt.

00:22:46.400 Hold on.

00:22:47.420 He's in the iron council.

00:22:50.220 He just sent me this.

00:22:51.220 I got this the other day, a sort of gems of priceless value.

00:22:54.960 Like this was an old school book.

00:22:56.720 Yeah.

00:22:57.100 It's an old school book.

00:22:58.080 Very thoughtful.

00:22:59.560 Um, he, he probably thought that there was a reason or some things in here that I should,

00:23:04.800 Oh, look, I didn't even see the note.

00:23:06.060 Cause I just got it, but there's a note in here.

00:23:08.320 This is just a very thoughtful way to give people gifts and let them know you're thinking

00:23:12.960 of them and add value to their lives.

00:23:14.700 But yeah, make sure it's something that's going to make sense for them.

00:23:19.120 Yeah.

00:23:19.320 Send them a, like a Webster dictionary.

00:23:22.160 Yeah.

00:23:23.760 Here, read this.

00:23:25.400 You need to send them white fragility.

00:23:26.580 If you sent me white fragility or whatever it's called, that's probably not a, it's probably

00:23:30.680 not a thoughtful gift.

00:23:32.160 Something that doesn't say anything meaningful to say, you need to read this, read this.

00:23:36.140 This would be good for you.

00:23:40.640 All right.

00:23:41.200 What else?

00:23:42.020 All right.

00:23:42.440 Buster, uh, Cabellaro.

00:23:45.140 Yeah.

00:23:46.000 Do you find more, do you find the more you progress, the smaller your circle of friends

00:23:51.100 and influence gets?

00:23:52.800 Totally.

00:23:53.500 Of course.

00:23:54.640 Yeah.

00:23:55.300 Um, I'm, I'm trying to, I'm trying to word.

00:23:59.640 Would you say your influence gets smaller though?

00:24:01.480 I mean, no, my circle of friends, but I think your influence gets bigger.

00:24:05.260 Oh yeah.

00:24:05.860 Our influence definitely grows for sure.

00:24:07.860 I mean, every, every time we podcast, every time we put information out there, every time

00:24:12.400 I go to a conference or an event like winter strong or something like this, our influence

00:24:15.920 certainly grows without a doubt.

00:24:18.200 Yeah.

00:24:18.940 But then I'm also more selective on how I'm going to spend my time because your influence

00:24:23.980 will grow.

00:24:24.960 You're going to be presented and afforded more opportunities than you would have otherwise

00:24:28.780 been presented.

00:24:29.400 So you need to be more selective with how you spend your time.

00:24:33.180 You need to get better at saying, no, you need to know what it is you value, know what

00:24:37.580 it is you're after, know where you're going to spend time, know where you're not going

00:24:40.440 to spend time so that you're not just bombarded and inundated.

00:24:44.240 And it's hard because I have a lot of people who reach out even in the area who would like

00:24:49.240 to get together occasionally or whatever, or, you know, pick my brain or, and I want

00:24:54.260 to help.

00:24:54.940 I do.

00:24:55.560 I want to be helpful.

00:24:56.680 I want to help these individuals.

00:24:57.980 I want to give them any insight that maybe they think I could potentially give them.

00:25:02.360 But if I did that for everybody, I would not have time for myself.

00:25:05.660 I would not have time for my family.

00:25:07.220 I wouldn't do my hobbies and activities.

00:25:08.880 I wouldn't be able to be as engaged as I am in the podcast and adding value this way.

00:25:13.620 So I've learned to be increasingly selective of who I give my time to.

00:25:19.460 And that really is like, I know this might sound a little egotistical.

00:25:23.780 It really is a gift.

00:25:25.740 You know, if I, if I get on the phone with you, you call me up and go, Hey, can we sit

00:25:29.180 down and do this thing?

00:25:30.000 I feel like I'm gifting you something I'm giving you my time.

00:25:34.020 That's very valuable and vice versa.

00:25:36.720 If somebody's sitting down with me, I feel honored that they would carve out some of the

00:25:42.980 time of their day to sit down with me.

00:25:44.840 That's a gift that they're giving me.

00:25:46.300 And so I do have to be very selective with, with how I do it.

00:25:52.240 And it's just going to, it's just going to be the case is you continue to grow and your

00:25:56.560 influence grows and expands such as life.

00:25:59.080 So, and I, it's funny that you say this because like, I've even seen scenarios where

00:26:04.420 like, like a get together or something like people are a little bit superficial, like they're

00:26:11.660 not as present.

00:26:13.740 Right.

00:26:14.180 And, and I actually had this little bit, and it's not from an ego.

00:26:17.500 Well, maybe it is my ego, but a little bit of like, you're wasting my time.

00:26:23.080 You know what I mean?

00:26:23.920 Like you're not even present to the conversation.

00:26:27.180 You know what I mean?

00:26:27.940 And it kind of rubs me wrong a little bit.

00:26:30.100 You know what I'm saying?

00:26:31.320 Sure.

00:26:32.040 Yeah.

00:26:32.320 I understand.

00:26:33.520 I get that.

00:26:34.120 It's hard.

00:26:34.960 You know, it's just hard.

00:26:35.740 It's, it's hard.

00:26:36.980 You know, I was thinking about, I was talking with somebody down here in South Carolina,

00:26:39.860 South Carolina earlier this weekend.

00:26:41.760 And, uh, he was talking about Joe Rogan.

00:26:45.340 He said something like, could you imagine if Joe Rogan was here, what, what, how, how that

00:26:50.000 would be?

00:26:50.360 And I said, I don't, I don't even know if he could come to an event like this.

00:26:54.380 I mean, even if he wanted to be here and maybe he got invited, I don't know.

00:26:58.520 I don't even think he could come like come because he would be in date inundated.

00:27:04.040 He would be bombarded.

00:27:05.220 He would not be able to enjoy anything that we had going on because everybody would.

00:27:10.480 Jock was probably the same way.

00:27:12.180 Well, look at famous movie stars.

00:27:14.440 Yeah.

00:27:14.820 At the main event, you know, it's, it's a little bit like you feel sorry for the guy.

00:27:19.320 You know what I mean?

00:27:19.880 Um, I don't know.

00:27:21.500 He's he, yes, I know what you're saying.

00:27:23.260 He does a really good job.

00:27:24.380 You're talking about at immersion camp, right?

00:27:26.160 Yeah.

00:27:26.300 At immersion camp.

00:27:26.920 Yeah.

00:27:27.200 Cause he kind of gets bombarded with, with, he does get bombarded.

00:27:30.960 He likes it, I think.

00:27:31.900 And he's very gracious the way that he talks with people and spends time with them.

00:27:34.860 But yeah, it would, it would be a real challenge, uh, to be one of these guys who everywhere

00:27:39.980 they go, they're very recognizable and it would be a challenge for sure.

00:27:45.100 Yeah.

00:27:45.640 Yeah.

00:27:47.100 Um, so this question is going to skip, but I, but I think maybe you could allude to something

00:27:53.480 fairly quickly on this.

00:27:54.600 So, um, cause we already know what the answer is and maybe it's just a quick answer.

00:27:59.480 So, uh, no man, Hingorani things to have an order by your mid twenties.

00:28:07.340 Oh, things to have an order by your mid twenties, dude, you're young still, frankly.

00:28:12.140 Uh, so, I mean, I don't know that you're going to have everything in order, but I would just

00:28:17.520 say that you need to be on the path.

00:28:18.940 You need to be getting your fitness in check.

00:28:21.280 You really need to start dialing in your money.

00:28:23.680 You should start investing as early as you can.

00:28:26.140 I wish I would have invested earlier.

00:28:27.540 Uh, you need to work on your communication skills and you need to focus heavily on building

00:28:33.040 out a solid network.

00:28:34.860 If I would have done those things much earlier in my life, I would be so much further than

00:28:38.660 I am right now.

00:28:39.860 And you don't know, you know, you don't, if you, sometimes people say, if you could go

00:28:43.520 back in time, what would you do?

00:28:44.940 And I'm like, I don't know, because you only know what, you know?

00:28:49.560 So it is, it is an interesting thing because as an, as a, as an older person or getting older,

00:28:56.500 you know, you have some more experience under your belt and that's good, but you have less

00:29:00.120 time.

00:29:00.460 And then as a young, younger individual, you have more time, but you have less experience.

00:29:05.000 And so at some point those kind of, they intersect, right?

00:29:08.800 I feel actually like that's where I'm at right now, where I I'm still fairly young.

00:29:12.980 I'm almost 40.

00:29:13.900 So I've got plenty of time and I've got a lot of experiences under my belt and I feel really

00:29:18.080 good with where I am right now.

00:29:19.400 So I don't try to project myself into the past or future.

00:29:23.340 I just, here's where I am.

00:29:25.000 I'm right here.

00:29:25.560 What do I need to know?

00:29:26.440 And this individual, that's what I'd say.

00:29:28.400 Money, fitness, relationships, experiences.

00:29:33.820 Yeah.

00:29:34.600 Terry Hone, most interesting takeaway from the winter strong and why?

00:29:40.300 I don't know if there was one specific like takeaway.

00:29:43.440 So somebody asked me when I went there, they said, his name's Brian.

00:29:46.280 And he said, Hey, uh, what do you, what do you want to get from this, from this weekend?

00:29:51.980 Then I said, I don't know.

00:29:53.460 What's the objective of the event?

00:29:55.140 Is it for fun?

00:29:56.400 Is it kind of like, uh, it's a little bit of a fun.

00:29:59.160 Let's all get together.

00:30:00.140 We're all like-minded.

00:30:01.160 Let's learn some new outdoor experiences.

00:30:04.260 Like we were working with bow drills, which I know something that you really like, uh, outdoor

00:30:09.140 survival skills.

00:30:10.620 Uh, I learned, we did some long range shooting, pistol shooting.

00:30:14.320 I took an optics class for rifle, um, optics.

00:30:18.180 That was amazing.

00:30:19.780 You know, so we learned about that and how to site them in, how they work.

00:30:23.260 So just like learning and being there.

00:30:25.060 But the gentleman asked me, he said, what do you want to take away from this?

00:30:27.500 I said, I don't know.

00:30:28.680 Because I go, I try to go to these events with little expectations.

00:30:32.540 Because in the past, what I've done is I've, I've thought about, okay, I want to do this

00:30:37.600 and this and this and this, and I want to get all this stuff done and do all this stuff.

00:30:40.040 And then I leave disappointed because I didn't meet my objective.

00:30:45.280 But then if I look back at it, I think to myself, I just lost two days of my life because

00:30:51.000 I was so focused on it being this thing that I wasn't fully present for what else organically

00:30:58.000 could have happened.

00:30:59.620 So for me, it wasn't about my biggest takeaway and like, what's the one thing you learn that

00:31:05.280 you're going to apply to be better.

00:31:06.920 It was just being there, whatever opportunities presented themselves.

00:31:10.900 I was like, I'm fully into this thing.

00:31:13.000 I'm going to do it.

00:31:14.480 If it's scary or new, like forging a knife, I'm going to do it.

00:31:18.700 I had an opportunity.

00:31:19.380 I'm going to do it.

00:31:20.240 I'm going to jump right into it.

00:31:21.600 If I had these weird, faulty expectations, I may not have approached it the same way.

00:31:25.640 But the biggest benefit for me leaving was the people for sure.

00:31:32.900 It was the new connections that I made, the conversations that I had, the perspectives

00:31:37.000 that I experienced.

00:31:39.000 It was phenomenal.

00:31:40.280 It was the people.

00:31:41.500 It's always the people.

00:31:42.980 Yeah.

00:31:43.640 All right.

00:31:44.560 Project, man, where do people come up with these names?

00:31:48.660 Project 245 in high school when they were, I don't know, drunk and they're setting up their

00:31:54.040 first email account, you know, like fluffy bunny, 37, 37.

00:31:58.420 Yeah.

00:31:58.980 Yep.

00:31:59.880 That hotmail.

00:32:01.260 M-A-L-E.

00:32:03.160 That was AOL.

00:32:05.320 AOL.

00:32:06.400 That's my old man joke whenever I was like, what's your email?

00:32:09.680 I'm like, get that hotmail on the mall.

00:32:11.180 And that's M-A-I-L.

00:32:14.900 And some people laugh.

00:32:16.740 Other people are like, whatever.

00:32:18.000 You mean M-A-L-E?

00:32:19.040 No, yeah, but I, I, I'm clarifying that it's not hotmail.

00:32:23.840 The fact that you even have to explain that means it's not funny, Kip.

00:32:28.180 Okay.

00:32:28.720 Proceed.

00:32:31.040 Hey, did you, uh, the question is, did you finish 75 hard?

00:32:34.300 How's that going?

00:32:35.580 Um, I'm going to do it again.

00:32:37.200 I did not ever finish it.

00:32:39.360 I was very close.

00:32:40.520 I think I got to like day 50 something, 57 or something, and I never finished it, but

00:32:46.040 I'm going to go back and I'm going to do it again and actually finish it this time.

00:32:48.980 Are you going to wait?

00:32:50.040 Are you starting mid quarter?

00:32:51.400 Are you going to wait for next quarter?

00:32:54.440 No, I'm not going to, I'm not going to wait.

00:32:56.000 I'm just, I'm going to start.

00:32:57.160 There's no reason to wait.

00:32:58.380 Yeah.

00:32:58.720 It's not going to be part of my battle plan or anything.

00:33:00.600 It's just, just do it.

00:33:01.900 Something to do.

00:33:02.560 Yeah.

00:33:03.020 Yeah.

00:33:03.280 Copy.

00:33:04.060 All right.

00:33:04.340 Kevin Breyer, what does your recording filming setup consist of?

00:33:09.860 Uh, super easy.

00:33:11.240 This microphone, which is the, what is it?

00:33:14.240 Sure.

00:33:14.720 7 M S M seven B is what this is.

00:33:18.160 And then a road boom mic.

00:33:20.400 Uh, I've got another one, the exact setup just right across.

00:33:23.620 Cause I'm at a table just in case somebody comes here.

00:33:26.580 Uh, I've got my, a little H, uh, Logitech or something, HD camera right here that I'm using

00:33:32.720 for the video here.

00:33:34.860 Uh, and then I've got some different lights.

00:33:36.380 You know, you can see that one there.

00:33:37.440 I've got the blue light behind me.

00:33:38.760 I've got this big light right there.

00:33:41.120 Just some other things like that.

00:33:43.620 That's it.

00:33:44.400 Uh, when I go on the road, I have a Sony microphone headset combo that I use, which I'm actually

00:33:50.600 not going to use that anymore over on my desk right here.

00:33:52.980 Just before I left, I got an order in, I got these a nice lapel mics.

00:33:57.740 So those will actually plug sets.

00:33:59.920 Yeah.

00:34:00.360 Because why it's not necessary and it's just clunky and it, it just doesn't look good.

00:34:04.620 So I've got that and then I plug it into a zoom recorder is what it's called.

00:34:10.340 Not to be confused with the zoom software, but it's the zoom recorder.

00:34:14.680 Uh, and it's got four ports on it.

00:34:16.520 So you can have four people on a mic at a time.

00:34:19.680 Uh, and I just record onto an SD card and then I've got some other cameras.

00:34:23.340 Um, I've got the Canon over there.

00:34:26.980 I've got a Sony handheld cam.

00:34:31.280 It's not, it's not awesome.

00:34:32.980 It's not special.

00:34:33.900 It's really, it's just stuff like, I need that.

00:34:36.760 And I need this and I need, and gradually it just builds up and yeah.

00:34:40.200 Yeah.

00:34:40.760 I don't think it depends on what you're trying to do.

00:34:42.780 If you're going to do them all via zoom, it's very easy.

00:34:45.320 This Logitech or whatever this is, this HD, uh, uh, I don't even know what they call it.

00:34:50.960 What do they call them?

00:34:51.580 Like laptop webcam webcam.

00:34:53.880 Thank you.

00:34:54.360 Yeah.

00:34:54.620 External webcam.

00:34:55.720 Yeah.

00:34:56.180 This external webcam is probably a hundred bucks.

00:34:58.940 If that, uh, these are a little bit more expensive.

00:35:02.100 I can't remember maybe four or 500 for a microphone.

00:35:05.500 Uh, but there's the ATR 2100 and that's, I want to say $70.

00:35:11.040 Yeah.

00:35:11.560 Uh, we use zoom.

00:35:12.360 That's the one I use for a while, right?

00:35:13.560 15 bucks a month.

00:35:14.460 Yeah.

00:35:14.900 Yeah.

00:35:16.360 Zoom costs 15 bucks a month.

00:35:18.400 So technology is so wonderful right now that you don't need to break the bank to start a

00:35:24.620 podcast to record.

00:35:25.920 It's, it's less than you think it is right now.

00:35:28.600 It's just less than you think it is.

00:35:29.980 You just get started, you go, and then you just build up as you need and improve.

00:35:33.620 Yeah.

00:35:34.000 Yeah.

00:35:34.860 Uh, CRX, Tony, how do you find or create the right career in business for you?

00:35:41.340 Not any, the right one.

00:35:43.440 You make that, you make it the right one, whatever it is.

00:35:47.560 You just make it the right one.

00:35:49.080 And even if you're dissatisfied with your current job, you make it right.

00:35:53.160 You know, if you're sweeping floors and you don't want to sweep floors, how could you

00:35:56.960 make it better?

00:35:58.480 Maybe you could petition your boss to get some sort of automatic vacuum cleaner so that you

00:36:03.920 could free up time to do something else.

00:36:05.500 That's a dumb example, but I think you understand the point.

00:36:08.620 Yeah.

00:36:08.720 Make it better.

00:36:10.680 That's one question I always ask myself is how can I make this better?

00:36:15.320 Kip, you and I have talked about that when I'm, when this podcast, how do we make this

00:36:19.200 podcast better?

00:36:20.000 Well, one little simple thing that we did that might seem insignificant to most people

00:36:24.840 is we went from wireless headphones to, or excuse me, wired headphones to wireless earbuds.

00:36:32.300 Yeah.

00:36:32.920 It's better.

00:36:33.960 It's not a big deal, but it's better.

00:36:36.620 I just told you about the podcast.

00:36:38.280 Instead of having these big clunky things that aren't necessary, it's like just, I'm

00:36:41.900 going to invest in some lapel mics.

00:36:43.160 I know that my internet when I'm wireless is not great.

00:36:46.520 I can do most of my work, but when we're recording a podcast, wireless doesn't work.

00:36:52.640 So I, but I don't have any wired ports.

00:36:55.200 It's all downstairs.

00:36:56.000 So here's what I do.

00:36:57.300 You guys ready?

00:36:58.160 I've got this a hundred foot ethernet down the hallway, running down the hallway, down

00:37:04.120 the stairs.

00:37:04.720 My wife hates it to the front room.

00:37:06.300 And then before I jump on a podcast, I tell my wife and my kids, Hey, no TV, no

00:37:13.140 computer, no Alexa, nothing right now while I'm on.

00:37:17.480 And they're like, Oh, I'm like, Hey, the reason that you even have these things is because

00:37:23.140 I'm doing a podcast.

00:37:24.960 And if I tell you to be off the internet for an hour, I think you're going to be okay.

00:37:29.400 Or we can make it all day.

00:37:30.980 You want an hour or all day?

00:37:32.360 An hour, an hour.

00:37:33.020 Okay, good.

00:37:34.080 Yeah.

00:37:34.280 That's, that's what has to happen.

00:37:36.240 So I'm constantly thinking about how to improve, how to get better, how to make situations

00:37:41.660 better.

00:37:42.000 And it's the same thing with your job.

00:37:44.520 Just make it better.

00:37:45.960 In the meantime, just take one step into something that you're interested in.

00:37:50.720 That's it.

00:37:52.100 Yeah.

00:37:52.340 Maybe it's guiding hunts or maybe it's doing graphic design or designing websites or doing

00:37:59.580 photography or mechanical work or engineering.

00:38:04.140 I don't know.

00:38:05.020 I don't know what your thing is, but just take one step.

00:38:08.460 Not this is going to be my career.

00:38:09.660 I have to do it now.

00:38:11.380 One step.

00:38:12.000 I had a guy reach out on Instagram the other day and he's like, how do I turn my, my,

00:38:16.960 um, or how do I create a real estate flipping company and make this my full-time job?

00:38:23.540 I don't actually know because that's not what I do.

00:38:26.120 So you're asking the wrong guy first.

00:38:27.760 So first I would say, ask somebody more qualified than me.

00:38:31.000 But what I did tell him is I said, just learn how to flip your first property.

00:38:36.160 Yeah.

00:38:36.920 That's it.

00:38:37.420 Oh, but I want to make, I want to make this a career.

00:38:40.000 I want to make this a thing.

00:38:41.020 I'm like, that's great.

00:38:42.340 That's fine.

00:38:43.180 But you still got to sell your first property.

00:38:46.040 You will.

00:38:46.580 And before that, you got to buy it.

00:38:49.080 So just maybe just find some listings.

00:38:51.640 And that's the first step.

00:38:52.820 And the second step is to secure a little bit of funds.

00:38:55.600 And the third step is to actually buy the first property.

00:38:58.660 The fourth step is to improve it.

00:39:00.820 The fifth step is to sell it.

00:39:02.340 Okay.

00:39:02.720 Now, now you're a real estate flip.

00:39:05.100 You flipped a house.

00:39:05.860 So you are a real estate house flipping person.

00:39:10.360 And then if you like it, you do it again.

00:39:13.200 And if you're like, that was miserable.

00:39:15.040 I hated it.

00:39:15.420 I didn't like it.

00:39:15.940 I didn't find any value.

00:39:16.720 Then, okay, well, you made 10 grand, 30 grand, whatever.

00:39:21.180 And then you do something else.

00:39:23.620 Yeah.

00:39:24.020 That's fine too.

00:39:24.540 Or you might find out that like the real estate part you don't like,

00:39:28.860 but the other part that you really liked was the remodeling of the house or

00:39:33.360 Exactly.

00:39:34.100 Something else.

00:39:34.720 Yeah.

00:39:34.940 And then all of a sudden you're like, your passion is found in some aspect of your current job.

00:39:39.260 Maybe not even found.

00:39:41.280 I mean, technically, I guess.

00:39:42.400 Yeah.

00:39:42.520 You found it.

00:39:43.180 But again, I'm very hesitant.

00:39:44.960 We've talked about this in the past to use the word found.

00:39:48.320 It's yeah.

00:39:48.900 Cause it's too passive thing outside your control.

00:39:51.640 Yeah.

00:39:51.820 It's just too passive.

00:39:52.900 You didn't find it.

00:39:53.820 But you actually went out and busted your ass to find a property, to get the financing taken care of,

00:40:00.100 to find the right contractors or to do it yourself, to repair the place, to put, to list it, to sell it.

00:40:05.660 Like you didn't find that.

00:40:07.700 Yeah.

00:40:08.360 Like you created that.

00:40:09.480 And that's why I choose to look at it that way because there isn't some magical thing that's sitting out there in unicorn land that if only you find it, everything's going to be happy.

00:40:18.940 And so when people ask questions like this, I think to a degree, that's what they think, that once they find their thing, that life's just going to be better.

00:40:30.480 No, it's the, you've said it in the past.

00:40:32.540 It's the, what is it?

00:40:33.120 How does it go?

00:40:33.560 Be, do you have, have, do you be, whatever, however it goes.

00:40:36.260 Yeah.

00:40:36.800 Be, do you have.

00:40:37.980 Right.

00:40:38.500 So be this person who would do these things and then you can have the life that you're after.

00:40:46.360 It's the same thing when I started the podcast.

00:40:48.640 Oh, Ryan, I wish I was a successful podcast like you.

00:40:51.540 Okay.

00:40:51.920 Well, have you started your podcast?

00:40:53.500 No.

00:40:54.140 Have you bought your equipment?

00:40:55.140 No.

00:40:55.660 What are you going to talk about?

00:40:56.900 I don't know.

00:40:58.440 Okay.

00:40:58.820 Well, so what do you want?

00:41:01.560 Well, I just want to be successful at podcasting.

00:41:05.580 Oh, okay.

00:41:07.960 What the hell are you going to do about it?

00:41:10.340 Yeah.

00:41:11.400 And, and that's what I did when I podcasted is I started the podcast.

00:41:16.100 And my financial planning practice, it actually didn't start as a podcast.

00:41:20.060 I, what I did, some of you guys know this story is I was meeting with clients and I was

00:41:25.040 getting frustrated with my clients, or I should say prospects.

00:41:28.680 I was getting frustrated with prospects because I was meeting with them and my conversion rate

00:41:32.820 to turn them into a client was so miserably low.

00:41:36.240 And I felt like I was just wasting all my time talking with people who weren't interested

00:41:41.080 in buying financial services.

00:41:43.640 So I thought, well, how could I get that out of the way?

00:41:46.760 And somebody had suggested to me that if you could educate them before they come in,

00:41:53.040 then they would come in warm and ready to go.

00:41:56.200 So I recorded my first presentation, the presentation I'd have with a prospect.

00:42:01.140 And I put it on a CD.

00:42:03.480 I went to Staples or Office Max or whatever it was.

00:42:06.300 I bought a bunch of blank CDs.

00:42:08.400 I bought a, I think it's called a blue Yeti microphone.

00:42:12.240 I still have it.

00:42:12.940 And I recorded a 15 minute presentation.

00:42:16.200 I went to some local photographer.

00:42:20.580 I had some picture.

00:42:21.660 They took some pictures of me and I bought the little stickers that go on CDs.

00:42:25.820 And I put that on the CD.

00:42:28.860 And I would like hand put every single one of those on the CD.

00:42:33.760 And I had the blank CD cases.

00:42:36.000 And I would just hand those out to people like, hey, if you're interested in financial services

00:42:40.200 or if the opportunity presented itself.

00:42:41.780 And I realized that the people who came in after they had listened to that, my conversion rates exploded

00:42:47.600 because they'd already gone through the sales presentation.

00:42:50.900 They were already on board.

00:42:52.240 And so they were coming in to do business.

00:42:55.060 So I'm like, oh, this is cool.

00:42:56.420 So then I'm like, well, I wonder if a podcast would work.

00:42:58.960 And long story short, that worked.

00:43:01.000 And I started picking up clients that way.

00:43:02.520 And then one day I was like, you know, I really don't want to have the same old conversation on the podcast.

00:43:07.100 I want to have a different conversation.

00:43:08.540 So we launched Order of Man and then we sold crappy t-shirts, which I think you have one of the original shirts.

00:43:15.880 And then we started the Iron Council and then we brought an event on.

00:43:21.920 And then we, you know, hit a home run and we had Jocko on.

00:43:25.080 And then we did this.

00:43:26.020 And it grew over time because I just took one step that led to another, to another, to another, to another.

00:43:32.320 And here we are, not just like one day I woke up and I'm going to have, I'm going to have 700 podcasts in the bank.

00:43:39.580 I'm going to talk to 330 incredible men.

00:43:42.140 No, I had to get to that point and work there.

00:43:44.900 Yeah.

00:43:45.200 Well, and, and Ryan, correct me if I'm wrong, but like when you look at what you've created with Order of Man,

00:43:50.740 like your passion that you love, which I think you've mentioned in the past is marketing.

00:43:55.640 Yes, of course.

00:43:57.680 And that was like a found like, whoa, like I really love this aspect of business.

00:44:04.000 And, and theoretically not that you would or are, but like theoretically you could spin that and go, oh, okay, I want to market other things.

00:44:12.140 And maybe it's not Order of Man, but now you, you created that understanding of yourself or that skill set and that interest through creating a podcast.

00:44:22.160 And who knew, and I'm assuming marketing wasn't even, maybe even on the radar originally.

00:44:26.820 And you found that, you know, through that entire process.

00:44:30.980 Right.

00:44:31.340 And learning how to have great conversations and being able to network with people.

00:44:36.680 That's a, that's a powerful skill.

00:44:38.140 Like being able to build out a powerful network.

00:44:40.300 If I needed something, I can make a phone call in the next five minutes and have what it is I needed.

00:44:45.820 Because I've built out that network and there's value to that.

00:44:48.960 Of course.

00:44:49.920 Yeah.

00:44:50.540 All right.

00:44:51.080 Brett Hawk 24.

00:44:52.260 How do you best deal with the doubters?

00:44:57.040 Why do you need to deal with doubters?

00:44:59.240 Yeah.

00:44:59.800 I'm assuming like, do you think he's people in your life, maybe family that are doubters?

00:45:06.200 So what does it matter?

00:45:07.080 The only person that matters actually is your wife.

00:45:11.180 Yeah.

00:45:12.540 If she doubts you, that's trouble.

00:45:14.480 And that my list of the only people that should matter for is literally just your wife, not your girlfriend, not your mom, not your dad, nobody, not me, not you, no one.

00:45:27.660 The only person who, who you actually need on your side is if it applies is your wife.

00:45:35.020 Everything else is just gravy now likelihood that your parents are going to support you, but you don't need it if they don't.

00:45:43.180 So why does that matter?

00:45:45.800 Why does that matter?

00:45:47.160 Now, look, here's one caveat to that.

00:45:49.120 I would say if there's somebody in your life, let's say that you have a mentor or somebody that is credible.

00:45:54.100 That's important.

00:45:55.060 And you think highly of, and they say to you, Ryan, I doubt this will work.

00:46:03.320 Then your response should be, please tell me why.

00:46:07.260 And then they tell you why, and then you fix it.

00:46:10.940 Right?

00:46:11.440 So if one of my mentors, Pete Roberts, let's say, because he's a business, he's a friend.

00:46:14.960 Yes.

00:46:15.160 But he's also a business mentor.

00:46:16.940 If he came to me and he said, Ryan, I noticed something in your business model that you really should be aware of.

00:46:22.080 And here's something to consider because I doubt the track you're on is the right one.

00:46:26.160 I would take that to heart.

00:46:27.360 And I would say, okay, because you're credible, because I respect you and you know what you're talking about.

00:46:33.760 Tell me more and how should I improve?

00:46:36.660 But outside of that, people doubt me.

00:46:39.420 People mock me.

00:46:41.200 People hate on what we're doing.

00:46:42.780 They say mean things.

00:46:47.220 And they're not making my mortgage payment.

00:46:50.140 Yeah, that's true.

00:46:50.860 They're not raising my children.

00:46:52.500 They're not ensuring that I'm confident in who I am.

00:46:55.580 It does bother me.

00:46:57.120 You know, like I know there's a lot of people say, just don't let it bother you.

00:47:00.220 No, it does bother me.

00:47:01.660 But then I usually will follow it up with the thousand other, literally thousands of other messages who are like, Ryan, you've changed my life.

00:47:10.180 Ryan, that guest you had on was incredible.

00:47:12.040 And I bought his book and now I'm doing this.

00:47:14.180 Ryan, I just started a business.

00:47:15.720 Ryan, I saved my marriage.

00:47:17.140 Ryan, I blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

00:47:18.560 And I'm like, oh, cool.

00:47:20.520 So that one dickhead over here actually doesn't really play a very important role in the grand scheme of things.

00:47:27.680 Totally.

00:47:28.120 So I'm not going to say it doesn't bother me.

00:47:30.600 I'm a human being.

00:47:32.020 Of course, it stings when somebody says you're an idiot or what you're doing is bad or what, of course.

00:47:36.940 But it's just drowned out by the thousands and thousands of people who are positively affected and impacted by what it is we're doing.

00:47:45.540 I learned this lesson a long time ago in the financial planning practice.

00:47:48.580 I literally had, in fact, it probably still do.

00:47:51.300 If I looked, I literally had a folder in my emails of like positive words of encouragement from other people.

00:47:59.000 So my clients would send me a message and they'd say, Hey, Ryan, I just want to let you know.

00:48:03.100 I really appreciate your advice.

00:48:04.880 We just sent our oldest off to college and it was so comforting knowing that we had the money set aside where they could do that.

00:48:10.660 Like, thank you.

00:48:12.160 And so I quite literally had a folder in my email inbox of positive and encouraging testimonials that I could draw upon when I was having a bad day or I didn't close a case or a client.

00:48:24.780 I could pull that up and say, Nope, you're still doing good things.

00:48:27.720 And I get to see that every day via social media.

00:48:30.660 The one jerk is infinitesimally small can, uh, relative to the thousands of people who are positively impacted by what we're doing.

00:48:41.280 Oh, yeah.

00:48:41.980 That's funny.

00:48:42.720 I actually, I take screenshots of those things.

00:48:45.940 Like when I get messages like, Oh, that AMA, you said this comment or in the IC, I'm like, think, you know, and you've sent the same thing.

00:48:53.560 So if I'm having a really bad day, I'm like, what are we doing?

00:48:55.780 Is this even helping?

00:48:56.660 And then I can scroll through those.

00:48:58.680 It's kind of weird.

00:48:59.260 And by the way, and I'm not fishing for compliments here, but you should do that too.

00:49:06.340 When, and what I mean by that is you should let people know.

00:49:09.880 That's right.

00:49:10.420 If there's somebody in your life, and again, I'm not fishing for compliments.

00:49:13.820 I'm telling you that if there's somebody in your life, whether it's your mom or your sister or a friend or a colleague or a boss or a mentor who has helped you, then you should reach out to that individual and say, thank you for helping me because of your insight.

00:49:28.260 I was able to accomplish this thing that meant a lot to me.

00:49:32.680 You should do that.

00:49:34.560 Yeah.

00:49:35.500 And there's a lot of reasons for this.

00:49:36.900 Number one, it's just the right thing to do.

00:49:41.040 Number two, it's a good gift to give to somebody.

00:49:44.100 We're talking about adding value earlier.

00:49:45.660 It's so meaningful.

00:49:47.600 Yes, it is.

00:49:48.500 And number three, you're opening your mind to the concept and idea of gratitude, which will make you more satisfied with what you already have and not be so discontent with what maybe you don't.

00:50:05.660 So there's a lot of reasons that you should be practicing that.

00:50:08.420 Yeah.

00:50:08.520 And get out of your own head a little bit.

00:50:10.280 You know what I mean?

00:50:10.860 And express that to someone else's, I think is just highly valuable.

00:50:15.180 And not only that, it will come, it will come back to you.

00:50:18.040 Yeah.

00:50:19.220 Like you, it's, it's, it's, you cannot give something and not have it come back.

00:50:23.340 Usually tenfold.

00:50:24.980 Yeah.

00:50:25.380 For example, if you want to be loved, here's something a lot of guys want.

00:50:29.280 They won't say it and they, they, they won't usually use that word love.

00:50:33.740 Cause we only have really one in the English language, one meaning of love.

00:50:37.900 It's romantic love rather than brotherly love.

00:50:40.980 So they won't say it.

00:50:42.300 But if you want more love in your life, give your love to people.

00:50:50.140 If you want to build wealth in your life, invest in other people.

00:50:54.300 That means give them money, invest in them, and then it will come back to you.

00:51:00.760 Whatever you give away with the right motive and the right intention, it will inevitably

00:51:06.020 come back.

00:51:06.740 It will always come back.

00:51:08.360 It has to come back.

00:51:11.740 Like it.

00:51:14.020 CDLTN.

00:51:14.740 How do you, you and your wife navigate stressful and difficult times together?

00:51:19.120 We, we actually don't have a lot of those times.

00:51:24.620 And, and I think it's not because they wouldn't exist.

00:51:28.440 I think it's because we had them off very quickly through constant communication.

00:51:34.180 Yeah.

00:51:35.020 We have little tiffs and little arguments and disagreements and little spats here and there,

00:51:39.360 but they're not usually stressful, long lasting.

00:51:44.780 There's no contention or animosity or challenges.

00:51:47.300 You address them right away.

00:51:48.180 We address them.

00:51:49.020 We, we, we had them off.

00:51:50.340 It's like, Oh, here's something.

00:51:51.640 There's a little threat.

00:51:52.860 We don't want it to burrow into our lives.

00:51:54.660 Like, what do we have to do to deal with this?

00:51:56.240 And so we deal with it.

00:51:57.580 The other thing too, is there's, there are external threats.

00:52:00.460 Uh, and there are external circumstances that would create stress in the relationship that

00:52:07.060 are outside of our control.

00:52:09.280 And to that, I would say that we, a, have a commitment to each other.

00:52:13.740 And that always is first.

00:52:15.540 I'm on your team.

00:52:16.700 In fact, when we get into arguments, I will typically say something along those lines,

00:52:21.680 hon, we're on the same team.

00:52:23.300 I'm on your team.

00:52:24.540 I'm here to support you.

00:52:26.020 I'm here to help you.

00:52:27.100 I don't agree with what you're saying or what we're doing.

00:52:30.460 But we're still on the same team.

00:52:32.200 Exactly.

00:52:32.760 At the foundation of what we're doing, I'm on your team.

00:52:35.400 You're on my team.

00:52:36.440 You have to believe that.

00:52:37.640 I want you to believe that.

00:52:38.620 I want you to know that.

00:52:39.640 And I want to believe that of you.

00:52:40.980 And that is one of the most important things.

00:52:43.480 Because if you don't get that right, nothing else is going to go right.

00:52:46.920 Because there's all sorts of little things that could come into the relationship that

00:52:50.500 would cause little wedges and little drifts.

00:52:52.260 If you don't have that foundational belief that we are a team, that we're on the same team.

00:52:58.520 And then you prepare yourself ahead of time.

00:53:01.160 What could potentially come up?

00:53:03.540 Illness, bankruptcy, a job loss, unexpected expenses.

00:53:11.120 These are all things that as a man, you know, they're going to come up.

00:53:14.960 You need to be aware of them and prepared for them so that when they happen, you aren't going

00:53:18.560 to be left high and dry.

00:53:20.420 You'll be able to deal with it.

00:53:21.280 And it won't be as stressful had you not prepared for that thing.

00:53:24.580 I heard on somebody's podcast the other day, they said something about what, when do you

00:53:32.080 become an adult?

00:53:33.160 It was like something like that.

00:53:34.880 And as I was listening to the individual answer the question, I think they did a good job on

00:53:39.180 it.

00:53:39.320 But I was thinking about what I would say and my response is when a you're sufficient enough

00:53:47.880 to be able to take care of yourself and be that you're sufficient enough that you've

00:53:55.120 learned to take care of others.

00:53:56.360 That's when you become an adult because otherwise you're just behaving like a child.

00:54:02.800 Like my, my, my children, for example, they're not adults.

00:54:06.600 We don't even expect them to be because they can't take care of themselves and they certainly

00:54:10.560 can't take care of anybody else.

00:54:12.300 There's isolated moments.

00:54:13.540 Like my daughter might, you know, pick her younger brother up when he falls and try to,

00:54:18.820 you know, comfort him, you know, there's isolated moments, but generally like they can't

00:54:22.420 take care of anybody else.

00:54:23.400 So they're children and that's why you have 50 year old, 40 year old men in mommy and daddy's

00:54:28.340 basement, playing video games, watching porn, doing it, whatever it is they're doing.

00:54:31.680 And they're acting more like children because a, they're not taking care of theirself.

00:54:35.660 They don't have the resources capacity to take care of themselves and they're dependent.

00:54:39.980 So they're not taking care of anybody else.

00:54:41.940 Somebody else is taking care of them.

00:54:43.500 They're still children.

00:54:45.560 Yeah.

00:54:46.060 I don't know how we got on.

00:54:47.220 What's, what's even the question at this point?

00:54:49.100 I don't know how you got there from navigating stressful times with your wife, but yeah,

00:54:56.120 who knows?

00:54:56.580 But I can't remember.

00:54:57.900 You have those, you have the conversations you, Oh, that's what I was saying.

00:55:02.000 You got to be prepared, right?

00:55:03.620 Because that's what it means to be a man is to anticipate threats to yourself and the people

00:55:10.140 under your care and then deal with them.

00:55:12.060 And then those critical moments won't be as catastrophic because you've already handled

00:55:17.040 what you need to handle.

00:55:18.480 Yeah.

00:55:18.960 So our next question, Zachary Dell Thayer.

00:55:23.460 He has actually a question about kind of guys given up on relationship relationships.

00:55:28.200 He says, as a man who has found fulfillment in marriage, how do you make the moments, the

00:55:33.460 movements like the red pill or mag towel men who are abandoning long-term relationships

00:55:38.760 with women altogether?

00:55:39.940 What would you say to those guys?

00:55:43.860 I think there's some, there's the, the red pill movement, the mag towel, I think are,

00:55:48.880 there are some elements of validity to what they're saying.

00:55:52.900 Yeah.

00:55:53.620 Well, sometimes I'm like, I kind of get it a little bit.

00:55:56.420 Yes.

00:55:56.980 Totally.

00:55:57.820 Yeah.

00:55:58.380 But I think, I think these movements generally take things too far.

00:56:04.200 They take it to the extreme and they become the masculine version of the, the third wave

00:56:10.540 feminist, third and fourth wave feminist movements.

00:56:12.620 Yeah.

00:56:13.420 Yeah.

00:56:13.580 Where it's no longer an issue.

00:56:15.840 All women are this way.

00:56:16.900 Yeah.

00:56:17.140 Yes.

00:56:17.840 And they're the enemy and they are bad and they hate men and society is out to get us.

00:56:25.160 And so what a lot of these movements perpetuate is the idea that men are the victim and they

00:56:32.140 just take it completely too far.

00:56:35.280 And then they turn these young men's hearts black, they rot and it's not conducive or productive

00:56:44.440 anymore.

00:56:45.160 So where do I fall on the relationship scale that you ought to know who you're getting involved

00:56:51.180 with.

00:56:52.040 You ought to protect yourself.

00:56:54.060 That's important.

00:56:55.240 You ought to make sure that you know who this woman is and what she's about.

00:56:59.060 And you ought to know what you're getting yourself into.

00:57:01.900 Yeah.

00:57:02.460 But that's all personal responsibility stuff.

00:57:05.640 Now, do people change?

00:57:07.440 Of course, and situations can go sour and they can go bad.

00:57:11.800 And that's unfortunate.

00:57:12.760 And a lot of those are isolated incidents.

00:57:14.620 And a lot of the times we bring that stuff upon ourselves.

00:57:17.680 I'm not saying every instance, but in a lot of instances we do.

00:57:22.500 So I think as long as you can take personal accountability and responsibility for your own

00:57:27.440 life, that the concept of a relationship, a committed relationship with a woman can be,

00:57:35.280 one of the most powerful and effective decisions, tools, and strategies that a man can make.

00:57:41.480 My wife brings so much to the table.

00:57:45.480 She gives me a new perspective, a new thought.

00:57:47.740 She challenges me in good ways.

00:57:49.600 She brings a level of kindness and empathy to my life that I wouldn't have any other way.

00:57:53.960 There's a lot of meaning in trying to serve her and my children well.

00:57:57.720 I wouldn't have that stuff if I wasn't involved in a relationship.

00:58:00.860 Plus, I also believe that the family unit is the fundamental unit of a healthy and thriving society.

00:58:07.320 So if we have a bunch of young men who think women are the enemy, and we have a bunch of young women

00:58:11.640 who think men are the enemy, then we no longer have the ability to create a thriving society

00:58:16.860 based on the fundamental unit of the family.

00:58:20.640 And then who steps into that role, who becomes mommy and daddy, the government, and they would

00:58:27.400 love to be mommy and daddy.

00:58:29.440 They will love to give you everything that they think you need and keep you from the things

00:58:35.120 they think you should be kept from.

00:58:37.280 This is not conducive to a long lasting and healthy society, but having families that care

00:58:43.960 about each other, that are committed to each other, that honor their word and their bonds

00:58:48.880 and their agreements with each other, and then work hard to serve and then teach their

00:58:53.520 children, these principles and morals, those societies will thrive.

00:58:57.620 So it's a very, it's very dangerous to pit men and women against each other, not just for

00:59:04.600 the sake of themselves, but for the sake of the societies that we live in.

00:59:08.200 Yeah.

00:59:10.480 Brian Matlin, Esquire.

00:59:12.380 Do you have a formula for distributing income to your business?

00:59:16.960 How much is set aside for different categories, i.e.

00:59:19.560 owner's compensation and taxes and et cetera?

00:59:23.720 No, I'm not the best person to ask on this stuff.

00:59:27.420 Get your CPA.

00:59:29.040 Yeah, I think your CPA, I mean, we have our tax strategy in place.

00:59:34.700 We pay our quarterlies.

00:59:35.720 We have our projections and we know what it is we're going to make.

00:59:39.200 And I make pivots.

00:59:40.700 You know, if I see that something could do better than something else, I can pivot.

00:59:43.760 I can adjust, I evaluate if the merchandise store is lagging behind based on past numbers.

00:59:49.660 I'll look at that and figure out why it is.

00:59:51.500 Or if the iron council is losing members and not gaining any, I'll look at why that is.

00:59:56.060 I tend to be a little bit more intuitive in nature when it comes to these things, as opposed

01:00:00.120 to pouring over all of the minutia and fine details.

01:00:03.740 I realize the importance of that, but that just sucks the fun out of it for me.

01:00:08.620 And so I bring people in who can do that so I can focus on the marketing, the communication,

01:00:15.260 the conversation, the messaging and branding.

01:00:17.420 That stuff's way more fun to me and enjoyable.

01:00:20.780 So I just focus on that.

01:00:21.960 Heston shallow graves, best beginner lifting plan for beginners at the gym, lifting plan

01:00:30.960 for beginners at the gym.

01:00:32.860 Uh, I don't know, maybe hire a coach.

01:00:36.440 Maybe if you're going to a gym, maybe they already have something there for beginners.

01:00:39.440 I use Josiah Novak.

01:00:41.200 He's my strength coach.

01:00:42.320 So he gives me plans that I can, um, that I can do, whether I'm here at the gym or even

01:00:47.340 when I'm traveling, I can do things like that.

01:00:49.160 But again, I'm more intuitive.

01:00:51.800 This goes back to the last thing.

01:00:53.180 I'm more intuitive.

01:00:54.000 It's like, Hey, I need to lift, you know, I need to get strong.

01:00:56.800 Uh, starting strength is another great program that I use for a while.

01:00:59.940 They're going to help you develop core lifts, like the deadlift, bench press, push press,

01:01:04.700 squat, and pull-ups.

01:01:06.680 You know, those are like your core lifts and movements.

01:01:09.540 Yeah.

01:01:09.920 Um, and you can add ancillary things into that.

01:01:12.740 But, um, I mean, there's lots of them out there.

01:01:14.760 Get a plan and go and start taking some action.

01:01:18.940 And then pivot, you know, I would find somebody who looks jacked in the way that you want

01:01:23.220 to be jacked.

01:01:24.120 And that offers something, whether it's a personal training or an online coaching or some sort

01:01:29.520 of community, or maybe it's an ebook or something.

01:01:32.420 I mean, even Jocko has in his discipline equals freedom manual.

01:01:35.940 I think he even has some workout plans or strategies in there.

01:01:39.920 And I would just do that.

01:01:42.240 Yeah.

01:01:43.180 Yeah.

01:01:43.800 All right.

01:01:44.340 At some point, you're going to probably graduate.

01:01:46.020 If you keep going, you're going to graduate to a coach at some point.

01:01:48.960 And that is a graduation.

01:01:50.200 Like you get to that point where you actually have an individual coach who's giving you

01:01:53.900 catered fitness routines and regimens based on what you're trying to accomplish.

01:01:58.880 You don't need to start there.

01:02:00.560 You could, but you are going to get to that point eventually.

01:02:04.060 Yeah.

01:02:05.080 All right.

01:02:05.700 Mike Raj 94 besides Jordan Peterson, who are some people you'd like to get on the podcast?

01:02:12.500 Oh man, I dude, I got a list of, of people.

01:02:16.620 Uh, let's pull it up here.

01:02:17.940 Micro is somebody who comes to mind right off hand.

01:02:20.220 I'm just going to pull up my list right now.

01:02:22.380 Um, Dan Crenshaw, Gordon Ramsey.

01:02:26.680 I have on my list, uh, Dave Ramsey.

01:02:29.740 I'm looking at some of these, some of these guys, I won't disclose them right now, but some

01:02:33.100 of these guys on my list have already agreed to come on.

01:02:35.100 So we're just doing scheduling right now.

01:02:36.760 Actually, one guy I think would be awesome is Keanu Reeves.

01:02:39.500 That'd be just an incredible conversation.

01:02:42.020 JJ Watt.

01:02:43.480 Uh, I've got a list.

01:02:44.720 Like I've got 200 people that I want to, Gary Sinise is another one.

01:02:48.540 Tim Tebow, Neil deGrasse Tyson.

01:02:52.040 I've got an entire list.

01:02:53.980 Uh, Daniel Cormier.

01:02:55.960 I just think so highly of him.

01:02:58.100 Tony Hawk.

01:02:59.200 I, everybody, I want everybody to come on the podcast.

01:03:02.040 Yeah.

01:03:03.100 There you go.

01:03:04.460 All right.

01:03:05.020 Evan, uh, Evanography.

01:03:07.860 Would you recommend a career in finance, whether it's at, uh, advising or something else?

01:03:12.860 And is it a viable option for a career change?

01:03:16.620 Oh, it's a totally, yeah, it's a completely viable option.

01:03:19.020 I w I was a financial advisor for nine years, so it's completely viable and it's very rewarding.

01:03:24.620 I mean, money is a big deal.

01:03:26.300 You know, you're talking about things with people that, uh, is going to literally impact

01:03:31.420 their life positively or negatively based on the handle that they have and the grass they

01:03:35.140 have on these things.

01:03:36.040 So, yeah, I think it's, it's incredibly lucrative.

01:03:39.000 It's profitable.

01:03:40.320 Um, it's meaningful and it's rewarding.

01:03:42.180 So, yeah, for sure.

01:03:46.140 Pursue it.

01:03:46.740 Yeah.

01:03:47.100 If it sounds interesting to you, you know, then, then pursue it.

01:03:49.800 It's an interest.

01:03:50.380 Yeah.

01:03:51.000 Yeah.

01:03:51.620 No, don't do it because you think I can make a lot of money here.

01:03:54.080 You can.

01:03:54.740 And you can make a lot of money doing a thousand other things.

01:03:58.340 So why would you pick that one?

01:03:59.800 There's gotta be something more to it than just the financial allure of it.

01:04:05.600 Yeah.

01:04:06.240 All right.

01:04:06.940 Caleb, um, Oliver 96 growing up, I was always used to the, the man being the sole provider

01:04:13.680 for income for the family.

01:04:15.660 Any tips on what to look for when planning finances with someone that makes as much money, if not

01:04:21.460 more than you, is it a simple 50, 50 equation?

01:04:24.700 Of course, my income is steadily growing, but for one to five year time, it will probably be this way.

01:04:32.620 I don't, I don't think you need to be threatened by that.

01:04:35.580 Now for, for us, our family family dynamic is that I make the income I provide for both of us financially and she's

01:04:43.980 the homemaker.

01:04:44.700 So she stays at home and she takes care of the kids and she schools the kids and she does things around the house.

01:04:50.520 She turns the house into a home like that.

01:04:52.240 That is our dynamic and that works really well for us.

01:04:55.080 Um, but I know there's plenty of guys out there who they might stay at home.

01:04:58.800 That's strange to me.

01:05:00.100 I, I can't personally fathom that.

01:05:02.180 That seems like that would create a lot of problems, but maybe it works.

01:05:05.660 And if it does cool.

01:05:06.900 Uh, but there's other situations where the wife makes more than the husband and that's cool too.

01:05:13.460 You know, I had a guy email me the other day and he said, Hey, I'm, I'm feeling a little weird about my wife making more than me.

01:05:18.960 And I don't know how I'm like, why?

01:05:21.000 Like you feel weird that she, she got a promotion or she's making more money now.

01:05:25.520 Well, that's just more income.

01:05:26.600 That's more resources and assets into the household.

01:05:29.680 That actually should be a good thing.

01:05:31.440 You guys are on a team.

01:05:32.680 Now, the way you do, it's going to be different for everybody.

01:05:35.120 We don't do 50, 50 because that sounds weird to me.

01:05:41.580 It's just like, it's not 50 of it's mine and 50 of it's yours.

01:05:45.300 It's all yours.

01:05:46.360 And it's all mine.

01:05:47.200 Like it's a hundred, a hundred.

01:05:48.680 Yeah.

01:05:49.140 There's no, like, we don't split things equally, but I know some people do.

01:05:53.600 And if it works, like if they literally do 50, 50, where they have their own separate accounts.

01:05:58.980 I, again, that doesn't seem right to me.

01:06:02.500 Like you're committed to this person.

01:06:05.620 Like it's your, what's yours is mine.

01:06:08.160 That just seems like it would be that way.

01:06:10.460 It seems like there's like an underlying problem.

01:06:13.060 I think so.

01:06:14.160 Like whenever I hear people that do that, I think, okay, so is there a lack of trust going on?

01:06:19.740 Like, I don't know.

01:06:21.220 It bothers me.

01:06:21.940 So I know Caleb, I know Caleb.

01:06:24.600 And so I'm, he's a friend and I'm not trying to get into specifics right here, but, um, he's, he's newly engaged.

01:06:33.760 So he's trying to figure out these things that are going to change now that it's not just, it's not just his income.

01:06:41.660 It's his wife's income.

01:06:42.660 And like, how do they do this now?

01:06:44.860 So it's not that they're like, he's been married and he's like, there's trust issues.

01:06:48.420 It's none of that.

01:06:49.160 Cause I know Caleb, it's that he's trying to figure this out because he's never done the conversation yet.

01:06:53.720 And it's like, yeah, yeah, exactly.

01:06:56.580 So, you know, I tend to lean more towards what's yours is mine.

01:07:00.380 What's mine is yours.

01:07:01.500 I don't say my income.

01:07:03.420 It's like, this is our money.

01:07:05.300 This is, these are our resources for the money or for the house rather.

01:07:09.360 Yeah.

01:07:10.280 But some people do, you know, and I think in, here's one situation where I would say that you probably ought to consider,

01:07:18.460 at least for a period of time, keeping it separate, at least elements of it is when you're on your second marriage.

01:07:24.820 You know, because she's got her own stuff.

01:07:27.440 She might have her own debt.

01:07:28.660 You have your own stuff.

01:07:29.660 You might have your own debt.

01:07:31.240 You know, there's some reasons there on a second marriage where I could think that maybe some of these things ought to be separate.

01:07:37.380 But, uh, I even think about that when it comes to life insurance and estate planning.

01:07:42.220 Like if I, so if I died, for example, I don't want my wife's next husband's kids to get rich off of the work that I did.

01:07:50.720 Like that's for my children, not your children.

01:07:54.160 So the way that I have the estate set up, the estate planning and strategy set up is that if I die, that goes into a trust.

01:08:02.040 She can utilize that money for raising the kids for herself and raising the kid.

01:08:07.960 I want her to be taken care of.

01:08:09.300 And, and so she can use that.

01:08:10.960 And if she were to die, then that money doesn't go to Joe Schmo over here, who I don't know and wouldn't like in real life anyways, it goes to my kids.

01:08:23.240 Like a hundred percent of it goes to my kids, not to him and his kids.

01:08:26.860 I don't know them and I don't owe them anything, but I do owe my wife and my kids.

01:08:30.820 So these are, these are contingencies and provisions that we have put in place to ensure that my children, my wife and my children are taken care of in my absence.

01:08:40.300 There's a lot of considerations here, but I know we haven't given you any real solid advice.

01:08:46.680 I tend to think what's yours is mine and what's mine is yours.

01:08:49.460 That's how I get that's kind of how, that's how I feel about it too.

01:08:53.340 Like, I don't like the, because then it's like, oh, well, that's your money.

01:08:57.400 And I'm like, no, no, no.

01:08:58.780 Like I, you, you are doing what you do that allows me to work.

01:09:04.040 Like, you know, back to your analogy you used earlier, we're on the same team, right?

01:09:08.700 There's no two different teams here, right?

01:09:11.000 We have different roles that we're, might be playing within the team, but it's still the same team.

01:09:15.800 So maybe you just maintain that perspective.

01:09:18.900 Well, and here's a consideration too.

01:09:20.720 Does the fact that my wife doesn't work outside of the home and get paid for her work, make her less valuable to the relationship?

01:09:28.120 Yeah, not at all.

01:09:29.200 No, not even close.

01:09:30.880 So just if, if you're making $30 an hour and your wife is making $40 an hour, is she 30% more valuable to the relationship than you are?

01:09:46.340 Yeah.

01:09:47.060 I mean, she might bring in 30% more money than you do, but is she 30% more valuable in the relationship?

01:09:53.620 No, you're equally valuable in the relationship.

01:09:56.360 And if you didn't think that was the case, or she didn't think that was the case, she wouldn't agree to marry you.

01:10:01.900 Yeah.

01:10:02.840 Yeah.

01:10:03.140 And vice versa.

01:10:03.960 You wouldn't agree to marry her.

01:10:05.180 You wouldn't have been interested in her.

01:10:07.400 Well, that's not always the case.

01:10:09.400 Some people just make dumb decisions, but that's not the case for Caleb for sure.

01:10:14.060 Yeah.

01:10:14.640 Okay.

01:10:15.360 Colin Cottrell, what is something you're currently struggling with and how are you attacking it?

01:10:22.040 Hmm.

01:10:22.480 What am I struggling with?

01:10:26.360 I mean, there's, I'm not, I'm not delaying this because there isn't anything.

01:10:31.120 I'm just delaying it because there's so much that I struggle with.

01:10:35.480 It's like, what do I choose here?

01:10:37.300 I mean, I, I struggle with patience.

01:10:39.500 Patience is a big one of mine.

01:10:41.380 You know, one way I'm, I'm working on that is our project that I'm working on with my son, the canoe is like, that's really teaching me to be patient and be methodical and do it the right way.

01:10:50.920 So that's been, that's been, that's been a good one for us.

01:10:54.680 Um, and then the other thing I tend to fall into and I, and I, I haven't lately, but I have in the past, um, especially the end of last year is just falling into complacency.

01:11:04.700 Specifically within the business because things are like, it feels like going good.

01:11:08.780 All the, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

01:11:10.600 All the grooves are greased, right?

01:11:11.800 Like everything's just running the way it should, and it's going smoothly and things are growing.

01:11:15.500 And so I'm like, this is cool.

01:11:16.840 Like just sit back and like relax.

01:11:18.480 But I know, cause I've done this in the past where, you know, if you take your foot off the accelerator, it's, there is no cruise control button.

01:11:27.200 If I'm going downhill and I'm in my truck and I'm going downhill and I'm going 70 miles an hour downhill and I take my foot off the gas, I'm not going to stop.

01:11:36.240 It's not going to stop, but it is going to slow down.

01:11:39.580 And it might take me two miles, maybe even before I completely stop.

01:11:43.480 But at some point I will stop the friction, the natural friction of the road or gravity and or gravity will cause me to stop.

01:11:52.620 Yeah.

01:11:53.820 It's the same thing in business.

01:11:55.180 If you take your foot off the accelerator, no cruise control, you're not going to stop immediately, which is actually the danger.

01:12:03.180 Momentum.

01:12:03.840 Yeah.

01:12:04.380 Yes.

01:12:04.720 Because if it stopped immediately, you knew you would know I can't take my foot off the accelerator.

01:12:09.040 The trick is that when you take your foot off, it slows down just a little bit so much so that you might not even notice.

01:12:18.080 And a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more.

01:12:20.020 And it does it so gradually that sometimes you don't even feel it until you're going 20 miles an hour.

01:12:24.520 And you're like, oh man, holy crap.

01:12:26.640 If I don't do something, I'm going to lose it here.

01:12:28.740 And then you hit that accelerator and get back up to 70.

01:12:31.620 And so you do what I've called in the past, the accordion effect.

01:12:34.280 I did it in my financial planning practice all the time.

01:12:36.980 I'd go, go, go, go, go, go, collect all the revenue.

01:12:39.360 And as I was collecting the revenue, I'd stop.

01:12:41.600 And then the revenue would run dry.

01:12:43.660 And I'm like, oh, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

01:12:45.880 Yeah.

01:12:46.300 Yeah.

01:12:46.640 And so I was just constant accordion.

01:12:48.520 And it was very, it was not a good way to live.

01:12:50.900 And it was very stressful.

01:12:52.320 So for me, I have to remind myself to the degree that I want to always keep my foot on the accelerator.

01:12:59.020 Sometimes it's heavy.

01:13:01.220 If I'm wanting to pass somebody on the road, sometimes I'm heavy on the accelerator.

01:13:05.620 If I'm just trying to get to point A to point B as safely as possible and just smooth and steady,

01:13:10.340 it might be a gradual progression or just a maintenance thing.

01:13:13.580 But I've always got to have my foot on the pedal.

01:13:15.800 And that's something I'm definitely working on.

01:13:18.100 Yeah.

01:13:18.520 All right.

01:13:19.280 Last question.

01:13:20.120 You good with this?

01:13:21.140 Yeah.

01:13:21.320 Let's do it.

01:13:21.820 Andrew Walbriggs, how do you work towards eliminating or minimizing resentment towards friends and family?

01:13:33.100 Treat them as humans.

01:13:35.680 See yourself in them.

01:13:37.000 Like you make mistakes.

01:13:38.600 Would you, would you, would you want to forget, be forgiven?

01:13:42.660 Yeah.

01:13:43.460 For all the dumb shit you've done.

01:13:45.060 Like, I hope people forgive me, man.

01:13:47.720 Like, and, and there's things, there's things that I don't even know I've done.

01:13:52.480 That I don't even know I've done.

01:13:54.180 You know, there might even be something and I can't think of anything, but there might be something even between our relationship, Kip, where in the past I've, I like said something and, you know, maybe I shouldn't have said that or it was inappropriate.

01:14:05.600 And you, you kind of felt that.

01:14:08.840 Deep down inside somewhere.

01:14:10.220 Right.

01:14:10.620 But, but I don't know.

01:14:11.660 Right.

01:14:11.860 Like, I, I don't know.

01:14:13.200 And so I just, I hope, I just hope that people will afford me some grace.

01:14:18.200 I actually had to learn this with my father because my father died three years ago and there was a lot that was left unsaid and undone between him and I, and I literally missed him passing away.

01:14:30.180 He was in the hospital by 30 minutes.

01:14:32.380 And I don't get to have that conversation with him until I see him on the other side.

01:14:39.280 Right.

01:14:39.560 He doesn't get to have that conversation with me.

01:14:41.380 And I realized that what I did over the past three years, that what I did is I put him on this pedestal of perfection, of expectation.

01:14:49.960 He should have done this.

01:14:50.980 He should have done that.

01:14:51.900 He should have been there.

01:14:52.700 He should have.

01:14:53.360 And I, like all these shouldas, because I was measuring him as, as like a Greek God or something, you know, some, some perfect human being or perfect father.

01:15:02.280 And he, if only he was this, then everything would have been good.

01:15:05.700 And I realized, well, that wasn't fair because I don't, I certainly don't belong on a pedestal.

01:15:11.380 You know, I try to get things right.

01:15:12.860 I try to do things right.

01:15:14.820 So people mess up, you know, people, I really try hard not to hold grudges, even if they're people close to me, if they're people far away from me, it's like, you know, somebody who might come in and add a snippy comment.

01:15:26.460 I'm like, I don't know what that guy's dealing with.

01:15:28.160 You know, maybe, maybe he just lost his mom or his dad or his wife or something.

01:15:32.040 And so I actually had somebody email me not too long ago on, I think he actually messaged me on Instagram and he said, Hey, Ryan, I just want to do a message you with an apology.

01:15:42.260 And he said that, that he had made a comment on one of my posts and it was kind of a rude comment.

01:15:48.980 And he said that I had handled it, I had handled it maturely in response to him.

01:15:56.580 And he felt bad because he was going through some very difficult times at the time.

01:16:01.200 And he lashed out a little bit and he just like took it out through, through me, through that outlet.

01:16:05.700 Like, that could be everybody.

01:16:08.040 You know, I, I, I, when I was down in South Carolina this weekend, I was driving down the road and this guy in this blue Mustang cut me off.

01:16:14.840 They cut, like almost ran me off the road and just like cut me off.

01:16:17.780 And I was pissed at first.

01:16:19.800 And then I was like, I don't know where that guy's going.

01:16:22.980 Like maybe, maybe he just got news that his wife is in delivery.

01:16:26.240 Like, I don't know, or, or, or maybe he didn't see me that could, that's a possibility.

01:16:32.880 Uh, or maybe he's what at running for the cops?

01:16:36.200 Like, I don't know his story.

01:16:37.680 Like, I don't know.

01:16:38.940 And so what we do is we put all these stories and expectations and filters through the way people behave.

01:16:45.480 And it's just not fair to do because you don't know you're making it up.

01:16:51.180 And so rather than that, just try to afford people some grace, just give them the benefit of the doubt.

01:16:56.240 Because let's say I give this guy in the Mustang who cut me off on the road.

01:16:59.880 Let's just say I give him the benefit of the doubt.

01:17:02.020 What's the negative of that for me?

01:17:05.900 Nothing.

01:17:07.200 Like there's literally no downside from me giving the benefit of the doubt, backing up off him, letting him get wherever he needs to get.

01:17:13.980 And then letting me get to where I want to go safely.

01:17:17.480 What's the negative benefit of, you know, forgiving a family member who maybe has slighted you in some way?

01:17:25.000 Like what could go wrong by you just forgiving?

01:17:28.760 Saying, I don't know their situation, but I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt and just let this one go.

01:17:34.840 There's no, there's no negative to that.

01:17:38.320 Only positive.

01:17:39.160 So it seems pretty natural to try to make those.

01:17:43.420 It's hard when you feel personally attacked or slighted or offended.

01:17:46.780 It's hard to do, but it is the reality that it's not, you're not going to be worse for affording them some grace.

01:17:53.800 You're only going to be better off.

01:17:55.640 Yeah.

01:17:56.100 What I think that resentment becomes even more difficult when we've attached outcomes in our own life to the action of someone else.

01:18:06.160 And we're blaming them.

01:18:08.160 Yeah.

01:18:08.700 Yeah.

01:18:09.100 Good point.

01:18:09.500 Where it's like, oh, well, I'm in a bad position because of this person.

01:18:12.980 Because.

01:18:13.280 Yeah.

01:18:13.600 And now it's like you have to drudge yourself through this quasi justification and reminder of why your life's so miserable because of this person.

01:18:25.620 And, you know, and, and I do think in those circumstances where it's hard to get your head out of it, it's, it comes back to your sovereignty and, and taking ownership and realizing that you have played a part in the circumstance.

01:18:40.780 Right.

01:18:41.260 And it's super easy.

01:18:42.820 I mean, it's super hard to do.

01:18:44.040 I get that because I think that's very innate, right?

01:18:47.080 When we, we want to blame other people or we feel like their actions, you know, caused discomfort or problems for us.

01:18:55.340 And we want to hold on to it because it was wrong or it shouldn't have been that way.

01:18:59.560 Um, and we hold on to it one, because we don't want to take accountability to change it.

01:19:05.800 And we'd much rather like continue, you know, dragging that person along and those negative feelings along just to justify our current state of being, you know?

01:19:15.300 And, and I, I've seen this with even family members where, you know, they're 20 years later, they have relationship problems in a family.

01:19:23.300 Why?

01:19:24.380 Because they're still holding on to the justification that their life sucks ass because of mom and dad.

01:19:29.800 Right.

01:19:30.820 And, and until they're willing to say, Hey, you know what?

01:19:33.560 No, it's mine right now.

01:19:35.620 This is up to me to change it as long until they take it ownership of that.

01:19:40.680 They need to justify their lack of action by blaming it on someone else.

01:19:44.760 And so they'll never let go of that resentment until they take ownership.

01:19:48.140 Right.

01:19:48.940 I was watching, I was watching Braveheart last or not, excuse me.

01:19:52.460 Now I was thinking about Braveheart because something I've got coming up.

01:19:55.400 I was watching the count of Monte Cristo last week.

01:19:58.420 And it reminds me of what you're saying here.

01:20:01.300 So this guy is falsely imprisoned by his best friend who then takes his fiance is his wife.

01:20:07.440 And he spends like 16 years in a 16 years in this prison in France.

01:20:14.860 And he finally escapes.

01:20:16.020 And, um, his whole plan is to just take revenge on the people that sent him there.

01:20:25.040 And so he's going through this elaborate plan and his enemies are falling into place.

01:20:29.540 And his right-hand man, I think his name is, I can't remember.

01:20:34.420 I can't remember what his right-hand man, but his right-hand man says, essentially says,

01:20:38.820 what's wrong with you?

01:20:40.340 Take the money, take the woman and have what is yours.

01:20:44.980 You have this beautiful woman who still loves you.

01:20:47.500 You're wealthier than any man I've ever met.

01:20:50.360 Just take that and leave.

01:20:53.800 Take the treasure, take what you've earned.

01:20:56.220 And he finally comes to his senses and you guys know the rest of the story, but

01:21:00.840 that's, that's this situation that you're talking about.

01:21:04.380 You know, we get so hung up and, and in a way we get in our own ways because we want

01:21:09.960 to get them, we want to get them back.

01:21:11.600 And we want to hold onto this because they don't deserve our, our, uh, our, our grace.

01:21:17.040 Put a period in it, end it, like go live your life now.

01:21:23.460 All right.

01:21:24.060 It's over.

01:21:24.720 It sucked.

01:21:25.320 It was horrible.

01:21:26.140 It was tragic.

01:21:26.900 The person shouldn't have done that.

01:21:28.160 All of those things.

01:21:29.140 But now it's over.

01:21:31.520 Take what is yours, which is the rest of your life.

01:21:35.400 20, 30, 40, 60 years.

01:21:37.640 Take what is yours and enjoy it.

01:21:40.580 Live it, be it, and let that stuff go.

01:21:43.820 I'm glad you brought that up.

01:21:44.700 Cause I didn't consider that, uh, that, that path is, is I first answered that.

01:21:49.560 And it's a really good, that's an important distinction for sure.

01:21:52.220 All right.

01:21:53.000 All right.

01:21:53.480 Shall we wrap up?

01:21:54.320 Wrap it up, man.

01:21:55.040 Yeah.

01:21:55.200 Great conversation today.

01:21:56.080 Good questions.

01:21:57.080 Yeah.

01:21:57.420 Yeah.

01:21:57.660 Great questions.

01:21:58.440 And, and to continue to submit questions, you can do so in a number of different ways.

01:22:02.720 Uh, join us on Facebook.

01:22:04.120 That's facebook.com slash group slash order of man, or follow Mr.

01:22:08.200 Mickler on Twitter or, and or Instagram at Ryan Mickler.

01:22:12.040 And as always, you know, our ask is support the movement, support the message, um, not

01:22:18.320 for our benefit, but for the benefit of people that we're sharing it with.

01:22:21.700 Um, you know, if you're listening to this, you know how important this conversation is.

01:22:26.000 Um, especially in the climate of things, I don't know about you, but I mean, I don't

01:22:29.800 know.

01:22:30.000 It's just more and more, man.

01:22:31.920 Like sometimes I have to admit, Ryan, like sometimes I think like, I don't know, cause

01:22:37.020 we, we surround ourselves with high caliber guys.

01:22:39.540 And I, and I think this is no brainer stuff, right?

01:22:42.700 Like this isn't as critical.

01:22:44.540 Right.

01:22:44.940 And then, and then like we were saying earlier, you get a message from someone that's like,

01:22:49.260 this changed my life or I needed this, or this pushed me through, or, or do you have

01:22:54.200 a conversation with someone and you realize how off the path they are and you're like,

01:22:57.960 yes, crap, this guy has no idea how he should be showing up in life.

01:23:03.200 And then you're like, oh yeah, yeah.

01:23:04.720 This, this message is really needed.

01:23:06.300 And so, um, our ask of you guys is, is to share what we're doing.

01:23:09.880 And, and you can do that by following us on, on YouTube, Instagram, subscribing to the

01:23:14.860 podcast, supporting, um, the order of man movement through the store, that store.orderofman.com.

01:23:21.060 Uh, and just spread, spread the message and, and play your part in uplifting other men to

01:23:25.820 become better.

01:23:26.560 So that's right.

01:23:28.220 Well, Kip, I appreciate you guys.

01:23:29.780 I appreciate you.

01:23:30.340 Great questions today.

01:23:31.440 Let's keep the conversations rolling.

01:23:33.180 Um, I've got a couple of very cool podcasts coming up.

01:23:38.060 Uh, Tim Kennedy was yesterday just recorded with Eddie Penny.

01:23:43.140 I've got some others that are lined up that I'm not going to jinx.

01:23:46.540 So I'm not going to say them, but I've got some cool podcasts coming up.

01:23:51.120 So make sure you subscribe, leave that rating and review like Kip talked about.

01:23:54.300 And above all, go out there guys, take action and become a man.

01:23:57.540 You are meant to be.

01:23:58.520 Thank you for listening to the order of man podcast.

01:24:01.260 You're ready to take charge of your life and be more of the man you were meant to be.

01:24:05.040 We invite you to join the order at orderofman.com.

Order of Man - February 10, 2021

Family as the Fundamental Unit of Society, Affording Others Grace, and Dealing With Difficulties in Marriage ｜ ASK ME ANYTHING

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